1
00:00:00,475 --> 00:00:04,562
- Ally, recap?
- Remember the Kowolskis?

2
00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:05,980
They've owned this shop for 30 years,
and they are attempting to set a record

3
00:00:06,064 --> 00:00:09,817
by making Buffalo's largest cookie,
and you have to wear this.

4
00:00:09,901 --> 00:00:11,569
- A hair net?
- Health department.

5
00:00:11,695 --> 00:00:13,321
You're kidding me. If you're
working around the cookie,

6
00:00:13,406 --> 00:00:14,406
you have to have it on.

7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:18,118
It's the law. I just did the hair.
The hair is perfect.

8
00:00:18,202 --> 00:00:19,661
All right. Give it to me.

9
00:00:22,498 --> 00:00:26,001
God, why do you hate me?

10
00:00:26,085 --> 00:00:28,545
We're rolling. And speed.

11
00:00:28,921 --> 00:00:31,756
For three decades,
the Kowolski family bakery

12
00:00:31,841 --> 00:00:34,593
has been a mainstay
in downtown Buffalo,

13
00:00:34,678 --> 00:00:38,681
known for their sinfully sweet,
cream-filled Polski Pierogis,

14
00:00:38,765 --> 00:00:42,560
and the occasional sugar-induced
coma that follows.

15
00:00:42,644 --> 00:00:45,521
But today, in honor of
their 30th anniversary,

16
00:00:45,606 --> 00:00:50,026
they've invited us to ride along
as they go for the record

17
00:00:50,110 --> 00:00:52,695
on Buffalo's biggest cookie.

18
00:00:55,115 --> 00:00:59,119
Vol. Vol. You need a
tissue or something?

19
00:00:59,204 --> 00:01:01,830
Can we get Vol a tissue
or a spoon?

20
00:01:01,915 --> 00:01:03,665
It's a good thing
we're wearing these today,

21
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:05,250
'cause I wouldn't want
any stray hairs

22
00:01:05,335 --> 00:01:07,252
to fall into the booger.

23
00:01:07,337 --> 00:01:10,130
Are we gonna do this again?
No. We can cut to B-roll.

24
00:01:10,215 --> 00:01:16,303
Moving on! So tell me, Mama. Why
make Buffalo's biggest cookie?

25
00:01:16,387 --> 00:01:19,598
Well, man from health department

26
00:01:19,682 --> 00:01:25,146
say he find rat pellet in our
pastry, but I say, "No."

27
00:01:25,231 --> 00:01:30,944
Is big chocolate sprinkle.
But he shut store down.

28
00:01:31,028 --> 00:01:35,156
So we clean up, make big cookie

29
00:01:35,241 --> 00:01:38,993
for to bring customers back.

30
00:01:39,078 --> 00:01:43,123
Well, I admire your candor.
Let's try that again, shall we?

31
00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:48,003
So tell me, Mama. Why make
Buffalo's biggest cookie?

32
00:01:48,088 --> 00:01:52,424
So the children of the
neighborhood will be happy?

33
00:01:52,509 --> 00:01:57,388
That's right. It must be wonderful
seeing the smiles on their little faces.

34
00:01:57,472 --> 00:01:59,932
I work in back.
I see no smiles.

35
00:02:02,894 --> 00:02:05,897
The previous Buffalo record
was eight feet, seven inches,

36
00:02:05,982 --> 00:02:07,440
baked by Gladys Pelsnick.

37
00:02:07,525 --> 00:02:10,610
If this cookie beats Gladys's,
it will prove once and for all

38
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:13,071
that the Kowolskis
have much more free time.

39
00:02:13,155 --> 00:02:16,783
And the cookie is 10 feet,
four inches.

40
00:02:16,867 --> 00:02:19,786
We have a new record!

41
00:02:19,870 --> 00:02:23,331
Cue the cheesy
inspirational music!

42
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,269
But what are we
really looking at here?

43
00:02:43,353 --> 00:02:48,316
Is it just a big cookie, or does this
cookie represent the pride of Buffalo,

44
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:52,154
its dedicated and hardworking
citizens the key ingredient,

45
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,990
with a few nuts thrown in,

46
00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:59,911
and, finally, the love of our families,
which provides the warm, chewy center,

47
00:02:59,996 --> 00:03:04,416
making our beloved Buffalo
the sweetest place to live.

48
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:07,377
And that's the way
the cookie crumbles.

49
00:03:07,462 --> 00:03:12,424
I'm Bruce Nolan, Eyewitness News.
- And cut it.

50
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,346
What do you think?

51
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,890
I think it's really good.
It sucks.

52
00:03:18,974 --> 00:03:20,725
It's a story about a cookie.

53
00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:23,519
The Pillsbury Doughboy
will be riveted.

54
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:26,522
Honey, it was funny.
It made me laugh.

55
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,524
There's nothing wrong
with making people laugh.

56
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,777
I'll never be an anchorman,
not with this.

57
00:03:30,861 --> 00:03:32,528
The job's right there,
but I can't reach it,

58
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,655
because every time
they make me do this stuff,

59
00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:37,618
I have to act like a total
goof in order to make it work.

60
00:03:37,702 --> 00:03:41,163
I have no credibility.
Not good. Not good.

61
00:03:41,247 --> 00:03:42,664
You know what? Now you're
just sounding silly.

62
00:03:42,749 --> 00:03:43,749
Know what? Forget it.

63
00:03:43,833 --> 00:03:46,377
It's not important, right?
It's not important.

64
00:03:46,461 --> 00:03:48,253
Let's watch it one more time.
Oh, no.

65
00:03:48,338 --> 00:03:50,464
Just once more. Please?
No. No.

66
00:03:50,548 --> 00:03:54,134
Bruce, you promised you
would help with this album.

67
00:03:54,219 --> 00:03:56,595
Now, you get
your goofy butt over here.

68
00:03:58,473 --> 00:03:59,473
Uh-uh.

69
00:04:00,893 --> 00:04:02,143
Okay.

70
00:04:03,562 --> 00:04:07,148
Okay. Okay. Now, you just
go through this stack,

71
00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:09,317
and you pick your favorites.

72
00:04:13,531 --> 00:04:16,574
Oh, come on. This is fun.
Right? Isn't this fun?

73
00:04:16,659 --> 00:04:17,992
This is nice.

74
00:04:18,994 --> 00:04:20,912
Evan's gonna get that
anchor job, I just know it.

75
00:04:20,996 --> 00:04:22,622
Ah, Bruce!
He's the favorite.

76
00:04:22,707 --> 00:04:25,126
All right. You know what? Just forget it.
Let's just forget it.

77
00:04:25,210 --> 00:04:29,588
This is just our life. We can always
just have some kid do it for us.

78
00:04:30,424 --> 00:04:35,261
Whoa! Hold the phone! I like this one.
Our weekend at the lake.

79
00:04:35,345 --> 00:04:37,888
How did you get that? That's
supposed to be in our private stash.

80
00:04:38,014 --> 00:04:41,100
You look perky, hon. It must've been cold.
All right. Just give it to me.

81
00:04:41,184 --> 00:04:42,518
I think I'll put this
on my computer

82
00:04:42,602 --> 00:04:43,894
and use it as wallpaper.
No, no, no.

83
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:46,106
Okay. Give it to me. Come on!
No, no, no.

84
00:04:46,190 --> 00:04:50,193
All right. Fine. Do with it what you will.
I don't care.

85
00:04:50,278 --> 00:04:52,904
I will do with it what I will.
Jesus.

86
00:04:54,866 --> 00:04:57,367
You know, I might even
send this in to Playboy.

87
00:04:57,452 --> 00:05:01,246
I hear their layouts can be quite tasteful.
Give that to me right now!

88
00:05:01,330 --> 00:05:02,414
Jesus.
Right now!

89
00:05:02,498 --> 00:05:04,791
Rough stuff!
I'm gonna hurt you...

90
00:05:10,215 --> 00:05:12,133
Sweetie? Time to get up.

91
00:05:14,887 --> 00:05:17,597
Good dream. No. No.

92
00:05:26,732 --> 00:05:31,111
Well, the Buffalo Sabres lost again last night
at the hands of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

93
00:05:31,237 --> 00:05:34,281
It was a shootout on the ice for our
home... Of course. They're my team.

94
00:05:34,365 --> 00:05:36,533
And that's the way
the cookie crumbles.

95
00:05:36,618 --> 00:05:39,495
You know, I think there might be
something to this cookie line.

96
00:05:39,579 --> 00:05:42,706
All the greatest anchors have had
their own signature sign-off,

97
00:05:42,790 --> 00:05:45,334
like Wal-ter Cron-kite.

98
00:05:47,086 --> 00:05:52,549
And that's the way it was. That's
the way the cookie crumbles.

99
00:05:52,634 --> 00:05:56,429
And that's the way...
l like it...

100
00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:01,351
Oh, no. Grace, the dog!

101
00:06:01,435 --> 00:06:03,061
I'm in the shower!

102
00:06:06,857 --> 00:06:09,526
No, Sam! Bad dog!

103
00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:14,155
Inside, bad. Outside, good.

104
00:06:18,620 --> 00:06:21,455
Oh, you're done now. Great.

105
00:06:22,165 --> 00:06:25,251
B-E-A-utiful.

106
00:06:26,670 --> 00:06:29,547
Come on. Let's go back
inside and have a shit.

107
00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:38,472
What is the deal-io?
We are having a blood drive.

108
00:06:39,057 --> 00:06:40,600
Creepy. Needles. Yuck.

109
00:06:40,685 --> 00:06:43,645
Well, they need my blood.
I have a very rare blood type.

110
00:06:43,729 --> 00:06:46,064
I'm A. B. Positive.
Really?

111
00:06:46,148 --> 00:06:47,482
I'm I. B. Positive.

112
00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:51,736
I be positive, they ain't touching
me with no needle. It's just so...

113
00:06:51,821 --> 00:06:55,365
Helpful and lifesaving? No.
It's your blood. It's blood.

114
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:58,326
Blood's supposed to stay inside the body.
That's where it's meant to be.

115
00:06:58,411 --> 00:07:00,996
Besides, they stockpile this
stuff in a warehouse somewhere.

116
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,833
It's all frozen on ice, and they
tell everybody there's a shortage.

117
00:07:03,917 --> 00:07:06,294
That's just not true.
Where did you hear that?

118
00:07:06,378 --> 00:07:08,879
From a very reliable
friend of a friend of a girl,

119
00:07:08,964 --> 00:07:11,966
whose sister's going out with someone
very high up in the government.

120
00:07:12,050 --> 00:07:14,427
But for your own protection, I
cannot discuss it at this time.

121
00:07:14,511 --> 00:07:16,137
Now, get out
before they see us together.

122
00:07:16,221 --> 00:07:17,430
Oh, no.

123
00:07:20,517 --> 00:07:23,978
Oh. Here. Hold on a second.
You need these more than I do.

124
00:07:24,062 --> 00:07:26,356
What is these?
Prayer beads.

125
00:07:26,441 --> 00:07:30,360
The kids made them for me.
They will keep you safe.

126
00:07:30,445 --> 00:07:31,778
I hope they're powerful.

127
00:07:31,863 --> 00:07:35,365
I'm gonna need a frigging
miracle to get to work on time.

128
00:07:45,918 --> 00:07:49,881
This isn't happening. Not now.
Not during sweeps week.

129
00:07:49,965 --> 00:07:52,800
Not during sweeps week!

130
00:07:54,053 --> 00:07:55,720
Oh, God.

131
00:07:56,597 --> 00:07:59,390
Yeah. Yeah.
Meeting's started without me.

132
00:07:59,475 --> 00:08:02,518
This is my luck.
This is my luck!

133
00:08:04,855 --> 00:08:06,356
Shit.

134
00:08:08,525 --> 00:08:10,986
Oh, come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on!

135
00:08:14,449 --> 00:08:18,577
Jesus. Get out of there!

136
00:08:23,041 --> 00:08:26,585
"R Ewe Blind."
No, but I'm late.

137
00:08:28,213 --> 00:08:31,340
Is your child in dire jeopardy?

138
00:08:31,424 --> 00:08:33,175
Find out tonight after the game.

139
00:08:33,259 --> 00:08:34,719
Okay. Promos are approved.

140
00:08:34,804 --> 00:08:36,304
Now, let's...
Uh, Jack,

141
00:08:36,389 --> 00:08:38,640
shouldn't we be focusing
on Pete's retirement?

142
00:08:38,724 --> 00:08:39,891
I mean, this is his last week.

143
00:08:39,975 --> 00:08:42,435
Yeah, Jack. Any word on
the open anchor position?

144
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,563
Evan, when I know something,
you'll know something.

145
00:08:46,273 --> 00:08:49,317
Sorry I'm late. Traffic was...

146
00:08:50,444 --> 00:08:53,238
Did you guys already play the spots?
It's a nice story, Bruce,

147
00:08:53,322 --> 00:08:55,198
but we're gonna go
with Evan's piece,

148
00:08:55,282 --> 00:08:58,494
sex scandal in the mayor's
office for sweeps.

149
00:08:58,578 --> 00:09:01,789
Oh, yeah. Sweeps.

150
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:06,085
And that's the way
the cookie crumbles.

151
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:09,380
I'm just
messing with you, Bruce.

152
00:09:09,464 --> 00:09:15,886
See, you just got to remember that
the newsroom is like a big cookie.

153
00:09:17,639 --> 00:09:19,766
Do you like jazz, Evan?
Yeah.

154
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:21,476
Let me play something for you.

155
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:31,737
I can hold that note all day, buddy.
- Knock it off, guys.

156
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,989
Bruce, we're gonna
keep your story in reserve.

157
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,490
Now, can we get back
to the board,

158
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,285
so we'll have something
to put on the air today?

159
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,663
Great choice, Jack. This is
the Cadillac of bolognas.

160
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,292
Okay. Thanks. Jack, can
I talk to you a second?

161
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,919
Yeah. Sure, Bruce. What do you need?
Sweeps.

162
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:49,589
Bruce. Jack. Jack!
Hear me out here.

163
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,048
I'm starting
to get desperate, man.

164
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,509
I'm pushing 40, and what
have I got to show for it?

165
00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:55,261
I've hit some kind
of a ceiling here.

166
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,930
There's an anti-Bruce barrier
I can't get past.

167
00:09:58,015 --> 00:10:01,309
And Evan is loving it,
by the way. Loving it.

168
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:05,314
He gets the stories. He gets on sweeps.
Maybe I should be more like Evan.

169
00:10:05,398 --> 00:10:07,858
You don't wanna be like Evan.
Evan's an asshole.

170
00:10:07,942 --> 00:10:10,778
I can be an asshole.
No, Bruce. You can't.

