1
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:39,413
There's a bunch of birds in the sky

2
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:45,502
And some deers just went running by

3
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:48,630
Oh, the snow's pure and white

4
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:53,260
On the earth, rich and brown

5
00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:56,513
Just another Sunday morning

6
00:00:56,598 --> 00:01:01,894
In my quiet mountain town

7
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,441
The sun is shining
and the grass is green

8
00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:09,735
Under the three feet of snow, I mean

9
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:13,238
This is the day
when it's hard to wear a frown

10
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,491
All the happy people stop to say hello

11
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:16,575
Get out of my way!

12
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,452
Even though the temperature's low

13
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:23,290
It's a perfect Sunday morning
in my quiet little mountain town

14
00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:24,750
Well, good morning, Stan.

15
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,211
Mom, can I have $8 to see a movie?
A movie?

16
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:30,175
Yeah, it's gonna be the best movie ever!
It's a foreign film from Canada!

17
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,340
All right, here you go.

18
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:34,051
But be back for supper.
Thanks, Mom.

19
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,428
Oh, what a picture-perfect child

20
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,764
Just like Jesus, he's tender and mild

21
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:42,351
He'd wear a smile
while he wore a thorny crown

22
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,145
What an angel
with a heart so sweet and sure

23
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,397
And a mind so open and pure

24
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:51,860
Thank God we live in this quiet
redneck mountain town

25
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,238
Dude! Dude, wake up!

26
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,867
Kenny, come on!

27
00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:02,454
Kenny, the Terrance and Phillip
movie is out. You wanna come?

28
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,583
Where do you think you're going?

29
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,586
You can't! You have to go to church!

30
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,714
Well, fine,
you go ahead and miss church!

31
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,927
And then when you die and go to hell,
you can answer to Satan!

32
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:20,389
You can see your breath
hanging in the air

33
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,474
You see homeless people
but you just don't care

34
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:26,395
It's a sea of smiles
in which we'd be glad to drown

35
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,651
That's right It's Sunday morning

36
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:36,989
In our quiet little white-bread
redneck mountain town

37
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,243
Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!
Don't kick the baby.

38
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,911
Kick the baby.

39
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:48,667
Ike, you broke another window!
That's a bad baby! Bad baby!

40
00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:51,378
Kyle, we're going to
the Terrance and Phillip movie!

41
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:52,546
Oh, my God, dude!

42
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:55,507
Kyle, where are you going?
We're going ice skating.

43
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,342
Well, take your little brother
out with you.

44
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,507
Oh, Mom. He's not even my real brother.
He's adopted!

45
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,762
Do as I say, Kyle!

46
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,723
Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!

47
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:08,604
Look at those frail and fragile boys
It really gets me down

48
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:13,025
The world is such a rotten place
and city life's a complete disgrace

49
00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:15,527
That's why I moved
to this redneck, meshugana

50
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:21,158
Quiet mountain town

51
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,452
Ike! Bad baby!

52
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,704
This program is brought to you
by Snacky Smores,

53
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,873
the creamy fun of smores
in a delightful cookie crunch.

54
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,708
Mom! Somebody's at the door!

55
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,169
Coming, hon.
I can't see the TV!

56
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,421
It's been six weeks since
Saddam Hussein was killed

57
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:35,714
by a pack of wild boars

58
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,591
and the world is still glad
to be rid of him.

59
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:40,469
Look, Eric, it's your little friends.
Spider-Man!

60
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,763
What are you guys doing here?

61
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:45,641
Sweet, dude! Yes! Yes!

62
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,560
Off to the movies we shall go

63
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,230
Where we learn everything
that we know

64
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:55,317
'Cause the movies teach us
what our parents don't have time to say

65
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:58,237
And this movie's gonna make
our lives complete

66
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,530
'Cause Terrance and Phillip
are sweet

67
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:01,615
Super sweet.

68
00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:06,495
Thank God we live in the quiet
little redneck, Podunk, white-trash

69
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:11,291
U.S.A.

70
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:15,003
Can I have five tickets to
Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire?

71
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,129
No.

72
00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,132
What do you mean, no?

73
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,301
Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire
has been rated R

74
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,303
by the Motion Picture
Association of America.

75
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,389
You have to be accompanied
by a parent or guardian.

76
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:26,765
But why?
Because this movie

77
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:27,849
has naughty language!

78
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,559
Next, please.

79
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,230
This can't be happening!
We have to see this movie, dude!

80
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,107
Screw it!
It probably isn't all that good anyway.

81
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,484
Cartman, what are you talking about?
You love Terrance and Phillip!

82
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:40,237
Yeah, but the animations all crappy.

83
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,407
Wait, I've got an idea!

84
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:47,119
Hi, I want six tickets to Asses of Fire.

85
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,579
This movie might not be
appropriate for your little ones.

86
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,873
Hey, he says this movie
isn't appropriate for you.

87
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,959
Look, Mr. Homeless Guy,
if you don't wanna buy us tickets

88
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,295
and not get your 10 bucks and
not go buy yourself a bottle of vodka,

89
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:57,379
then be my guest.

90
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,256
Six tickets, please.

91
00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,761
Let me have some candy, Cartman.
Let's see.

92
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,388
Nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.

93
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:09,516
Like you really need all that
chocolate, fat boy!

94
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,476
The movie's starting.

95
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:16,356
Hooray!

96
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,358
Say, Terrance,
what did the Spanish priest

97
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,277
say to the Iranian gynecologist?

98
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,529
I don't know, Phillip. What?

99
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,158
Where do they come up with this stuff?

100
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:28,869
You're such a pig fucker, Phillip!

101
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:29,995
What did he say?

102
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,414
Terrance,
why would you call me a pig fucker?

103
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:35,292
Let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.

104
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,752
Oh, yeah!

105
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,921
Yeah. Fuck my ass and call me a bitch!

106
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,467
You shit-faced cockmaster!
Wow!

107
00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:45,427
"Shit-faced cockmaster."

108
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,179
Listen, you donkey-raping shit-eater!

109
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,348
"Donkey-raping shit-eater."

110
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:53,769
You'd fuck your uncle.
You'd fuck your uncle!

111
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,605
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka

112
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,441
You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking
uncle fucka

113
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,527
You're an uncle fucka, yes, it's true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you

114
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,030
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka

115
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,991
You're the one that fucked your uncle
Uncle fucka

116
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:12,704
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn
You just fuck your uncle all day long

117
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,800
What's going on here?

118
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,095
What garbage.

119
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:31,098
Well, what do you expect?
They're Canadian.

120
00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:38,397
Uncle fucka! Uncle fucka!
Uncle fucka!

121
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,817
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka

122
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,611
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka

123
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,196
You're an uncle fucka, I must say

124
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,198
You fucked your uncle yesterday

125
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:49,491
Uncle fucka

126
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,785
That's U-N-C-L-E

127
00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:54,621
Fuck you, uncle fucka!

128
00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:55,747
Suck my balls.

129
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,254
Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!

130
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,089
You bet your fucking ass it was!

131
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,924
Fuck, dude, I wanna be
just like Terrance and Phillip.

132
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,427
Hey, wait a minute!
Where's your guardian?

133
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:12,305
I knew it! You paid a homeless guy
to get you in, didn't you?

134
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:16,059
Fuck off, you donkey-raping shit-eater!
Yeah!

135
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,270
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka

136
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,022
You're an ass-licking, ball-sucking
uncle fucka

137
00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:31,867
Hey, where have you guys been all day?

138
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:35,912
Nowhere. We just went to go see
the Terrance and Phillip movie.

139
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,414
You saw it?
How'd you get in?

140
00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,375
Hey, stop crowding us,
you shit-faced cockmasters!

141
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,626
Wow.

142
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:45,172
Yeah. You're all a bunch of
ass-ramming uncle fuckers.

143
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,132
We have got to see this movie, dude.

144
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,802
Terrance and Phillip are Canadian,
just like my brother.

145
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,806
There's the girl that I like

146
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,975
Hey, Stan, tell them about
when Terrance called Phillip

147
00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:58,643
a testicle-shitting rectal wart.

148
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:02,105
Now more than ever
she gives me butterflies

149
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,859
It makes my stomach queasy
every time she walks by

150
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,569
Asshole, I'm talking to you.

151
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,780
I know I can be cool if I try

152
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,574
Hi, Stan.

153
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,075
Gross!

154
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,829
Come, Wendy.
Let us try to jump the hilly brush.

155
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,831
Who are you, kid?
My name is Gregory.

156
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:23,210
I just transferred from Yardale,
where I had a 4.0 grade point average.

157
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,544
Wanna skate with us?

158
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:25,670
We've been skating all morning

159
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:28,632
and laughing
and talking of memories past.

160
00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,717
We saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.

161
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,762
Try and catch me, Wendy.

162
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,097
Bye, Stan.

163
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,853
Yes, yes,
I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.

164
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,855
Who wants to touch me?

165
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,608
I said who wants to fucking touch me?

166
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:51,947
Come on, gang! We've gotta see
the Terrance and Phillip movie, too!

167
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,825
I hate you, Kenny.

168
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,916
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka

169
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,127
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka...

170
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:10,924
Okay, children, let's take our seats.
We have a lot to learn today.

171
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,301
We sure do, Mr. Hat.

172
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:16,721
Okay, children. Let's start the day
with a few new math problems.

173
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,723
What is five times two?

174
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:23,770
Come on, children. Don't be shy.
Just give it your best shot.

175
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,397
Yes, Clyde?
Twelve?

176
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,232
Okay. Now let's try to get an answer

177
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,568
from someone
who's not a complete retard.

178
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,987
Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.

179
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:34,573
I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison.

180
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,450
Shut up, fat boy!
Hey! Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!

181
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,661
Eric, did you just say the "F" word?

182
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,705
Jew?
No. He's talking about "fuck."

183
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,415
You can't say "fuck" in school,
you fucking fat-ass!

184
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:44,958
Kyle!
Why the fuck not?

185
00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,751
Eric!
Dude, you just said "fuck" again!

186
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,044
Stanley!

187
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,379
Kenny!
What's the big deal?

188
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,590
It doesn't hurt anybody.
Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.

189
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:54,134
How would you like to go
see the school counselor?

190
00:09:54,218 --> 00:09:56,845
How would you like to suck my balls?

191
00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,139
What did you say?

192
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:02,517
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Actually, what I said was...

193
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:07,647
How would you like to suck my balls,
Mr. Garrison?

194
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,066
Holy shit, dude.

195
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,989
Well, I must say, I'm very disappointed
in you boys, OK?

196
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:17,699
You should be ashamed of yourselves.

197
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,284
And I've already called in
your mothers...

198
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:21,119
You called my mom?
That's right.

199
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,830
Oh, no, dude!
Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question?

200
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:24,956
OK. What?

201
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,459
What's the big fucking deal, bitch?
Yeah.

202
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:31,129
Now I wanna know where you heard
these horrific obscenities, OK?

203
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,213
Nowhere.

204
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,215
We heard them from Mr. Garrison
a few times before.

205
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,925
Yeah.
Boys, I seriously doubt

206
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,969
that Mr. Garrison ever said,

207
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:41,056
"Eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker."

208
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,850
Sweet.

209
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,898
Thank you all for coming
on such short notice.

210
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,483
This just isn't like you, Stanley.

211
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,944
What did my son say, Mr. Mackey?
Did he say the "S" word?

212
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,697
No, it was worse than that.
The "F" word?

213
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:01,326
Well, here's a short list of the things
they've been saying, OK?

214
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:04,329
Dear God!
What the heck is a rim job?

215
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,164
Why that's when you put your legs
behind your head

216
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,583
and have someone lick your ass.

217
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,671
Young man, you will tell
Mr. Mackey this instant

218
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,506
where you heard
all these horrible phrases!

219
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:15,715
I... I...

220
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,175
We can't tell you.
We all took a sacred oath

221
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,343
and swore ourselves to secrecy.

222
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,011
It was the Terrance and Phillip movie.
Dude!

223
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,856
What? Fuck you guys!
I wanna get out of here!

224
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,015
Terrance and Phillip?
Those Canadians?

225
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,184
Excuse me,
what the heck is Terrance and Phillip?

226
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:29,813
Terrance and Phillip are two very
untalented actors from Canada.

227
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:32,232
Nothing but foul language
and toilet humor.

228
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:34,818
Well, I guess I'll have to send
a warning letter out to parents

229
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,861
before more children
see Terrance and Phillip.

230
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,571
Everybody's fucking seen it!
Eric!

231
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:39,906
I'm sorry, I can't help myself.

232
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,075
That movie has warped
my fragile little mind.

233
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,835
There's the girl that I like

234
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,548
Over there laughing
with that smart new...

235
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:59,384
You're holding up
the goddamn lunch line!

236
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,928
Hello there, children.
Hey, Chef.

237
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,346
How's it going?
Bad.

238
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,432
Why bad?
We got busted for swearing.

239
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,934
Our moms say we can't ever see
the Terrance and Phillip movie again!

240
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,060
That's too bad.

241
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,562
You should've seen Kyle
when his mom showed up.

242
00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:11,980
He was scared out of his mind.

243
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,107
Shut up, Cartman!
No, dude. I'd be scared, too.

244
00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:15,271
Your mom's a fucking bitch.

245
00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:16,985
Don't call my mom a bitch, you fat fuck!

246
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,069
Don't call me fat,
you butt-fucking son of a bitch!

247
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,614
Whoa, children,
where did you learn to talk like that?

248
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:23,241
It's pretty fucking sweet, huh?

249
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:26,453
Chef, how do you make a woman
like you more than any other guy?

250
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:27,579
That's easy.

251
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:30,498
You just gotta find the clitoris.
Huh?

252
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,001
What does that mean,
"Find the clitoris"?

253
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,294
Forget I said anything.

254
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:36,463
Move along, children,
you're holding up the line.

255
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,590
You guys, do you know
where I can find the clitoris?

256
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:39,716
The what?

257
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,676
What, is that like finding Jesus
or something?

258
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,844
Attention, students.

259
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:46,139
We are now enforcing a new dress code
at South Park Elementary.

260
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:49,434
Terrance and Phillip shirts
are no longer allowed in school.

