1 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,662 Thank you, everybody! Hello. 2 00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:06,534 Thank you. 3 00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,503 Thank you so much! 4 00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:16,144 Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. 5 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:19,587 This is The Grand Tour, 6 00:01:19,653 --> 00:01:21,756 and this week... we've come home! 7 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:27,394 We're back! We're back in Britain. 8 00:01:29,496 --> 00:01:32,000 We're actually in Yorkshire, which is... 9 00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:34,301 There you go. 10 00:01:34,368 --> 00:01:36,804 Which is where all three of us grew up. 11 00:01:36,938 --> 00:01:39,740 Specifically... Yeah, specifically... Whitby! 12 00:01:39,807 --> 00:01:43,411 We're in the fishing port of Whitby. There it is. 13 00:01:46,813 --> 00:01:50,085 Now, Whitby, of course, is famous all around the world 14 00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:52,787 for its unbelievable fish and chips. 15 00:01:52,853 --> 00:01:54,990 With scraps. 16 00:01:55,057 --> 00:01:56,524 You what? 17 00:01:56,591 --> 00:01:58,492 Fish and chips with scraps. You get scraps. 18 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,228 Little bits of batter that stay in the bottom of the fryer. 19 00:02:01,296 --> 00:02:02,763 - Yeah, scraps. - No, they're bits. 20 00:02:02,829 --> 00:02:04,966 - Fish and chips with bits. - No, it's scraps. 21 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:09,637 It is bits! Bits! 22 00:02:09,704 --> 00:02:11,739 Right, hands up for bits. 23 00:02:11,806 --> 00:02:13,540 - Wrong! - Scraps? 24 00:02:15,377 --> 00:02:17,412 - See, it's scraps. - Don't argue with me. 25 00:02:18,545 --> 00:02:20,581 Because I was born in Yorkshire. 26 00:02:20,647 --> 00:02:24,419 Every single one of my family back to the 17th century's from Yorkshire. 27 00:02:24,485 --> 00:02:26,454 I'm the most Yorkshire person in the world. 28 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:29,657 You know, it's funny, cos you can't tell. You really wouldn't know. 29 00:02:29,723 --> 00:02:33,360 Yorkshire people are famous for speaking their mind. 30 00:02:33,427 --> 00:02:35,530 And when you... We... 31 00:02:35,597 --> 00:02:38,066 We never know what you're thinking. It's just... 32 00:02:38,133 --> 00:02:39,734 What am I thinking now? 33 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,269 You're thinking you're brilliant 34 00:02:41,336 --> 00:02:43,070 and I'm an irritating little short-arse. 35 00:02:44,538 --> 00:02:46,441 - How did you know? - Yeah, it's just... 36 00:02:46,508 --> 00:02:48,909 - It's incredible! - Yeah, I'm psychic, mate. 37 00:02:49,010 --> 00:02:52,114 Other things Yorkshire's cricket. That's not interesting. 38 00:02:52,180 --> 00:02:55,650 Ooh, and then there was a TV show called Last Of The Summer Wine, 39 00:02:55,716 --> 00:02:59,687 which was about three very badly dressed old men 40 00:02:59,753 --> 00:03:01,288 who fell over, 41 00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:03,390 and everything they ever did went wrong. 42 00:03:04,459 --> 00:03:06,027 - It was rubbish. - Yeah, terrible. 43 00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:07,694 I don't know why that took off. 44 00:03:07,762 --> 00:03:09,264 Erm... Carmaking? 45 00:03:09,330 --> 00:03:10,664 Well, let's put it this way. 46 00:03:10,731 --> 00:03:12,460 It's not exactly the Detroit of the British Isles. 47 00:03:12,467 --> 00:03:14,235 No, it's not. 48 00:03:14,301 --> 00:03:17,572 But there is a lot of motoring-related stuff here this week, 49 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:19,873 because we're in town. 50 00:03:21,443 --> 00:03:24,611 So, let's get on with the show. 51 00:03:24,679 --> 00:03:26,147 Yes, let's. 52 00:03:28,050 --> 00:03:30,284 We begin in Victorian times, 53 00:03:30,352 --> 00:03:32,753 when James May was a little old lady. 54 00:03:34,055 --> 00:03:37,525 You see, back then, gentlemen of means... 55 00:03:37,591 --> 00:03:40,361 - Rich people in tweed suits. - Yes, rich people in tweed suits 56 00:03:40,427 --> 00:03:43,664 would take what was known as the Grand Tour. 57 00:03:43,730 --> 00:03:45,667 They'd go off to France or Italy, 58 00:03:45,733 --> 00:03:48,836 and they'd spend a few months learning about culture 59 00:03:48,902 --> 00:03:50,504 and wine and music. 60 00:03:50,572 --> 00:03:53,074 Nowadays, of course, everybody goes to Magaluf 61 00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:55,742 and learns about beer and vomit and chlamydia. 62 00:03:55,810 --> 00:03:57,078 Yeah. 63 00:03:57,079 --> 00:03:59,514 Now, we think this is a real shame, 64 00:03:59,581 --> 00:04:01,383 so Jeremy and I went off to Italy 65 00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:05,086 to do our own modern take on the Grand Tour. 66 00:04:05,086 --> 00:04:07,322 A wonderful, inspirational journey 67 00:04:07,389 --> 00:04:09,691 that not only gave its name to this show, 68 00:04:09,757 --> 00:04:12,794 but also to 1,000 GT cars: 69 00:04:12,860 --> 00:04:14,295 grand tourers. 70 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:23,637 Our start point was the Tuscan hilltop city of Siena. 71 00:04:26,408 --> 00:04:30,911 Home to the most exciting horse race in the world: 72 00:04:30,978 --> 00:04:32,814 the Palio. 73 00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,625 Look at that! Wow! 74 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:49,331 It was the beginning of what would be a very fabulous 75 00:04:49,396 --> 00:04:51,233 and very cultured journey. 76 00:04:52,966 --> 00:04:56,237 We'd visit the magnificent cities of Florence 77 00:04:56,303 --> 00:04:57,939 and Bologna and Verona 78 00:04:58,004 --> 00:04:59,906 on our way to the finishing point 79 00:04:59,973 --> 00:05:03,511 in the most magnificent city of them all: 80 00:05:03,577 --> 00:05:04,778 Venice. 81 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,649 The cars we'd be driving were fabulous, too. 82 00:05:09,283 --> 00:05:11,552 James had chosen the Rolls-Royce Dawn, 83 00:05:11,619 --> 00:05:15,322 a new two-door, drop-head version of the Ghost. 84 00:05:17,158 --> 00:05:19,161 And I'd be in the DB11, 85 00:05:19,226 --> 00:05:20,862 the latest in a long line 86 00:05:20,927 --> 00:05:25,233 of elegant and beautiful Aston Martin grand tourers. 87 00:05:27,401 --> 00:05:29,336 Even its door mirrors are beautiful. 88 00:05:29,403 --> 00:05:31,238 Its wheels are beautiful. 89 00:05:31,305 --> 00:05:32,673 This is... 90 00:05:32,740 --> 00:05:36,177 This is one of the most beautiful cars I've ever seen. 91 00:05:36,177 --> 00:05:37,478 Shame it's brown. 92 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:40,182 - It isn't brown! - Yes, it is. 93 00:05:40,247 --> 00:05:42,417 It isn't brown! It's Sunset Orange. 94 00:05:42,483 --> 00:05:45,187 It's not brown in the way that my car is green. 95 00:05:45,252 --> 00:05:46,521 It's brown. 96 00:05:46,588 --> 00:05:49,257 Your car is a convertible BMW 7 Series. 97 00:05:49,324 --> 00:05:50,457 No, it isn't. 98 00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:52,427 But is it a 7 Series underneath? 99 00:05:52,494 --> 00:05:54,396 - Bits of the floor panel. - There you go. 100 00:05:54,461 --> 00:05:57,564 £265,000 for a convertible 7 Series. 101 00:05:57,632 --> 00:05:58,699 It isn't! 102 00:05:58,766 --> 00:06:00,302 If you're going to drive across Italy, 103 00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:02,327 which we're going to do, taking in some culture... 104 00:06:02,370 --> 00:06:03,870 - Mm-hm. - ...that's what you need. 105 00:06:03,937 --> 00:06:05,673 - A brown car? - It isn't brown! 106 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:09,444 - It's brown! - Look, let's not bicker. 107 00:06:09,511 --> 00:06:13,047 Actually, on this occasion, let's get on. 108 00:06:13,113 --> 00:06:14,548 We are both going to drive across 109 00:06:14,615 --> 00:06:17,584 what is, I think, our favourite country in the world, 110 00:06:17,651 --> 00:06:20,422 enjoy some culture, enjoy some fine wine, 111 00:06:20,487 --> 00:06:22,122 some food, some art, some... 112 00:06:24,391 --> 00:06:26,860 What was that? 113 00:06:28,862 --> 00:06:31,298 - Is that Hammond? - Sorry I'm late. 114 00:06:31,365 --> 00:06:32,966 We didn't know you were coming. 115 00:06:33,033 --> 00:06:34,269 We rather hoped you weren't. 116 00:06:34,336 --> 00:06:36,937 Well, I am, and look at the car I've brought. 117 00:06:37,004 --> 00:06:40,375 Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat. 118 00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,576 707 American horsepower, 119 00:06:42,644 --> 00:06:45,447 and enough torque to pull that old building down. 120 00:06:45,512 --> 00:06:47,781 Just... That "old building" is a... 121 00:06:47,848 --> 00:06:49,050 Oh, well, never mind. 122 00:06:49,115 --> 00:06:52,586 Hammond, Tuscany, not really the home of the muscle car. 123 00:06:52,653 --> 00:06:57,259 Yeah, you see, I was worried you two were gonna be all boring and serious. 124 00:06:57,324 --> 00:06:59,627 And I am here to make sure this trip is fun 125 00:06:59,694 --> 00:07:01,755 because don't tell me the original Grand Tour wasn't fun. 126 00:07:01,762 --> 00:07:04,531 It was like an 18th century Cannonball Run, 127 00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,968 only with old-fashioned morphine instead of cocaine. 128 00:07:07,033 --> 00:07:08,403 This is gonna be brilliant. 129 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:09,836 What's with your advertising? 130 00:07:09,903 --> 00:07:12,339 Well, because the Americans used to do the Grand Tour, 131 00:07:12,406 --> 00:07:14,401 and they used to get sponsors to help cover the costs, 132 00:07:14,408 --> 00:07:15,810 so I've got myself some sponsorship. 