1 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:09,440 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:17,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 3 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,320 [intriguing music] 4 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,320 [a car approaches] 5 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,600 [Kaleb] No one's gonna see us? 6 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,720 They will, but they won't know what we're doing. 7 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,720 [Jeremy] We've gotta start, Alan says, 8 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,200 -from about there. -[Kaleb] Yeah, the corner... 9 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:48,160 [Kaleb] Yeah. 10 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,400 -[Jeremy] That corner, yeah? -Yeah. 11 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,680 We've gotta call Lisa, because we can't see where we're headed for. 12 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:57,440 [Kaleb groans] 13 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,280 Hello, hi. 14 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,000 Could you drive over to the barn, 15 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,880 and then turn round and point the car at me, 16 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,800 -and then I can see where I'm headed? -[Lisa] Gotcha. 17 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,560 [Jeremy] All right, K, can you hear me? 18 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,280 Yeah, loud and clear. All right, drop her down, then. 19 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,400 [Kaleb] Just aim for them lights, yeah? 20 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:20,360 [Jeremy] Yeah. 21 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:22,520 [Kaleb] All right, go. 22 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,120 [engine revving] 23 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:32,400 [Jeremy] How's it looking? 24 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,320 [Kaleb] Yeah, good. 25 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:37,280 Slowly, slowly, slowly. 26 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,800 [Jeremy] I don't wanna talk too loudly in here, 27 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,400 'cause the walls have ears, as we know. 28 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:57,440 We've gotta get power and water to the restaurant. 29 00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:58,400 Yeah. 30 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,000 [Jeremy] The problem is, if we go out now, 31 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,200 OK, and dig that trench, 32 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:05,680 people are going to see. 33 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:08,560 But after dark, 34 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,160 if you just see tractor lights, you're just gonna assume.. 35 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,040 "He's working late. Drilling the--" 36 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,120 -Fertilising. -Yeah. 37 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:16,520 [Jeremy] How much is that pipe? 38 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:18,160 -It's about a pound a metre, isn't it? -Yeah, yeah. 39 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,560 If we go straight across the field... 40 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,240 [Kaleb] We could have had this whole idea before we planted our spring barley. 41 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:24,880 It's all coming up, looking lovely. 42 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:27,800 You don't even like the hounds and the horses over the ground 43 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,040 when you're planting it. 44 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:32,360 [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 45 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,960 Great big horses running along it 46 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,400 and making it bumpy as hell. 47 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,520 I literally don't know what you two are talking about. 48 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:44,400 Unless there's sort of a hundred of 'em, I mean, like this, with his feet marks. 49 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,120 You don't have any more rain now. 50 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:49,680 It's dry... [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 51 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:54,840 [Jeremy] How are we doing? 52 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,040 A third of the way, I'd say. 53 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:00,040 There it is. The barn. 54 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:01,920 Soon to be restaurant. 55 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:05,360 Stop! 56 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,560 My hands... my hands... 57 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:11,880 Go on! 58 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:15,120 [soft music] 59 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:16,960 [Jeremy] This is ridiculous. 60 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,360 We're trying to do 61 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:19,840 ecological farming, 62 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,800 start a restaurant so we can make 63 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:22,800 the cows profitable, 64 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:24,600 and we support local farmers, 65 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:26,760 and we're having to do this at night 66 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,480 so the village doesn't see us. 67 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,880 [music continues] 68 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,680 [Jeremy] We had no choice, though. 69 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,720 We had to resort to stealth and secrecy, 70 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:42,400 because after the local authority refused to give us permission 71 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,400 for even a simple farm track, 72 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:49,320 we'd begun to think they really were on the war path. 73 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:52,400 [Jeremy] What the--? 74 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,280 What the bloody hell's all that lot? 75 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,880 Holy cow. Look at it. 76 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:05,120 This is presumably to stop parking at the shop. 77 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,240 But look how far they've gone. 78 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,640 What the? 79 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,760 You can't block of the entrance to my own field. 80 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,360 Whoever's done this has gone mad. 81 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,120 I think we'll go and find Charlie Ireland. 82 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:19,760 He'll know what to do. 83 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,040 [Jeremy] Have you seen? 84 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,320 -I am... flabbergasted. -I know. 85 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,080 [Charlie] The-- the-- 86 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,320 I mean... Talk about being aggressive. 87 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,240 You know, no consultation. Nothing. 88 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,200 [Jeremy] No. 89 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,000 There's two kilometres of them. 90 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,480 This is quite literally as far as the eye can see. 91 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,880 Somebody's been along and sprayed where to mark them. 92 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:48,920 [Jeremy] Where to put them. 93 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,200 And they've also put them in front of the gates. 94 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:53,360 Yes, I noticed that. I thought, "Well, how am I gonna get into my f--" 95 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,520 [Jeremy] We can't get the tractors into the fields. 96 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,640 -Oh look, illegal! -Illegal! 97 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,880 -[Charlie] You can't stop there. -[Jeremy] You can't stop there. 98 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,880 No, no. You can't stop there. 99 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,520 The council has made it absolutely plain 100 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,880 that that elderly gentleman can't be dropped off by the bus 101 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,320 and he has to travel two kilometres down there... 102 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:11,800 Just to go down there! 103 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,800 [car honking] 104 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,800 [Jeremy] Gerald? No. Someone disguised as Gerald. 105 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,080 -No, it is Gerald. -[Charlie] It is. 106 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,800 -And Mrs Gerald. -Well, he can't stop. 107 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:21,760 No, he can't! 108 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,200 [Charlie laughs] 109 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,640 Normally we would have had a conversation with Gerald. 110 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,320 But he can't stop. 111 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:32,480 So, what this leads me to think is what else are they thinking? 112 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:33,640 What are they going to do? 113 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:34,680 Because they won't stop here. 114 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:37,320 This is just the first stage 115 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:40,320 of total action against the site. 116 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,240 [intriguing music] 117 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,440 [Jeremy] Our immediate worry was that though we'd been told 118 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:51,360 we were completely within our rights to turn the barn into a restaurant, 119 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,120 we were obliged to inform the council, 120 00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:59,080 which would give them the opportunity to try and stop us. 121 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:00,360 ...detail of how we get there... 122 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:05,280 [Jeremy] So, Charlie and I agreed the best tactic was speed. 123 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:10,040 So, what we will do is send an email 124 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,280 notifying the council of our plans. 125 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:16,080 We will then need to go hell for leather 126 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,160 to get the restaurant built, fitted 127 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,320 and serving food within two days. 128 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,240 Our hope is that by the time 129 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,640 the email notification has got through the chain of command 130 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:29,920 at the council, 131 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,720 we'll be up and running, 132 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:35,840 serving food before the council have got time to object. 