261
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,311
Anyone wearing
a Terrance and Phillip shirt

262
00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:54,063
is to be sent home immediately.

263
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,356
Hooray!
Hooray!

264
00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,821
The R-rated Canadian film
Asses of Fire

265
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,531
is number one at the box office.

266
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,617
But is the film
destroying American youth?

267
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,077
Here with a special report
is a midget in a bikini.

268
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,580
Thanks, Tom. It appears that the effects

269
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,123
of the Canadian comedy
are far-reaching indeed.

270
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,501
All over America,
children seem to be influenced,

271
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,711
like at this spelling bee in Washington.

272
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:21,299
All right. This is for the silver medal.
Spell "forensics."

273
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,510
Fuck that! Why should I fucking
have to spell "forensics"?

274
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:24,677
Yeah.
Yeah.

275
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:28,765
Here you go. S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S.
Forensics.

276
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:31,976
Tom, the devastating impact
of the Canadian duo

277
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:36,189
can also be seen with their new hit song
Shut Your Fucking Face, Uncle Fucka.

278
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:39,108
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka

279
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:42,779
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka

280
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:45,740
Thought I told you that
we won't stop

281
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,326
Back to you, Tom.
Thanks, midget.

282
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:49,410
Shocking report.

283
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,996
The controversy began in the small
mountain town of South Park

284
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,499
where the local PTA
is trying to ban the movie.

285
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:57,585
With us tonight is the head of the PTA,
Sheila Broflovski.

286
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,171
Hello, Tom.
And the Canadian Minister of Movies.

287
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,506
Thanks for having me, buddy.

288
00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:02,830
Minister, parents are concerned

289
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,884
about your country's entertainment.
Your thoughts?

290
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,303
Well, the film is R-rated
and is not intended for children.

291
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,347
But of course children are gonna see it!

292
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,015
Can I finish?
The fact is that we Canadians

293
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,058
are quite surprised by your outrage.

294
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,019
You just don't care!
Can I finish? Hello? Can I finish?

295
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,856
The United States has graphic violence
on television all the time.

296
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,023
We can't believe that a movie

297
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,567
with some foul language
would piss you off so much.

298
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:24,320
Because it's evil!
Can I finish? Please! Can I finish?

299
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,406
Okay, I'm finished.

300
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:28,366
But, Mr. Minister, it isn't like this film

301
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,326
is the first troublesome thing
to come out of Canada.

302
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,995
Let us not forget Bryan Adams.

303
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,663
Now, now. The Canadian government
has apologized

304
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:35,164
for Bryan Adams on several occasions.

305
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,708
You Canadians are all the same,

306
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,877
with your beady little eyes
and flapping heads!

307
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,962
You're trash.
I resent that! I find that racist!

308
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,630
Our children are now addicted
to your filth!

309
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,382
You are a racist, ma'am.
You are a racist.

310
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:45,925
It is going to take us weeks

311
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:49,262
to erase the damage
this film has done to our children!

312
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:55,727
Kids, I wanna welcome you
to rehabilitation, OK?

313
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,897
Your mothers insisted that you be taken
from your normal schoolwork

314
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,482
and placed into rehab
to learn not to swear.

315
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,234
I must say, I don't think I belong
with these rogues.

316
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:06,029
I attended school at Yardale
and had a 4.0 grade point average.

317
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,405
You're a fucking faggot, dude.

318
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,617
OK. You see, children?
This is exactly what I'm talking about.

319
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,911
We have to get you off of foul language.

320
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,747
How are we gonna do that?
Well, listen here.

321
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:18,750
There are times
when you get suckered in

322
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:22,295
By drugs and alcohol
and sex with women, OK?

323
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,923
But it's when you do these things
too much

324
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:29,677
That you've become an addict
and must get back in touch

325
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:33,348
You can do it
It's all up to you, OK?

326
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,602
With a little plan
you can change your life today

327
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,979
You don't have to spend your life
addicted to smack

328
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,273
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for crack

329
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,276
Follow my plan
and very soon you will say

330
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,445
"It's easy, OK?"

331
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,281
Step one, instead of "ass" say "buns"

332
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,784
Like "Kiss my buns"
or "You're a buns-hole"

333
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,285
Step two, instead of "shit" say "poo"

334
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,871
As in "bull-poo," "poo-head"
and "This poo is cold"

335
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,498
Step three, with "bitch" drop the "T"

336
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:01,125
'Cause"bich' is Latin for "generosity"

337
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,627
Step four, don't say "fuck" anymore

338
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,796
'Cause "fuck" is the worst word
that you can say

339
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,173
So just use the word "OK"

340
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,801
We can do it
It's all up to us, OK?

341
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:11,052
OK

342
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,388
With a little plan
we can change our lives today

343
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,973
You can change it today

344
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,350
You don't have to spend your life
shooting up in the trash

345
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,354
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for cash

346
00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:22,522
Follow this plan
and very soon you will say

347
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,899
"It's easy, OK?"

348
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,485
Step one
Instead of "ass" say "buns"

349
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,946
Like "Kiss my buns"
Or "You're a buns-hole"

350
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,531
Step two
Instead of "shit" say "poo"

351
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:32,657
As in "bull-poo"
"Poo-head"

352
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,075
And "This poo is cold"

353
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,660
Step three
With "bitch" drop the "T"

354
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:38,329
'Cause"bich' is Latin for "generosity"

355
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,831
Step four
Don't say "fuck" anymore

356
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:42,166
'Cause "fuck" is the worse word
that you can say

357
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,127
"Fuck" is the worse word
that you can say

358
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:46,671
we shouldn't say "fuck"
No, we shouldn't say "fuck," fuck, no!

359
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,089
You're cured, you can go

360
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,454
You don't have to spend your life
shooting up in the trash

361
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,510
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for cash

362
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:55,638
Follow this plan
and very soon you will say

363
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:56,764
"It's easy, OK?"

364
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:57,849
It's easy, OK?

365
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:00,018
It's easy, OK?
It's easy, OK?

366
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,061
It's easy, OK?
It's easy

367
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,439
It's easy It's easy, OK?

368
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,109
OK. OK.

369
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,486
Now you're cured.

370
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:14,407
You can take the rest of the afternoon
off for personal reflection, OK?

371
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:18,119
Find your own constructive way
to better yourself, OK?

372
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,748
Well, Phillip,
I hope you've learned something

373
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:22,874
through this whole experience.

374
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:27,587
I did, Terrance. I learned that you are
a boner-biting dick-fart fuck-face.

375
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,590
Want to see the northern lights?

376
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:35,720
You burned yourself to death
by lighting your fart!

377
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,805
I sure did, Phillip.

378
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:42,060
Uncle fucker! Too tight!

379
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:49,150
Man, that movie gets better
every time I see it.

380
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,860
Hey!
Yeah, but you know what?

381
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,904
That whole part about
lighting farts is bullshit.

382
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:54,614
You can't do that.

383
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,157
No way!

384
00:17:56,825 --> 00:18:00,661
Okay, Kenny, I'll bet you $100
you can't light a fart on fire!

385
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,337
Holy shit, dude!
Oh, my God!

386
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,340
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

387
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:16,010
Somebody do something!
This stick is on fire!

388
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,644
Oh, my God, you killed Kenny!
You bastard!

389
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:27,230
Well, I guess you can light
a fart on fire, huh?

390
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,401
Load that IV with 70 cc's of
sodium pentothal!

391
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,487
We just called the parents.
Oh, shit, dude!

392
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:35,696
Now our moms
are gonna find out we went

393
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,156
to the Terrance and Phillip movie again!

394
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,407
Vacuum!

395
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:41,077
Try to untangle his trachea
and esophagus.

396
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:43,621
Dude!
No, that doesn't go there!

397
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,126
Gross, Stan!
That's sick.

398
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,461
Watch his liver.
I'll get it.

399
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:52,505
We have precious little time left,
people.

400
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:53,629
We're gonna lose him soon.

401
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:56,134
Doctor, his heart stopped!
Let's get it out of there.

402
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,469
We need to zap this quick!

403
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:03,099
Who's making a potato?
My bad, sir. I missed lunch.

404
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,852
Damn it! I'm not gonna lose this kid!

405
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,229
Close him up. We've done all we can.

406
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,356
The rest is up to God.

407
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,735
Kenny? Kenny, can you hear me?

408
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,904
How are you feeling, son?

409
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,074
Great. Son, I have some bad news.

410
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,869
We accidentally replaced your heart
with a baked potato.

411
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,621
You have about three seconds to live.

412
00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,665
Fucking weak, dude!

413
00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:30,543
Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
You bastards!

414
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:34,672
Damn it! It never gets any easier!

415
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,512
I bet him he couldn't do it.
I bet him $100.

416
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,014
Come on, Cartman, it's not your fault.

417
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:45,099
No, I know. I'm just fucking stoked
I don't have to pay him.

418
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,603
That's real nice!
He was your friend, you fat fuck!

419
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,856
So, boys, you saw that movie again?

420
00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:54,275
Yes.
Well, Kyle, I have had it!

421
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:57,278
You are grounded for
the next two weeks!

422
00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:00,615
Grounded?
And you, Stan. Come on.

423
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,992
And you're grounded
for three weeks, Eric.

424
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,244
Why am I grounded more?
That's fucking bullshit!

425
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:09,498
What? What? What?
What was that word, young man?

426
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,973
Little boy at peace

427
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:29,602
What is this place beyond the stars?

428
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,521
Open up your eyes

429
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:37,068
What are these things
you're moving toward?

430
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:40,154
Head so full of wonder

431
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,573
worries in the past

432
00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:45,493
Could it be that you are free at last?

433
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,746
No!

434
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,922
Little boy, you're going to hell!

435
00:20:58,006 --> 00:20:59,382
You said bad words
Threw rocks at the birds

436
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:00,841
And now this is your hotel

437
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:04,387
You ain't going back
This ain't Disneyland, it's hell!

438
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:08,099
Little boy, it's time for you to pay

439
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,433
For hurting that bird
and not going to church

440
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:10,851
And staring at boobs every day

441
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:14,021
Thought you were in bed
Instead, you're in hell!

442
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:22,530
Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
Hell!

443
00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:25,533
Hey, fuck-face, have you seen Gracie?

444
00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:29,036
There is orderliness in the universe.

445
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:31,706
Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
No!

446
00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:45,553
Parents, our children are out of control!

447
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:49,473
This is what happens when toilet humor
is allowed to run rampant!

448
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,642
That's right. Kenny set himself on fire

449
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:54,645
because he saw Terrance and Phillip
do it in that dirty movie!

450
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:58,065
We must stop dirty language
from getting to our childrens ears!

451
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:00,151
We must go fight the source of it!

452
00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:01,902
But what is the source?

453
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:03,654
That's easy.

454
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:06,824
Times have changed
Our kids are getting worse

455
00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:10,202
They won't obey their parents
They just want to fart and curse

456
00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:11,579
Should we blame the government?

457
00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,164
Or blame society?

458
00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:15,624
Or should we blame the images on TV?

459
00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:17,668
No! Blame Canada!

460
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:19,170
Blame Canada!

461
00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:22,340
With all their beady little eyes
and flapping heads so full of lies

462
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:25,384
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!

463
00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:26,927
We need to form a full assault

464
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,763
It's Canada's fault!

465
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:32,016
Don't blame me for my son Stan

466
00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:35,186
He saw the darn cartoon
and now he's off to join the Klan

467
00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:38,189
And my boy Eric once
had my picture on his shelf

468
00:22:38,273 --> 00:22:40,608
But now when I see him
he tells me to fuck myself

469
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:44,153
Well, Blame Canada! Blame Canada!

470
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:47,531
It seems that everything's gone wrong
since Canada came along

471
00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:50,534
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!

472
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,829
They're not even a real country anyway

473
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,957
My son could've been a doctor
or a lawyer rich and true

474
00:22:57,042 --> 00:23:00,336
Instead, he burned up like a piggy
on a barbecue

475
00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:03,047
Should we blame the matches?
Should we blame the fire?

476
00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:05,341
Or the doctors who allowed him
to expire?

477
00:23:05,425 --> 00:23:06,425
Heck, no!

478
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:09,220
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!

479
00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:10,888
With all their hockey hullabaloo

480
00:23:10,972 --> 00:23:12,556
And that bitch Anne Murray, too

481
00:23:12,641 --> 00:23:15,684
Blame Canada! Shame on Canada!

482
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:16,769
For

483
00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:18,229
The smut we must stop
The trash we must bash

484
00:23:18,313 --> 00:23:19,772
The laughter and fun must all be undone

485
00:23:19,856 --> 00:23:21,256
We must blame them and cause a fuss

486
00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:25,236
Before somebody thinks of blaming us!

487
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,160
All right, you turds, listen up!

488
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:37,039
Your moms are away at a meeting
and they put me in charge of you!

489
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:40,418
But you're still grounded,
so you're not allowed to have any fun!

490
00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:43,671
Any questions?
Shelly, where's the clitoris?

491
00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:48,300
Now you all just sit there
and keep your mouths shut

492
00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:51,679
while I go listen
to my Britney Spears records.

493
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:54,849
Okay, it's clear.

494
00:23:56,893 --> 00:23:59,453
Our next guests have the number one
movie in the world right now.

495
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:02,189
Please welcome Terrance and Phillip!

496
00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:03,732
Hooray!

497
00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:07,611
Hello, Conan.
Hello, Brooke Shields.

498
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:09,905
Now, guys, some people claim
that your Canadian humor

499
00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,907
is nothing but immature fart jokes.

500
00:24:11,992 --> 00:24:15,911
That's not true. Take this classic
Canadian joke, for instance.

501
00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:18,873
Excuse me, Terrance.
Yes, Phillip?

502
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:21,667
Gosh darn it!

503
00:24:23,044 --> 00:24:25,087
Good one, Phillip. Cheers.
Cheers, fuck-face.

504
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:26,964
Guys, you can't say that on TV.

505
00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:29,508
Now Terrance smells like my ass!

506
00:24:29,593 --> 00:24:32,428
I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon.

507
00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:39,226
So, guys, does it make you nervous
to be in America?

508
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:40,603
There are a lot of organizations here

509
00:24:40,687 --> 00:24:42,730
that want you arrested for
destroying children.