133 00:07:15,877 --> 00:07:17,944 What, Bobby's... What is a grit? 134 00:07:18,012 --> 00:07:19,514 That's a... It's a... 135 00:07:19,581 --> 00:07:21,449 a bit left over after coffee or potatoes? 136 00:07:21,516 --> 00:07:23,283 - I don't know. - Well, it's there. 137 00:07:23,285 --> 00:07:24,786 "Rodeo Lube 'N' Tune." 138 00:07:24,851 --> 00:07:27,389 "Lube 'N' Tune." Yep, look at that. 139 00:07:27,454 --> 00:07:29,490 The things is, people will look at me in that 140 00:07:29,557 --> 00:07:31,492 and know I am on a Grand Tour. 141 00:07:31,559 --> 00:07:33,788 You, they'll think, "What are these two old farts doing?" 142 00:07:33,795 --> 00:07:35,797 - Seriously... - You have made no effort. 143 00:07:35,862 --> 00:07:37,899 You haven't got into the mood for this. 144 00:07:37,965 --> 00:07:40,534 Art, music, culture. 145 00:07:40,601 --> 00:07:42,103 - Refinement. - Yes. 146 00:07:42,168 --> 00:07:44,505 Is this something to do with you? 147 00:07:44,572 --> 00:07:46,007 Yes. Yes, they're here. 148 00:07:46,072 --> 00:07:48,310 These are my spare tyres. 149 00:07:48,375 --> 00:07:50,144 Because on a trip like this, 150 00:07:50,211 --> 00:07:52,713 in a car with that much power and that much torque, 151 00:07:52,779 --> 00:07:54,316 I am gonna get through some tyres. 152 00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:55,582 - Tree. - Yeah. 153 00:07:58,886 --> 00:08:02,357 That lot was not gonna fit in the boot, or trunk, was it? 154 00:08:03,658 --> 00:08:05,526 That is luxury! That is grand touring. 155 00:08:05,593 --> 00:08:10,365 Reluctantly, we agreed to let our vulgar colleague tag along. 156 00:08:29,684 --> 00:08:31,853 Ha-ha! 157 00:08:31,918 --> 00:08:34,989 Hammond, you're deliberately making an irritating noise. 158 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,222 Please stop it. 159 00:08:36,357 --> 00:08:37,859 I am, yeah. 160 00:08:40,894 --> 00:08:46,967 I will freely admit that Hammond's Dodge Hellcat is a remarkable car. 161 00:08:48,970 --> 00:08:54,075 It would be perfect if we were at a tractor pull in Milwaukee. 162 00:08:54,140 --> 00:08:57,110 But we're not. We're here. 163 00:08:57,177 --> 00:08:58,980 And here in Tuscany... 164 00:09:00,246 --> 00:09:01,615 ...you need one of these. 165 00:09:14,395 --> 00:09:18,832 This is the all-new replacement for the DB9, 166 00:09:18,899 --> 00:09:22,504 and it is the perfect car for the job. 167 00:09:23,870 --> 00:09:26,273 It even comes with three running modes. 168 00:09:26,408 --> 00:09:29,076 You've got Sport, Sport Plus, 169 00:09:29,143 --> 00:09:30,878 and the one I'm gonna use. 170 00:09:32,278 --> 00:09:33,914 GT. 171 00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:35,450 Grand Touring. 172 00:09:37,217 --> 00:09:42,423 Up front, there's a 5.2 litre, twin-turbocharged V12 173 00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:45,826 which produces 600 horsepower. 174 00:09:45,893 --> 00:09:48,429 And they are smooth horsepower. 175 00:09:49,996 --> 00:09:52,433 Dreamy horsepower. 176 00:09:56,437 --> 00:09:59,974 In the fullness of time, you'll be able to buy a cheaper version of this car 177 00:10:00,041 --> 00:10:02,876 with an AMG V8. 178 00:10:02,943 --> 00:10:05,812 It's all part of a deal that Aston have done with Mercedes, 179 00:10:05,879 --> 00:10:07,914 and you can see evidence of the deal already. 180 00:10:07,981 --> 00:10:10,652 This has got Mercedes switchgear, Mercedes electronics. 181 00:10:10,717 --> 00:10:12,886 It's even got Mercedes sat-nav. 182 00:10:14,755 --> 00:10:16,724 And I've got to say... 183 00:10:16,791 --> 00:10:18,125 Aston Martin and Mercedes, 184 00:10:18,192 --> 00:10:21,763 that is the best Anglo-German marriage 185 00:10:21,828 --> 00:10:24,566 since Queen Victoria married Albert. 186 00:10:26,232 --> 00:10:28,302 James, though, disagreed. 187 00:10:28,369 --> 00:10:31,605 Actually, this is the best Anglo-German marriage. 188 00:10:36,143 --> 00:10:38,946 It's perfect, in fact, because it has all the things 189 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,982 that we like to think of as being Britishness in a car. 190 00:10:42,048 --> 00:10:44,686 The sense that it was made by men in aprons, 191 00:10:44,751 --> 00:10:48,322 that there are craft skills and traditional materials involved. 192 00:10:48,389 --> 00:10:50,892 But then you've got the Germans there, with their hi-tech 193 00:10:50,957 --> 00:10:53,528 and their manufacturing efficiency. 194 00:10:55,129 --> 00:10:56,798 It's absolutely wonderful. 195 00:10:58,466 --> 00:11:02,068 It's... It's very serene. 196 00:11:02,135 --> 00:11:04,605 There are a lot of numbers I could quote on this car. 197 00:11:04,672 --> 00:11:06,573 You know, the usual: top speed, power, 0-60. 198 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,509 All that sort of irrelevant rubbish. 199 00:11:08,576 --> 00:11:13,214 But I'm not going to, because that would be, frankly, uncouth. 200 00:11:15,517 --> 00:11:17,083 Oh, talking of uncouth... 201 00:11:19,754 --> 00:11:23,524 I'll admit, this is not a quiet car. 202 00:11:29,831 --> 00:11:32,365 You've got that big bass rumble and roar 203 00:11:32,432 --> 00:11:35,168 from the 6.2 litre V8 HEMI. 204 00:11:35,235 --> 00:11:39,105 And over the top, that shrill, manic whine of the supercharger. 205 00:11:40,875 --> 00:11:43,210 Neither is it a particularly economical one. 206 00:11:43,277 --> 00:11:47,649 At full chat, it'll chew through its 18.5-gallon fuel tank 207 00:11:47,715 --> 00:11:49,584 in just 13 minutes. 208 00:11:51,552 --> 00:11:55,590 And, in fact, it needs so much air to mix with all that petrol it's drinking, 209 00:11:55,657 --> 00:11:57,859 they had to remove one of the headlights 210 00:11:57,924 --> 00:12:00,126 and replace it with a ram-air intake 211 00:12:00,193 --> 00:12:02,096 to feed air to the engine. 212 00:12:02,163 --> 00:12:04,731 So they swapped its eye for a nostril. 213 00:12:08,970 --> 00:12:11,272 The upside of all this, however, 214 00:12:11,337 --> 00:12:15,109 is that it's extremely fast. 215 00:12:15,176 --> 00:12:18,946 It'll do the standing quarter faster than a Porsche 911 GT3, 216 00:12:19,013 --> 00:12:21,081 but it costs, what, £50,000? 217 00:12:21,148 --> 00:12:24,652 You could have five of these for one of James May's Rolls-Royces. 218 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,422 Oh, hello. This looks like a tunnel opportunity. 219 00:12:31,424 --> 00:12:33,293 Stop doing that! 220 00:12:35,663 --> 00:12:39,466 That is a genuinely horrible noise that Hammond's car's making, 221 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,602 and he just keeps doing it. 222 00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:46,673 He keeps stamping one pedal, then stamping the other one, in his binary style. 223 00:12:51,946 --> 00:12:55,316 Sadly, the engine noise wasn't the only irritation. 224 00:12:57,183 --> 00:13:00,321 Is this just going to be a tour of Italy's petrol stations? 225 00:13:00,386 --> 00:13:03,057 Well, it depends how far apart they are, doesn't it, really? 226 00:13:03,124 --> 00:13:05,626 Look at it this way, think of the snacking opportunities. 227 00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,629 You've come to Italy for food. 228 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:08,929 Yeah, but not crisps. 229 00:13:08,995 --> 00:13:11,131 No, not crisps and hideous sausages from America. 230 00:13:11,197 --> 00:13:13,768 You don't know. It'll be different in different petrol stations. 231 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,469 - It won't. - It will. 232 00:13:15,535 --> 00:13:17,463 Are there any Renaissance petrol stations we could visit? Baroque? 233 00:13:17,471 --> 00:13:20,206 No. Nor are there any Renaissance sausage rolls in there. 234 00:13:20,274 --> 00:13:21,274 For God's sake. 235 00:13:21,341 --> 00:13:22,777 Having filled up his car, 236 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:26,147 and himself, we were back on the road. 237 00:13:28,950 --> 00:13:31,652 A quick situation update. 238 00:13:31,653 --> 00:13:33,287 I'm driving through sunny It... 239 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:35,956 Shut up! 240 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:39,259 Bad news, James. I'm afraid there's a tunnel coming up. 241 00:13:39,326 --> 00:13:40,961 Are you ready? Are you ready? 242 00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:43,187 Don't do it, Hammond. Just relax. Enjoy a bit of quiet. 243 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,335 Stop it! 244 00:13:50,437 --> 00:13:51,838 You have got to love that! 245 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:57,510 Soon, we arrived in the Renaissance city of Florence, 246 00:13:57,577 --> 00:14:01,148 a traditional stopping point on the Grand Tour of old. 247 00:14:02,850 --> 00:14:04,918 Architecture. 248 00:14:04,985 --> 00:14:08,755 Opera di Firenze. This is what we're here for. 249 00:14:08,822 --> 00:14:10,825 This is why we're here. 250 00:14:11,859 --> 00:14:13,159 Best of all, though, 251 00:14:13,226 --> 00:14:17,498 James and I had managed to lose Hammond. 252 00:14:17,563 --> 00:14:21,067 He's really offending you, isn't he, with his Dodge? 253 00:14:21,134 --> 00:14:23,136 Honestly, I wouldn't say this lightly, 254 00:14:23,203 --> 00:14:26,039 but I have developed a genuine, deep, 255 00:14:26,106 --> 00:14:28,743 deep, heartfelt hatred for that thing. 256 00:14:28,809 --> 00:14:33,715 I can tell. You're going to go like Inspector Dreyfus in the Pink Panther films soon. 257 00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:35,515 You're not wrong. I've developed a twitch. 258 00:14:35,581 --> 00:14:38,753 When he comes near me and I'm waiting for that stupid noise it makes, 259 00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:40,254 my eye starts quivering. 