1
00:01:50,009 --> 00:01:50,976
Yo.
2
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:53,202
Hey, I was doing some research
for next year...
3
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:56,314
...and I think I figured out
which website I wanna subscribe to.
4
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:59,542
- The Vag-tastic Voyage.
- Which one is the Vag-tastic Voyage?
5
00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:01,515
The Vag-tastic Voyage
is the one where...
6
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:05,020
...they find random girls on the street,
and they invite them into a van...
7
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:06,988
...and then they bang them
in the van.
8
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:08,455
It's like 13 bucks a month...
9
00:02:08,661 --> 00:02:10,322
...and you get access
to other sites.
10
00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:14,830
Like one's Latina, one's Asian,
you know, there's one for fetishes...
11
00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:17,525
...like feet and pee-pee and shit
and stuff like that.
12
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:19,500
That's disgusting.
You're like an animal.
13
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:22,174
I'm... What? I'm disgusting?
You're the weird one, man.
14
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:24,343
Don't make me feel weird
because I like porn.
15
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:26,842
You're weird for not liking porn.
I'm normal as shit.
16
00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:28,809
Peeing on people. That's normal?
17
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:31,347
Evan, I'm not saying
I'm gonna look at it.
18
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:33,917
I'm just saying that
it comes with the site, okay?
19
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:36,486
I don't know what I'm gonna be into
10 years from now.
20
00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:38,384
I'm just sick of all the amateur stuff.
21
00:02:38,591 --> 00:02:41,754
I mean, like, if I'm paying top dollar,
I want a little production value.
22
00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:44,691
Like some editing, transition,
something. Some music.
23
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:48,732
Yeah, well, I'm sorry the Coen brothers
don't direct the porn that I watch.
24
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:50,493
They're hard to get ahold of, okay?
25
00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:53,536
Plus your parents are gonna be
looking at the bill, dipshit.
26
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:58,143
Yeah, you're right. I probably should
pick the one with the least dirty name.
27
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,439
What about, like, Perfect Ten?
28
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,446
Something like that, you know?
29
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:06,209
Like Perfect Ten?
30
00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,250
Because that could be
any number of things.
31
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:11,821
They can't really get you for that.
That could be, like, a bowling website.
32
00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:16,051
Yeah, but they don't really show dick
going in, which is a huge concern.
33
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,229
I didn't realize that.
34
00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,990
Plus, have you ever seen
a vagina by itself?
35
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:22,596
Not for me.
36
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,235
Hi.
37
00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:28,232
- Thanks for taking him, Seth.
- No... No problem, Jane.
38
00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:30,671
- How are you?
- Good.
39
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,469
Beautiful.
40
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,073
- Don't touch that.
- What are you...?
41
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,374
- I'm not a piece of meat.
- You two are funny.
42
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:41,347
I can't imagine what you're gonna do
without each other next year.
43
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,579
Evan told me
you didn't get into Dartmouth.
44
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:48,451
I got into some schools, some
pretty good ones. So I'll be fine.
45
00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:51,653
- You gonna miss each other?
- No. Miss each other? No, thank you.
46
00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:53,422
I don't... I don't miss each other.
47
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,430
I'm gonna cry myself
to sleep every night.
48
00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:57,193
- Me too.
- When I'm out partying.
49
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,995
Go to school, boys.
50
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:02,166
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, Jane.
51
00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:08,208
I am truly jealous you got to suck
on those tits when you were a baby.
52
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:11,315
Yeah, well, at least you got to
suck on your dad's dick.
53
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:25,655
Hey, Seth,
you can't park in the faculty lot.
54
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:28,766
Don't be such a vagine, man.
I gotta get a Red Bull before class.
55
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,927
You're being an idiot.
You shouldn't have parked there.
56
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:34,663
Fuck it. I'm about to graduate.
57
00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:37,638
They should be sucking
on my ball sac.
58
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,572
It's the least they could do
for stealing three years of my life.
59
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:48,245
- Oh, fuck me.
- Look at those nipples.
60
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,388
They're like little baby toes.
61
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,649
It's not fair
they get to flaunt that stuff...
62
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,952
...and I have to hide
every erection I get.
63
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:57,789
You know what I do?
I flip my boner up into my waistband.
64
00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,988
It hides it and it feels awesome.
65
00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:02,633
I almost blew a load
into my bellybutton.
66
00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:05,804
I mean, just imagine if girls weren't
weirded out by our boners...
67
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:07,666
...and just, like,
wanted to see them.
68
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:10,968
I mean, that's the world
I one day wanna live in.
69
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:14,305
It's been two years since I've seen
an actual human female nipple.
70
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,482
Shauna?
Shauna was two years ago now?
71
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:17,650
Yeah.
72
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:20,284
Yeah, I guess so.
But she was insanely hot.
73
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:23,683
Exactly. She was too hot, okay?
That's what sucks.
74
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:26,154
How can that suck?
I'd be psyched if I got with her.
75
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:27,849
You got, like, two dozen handjobs.
76
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,757
Yes, and three-quarters of a blowjob,
but who's counting?
77
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:33,056
Look, it was the peak
of my ass-getting career...
78
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,824
...and it happened way too early.
79
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,968
- You're like Orson Welles.
- Exactly!
80
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,661
If I'd paced myself,
I'd be having at least steady sex...
81
00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:41,169
...with a decent-looking girl.
82
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:44,343
I honestly see now why Orson Welles
ate his fat ass to death.
83
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:46,341
You'll have sex in college,
everyone does.
84
00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:49,640
But the point is to be good at sex
by the time you get to college.
85
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,682
You don't want girls thinking
you suck dick at fucking pussy.
86
00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:54,853
I still think you have
a chance with Jules.
87
00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:56,851
She got incredibly hot over
last summer...
88
00:05:57,056 --> 00:05:59,024
...and she obviously
hasn't realized it yet...
89
00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:01,887
...because she's still talking to you
and flirting with you.
90
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:05,121
Are you out of your mind?
Look at Jules' dating record, okay?
91
00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:08,664
She dated Dan Remick, who's had
a six-pack since, like, kindergarten.
92
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:12,429
Jason Stone, who looks like
fucking Zack Morris. And Matt Muir.
93
00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:14,902
Matt Muir.
He's the sweetest guy ever.
94
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,939
Have you ever stared into his eyes?
95
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:19,703
It was like the first time
I heard the Beatles.
96
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,973
Why would she end
her high school career with me?
97
00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:25,207
Becca dated Eric Rosecrantz
for like two years.
98
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:28,717
Yeah, but he's a fucking idiot.
You're a step up from that dick-load.
99
00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:31,014
That's why you need to stop...
Will you get this?
100
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,624
That's why you need to stop
being a pussy and nail her.
101
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,589
You could bang her
before you leave.
102
00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:38,730
And I'm not gonna dance around it,
she looks like a good fucker.
103
00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:41,331
I'm tired of you talking
about her like that, man.
104
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:44,992
What, you can talk about her all day
and if I say one thing, it's blasphemy?
105
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:46,762
Well, I don't constantly insult her.
106
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:48,372
I'm not trying to insult her.
107
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:51,099
I'm just saying that
she looks like a good fucker, okay?
108
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:52,834
She looks like she can take a dick.
109
00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:55,605
Some women pride themselves
on their dick-taking abilities.
110
00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:58,716
Dick-taking abilities? You think
that's good to say about someone?
111
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,113
The fucked-up thing is,
I actually do, okay?
112
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:04,915
If a woman tried to compliment me on
my dick-giving abilities, I'd be psyched.
113
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:06,489
Hey, yo, Seth.
114
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:09,728
What?
115
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,955
Did you hear I'm having
a big grad party next Saturday?
116
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:16,334
- No.
- Yeah.
117
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:19,903
- Oh, shit!
- You're not coming.
118
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:23,804
Tell your fucking faggot friend
he can't come either.
119
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,143
So Jesse wanted me to tell you...
120
00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:32,715
...you're a fucking faggot
and can't come to his party.
121
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:34,784
You really bitched out
back there, man.
122
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:36,318
I bitched out?
123
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:39,286
You bitched out, man,
you fucking Judas.
124
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:40,686
You fucking left me hanging.
125
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,884
Did you want me to dive
in front of his spit?
126
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:48,025
Come on, guys, let's go!
127
00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:04,539
This is bullshit.
128
00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:06,877
Pussy.
129
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:11,049
If I equals the square root
of negative one...
130
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:16,820
...then I squared equals
negative one. Okay?
131
00:08:17,029 --> 00:08:19,259
In other words,
if you consider I as a constant...
132
00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:23,231
...you can then define the square roots
of all the negative numbers.
133
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:28,106
So I is an imaginary number.
It doesn't really exist.
134
00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:31,367
If I equals the square root
of negative one...
135
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,568
...then I squared equals
negative one.
136
00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:36,441
Is this making s...?
Okay.
137
00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:44,352
- Okay, bye.
- Evan!
138
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:46,358
- Evan, hey.
- Hey, Becca.
139
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,151
- Hey, thank you for your pen.
- Hey.
140
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,989
No problem. No, no, don't worry.
No worries. You keep it.
141
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:54,758
You won't have to borrow one again
because you'll have that one.
142
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:58,835
- Thank you so much, that's...
- You're welcome. Don't worry about it.
143
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,665
So I was gonna ask you...
144
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,364
...did you hear about
Jesse's grad party next weekend?
145
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:07,137
- It should be fun.
- I heard, I... It's a maybe.
146
00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:08,836
- Really?
- For me at the moment.
147
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:10,576
- My R.S.V.P.
- Just a maybe?
148
00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:11,750
So far.
149
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:14,613
There's so much other fun shit
that's gonna be happening...
150
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,846
...that I can't really commit and,
you know, hurt someone's feelings.
151
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:21,117
Fun shit? But I never see you
at parties or anything.
152
00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:24,792
That's because of
all the other fun shit I'm off doing.
153
00:09:24,997 --> 00:09:26,726
I'd love to be at all of them, but...
154
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,764
Why weren't you
at Dimitri's on Saturday?
155
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,458
There was so many things
going on.
156
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,763
I couldn't find a minute
to make an appearance.
157
00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:36,408
- What did you do?
- Saturday was a crazy night for me.
158
00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:41,412
I had some friends over,
we had a few drinks.
159
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:43,445
That's Vag-tastic!
160
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:46,379
I hung out in my basement,
the chill zone, where we chill-lax.
161
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,214
Like "relax" and "chill"
all at once.
162
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:51,813
Seth's parents
were throwing a party.
163
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,959
We got to hang around adults,
which was a nice change of pace.
164
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:58,597
You converse, you talk to people
and they have interesting stories.
165
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:02,461
I talked to a man who claimed he had
climbed five mountains in his life.
166
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:06,100
Then we went to a nightclub, which
was incredible. This big, fancy one.
167
00:10:06,305 --> 00:10:09,069
- Gonna look at tits right now!
- I'm feeling crazy. I said that.
168
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,740
- You got in?
- We got right in.
169
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,741
- Wanna do this, 'roid monkey?
- Fuck you!
170
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,313
Then we called it a night.
We were all just really exhausted.
171
00:10:17,516 --> 00:10:19,279
What the fuck?!
172
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:22,716
You would've loved it. It was
an incredible, unbelievable night.
173
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:24,219
That sounds like a lot of fun.
174
00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:27,324
You know, I'd love to go
do something like that sometime.
175
00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:29,153
Who wouldn't? I mean, it was like...
176
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:32,559
...me and Seth are
always kind of cooking up these...
177
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:35,393
...fun, sort of,
little, you know, events.
178
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:38,331
I guess you guys are really
gonna go crazy next year together.
179
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:41,267
We were going to,
but we got into different schools.
180
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,499
Really? That sucks.
181
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:46,935
Yeah, I mean, it's not too bad.
I mean, it should be okay.
182
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,704
Not too worried about it, really.
183
00:10:48,914 --> 00:10:51,508
Don't worry about it.
I'm not worried at all.
184
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:56,621
- All right, well, thank you for the pen.
- Yeah. No problem.
185
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:59,689
- Bye.
- Bye.
186
00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:02,156
Bye, Evan.
187
00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:14,536
Mrs. Hayworth, I joined this class
because I'd be cooking with a partner.
188
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:18,301
But she's never here, and I don't get
twice the grades for doing all the work.
189
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,570
I didn't invent odd numbers, Seth.
190
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,806
I know, but look at Evan, okay?
Just look at him.
191
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:27,474
Don't keep me waiting much longer.
I'm getting impatient up here.
192
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,485
You know what I'm talking about.
Miroki, you're embarrassing me.
193
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:34,091
I'm here in my unit, isolated and alone,
eating my terrible-tasting food...
194
00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:35,760
...and I gotta look over at that.
195
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:38,156
Looks like the most fun
I've ever seen in my life.
196
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,492
And it's B.S. Excuse my language.
I'm just saying that I wash and dry.
197
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,827
I'm like a single mother.
198
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,003
We all know Home Ec is a joke,
no offense.
199
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,605
Everyone takes this class to get an A.
It's bullshit, and I'm sorry.
200
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:51,743
I'm not putting down your profession,
but it's just the way I feel.
201
00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:54,242
I don't wanna sit here alone
cooking this shitty food.
202
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:58,406
No offense. And I just think
that I don't ever need to cook tiramisu.
203
00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:00,346
When am I gonna need
to cook tiramisu?
204
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,918
Am I gonna be a chef? No.
205
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:05,113
There's three weeks left in school.
Give me a fucking break.
206
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:07,485
I'm sorry for cursing.
207
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:10,992
All right, Jules' partner isn't here
today either.
208
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:12,630
Pair up with her. Station four.
209
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:14,957
Jules?
210
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:18,032
All right. I'll give it another shot.
211
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,228
I'll give Home Ec another shot.
212
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:32,044
Hey, Jules.
Your partner didn't come today?
213
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,783
- That's kind of a personal question.
- What?
214
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:38,447
Nothing. It's my attempt at humour.
I was just...
215
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,453
Oh, like coming.
216
00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:42,718
Like "coming" coming.
217
00:12:44,968 --> 00:12:47,265
That was a little too far right there.
The gesture.
218
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:50,367
Yeah. It's pretty far.
Shit, I do that...
219
00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:52,935
No, don't worry.
I'm actually used to it.
220
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:55,733
My older brother says, like,
the nastiest shit.
221
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,068
Like he called me "hymen"
until I was 12.
222
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:00,812
- That's sick. That's not even clever.
- I know.
223
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:01,980
I know.
224
00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:04,741
I would've gone with something
at least mildly entertaining.
225
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,350
You know, like... Like...
Like "family Jules."
226
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:11,956
Or like "nuts." Yeah, that's funny.
That's a fucking funny joke.
227
00:13:12,391 --> 00:13:14,359
Fucking funny.
228
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,929
- I can't believe that.
- So, all right. We gotta...
229
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:19,097
...mix it up.
230
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:59,336
Yeah, Hayworth will notice this,
if we cover it with chocolate.
231
00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:01,831
- The whole thing?
- Just dump it on. I'm serious.
232
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:03,065
Okay.
233
00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:06,743
- And now it looks professional.
- That's really impressive.
234
00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:09,380
- It's beautifully done.
- I think we're gonna get an A.
235
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:13,976
So, what are you doing tonight?
236
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,049
- Probably nothing. Why?
- I don't know.
237
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:18,246
My parents are gone
so I'm having a party.
238
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:21,051
I don't really know how many people
are gonna be there...
239
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,524
...but you could stop by
if you wanted to.
240
00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:26,223
Yeah, I love parties.
241
00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:28,257
Really?
242
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,966
I just don't really ever
see you at them.
243
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:32,865
You know, it's a love-hate thing.
244
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:36,405
So, like, you know, right now,
I really love them, though.
245
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:40,076
- Yeah.
- Good shit, right, Miroki?
246
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:41,571
Yeah.
247
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:44,408
Hey, Miroki, could we have
a minute alone? Just... Thanks.
248
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:47,177
Dude, Jules is having
a fucking party.
249
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:48,751
Hey!
250
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:52,419
- Don't tell Fogell about the party.
- Gangsters. What's up, guys?
251
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:55,951
I was just walking down the hall
and Nicola was right in front of me.
252
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:59,096
She's wearing these tight white pants
with this black G-string...
253
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:02,324
...and you could see right
through the pants. It was so sweet.
254
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:14,844
It's 10:33.
255
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,716
What?
256
00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:22,048
I told her what time it was.
257
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:25,189
That's the coolest fucking story
I've ever heard in my entire life.
258
00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:27,951
- Can I hear it again? You have time?
- Yeah, yeah, Seth.
259
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,958
I'll miss your knee-slappers
when me and Evan are at Dartmouth.
260
00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:33,256
...while you guys are at Dartmouth,
I'll be at State...
261
00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:36,559
...where the girls are half as smart
and twice as likely to fellash me.
262
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,169
What are you guys doing tonight?
Asshole.
263
00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:41,566
We got nothing.
Nothing tonight, Fogell.
264
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,641
No? Well, if nothing comes up,
We can get shitfaced again, yeah?
265
00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:47,573
You're always calling me a pussy,
but today you're wrong.
266
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,214
At lunch, I'm going to the same place
Mike Snider went...
267
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:52,782
...to pick up my brand-new fake ID.
268
00:15:53,652 --> 00:15:57,088
Yeah. Fake ID. Fake ID. I'm tight.
269
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,723
That's insane. Evan was like,
"I heard about this party."
270
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:02,860
"We shouldn't tell Fogell."
I was like, "No, we should tell Fogell."
271
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,189
You could buy us booze now.
It's awesome.
272
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:08,855
Yeah, I'll... Sure, I'll buy the booze.
Yeah, we're gonna get our drinks on.
273
00:16:09,068 --> 00:16:11,559
We're gonna party
and get crunk and rock out, dude.
274
00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:13,829
If you're not in this class,
leave this class.
275
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:16,200
Fogell! Hi.
276
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:17,466
Okay. Gotta go.
277
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:19,667
Well done. Seriously.
See you after class.
278
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:22,008
You tell that idiot you're not
rooming with him next year?
279
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:23,181
Not yet. No.
280
00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:26,112
All right, well, you better.
That guy's the fucking antipoon.
281
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,252
Seth, it's dishes time.
What's the holdup?
282
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:30,712
We're getting a fake ID, so...
283
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:33,687
- It's not like a big deal.
- Wow, that's cool.
284
00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:36,019
But you guys have, like,
four more years to go...
285
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:37,627
...so do you wanna get to work?
286
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,196
Well, we got into
different schools, so...
287
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:42,492
So you're cutting the cord?
What's gonna happen?
288
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:45,261
Nothing. Jeez, what does
everybody think is gonna happen?
289
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:48,304
The world's gonna explode if we
don't spend every second together?
290
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,873
I mean, we're not dependent
on each other, you know.
291
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:53,476
We met when we were 8.
We were fine before then.
292
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,477
I was. I mean, it's like,
we don't do everything together.
293
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,377
No. All right, I gotta take a piss.
294
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:01,212
My dick's not gonna shake itself.
Come on, babe.
295
00:17:03,455 --> 00:17:06,185
- He's a crack-up.
- I'm just gonna go.
296
00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:11,360
Well, at least
we're getting a graduation party.
297
00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:12,689
Thank God, man.
298
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:14,763
I'm excited.
299
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:18,425
I would do terrible, disgusting things
to hook up with Jules.
300
00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:20,400
- Unforgivable things.
- I hear you, man.
301
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,733
I'd give my middle nut
to start dating Becca.
302
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,841
Becca's a bitch.
303
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,672
You know what? I'm seriously
getting fucking sick of you...
304
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,314
...talking about her like that,
if we can be honest.
305
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,143
- Me too.
- Why do you hate her so much?
306
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:34,751
You've never given me a reason.
I think you like her.
307
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:38,248
- Fuck no, man! I hate Becca.
- Why, man?
308
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:40,925
Fine, Evan. Here it comes.
309
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:43,924
When I was a little kid,
I kind of had this problem.
310
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:45,756
And it's not even that big of a deal.
311
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:48,694
Something like 8 percent of kids
do it, but whatever. It's...
312
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:55,329
For some reason, I don't know why,
I would just kind of sit around all day...
313
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,873
...and draw pictures of dicks.
314
00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:02,004
What?
315
00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:04,641
Draw pictures of dicks.
316
00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:06,382
Dicks?
317
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,382
Like a man dick?
318
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,889
Yeah. Like a man dick.
319
00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:16,957
I'd sit there for hours, drawing dicks.
I don't know what it was.
320
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:20,928
I couldn't touch the pen to paper
without drawing the shape of a penis.
321
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:23,397
- That's fucked.
- No shit, it's really fucked up.
322
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,864
Here I am, this little kid...
323
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:28,005
...and I can't stop drawing dicks
to save my own life.
324
00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:39,812
All right. I mean, I don't see
what this has to do with Becca.
325
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,384
Just listen. Okay?
326
00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:45,751
Your precious little Becca
sat next to me for all of fourth grade.
