1 00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:06,272 [BIG BEN CHIMING] 2 00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:08,742 [THUNDER RUMBLES] 3 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,155 [NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 4 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,795 RADIO: According to today's newspaper headlines, 5 00:00:28,830 --> 00:00:31,149 it seems that it's the end of the road 6 00:00:31,184 --> 00:00:33,466 for motoring presenter Jeremy Clarkson... 7 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:37,804 ...and said that it's with deep regret 8 00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:40,374 the decision had been taken not to renew him. 9 00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:14,939 [BEEP] 10 00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:24,418 ..forecast plenty of sunshine through today 11 00:01:24,453 --> 00:01:26,852 with seasonal temperatures. 12 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:30,790 We should reach a high of about 82 degrees by this afternoon... 13 00:01:30,825 --> 00:01:36,396 ♫ I can see clearly now the rain has gone ♫ 14 00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:42,703 ♫ I can see all obstacles in my way ♫ 15 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:50,243 ♫ Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind ♫ 16 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,381 ♫ It's gonna be a bright ♫ 17 00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:56,314 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 18 00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:03,823 ♫ Think I can make it now the pain has gone ♫ 19 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:10,563 ♫ All of the bad feelings have disappeared ♫ 20 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:18,605 ♫ Here is the rainbow I've been praying for ♫ 21 00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:22,210 ♫ It's gonna be a bright ♫ 22 00:02:22,245 --> 00:02:24,245 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 23 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:31,352 ♫ We're gonna make it now the pain has gone ♫ 24 00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:37,625 ♫ All of the bad feelings have disappeared ♫ 25 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:44,615 ♫ I can see clearly now the rain has gone ♫ 26 00:02:44,650 --> 00:02:49,402 ♫ It's gonna be a bright sunshiney day ♫ 27 00:02:51,103 --> 00:02:56,909 ♫ Gonna be a bright sunshiney day ♫ 28 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:58,944 ♫ Take it away ♫ 29 00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:43,087 ♫ Oh-oh ♫ 30 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:46,326 ♫ Oh! Sunshiney day ♫ 31 00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:49,729 ♫ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♫ 32 00:03:49,764 --> 00:03:51,932 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 33 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,969 ♫ Gonna be a bright ♫ 34 00:03:56,004 --> 00:03:58,305 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 35 00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:04,745 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 36 00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:10,450 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 37 00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:16,687 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 38 00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:21,795 ♫ Gonna be a bright sunshiney day ♫ 39 00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:28,601 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 40 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,341 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 41 00:04:39,512 --> 00:04:41,814 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 42 00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:43,850 [CHEERING] 43 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,393 Hello, everybody! 44 00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:57,365 Hello. That was the Hothouse Flowers. 45 00:04:57,399 --> 00:04:59,399 And now, look what we have here. 46 00:04:59,435 --> 00:05:02,019 [CHEERING] 47 00:05:02,055 --> 00:05:04,569 He was born- 48 00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:08,108 He was born in 1836... 49 00:05:08,143 --> 00:05:09,875 [LAUGHTER] 50 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:12,495 He was fired by Car magazine, 51 00:05:12,531 --> 00:05:14,990 fired by Autocar magazine, 52 00:05:15,026 --> 00:05:17,415 fired by Scotland On Sunday, 53 00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,387 and somehow he managed to get fired 54 00:05:20,423 --> 00:05:23,255 by a Volvo dealership. 55 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,624 Thank you. 56 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:27,244 Probably for driving too slowly. 57 00:05:27,278 --> 00:05:29,862 Ladies and gentlemen, James May! 58 00:05:29,898 --> 00:05:31,898 [CHEERING] 59 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,172 Thank you, thank you. You're very kind. 60 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:42,408 And, ladies and gentlemen, 61 00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:46,213 you probably can't see him from the back, 62 00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:50,117 but I assure you he is here. 63 00:05:50,151 --> 00:05:53,987 He was fired by Radio York, 64 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,822 fired by Radio Leeds, 65 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:58,158 and fired by Radio Lancashire, 66 00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:00,827 it's Richard Hammond! 67 00:06:00,862 --> 00:06:03,463 Hello! Hello! Thank you! 68 00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:06,564 Thank you. 69 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:10,437 And, ladies and gentlemen! 70 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:15,007 Over here! 71 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:18,778 He's- He's basically 72 00:06:18,814 --> 00:06:22,480 a shaved ape in a shirt. 73 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:26,454 And he, technically, is the only one of us 74 00:06:26,488 --> 00:06:28,521 never to be fired by anyone. 75 00:06:28,557 --> 00:06:30,492 It's Jeremy Clarkson! 76 00:06:30,492 --> 00:06:32,459 [CHEERING] 77 00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,459 Thank you so much. 78 00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:38,997 And the good thing is, 79 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:42,670 it's very unlikely I'm going to be fired now, 80 00:06:42,704 --> 00:06:45,437 because we're on the Internet, 81 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:47,408 which means I could pleasure a horse. 82 00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:49,442 No! No. 83 00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:50,843 - Dog? - No. 84 00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:52,579 No pleasuring of any sort. 85 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,865 - There are families watching. - Yes! 86 00:06:55,901 --> 00:06:59,194 Anyway, we are all car journalists. 87 00:06:59,230 --> 00:07:02,490 And we have spent the last 20 years... 88 00:07:02,524 --> 00:07:05,757 - Being fired. - Yes. 89 00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:08,545 But we have poured everything we know, 90 00:07:08,579 --> 00:07:11,298 everything we care about, into this show. 91 00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:14,031 [CHEERING] 92 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:17,971 Everything. And coming up now is a small montage 93 00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:21,875 of what you can expect over the next 12 weeks. 94 00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:33,286 Are we ready, gentlemen? 95 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,523 Honestly, I don't know. 96 00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:45,029 Argh! 97 00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:47,534 Is that the size of the drop or what's happened to his penis? 98 00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:52,338 You're looking at magnificence. 99 00:07:52,374 --> 00:07:54,641 Help! This is bad. 100 00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,845 James says we've got to stop for fuel. 101 00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:07,170 [SCREAMS] I hate you! 102 00:08:07,206 --> 00:08:09,589 He doesn't like us. 103 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,829 Bloody Nora! 104 00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:21,298 [SCREAMING] 105 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:26,173 May be leaking slightly. 106 00:08:26,207 --> 00:08:28,240 What a moron. 107 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,677 You sunk my limousine! 108 00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:35,947 I've lost one of my nose tampons. 109 00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:40,153 This is not a particularly cultural thing to do. 110 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:44,323 I don't like the smell of tire smoke in the evening. 111 00:08:44,359 --> 00:08:46,476 Oi! Get back in! 112 00:08:46,511 --> 00:08:48,596 James is falling... 113 00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,706 Sideways in linen. 114 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,418 There's no dignity in that, is there? 115 00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,419 No. 116 00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:20,226 Thank you. Thank you so much. 117 00:09:20,261 --> 00:09:22,061 Now- Thank you. 118 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:26,081 All of that is gonna be hosted from this. 119 00:09:26,116 --> 00:09:30,067 This is our new travelling studio tent. 120 00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:33,505 Thank you so much. We're gonna be roaming the world in it. 121 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:34,974 We're gonna be like gypsies. 122 00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,711 Only the cars we drive are gonna be insured. 123 00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:40,447 Stop saying things that are gonna get us fired. 124 00:09:40,481 --> 00:09:42,481 But I'm just saying, it's brilliant. 125 00:09:42,517 --> 00:09:44,684 - It is. - [GUNSHOT] 126 00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:49,453 Oi! Who shot our drone? 