133 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,240 [military music] 134 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,000 [Jeremy] With the plan sorted out... 135 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,960 -You've got three pillars. -[Alan] Yes. 136 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:44,480 [Jeremy] The kitchen takes up the first... 137 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:48,760 [Jeremy] I sat down with Alan to go through the building work. 138 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,480 What do you recommend for flooring here? 139 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:51,880 [Alan] You can level it out. 140 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,480 Put a bit of hardcore down. Put some pallets down. 141 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,200 Put some inch marine ply on the top. 142 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,440 Keep it rustic. We get a lovely finish there. 143 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,120 -And then this is gonna be turfed. -Yeah. 144 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,800 What I'd like to do is between each of these pillars on the front, 145 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,320 security chain link, you know... 146 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:07,920 -Yeah. -Things that you pull down. 147 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,880 Padlock them. And it becomes a secure unit. 148 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:10,840 Yeah, yeah. 149 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:15,840 So what we're gonna need is a hatch here, through to Lisa's VIP dining room. 150 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,600 [Alan] How many people are we getting in there? 151 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:18,560 [Jeremy] They reckon four. 152 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:19,960 It's not four of me and you, that's for sure. 153 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:20,920 [Jeremy] No, well, that... 154 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,120 -Fucking 'ell. -I know. 155 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,200 [Alan] That door opens inwards. We're gonna have to turn that round. 156 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,080 'Cause if that opens inwards it'll knock the fucking table over. 157 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,320 That's true. 158 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:29,320 That'll have a new roof on it. 159 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,440 [Jeremy] And a little window. Are you gonna put glass in this? 160 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:32,480 No, shutters. Wood. 161 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:33,840 Oh, OK. 162 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,560 What we're gonna do with the wall inside, 163 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,600 see, a lot of people just paint it with lime wash. 164 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:38,760 That kills everything. 165 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,080 If you leave the natural stone there... 166 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,880 -Yeah, exactly. -Give it a good clean finish. 167 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,040 [Jeremy] On top of this already lengthy job list, 168 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,640 Alan would also have to install and plumb in the kitchen. 169 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:52,360 So, I was not looking forward to giving him the timetable. 170 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,000 Now, the big problem we've got 171 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:59,400 is that we're going to tell the council that this is happening. 172 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:03,600 We then need to have it fully operational in... 173 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:04,560 Yeah, go on. 174 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:06,760 Two days. 175 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,280 -Fucking 'ell! -I know. 176 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,360 -You remember Challenge Anneka? -Yeah. 177 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:12,680 It'd be a bit like Challenge Anneka. 178 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,480 'Cause as soon as we tell them, 179 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,400 before they have a chance to come round and say 180 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,160 "That's not viable, you can't do it," 181 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,960 we have to say, "It is viable, look, we've done it." 182 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,560 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got ya. 183 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:27,120 [Jeremy] So for the next ten days, I want that site to be dead quiet. 184 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,480 -[Alan] Nothing? -Nothing doing. 185 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:32,680 [Jeremy] And then as soon as we send the email, we go. 186 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,760 [Jeremy] We needed ten days before sending the email 187 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:42,880 so that Alan could round up a workforce and find all the materials. 188 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:49,200 I also needed some time to get some pressing farming jobs out of the way, 189 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,040 like helping Viktor, our Ukrainian bee man, 190 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:56,720 build some new hives close to the pollen-rich echium. 191 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,200 Ukraine? Family OK? 192 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,000 Yeah, they're OK. 193 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,840 Yeah, they're OK. They're alive, that's the main thing. 194 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,640 Rockets flying around... but they are toughies. 195 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,480 Well, let's keep our fingers crossed. 196 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:10,440 Yeah. 197 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:11,520 [bees buzzing] 198 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:13,000 OK. 199 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,480 Don't sting me. Don't sting me. 200 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,760 So they'll have to do a waggle dance here, won't they? 201 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,960 [Viktor] Well, they do waggle dance when they find source of nectar. 202 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,760 [Jeremy] Exactly. So when the echium grows, 203 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,520 what will happen is one of the bees that finds it 204 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,080 will come back and do this really complicated little dance 205 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,000 outside the hive. 206 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,520 -[Viktor] Yeah. -And then that shows the others 207 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,160 how far away the echium is and in what direction. 208 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,480 -That's right, isn't it? -Yeah. 209 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,040 -Look at that. Dripping with honey. -[Viktor] Dripping, yeah. Nice. 210 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,120 [Jeremy] That's stunning, isn't it? 211 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,360 God, they're good animals. Creatures. Beasts. 212 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,520 [lively music] 213 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,720 [Jeremy] Then, there was the annual inspection needed 214 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,280 to renew my Red Tractor certificate. 215 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,120 [man] I assume we've had a bit of a spillage. 216 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,200 It's gonna want a sweep-up. 217 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:08,160 [Jeremy] A quality Kitemark which requires a farm to be clean and well run. 218 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,880 Right, if we can just close the door up to make sure it seals up, 219 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:11,840 that would be great. 220 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:12,760 Sure. 221 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,400 [pushes button] 222 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,840 Oops, sorry. I pushed the wrong button. 223 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,480 [pushes button] 224 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:19,640 [pushes button] 225 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,760 I really have pushed the wrong button. 226 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:23,720 Oh? 227 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,240 [pushes button] 228 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:30,240 [pushes button] 229 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,320 No, can't help you with that at the moment. 230 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:36,320 [man] How often are you checking the cattle? 231 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:37,280 -[Jeremy] Checking on them? -Yeah. 232 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,720 -Every day. -Yeah. 233 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,240 -Twice a day. -Right. 234 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,520 No, I know where they are at any given moment. 235 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:45,760 [Jeremy] Cows? 236 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,640 Cows? 237 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,880 Where the hell are they all? 238 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,600 -They could have gone for a drink. -[man] Yeah. 239 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,200 [Jeremy] No. 240 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,040 [Jeremy] Cows? 241 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:09,120 -[Jeremy] This is really embarrassing. -Yep. 242 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,880 [Jeremy] When the inspector left, I wasn't 100% sure 243 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,280 I'd get my Red Tractor stickers. 244 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:17,960 But I did. 245 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:21,120 And the next day I was collared by an excited Kaleb, 246 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,840 who had some more good news. 247 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,280 I've got something to show you. 248 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,080 Oh, phone. Right. 249 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,960 [Jeremy] For the last few weeks, whenever anyone got their phone out, 250 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,320 my heart was in my mouth, 251 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:38,080 because we'd all been on filming duty with Pepper and the bull, 252 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,440 anxiously watching to see if they'd get it on. 253 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:47,000 So far, the bull had managed a bit of drinks-party chat. 254 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,640 But that was it. 255 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:54,760 The rest of the time, he was swiping right elsewhere. 256 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,440 [groans] 257 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,360 Nevertheless, I lived in hope. 258 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,920 -I've got a video evidence... -No? 259 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,440 -Of the bull... -No? 260 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,560 Jumping on Pepper. 