327
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:50,087
And in the classroom is where
I did the majority of my illustrations.
328
00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:54,126
I was very secretive about this
whole dick operation I had going on.
329
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:55,891
Even I thought I was fucking crazy.
330
00:18:56,101 --> 00:18:57,762
Imagine what everyone else
would think.
331
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,938
So I would stash
all of my dick drawings...
332
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,006
...in this Ghostbusters lunchbox
that I had.
333
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:07,406
So one day I'm finishing up this
real big, veiny, triumphant bastard.
334
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:08,705
All of a sudden...
335
00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:10,643
Pussy!
336
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,019
You hit Becca's foot with your dick?
337
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,950
Yeah. I know.
338
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:34,439
Oh, my God!
339
00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:38,903
She starts crying. She flips out.
And she rats me out to the principal.
340
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:41,602
He finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox
dick treasure chest...
341
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:43,212
...and he fucking flips out.
342
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:56,060
He calls in my parents. Turns out this
principal is some religious fanatic...
343
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,422
...and he thinks I'm possessed
by some dick devil.
344
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:02,066
My parents make me see a therapist,
and he's asking me dick questions.
345
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:04,497
They made me stop eating foods
shaped like dicks.
346
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,330
No hot dogs, no Popsicles.
347
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:09,405
You know how many foods are
shaped like dicks? The best kinds.
348
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:11,041
Yeah.
349
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:14,778
Well, I don't...
That's really messed up.
350
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,808
- Super gay.
- All right, let's stop this madness.
351
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:21,247
- Let's just go get some dessert.
- I can't, I gotta go meet my counselor.
352
00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:23,751
I'm picking out my classes
for next year.
353
00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:28,817
So I gotta sit and eat dessert alone,
like I'm fucking Steven Glanzberg?
354
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,961
I gue... Yeah, I mean,
what do you want me to do?
355
00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:35,090
I don't know. Nothing. It's fine.
356
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:39,533
- Just relax, man. I'll see you later.
- That's fine. I'll be fine.
357
00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:48,813
Hey, pussy.
358
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:50,879
Fuck off.
359
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,778
Just the one. Just the one. Not both.
360
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,612
- So I'll call Andy and Greg.
- Okay.
361
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:57,288
And I'll bring the '80s dance music.
362
00:20:57,489 --> 00:20:59,081
- Yeah, yeah.
- Right on.
363
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,725
Seth! Hi. There you are.
We were just talking about you.
364
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,122
- Here I am.
- That's weird.
365
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:07,059
So you're coming to my party tonight?
Because it's fully on.
366
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:10,326
Yeah, why? Should I not come?
Because I could think of other shit...
367
00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:13,026
Oh, no. No.
I want you to come, I just...
368
00:21:13,238 --> 00:21:16,469
You said something earlier about,
like, a fake ID or something, right?
369
00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:19,235
Yeah, I'm gonna get one.
For sure, for sure.
370
00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:22,174
I'm getting that for sure.
371
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:24,913
Can you get us booze?
372
00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:29,684
Yeah. I can.
I can get you guys alcohol.
373
00:21:29,888 --> 00:21:31,412
- Really? Seriously?
- Yes, for sure.
374
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,181
That would be awesome.
Thank you.
375
00:21:33,392 --> 00:21:35,860
Because we were worried about that.
That would be great.
376
00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:38,723
Plus, you know, you scratch
our backs, we'll scratch yours.
377
00:21:38,930 --> 00:21:40,955
Well, Jules, the funny thing
about my back...
378
00:21:41,166 --> 00:21:43,657
...is that it's located on my cock.
379
00:21:46,204 --> 00:21:48,172
So you do want alcohol?
You want some or no?
380
00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:50,568
You do or you don't?
You do want alcohol.
381
00:21:50,776 --> 00:21:52,107
- Yeah.
- Either way.
382
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,302
- Well...
- Either way. Either way's fine.
383
00:21:54,513 --> 00:21:56,242
This is actually kind of a big favour.
384
00:21:56,448 --> 00:22:00,384
Because my parents left me like
100 bucks to feed myself for the week.
385
00:22:00,585 --> 00:22:03,782
But the house is full of food,
so I just thought I'd spend it all...
386
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:06,787
...on, you know,
extra drinks for the party, so...
387
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:10,120
That's really nice. I don't think
I've ever done anything that nice.
388
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,853
- It's cool?
- Yeah.
389
00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:13,224
- Okay. Thank you.
- Awesome.
390
00:22:13,432 --> 00:22:16,401
I mean, seriously, that's really...
That's nice of you. Thank you.
391
00:22:16,601 --> 00:22:20,230
So should I just get a shitload
of different shit?
392
00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:23,371
Well, you gotta get me
some Kyle's Killer Lemonade.
393
00:22:23,575 --> 00:22:26,806
Kyle's Killer Lemonade. That's kind of
gay, but I can get it for you.
394
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:30,247
So... Okay, so then
we will see you tonight.
395
00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:31,279
Go to the ball, guys.
396
00:22:32,050 --> 00:22:34,211
Evan. Get into the game.
397
00:22:34,786 --> 00:22:36,686
Kick it over to me.
398
00:22:36,888 --> 00:22:38,947
Seth! Get off the field!
399
00:22:39,157 --> 00:22:41,318
Get out of here.
They're gonna make me run laps.
400
00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:42,720
Just fucking listen, okay?
401
00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:46,386
Jules and her stupid fucking friend
asked me to buy her alcohol.
402
00:22:46,598 --> 00:22:49,533
But not just her, for her whole party.
You know what that means?
403
00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:52,898
By some miracle, we were paired up
and she actually thought of me.
404
00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,801
Thought of me enough to decide
I was the guy she would trust...
405
00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:58,805
...with the whole fun-ness of her party.
She wants to fuck me.
406
00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:01,843
She wants my dick
in or around her mouth.
407
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,811
Did you think that maybe
she's using you to get her alcohol?
408
00:23:05,016 --> 00:23:07,541
- She doesn't want your dick.
- Of course I thought of that.
409
00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:09,744
The first thing that came
to my mind. Listen.
410
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:12,048
My older brother always says
the nastiest shit.
411
00:23:12,257 --> 00:23:14,725
Like he called me "hymen"
until I was 12.
412
00:23:14,926 --> 00:23:16,416
Seth, I wanna blow you.
413
00:23:17,295 --> 00:23:18,557
She didn't say that. Come on.
414
00:23:18,764 --> 00:23:20,595
She didn't say the second part,
the first...
415
00:23:20,799 --> 00:23:23,199
She's got an older brother.
She could have asked him.
416
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:24,994
She looked me in the eyes and said:
417
00:23:25,203 --> 00:23:28,934
"Seth, Mom is making a pubie salad.
I need some Seth's Own dressing."
418
00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:31,507
She's D.T.F.
She's down to fuck, man.
419
00:23:31,710 --> 00:23:34,372
P in vagi.
She wants to fuck, man.
420
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:37,241
Tonight is the night
that fucking is an actual possibility.
421
00:23:37,449 --> 00:23:40,077
You sound like an idiot.
You're not gonna sleep with her.
422
00:23:40,285 --> 00:23:43,550
No. Dude, I know
I talk a lot of shit, okay?
423
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:46,349
But she's gonna be at the party
and she's gonna be drunk.
424
00:23:46,558 --> 00:23:49,959
She likes me at least a little.
At the very least, I'll make out with her.
425
00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:52,153
Two weeks, handjob.
Month, blowjob. Whatever.
426
00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:53,922
And then I make her my girlfriend.
427
00:23:54,132 --> 00:23:56,100
And I've got, like,
two solid months of sex.
428
00:23:56,301 --> 00:23:57,893
By the time college rolls around...
429
00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,367
...I'll be like the Iron Chef
of pounding vag.
430
00:24:00,572 --> 00:24:01,869
Can we talk about this later?
431
00:24:02,073 --> 00:24:04,007
What the fuck, Evan?
We're down two points.
432
00:24:04,209 --> 00:24:06,040
Fucking calm down, Greg.
It's soccer.
433
00:24:06,244 --> 00:24:07,836
- It's soccer.
- Fuck you, man.
434
00:24:08,046 --> 00:24:10,276
Hey, Greg, why don't you go
piss your pants again?
435
00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:13,007
- That was eight years ago, asshole.
- People don't forget.
436
00:24:13,218 --> 00:24:15,277
Do you wanna hear the best part?
Becca.
437
00:24:15,487 --> 00:24:17,284
You do the same thing with her.
438
00:24:17,489 --> 00:24:19,582
When you guys are shitfaced,
you get with her.
439
00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:22,555
This is our last party
as high school people.
440
00:24:22,761 --> 00:24:25,628
I've ignored my hatred for Becca
in coming up with this plan.
441
00:24:25,831 --> 00:24:28,595
I'm flexing nuts. Just fucking
come with me on this voyage...
442
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,358
...and stop being a pussy
for once...
443
00:24:30,569 --> 00:24:33,595
...and we can fucking
fuck some girls already.
444
00:24:34,206 --> 00:24:36,504
- I should buy Becca alcohol?
- Yeah, it'll be pimp.
445
00:24:36,708 --> 00:24:39,575
That way you know she'll be drunk.
You know when girls say:
446
00:24:39,778 --> 00:24:42,941
"I was so shitfaced last night.
I shouldn't have fucked that guy."
447
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:44,513
We could be that mistake!
448
00:24:46,818 --> 00:24:48,080
Have you talked to Fogell?
449
00:24:48,286 --> 00:24:51,187
All right, you talk to Becca.
I'll talk to that retard, Fogell.
450
00:24:51,389 --> 00:24:52,356
Don't worry.
451
00:24:52,557 --> 00:24:55,492
- Seth, get off the field!
- Goal.
452
00:24:55,694 --> 00:24:57,423
- You're getting that!
- No, I'm not!
453
00:25:01,399 --> 00:25:03,264
Hey, Becca. Hey, hold up.
454
00:25:03,468 --> 00:25:04,435
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
455
00:25:04,636 --> 00:25:07,036
Hi. Did you hear
about the party tonight?
456
00:25:07,239 --> 00:25:09,207
Yeah. Yeah, I just heard.
It sounds awesome.
457
00:25:09,407 --> 00:25:11,375
Yeah. Yeah, I'm going.
458
00:25:11,576 --> 00:25:12,907
- Really?
- Yeah, I'm gonna go.
459
00:25:13,111 --> 00:25:14,669
That's why I came looking for you.
460
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,041
Me and the guys are gonna
go to a liquor store.
461
00:25:17,249 --> 00:25:18,773
And I just thought, you know...
462
00:25:18,984 --> 00:25:21,646
...if you needed someone
to get you yours, I could do that.
463
00:25:21,853 --> 00:25:23,377
I could be that person.
464
00:25:23,588 --> 00:25:24,816
Yeah.
465
00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:26,513
Yeah, no, that would be great.
466
00:25:26,725 --> 00:25:30,058
That would save me such a hassle,
because I was gonna beg my sister.
467
00:25:30,262 --> 00:25:32,628
Could you get me, like,
a bottle of Goldslick Vodka?
468
00:25:32,831 --> 00:25:35,425
Yeah. That's the one
with the little golden flakes in it?
469
00:25:35,634 --> 00:25:38,296
- Yeah. The girly one.
- That's classy.
470
00:25:38,503 --> 00:25:40,232
Well, I'll pay you back at the party.
471
00:25:40,438 --> 00:25:42,167
No, you won't.
No, it's my treat, miss.
472
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:43,636
- Really?
- Yep. That's that.
473
00:25:43,842 --> 00:25:46,709
It's the first of many too,
so get used to it, sister.
474
00:25:46,912 --> 00:25:49,107
Well, thank you.
475
00:25:49,314 --> 00:25:51,145
Yeah, no problem.
476
00:25:58,123 --> 00:26:00,353
- I'm sorry. It was an accident.
- It's okay.
477
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:03,153
I was gonna give you a nudge...
A punch, the friend thing.
478
00:26:03,361 --> 00:26:04,385
I didn't mean...
479
00:26:04,596 --> 00:26:06,029
- Hey, Becca.
- Hey.
480
00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:07,255
- Hey.
- Gaby.
481
00:26:07,465 --> 00:26:08,659
- What's up, Evan?
- Hey, Gaby.
482
00:26:08,867 --> 00:26:10,698
- We should get to class.
- We're gonna go.
483
00:26:10,902 --> 00:26:12,460
- So I will see you tonight.
- Okay.
484
00:26:12,671 --> 00:26:14,229
- Really, don't worry.
- Okay. Sorry.
485
00:26:14,439 --> 00:26:16,498
- Bye.
- Sorry.
486
00:26:16,708 --> 00:26:18,039
Bye.
487
00:26:19,544 --> 00:26:21,171
Sorry.
488
00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:31,420
Where's that sack of shit, Fogell?
He said he'd be here.
489
00:26:31,623 --> 00:26:33,056
I'm here with my thumb up my ass.
490
00:26:33,258 --> 00:26:35,249
I did it, dude.
I even offered to pay for it.
491
00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:37,325
It was pimp.
I feel like a pimp right now.
492
00:26:37,529 --> 00:26:40,157
- Like one of those pimps.
- That is fucking pimp.
493
00:26:40,365 --> 00:26:43,528
- That's what I was afraid of.
- Why didn't I think of that? Shit.
494
00:26:45,804 --> 00:26:47,101
Sh... we're screwed.
495
00:26:47,305 --> 00:26:48,567
- Okay? We're screwed.
- Okay.
496
00:26:48,773 --> 00:26:50,798
This is what we get
for trusting Fogell, okay?
497
00:26:51,009 --> 00:26:53,170
He pussied out.
I know he pussied out.
498
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:55,580
What are you making?
499
00:26:56,114 --> 00:27:00,517
I'm just drilling holes.
The last two weeks. Fuck it.
500
00:27:00,986 --> 00:27:03,477
What do we tell the girls,
we couldn't do the one thing...
501
00:27:03,688 --> 00:27:05,849
...we promised because
we're dickless incompetents?
502
00:27:06,057 --> 00:27:09,151
Now we're never gonna bone
because of that used tampon, Fogell.
503
00:27:09,361 --> 00:27:13,058
How'd he get into Dartmouth?
I don't get it. He's got shit for brains.
504
00:27:13,264 --> 00:27:15,164
All right,
how else can we get alcohol?
505
00:27:15,367 --> 00:27:18,097
- Yo, guys! What's up?
- Fogell, where have you been, man?
506
00:27:18,303 --> 00:27:20,168
You almost gave me
a goddamn heart attack.
507
00:27:20,372 --> 00:27:23,569
- Let me see it. Did you pussy out?
- No, no, man. I got it.
508
00:27:23,775 --> 00:27:25,834
It's flawless. Check it.
509
00:27:26,044 --> 00:27:27,238
Hawaii?
510
00:27:27,445 --> 00:27:30,073
All right, that's good.
It's hard to trace, I guess.
511
00:27:30,281 --> 00:27:33,648
Wait, you changed your name
to McLovin?
512
00:27:34,185 --> 00:27:36,483
- Yeah.
- McLovin?
513
00:27:37,555 --> 00:27:40,649
What kind of a stupid name is that?
Are you an Irish R & B singer?
514
00:27:40,859 --> 00:27:43,191
They let you pick any name you want
when you're there.
515
00:27:43,395 --> 00:27:44,987
And you landed on McLovin?
516
00:27:45,196 --> 00:27:47,357
Yeah, it was between that
or Mohammad.
517
00:27:47,565 --> 00:27:49,726
Why the fuck would it be
between that or Mohammad?
518
00:27:49,934 --> 00:27:51,925
Why not just pick
a common name?
519
00:27:52,137 --> 00:27:55,265
Mohammad is the most common name
on earth. Read a fucking book.
520
00:27:55,473 --> 00:27:57,270
Have you ever met anyone
named Mohammad?
521
00:27:57,475 --> 00:27:59,272
Have you ever met anyone
named McLovin?
522
00:27:59,477 --> 00:28:01,570
No, that's why you picked
a dumb fucking name.
523
00:28:01,780 --> 00:28:03,042
- Fuck you.
- Give me that.
524
00:28:03,248 --> 00:28:06,649
All right. You look like a future
paedophile in this picture, number one.
525
00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:09,945
Number two, it doesn't even have
a first name. It just says McLovin!
526
00:28:10,155 --> 00:28:11,247
What? One name?
527
00:28:11,456 --> 00:28:14,016
One name? Who are you, Seal?
528
00:28:14,225 --> 00:28:16,523
Fogell, this ID says
you're 25 years old.
529
00:28:16,728 --> 00:28:18,286
Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?
530
00:28:18,496 --> 00:28:20,521
Seth, Seth, Seth.
Listen up, ass-face.
531
00:28:20,732 --> 00:28:24,224
Every day, hundreds of kids go into
the liquor store with their fake IDs...
532
00:28:24,436 --> 00:28:26,233
...and every single one
says they're 21.
533
00:28:26,438 --> 00:28:28,167
How many 21-year-olds
are in this town?
534
00:28:28,373 --> 00:28:29,772
It's called fucking strategy.
535
00:28:29,974 --> 00:28:32,135
Let's stay calm, okay?
Let's not lose our heads.
536
00:28:32,343 --> 00:28:35,471
It's a fine ID. It'll... It's gonna work.
It's passable, okay?
537
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,205
This isn't terrible.
I mean, it's up to you, Fogell.
538
00:28:38,416 --> 00:28:40,941
This guy's gonna think,
"Here's a kid with a fake ID"...
539
00:28:41,152 --> 00:28:45,384
...or "Here's McLovin, the 25-year-old
Hawaiian organ donor."
540
00:28:45,590 --> 00:28:47,751
Okay? So, what's it gonna be?
541
00:28:48,293 --> 00:28:49,783
I am McLovin.
542
00:28:50,795 --> 00:28:53,457
No, you're not. No one's McLovin.
McLovin's never existed...
543
00:28:53,665 --> 00:28:57,032
...because that's a made-up, dumb,
fucking fairy-tale name, you fuck!
544
00:28:57,235 --> 00:28:59,567
Jeez, man. It'll work.
Give it a chance.
545
00:28:59,771 --> 00:29:01,136
Did you move my...?
546
00:29:01,339 --> 00:29:02,601
Where is my car?
547
00:29:02,807 --> 00:29:04,206
Oh, my God, man.
548
00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:06,775
What did I say to you?
I told you not to park here.
549
00:29:06,978 --> 00:29:09,378
Why would you park
in the staff parking lot?
550
00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:10,878
Shut the fuck up, Fogell.
551
00:29:11,082 --> 00:29:13,642
I mean, because you're not staff.
552
00:29:13,852 --> 00:29:17,379
I know that, Fagell! I know that!
553
00:29:19,791 --> 00:29:21,656
Evan, let's go to your house.
554
00:29:22,794 --> 00:29:25,422
Wait, are you guys
still picking me up from work?
555
00:29:26,831 --> 00:29:28,423
Can you answer me?
556
00:29:32,237 --> 00:29:34,967
Man, don't you have
any non-infant clothes?
557
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:37,007
- It'll be fine.
- Yeah.
558
00:29:37,208 --> 00:29:39,369
Why don't you just wear
what you wore to school?
559
00:29:39,577 --> 00:29:42,637
I can't do that. I can't let Jules
see me in what I wore to school.
560
00:29:42,847 --> 00:29:44,280
It's completely unbecoming.
561
00:29:44,482 --> 00:29:47,883
No one's gotten a handjob
in cargo shorts since Nam.
562
00:29:48,086 --> 00:29:50,953
I have to kill these guys.
You don't negotiate with terrorists.
563
00:29:51,156 --> 00:29:53,989
Really? Yeah, that's what
we should be talking about right now.
564
00:29:54,192 --> 00:29:56,660
Then why don't you go
and get some of your own clothes?
565
00:29:56,861 --> 00:29:58,226
That's the dumbest thing ever.
566
00:29:58,429 --> 00:30:01,557
My parents will see that my car's
been towed and I'll be grounded.
567
00:30:01,766 --> 00:30:03,893
These fucking terrorists
multiply like bunnies.
568
00:30:04,102 --> 00:30:05,399
Where did I leave the M16?
569
00:30:05,603 --> 00:30:09,004
Do you have any bigger clothes
or do you only shop at babyGap?
570
00:30:09,207 --> 00:30:11,437
Fuck me. I can't...
571
00:30:12,010 --> 00:30:14,240
That's fun.
Why do they make that?
572
00:30:14,445 --> 00:30:17,505
If you can't even win,
then why am I fucking playing?
573
00:30:17,715 --> 00:30:19,478
Do you wanna go see
what my dad has?
574
00:30:43,308 --> 00:30:45,071
What the fuck?
575
00:30:48,613 --> 00:30:49,705
What the hell is that?
576
00:30:49,914 --> 00:30:51,848
It's a fucking vest, dumb-ass.
577
00:30:52,050 --> 00:30:54,518
- I'm trying to look older.
- You look like Pinocchio.