127 00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:52,423 - Did someone shoot it? - Him. 128 00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,394 Let's not get bogged down in who shot what, okay? 129 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:58,498 Let's get changed and get on with the show. 130 00:09:58,533 --> 00:10:00,668 Shall we get on with the show? 131 00:10:00,702 --> 00:10:02,702 Let's do it. 132 00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:25,109 Thank you, everybody! 133 00:10:25,110 --> 00:10:26,893 Thank you so much. 134 00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:31,364 And welcome to the first ever Grand Tour. 135 00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:40,538 Thank you. Now, we hope you like our tent. 136 00:10:40,572 --> 00:10:44,144 We think the great thing is that because it roams around the world, 137 00:10:44,178 --> 00:10:47,715 we get a different view out of the big picture windows every week. 138 00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:49,467 So this week, obviously we've got 139 00:10:49,469 --> 00:10:51,860 the high desert of California. 140 00:10:51,895 --> 00:10:54,219 - Next week, who knows? - I do. 141 00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:58,289 Well, yes, James, we know. It's Johannesburg. 142 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,693 - Now they know. - I know they know! It doesn't matter! 143 00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:04,764 The point is the view changes and so does the audience, okay? 144 00:11:04,799 --> 00:11:07,267 This week you're all Americans. 145 00:11:07,302 --> 00:11:09,302 [CHEERING] 146 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:17,042 Now, this is a bit of a problem 147 00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:20,077 for people like us who speak English. 148 00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:24,350 We can converse perfectly well in a shop or a restaurant, 149 00:11:24,385 --> 00:11:27,120 but when it comes to cars and motoring, 150 00:11:27,155 --> 00:11:30,158 every single word you use is different. 151 00:11:30,192 --> 00:11:33,125 When I say "different", I mean "wrong." 152 00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:35,562 When you change gear with a lever, what do you call that? 153 00:11:35,596 --> 00:11:38,096 - Stick. - Stick. 154 00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:40,265 Now, you see, this is a stick. 155 00:11:40,301 --> 00:11:42,366 Couldn't change gear with this. 156 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,105 Wouldn't work. What you can do with this is point at things. 157 00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:47,139 Let's see if we can get you educated. 158 00:11:47,158 --> 00:11:49,652 What do you call this bit of a car? 159 00:11:49,687 --> 00:11:52,183 - ALL: The hood! - MAN: Bonnet. 160 00:11:52,219 --> 00:11:54,645 - Bonnet. - They're learning. 161 00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:57,750 What do you mean? I know you can wear a bonnet on your head. 162 00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:02,455 It's two things. We're capable of having those different thoughts. 163 00:12:02,490 --> 00:12:04,892 - What type of vehicle is this? - ALL: Pick-up. 164 00:12:04,927 --> 00:12:06,491 No, it's stupid. 165 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:09,797 - Oh, now, hang on. - It is stupid. 166 00:12:09,831 --> 00:12:12,096 Let's do another one of these. 167 00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:16,101 - What type of vehicle is this? - ALL: Coupe. 168 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:19,239 Coupe? Coop is where you keep your chickens. 169 00:12:19,274 --> 00:12:21,892 That's a coupé. That's a French word, I admit. 170 00:12:21,927 --> 00:12:24,475 - Yeah, a bit. - They're muddled with that. 171 00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:27,279 George Bush, have you heard what he once said about the French? 172 00:12:27,315 --> 00:12:29,115 "The trouble with the French is they have no word 173 00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,116 for entrepreneur." 174 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:34,421 It is difficult. I think the only thing we agree on 175 00:12:34,456 --> 00:12:36,620 - is "steering wheel." - Yeah. 176 00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:40,826 But then they go and put it on the wrong side of the car. 177 00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:45,298 It must be really annoying having to drive along like that all the time. 178 00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:48,384 Why don't you just put it in front of the driver like we do? 179 00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:51,437 It's probably a good idea if we get on with the actual show. 180 00:12:51,472 --> 00:12:53,806 Yes, it is. But we had to clear all that up, 181 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:56,176 because contrary to what some people have been saying, 182 00:12:56,211 --> 00:12:58,543 this actually is a car show. 183 00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:01,313 - Well, not next week it isn't. - Next week is an exception. 184 00:13:01,349 --> 00:13:03,283 - Yeah. - But not when we go to Barbados either. 185 00:13:03,284 --> 00:13:06,136 No, Barbados is definitely another exception. 186 00:13:06,172 --> 00:13:08,953 But tonight couldn't be more "car-y" if it tried. 187 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:12,158 I'm gonna prove that point because we're kicking off with this. 188 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:16,161 [LAUGHTER AND JEERING] 189 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:19,065 Bear with me, bear with me- 190 00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:21,100 - I agree! - [LAUGHTER] 191 00:13:21,135 --> 00:13:23,101 The thing is, though, 192 00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:25,470 various supercar makers have now taken 193 00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:29,307 the polar-bear-friendly technology from a Prius, 194 00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:33,145 and they are now using it to create raw, naked speed. 195 00:13:33,181 --> 00:13:36,415 Now, I say the best of these hybrid hypercars 196 00:13:36,451 --> 00:13:39,669 is the mad, swivel-eyed McLaren P1. 197 00:13:39,705 --> 00:13:42,889 Whereas Richard Hammond, who's wrong- 198 00:13:42,924 --> 00:13:43,990 I'm not wrong. 199 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,224 He is, because he says the best 200 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:49,461 is actually the rather boring Porsche 918. 201 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,999 - It's not boring! - Yes, it is. 202 00:13:52,033 --> 00:13:53,817 - It isn't. - Mm-hmm. 203 00:13:53,818 --> 00:13:55,533 It isn't. Well, whatever. 204 00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:58,553 We decided to meet up with the cars 205 00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:01,573 and settle this once and for all. 206 00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:04,254 The location we chose for this titanic duel was Portugal... 207 00:15:04,288 --> 00:15:09,176 specifically, the international race track of the Algarve. 208 00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:18,317 When we arrived, mechanics from Porsche 209 00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:20,937 and McLaren pounced on our cars, 210 00:15:20,972 --> 00:15:23,488 fettling them for what was to come. 211 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:26,592 And this meant Hammond and I had some time to indulge 212 00:15:26,628 --> 00:15:30,562 in a spot of childish point scoring. 213 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:33,832 Which one of these is going to be the fastest around this track? 214 00:15:33,868 --> 00:15:35,234 - This? - Yeah. 215 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,501 Apart from this one, which will be faster. 216 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,173 It won't. Which one do you think will be the fastest? 217 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,107 - This one. - This one. 218 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:45,412 Porsche think the Porsche will be fastest. McLaren say the McLaren. 219 00:15:45,447 --> 00:15:47,511 How much is it if I wanted to buy one? 220 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:51,084 I think one was sold in an auction for 1.8 million. 221 00:15:51,119 --> 00:15:54,620 1.8 million dollars. Hammond, how much is yours? 222 00:15:54,655 --> 00:15:56,621 838 euros. 223 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,491 - Thousand I'm guessing? - Yes. It is thousands. 224 00:15:59,527 --> 00:16:02,361 Why has your car got a number on the side? 225 00:16:02,397 --> 00:16:04,361 It's the Weissach edition, this one. 226 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,432 - You also get titanium chassis bolts. - Stupid. 227 00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:08,533 For just an extra ă60.000. 228 00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:12,370 And a carbon-fiber bonnet strut. 229 00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:13,804 Look at that. How much does that save? 230 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,792 - About 100 grams. - Right there, 100 grams. 231 00:16:16,826 --> 00:16:19,744 Has the McLaren got a carbon-fiber bonnet strut? 232 00:16:19,778 --> 00:16:23,149 - Doesn't need one. - No, because my bonnet doesn't go up 233 00:16:23,184 --> 00:16:25,517 because it will never break down. 234 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:28,488 And it's got silly doors. Proper doors, silly doors. 235 00:16:28,523 --> 00:16:32,125 Mine does 34 miles to the gallon. 236 00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,359 This does 94. 237 00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,562 - 94 miles to the gallon? - 94mpg. 238 00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,730 Just remind me, Porsche is owned by? 239 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,765 That'll be Volkswagen. 240 00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:50,876 Soon the McLaren and the Porsche were ready for some shakedown laps. 241 00:16:50,912 --> 00:16:53,544 [REVVING] 242 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:58,150 And for these we decided we'd drive each other's cars. 243 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:04,289 Straight away, I can tell you 244 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:07,759 that this doesn't have the brutality or the savagery 245 00:17:07,795 --> 00:17:10,662 of the McLaren. 