510
00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:45,232
They'd have to find us first.
You're right.

511
00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:46,317
Now!

512
00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:48,569
Terrance and Phillip,

513
00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:52,198
Mothers Against Canada
is placing you under citizens arrest!

514
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:53,824
Mom?
Dude, what the hell is going on?

515
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,160
We have a court order for your arrest!

516
00:24:56,244 --> 00:24:57,828
Phillip, we've been ambushed!

517
00:24:57,913 --> 00:24:59,497
Here you go, Conan.

518
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:01,790
This little scrotum sucker deceived us!

519
00:25:01,875 --> 00:25:04,168
You are a bad man!
Don't listen to them, Conan!

520
00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:06,837
You loved our movie, Conan!
We watched it together!

521
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:09,965
Remember? You laughed!
What have I done?

522
00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:22,770
Holy crap! Did you see that?
They arrested Terrance and Phillip!

523
00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:28,317
As the Canadian Ambassador,

524
00:25:28,401 --> 00:25:30,611
I hereby condemn the actions
taken by America

525
00:25:30,695 --> 00:25:32,655
in apprehending Terrance and Phillip.

526
00:25:32,739 --> 00:25:33,739
As you can see from this graph,

527
00:25:33,823 --> 00:25:36,283
the entire economy of Canada
relies on Terrance and Phillip!

528
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:39,119
Without them,
we are doomed to recession.

529
00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:42,373
What say you,
Mr. American Ambassador?

530
00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:46,877
Fuck Canada!
Hey, fuck you, buddy!

531
00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:48,837
Terrance and Phillip
will not be released!

532
00:25:48,922 --> 00:25:51,924
They're going to be put on trial for
corrupting America's youth.

533
00:25:52,008 --> 00:25:53,608
We don't know
what all the fuss is about.

534
00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:55,427
The fuss is about taking our citizens!

535
00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:59,390
It's about not censoring our art!
It's about... It's about...

536
00:25:59,474 --> 00:26:00,975
What's so goddamn funny?

537
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:02,434
Nothing, nothing.

538
00:26:02,519 --> 00:26:05,688
Could you tell us again what your
argument is all about?

539
00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:08,232
This is not about diplomacy,
this is about dignity!

540
00:26:08,316 --> 00:26:12,027
This is about respect!
This is about realizing that humor...

541
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:14,363
You guys are dicks!
Release Terrance and Phillip

542
00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:17,157
or we'll give you something
to cry about!

543
00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:32,228
Pilot to bombardier. Pilot to bombardier.
We're nearing the target.

544
00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:33,632
The bomb's ready, buddy.

545
00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:37,094
Baldwin residence.
No, this is Billy Baldwin.

546
00:26:37,178 --> 00:26:40,931
If you want Daniel Baldwin,
call his extension, stupid!

547
00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:43,684
Hey, Alec, do you know
what sucks about being a Baldwin?

548
00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:46,103
No, what?
Nothing! Yeah!

549
00:26:53,361 --> 00:26:54,945
You missed me!

550
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,743
All right, children,
your mothers are all making me

551
00:27:00,827 --> 00:27:03,120
throw away my lesson plan
and teach theirs.

552
00:27:03,204 --> 00:27:05,539
Mr. Garrison, how come our moms
arrested Terrance and Phillip?

553
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:06,957
Yeah!
That's gay.

554
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:09,043
Well, your moms are just upset.

555
00:27:09,127 --> 00:27:11,837
They're probably all on their
periods or something.

556
00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:15,132
Mr. Garrison, Wendy and I think
that was a sexist statement.

557
00:27:15,216 --> 00:27:16,300
Well, I'm sorry, Wendy,

558
00:27:16,384 --> 00:27:20,054
but I just don't trust anything that
bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

559
00:27:20,138 --> 00:27:23,307
Anyway, children,
let's start off with some vocabulary.

560
00:27:23,391 --> 00:27:25,476
Attention, students!
What now?

561
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:29,938
Come to the gymnasium immediately
for a special announcement, OK?

562
00:27:32,776 --> 00:27:35,361
What's going on, Chef?
Something big, children.

563
00:27:35,445 --> 00:27:37,571
Chef, I can't find the clitoris.
You have to help me.

564
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:39,031
Stan, the clitoris...

565
00:27:39,115 --> 00:27:42,785
Please take your seats, everyone.
They're about to announce it, OK?

566
00:27:43,203 --> 00:27:44,703
This is a state of emergency.

567
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:46,497
We go now to the White House
for an announcement

568
00:27:46,581 --> 00:27:48,957
from the President of the United States.

569
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:50,501
My fellow Americans,

570
00:27:50,585 --> 00:27:54,755
at 5:00 a.m. Today,
a day which will live in infamy,

571
00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:58,801
the Canadians have bombed
the Baldwins.

572
00:27:58,885 --> 00:28:03,305
In response to this,
the U.S. Has declared war on Canada.

573
00:28:05,850 --> 00:28:07,559
Oh, no!
War?

574
00:28:07,644 --> 00:28:10,688
No, Gregory! No!
This is bad, Wendy. Hold on to me.

575
00:28:10,772 --> 00:28:12,439
All the Baldwins are dead?

576
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:15,609
Now it is the time for us to send
a message to Canadians.

577
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:19,071
In two days time,
the war criminals Terrance and Phillip

578
00:28:19,155 --> 00:28:20,906
will be executed.

579
00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:23,033
They're gonna kill them?

580
00:28:23,118 --> 00:28:26,954
And now I'd like to bring up my newly
appointed Secretary of Offense,

581
00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:29,039
Ms. Sheila Broflovski.

582
00:28:29,124 --> 00:28:30,374
Holy shit, dude!

583
00:28:30,458 --> 00:28:31,875
My fellow Americans,

584
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:36,046
our neighbor to the north
has abused us for the last time!

585
00:28:36,131 --> 00:28:38,257
I have a plan...
The Canadians want to fight us

586
00:28:38,341 --> 00:28:40,884
because we won't tolerate
their potty mouths!

587
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:46,056
Well, if it is war they want,
then war they shall have!

588
00:28:48,476 --> 00:28:52,354
Dude, this is fucking weak.
How could things be any worse?

589
00:29:03,908 --> 00:29:06,994
Fallen one, I am Satan.

590
00:29:07,078 --> 00:29:09,621
I am your god now.

591
00:29:12,208 --> 00:29:14,168
There is no escape.

592
00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:20,174
Now, feel the delightful pain.

593
00:29:20,967 --> 00:29:24,011
Hey, Satan, did you hear the news?

594
00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:26,680
A war just broke out up on Earth.

595
00:29:26,765 --> 00:29:30,309
Meet Saddam Hussein,
my new partner in evil.

596
00:29:30,852 --> 00:29:32,853
Move over, Satan,
you're hogging all the fun.

597
00:29:32,937 --> 00:29:36,607
Yeah! Yeah!
Man, this is getting me so hot!

598
00:29:37,358 --> 00:29:39,151
Saddam, would you let me
do my job, please?

599
00:29:39,235 --> 00:29:41,779
Come on, rub my nipples
while I torture this little piggy!

600
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:45,115
Saddam, could I talk to you
over here for a second?

601
00:29:46,409 --> 00:29:50,329
I don't see why you have to belittle me
in front of people like that.

602
00:29:50,413 --> 00:29:51,705
Relax, guy!

603
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:54,708
Well, sometimes I think you don't have
any respect for me.

604
00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:56,835
Hey, come here, guy.

605
00:29:57,754 --> 00:30:00,380
Who's my cream puff?
I am.

606
00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:02,341
That's right, buddy.

607
00:30:05,804 --> 00:30:07,805
Dude, I don't want to be at war.
You don't think they're really

608
00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:09,139
gonna kill Terrance and Phillip,
do you?

609
00:30:09,224 --> 00:30:11,308
Kyle, you need to stop
being such a chicken shit

610
00:30:11,392 --> 00:30:12,392
and stand up to your mother.

611
00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:13,977
You need to smack her
in the face and say,

612
00:30:14,062 --> 00:30:15,562
"That's enough of your shit,
you fucking bitch!"

613
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,397
Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!

614
00:30:17,482 --> 00:30:19,274
You guys stop it! This isn't helping!

615
00:30:19,359 --> 00:30:20,484
We've gotta think here!

616
00:30:20,568 --> 00:30:22,820
Now, let's see,
what would Brian Boitano do?

617
00:30:22,904 --> 00:30:25,405
Yeah, what would Brian Boitano do?

618
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:29,576
Hey, what's going on over there?

619
00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:32,341
The American government thinks
it has the right to police the world.

620
00:30:32,413 --> 00:30:34,498
Your government is going
to kill two Canadian citizens,

621
00:30:34,582 --> 00:30:38,168
an action condemned by the U.N.
Home of the free, indeed.

622
00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,505
Let's play tetherball.
Yeah.

623
00:30:41,589 --> 00:30:44,216
This is about freedom of speech!
About censorship!

624
00:30:44,300 --> 00:30:45,551
Can't you guys be more political
like Gregory?

625
00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:48,303
There's the girl that I like

626
00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:53,267
Now it appears
that she likes another guy

627
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:57,354
It must be because
he's political and stuff

628
00:30:58,398 --> 00:31:01,191
I bet I could be political, too

629
00:31:01,276 --> 00:31:03,318
What do you think, Stan?

630
00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:07,698
Damn it!
You guys, this is all Kyle's mom's fault!

631
00:31:07,782 --> 00:31:08,782
Shut up, Cartman!

632
00:31:08,825 --> 00:31:10,785
Kyle's mom is the one
that started that damn club,

633
00:31:10,869 --> 00:31:13,036
and all because
she's a big, fat, stupid...

634
00:31:13,121 --> 00:31:14,955
Don't say it, Cartman!

635
00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:16,039
Well...

636
00:31:16,124 --> 00:31:17,958
Don't do it, Cartman!

637
00:31:18,293 --> 00:31:19,418
Well...

638
00:31:19,502 --> 00:31:21,837
I'm warning you!
Okay. Okay.

639
00:31:22,422 --> 00:31:24,464
I'm getting pretty sick of
him calling my mom...

640
00:31:24,549 --> 00:31:25,757
well, Kyle's mom's a bitch
She's a big fat witch

641
00:31:25,842 --> 00:31:27,384
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world

642
00:31:27,468 --> 00:31:28,844
She's a stupid bitch
if there ever was a bitch

643
00:31:28,928 --> 00:31:31,305
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls

644
00:31:31,389 --> 00:31:33,599
Shut your fucking mouth, Cartman!

645
00:31:33,683 --> 00:31:35,058
On Monday she's a bitch
On Tuesday she's a bitch

646
00:31:35,143 --> 00:31:36,602
And Wednesday through Saturday
she's a bitch

647
00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:38,228
Then on Sunday, just to be different

648
00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:41,064
She's a super
King Kamehameha bitch!

649
00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:42,733
Come on, you all know the words!

650
00:31:42,817 --> 00:31:44,109
Have you ever met
my friend Kyle's mom?

651
00:31:44,193 --> 00:31:45,694
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world

652
00:31:45,778 --> 00:31:47,237
She's a mean old bitch
and she has stupid hair

653
00:31:47,322 --> 00:31:48,864
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch

654
00:31:48,948 --> 00:31:51,909
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
She's a stupid bitch

655
00:31:51,993 --> 00:31:55,037
Kyle's mom's a bitch
and she's just a dirty bitch

656
00:31:55,121 --> 00:31:56,413
Talk to kids around the world

657
00:31:56,497 --> 00:31:58,217
It might go a little bit
something like this

658
00:32:10,219 --> 00:32:11,595
Have you ever met
my friend Kyle's mom?

659
00:32:11,679 --> 00:32:13,055
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world

660
00:32:13,139 --> 00:32:14,598
She's a mean old bitch
and she has stupid hair

661
00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:16,266
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch

662
00:32:16,351 --> 00:32:18,852
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
She's a stupid bitch

663
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:19,937
Cartman...

664
00:32:20,021 --> 00:32:21,980
Kyle's mom's a bitch
and she's just a dirty bitch

665
00:32:22,065 --> 00:32:23,398
I really mean it

666
00:32:23,483 --> 00:32:25,359
Kyle's mom

667
00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:30,656
She's a big fat fucking bitch

668
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:33,450
Big, old, fat fucking bitch, Kyle's mom

669
00:32:33,534 --> 00:32:35,202
Yeah!

670
00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:40,874
What?

671
00:32:43,127 --> 00:32:44,169
Fuck.

672
00:32:44,545 --> 00:32:46,964
Okay, everyone settle down.

673
00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:49,675
As we continue to send troops
into Canada,

674
00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:53,261
M.A.C. Is also fighting the war
against potty mouths here at home!

675
00:32:53,346 --> 00:32:57,182
Here to present the V-Chip
is Dr. Vosknocker.

676
00:33:00,311 --> 00:33:02,646
The machinery of the V-Chip
is very simple.

677
00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,606
It is placed under the child's skin

678
00:33:04,691 --> 00:33:06,692
where it emits a small shock
of electricity

679
00:33:06,776 --> 00:33:08,443
whenever an obscenity is uttered.

680
00:33:08,528 --> 00:33:09,820
Now, wait a minute.

681
00:33:09,904 --> 00:33:12,322
This chip somehow knows
if the child is swearing?

682
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:13,657
It's just like a lie detector.

683
00:33:13,741 --> 00:33:15,534
You see, certain things happen to you
when you swear,

684
00:33:15,618 --> 00:33:16,743
just like when you lie.

685
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:20,330
The chip picks up on this
and gives the subject a little prick.

686
00:33:20,415 --> 00:33:23,250
Patient B5,
would you step out here, please?

687
00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:26,920
Patient B5 here has been fitted
with the new V-Chip.

688
00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:28,714
My head hurts.
Don't worry about that.

689
00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:31,091
Now I want you to say "doggy."

690
00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:35,095
Doggy.
Notice that nothing happens.

691
00:33:35,179 --> 00:33:38,557
Now say "Montana."
Montana.

692
00:33:38,641 --> 00:33:40,684
Good! Now, "pillow."

693
00:33:40,768 --> 00:33:42,519
Pillow.
All right.