578
00:30:54,719 --> 00:30:57,210
- It's just a vest.
- They got a lot of booze in there.
579
00:30:57,422 --> 00:31:00,391
If we get it now, we can get
to the party faster with Jules' shit.
580
00:31:00,592 --> 00:31:02,787
No way, man. I work there.
They know I'm not 25.
581
00:31:02,994 --> 00:31:05,019
Nobody said anything about you,
dick-mouth.
582
00:31:05,230 --> 00:31:07,255
You really fucked me on this one.
583
00:31:07,465 --> 00:31:09,262
So now I'm gonna steal the booze.
584
00:31:09,467 --> 00:31:12,231
Don't do this.
I promise you I'll get the liquor later.
585
00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:14,735
Mike Snider's ID always works.
So will mine, man.
586
00:31:14,939 --> 00:31:18,375
Mike Snider's ID doesn't have
one fucking name on it! Okay?
587
00:31:18,576 --> 00:31:22,171
I thought you Dartmouth guys would
be smart enough to understand that.
588
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,046
Now Seth's gotta
pick up all the pieces.
589
00:31:25,250 --> 00:31:26,911
He won't do it. Don't worry.
590
00:31:27,118 --> 00:31:30,315
I forgot to tell you, my mom said we
can have the TV from the basement...
591
00:31:30,521 --> 00:31:32,216
Shut the fuck up,
he's gonna hear you.
592
00:31:32,423 --> 00:31:34,220
Just be quiet.
Wait until he goes away.
593
00:31:34,425 --> 00:31:36,985
You still haven't told him
that we're rooming together?
594
00:31:37,195 --> 00:31:38,628
Fogell, shut the fuck up.
595
00:31:38,830 --> 00:31:40,923
And take off your vest.
You look like Aladdin.
596
00:31:41,132 --> 00:31:43,828
Okay. You got it.
597
00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:54,602
Hope piggy can run.
598
00:32:10,862 --> 00:32:12,352
How old are you?
599
00:32:12,563 --> 00:32:14,121
Twenty-two.
600
00:32:14,632 --> 00:32:17,260
You certainly are.
That'll be 80 dollars.
601
00:32:17,835 --> 00:32:19,564
Okay.
602
00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:22,069
Thank you kindly. Will that do?
603
00:32:22,273 --> 00:32:24,468
Certainly will. Thank you, Seth.
604
00:32:24,676 --> 00:32:26,644
Hey, thank you.
605
00:32:37,255 --> 00:32:38,688
You dropped your purse, ma'am.
606
00:32:38,890 --> 00:32:40,323
Would you like some help?
607
00:32:40,525 --> 00:32:42,720
Well, that would be lovely,
young man.
608
00:32:42,927 --> 00:32:46,021
Would you like me
to buy you alcohol?
609
00:32:46,531 --> 00:32:48,522
That would be lovely.
610
00:32:48,733 --> 00:32:51,293
- Enjoy your remaining years.
- I will.
611
00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:54,801
- Enjoy fucking Jules.
- I will.
612
00:33:13,091 --> 00:33:14,752
Don't do it, kid.
613
00:33:18,930 --> 00:33:20,898
I never had a choice.
614
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:30,871
You fucking killed her!
615
00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:32,910
No!
616
00:33:43,254 --> 00:33:46,223
Where's all the stolen liquor?
Did you hide it up your butt?
617
00:33:46,424 --> 00:33:49,222
Piss off! I was gonna do it,
but there was a security breach.
618
00:33:49,427 --> 00:33:50,655
You never would've done it.
619
00:33:50,862 --> 00:33:54,093
Let's go to a liquor store
and watch your stupid ID get rejected.
620
00:33:54,298 --> 00:33:56,732
Wait, I'm gonna go put my vest
back in my locker.
621
00:34:23,828 --> 00:34:25,455
All right. Here we are. This is it.
622
00:34:25,663 --> 00:34:26,960
- You ready? Yeah?
- Yeah.
623
00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:31,566
- Here's the money and the list.
- Change is yours. Keep the change.
624
00:34:31,769 --> 00:34:34,829
- Thank you. What's the list for?
- The alcohol.
625
00:34:35,039 --> 00:34:37,940
We're gonna get alcohol
for the whole party, okay?
626
00:34:38,142 --> 00:34:40,804
We put a lot of time into this list,
so don't fuck it up.
627
00:34:41,012 --> 00:34:41,979
It's perfect.
628
00:34:42,180 --> 00:34:45,513
Ouzo, bourbon,
spiced rum, Goldslick...
629
00:34:45,716 --> 00:34:48,184
Goldslick Vodka. That's for Becca.
Don't forget that.
630
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:51,119
Raspberry vodka, Scotch...
631
00:34:51,322 --> 00:34:53,085
And Kyle's Killer Lemonade.
A six-pack.
632
00:34:53,291 --> 00:34:56,192
This is a lot. I don't know
if I can get away with all this.
633
00:34:56,394 --> 00:34:57,793
What difference does it make?
634
00:34:57,995 --> 00:35:01,362
I don't know, man.
I'm, like, really nervous.
635
00:35:01,966 --> 00:35:04,434
- Are you okay?
- No, man. I should have wore the vest.
636
00:35:04,635 --> 00:35:06,967
- Calm down.
- What the fuck are you doing?
637
00:35:07,171 --> 00:35:09,036
What if I go in
and they turn me down, man?
638
00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,105
Then we're in the same place
we're in now.
639
00:35:11,309 --> 00:35:13,004
- Who cares?
- It's fucking humiliating!
640
00:35:13,211 --> 00:35:15,008
Everybody sees them
kicking me out.
641
00:35:15,213 --> 00:35:18,307
What if they make me
put the liquor back? I can't do that.
642
00:35:18,516 --> 00:35:20,882
This whole thing
is bigger than you, Fogell!
643
00:35:21,085 --> 00:35:24,452
So grow a pair of nuts and fucking
walk in there and buy the alcohol!
644
00:35:24,989 --> 00:35:27,184
What if I don't feel like it
anymore, Seth? What?
645
00:35:27,391 --> 00:35:29,188
Then I'll fucking kill you, okay?
646
00:35:29,393 --> 00:35:31,361
I'll stab you
through your fucking heart.
647
00:35:31,562 --> 00:35:33,052
No, you can do this, man.
Come on.
648
00:35:33,264 --> 00:35:36,131
Killing me won't get you alcohol.
I'm the one with the fake ID.
649
00:35:36,334 --> 00:35:38,325
Then I'll cut
your dumb fucking face off...
650
00:35:38,536 --> 00:35:41,630
...throw it over mine and get your ID
and buy it my fucking self!
651
00:35:41,839 --> 00:35:44,706
Oh, really? You don't have
the technology or the steady hands...
652
00:35:44,909 --> 00:35:46,877
...to pull off a procedure like that,
so ha!
653
00:35:47,078 --> 00:35:48,568
Peace.
654
00:35:49,213 --> 00:35:51,738
Fogell, just be cool, man.
Get in and get out.
655
00:35:51,949 --> 00:35:52,916
You're the hero.
656
00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:57,187
Sorry.
657
00:36:27,318 --> 00:36:28,945
Is there a problem here, sir?
658
00:36:29,153 --> 00:36:32,486
No. No problem whatsoever.
659
00:36:35,693 --> 00:36:38,355
Sir, did you do this? On the floor?
660
00:36:38,563 --> 00:36:40,030
No.
661
00:36:40,231 --> 00:36:41,858
And you should really clean this up.
662
00:36:42,066 --> 00:36:44,227
Someone could really
hurt themselves.
663
00:36:46,003 --> 00:36:47,868
Fuck my life.
664
00:36:48,472 --> 00:36:49,905
We're so fucked.
We're so fucked.
665
00:36:50,107 --> 00:36:51,938
This plan's been fucked
since Jump Street.
666
00:36:52,143 --> 00:36:54,737
Okay, just calm down.
Just calm down, all right?
667
00:36:55,279 --> 00:36:58,009
Hey, so did you bring a condom
for tonight?
668
00:36:58,216 --> 00:37:00,150
You brought a condom with you?
669
00:37:00,351 --> 00:37:02,216
Yeah. I figured
I might as well, you know?
670
00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:04,945
I brought a little bottle
of spermicidal lube too.
671
00:37:07,558 --> 00:37:10,322
You laughed in my face
when I said I'd be having sex tonight.
672
00:37:10,528 --> 00:37:12,826
That doesn't mean
you shouldn't always be prepared.
673
00:37:13,030 --> 00:37:15,328
- You didn't even bring a condom?
- No.
674
00:37:15,533 --> 00:37:17,330
No, Evan,
that wasn't part of the plan.
675
00:37:17,535 --> 00:37:19,560
You did this
without consulting with me.
676
00:37:19,770 --> 00:37:23,433
We've never discussed, like, any plan,
but you keep saying we have a plan.
677
00:37:23,641 --> 00:37:26,576
I had, like, a general outline.
You know?
678
00:37:26,777 --> 00:37:29,575
I was gonna go down on her
for, like, several hours, okay?
679
00:37:29,780 --> 00:37:32,681
She would love that. She'd be smitten.
She'd go out with that.
680
00:37:32,883 --> 00:37:34,578
Or I dry hump the shit out of her leg.
681
00:37:34,785 --> 00:37:37,811
Well, I just... I don't see the harm
in bringing one little condom.
682
00:37:38,022 --> 00:37:40,149
And one little bottle
of spermicidal lube?
683
00:37:40,358 --> 00:37:42,792
Yeah, one little bottle
of spermicidal lube.
684
00:37:42,994 --> 00:37:45,792
- Evan, that's psycho shit, man.
- No, it's not.
685
00:37:45,997 --> 00:37:47,624
That's, like, Charles Manson shit.
686
00:37:47,832 --> 00:37:50,926
What, do you think Becca's gonna be
psyched that you brought lube?
687
00:37:51,135 --> 00:37:54,536
"Oh, Evan. Thank you for bringing
that lube for my pussy."
688
00:37:54,739 --> 00:37:57,833
"I never would've been able to handle
your fucking 4-inch dick..."
689
00:37:58,042 --> 00:38:01,136
"...inside my pussy
without that gigantic bottle of lube."
690
00:38:01,345 --> 00:38:02,972
- Okay, that's... That's enough.
- Fuck.
691
00:38:03,180 --> 00:38:05,808
These girls are 18,
they're not dried-up old ladies.
692
00:38:06,017 --> 00:38:08,008
- They're good to go.
- Then I won't bring the lube.
693
00:38:08,219 --> 00:38:11,188
Don't make me feel like that.
I thought it was cool.
694
00:38:11,389 --> 00:38:13,687
- This is a nice kind.
- Let me see that for a second.
695
00:38:13,891 --> 00:38:15,882
- An impressive kind.
- It is kind of cool.
696
00:38:16,093 --> 00:38:17,788
- That's cool.
- Fucking dumb-ass. Lube?
697
00:38:17,995 --> 00:38:19,360
- That's funny.
- You brought lube?
698
00:38:19,563 --> 00:38:22,794
You owe me 6 bucks because I'm not
walking over to get it and it exploded.
699
00:38:24,502 --> 00:38:26,697
Hello, Mindy.
700
00:38:39,417 --> 00:38:41,977
I love that stuff.
Been drinking it for years.
701
00:38:43,387 --> 00:38:47,721
You know, I heard they recently
decided to add more hops to it.
702
00:38:51,996 --> 00:38:53,190
Okay.
703
00:38:53,397 --> 00:38:55,888
I'm gonna need to see
some identification.
704
00:38:58,069 --> 00:38:59,366
Really?
705
00:38:59,570 --> 00:39:01,800
Makes me feel young again.
There you go.
706
00:39:04,475 --> 00:39:06,670
Oh, shit, it's Cary Hutchins.
707
00:39:09,347 --> 00:39:11,315
She had the biggest tits
I've ever seen.
708
00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:13,346
I heard she got
breast-reduction surgery.
709
00:39:13,551 --> 00:39:15,212
What? Making your tits smaller?
710
00:39:15,419 --> 00:39:18,479
That's like slapping God
for giving you a gorgeous gift.
711
00:39:18,689 --> 00:39:19,951
She had back problems, man.
712
00:39:20,157 --> 00:39:23,251
And it's not just making them smaller.
They completely reshape them.
713
00:39:23,461 --> 00:39:25,395
They make them
more supple and symmetrical.
714
00:39:26,163 --> 00:39:28,063
I gotta catch a glimpse
of these warlocks.
715
00:39:28,265 --> 00:39:29,823
Let's make a move.
716
00:39:31,402 --> 00:39:33,233
- She's going around the corner.
- Come on!
717
00:39:39,643 --> 00:39:42,578
Okay. Your total is 96.59.
718
00:39:52,523 --> 00:39:53,785
I don't believe it!
719
00:39:54,725 --> 00:39:56,750
Are you okay, mister?
720
00:39:57,561 --> 00:39:59,688
What the shit was that?
721
00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:04,258
I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.
722
00:40:05,770 --> 00:40:07,101
I don't believe it.
723
00:40:07,304 --> 00:40:09,670
I don't know, man.
I think she looked better before.
724
00:40:09,874 --> 00:40:13,275
But now that she can jog comfortably,
she's in the best shape she's ever...
725
00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:18,410
What is this? What's that?
726
00:40:21,152 --> 00:40:22,414
Oh, man.
727
00:40:27,658 --> 00:40:29,216
Holy shit, they busted Fogell.
728
00:40:30,327 --> 00:40:32,227
How did this happen, Evan?
Fuck, man!
729
00:40:32,430 --> 00:40:33,920
His dad's gonna fucking kill him.
730
00:40:34,131 --> 00:40:35,291
Look, okay?
731
00:40:35,499 --> 00:40:38,900
He assaulted the customer,
grabbed the cash and ran out.
732
00:40:39,103 --> 00:40:40,070
So...
733
00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:41,898
- How...?
- How? How? How...?
734
00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:45,507
- Say when, height-wise.
- I'm gonna start up here, tell me when.
735
00:40:45,709 --> 00:40:47,939
- I'll start on the bottom and...
- When.
736
00:40:48,145 --> 00:40:50,170
Whatever 5'10" is,
he was 5'10".
737
00:40:50,381 --> 00:40:53,043
Ethnically, I mean, did...
What...?
738
00:40:54,251 --> 00:40:58,813
I mean, was he...?
Was he like us, or...?
739
00:41:00,191 --> 00:41:01,488
A woman?
740
00:41:01,692 --> 00:41:02,716
- Female?
- No.
741
00:41:02,927 --> 00:41:05,418
- Is that what you're asking?
- No, no. Was he...?
742
00:41:05,629 --> 00:41:06,596
- Like...
- What? What?
743
00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:07,764
- African?
- Af... Af...
744
00:41:07,965 --> 00:41:09,489
- Was he African?
- African.
745
00:41:09,700 --> 00:41:11,759
No. He was American,
and he was like you.
746
00:41:11,969 --> 00:41:14,836
- He looked just like you.
- He was Jewish. Okay, Jew.
747
00:41:15,039 --> 00:41:17,530
- It's an odd crime for a Jew.
- They're pretty docile.
748
00:41:17,741 --> 00:41:21,336
Okay, so we have an African Jew
wearing a hoodie.
749
00:41:21,545 --> 00:41:25,072
No, you don't. No. That's not what I said.
Is that what you heard me say?
750
00:41:25,282 --> 00:41:28,080
I said he looked like you.
Do you look like an African Jew?
751
00:41:28,953 --> 00:41:31,114
- No, I look like a cop.
- Yeah.
752
00:41:32,456 --> 00:41:34,651
He was Caucasian.
753
00:41:34,859 --> 00:41:36,622
- Caucasian.
- All right.
754
00:41:36,827 --> 00:41:37,794
- Okay.
- Well, touché.
755
00:41:37,995 --> 00:41:40,327
Kind of looked like Eminem.
Does that help you?
756
00:41:40,531 --> 00:41:41,498
- An M&M.
- An M&M.
757
00:41:41,699 --> 00:41:44,395
- So he was circular...?
- Marshall Mathers. Eminem?
758
00:41:44,602 --> 00:41:47,799
- The rapper, Eminem.
- Did he look like this?
759
00:41:48,339 --> 00:41:50,830
- I'm an amateur. I kind of...
- That looks like an M&M.
760
00:41:51,041 --> 00:41:55,410
Longer face? Bigger nose?
Would you say his mouth was wider?
761
00:41:55,613 --> 00:41:56,978
Open? A gap?
762
00:41:57,181 --> 00:42:02,016
Is there another squad car in the area
that could be of further assistance?
763
00:42:02,219 --> 00:42:03,846
I don't seem to be getting any.
764
00:42:04,054 --> 00:42:06,955
Okay, so just walk me through again
what this guy did.
765
00:42:07,157 --> 00:42:10,217
He... He... He came in, he's wielding...
766
00:42:10,427 --> 00:42:14,693
He's wielding something. He hits
this small gentleman in the slacks.
767
00:42:14,899 --> 00:42:17,925
And then he jumps over you,
he feels you up, violates you.
768
00:42:18,135 --> 00:42:19,796
- I did not say that.
- No, he doesn't.
769
00:42:20,004 --> 00:42:23,633
Look, I can't do this. I told you already,
I have an exam tomorrow.
770
00:42:23,841 --> 00:42:27,174
Can you understand that?
I have a goddamn veterinary exam!
771
00:42:28,746 --> 00:42:30,509
Goddamn it. This is bullshit.
772
00:42:30,714 --> 00:42:33,444
This is some bullshit.
I got an exam tomorrow. Forget this.
773
00:42:33,651 --> 00:42:35,516
Well, apparently someone
has an exam.
774
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:37,380
How'd you know?
775
00:42:38,255 --> 00:42:39,882
You. You're the one
that got punched?
776
00:42:40,090 --> 00:42:41,717
- Yeah.
- Okay.
777
00:42:41,926 --> 00:42:44,292
First things first.
What is your name?
778
00:42:48,165 --> 00:42:49,894
My name?
779
00:42:50,100 --> 00:42:53,900
It's M... McLov... McLovin.
780
00:42:54,505 --> 00:42:55,972
McLovin?
781
00:42:56,173 --> 00:42:57,538
Yeah.
782
00:42:58,609 --> 00:43:00,099
Now, what's your first name?
783
00:43:00,311 --> 00:43:01,505
What?
784
00:43:01,712 --> 00:43:03,543
- Your first name?
- My first name?
785
00:43:04,815 --> 00:43:09,479
Technically I don't have a first name,
so don't worry about my first name.
786
00:43:10,554 --> 00:43:12,715
But we're the police.
787
00:43:12,923 --> 00:43:14,754
We just wanna get
the story straight.
788
00:43:16,293 --> 00:43:17,453
- Come on.
- Fuck, man.
789
00:43:17,661 --> 00:43:20,061
- Come on!
- He must be so afraid.
790
00:43:20,264 --> 00:43:23,233
I don't believe this bullshit.
I can't believe this is happening!
791
00:43:23,434 --> 00:43:26,926
I didn't know you could get arrested
for this shit. We need that liquor.
792
00:43:27,137 --> 00:43:29,765
- Are they gonna take him downtown?
- Fuck Fogell.
793
00:43:29,974 --> 00:43:31,805
He got arrested, okay?
We're on our own.
794
00:43:32,009 --> 00:43:33,533
We need a new way to get liq...
795
00:43:33,744 --> 00:43:37,339
Fuck! The money, man! Fuck!
How much money can you get?
796
00:43:37,548 --> 00:43:39,709
Why are you talking about money?
What about Fogell?
797
00:43:39,917 --> 00:43:43,580
That doesn't matter anymore. I lost
a hundred dollars of Jules' money.
798
00:43:43,787 --> 00:43:47,348
Are we gonna bust him out of jail?
Bake a cake with a fucking file in it?
799
00:43:47,558 --> 00:43:51,619
Fuck Fogell. We need a new way to
get liquor, which is fucking impossible.
800
00:43:51,829 --> 00:43:54,730
All right, you need to calm down.
We need to think for a second.
801
00:43:54,932 --> 00:43:57,696
- We need to think this out.
- Fuck thinking, we need to act!
802
00:44:00,037 --> 00:44:01,265
Seth!
803
00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:04,305
- What the fuck happened?
- Just... Just get up. Slowly.
804
00:44:04,508 --> 00:44:07,272
You all right? You okay?
805
00:44:07,478 --> 00:44:10,413
I am so sorry, man. I am so sorry.
806
00:44:10,614 --> 00:44:14,607
I didn't even effing see you at all, man.
Are you okay?
807
00:44:14,818 --> 00:44:18,219
So it's just McLovin?
808
00:44:18,422 --> 00:44:19,980
Yeah.
809
00:44:20,758 --> 00:44:22,953
- That's badass.
- That is badass.
810
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,388
- Really cool.
- A badass name.
811
00:44:24,595 --> 00:44:27,291
- Lot of people with weird names.
- Chingy. Shakira.