261 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,240 Oh, she's not-- No, look, is that foreplay? 262 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,240 -Ooh, he's on! He's on! -Ready? And then... 263 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:23,840 -Done. -What? 264 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,360 There you go! 265 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:26,440 -He never got it in. -He did. 266 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:27,400 He didn't! 267 00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:29,400 I can zoom in on, if you want me to. 268 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,400 He didn't get it in. 269 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:32,520 Watch. 270 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,280 [Jeremy] So, foreplay over. On he goes. Not in, not in. 271 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:37,760 -[Kaleb] In. -[Jeremy] Is he? 272 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,280 [Kaleb] Yeah, yeah, look at his little hips moving. 273 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:41,880 See that little jump at the end? 274 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,040 [Jeremy] Well, that's the fastest sex in history. 275 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,840 [Kaleb] Rabbits are faster, aren't they? 276 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,320 That was him pumping the good stuff into Pepper. 277 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:52,400 That's good news. He took her virginity. 278 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,280 I've seen him serving five in the last week. 279 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,440 I've seen him do two. 280 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,920 And I just thought, "He's never gonna do Pepper." 281 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,320 Thought he was gonna do the dogs before he did Pepper. 282 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,160 This is brilliant. 283 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,440 [soft music] 284 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,960 [Jeremy] Ten days had passed since my meeting with Alan. 285 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,520 And this evening, Charlie would send an email 286 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,400 telling the council of our plans. 287 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,720 Then, tomorrow, the frantic restaurant build, 288 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,440 our last chance of success, 289 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,400 would begin. 290 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,320 [Alan] We're gonna lay 'em on the floor, aren't we? 291 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,880 [Jeremy] In the yard, Alan had assembled his materials. 292 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,000 [Alan] The pallets are brilliant, aren't they? 293 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,360 That's really what you call recycling, this is. 294 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:41,120 [Jeremy] But he was still unhappy about the timetable. 295 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,200 We need a fucking wand. 296 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,320 Whose wand? 297 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,200 Oh, a magic wand. Well, it was your idea, so. 298 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,320 Yeah, but we always agreed it was gonna be a couple of weeks, 299 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,280 not fucking two days. 300 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,240 It's all right! 301 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,640 Are you coming up to help us? 302 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:56,600 Yeah. 303 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,560 [Alan] Let's get them pallets up. 304 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:00,120 [Jeremy] I'll bring these up. 305 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:01,880 Early. Let's have an early kick-off. 306 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,680 -What time? -About six o'clock. 307 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,440 -All right. -Long old day. You know what I mean? 308 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:06,600 Yeah. 309 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:18,760 OK. 310 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,960 That's it done. Now... sent it. 311 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,920 [Jeremy] The council now knows. 312 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:33,240 So I've got 48 hours to turn the Lowland Barn into a restaurant. 313 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,880 [upbeat music] 314 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,400 [Alan] First things first. 315 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,520 This job, to get this kitchen in tomorrow, 316 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:52,880 depends on getting this floor down. 317 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,600 So the kitchen units can go in Friday morning. 318 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,720 Otherwise we're done for, you ain't gonna be open. 319 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,120 [Jeremy] Shit. 320 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:06,680 [Jeremy] Having loaded up the pallets that would form the base of the floor, 321 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,760 I set off to the restaurant as quickly as possible. 322 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:14,160 But getting there was harder than I thought. 323 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,240 [Jeremy] Oh well, now, this isn't very good, is it? 324 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,640 Because I'm in a tractor and there's a bus coming. 325 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,080 Oh shit. 326 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,400 [Jeremy chuckling] 327 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,160 Sorry about this! 328 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,320 Sorry! Well done, council. 329 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,040 You've really improved everything here. 330 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:51,040 Yeah, I'm not sure they've thought this through. 331 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,080 [upbeat music] 332 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,600 That's some tool, ain't it, to bring a few pallets? 333 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,120 Go careful. Don't break 'em all, then. 334 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,360 [worker] Yeah. 335 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,240 Steady, so you don't break 'em. 336 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,040 Fucking 'ell. Get out of the way. You know what he's like. 337 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,440 [Jeremy] Are they all off? 338 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:16,840 [Alan] Yeah, we got 'em now, haven't we? 339 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:18,840 [Jeremy] I've gotta back this out of here now. 340 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,840 [Alan] What do you reckon? Can you reverse round there? 341 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:25,360 [Jeremy] I'm not going... Bloody hell. This is gonna be a bit awkward, this. 342 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,720 No, 'cause if I back... No, there's no way. 343 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:31,440 I've got to go out forward. I've got to go, I can't reverse. 344 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,840 Come on, Lambo. You can get round here. 345 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:42,720 He ain't gonna hit that post, surely? 346 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,760 Let's have a wager. 347 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,120 [Jeremy] As it happens, I didn't hit the post. 348 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,040 -'Cause I didn't get that far. -[crashing sound] 349 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,680 -[Alan] What's that? -[Kaleb] Wait. Whoa! 350 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,240 Ow! Stop! 351 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:57,800 What? 352 00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,480 [Kaleb] Oh fucking... Look at this. 353 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,480 You've wrapped a load of wire around the bearings of the trailer's wheel. 354 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,320 Just look what you have done. 355 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,680 [Kaleb] Look at all the metalwork under there. 356 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,880 -[Jeremy] Oh shit! -[Alan and Kaleb] Yeah! 357 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:16,960 [Kaleb] 'Cause it wrapped round the drum of the brakes and everything. 358 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:18,800 [Jeremy] So there's obviously an old metal fence in there. 359 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,800 -[Alan] Yeah, it must have been. -[Kaleb] Not anymore. 360 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,760 -It's not a fence now. -[Kaleb] No. 361 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,320 -Why didn't you just wait for me? -Where were you? 362 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,560 -Well, honestly, I would have-- -Where were you? 363 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:28,520 I was getting the loader. 364 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,560 And I almost got stuck 'cause the bus was there. 365 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,280 [Kaleb] Fucking hell. 366 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,400 Alan, let Jeremy do that. You better get back to work. 367 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:35,320 [Jeremy] Yeah, you do need to get back to work. 368 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:36,920 Yeah, I do, 'cause we're gonna be late. 369 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:44,760 -[Kaleb] Why couldn't you just wait? -Because we haven't got time to wait. 370 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,920 [Kaleb] Yeah, but now, we're doing this. 371 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,400 [upbeat music] 372 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,480 [Jeremy] With me banned from all large equipment... 373 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,960 the work finally kicked into gear. 374 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,640 [Jeremy] Lovely job. 375 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,240 [Jeremy] Interrupted only by Charlie... being Charlie. 376 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:16,040 Who's got the health and safety policy? 377 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,560 [Jeremy] What are you saying? 378 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,320 [Charlie] The guy with the cutting blade 379 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:23,560 should really have a bit more protective kit on. 380 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,000 You know, the glasses, sparks, gloves. You know, it's just... 381 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,800 Well, he's... Er... 382 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,520 He does this every day of his... 383 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,720 What am I supposed to say to him? "Can you wear PPE?" 384 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:33,720 Yes. 385 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:39,800 [Jeremy] Despite Mother Hen's fears, nobody lost their limbs. 