694
00:33:42,603 --> 00:33:45,355
Now I want you to say "horse fucker."

695
00:33:46,399 --> 00:33:48,483
Go ahead, Eric. It's all right.

696
00:33:48,568 --> 00:33:50,193
Horse...

697
00:33:51,279 --> 00:33:54,031
That hurt, goddamn... Fuck!

698
00:33:54,115 --> 00:33:57,075
Now I'd like you to say
"big floppy donkey dick."

699
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:58,660
No!
Success!

700
00:33:58,745 --> 00:34:00,787
The child doesn't want to swear!

701
00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:03,081
This isn't fair, you sons of bitches!

702
00:34:03,166 --> 00:34:07,419
We will start putting V-Chips
in all our children next week!

703
00:34:10,214 --> 00:34:13,592
Snacky Smores presents
The March of War.

704
00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:15,218
Let's hear it for our boys in blue.

705
00:34:15,303 --> 00:34:16,803
President Clinton
has called them to action

706
00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:18,930
to fight the evil Canadian scourge.

707
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:21,641
A full-scale attack
has been launched on Toronto

708
00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:23,226
after the Canadians' last bombing

709
00:34:23,311 --> 00:34:26,021
which took a horrible toll
on the Arquette family.

710
00:34:26,105 --> 00:34:28,356
For security measures,
our great American government

711
00:34:28,441 --> 00:34:30,817
is rounding up all citizens
that have any Canadian blood

712
00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:32,022
and putting them into camps.

713
00:34:32,070 --> 00:34:34,071
All Canadian-American
citizens are to report

714
00:34:34,155 --> 00:34:35,781
to one of these death camps right away.

715
00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:36,907
Did I say death camps?

716
00:34:36,991 --> 00:34:39,576
I meant happy camps,
where you will eat the finest meals,

717
00:34:39,660 --> 00:34:42,621
have access to fabulous doctors
and be able to exercise regularly.

718
00:34:42,705 --> 00:34:44,664
Meanwhile,
the war criminals Terrance and Phillip

719
00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:46,625
are prepped for their execution.

720
00:34:46,709 --> 00:34:50,295
Their execution will take place
during a fabulous USO show!

721
00:34:50,379 --> 00:34:54,257
With special guests celebrities,
including Big Gay Al and Winona Ryder!

722
00:34:54,342 --> 00:34:56,885
Of course,
the only way to see the USO show

723
00:34:56,969 --> 00:34:58,553
is to sign up for the army!

724
00:34:58,638 --> 00:35:01,139
So join the army
and kill some Canadian scum

725
00:35:01,224 --> 00:35:04,810
as we continue the march of war!

726
00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:12,692
We must rid ourselves
of anything Canadian!

727
00:35:13,444 --> 00:35:14,444
Bomb them!

728
00:35:15,029 --> 00:35:16,989
Dude, don't you like
Terrance and Phillip anymore?

729
00:35:17,073 --> 00:35:18,240
Course not! My mommy says

730
00:35:18,324 --> 00:35:20,909
I hate Canadians now 'cause they
made me have a dirty mouth!

731
00:35:20,993 --> 00:35:22,661
Burn it all!

732
00:35:23,329 --> 00:35:25,288
Hey, dudes.
What's the matter, Cartman?

733
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:28,500
It's this V-Chip. I hate it.
I can't say any dirty words.

734
00:35:28,584 --> 00:35:30,961
Really? So you can't say "fuck"?
No.

735
00:35:31,045 --> 00:35:32,963
And you can't say "shit"?
No.

736
00:35:33,047 --> 00:35:34,422
So you can't say, "I'm Eric Cartman,

737
00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:35,966
"the fattest fucking piece of shit
in the world"?

738
00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:38,301
Fuck you...
Sweet.

739
00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:40,106
Come on, you guys.
This has gone far enough.

740
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:41,680
It's time we talked to our moms.

741
00:35:41,764 --> 00:35:43,306
We're supposed to be grounded
in our rooms.

742
00:35:43,391 --> 00:35:45,642
Come on, Kyle,
it's time for us to get political.

743
00:35:45,726 --> 00:35:48,812
Canada will no longer corrupt
our children!

744
00:35:48,896 --> 00:35:52,274
Mom, can I talk to you for a second?
Kyle, what are you doing here?

745
00:35:52,358 --> 00:35:53,650
You are grounded!

746
00:35:53,734 --> 00:35:55,986
Now get back to the house
and stay there!

747
00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:57,487
You too, Stanley!

748
00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:00,532
Mom, we think you're going too far.
You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.

749
00:36:00,616 --> 00:36:02,993
We must fight for
our childrens futures...

750
00:36:03,077 --> 00:36:04,637
You started a war! You have to stop it!

751
00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:06,663
...to make them safe again!

752
00:36:06,747 --> 00:36:08,999
Hello?
Our children are precious!

753
00:36:09,083 --> 00:36:12,169
Hello!
We must make a stand now!

754
00:36:12,253 --> 00:36:14,004
Stop at nothing!

755
00:36:14,380 --> 00:36:15,672
I told you my mom wouldn't listen.

756
00:36:15,756 --> 00:36:18,175
Well, then we're just gonna have to
save Terrance and Phillip ourselves!

757
00:36:18,259 --> 00:36:19,801
What?
Think about it, you guys.

758
00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:21,094
What would Brian Boitano do?

759
00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,721
He'd figure out a way
to rescue Terrance and Phillip

760
00:36:22,805 --> 00:36:23,847
before they're executed.

761
00:36:23,931 --> 00:36:26,558
We can't do anything.
Our moms' organization is too strong.

762
00:36:26,642 --> 00:36:28,560
Well, then, we'll round up
all the grounded kids in town

763
00:36:28,644 --> 00:36:30,020
and start our own organization.

764
00:36:30,104 --> 00:36:32,064
An organization to help save
Terrance and Phillip.

765
00:36:32,106 --> 00:36:34,191
Hey, yeah, our own secret club!

766
00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:37,027
I guess that could work.
We have to try.

767
00:36:37,111 --> 00:36:40,197
What would Brian Boitano do
if he was here right now?

768
00:36:40,281 --> 00:36:42,032
He'd make a plan
and he'd follow through

769
00:36:42,116 --> 00:36:43,533
That's what Brian Boitano would do

770
00:36:43,618 --> 00:36:46,870
when Brian Boitano was in
the Olympics skating for the gold

771
00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:50,207
He did two salchows and a triple Lutz
while wearing a blindfold

772
00:36:50,291 --> 00:36:53,710
When Brian Boitano was in the Alps
fighting grizzly bears

773
00:36:53,794 --> 00:36:57,047
He used his magical fire breath
and saved the maidens fair

774
00:36:57,131 --> 00:37:00,425
So what would Brian Boitano do
if he were here today?

775
00:37:00,509 --> 00:37:04,095
I'm sure he'd kick and ass or two
That's what Brian Boitano would do

776
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:07,557
I want this V-Chip out of me

777
00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:10,685
It has stunted my vocabulary

778
00:37:10,770 --> 00:37:14,147
And I just want my mom
to stop fighting everyone

779
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,024
For Wendy I'll be an activist, too

780
00:37:16,108 --> 00:37:17,708
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do

781
00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:20,946
what would Brian Boitano do?
He'd call all the kids in town

782
00:37:21,030 --> 00:37:24,491
And tell them to unite for truth
That's what Brian Boitano would do

783
00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:27,535
Did someone say my name?
Who are you?

784
00:37:27,620 --> 00:37:29,788
I'm Brian Dennehy.
What?

785
00:37:29,872 --> 00:37:32,832
No, not fucking Brian Dennehy!
Yeah. Get the fuck out of here!

786
00:37:33,542 --> 00:37:34,584
Bye.

787
00:37:35,002 --> 00:37:36,670
When Brian Boitano
traveled through time

788
00:37:36,754 --> 00:37:38,255
To the year 3010

789
00:37:38,339 --> 00:37:41,675
He fought the evil robot king
and saved the human race again

790
00:37:41,759 --> 00:37:43,510
And when Brian Boitano
built the pyramids

791
00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:45,053
He beat up Kublai Khan

792
00:37:45,137 --> 00:37:49,975
'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit
from anybody

793
00:37:50,059 --> 00:37:53,520
So let's call all the kids together
and unite to stop our moms

794
00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:55,438
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too

795
00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:57,148
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do

796
00:37:57,233 --> 00:37:58,942
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too

797
00:37:59,026 --> 00:38:04,197
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do

798
00:38:09,578 --> 00:38:11,288
Hey, relax, guy.

799
00:38:11,664 --> 00:38:13,415
There's nothing on.

800
00:38:13,499 --> 00:38:15,292
You just get cranky when you're tired,
that's all.

801
00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:16,418
I'm not cranky.

802
00:38:16,502 --> 00:38:19,421
What started as a spat between
the United States and Canada

803
00:38:19,505 --> 00:38:21,298
is quickly turning into world War III!

804
00:38:21,382 --> 00:38:22,716
World War III?

805
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,342
Terrance and Phillip
are going to be put to death

806
00:38:24,427 --> 00:38:25,635
for crimes against humanity.

807
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:27,053
The time of execution...

808
00:38:27,138 --> 00:38:31,433
It has come to be.
The four horsemen are drawing nigh!

809
00:38:31,517 --> 00:38:34,144
The time of prophecy is upon us!

810
00:38:34,228 --> 00:38:36,062
I love when you get all biblical, Satan.

811
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:37,667
You know exactly how to turn my crank.

812
00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:40,859
No, I'm being serious.
It is the seventh sign.

813
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:42,902
What?
Behold.

814
00:38:42,987 --> 00:38:45,822
The first signs of my reign
have all come true.

815
00:38:45,906 --> 00:38:48,658
The fall of an empire,
the coming of a comet,

816
00:38:48,743 --> 00:38:53,496
and now, when the blood of these
Canadians touches American soil,

817
00:38:53,581 --> 00:38:56,416
it will be our time to rise.

818
00:38:57,168 --> 00:39:00,503
Yeah. Yeah, man! I'm getting so hot!
Let's fuck!

819
00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:02,130
Do you always think about sex?

820
00:39:02,214 --> 00:39:04,716
I'm talking about
very important stuff here!

821
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,802
I'm just excited about
taking over the world! Come on!

822
00:39:07,887 --> 00:39:10,305
Is sex the only thing that matters to you?

823
00:39:10,389 --> 00:39:11,765
I love you.

824
00:39:13,059 --> 00:39:14,517
I want to believe that.

825
00:39:14,602 --> 00:39:18,396
So what do you say we shut off that light
and get close, huh?

826
00:39:22,443 --> 00:39:24,861
Yeah, you like that, don't you, bitch?

827
00:39:27,782 --> 00:39:30,700
Okay. We can use my dad's computer
to call all the kids together.

828
00:39:30,785 --> 00:39:33,620
Wait. Before we put a message out,
do a search on the word "clitoris."

829
00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:35,038
Okay.

830
00:39:36,290 --> 00:39:38,291
Found eight million pages
with the word "clitoris."

831
00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:39,376
Wow!

832
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:43,004
I'll just try the first one.
"You must be 18 to enter this website."

833
00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:46,257
Okay.
"Welcome to German sick fetish video."

834
00:39:46,342 --> 00:39:49,177
"If you are under 18 do not..." Okay.

835
00:39:52,181 --> 00:39:53,723
Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on!

836
00:39:53,808 --> 00:39:56,226
Whoa! Is it Cartmans mom?
Very funny.

837
00:39:56,310 --> 00:39:58,353
Hey! It is Cartmans mom!

838
00:39:59,146 --> 00:40:00,397
All righty then.

839
00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:01,898
Son of a bitch...

840
00:40:03,317 --> 00:40:04,901
Get out of here, Ike.
You're too young for this stuff.

841
00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:05,985
Bullshit.

842
00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:07,987
What's she doing now?

843
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:09,697
Okey-dokey.

844
00:40:13,452 --> 00:40:14,911
Click it off, dude! Click it off!

845
00:40:14,995 --> 00:40:16,746
Dude, what the fuck is wrong
with German people?

846
00:40:16,831 --> 00:40:18,706
All right. All right.
Let's just do what we came here to do

847
00:40:18,791 --> 00:40:19,991
and put a message out to kids!

848
00:40:20,042 --> 00:40:22,502
Okay. Let's see. I've gotta put out
an all-access e-mail.

849
00:40:22,586 --> 00:40:23,962
Goddamn, your mom sucks, Cartman.

850
00:40:24,046 --> 00:40:25,246
Just get to the message board!

851
00:40:25,297 --> 00:40:28,675
I'm trying. I can't find a Canadian server.
I've got to break into the mainframe.

852
00:40:28,926 --> 00:40:32,595
Damn it, they've got an access code!
I'll try to reroute the encryptions.

853
00:40:36,016 --> 00:40:39,227
Okay. Here we go.
"Want to help Terrance and Phillip?"

854
00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:45,692
Tell them we'll have punch and pie.
We're not gonna have punch and pie!

855
00:40:45,776 --> 00:40:49,446
More people will come
if they think we have punch and pie!

856
00:40:51,198 --> 00:40:54,492
"This is top secret. The password is..."

857
00:40:54,994 --> 00:40:56,703
La Résistance.

858
00:40:57,538 --> 00:40:59,456
And so the draft will begin tomorrow

859
00:40:59,540 --> 00:41:02,584
as more and more troops are needed
to invade the Canadian border.

860
00:41:02,668 --> 00:41:04,627
The Canadian government pleads
for a peaceful resolution,

861
00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:07,255
but naturally we're not listening.

862
00:41:07,506 --> 00:41:08,590
Good night, hon.

863
00:41:08,674 --> 00:41:10,967
Mom, when is the war gonna be over?

864
00:41:11,051 --> 00:41:13,344
I don't know, hon. Soon, we hope.

865
00:41:13,429 --> 00:41:15,763
You want it to end quickly, huh?

866
00:41:17,641 --> 00:41:19,601
Mom?
Yes, hon?

867
00:41:19,685 --> 00:41:23,646
If you were in a German Scheibe video,
you'd tell me, right?

868
00:41:24,857 --> 00:41:26,774
Sure, hon. Good night.

869
00:41:36,827 --> 00:41:37,827
There's a ghost!