260 00:14:40,321 --> 00:14:42,389 It's like somebody constantly being sick on you 261 00:14:42,456 --> 00:14:45,091 while you're trying to read a nice book. 262 00:14:47,794 --> 00:14:49,296 As we were on our own, 263 00:14:49,363 --> 00:14:51,131 Jeremy and I decided to head for 264 00:14:51,197 --> 00:14:53,067 the renowned Uffizi Gallery... 265 00:14:54,335 --> 00:14:56,803 where we would enjoy a bit of peace and quiet 266 00:14:56,870 --> 00:14:59,072 as we appreciated its treasures. 267 00:15:13,653 --> 00:15:16,256 Who's hungry? Cos it's doughnut time! 268 00:15:16,322 --> 00:15:17,759 Yeah! 269 00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:20,961 You can have that one! 270 00:15:21,028 --> 00:15:23,129 Put sprinkles on that! 271 00:15:23,197 --> 00:15:26,299 Party on the hill in... wherever we are. Italy. 272 00:15:26,366 --> 00:15:27,769 Ya-ha! 273 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,504 Finally bringing some life into this place! 274 00:15:35,341 --> 00:15:38,011 After Hammond had fitted some new tyres... 275 00:15:41,081 --> 00:15:44,951 ...James and I abandoned our visit to the Uffizi... 276 00:15:45,019 --> 00:15:47,889 and escorted him out of town. 277 00:15:47,955 --> 00:15:50,157 Hammond, we could see the smoke from your tyres 278 00:15:50,224 --> 00:15:52,994 from the other side of the city. 279 00:15:53,059 --> 00:15:54,394 I know! I know! 280 00:15:54,461 --> 00:15:57,230 Nobody in history has ever, 281 00:15:57,298 --> 00:16:00,067 ever doughnuted an Aston Martin. 282 00:16:00,134 --> 00:16:03,136 Yeah, they're not young buyers, are they? 283 00:16:03,203 --> 00:16:05,840 No, they're refined and cultured. 284 00:16:07,274 --> 00:16:11,812 I envy you, Hammond, cos you get to look at my Aston Martin. 285 00:16:11,879 --> 00:16:15,817 Yeah, but there's a big problem with it visually. - What? 286 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,618 It's brown! 287 00:16:17,683 --> 00:16:21,822 Sunburst Orange is what it is. 288 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,490 Jeremy, I shouldn't worry. We all know the expression. 289 00:16:24,557 --> 00:16:26,827 Brown sky at night, shepherd's delight. 290 00:16:28,229 --> 00:16:30,530 That bloke's been done for that theft, you know? 291 00:16:30,596 --> 00:16:31,932 They caught him brown-handed. 292 00:16:31,999 --> 00:16:33,634 I'm starting to imagine 293 00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:38,840 what Richard Hammond would look like without a head... or skin. 294 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:42,209 Once Hammond had finished rubbishing the Aston's colour, 295 00:16:42,275 --> 00:16:44,912 he started to challenge its performance. 296 00:16:47,681 --> 00:16:51,518 Hammond is driving along behind me now like he wants to get past. 297 00:16:53,553 --> 00:16:54,855 Stupid boy. 298 00:16:56,090 --> 00:16:59,592 What is the top speed of that car of yours? 299 00:16:59,659 --> 00:17:02,096 199 miles an hour. 300 00:17:03,364 --> 00:17:07,167 Exactly. This will do 200, so back off. 301 00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:10,237 Well, yes, but it's 100 grand more. 302 00:17:10,304 --> 00:17:12,405 That's a very expensive mile an hour. 303 00:17:14,340 --> 00:17:17,611 Rather than get into a pointless war of words, 304 00:17:17,678 --> 00:17:20,547 I decided to put Hammond in his place 305 00:17:20,614 --> 00:17:22,950 and invited him to pull over here... 306 00:17:24,151 --> 00:17:26,220 ...at the Mugello race track. 307 00:17:29,690 --> 00:17:33,027 Why have you brought me to this not-at-all cultural place? 308 00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:37,298 Because I want to teach him a lesson about what real speed is. 309 00:17:37,364 --> 00:17:39,432 But he's got over 700 horsepower. 310 00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:41,201 Yes, I know, but you remember Jaws: 311 00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,635 big metal teeth, huge man? 312 00:17:42,702 --> 00:17:45,338 James Bond simply threw him through a window, 313 00:17:45,405 --> 00:17:47,508 and that's what I'm gonna do to him. 314 00:17:47,574 --> 00:17:50,944 Do you mind if I don't take part in this? 315 00:17:51,011 --> 00:17:52,246 I'll do it. 316 00:17:55,816 --> 00:17:59,153 So, as Hammond had some new tyres fitted... 317 00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:03,356 again, I took to the track for some sighting laps. 318 00:18:08,061 --> 00:18:10,396 Now, let's get one thing straight from the start. 319 00:18:10,463 --> 00:18:16,470 Aston Martins are not really designed to do track work. 320 00:18:16,537 --> 00:18:19,605 They're designed to look good, and that's it. 321 00:18:21,275 --> 00:18:24,144 Yes, the chassis on this, the DB11, 322 00:18:24,211 --> 00:18:26,846 was developed by a former Lotus engineer, 323 00:18:26,948 --> 00:18:28,281 but they actually told him 324 00:18:28,348 --> 00:18:31,617 to tune it more for comfort than handling. 325 00:18:33,954 --> 00:18:35,322 That being said, 326 00:18:35,388 --> 00:18:40,493 this has an aluminium chassis and some aero trickery. 327 00:18:41,694 --> 00:18:45,165 Air is sucked into holes behind the rear windows 328 00:18:45,231 --> 00:18:49,970 and then shot out of a vent on the boot lid, 329 00:18:49,971 --> 00:18:52,006 giving me a sort of air rear wing. 330 00:18:54,375 --> 00:18:57,510 Giving me grip... a lot of grip. 331 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:02,215 And the traction control is simply astonishing. 332 00:19:02,282 --> 00:19:05,652 In most cars, it's like somebody hitting you on the head with a hammer, 333 00:19:05,719 --> 00:19:07,121 but in this, it's just going, 334 00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:10,423 "Erm... Hang on, hang on, hang on." There you go. 335 00:19:12,425 --> 00:19:15,061 Bloody hellfire! This is very, very good. 336 00:19:17,663 --> 00:19:22,002 Certainly it's good enough to be able to totally destroy 337 00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:24,204 Hammond's idiotic Dodge. 338 00:19:28,075 --> 00:19:30,243 This does not have a magnesium roof, 339 00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:32,378 carbon-fibre prop shaft. 340 00:19:32,445 --> 00:19:34,907 The engine isn't made from aluminium, it's made from cast iron. 341 00:19:34,914 --> 00:19:38,019 And you get the impression they'd have made it from stone if they could. 342 00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:43,324 What it does have is vast reserves of power, 343 00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:45,892 and even vaster reserves of character. 344 00:19:46,027 --> 00:19:47,528 This thing is just hilarious. 345 00:19:54,268 --> 00:19:57,304 Look at him in his little brown Aston, 346 00:19:57,371 --> 00:20:00,106 being all in control, and just not having fun, is he? 347 00:20:00,173 --> 00:20:01,607 I mean, what's the point? 348 00:20:03,309 --> 00:20:06,279 Showboating. Probably thinks I can't. 349 00:20:06,346 --> 00:20:09,415 Well, I'm sorry, Hammond, this is a 600 horsepower, 350 00:20:09,482 --> 00:20:11,251 rear-wheel drive Aston Martin. 351 00:20:12,685 --> 00:20:15,056 So I turned the traction control off, 352 00:20:15,122 --> 00:20:17,157 and all hell broke loose. 353 00:20:32,838 --> 00:20:34,240 It will do this all day. 354 00:20:37,943 --> 00:20:39,011 Meanwhile... 355 00:20:40,814 --> 00:20:43,284 One of the purposes of the original Grand Tour 356 00:20:43,349 --> 00:20:45,652 wasn't just to look at things and learn about things. 357 00:20:45,719 --> 00:20:48,255 It was also to enhance your capabilities. 358 00:20:48,322 --> 00:20:50,223 You would learn to do things. 359 00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:52,826 You might do... I don't know, writing sonnets, 360 00:20:52,893 --> 00:20:56,197 playing musical instruments, regional cooking, maybe. 361 00:20:56,262 --> 00:20:58,464 I'm having a go at watercolour painting. 362 00:20:58,531 --> 00:21:00,701 It's absolutely delightful. 363 00:21:00,767 --> 00:21:03,104 Apart from my reverie is occasionally interrupted 364 00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:07,107 by the... disgusting bellow of Hammond's muscle car. 365 00:21:10,111 --> 00:21:12,746 Mr. Hammond appears to have organised a helicopter 366 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:14,248 to record the event. 367 00:21:16,583 --> 00:21:19,353 Ha-ha, Clarkson! Get past me now! 368 00:21:20,354 --> 00:21:22,588 Smokescreen you. 369 00:21:26,393 --> 00:21:28,494 What a moron you are, Hammond! 370 00:21:29,863 --> 00:21:31,397 Get out of my way! 371 00:21:33,967 --> 00:21:37,837 This is not a particularly cultural thing to do... 372 00:21:37,903 --> 00:21:39,440 but it is very good fun. 373 00:21:47,513 --> 00:21:51,551 Even though Hammond and I were having a big smoky riot, 374 00:21:51,617 --> 00:21:53,319 we'd learned nothing at all. 375 00:21:54,454 --> 00:21:56,656 So we decided to get scientific 376 00:21:56,722 --> 00:22:00,193 and do a proper timed flying lap. 377 00:22:11,605 --> 00:22:13,307 This matters. 378 00:22:13,374 --> 00:22:15,608 This is for Britain. This is for Europe. 379 00:22:16,977 --> 00:22:18,179 No silly business. 380 00:22:18,244 --> 00:22:20,646 Let's just get round this as fast as we can. 381 00:22:27,387 --> 00:22:29,256 With the flying lap completed, 382 00:22:29,323 --> 00:22:31,424 we met to compare times. 383 00:22:33,626 --> 00:22:35,828 - Go on, then. - All right, then. Two... 384 00:22:35,895 --> 00:22:37,597 - Yes. - Yes. 385 00:22:37,663 --> 00:22:39,799 18 seconds... 386 00:22:39,865 --> 00:22:42,836 18? - Yes. Why, what have you got? What are you? 387 00:22:42,903 --> 00:22:46,072 18. B-But... 388 00:22:46,207 --> 00:22:48,909 - You're not making that up? - No. Two minutes 18... 