812
00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:28,931
Rafe. Pax.
813
00:44:29,133 --> 00:44:32,261
We arrested a man-lady
who was legally named "Fuck."
814
00:44:32,469 --> 00:44:34,334
Think he was Vietnamese,
it was with a P-H.
815
00:44:34,538 --> 00:44:36,506
But it's still shocking
to see on a license.
816
00:44:36,707 --> 00:44:40,234
- Okay, and how old are you, McLovin?
- Old enough.
817
00:44:41,645 --> 00:44:43,112
Old enough for what?
818
00:44:45,582 --> 00:44:47,482
To party.
819
00:44:51,822 --> 00:44:53,687
Can I see your ID?
820
00:44:54,258 --> 00:44:56,317
Yeah, I think I have it.
821
00:45:20,851 --> 00:45:24,014
- You're an organ donor.
- What?
822
00:45:24,221 --> 00:45:25,916
I didn't wanna, but my wife insisted.
823
00:45:26,123 --> 00:45:27,886
I give him shit for it too. All the time.
824
00:45:28,092 --> 00:45:31,118
I say, "It's just like a woman.
Even after you're dead..."
825
00:45:31,328 --> 00:45:34,388
- "...they wanna tear your heart out."
- They wanna tear your...
826
00:45:34,598 --> 00:45:37,362
- I say it weekly and it's still funny.
- It still makes me laugh.
827
00:45:37,568 --> 00:45:39,001
- Really funny.
- There you go.
828
00:45:39,203 --> 00:45:42,297
I'm sorry, guys.
I don't really have any information.
829
00:45:42,506 --> 00:45:45,066
He just kinda hit me,
and I didn't see what he looked like.
830
00:45:45,275 --> 00:45:47,641
- I don't know if I can help you.
- You in a hurry?
831
00:45:47,845 --> 00:45:49,870
Yeah, kind of had to catch that bus.
832
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:53,777
- Where were you headed?
- Near 13th and Granville.
833
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:57,383
- We can take you there.
- Get your information on the way.
834
00:45:57,588 --> 00:45:59,852
- Why waste 2 bucks?
- We'll take you. No problem.
835
00:46:00,057 --> 00:46:03,686
Please don't report me, man.
We can figure this out, right?
836
00:46:03,894 --> 00:46:06,488
Why the fuck wouldn't I report you?
You just hit me with your car.
837
00:46:08,532 --> 00:46:10,523
Because I'll do anything.
838
00:46:10,734 --> 00:46:13,225
Please, okay? Anything.
Like, literally...
839
00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:14,870
...fucking anything.
840
00:46:15,072 --> 00:46:18,667
Name anything. Name it. Name it.
841
00:46:19,743 --> 00:46:22,507
All right, look. Hey, man. All right.
842
00:46:22,713 --> 00:46:24,146
Listen, you can trust me, okay?
843
00:46:24,815 --> 00:46:27,579
I'm gonna be totally honest with you.
844
00:46:29,019 --> 00:46:31,419
I have a warrant out
for a totally nonviolent crime.
845
00:46:31,622 --> 00:46:35,353
Okay? There. Mercy Street, guys.
846
00:46:35,559 --> 00:46:37,254
I'll be honest with you for a second.
847
00:46:37,461 --> 00:46:39,691
You better get us a shitload of cash
or a shitload of alcohol...
848
00:46:39,897 --> 00:46:41,558
...or you're going to fucking prison.
849
00:46:41,765 --> 00:46:43,858
What are you doing, man?
You don't need to...
850
00:46:44,067 --> 00:46:46,035
No, let's not...
Let's hang on a second here.
851
00:46:46,236 --> 00:46:47,294
- Cough it up.
- Fine.
852
00:46:47,504 --> 00:46:49,335
Don't know if we should be
doing anything official.
853
00:46:49,573 --> 00:46:52,474
We're working together. It's like
Let's Make a Deal. Here we go.
854
00:46:53,377 --> 00:46:54,776
Seven bucks?
855
00:46:54,978 --> 00:46:58,038
Are you fucking serious? This isn't
enough. What are you, a 6-year-old?
856
00:46:58,315 --> 00:47:01,944
- It's all I have, man. It's all I have.
- You better think of something quickly.
857
00:47:02,152 --> 00:47:06,111
- My back! My back. Cops, my back.
- No, no, no. Wait, don't do that.
858
00:47:06,323 --> 00:47:08,587
All right, listen.
I can get you alcohol.
859
00:47:08,792 --> 00:47:10,953
I'm going over to this party
right now, bro. Okay?
860
00:47:11,161 --> 00:47:15,097
It's got booze, it's got girls.
Booze and girls equals...
861
00:47:15,299 --> 00:47:17,494
I don't know. Do you?
I don't know. Do you?
862
00:47:17,701 --> 00:47:20,636
- I think you do. Do you?
- Yes. That's a definite yes.
863
00:47:20,838 --> 00:47:21,805
Definite yes, then.
864
00:47:22,005 --> 00:47:24,337
- Give me one sec to talk to him.
- Stay right here.
865
00:47:24,541 --> 00:47:27,840
Yeah, yeah. Do what you gotta do.
Mix it over. I'll be over by the car.
866
00:47:28,045 --> 00:47:31,014
Just talk it out. Hey, I'm a nice guy.
867
00:47:31,815 --> 00:47:33,942
- Come on, it's great.
- What are you thinking?
868
00:47:34,151 --> 00:47:35,618
- What are you doing?
- What?
869
00:47:35,819 --> 00:47:38,219
I lost Jules' money,
Fogell's dead to us now...
870
00:47:38,422 --> 00:47:40,014
...we don't have any choice.
Let's go.
871
00:47:40,224 --> 00:47:43,193
I don't like this idea. This guy's
fucking creepy, man. Look at him.
872
00:47:43,393 --> 00:47:46,157
What? He looks like a guy.
That's what guys look like.
873
00:47:46,363 --> 00:47:48,991
- What is your problem?
- You guys know a guy named Jimmy?
874
00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:51,429
You totally look like his brother.
875
00:47:51,635 --> 00:47:54,069
You totally
look like his brother, man.
876
00:47:54,271 --> 00:47:55,829
You do.
877
00:47:57,541 --> 00:47:59,338
You promised Becca
you'd get her alcohol.
878
00:47:59,543 --> 00:48:01,511
If you don't, she's gonna have
a shitty night.
879
00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:03,680
That's all I'm saying. Come on.
880
00:48:04,481 --> 00:48:06,449
We bingo, bango, ready to go, go?
881
00:48:07,050 --> 00:48:09,575
- Good luck on your exam tomorrow.
- Good luck on your exam.
882
00:48:09,786 --> 00:48:12,687
- You don't wanna ride the bus.
- Buses smell like piss, generally.
883
00:48:12,890 --> 00:48:13,857
- You know why?
- Why?
884
00:48:14,057 --> 00:48:15,649
People piss on them.
885
00:48:21,798 --> 00:48:26,758
You know, one of you bros could've
come up and sat up with me.
886
00:48:26,970 --> 00:48:28,665
- We're fine back here.
- Back's fine.
887
00:48:28,872 --> 00:48:30,806
Safe in the back seat.
888
00:48:34,278 --> 00:48:35,336
- Oh, my God.
- What's up?
889
00:48:36,713 --> 00:48:39,307
- Hey, Jules.
- Who is it? Who's on the phone?
890
00:48:39,516 --> 00:48:40,983
Seth. Hey, where are you?
891
00:48:41,184 --> 00:48:44,642
I'm in a cab right now,
on the way to a liquor store.
892
00:48:44,855 --> 00:48:46,652
Good. I can't wait
for you to get here.
893
00:48:46,857 --> 00:48:49,382
Well, I hope your friends
are ready to get fucked up.
894
00:48:50,994 --> 00:48:52,222
I'm sure they will be.
895
00:48:52,429 --> 00:48:54,624
- Okay, I'll see you soon.
- Peace.
896
00:48:55,599 --> 00:48:57,396
Oh, man! Dude, this is crazy.
897
00:48:57,601 --> 00:49:00,331
She called, she said,
"I can't wait for you to get there."
898
00:49:00,537 --> 00:49:03,472
That sounds like
she fully wants it, man! Oh, yeah!
899
00:49:03,674 --> 00:49:08,168
Who's gonna give it to her, huh,
my man? You, that's who.
900
00:49:08,378 --> 00:49:10,573
Man.
901
00:49:10,948 --> 00:49:12,609
You guys on MySpace, or...?
902
00:49:25,696 --> 00:49:29,723
Officers? I can answer those
questions now if you want me to.
903
00:49:29,933 --> 00:49:32,959
We get the gist of it. You were
buying beer, some guys punched you.
904
00:49:33,170 --> 00:49:35,365
Don't worry about it.
We're not gonna find them.
905
00:49:35,572 --> 00:49:38,132
- Case closed.
- But it was only...
906
00:49:49,519 --> 00:49:53,011
- But it was only one guy.
- Only one guy? Shit.
907
00:49:53,223 --> 00:49:54,815
How am I supposed to
find one guy?
908
00:49:55,025 --> 00:49:58,461
This job really isn't how, you know,
shows like CSI make it out to be.
909
00:49:58,662 --> 00:50:02,291
When I first joined the force, I assumed
there was semen on everything...
910
00:50:02,499 --> 00:50:04,967
...and there was some, like,
huge semen database...
911
00:50:05,168 --> 00:50:08,331
...that had every bad guy's semen in it.
There isn't. That doesn't exist.
912
00:50:08,538 --> 00:50:11,336
I often go to sleep and dream of
waking up in a world where...
913
00:50:11,541 --> 00:50:13,975
- ...everything's covered in semen.
- I mean, who doesn't?
914
00:50:14,177 --> 00:50:16,145
It'd be nice.
Like that crime scene today.
915
00:50:16,346 --> 00:50:18,780
If the man had ejaculated
and then punched you...
916
00:50:18,982 --> 00:50:20,609
...we'd have a shot at catching him.
917
00:50:20,817 --> 00:50:23,047
- No way.
- Just punched in the face, no semen.
918
00:50:23,253 --> 00:50:25,744
- No semen.
- Story of my life.
919
00:50:30,961 --> 00:50:34,761
Michaels here, he's six months in.
920
00:50:35,599 --> 00:50:37,999
He's young,
but the Force is strong with this one.
921
00:50:38,201 --> 00:50:40,601
Learning you are, young padawan.
922
00:50:40,804 --> 00:50:42,396
Thank you very much.
923
00:50:43,673 --> 00:50:46,039
- That's Yoda.
- Are you familiar with Yoda?
924
00:50:46,243 --> 00:50:47,733
From Attack of the Clones?
925
00:50:47,944 --> 00:50:52,005
We have a 245 at East 24 and
Montgomery, Bailey's Bar and Grill.
926
00:50:52,215 --> 00:50:54,183
Car 98 on it.
927
00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:57,319
See, Michaels, you always
take a call at a bar because...
928
00:50:57,521 --> 00:50:59,580
...better or worse,
you get a beer out of it.
929
00:51:00,524 --> 00:51:01,582
Pretty sweet, huh?
930
00:51:01,792 --> 00:51:03,885
- True that. Amazing thinking.
- Hey, McLovin.
931
00:51:04,094 --> 00:51:07,154
We got a situation at Bailey's,
so we'll drop you off after, all right?
932
00:51:07,364 --> 00:51:09,389
Actually, I kind of
have to be somewhere...
933
00:51:09,599 --> 00:51:12,659
- Sweet. Sit tight.
- Set course for Bailey's, warp 10.
934
00:51:12,869 --> 00:51:14,200
Engage.
935
00:51:19,910 --> 00:51:21,138
Yeah.
936
00:51:21,344 --> 00:51:24,404
Welcome to the Thunderdome.
937
00:51:26,550 --> 00:51:29,178
Hey, man, are you sure it's cool
that we're here with you?
938
00:51:29,386 --> 00:51:30,717
Oh, definitely, man.
939
00:51:30,921 --> 00:51:32,889
I'm essentially
best friends with the guy...
940
00:51:33,090 --> 00:51:35,024
...so a bunch of my buds
are coming.
941
00:51:35,225 --> 00:51:38,023
We're gonna rock out
with our cocks out. Just kidding.
942
00:51:38,228 --> 00:51:40,958
- We are gonna rock out.
- Just go, just go.
943
00:51:41,164 --> 00:51:43,132
What's up? What's up? What's up?
944
00:51:44,367 --> 00:51:46,767
Hello, hello. Hey, guys.
945
00:52:04,554 --> 00:52:06,681
This is something
a smart person wouldn't do.
946
00:52:06,890 --> 00:52:09,518
Look, just act cool and act casual,
and try and look old.
947
00:52:09,726 --> 00:52:12,388
We'll get the booze
and get the fuck out of here, okay?
948
00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:18,460
Hey, where the party at? Right.
949
00:52:18,668 --> 00:52:21,432
- You got those shots, bro?
- It's coming.
950
00:52:22,439 --> 00:52:23,929
Come on, let's party.
951
00:52:24,141 --> 00:52:27,542
Come on. Do it up.
952
00:52:33,383 --> 00:52:35,544
We should grab one of these buckets
and get out.
953
00:52:35,752 --> 00:52:38,516
You out of your mind? How are we
gonna get a fucking bucket out?
954
00:52:38,722 --> 00:52:40,587
- Dude, what the fuck?
- Hey, man.
955
00:52:40,790 --> 00:52:42,587
What the fuck do you think
you're doing?
956
00:52:42,792 --> 00:52:45,818
- What are you...? What? Nothing.
- You using my phone?
957
00:52:46,029 --> 00:52:49,658
- What do you think you're doing?
- Hang up. Nothing.
958
00:52:49,866 --> 00:52:51,731
What... What...
What's wrong, Mark?
959
00:52:51,935 --> 00:52:54,631
You weren't invited.
Get the fuck out of here.
960
00:52:54,838 --> 00:52:57,932
- Come on, Mark. It's cool, man.
- You using my fucking phone?
961
00:52:58,141 --> 00:52:59,938
You calling your
fucking friends again?
962
00:53:00,143 --> 00:53:02,236
You calling your friends,
your fantastic friends?
963
00:53:02,445 --> 00:53:04,345
No. I mean, yes. But I mean I'll...
964
00:53:04,548 --> 00:53:06,982
Come on, man, just relax.
Mark, please.
965
00:53:07,184 --> 00:53:09,345
Get the fuck out of here.
The fuck out of my house.
966
00:53:09,553 --> 00:53:11,020
Get the fuck out of my house.
967
00:53:11,221 --> 00:53:14,384
- This is my house.
- Don't be such a dick, man!
968
00:53:14,758 --> 00:53:16,157
What the fuck?
969
00:53:16,359 --> 00:53:18,350
Mark! You really wanna do this, man?
970
00:53:18,562 --> 00:53:21,156
Here we go.
We're really gonna do this?
971
00:53:22,699 --> 00:53:24,496
That's right, motherfucker.
972
00:53:25,635 --> 00:53:27,865
Come on, pussy. Get up, dude.
973
00:53:28,405 --> 00:53:31,135
Oh, shit. I'm sorry, bro.
I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry, bro.
974
00:53:31,341 --> 00:53:34,936
Tiger got out of the cage, man.
All right? I'm sorry. Come on, Mark.
975
00:53:35,145 --> 00:53:37,306
Let's just chill.
Everyone just chill out.
976
00:53:37,814 --> 00:53:39,714
Truce, man.
977
00:53:42,619 --> 00:53:44,553
Right in the nads!
978
00:53:47,338 --> 00:53:50,899
This is for your friends.
Here, have another one.
979
00:53:51,109 --> 00:53:54,306
Shit. Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.
Oh, my God. What do we do?
980
00:53:54,512 --> 00:53:56,207
- Come on. Come on.
- Choose one.
981
00:53:57,315 --> 00:54:02,150
- We can slip out the back, man.
- Come on. Let's hurry up and do this.
982
00:54:02,353 --> 00:54:04,446
Are you crazy, man?
Wanna end up like that guy?
983
00:54:04,656 --> 00:54:07,216
Not me. I need my nuts, man,
for a lot of things.
984
00:54:07,425 --> 00:54:09,154
- We need liquor.
- You need it. I don't.
985
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:12,022
I'm gonna tell Becca how I feel.
Maybe she'll get with me.
986
00:54:12,230 --> 00:54:14,528
I'm not gonna get her
drunk out of her mind.
987
00:54:14,732 --> 00:54:17,496
Oh, really? Then how come
you never made a move, you pussy?
988
00:54:17,702 --> 00:54:21,069
Because I respect her, Seth. I'm not
gonna put unfair pressure on her.
989
00:54:21,272 --> 00:54:23,263
I don't see a problem.
Let's just do it.
990
00:54:23,474 --> 00:54:26,170
We're leaving, okay?
You wanna get killed for liquor?
991
00:54:26,377 --> 00:54:29,676
No, but I would get killed for pussy,
no questions asked.
992
00:54:29,881 --> 00:54:33,009
- Fuck this, man.
- You're just gonna bail on me?
993
00:54:33,217 --> 00:54:36,084
- I'm going.
- Fucking bitch.
994
00:54:36,688 --> 00:54:38,986
Move, people.
995
00:54:39,991 --> 00:54:43,620
- Thank you.
- Oh, I love this place.
996
00:54:52,804 --> 00:54:54,431
What the hell is going on in there?
997
00:54:54,639 --> 00:54:56,869
If the bullets start flying,
hit the deck.
998
00:54:57,075 --> 00:54:59,270
You pissed everywhere,
you son of a bitch!
999
00:54:59,477 --> 00:55:02,708
Everywhere? You didn't
see me pissing anywhere.
1000
00:55:02,914 --> 00:55:04,643
I don't know
what you're talking about.
1001
00:55:04,849 --> 00:55:06,544
Take your nuts out of your shells!
1002
00:55:06,751 --> 00:55:08,343
Michaels, I got your back.
1003
00:55:08,553 --> 00:55:10,453
Why don't you show this rummy
how we roll?
1004
00:55:10,655 --> 00:55:11,952
10-4.
1005
00:55:12,557 --> 00:55:15,549
Excuse me, sir.
Stop what you are doing at once.
1006
00:55:16,861 --> 00:55:19,989
- Blue guys!
- Resisting. Resisting!
1007
00:55:20,198 --> 00:55:21,756
- Slater!
- Michaels!
1008
00:55:22,233 --> 00:55:23,461
Everybody stay calm.
1009
00:55:25,336 --> 00:55:28,499
- Everybody stay calm.
- Get the fuck out of my way!
1010
00:55:28,906 --> 00:55:30,669
Stay calm! Fuck!
1011
00:55:31,609 --> 00:55:33,509
- Should I shoot him?
- No, no, no!
1012
00:55:33,711 --> 00:55:35,975
- No!
- Stop him, McLovin!
1013
00:55:36,180 --> 00:55:38,910
McLovin, stop him!
Do it, do it, do it, do it!
1014
00:55:43,454 --> 00:55:46,685
Please stop it, you fucking bum.
What the fuck?
1015
00:56:01,372 --> 00:56:04,364
McLovin! Nice!
1016
00:56:04,942 --> 00:56:06,842
He just came at me.
I took him down.
1017
00:56:07,045 --> 00:56:09,570
- I'm buying you a beer, McLovin.
- I'm buying you one too.
1018
00:56:09,781 --> 00:56:12,341
Take note. That's how
you take down a motherfucker.
1019
00:56:12,550 --> 00:56:13,915
That's right.
1020
00:56:14,118 --> 00:56:16,678
McLovin in the fucking house!
1021
00:56:51,456 --> 00:56:55,790
Hey. You dance hot.
1022
00:56:56,728 --> 00:56:58,423
Thank you.
1023
00:57:14,245 --> 00:57:18,045
Okay, okay. Here we... Here we go.
1024
00:57:18,916 --> 00:57:20,611
- Hello?
- Evan, it's Becca.
1025
00:57:20,818 --> 00:57:22,547
Oh, Becca. Hi.
1026
00:57:22,754 --> 00:57:26,986
Hey. Hello. Hey. Becca.
1027
00:57:27,391 --> 00:57:28,881
- Becca...
- Evan, can you hear me?
1028
00:57:29,093 --> 00:57:31,118
- Hello? What?
- Can you hear...? Piece of shit!
1029
00:57:31,329 --> 00:57:33,695
Guy sells me
a piece of shit fucking phone.
1030
00:57:33,898 --> 00:57:35,331
- Becca?
- It's Becca.
1031
00:57:35,533 --> 00:57:37,524
I get one bar
everywhere I fucking go.
1032
00:57:37,735 --> 00:57:40,499
- What is he saying?
- Fucking asshole.
1033
00:57:40,705 --> 00:57:42,468
- I think...
- What happened?
1034
00:57:42,673 --> 00:57:44,231
Son-of-a-fucking-bitch
phone company.
1035
00:57:44,442 --> 00:57:47,104
- What? It's rude. Hello?
- Fuck. You suck.