870
00:41:39,497 --> 00:41:41,331
Kenny, is that you?

871
00:41:43,334 --> 00:41:45,502
Satan! Satan is coming here?

872
00:41:46,253 --> 00:41:49,380
Saddam Hussein?
That doesn't make sense, Kenny!

873
00:41:51,967 --> 00:41:54,677
Eric, what is it?
I saw him! I saw Kenny!

874
00:41:54,762 --> 00:41:58,014
You poor dear.
You've been through so much.

875
00:41:58,098 --> 00:42:01,392
I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire
and now he's all pissed off!

876
00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:03,019
I can't say "pissed off"?

877
00:42:05,105 --> 00:42:07,565
The execution of Terrance and Phillip
is imminent.

878
00:42:07,650 --> 00:42:10,443
Soon, Saddam and I will rule the world.

879
00:42:12,446 --> 00:42:15,448
Hi, Satan. I got some new luggage
for our trip up to Earth.

880
00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:16,616
Let's fuck to celebrate.

881
00:42:16,700 --> 00:42:19,869
What's it like up on Earth, Saddam?
Tell me about it again.

882
00:42:19,954 --> 00:42:21,996
Let's not talk. Let's get busy.

883
00:42:22,081 --> 00:42:23,873
Do you remember
when you first got here?

884
00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:27,043
We used to talk all night long
until the sun came up.

885
00:42:27,127 --> 00:42:29,796
We would just lie in bed and talk.

886
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,507
Well, yeah, 'cause I was still waiting
to get you in bed, dummy!

887
00:42:32,591 --> 00:42:35,051
How come you always wanna
make love to me from behind?

888
00:42:35,135 --> 00:42:37,845
Is it because you want to pretend
I'm somebody else?

889
00:42:37,930 --> 00:42:40,473
Satan, your ass is gigantic and red.

890
00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:43,601
Who am I gonna pretend you are,
Liza Minnelli?

891
00:42:45,479 --> 00:42:47,313
Don't get all pissy!

892
00:42:54,446 --> 00:42:57,198
Sometimes I think

893
00:42:57,616 --> 00:42:59,909
When I look up real high

894
00:43:00,578 --> 00:43:03,746
That there's such a big world up there

895
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:06,291
I'd like to give it a try

896
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:09,419
But then I sink

897
00:43:09,503 --> 00:43:12,422
'Cause it's here I'm supposed to stay

898
00:43:12,506 --> 00:43:15,258
But I get so lonely down here

899
00:43:15,342 --> 00:43:19,512
Tell me why's it have to be that way

900
00:43:20,347 --> 00:43:22,932
Up there, there is so much room

901
00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:26,019
Where babies burp and flowers bloom

902
00:43:26,103 --> 00:43:29,230
Everyone dreams I can dream, too

903
00:43:29,315 --> 00:43:34,110
Up there
Up where the skies are ocean blue

904
00:43:34,486 --> 00:43:38,239
I could be safe and live without a care

905
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:41,326
Up there

906
00:43:41,744 --> 00:43:44,454
They say I don't belong

907
00:43:44,538 --> 00:43:47,290
I must stay below alone

908
00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:53,463
Because of my beliefs I'm supposed to
stay where evil is sown

909
00:43:54,048 --> 00:43:59,135
But what is evil anyway?
Is there reason to the rhyme?

910
00:43:59,511 --> 00:44:01,596
Without evil there could be no good

911
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:06,184
So it must be good
to be evil sometimes

912
00:44:07,227 --> 00:44:09,937
Up there, there is so much room

913
00:44:10,022 --> 00:44:13,107
Where babies burp and flowers bloom

914
00:44:13,192 --> 00:44:16,110
Everyone dreams I can dream, too

915
00:44:16,195 --> 00:44:21,240
Up there
Up where the skies are ocean blue

916
00:44:21,325 --> 00:44:25,787
I could be safe and live without a care

917
00:44:25,871 --> 00:44:28,039
Live without a care

918
00:44:28,707 --> 00:44:32,627
If only I could live up there

919
00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:36,214
I wanna live I wanna live

920
00:44:40,928 --> 00:44:45,098
I want to live up there!

921
00:44:56,443 --> 00:44:58,363
You're late, Cartman!
I had to ride my bike here.

922
00:44:58,445 --> 00:45:00,613
My behind is killing me!
Your behind?

923
00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:03,866
I have to say "behind"
'cause I get shocked if I say "ass"...

924
00:45:03,951 --> 00:45:07,537
Did you bring the punch and pie?
No, you guys, something happened.

925
00:45:07,621 --> 00:45:09,872
I don't think Kenny's dead.
What?

926
00:45:09,957 --> 00:45:10,998
I saw him in my room.

927
00:45:11,083 --> 00:45:13,376
I know, Cartman, I know.
I see Kenny every day.

928
00:45:13,460 --> 00:45:16,045
You do?
Sure, dude, on the face of every child.

929
00:45:16,130 --> 00:45:18,214
On the smile of every baby.

930
00:45:18,298 --> 00:45:20,174
Hey, I'm telling you, this was Kenny!

931
00:45:20,259 --> 00:45:21,968
He said that if Terrance and Phillip die,

932
00:45:22,052 --> 00:45:25,304
Saddam Hussein and Satan
are gonna come up and rule the world!

933
00:45:25,389 --> 00:45:26,931
Saddam Hussein?

934
00:45:31,979 --> 00:45:34,564
Who is it?
I'm here for la Résistance.

935
00:45:34,648 --> 00:45:37,191
What's the password?
I don't know.

936
00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:39,819
Guess.
Bacon.

937
00:45:40,654 --> 00:45:41,988
Okay.

938
00:45:45,826 --> 00:45:47,034
Oh, no, it's that kid!

939
00:45:47,119 --> 00:45:49,412
This is the place.
Wendy?

940
00:45:49,496 --> 00:45:51,914
Stan? You started la Résistance?

941
00:45:52,666 --> 00:45:54,826
Well, apparently you're more political
than we thought.

942
00:45:54,877 --> 00:45:57,158
Let us get this meeting underway.
There are others coming.

943
00:46:00,424 --> 00:46:02,759
Wow, a lot of people showed up.

944
00:46:04,428 --> 00:46:05,595
Okay.

945
00:46:05,679 --> 00:46:07,680
Terrance and Phillip
are supposed to be killed,

946
00:46:07,765 --> 00:46:09,891
and we think that sucks ass!

947
00:46:11,810 --> 00:46:12,810
Yes?

948
00:46:12,895 --> 00:46:15,438
We were to understand
there'd be pie and punch.

949
00:46:15,522 --> 00:46:17,148
There isn't any.

950
00:46:21,153 --> 00:46:23,029
Terrance and Phillip
are supposed to be killed,

951
00:46:23,113 --> 00:46:25,364
so we think we should prank call
a bunch of policemen

952
00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:28,785
and have pizza sent to them
that they didn't order!

953
00:46:32,790 --> 00:46:34,290
May I?
What?

954
00:46:34,875 --> 00:46:36,125
Terrance and Phillip
are currently being held

955
00:46:36,210 --> 00:46:38,419
at a Canadian internment camp
two kilometers outside of town.

956
00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:39,712
They're to be executed tomorrow during

957
00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:41,464
a star-studded USO show
for the troops.

958
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:42,590
Tomorrow?

959
00:46:42,674 --> 00:46:44,300
Once the show begins,
we should have about one hour

960
00:46:44,384 --> 00:46:45,802
to get Terrance and Phillip
out of their cell

961
00:46:45,886 --> 00:46:46,928
and into this clearing.

962
00:46:47,012 --> 00:46:48,471
There, we will all rendezvous
and, together,

963
00:46:48,555 --> 00:46:50,306
take Terrance and Phillip
safely back to Canada.

964
00:46:50,390 --> 00:46:52,225
Wow, dude, Wendy's new guy is smart.

965
00:46:52,309 --> 00:46:54,989
You must all meet me at the rendezvous
point at precisely 10:00 p.m.

966
00:46:55,062 --> 00:46:56,938
Sneaking into the show and breaking out
Terrance and Phillip

967
00:46:57,022 --> 00:47:00,316
will be the most dangerous part,
so I'll go myself.

968
00:47:00,567 --> 00:47:02,235
No! We're going!

969
00:47:02,736 --> 00:47:03,820
We started la Résistance.

970
00:47:03,904 --> 00:47:06,155
We'll get Terrance and Phillip
and meet you at the rendezvous point.

971
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,950
This will be very dangerous.
Are you quite sure?

972
00:47:09,034 --> 00:47:10,159
Fuck that!

973
00:47:10,244 --> 00:47:11,828
Cartman, do you want
that V-Chip in you forever?

974
00:47:11,912 --> 00:47:14,872
We're going.
Now let's run through the plan.

975
00:47:24,550 --> 00:47:26,759
Oh, boy! Military action, Ned!

976
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:29,637
Let's kill us
some goddamn Australians!

977
00:47:29,721 --> 00:47:31,764
I think we're fighting Canadians.

978
00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:34,016
Canadians, Australians,
what's the difference?

979
00:47:34,101 --> 00:47:38,563
Yeah. This uniform makes me feel
like a tough, brute man, Mr. Hat.

980
00:47:38,647 --> 00:47:40,648
It sure does, Mr. Garrison.

981
00:47:40,732 --> 00:47:42,900
Oh, boy, I can't wait for
our first shore leave

982
00:47:42,985 --> 00:47:46,070
so I can get me some fucking poontang.

983
00:47:46,154 --> 00:47:47,154
Pay attention!

984
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:50,491
Tomorrow night is the USO show
for all you troops!

985
00:47:50,576 --> 00:47:55,288
There will be celebrities, followed by
the execution of Terrance and Phillip.

986
00:47:55,789 --> 00:48:00,084
After the show, we will finally be
sending ground troops into Canada.

987
00:48:00,168 --> 00:48:01,460
So let's strategize.

988
00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:02,795
Map!

989
00:48:03,589 --> 00:48:05,715
Our sources have told us
that the Canadians

990
00:48:05,799 --> 00:48:08,676
are preparing for our invasion,
so we must use caution.

991
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,137
Each battalion has
a specific code name and mission.

992
00:48:11,221 --> 00:48:13,639
Battalion Five, raise your hands.

993
00:48:13,724 --> 00:48:16,058
You will be the all-important
first attack wave,

994
00:48:16,143 --> 00:48:18,895
which we will call
Operation Human Shield.

995
00:48:18,979 --> 00:48:20,062
Hey, wait a minute!

996
00:48:20,147 --> 00:48:23,274
Now keep in mind, Operation Human
Shield will suffer heavy losses.

997
00:48:23,358 --> 00:48:24,859
Battalion Fourteen?

998
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:28,237
Right. You are
Operation Get Behind the Darkies.

999
00:48:28,322 --> 00:48:30,072
You will follow Battalion Five here.

1000
00:48:30,157 --> 00:48:33,910
And try not to get killed, for God's sake.
Are there any questions, men?

1001
00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:34,994
Yes, soldier?

1002
00:48:35,078 --> 00:48:37,705
Have you ever heard of
the Emancipation Proclamation?

1003
00:48:37,789 --> 00:48:39,373
I don't listen to hip-hop.

1004
00:48:39,458 --> 00:48:43,544
After that, we will march
into the heart of Canada and we will...

1005
00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:45,463
I'm coming to get you!
I'm coming to get you!

1006
00:48:45,547 --> 00:48:47,840
What's wrong with this thing?

1007
00:48:48,258 --> 00:48:51,594
It's fucking Windows 98!
Get Bill Gates in here!

1008
00:48:54,848 --> 00:48:57,600
You told us Windows 98 would be faster
and more efficient

1009
00:48:57,684 --> 00:48:59,101
with better access to the Internet.

1010
00:48:59,186 --> 00:49:01,771
It is faster. Over five million...

1011
00:49:02,481 --> 00:49:06,692
All right, men, get lots of rest
and prepare to go into Canada!

1012
00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:12,531
After you have Terrance and Phillip,
quietly make your way to this ridge.

1013
00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,700
We will be waiting for you there.
We cannot wait for long,

1014
00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:16,619
so if you're not there at 10:00,
we'll have to leave.

1015
00:49:16,703 --> 00:49:18,037
Got you.
You are indeed brave,

1016
00:49:18,121 --> 00:49:20,581
but you will need help from someone
who's done this sort of thing before.

1017
00:49:20,666 --> 00:49:23,167
Here's the address of The Mole.
The Mole?

1018
00:49:23,251 --> 00:49:25,628
He is an expert in covert operations.
A mercenary for hire.

1019
00:49:25,712 --> 00:49:28,506
Your first task will be obtaining him.
Get lots of sleep.

1020
00:49:28,590 --> 00:49:32,093
Tomorrow, we will all be
risking our lives for freedom.

1021
00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:36,222
God has smiled upon you this day

1022
00:49:37,015 --> 00:49:41,727
The fate of a nation in your hands

1023
00:49:41,812 --> 00:49:44,480
And blessed be the children

1024
00:49:44,564 --> 00:49:47,316
Who fight with all our bravery

1025
00:49:47,401 --> 00:49:51,612
Till only the righteous stand

1026
00:49:52,364 --> 00:49:55,658
You see the distant flames
They bellow in the night

1027
00:49:55,742 --> 00:49:59,036
You fight in all our names
for what we know is right

1028
00:49:59,121 --> 00:50:02,248
And when you all get shot
and cannot carry on

1029
00:50:02,332 --> 00:50:05,251
Though you die, la Résistance lives on

1030
00:50:05,752 --> 00:50:08,963
You may get stabbed in the head
with a dagger or a sword

1031
00:50:09,047 --> 00:50:12,133
You may be burned to death
or skinned alive or worse

1032
00:50:12,217 --> 00:50:15,011
But when they torture you
you will not feel the need to run

1033
00:50:15,095 --> 00:50:18,180
For though you die
la Résistance lives on

1034
00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:21,225
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!

1035
00:50:21,309 --> 00:50:25,563
Because the country's gone awry
Tomorrow night these freaks will fry!