246 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:14,733 Because it has rear-wheel steering and four-wheel drive, 247 00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:17,602 it feels secure and safe. 248 00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:19,838 And that gives you the confidence- 249 00:17:19,874 --> 00:17:22,273 [CHUCKLES] 250 00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:24,411 ...to play about. 251 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,714 [TIRES SQUEALING] 252 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:38,590 If I went round this corner this fast in the McLaren... 253 00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:43,462 ...a lot of poo would come out. 254 00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:52,239 Whoa! There's poo coming out now! 255 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,508 Jesus. 256 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:01,413 It's spinning its [BLEEP] wheels in sixth! 257 00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:08,820 This is frightening, that's what it is. 258 00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:14,125 Whoa! More poo. 259 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:18,330 I didn't think it was possible to shit yourself to death. 260 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,903 [CHUCKLES] 261 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:35,182 The grip is genuinely incredible. 262 00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:41,986 Oh, there you go. 263 00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:45,192 RICHARD: In the savage and unforgiving P1, 264 00:18:45,227 --> 00:18:47,994 my nerves were shot to pieces. 265 00:18:48,029 --> 00:18:50,762 But I, too, was falling in love. 266 00:18:50,798 --> 00:18:53,365 903 horsepower. 267 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,968 Oh, my God! 268 00:19:00,071 --> 00:19:02,209 Oh, you bad, bad, naughty car! 269 00:19:06,878 --> 00:19:08,878 Jesus. 270 00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:12,817 This recalibrates your mind. 271 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:16,087 I didn't think anything could be as exciting as that Porsche, 272 00:19:16,123 --> 00:19:18,708 but this- this is. 273 00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:21,294 [TIRES SCREECH] 274 00:19:22,394 --> 00:19:24,396 This is brilliant. 275 00:19:25,964 --> 00:19:30,001 Absolutely brilliant. 276 00:19:30,037 --> 00:19:32,037 Oh. 277 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,839 What a car. 278 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,840 I love it. 279 00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:41,045 - Well? - This is rubbish! 280 00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:43,450 I was just thinking exactly the same about this. 281 00:19:43,484 --> 00:19:45,150 - Were you? - This was boring me to death. 282 00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:49,621 It was like being stuck in a Victorian woman's novel. 283 00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:53,526 I'd rather that than being stuck in a telephone box with a panicking gorilla. 284 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,560 - Rubbish. - It was trying to kill me. 285 00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:57,596 - It wants to hurt me. - That's why I like it. 286 00:19:57,632 --> 00:19:59,799 This is a missionary-position car. 287 00:19:59,835 --> 00:20:02,536 Razor blade in the hands of a surgeon. 288 00:20:02,570 --> 00:20:05,202 Sickle in the hands of a drunk peasant. 289 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:08,907 Downton Abbey. Breaking Bad. That's crystal meth. 290 00:20:08,942 --> 00:20:10,576 That's some iffy weed. 291 00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:14,212 Fine wine. Crate of Newcy Brown. 292 00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:18,317 Schooner of sherry. Absinthe. 293 00:20:18,353 --> 00:20:20,085 James Bond specifying 294 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,121 his martini to be shaken not stirred. 295 00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:23,654 Begbie in Trainspotting 296 00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:25,491 lobbing a pint pot over his shoulder in a night club 297 00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:28,260 and starting a bar fight. What? 298 00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:34,833 Hi. 299 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,802 What are you doing here? 300 00:20:36,804 --> 00:20:38,703 I'm here because, gentlemen, 301 00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:40,704 I have in the back of that lorry 302 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,576 something that will make your McLaren and your Porsche 303 00:20:43,611 --> 00:20:45,978 look like lumps of yesteryear. 304 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,084 [REVVING] 305 00:21:13,972 --> 00:21:15,909 I cannot remember the last time a car, 306 00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:17,776 or, indeed, any sort of thing, 307 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,579 gave me a fizz like the Ferrari LaFerrari. 308 00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:25,384 This has 950 horsepower. 309 00:21:25,420 --> 00:21:27,420 950. 310 00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:30,188 More than either of the other two. 311 00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:32,991 And it's lighter. It weighs 1.250 kilograms. 312 00:21:35,927 --> 00:21:38,897 Which is less than most hatchbacks. 313 00:21:41,601 --> 00:21:43,835 Actually there is a bit more to the Ferrari LaFerrari, 314 00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:48,708 because what it has is, in effect, a formula one KERS system. 315 00:21:48,742 --> 00:21:53,546 It constantly recovers energy that would otherwise be lost 316 00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:55,948 using its electric motor and its battery. 317 00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:58,715 So as I brake there, 318 00:21:58,750 --> 00:22:02,622 the car is actually saying, "That energy, I'll have that." 319 00:22:03,890 --> 00:22:05,890 Straight! 320 00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:10,630 This is what 950 horsepower feels like! 321 00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,436 Jesus! 322 00:22:21,272 --> 00:22:25,678 This I believe will absolutely mince the other two. 323 00:22:25,712 --> 00:22:27,712 Oh, man! 324 00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:32,484 JEREMY: James was obviously talking nonsense. 325 00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:34,751 But there's no getting around the fact 326 00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:37,022 that these three cars take automotive science 327 00:22:37,057 --> 00:22:39,057 to a new level. 328 00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:43,996 They use the latest green technology 329 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,732 to squeeze as much speed as possible 330 00:22:46,768 --> 00:22:49,536 from every molecule of fuel. 331 00:22:51,069 --> 00:22:54,240 As a result, they're all capable of blasting 332 00:22:54,275 --> 00:22:56,641 way past 200 miles an hour 333 00:22:56,675 --> 00:23:00,946 whilst producing fewer harmful emissions than a family saloon. 334 00:23:06,352 --> 00:23:11,057 What we have here, then, are three incredible machines 335 00:23:11,092 --> 00:23:12,891 which, at a stroke, 336 00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:16,127 have made the traditional supercar look wooden... 337 00:23:16,163 --> 00:23:18,163 and old-fashioned. 338 00:23:20,866 --> 00:23:24,636 Welcome, everyone, to the hypercar holy trinity. 339 00:23:28,039 --> 00:23:32,461 In that door mirror I have a ă1 million Porsche. 340 00:23:32,496 --> 00:23:36,883 In that door mirror I have a ă1 million Ferrari. 341 00:23:39,218 --> 00:23:41,218 What a toy box today. 342 00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:49,796 Sparks from Jezzer. 343 00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,238 I don't think so, Hammond. 344 00:23:58,239 --> 00:24:00,239 [TIRES SQUEALING] 345 00:24:05,744 --> 00:24:07,880 This could be so expensive. 346 00:24:17,723 --> 00:24:19,925 It's going to boost. 347 00:24:19,961 --> 00:24:22,093 Pushing the IPAS button! 348 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:26,132 And that gives me another 170 horsepower. 349 00:24:26,166 --> 00:24:28,166 [LAUGHING] 350 00:24:28,934 --> 00:24:30,934 Opening DRS! 351 00:24:32,538 --> 00:24:34,540 Oh, my Christ! 352 00:24:34,576 --> 00:24:36,874 Bloody... 353 00:24:36,909 --> 00:24:39,746 And here comes May in the Ferrari LaFerrari. 354 00:24:44,983 --> 00:24:47,953 Concentrating. Concentrating. 355 00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:02,199 Oh-oh! That bloody car 356 00:25:02,233 --> 00:25:04,236 is trying to kill me, and I'm not even in it. 357 00:25:07,138 --> 00:25:09,138 Ha-ha! 358 00:25:19,586 --> 00:25:22,838 JEREMY: We could have played out there all day, 359 00:25:22,874 --> 00:25:26,092 but before we ended up in a ă3 million crash, 360 00:25:26,126 --> 00:25:28,092 we decided to start the tests 361 00:25:28,126 --> 00:25:30,962 to see which of the cars was best. 362 00:25:30,998 --> 00:25:32,631 I came up with the first one, 363 00:25:32,632 --> 00:25:35,867 mainly to annoy gate-crasher May. 364 00:25:35,903 --> 00:25:39,069 Let's make the first test a drag race 365 00:25:39,105 --> 00:25:43,041 - using electrical power only. - Good idea. 366 00:25:43,076 --> 00:25:45,742 - It isn't a good idea. - Why not? 367 00:25:45,778 --> 00:25:48,615 Because you can't drive the Ferrari on electrical power only. 368 00:25:48,650 --> 00:25:51,583 - No! - Of course you can't, 369 00:25:51,617 --> 00:25:53,685 because it's a KERS system like a Formula One car. 370 00:25:53,721 --> 00:25:56,587 It's got a V12 engine and an electric motor, 371 00:25:56,623 --> 00:25:59,875 but they are integrated, they work together, you can't separate them. 372 00:25:59,911 --> 00:26:03,128 - You should have thought about that, shouldn't you? - Bad planning. 373 00:26:04,830 --> 00:26:07,598 With James reduced to the role of onlooker, 374 00:26:07,634 --> 00:26:11,453 we lined up the P1 and the 918 on the start line, 375 00:26:11,489 --> 00:26:15,273 but then, instead of revving the petrol engines, 376 00:26:15,308 --> 00:26:17,644 we shut them down. 377 00:26:21,847 --> 00:26:23,847 That is weird. 378 00:26:23,883 --> 00:26:27,185 Preparing to start a drag race 379 00:26:27,221 --> 00:26:29,519 in complete silence. 