1036
00:57:47,311 --> 00:57:48,938
Bullshit phone. Piece of shit.
1037
00:57:49,147 --> 00:57:51,479
I swear I'll bitchslap you
so fucking hard.
1038
00:57:51,682 --> 00:57:53,240
- What?
- Bec...?
1039
00:58:37,295 --> 00:58:39,160
Thanks.
1040
00:58:40,865 --> 00:58:42,594
This is fucking crazy.
1041
00:58:51,642 --> 00:58:54,907
Hey. Look what fell out of the truck!
1042
00:58:56,747 --> 00:58:58,180
You're full of shit.
1043
00:58:58,382 --> 00:59:00,316
Yeah, I know.
1044
00:59:01,018 --> 00:59:05,614
Dude. Dude.
We're so gonna get fucked up.
1045
00:59:05,823 --> 00:59:08,155
- All right.
- Hey.
1046
00:59:08,693 --> 00:59:10,320
What is that?
1047
00:59:11,696 --> 00:59:13,323
I don't know. What?
1048
00:59:13,531 --> 00:59:17,262
That fucking stain on your pants, idiot.
What is that?
1049
00:59:17,768 --> 00:59:19,861
- What are you talking about, man?
- Dude.
1050
00:59:20,805 --> 00:59:23,239
- Is that blood?
- What the fuck is that?
1051
00:59:23,441 --> 00:59:25,409
- Are you bleeding?
- I'm not cut or anything.
1052
00:59:25,610 --> 00:59:28,306
- Why would I be bleeding?
- It's fucking blood, man.
1053
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:32,142
Were you dancing
with some chick in there?
1054
00:59:32,717 --> 00:59:34,947
- Yeah, so?
- It's blood.
1055
00:59:35,152 --> 00:59:38,679
- Dude, that's not funny.
- It's blood, dude.
1056
00:59:38,890 --> 00:59:42,417
But why would I be bleeding?
Why the fuck would I be bl...?
1057
00:59:42,627 --> 00:59:44,390
Dude, why would there be bl...?
1058
00:59:46,697 --> 00:59:49,666
Oh, fuck. Oh, my God.
1059
00:59:51,869 --> 00:59:55,270
Oh, shit.
I'm gonna fucking throw up.
1060
00:59:55,473 --> 00:59:56,997
Someone perioded
on my fucking leg?
1061
00:59:57,208 --> 00:59:59,267
- Oh, shit.
- What the fuck do I do?
1062
00:59:59,477 --> 01:00:01,707
I've never before
seen that in my life!
1063
01:00:01,913 --> 01:00:03,574
This is so disgusting.
1064
01:00:03,781 --> 01:00:05,271
- Yes, it is.
- I'm gonna go get Bill.
1065
01:00:05,483 --> 01:00:07,007
- He's gotta check this shit out.
- Fuck, yeah.
1066
01:00:07,218 --> 01:00:10,415
No. Who's Bill? Don't tell Bill!
Bill has nothing to do with this!
1067
01:00:10,621 --> 01:00:13,181
Hey, calm down.
Let me get a picture of that real quick.
1068
01:00:13,391 --> 01:00:14,722
No, you can't have a picture!
1069
01:00:14,926 --> 01:00:16,791
- Dude, stop!
- Bill, Bill! Check it out!
1070
01:00:16,994 --> 01:00:18,894
This kid's got period blood
on his slacks.
1071
01:00:19,096 --> 01:00:20,893
It's merlot.
That's what you don't get.
1072
01:00:21,098 --> 01:00:23,726
Hey, Pat! This jerk-off's
got period blood on his pants!
1073
01:00:23,935 --> 01:00:25,903
- Please stop.
- God, man, let me see.
1074
01:00:26,103 --> 01:00:29,038
Oh, my God,
that's a fucking man-gina, man.
1075
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:32,641
- Do you need a tampon? I could...
- Wait, wait. I have one! I have one!
1076
01:00:33,311 --> 01:00:35,302
Yeah, right? I don't know.
1077
01:00:35,513 --> 01:00:38,539
- I gotta wash this off. Is this the line?
- What does it look like?
1078
01:00:38,749 --> 01:00:40,410
Fuck me, right?
1079
01:00:55,666 --> 01:00:58,157
"Yeah, I'm McLovin.
I'd like to buy some..."
1080
01:01:00,371 --> 01:01:01,963
Shit.
1081
01:01:02,173 --> 01:01:04,505
- Rewind, rewind.
- Rewind it. Yeah!
1082
01:01:04,709 --> 01:01:06,734
So hot. Let's see it again.
1083
01:01:09,213 --> 01:01:12,614
- Your legs lifted off the ground.
- That is bona fide badass, man.
1084
01:01:12,817 --> 01:01:15,183
You gotta keep that tape, McLovin.
It is badass.
1085
01:01:15,386 --> 01:01:16,648
- It really is.
- Really?
1086
01:01:16,854 --> 01:01:19,687
Well, don't you guys, like,
need it for, like, evidence or...?
1087
01:01:19,890 --> 01:01:23,053
The only thing that's evidence of
is you can take a hit like a champ.
1088
01:01:23,260 --> 01:01:24,955
Seriously. Take that.
1089
01:01:25,162 --> 01:01:29,758
Are there any ladies
we'd like to show this tape to?
1090
01:01:30,534 --> 01:01:34,061
No. You don't wanna meet a chick
in a bar, man. Seriously.
1091
01:01:34,271 --> 01:01:36,899
That was a turning point
in my life, when I realized that.
1092
01:01:37,108 --> 01:01:41,306
You gotta go to other places. You gotta
go to a spin class, a farmers' market...
1093
01:01:41,512 --> 01:01:44,208
...pumpkin patch,
given the time of year.
1094
01:01:44,415 --> 01:01:46,883
Just somewhere social,
non-threatening.
1095
01:01:47,084 --> 01:01:50,315
- You know, something like that.
- Yeah, I met the missus at paintball.
1096
01:01:50,521 --> 01:01:53,490
Yeah, I shot her in the neck.
And we just...
1097
01:01:53,691 --> 01:01:55,556
And we just hit it off, you know.
1098
01:01:55,760 --> 01:01:59,196
My first wife,
who is a whore, by the way...
1099
01:01:59,397 --> 01:02:00,728
...where do you think I met her?
1100
01:02:00,931 --> 01:02:03,764
A bar. A bar.
1101
01:02:03,968 --> 01:02:05,959
- It was this bar.
- It was this bar.
1102
01:02:06,170 --> 01:02:08,331
Yeah, it was this bar.
1103
01:02:08,606 --> 01:02:12,303
Bought her a Binion's,
complimented her on her tote bag...
1104
01:02:12,510 --> 01:02:17,379
...and next thing I know, she's putting
her mouth around the tip of my penis.
1105
01:02:18,182 --> 01:02:20,207
You don't have to tell me that.
1106
01:02:20,418 --> 01:02:23,182
- Right in there.
- She opened up my world, sexually.
1107
01:02:23,387 --> 01:02:25,787
On our wedding night,
we had group sex.
1108
01:02:25,990 --> 01:02:27,355
I wasn't involved in it.
1109
01:02:27,558 --> 01:02:30,083
- But I could hear it through the wall.
- I was.
1110
01:02:30,294 --> 01:02:33,286
She was amazing. And then it was
exactly 23 months later...
1111
01:02:33,497 --> 01:02:35,522
...that I found out
she was an actual whore.
1112
01:02:35,733 --> 01:02:37,701
- We discovered her on the street.
- Yeah.
1113
01:02:37,902 --> 01:02:39,335
I'm sorry.
1114
01:02:39,537 --> 01:02:41,767
She was bad.
Fucking whoring bitch.
1115
01:02:41,972 --> 01:02:45,408
- But you got a new wife now, so...
- Yeah. Yeah.
1116
01:02:45,609 --> 01:02:47,907
And she is wonderful.
1117
01:02:48,112 --> 01:02:50,080
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You'll meet her.
1118
01:02:50,281 --> 01:02:52,442
You know what?
I bet I know your trick, McLovin.
1119
01:02:52,650 --> 01:02:54,982
- You play the whole myst...
- Calling all units.
1120
01:02:55,186 --> 01:02:56,813
Just turn that off.
1121
01:02:57,021 --> 01:03:00,013
Send backup!
There's so much blood...
1122
01:03:00,224 --> 01:03:03,955
I bet you play the whole
mysterious-guy thing, right?
1123
01:03:04,762 --> 01:03:07,959
Yeah, seriously.
How's it going with the ladies?
1124
01:03:08,232 --> 01:03:12,259
It's not the going with the ladies
I care about...
1125
01:03:12,470 --> 01:03:15,268
...it's the coming.
1126
01:03:17,141 --> 01:03:19,109
- I get it.
- What is it? What is it?
1127
01:03:19,310 --> 01:03:20,607
Like...
1128
01:03:20,811 --> 01:03:22,472
Like coming.
1129
01:03:25,349 --> 01:03:29,581
- That's funny. That is really funny.
- Oh, my God.
1130
01:03:34,592 --> 01:03:37,755
All right, looks like we got a call.
We can't pay for these.
1131
01:03:37,962 --> 01:03:39,259
10-4. We'll be right there.
1132
01:03:39,463 --> 01:03:42,091
- Speedy Gonzales, let's go.
- We should get road beers.
1133
01:03:42,633 --> 01:03:44,601
Hell, yeah,
We should get some road beers.
1134
01:03:44,802 --> 01:03:46,963
Can I have 13 beers to go, please?
1135
01:03:47,171 --> 01:03:50,402
Please. God, my fucking leg.
1136
01:04:06,657 --> 01:04:08,318
Fuck.
1137
01:04:34,552 --> 01:04:36,918
- I think it's him.
- Is it him?
1138
01:04:37,121 --> 01:04:38,383
- Hello?
- Hey, Becca.
1139
01:04:38,589 --> 01:04:42,286
Hi, I had a bad reception.
So about your Goldslick...
1140
01:04:42,493 --> 01:04:45,189
- Guys, shut up.
- Hey, what's going on over there?
1141
01:04:45,396 --> 01:04:47,455
It's nothing. It's just...
1142
01:04:47,665 --> 01:04:50,532
I was just calling, you know,
to see if you were coming...
1143
01:04:50,734 --> 01:04:53,965
...because I thought maybe you were
stuck at, like, a nightclub...
1144
01:04:54,171 --> 01:04:56,696
...or a cocktail party or something.
1145
01:04:56,907 --> 01:05:00,172
No, no, I'm gonna be there for sure.
Full throttle.
1146
01:05:00,377 --> 01:05:02,072
- Charlie's Angels 2.
- Awesome.
1147
01:05:03,981 --> 01:05:06,279
- I can't wait to see you. Evan?
- Okay, bye.
1148
01:05:06,483 --> 01:05:09,941
That was the first time I ever did coke.
Off that bitch's nipple. That was so...
1149
01:05:10,154 --> 01:05:11,883
- A little white sniff.
- That was awesome.
1150
01:05:12,089 --> 01:05:13,056
That was gorgeous.
1151
01:05:13,257 --> 01:05:16,522
Hey, hey, hey.
You guys, stay in this room, man.
1152
01:05:16,727 --> 01:05:19,924
They're gonna kill that guy tonight.
That chick's boyfriend is pissed.
1153
01:05:20,130 --> 01:05:21,654
Yeah. He's a beast.
1154
01:05:21,865 --> 01:05:24,891
I've been praying for a fight.
I'm literally waking up and praying...
1155
01:05:25,102 --> 01:05:27,036
- ...to see a fucking fight.
- Hey, hey, hey.
1156
01:05:29,273 --> 01:05:30,433
Who's that guy?
1157
01:05:35,479 --> 01:05:36,468
- Hi.
- Who is that guy?
1158
01:05:36,680 --> 01:05:38,705
- Who's this guy?
- Pleasure to see you fellas.
1159
01:05:38,916 --> 01:05:39,974
Hi, everyone.
1160
01:05:40,184 --> 01:05:41,845
- Who are you?
- I'm nobody.
1161
01:05:42,052 --> 01:05:43,610
No, no, no. I know you. I know you.
1162
01:05:43,821 --> 01:05:46,051
He was at that party
I was telling you about.
1163
01:05:46,257 --> 01:05:47,417
- No, no.
- Who is it?
1164
01:05:47,625 --> 01:05:50,753
Remember? He's Jimmy's brother.
The guy. The singer.
1165
01:05:51,195 --> 01:05:53,595
- No.
- He's the guy with the beautiful voice.
1166
01:05:53,797 --> 01:05:56,357
- The fucking singer, Jimmy's brother!
- That's not me, man.
1167
01:05:56,567 --> 01:05:58,296
- Oh, my God.
- Sing for us! Sing.
1168
01:05:58,502 --> 01:05:59,969
"It's not me"? You fucking lying?
1169
01:06:00,170 --> 01:06:03,264
No, I don't mean to accuse you guys
of being ill-informed, but...
1170
01:06:03,474 --> 01:06:05,840
My brother came from Scottsdale,
Arizona to be here.
1171
01:06:06,043 --> 01:06:07,408
You're not gonna sing for him?
1172
01:06:07,611 --> 01:06:08,771
- Fucking bullshit.
- Sing.
1173
01:06:08,979 --> 01:06:11,140
- You're a fucking singer.
- You sing good.
1174
01:06:11,348 --> 01:06:12,815
- Sing it again.
- Like a bird.
1175
01:06:13,017 --> 01:06:15,679
- No, I know, I just... I want to.
- You want a line of cocaine?
1176
01:06:15,886 --> 01:06:16,978
- No way, man.
- Yeah.
1177
01:06:17,187 --> 01:06:19,348
Don't make this weird. Sing.
1178
01:06:19,556 --> 01:06:21,717
- Sing it again.
- Turbo.
1179
01:06:26,096 --> 01:06:28,121
- Fuck! Over!
- Okay, watch this.
1180
01:06:28,332 --> 01:06:31,165
I'll get it right on the nose.
1181
01:06:31,368 --> 01:06:33,598
You're gonna fuck it up.
You're gonna fuck it up.
1182
01:06:33,804 --> 01:06:35,635
Under!
1183
01:06:35,839 --> 01:06:38,034
I feel hammered.
That doesn't make any sense.
1184
01:06:38,242 --> 01:06:40,836
- You're a fucking pussy.
- Okay, okay. Great, great.
1185
01:06:41,045 --> 01:06:44,503
- Okay, McLovin, see if you can do it.
- The kid's gonna nail it.
1186
01:06:44,715 --> 01:06:47,582
Come on, McLovin.
Do it, buddy. Come on, buddy!
1187
01:06:47,785 --> 01:06:50,379
- Bring it!
- 0.08, motherfuckers!
1188
01:06:50,587 --> 01:06:53,249
- Man!
- That's my boy!
1189
01:06:53,657 --> 01:06:55,591
- Yes!
- Beginner's luck. Beginner's luck.
1190
01:06:56,460 --> 01:06:59,258
So, what's it like to have guns?
1191
01:06:59,463 --> 01:07:02,159
It is awesome, McLovin.
1192
01:07:02,366 --> 01:07:04,027
- I mean, it's mindbl...
- It's great.
1193
01:07:04,234 --> 01:07:06,964
I haven't had one for long,
a few months, but I'll tell you...
1194
01:07:07,171 --> 01:07:08,934
- ...it's like having two cocks.
- Yup.
1195
01:07:09,139 --> 01:07:11,972
If one of your cocks
could kill someone.
1196
01:07:13,077 --> 01:07:15,637
- Can I hold one?
- What?
1197
01:07:15,846 --> 01:07:17,143
Can I hold one of your guns?
1198
01:07:20,417 --> 01:07:23,477
- Yeah, sure.
- Fine with me. Why not?
1199
01:07:23,687 --> 01:07:25,985
Everyone should hold a gun
at least a couple times.
1200
01:07:26,190 --> 01:07:27,623
Yeah, there you go.
1201
01:07:27,825 --> 01:07:30,157
- Have a blast.
- "Have a blast."
1202
01:07:30,361 --> 01:07:34,525
- That's funny.
- I've never held one of these before.
1203
01:07:34,732 --> 01:07:37,462
- Are they hard to shoot?
- If you're Michaels, they are.
1204
01:07:37,668 --> 01:07:39,363
- He can't shoot worth dick.
- What?
1205
01:07:39,570 --> 01:07:41,060
I can shoot. What are you...? Wait.
1206
01:07:41,271 --> 01:07:43,569
- I can't shoot worth dick?
- You cannot shoot.
1207
01:07:43,774 --> 01:07:46,208
- I shot that cat last week.
- It was already dead, man.
1208
01:07:46,410 --> 01:07:47,968
- I still shot it.
- That cat was dead.
1209
01:07:48,178 --> 01:07:50,043
There's only one way
to settle this, guys.
1210
01:07:50,614 --> 01:07:52,104
- Shoot-off.
- Shoot-off.
1211
01:07:52,316 --> 01:07:55,149
- Shoot-off!
- Shoot-off!
1212
01:07:55,352 --> 01:07:57,047
There's a lot of reasons
why I like you.
1213
01:07:57,254 --> 01:07:59,552
I mean, you're handsome
and you're a good friend.
1214
01:07:59,757 --> 01:08:03,784
Dude, there he is. That's the guy.
Hey, Mark, right there.
1215
01:08:05,696 --> 01:08:06,720
Oh, you got a stain too.
1216
01:08:08,565 --> 01:08:10,726
- We're blood brothers.
- Shut the fuck up.
1217
01:08:10,934 --> 01:08:13,459
You're in my house,
you answer my questions.
1218
01:08:13,670 --> 01:08:15,570
What were you doing
dancing with Jacinda?
1219
01:08:18,275 --> 01:08:19,537
I don't even dance. I just...
1220
01:08:19,743 --> 01:08:22,268
I don't even dance ever, so...
I've never even tried it.
1221
01:08:22,479 --> 01:08:25,141
Then where the hell did this
come from, asshole?
1222
01:08:26,617 --> 01:08:29,142
Maybe you and I rubbed up against
each other at some point.
1223
01:08:29,353 --> 01:08:32,322
I don't remember. Maybe it was
some ricochet scenario. I don't know.
1224
01:08:32,523 --> 01:08:34,548
- How am I supposed to know?
- Kick his ass, Mark.
1225
01:08:34,758 --> 01:08:36,521
Shut the fuck up, Scarlett.
1226
01:08:37,394 --> 01:08:40,090
Where do you get off
dancing with my fiancée?
1227
01:08:48,539 --> 01:08:49,597
To some girl.
1228
01:09:02,986 --> 01:09:04,317
Talk about the hurting.
1229
01:09:14,565 --> 01:09:15,998
- Shit.
- All right.
1230
01:09:38,989 --> 01:09:40,650
- Yo! Fight!
- Move it!
1231
01:09:40,858 --> 01:09:42,587
- Go, check this out!
- Oh, fuck!
1232
01:09:42,793 --> 01:09:44,761
And what the hell is this?
1233
01:09:45,262 --> 01:09:48,561
- I don't fucking... It's detergent.
- Yeah, what are you doing with it?
1234
01:09:50,334 --> 01:09:53,360
I got fucking blood on my pants.
1235
01:09:53,570 --> 01:09:55,094
Get down.
1236
01:09:57,107 --> 01:09:59,541
What the fuck is this all about, man?
Are you...?
1237
01:10:00,577 --> 01:10:03,910
- Well, fuck me.
- Fellas.
1238
01:10:04,481 --> 01:10:07,450
Oh, shit,
I've been tackled by little girls!
1239
01:10:07,651 --> 01:10:08,743
You die! You're next!
1240
01:10:11,488 --> 01:10:16,255
I should fucking kill you,
you motherfucker!
1241
01:10:16,460 --> 01:10:20,419
- Hold him, Jimmy's brother! Hold him!
- What do you mean? No. No way!
1242
01:10:20,631 --> 01:10:22,360
- You humiliated me!
- I'm sorry!
1243
01:10:22,566 --> 01:10:26,127
- You used my leg as a tampon!
- I'm calling the cops.
1244
01:10:26,336 --> 01:10:31,035
Evan! Come on! Move!
1245
01:10:31,275 --> 01:10:33,903
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.
1246
01:10:34,111 --> 01:10:38,275
Yeah. Fifth and Paysview. Hurry.
1247
01:10:38,482 --> 01:10:41,212
Mark, I called the cops.
You should hide your gun.
1248
01:10:41,451 --> 01:10:43,043
You're a fucking pussy.
1249
01:10:43,253 --> 01:10:44,481
Don't listen to him, officer.
1250
01:10:44,688 --> 01:10:47,122
If you make this,
we're no longer friends, Michaels.
1251
01:10:47,357 --> 01:10:49,757
- You're a fucking pussy.
- Cheating. You're cheating.
1252
01:10:50,894 --> 01:10:55,558
- Fuck me.
- Oh, suck on my nuts, Slater!
1253
01:10:55,766 --> 01:10:57,597
All right, you...
That was a lucky shot.