171
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:18,535
You gonna pick that up? Yeah. I'm sorry.
It's... I'm losing it.

172
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:22,122
It's just this whole anchor thing
opening up has got me nuts.

173
00:10:22,207 --> 00:10:23,207
Hi, Susan.

174
00:10:23,291 --> 00:10:25,083
Hi, Susan.
Hi, Jack.

175
00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:29,798
Look, Bruce. You're a good reporter.
You make people laugh.

176
00:10:31,759 --> 00:10:36,930
All right. I'll tell you what. Today is the
156th anniversary of the Maid of the Mist.

177
00:10:37,014 --> 00:10:39,015
I want you at Niagara Falls
in an hour.

178
00:10:39,099 --> 00:10:41,810
Maid of the Mist?
That's always live.

179
00:10:42,895 --> 00:10:44,479
But Evan always does live feeds.

180
00:10:44,563 --> 00:10:47,357
Now you and Evan
get the live feeds.

181
00:10:47,441 --> 00:10:50,861
I'm going live? During sweeps?
But watch your step, Bruce.

182
00:10:50,987 --> 00:10:55,157
I've seen your outtakes. Jack,
you will not regret this.

183
00:10:55,242 --> 00:10:58,953
And I won't forget you when I go national.
Uh, can you...

184
00:11:00,413 --> 00:11:01,872
Thanks, pal.

185
00:11:02,958 --> 00:11:06,710
Can I have your wish now? I'm gonna
put it in the wish jar. Thank you.

186
00:11:06,795 --> 00:11:09,004
Okay. Put your wish in there.
Me too.

187
00:11:09,089 --> 00:11:12,925
Put your wish in there. Look at that.
Looks like a big wish.

188
00:11:13,009 --> 00:11:16,137
Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Martin, don't...
Don't eat that. Don't eat that.

189
00:11:16,222 --> 00:11:19,307
Don't put that in your mouth.
That's paste, honey.

190
00:11:21,102 --> 00:11:24,855
That must've tasted awful.
Mommy!

191
00:11:24,939 --> 00:11:28,859
Oh, Zoe-Baboey! Did you have a
good time with Aunt Crazy today?

192
00:11:28,943 --> 00:11:32,529
Yeah? See how nice this is?
Baby on the hip?

193
00:11:32,613 --> 00:11:34,406
Oh, it's amazing.
You've become Mom.

194
00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:37,034
The transformation is complete.

195
00:11:38,161 --> 00:11:39,579
Oh.
I'll get it.

196
00:11:39,663 --> 00:11:41,372
Small Wonders Day Care.
Grace?

197
00:11:41,456 --> 00:11:43,958
No. It's Debbie, the sister
whose life you're not wasting.

198
00:11:44,084 --> 00:11:47,044
Oh, all right. Okay, okay, okay.
Bye, Debbie!

199
00:11:47,129 --> 00:11:52,049
Hi. Hi. Sorry. Debbie forgot to
take her meds today. Where are you?

200
00:11:52,134 --> 00:11:57,138
Oh, a little place called the winner's circle.
I'm at the falls doing a live report.

201
00:11:57,222 --> 00:12:00,392
Live? That's great!
Yeah! It's happening, hon.

202
00:12:00,476 --> 00:12:02,185
I got sweeps, and I'm live.

203
00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:04,771
You know what that means? They're
seeing if I can think on my feet,

204
00:12:04,856 --> 00:12:07,691
you know, like, I might have to do
in a live news anchor situation.

205
00:12:07,775 --> 00:12:09,318
Oh, my gosh.

206
00:12:09,402 --> 00:12:11,820
Yeah. It's what we've
always talked about, Grace.

207
00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:14,740
Jack practically came out and told me.
Practically?

208
00:12:14,824 --> 00:12:17,534
Well, he didn't spell it out,
but legally, he can't.

209
00:12:17,619 --> 00:12:19,411
But this is exactly
what happened to Susan Ortega

210
00:12:19,495 --> 00:12:22,206
just before they bumped her up.

211
00:12:22,291 --> 00:12:24,375
It's good. It's good.
It's good.

212
00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:26,586
Okay. Well, honey,
I just don't...

213
00:12:26,670 --> 00:12:28,796
I don't want you
to get too ahead of yourself.

214
00:12:28,923 --> 00:12:31,257
Bruce? Oh, I got to go.
They're calling me in.

215
00:12:31,342 --> 00:12:33,426
Oh. Okay, honey.
Good luck. I love you.

216
00:12:33,510 --> 00:12:35,511
Love, love, love, love, love.

217
00:12:36,221 --> 00:12:37,805
Let's do it.

218
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:41,059
- They want you close to the falls.
- Really?

219
00:12:41,143 --> 00:12:42,936
I'm gonna get soaked.
That's the point.

220
00:12:43,020 --> 00:12:44,605
They want you to put this on.

221
00:12:44,689 --> 00:12:47,524
Part of the condition of us
getting the exclusive.

222
00:12:47,609 --> 00:12:51,612
You know what? Nothing can
bother me today. Nothing.

223
00:12:51,696 --> 00:12:55,658
Okay. Now, remember. It's
their 156th-year anniversary.

224
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,785
149 capacity.
Right.

225
00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:01,497
They cater to tourists, honeymooners...
And people insanely thirsty.

226
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:02,623
I get it.
Okay.

227
00:13:02,707 --> 00:13:05,459
And you are gonna be
interviewing Irene Dansfield.

228
00:13:05,543 --> 00:13:08,421
Irene! Pleasure to meet you.
Truly.

229
00:13:08,547 --> 00:13:11,591
You look beautiful. Irene's
mother rode on the maiden voyage.

230
00:13:11,717 --> 00:13:13,969
Wow. Rub that in my face, why don't you?
Ninety seconds!

231
00:13:14,053 --> 00:13:17,889
Ninety seconds? Holy hell.
Uh, yeah. Okay. 90 seconds?

232
00:13:18,224 --> 00:13:23,353
Because of the fast response, the toxic
chemicals were cleaned up without incident.

233
00:13:23,437 --> 00:13:26,481
Susan? Bruce Nolan is
standing by at Niagara Falls,

234
00:13:26,565 --> 00:13:29,567
but before we go live to Bruce,
we have an announcement to make.

235
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:35,324
As everyone knows, after 33 years, our
beloved Pete Fineman is retiring.

236
00:13:35,993 --> 00:13:40,746
Pete's shoes are virtually impossible
to fill, but the show must go on,

237
00:13:40,831 --> 00:13:46,210
and we could think of no one better
than our very own Evan Baxter.

238
00:13:46,628 --> 00:13:49,714
Oh... Oh, boy.

239
00:13:50,257 --> 00:13:53,010
Congratulations, Evan. EVAN:
Thanks, Susan. I'm thrilled and honored.

240
00:13:53,094 --> 00:13:54,094
And as you said,

241
00:13:54,178 --> 00:13:57,848
no one can replace the great Pete
Fineman, but I will do my best.

242
00:13:57,932 --> 00:14:02,561
I have to say, I am so proud to be a
part of our local community of Buffalo,

243
00:14:02,645 --> 00:14:07,733
and I think, in a lot of ways, a great
city is like a great recipe, really.

244
00:14:07,817 --> 00:14:13,363
You take hardworking citizens, add
some caregivers, maybe a few nuts,

245
00:14:16,618 --> 00:14:20,413
all sprinkled with the love and
support of our good families.

246
00:14:20,497 --> 00:14:24,709
Ultimately, that makes
one sweet place to live.

247
00:14:24,793 --> 00:14:26,544
That was amazing.
I meant it.

248
00:14:26,628 --> 00:14:29,213
I wish I'd written something.
And now let's go live

249
00:14:29,298 --> 00:14:31,966
to that wacky Bruce Nolan
out at Niagara Falls.

250
00:14:32,051 --> 00:14:33,676
Hey! Wacky Bruce!

251
00:14:36,889 --> 00:14:40,017
Bruce? Talk, Bruce. Hello?

252
00:14:40,101 --> 00:14:42,102
Talk, honey. Talk.
What's going on?

253
00:14:42,187 --> 00:14:44,104
We got a Walt Disney.
He's frozen solid.

254
00:14:44,189 --> 00:14:45,898
We may not have audio.
Check the feed.

255
00:14:45,982 --> 00:14:48,317
We may be having a bit
of technical difficulty.

256
00:14:48,401 --> 00:14:49,401
Feed's good, Jack.

257
00:14:49,486 --> 00:14:52,446
Move. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Talk, Bruce, damn it!

258
00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:55,282
All right. Get ready to pull the plug.
Come on, baby. Say something.

259
00:14:55,366 --> 00:14:58,827
Say something.
Bruce, talk.

260
00:15:01,874 --> 00:15:03,625
- Hi, Susan.
- Oh, thank you, God.

261
00:15:03,709 --> 00:15:06,002
Bruce Nolan here
aboard the Maid of the Mist

262
00:15:06,087 --> 00:15:08,671
in fabulous Niagara Falls,
New York.

263
00:15:09,215 --> 00:15:13,593
First off, let me just add another
congratulations to Evan Backstabber...

264
00:15:13,677 --> 00:15:15,970
Pardon me. Bastard.
Baxter, rather.

265
00:15:16,055 --> 00:15:18,848
It is good to see what
someone with talent can do,

266
00:15:18,933 --> 00:15:22,018
when great opportunities are
given to them instead of me.

267
00:15:23,437 --> 00:15:27,525
Anyway, I'm here with Katharine
Hepburn's mom. Tell me.

268
00:15:27,609 --> 00:15:29,860
Why did you throw the blue
Heart of the Ocean jewel

269
00:15:29,945 --> 00:15:32,154
over the railing of the Titanic?

270
00:15:32,239 --> 00:15:34,532
Did you feel bad at all
letting Leo DiCaprio drown,

271
00:15:34,616 --> 00:15:37,243
while you were safe,
floating on the door?

272
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:38,828
Could you have taken turns,

273
00:15:38,912 --> 00:15:42,331
or were you just too afraid to
freeze your big, fat ass off?

274
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,126
I guess that's how life is,
isn't it?

275
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:50,006
Some people are drenched, freezing to death
on a stupid boat, with a stupid hat,

276
00:15:50,091 --> 00:15:53,468
while others are in a comfy news
studio, sucking up all the glory.

277
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,972
Oh, well. No big deal.
- Oh, boy.

278
00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:59,141
Oh, look. It's the owner
of the Maid of the Mist.

279
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:01,226
Let's have a talk with him, shall we?
Come on in here, Bill.

280
00:16:01,310 --> 00:16:02,519
That's all right.
No, no, no, no. No, no.

281
00:16:02,603 --> 00:16:03,812
Come on. Let's have a talk.

282
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,814
Come on. What are you doing?

283
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:08,692
Bill, you've been running the Maid
of the Mist for 23 years now.

284
00:16:08,776 --> 00:16:10,862
Tell me. Why do you think
I didn't get the anchor job?

285
00:16:10,988 --> 00:16:13,781
Hey, man. I don't want problems.
Is it my hair, Bill?

286
00:16:13,866 --> 00:16:15,324
Are my teeth not white enough?

287
00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:22,331
Or like the great falls, is the bedrock
of my life eroding beneath me?

288
00:16:22,583 --> 00:16:27,920
Eroding! Eroding! Eroding!

289
00:16:29,214 --> 00:16:30,631
Cut the feed. Go to black.

290
00:16:30,716 --> 00:16:31,966
Go to black.
I'm on it.

291
00:16:33,595 --> 00:16:37,598
I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News.
Back to you, fuckers!

292
00:16:39,017 --> 00:16:40,851
Oh, boy.
Oh, my God.

293
00:16:45,940 --> 00:16:50,777
That is perfect. That is
the motivation that I needed!

294
00:16:50,862 --> 00:16:53,280
Right there! Thank you.

295
00:16:54,282 --> 00:16:57,410
Thank you, W. K. B. W!

296
00:16:57,786 --> 00:17:01,289
Wimpy Kitty Baby Whiners!

297
00:17:01,373 --> 00:17:03,499
That's what that stands for!

298
00:17:04,919 --> 00:17:09,130
I'll see you on Channel 5,
where they do the real news.

299
00:17:10,424 --> 00:17:13,468
Do I look blind to you?
Do I look blind to you?

300
00:17:14,428 --> 00:17:18,057
Hey. Let's go, man. Come on.
Let's go.

301
00:17:18,850 --> 00:17:23,437
What are you doing over there? Come on.
Leave the poor guy alone.

302
00:17:24,272 --> 00:17:25,731
You okay, man?

303
00:17:27,692 --> 00:17:29,735
Yeah, you'd better keep walking.

304
00:17:29,819 --> 00:17:31,904
What? What'd you say, ése?

305
00:17:31,988 --> 00:17:34,573
Run, man! Run!

306
00:17:36,201 --> 00:17:38,118
Oh, God!

307
00:17:40,372 --> 00:17:44,292
Okay, okay, okay! I didn't mean it!
I was just kidding!

308
00:17:44,377 --> 00:17:46,336
Hey, you forgot your things.

309
00:17:50,925 --> 00:17:53,301
Say something to that.
Say something.

310
00:17:56,347 --> 00:18:02,602
B-E-A-utiful.

311
00:18:06,441 --> 00:18:09,068
That's what I get...

312
00:18:09,152 --> 00:18:12,446
That's what I get
for trying to help someone.

313
00:18:14,283 --> 00:18:16,826
Oh, don't look at me, Walter.

314
00:18:16,910 --> 00:18:18,661
Oh, no!

315
00:18:22,749 --> 00:18:28,005
Well, that's my payment, I guess.
That... That is my reward.

316
00:18:32,885 --> 00:18:36,013
Just? Just get a clue!

317
00:18:37,348 --> 00:18:39,057
Thank God
you're all right.

318
00:18:39,142 --> 00:18:41,643
God. Yeah.
Let's thank God. Shall we?

319
00:18:41,728 --> 00:18:44,187
For his blessings
are raining down upon me.

320
00:18:44,314 --> 00:18:47,316
Wait! That's not rain! GRACE:
Bruce, please don't do that, honey.

321
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,986
You know that everything
happens for a reason.

322
00:18:50,070 --> 00:18:53,656
That I don't need. That is a cliché.
That is not helpful to me.

323
00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:55,783
A bird in the hand
is worth two in the bush.

324
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:59,162
I have no bird. I have no bush. God
has taken my bird and my bush.

325
00:18:59,246 --> 00:19:02,457
Oh, I see. So God is picking on
you, is that what you're saying?

326
00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:05,835
No. He's ignoring me
completely.

327
00:19:05,919 --> 00:19:09,339
He's far too busy giving
Evan everything he wants.

328
00:19:09,423 --> 00:19:12,926
Oh, that's great, Sam, but you
missed your target. I'm over here!