380 00:26:29,555 --> 00:26:32,155 I still have two electric motors 381 00:26:32,191 --> 00:26:35,527 that together produce 285 brake horsepower 382 00:26:35,561 --> 00:26:37,162 which is 109 more 383 00:26:37,163 --> 00:26:42,300 than the one electric motor in his McLaren. Oh, yeah. 384 00:26:43,535 --> 00:26:46,172 [BEEPING] 385 00:26:47,272 --> 00:26:49,272 [BEEP AND KLAXON] 386 00:26:52,679 --> 00:26:54,811 I'm outta here! 387 00:26:54,846 --> 00:26:57,482 You've got to love that, the immediate power 388 00:26:57,518 --> 00:26:59,884 from an electrical engine. 389 00:26:59,919 --> 00:27:03,955 That is 70 miles an hour already and it isn't enough. 390 00:27:03,990 --> 00:27:05,990 [RICHARD LAUGHING] 391 00:27:08,326 --> 00:27:10,696 [LAUGHING] 392 00:27:16,702 --> 00:27:19,737 Who won that? It was me, wasn't it? 393 00:27:19,771 --> 00:27:21,807 Yeah, but it's not important though, is it? 394 00:27:21,843 --> 00:27:23,608 - Is it not? - It's just not relevant. 395 00:27:23,609 --> 00:27:25,175 Right, right. 396 00:27:25,176 --> 00:27:27,880 In a drag race, it's irrelevant which car gets there first? 397 00:27:27,914 --> 00:27:31,116 Yeah, yours is the better milk float. 398 00:27:31,152 --> 00:27:33,549 [LAUGHS] 399 00:27:33,585 --> 00:27:37,989 Back in the pits, Hammond had an idea for the next test. 400 00:27:38,023 --> 00:27:40,876 We've got to drive to the hotel yet. It's about an hour away. 401 00:27:40,912 --> 00:27:43,730 It gives us a chance to see what they're like on the road. 402 00:27:43,765 --> 00:27:46,130 - That's a good point. - Real world. 403 00:27:46,164 --> 00:27:48,717 - That is a good point. - I can't do that. 404 00:27:48,751 --> 00:27:51,269 I can't drive the Ferrari on the road. 405 00:27:51,305 --> 00:27:53,323 - Why? - It's not registered. 406 00:27:53,357 --> 00:27:55,339 It is, it's got number plates. 407 00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:57,208 No, that's just pretend number plates. 408 00:27:57,209 --> 00:27:59,144 If they register it, it becomes second-hand 409 00:27:59,144 --> 00:28:00,980 and they pay tax. That's why it came in the lorry. 410 00:28:00,981 --> 00:28:02,999 So you can't drive it on the road either? 411 00:28:03,034 --> 00:28:05,034 Nobody can drive it. It's not road legal. 412 00:28:05,051 --> 00:28:07,719 - Oh, no. - Mate, that's... 413 00:28:07,753 --> 00:28:10,355 - That is such a shame. - It's an hour of- 414 00:28:10,391 --> 00:28:12,455 That's really a rotten bit of luck. 415 00:28:12,490 --> 00:28:14,625 'Cause you've come a long way from Italy. 416 00:28:14,661 --> 00:28:16,493 I can't give you a lift 417 00:28:16,494 --> 00:28:19,365 'cause the soundman's headphones are on the seat and the mixer. 418 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,165 JAMES: Oh, no. 419 00:28:21,166 --> 00:28:23,166 There's literally nothing I can do. 420 00:28:26,337 --> 00:28:29,057 Soon Richard and I were enjoying 421 00:28:29,093 --> 00:28:31,778 the world's best-ever commute. 422 00:28:39,218 --> 00:28:41,503 It may be a bit Spartan in here, 423 00:28:41,538 --> 00:28:43,789 but it's unbelievably comfortable. 424 00:28:44,690 --> 00:28:47,924 Because it uses electronics 425 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,211 rather than traditional anti-roll bars. 426 00:28:50,247 --> 00:28:52,463 That means there's no physical connection 427 00:28:52,499 --> 00:28:54,298 between the wheels. 428 00:28:54,299 --> 00:28:57,885 So if one goes over a bump the others aren't affected. 429 00:28:57,921 --> 00:29:01,472 It's uncanny. It's like being in a Rolls-Royce Phantom. 430 00:29:04,977 --> 00:29:08,713 It's a lovely evening. Taken the roof panels out. 431 00:29:08,749 --> 00:29:10,781 Set the air-con just so. 432 00:29:10,817 --> 00:29:12,919 And I'm enjoying a drive in the country. 433 00:29:21,393 --> 00:29:23,393 [CHUCKLES] 434 00:29:26,531 --> 00:29:28,531 JEREMY: Meanwhile... 435 00:29:57,997 --> 00:29:59,997 [CHUCKLES] 436 00:30:03,068 --> 00:30:06,271 JAMES: Oh, bloody hell. 437 00:30:06,307 --> 00:30:08,307 [BEEPING] 438 00:30:09,375 --> 00:30:11,209 You're all right. 439 00:30:11,210 --> 00:30:13,679 You're all right, in Italian. 440 00:30:13,713 --> 00:30:15,814 [CAR HORN] 441 00:30:18,750 --> 00:30:20,886 [CAR HORNS] 442 00:30:22,354 --> 00:30:24,354 Oh, God. 443 00:30:24,374 --> 00:30:26,374 [CHEERING] 444 00:30:30,362 --> 00:30:32,329 - James. - What? 445 00:30:32,330 --> 00:30:35,902 I'm sorry to have to say this, but that Ferrari is useless. 446 00:30:35,936 --> 00:30:38,438 Yes, yes, yes. Later on in part two, 447 00:30:38,472 --> 00:30:40,940 when these two have stopped dreaming up 448 00:30:40,974 --> 00:30:42,640 idiotic and irrelevant tests 449 00:30:42,641 --> 00:30:46,478 that it can't take part in, we shall see. 450 00:30:46,512 --> 00:30:48,313 Fair enough. Now, 451 00:30:48,314 --> 00:30:50,780 at this point in the show we like to sit down 452 00:30:50,816 --> 00:30:54,250 and chew the fat about new cars and motoring issues. 453 00:30:54,286 --> 00:30:57,954 Like, for example, why in Britain we have to drive at 50 miles an hour 454 00:30:57,990 --> 00:31:01,626 when they're doing roadworks to protect the workforce which is never there. 455 00:31:01,662 --> 00:31:03,327 Yes, okay... 456 00:31:03,328 --> 00:31:05,328 And why fully-grown adults 457 00:31:05,330 --> 00:31:08,767 have taken to riding around the city on children's toys? 458 00:31:08,801 --> 00:31:11,319 - Yes, okay. - I think they're called bicycles. 459 00:31:11,355 --> 00:31:14,281 - Is that the right word? - It's issues like that. 460 00:31:14,317 --> 00:31:17,209 It's a segment we are calling Conversation Street. 461 00:31:17,243 --> 00:31:19,345 ♫♫ [JAZZY TUNE] 462 00:31:22,847 --> 00:31:24,615 [LAUGHTER] 463 00:31:24,615 --> 00:31:27,653 - Well... - What? 464 00:31:27,688 --> 00:31:29,653 [CHEERING] 465 00:31:29,688 --> 00:31:31,989 We put a lot of work into that! 466 00:31:32,023 --> 00:31:35,926 It was really, really hard doing that. 467 00:31:35,961 --> 00:31:39,365 Better than that, rather brilliantly, we have made 468 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,732 a bespoke version of that sting 469 00:31:41,768 --> 00:31:43,268 for every single episode 470 00:31:43,269 --> 00:31:45,503 we're gonna make for the next three years. 471 00:31:45,538 --> 00:31:47,538 How about that? 472 00:31:47,574 --> 00:31:49,605 [CHEERING] 473 00:31:49,641 --> 00:31:51,876 But hold on. The slight problem with that 474 00:31:51,912 --> 00:31:53,711 is that we were so busy doing that 475 00:31:53,711 --> 00:31:56,682 we didn't think actually of anything to talk about. 476 00:31:56,717 --> 00:31:58,516 - We did. - Yeah. 477 00:31:58,517 --> 00:32:00,717 - What? - You'll love this. 478 00:32:00,751 --> 00:32:06,657 James May, the world's slowest moving human being, 479 00:32:06,692 --> 00:32:10,028 has been caught speeding. 480 00:32:10,064 --> 00:32:12,663 [GASPS OF SURPRISE] 481 00:32:12,698 --> 00:32:14,534 Actually charged by the police. 482 00:32:14,535 --> 00:32:17,134 Criminal. 483 00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:18,702 He's actually quite proud of it. 484 00:32:18,703 --> 00:32:22,208 He did it on a Honda CBR 600RR sports bike. 485 00:32:23,909 --> 00:32:25,175 The thing was... 486 00:32:25,176 --> 00:32:27,577 [OVERLAPPING CHATTER] 487 00:32:27,613 --> 00:32:30,316 Richard and I were genuinely astonished. 488 00:32:30,351 --> 00:32:32,286 He came into the office and said, 489 00:32:32,287 --> 00:32:34,152 "I've been done for speeding." 490 00:32:34,153 --> 00:32:37,123 Until we found out how fast he was going. 491 00:32:37,157 --> 00:32:39,557 James, how fast was it again? 492 00:32:39,593 --> 00:32:42,494 37 miles an hour. 493 00:32:42,529 --> 00:32:45,362 Crazy! Mad man! 494 00:32:45,396 --> 00:32:48,450 How did you even breathe at that kind of speed? 495 00:32:48,484 --> 00:32:51,502 How did the police catch you? Were they running? 496 00:32:52,938 --> 00:32:55,338 Gentle jog for sure. 497 00:32:55,374 --> 00:32:57,374 The thing is, if you've been caught, 498 00:32:57,409 --> 00:33:00,996 'cause we genuinely don't believe anyone in the world has, 499 00:33:01,030 --> 00:33:04,583 but if you've been caught speeding at a speed less than 37, 500 00:33:04,617 --> 00:33:07,653 do honestly please write to us and let us know. 501 00:33:07,688 --> 00:33:09,653 'Cause we don't think it's possible. 502 00:33:09,688 --> 00:33:12,173 And mark your envelope, "I'm a tortoise." 503 00:33:12,209 --> 00:33:14,660 And that is all we have time for this week 504 00:33:14,694 --> 00:33:16,094 on Conversation Street. 505 00:33:16,095 --> 00:33:17,461 - Whoa! Hang on a minute. - What? 506 00:33:17,462 --> 00:33:19,414 The first-ever show, and you just mock me 507 00:33:19,415 --> 00:33:21,334 for my speeding ticket and then we move on? 508 00:33:21,335 --> 00:33:23,300 It's a busy show. 509 00:33:23,301 --> 00:33:26,372 It is a busy show. We've got to tell everyone about our track. 510 00:33:26,406 --> 00:33:29,405 - Yes, we have one. - [CHEERING] 511 00:33:29,441 --> 00:33:32,377 This is the sort of place where you can drive cars 512 00:33:32,413 --> 00:33:34,345 at speeds that you can do on the road 513 00:33:34,346 --> 00:33:36,948 but only if you want to go to prison afterwards. 514 00:33:36,982 --> 00:33:38,749 What, like 38 miles an hour? 515 00:33:38,750 --> 00:33:42,419 39 maybe even, 40 from time to time. 516 00:33:42,453 --> 00:33:44,453 Now, we were hoping that we could bring it 517 00:33:44,473 --> 00:33:46,459 round the world with us like the tent. 518 00:33:46,460 --> 00:33:50,193 But unfortunately it's too heavy, 519 00:33:50,229 --> 00:33:53,098 and, as you are about to see, too bitey. 520 00:33:57,868 --> 00:33:59,869 This is it. 521 00:33:59,904 --> 00:34:02,374 It's not a race circuit. 522 00:34:02,409 --> 00:34:04,843 It's not an airfield. 523 00:34:04,877 --> 00:34:07,344 It's not a road. 524 00:34:07,378 --> 00:34:10,715 What it is is brilliant and fast. 525 00:34:11,949 --> 00:34:14,119 And extremely dangerous. 526 00:34:15,554 --> 00:34:17,788 It even looks dangerous on a map. 527 00:34:17,822 --> 00:34:21,159 Because as you can see, it's the exact same shape 528 00:34:21,195 --> 00:34:23,295 as the Ebola virus. 529 00:34:25,563 --> 00:34:29,351 Right, time now to show you what a lap looks like. 530 00:34:29,385 --> 00:34:33,139 To do that we've got a bit of a performance benchmark. 531 00:34:33,173 --> 00:34:35,173 A Ferrari 488. 532 00:34:35,193 --> 00:34:37,193 Take it away. 533 00:34:37,219 --> 00:34:39,032 [REVVING] 534 00:34:39,034 --> 00:34:41,034 Take it away. 535 00:34:43,581 --> 00:34:46,518 First up, it's the Isn't Straight, 536 00:34:46,552 --> 00:34:49,420 so called because it isn't straight. 537 00:34:49,454 --> 00:34:53,659 There is a super-fast left followed by a super-fast right. 538 00:34:53,693 --> 00:34:57,862 And if you make a mistake, there's no run-off area or Armco. 539 00:34:57,898 --> 00:35:01,132 It's just woods. 540 00:35:01,166 --> 00:35:03,166 Woods that are full of wildlife 541 00:35:03,168 --> 00:35:05,871 which likes to run out in front of you. 542 00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:11,409 After the second right on the Isn't Straight, 543 00:35:11,445 --> 00:35:14,179 we're into Your Name Here Corner. 