386 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:44,560 But even so, at the end of the day, we were way behind schedule. 387 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,640 [Alan] We're gonna have to put planks across that new turf, aren't we? 388 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,960 [Jeremy] The only good bit of news is that nobody seemed to have noticed 389 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,760 what we were up to. 390 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:57,640 [Jeremy] Right. 391 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,400 I haven't heard from the council. 392 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,080 So, that's good. 393 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:06,960 And it's been 23 hours since they were informed 394 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,920 that they're getting a restaurant out here 395 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,240 in the middle of our farm. 396 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:25,000 [lively country music] 397 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:27,720 [Jeremy] The next morning, 398 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,400 Alan's team were back at the site bright and early. 399 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,080 But once again, I wasn't. 400 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,240 Because as I was trying to leave the farmyard, 401 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:41,560 I got news that there were issues at the old hen houses. 402 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:46,520 There should be about 50 or maybe 60 hens in here. 403 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,320 Shit. 404 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,200 That's not good news. 405 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,240 Oh no. More. 406 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,560 [Jeremy] In fact, there were exactly none. 407 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,520 A fox can't get through here at all. 408 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,480 A mink can. 409 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,760 [Jeremy] Then, as I was heading for my car... 410 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,280 Everything, everything... 411 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,160 [Jeremy] Lisa told me there was a problem with the water pressure. 412 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:14,440 We cannot run out of water. The whole prep kitchen's just out there. 413 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,320 -Oh, that's very, very low. -[Jeremy] Shit. 414 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,440 [man] Is there any pressure on the gauge on the RO? 415 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,240 I don't know what the RO is and I don't know where the gauges are. 416 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,680 [man] Right. I'll get somebody out to you today. 417 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,280 We're opening a restaurant. 418 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,240 You know, "today" isn't really gonna help us, I don't think. 419 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,920 I mean, like "now" would really help. 420 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,080 Fucking Brexit. 421 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,320 We'd have had a Pole here like-- [mimics vibration] 422 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:38,560 And he would have done like that. 423 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,640 Well, it wouldn't have broken in the first place, would it? 424 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,640 [Jeremy] Finally, though, I was in my car 425 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:47,720 and heading down the farm drive to the restaurant site. 426 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:54,560 [Jeremy] Literally... Look at this. This is... Who are you? 427 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:58,160 [man] Hi. I'm collecting from you today. Courier. 428 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,920 [Jeremy] Somebody up there will sort you out. Thanks. 429 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,480 And you are? 430 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,280 Delivering something from Station Mill Antiques. 431 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,400 [Jeremy] Station Mill Antiques? OK, good, thank you. 432 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,440 And you're Jack Carling. You're working for us. 433 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,280 And who's this one in the pickup truck? 434 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,760 Morning. What are you here to do? 435 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,480 The young girl's hurt her foot. 436 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,760 [Jeremy] So, one of the employees has hurt her foot? Lovely. Thank you. 437 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,800 -Here we go. -[Paddy] I need... 438 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,040 -Paddy! -I'm sorry... No, don't worry. 439 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,280 No, it's all right. Everyone else is- 440 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:28,320 Can I bring a man with a gun? 441 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:32,200 The foxes have destroyed our chickens in that coppice. 442 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,720 -Tonight. -Yeah. 443 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:34,880 I don't think it's a fox. 444 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,680 -What do you think it is? -Mink. 445 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,800 -Can I still try and shoot it tonight? -Yes, yes, yes. 446 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,800 Yeah, thanks, Paddy. 447 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,400 [Jeremy laughs] 448 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,240 Welcome to farming! 449 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,120 [Kaleb] Oh shit. 450 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,520 If you can back up again, or get over a little bit, 451 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,840 I can try and come out this way and then go round there. 452 00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,360 I've gotta go round there. 453 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:00,480 [Jeremy] Hi, Alan. 454 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:01,840 [Alan] Hello, mate. All right? 455 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,000 We're running out of water. Header tank's got about that much in it. 456 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,160 [Jeremy] And then we discovered a possible reason 457 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:12,240 why the water pressure was so low. 458 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:14,480 Someone left the sprinkler on and soaked the floor, 459 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,720 so we've got to dry it out first. 460 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,320 [Jeremy] Shit ! 461 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,520 So when do you think we can get the kitchen fitters in? 462 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,200 [man] So, we've got to get it decent enough... dry enough... 463 00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:26,520 [Jeremy] Fucking hell. 464 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,040 -[Kaleb] Is that the kitchen? -Yes. 465 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,160 -Oh shit -Yeah. 466 00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:31,880 I thought the kitchen would have been in by now. 467 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:33,720 No, I've been waiting for the flooring to be finished. 468 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,120 Shitting 'ell. 469 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,400 ["Take The Long Way Home" by Supertramp playing] 470 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,760 [Jeremy] The issues and delays were a constant nuisance. 471 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,320 I've gotta come round here, you see? 472 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,360 [Jeremy] But this is Team Diddly Squat... 473 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,280 The tables are only going in and... 474 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:52,040 [Jeremy] And we were determined to catch up. 475 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,320 [music continues] 476 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,440 [Jeremy] I'm sending a tweet about the restaurant opening. 477 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,400 I'm four letters over. 478 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,240 [music continues] 479 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:18,880 Did you see the first series of Clarkson's Farm? 480 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:19,880 No. 481 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,920 [Jeremy] This is covered, unless there's a westerly blowing, 482 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:26,560 in which case everyone gets drenched. 483 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:29,600 Lavatories are an issue. 484 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,960 They're a quarter of a mile away. 485 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,200 This whole menu is basically a beef menu. 486 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,320 We've got a deep-fried croquette, beef, 487 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,320 bone marrow on courgettes. 488 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,480 We've got an empanada with, um... 489 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:49,720 [Jeremy] We're calling that a pasty. 490 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,000 Yeah, a pasty. It is a pasty. 491 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,040 It's just I'm used to spending time with this one. 492 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:55,960 I'm Argentinian. 493 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:56,920 -[Jeremy] You're Argentinian? -Yeah. 494 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,480 [laughter] 495 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,280 [Alan] That's near enough. That'll do. Lovely. 496 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,240 [Jeremy] Are you ready for the VIP suite? 497 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:08,200 [Pip] Yeah. 498 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:11,440 [Jeremy] This is when David Beckham comes, or Simon Cowell. 499 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,800 [Pip] So this is very intimate, yeah. 500 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,120 -You just need people my size in here! -Exactly. 501 00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:21,640 Look at that! Four knives to wash up. 502 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,200 Stupid. 503 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,240 I'm just gonna put them on the chairs for the moment. 504 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,000 Look at that, Alan. 505 00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:29,280 [Alan] Oh, brilliant. 506 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,440 [Jeremy] By six o'clock, amazingly, 507 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,800 Alan's guys and the landscape boys had finished all their work. 508 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,360 So, Pip's kitchen team could start. 509 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,160 [music ends] 510 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,880 I've gotta be honest, that was impressive. 