329
00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:15,387
Don't get mad at the dog.
It's not the dog's fault.

330
00:19:15,472 --> 00:19:18,140
No. It's God's fault. I gave
him the wrong coordinates.

331
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:19,558
All right. You know what?
Enough. All right?

332
00:19:19,642 --> 00:19:21,268
Will you stop being
such a martyr?

333
00:19:21,353 --> 00:19:23,937
I am not being a martyr.
I'm a victim.

334
00:19:24,022 --> 00:19:25,773
God is a mean kid
sitting on an anthill

335
00:19:25,857 --> 00:19:27,941
with a magnifying glass,
and I'm the ant.

336
00:19:28,026 --> 00:19:30,235
He could fix my life in five
minutes if he wanted to,

337
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,322
but he'd rather burn off my
feelers and watch me squirm!

338
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:36,201
Sweetheart, I know you're mad.
It's understandable.

339
00:19:36,285 --> 00:19:42,040
What Evan did is slimy and wrong, but
this day could've been so much worse.

340
00:19:42,124 --> 00:19:46,836
I'm just glad you're okay. Okay?
News flash! I'm not okay.

341
00:19:46,921 --> 00:19:50,382
I'm not okay with a mediocre job! I'm
not okay with a mediocre apartment.

342
00:19:50,466 --> 00:19:53,301
I'm not okay
with a mediocre life!

343
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,980
So is that what you think that we have?
A mediocre life?

344
00:20:05,065 --> 00:20:08,317
Don't make this about you.
About me?

345
00:20:08,402 --> 00:20:13,656
How could I make this about me? It's
about you! It's always about you!

346
00:20:13,740 --> 00:20:16,367
Perfect. Perfect.

347
00:20:16,451 --> 00:20:18,411
I'll have
the worst day of my life

348
00:20:18,495 --> 00:20:21,081
with a side order of guilt,
please!

349
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,001
Oh.

350
00:20:26,421 --> 00:20:30,257
Okay, God.
You want me to talk to you?

351
00:20:30,341 --> 00:20:33,552
Then talk back.
Tell me what's going on.

352
00:20:33,636 --> 00:20:36,513
What should I do?
Give me a signal.

353
00:20:38,433 --> 00:20:42,727
Oh, I need your guidance, Lord.
Please send me a sign.

354
00:20:46,859 --> 00:20:49,277
Ah, what's this joker doing now?

355
00:20:54,908 --> 00:20:58,411
Okay. All right.
I'll try it your way.

356
00:20:58,495 --> 00:21:03,583
All right.
Lord, I need a miracle.

357
00:21:04,710 --> 00:21:08,297
I'm desperate.
I need your help, Lord.

358
00:21:08,381 --> 00:21:12,301
Please reach into my life.
Hey!

359
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,639
What the he... I got you!

360
00:21:43,959 --> 00:21:45,084
Hey!

361
00:22:01,603 --> 00:22:04,939
Fine! The gloves are off, pal!

362
00:22:05,023 --> 00:22:07,525
Come on!
Let me see a little wrath.

363
00:22:07,609 --> 00:22:11,278
Smite me, O mighty smiter!

364
00:22:12,364 --> 00:22:14,824
You're the one
who should be fired!

365
00:22:14,909 --> 00:22:19,579
The only one around here
not doing his job is you!

366
00:22:20,331 --> 00:22:22,791
Answer me!

367
00:22:37,558 --> 00:22:39,725
Sorry. Don't know you.

368
00:22:40,644 --> 00:22:42,728
Wouldn't call you if I did.

369
00:22:46,650 --> 00:22:47,900
Oh.

370
00:22:55,492 --> 00:22:57,994
Oh, God. Oh.

371
00:23:04,002 --> 00:23:06,503
Hello, "5550123."

372
00:23:30,863 --> 00:23:35,325
Oh, no! Sam,
this has got to stop.

373
00:23:37,911 --> 00:23:39,495
All right.
Now, get it straight here.

374
00:23:39,580 --> 00:23:42,624
That's the house. This is the bathroom.
House. Bathroom.

375
00:23:42,708 --> 00:23:45,794
Bathroom. House. House. Bathroom.
Bathroom. House.

376
00:23:48,214 --> 00:23:49,798
What's the point?

377
00:24:14,575 --> 00:24:17,410
"5550123"

378
00:24:19,789 --> 00:24:22,832
Denied that
promotion at work? Is life unfair?

379
00:24:22,917 --> 00:24:25,960
Is there someone less talented
than you reaping all the benefits?

380
00:24:26,045 --> 00:24:30,131
Is your name Bruce? Then do
we have the job for you.

381
00:24:30,216 --> 00:24:33,511
We're located at
7725623rd Street.

382
00:24:33,595 --> 00:24:37,181
So come on down, or we'll
just keep beeping you.

383
00:24:54,242 --> 00:24:55,867
"Omni Presents."

384
00:24:57,078 --> 00:25:00,163
Oh, yeah.
The glass is half full.

385
00:25:00,623 --> 00:25:01,957
Oh, geez!

386
00:25:03,918 --> 00:25:09,172
Come on! Look!
What is that? What is that?

387
00:25:10,633 --> 00:25:13,969
Ah, geez! Thank you.
Thank you again.

388
00:25:21,812 --> 00:25:23,229
What the...

389
00:25:30,988 --> 00:25:32,989
You're looking for Room 7.

390
00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:37,577
Yeah. I figured.

391
00:25:37,661 --> 00:25:39,872
You want me
to even those up for you?

392
00:25:43,501 --> 00:25:45,085
How do I get to Room 7?

393
00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:48,756
That'll be on the seventh floor.
Stairs are right over there.

394
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,216
- I'd rather take the elevator.
- Out of order.

395
00:25:51,301 --> 00:25:54,428
I love the stairs though.
They were my second choice.

396
00:25:54,512 --> 00:25:56,930
Do you mind giving me a hand
with this floor?

397
00:25:57,015 --> 00:25:59,933
What? That's good.

398
00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:02,687
Are you serious?

399
00:26:02,772 --> 00:26:06,065
Oh, I'm kind of busy.

400
00:26:06,150 --> 00:26:10,195
Um, rain check.
I'll hold you to it.

401
00:26:11,447 --> 00:26:14,616
I'm free on the seventh
at 7:00.

402
00:26:17,328 --> 00:26:19,162
Seventh at 7:00 it is.

403
00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:24,292
This looks promising.

404
00:26:30,091 --> 00:26:36,347
Hello? Another "hugantic,
ginormic" waste of my life.

405
00:26:37,057 --> 00:26:38,307
Hello?

406
00:26:40,143 --> 00:26:43,604
Yo! I'm looking for whoever runs
- Be right with you.

407
00:26:43,688 --> 00:26:47,316
I'm trying to fix a light.
Tell me if it's working.

408
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,653
Yeah. Seems to be.

409
00:26:49,737 --> 00:26:53,615
Kind of bright, though.
Yeah. It is for most people.

410
00:26:53,699 --> 00:26:57,953
Spend their lives in the dark
trying to hide from me.

411
00:26:59,664 --> 00:27:01,832
Oh, the elevator's broken,
huh?

412
00:27:01,916 --> 00:27:04,835
Yeah, but I'll get around to it.

413
00:27:06,295 --> 00:27:09,965
You install the Clapper? ELECTRICIAN:
No, but catchy jingle, isn't it?

414
00:27:10,758 --> 00:27:15,263
Clap on, clap off.
Clap on, clap off the Clapper.

415
00:27:16,598 --> 00:27:18,766
Just can't
get it out of my head.

416
00:27:19,476 --> 00:27:23,020
Good luck with that.
I'm gonna go now.

417
00:27:23,105 --> 00:27:25,940
Okay. But the boss'll be
right out.

418
00:27:33,867 --> 00:27:38,245
You must be Bruce.
I've been expecting you.

419
00:27:40,665 --> 00:27:42,291
This is hilarious.

420
00:27:42,375 --> 00:27:45,127
So you're the boss and the
electrician and the janitor?

421
00:27:45,211 --> 00:27:48,380
Must be a killer Christmas party.
Don't get drunk, though.

422
00:27:48,464 --> 00:27:50,340
One of you might need
a ride home.

423
00:27:52,176 --> 00:27:56,431
You always were funny, Bruce,
just like your father.

424
00:27:56,515 --> 00:27:59,225
He didn't mind rolling up
his sleeves, either, son.

425
00:27:59,310 --> 00:28:02,770
People underestimate the benefit
of good old manual labor.

426
00:28:02,855 --> 00:28:05,899
There's freedom in it. Some of
the happiest people in the world

427
00:28:05,983 --> 00:28:09,611
go home smelling to high
heaven at the end of the day.

428
00:28:09,695 --> 00:28:11,738
All right. What is this?

429
00:28:11,822 --> 00:28:14,490
How do you know my father, and
how did you get my pager number?

430
00:28:14,575 --> 00:28:17,285
Oh, I know quite a lot
about you, Bruce,

431
00:28:18,537 --> 00:28:21,165
just about everything
there is to know.

432
00:28:21,499 --> 00:28:26,211
Everything you've ever said or
done or thought about doing,

433
00:28:27,464 --> 00:28:29,673
right there
in that file cabinet.

434
00:28:30,926 --> 00:28:34,303
Wow. A whole
drawer just for me. Yeah.

435
00:28:34,387 --> 00:28:38,349
Mind if I take a look?
It's your life.

436
00:28:39,684 --> 00:28:41,518
This ought to be good.

437
00:28:56,202 --> 00:28:58,870
Now, this last entry
was a little disturbing.

438
00:29:10,634 --> 00:29:12,718
"The gloves are off, God.

439
00:29:12,844 --> 00:29:15,429
"God has taken
my bird and my bush.

440
00:29:15,514 --> 00:29:18,849
"God is a mean kid
with a magnifying glass."

441
00:29:18,934 --> 00:29:22,436
"Smite me, O mighty smiter!"

442
00:29:22,521 --> 00:29:26,732
Now, I'm not much for blaspheming,
but that last one made me laugh.

443
00:29:26,817 --> 00:29:28,694
Are you spying on me?

444
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:33,657
Who are you?

445
00:29:34,826 --> 00:29:36,410
I'm the one.

446
00:29:36,995 --> 00:29:40,664
Creator of the heavens and
the earth, alpha and omega.

447
00:29:41,708 --> 00:29:44,001
Oh, I see where this is going.

448
00:29:44,085 --> 00:29:47,045
Bruce, I'm God.

449
00:29:47,130 --> 00:29:50,298
Bingo! Yahtzee!
Is that your final answer?

450
00:29:50,383 --> 00:29:55,013
Our survey says, "God!"
Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing!

451
00:29:55,097 --> 00:29:56,806
Well, it was
nice to meet you, God.

452
00:29:56,890 --> 00:29:58,266
Thank you for the Grand Canyon,

453
00:29:58,350 --> 00:30:00,435
and good luck
with the apocalypse.

454
00:30:00,519 --> 00:30:03,771
Oh, and by the way, you suck!

455
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,357
You know what would've been a
little more impressive, though?

456
00:30:06,442 --> 00:30:09,902
If you hadn't used the cheesy
file cabinet illusion.

457
00:30:09,987 --> 00:30:11,696
Anybody with a brain stem
can tell that

458
00:30:11,780 --> 00:30:14,700
that drawer is being fed through
the wall from the other side.

459
00:30:14,784 --> 00:30:18,287
All you have to do is find the
crease, right around here.

460
00:30:18,371 --> 00:30:22,041
There is a seam here
or a hollow spot.

461
00:30:26,463 --> 00:30:30,382
Where? Through the drywall
and concrete?

462
00:30:33,470 --> 00:30:36,639
Okay. That is a good one.
That is a good one.

463
00:30:37,349 --> 00:30:40,226
Okay. How many fingers am I holding up?
Now, Bruce.

464
00:30:40,352 --> 00:30:43,229
Thou shalt not tempt the Lord... Hey,
if you can't do it, man, that's cool.

465
00:30:43,314 --> 00:30:48,151
Three. Two. Four.
Nine. Six. Eight. One.

466
00:30:50,279 --> 00:30:51,571
Okay.

467
00:30:52,698 --> 00:30:55,450
How many now?
Seven.

468
00:31:02,084 --> 00:31:04,710
You've been doing a lot of
complaining about me, Bruce.

469
00:31:04,836 --> 00:31:07,963
And quite frankly, I'm tired of it.
Wait. Don't come near me.

470
00:31:08,048 --> 00:31:09,882
When I'm backed into a corner,
I'm like a wild animal.

471
00:31:09,966 --> 00:31:11,425
I don't wanna hurt you,
but I will, out of instinct.

472
00:31:11,510 --> 00:31:15,137
You haven't won a fight since grade
five, and that was against a girl.

473
00:31:16,556 --> 00:31:19,600
Yeah, but she was huge.
She had been held back.

474
00:31:19,684 --> 00:31:23,939
And the sun was in your eyes.
Oh, there you go.

475
00:31:24,023 --> 00:31:26,566
In a way, I brought you here
to offer you a job.

476
00:31:26,651 --> 00:31:28,902
Job? What job?
My job.

477
00:31:29,529 --> 00:31:32,739
You think you can do it better,
so here's your chance.

478
00:31:32,824 --> 00:31:37,285
When you leave this building, you
will be endowed with all my powers.

479
00:31:38,704 --> 00:31:40,247
Whatever you say, pal.

480
00:31:42,792 --> 00:31:47,088
Okay. That did not happen, and
no one needs to hear about it.

481
00:31:47,172 --> 00:31:48,881
I'm deleting the program.

482
00:31:50,968 --> 00:31:54,512
No. No. I'm having a
breakdown, that's what it is.

483
00:31:54,596 --> 00:31:59,142
Normal, everyday psychotic episode
caused by a tumor or brain lesion.

484
00:31:59,226 --> 00:32:00,977
Come on. Start!

485
00:32:02,896 --> 00:32:03,896
That was lucky.

486
00:32:10,071 --> 00:32:11,780
Come on, man. Calm down.

487
00:32:11,865 --> 00:32:15,450
You did not meet God,
you do not have his powers.

488
00:32:15,577 --> 00:32:18,162
If that was God,
then I'm Clint Eastwood.

489
00:32:18,246 --> 00:32:19,705
Holy hell!

490
00:32:26,004 --> 00:32:29,214
Be careful
what you wish for, punk.

491
00:32:29,299 --> 00:32:31,885
No. No. No.

492
00:32:31,969 --> 00:32:37,849
I am a reasonable, sane human
being with a .44 Magnum,

493
00:32:37,933 --> 00:32:40,727
the most powerful handgun
in the wo...