1036
00:50:26,106 --> 00:50:29,066
Tomorrow night, our lives will change

1037
00:50:29,151 --> 00:50:31,986
Tomorrow night, we'll be entertained

1038
00:50:32,404 --> 00:50:35,197
An execution What a sight

1039
00:50:35,282 --> 00:50:36,282
Tomorrow night

1040
00:50:36,324 --> 00:50:38,993
Up there, there is so much room
Where babies burp and flowers bloom

1041
00:50:39,077 --> 00:50:42,204
Tomorrow night, up there is doomed
And so I will be going soon

1042
00:50:42,289 --> 00:50:44,874
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka

1043
00:50:44,958 --> 00:50:48,335
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka

1044
00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:49,795
Looks like we may be out of luck

1045
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:51,380
Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked

1046
00:50:51,465 --> 00:50:54,467
Why did our mothers start this war?
What the fuck are they fighting for?

1047
00:50:54,551 --> 00:50:56,469
When did this song
become a marathon?

1048
00:50:56,553 --> 00:50:58,888
I want to be up there...
When Canada is dead and gone

1049
00:50:58,972 --> 00:51:00,431
There'll be no more Celine Dion!

1050
00:51:00,515 --> 00:51:03,601
They might cut your dick in half
and serve it to a pig

1051
00:51:03,685 --> 00:51:06,645
And though it hurts
you'll laugh and dance a dickless jig

1052
00:51:06,730 --> 00:51:09,523
But that's the way it goes
In war, you're shat upon

1053
00:51:09,608 --> 00:51:11,484
Though we die...
I want to be up there...

1054
00:51:11,568 --> 00:51:15,321
...la Résistance lives on!

1055
00:51:15,655 --> 00:51:18,741
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!

1056
00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:20,659
Tomorrow night!
Tomorrow night!

1057
00:51:25,999 --> 00:51:27,625
Oh, boy, I'm so excited!

1058
00:51:27,709 --> 00:51:29,877
Just one more day
until we can take over the world.

1059
00:51:29,961 --> 00:51:32,463
I don't know if I can sleep,
if you know what I mean.

1060
00:51:32,547 --> 00:51:33,964
This book is really interesting.

1061
00:51:34,049 --> 00:51:36,425
It talks about how people
communicate differently.

1062
00:51:36,510 --> 00:51:39,762
Like, I communicate by wanting you
to ask me questions, and you...

1063
00:51:39,846 --> 00:51:42,556
Hey, that is interesting! Let's fuck!

1064
00:51:42,641 --> 00:51:45,643
Saddam, I'm trying to have
a nice conversation with you.

1065
00:51:45,727 --> 00:51:47,353
Hey, Satan.

1066
00:51:47,896 --> 00:51:50,022
Now that is just not appropriate!

1067
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:53,067
Come on, I'm just fucking with you!
It's not real!

1068
00:51:53,151 --> 00:51:56,362
Well, that is still not appropriate.
Hey, daddy.

1069
00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:59,657
It's not real, either! Come on, guy!

1070
00:52:06,164 --> 00:52:08,749
Soon the world will belong to me!

1071
00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:14,922
It's Saddam,
he doesn't nurture my emotions.

1072
00:52:15,006 --> 00:52:18,175
He just wants sex
and can't learn to communicate.

1073
00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:22,513
You're right, I should leave him!
I'm just gonna tell him,

1074
00:52:22,597 --> 00:52:25,307
"Saddam,
I'm going to Earth to rule alone!"

1075
00:52:25,392 --> 00:52:27,893
I'm strong and I don't need him!

1076
00:52:32,315 --> 00:52:34,650
Today's the day for the USO show

1077
00:52:34,734 --> 00:52:36,735
we're so happy we get to go

1078
00:52:36,820 --> 00:52:38,779
I don't know but I've been told

1079
00:52:38,864 --> 00:52:40,656
Canadian pussy is mighty cold...

1080
00:52:40,740 --> 00:52:42,992
Ike, you have to stay in the attic
'cause if they find you,

1081
00:52:43,076 --> 00:52:46,287
they'll put you
in a Canadian concentration camp.

1082
00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:48,664
Don't worry, Ike,
we're gonna put an end to this.

1083
00:52:48,748 --> 00:52:52,835
And then I'll make Mom come home
and we'll all be a family again.

1084
00:52:56,089 --> 00:52:57,840
All of that is home.

1085
00:53:12,898 --> 00:53:16,692
Hello?
Hi. We need to speak with The Mole.

1086
00:53:16,776 --> 00:53:20,487
I'm sorry, The Mole is grounded.
He can't come out and play.

1087
00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:21,655
What?
He's a kid?

1088
00:53:21,740 --> 00:53:24,366
He said very naughty things about God.

1089
00:53:24,451 --> 00:53:26,785
Well, can we just talk to him
for five seconds, please?

1090
00:53:26,870 --> 00:53:29,205
Well, all right. Christophe?

1091
00:53:31,499 --> 00:53:33,751
Hi, we're gonna go rescue
Terrance and Phillip

1092
00:53:33,835 --> 00:53:35,377
from the USO show and...

1093
00:53:35,462 --> 00:53:37,087
Who are you? Who sent you?
That Gregory kid.

1094
00:53:37,172 --> 00:53:38,380
He said you could sneak us in.

1095
00:53:38,465 --> 00:53:41,008
Are you telling me that you intend to
break into the USO show,

1096
00:53:41,092 --> 00:53:44,428
filled with thousands of soldiers,
and break out Terrance and Phillip?

1097
00:53:44,512 --> 00:53:46,263
I thought it was a pretty stupid idea, too.

1098
00:53:46,348 --> 00:53:47,389
We're la Résistance!

1099
00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:50,017
We wanna save Terrance and Phillip
and stop the war and stuff.

1100
00:53:50,101 --> 00:53:53,187
I can't help you. I'm grounded
in my room for the next three days.

1101
00:53:53,271 --> 00:53:55,314
So are we.
Our parents think we're home right now.

1102
00:53:55,398 --> 00:53:56,398
Why are you grounded?

1103
00:53:56,483 --> 00:53:58,734
Why? Because God hates me,
that's why.

1104
00:53:58,818 --> 00:54:00,361
He has made my life miserable.

1105
00:54:00,445 --> 00:54:03,072
So I call him a cock-sucking asshole
and I get grounded.

1106
00:54:03,156 --> 00:54:05,074
So will you help us?
Very well.

1107
00:54:05,158 --> 00:54:07,117
Meet me in the backyard
in five minutes.

1108
00:54:08,328 --> 00:54:10,246
We'll show God that we're not gonna
fucking take any more...

1109
00:54:10,330 --> 00:54:13,457
What? Christophe, get in here!
Coming, Mother.

1110
00:54:14,626 --> 00:54:17,127
I must be strong. I must be strong.

1111
00:54:18,171 --> 00:54:20,297
Saddam, I need to talk to you.

1112
00:54:20,382 --> 00:54:21,590
You better get packing, bitch.

1113
00:54:21,675 --> 00:54:24,093
We have to go.
We're running out of time.

1114
00:54:24,177 --> 00:54:27,388
Saddam, sometimes you can love
a person very much,

1115
00:54:27,472 --> 00:54:29,306
but still know that they aren't
right for you.

1116
00:54:29,391 --> 00:54:31,100
What the fuck are you talking about?

1117
00:54:31,184 --> 00:54:33,769
You treat me like shit, Saddam!
I'm leaving you!

1118
00:54:33,853 --> 00:54:36,480
I'm going up to Earth to rule alone!

1119
00:54:36,773 --> 00:54:38,565
No. No, you can't do that!

1120
00:54:38,650 --> 00:54:42,528
I'm sorry, but I have to be strong.
Satan, please, give me another chance!

1121
00:54:42,612 --> 00:54:45,739
I have to go to Earth!
You don't even have respect for me!

1122
00:54:45,824 --> 00:54:48,909
Sure I do, guy. Please, just hear me out.

1123
00:54:52,163 --> 00:54:55,374
Some people say that I'm a bad guy

1124
00:54:55,458 --> 00:54:58,377
They may be right
They may be right

1125
00:54:59,129 --> 00:55:02,256
But it's not as if I don't try

1126
00:55:02,340 --> 00:55:05,342
I just fuck up, try as I might

1127
00:55:05,552 --> 00:55:08,137
But I can change, I can change

1128
00:55:08,221 --> 00:55:11,307
I can learn to keep my promises
I swear it

1129
00:55:11,391 --> 00:55:16,020
I'll open up my heart and I will share it
Any minute now I will be born again

1130
00:55:17,188 --> 00:55:19,440
Yes, I can change, I can change

1131
00:55:19,524 --> 00:55:22,443
I know I've been a dirty little bastard

1132
00:55:22,527 --> 00:55:23,652
I like to kill, I like to maim

1133
00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:26,196
Yes, I'm insane, but it's okay
'cause I can change

1134
00:55:27,574 --> 00:55:31,660
It's not my fault that I'm so evil
It's society

1135
00:55:31,745 --> 00:55:33,120
Society

1136
00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:36,123
You see, my parents
were sometimes abusive

1137
00:55:36,207 --> 00:55:38,709
And it made a prick of me

1138
00:55:38,793 --> 00:55:40,919
But I can change, I can change

1139
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:43,797
What if you remain
a sandy little butthole?

1140
00:55:43,882 --> 00:55:47,259
Satan, don't be such a twit
Mother Teresa won't have shit on me

1141
00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:48,594
Just watch Just watch me change

1142
00:55:48,678 --> 00:55:50,512
Here I go I'm changing

1143
00:56:13,912 --> 00:56:15,871
You see, I've really matured.

1144
00:56:15,955 --> 00:56:17,998
All right.
All right!

1145
00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:21,335
Come on. We have to hurry.
I love you.

1146
00:56:25,173 --> 00:56:27,591
Ladies and gentlemen
of the American Army,

1147
00:56:27,675 --> 00:56:30,302
welcome to the USO show!

1148
00:56:30,804 --> 00:56:34,098
Get ready for loads of entertainment
and fabulous celebrities,

1149
00:56:34,182 --> 00:56:38,060
followed immediately by the nasty
execution of Terrance and Phillip!

1150
00:56:43,066 --> 00:56:45,234
This is the USO show
where those military bitches

1151
00:56:45,318 --> 00:56:46,693
intend to kill Terrance and Phillip.

1152
00:56:46,778 --> 00:56:48,570
Oh, my God!
God?

1153
00:56:48,655 --> 00:56:50,364
He is the biggest bitch of them all.

1154
00:56:50,448 --> 00:56:54,201
We have to hurry. We rendezvous
with the other kids at 10:00.

1155
00:56:54,661 --> 00:56:56,703
You realize that by doing this,
we could be grounded for two,

1156
00:56:56,788 --> 00:56:58,080
perhaps even three weeks.

1157
00:56:58,164 --> 00:57:00,541
We're willing to take that risk.
Then let's go.

1158
00:57:00,625 --> 00:57:03,001
And now, here are your hosts
for the evening,

1159
00:57:03,086 --> 00:57:06,338
Sheila Broflovski and Big Gay Al!

1160
00:57:09,008 --> 00:57:12,177
Al, tonight is a very special night,
do you know why?

1161
00:57:12,262 --> 00:57:14,638
They're having a sale at Merv's?

1162
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:18,434
No, because we're going to abolish
Canadian smut!

1163
00:57:18,518 --> 00:57:21,603
That's right, Sheila!
Bring out the condemned!

1164
00:57:25,817 --> 00:57:28,986
Today is a great day for democracy!

1165
00:57:31,197 --> 00:57:33,157
Phillip, this is worse than that night
I fell asleep

1166
00:57:33,241 --> 00:57:35,325
and you put your dick in my mouth
and took a picture!

1167
00:57:35,410 --> 00:57:36,952
I know, Terrance. I know.

1168
00:57:37,036 --> 00:57:39,621
Well, Sheila,
while you're getting set up over there,

1169
00:57:39,706 --> 00:57:44,126
let's bring out our first act,
Yippie the back-fiipping dog!

1170
00:57:56,556 --> 00:57:59,057
Be careful not to touch this wire.

1171
00:57:59,684 --> 00:58:01,226
Motherfucker...

1172
00:58:01,519 --> 00:58:02,728
Fuck...

1173
00:58:08,401 --> 00:58:11,904
Shit, the USO show has started!
We are running out of time!

1174
00:58:11,988 --> 00:58:13,322
Do you see Terrance and Phillip?

1175
00:58:13,406 --> 00:58:14,823
Yes, but they are heavily guarded.

1176
00:58:15,992 --> 00:58:17,868
We have to dig from here
so as not to be seen.

1177
00:58:17,952 --> 00:58:19,036
Come on, bitches.

1178
00:58:20,830 --> 00:58:22,873
Hey, Mole,
do you know where the clitoris is?

1179
00:58:22,957 --> 00:58:24,082
The what?
The clitoris.

1180
00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:26,710
I have to find the clitoris so I can
get this Wendy girl to like me again.

1181
00:58:26,794 --> 00:58:28,504
You need to stop thinking
with your dick!

1182
00:58:28,588 --> 00:58:29,668
You have to be on your toes

1183
00:58:29,714 --> 00:58:31,173
because I am not going to be
grounded again!

1184
00:58:31,257 --> 00:58:32,925
Not for you. Not for anybody.

1185
00:58:33,343 --> 00:58:36,178
Men, when you're out there
in the battlefield

1186
00:58:36,262 --> 00:58:38,680
and you're looking into the beady eyes
of a Canadian

1187
00:58:38,765 --> 00:58:41,725
as he charges you with his hockey stick
or whatever he has

1188
00:58:41,809 --> 00:58:43,894
and people are dying all around you,

1189
00:58:43,978 --> 00:58:46,480
just remember what the M.P.A.A. Says.

1190
00:58:46,564 --> 00:58:49,358
"Horrific, deplorable violence is okay,

1191
00:58:49,442 --> 00:58:52,194
"as long as people don't say
any naughty words!"

1192
00:58:52,278 --> 00:58:55,113
That is what this war is all about!

1193
00:58:56,741 --> 00:58:57,824
What?

1194
00:59:00,078 --> 00:59:01,203
Shit!

1195
00:59:03,248 --> 00:59:04,706
Move, move!

1196
00:59:05,959 --> 00:59:09,461
Okay. We will split up here.
Let's synchronize watches.