511 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:54,160 'Cause it's just... 512 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:57,360 We had to do it in two days, and you said "Oh, that's gonna be tight." But... 513 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,040 We've done it, haven't we. Brilliant, yeah. 514 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,120 And then now look who's arriving. 515 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:05,320 None other than Kaleb Cooper, with all the tables and chairs. 516 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:15,480 Annoyingly, that's quite impressive, that reversing. 517 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,320 I wonder if he reversed out of his mother's womb? 518 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,240 I bet he did, with a trailer attached to the back of him. 519 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,440 [Jeremy] As we unloaded the furniture... 520 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,720 We noticed a strange gathering 521 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,120 moving towards us through the barley. 522 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,440 [intriguing music] 523 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:41,480 [Jeremy] At first, Kaleb thought it was a council hit squad. 524 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:47,480 But actually, it was something I'd arranged. 525 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:48,600 You got it? 526 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:49,840 Yeah. 527 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,160 [choir singing "Jerusalem"] 528 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,960 ♪ Bring me my Bow of burning gold ♪ 529 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:59,240 [Jeremy] A little treat for a job well done... 530 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:01,560 Motivation. 531 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,480 This is wicked. Come on, let's do this! 532 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:09,520 ♪ Bring me my Spear O clouds unfold ♪ 533 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,120 [Jeremy] ...the Cotswolds Male Voice Choir... 534 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:17,000 ♪ Bring me my Chariot of fire ♪ 535 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,560 ♪ I will not cease ♪ 536 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,440 [Jeremy] ...singing "Jerusalem"... 537 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:22,880 ♪ From Mental Fight ♪ 538 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:28,920 ♪ Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand ♪ 539 00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:30,840 [Jeremy] ...with a twist... 540 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:37,640 ♪ Till we have built a restaurant ♪ 541 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,800 ♪ In England's green ♪ 542 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,000 [Lisa] I love that! 543 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:46,440 ♪ And pleasant Land ♪ 544 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,720 [whistling and applauding] 545 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,080 [intriguing music] 546 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,480 [Jeremy] Our first guests would be arriving in five hours, 547 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,240 and I was praying that Clarkson's Farm 548 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,720 wouldn't turn into one of those reality shows 549 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:13,400 where everything goes wrong against the clock. 550 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,480 But, two hours later... 551 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:18,800 What's that? 552 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,720 It looks like rat poison. Get that water cleared up. 553 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,560 [clanking] [drilling] 554 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,360 Where do you want the washing-up liquid? 555 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:28,880 And that. 556 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:33,680 What the fuck is all this? 557 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,280 [Pip] I told him to get bigger spoons. 558 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,040 We're going to get a fridge in, but we cannot have 559 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:43,960 that walk-in fridge down here. 560 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,560 We need another fridge in here then. Compromise. 561 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,280 [Jeremy] We're opening in two and three-quarter hours. 562 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,560 I just thought that was the idea, to put it down here. 563 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:54,160 [Jeremy] No. No way. No way. 564 00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:58,960 [clanking and drilling continues] 565 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,120 [Pip] This needs to fill, this shit needs to come out and get it hot, though. 566 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:09,560 There's a film crew here, 567 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,640 so we've got 3,000 gallons of water unnecessarily hanging around. 568 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,760 Shit, there's paint! What the fucking hell? 569 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,560 Who's left fucking paint here? 570 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:20,840 [overlapping conversations] 571 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,800 [woman] Hi. Can I help you? Do you wanna come round here? 572 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,320 What's your name? 573 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,280 -Zoe Townsend. -Zoe. There we are. 574 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,120 [Jeremy] The guests have arrived. We are clearing now. 575 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:30,200 Clear, everyone. 576 00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:32,960 Everyone, no matter how important you are, start clearing up. 577 00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:36,200 [Jeremy] What's happening? 578 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,080 You swept there a minute ago, I know you did. 579 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,080 [Jeremy] Unaware of the chaos at the site, 580 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:47,480 our first guests were being greeted by our front-of-house manager. 581 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:49,400 [Gerald] That's the same as me. 582 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,280 I walked in the sun, now I'm driving in it. 583 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,480 It don't really work properly, you know what I mean? 584 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,360 [Jeremy] They would then be taken to the restaurant 585 00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,080 in a tractor-and-trailer combo driven by Kaleb, 586 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:04,560 who'd really smartened himself up for the big day. 587 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:11,200 Not that the big day was ready to happen just yet. 588 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,120 [Jeremy] I haven't got time for this. 589 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,720 We've got people here now and we've got two sittings to get-- 590 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:18,360 -Charlie, hi. -How can I help? 591 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:19,440 [Jeremy] Fancy unwrapping some plates? 592 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,800 Looks good. They sent the weather. 593 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,760 [Jeremy] It was just beyond a tip ten minutes ago, they say, 594 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:27,000 "Our first guests have arrived." Nothing's been cooked. 595 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:30,160 We'll have to put on the menu: 596 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:34,520 "Some of these dishes may contain Jeremy Clarkson's forehead sweat." 597 00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:37,840 [Pip] No, no. What are you doing? 598 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,040 Where's fucking Lisa gone? 599 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,320 [Lisa] Wow. Perfect. 600 00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:49,680 [Jeremy] Pip? From now on, we're not bringing cars down here. 601 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:52,120 But how are we gonna get the food from the trailer to here? 602 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:56,120 [Jeremy] We're not gonna use a car. So we'll have to use... Tractor? 603 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,600 Impossible. Too long, if you wanna open. 604 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,240 Is that Chris's van? Fucking hell. 605 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:06,240 [man] Um, Jeremy? 606 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:08,040 One of the plugs has gone, which is really important 607 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,440 to where they're cooking all the pasta. Electrician's ten minutes away. 608 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:13,160 [Kaleb] All right, hurry up then, 609 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,440 they're all getting a bit hot and a bit-- you know. 610 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,280 All right then. Bye-bye. He's panicking. 611 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:21,600 There is a little bit of a delay. 612 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,480 There's an electrical problem down the other end. 613 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,520 [Gerald's phone ringing] 614 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:32,480 Hello? 615 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,080 Up at the farm shop, and there's people here. 616 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,920 Somebody's gonna go whoosh... But, you know. 617 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:42,880 There's been a small delay. It's an electrical problem, I hear. 618 00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,560 So there will be a little bit of a wait to get on. 619 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:52,720 How long are you gonna be? 620 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:53,880 Five minutes. 621 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:56,240 Can I put this in the back of my car and take it away? 622 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,280 [woman] I think we need to mop first. 623 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:01,880 We can't, the guests are here. Fuck it, it's a farm. 624 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,080 [sighs] 625 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,120 Never again. 626 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:10,560 Who are you waiting for? 627 00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:12,560 [man] I need to drop off these for the waitresses. 628 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:14,080 Well, here's a tip. 629 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:16,520 If you've got a job to do, get out the car and fucking run, 630 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:17,920 because we need to move this car. 631 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:23,760 Oh, fucking hell, there's another one coming down. Who's this? 632 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,000 What the fuck are you doing? 633 00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:28,440 -What? -We've got your food. 634 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,040 Good. Drop it off. 635 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,440 [Jeremy] At this point, I realised that my inner Gordon Ramsay 636 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:38,600 was doing more harm than good. So I made a decision. 