389 00:22:48,974 --> 00:22:50,211 Ooh! 390 00:22:50,277 --> 00:22:51,711 ...point 79. 391 00:22:51,778 --> 00:22:53,646 Oh, thank God for that. 392 00:22:53,713 --> 00:22:55,648 I'm... It's crushing. Three-five. 393 00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:58,785 Well, it's hardly crushing, is it? 394 00:22:58,852 --> 00:23:01,047 No, cos that's... - I don't know why you accepted the challenge. 395 00:23:01,054 --> 00:23:04,924 It's less then half a second for your extra 100 grand. 396 00:23:06,058 --> 00:23:08,229 Well, hardly a big gloat, is it? 397 00:23:10,029 --> 00:23:14,634 It's £100,000 for half a second and 1mph top speed. 398 00:23:14,701 --> 00:23:19,972 240 years of independence and that's the best they can do. 399 00:23:20,039 --> 00:23:23,309 As Hammond cheered himself up with some doughnuts... 400 00:23:24,478 --> 00:23:26,680 ...and then another set of tyres... 401 00:23:29,316 --> 00:23:31,518 ...I went to join James. 402 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,690 Oh, shit. 403 00:23:47,268 --> 00:23:48,402 Agh! 404 00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:51,271 - Did you beat him, by the way? - Yeah. 405 00:23:51,337 --> 00:23:52,772 Good man. 406 00:23:55,276 --> 00:23:58,612 As the sun slipped behind the Tuscan hills, 407 00:23:58,679 --> 00:24:01,748 we spent an enjoyable hour or so painting. 408 00:24:03,083 --> 00:24:04,884 But then... 409 00:24:09,923 --> 00:24:12,157 Ooh. 410 00:24:12,292 --> 00:24:13,660 What are you doing? 411 00:24:13,727 --> 00:24:16,529 I'm defusing a bomb, Hammond. What do you think I'm doing? 412 00:24:16,596 --> 00:24:17,963 I'm baking a cake. 413 00:24:18,030 --> 00:24:20,701 - It looks like you're painting. - We are painting. 414 00:24:20,767 --> 00:24:24,170 Hammond then decided he'd like to have a go as well. 415 00:24:31,912 --> 00:24:34,315 Right. 416 00:24:34,381 --> 00:24:35,781 That one. 417 00:24:37,917 --> 00:24:38,919 Mm-hm. Mm-hm. 418 00:24:42,323 --> 00:24:44,625 Soon, our art was finished. 419 00:24:47,427 --> 00:24:48,994 I think I've rushed mine. 420 00:24:50,596 --> 00:24:52,665 Still, could be worse. 421 00:24:54,335 --> 00:24:55,836 It was difficult, before I saw this, 422 00:24:55,902 --> 00:24:59,440 to imagine anything more hideous than the actual car. 423 00:24:59,506 --> 00:25:01,375 But you've done it, Hammond. 424 00:25:01,442 --> 00:25:05,778 It's the way that you've managed to eradicate any sense of place. 425 00:25:05,846 --> 00:25:07,347 Yeah, I know. 426 00:25:12,452 --> 00:25:15,055 Your twitch! He's twitching! 427 00:25:15,121 --> 00:25:17,923 Even when he looks at the picture of your car, 428 00:25:17,990 --> 00:25:20,361 he's actually twitching! 429 00:25:23,997 --> 00:25:25,365 All of the work... 430 00:25:25,432 --> 00:25:28,368 All of the work that Rolls-Royce put into that Dawn 431 00:25:28,434 --> 00:25:32,204 to make it quiet and refined and sublime, and all those things you'd expect, 432 00:25:32,271 --> 00:25:36,276 it all counts for absolutely nothing if it's anywhere near your Dodge, 433 00:25:36,376 --> 00:25:38,479 because that's all you can hear. 434 00:25:38,545 --> 00:25:40,646 Do you know something about that Hellcat? 435 00:25:40,713 --> 00:25:42,715 OK, I've done some research into it. 436 00:25:42,782 --> 00:25:45,719 The Hellcat is based on the old Chrysler 300C. 437 00:25:45,786 --> 00:25:47,153 Underneath, it's the same car. 438 00:25:47,220 --> 00:25:52,526 And the 300C, underneath, is a 1990s Mercedes E-Class. 439 00:25:52,593 --> 00:25:54,427 So what Dodge has done with that thing, 440 00:25:54,494 --> 00:25:58,898 if they put 700 horsepower in a 20-year-old taxi... 441 00:25:58,964 --> 00:25:59,965 that's what it is. 442 00:26:00,032 --> 00:26:04,570 Anyway, if you want to listen to two old men 443 00:26:04,637 --> 00:26:09,174 dribble on about music and opera whilst I have fun, 444 00:26:09,241 --> 00:26:11,277 there'll be more of that later on. 445 00:26:11,412 --> 00:26:13,747 But now it's time for us to check our mirrors 446 00:26:13,814 --> 00:26:17,483 and make a smooth left into Conversation Street. 447 00:26:25,459 --> 00:26:27,126 It is. 448 00:26:27,192 --> 00:26:29,095 Now... I have to say, 449 00:26:29,162 --> 00:26:32,432 James was very, very excited about coming to Whitby, 450 00:26:32,499 --> 00:26:36,201 because he'd heard that it's the centre of the British jet industry. 451 00:26:36,269 --> 00:26:38,203 He was very much looking forward to spending 452 00:26:38,270 --> 00:26:40,266 a couple of days looking at old drawings of Concord, 453 00:26:40,272 --> 00:26:44,243 but then he discovered that Whitby jet is actually this. 454 00:26:45,546 --> 00:26:46,613 It looks like coal. 455 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:47,814 - It is coal. - Is it? 456 00:26:47,881 --> 00:26:49,482 Thing is, though, they've worked out... 457 00:26:49,549 --> 00:26:50,977 Obviouasly, you can't burn coal any more 458 00:26:50,983 --> 00:26:53,586 because Al Gore goes nuts and a polar bear falls over, 459 00:26:53,653 --> 00:26:57,723 so they polish it up and then say it's precious. 460 00:26:57,790 --> 00:27:00,760 That's interesting, this, cos I've got the blurb here 461 00:27:00,826 --> 00:27:04,698 from Whitby's oldest retailer of the stuff, and it says, 462 00:27:04,765 --> 00:27:07,500 "Unlike other gemstones, 463 00:27:07,567 --> 00:27:10,936 jet is actually fossilised wood." 464 00:27:11,003 --> 00:27:14,474 Yes, because unlike other gemstones, it's coal. 465 00:27:14,540 --> 00:27:16,308 Yeah, but... 466 00:27:16,375 --> 00:27:17,877 - But it's... - It's coal, isn't it? 467 00:27:17,943 --> 00:27:20,681 Unlike other gemstones, Hammond, it's a lot cheaper. 468 00:27:20,747 --> 00:27:22,915 Well, yes, it would be. 469 00:27:22,982 --> 00:27:25,986 Well, seriously, you can get a jet ring, look, for 32 quid. 470 00:27:26,051 --> 00:27:28,387 You get a sack of it for ten quid. It's coal! 471 00:27:28,489 --> 00:27:29,756 Thing is, though... 472 00:27:29,823 --> 00:27:31,156 We were thinking the other day, 473 00:27:31,223 --> 00:27:34,595 you know carmakers now they use bamboo, ash, walnut 474 00:27:34,661 --> 00:27:36,762 and carbon fibre to decorate bits of a car? 475 00:27:36,829 --> 00:27:39,098 - Why don't they use jet? - Exactly. 476 00:27:39,164 --> 00:27:41,500 Anybody would like to have some jet in their car. 477 00:27:41,501 --> 00:27:44,063 Actually, we've been doing a little bit of experimenting, Hammond. 478 00:27:44,069 --> 00:27:48,509 I've made a prototype. This is a gearstick with a jet knob... 479 00:27:49,675 --> 00:27:51,176 ...on the top. It's brilliant. 480 00:27:51,243 --> 00:27:53,846 I mean, it's not polished yet, but you change gear. 481 00:27:53,913 --> 00:27:56,048 It does make your hand a bit dirty. 482 00:27:56,115 --> 00:27:58,384 But, no, that's a handy reminder. It is. 483 00:27:58,519 --> 00:28:00,519 Exactly. No, you're absolutely right 'cause you know, 484 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,214 sometimes you drive an unfamiliar car, you're on the motorway 485 00:28:02,221 --> 00:28:04,557 and you think, "Oh, did I change into sixth? 486 00:28:04,625 --> 00:28:07,160 Yeah, I did." 487 00:28:07,227 --> 00:28:10,130 Here's some conversation... for Conversation Street. 488 00:28:10,195 --> 00:28:13,199 Erm... Bad news. There is a problem right now in this country. 489 00:28:13,266 --> 00:28:16,737 Not enough people are learning to drive. Seriously. 490 00:28:16,803 --> 00:28:21,775 In 2007, just over 16,000 driving tests were conducted. 491 00:28:21,842 --> 00:28:25,377 Last year, that had dropped to 4,650. 492 00:28:25,444 --> 00:28:29,548 That is a true fact. In less than ten years, 16,000 down to 4,000. 493 00:28:29,549 --> 00:28:30,717 And I know why. 494 00:28:30,784 --> 00:28:32,278 It's because kids leave school these days, 495 00:28:32,285 --> 00:28:34,855 they've no idea who Hitler was, they can't add up. 496 00:28:34,921 --> 00:28:36,557 They just know cars are bad. 497 00:28:36,589 --> 00:28:39,625 Cars are bad, cars are bad, cars are bad. 498 00:28:39,692 --> 00:28:41,654 Then, when they do get out of school, after what... 499 00:28:41,662 --> 00:28:42,996 after school's finished, 500 00:28:43,063 --> 00:28:46,066 they go around and see speed cameras, traffic jams, 501 00:28:46,132 --> 00:28:49,269 signs saying "Please don't overtake cyclists" and think, "What's the point?" 502 00:28:49,335 --> 00:28:52,038 "No point learning to drive. I might as well just use Uber." 503 00:28:52,105 --> 00:28:53,740 Exactly. If I were a carmaker, 504 00:28:53,807 --> 00:28:56,576 I would be fighting like a Kilkenny cat 505 00:28:56,609 --> 00:28:58,845 to make sure every car I made 506 00:28:58,912 --> 00:29:00,980 was as interesting and as amazing as possible. 507 00:29:01,047 --> 00:29:03,817 But instead... Renault, they give us the KADJAR. 508 00:29:03,884 --> 00:29:05,585 How many children... 509 00:29:05,586 --> 00:29:08,721 How many children will say, "If I work really hard and do my homework", 510 00:29:08,788 --> 00:29:11,290 one day, maybe, I can have a KADJAR"? 511 00:29:11,356 --> 00:29:13,693 Cos that's the car they grow up seeing. 512 00:29:13,759 --> 00:29:15,028 Worse still, Nissan Juke. 513 00:29:15,095 --> 00:29:17,931 - You really hate the Juke. - No, I hate it. 514 00:29:17,998 --> 00:29:19,833 - No, he genuinely hates... - No, I hate... 515 00:29:19,900 --> 00:29:23,670 I object to it existing. It shouldn't exist. I loathe it. 516 00:29:23,737 --> 00:29:26,105 On the motorway, you see them with their stupid, 517 00:29:26,172 --> 00:29:28,208 like, double bug eyes. 518 00:29:28,273 --> 00:29:29,509 Smug little... 519 00:29:29,609 --> 00:29:31,744 If I see one, I'm mad. I can't help myself. 