1197
00:59:09,879 --> 00:59:11,713
We don't have watches.
You don't have watches?

1198
00:59:11,798 --> 00:59:12,881
Dude, you didn't say
anything about watches!

1199
00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:14,091
What do you think this is, kid?

1200
00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:15,551
TV kiddie-hour where we all sit around

1201
00:59:15,635 --> 00:59:17,678
and lick Barney
the dinosaur's fucking pussy, huh?

1202
00:59:17,762 --> 00:59:19,763
This is real life, with consequences
you take to the grave!

1203
00:59:19,847 --> 00:59:22,641
Dude, we don't have watches.
Shit! Did you bring the mirror?

1204
00:59:22,725 --> 00:59:23,725
Got it!
And the rope?

1205
00:59:23,810 --> 00:59:25,435
Check.
And the buttfor?

1206
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:28,230
What's a buttfor?
For pooping, silly.

1207
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:32,401
Now, listen carefully.
I will dig under the stage,

1208
00:59:32,485 --> 00:59:33,944
and with that bedrock,
I will need more time.

1209
00:59:34,028 --> 00:59:36,789
Stan and Kyle, get near that stage
and stall the show any way you can.

1210
00:59:36,823 --> 00:59:38,156
Do whatever it takes
to keep that show going

1211
00:59:38,241 --> 00:59:39,950
until I get to the prisoners.
Okay.

1212
00:59:40,034 --> 00:59:41,952
Cartman,
over there is the electrical box.

1213
00:59:42,036 --> 00:59:43,453
You must sneak over there
and shut it off

1214
00:59:43,538 --> 00:59:44,913
before I return with Terrance and Phillip

1215
00:59:44,998 --> 00:59:47,499
or the alarms will sound
and I will be attacked by guard dogs.

1216
00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:48,834
Got it?
Okay.

1217
00:59:48,918 --> 00:59:51,378
You must shut off the alarms!
I fucking hate guard dogs!

1218
00:59:51,462 --> 00:59:53,922
I heard you the first time,
you British piece of shit.

1219
00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:56,758
If anything goes wrong,
make a sound like a dying giraffe.

1220
00:59:56,843 --> 00:59:59,303
What's a dying giraffe sound like?

1221
01:00:02,223 --> 01:00:03,515
Okay.
Let's go.

1222
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,183
Be careful, dude.
Careful?

1223
01:00:05,268 --> 01:00:07,477
Was my mother careful
when she stabbed me in the heart

1224
01:00:07,562 --> 01:00:10,856
with a clothes hanger
while I was still in the womb?

1225
01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:16,445
Damn, dude. That kid is fucked up.

1226
01:00:16,529 --> 01:00:20,324
How are those chairs coming, Sheila?
AI, we're minutes away.

1227
01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:22,409
Super! In the meantime,

1228
01:00:22,493 --> 01:00:28,165
here's pint-size pixie and darling of
the indie movie scene, Winona Ryder!

1229
01:00:28,374 --> 01:00:29,708
Hi, guys.

1230
01:00:30,209 --> 01:00:32,336
I'm super psyched to be here today.

1231
01:00:32,420 --> 01:00:35,714
What you're doing
for our country is so cool.

1232
01:00:36,257 --> 01:00:40,427
I mean war, man. Wow. War, you know?

1233
01:00:40,803 --> 01:00:42,137
Wow.

1234
01:00:42,221 --> 01:00:46,933
Okay! And now for your enjoyment,
here's my famous ping-pong ball trick!

1235
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:56,568
Oh, my!

1236
01:00:57,362 --> 01:01:01,448
"Shut off the power, Cartman.
This is very important, Cartman."

1237
01:01:01,532 --> 01:01:03,325
Dude, did you hear
what Winona Ryder's doing?

1238
01:01:03,409 --> 01:01:05,202
We can't miss this.

1239
01:01:08,748 --> 01:01:10,582
There, I didn't miss one!

1240
01:01:10,667 --> 01:01:12,959
That's my ping-pong ball trick!

1241
01:01:17,006 --> 01:01:19,508
Well, that's all the acts
we have for you tonight,

1242
01:01:19,592 --> 01:01:22,302
so let's just get on with the execution!

1243
01:01:23,054 --> 01:01:25,681
Oh, no. We have to stall him.
More! More!

1244
01:01:25,765 --> 01:01:27,224
Yeah, more!

1245
01:01:27,308 --> 01:01:30,185
You big sillies!
You want to see more of me?

1246
01:01:30,269 --> 01:01:32,521
Yeah! Big Gay Al! Big Gay Al!

1247
01:01:32,605 --> 01:01:34,648
Big Gay Al! Big Gay Al!

1248
01:01:34,732 --> 01:01:38,193
Well, I do have a little song
I wrote about the war.

1249
01:01:38,277 --> 01:01:40,028
But we haven't rehearsed.

1250
01:01:40,113 --> 01:01:42,114
Sing it!
Yeah, sing it!

1251
01:01:42,198 --> 01:01:45,033
I can't.
Sing the fucking song!

1252
01:01:45,118 --> 01:01:47,869
Well, all right, if you insist,
I'll sing my song.

1253
01:01:47,954 --> 01:01:50,414
I believe it goes a little bit like this.

1254
01:01:52,625 --> 01:01:56,712
Bombs are flying
People are dying

1255
01:01:56,879 --> 01:02:00,257
Children are crying
Politicians are lying, too

1256
01:02:01,134 --> 01:02:05,262
Cancer is killing
Texaco's spilling

1257
01:02:05,972 --> 01:02:09,266
The whole world's gone to hell
But how are you?

1258
01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:12,728
I'm super, thanks for asking

1259
01:02:12,812 --> 01:02:15,981
All things considered
I couldn't be better, I must say

1260
01:02:16,065 --> 01:02:19,443
I'm feeling super
No, nothing bugs me

1261
01:02:19,777 --> 01:02:24,489
Everything is super when you're...
Don't you think I look cute in this hat?

1262
01:02:25,616 --> 01:02:28,493
I'm so sorry, Mr. Cripple

1263
01:02:28,911 --> 01:02:31,872
But I just can't feel too bad
for you right now

1264
01:02:31,956 --> 01:02:34,916
Because I'm feeling
so insanely super

1265
01:02:35,001 --> 01:02:38,295
That even the fact that you can't walk
can't bring me down

1266
01:02:38,379 --> 01:02:41,298
He's super, thanks for asking

1267
01:02:41,382 --> 01:02:44,593
All things considered
he couldn't be better, he must say

1268
01:02:44,677 --> 01:02:47,512
I'm super No, nothing bugs me

1269
01:02:48,181 --> 01:02:51,600
Everything is super when you're...
Don't you think I look cute in this hat?

1270
01:02:51,684 --> 01:02:54,144
These little pants
this matching tie that I got at Merv's

1271
01:02:54,228 --> 01:02:55,228
I'm super

1272
01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:57,063
In the barracks
and the trenches as well

1273
01:02:57,148 --> 01:02:58,982
Stick 'em up!
Big Gay Al says

1274
01:02:59,066 --> 01:03:01,026
"Do ask, do tell" Skittles

1275
01:03:01,110 --> 01:03:03,361
Yes, he's super
and he's proud to be gay

1276
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:04,446
Okay?

1277
01:03:04,530 --> 01:03:09,326
Everything is super when you're gay

1278
01:03:12,038 --> 01:03:13,580
When you're gay!

1279
01:03:15,249 --> 01:03:16,708
Again! Again!

1280
01:03:25,301 --> 01:03:26,885
Who's there?

1281
01:03:28,012 --> 01:03:29,888
Son of a gun! Heck!

1282
01:03:30,681 --> 01:03:32,265
They're coming?

1283
01:03:32,892 --> 01:03:35,310
But our moms won't listen to us!

1284
01:03:40,858 --> 01:03:43,109
Okay, everybody,
just wanna take a minute here

1285
01:03:43,194 --> 01:03:46,404
to thank all our wonderful sponsors
we had tonight on this USO show.

1286
01:03:46,489 --> 01:03:47,656
He's almost got them.

1287
01:03:47,740 --> 01:03:48,782
We are here to rescue you.

1288
01:03:48,866 --> 01:03:50,700
After I release you,
follow me through the tunnel.

1289
01:03:50,785 --> 01:03:52,145
You guys! Seriously!
What, Cartman?

1290
01:03:52,203 --> 01:03:53,495
Kenny! I saw Kenny again!

1291
01:03:53,579 --> 01:03:56,081
Did you shut the alarm off, Cartman?

1292
01:03:56,749 --> 01:03:57,999
Cartman?

1293
01:03:58,417 --> 01:03:59,709
Shit!

1294
01:04:01,754 --> 01:04:04,381
Hey, did you hear that?
Sounds like a giraffe is dying over there.

1295
01:04:05,591 --> 01:04:07,175
Shit!
A spy!

1296
01:04:07,260 --> 01:04:08,510
Get him!

1297
01:04:09,345 --> 01:04:11,012
Shit! Shit!

1298
01:04:12,139 --> 01:04:13,348
Oh, no!

1299
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:16,351
Come on, Mole, come on!

1300
01:04:16,435 --> 01:04:19,437
Shit! Shit! Fucking guard dogs! Shit!

1301
01:04:19,939 --> 01:04:21,398
The alarms, they went off.

1302
01:04:21,482 --> 01:04:23,441
Yeah, that was my bad. Sorry.

1303
01:04:23,526 --> 01:04:25,902
Hold me. It's so very cold.

1304
01:04:25,987 --> 01:04:27,863
There is no hope now.
You must get out of here.

1305
01:04:27,947 --> 01:04:30,073
We can't leave without you!
It's okay, I'm done for.

1306
01:04:30,157 --> 01:04:32,576
No, we can't leave without you!
We don't know where the hell we are!

1307
01:04:32,660 --> 01:04:34,870
Where is your God
when you need him, huh?

1308
01:04:34,954 --> 01:04:38,290
Where is your beautiful,
merciful faggot now?

1309
01:04:38,374 --> 01:04:41,334
Here I come, God.
Here I come, you fucking rat.

1310
01:04:41,419 --> 01:04:44,170
Now the light, she fades

1311
01:04:44,255 --> 01:04:46,631
And darkness settles in

1312
01:04:47,466 --> 01:04:49,259
But I will find strength

1313
01:04:49,343 --> 01:04:50,343
No, Mole. Hang on.

1314
01:04:50,428 --> 01:04:52,220
I will find pride within

1315
01:04:52,305 --> 01:04:53,346
We'll get you home.

1316
01:04:53,431 --> 01:04:55,015
Because although I die

1317
01:04:55,099 --> 01:04:56,182
I can't face my mother.

1318
01:04:56,267 --> 01:04:57,976
Our freedom will be won

1319
01:04:58,060 --> 01:04:59,311
Not alone.

1320
01:04:59,395 --> 01:05:01,104
Though I die

1321
01:05:01,814 --> 01:05:05,692
La Résistance lives on

1322
01:05:17,872 --> 01:05:19,122
Shit!

1323
01:05:19,206 --> 01:05:22,083
Okay, folks, here it is,
the moment we've all been waiting for,

1324
01:05:22,168 --> 01:05:23,752
the execution!

1325
01:05:28,716 --> 01:05:30,342
The day is ours!

1326
01:05:31,886 --> 01:05:32,886
Oh, no, dude, it's happening!

1327
01:05:32,970 --> 01:05:34,596
We have to tell them
about Saddam Hussein and Satan!

1328
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:36,306
No way, dude!
My mom can't see me here!

1329
01:05:36,390 --> 01:05:38,642
Kyle, you have to stand up
to your mother! Come on!

1330
01:05:38,726 --> 01:05:41,728
Gentlemen, do you have any last words?

1331
01:05:41,812 --> 01:05:44,064
Last words? Let's see. How's about...

1332
01:05:44,148 --> 01:05:46,775
Get me the fuck out of this chair!
How's that for last words?

1333
01:05:46,859 --> 01:05:49,653
All right, anonymous, ready the switch.

1334
01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:52,697
Wait!
Stanley!

1335
01:05:52,782 --> 01:05:54,366
Eric!
Kyle!

1336
01:05:55,534 --> 01:05:58,203
Go on, dude, tell her.
I can't.

1337
01:05:58,955 --> 01:06:00,163
You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.

1338
01:06:00,247 --> 01:06:04,709
If they die, Satan and Saddam Hussein
are gonna come take over the world!

1339
01:06:08,589 --> 01:06:10,715
Throw the switch, Mr. Garrison.

1340
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:13,343
Hey, I'm supposed to be anonymous.

1341
01:06:14,679 --> 01:06:16,304
Goodbye, bastards!

1342
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:17,555
No!

1343
01:06:24,897 --> 01:06:28,149
The Canadians are attacking!
Run for your lives!

1344
01:06:28,651 --> 01:06:31,361
Come on.
We have to shut off the power!

1345
01:06:31,821 --> 01:06:33,071
Fuck!

1346
01:06:34,907 --> 01:06:37,409
Hey, some little fat kid saved us!

1347
01:06:42,915 --> 01:06:43,999
Terrance and Phillip, wait!

1348
01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:46,918
We have to get you
to the rendezvous point!

1349
01:06:49,922 --> 01:06:51,297
Ned, behind you!

1350
01:07:09,859 --> 01:07:12,402
Be not afraid.

1351
01:07:12,486 --> 01:07:13,570
Oh, my God!

1352
01:07:13,654 --> 01:07:17,157
Behold my glory.
What are you?

1353
01:07:17,241 --> 01:07:18,992
I am the clitoris.

1354
01:07:19,326 --> 01:07:21,911
The clitoris? I did it!
I found the clitoris!

1355
01:07:21,996 --> 01:07:24,914
Stan, you must not let
Terrance and Phillip's blood

1356
01:07:24,999 --> 01:07:26,541
be spilled on the ground.

1357
01:07:26,625 --> 01:07:28,543
Wait! You're supposed to tell me
how to get Wendy to like me.

1358
01:07:28,627 --> 01:07:30,712
There are more important matters
right now.

1359
01:07:30,796 --> 01:07:32,505
No way, dude! I looked all over for you

1360
01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:34,507
and now you have to tell me
how to get Wendy to like me!