544 00:35:15,713 --> 00:35:18,449 Sponsorship opportunities are available here. 545 00:35:18,485 --> 00:35:20,485 However, I should explain 546 00:35:20,485 --> 00:35:23,588 that it's possible nobody will be looking at your banner 547 00:35:23,623 --> 00:35:25,956 because this is a corner that was designed 548 00:35:25,992 --> 00:35:28,427 so a car can do this. 549 00:35:40,338 --> 00:35:41,838 [TIRES SCREECH] 550 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:43,106 Ladies and gentlemen, 551 00:35:43,108 --> 00:35:45,393 James May... isn't here today. 552 00:35:45,427 --> 00:35:47,643 That's just a friend of mine 553 00:35:47,679 --> 00:35:51,849 on his way back up the Isn't Straight... 554 00:35:51,885 --> 00:35:54,219 towards Old Lady's House. 555 00:35:55,786 --> 00:35:58,456 We've called this section Old Lady's House, 556 00:35:58,492 --> 00:36:00,492 because it's right next to a house 557 00:36:00,527 --> 00:36:03,762 where an old lady lives. 558 00:36:03,797 --> 00:36:06,815 She tells us she likes cars. 559 00:36:06,851 --> 00:36:09,800 Says she used to have one. 560 00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:12,771 Not sure she's going to like them quite so much 561 00:36:12,806 --> 00:36:14,806 after we've been here a few times. 562 00:36:14,807 --> 00:36:17,873 [TIRES SQUEALING] 563 00:36:17,909 --> 00:36:20,778 Next up, there's a narrow and bumpy sprint 564 00:36:20,813 --> 00:36:23,480 to Sub Station. 565 00:36:23,514 --> 00:36:25,849 You need to get this 90-left right, 566 00:36:25,884 --> 00:36:28,887 or you'll crash into a cage full of electricity. 567 00:36:31,056 --> 00:36:34,360 And you'll need to get the final 90-left right as well, 568 00:36:34,394 --> 00:36:36,927 or you'll run into a field of sheep. 569 00:36:40,798 --> 00:36:42,867 So, trees, animals, 570 00:36:42,902 --> 00:36:44,902 a house, electricity, 571 00:36:44,936 --> 00:36:46,771 and because it's in England, 572 00:36:46,771 --> 00:36:48,905 usually quite a lot of moisture in the air. 573 00:36:48,940 --> 00:36:53,344 It really is the most dangerous track anywhere in the world. 574 00:36:53,380 --> 00:36:55,380 To post a fast time here, 575 00:36:55,416 --> 00:36:59,016 you do need... 576 00:36:59,052 --> 00:37:01,052 those. 577 00:37:06,757 --> 00:37:09,728 The car I've selected for my first lap 578 00:37:09,762 --> 00:37:12,364 of the Eboladrome is this. 579 00:37:15,967 --> 00:37:18,403 The BMW M2. 580 00:37:32,784 --> 00:37:35,987 Sadly, there isn't the time in this, our first-ever show, 581 00:37:36,021 --> 00:37:39,458 to do a full road test of this car, 582 00:37:39,492 --> 00:37:43,144 but there is time to say that I think 583 00:37:43,179 --> 00:37:46,797 this is the best M car BMW has ever made. 584 00:38:00,346 --> 00:38:02,346 In a lot of fast cars these days, 585 00:38:02,380 --> 00:38:04,550 you get all sorts of knobs and buttons 586 00:38:04,585 --> 00:38:06,619 which you can use to change- 587 00:38:06,653 --> 00:38:08,619 I say change- I mean ruin 588 00:38:08,653 --> 00:38:10,086 the characteristics of the engine 589 00:38:10,088 --> 00:38:12,623 and the suspension and the steering and so on. 590 00:38:12,659 --> 00:38:15,159 And I always think, isn't that like a chef 591 00:38:15,195 --> 00:38:16,994 bringing a fish to your table 592 00:38:16,994 --> 00:38:19,597 and an oven and some butter and a bit of parsley, 593 00:38:19,632 --> 00:38:21,800 and saying, "Cook it yourself"? No. 594 00:38:21,835 --> 00:38:23,969 You cook it, it's what I'm paying for. 595 00:38:25,371 --> 00:38:27,373 This car, happily, has a more 596 00:38:27,407 --> 00:38:29,206 back-to-basics approach. 597 00:38:29,206 --> 00:38:32,043 In the M2, you get a little rocker switch down here 598 00:38:32,077 --> 00:38:34,710 which does nothing at all 599 00:38:34,746 --> 00:38:37,813 as far as I can see, and that's it. 600 00:38:37,849 --> 00:38:40,786 You're buying a car which was set up at the factory 601 00:38:40,820 --> 00:38:44,489 by engineers who know what they're doing. 602 00:38:44,525 --> 00:38:47,025 And all you have to do is enjoy it. 603 00:38:49,226 --> 00:38:51,226 Which I am doing. 604 00:38:57,001 --> 00:38:58,987 Yes, look at this. 605 00:38:58,989 --> 00:39:00,940 Oh, yeah, loving that. 606 00:39:00,940 --> 00:39:02,739 [CHUCKLES] 607 00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:05,610 I'll do that again, actually, and make sure- 608 00:39:05,646 --> 00:39:07,878 make sure I was correct. 609 00:39:15,420 --> 00:39:17,789 There's hardly any understeer at all. 610 00:39:17,824 --> 00:39:20,157 Poke the back out and hold it there. 611 00:39:20,193 --> 00:39:22,958 Yeah! [LAUGHS] 612 00:39:22,994 --> 00:39:24,847 I'll do that again... 613 00:39:24,847 --> 00:39:26,630 only going the other way. 614 00:39:26,632 --> 00:39:28,766 Wrong way round Your Name Here. 615 00:39:31,570 --> 00:39:36,139 Klaus and Fritz, I am loving your work. 616 00:39:36,173 --> 00:39:39,945 Oh, I made a mess of that. But I'll just do this, 617 00:39:39,980 --> 00:39:42,614 and it'll look like I did it on purpose. 618 00:39:44,081 --> 00:39:46,518 With the tires begging for mercy, 619 00:39:46,552 --> 00:39:48,217 I got back onto the Isn't 620 00:39:48,219 --> 00:39:52,054 and unleashed 365 rampaging horsepowers 621 00:39:52,090 --> 00:39:55,760 from the turbo-charged three-liter straight six. 622 00:39:57,496 --> 00:40:00,465 This isn't as fast in a straight line 623 00:40:00,501 --> 00:40:03,233 as an M3, but everywhere else... 624 00:40:03,268 --> 00:40:05,068 it is better. 625 00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:08,539 It feels less heavy, less cumbersome. 626 00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:17,615 And due to the unique characteristics of our straight, 627 00:40:17,650 --> 00:40:20,552 I can tell the steering is less... 628 00:40:20,586 --> 00:40:22,920 It's less twitchy. 629 00:40:27,592 --> 00:40:31,295 This track was designed to trip cars up. 630 00:40:31,331 --> 00:40:33,465 There are fast corners, 631 00:40:33,500 --> 00:40:35,331 slow corners, 632 00:40:35,333 --> 00:40:37,751 drifty corners, and bumps. 633 00:40:37,786 --> 00:40:40,135 It's hard on the tires. 634 00:40:40,170 --> 00:40:43,775 It's hard on the brakes. It's hard on the engine. 635 00:40:43,809 --> 00:40:47,545 It's point and squirt and bark and yelp. 636 00:40:47,581 --> 00:40:49,681 It is vicious. 637 00:40:52,117 --> 00:40:56,855 But there is nothing here which has flummoxed the M2. 638 00:40:56,889 --> 00:41:00,559 This thing is an absolute masterpiece. 639 00:41:03,393 --> 00:41:06,532 Like I said, it is the best M car 640 00:41:06,567 --> 00:41:08,567 BMW has ever made. 641 00:41:11,235 --> 00:41:13,721 You may think it's mad to suggest 642 00:41:13,755 --> 00:41:16,206 the cheapest M car is the best, 643 00:41:16,242 --> 00:41:18,041 but look at it this way, 644 00:41:18,043 --> 00:41:21,112 this track is a lot cheaper than Silverstone. 645 00:41:21,146 --> 00:41:24,181 And I know which one I'd rather drive round. 646 00:41:30,387 --> 00:41:32,557 [CHEERING] 647 00:41:36,427 --> 00:41:38,463 Go drive an M2. Unbelievable. 648 00:41:38,498 --> 00:41:41,532 What? 649 00:41:41,567 --> 00:41:45,068 Why is there that zigzag at Old Lady's House? 650 00:41:45,103 --> 00:41:47,271 - That wasn't there when I went. - No, that wasn't. 651 00:41:47,306 --> 00:41:49,708 But after you'd left, we discovered there is 652 00:41:49,742 --> 00:41:52,074 an unexploded Second World War bomb, seriously, 653 00:41:52,110 --> 00:41:55,914 right where the track was, so we had to go round it. 654 00:41:55,949 --> 00:41:58,583 - Fair enough. - Let me get this right. 655 00:41:58,619 --> 00:42:01,219 At our track, there's trees, animals, 656 00:42:01,253 --> 00:42:03,052 moisture, electricity, 657 00:42:03,054 --> 00:42:05,054 a house, and an unexploded bomb? 658 00:42:05,090 --> 00:42:08,025 Yeah. Like I said, it's the most dangerous track in the world. 659 00:42:08,061 --> 00:42:11,931 Honestly, it makes Imola look like a duvet. Honestly. 660 00:42:11,965 --> 00:42:15,800 Anyway, all the cars that we test at the Eboladrome 661 00:42:15,835 --> 00:42:17,635 will do a timed lap. 662 00:42:17,635 --> 00:42:20,204 And to make sure it's a completely level playing field, 663 00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:24,175 they will all be driven by the same racing driver. 664 00:42:24,210 --> 00:42:26,010 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 665 00:42:26,010 --> 00:42:28,246 We thought about this. We gave it some thought. 666 00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:30,181 How clever is that? Now... 667 00:42:30,182 --> 00:42:31,615 [LAUGHTER] 668 00:42:31,617 --> 00:42:33,949 The thing is, Amazon insisted 669 00:42:33,985 --> 00:42:35,853 that the racing driver in question 670 00:42:35,855 --> 00:42:38,791 should be from this side of the pond. 671 00:42:38,826 --> 00:42:41,692 So we went to something called NASCAR? 672 00:42:41,726 --> 00:42:44,327 And we found one. We shipped him to England 673 00:42:44,362 --> 00:42:47,632 and then we introduced him to the complicated procedure 674 00:42:47,668 --> 00:42:50,286 which involves turning right. 675 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,869 He's called Mike Skinner, 676 00:42:52,903 --> 00:42:55,505 but we know him simply as "the American." 677 00:42:55,541 --> 00:42:57,206 We should warn you 678 00:42:57,208 --> 00:43:00,143 that some of his views are quite strong. 679 00:43:00,177 --> 00:43:02,846 Yes, he has very specific views, for example, 680 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:05,282 on cars that have engines with fewer than eight cylinders. 681 00:43:05,318 --> 00:43:07,449 - Communist. - Or more than eight cylinders. 682 00:43:07,485 --> 00:43:10,722 - Communist. - Or cars that have their engine in the middle. 683 00:43:10,757 --> 00:43:12,722 Communist. 684 00:43:12,724 --> 00:43:15,827 Everything that isn't American really with a V8 is communist. 685 00:43:15,862 --> 00:43:18,896 So let's see how he gets on with the M2. 686 00:43:18,931 --> 00:43:20,896 There he is. 687 00:43:20,931 --> 00:43:23,268 Looking utterly bewildered. 688 00:43:25,003 --> 00:43:28,271 But he's off. A skitter of a wheel spin. 689 00:43:28,306 --> 00:43:30,706 And immediately he's onto the Isn't Straight. 690 00:43:30,742 --> 00:43:33,210 There is a right there that will have confused him. 691 00:43:33,246 --> 00:43:34,780 Now a left, he'll be good at that. 692 00:43:34,780 --> 00:43:37,516 Now he can open the taps. 693 00:43:37,550 --> 00:43:40,215 Three liters, six cylinders. 694 00:43:40,251 --> 00:43:41,987 This thing wouldn't pull a greasy string 695 00:43:41,987 --> 00:43:43,853 out of a dog's ass. 696 00:43:43,855 --> 00:43:48,726 JEREMY: I've literally no idea what he's talking about. 