520 00:29:31,811 --> 00:29:33,613 And it's cruel, and I'm sorry if you're in one. 521 00:29:33,614 --> 00:29:34,681 But I do, I see them. 522 00:29:34,748 --> 00:29:35,749 "I hate..." 523 00:29:37,617 --> 00:29:40,787 He does. I was driving along with him the other day... 524 00:29:40,854 --> 00:29:42,655 I was busy telling him a story, 525 00:29:42,722 --> 00:29:43,717 and he was looking out the window going, 526 00:29:43,723 --> 00:29:45,391 "I hate you! I hate you!" 527 00:29:45,458 --> 00:29:46,792 I hate them. 528 00:29:46,859 --> 00:29:48,654 What's the most boring car on sale in Britain today? 529 00:29:48,662 --> 00:29:49,829 That's a good question. 530 00:29:49,895 --> 00:29:52,198 Brown Astons! 531 00:29:53,799 --> 00:29:56,402 Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Who said that? 532 00:29:58,137 --> 00:29:59,972 Get out. Get out. 533 00:30:06,747 --> 00:30:08,347 Security, kill him. 534 00:30:09,849 --> 00:30:11,917 "Brown Astons" my... 535 00:30:11,984 --> 00:30:14,019 I tell you what, if I were the boss of Volkswagen, 536 00:30:14,086 --> 00:30:15,587 I'd go and find the man who did... 537 00:30:15,655 --> 00:30:17,423 What's that tall Golf called? 538 00:30:17,490 --> 00:30:19,159 Oh, the SV. 539 00:30:19,224 --> 00:30:21,662 SV, that's it. The one that's like a Golf, 540 00:30:21,728 --> 00:30:24,064 but for people who have stovepipe hats. 541 00:30:24,130 --> 00:30:27,099 And I would bludgeon him with a tyre iron. 542 00:30:27,166 --> 00:30:30,036 "Why did you do that? Nobody wants one!" 543 00:30:30,103 --> 00:30:33,740 Just to be fair, I think VW have bigger concerns at the moment. 544 00:30:33,807 --> 00:30:36,076 OK, I want to talk about the Oxford Ring Road. 545 00:30:36,142 --> 00:30:38,912 I know it's miles away from here and from anybody watching, 546 00:30:38,979 --> 00:30:41,948 but the thing is, OK, for the last two years, 547 00:30:42,015 --> 00:30:44,817 they've been working on shrinking slightly shrinking 548 00:30:44,884 --> 00:30:46,987 two roundabouts and putting some traffic lights up. 549 00:30:47,052 --> 00:30:50,691 Now, do you know how much the budget was for that job? 550 00:30:50,757 --> 00:30:53,826 Er... Two roundabouts, ten grand a roundabout. I'd say 20 grand overall. 551 00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:56,461 £9 million. 552 00:30:56,528 --> 00:30:58,798 - Million? Nine million? - Nine million. 553 00:30:58,865 --> 00:31:02,402 Can you imagine the builder's face when he came out of that meeting? 554 00:31:04,003 --> 00:31:06,707 "They're gonna give me nine million quid 555 00:31:06,772 --> 00:31:08,842 to shrink a couple of roundabouts!" 556 00:31:08,909 --> 00:31:10,336 Well, that's why it's taken him two years. 557 00:31:10,343 --> 00:31:12,913 He had to make it look like nine million quid's worth. 558 00:31:12,979 --> 00:31:14,247 "Really difficult." 559 00:31:14,314 --> 00:31:15,480 This is not a word of a lie. 560 00:31:15,548 --> 00:31:20,153 £9 million will buy you a 30,000-square-foot house, 561 00:31:20,220 --> 00:31:21,253 OK, like this. 562 00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:24,023 That is a nine-million-quid house to build. 563 00:31:24,089 --> 00:31:27,426 You can have that or two shaved roundabouts... for your nine million quid. 564 00:31:27,492 --> 00:31:29,061 No. No, actually. No. 565 00:31:29,128 --> 00:31:31,798 Because - and this, again, is not a word of a lie - 566 00:31:31,865 --> 00:31:33,900 a few months ago, builder man - 567 00:31:33,967 --> 00:31:35,868 and it must have been a bet - 568 00:31:35,935 --> 00:31:38,738 he went back to the council and he said, 569 00:31:38,739 --> 00:31:40,006 "I need another million quid." 570 00:31:40,073 --> 00:31:41,473 And they paid? 571 00:31:41,540 --> 00:31:44,309 And they paid! They paid! 572 00:31:44,376 --> 00:31:47,113 He probably shuffled in. "I broke me spade." 573 00:31:48,314 --> 00:31:51,084 "Another million?" "Yes, of course. Happy to." 574 00:31:51,151 --> 00:31:53,252 Can I be cross for a moment with BMW? 575 00:31:53,318 --> 00:31:55,055 It'll be difficult to stop you. Yes. 576 00:31:55,121 --> 00:31:57,857 The thing was, last year they introduced this. 577 00:31:57,923 --> 00:31:59,484 They showed... They went, "Look at that." 578 00:31:59,491 --> 00:32:01,361 And everybody went, "That is fantastic!" 579 00:32:01,426 --> 00:32:05,765 It's an homage to the old CSL Batmobile from '72. 580 00:32:05,766 --> 00:32:07,486 Everyone was going, "When will you make it?" 581 00:32:07,500 --> 00:32:09,935 "We're not. It's just to show you what we could make." 582 00:32:10,002 --> 00:32:11,336 Why did they show us? 583 00:32:11,403 --> 00:32:12,884 - Just don't do that! - Yeah, exactly. 584 00:32:12,939 --> 00:32:14,406 Actually, no, it doesn't matter, 585 00:32:14,473 --> 00:32:16,068 because they've come up with something else instead. 586 00:32:16,076 --> 00:32:18,278 This look. This is actually an homage 587 00:32:18,344 --> 00:32:21,146 to the original 2002, which is the old car on the left, 588 00:32:21,213 --> 00:32:24,217 and that, I think, actually looks pretty fab. 589 00:32:24,284 --> 00:32:26,185 - It does. Are they gonna make it? - No. 590 00:32:26,251 --> 00:32:27,953 Well, why show it to us, then? 591 00:32:28,020 --> 00:32:29,789 "Look what we could make but we're not." 592 00:32:29,823 --> 00:32:32,525 It's a good job BMW don't run the emergency services, isn't it? 593 00:32:32,592 --> 00:32:36,296 "Oh, look! You have drifted a long way from shore there, haven't you? 594 00:32:36,362 --> 00:32:38,564 We could drag you back behind our speedboat." 595 00:32:38,631 --> 00:32:42,234 "Will you?" "No. No, we just wanted you to know that we could." 596 00:32:42,301 --> 00:32:44,670 What they're being is prick-teasers. 597 00:32:44,805 --> 00:32:46,806 Oh, you can't say that. 598 00:32:46,807 --> 00:32:48,273 I don't think you can say that. 599 00:32:48,340 --> 00:32:50,042 I'm not sure you can say that. 600 00:32:50,109 --> 00:32:51,810 Can you say "prick-tease"? 601 00:32:51,811 --> 00:32:53,512 - A cock-tease! - Is it allowed today? 602 00:32:53,578 --> 00:32:56,449 "Cock-tease"? That's no different. You've just changed the name! 603 00:32:56,516 --> 00:32:58,951 It's a different way of saying "prick" or "dick". 604 00:32:59,019 --> 00:33:01,320 You could have said "penis tease". It doesn't matter! 605 00:33:01,386 --> 00:33:03,824 Conversation Street's taken a really bad turn. 606 00:33:05,224 --> 00:33:08,693 The point I'm trying to make is BMW must stop doing that. 607 00:33:09,829 --> 00:33:11,396 Whatever... Whatever it was. 608 00:33:11,463 --> 00:33:14,666 Now, if we had a Grand Tour medal, 609 00:33:14,733 --> 00:33:16,269 and we don't, but if we did, 610 00:33:16,336 --> 00:33:18,971 I know who the first recipient would be. 611 00:33:19,038 --> 00:33:21,141 Cos we heard this amazing story the other day. 612 00:33:21,207 --> 00:33:22,541 You know speed camera vans? 613 00:33:22,607 --> 00:33:24,944 Sit at the side of the road, blacked out windows, 614 00:33:25,010 --> 00:33:28,213 civil servant sitting inside watching YouPorn. OK? 615 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,550 That's what it is. Waiting for someone to trip his camera. 616 00:33:31,616 --> 00:33:32,853 Now, someone, the other day, 617 00:33:32,919 --> 00:33:36,721 snuck up behind the speed-camera van, 618 00:33:36,856 --> 00:33:39,459 quietly undid its number plates 619 00:33:39,525 --> 00:33:41,361 put them on his own car 620 00:33:41,426 --> 00:33:43,896 and drove past at 100 miles an hour. 621 00:33:43,963 --> 00:33:46,531 I mean... literally the funniest thing ever! 622 00:33:46,598 --> 00:33:48,433 Well done, you, sir. 623 00:33:48,500 --> 00:33:49,869 Top work. 624 00:33:49,903 --> 00:33:51,636 - Absolutely... - I love that. 625 00:33:51,703 --> 00:33:53,338 That is top, top work. 626 00:33:53,405 --> 00:33:55,674 Can I talk about the Alfa Romeo Quadrifoglio? 627 00:33:55,740 --> 00:33:56,942 - No. - Why? 628 00:33:57,009 --> 00:33:58,503 Because we've got to get back to our film. 629 00:33:58,510 --> 00:34:00,946 Tonight we are on a Grand Tour of Italy. 630 00:34:01,013 --> 00:34:02,615 There's James in a Rolls-Royce, 631 00:34:02,682 --> 00:34:04,384 Jeremy in an Aston Martin, 632 00:34:04,450 --> 00:34:07,053 and me in a Dodge Hellcat with two trucks full of tyres 633 00:34:07,119 --> 00:34:09,322 so I can do doughnuts whenever I want. 634 00:34:09,389 --> 00:34:11,791 Yes, and we pick up the action on day two 635 00:34:11,891 --> 00:34:14,594 of what was becoming, thanks to him, 636 00:34:14,659 --> 00:34:16,896 the journey from hell. 637 00:34:22,902 --> 00:34:25,670 As the sun rose over the silent, 638 00:34:25,737 --> 00:34:28,141 misty Italian countryside... 639 00:34:28,208 --> 00:34:30,409 OK, let's get these out. 640 00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,713 ...and Hammond extricated his entourage 641 00:34:34,780 --> 00:34:36,382 from the hotel car park... 642 00:34:40,385 --> 00:34:43,523 ...James lowered the roof on his Rolls-Royce. 643 00:34:47,659 --> 00:34:48,827 - Morning. - Morning. 644 00:34:48,929 --> 00:34:50,931 That is the "silent ballet". 645 00:34:50,963 --> 00:34:53,659 There's nothing silent about your lorries, Hammond. - No, not those. 646 00:34:53,666 --> 00:34:56,168 That's how Rolls-Royce themselves describe the roof 647 00:34:56,235 --> 00:34:57,836 going up and down, in this, look. 648 00:34:57,938 --> 00:35:00,065 What, "silent ballet"? -"Silent ballet", that's what they say. 649 00:35:00,072 --> 00:35:04,277 They also talk about "the Dawn provides an erotic tingle on the skin." 650 00:35:04,344 --> 00:35:06,012 - Whoa! - This is all their words. 651 00:35:06,079 --> 00:35:08,942 Actual Rolls-Royce...? - This is their words. Yeah, this is their bumf. 652 00:35:08,949 --> 00:35:13,452 They also say, "The car is a contemporary take on the casino lifestyle." 653 00:35:13,518 --> 00:35:16,956 It is intended to attract... people." 654 00:35:17,023 --> 00:35:19,492 - What sort of people? - People... 