1254
01:10:57,801 --> 01:11:00,964
- That was a lucky shot.
- I rule.
1255
01:11:01,171 --> 01:11:02,399
I got jizzed on. All right.
1256
01:11:02,639 --> 01:11:04,664
- Can I shoot one?
- Yeah, go nuts. Go nuts.
1257
01:11:04,875 --> 01:11:06,342
Have a good time, man.
1258
01:11:06,543 --> 01:11:09,444
Empty the clip.
Empty the clip on it, man. Shit!
1259
01:11:09,646 --> 01:11:13,605
The cops! Bail! Bail! Bail!
Shotgun, shotgun! Damn it!
1260
01:11:15,052 --> 01:11:16,417
Shotgun.
1261
01:11:25,829 --> 01:11:28,389
- What a rush.
- What do you guys wanna do?
1262
01:11:28,599 --> 01:11:31,033
- Man, let's get drunk!
- Let's get more fucked up!
1263
01:11:31,234 --> 01:11:33,327
You're fucking living the dream,
Michaels!
1264
01:11:33,537 --> 01:11:34,504
Oh, man.
1265
01:11:34,705 --> 01:11:36,434
This is gonna be the best night ever.
1266
01:11:36,640 --> 01:11:39,074
- Got a 257 at Fifth and Paysview.
- Shit.
1267
01:11:39,276 --> 01:11:41,642
All units in the area report
to Fifth and Paysview.
1268
01:11:41,845 --> 01:11:44,143
- Car 98, that's you. Do it.
- Fuck.
1269
01:11:44,348 --> 01:11:46,407
- Shit.
- Shit.
1270
01:11:46,617 --> 01:11:49,882
Car 98 on it.
You dumb fucking whore.
1271
01:11:50,087 --> 01:11:53,079
Hey, did she say we're gonna get
to shoot somebody or something?
1272
01:11:53,290 --> 01:11:54,587
Oh, God, I wish.
1273
01:11:54,825 --> 01:11:58,192
It's probably some lame house party.
We'll drop you off after. Cool?
1274
01:11:58,428 --> 01:12:00,692
Yeah, man.
Let's show these fuckers how we roll!
1275
01:12:15,379 --> 01:12:19,008
- You fucking prick.
- What?
1276
01:12:21,952 --> 01:12:25,888
- You bailed on me.
- I didn't bail on you.
1277
01:12:26,089 --> 01:12:28,148
Yeah, you did.
1278
01:12:28,358 --> 01:12:31,191
You said you were gonna
do something and you didn't do it.
1279
01:12:31,395 --> 01:12:32,521
That's bailing.
1280
01:12:32,729 --> 01:12:35,960
You're the one that dragged me to
that fucking party with those lunatics.
1281
01:12:36,166 --> 01:12:41,126
- I didn't bail on you.
- You bailed on me, okay?
1282
01:12:41,338 --> 01:12:43,738
You bailed on me this morning
when Jesse spat on me...
1283
01:12:43,940 --> 01:12:45,567
...and you're bailing on me
next year.
1284
01:12:45,776 --> 01:12:48,836
What the fuck? It finally comes out.
That's good, man.
1285
01:12:49,046 --> 01:12:50,980
We were supposed to go
to college together, Even.
1286
01:12:51,214 --> 01:12:53,273
Since we were little kids,
since elementary school...
1287
01:12:53,483 --> 01:12:55,917
...that's all we've ever talked about,
us going together.
1288
01:12:56,119 --> 01:12:57,746
And you got into
fucking Dartmouth.
1289
01:12:57,954 --> 01:12:59,945
You're making me feel
like I'm a bad guy, like...
1290
01:13:00,157 --> 01:13:03,092
What...? I didn't do anything wrong.
I got into a good school.
1291
01:13:03,860 --> 01:13:07,023
How the fuck am I supposed to get
into Dartmouth? You knew I couldn't.
1292
01:13:07,264 --> 01:13:08,731
How fucking selfish are you?
1293
01:13:08,932 --> 01:13:10,957
You had no problem letting Fogell
take the fall.
1294
01:13:11,168 --> 01:13:13,136
You don't want me going
to a good school.
1295
01:13:13,336 --> 01:13:15,327
- Fuck, man!
- So, what the fuck do you want?
1296
01:13:15,539 --> 01:13:18,064
I'm not gonna let you
slow me down anymore, Seth.
1297
01:13:21,244 --> 01:13:22,302
What are you saying?
1298
01:13:23,046 --> 01:13:26,743
I've wasted the last three years
sitting around talking bullshit with you.
1299
01:13:26,950 --> 01:13:28,918
Instead of chasing girls
and making friends...
1300
01:13:29,119 --> 01:13:32,111
...I've just sat around
wasting all my time with you.
1301
01:13:32,322 --> 01:13:34,916
And now I'm going to college
a fucking friendless virgin.
1302
01:13:35,158 --> 01:13:38,616
Is this about Becca?
This is about some girl, man?
1303
01:13:38,829 --> 01:13:40,262
- I like her!
- Who gives a fuck?
1304
01:13:40,464 --> 01:13:42,625
She's some fucking girl!
You gonna go out with her for two years?
1305
01:13:42,833 --> 01:13:45,324
- What about after that?
- Fuck you, you're a piece of shit.
1306
01:13:45,836 --> 01:13:48,600
Fuck you! And next time
you're pissed off about something...
1307
01:13:48,805 --> 01:13:51,638
...don't keep it inside for 10 years,
say it like a fucking man!
1308
01:13:51,842 --> 01:13:52,809
- Don't touch me.
- Fuck you!
1309
01:13:55,345 --> 01:13:58,280
Hey, McLovin, are the numbers
on your side odd or even?
1310
01:13:58,482 --> 01:14:02,213
- I don't know. It's too dark to see.
- We got flashlights.
1311
01:14:02,419 --> 01:14:04,182
Oh, that's true.
1312
01:14:09,893 --> 01:14:11,758
Where the fuck are we?
1313
01:14:12,629 --> 01:14:14,597
- Hey, Slater.
- What's that?
1314
01:14:14,831 --> 01:14:16,560
Slater.
1315
01:14:19,970 --> 01:14:23,599
Now, young Michaels, you will die.
1316
01:14:25,175 --> 01:14:28,508
All right. Come on, stop it.
I can't fucking see. I can't see. Fuck it.
1317
01:14:28,712 --> 01:14:30,509
- Like it?
- Hey, fuck off, that hurts.
1318
01:14:30,714 --> 01:14:32,443
- You stop first.
- Not until you stop.
1319
01:14:32,649 --> 01:14:34,276
- Stop it, asshole.
- Hey, you stop.
1320
01:14:35,352 --> 01:14:37,377
- Fuck you, Evan!
- Don't fucking touch me.
1321
01:14:49,299 --> 01:14:50,391
Why did you do that?
1322
01:14:50,600 --> 01:14:52,761
- You shined the light in my face.
- You did too.
1323
01:14:52,969 --> 01:14:54,994
- I'm driving.
- We were playing Lightsabers.
1324
01:14:55,205 --> 01:14:57,230
- Excuse me.
- Oh, my God.
1325
01:14:57,440 --> 01:14:59,840
Are you guys gonna make sure
he's okay?
1326
01:15:03,079 --> 01:15:04,341
- Go out there and check on him.
- You check.
1327
01:15:04,548 --> 01:15:08,006
- You go out there and check on him.
- Fuck that. You go.
1328
01:15:08,218 --> 01:15:12,552
Balls. Okay, we'll both go out there
and check on him.
1329
01:15:14,024 --> 01:15:16,891
I can't believe this is happening again.
What are the odds?
1330
01:15:17,427 --> 01:15:19,054
Fuck.
1331
01:15:23,066 --> 01:15:26,763
- Is everyone okay?
- Yeah, we're great, thanks.
1332
01:15:26,970 --> 01:15:31,430
Hey, hey, where's the love?
1333
01:15:31,641 --> 01:15:36,101
- He's okay. He's fine.
- Stand right next to your friend.
1334
01:15:36,313 --> 01:15:38,144
- Get over there.
- I got them.
1335
01:15:38,348 --> 01:15:39,679
You got these guys?
1336
01:15:46,523 --> 01:15:48,388
You boys doing
a bit of drinking tonight?
1337
01:15:48,592 --> 01:15:52,722
- No, officer. Not at all. Not, we...
- We found those.
1338
01:15:52,929 --> 01:15:54,055
I don't believe you.
1339
01:15:57,734 --> 01:15:59,895
Freeze. Stand right there.
1340
01:16:00,103 --> 01:16:02,162
- We're telling the truth.
- Keep it going.
1341
01:16:02,372 --> 01:16:04,704
- Don't be a hero tonight, guys.
- Wrong night for that.
1342
01:16:04,908 --> 01:16:06,466
You gotta fucking take care of this.
1343
01:16:06,676 --> 01:16:10,737
No. Look, I am not fixing your mistakes
again, okay? Fuck that shit.
1344
01:16:10,947 --> 01:16:13,245
I don't wanna get shitcanned.
I happen to like this job.
1345
01:16:13,450 --> 01:16:15,714
Me too. I get free haircuts.
I'm not taking the fall.
1346
01:16:15,919 --> 01:16:17,546
Okay, okay!
1347
01:16:18,555 --> 01:16:20,716
We're gonna arrest
these two little dipshits, okay?
1348
01:16:20,924 --> 01:16:22,653
And we're gonna pin it on them.
1349
01:16:23,326 --> 01:16:24,793
Yeah, do what you have to do.
1350
01:16:31,268 --> 01:16:32,326
Spread your shit!
1351
01:16:32,535 --> 01:16:35,561
Get on the ground!
Loaded gun, ready to go!
1352
01:16:35,772 --> 01:16:38,366
Spread your shit!
Pussies on the pavement, fellas.
1353
01:16:38,575 --> 01:16:40,770
- Come on!
- Please don't shoot, sir.
1354
01:16:40,977 --> 01:16:43,571
"Please don't shoot."
Shut up and spread your shit!
1355
01:16:45,148 --> 01:16:48,049
I am the law! Okay?
1356
01:16:48,251 --> 01:16:49,377
Now hold hands.
1357
01:16:49,586 --> 01:16:50,985
- What?
- Why?
1358
01:16:51,187 --> 01:16:54,782
You don't want an asshole where your
face used to be, Whaling Jennings.
1359
01:16:54,991 --> 01:16:57,391
- Hold his fucking hand!
- Fucking hold my hand.
1360
01:16:57,594 --> 01:16:59,960
There. That's not so hard, is it?
1361
01:17:00,163 --> 01:17:02,597
Here, McLovin, have a cigarette.
1362
01:17:03,833 --> 01:17:05,596
Smoke up. Life's short, you know.
1363
01:17:06,369 --> 01:17:08,360
Suck it in, my friend.
1364
01:17:08,571 --> 01:17:11,131
Suck it long and deep.
1365
01:17:11,341 --> 01:17:12,831
Enjoy it.
1366
01:17:13,443 --> 01:17:16,003
McLovin, McLovin, McLovin.
1367
01:17:17,480 --> 01:17:22,713
- You like Officer Slater and myself?
- Yeah, you guys are awesome.
1368
01:17:22,919 --> 01:17:26,047
Thanks.
We really like you too, McLovin.
1369
01:17:26,256 --> 01:17:27,814
So here's what's about to happen.
1370
01:17:28,024 --> 01:17:29,457
We're gonna arrest these two guys...
1371
01:17:29,659 --> 01:17:33,220
...you're gonna write a witness report saying
they leapt in front of our car like mad men...
1372
01:17:33,430 --> 01:17:35,762
...and there was nothing we could do
to avoid hitting them. Sound cool?
1373
01:17:37,033 --> 01:17:39,934
- Yeah, that's fine.
- Good.
1374
01:17:40,136 --> 01:17:42,434
That's good.
Pretend he's your little sister.
1375
01:17:42,639 --> 01:17:44,630
Your little sister with the...
1376
01:17:55,518 --> 01:17:56,542
What the fuck?
1377
01:18:08,932 --> 01:18:10,456
Fagell?
1378
01:18:19,776 --> 01:18:21,767
- Shit!
- Shit!
1379
01:18:25,782 --> 01:18:27,147
Run! Run!
1380
01:18:27,350 --> 01:18:28,578
Wait.
1381
01:18:28,785 --> 01:18:32,186
Hold on, I gotta get all the booze.
Seth, wait up!
1382
01:18:32,389 --> 01:18:34,050
McLovin bailed!
1383
01:18:34,257 --> 01:18:36,316
Chase the kid!
1384
01:18:43,933 --> 01:18:45,025
Stop!
1385
01:19:05,955 --> 01:19:08,082
That was a fast kid.
1386
01:19:10,760 --> 01:19:15,197
I want a ride! You hear me?
You can't unarrest me!
1387
01:19:17,700 --> 01:19:19,190
Stop!
1388
01:19:21,337 --> 01:19:25,239
- McLovin!
- Come on.
1389
01:19:27,210 --> 01:19:28,370
McLovin!
1390
01:19:29,112 --> 01:19:31,876
McLovin! Why?
1391
01:19:33,817 --> 01:19:34,875
McLovin, come back!
1392
01:19:36,786 --> 01:19:41,780
My hand! Monster!
Nicole! Nicole, get Daddy.
1393
01:19:41,991 --> 01:19:44,482
- Get Daddy.
- Get Daddy!
1394
01:19:44,694 --> 01:19:47,288
- Oh, shit.
- Get away from my kids!
1395
01:19:50,600 --> 01:19:52,761
You sick sons of bitches!
1396
01:19:55,772 --> 01:19:57,262
What the fuck?
1397
01:20:03,046 --> 01:20:05,480
Michaels, are you okay?
1398
01:20:05,715 --> 01:20:07,478
- It's just beer.
- Give me a break.
1399
01:20:07,684 --> 01:20:09,276
- It's just beer.
- Man up.
1400
01:20:09,486 --> 01:20:11,078
What happened?
What, did you lose him?
1401
01:20:11,287 --> 01:20:14,051
He's a freak.
He's the fastest kid alive.
1402
01:20:14,257 --> 01:20:16,782
- This is not good.
- He's the fastest kid alive.
1403
01:20:17,026 --> 01:20:20,052
Fastest kid alive, my ass. Come on.
What are we gonna do?
1404
01:20:20,363 --> 01:20:22,263
I'll shoot my gun in the air.
1405
01:20:22,499 --> 01:20:24,433
Give me a fucking warning
before you do it.
1406
01:20:24,634 --> 01:20:26,602
I'll scare him out of wherever
he's hiding.
1407
01:20:26,803 --> 01:20:29,465
This isn't gonna do shit.
Get in the car. Get in the car.
1408
01:20:29,672 --> 01:20:31,503
This is your fault, you piece of...
1409
01:20:32,041 --> 01:20:34,441
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.
They shot Seth.
1410
01:20:34,644 --> 01:20:36,771
They fucking shot Seth, I know it.
1411
01:20:37,514 --> 01:20:38,742
Holy shit.
1412
01:20:38,948 --> 01:20:39,937
Holy shit. Holy shit.
1413
01:20:41,551 --> 01:20:42,643
- Should I run?
- Yes.
1414
01:20:47,390 --> 01:20:49,483
- Fuck. Stop!
- Stop the bus!
1415
01:20:49,692 --> 01:20:51,125
- Stop it!
- It's stopping.
1416
01:20:51,327 --> 01:20:53,488
- It's stopping.
- Oh, thank God.
1417
01:20:56,266 --> 01:20:58,496
Hey, Evan, pay for me, please.
1418
01:21:00,870 --> 01:21:01,837
That's me and him.
1419
01:21:02,939 --> 01:21:06,466
Hey, hey. It's you.
1420
01:21:06,676 --> 01:21:07,904
McMuffin.
1421
01:21:08,311 --> 01:21:09,676
- You know this guy?
- It's...
1422
01:21:09,879 --> 01:21:13,906
Ain't got no cop people to help you
keep your booze now, do you?
1423
01:21:14,117 --> 01:21:17,450
Hey! Back the fuck up, man,
or I'll beat the shit out of you.
1424
01:21:17,654 --> 01:21:19,713
- Give me the booze.
- Hey! Back the fuck up.
1425
01:21:19,923 --> 01:21:23,120
Back the fuck up. Back the fuck up.
1426
01:21:23,326 --> 01:21:24,987
Please, please, calm down, sir.
1427
01:21:34,170 --> 01:21:39,506
Goldslick.
1428
01:21:50,954 --> 01:21:53,047
Get off the bus
or I'm calling the cops.
1429
01:21:59,762 --> 01:22:01,821
Eat shit, bum.
1430
01:22:02,198 --> 01:22:04,291
Oh, shit, guys.
We're three blocks away, man.
1431
01:22:04,500 --> 01:22:06,900
We made it. We made it
with the booze and everything.
1432
01:22:07,103 --> 01:22:08,434
We made it.
1433
01:22:08,638 --> 01:22:10,071
Hold this.
1434
01:22:10,807 --> 01:22:13,332
I can't believe
you still have the liquor.
1435
01:22:14,377 --> 01:22:15,435
It's awesome.
1436
01:22:15,645 --> 01:22:18,705
Yeah, I told you the idea would work.
I fooled those cops.
1437
01:22:18,948 --> 01:22:21,917
I'm McLovin. I am McLovin.
1438
01:22:23,786 --> 01:22:25,185
Why do you guys have detergent?
1439
01:22:25,388 --> 01:22:28,357
I don't understand why you were
smoking cigarettes with those cops.
1440
01:22:28,558 --> 01:22:30,185
Because I fucking rule.
1441
01:22:30,393 --> 01:22:33,692
- We are so gonna get laid tonight.
- I am. I'm gonna get laid.
1442
01:22:33,896 --> 01:22:36,296
We're finally gonna
get our drinks on.
1443
01:22:38,468 --> 01:22:40,163
I can't believe Becca's bottle broke.
1444
01:22:40,370 --> 01:22:41,735
- I'm sure it'll be fine.
- Yeah.
1445
01:22:41,938 --> 01:22:44,839
I thought you didn't need it.
You were gonna tell her how you feel.
1446
01:22:45,041 --> 01:22:47,566
Good luck getting Jules drunk enough
to have sex with you.
1447
01:22:47,777 --> 01:22:49,711
- What's wrong with you guys?
- Nothing.
1448
01:22:49,912 --> 01:22:53,075
You two femmes can talk about it
next year at your little slumber party.
1449
01:22:53,283 --> 01:22:54,978
Oh, you told him.
1450
01:22:55,184 --> 01:22:57,812
- Told me what?
- Yeah. You're an idiot, Fogell.
1451
01:22:58,021 --> 01:22:59,818
- Well, we gotta tell him now.
- No, we...
1452
01:23:00,023 --> 01:23:01,490
Well, he knows something's up.
1453
01:23:01,724 --> 01:23:03,988
What are you guys talking about?
Tell me now.
1454
01:23:04,227 --> 01:23:06,388
Seth, me and Evan are
rooming together next year.
1455
01:23:06,596 --> 01:23:07,585
What's the big deal?
1456
01:23:07,797 --> 01:23:09,731
"Oh, my God,
Fogell's rooming with Evan."
1457
01:23:09,932 --> 01:23:11,627
Jeez, why don't you go cry about it?
1458
01:23:11,834 --> 01:23:14,268
- I didn't tell you because...
- You're a backstabber...
1459
01:23:14,470 --> 01:23:17,701
...and you lied to your best friend
and you just don't care anymore?
1460
01:23:17,907 --> 01:23:20,102
I didn't expect this from you, Evan.
1461
01:23:20,576 --> 01:23:21,736
Not from you.
1462
01:23:21,944 --> 01:23:24,139
Give me that booze, Fagell.
1463
01:23:27,717 --> 01:23:30,686
We never should have had to hide
our arrangement.
1464
01:23:40,863 --> 01:23:43,195
- Seth's here.
- Seth, you're here.
1465
01:23:43,399 --> 01:23:47,130
Hi. Everybody, Seth has got it.
1466
01:24:10,393 --> 01:24:12,520
- Evan.
- Gaby, hey.
1467
01:24:12,729 --> 01:24:14,594
Where have you been?
You almost blew it.
1468
01:24:14,797 --> 01:24:17,322
- What are you talking about?
- Becca. She's been waiting for you.
1469
01:24:17,533 --> 01:24:18,830
She's over there.
1470
01:24:19,702 --> 01:24:20,999
She's way smashed.
1471
01:24:21,204 --> 01:24:23,502
And she's been yammering
about you all night.
1472
01:24:23,706 --> 01:24:25,503
Really? What was she saying?
1473
01:24:25,708 --> 01:24:27,801
She told you that she thinks
I'm a good guy?
1474
01:24:28,010 --> 01:24:30,570
No, no.
She said something more like:
1475
01:24:30,780 --> 01:24:33,305
"I will fully blow him tonight."
1476
01:24:33,549 --> 01:24:35,881
- What?
- I know.