697 00:43:48,762 --> 00:43:51,461 Where I come from, this ain't a car. 698 00:43:51,496 --> 00:43:53,514 It's a cry for help. 699 00:43:53,550 --> 00:43:55,532 JEREMY: Whatever. 700 00:43:55,532 --> 00:43:57,902 He's through the final corner on the Isn't Straight. 701 00:43:57,938 --> 00:44:00,706 Into Your Name Here. Hard on the brakes. 702 00:44:00,740 --> 00:44:02,706 Grabbing the stick, 703 00:44:02,708 --> 00:44:04,710 which is on the left-hand side of where he's sitting, 704 00:44:04,744 --> 00:44:06,175 and turning in. 705 00:44:06,177 --> 00:44:08,329 See what I mean? No understeer at all. 706 00:44:08,364 --> 00:44:10,445 Damn tracks are narrower than my driveway. 707 00:44:10,481 --> 00:44:13,284 Yeah, that's 'cause it doesn't have a monster truck on it. 708 00:44:13,318 --> 00:44:17,119 Wonder which one of them came up with this thing. 709 00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:20,358 The tall one? The short one? Or the one with the girly hair? 710 00:44:20,393 --> 00:44:23,561 JEREMY: Okay, coming up to Old Lady's House. 711 00:44:23,596 --> 00:44:25,028 Hard on the brakes. 712 00:44:25,030 --> 00:44:27,932 Turning in, round the unexploded bomb, 713 00:44:27,967 --> 00:44:30,568 and now opening the taps again. 714 00:44:30,603 --> 00:44:33,068 No turbo lag at all, 715 00:44:33,103 --> 00:44:35,505 as he hammers down the bumpy back straight 716 00:44:35,541 --> 00:44:37,393 towards Sub Station. 717 00:44:37,393 --> 00:44:39,175 This is a 90-left, 718 00:44:39,177 --> 00:44:41,045 new Tarmac but it held it well. 719 00:44:41,045 --> 00:44:44,114 One more 90-left to go through Field Of Sheep. 720 00:44:44,150 --> 00:44:47,184 And he's done it well. And across the line. 721 00:44:47,219 --> 00:44:49,219 [CHEERING] 722 00:44:50,956 --> 00:44:53,623 First one. That's good. 723 00:44:53,659 --> 00:44:55,192 He's great. 724 00:44:55,193 --> 00:44:58,163 He's great going left and right. Amazing. 725 00:44:58,197 --> 00:45:00,030 To make sure that the M2- 726 00:45:00,030 --> 00:45:02,932 that wasn't on the lap board all by itself, 727 00:45:02,967 --> 00:45:05,969 we got the American to put other benchmark cars- 728 00:45:06,003 --> 00:45:10,141 we call them benchmark cars, he calls them communist- 729 00:45:10,175 --> 00:45:12,175 around the track, to see what's what. 730 00:45:12,177 --> 00:45:14,146 There they all are: McLaren, Audi and so forth. 731 00:45:14,146 --> 00:45:15,998 Hang on a minute. We saw a Ferrari 488 732 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:17,817 at the track in the film earlier on. 733 00:45:17,818 --> 00:45:19,016 Why isn't that on there? 734 00:45:19,016 --> 00:45:21,186 Because Ferrari wouldn't let us time it. 735 00:45:21,221 --> 00:45:23,086 - Wouldn't let us? - No. 736 00:45:23,088 --> 00:45:25,791 So the Ferrari LaFerrari can't go on the road 737 00:45:25,826 --> 00:45:27,976 - or run on electric only? - No. 738 00:45:28,012 --> 00:45:30,092 And the 488 can't do a timed lap? 739 00:45:30,128 --> 00:45:33,014 Ferrari are quite tricky to deal with from time to time. 740 00:45:33,048 --> 00:45:35,900 Let's just put it that way and move on. It's time to see 741 00:45:35,936 --> 00:45:38,503 where the M2 goes on that board. 742 00:45:38,539 --> 00:45:41,072 Let's have a look. Let's put it on. 743 00:45:41,106 --> 00:45:43,307 - Oh! - RICHARD: Ha-ha! 744 00:45:43,342 --> 00:45:44,974 Wow! Wow! 745 00:45:44,976 --> 00:45:48,813 "I think it's the best M car they've ever made." 746 00:45:50,447 --> 00:45:52,481 Not my words. 747 00:45:52,516 --> 00:45:54,853 "I prefer it to all the others that are quicker than it." 748 00:45:54,887 --> 00:45:57,788 - Yes, it's- - The one you should have, 749 00:45:57,822 --> 00:46:00,090 if you want one that's slower than all the other M cars. 750 00:46:00,126 --> 00:46:02,760 It's better. It's only two seconds- 751 00:46:02,795 --> 00:46:05,396 - It's quicker than a Civic. - Yeah. 752 00:46:05,431 --> 00:46:07,030 But it's slower than- 753 00:46:07,032 --> 00:46:08,833 If you had a choice of M cars, lined them up, 754 00:46:08,833 --> 00:46:11,302 and said, "I'd like the fastest", it wouldn't be that one. 755 00:46:11,336 --> 00:46:14,704 - Shut up. - Better in every single way? 756 00:46:14,739 --> 00:46:17,208 - You said that. - I don't care. Have you driven one? 757 00:46:17,242 --> 00:46:20,143 - I have. - It's fabulous. 758 00:46:20,177 --> 00:46:22,813 It's a brilliant car. It really honestly is. 759 00:46:22,847 --> 00:46:25,967 It's a shame we can't take the track round the world with us. 760 00:46:26,001 --> 00:46:29,086 Because if we did, we could invite celebrities to drive round it 761 00:46:29,121 --> 00:46:31,121 and we could keep a score sheet 762 00:46:31,157 --> 00:46:33,358 of who was the fastest. 763 00:46:33,393 --> 00:46:35,358 [LAUGHTER] 764 00:46:35,393 --> 00:46:37,027 No, I don't like it! 765 00:46:37,028 --> 00:46:38,594 I don't like it, no. 766 00:46:38,596 --> 00:46:41,349 - I don't think it would work. - Nobody wants to watch that. 767 00:46:41,384 --> 00:46:44,101 I'm not sure that they do. Anyway, we've got a better idea, 768 00:46:44,137 --> 00:46:46,101 Okay, for our celebrities. 769 00:46:46,137 --> 00:46:48,838 We're calling it Celebrity Brain Crash, 770 00:46:48,873 --> 00:46:51,541 and we had a sting made for that as well. 771 00:46:58,983 --> 00:47:01,985 That is terrible. 772 00:47:02,019 --> 00:47:04,255 I don't like to use this... 773 00:47:04,289 --> 00:47:06,289 [CHEERING] 774 00:47:07,557 --> 00:47:09,893 RICHARD: It's just terrible. 775 00:47:09,927 --> 00:47:13,898 Who is gonna say, "I'm gonna watch that new Amazon car show. 776 00:47:13,934 --> 00:47:16,599 Henry VIII's head explodes"? 777 00:47:16,634 --> 00:47:20,105 Why is there smoke coming out of Brad Pitt's head? 778 00:47:20,139 --> 00:47:22,605 What are we trying to say? 779 00:47:22,639 --> 00:47:24,639 - No, we're not. - No, we're not saying that. 780 00:47:25,911 --> 00:47:27,811 Not that. 781 00:47:27,811 --> 00:47:29,646 That is a terrible sting, 782 00:47:29,646 --> 00:47:32,666 but the machine itself isn't terrible at all. 783 00:47:32,701 --> 00:47:35,686 It's used to measure somebody's mental agility, 784 00:47:35,721 --> 00:47:37,521 their observational skills 785 00:47:37,521 --> 00:47:39,873 and their ability to multi-task. 786 00:47:39,909 --> 00:47:42,085 It's actually based on a machine 787 00:47:42,119 --> 00:47:44,208 that's used to test fighter pilots 788 00:47:44,242 --> 00:47:46,262 who want to join the Royal Air Force 789 00:47:46,297 --> 00:47:49,199 which, as we all know, is the finest and greatest air force 790 00:47:49,235 --> 00:47:52,467 - in the world. - [JEERING] 791 00:47:52,503 --> 00:47:56,106 What do you mean, "Boo"? What do you mean, "Boo"? What? 792 00:47:56,141 --> 00:47:59,110 If that was true, we wouldn't have to help you every time you get in trouble. 793 00:47:59,144 --> 00:48:02,947 [UPROAR, CHEERING] 794 00:48:07,784 --> 00:48:09,619 I'll hold myself back here. 795 00:48:09,619 --> 00:48:13,391 Now, hold on. You lot can grumble as much as you like, 796 00:48:13,425 --> 00:48:16,393 but we edit this show and we're British, 797 00:48:16,429 --> 00:48:18,394 so you'll just get cut out. 798 00:48:18,396 --> 00:48:21,530 - [BOOING] - We're all in agreement. 799 00:48:21,565 --> 00:48:25,769 That the Royal Air Force is better than the US Air Force. 800 00:48:25,804 --> 00:48:29,371 [CHANTING] USA! USA! USA! 801 00:48:29,407 --> 00:48:31,773 - [JEERING] - We're all in agreement 802 00:48:31,809 --> 00:48:35,480 the Royal Air Force is better than all the other air forces in the world. 803 00:48:35,514 --> 00:48:37,514 [JEERING] 804 00:48:38,416 --> 00:48:40,467 We're all now in agreement. 805 00:48:40,503 --> 00:48:42,503 The Royal Air Force is- 806 00:48:42,519 --> 00:48:44,521 is the best air force in the world. 807 00:48:44,556 --> 00:48:46,556 [BOOING] 808 00:48:46,590 --> 00:48:50,061 So we're all in agreement the Royal Air Force is quite good. 809 00:48:50,096 --> 00:48:53,398 - [JEERING] - That will do. That will do. 810 00:48:53,432 --> 00:48:56,701 So let's get back to Celebrity Brain Crash 811 00:48:56,735 --> 00:48:58,670 and meet our first-ever guest. 812 00:48:58,670 --> 00:49:00,469 Normally on other shows, 813 00:49:00,471 --> 00:49:03,139 the guest will come through a sparkly curtain, 814 00:49:03,175 --> 00:49:06,393 wave a bit and then sit down, but not here. 815 00:49:06,429 --> 00:49:09,588 Oh, yes, our guests make a proper arrival. 816 00:49:09,623 --> 00:49:12,750 And on that note, let's meet tonight's star. 817 00:49:12,784 --> 00:49:15,385 He has been in pretty much 818 00:49:15,420 --> 00:49:18,255 every single movie franchise there is 819 00:49:18,291 --> 00:49:20,291 apart from Bridget Jones. 820 00:49:20,327 --> 00:49:22,327 No, he was Bridget Jones. 821 00:49:22,327 --> 00:49:24,527 - Was he? - No. 822 00:49:24,561 --> 00:49:27,498 But it doesn't matter. He was in the Bourne films. 823 00:49:27,532 --> 00:49:29,233 He was in the Mission Impossible films, 824 00:49:29,235 --> 00:49:30,567 the Avengers films, 825 00:49:30,568 --> 00:49:33,637 and right now he is 10.000 feet above us, 826 00:49:33,672 --> 00:49:36,423 waiting to make one hell of an entrance. 827 00:49:36,458 --> 00:49:39,177 Ladies and gentlemen, Jeremy Renner! 828 00:49:39,211 --> 00:49:41,411 [CHEERING] 829 00:49:41,445 --> 00:49:45,050 There he is. There he is, that's his plane. 830 00:49:45,085 --> 00:49:47,117 [CHEERING] 831 00:49:50,387 --> 00:49:52,389 Hold on, everybody. Here he comes. 832 00:49:52,425 --> 00:49:55,126 He is ready to jump. 833 00:49:55,161 --> 00:49:56,826 I'm ready! 834 00:49:56,827 --> 00:50:00,065 He is ready to jump. And there he goes! 835 00:50:00,099 --> 00:50:01,597 RICHARD: That is amazing 836 00:50:01,599 --> 00:50:03,400 to see him doing his own stunts. 837 00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:06,936 JEREMY: Yeah, I know. And he is looking good! 838 00:50:06,972 --> 00:50:08,972 When he gets here, 839 00:50:09,005 --> 00:50:11,708 I do want to talk to him about that Bourne Legacy film. 840 00:50:11,744 --> 00:50:14,445 A: what it was like to punch Shane Jacobson. 841 00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:17,480 And, B... Ooh, hang on. 842 00:50:17,514 --> 00:50:20,751 He's leaving this terribly late. 843 00:50:20,786 --> 00:50:22,786 [NERVOUS LAUGHTER] 844 00:50:25,389 --> 00:50:27,625 [AUDIENCE CLAMORING] 845 00:50:27,659 --> 00:50:29,659 [APPLAUSE] 846 00:50:39,403 --> 00:50:42,538 Right. 847 00:50:42,572 --> 00:50:44,875 Does that mean he's not coming on, then? 848 00:50:44,909 --> 00:50:47,777 No, James, he's not. 849 00:50:47,811 --> 00:50:51,115 It's okay, though. We anticipated this sort of thing, 850 00:50:51,150 --> 00:50:53,150 so we got a back-up guest ready. 851 00:50:53,186 --> 00:50:55,150 Uh... 852 00:50:55,186 --> 00:50:57,519 He was in Man From Uncle. 853 00:50:57,554 --> 00:51:00,990 He was in Lone Ranger. He was both twins 854 00:51:01,025 --> 00:51:02,759 in The Social Network. 