655 00:35:19,559 --> 00:35:21,094 People who put their seatbelts on? 656 00:35:21,161 --> 00:35:23,862 Exactly, people who put their seatbelts on and off 657 00:35:23,963 --> 00:35:27,132 and relish both freedom and sophistication. 658 00:35:27,199 --> 00:35:29,568 - "Casino lifestyle"? - Casino lifestyle. 659 00:35:29,635 --> 00:35:30,869 What? 660 00:35:30,971 --> 00:35:32,105 Can we go? 661 00:35:32,172 --> 00:35:33,572 Have you got your seatbelt on? 662 00:35:39,644 --> 00:35:41,280 We then set off 663 00:35:41,347 --> 00:35:44,449 and decided to do a bit more road testing of our cars. 664 00:35:44,516 --> 00:35:48,188 I began by talking about the Aston Martin's interior. 665 00:35:51,123 --> 00:35:53,092 On the upside, 666 00:35:53,159 --> 00:35:56,996 Aston Martin have reprogrammed the Mercedes electronics 667 00:35:57,030 --> 00:36:02,135 so the warning beeps and buzzers are now less... Germanic. 668 00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:06,039 If you don't put your seatbelt on, for example, you get a discreet cough. 669 00:36:06,106 --> 00:36:08,807 A... ...rather than a klaxon 670 00:36:08,873 --> 00:36:11,043 and somebody shouting, "Achtung!" 671 00:36:12,311 --> 00:36:14,579 On the downside is everything else. 672 00:36:14,646 --> 00:36:18,284 Er... The centrepiece of this dashboard here looks like a... 673 00:36:18,351 --> 00:36:21,121 How can I put this? ...like a lady part. 674 00:36:21,186 --> 00:36:24,423 And then the door lining here, well, it's just hideous. 675 00:36:24,489 --> 00:36:29,128 It look like a footballer's... kitchen worktop. 676 00:36:29,195 --> 00:36:33,398 It's annoying, cos Aston have done such a good job with the rest of this car. 677 00:36:33,465 --> 00:36:35,034 I was staggered 678 00:36:35,101 --> 00:36:37,436 by how good it was at the track yesterday. 679 00:36:37,503 --> 00:36:41,041 And yet, they've let it all down with this ghastly interior. 680 00:36:42,641 --> 00:36:45,378 In the Hellcat, Hank J Hammondberger 681 00:36:45,445 --> 00:36:48,213 hadn't noticed the quality of the fixtures and fittings. 682 00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:52,085 He was too busy playing with the toys. 683 00:36:52,152 --> 00:36:54,554 Oh, now, look at all of this. 684 00:36:54,619 --> 00:36:57,356 Timers, gauges... 685 00:36:58,724 --> 00:37:00,260 Oh. 686 00:37:00,326 --> 00:37:03,429 In my performance mode screen, 687 00:37:03,496 --> 00:37:05,664 I can measure G-forces, braking distance, 688 00:37:05,731 --> 00:37:08,068 reactions times, quarter-mile timer, 689 00:37:08,134 --> 00:37:10,436 eighth-of-a-mile timer, lap history. 690 00:37:10,503 --> 00:37:13,072 It's brilliant! 691 00:37:13,072 --> 00:37:14,606 Irrelevant twaddle. 692 00:37:16,775 --> 00:37:18,710 "Irrelevant twaddle." 693 00:37:18,777 --> 00:37:21,181 Oh, I've just seen my average MPG. 694 00:37:22,215 --> 00:37:23,583 What is it? 695 00:37:23,648 --> 00:37:25,351 6.6. 696 00:37:26,786 --> 00:37:29,454 Six miles to the gallon? 697 00:37:29,521 --> 00:37:32,092 I like to think of it as a healthy appetite. 698 00:37:32,157 --> 00:37:36,128 How many miles to the gallon has your Rolls-Royce been doing, James May? 699 00:37:36,195 --> 00:37:39,498 15.7 in the last 48 hours. 700 00:37:39,565 --> 00:37:43,635 Mine's been doing 21 miles to the gallon. 701 00:37:43,702 --> 00:37:46,806 That's cos it's boring and that's because it's brown! 702 00:37:46,871 --> 00:37:48,740 Oh, no. 703 00:37:48,807 --> 00:37:50,943 And, with that, the road test ended 704 00:37:51,010 --> 00:37:54,012 and another day of Hammond-based irritation began. 705 00:38:02,621 --> 00:38:04,190 It's orange! 706 00:38:05,358 --> 00:38:08,594 You join us at another petrol station. 707 00:38:08,661 --> 00:38:11,530 I don't need any, but guess who does. 708 00:38:11,597 --> 00:38:13,532 This car is excellent for ornithologists. 709 00:38:13,599 --> 00:38:16,135 It's so quiet going along here, I can listen to the birdsong. 710 00:38:19,139 --> 00:38:21,306 Hello, James. 711 00:38:21,373 --> 00:38:23,141 Oh, for God's sake. 712 00:38:23,143 --> 00:38:24,543 Party button! 713 00:38:26,679 --> 00:38:28,380 Stop doing that! 714 00:38:29,581 --> 00:38:30,882 Stop it! 715 00:38:32,652 --> 00:38:34,887 Go away! 716 00:38:34,954 --> 00:38:39,759 I genuinely am worried about the sanity of Chief Inspector Dreyfus. 717 00:38:42,695 --> 00:38:44,963 Many frustrating miles later, 718 00:38:45,030 --> 00:38:47,800 we reached the next stop on our Grand Tour: 719 00:38:47,867 --> 00:38:49,568 the region around Modena, 720 00:38:49,635 --> 00:38:53,672 which is home to three of the world's greatest carmakers. 721 00:38:57,009 --> 00:38:58,811 And, while Hammond sped off 722 00:38:58,878 --> 00:39:02,614 to give his cultural take on Lamborghini's history... 723 00:39:02,681 --> 00:39:06,186 Oh, my God. That is pure filth. 724 00:39:06,251 --> 00:39:07,619 ...James and I went off 725 00:39:07,686 --> 00:39:10,489 to buy a goodbye present for him. 726 00:39:10,556 --> 00:39:14,726 I think scissor doors actually make me horny. 727 00:39:14,793 --> 00:39:17,762 And when he'd finished his Brian Sewell routine... 728 00:39:19,030 --> 00:39:20,733 ...we met up to hand it over. 729 00:39:22,268 --> 00:39:24,503 We have had it done for you. 730 00:39:24,570 --> 00:39:26,105 - It's brilliant! - I know. 731 00:39:26,206 --> 00:39:27,773 It's in the style, actually, 732 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:31,911 of an 18th-century Italian artist called Pompeo Batoni, 733 00:39:31,976 --> 00:39:33,413 who made a pretty good living 734 00:39:33,478 --> 00:39:37,717 out of painting visiting Americans on the Grand Tour 735 00:39:37,782 --> 00:39:41,221 and making them look like refined, 736 00:39:41,253 --> 00:39:43,489 cultured English gentleman. 737 00:39:43,556 --> 00:39:45,925 Yeah. Think of it as a souvenir of your trip. 738 00:39:45,990 --> 00:39:49,862 Thank you. Except a souvenir is what you get at the end of a trip. 739 00:39:49,929 --> 00:39:53,398 - Yeah, exactly. - Erm... 740 00:39:53,465 --> 00:39:56,469 While Hammond struggled to get the painting in his car 741 00:39:56,536 --> 00:39:58,603 for the long trip back to England... 742 00:39:58,670 --> 00:40:00,306 Er... 743 00:40:00,373 --> 00:40:05,577 ...James and I set off alone into the glory that is Italy. 744 00:40:09,715 --> 00:40:12,985 Oh, my word. Look at that view. 745 00:40:15,086 --> 00:40:17,722 Holy moley! 746 00:40:27,932 --> 00:40:29,434 That evening in Verona, 747 00:40:29,501 --> 00:40:32,737 we dined well at a Michelin-starred restaurant, 748 00:40:32,804 --> 00:40:35,875 and then we went to see something called Carmen, 749 00:40:35,940 --> 00:40:39,110 which wasn't at all what we were expecting. 750 00:40:53,693 --> 00:40:55,594 He hasn't gone home, has he? 751 00:41:05,637 --> 00:41:08,307 The next morning, we were up at first light 752 00:41:08,340 --> 00:41:10,376 to attempt another escape. 753 00:41:11,777 --> 00:41:14,679 James... that's his room. 754 00:41:22,221 --> 00:41:25,891 This has a quiet-start facility on it, but I don't know how it works. 755 00:41:27,126 --> 00:41:28,594 Push it. 756 00:41:29,661 --> 00:41:31,329 I could... It's really quiet. 757 00:41:31,331 --> 00:41:33,032 You start... You'll be all right. 758 00:41:35,233 --> 00:41:37,637 Don't bong! 759 00:41:39,672 --> 00:41:41,641 That's amazing, isn't it? 760 00:41:41,706 --> 00:41:45,210 That's firing 80 times a second, roughly. 761 00:41:45,344 --> 00:41:47,380 Ah, no noise. 762 00:41:47,447 --> 00:41:49,047 I can just drive out of here. 763 00:41:50,416 --> 00:41:52,652 Oh, hello! Car trouble? 764 00:41:52,717 --> 00:41:55,086 - Yeah. - Typical Aston, you see! 765 00:41:55,153 --> 00:41:56,255 It's broken down. 766 00:41:56,356 --> 00:41:57,956 You haven't got long to get it going 767 00:41:58,023 --> 00:42:00,385 cos I'll be down again in a second, changed and ready to roll. 768 00:42:00,393 --> 00:42:01,460 Ya-ha! 769 00:42:07,599 --> 00:42:11,170 Whilst Hammond was upstairs, chiselling off his sweat... 770 00:42:12,438 --> 00:42:15,273 ...James and I made a run for it. 771 00:42:15,375 --> 00:42:18,378 And, in case he caught up with us on the motorway, 772 00:42:18,443 --> 00:42:20,380 we took some precautions. 773 00:42:22,382 --> 00:42:26,518 This is the work of a genius. 774 00:42:26,585 --> 00:42:29,088 We are now protected from Mr Hammond completely. 775 00:42:35,661 --> 00:42:39,565 James's head was a bit of a problem with this plan, but we've solved it. 776 00:42:43,235 --> 00:42:46,606 Don't worry if you don't recognise me, viewers. It's me. 777 00:42:46,672 --> 00:42:50,775 The question was, would Richard Hammond recognise him? 778 00:42:50,842 --> 00:42:53,445 Here comes Richard Hammond. Just look straight ahead. 779 00:42:53,512 --> 00:42:55,114 Look straight ahead. 780 00:42:55,179 --> 00:42:57,181 And the answer was... 781 00:42:57,248 --> 00:42:58,617 Not looking. 782 00:43:01,420 --> 00:43:03,188 Oh, God. He's waving at me! 783 00:43:06,324 --> 00:43:08,293 Well, he's clocked us, hasn't he? 784 00:43:08,427 --> 00:43:11,764 I think you're better off getting stone chips than looking like that. 785 00:43:12,764 --> 00:43:15,434 Mayday. Mayday. I'm disintegrating. 786 00:43:18,070 --> 00:43:20,039 Whilst James unwrapped himself 787 00:43:20,105 --> 00:43:23,242 and Richard filled up through his ruined present, 788 00:43:23,307 --> 00:43:26,244 I had another brainwave. 789 00:43:26,311 --> 00:43:29,181 I'm gonna lead him into the centre of Vicenza, yeah? 790 00:43:29,248 --> 00:43:30,715 Yes. 791 00:43:30,782 --> 00:43:33,052 I've sent out a tweet, and I put this on Facebook, 792 00:43:33,117 --> 00:43:37,155 saying that Richard Hammond will be appearing in the main square, OK? 793 00:43:37,222 --> 00:43:39,324 - Yes. - So he gets out. 794 00:43:39,458 --> 00:43:40,492 - He's mobbed. - Yes. 795 00:43:40,559 --> 00:43:43,528 - We scarper, OK? - Very good. I like it. 796 00:43:43,596 --> 00:43:45,197 - Have you done it in Italian? - Yes. 797 00:43:45,264 --> 00:43:48,166 Oh, good. Only thing is, I've made a slight mistake. 