1477
01:24:39,322 --> 01:24:41,552
- Yeah.
- But she's totally hammered...
1478
01:24:41,758 --> 01:24:44,659
...and if I get with her
and I'm not drunk, isn't that unethical?
1479
01:24:45,495 --> 01:24:46,894
Not if you're drunk too.
1480
01:24:48,231 --> 01:24:49,596
I guess not.
1481
01:24:49,799 --> 01:24:51,130
To Seth.
1482
01:24:51,334 --> 01:24:53,529
- To Seth!
- All right.
1483
01:24:53,736 --> 01:24:55,601
Who the fuck is Seth?
1484
01:24:55,805 --> 01:24:57,500
I'm Seth!
1485
01:24:59,208 --> 01:25:01,438
Let's do another one to me.
1486
01:25:12,488 --> 01:25:14,080
Oh, boy.
1487
01:25:14,824 --> 01:25:16,883
Calm down. Calm down, man.
1488
01:25:17,093 --> 01:25:19,152
Calm down. She likes you.
1489
01:25:19,529 --> 01:25:21,759
She wants to suck on your penis.
1490
01:25:21,998 --> 01:25:23,625
It's a good thing.
1491
01:25:23,833 --> 01:25:27,496
It's the best thing.
1492
01:25:28,304 --> 01:25:29,965
Just down the hatch.
1493
01:25:57,800 --> 01:25:59,700
Fogell. What's up?
1494
01:26:46,682 --> 01:26:48,980
Evan, hey. Evie, come here.
1495
01:26:49,185 --> 01:26:50,584
Can you please help me up?
1496
01:26:50,786 --> 01:26:54,347
I fell down and none of these assholes
will help me up.
1497
01:26:54,557 --> 01:26:57,117
- Shit.
- Becca.
1498
01:26:57,326 --> 01:26:59,419
I have been waiting for you
for, like, ever.
1499
01:26:59,629 --> 01:27:01,597
- What took you so long?
- I know, it...
1500
01:27:01,797 --> 01:27:04,231
- Do you have my Goldslick?
- No, I can't even...
1501
01:27:04,433 --> 01:27:06,094
It's such a crazy story, okay?
1502
01:27:06,302 --> 01:27:09,601
- I swear I was try...
- It doesn't even matter.
1503
01:27:09,805 --> 01:27:12,296
Look. Look what we...
We can just drink this.
1504
01:27:12,508 --> 01:27:14,772
- Here. You could have a drink.
- Oh, no.
1505
01:27:14,977 --> 01:27:16,968
- I'm already pretty wasted.
- Take a drink.
1506
01:27:17,179 --> 01:27:19,545
Okay, here's to you.
This is to Becca.
1507
01:27:19,749 --> 01:27:20,841
To Becca.
1508
01:27:21,050 --> 01:27:23,382
- To the respecting...
- Guys.
1509
01:27:23,586 --> 01:27:26,646
...women. To people respecting women.
1510
01:27:26,856 --> 01:27:29,848
Okay. Yeah.
1511
01:27:32,295 --> 01:27:33,523
You're a lightweight.
1512
01:27:34,897 --> 01:27:36,262
Hey.
1513
01:27:37,300 --> 01:27:40,565
You and me,
we should go upstairs, because...
1514
01:27:40,770 --> 01:27:44,900
Because I need to
tell you something. Okay?
1515
01:27:45,474 --> 01:27:47,635
You could just tell me here,
I mean...
1516
01:27:47,843 --> 01:27:52,576
I can't tell you, because
it's a secret for you from me.
1517
01:27:52,782 --> 01:27:54,841
- All right.
- So come. Come on. Okay.
1518
01:27:55,051 --> 01:27:56,211
- Bye, guys.
- Bye.
1519
01:27:56,419 --> 01:27:58,614
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
1520
01:28:04,060 --> 01:28:07,325
You changed your name
to McLovin?
1521
01:28:09,198 --> 01:28:11,826
- That's so cool.
- Thanks.
1522
01:28:12,034 --> 01:28:15,902
So, like, what's Hawaii like?
1523
01:28:16,572 --> 01:28:17,937
All right. I am back.
1524
01:28:18,140 --> 01:28:20,404
I had to thank the peeps
for coming out, you know.
1525
01:28:20,610 --> 01:28:23,101
Jules. I want you
to have a drink with me.
1526
01:28:23,312 --> 01:28:25,678
Just drink some of this.
You're gonna love it.
1527
01:28:25,881 --> 01:28:27,678
You're to...
I know you're gonna love it.
1528
01:28:27,883 --> 01:28:31,444
- You know, I...
- It's green beer. For your information.
1529
01:28:31,654 --> 01:28:34,282
You know, I'm actually good
right now. But thank you.
1530
01:28:34,757 --> 01:28:37,988
And thank you very much
for bringing everything, again.
1531
01:28:38,194 --> 01:28:39,821
Seriously, it really made the night.
1532
01:28:40,029 --> 01:28:42,793
No, that's how I roll.
That's the thing.
1533
01:28:42,999 --> 01:28:45,832
It's no problems. You'll learn that.
1534
01:28:51,641 --> 01:28:56,271
I love talking
and conversing with you.
1535
01:28:56,479 --> 01:28:59,471
But I can't hear you, though,
because the music is so loud.
1536
01:28:59,682 --> 01:29:02,845
So do you wanna go outside
and talk more?
1537
01:29:05,721 --> 01:29:08,349
Yeah. Sorry, sure.
You know, why not?
1538
01:29:08,557 --> 01:29:10,525
Let's do it.
I haven't conversed in ages.
1539
01:29:10,726 --> 01:29:14,184
- Okay. Ladies... Ladies first.
- Okay.
1540
01:29:15,264 --> 01:29:17,232
- Thank you very much.
- No problem.
1541
01:29:17,433 --> 01:29:19,833
- Watch your step. I fell earlier today.
- You serious?
1542
01:29:20,036 --> 01:29:22,129
Well, I was hit by a car.
It's a long story.
1543
01:29:22,705 --> 01:29:26,436
- Oh, shit. Careful.
- Okay, well...
1544
01:29:27,543 --> 01:29:30,740
So loud. Don't let the parents hear.
1545
01:29:31,380 --> 01:29:33,245
You look so pretty.
1546
01:29:36,552 --> 01:29:40,750
- Are you okay?
- I so flirt with you in math.
1547
01:29:40,956 --> 01:29:43,083
Tell me about it. I... Samesies.
1548
01:29:43,292 --> 01:29:48,821
I've wanted to tell you for so long
that you're the best girl.
1549
01:29:49,031 --> 01:29:53,934
I know. I've wanted to get with you,
like, so hard.
1550
01:29:55,538 --> 01:29:57,870
Like so hard.
1551
01:30:03,813 --> 01:30:05,713
You're the best.
1552
01:30:05,915 --> 01:30:09,442
We'll take this sweater off. I think so.
1553
01:30:09,652 --> 01:30:12,883
Just be careful, because it's a
meaningful sweater to me. It's vintage.
1554
01:30:13,089 --> 01:30:14,147
Okay.
1555
01:30:14,890 --> 01:30:17,757
- Bought it at that vintage market.
- Just hurry.
1556
01:30:18,260 --> 01:30:20,785
- And this one.
- It's off.
1557
01:30:20,996 --> 01:30:23,089
Hey, wait, careful.
1558
01:30:24,266 --> 01:30:25,790
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my.
1559
01:30:26,001 --> 01:30:27,195
Put that there.
1560
01:30:27,403 --> 01:30:29,098
- Now, looky, looky...
- Okay.
1561
01:30:29,305 --> 01:30:31,865
- ...what I got for you under here.
- Oh, my gosh.
1562
01:30:32,074 --> 01:30:33,871
You are the prettiest girl...
1563
01:30:34,076 --> 01:30:36,977
- ...this side of the Mississippi.
- I have a little something...
1564
01:30:37,179 --> 01:30:40,046
...for you under here.
1565
01:30:40,249 --> 01:30:41,273
You look so pretty.
1566
01:30:41,751 --> 01:30:44,049
- Look so pretty.
- Under there.
1567
01:30:44,253 --> 01:30:46,084
Hello.
1568
01:30:47,356 --> 01:30:49,381
For you.
1569
01:30:53,996 --> 01:30:58,433
You're the best. You're so unique.
1570
01:30:58,634 --> 01:31:00,101
Come here.
1571
01:31:00,302 --> 01:31:02,634
Evan, kiss me.
1572
01:31:02,972 --> 01:31:04,769
I like you so much.
1573
01:31:05,841 --> 01:31:07,706
Come on, McLovin.
1574
01:31:07,910 --> 01:31:09,741
I've never been
with an older guy before.
1575
01:31:09,945 --> 01:31:13,278
Well, it's way better.
1576
01:31:13,482 --> 01:31:15,677
I know, we made some
kick-ass tiramisu earlier.
1577
01:31:15,885 --> 01:31:19,412
It was deli... It looked weird.
But it was delicious.
1578
01:31:23,926 --> 01:31:27,123
What...? What's wrong?
1579
01:31:27,763 --> 01:31:31,358
I... I would prefer
if we would just do that...
1580
01:31:31,567 --> 01:31:35,094
...at some other time.
1581
01:31:35,304 --> 01:31:38,364
No. There is no other time.
School is up.
1582
01:31:38,574 --> 01:31:42,840
- What's wrong with right now?
- Well, I mean, you're... You're drunk.
1583
01:31:43,546 --> 01:31:47,448
- You're, like, really, really drunk.
- So? You're drunk. You're drunk, Jules.
1584
01:31:47,650 --> 01:31:50,619
Yeah, I'm actually...
I'm not drunk at all.
1585
01:31:50,820 --> 01:31:53,380
I don't even drink, so it's...
I mean...
1586
01:31:54,623 --> 01:31:57,683
Jules, you drink. You drink.
1587
01:31:57,893 --> 01:32:00,726
Everybody... You...
You had me get liquor, so you drink.
1588
01:32:00,930 --> 01:32:01,954
It's like...
1589
01:32:02,164 --> 01:32:05,497
Well, yeah, because
I'm throwing a party, remember?
1590
01:32:05,701 --> 01:32:07,293
Other people drink
and so I just...
1591
01:32:07,503 --> 01:32:08,993
You...?
1592
01:32:10,372 --> 01:32:13,705
You don't wanna, you know?
1593
01:32:15,511 --> 01:32:18,446
Not right now.
1594
01:32:18,647 --> 01:32:21,707
You know, not while you're drunk.
1595
01:32:22,351 --> 01:32:24,342
But, you know, thank you.
1596
01:32:29,692 --> 01:32:34,220
- Evan. Evan, I'm so wet.
- Oh, yeah.
1597
01:32:34,430 --> 01:32:37,729
They said that would happen
in health, when I learned about it.
1598
01:32:37,933 --> 01:32:39,730
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1599
01:32:39,935 --> 01:32:43,098
- They taught me about...
- Who's down there?
1600
01:32:43,305 --> 01:32:44,533
Yeah, it's your hand.
1601
01:32:49,445 --> 01:32:52,812
- Thank you, that's good.
- You have such a smooth cock.
1602
01:32:53,015 --> 01:32:55,040
Thank you.
You would too if you were a man.
1603
01:32:55,251 --> 01:32:57,742
But you got such a smooth chest.
1604
01:32:57,953 --> 01:33:00,615
I am gonna give you...
1605
01:33:00,823 --> 01:33:05,260
...the best blow-J ever...
1606
01:33:05,461 --> 01:33:07,861
...with my mouth.
1607
01:33:08,063 --> 01:33:10,258
Why don't we...?
Why don't we just kiss a while?
1608
01:33:10,466 --> 01:33:14,061
Why don't we keep kissing for a bit,
instead of...?
1609
01:33:15,971 --> 01:33:17,529
How badly do you wanna fuck me?
1610
01:33:18,007 --> 01:33:19,634
Jesus Christ.
1611
01:33:20,442 --> 01:33:21,409
Jesus, fuck.
1612
01:33:21,610 --> 01:33:22,872
- Hang on one second.
- What?
1613
01:33:23,078 --> 01:33:24,807
Becca,
I don't think you wanna do this.
1614
01:33:25,014 --> 01:33:28,916
- You're really drunk.
- No, I'm not. I am not drunk.
1615
01:33:29,118 --> 01:33:33,282
- I see that you are. I think you are.
- And I really... I want you inside me.
1616
01:33:33,489 --> 01:33:35,719
I want you to be my first.
I want you inside me.
1617
01:33:35,925 --> 01:33:38,120
So just... Just go with it.
1618
01:33:38,327 --> 01:33:40,261
- Let it happen.
- I know, but...
1619
01:33:40,763 --> 01:33:42,754
Becca, this is kind of intense.
1620
01:33:42,965 --> 01:33:47,299
And I just... I'm so drunk.
I can't even, like, process this.
1621
01:33:47,503 --> 01:33:49,835
And you're really pretty.
1622
01:33:50,039 --> 01:33:52,098
And I just think
this isn't how I pictured it.
1623
01:33:52,308 --> 01:33:56,745
I don't understand why you have to be
such a little bitch about it.
1624
01:33:57,947 --> 01:34:01,075
- Did you just call me a bitch?
- Yes, a scared...
1625
01:34:01,283 --> 01:34:03,877
See I, like...
I think we're not thinking clear...
1626
01:34:04,086 --> 01:34:05,348
Holy shit. Oh, my God.
1627
01:34:05,554 --> 01:34:07,920
- Go get Gaby.
- I'll go get her.
1628
01:34:08,123 --> 01:34:12,856
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Go get Gaby, please.
1629
01:34:27,076 --> 01:34:30,705
- I got a boner.
- Good.
1630
01:34:32,014 --> 01:34:34,608
- Do you have a condom?
- Yes.
1631
01:34:36,552 --> 01:34:38,520
And lube.
1632
01:34:38,721 --> 01:34:40,211
Seth?
1633
01:34:44,193 --> 01:34:46,627
Are...? Are you crying?
1634
01:34:47,029 --> 01:34:49,896
No, I just have something
in both my eyes.
1635
01:34:50,099 --> 01:34:51,259
I don't cry. That's funny.
1636
01:34:51,467 --> 01:34:53,697
You look... You look...
It looks like you're crying.
1637
01:34:53,902 --> 01:34:55,233
So...
1638
01:34:57,473 --> 01:34:59,805
It was my last chance
and I fucked it up and...
1639
01:35:00,009 --> 01:35:01,567
Your last chance to do what?
1640
01:35:01,777 --> 01:35:04,803
To make you
my girlfriend for the summer.
1641
01:35:05,414 --> 01:35:08,247
You're, like, the coolest person
that's ever talked to me.
1642
01:35:08,450 --> 01:35:10,042
I thought we'd both be drunk.
1643
01:35:10,252 --> 01:35:12,982
What does me being drunk
have anything to do with it?
1644
01:35:13,188 --> 01:35:15,486
You'd never get with me
if you were sober.
1645
01:35:15,691 --> 01:35:17,158
Look at you.
1646
01:35:18,227 --> 01:35:22,425
- Look at me.
- Seth, come on, you didn't blow it.
1647
01:35:23,032 --> 01:35:24,624
I think maybe...
1648
01:35:25,267 --> 01:35:27,030
What the fuck?!
1649
01:35:27,236 --> 01:35:28,897
Help me.
1650
01:35:31,106 --> 01:35:32,073
Shirley.
1651
01:35:32,274 --> 01:35:34,333
I'm sorry.
1652
01:35:34,743 --> 01:35:37,234
- Someone forgot to call pest control.
- Yep.
1653
01:35:37,446 --> 01:35:39,277
Where you going?
Hey, party's still on.
1654
01:35:39,481 --> 01:35:40,709
- Where are you going?
- No.
1655
01:35:40,916 --> 01:35:44,113
If you're back there, get out.
Everyone, come on.
1656
01:35:44,319 --> 01:35:46,082
- We will shoot you.
- Party's over.
1657
01:35:46,288 --> 01:35:47,778
- Evan.
- Get the hell out of here.
1658
01:35:47,990 --> 01:35:49,651
Keep your hands up.
1659
01:35:55,431 --> 01:35:58,127
Life's bullshit, Miroki.
1660
01:36:07,509 --> 01:36:09,477
Ev, wake the fuck up, man.
1661
01:36:09,678 --> 01:36:11,976
We gotta go.
Those fucking cops are here, man.
1662
01:36:15,284 --> 01:36:17,582
"Oh, no, it's the cops."
We have a complaint.
1663
01:36:17,786 --> 01:36:20,311
- Evan, come on.
- Get the hell out of here right now.
1664
01:36:20,522 --> 01:36:22,149
Get out of here.
She's not interested.
1665
01:36:22,357 --> 01:36:25,053
- Drop the crantini and move it, sister.
- See you, sugar tits.
1666
01:36:25,260 --> 01:36:26,227
Guys, come on, move.
1667
01:36:26,428 --> 01:36:29,556
Everybody out.
Leave the booze and go.
1668
01:36:30,732 --> 01:36:31,926
What the fuck, man?
1669
01:36:32,734 --> 01:36:33,996
What the fuck, Seth?
1670
01:36:34,203 --> 01:36:36,433
He's my best friend. Oh, shit.
1671
01:36:37,039 --> 01:36:39,439
Oh, shit. Come on.
1672
01:36:39,641 --> 01:36:42,269
I assume you all have guns
and crack.
1673
01:36:45,013 --> 01:36:48,744
Oh, my God, come on. Don't stop.
1674
01:36:51,320 --> 01:36:52,685
Okay, everyone...
1675
01:36:52,888 --> 01:36:55,721
...prepare to be fucked
by the long dick of the law.
1676
01:36:55,924 --> 01:36:57,687
Get out.
1677
01:36:59,495 --> 01:37:00,484
Come on, go.
1678
01:37:04,733 --> 01:37:06,291
Fuck off, Seth.
1679
01:37:08,871 --> 01:37:10,065
Get a room.
1680
01:37:10,272 --> 01:37:12,672
I'm gonna save you.
I'm gonna save you, Evan.
1681
01:37:14,309 --> 01:37:15,970
Fuck.
1682
01:37:17,646 --> 01:37:20,843
Fuck. Fuck, man, so heavy.
1683
01:37:36,165 --> 01:37:38,565
It's in. Oh, my God, it's in.
1684
01:37:38,767 --> 01:37:41,133
All right, everybody out.
Come on, let's go.
1685
01:37:41,336 --> 01:37:43,702
McLovin! What the fuck?
1686
01:37:43,906 --> 01:37:46,272
- Officer Slater, is that you?
- You ran away from us.
1687
01:37:46,475 --> 01:37:48,443
Why did you run away?
Michaels, get up here.
1688
01:37:48,644 --> 01:37:50,578
- No. I didn't run away.
- What the fuck?
1689
01:37:50,779 --> 01:37:51,768
Why would you do that?
1690
01:37:51,980 --> 01:37:54,471
- I was disoriented from...
- Were you violating that girl?
1691
01:37:54,683 --> 01:37:57,083
You just violated her with your penis?
Michaels, look.
1692
01:37:57,286 --> 01:37:58,651
- McLovin?
- No, no, no.
1693
01:37:59,221 --> 01:38:00,711
No.
1694
01:38:01,356 --> 01:38:03,153
Holy shit.
Were you just getting laid?
1695
01:38:03,358 --> 01:38:06,020
No. Yeah, I was, but...
1696
01:38:06,228 --> 01:38:08,492
- Yes, yes, he was.
- It's not what you think, guys.
1697
01:38:08,697 --> 01:38:10,892
- I'm not even...
- Sit the fuck down. Stay down.
1698
01:38:11,099 --> 01:38:12,930
- Calm down.
- I thought we were friends...
1699
01:38:13,135 --> 01:38:14,602
...and then you go running away.
1700
01:38:14,803 --> 01:38:16,430
Contain yourself.
1701
01:38:16,638 --> 01:38:18,128
- We're friends.
- Shut up.
1702
01:38:18,340 --> 01:38:20,604
- Calm down. Calm down, man.
- Why? What?
1703
01:38:20,809 --> 01:38:22,401
You just cock-blocked McLovin.
Okay?
1704
01:38:22,611 --> 01:38:24,101
He's our friend. We don't do that.
1705
01:38:24,313 --> 01:38:27,646
We should be guiding his cock,
not blocking it.
1706
01:38:27,849 --> 01:38:31,580
Just relax, okay?
Let's make this right.
1707
01:38:39,261 --> 01:38:41,525
Wait, what are you...?
What are you guys doing?
1708
01:38:41,730 --> 01:38:44,927
No, please, I can't... I can't go to jail.
Please, I can't go to jail.
1709
01:38:45,133 --> 01:38:48,933
No, look.
We're really sorry, McLovin.
1710
01:38:49,137 --> 01:38:52,470
This has... This has gone on...
This has gone way too far.
1711
01:38:52,674 --> 01:38:55,734
What? What are you talking about?
1712
01:38:55,944 --> 01:38:59,880
We know you're not 25, man.