855 00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,530 And his new film is called Nocturnal Animals. 856 00:51:05,565 --> 00:51:07,565 We haven't had time, unfortunately, 857 00:51:07,567 --> 00:51:09,498 to organize a dramatic entrance, 858 00:51:09,500 --> 00:51:12,336 but I hope you'll give him a warm welcome nevertheless. 859 00:51:12,371 --> 00:51:14,739 Ladies and gentlemen, Armie Hammer! 860 00:51:15,972 --> 00:51:17,972 There he is. 861 00:51:18,943 --> 00:51:20,844 Oh, my... 862 00:51:20,846 --> 00:51:22,679 Jesus! 863 00:51:22,679 --> 00:51:24,481 Is that a snake? 864 00:51:24,481 --> 00:51:26,418 - It's a snake. - That's a rattlesnake. 865 00:51:26,418 --> 00:51:28,385 - Is it? - Yeah. 866 00:51:28,385 --> 00:51:31,289 He's being killed. Quiet, everyone. 867 00:51:31,324 --> 00:51:33,289 Quiet, please. 868 00:51:33,324 --> 00:51:35,360 There's literally nothing we can do. 869 00:51:35,394 --> 00:51:37,360 He's yards away from us. 870 00:51:37,394 --> 00:51:39,061 Snakes are like herds of them. 871 00:51:39,063 --> 00:51:41,766 - They hunt in packs. - Yeah, they're pack animals. 872 00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:44,500 Does that mean he's not coming on either? 873 00:51:44,534 --> 00:51:47,804 No, James, he's finished writhing around in agony. 874 00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:49,858 And now he's dead. 875 00:51:49,893 --> 00:51:51,893 So that is a no. 876 00:51:51,911 --> 00:51:53,710 Well, uh... 877 00:51:53,710 --> 00:51:56,280 maybe there's somebody famous in the audience. 878 00:51:56,315 --> 00:51:58,282 That's unlikely. 879 00:51:58,282 --> 00:52:00,715 No. Seriously, you know Carol Vorderman? 880 00:52:00,751 --> 00:52:03,320 She rang me this morning from an air show nearby 881 00:52:03,356 --> 00:52:06,322 and said, can she come to the show? 882 00:52:06,356 --> 00:52:08,358 I know you don't know who Carol Vorderman is. 883 00:52:08,393 --> 00:52:10,860 She's a huge, huge, huge star in the UK. 884 00:52:10,894 --> 00:52:12,894 She started out on a program called Countdown 885 00:52:12,929 --> 00:52:15,199 and established herself as being unbelievably brilliant, 886 00:52:15,235 --> 00:52:17,235 a fantastic mathematician 887 00:52:17,237 --> 00:52:19,887 and very beautiful. 888 00:52:19,922 --> 00:52:22,539 Yes, she's also dead. 889 00:52:22,574 --> 00:52:24,072 What? 890 00:52:24,074 --> 00:52:27,842 - What? - She's dead. 891 00:52:27,878 --> 00:52:30,648 - How did that happen? - I don't know. I'm not a pathologist! 892 00:52:30,682 --> 00:52:33,284 But she's dead is what she is. 893 00:52:33,318 --> 00:52:35,804 - Seriously? - Yes! 894 00:52:35,838 --> 00:52:38,215 - Christ. - Problem. 895 00:52:38,250 --> 00:52:40,590 What are we gonna do? 896 00:52:40,626 --> 00:52:41,858 Um... 897 00:52:41,858 --> 00:52:44,228 Jesus, look at that out there. It's like a- 898 00:52:44,264 --> 00:52:45,896 It's just littered with corpses. 899 00:52:45,898 --> 00:52:48,297 [LAUGHTER] 900 00:52:48,333 --> 00:52:51,835 Lads, I don't think this bit is working. 901 00:52:51,871 --> 00:52:53,237 Let's drop 902 00:52:53,237 --> 00:52:55,538 Celebrity Brain Crash this week. 903 00:52:55,572 --> 00:52:57,657 We'll do it again in South Africa next week, 904 00:52:57,693 --> 00:52:59,744 and I think people will have forgotten all this. 905 00:52:59,778 --> 00:53:02,478 - They might not. - I think they will. 906 00:53:02,512 --> 00:53:04,949 We'll just skip over it now. It's not gonna happen. 907 00:53:04,983 --> 00:53:07,284 That's okay, 'cause we can back to the cars. 908 00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:10,387 - Yes! Moving on! - [CHEERING] 909 00:53:11,688 --> 00:53:14,090 - Don't look. - Yes, don't look. 910 00:53:14,126 --> 00:53:15,458 This week- 911 00:53:15,460 --> 00:53:17,726 This week we are trying to find out 912 00:53:17,762 --> 00:53:20,530 which of the new breed of hybrid hypercars is the best. 913 00:53:20,565 --> 00:53:22,864 Yes. On day one at the track in Portugal, 914 00:53:22,900 --> 00:53:26,536 we established that the McLaren P1 is a mentalist, 915 00:53:26,572 --> 00:53:30,139 that the Porsche 918 is a very good milk float, 916 00:53:30,173 --> 00:53:33,443 and that the Ferrari LaFerrari can do nothing at all. 917 00:53:34,344 --> 00:53:36,914 Some of that is true. 918 00:53:36,949 --> 00:53:39,483 But now, day two. 919 00:53:49,659 --> 00:53:51,628 JEREMY: We began by lining up 920 00:53:51,628 --> 00:53:54,364 the three most exciting cars on the planet 921 00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:58,001 for the drag race of all drag races. 922 00:54:12,016 --> 00:54:16,019 Naturally, this meant engaging launch control, 923 00:54:16,054 --> 00:54:20,074 which in the McLaren takes about a fortnight. 924 00:54:20,108 --> 00:54:24,094 I have to have the drive tray in track mode, 925 00:54:24,128 --> 00:54:26,331 the aero package in sport mode, 926 00:54:26,365 --> 00:54:27,664 so that the rear end squats 927 00:54:27,664 --> 00:54:29,632 when I set off and gives me more traction. 928 00:54:29,634 --> 00:54:32,835 I have to have the DRS button pressed with my thumb 929 00:54:32,869 --> 00:54:36,422 to keep the rear wing open which reduces drag obviously. 930 00:54:36,458 --> 00:54:39,976 Launch control in the Porsche, left foot on the brake hard. 931 00:54:40,012 --> 00:54:41,976 Right foot on the throttle hard. 932 00:54:42,012 --> 00:54:44,349 Light goes green, left foot off brake. Pa-ching! 933 00:54:44,384 --> 00:54:46,715 Launch button, press for two seconds. 934 00:54:46,751 --> 00:54:49,353 Left foot on brake. Right foot on throttle. 935 00:54:49,387 --> 00:54:52,072 Press launch control, mash the throttle, 936 00:54:52,108 --> 00:54:55,050 within four seconds release the brake. 937 00:54:55,085 --> 00:54:57,757 Three seconds later, I have full boost, 938 00:54:57,793 --> 00:55:00,431 and I have to set off within three seconds 939 00:55:00,465 --> 00:55:02,833 or the entire system disengages. 940 00:55:02,867 --> 00:55:05,603 I'm going to get this wrong. 941 00:55:05,637 --> 00:55:07,603 Just so you know. 942 00:55:07,637 --> 00:55:09,940 I've got a lot to do in here. 943 00:55:13,411 --> 00:55:15,713 [REVVING] 944 00:55:32,929 --> 00:55:34,929 [BEEP] 945 00:55:36,400 --> 00:55:39,134 I wasn't ready. 946 00:55:39,168 --> 00:55:41,938 Oh, my God! That is quick! 947 00:55:45,809 --> 00:55:49,496 Holy mother! Did you see that? 948 00:55:49,530 --> 00:55:53,182 [BLEEP] me! Jesus [BLEEP] Christ! 949 00:55:53,217 --> 00:55:55,217 It's all over the place. 950 00:56:00,458 --> 00:56:03,059 Since it was clear I'd got all my buttons wrong, 951 00:56:03,094 --> 00:56:05,813 the chaps agreed to another run. 952 00:56:05,849 --> 00:56:08,224 Sit rep, the lights went green 953 00:56:08,260 --> 00:56:10,565 before the boost was ready, 954 00:56:10,601 --> 00:56:12,735 and I had the DRS button still pressed 955 00:56:12,769 --> 00:56:15,440 when I got to the end, which meant I had no downforce, 956 00:56:15,474 --> 00:56:18,608 which meant- Well, poo came out. 957 00:56:18,643 --> 00:56:22,677 This time I'm gonna do it with more drag, 958 00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:25,315 which will slow me down, but I will be able to stop 959 00:56:25,349 --> 00:56:27,452 without killing myself. 960 00:56:29,454 --> 00:56:32,422 [REVVING] 961 00:56:32,456 --> 00:56:34,559 KERS system charged. Right. 962 00:56:39,195 --> 00:56:41,565 JEREMY: Boost building. 963 00:56:44,367 --> 00:56:46,503 Three, two... 964 00:56:50,474 --> 00:56:52,543 And we are away! What a start! 965 00:56:55,311 --> 00:56:57,715 The Porsche has got off to a flyer. 966 00:56:59,215 --> 00:57:01,215 Oh, balls! 967 00:57:02,619 --> 00:57:04,889 180, 190, 210. 968 00:57:06,690 --> 00:57:08,726 230 kilometers an hour. 969 00:57:14,197 --> 00:57:16,931 That wasn't very good. 970 00:57:16,967 --> 00:57:20,204 Because James had somehow messed up that time, 971 00:57:20,239 --> 00:57:22,672 and because this test was about the cars, 972 00:57:22,708 --> 00:57:25,208 we decided to go again. 973 00:57:30,347 --> 00:57:32,347 It's a rocket ship. 974 00:57:33,518 --> 00:57:35,619 For England! 975 00:57:37,253 --> 00:57:39,253 No, no! 976 00:57:44,728 --> 00:57:46,996 Okay, we have all three won this now. 977 00:57:49,634 --> 00:57:51,902 JEREMY: Determined to find a definitive 978 00:57:51,936 --> 00:57:55,405 one-two-three finishing order, 979 00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:57,307 we ran again. 980 00:57:57,309 --> 00:57:59,309 [BEEP] 981 00:58:02,211 --> 00:58:06,215 Another totally different result there, gentlemen. 982 00:58:07,384 --> 00:58:09,384 And again. 983 00:58:11,956 --> 00:58:15,760 That's a different result again. 984 00:58:15,795 --> 00:58:17,894 JEREMY: And again? 985 00:58:23,099 --> 00:58:25,369 At this point, we decided to call 986 00:58:25,403 --> 00:58:26,936 a halt to proceedings, 987 00:58:26,936 --> 00:58:31,574 because we had reached a scientific conclusion. 988 00:58:31,608 --> 00:58:35,045 It turns out it doesn't really matter which car you buy, 989 00:58:35,079 --> 00:58:37,065 it all depends on your shoes. 990 00:58:37,065 --> 00:58:38,981 Now, this is a TOD loafer. 991 00:58:38,983 --> 00:58:42,016 Slightly worn to get a crisper jump 992 00:58:42,052 --> 00:58:44,219 off the brake pedal, and it's immediate. 993 00:58:44,253 --> 00:58:47,190 - This is a Converse. - There's more sponge in there than I thought. 994 00:58:47,226 --> 00:58:50,125 See, Adidas, they weren't thinking that through. 995 00:58:50,159 --> 00:58:53,329 - So, as you lift your foot up- - It's a millisecond. 996 00:58:53,364 --> 00:58:54,697 I know you've got KERS, 997 00:58:54,699 --> 00:58:56,264 I know you've got a 6.3-litre V12, 998 00:58:56,266 --> 00:58:58,835 and I know that launch control system is amazing, 999 00:58:58,871 --> 00:59:00,235 but it's all let down 1000 00:59:00,237 --> 00:59:02,204 by the sponginess of the Adidas shoe. 1001 00:59:02,206 --> 00:59:04,405 So they should sell you the car and the shoes. 1002 00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:06,976 No, have you got the correct shoes and have you worn them in? 1003 00:59:07,012 --> 00:59:09,012 - Exactly. - Fresh shoes, lads. 1004 00:59:09,012 --> 00:59:13,217 - I just need to- - You need to skid about. There we go. 1005 00:59:13,251 --> 00:59:15,784 With that sorted, 1006 00:59:15,820 --> 00:59:18,019 it was time to bring in a racing driver 1007 00:59:18,054 --> 00:59:21,657 to see which of our cars could do the fastest lap. 1008 00:59:21,693 --> 00:59:24,978 Our resident American said he wasn't interested, 1009 00:59:25,014 --> 00:59:28,264 because all three cars are probably communist. 1010 00:59:28,300 --> 00:59:31,635 So instead, we went for a Belgian chap- 1011 00:59:31,670 --> 00:59:33,168 [GUNFIRE] 1012 00:59:33,170 --> 00:59:36,806 ...who's done Formula One and Formula E, 1013 00:59:36,842 --> 00:59:39,342 Jerome d'Ambrosio. 