494
00:32:41,353 --> 00:32:44,439
I'm not Clint Eastwood.
I'm Bruce Nolan.

495
00:32:44,523 --> 00:32:47,525
Bruce Nolan. I'm Bruce No-lan!

496
00:33:01,458 --> 00:33:03,626
Oh, it's not real.
It's not real.

497
00:33:06,087 --> 00:33:08,797
Coffee?
Yeah. Uh, coffee. Yeah.

498
00:33:08,924 --> 00:33:12,551
We have a special on soup today.
No. That's fine. Thank you.

499
00:33:12,636 --> 00:33:15,054
It's tomato. I made it myself.

500
00:33:16,390 --> 00:33:17,974
Okay.
Okay.

501
00:33:52,511 --> 00:33:54,845
Excuse me. I need a sp...

502
00:34:01,688 --> 00:34:03,355
it's okay. I found one.

503
00:34:11,030 --> 00:34:12,614
Here's your soup.

504
00:34:12,699 --> 00:34:15,909
Oh, soup. Right.
Uh, yeah. Right.

505
00:35:06,421 --> 00:35:07,838
Having fun?

506
00:35:10,676 --> 00:35:15,472
Thy... Thou... Come. Take
a closer walk with me.

507
00:35:16,849 --> 00:35:19,225
Let me explain the rules.
Rules?

508
00:35:19,310 --> 00:35:22,896
Yeah. You left in such a rush, I
didn't get a chance to explain.

509
00:35:24,357 --> 00:35:27,525
Two extra fingers
freaked me out a little bit.

510
00:35:27,610 --> 00:35:29,944
I just figured
I'd get your attention.

511
00:35:30,029 --> 00:35:32,990
I did the same thing to Gandhi,
he didn't eat for three weeks.

512
00:35:34,618 --> 00:35:36,369
Anyway, here's the deal.

513
00:35:36,453 --> 00:35:39,413
You have all my powers.
Use them any way you choose.

514
00:35:39,498 --> 00:35:42,833
There are only two rules. You
can't tell anybody you're God.

515
00:35:42,918 --> 00:35:45,211
Believe me, you don't want
that kind of attention.

516
00:35:45,295 --> 00:35:47,296
And you can't mess
with free will.

517
00:35:51,051 --> 00:35:55,972
Can I ask why? Yes, you can!
That's the beauty of it!

518
00:36:03,648 --> 00:36:07,317
This is amazing. Speaking of amazing.
Excuse me.

519
00:36:07,777 --> 00:36:09,027
Oh.

520
00:36:11,322 --> 00:36:14,366
Holy sh... Cow.

521
00:36:14,992 --> 00:36:18,246
Since you're through with
these, I think I'll keep them.

522
00:36:18,330 --> 00:36:20,415
Might come in handy someday.

523
00:36:21,500 --> 00:36:23,167
See you around, kid.

524
00:36:24,253 --> 00:36:27,755
Where you going?
I'm taking a vacation.

525
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:31,884
God doesn't take vacations,
does he? Do... ye?

526
00:36:31,969 --> 00:36:35,680
Did you ever hear of the Dark Ages?
Besides, I'm covered.

527
00:36:35,764 --> 00:36:39,809
You can clear everything up in five
minutes if you want to, right?

528
00:36:41,729 --> 00:36:42,938
Ciao.

529
00:37:16,348 --> 00:37:18,266
I've got the power

530
00:37:18,392 --> 00:37:20,351
Boom!

531
00:37:25,191 --> 00:37:26,650
I've got the power

532
00:37:26,735 --> 00:37:29,487
And he saw that it was good.

533
00:37:29,571 --> 00:37:31,405
I've got the power

534
00:37:34,784 --> 00:37:36,076
Whoa.

535
00:37:45,962 --> 00:37:50,592
Getting, getting
getting kind of heavy

536
00:37:52,637 --> 00:37:53,720
I've got the power

537
00:37:53,804 --> 00:37:57,557
B-E-A-utiful.

538
00:38:02,772 --> 00:38:06,566
Hey. Check it out. Check it out.
Hey. Check it out.

539
00:38:06,651 --> 00:38:09,528
Oh, look. It's the hero.
What's up, homie?

540
00:38:09,612 --> 00:38:14,158
Yo, brethren, what up with thee?
Blessings on your alley.

541
00:38:14,243 --> 00:38:16,577
Looking for another can
of whoop-ass?

542
00:38:16,662 --> 00:38:20,081
You didn't get enough, Mr. Hero?
He wants some more.

543
00:38:20,165 --> 00:38:24,335
Surely I say unto you dudes,
I do not wish to fight.

544
00:38:24,419 --> 00:38:28,381
So as soon as you apologize and make a
full reckoning of your transgressions,

545
00:38:28,465 --> 00:38:32,718
I shall absolve you and continue
along the path of righteousness.

546
00:38:32,803 --> 00:38:35,639
What are you talking about, man?

547
00:38:35,723 --> 00:38:38,058
Straight up. You talk kind of
funny, you know what I mean?

548
00:38:38,142 --> 00:38:41,436
I don't know if you've lost it all up in
here or what, but check this out, homie.

549
00:38:41,521 --> 00:38:43,689
You want me and the homies
to apologize, right?

550
00:38:43,773 --> 00:38:45,732
Cool. Tell you what.

551
00:38:45,817 --> 00:38:47,901
We'll apologize the day a
monkey comes out of my butt.

552
00:38:47,986 --> 00:38:50,195
Then you get your "sorry."
How about that?

553
00:38:52,907 --> 00:38:56,201
What a coincidence,
because that's today.

554
00:39:05,588 --> 00:39:06,921
Oh!

555
00:39:14,013 --> 00:39:17,056
Hey, did that monkey just
come out your crack, man?

556
00:39:20,437 --> 00:39:21,562
Oh.

557
00:39:22,897 --> 00:39:25,774
This is some voodoo shit, man.
Let's go!

558
00:39:25,859 --> 00:39:27,693
Are you guys leaving?

559
00:39:29,112 --> 00:39:31,572
Hey, don't forget
your parting gifts!

560
00:39:58,309 --> 00:40:03,063
Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey.
Time for you to go home, little buddy.

561
00:40:08,070 --> 00:40:11,364
No!

562
00:40:16,244 --> 00:40:19,455
I am Bruce Almighty!

563
00:40:19,539 --> 00:40:22,500
My will be done!

564
00:40:32,553 --> 00:40:35,889
What if God was one of us

565
00:40:36,432 --> 00:40:39,601
Just a slob like one of us

566
00:40:40,103 --> 00:40:42,854
Just a stranger on a bus

567
00:40:42,939 --> 00:40:45,857
Trying to make his way

568
00:40:45,942 --> 00:40:49,194
Home

569
00:40:49,278 --> 00:40:51,321
My God.
You can call me Bruce.

570
00:40:51,406 --> 00:40:53,950
What happened to you?
You seem so...

571
00:40:58,747 --> 00:40:59,997
...happy.

572
00:41:00,082 --> 00:41:02,041
Why shouldn't I be
on a night like this?

573
00:41:02,126 --> 00:41:05,586
Wow. Those are amazing.
What are these?

574
00:41:05,671 --> 00:41:06,754
They're a new breed.

575
00:41:06,839 --> 00:41:09,465
Cross-pollination
between tulips and daisies.

576
00:41:09,550 --> 00:41:12,427
I call them tu-daisies.

577
00:41:13,637 --> 00:41:14,847
Okay.

578
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:25,566
Honey, these flowers are really
beautiful, but last night...

579
00:41:25,650 --> 00:41:27,818
Last night, I was only human.

580
00:41:33,199 --> 00:41:34,825
Barry, help me out here.

581
00:41:42,460 --> 00:41:43,877
Oh, baby

582
00:41:44,795 --> 00:41:48,673
Oh, baby
Yeah, I'll be here

583
00:41:53,179 --> 00:41:56,681
Forever and ever
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

584
00:41:57,224 --> 00:42:00,060
I'll see you through

585
00:42:05,066 --> 00:42:09,445
Making love to you right now
That's all I wanna do

586
00:42:09,529 --> 00:42:12,656
'Cause I found

587
00:42:12,741 --> 00:42:16,202
What the world is searching for

588
00:42:16,286 --> 00:42:22,041
For someone just like you
make me feel the way you do

589
00:42:22,125 --> 00:42:24,461
Never, never gonna give you up

590
00:42:24,545 --> 00:42:27,297
I'm never, ever gonna stop

591
00:42:27,381 --> 00:42:30,091
Not the way I feel about you

592
00:42:30,176 --> 00:42:33,345
Girl, I just can't
live without you

593
00:42:33,429 --> 00:42:35,305
Honey. Hi. Wow.

594
00:42:36,474 --> 00:42:39,142
I've never seen the moon that big!
Yeah.

595
00:42:39,227 --> 00:42:40,560
Oh, baby

596
00:42:40,645 --> 00:42:42,270
We really shouldn't waste it.

597
00:42:53,242 --> 00:42:56,452
Bedroom?
Five minutes.

598
00:43:06,380 --> 00:43:08,422
Let there be light.

599
00:43:11,886 --> 00:43:12,970
I'll be out in a minute.

600
00:43:14,597 --> 00:43:16,014
Don't rush yourself.

601
00:43:16,099 --> 00:43:20,185
Sometimes anticipation
can heighten the pleasure.

602
00:43:20,270 --> 00:43:22,563
Oh, God! Oh!

603
00:43:24,858 --> 00:43:27,651
It's a funny thing
about pleasure.

604
00:43:27,735 --> 00:43:33,825
Wow.
It can be quite pleasurable!

605
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:37,620
Oh, my God!

606
00:43:38,706 --> 00:43:41,833
Pleasurable.
Oh, God!

607
00:43:44,295 --> 00:43:45,712
Oh, God!

608
00:43:45,796 --> 00:43:48,006
Pleasurable. Pleasurable.

609
00:43:55,599 --> 00:43:59,727
In international news, Japanese relief
workers are staging a desperate effort

610
00:43:59,811 --> 00:44:05,357
to rescue hundreds of people stranded by a
freak tidal wave that hit Kitamoto City.

611
00:44:05,442 --> 00:44:08,193
Scientists say the tsunami
may have been caused

612
00:44:08,278 --> 00:44:12,197
by what they're describing
as unusual lunar activity.

613
00:44:12,282 --> 00:44:14,325
More on this as it develops.

614
00:44:18,122 --> 00:44:22,918
Please bless my mommy, my daddy
and especially my little sister.

615
00:44:24,837 --> 00:44:27,881
MAN

616
00:44:33,846 --> 00:44:35,430
MAN

617
00:44:35,514 --> 00:44:38,767
Thank you for everything
else in my life. Amen.

618
00:44:42,022 --> 00:44:43,439
Sam!

619
00:45:04,504 --> 00:45:05,879
Good boy.

620
00:45:08,216 --> 00:45:09,758
Forget something?

621
00:45:13,471 --> 00:45:16,598
Good boy. There are girls
in the house, huh?

622
00:45:20,979 --> 00:45:23,230
Morning.
Morning!

623
00:45:23,314 --> 00:45:26,359
I made you grilled cheese.
Ooh, my favey!

624
00:45:27,236 --> 00:45:30,905
Honey, last night was just...
Heavenly? I know. I know.

625
00:45:30,990 --> 00:45:32,657
I mean, I woke up this morning,

626
00:45:32,741 --> 00:45:35,201
and I felt like
my boobs were bigger.

627
00:45:35,285 --> 00:45:39,872
I mean, do they look bigger to you?
Uh, what? Your... No.

628
00:45:41,041 --> 00:45:45,586
Bigger?
Oh, come on! Look at them!

629
00:45:45,671 --> 00:45:50,509
Please. They are definitely bigger.
I mean, look. They feel huge.

630
00:45:50,593 --> 00:45:55,764
Well, listen, I have to go, but this
has been the breast bek... Breast...

631
00:45:56,975 --> 00:45:59,768
Thank you.
Where are you going?

632
00:45:59,853 --> 00:46:01,729
To get my job back.

633
00:46:03,398 --> 00:46:05,691
Yeah, yeah

634
00:46:05,775 --> 00:46:07,901
I am great

635
00:46:07,986 --> 00:46:11,406
Yeah, yeah, I am...

636
00:46:11,490 --> 00:46:14,117
Good grief.
Is that what I'm driving?

637
00:46:24,170 --> 00:46:27,047
Whoa. Nice car, man.

638
00:46:27,131 --> 00:46:29,632
Yeah. It gets me
from "A" to "B."

639
00:46:42,773 --> 00:46:46,734
Oh, darn. All this horsepower
and no room to gallop.

640
00:46:49,654 --> 00:46:52,865
Heigh-ho, Silver, away!

641
00:47:00,958 --> 00:47:04,002
I certainly wouldn't want to be a
fugitive on the run with Hank,

642
00:47:04,087 --> 00:47:06,671
Buffalo's number-one
police dog on the job.

643
00:47:06,756 --> 00:47:10,175
This is Phil Sidleman reporting from
the Police Canine Training Center,

644
00:47:10,259 --> 00:47:11,927
Channel 5 News.

645
00:47:12,011 --> 00:47:13,178
And cut it.

646
00:47:17,433 --> 00:47:21,437
Hey! Hey!
Look what the cat coughed up!

647
00:47:21,522 --> 00:47:22,688
Channel 7, right?

648
00:47:22,731 --> 00:47:25,483
You're the guy that went crazy?
I had a bad moment.

649
00:47:25,567 --> 00:47:28,611
What are you doing here?
Just looking for a story.

650
00:47:28,695 --> 00:47:32,240
There's no story here.
This pond is all fished out.

651
00:47:32,908 --> 00:47:35,952
Pretty standard stuff anyway.
I don't know.

652
00:47:36,036 --> 00:47:38,162
My instinct tells me
there's something more.

653
00:47:38,247 --> 00:47:41,374
Yeah? Well, go with that. It served
you well in the past, right?

654
00:47:49,425 --> 00:47:52,886
Hey! Hank found something!

655
00:47:52,971 --> 00:47:55,597
Over here!

656
00:47:56,432 --> 00:47:58,892
Get the camera! Now!

657
00:47:58,977 --> 00:48:00,644
It's locked,
and the keys are inside!

658
00:48:00,728 --> 00:48:03,188
I guess every dog has his day.

659
00:48:03,273 --> 00:48:05,608
Hey, kid. You wanna make 10 bucks?
Sure.

660
00:48:05,693 --> 00:48:07,068
You know how to
use one of these?

661
00:48:07,153 --> 00:48:08,194
Duh.

662
00:48:10,239 --> 00:48:12,824
Seems to be in tune.
Let's do this.