637 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:42,080 I'm gonna move myself now. 638 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,520 I just love the way our host is leaving, 639 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,320 about five minutes after the restaurant was meant to open. 640 00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:56,920 Well, all hands on deck. 641 00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:58,560 [overlapping conversations] 642 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:02,640 [Kaleb] I've got some water, everyone. Anyone want some water? 643 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,080 There we go. There we go. 644 00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:06,760 I keep saying "five minutes" and "five minutes" 645 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,320 and then people are just thinking, "He's talking shit now." 646 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,920 [Pip] Whoa. Tom, what's going on? 647 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:17,800 Can we just hurry up? Take that out. 648 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:19,680 Move this all down there. 649 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:21,320 The pasta cooker is not working? 650 00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:24,640 Yeah. There's a fault on it. There's a problem on the appliance. 651 00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:26,200 OK. So you're just going? 652 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:28,040 Well, there's nothing we can do. 653 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,440 [Pip] Nine. Nine of them. 654 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:32,760 Come on. 655 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:34,160 I'm gonna load everyone up, fuck it. 656 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:38,680 [Kaleb] You have to walk right to the end and then come back down to this side. 657 00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:40,160 [lively music] 658 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:45,400 [Jeremy] As it happened, Kaleb had made the right call, 659 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,320 because as he ferried the guests to the site, 660 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,000 Pip's team, clearly used to this kind of pressure, 661 00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,560 had started to make actual food. 662 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,280 [Pip] Olive oil, lemon juice. Six, seven, eight. 663 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:07,680 [Jeremy] Then, having taken a calm pill, I came back. 664 00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:09,760 Welcome, everybody. 665 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:14,560 Slightly unusual way to arrive at a restaurant, I know. 666 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,560 But anyway, I'll get you off the back. 667 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:19,200 And there we are. 668 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:23,920 [Jeremy] Put that away. 669 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:24,920 [Kaleb] What? 670 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:26,920 [Pip] Yeah, ready. Go. 671 00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:30,640 [woman] Hello, guys. How's it going? 672 00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,360 [guest] Wow. Thank you. 673 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,640 [woman] I hope you guys are ready for a feast. 674 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,360 [Pip] OK, just one more portion. 675 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,000 [Jeremy] The diners tucked in, to the accompaniment of either me, 676 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,240 in Basil Fawlty mode... 677 00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:49,400 -How are you? -Hello. 678 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,080 Good, good. Nice of you to come. Thank you. 679 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:53,560 Hello. Welcome. Thank you for coming. 680 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:58,120 [Jeremy] Or Charlie, telling them more than they needed to know about wheat... 681 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,640 Germ wheat in the pasta. 682 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,080 I'm particularly proud of the germ wheat, 683 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,400 'cause it normally grows in Italy. 684 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:09,760 And I grew it below Bury Hill south. 685 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:11,520 [Jeremy] Was that fine? Were you all... 686 00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,080 -[woman] Absolutely delicious. -Good. Thank you. Thank you. 687 00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:16,840 The hardest thing was getting the germ wheat from Italy, 688 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:21,000 as the seed, through customs. It sat at Calais for ten days. 689 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:24,920 [lively music] 690 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:26,200 One on there as well. 691 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,160 -[man] Yeah. -[Pip] Yeah. 692 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,480 -How are you doing in there, guys? -[woman] Amazing. 693 00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,160 - It's really nice. - Yummy. 694 00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:39,160 [Jeremy] Inevitably, the moment then arrived 695 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,200 when someone needed to visit the loos, 696 00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:46,280 which were at the farm shop on the other side of the field. 697 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,640 Recognising that this might be an issue... 698 00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:54,160 I'd laid on a rapid-response delivery system. 699 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:55,560 [laughter] 700 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,960 [man] We're all too scared to go now. 701 00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:00,840 [Jeremy] But sadly, the process was slowed down somewhat 702 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,640 by Charlie being Charlie again. 703 00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:07,040 You need to get your protective equipment on to use... 704 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:08,000 It's serious. 705 00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,200 [woman] Look, she's got to put a helmet and a suit on! 706 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:13,320 [Charlie] Yeah, and then there's the hat. OK. 707 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,360 Sorry, we're just following health and safety rules. 708 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:17,680 [engine revving] 709 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:18,920 [woman screams] 710 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:23,400 Oh hell. 711 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:25,800 [chuckles] 712 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,280 [lively music] 713 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:29,680 [Jeremy] Loo breaks aside, 714 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:33,760 people did seem to be enjoying themselves and our food. 715 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:38,160 And throughout the afternoon, 716 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:41,640 a steady stream of guests came and went. 717 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:44,400 Aw. Thank you very much. 718 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,640 I don't blame him. 719 00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,640 Forward, forward. Mind now. Watch out. Come on, forward. 720 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,640 [Jeremy] David Beckham actually did turn up. 721 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:59,320 As did Diddly Squat friends, such as Georgia, 722 00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,280 from the National Farmers' Union. 723 00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,440 It's quite amazing to see it all come together, though. 724 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,480 [Jeremy] And Tim and Katy, who'd sold us our cows 725 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,600 and wanted to see what they tasted like. 726 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,480 Hey! How are you? What did you say to me about Pepper? 727 00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:15,640 You said I've got to look after Pepper, didn't you? 728 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:17,800 Exactly. And Pepper is having a great time. 729 00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:20,600 She's got a boyfriend. She's got lots of lovely grass. 730 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:22,600 She's incredibly happy, Pepper. 731 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:25,480 [Charlie] The pasta's from the germ wheat. 732 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,160 So it's gone down to be milled at Matthew's Mill. 733 00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:31,280 And they've got a special double-O flour thing. So that's... 734 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:38,400 [Jeremy] As the evening light became golden on this perfect, 735 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:39,480 warm summer's day... 736 00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:41,520 [soft music] 737 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:47,960 [Jeremy] ...I kept pinching myself that we'd actually done it. 738 00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,320 That we'd opened a restaurant 739 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:56,360 in the face of such a relentless barrage of opposition. 740 00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:59,880 [man] But the fact is, ultimately you're not a farmer. 741 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,600 You're a media personality. 742 00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:03,320 One man in the village 743 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:08,120 has started a "Stop Diddly Squat" crowdfunding thing. 744 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,120 [Jeremy sighs] 745 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:12,760 The applicant's conduct is shameful. 746 00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,480 It indicates a "give me an inch and I'll take a mile" attitude. 747 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:18,280 [man] All those in favour of refusal, please show. 748 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:21,640 They simply say at the top... 749 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:23,840 Oh, "Hereby refuses the application." 750 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:25,960 [Lisa] They can't refuse the car park, surely. 751 00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:27,080 You can appeal. 752 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:28,160 The Secretary of State. 753 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:32,560 It is going to be half a million, isn't it, when all is said and done? 754 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:36,440 Have you ever heard of a farmer being turned down for a farm track? 755 00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,000 -Never. -[Jeremy] Never. 756 00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:45,160 [Jeremy] And since there was still no sign of a council official 757 00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:49,360 coming over the hill, Charlie and I decided to celebrate 758 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,680 with some of our own ice-cold beer. 759 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:57,120 So, I was talking to Tim, you know, the cow farmer, earlier, 760 00:37:57,280 --> 00:37:58,920 who was looking at the barn. And he said, 761 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,760 "I've got a barn," broadly speaking, "exactly the same as this, 762 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:03,000 "and I'm half a mile from Silverstone 763 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:06,400 "where there's a constant throughput of people. 