798 00:43:48,233 --> 00:43:50,268 I have said here that Richard Hammond will be - 799 00:43:50,335 --> 00:43:54,472 I wanted to say "appearing" but I've put "exhibiting himself". 800 00:43:54,474 --> 00:43:55,940 Well, it'll get a crowd. 801 00:44:01,146 --> 00:44:05,284 Back on the move, I put my plan into action. 802 00:44:05,349 --> 00:44:08,588 I thought we'd turn off the motorway here, Hammond. 803 00:44:08,653 --> 00:44:11,155 Vicenza's got a doughnuting area in it. 804 00:44:11,222 --> 00:44:13,125 Has it? 805 00:44:13,192 --> 00:44:14,693 Yeah, no old statues. 806 00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:18,864 There's Starbucks, McDonald's, Dunkin' Donuts. 807 00:44:18,931 --> 00:44:20,965 I'm right, aren't I, James? 808 00:44:21,032 --> 00:44:24,369 I think they've got an American football team, haven't they, in Vicenza? 809 00:44:24,503 --> 00:44:27,739 They have, the Vicenza Red Bears. 810 00:44:27,806 --> 00:44:29,507 OK. 811 00:44:29,509 --> 00:44:31,076 We'll have a little mooch about. 812 00:44:33,144 --> 00:44:36,215 Soon, we were approaching the centre of the town. 813 00:44:37,516 --> 00:44:39,619 I just need a crowd big enough 814 00:44:39,684 --> 00:44:43,255 to keep him occupied for 20 minutes. 815 00:44:43,322 --> 00:44:45,958 I don't know how many people will have read my tweet. 816 00:44:47,259 --> 00:44:48,561 A couple of hundred. 817 00:44:50,530 --> 00:44:52,831 I was nearly right. 818 00:44:56,068 --> 00:44:57,570 Oh, my God. 819 00:45:02,541 --> 00:45:04,809 This has gone really wrong. 820 00:45:06,045 --> 00:45:11,550 - This has gone so spectacularly wrong. - Jeremy! 821 00:45:18,356 --> 00:45:19,891 Oh, my word! 822 00:45:19,958 --> 00:45:21,661 Hello. Is there an event on? 823 00:45:24,797 --> 00:45:26,599 It's Mr Hammond you're looking for. 824 00:45:29,300 --> 00:45:31,170 Mr Hammond is in the Dodge. 825 00:45:33,606 --> 00:45:35,139 Oh, this is unnerving. 826 00:45:36,675 --> 00:45:39,579 Is it always this busy here? What's going on today? 827 00:45:44,115 --> 00:45:47,586 Look at that, we're free, and Hammond is stuck. 828 00:45:50,590 --> 00:45:52,456 Yes. Yes. 829 00:45:52,592 --> 00:45:53,659 We're out. 830 00:45:53,726 --> 00:45:55,994 Hammond is doomed! 831 00:45:56,061 --> 00:45:57,262 He's doomed! 832 00:45:58,764 --> 00:46:00,632 Leaving Hammond in what he thought 833 00:46:00,699 --> 00:46:02,635 was the muscle-car capital of Italy... 834 00:46:05,269 --> 00:46:08,608 They like a rev. They do like a rev here. 835 00:46:08,673 --> 00:46:11,610 ...James and I headed out of town. 836 00:46:11,677 --> 00:46:14,780 Right, good. Venice, 23 miles away. 837 00:46:19,483 --> 00:46:21,420 I think it's fair to say 838 00:46:21,485 --> 00:46:26,224 that this entire trip has been a total disaster. 839 00:46:26,291 --> 00:46:31,496 But the Aston Martin has been the complete opposite. 840 00:46:31,630 --> 00:46:35,333 It was much, much better than I thought it was going to be on the track. 841 00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:39,639 It's staggeringly civilised and quiet on the road. 842 00:46:39,704 --> 00:46:43,242 It really is a superb grand tourer, 843 00:46:43,307 --> 00:46:46,210 and it is achingly pretty. 844 00:46:46,277 --> 00:46:50,048 Especially with this beautiful orange paintwork. 845 00:46:51,650 --> 00:46:55,320 Jeremy may have been won over by his brown Aston, 846 00:46:55,387 --> 00:46:58,791 but I was truly smitten with the Rolls-Royce. 847 00:46:59,824 --> 00:47:01,492 What is it about a Rolls-Royce? 848 00:47:01,559 --> 00:47:05,731 A lot of people would say this isn't a car-lover's car. 849 00:47:05,797 --> 00:47:08,132 It's not sporty, it's not dynamic, 850 00:47:08,199 --> 00:47:09,768 it doesn't have modes for you to set. 851 00:47:09,835 --> 00:47:11,114 You can't even change the gears. 852 00:47:11,170 --> 00:47:14,072 You can only put it in forward or reverse. 853 00:47:14,139 --> 00:47:18,409 And yet, I think this is a car for people who love cars, 854 00:47:18,476 --> 00:47:21,981 because it gives you an entirely different driving experience. 855 00:47:22,047 --> 00:47:24,983 There is no other car that's quite like a Rolls-Royce, 856 00:47:25,050 --> 00:47:27,786 no other car that cossets you in the same way. 857 00:47:27,853 --> 00:47:31,489 This is a car that is kind to you. 858 00:47:31,556 --> 00:47:34,994 I think it is actually impossible to be unhappy if you're driving this car. 859 00:47:35,059 --> 00:47:36,795 And look at what I've had to put up with: 860 00:47:36,862 --> 00:47:38,697 Richard Hammond and Richard Hammond, 861 00:47:38,697 --> 00:47:40,132 Richard Hammond, the Dodge Hellcat, 862 00:47:40,199 --> 00:47:43,702 Richard Hammond, the Dodge Hellcat, and I'm still happy. 863 00:47:46,371 --> 00:47:49,942 As we arrived in Venice, we were in good spirits. 864 00:47:51,811 --> 00:47:52,945 And, the next morning, 865 00:47:53,012 --> 00:47:54,813 we did what all our predecessors 866 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:57,349 on the Grand Tour would have done. 867 00:47:57,416 --> 00:48:00,085 We took in the sights from the water. 868 00:48:03,521 --> 00:48:05,023 It's so nice without Hammond. 869 00:48:06,291 --> 00:48:07,760 Dinner last night... 870 00:48:07,827 --> 00:48:10,896 Nice to order food without somebody going, "Have you got any chips?" 871 00:48:10,963 --> 00:48:14,333 Yeah. "Where's the ketchup?" 872 00:48:14,398 --> 00:48:17,601 He is never, ever going to get out of that square. I mean never. 873 00:48:17,737 --> 00:48:20,773 I assume he's been crushed to death by now, or torn apart. 874 00:48:22,907 --> 00:48:24,376 Have you seen that? 875 00:48:24,443 --> 00:48:26,144 - Yeah. - What a moron. 876 00:48:26,210 --> 00:48:29,447 An inappropriate brown powerboat. 877 00:48:29,514 --> 00:48:30,849 Orange. 878 00:48:30,916 --> 00:48:33,217 Is that allowed round here? I'm surprised, actually. 879 00:48:34,786 --> 00:48:36,856 Lads! 880 00:48:36,922 --> 00:48:40,659 What a yob. I thought his Hellcat was bad. 881 00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:42,393 Hammond, no. 882 00:48:44,996 --> 00:48:47,365 That's really inappropriate, Hammond. Don't do that. 883 00:48:47,431 --> 00:48:48,599 This is very wobbly. 884 00:48:48,666 --> 00:48:51,269 Don't... Don't do that, Hammond. 885 00:48:51,335 --> 00:48:52,905 Yeah! 886 00:48:52,972 --> 00:48:54,907 Who's hungry? Who's for doughnuts? 887 00:48:54,974 --> 00:48:56,474 Hammond, stop it! 888 00:48:56,541 --> 00:48:58,342 Whoa! 889 00:48:58,409 --> 00:49:01,179 Yah! Water doughnut! 890 00:49:01,246 --> 00:49:02,447 Stop it! 891 00:49:09,588 --> 00:49:12,123 Hammond! Hammond! 892 00:49:17,396 --> 00:49:18,898 What? 893 00:49:20,532 --> 00:49:22,802 Grand Tour. We can do it again next year. 894 00:49:22,867 --> 00:49:25,003 Next year? Do it again next year? 895 00:49:27,572 --> 00:49:30,275 Not only did you knock us into 896 00:49:30,342 --> 00:49:33,378 the sewage-infested waters of Venice... 897 00:49:33,445 --> 00:49:36,547 you cut the present we gave you in half. 898 00:49:36,614 --> 00:49:38,617 No, hang on a minute. No, it was only like 899 00:49:38,682 --> 00:49:41,253 a two-piece jigsaw puzzle, and I put it back together again. 900 00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:43,722 Look, there it is. See? Perfect. 901 00:49:43,822 --> 00:49:44,956 - Hammond? - Yes. 902 00:49:45,023 --> 00:49:49,061 Art galleries do not saw artworks in half 903 00:49:49,128 --> 00:49:51,230 just to get them up the stairs, you moron. 904 00:49:51,295 --> 00:49:53,197 Anyway, listen, before we move on, 905 00:49:53,264 --> 00:49:55,233 can I just say something about that Aston Martin? 906 00:49:55,300 --> 00:49:58,036 Not to wind you two up. I genuinely mean this. 907 00:49:58,103 --> 00:49:59,271 It's an amazing car. 908 00:49:59,338 --> 00:50:01,273 I know the steering wheel is square. 909 00:50:01,340 --> 00:50:02,706 - And it was brown. - Yes. 910 00:50:02,842 --> 00:50:04,844 And I know the interior wasn't very nice, 911 00:50:04,909 --> 00:50:06,510 but, genuinely, it's affected me. 912 00:50:06,577 --> 00:50:09,748 It's been living up here ever since I got back. 913 00:50:09,815 --> 00:50:11,215 And talking of up here, 914 00:50:11,282 --> 00:50:15,320 it's now time to play Celebrity Brain Crash. 915 00:50:22,293 --> 00:50:25,197 Yes, it's time for a top celebrity 916 00:50:25,264 --> 00:50:28,766 to try their hand at our fearsome test of skill, 917 00:50:28,833 --> 00:50:31,070 co-ordination and observation. 918 00:50:31,135 --> 00:50:33,804 Now, so far, I should explain, 919 00:50:33,873 --> 00:50:37,108 no celebrity has actually made it to the tent. 920 00:50:37,175 --> 00:50:38,510 No, they've all died. 921 00:50:38,577 --> 00:50:42,047 Yes, but our fingers are crossed for this week, 922 00:50:42,114 --> 00:50:45,050 because our guest is a huge star. 923 00:50:45,117 --> 00:50:48,119 You'll have seen him in Mission Impossible, 924 00:50:48,186 --> 00:50:52,291 Star Trek, Shaun Of The Dead, Hot Fuzz, 925 00:50:52,356 --> 00:50:55,027 and he's here to talk about his new movie - 926 00:50:55,094 --> 00:50:57,096 Spielberg movie - Ready Player One. 927 00:50:57,161 --> 00:51:00,231 Ladies and gentlemen, we've got Simon Pegg! 928 00:51:03,802 --> 00:51:06,105 And there he is. 929 00:51:06,170 --> 00:51:09,141 There he is, ladies and gentlemen, with his Cornetto. 930 00:51:09,208 --> 00:51:10,675 Always a Cornetto. 931 00:51:10,742 --> 00:51:14,146 He's battled aliens, he's battled zombies, 932 00:51:14,213 --> 00:51:15,813 he should have no problem at all 933 00:51:15,914 --> 00:51:18,250 with a short stroll through this pretty little town. 934 00:51:18,317 --> 00:51:20,751 Of all his films, it's Paul that I like best. 935 00:51:20,818 --> 00:51:23,956 - I think that stands out. - Paul was the forerunner of Ted, really. 