663
00:48:12,908 --> 00:48:15,869
The body of Jimmy Hoffa
was uncovered in a field today

664
00:48:15,953 --> 00:48:19,038
outside of a canine training
center in Buffalo, New York.

665
00:48:19,415 --> 00:48:22,750
Bruce Nolan was the first on the scene.
- Thank you, Jane.

666
00:48:22,835 --> 00:48:26,171
As you can see behind us, the
body is being carefully exhumed,

667
00:48:26,255 --> 00:48:28,257
and will be transported
to a medical facility,

668
00:48:28,341 --> 00:48:30,968
where D.N.A. testing
can confirm the identity.

669
00:48:31,052 --> 00:48:33,721
That, however, merely a
formality at this point,

670
00:48:33,805 --> 00:48:37,349
as in a bizarre twist, the body was
found buried with a birth certificate

671
00:48:37,434 --> 00:48:39,685
and complete set
of dental records.

672
00:48:39,769 --> 00:48:44,190
I'd call that a red-letter day for any K-9
unit, but was that enough for old Hank here?

673
00:48:44,274 --> 00:48:48,694
No, sirree. Moments later, he
busted a local news camera crew

674
00:48:48,778 --> 00:48:51,948
with 220 pounds of marijuana.

675
00:48:52,033 --> 00:48:55,076
I never saw it before, I swear!

676
00:48:58,039 --> 00:49:02,959
I'm Bruce Nolan, and that's
the way the cookie crumbles.

677
00:49:06,923 --> 00:49:09,132
Yeah! Did you like that?

678
00:49:11,552 --> 00:49:14,096
Yes. Thank you. Thank you.

679
00:49:14,181 --> 00:49:16,349
Hi, Bruce.
Oh, hi, Susan.

680
00:49:16,433 --> 00:49:18,684
Good work. I'm impressed.

681
00:49:23,148 --> 00:49:26,025
Jack, did you need me for something?
Bruce! Bruce!

682
00:49:26,109 --> 00:49:27,985
Just the man I wanna see.
Hey.

683
00:49:28,111 --> 00:49:32,448
Hoffa? What are the odds of that?
What are the odds of that?

684
00:49:32,532 --> 00:49:34,825
Bruce, why don't you sit down?
Okay.

685
00:49:34,910 --> 00:49:38,580
I'm gonna be straight with you.
We want you back, Bruce.

686
00:49:38,665 --> 00:49:42,793
But I want you to understand it was
not my decision to let you go.

687
00:49:42,877 --> 00:49:44,544
When the big guy
gives the order, you got to...

688
00:49:44,629 --> 00:49:46,088
No harm, no foul, Jack.

689
00:49:46,172 --> 00:49:47,756
I needed some time
to reassess my goals

690
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:49,466
and get in touch
with my true self.

691
00:49:49,509 --> 00:49:52,636
You did that in a day? Imagine
what I could do with seven.

692
00:49:54,055 --> 00:49:57,015
Look, Bruce. It is not in my
power to give you anchor.

693
00:49:57,100 --> 00:50:00,061
Now, as far as field reporting goes,
if you're looking for a bump...

694
00:50:00,145 --> 00:50:03,690
Jack, let's just cut the crap and
get down to brass tacks here.

695
00:50:06,193 --> 00:50:08,444
I'm kidding with you, and you...

696
00:50:08,529 --> 00:50:13,533
I had you going, Jackie. Don't
even worry about it, old friend.

697
00:50:13,617 --> 00:50:16,786
You just give me a camera,
Jack, I'll give you the news.

698
00:50:18,706 --> 00:50:22,960
A little less
conversation a little more action

699
00:50:23,044 --> 00:50:25,754
All this aggravation
ain't "satisfactioning" me

700
00:50:25,839 --> 00:50:30,884
My secret is that I let the
jalapeños marinate in a spicy sauce

701
00:50:31,386 --> 00:50:35,431
for at least 24 hours before
I stir it into the chili.

702
00:50:35,515 --> 00:50:39,893
Then I let it all come
to a simmer b... Oh!

703
00:50:43,148 --> 00:50:44,481
Hold that thought, Hazel!

704
00:50:44,567 --> 00:50:48,361
It seems as if an asteroid
or some kind of meteorite

705
00:50:48,446 --> 00:50:53,074
has just hit ground right outside
the Mark Twain Chili Cook-Off.

706
00:50:53,159 --> 00:50:55,910
This should certainly
spice things up a bit.

707
00:50:56,329 --> 00:50:58,455
His stories are all over town.

708
00:50:58,539 --> 00:50:59,998
From unearthing Jimmy Hoffa...

709
00:51:00,082 --> 00:51:01,916
To a meteor crashing to earth...

710
00:51:02,001 --> 00:51:05,211
Bruce Nolan is rapidly
becoming known as...

711
00:51:06,922 --> 00:51:10,843
Yeah a little less conversation
a little more action

712
00:51:10,927 --> 00:51:14,347
All this conversation
ain't "satisfactioning" me

713
00:51:15,140 --> 00:51:17,266
A little more bite
and a little more bark

714
00:51:17,351 --> 00:51:19,310
A little less fight
and a little more spark

715
00:51:20,103 --> 00:51:23,689
And that's the way
the cookie crumbles!

716
00:51:28,403 --> 00:51:30,572
Was this Bruce's idea?

717
00:51:30,656 --> 00:51:35,786
He said he wanted me to have a
day of beauty and luxurious serenity.

718
00:51:37,121 --> 00:51:40,457
I got to tell you. He is
really impressing me lately.

719
00:51:40,541 --> 00:51:42,918
You know where he's taking me
to dinner tonight?

720
00:51:43,961 --> 00:51:45,295
Where?

721
00:51:47,715 --> 00:51:49,299
The Blue Palm?

722
00:51:51,135 --> 00:51:54,013
Oh, my gosh. I just got chills.
I know.

723
00:51:54,098 --> 00:51:58,142
And he told me to prepare for the most
memorable night of our entire lives.

724
00:51:58,227 --> 00:52:01,229
Oh, my gosh.
Grace, he's gonna propose.

725
00:52:01,313 --> 00:52:03,689
Stop it. No. Really?

726
00:52:03,774 --> 00:52:07,235
Yeah. Really. Come on.
You do the math.

727
00:52:07,319 --> 00:52:09,112
He sends you all day
to a beauty spa.

728
00:52:09,196 --> 00:52:11,280
He's taking you to
the most romantic restaurant,

729
00:52:11,365 --> 00:52:13,574
where you had your first date.

730
00:52:13,659 --> 00:52:15,911
You know, I never thought I'd
say this, but Bruce is right.

731
00:52:15,995 --> 00:52:17,037
This is your big night.

732
00:52:17,122 --> 00:52:19,748
Relax and enjoy it.
Oh, God.

733
00:52:25,088 --> 00:52:28,507
Welcome to Eyewitness News
at 6:00 with Susan Ortega,

734
00:52:28,883 --> 00:52:31,635
Evan Baxter,
Fred Donohue, sports,

735
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:32,970
Dallas Coleman, weather.

736
00:52:33,054 --> 00:52:35,514
And now, Buffalo's
number-one news team.

737
00:52:35,598 --> 00:52:38,726
Good evening, and welcome to Eyewitness
News at 6:00. I'm Susan Ortega.

738
00:52:38,811 --> 00:52:41,771
And I'm Evan Baxter, and
here's what's making news.

739
00:52:41,856 --> 00:52:45,150
A potential scandal with the Buffalo P.
D. Surfaced today,

740
00:52:45,234 --> 00:52:46,276
when the mayor...

741
00:52:56,620 --> 00:52:58,788
I'm sorry. I'm seem
to have something stuck in my...

742
00:52:58,873 --> 00:53:00,707
Somebody get him some water.

743
00:53:00,791 --> 00:53:03,627
Looks like my new co-anchor
may need a glass of water.

744
00:53:07,883 --> 00:53:10,759
Oh. There we go.
Sorry about that.

745
00:53:10,844 --> 00:53:14,138
In other news,
the prime minister of Sweden

746
00:53:14,222 --> 00:53:15,723
visited Washington today,

747
00:53:15,807 --> 00:53:18,726
and my tiny little nipples
went to France.

748
00:53:19,978 --> 00:53:22,813
What did he just say?
Check the prompter.

749
00:53:25,693 --> 00:53:28,653
The prompter's fine.
Evan, read the copy, please.

750
00:53:28,738 --> 00:53:31,072
The copy's good. Just read it.

751
00:53:31,157 --> 00:53:34,576
The White House reception committee
greeted the prime rib roast minister,

752
00:53:34,660 --> 00:53:38,371
and I do the cha-cha
like a sissy girl.

753
00:53:40,082 --> 00:53:44,461
I "lika" do the cha-cha.

754
00:53:49,301 --> 00:53:53,346
I'm sorry. We seem to be having
some technical difficulties.

755
00:53:53,430 --> 00:53:54,514
In other news...

756
00:53:58,310 --> 00:53:59,769
My apologies.

757
00:54:52,324 --> 00:54:55,327
If I ruled the world

758
00:54:56,788 --> 00:55:00,207
Every day would be
the first day of spring

759
00:55:02,711 --> 00:55:07,506
Every heart would have
a new song to sing

760
00:55:08,550 --> 00:55:10,801
And we'd sing

761
00:55:10,885 --> 00:55:14,638
Of the joy every morning
would bring

762
00:55:16,099 --> 00:55:18,351
If I ruled the world

763
00:55:20,688 --> 00:55:23,732
Every man
would be as free as a bird

764
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:25,692
May I?
Certainly.

765
00:55:25,776 --> 00:55:26,776
Thank you.

766
00:55:26,861 --> 00:55:30,614
Every voice would be
a voice to be heard

767
00:55:31,866 --> 00:55:34,117
it's perfect.
She'll love it.

768
00:55:34,201 --> 00:55:38,872
We would treasure each day
that occurs

769
00:55:39,457 --> 00:55:43,461
You know, I was gonna...

770
00:55:43,545 --> 00:55:46,130
I was gonna wait
until after the meal,

771
00:55:46,214 --> 00:55:48,799
but it's gonna burst out of me like
an alien if I don't do it now.

772
00:55:48,884 --> 00:55:53,304
Oh, God. Oh, my God. Okay.

773
00:55:53,388 --> 00:55:58,225
This is it, isn't it? I don't know.
I don't know if I'm ready for this.

774
00:55:58,310 --> 00:56:00,686
I mean, I'm ready for this. I
just don't know if I would...

775
00:56:00,771 --> 00:56:03,230
I didn't think I would have...
I'm sorry. Go on.

776
00:56:03,315 --> 00:56:08,070
I didn't know this was so important to you.
Me neither. Me neither.

777
00:56:08,154 --> 00:56:09,613
Oh.

778
00:56:10,782 --> 00:56:15,577
Grace.
Yes.

779
00:56:20,750 --> 00:56:22,459
I got anchor.

780
00:56:26,590 --> 00:56:28,007
Yes.

781
00:56:28,092 --> 00:56:30,885
Apparently, it wasn't
working out with Evan,

782
00:56:30,969 --> 00:56:35,306
so he's gonna finish out the
week, and I go live on Monday.

783
00:56:37,184 --> 00:56:41,270
That's great, honey. That's great.
I know. I know.

784
00:56:41,355 --> 00:56:42,939
Wow.

785
00:56:45,275 --> 00:56:47,235
So that's what
this is all about?

786
00:56:47,319 --> 00:56:49,863
Well, yeah.
Yeah.

787
00:56:49,948 --> 00:56:51,281
Grace, we got anchor.

788
00:56:51,366 --> 00:56:52,908
Jack's throwing me a party
Friday night

789
00:56:52,992 --> 00:56:55,035
at the Vanderbilt estate
to celebrate.

790
00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:57,746
What's the matter?
Nothing.

791
00:56:57,831 --> 00:56:59,998
Now I lay me
down to sleep.

792
00:57:00,083 --> 00:57:01,542
I pray the Lord
my soul to keep.

793
00:57:01,626 --> 00:57:03,168
Oh, I feel so stupid.
I feel stupid.

794
00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:05,087
Wow, it is kind of
loud in here, isn't it?

795
00:57:05,213 --> 00:57:08,924
No, it's not loud. Geez, can you
keep it down to a dull roar?

796
00:57:09,008 --> 00:57:10,718
What are you...
Thank you.

797
00:57:10,802 --> 00:57:11,927
Is that supposed to be funny?

798
00:57:12,011 --> 00:57:13,722
'Cause that is not funny. If
I should die before I wake.

799
00:57:13,806 --> 00:57:16,057
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
What are you saying?

800
00:57:16,142 --> 00:57:18,393
What is wrong with you?
Stop yelling!

801
00:57:19,854 --> 00:57:24,858
Uh, would you excuse me? I think
I'll take a little trip to the...

802
00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:29,028
The wine is going
right through me.

803
00:57:29,113 --> 00:57:32,365
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

804
00:57:32,450 --> 00:57:34,451
Keep going, Tony!
You're great! Oh, God.

805
00:57:37,247 --> 00:57:42,835
What is going on here? Oh, what is this?
Give me a break!

806
00:57:48,383 --> 00:57:50,134
Really something, isn't it?

807
00:57:52,929 --> 00:57:54,972
Is this heaven?

808
00:57:55,056 --> 00:57:57,600
No, this is Mount Everest.

809
00:57:57,684 --> 00:58:01,146
You should flip on the Discovery
Channel from time to time.

810
00:58:01,230 --> 00:58:04,858
But I guess you can't now,
being dead and all.

811
00:58:05,943 --> 00:58:09,029
I'm dead? Nah, I'm
just messing with you.

812
00:58:09,155 --> 00:58:13,784
That's not funny, man.
That is not funny! Okay.

813
00:58:13,868 --> 00:58:16,244
And what about the voices
in my head?

814
00:58:16,329 --> 00:58:19,372
Is that part of the hilarity?
No, those are prayers.

815
00:58:19,457 --> 00:58:22,543
And you keep ignoring them, they're
gonna build up on you like that.

816
00:58:22,628 --> 00:58:26,047
But it's just noise.
I can't understand them.

817
00:58:26,131 --> 00:58:28,633
Well, you're not listening, son.

818
00:58:28,717 --> 00:58:30,468
Let's see.

819
00:58:31,178 --> 00:58:33,805
You've had my powers
for a little over a week now.

820
00:58:33,889 --> 00:58:36,057
How many people have you helped?

821
00:58:39,728 --> 00:58:41,604
I took care of a few things.

822
00:58:41,688 --> 00:58:45,067
I righted a few wrongs
in my own life first, okay?

823
00:58:45,151 --> 00:58:47,236
I was gonna help the others.

824
00:58:47,362 --> 00:58:50,697
I think I could help the world.
The world?