764 00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,640 "Could I do it?" 765 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:12,920 And it made me think, do you think farmers are gonna watch this and go, 766 00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:14,320 "That's a really good idea"? 767 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,160 [Charlie] Since you launched the whole thing on Twitter, farmers have said, 768 00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,160 "What are you doing? How the hell are you doing that?" 769 00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:22,320 Let's face it, it's not easy. 770 00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:25,200 But if they invest the time and the effort, absolutely. 771 00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:27,040 There are loads of these views. 772 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:29,040 You know, lots of people have got wonderful places, 773 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,960 special places, amazing buildings. 774 00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:33,080 [Jeremy] Open two nights a week. 775 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:34,640 [Charlie] Two or three nights a week. 776 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,280 You know, May, June, July, August, September. 777 00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:40,080 -It doesn't have to be... -That's how they operate in Cornwall. 778 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,040 You know, those little seaside places, they're open May, June... 779 00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:44,920 They work like stink in the summer. 780 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,800 -It's really rewarding. -It is. 781 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,760 [Charlie] We haven't had a negative comment. They've all been thrilled. 782 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,440 They love the food. 783 00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:56,520 Everybody's going home with a suntan, a little bit of a beer buzz, 784 00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,400 very full of beef. 785 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:02,080 -[Charlie] You should be chuffed. -[both laugh] 786 00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:03,640 [Jeremy] We all can be. 787 00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:05,880 I mean, honestly, it wasn't me. 788 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:07,800 I didn't even have the idea. Alan... 789 00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:09,880 No, I had the idea for the restaurant, 790 00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:11,440 which made you roll your eyes, and then-- 791 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,680 I did roll my eyes. I take it all back. 792 00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:16,200 -[Jeremy] Anyway. Well done, you. -Thank you. And you. 793 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:18,160 [soft music] 794 00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:23,600 [Jeremy] As we now had our own restaurant, the next day, 795 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:28,560 I gathered the whole Diddly Squat clan together, in the sunshine, 796 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,360 for a victory lunch. 797 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,120 Why have you got all the steak tartare? 798 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:35,960 -[Kaleb] You introduced it to me. -You like it, then? 799 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,000 -I really like it. -It's alive. 800 00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:39,880 [Jeremy] It's not alive! 801 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,160 -It looks very much alive. -[Jeremy] Then you have that. 802 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,160 I would like to say thank you, to you all. 803 00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,320 Really, and I mean thank you very much to all of you. 804 00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:50,480 [Alan] Fantastic. 805 00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:52,360 -[Gerald] Cheers, guys. -Cheers, guys. 806 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:53,880 -Alan, you're a rock star. -Thank you. 807 00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:55,480 Thank you for getting this built. 808 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:56,680 -Thank you. -You really are. 809 00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:00,200 [Jeremy] You screwed yourself, though, so much this year. 810 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,160 You've let the building trade down by building that in two days. 811 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,560 Every builder's gonna go, "What were you thinking of? 812 00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:08,000 "That should have been three months." 813 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:09,520 We've showed our hand, haven't we? 814 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:11,360 But come and look at that. 815 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:13,040 -[Lisa] I know. -[Alan] Yes, look at the view. 816 00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:14,000 I mean, look at that. 817 00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:15,400 [Alan] Oh, it's unbelievable. 818 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:16,880 [Jeremy] We are lucky. 819 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:19,880 We are very, very lucky. 820 00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:21,920 [Alan] Yeah, we are. 821 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:24,920 [soft music] 822 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,480 [Jeremy] We could also celebrate the fact that even though 823 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:37,160 we'd all been busy with the council and the restaurant 824 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,000 and the village nimbies, 825 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:40,320 we'd still managed 826 00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,160 to reach the end of another farming year. 827 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:45,520 [soft music] 828 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:10,680 All that remained was to gather in the harvest. 829 00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:15,160 But as that was still a week away, 830 00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:20,280 there was time to spring a little surprise on Kaleb. 831 00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:25,920 You know it was your birthday a couple of weeks back? 832 00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:27,480 -You haven't given me a present yet. -Exactly. 833 00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:29,560 -Well, I've got you a present. -Have you? 834 00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,040 Yes, I have. And it's just round here. 835 00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:33,160 Ready? 836 00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:34,760 Ta-da! 837 00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:42,920 [Kaleb] I've never been up. 838 00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:46,960 I know you haven't. You've never been off the ground at all. 839 00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:48,320 Is it safe? 840 00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:52,040 That, Agusta 109, king of helicopters. 841 00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:56,800 And the actual chopper they used in James Bond, the most recent one. 842 00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,800 -I've never watched James Bond. -I'm sorry? 843 00:41:59,960 --> 00:42:02,200 I've never watched a James Bond film. 844 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:04,640 So it doesn't mean anything. 845 00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:07,920 -You've never watched a James Bond film? -No. 846 00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:09,600 And you've never been in up... 847 00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:10,960 I've never been in the air. 848 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,280 You're effectively gonna take my air virginity. 849 00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:17,920 -I thought you'd be happy! -I am happy. I'm just shitting it. 850 00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:20,040 [Jeremy] G-Dog! 851 00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,000 -Gerald. -Do you wanna come for a helicopter ride? 852 00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:25,280 [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 853 00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:28,160 [continues speaking] 854 00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,160 That'll take your curls off. 855 00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:34,840 [Jeremy] Assuming that was a "no", I helped strap in the nervous foetus, 856 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:39,160 who then got a relaxing pre-flight brief from the pilot. 857 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,600 That red tape on the big windows, 858 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,600 if you pull that, the window would come out, 859 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:46,000 if you had to climb out the window. 860 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:49,600 And if you get out when it's running, I'll be letting you out... 861 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:51,280 [laughing] 862 00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:52,480 And if you see any of the jet fighters 863 00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,480 from the Fairford air show coming, let me know. 864 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:55,800 For what reason? 865 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:57,000 We may not have seen them. 866 00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:00,080 [Jeremy] if you see another plane coming towards us, don't think, 867 00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,320 "Oh well, they're bound to have seen it," 'cause they might not have done. 868 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:03,920 When I'm in a car my other half doesn't go, 869 00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,400 "There's a car to the left of me." 870 00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:07,480 [rotors] 871 00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:15,880 I feel sick. 872 00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:18,640 [Jeremy] We haven't even taken off yet. 873 00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:22,200 [Kaleb] Holy shit. 874 00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:24,680 [Jeremy] Oh, Kaleb has lift off! 875 00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:29,200 Kaleb Cooper has left the ground for the first time in his life! 876 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:32,480 What's he doing? 877 00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:33,640 [Jeremy] It's all right, it just bobbles about. 878 00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:34,960 Why does it bobble about? 879 00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:37,640 [Kaleb] Oh! 880 00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:40,600 Look. There's the farm. 881 00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:42,880 You can name the fields then. 882 00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:44,200 That is... 883 00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:45,200 Taylor's. 884 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:48,960 Taylor's. Seen from the air for the first time ever. 885 00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:50,600 [classical music] 886 00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:53,160 [Jeremy] As we flew over neighbouring farms, 887 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:58,160 Kaleb realised that helicopters were actually quite useful. 