1361
01:07:34,592 --> 01:07:37,343
Dude, you just have to have
confidence in yourself.

1362
01:07:37,428 --> 01:07:40,013
Believe in yourself
and others will believe in you.

1363
01:07:40,097 --> 01:07:43,058
Chicks love confidence. Now go, hurry!

1364
01:07:43,142 --> 01:07:44,642
The clitoris has spoken.

1365
01:07:44,727 --> 01:07:47,228
Stan! Stan, are you okay?

1366
01:07:47,313 --> 01:07:48,688
I see you failed in your mission.

1367
01:07:48,773 --> 01:07:51,900
I should not have sent a boy
to do a mars job.

1368
01:07:52,443 --> 01:07:55,653
Come on, everyone,
we've got precious little time.

1369
01:07:58,532 --> 01:08:00,825
Die, Canadian, OK?

1370
01:08:04,038 --> 01:08:07,749
Did you hear that Terrance? I farted.
You did? Just now?

1371
01:08:08,918 --> 01:08:09,959
Terrance and Phillip!

1372
01:08:10,044 --> 01:08:11,836
We have to get them
to the rendezvous point!

1373
01:08:11,921 --> 01:08:13,755
Hey, it's Mr. Garrison!

1374
01:08:13,839 --> 01:08:16,466
Children, take Mr. Hat.

1375
01:08:16,550 --> 01:08:18,760
Please, get him out of here.

1376
01:08:19,345 --> 01:08:23,014
Holy shit!
This V-Chip is getting all screwy!

1377
01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:25,016
Take cover in the trench!

1378
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:27,393
All right, men! Human Shield up front,

1379
01:08:27,478 --> 01:08:29,479
then Operation Get Behind the Darkies.

1380
01:08:29,563 --> 01:08:33,483
Remember, Human Shield,
protect our tanks and planes, too!

1381
01:08:37,530 --> 01:08:39,114
Holy mother of Jehoshaphat!

1382
01:08:39,198 --> 01:08:40,198
Fire on my command!

1383
01:08:40,241 --> 01:08:42,992
All right, squad, just like I told you.

1384
01:08:43,744 --> 01:08:46,287
One, two...

1385
01:08:46,372 --> 01:08:48,248
You U.S.A. people gonna die?

1386
01:08:48,332 --> 01:08:49,874
Fire!
...three!

1387
01:08:50,709 --> 01:08:51,918
What in the...

1388
01:08:52,795 --> 01:08:56,214
Great plan, Chef!
Operation Human Shield, my ass!

1389
01:08:58,717 --> 01:09:01,136
My God, this is terrible!

1390
01:09:01,220 --> 01:09:02,929
This is what we wanted!

1391
01:09:03,055 --> 01:09:07,308
We wanted our children to be
brought up in a smut-free environment!

1392
01:09:07,393 --> 01:09:09,602
But we didn't want this!

1393
01:09:09,687 --> 01:09:11,479
Where are you going?

1394
01:09:11,564 --> 01:09:13,273
We're going to find our boys!

1395
01:09:13,357 --> 01:09:16,818
For God's sake, Sheila,
we're going to get them killed!

1396
01:09:22,700 --> 01:09:25,410
Kyle, all those times I said
you were a big, dumb Jew,

1397
01:09:25,494 --> 01:09:28,037
I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.

1398
01:09:28,414 --> 01:09:30,665
Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Cartman!

1399
01:09:30,749 --> 01:09:33,501
No, no, Kyle,
don't be so hard on yourself.

1400
01:09:33,586 --> 01:09:35,837
What the hell am I still holding this for?

1401
01:09:35,921 --> 01:09:38,131
Mr. Hat! No!

1402
01:09:38,215 --> 01:09:41,050
Fuck this, dude. I'm getting out of here
before I get in really big trouble.

1403
01:09:41,135 --> 01:09:43,094
I heard that.
Stan!

1404
01:09:43,179 --> 01:09:44,179
Dude, I found the clitoris,

1405
01:09:44,263 --> 01:09:46,181
so now I think I can get Wendy
to like me again.

1406
01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:47,473
That's swell, Stan.

1407
01:09:47,558 --> 01:09:49,058
Yeah, I guess all's well
that ends well, huh?

1408
01:09:49,143 --> 01:09:51,102
We can go home now, you dipshit!

1409
01:09:51,937 --> 01:09:53,521
What's wrong with this thing?
Come on.

1410
01:09:53,606 --> 01:09:57,275
We can't let Terrance and Phillip die
or else the whole world's gonna end!

1411
01:09:58,611 --> 01:10:00,695
Terrance, look!
There they are!

1412
01:10:00,779 --> 01:10:02,530
Phillip, we're done for!

1413
01:10:02,615 --> 01:10:04,699
All right, men, fire!

1414
01:10:04,783 --> 01:10:06,451
Goodbye, Terrance.

1415
01:10:10,998 --> 01:10:13,208
What is this?
Don't shoot!

1416
01:10:13,667 --> 01:10:17,128
I'll take care of this.
Kids, get out of the way now!

1417
01:10:22,635 --> 01:10:25,887
Kyle!
I'm not gonna let you kill them, Mom!

1418
01:10:25,971 --> 01:10:27,180
What? What? What?

1419
01:10:27,264 --> 01:10:28,848
I'm not moving!

1420
01:10:31,310 --> 01:10:32,435
Stand down, children.

1421
01:10:32,519 --> 01:10:34,687
You can still see fart jokes
on Nickelodeon.

1422
01:10:34,772 --> 01:10:37,273
No! This is about more than fart jokes!

1423
01:10:37,358 --> 01:10:41,903
This is about freedom of speech,
about censorship and stuff.

1424
01:10:41,987 --> 01:10:43,196
What about Ike, huh, Mom?

1425
01:10:43,280 --> 01:10:46,658
Did you forget that your own
adopted son is Canadian?

1426
01:10:47,076 --> 01:10:50,912
I'm doing very important things.

1427
01:10:50,996 --> 01:10:53,581
But, Mom, you never took the time
to talk to me.

1428
01:10:53,666 --> 01:10:56,960
Whenever I get in trouble,
you go off and blame everybody else,

1429
01:10:57,044 --> 01:10:59,462
but I'm the one to blame. Deal with me.

1430
01:10:59,546 --> 01:11:01,965
You keep going off
and fighting all these causes,

1431
01:11:02,049 --> 01:11:05,009
but I don't want a fighter.
I want my mom.

1432
01:11:09,306 --> 01:11:10,932
Poor little fellow.

1433
01:11:11,350 --> 01:11:12,976
No!

1434
01:11:13,602 --> 01:11:14,602
Terrance!

1435
01:11:16,522 --> 01:11:19,816
Holy shit, dude!
Young man, you watch your mouth!

1436
01:11:28,075 --> 01:11:30,034
My time has come!

1437
01:11:30,119 --> 01:11:32,370
You are really fucked now!

1438
01:11:32,454 --> 01:11:34,872
It's Saddam Hussein! Shoot him!

1439
01:11:36,375 --> 01:11:38,001
What a dumbass!

1440
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:43,881
You have spilled
the blood of the innocent!

1441
01:11:43,966 --> 01:11:46,926
Now begins two million years
of darkness!

1442
01:11:47,011 --> 01:11:49,345
Good job, Ms. Broflovski! Thanks a lot!

1443
01:11:49,430 --> 01:11:52,807
I was just trying to make the world
a better place for children.

1444
01:11:52,891 --> 01:11:54,934
Yeah, and you brought
enough intolerance

1445
01:11:55,019 --> 01:11:56,644
to the world to allow my coming.

1446
01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:59,647
Now, everyone bow down to me!

1447
01:12:02,693 --> 01:12:04,027
Bend over!

1448
01:12:04,403 --> 01:12:06,029
What have we done?

1449
01:12:06,113 --> 01:12:08,740
Saddam, I am the dark ruler, not you.

1450
01:12:08,824 --> 01:12:11,909
Relax, bitch.
You're better seen, not heard.

1451
01:12:11,994 --> 01:12:13,411
I can't.

1452
01:12:13,495 --> 01:12:16,122
Let's start by building a big statue of me

1453
01:12:16,206 --> 01:12:18,166
right over there
where that fat kid is standing.

1454
01:12:18,250 --> 01:12:20,918
Hey, don't call me fat, butt-fucker!

1455
01:12:26,717 --> 01:12:28,593
Yeah, Cartman, do it!

1456
01:12:28,677 --> 01:12:31,929
Damn! Shit!
Respect my fucking authority!

1457
01:12:33,474 --> 01:12:34,474
Yes!

1458
01:12:34,558 --> 01:12:37,226
Hey! You need to
watch your mouth, brat!

1459
01:12:37,311 --> 01:12:39,103
Dog shit taco!

1460
01:12:43,609 --> 01:12:45,234
Quick, Satan, do something!

1461
01:12:45,319 --> 01:12:47,278
Try this on for size.

1462
01:12:47,821 --> 01:12:51,115
Blood-drenched
frozen tampon Popsicle!

1463
01:12:53,118 --> 01:12:57,622
Hey, buddy, I know I was mean before,
but don't worry, I can change.

1464
01:12:59,124 --> 01:13:00,375
Okay.

1465
01:13:01,877 --> 01:13:03,002
Not!

1466
01:13:04,338 --> 01:13:06,631
Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner,

1467
01:13:06,715 --> 01:13:09,050
bitch, muff, pussy, cock, butthole,

1468
01:13:09,134 --> 01:13:10,885
Barbra Streisand!

1469
01:13:16,100 --> 01:13:19,060
What are you waiting for, bitch?
Destroy him.

1470
01:13:19,728 --> 01:13:21,813
Come on, you weak,
stupid come-bucket! Save me!

1471
01:13:21,897 --> 01:13:23,398
That's it!

1472
01:13:24,066 --> 01:13:27,276
I have had enough of you!

1473
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:31,489
Hey, guy, relax!

1474
01:13:40,374 --> 01:13:43,876
He spent so much time convincing me
I was weak and stupid

1475
01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:46,254
that I believed it myself.

1476
01:13:47,131 --> 01:13:49,298
I have you to thank, little one.

1477
01:13:49,383 --> 01:13:51,926
You showed me
that I had to get away from him.

1478
01:13:52,010 --> 01:13:55,304
Just make any wish you want,
and I shall grant it.

1479
01:13:58,183 --> 01:14:00,226
Are you sure, Kenny?
What did he say?

1480
01:14:00,310 --> 01:14:02,990
He said that his wish is for everything
to go back to the way it was

1481
01:14:03,063 --> 01:14:04,939
before this horrible war.

1482
01:14:05,023 --> 01:14:08,609
Kenny, you realize that means
you'd go back, too?

1483
01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:21,289
Very well, then.
I will pull all my minions back.

1484
01:14:21,373 --> 01:14:24,667
I guess I'm destined to live in hell.
Alone.

1485
01:14:26,378 --> 01:14:28,296
Hello. What's this?

1486
01:14:28,881 --> 01:14:33,050
Hi, there, little guy.
Would you like to go to hell with me?

1487
01:14:33,802 --> 01:14:37,472
Sure. I bet we could be
best friends, Mr. Satan.

1488
01:14:37,556 --> 01:14:40,475
Feel free to come back and visit us
any time you want, Satan.

1489
01:14:40,559 --> 01:14:42,310
I just might do that.

1490
01:14:42,394 --> 01:14:43,394
Thank you, Kenny.

1491
01:14:43,479 --> 01:14:44,729
Yeah, thanks for going
back to hell for us.

1492
01:14:44,813 --> 01:14:46,647
You're a real pal.

1493
01:14:51,069 --> 01:14:52,862
Goodbye, you guys.

1494
01:15:05,417 --> 01:15:07,376
I'm alive. Where's Mr. Hat?

1495
01:15:07,461 --> 01:15:10,087
Wow! We were all dying
and now we're fine!

1496
01:15:10,172 --> 01:15:11,756
That's super!

1497
01:15:11,840 --> 01:15:14,008
What the fuck's going on?

1498
01:15:17,930 --> 01:15:19,138
You see, Mom? After all that,

1499
01:15:19,223 --> 01:15:21,849
it was Cartmans filthy fucking mouth
that saved us all.

1500
01:15:21,934 --> 01:15:24,977
I'm sorry I didn't pay attention
to you, Kyle.

1501
01:15:27,439 --> 01:15:29,106
But, Wendy, what about Gregory?

1502
01:15:29,191 --> 01:15:31,025
Stan, I never really cared for Gregory.

1503
01:15:31,109 --> 01:15:32,818
You didn't?
No, dude. Fuck Gregory!

1504
01:15:32,903 --> 01:15:36,197
Fuck him right in the ear!
Thank you, clitoris.

1505
01:15:36,281 --> 01:15:39,867
Everything worked out
What a happy end

1506
01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:44,163
Americans and Canadians
are friends again

1507
01:15:44,248 --> 01:15:47,208
So let's all join hands
and knock oppression down

1508
01:15:47,292 --> 01:15:48,376
Good Lordy, I'm found

1509
01:15:48,460 --> 01:15:51,254
Don't you know our little lives
are now complete?

1510
01:15:51,338 --> 01:15:53,422
'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet

1511
01:15:53,507 --> 01:15:54,799
Super sweet!

1512
01:15:54,883 --> 01:15:57,635
Thank God we live in this quiet

1513
01:15:57,719 --> 01:16:01,222
Little, pissant, redneck
Podunk, jerkwater

1514
01:16:01,306 --> 01:16:03,558
Greenorn, one-horse
Mudhole, peckerwood

1515
01:16:03,642 --> 01:16:06,143
Right-wing, whistle-stop
Hobnail, truck-driving

1516
01:16:06,228 --> 01:16:08,354
Old-fashioned, hayseed
Inbred, unkempt

1517
01:16:08,438 --> 01:16:10,189
Out-of-date, out-of-touch, white-trash

1518
01:16:10,274 --> 01:16:15,403
Kick-ass, mountain

1519
01:16:15,487 --> 01:16:19,407
Town!

1520
01:16:20,784 --> 01:16:22,034
Look!

1521
01:21:07,779 --> 01:21:09,822
Guys, up there is Hodun.