825
00:58:50,782 --> 00:58:52,616
That wasn't the world.

826
00:58:52,700 --> 00:58:56,119
That was just Buffalo between
57th Street and Commonwealth.

827
00:58:57,789 --> 00:58:58,831
Oh.

828
00:58:58,915 --> 00:59:02,292
I didn't want to start you off
with more than you could handle.

829
00:59:02,377 --> 00:59:05,963
Well, you took the job, Bruce,
so I suggest you get to it.

830
00:59:07,424 --> 00:59:10,343
Seeing him smile
would make me so happy.

831
00:59:10,427 --> 00:59:13,930
Prayers, prayers.
Okay, prayers. Oh!

832
00:59:14,014 --> 00:59:15,932
This creepy whisper thing
has to end.

833
00:59:16,016 --> 00:59:18,268
Organization and management
is what I need.

834
00:59:18,352 --> 00:59:22,981
I need a system. Something concrete.
Concentrate!

835
00:59:23,816 --> 00:59:25,483
Files.

836
00:59:25,568 --> 00:59:28,778
Let all prayers
be organized into files.

837
00:59:33,159 --> 00:59:36,912
Well, that takes care of the voices.
Not exactly a space saver though.

838
00:59:38,039 --> 00:59:42,877
Grace might notice.
I know. Prayer Post-Its!

839
00:59:50,635 --> 00:59:52,012
Shh!

840
00:59:57,810 --> 01:00:02,188
Okay, I need something with a lock,
security, combination, a password.

841
01:00:03,524 --> 01:00:05,025
A password.

842
01:00:05,359 --> 01:00:06,526
Yahweh!

843
01:00:08,946 --> 01:00:10,405
You've got prayers.

844
01:00:11,657 --> 01:00:14,994
"Welcome to the revelation
superhighway.

845
01:00:15,078 --> 01:00:18,289
"We bless. No mess."
Downloading now.

846
01:00:21,627 --> 01:00:23,336
It's good. It's good.

847
01:00:26,256 --> 01:00:28,341
This is gonna take a while.

848
01:00:34,014 --> 01:00:35,765
One million and five hundred
forty seven thousand

849
01:00:35,849 --> 01:00:38,477
five hundred and three
prayer requests?

850
01:00:41,189 --> 01:00:43,273
I'd better manifest some coffee.

851
01:00:46,277 --> 01:00:48,695
Hola, Juan Valdéz.

852
01:00:49,948 --> 01:00:51,657
Buenos días.
Buenos días.

853
01:00:51,741 --> 01:00:54,618
Disfrute un buen café.
Gracias, señor.

854
01:00:54,702 --> 01:00:57,412
Adiós.
Adiós.

855
01:01:03,420 --> 01:01:07,507
Now, that's fresh mountain-grown
coffee from the hills of Colombia.

856
01:01:28,822 --> 01:01:31,573
It's good. It's good!

857
01:01:35,620 --> 01:01:39,248
Okay, I had to have made
some kind of a dent by now.

858
01:01:41,668 --> 01:01:43,419
Oh, come on!

859
01:01:45,672 --> 01:01:49,259
What a bunch of whiners. This
is gonna suck up my whole life.

860
01:01:50,928 --> 01:01:52,512
You know what?

861
01:01:55,099 --> 01:01:57,142
Yes to all!

862
01:01:58,227 --> 01:02:02,230
Yeah, there you go.
Now everybody's happy.

863
01:02:11,116 --> 01:02:15,119
I'll drink to that. My tech
stocks tripled in five days.

864
01:02:15,203 --> 01:02:17,621
You know something, Joe?
You seem taller.

865
01:02:17,706 --> 01:02:18,706
I am.

866
01:02:18,790 --> 01:02:20,207
My daughter pitched
a no-hitter.

867
01:02:20,292 --> 01:02:23,377
I lost 47 pounds
on the Krispy Kreme diet.

868
01:02:23,462 --> 01:02:26,589
Hey, there he is,
the man of the hour!

869
01:02:26,673 --> 01:02:30,634
Bless you. Bless all of you.

870
01:02:30,719 --> 01:02:34,973
Be fruitful and do long
division or something.

871
01:02:35,600 --> 01:02:37,768
Hey, try that.
It's an excellent year.

872
01:02:37,852 --> 01:02:39,561
Hey, Bruce.
Hey.

873
01:02:39,645 --> 01:02:40,854
Who do you like
in the game tonight?

874
01:02:40,938 --> 01:02:44,399
I like the Sabres. Coach
prays a lot. Okay.

875
01:02:46,778 --> 01:02:50,447
And I hear
it in the windy storm

876
01:02:50,531 --> 01:02:53,992
And I feel it in the icy dawn

877
01:02:55,204 --> 01:02:58,831
God gave me everything I want,
now, come on

878
01:02:58,916 --> 01:03:02,502
I'll give it all to you, babe

879
01:03:02,669 --> 01:03:05,254
God gave me everything I want

880
01:03:05,839 --> 01:03:08,674
Hey, this is
Bruce, Grace and Sam. Leave a message.

881
01:03:08,759 --> 01:03:10,468
Grace, are you there?

882
01:03:10,552 --> 01:03:12,053
Hello. It's me.

883
01:03:12,387 --> 01:03:14,889
Hello? Hello, hello,
hello, hello, hello.

884
01:03:14,973 --> 01:03:17,226
Come on, Grace.
Come to the party.

885
01:03:18,228 --> 01:03:19,895
I'll call you later, okay?

886
01:03:22,690 --> 01:03:24,191
Come on, Sam.

887
01:03:27,529 --> 01:03:28,570
Help me out here.

888
01:03:28,988 --> 01:03:31,073
Nature's not doing it.

889
01:03:31,157 --> 01:03:33,909
What'd you wish when you...
- Oh, Sam, don't! Come on!

890
01:03:34,035 --> 01:03:36,620
If I told
you, it might not come true.

891
01:03:36,704 --> 01:03:39,665
What is it you want, Mary?
What do you want?

892
01:03:39,750 --> 01:03:41,501
You... You want the moon?

893
01:03:41,585 --> 01:03:44,963
Just say the word, and I'll throw a
lasso around it and pull it down.

894
01:03:45,047 --> 01:03:47,298
Hey, that's a pretty good idea.

895
01:03:47,383 --> 01:03:49,843
I'll give you the moon, Mary.
I'll take it.

896
01:03:50,928 --> 01:03:52,303
Then what?

897
01:03:52,388 --> 01:03:55,974
Well, then you could swallow it,
and it'll all dissolve, see?

898
01:03:56,058 --> 01:03:59,561
The moonbeams would shoot out
of your fingers and your toes

899
01:03:59,645 --> 01:04:01,020
and the ends of your hair...

900
01:04:13,451 --> 01:04:15,911
Hey, this
is Bruce, Grace and Sam...

901
01:04:17,414 --> 01:04:18,914
Hi, Bruce.

902
01:04:21,626 --> 01:04:23,377
What are you doing in here
all alone?

903
01:04:23,461 --> 01:04:27,215
Oh, I was just gonna...
Oh, I mean...

904
01:04:30,094 --> 01:04:32,971
I was gonna give Grace a call.

905
01:04:33,055 --> 01:04:34,764
Yeah, I didn't see her in there.

906
01:04:34,849 --> 01:04:37,767
So, how are you and Grace doing?

907
01:04:37,852 --> 01:04:41,146
Well, actually,
we had a bit of a fight.

908
01:04:41,230 --> 01:04:44,065
Kind of...
I'm not sure if she's...

909
01:04:44,150 --> 01:04:45,734
You're on fire, Bruce.

910
01:04:46,736 --> 01:04:49,030
Some women
can't handle the fire.

911
01:04:49,948 --> 01:04:51,449
Some can.

912
01:04:52,117 --> 01:04:56,495
That's interesting, 'cause, you know,
I never thought we would ever talk.

913
01:05:07,341 --> 01:05:08,841
Grace!

914
01:05:15,350 --> 01:05:17,267
Everything so confusing

915
01:05:17,352 --> 01:05:21,230
You might wanna stop touching me.
Now isn't a good time. Grace!

916
01:05:21,314 --> 01:05:22,898
Maybe I'm just out of my mind

917
01:05:22,982 --> 01:05:25,984
Grace! Grace, come here!

918
01:05:26,569 --> 01:05:29,446
Grace, this is so weird.
I was just calling you.

919
01:05:29,530 --> 01:05:30,530
Oh, yeah. What?

920
01:05:30,615 --> 01:05:33,158
And you thought, like,
Susan's mouth was the phone?

921
01:05:33,243 --> 01:05:35,203
She kissed me. I didn't...
I'm the "kissee."

922
01:05:35,287 --> 01:05:36,329
Oh, please.
Grace...

923
01:05:36,413 --> 01:05:37,872
Yeah, you were putting up
a really big fight.

924
01:05:37,957 --> 01:05:40,750
I tried to fight her off. I tried to
stop her, but she's really strong.

925
01:05:40,834 --> 01:05:43,253
Okay, I screwed up.
Can I make it up to you?

926
01:05:43,337 --> 01:05:46,422
Yeah! Why don't
you get me a boat, Bruce.

927
01:05:46,507 --> 01:05:47,966
What?
Yeah, a big boat.

928
01:05:48,050 --> 01:05:52,095
And then maybe two big bags of cash.
Then... Then I'll be happy.

929
01:05:52,179 --> 01:05:54,264
Lots of money and lots of stuff.

930
01:05:54,348 --> 01:05:57,393
Other people want idiotic crap like
getting married or having babies

931
01:05:57,477 --> 01:05:59,311
with the man that
they've loved for five years.

932
01:05:59,396 --> 01:06:02,523
But not me, Bruce.
Just give me the boat.

933
01:06:02,607 --> 01:06:04,275
No wonder you stayed single!

934
01:06:04,359 --> 01:06:07,945
Oh! Grace, don't do this!
I'm not doing this.

935
01:06:08,029 --> 01:06:09,947
I'm undoing it.
I'll be at Debbie's.

936
01:06:10,031 --> 01:06:11,865
You take care of Sam
until I can make arrangements.

937
01:06:15,203 --> 01:06:17,162
You can't leave me.

938
01:06:18,707 --> 01:06:23,253
I'm the alpha, lady!
I'm the omega, baby!

939
01:06:24,422 --> 01:06:26,840
Okay, fine. I don't need you.

940
01:06:33,055 --> 01:06:37,517
What's the matter, Bruce? She can't
handle a little competition?

941
01:06:38,561 --> 01:06:40,937
The game's been called
on account of rain.

942
01:06:56,538 --> 01:07:01,167
An unusually high number of lottery
winners has New York officials concerned.

943
01:07:01,251 --> 01:07:04,045
So far, 1,100 winning tickets
have been turned in,

944
01:07:04,129 --> 01:07:06,923
all strangely
from the Buffalo area.

945
01:07:07,925 --> 01:07:09,926
More on this story
as it develops.

946
01:07:11,095 --> 01:07:12,971
Enjoying your party?

947
01:07:13,056 --> 01:07:16,266
Nothing like spending quality
time with great friends, huh?

948
01:07:18,353 --> 01:07:20,520
Grace left me.

949
01:07:20,605 --> 01:07:22,481
Yeah, I know.

950
01:07:22,565 --> 01:07:24,066
She'll take me back.

951
01:07:27,445 --> 01:07:30,948
She'll take me back, right?
Would you take you back?

952
01:07:34,703 --> 01:07:36,204
Oh.

953
01:07:36,997 --> 01:07:41,209
How do you make somebody love you
without affecting free will?

954
01:07:41,293 --> 01:07:43,419
Welcome to my world, son.

955
01:07:43,504 --> 01:07:47,048
You come up with an answer to
that one, you let me know.

956
01:07:56,309 --> 01:07:58,560
Rise and shine, Buffalo.

957
01:07:58,645 --> 01:08:02,564
It's 70 and sunny, and the
perfect day to forgive Bruce.

958
01:08:02,649 --> 01:08:05,150
I don't know much

959
01:08:06,236 --> 01:08:09,113
But I know I love you

960
01:08:12,909 --> 01:08:15,245
Bye.
Have fun.

961
01:08:15,329 --> 01:08:16,579
You got it.

962
01:08:16,664 --> 01:08:21,042
Every point
of view has another angle

963
01:08:21,669 --> 01:08:24,963
And every angle has its merit

964
01:08:25,047 --> 01:08:28,508
And do you ever feel

965
01:08:29,009 --> 01:08:32,512
That there is something missing

966
01:08:34,432 --> 01:08:38,936
There's a God-shaped hole
in all of us

967
01:08:39,020 --> 01:08:40,271
And the restless soul
is searching

968
01:08:40,355 --> 01:08:42,731
Hi. Can I get
a small coffee to go?

969
01:08:42,816 --> 01:08:43,941
Sure, hon. Just a sec.

970
01:08:44,025 --> 01:08:48,946
K-Tel Records brings you the
100 greatest love songs of all time.

971
01:08:49,030 --> 01:08:52,450
You'll hear such classics as
"All You Need Is Bruce."

972
01:08:52,534 --> 01:08:56,287
"If You Can't Be With The One
You Love, Then Love Bruce."

973
01:08:56,371 --> 01:08:58,747
"Do That To Bruce
One More Time."

974
01:08:58,832 --> 01:09:03,795
And who can forget that classic, "Bruce
So Horny, He Love You Long Time."

975
01:09:03,880 --> 01:09:09,176
Order today and we'll throw in at no extra
charge the video Sweatin' To Bruce.

976
01:09:09,260 --> 01:09:15,390
Just dial 1-900-4GIV HIM. That's
1-900-4GIV HIM. Do it now.

977
01:09:15,475 --> 01:09:18,852
Do you ever feel

978
01:09:18,936 --> 01:09:22,064
That there is something missing

979
01:09:24,234 --> 01:09:29,071
There's a God-shaped hole
in all of us

980
01:09:29,156 --> 01:09:33,493
And the restless soul
is searching

981
01:09:33,577 --> 01:09:38,289
There's a God-shaped hole
in all of us

982
01:09:38,373 --> 01:09:43,878
And it's a void only he can fill

983
01:09:43,962 --> 01:09:46,507
Oh, no, no, no. Honey, no. Oh, gosh,
please don't put that in your mouth.

984
01:09:46,591 --> 01:09:48,467
We don't eat that.
Oh, that's not food.

985
01:09:48,551 --> 01:09:53,222
Go to the bathroom, please. Wash out
your mouth. Wash off your hands.

986
01:09:53,306 --> 01:09:55,974
God, I swear that kid
is gonna poop an ornament.

987
01:09:56,059 --> 01:09:59,269
One more time, you're gonna
be in a lot of trouble.

988
01:10:00,271 --> 01:10:02,731
All right.
That's it! That's it!