888 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:00,320 [Kaleb] He missed a bit down there, look. 889 00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:03,360 What happened to that field? Look. I know who farms it. 890 00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,880 Should I start taking pictures and send it all to the farmers? 891 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,280 "What have you done there, then, mate?" 892 00:44:10,240 --> 00:44:14,280 Look how close his N2 tramlines are, look. You see that? You see that? 893 00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:15,880 [laughs] 894 00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:17,880 [Jeremy] This is the first time I've ever been in a helicopter 895 00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:21,120 with someone that only comments on the mistakes farmers have made. 896 00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:24,160 [classical music continues] 897 00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:28,520 -Look at the view that way. -It's amazing. 898 00:44:33,240 --> 00:44:34,640 [Jeremy] You're loving it, aren't you? 899 00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:37,200 [Kaleb] It is cool. 900 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:40,520 Right, back to the farm, then. 901 00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:45,760 [Jeremy] Which meant it would soon be time for my highlight of the ride. 902 00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:49,520 Seven months had passed since Kaleb 903 00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:53,280 had failed to plant a big strip in one of the fields. 904 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:54,960 Drilled. 905 00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:56,800 -Drilled. -Not drilled. 906 00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:59,720 -It is drilled. -You haven't drilled it. 907 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,360 [Jeremy] And now, my reminder of this little cock-up 908 00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,840 was ready to be unveiled. 909 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:10,160 If you look out of this window here, in Big Ground, yeah? 910 00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,040 -Who wrote that? -I did. 911 00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:21,200 [Jeremy] I did that. In wildflowers. Cause you missed it. 912 00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:29,360 -[Kaleb] I can't believe you wrote that. -I certainly did. 913 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:31,200 [Kaleb] Holy shit. 914 00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:36,240 [soft music] 915 00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:39,480 [Jeremy] It would have been great to move from this birthday treat 916 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,640 straight into the joy of harvesting. 917 00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:47,640 But first, there was one heart-in-the-mouth job 918 00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:49,560 that need taking care of. 919 00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:57,280 Five weeks had passed since Pepper and the bull had done their thing, 920 00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,120 and today we'd find out 921 00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,320 whether she was going to be a mum... 922 00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:03,080 or meat. 923 00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:07,440 [Lisa] Hello, little one. 924 00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:12,120 All right, this is it. This is... Don't... 925 00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:15,120 Everybody, positive waves. 926 00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:17,720 I've got her life in my hands. 927 00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:21,080 OK, see if I can find a baby for you. 928 00:46:21,240 --> 00:46:22,040 [Jeremy] Please find one. 929 00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:26,200 [Dilwyn] Right, let's see what we've got. 930 00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:41,360 [mooing] 931 00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,560 She is not in calf. 932 00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:54,080 That's it now, isn't it? 933 00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:57,280 Put her for the restaurant. 934 00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:01,600 She's definitely, definitely, definitely not? 935 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:05,080 [Dilwyn] No. And she's now fat. 936 00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:06,640 What does that mean? 937 00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:07,920 She doesn't produce anything. 938 00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:11,160 -So these cows, they are producing milk. -Milk. Got you. 939 00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:13,360 And they're also maintaining their pregnancy at the moment. 940 00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:16,520 So they're working. Whereas Pepper isn't working. 941 00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:19,680 She's just eating the same amount and just putting down fat. 942 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,440 Shall I ring Mutchmeats then? 943 00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:23,520 Oh god. 944 00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:27,880 [Kaleb] Look at that one. That one's producing you money. 945 00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:30,680 And the one on the left and right there. 946 00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:33,040 Yeah, but Jeremy's always been-- It's always been his favourite cow. 947 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:35,560 -It is my favourite cow. -[Kaleb] Well, choose another one. 948 00:47:35,720 --> 00:47:36,520 [laughter] 949 00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:41,360 Oh God. What am I gonna do? Well, let's let them out while we... 950 00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:49,960 [mooing] 951 00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:02,640 [Kaleb] What are you gonna do? 952 00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:07,360 So, the first cow... 953 00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:09,520 we've nearly finished. 954 00:48:10,240 --> 00:48:12,040 The second cow is ready to... 955 00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,640 -Go straight into the restaurant. -Go to the restaurant. 956 00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:18,600 So, if we're gonna have to send a third cow off, which we are... 957 00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:21,520 You know, get it in early next week. 958 00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:25,240 28 days hanging. We pick the one that's not pregnant. 959 00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:28,000 [Jeremy] Yeah, you pick the one that can't get pregnant. 960 00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:29,640 So she's the right weight to go, isn't she? 961 00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:30,960 [Kaleb] She's the right weight, where the other ones 962 00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,120 need at least another two, three months. 963 00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:35,880 [Lisa] It's gonna have to be her, isn't it? 964 00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:36,840 [Kaleb] Yeah. 965 00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,480 You've spent a lot of money on that cow already now, 966 00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:44,120 so technically, in terms of a beefer, that one would be going. 967 00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:45,600 [Lisa] You shouldn't have favourites. 968 00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:47,080 You shouldn't have favourites, really, no. 969 00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:49,800 [Jeremy] Oh God. 970 00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:53,280 I think he might choose himself in a minute. 971 00:48:58,400 --> 00:48:59,960 She's not pregnant. 972 00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:01,480 -[Charlie] Again? -Hmm. 973 00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:06,040 [Charlie] Oh. I mean, we're paying for the bull. 974 00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:08,280 And he really needs to go back, 975 00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:09,880 because he's done his job on everything else. 976 00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:11,680 [Jeremy] Yeah, no, we're not paying any more for the bull. 977 00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:15,760 [Charlie] The reality is, the likelihood of her getting pregnant is low. 978 00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:18,920 So, what's her usefulness on the farm? 979 00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,880 [Jeremy] I mean, look, she's looking at me. 980 00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:24,840 No, she's looking. 981 00:49:26,240 --> 00:49:27,920 [Jeremy] Oh God. 982 00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:38,240 Fuck it. 983 00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:40,360 [Jeremy] Lisa? 984 00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:43,000 We've got a pet cow. 985 00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:46,200 ["Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin playing] 986 00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:52,120 ♪ Leaves are falling all around ♪ 987 00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:56,960 ♪ It's time I was on my way ♪ 988 00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:03,200 ♪ Thanks to you I'm much obliged ♪ 989 00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:07,000 ♪ For such a pleasant stay ♪ 990 00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:14,400 ♪ Ah, sometimes I grow so tired ♪ 991 00:50:15,240 --> 00:50:17,520 ♪ But I know I've got one thing I got to do ♪ 992 00:50:17,720 --> 00:50:19,000 ♪ Ramble on ♪ 993 00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:22,280 ♪And now's the time, the time is now ♪ 994 00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:24,400 ♪ To sing my song ♪ 995 00:50:24,560 --> 00:50:27,200 ♪ I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl ♪ 996 00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:29,240 ♪ On my way ♪ 997 00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:31,880 ♪ I've been this way ten years to the day ♪ 998 00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:33,400 ♪ Ramble on ♪ 999 00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:37,280 ♪ Gotta find the queen of all my dreams ♪ 1000 00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:42,360 ♪ I ain't tellin' no lie ♪ 1001 00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:52,480 ♪ I guess I keep on rambling ♪ 1002 00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:56,040 ♪ I'm gonna, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1003 00:50:56,240 --> 00:50:59,560 ♪ Sing my song I gotta find my baby ♪ 1004 00:51:00,240 --> 00:51:02,560 ♪ I gotta ramble on, sing my song ♪ 1005 00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,040 ♪ Gotta work my way around the world baby, baby ♪ 1006 00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:06,680 ♪ Ramble on, yeah ♪ 1007 00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:10,880 ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, my baby ♪ 1008 00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:14,720 ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo ♪ 1009 00:51:15,305 --> 00:52:15,322 -== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-