We're not idiots, McLovin.
1713
01:39:00,082 --> 01:39:02,573
- Yeah.
- Did you know the whole time?
1714
01:39:02,784 --> 01:39:07,949
Look, when we were your age,
we hated cops.
1715
01:39:08,156 --> 01:39:11,319
When we saw you
in the liquor store today, we just...
1716
01:39:11,526 --> 01:39:13,585
I guess we saw a bit of ourselves,
you know...
1717
01:39:13,795 --> 01:39:16,889
...and we just wanted
to show you that...
1718
01:39:17,099 --> 01:39:19,465
...you know, cops can have
a fun time too, you know?
1719
01:39:19,668 --> 01:39:21,260
Yeah.
1720
01:39:22,037 --> 01:39:26,565
You know, in a way,
I think we wanted to show ourselves.
1721
01:39:28,310 --> 01:39:30,642
Also, I'm...
1722
01:39:30,846 --> 01:39:33,974
I'm really sorry
that I blocked your cock.
1723
01:39:34,650 --> 01:39:37,778
- Apology accepted.
- Seriously, man.
1724
01:39:38,820 --> 01:39:40,378
That feels good.
1725
01:39:40,589 --> 01:39:42,454
- It feels so good.
- I missed you guys.
1726
01:39:42,658 --> 01:39:45,024
I just wish we could
make it up to you somehow, man.
1727
01:39:45,227 --> 01:39:47,855
Well, do you think
you can do me a really big favour?
1728
01:39:48,063 --> 01:39:50,122
- What is it? Anything.
- Name it.
1729
01:39:50,332 --> 01:39:53,358
- This kid's fucking crazy.
- Stay back for your own safety.
1730
01:39:53,568 --> 01:39:55,866
Get off me, you fucking cops.
Get your hands off.
1731
01:39:56,071 --> 01:39:58,596
Do you know who I am?
I'm Fogell.
1732
01:39:59,474 --> 01:40:02,875
- The joint can't hold me.
- Holy shit, Fogell's a badass.
1733
01:40:03,078 --> 01:40:06,047
I'm gonna break your glasses,
you fucking cop. You can't hold me.
1734
01:40:06,248 --> 01:40:07,340
Fucking pigs.
1735
01:40:12,321 --> 01:40:13,515
Oh, shit.
1736
01:40:16,124 --> 01:40:17,716
Nice mullet, asshole.
1737
01:40:18,360 --> 01:40:20,225
- You crazy.
- This kid's crazy.
1738
01:40:20,429 --> 01:40:23,489
He's nuts.
Well, we caught the infamous Fogell.
1739
01:40:23,699 --> 01:40:25,326
Get your hands...
Wait for me, Nicola.
1740
01:40:25,534 --> 01:40:26,967
Wait for me on the outside.
1741
01:40:27,903 --> 01:40:30,030
We were gonna go to Hawaii.
1742
01:40:31,139 --> 01:40:32,834
Man, that's gonna get you
so much ass.
1743
01:40:33,041 --> 01:40:34,008
Seriously?
1744
01:40:34,209 --> 01:40:37,406
- I know what to do about the car.
- Sweet.
1745
01:40:38,013 --> 01:40:41,642
Fucking go. Fucking throw up.
1746
01:40:45,520 --> 01:40:46,885
Are you carrying me?
1747
01:40:47,089 --> 01:40:49,216
No, I'm saving you from the cops.
1748
01:40:49,591 --> 01:40:50,580
You saved me?
1749
01:40:52,427 --> 01:40:55,362
Well, I don't know what
you're talking about, but thanks.
1750
01:40:55,564 --> 01:40:57,691
Can I... Should I just walk?
1751
01:40:57,899 --> 01:41:01,426
- Should I walk?
- Yeah, sure.
1752
01:41:02,204 --> 01:41:06,197
- Okay.
- Where do you wanna go?
1753
01:41:07,042 --> 01:41:10,170
Sleepover at my house?
You wanna come sleep...?
1754
01:41:11,880 --> 01:41:14,849
- Okay.
- Okay.
1755
01:41:17,919 --> 01:41:19,614
Does your mom
still have pizza bagels?
1756
01:41:19,821 --> 01:41:21,448
Yeah. Lots.
1757
01:41:21,656 --> 01:41:23,590
Pizza bagels.
1758
01:41:31,833 --> 01:41:34,427
So by signing this,
you are officially saying...
1759
01:41:34,636 --> 01:41:37,070
...that as we stopped you
from being mugged...
1760
01:41:37,272 --> 01:41:40,173
...a crackhead stole our cruiser
and did God knows what with it.
1761
01:41:40,375 --> 01:41:42,969
- You cool to sign that?
- Of course. I owe you guys my life.
1762
01:41:43,178 --> 01:41:45,772
We owe you, Mc...
Wait, what's your real name again?
1763
01:41:45,981 --> 01:41:47,005
- Fogell.
- Fuck that.
1764
01:41:47,215 --> 01:41:49,775
- We're calling you McLovin.
- McLovin.
1765
01:41:49,985 --> 01:41:52,385
Let's do this dance, boys.
1766
01:42:15,977 --> 01:42:18,639
- Oh, my God.
- What did I tell you guys, right?
1767
01:42:18,847 --> 01:42:19,814
That was crazy.
1768
01:42:25,821 --> 01:42:27,015
All right.
1769
01:42:27,222 --> 01:42:29,156
All right, now, guys, check this out.
1770
01:42:29,357 --> 01:42:32,554
It's probably the greatest move
in doughnut-spinning history.
1771
01:42:32,761 --> 01:42:33,750
You paying attention?
1772
01:42:33,962 --> 01:42:37,227
Behold, the upward-spiraling pigtail.
1773
01:42:37,432 --> 01:42:40,697
- Why is it called that?
- I don't know.
1774
01:42:44,873 --> 01:42:46,966
Make the badge proud, Slater.
1775
01:42:48,977 --> 01:42:51,138
He's not usually this drunk
when he does this...
1776
01:42:51,346 --> 01:42:54,474
...but I think
that could make it more cool.
1777
01:42:59,588 --> 01:43:01,317
McLovin!
1778
01:43:11,833 --> 01:43:12,891
Oh, no.
1779
01:43:13,702 --> 01:43:15,033
Fuck.
1780
01:43:21,443 --> 01:43:24,810
- Slater!
- Officer Slater.
1781
01:43:26,615 --> 01:43:29,550
All right. Fucking crazy.
1782
01:43:30,352 --> 01:43:31,319
Let's do this.
1783
01:43:32,187 --> 01:43:36,351
- Hurry, hurry. Let's go. Go, go.
- I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.
1784
01:43:36,558 --> 01:43:38,719
- I'm out, I'm out.
- Good, here we go, here we go.
1785
01:43:38,927 --> 01:43:41,020
Yeah? Yeah, okay. Back up.
1786
01:43:41,229 --> 01:43:43,823
Don't blow yourself up, asshole.
1787
01:43:49,004 --> 01:43:52,496
Yes. Oh, my God.
1788
01:43:52,707 --> 01:43:55,107
It worked. It worked.
1789
01:43:55,310 --> 01:43:59,246
We won. We won.
1790
01:44:07,856 --> 01:44:09,756
Can we shoot at it?
1791
01:44:10,926 --> 01:44:14,054
I don't know. Can you?
1792
01:44:32,881 --> 01:44:34,576
Break yourself, fool.
1793
01:44:40,956 --> 01:44:42,446
Tight.
1794
01:44:42,657 --> 01:44:45,251
Listen, and then she said
she was gonna give me a blow-J.
1795
01:44:45,460 --> 01:44:49,191
- I can't believe she said that to you.
- Man, you have no idea.
1796
01:44:49,397 --> 01:44:52,264
- What was she thinking?
- You don't even know.
1797
01:45:00,075 --> 01:45:04,068
I gotta tell you.
I gotta tell you something, Evan.
1798
01:45:04,279 --> 01:45:05,610
What?
1799
01:45:05,814 --> 01:45:07,679
I was in your room, like,
three weeks ago...
1800
01:45:07,882 --> 01:45:10,112
...while you were taking a shit.
1801
01:45:10,318 --> 01:45:15,312
And I saw your housing, like, forms.
1802
01:45:15,824 --> 01:45:20,022
So I knew you and Fogell
were gonna live together, you know.
1803
01:45:20,228 --> 01:45:22,788
I'm sorry, man, I don't know.
1804
01:45:24,833 --> 01:45:28,929
I should've told you.
I don't know why I didn't.
1805
01:45:29,137 --> 01:45:31,867
Don't... No, don't be sorry.
I should be sorry.
1806
01:45:32,073 --> 01:45:34,803
I was being a dick.
I was being a big dick to you.
1807
01:45:35,010 --> 01:45:36,238
No, I...
1808
01:45:36,444 --> 01:45:40,847
Listen, Seth, I want you to know,
I don't wanna live with Fogell.
1809
01:45:41,049 --> 01:45:46,009
I never wanted to live with him.
I just don't... I ha...
1810
01:45:46,221 --> 01:45:48,382
I'm afraid to live with strangers.
1811
01:45:50,258 --> 01:45:51,384
I can't.
1812
01:45:52,494 --> 01:45:54,462
I can't do it.
1813
01:45:55,864 --> 01:45:58,594
I know, I know.
1814
01:45:59,901 --> 01:46:02,768
I can't believe you saved me.
1815
01:46:04,439 --> 01:46:06,566
You saved me.
1816
01:46:06,775 --> 01:46:09,676
I can't believe. I owe you so...
1817
01:46:10,545 --> 01:46:14,675
You carried me. I love you.
1818
01:46:15,316 --> 01:46:16,749
I love you, man.
1819
01:46:19,721 --> 01:46:21,746
I love you.
1820
01:46:23,191 --> 01:46:27,821
I love you. I'm not even
embarrassed to say it. I just...
1821
01:46:28,029 --> 01:46:29,997
I lo... I love you.
1822
01:46:30,198 --> 01:46:31,859
- I'm not embarrassed.
- I love you.
1823
01:46:32,067 --> 01:46:33,534
I love you.
1824
01:46:33,735 --> 01:46:36,499
Why don't we say that every day?
Why can't we say it more often?
1825
01:46:36,705 --> 01:46:38,935
I just love you. I just wanna
go to the rooftops and scream:
1826
01:46:39,140 --> 01:46:40,437
"I love my best friend, Evan."
1827
01:46:40,642 --> 01:46:44,271
- We should go up on my roof.
- For sure.
1828
01:46:44,479 --> 01:46:50,281
Like, when you went away for Easter,
on your vacation, I missed you.
1829
01:46:50,485 --> 01:46:53,943
- I missed you too.
- I want the world to know.
1830
01:46:54,389 --> 01:46:59,053
It's... It's the most beautiful thing
in the world.
1831
01:47:02,664 --> 01:47:06,191
Come here. Come here, man.
1832
01:47:16,878 --> 01:47:19,403
- I love you.
- I love you.
1833
01:47:32,427 --> 01:47:34,486
What the fuck?
1834
01:47:41,870 --> 01:47:46,864
- What up?
- Morning. Morning.
1835
01:47:47,342 --> 01:47:49,833
I should get moving.
I should get moving.
1836
01:47:50,044 --> 01:47:52,239
I should be getting
a move on, for sure.
1837
01:47:52,447 --> 01:47:55,416
Yeah, you don't...
I mean, you don't have to, you know.
1838
01:47:55,617 --> 01:47:58,677
I don't really have anything
going on.
1839
01:47:58,887 --> 01:48:01,412
You don't have to rush off like that.
1840
01:48:04,926 --> 01:48:06,951
You wanna hang out?
1841
01:48:07,395 --> 01:48:09,829
I was gonna go to the mall.
1842
01:48:10,031 --> 01:48:13,467
I have to get a new comforter.
1843
01:48:14,102 --> 01:48:16,593
For college.
The mall, they would sell that.
1844
01:48:16,805 --> 01:48:18,363
Cool. So...
1845
01:48:19,741 --> 01:48:22,005
...your mom's got huge tits.
1846
01:48:24,646 --> 01:48:25,908
What do you think?
1847
01:48:26,114 --> 01:48:27,479
I don't know, man. Don't ask me.
1848
01:48:27,682 --> 01:48:30,446
Because I don't give a shit
how pants look.
1849
01:48:30,652 --> 01:48:33,018
Yeah, I need someone's opinion.
1850
01:48:33,221 --> 01:48:36,554
Those are too tight.
Those are way too tight.
1851
01:48:36,758 --> 01:48:39,226
- Yeah, but, like...
- Way too tight. You need to upgrade.
1852
01:48:39,427 --> 01:48:41,987
There's not enough pants where
there should be. More pants.
1853
01:48:42,197 --> 01:48:44,563
Yeah, but...
I mean, does it look weird?
1854
01:48:44,766 --> 01:48:48,133
Looks like you're standing funny. You
wouldn't stand like that. Like a duck.
1855
01:48:48,336 --> 01:48:50,099
Yeah, but I'm doing like...
1856
01:48:50,305 --> 01:48:53,536
- I'm doing the college poses like...
- I don't know if you are.
1857
01:48:53,741 --> 01:48:55,641
- You might just be doing...
- Hey, prof.
1858
01:48:55,844 --> 01:48:57,903
- Okay.
- That test was...
1859
01:48:58,546 --> 01:49:02,414
Hey, Susan. Are you gonna
party tonight or no?
1860
01:49:02,617 --> 01:49:06,178
Yeah, but that's just... It's like I wish
there were more pants where...
1861
01:49:06,421 --> 01:49:07,649
You know, where there aren't.
1862
01:49:07,889 --> 01:49:09,754
But when I was wearing
your dad's pants...
1863
01:49:09,958 --> 01:49:12,756
...I realized that if I wear pants
that are a little too small...
1864
01:49:12,961 --> 01:49:14,656
...it might encourage me
to lose weight.
1865
01:49:14,863 --> 01:49:16,763
And also,
chicks can kind of see, like...
1866
01:49:16,965 --> 01:49:19,593
...you know, the borders
and outline of my dick a little.
1867
01:49:19,801 --> 01:49:22,770
Yeah, man, they go nuts for that.
The male camel toe.
1868
01:49:22,971 --> 01:49:25,963
Yeah, the camel tail. It's right...
1869
01:49:26,174 --> 01:49:27,835
I know where it is, where it happens.
1870
01:49:28,042 --> 01:49:29,703
Like, right there.
1871
01:49:29,911 --> 01:49:33,472
It's like they're so tight that one
ball is, like, above my dick, even.
1872
01:49:33,681 --> 01:49:35,376
- Yeah, exactly.
- It's like three.
1873
01:49:35,583 --> 01:49:38,177
It's like a three thing.
It's like ball, dick, ball.
1874
01:49:38,386 --> 01:49:39,751
It's like a division sign.
1875
01:49:39,954 --> 01:49:41,751
Like a bunch of people
crammed into a van.
1876
01:49:42,690 --> 01:49:46,421
- Making my ass look weird?
- It makes a lot of stuff look weird.
1877
01:49:46,761 --> 01:49:48,194
No, those are way too tight.
1878
01:49:49,030 --> 01:49:51,794
You're right, these look stupid.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
1879
01:49:52,000 --> 01:49:55,265
I'm really sorry about that.
I can't believe I actually did that.
1880
01:49:55,470 --> 01:49:57,529
I feel bad that I'm making you
buy me a new one.
1881
01:49:57,739 --> 01:49:59,001
It's seems, like, ridiculous.
1882
01:49:59,207 --> 01:50:03,234
- No. I have to, it's puke. It's gross.
- Oh, my God.
1883
01:50:03,444 --> 01:50:05,935
Do alcoholics get hangovers?
1884
01:50:06,147 --> 01:50:08,945
Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.
It's them.
1885
01:50:09,851 --> 01:50:13,753
- What the fuck do we do, man?
- Don't stop. I don't know.
1886
01:50:15,590 --> 01:50:18,024
- Hey.
- Hey.
1887
01:50:18,960 --> 01:50:20,655
How's it going?
1888
01:50:22,397 --> 01:50:25,161
It's so good to...
How are you feeling?
1889
01:50:25,800 --> 01:50:29,292
I've felt better. But I'll be fine.
How about you?
1890
01:50:30,405 --> 01:50:34,535
I'm okay, you know, yeah.
Did you have fun last night?
1891
01:50:37,078 --> 01:50:40,605
You know,
I actually don't remember much.
1892
01:50:40,815 --> 01:50:42,339
I don't remember anything.
1893
01:50:43,251 --> 01:50:46,220
- So weird.
- Nothing.
1894
01:50:46,721 --> 01:50:49,315
I didn't puke on you, did I?
1895
01:50:49,791 --> 01:50:52,021
You didn't.
I remember that you... I avoided it.
1896
01:50:52,226 --> 01:50:56,322
It whizzed right by me, and I said,
"Stay away from me," you know.
1897
01:50:56,965 --> 01:51:02,904
I'm really sorry about
everything last night, and I just...
1898
01:51:04,572 --> 01:51:07,006
Thank you for being
such a nice guy about it all.
1899
01:51:07,909 --> 01:51:09,536
That's okay, you know.
1900
01:51:09,744 --> 01:51:12,338
At least you don't have
a black eye from it.
1901
01:51:15,750 --> 01:51:18,878
- That looks terrible.
- Yeah.
1902
01:51:19,787 --> 01:51:24,087
You look great. You don't look terrible.
It's just, like, a bad bruise.
1903
01:51:24,292 --> 01:51:27,022
Everything's great, just from he...
This, just like right there.
1904
01:51:27,228 --> 01:51:28,820
- Your eye.
- Yeah, your eye.
1905
01:51:29,030 --> 01:51:30,657
Everything else is great.
1906
01:51:30,865 --> 01:51:34,858
But seriously,
I acted like a fucking idiot last night.
1907
01:51:37,572 --> 01:51:41,770
You don't deserve that.
So I'm sorry.
1908
01:51:42,610 --> 01:51:46,410
On the upside,
I think you look cool with a black eye.
1909
01:51:46,614 --> 01:51:49,981
I'm just gonna throw that out there.
I don't... I don't know.
1910
01:51:50,184 --> 01:51:54,177
Well, thank you, smart guy.
Thanks. That's actually why I'm here.
1911
01:51:54,389 --> 01:51:57,688
Because I have to get
a ton of cover-up for the grad photo.
1912
01:51:57,892 --> 01:52:00,326
Oh, man. Fuck.
1913
01:52:00,528 --> 01:52:02,928
And I'm gonna get Jules
a new comforter.
1914
01:52:03,131 --> 01:52:05,065
I have to get a comforter too.
For college.
1915
01:52:05,266 --> 01:52:07,791
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, I just figured I would need one.
1916
01:52:08,002 --> 01:52:09,902
So, Seth...
1917
01:52:11,239 --> 01:52:15,198
So do you wanna come
buy me cover-up or something?
1918
01:52:15,410 --> 01:52:17,435
I mean, you kind of owe me.
1919
01:52:18,846 --> 01:52:22,213
Yeah, definitely.
I would love to do that.
1920
01:52:22,683 --> 01:52:24,583
I had such bad acne last year...
1921
01:52:24,786 --> 01:52:28,153
...that I pretty much became,
like, an expert on the stuff.
1922
01:52:28,723 --> 01:52:31,317
Well, you drove.
Evan drove me here, though, so...
1923
01:52:31,526 --> 01:52:33,551
Well, so...
Well, I mean, I have my dad's car.
1924
01:52:33,761 --> 01:52:36,594
So I could just give you a lift...
1925
01:52:36,798 --> 01:52:38,823
...and then Evan
could take Becca home.
1926
01:52:39,033 --> 01:52:41,433
If that works.
I don't know if it's in your route.
1927
01:52:41,636 --> 01:52:42,864
It'd be fine with me.
1928
01:52:43,071 --> 01:52:45,835
Fine, yeah.
Maybe we can get some food.
1929
01:52:47,041 --> 01:52:48,303
Yeah, I'd like that.
1930
01:52:51,212 --> 01:52:52,873
So I guess I'll call you, then.
1931
01:52:53,081 --> 01:52:55,072
Yeah, give me a call.
Yeah, you have my number.
1932
01:52:55,283 --> 01:52:58,309
I have your information.
So put her there.
1933
01:52:58,519 --> 01:53:01,488
Perfect. Good. All right, man.
1934
01:53:01,689 --> 01:53:03,088
- Okay.
- Okay, guys.
1935
01:53:03,291 --> 01:53:04,815
- Becca.
- Bye, guys.
1936
01:53:05,026 --> 01:53:06,584
- Bye, have fun.
- See you, Jules.
1937
01:53:06,794 --> 01:53:09,922
Yeah, that's funny. Too funny.
1938
01:53:10,131 --> 01:53:12,622
Where do you wanna go to eat?
1939
01:53:14,001 --> 01:53:17,266
So can you honestly help me figure out
what kind of cover-up to get?
1940
01:58:24,645 --> 01:58:26,044
I love you.