1014 00:59:44,313 --> 00:59:46,014 Jerome took the cars out 1015 00:59:46,016 --> 00:59:48,686 to get a sense of how they handled. 1016 01:00:05,001 --> 01:00:06,853 And when he'd finished, 1017 01:00:06,855 --> 01:00:08,764 we were interested to hear 1018 01:00:08,766 --> 01:00:10,641 his professional opinion. 1019 01:00:10,641 --> 01:00:12,943 [SPEAKS FRENCH] 1020 01:00:54,784 --> 01:00:57,938 RICHARD: At this point, word reached us that Jeremy 1021 01:00:57,972 --> 01:01:01,090 was taking liberties with the subtitling machine. 1022 01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:05,429 So we moved on to the big event: 1023 01:01:05,463 --> 01:01:08,097 the timed laps. 1024 01:01:13,436 --> 01:01:15,472 Once the mechanics had finished their preparations, 1025 01:01:15,507 --> 01:01:18,407 the three speed traps were activated. 1026 01:01:21,878 --> 01:01:24,547 And the Ferrari LaFerrari took its place 1027 01:01:24,583 --> 01:01:27,050 on the start line. 1028 01:01:28,184 --> 01:01:30,184 Look how good it looks there. 1029 01:01:30,219 --> 01:01:33,556 This is just wasting time. It's wasting rubber and fuel. 1030 01:01:33,592 --> 01:01:35,391 No, this is like an amuse-bouche. 1031 01:01:35,391 --> 01:01:39,096 Yeah, it is. You have ordered the duck and sherry trifle. 1032 01:01:39,130 --> 01:01:42,833 - And you're a melon ball. - I'm not even listening. 1033 01:01:45,769 --> 01:01:47,938 [BEEPING] 1034 01:01:58,447 --> 01:02:03,452 Gentlemen, it is doing 231.4 kilometers an hour 1035 01:02:03,487 --> 01:02:05,554 at the end of the straight. 1036 01:02:05,588 --> 01:02:09,193 It's about the same speed as a Golf diesel, something like that. 1037 01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:26,240 194.9. 1038 01:02:26,275 --> 01:02:28,110 Going down the hill using gravity. 1039 01:02:28,112 --> 01:02:30,313 - Is he stopping off for shopping? - He must be. 1040 01:02:45,963 --> 01:02:48,097 Here he is. 1041 01:02:54,603 --> 01:02:59,342 - James, if you want to get a cup of tea. - We've warmed the track. 1042 01:02:59,378 --> 01:03:02,864 RICHARD: Next it was the turn of the Porsche 918. 1043 01:03:02,898 --> 01:03:06,349 How much faster will it go because of the stripes? 1044 01:03:06,385 --> 01:03:08,385 Much. 1045 01:03:22,298 --> 01:03:24,132 231 point... 1046 01:03:24,134 --> 01:03:26,170 So he's faster than the Ferrari. 1047 01:03:35,679 --> 01:03:38,146 RICHARD: 183.0. 1048 01:03:38,181 --> 01:03:41,750 Way, way, way slower than him. 1049 01:03:41,784 --> 01:03:43,920 Don't forget between here and the next measuring point, 1050 01:03:43,956 --> 01:03:46,554 Okay, you've got four slow corners, 1051 01:03:46,590 --> 01:03:49,259 and those are the ones where the Porsche is gonna make up time. 1052 01:03:51,161 --> 01:03:52,396 Because of the four-wheel steering. 1053 01:03:52,396 --> 01:03:56,032 - Like a Honda Prelude? - No! 1054 01:04:09,646 --> 01:04:12,414 - 110 point what? - One. 1055 01:04:12,449 --> 01:04:16,385 So, almost to a tenth of a kilometer an hour, the same speed as you. 1056 01:04:21,257 --> 01:04:24,061 RICHARD: Here he comes. He's firing noises. 1057 01:04:25,362 --> 01:04:27,362 There it is. Look at that. 1058 01:04:29,833 --> 01:04:33,336 JEREMY: Finally, it was the turn of the psycho killer. 1059 01:04:33,371 --> 01:04:36,039 The trickiest, the edgiest of the three. 1060 01:04:37,541 --> 01:04:39,442 But I was so confident it'd win, 1061 01:04:39,443 --> 01:04:43,047 I was prepared to take a massive gamble. 1062 01:04:44,380 --> 01:04:48,168 If the McLaren isn't the fastest, 1063 01:04:48,202 --> 01:04:51,956 you two can knock my house down. 1064 01:04:51,990 --> 01:04:54,088 - What? - Knock it down. 1065 01:04:54,123 --> 01:04:56,958 - What, your house? - Yeah, and I mean that. 1066 01:04:56,994 --> 01:05:00,664 That's how confident I am that that will be the fastest. 1067 01:05:00,699 --> 01:05:04,800 - You know we will do that? - Yeah. 1068 01:05:04,835 --> 01:05:07,235 - It's a serious bet? - Yeah. 1069 01:05:07,271 --> 01:05:09,840 - Fine. - If that's not the fastest, 1070 01:05:09,875 --> 01:05:12,259 - we can knock your house down? - Yup. 1071 01:05:12,293 --> 01:05:14,643 You know where it is. You've both been. 1072 01:05:14,679 --> 01:05:16,679 I'd love to knock it down. 1073 01:05:23,019 --> 01:05:25,222 Here we go. A lot riding on this. 1074 01:05:37,833 --> 01:05:41,269 235.9. 1075 01:05:41,304 --> 01:05:44,007 Okay, it's fastest at the end of the first straight. 1076 01:05:48,711 --> 01:05:50,746 Would you like to come to my house for dinner? 1077 01:05:50,782 --> 01:05:52,782 Yes. Can I bring a bulldozer? 1078 01:06:00,324 --> 01:06:02,190 188.3. 1079 01:06:02,192 --> 01:06:04,228 That is worryingly quick. Brisk. 1080 01:06:04,262 --> 01:06:06,061 It's quite brisk? 1081 01:06:06,063 --> 01:06:08,748 We don't know how fast it's going around the tight turns. 1082 01:06:08,784 --> 01:06:11,434 Might have been doing two kilometers an hour around here. 1083 01:06:23,179 --> 01:06:24,931 Where is he? 1084 01:06:24,932 --> 01:06:26,932 Crashed. 1085 01:06:44,068 --> 01:06:46,936 With that, back to the tent. 1086 01:06:46,971 --> 01:06:49,539 [CHEERING] 1087 01:06:54,811 --> 01:06:56,644 Thank you so much. Now... 1088 01:06:56,646 --> 01:06:58,681 I want to make it absolutely plain, 1089 01:06:58,715 --> 01:07:00,715 'cause I know this matters to anoraks, 1090 01:07:00,717 --> 01:07:06,155 all three cars were running on exactly the same sort of tires. 1091 01:07:06,190 --> 01:07:08,757 Yes, same tires, same track, same driver. 1092 01:07:08,793 --> 01:07:11,059 So the times are down to the cars. 1093 01:07:11,094 --> 01:07:14,331 Yup. And now it is time to reveal those times. 1094 01:07:14,365 --> 01:07:16,532 Let me just make it absolutely clear. 1095 01:07:16,568 --> 01:07:18,101 We don't know what they are. 1096 01:07:18,101 --> 01:07:20,269 The producers have kept them from us. 1097 01:07:20,304 --> 01:07:22,072 - They're top secret. - Yup. 1098 01:07:22,074 --> 01:07:23,806 So, let's put the scoreboard up, 1099 01:07:23,807 --> 01:07:25,007 and let's begin with 1100 01:07:25,007 --> 01:07:27,561 the Ferrari LaFerrari, I believe. 1101 01:07:27,596 --> 01:07:30,114 Let's see what it did it in, please. 1102 01:07:33,882 --> 01:07:36,603 We don't know if that's any good, do we? 1103 01:07:36,637 --> 01:07:39,322 Let's move on and do the Porsche next. 1104 01:07:39,358 --> 01:07:41,358 What did the Porsche do it in? 1105 01:07:42,192 --> 01:07:45,862 Oh, yes! 1:54.2! 1106 01:07:45,896 --> 01:07:49,498 Yes! Yes! You see? 1107 01:07:49,532 --> 01:07:51,632 You said it would mince the Porsche. 1108 01:07:51,668 --> 01:07:55,038 And it didn't mince it. It was slower than the Porsche. 1109 01:07:55,072 --> 01:07:56,940 I told you it's just a melon ball. 1110 01:07:56,940 --> 01:07:58,840 It's slower than my car, 1111 01:07:58,842 --> 01:08:01,342 which was faster than your car. 1112 01:08:01,378 --> 01:08:03,577 0.2 of a second, and it looks better. 1113 01:08:03,612 --> 01:08:06,349 Yeah, it did in my mirror where it belongs getting smaller. 1114 01:08:06,385 --> 01:08:07,985 It's a melon ball, and it lost. 1115 01:08:07,985 --> 01:08:09,184 - Hammond. - What? 1116 01:08:09,186 --> 01:08:10,704 - Calm down. - All right. 1117 01:08:10,706 --> 01:08:12,248 Because now we must bring up 1118 01:08:12,248 --> 01:08:14,771 the time that really matters. 1119 01:08:14,806 --> 01:08:16,583 The one where a lot's at stake. 1120 01:08:16,585 --> 01:08:18,328 The McLaren... [CLEARS THROAT] 1121 01:08:18,329 --> 01:08:19,462 The McLaren P1. 1122 01:08:19,462 --> 01:08:22,166 - Are you nervous? Sure? - No. No. 1123 01:08:22,201 --> 01:08:23,498 - A little bit? - No! 1124 01:08:23,500 --> 01:08:25,019 - I'm not nervous. - Why be nervous? 1125 01:08:25,020 --> 01:08:26,503 You could get, like, a shopping trolley 1126 01:08:26,505 --> 01:08:28,670 and keep all your things in it. 1127 01:08:28,704 --> 01:08:31,539 Make some new friends under a bridge somewhere. 1128 01:08:31,574 --> 01:08:33,842 - Hammond. - I'd say sell your body but don't do that. 1129 01:08:33,877 --> 01:08:36,545 Be quiet! Let's- 1130 01:08:36,579 --> 01:08:39,315 Let's bring up the time of the P1. Here we go. 1131 01:08:39,350 --> 01:08:42,418 - Oh, God. - Where is it? 1132 01:08:46,823 --> 01:08:49,641 [UPROAR] 1133 01:08:49,676 --> 01:08:52,462 Yes! 1134 01:08:56,666 --> 01:08:59,935 That is funny. Because you said... 1135 01:08:59,970 --> 01:09:03,207 the fastest, but it's not the fastest. 1136 01:09:03,242 --> 01:09:05,207 It's the slowest! 1137 01:09:05,208 --> 01:09:08,444 Ladies and gentlemen, journalist, broadcaster 1138 01:09:08,479 --> 01:09:11,881 and homeless man, Jeremy Clarkson. 1139 01:09:11,916 --> 01:09:13,916 [CHEERING] 1140 01:09:18,787 --> 01:09:23,524 That's what it is. That's what it is. 1141 01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:26,363 You're not really going to knock my house down? 1142 01:09:26,398 --> 01:09:28,829 Yes, we are. 1143 01:09:28,864 --> 01:09:30,864 - A bet is a bet. - That's the deal. 1144 01:09:30,899 --> 01:09:33,569 - And we're going to film it. - No, but the thing is, 1145 01:09:33,604 --> 01:09:36,239 on the tires that the McLaren can be bought with, 1146 01:09:36,274 --> 01:09:38,539 it was faster. 1147 01:09:38,574 --> 01:09:40,976 We agreed right at the start 1148 01:09:41,011 --> 01:09:43,345 we'd all run on the same tires. 1149 01:09:43,380 --> 01:09:45,849 That was the deal before your car lost. 1150 01:09:45,884 --> 01:09:47,382 So let's just... 1151 01:09:47,384 --> 01:09:50,886 Let's just sum this first show up, shall we? 1152 01:09:50,921 --> 01:09:52,720 I've lost my house. 1153 01:09:52,721 --> 01:09:55,091 - We've had a fight with the audience. - Big one. 1154 01:09:55,126 --> 01:09:57,926 Somebody shot our drone down. 1155 01:09:57,961 --> 01:10:00,663 And we've killed three quite major celebrities. 1156 01:10:00,698 --> 01:10:02,800 Yeah, but on the plus side, 1157 01:10:02,835 --> 01:10:04,900 my Porsche was the fastest! 1158 01:10:04,935 --> 01:10:06,935 [CHEERING] 1159 01:10:10,407 --> 01:10:12,576 And on that terrible disappointment, 1160 01:10:12,610 --> 01:10:14,643 I'm afraid it's time to end. 1161 01:10:14,677 --> 01:10:16,514 Thank you all very much for coming. 1162 01:10:16,515 --> 01:10:18,012 Thank you for watching. 1163 01:10:18,014 --> 01:10:19,917 And we'll see you next week in Johannesburg. 1164 01:10:19,917 --> 01:10:21,469 Good-bye! 1165 01:10:21,470 --> 01:10:23,470 [CHEERING] 1166 01:10:28,024 --> 01:10:30,426 ♫ Oh, sunshiney day ♫ 1167 01:10:32,496 --> 01:10:36,466 ♫ Gonna be a bright sunshiney day ♫ 1168 01:10:39,836 --> 01:10:42,671 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 1169 01:10:45,809 --> 01:10:48,877 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 1170 01:10:51,715 --> 01:10:55,452 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 1171 01:10:57,854 --> 01:11:00,957 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