989
01:10:03,566 --> 01:10:04,942
Hi.

990
01:10:05,693 --> 01:10:09,572
I surrender!
I surrender! I surrender.

991
01:10:13,452 --> 01:10:14,953
Hi.
Hi.

992
01:10:19,124 --> 01:10:25,380
I'm doing my first anchor tonight.
Oh, wow! That's great!

993
01:10:25,464 --> 01:10:27,215
So how have you been doing?
Good.

994
01:10:27,299 --> 01:10:29,133
Yeah?
Yeah. Good.

995
01:10:30,052 --> 01:10:33,973
Just... Debbie won the lottery.
Oh, yeah? You're kidding.

996
01:10:34,057 --> 01:10:39,562
But I guess so did 400,000 other
people, so she only won, like, $17.

997
01:10:43,024 --> 01:10:44,316
I miss you.

998
01:10:48,071 --> 01:10:49,947
Okay.

999
01:10:50,031 --> 01:10:53,868
I took the first step.
Jumped out on the ledge.

1000
01:10:55,621 --> 01:10:57,247
Feeling pretty vulnerable too.

1001
01:10:57,331 --> 01:10:58,540
I don't know
what you want me to say.

1002
01:10:58,624 --> 01:11:00,166
Just say you love me
and you want me back.

1003
01:11:00,293 --> 01:11:03,670
No, Bruce. Come on. What
about all the signs?

1004
01:11:03,754 --> 01:11:07,591
How did you know about that?
Did you talk to Debbie?

1005
01:11:07,675 --> 01:11:10,719
Look, would it help if I just
said that I was a complete ass?

1006
01:11:10,803 --> 01:11:13,471
Hey, you said "ass."
Yeah, but it's okay

1007
01:11:13,556 --> 01:11:14,848
if I'm talking about a donkey.

1008
01:11:14,890 --> 01:11:18,144
I didn't say "hole." If I said "ass"...
Wait! Wait!

1009
01:11:18,228 --> 01:11:20,396
Okay, you know what, honey?
Let's go. Let's go inside.

1010
01:11:20,480 --> 01:11:23,524
All right, kids. Everybody inside.
Time to go inside.

1011
01:11:23,609 --> 01:11:28,279
Grace, please, none of this
seems right without you.

1012
01:11:32,784 --> 01:11:34,243
Yeah, I got to go.

1013
01:11:35,078 --> 01:11:36,370
Wait!

1014
01:11:43,296 --> 01:11:44,963
How do you feel now?

1015
01:11:48,301 --> 01:11:51,094
Have you completely
lost your mind?

1016
01:11:51,220 --> 01:11:54,848
What? Are you drunk? Yeah, I'm drunk.
Drunk with power.

1017
01:12:00,021 --> 01:12:03,191
Love me. Love me.

1018
01:12:04,026 --> 01:12:07,236
Love me. Love me!

1019
01:12:09,114 --> 01:12:10,365
I did.

1020
01:12:23,253 --> 01:12:26,256
Yeah, I know, free will.
Oh, God.

1021
01:12:26,675 --> 01:12:31,136
More power outages reported today
caused by last week's meteorite strike.

1022
01:12:31,221 --> 01:12:34,973
Officials are desperately trying
to repair several transformers

1023
01:12:35,058 --> 01:12:37,351
damaged by
the ensuing electrical surge.

1024
01:12:37,435 --> 01:12:38,977
The scene nearly turned violent

1025
01:12:39,062 --> 01:12:41,397
when hundreds of
disgruntled Buffalo residents

1026
01:12:41,481 --> 01:12:44,483
protested last week's
lottery results.

1027
01:12:44,567 --> 01:12:48,029
And doomsayers are pointing to last
week's strange celestial events

1028
01:12:48,114 --> 01:12:51,199
as signs that prophesy
is now being fulfilled

1029
01:12:51,283 --> 01:12:53,618
and the world as we know it
may be coming to an end.

1030
01:12:55,287 --> 01:12:56,329
World's gone mad.

1031
01:12:56,747 --> 01:12:58,623
Bruce, 30 seconds to air.
Okay. Okay.

1032
01:12:58,708 --> 01:13:01,835
There you are. It's your big debut.
How are you feeling?

1033
01:13:01,919 --> 01:13:05,463
You know what? Fine.
Never better.

1034
01:13:05,548 --> 01:13:07,006
Show must go on, right?

1035
01:13:10,929 --> 01:13:14,724
The Sabres just won the Stanley Cup.
You're kidding me!

1036
01:13:14,808 --> 01:13:17,309
Was that tonight?
That's great, isn't it?

1037
01:13:17,394 --> 01:13:19,228
It's getting pretty crazy
out there.

1038
01:13:19,312 --> 01:13:22,064
We're gonna kick live to Fred
at the stadium, okay?

1039
01:13:22,149 --> 01:13:24,567
Five seconds to the open.
This is it.

1040
01:13:24,651 --> 01:13:26,610
You ready?
Born that way.

1041
01:13:26,695 --> 01:13:29,864
Welcome to Eyewitness News
at 6:00, with Susan Ortega,

1042
01:13:30,741 --> 01:13:32,241
Bruce Nolan,

1043
01:13:32,325 --> 01:13:35,203
Fred Donohue, sports,
Dallas Coleman, weather.

1044
01:13:35,288 --> 01:13:37,414
And now, Buffalo's
number-one news team.

1045
01:13:37,498 --> 01:13:39,624
I'm Susan Ortega.
I'm Bruce Nolan.

1046
01:13:39,709 --> 01:13:41,877
And here's what's making news.

1047
01:13:43,004 --> 01:13:45,505
What happened? What the hell happened?
We lost power.

1048
01:13:45,590 --> 01:13:47,799
Transformer's down again.
Oh, geez.

1049
01:13:47,884 --> 01:13:49,926
Ever since that
damn meteorite hit.

1050
01:13:52,013 --> 01:13:53,305
It's okay. We're back up.

1051
01:13:53,556 --> 01:13:54,556
We apologize
for the interruption.

1052
01:13:54,849 --> 01:13:56,434
And now back to the news.
Bruce.

1053
01:13:56,518 --> 01:13:57,935
Thank you, Susan.
I'm sorry.

1054
01:13:58,020 --> 01:14:00,271
We're going live
to H. S. B. C. Arena,

1055
01:14:00,355 --> 01:14:03,608
where the Buffalo Sabres
have won the Stanley Cup.

1056
01:14:03,692 --> 01:14:04,901
Great.
Fred.

1057
01:14:04,985 --> 01:14:06,861
We're about to uncork
some champagne

1058
01:14:06,945 --> 01:14:12,492
because the Sabres have won their
first championship in 22 years!

1059
01:14:14,912 --> 01:14:16,537
What in the blue blazes...

1060
01:14:16,622 --> 01:14:21,293
We'll be back with the Sabres' Stanley
Cup victory in just a hot second.

1061
01:14:21,377 --> 01:14:24,421
In other news... Bloody hell!

1062
01:14:24,547 --> 01:14:26,840
For the love of God, what is it now?
The whole booth is down.

1063
01:14:26,925 --> 01:14:31,261
No, it's not! In other news,
fighting erupted

1064
01:14:31,346 --> 01:14:36,350
in the Gaza Strip today, as
lsraelis and Palestinians...

1065
01:14:36,434 --> 01:14:37,643
Bruce.
What?

1066
01:14:37,727 --> 01:14:40,979
We've got a situation here. They're
rioting right outside the station.

1067
01:14:41,065 --> 01:14:44,359
You're kidding.
The whole town has gone crazy.

1068
01:14:49,240 --> 01:14:51,991
Come on, Bruce.
Say something.

1069
01:14:52,076 --> 01:14:55,537
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
this just in.

1070
01:14:56,247 --> 01:15:01,626
Possibly, the biggest breaking news
story this town has ever seen.

1071
01:15:08,885 --> 01:15:10,678
And I got to go.

1072
01:15:11,972 --> 01:15:13,597
I'm sorry, Jack.

1073
01:15:14,891 --> 01:15:17,101
Susan, it's all yours.

1074
01:15:20,605 --> 01:15:24,567
MAN

1075
01:15:27,446 --> 01:15:31,199
MAN

1076
01:15:35,788 --> 01:15:38,748
Come back
with my bubble gum machine!

1077
01:15:43,588 --> 01:15:48,508
The lottery sucks!
I only won 17 bucks!

1078
01:15:50,470 --> 01:15:53,180
MAN

1079
01:15:53,265 --> 01:15:56,017
Oh! Oh, no!

1080
01:16:08,155 --> 01:16:11,699
God!

1081
01:16:12,994 --> 01:16:14,453
God?

1082
01:16:15,830 --> 01:16:17,331
Are you here?

1083
01:16:20,793 --> 01:16:26,924
Hello? I need your help.
Clap on. Clap on.

1084
01:16:27,008 --> 01:16:30,719
Clap on! Clap on! Clap on!

1085
01:16:34,599 --> 01:16:35,975
Figures!

1086
01:16:39,605 --> 01:16:42,941
Well, hello there,
Bruce Almighty.

1087
01:16:45,527 --> 01:16:49,322
Not as easy as it looks, is it, son?
This God business.

1088
01:16:50,282 --> 01:16:52,033
They're all out of control.

1089
01:16:52,952 --> 01:16:55,662
It's mayhem.
I don't know what to do.

1090
01:16:55,746 --> 01:16:58,707
Well, you're
right on time, 7:00.

1091
01:17:01,795 --> 01:17:03,587
The seventh at 7:00.

1092
01:17:18,311 --> 01:17:20,772
All righty then.

1093
01:17:22,858 --> 01:17:26,403
There we are.
It's good. It's good!

1094
01:17:28,030 --> 01:17:29,906
It's a wonderful thing.

1095
01:17:29,991 --> 01:17:34,786
No matter how filthy something gets,
you can always clean it right up.

1096
01:17:36,038 --> 01:17:39,124
There were so many, I just gave
them all what they wanted.

1097
01:17:39,208 --> 01:17:40,417
Yeah.

1098
01:17:41,627 --> 01:17:45,297
But since when does anyone have
a clue about what they want?

1099
01:17:47,968 --> 01:17:50,136
So what do I do?

1100
01:17:53,265 --> 01:17:56,809
Parting your soup is not a miracle, Bruce.
It's a magic trick.

1101
01:17:58,395 --> 01:18:00,896
A single mom
who's working two jobs

1102
01:18:00,981 --> 01:18:03,774
and still finds time to take
her kid to soccer practice,

1103
01:18:03,859 --> 01:18:05,359
that's a miracle.

1104
01:18:05,444 --> 01:18:07,320
A teenager who says no to drugs

1105
01:18:07,405 --> 01:18:11,116
and yes to an education,
that's a miracle.

1106
01:18:12,785 --> 01:18:14,828
People want me
to do everything for them.

1107
01:18:14,912 --> 01:18:18,248
But what they don't realize
is they have the power.

1108
01:18:19,417 --> 01:18:23,462
You wanna see a miracle, son?
Be the miracle.

1109
01:18:27,633 --> 01:18:29,469
Wait. Are you leaving?

1110
01:18:30,471 --> 01:18:33,306
Yeah. I see that
you can handle things now.

1111
01:18:33,390 --> 01:18:36,476
But what if I need you.
What if I have questions?

1112
01:18:36,560 --> 01:18:40,897
That's your problem, Bruce.
That's everybody's problem.

1113
01:18:40,981 --> 01:18:42,482
You keep looking up.

1114
01:18:46,945 --> 01:18:51,074
Order has been restored in Buffalo
after this evening's downtown riot.

1115
01:18:51,158 --> 01:18:55,996
State officials have suspended all lottery
sales pending further investigation.

1116
01:18:56,081 --> 01:19:00,042
No injuries were reported in the
melee, however, there were dozens...

1117
01:19:39,126 --> 01:19:43,504
I've got to
be honest I think you know

1118
01:19:44,047 --> 01:19:48,509
We're covered in lies
and that's okay

1119
01:19:48,593 --> 01:19:49,635
Okay.

1120
01:19:49,719 --> 01:19:51,679
There's somewhere
beyond this I know

1121
01:19:51,763 --> 01:19:53,806
Well, thanks a million.
Oh, not a problem.

1122
01:19:53,890 --> 01:19:55,099
God bless.

1123
01:19:55,183 --> 01:19:57,726
Hope I can find the words to say

1124
01:19:59,062 --> 01:20:00,647
Never again, no

1125
01:20:00,731 --> 01:20:04,651
Bruce giveth
and Bruce taketh away.

1126
01:20:04,735 --> 01:20:07,654
If you don't like it,
megabyte me.

1127
01:20:07,738 --> 01:20:12,576
'Cause you're a god and I am not

1128
01:20:12,660 --> 01:20:16,163
And I just thought
that you would know

1129
01:20:16,247 --> 01:20:18,790
Evan.
Bruce.

1130
01:20:21,377 --> 01:20:24,130
I suppose you're here to gloat
about the anchor position.

1131
01:20:24,214 --> 01:20:28,092
Go ahead. Take your best shot.
Actually, I...

1132
01:20:29,887 --> 01:20:33,181
I just came to tell you
that I've been a royal prick.

1133
01:20:33,265 --> 01:20:36,809
The anchor position is yours.
I turned down the job.

1134
01:20:36,894 --> 01:20:39,979
Oh, and I never really congratulated
you in the first place.

1135
01:20:41,273 --> 01:20:42,607
Congratulations.

1136
01:20:42,691 --> 01:20:45,568
'Cause you're a God and I am not

1137
01:20:45,652 --> 01:20:47,404
Thanks, Bruce.

1138
01:20:47,488 --> 01:20:50,407
In the financial world, things
are settling back to normal

1139
01:20:50,491 --> 01:20:53,702
in what analysts are calling
a fluke market fluctuation.

1140
01:20:53,786 --> 01:20:56,538
You made the right move, Jack.
So what about you?

1141
01:20:56,623 --> 01:20:58,749
Are you ready
to go back out there?

1142
01:20:59,667 --> 01:21:02,502
And do the cutesy stuff?
The lighter side of the news?

1143
01:21:02,587 --> 01:21:06,506
Lower and debase myself for the
amusement of total strangers?

1144
01:21:06,633 --> 01:21:10,094
Yeah, I could do that.
Sounds like fun. Good.

1145
01:21:11,347 --> 01:21:14,849
Okay, Sammy, let's do it right,
like all the other dogs.

1146
01:21:14,934 --> 01:21:17,393
I don't wanna make you feel bad,
but they're laughing at you.

1147
01:21:17,478 --> 01:21:18,603
They're laughing at you.

1148
01:21:18,687 --> 01:21:23,024
Come on. Concentrate. There you go.
Come on. Pump it out if you have to.

1149
01:21:23,108 --> 01:21:24,984
What am I gonna do with you?

1150
01:21:27,947 --> 01:21:30,573
I know this seems kind of crazy,

1151
01:21:30,658 --> 01:21:35,204
but desperate times
calls for desperate measures.

1152
01:21:35,288 --> 01:21:38,916
Yeah. Okay. Okay, Sammy.

1153
01:21:39,000 --> 01:21:40,751
Do your thing.

1154
01:21:40,835 --> 01:21:44,755
That's it. That's it.
Good boy!

1155
01:21:46,466 --> 01:21:47,883
Training my dog.

1156
01:21:49,761 --> 01:21:54,808
'Cause you're a God and I am not

1157
01:21:54,892 --> 01:21:59,562
And I just thought
that you would know

1158
01:21:59,647 --> 01:22:04,442
You're a God and I am not

1159
01:22:04,527 --> 01:22:07,946
And I just thought
I'd let you go

1160
01:22:08,030 --> 01:22:11,783
Yes, we did it! We did it!

1161
01:22:11,909 --> 01:22:14,035
Bow-wow-wow Yippee-yo, yippee-yay.

1162
01:22:14,120 --> 01:22:16,913
We're doing it doggy style.

1163
01:22:18,792 --> 01:22:23,045
I'll alert Penthouse Forum.
Hi, Deb. How are you?

1164
01:22:23,880 --> 01:22:25,172
How's Grace?

1165
01:22:25,257 --> 01:22:28,050
I really didn't come to chat, okay, Bruce?
I came for Grace's stuff.

1166
01:22:34,224 --> 01:22:37,685
You need...
No, it's okay. I've got it.

1167
01:22:44,569 --> 01:22:48,739
I don't... I don't know if she... I
don't know if she wants that or not.

1168
01:22:52,827 --> 01:22:55,787
This is full.
You did all this?

1169
01:23:07,176 --> 01:23:09,344
You know what I do every night
before I go to bed?

1170
01:23:09,428 --> 01:23:13,598
I tuck my kids in, maybe have a
scoop of ice cream and watch Conan.

1171
01:23:15,142 --> 01:23:16,768
You know what Grace does?

1172
01:23:18,270 --> 01:23:19,771
She prays.

1173
01:23:21,940 --> 01:23:23,524
Most of the time for you.

1174
01:23:45,632 --> 01:23:48,802
Find Grace Connelly.

1175
01:23:52,139 --> 01:23:53,848
The woman does pray a lot.

1176
01:23:55,518 --> 01:23:58,937
Find Grace, then Bruce.

1177
01:23:59,939 --> 01:24:04,401
"Dear God, please help Bruce find
himself, find contentment, find you.

1178
01:24:04,485 --> 01:24:07,987
"Dear God, please help Bruce.
He seems to be struggling.

1179
01:24:08,072 --> 01:24:10,073
"Dear God,
give Bruce strength."

1180
01:24:10,157 --> 01:24:11,700
"Dear God, bless Bruce."

1181
01:24:11,785 --> 01:24:13,327
Bruce. Bruce. Bruce.

1182
01:24:16,998 --> 01:24:18,416
It's her.

1183
01:24:19,251 --> 01:24:23,003
Sammy, it's her. She's logging on.
She's praying right now.

1184
01:24:24,923 --> 01:24:26,340
Grace.

1185
01:24:30,011 --> 01:24:31,846
Please, God.

1186
01:24:33,432 --> 01:24:36,893
Please. I still love him.

1187
01:24:39,188 --> 01:24:41,773
But I don't wanna
love him anymore.

1188
01:24:42,400 --> 01:24:45,318
I don't wanna hurt anymore.
Please.

1189
01:24:45,403 --> 01:24:47,028
Help me forget.

1190
01:24:48,114 --> 01:24:54,286
Please help me let him go.

1191
01:25:15,058 --> 01:25:16,476
You win!

1192
01:25:17,936 --> 01:25:19,646
I'm done!

1193
01:25:19,731 --> 01:25:23,275
Please, I don't wanna
do this anymore.

1194
01:25:24,569 --> 01:25:26,737
I don't wanna be God.

1195
01:25:27,363 --> 01:25:30,282
I want you to decide
what's right for me.

1196
01:25:30,783 --> 01:25:33,619
I surrender to your will!

1197
01:26:04,109 --> 01:26:05,277
Am I...

1198
01:26:05,362 --> 01:26:07,029
You can't kneel down
in the middle of a highway

1199
01:26:07,113 --> 01:26:09,406
and live to talk about it, son.

1200
01:26:09,908 --> 01:26:11,450
But why?

1201
01:26:12,786 --> 01:26:14,495
Why now?

1202
01:26:14,579 --> 01:26:19,333
Bruce, you have a divine spark.

1203
01:26:20,085 --> 01:26:23,963
You have the gift for bringing
joy and laughter to the world.

1204
01:26:25,131 --> 01:26:27,299
I know. I created you.

1205
01:26:28,803 --> 01:26:29,844
Quit bragging.

1206
01:26:29,929 --> 01:26:33,431
See. That's... That's
what I'm talking about.

1207
01:26:33,516 --> 01:26:35,392
That's the spark.

1208
01:26:40,523 --> 01:26:42,399
What do you want me to do?

1209
01:26:43,651 --> 01:26:46,069
I want you to pray, son.

1210
01:26:46,153 --> 01:26:48,780
Go ahead. Use them.

1211
01:26:55,163 --> 01:26:58,499
Lord, feed the hungry.

1212
01:26:58,584 --> 01:27:03,004
And bring peace to

1213
01:27:03,088 --> 01:27:05,339
all of mankind.

1214
01:27:07,342 --> 01:27:09,677
How's that?
Great.

1215
01:27:09,761 --> 01:27:12,680
If you wanna be Miss America.

1216
01:27:12,764 --> 01:27:16,310
Now, come on.
What do you really care about?

1217
01:27:20,815 --> 01:27:22,399
Grace.

1218
01:27:23,192 --> 01:27:26,695
Grace. You want her back?

1219
01:27:32,660 --> 01:27:34,119
No.

1220
01:27:35,872 --> 01:27:38,082
I want her to be happy.

1221
01:27:40,252 --> 01:27:42,420
No matter what that means.

1222
01:27:42,504 --> 01:27:45,214
I want her to find someone

1223
01:27:45,299 --> 01:27:47,967
who will treat her

1224
01:27:48,052 --> 01:27:50,845
with all the love

1225
01:27:50,929 --> 01:27:53,222
she deserved from me.

1226
01:27:55,434 --> 01:27:57,727
I want her to meet someone

1227
01:28:02,984 --> 01:28:06,028
who will see her always

1228
01:28:06,112 --> 01:28:08,572
as I do now

1229
01:28:12,911 --> 01:28:14,745
through your eyes.

1230
01:28:15,747 --> 01:28:18,999
Now, that's a prayer.
Yeah?

1231
01:28:19,668 --> 01:28:21,210
Yeah.

1232
01:28:21,921 --> 01:28:25,006
It's good.
It's good.

1233
01:28:25,091 --> 01:28:26,716
It's good!

1234
01:28:28,302 --> 01:28:30,261
I'm gonna get right on it.

1235
01:28:31,430 --> 01:28:33,139
Clear!
Whoa!

1236
01:28:33,224 --> 01:28:35,684
That didn't feel very good.
Clear!

1237
01:28:36,769 --> 01:28:38,645
Got a rhythm.

1238
01:28:38,729 --> 01:28:40,605
All right. I got a pulse.
All right. Let's set him up.

1239
01:28:40,690 --> 01:28:43,233
Yeah. Get the backboard
and brace.

1240
01:28:46,947 --> 01:28:48,489
Bruce?

1241
01:28:50,450 --> 01:28:51,742
Bruce?

1242
01:28:53,412 --> 01:28:54,870
Welcome back.

1243
01:28:55,789 --> 01:28:59,834
You're lucky to be alive, son.
Someone up there must like you.

1244
01:29:15,226 --> 01:29:18,562
I hear all that stuff winds
up in a warehouse somewhere.

1245
01:29:21,983 --> 01:29:23,817
Grace.

1246
01:29:25,445 --> 01:29:27,154
Hi, baby.

1247
01:29:29,157 --> 01:29:32,410
Oh. Oh, my God,
look at you.

1248
01:29:33,495 --> 01:29:37,081
I was such an idiot.
It's okay.

1249
01:29:37,166 --> 01:29:40,668
It's okay.

1250
01:29:43,881 --> 01:29:47,258
I don't know
what I would have done.

1251
01:29:47,342 --> 01:29:52,013
Oh, God. I swear I wanted
to be mad at you forever.

1252
01:30:04,194 --> 01:30:06,487
Now you're just showing off.

1253
01:30:17,541 --> 01:30:21,836
This is Bruce Nolan here at Buffalo's
First-Annual "Be the Miracle" Blood Drive.

1254
01:30:21,921 --> 01:30:25,882
It's a B-E-A-utiful day,
so come on down here.

1255
01:30:25,966 --> 01:30:28,551
Because the life you save
could be mine.

1256
01:30:28,636 --> 01:30:32,138
Let's go over here, where the Kowolskis
have baked a very special cookie

1257
01:30:32,223 --> 01:30:33,598
just for this occasion.

1258
01:30:33,682 --> 01:30:36,768
Sure, it's a little creepy and a
shameless plug, but we love them.

1259
01:30:36,852 --> 01:30:39,897
Thank you, Mama.
Vol, finger... lose.

1260
01:30:41,066 --> 01:30:43,651
I myself, will have given
blood twice this week.

1261
01:30:43,735 --> 01:30:45,986
For those of you
who haven't heard,

1262
01:30:46,071 --> 01:30:51,617
I'd like to introduce you to the
future Mrs. Exclusive, Grace Connelly.

1263
01:30:51,701 --> 01:30:56,247
There she is. Look at her!
Isn't she beautiful?

1264
01:30:57,541 --> 01:31:01,628
She just gave blood, and she still
has enough left to fill up her face.

1265
01:31:01,712 --> 01:31:05,674
Yes, behind every great man, there's
a woman rolling her eyes, folks.

1266
01:31:05,758 --> 01:31:07,509
I'm Bruce Nolan
for Eyewitness News,

1267
01:31:07,593 --> 01:31:10,595
with all the folks down here at the
blood drive, reminding you to...

1268
01:31:10,680 --> 01:31:13,723
Be the miracle!

1269
01:31:14,433 --> 01:31:15,851
You heard them.

1270
01:31:15,935 --> 01:31:19,563
Okay, cut it. Thank you, Bruce.
Thanks, Ally.

1271
01:31:20,857 --> 01:31:24,192
Hey. How was that?
That was great.

1272
01:31:24,278 --> 01:31:26,028
Yeah?
That was really great.

1273
01:31:26,113 --> 01:31:28,197
Now, you still have to go over there.
The nurse is waiting.

1274
01:31:28,282 --> 01:31:30,867
Oh, do I have to?
Oh, it's not gonna hurt.

1275
01:31:30,951 --> 01:31:33,536
In fact, I think you'll
find it quite pleasurable.

1276
01:31:33,620 --> 01:31:34,996
Ooh, baby.

1277
01:31:59,272 --> 01:32:01,356
Are you ready for a miracle?

1278
01:32:01,441 --> 01:32:03,609
Ready as I can be

1279
01:32:03,693 --> 01:32:07,195
Are you ready for a miracle?
It's ready to set you free

1280
01:32:07,280 --> 01:32:12,452
Are you ready?
Ready

1281
01:32:12,536 --> 01:32:15,955
Are you ready for a miracle?

1282
01:32:16,040 --> 01:32:20,668
Oh

1283
01:32:20,753 --> 01:32:23,421
Are you ready?

1284
01:32:23,505 --> 01:32:26,090
Ready for a miracle
Ready, ready, yes, I am

1285
01:32:26,175 --> 01:32:28,426
Are you ready, are you ready
Yes, I am

1286
01:32:28,510 --> 01:32:30,887
Are you ready for a miracle?
Yes

1287
01:32:33,016 --> 01:32:38,020
Who can take a
rainbow, wrap it in a sigh?

1288
01:32:38,104 --> 01:32:43,400
Soak it in the sun
and make a groovy lemon pie

1289
01:32:43,485 --> 01:32:46,570
Oompah.
Loompah.

1290
01:32:47,447 --> 01:32:50,783
Doompah. Oh, geez.

1291
01:32:52,869 --> 01:32:53,953
I'm sorry.

1292
01:32:54,037 --> 01:32:57,374
I'm a very rare blood type.
I'm A. B. Positive.

1293
01:32:58,834 --> 01:33:00,418
Sounds delicious.

1294
01:33:04,006 --> 01:33:06,841
Yeah, well, there, you know, there
are storehouses all over the world.

1295
01:33:06,926 --> 01:33:09,844
You know, all over the...
With tons of stuff on ice.

1296
01:33:09,929 --> 01:33:12,889
And it's... Sorry.
You're like this.

1297
01:33:12,974 --> 01:33:15,767
Sorry. Go on.
Okay.

1298
01:33:15,851 --> 01:33:18,186
Positive. I. B. Positive.
Okay, sorry.

1299
01:33:18,271 --> 01:33:20,815
I have a "rarey"...
Oh!

1300
01:33:21,733 --> 01:33:24,151
She has a "rarey." Okay.

1301
01:33:24,236 --> 01:33:26,654
Well, they need my blood.
I have a very rare blood type.

1302
01:33:26,738 --> 01:33:29,573
I'm A. B. Negative.
I'm I. B. Positive.

1303
01:33:29,700 --> 01:33:33,202
Am I A. B. Negative or am I... I
don't know what you are anymore.

1304
01:33:33,286 --> 01:33:36,539
I'm gonna need a fricking
miracle to get to work on time.

1305
01:33:49,429 --> 01:33:50,554
Shit.

1306
01:33:54,142 --> 01:33:55,267
Shit!

1307
01:33:59,772 --> 01:34:00,981
That won't work.

1308
01:34:01,274 --> 01:34:02,524
Other stories in the...

1309
01:34:09,575 --> 01:34:12,869
The prime minister of Sweden
visited Washington today.

1310
01:34:12,953 --> 01:34:14,454
And in other...

1311
01:34:18,250 --> 01:34:19,625
In other...

1312
01:34:21,628 --> 01:34:23,296
In other news...

1313
01:34:27,761 --> 01:34:30,471
I'm Bruce Nolan
for Eyewitness No...

1314
01:34:32,807 --> 01:34:36,477
Eyewitness Nose.
Okay, and clear.

1315
01:34:38,063 --> 01:34:41,732
Be the miracle.
That's right.