936 00:51:24,023 --> 00:51:25,925 - It was. - It was first. It came first. 937 00:51:25,990 --> 00:51:29,293 Hot Fuzz. It's Hot Fuzz for me, just because of the fight scenes. 938 00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:31,362 There he is. He's on the bridge. 939 00:51:31,429 --> 00:51:34,199 It looks like he's being hassled by seagulls. 940 00:51:34,266 --> 00:51:36,701 They're after his Cornetto, I think. 941 00:51:36,768 --> 00:51:38,237 Yeah, they're after his... Oh! 942 00:51:40,139 --> 00:51:42,541 Oh! 943 00:51:42,606 --> 00:51:44,108 Oh, God. 944 00:51:44,175 --> 00:51:45,943 There's literally nothing we can do. 945 00:51:45,945 --> 00:51:47,346 We're gonna get a reputation. 946 00:51:48,947 --> 00:51:50,275 Does that mean he's not coming on then? 947 00:51:50,282 --> 00:51:52,184 Well, James... 948 00:51:52,251 --> 00:51:56,155 ...he fell into the harbour, and the icy North Sea waters are now filling his lungs. 949 00:51:56,221 --> 00:51:58,556 It's a no. He's not coming on. 950 00:51:58,623 --> 00:52:00,192 Oh, God... 951 00:52:02,027 --> 00:52:04,195 Well, look, I... 952 00:52:04,262 --> 00:52:06,965 - Oh. - I anticipated something like this. 953 00:52:07,032 --> 00:52:08,532 - Did you? - Yes. 954 00:52:08,599 --> 00:52:11,735 And so I prepared something else we can do to fill the time. 955 00:52:11,802 --> 00:52:17,775 It's this. You know Google have been trying to build a self-driving car? 956 00:52:17,842 --> 00:52:19,344 For seven years they've been at it. 957 00:52:19,411 --> 00:52:22,047 We've got a picture of it. It's absolutely hideous. 958 00:52:22,114 --> 00:52:24,315 I was thinking, "Well, how hard can it be?" 959 00:52:24,382 --> 00:52:26,085 Oh, God. 960 00:52:26,150 --> 00:52:28,179 Ten days ago I thought, "I'll give it a bash," okay? 961 00:52:28,186 --> 00:52:29,820 And I've already finished it. 962 00:52:29,887 --> 00:52:31,190 - Have you? - Yes, it's here. 963 00:52:31,255 --> 00:52:32,391 - Is it? - Yes, it's here. 964 00:52:32,456 --> 00:52:34,259 Let's bring it out. It's phone-operated. 965 00:52:34,326 --> 00:52:36,327 - So, erm... Hang on. Just set... - What? 966 00:52:36,394 --> 00:52:38,896 No, here it comes. Right, forwards. 967 00:52:38,998 --> 00:52:39,998 Forwards. 968 00:52:40,032 --> 00:52:41,432 Please try not to be distracted 969 00:52:41,500 --> 00:52:45,204 by the harrowing scenes... of... 970 00:52:45,269 --> 00:52:48,172 Left, left. Straight. 971 00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:51,510 ...the harrowing scenes of Simon's lifeless corpse 972 00:52:51,576 --> 00:52:53,878 being fished from the harbour. 973 00:52:54,012 --> 00:52:56,014 I know that's upsetting for some people. 974 00:52:56,081 --> 00:52:59,083 Right, we need to make a bit of a a hole in the crowd back here, 975 00:52:59,150 --> 00:53:01,253 cos I'm gonna bring it into the tent studio 976 00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:03,288 so you can see how brilliant I've been. 977 00:53:03,355 --> 00:53:05,123 Forwards. 978 00:53:05,190 --> 00:53:08,027 - Really? - That is brilliant! 979 00:53:08,059 --> 00:53:10,028 - It's... - Cheer, everybody. 980 00:53:11,596 --> 00:53:14,766 Left. Left. Left. 981 00:53:14,833 --> 00:53:17,036 - It's hideous! - Left. Forwards. 982 00:53:18,369 --> 00:53:22,507 - It's... So, hold on. - Stop. Stop. 983 00:53:22,574 --> 00:53:24,742 It's not brilliant. It's hideous, is what it is. 984 00:53:24,809 --> 00:53:26,077 How can you say it's hideous? 985 00:53:26,144 --> 00:53:28,547 I've copied Google's styling completely. 986 00:53:28,612 --> 00:53:32,050 Is that a septic tank? 987 00:53:32,050 --> 00:53:33,617 Yes, it is. 988 00:53:33,684 --> 00:53:36,820 Cut in half, and then I've mounted on the top 989 00:53:36,887 --> 00:53:38,190 this chaise longue, 990 00:53:38,257 --> 00:53:40,559 so the owner can recline in great comfort. 991 00:53:40,625 --> 00:53:43,394 Yeah, yeah. How does it actually work? 992 00:53:43,461 --> 00:53:44,362 Brilliantly. 993 00:53:44,429 --> 00:53:46,630 Down here, a very small little camera. 994 00:53:46,697 --> 00:53:51,070 That feeds a view of the road ahead to the system inside. 995 00:53:51,135 --> 00:53:53,271 - What system? - Well, there's a bonnet here. 996 00:53:53,338 --> 00:53:55,974 Come round, I'll show you the... the gubbins. Ready? 997 00:53:56,074 --> 00:53:58,277 There it is. 998 00:53:58,342 --> 00:54:00,478 Well, it's just a man! 999 00:54:00,545 --> 00:54:02,514 - It's just a man in there! - It isn't. 1000 00:54:03,715 --> 00:54:04,516 It is! 1001 00:54:08,086 --> 00:54:10,088 No. No. 1002 00:54:12,456 --> 00:54:15,460 It's not just a man. This is a Romanian man. 1003 00:54:16,795 --> 00:54:20,099 I am providing employment for newcomers to our country. 1004 00:54:20,132 --> 00:54:22,233 - Oh, God. - What do you mean, "Oh, God"? 1005 00:54:22,300 --> 00:54:24,268 Think about it. Google, yes? 1006 00:54:24,335 --> 00:54:28,239 Google, they use electronics to take away the work of a man. 1007 00:54:28,306 --> 00:54:31,342 This gives him a job, it gives him dignity. 1008 00:54:31,409 --> 00:54:33,911 - Dignity? - Yes, dignity. 1009 00:54:33,978 --> 00:54:35,514 It's a bit feudal, isn't it? 1010 00:54:35,579 --> 00:54:38,349 It's a bit brilliant is what it is. Let me close the bonnet. 1011 00:54:38,416 --> 00:54:40,119 I'm gonna go for my first-ever drive. 1012 00:54:40,152 --> 00:54:41,952 I'll go to t'foot of our stairs here, 1013 00:54:42,019 --> 00:54:43,922 which is a Yorkshire expression. 1014 00:54:43,987 --> 00:54:47,626 The great thing is, it's so easy to get in and out of, you know. 1015 00:54:47,692 --> 00:54:48,893 Look, there I am. 1016 00:54:50,661 --> 00:54:54,199 Now I don't need the phone. I can use my speaking tube. - Oh, God! 1017 00:54:55,233 --> 00:54:56,467 There's a man in there! 1018 00:54:56,534 --> 00:54:58,802 What's Romanian for "backwards"? 1019 00:54:58,869 --> 00:55:00,271 Înapoi, I think. 1020 00:55:00,338 --> 00:55:02,974 Înapoi. It is, obviously. It's bilingual. 1021 00:55:03,041 --> 00:55:04,476 This is evil! 1022 00:55:04,543 --> 00:55:07,378 Google hasn't made it work, I have. 1023 00:55:07,445 --> 00:55:09,713 Îna... Backwards. I'll just stick to English. 1024 00:55:09,780 --> 00:55:11,615 Backwards. Backwards. 1025 00:55:13,050 --> 00:55:15,286 Thank you so much. 1026 00:55:15,353 --> 00:55:18,722 British engineering, ladies and gentlemen, 1027 00:55:18,789 --> 00:55:21,260 with Romanian parts. 1028 00:55:21,326 --> 00:55:23,994 What a combination that is. 1029 00:55:24,061 --> 00:55:25,797 Shit! Ah, my head! 1030 00:55:30,969 --> 00:55:32,603 Yep. Whatever. 1031 00:55:34,206 --> 00:55:37,775 - Anyway, I'm glad he's gone. - So am I. 1032 00:55:37,842 --> 00:55:41,413 No, I'm particularly glad because of what's coming up next. 1033 00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:44,449 Oh, yes! Yes. Now, right at the beginning of this series, 1034 00:55:44,516 --> 00:55:47,885 Jeremy Clarkson said, when we were at a race track in Portugal - 1035 00:55:47,952 --> 00:55:49,920 and he said it on the television - 1036 00:55:49,987 --> 00:55:52,724 that if his McLaren P1 wasn't faster 1037 00:55:52,791 --> 00:55:56,260 than Hammond's Porsche 918 or my Ferrari The Ferrari, 1038 00:55:56,327 --> 00:55:58,096 we could knock his house down. 1039 00:55:58,197 --> 00:55:59,664 Well, it wasn't, 1040 00:55:59,731 --> 00:56:03,034 so, one weekend when Jeremy was away, we... 1041 00:56:03,101 --> 00:56:04,668 Well, roll the tape. 1042 00:56:06,204 --> 00:56:07,739 This is it, 1043 00:56:07,806 --> 00:56:12,510 200 years old and built from beautiful Cotswold stone. 1044 00:56:12,577 --> 00:56:14,445 Now, I want to make it absolutely clear 1045 00:56:14,512 --> 00:56:17,648 that this is Jeremy Clarkson's actual house. 1046 00:56:17,715 --> 00:56:20,552 Yeah, it really is. I'd swear to my children's lives on that. 1047 00:56:20,619 --> 00:56:23,621 It's Jeremy's house. He bought it when he fell in love with the view. 1048 00:56:23,688 --> 00:56:25,389 It is a lovely view, actually. 1049 00:56:25,456 --> 00:56:28,460 It is. It'll be even better soon, without a house in it. 1050 00:56:30,929 --> 00:56:33,331 Our plan was to smash the place down 1051 00:56:33,398 --> 00:56:36,099 with some big demolition equipment. 1052 00:56:36,235 --> 00:56:37,536 But there was a problem. 1053 00:56:41,940 --> 00:56:44,909 In this country, you can't knock a house down 1054 00:56:44,976 --> 00:56:48,447 if the council find evidence of bats living in it. 1055 00:56:48,512 --> 00:56:50,414 Well, they did, and now we've been told 1056 00:56:50,481 --> 00:56:53,585 we've got to take the roof off, quietly and by hand, 1057 00:56:53,652 --> 00:56:57,155 to give the bats the chance to go and live elsewhere. 1058 00:56:57,255 --> 00:57:00,724 James, I can't help but notice I am doing all of the work here. 1059 00:57:00,791 --> 00:57:03,394 Yeah, you're gonna have to. I don't like it. 1060 00:57:03,461 --> 00:57:07,565 It's just a ladder! It's a simple enough thing to operate. Climb it! 1061 00:57:07,632 --> 00:57:10,302 Not if you're me, it's not. How many bats are there? 1062 00:57:10,369 --> 00:57:11,369 - One. - One? 1063 00:57:11,436 --> 00:57:13,538 - Yes, a bat. - Just kill it. 1064 00:57:13,605 --> 00:57:15,273 We'll go to prison, mate. We can't. 1065 00:57:15,306 --> 00:57:17,576 Just because that little winged-mouse bastard 1066 00:57:17,641 --> 00:57:20,077 is hanging upside down in there, feeling smug with himself 1067 00:57:20,143 --> 00:57:22,481 cos I'm up this ladder, we can't knock the house down? 1068 00:57:22,547 --> 00:57:25,483 We've got to do it, no choice, so get up here and get on with it. 1069 00:57:25,550 --> 00:57:28,387 Hammond, I hate... I hate heights. You know I do. 1070 00:57:28,452 --> 00:57:30,489 I hate ladders, I hate bats. 1071 00:57:32,155 --> 00:57:33,425 Many hours later, 1072 00:57:33,492 --> 00:57:36,795 and with no help at all from Spider-Man, 1073 00:57:36,860 --> 00:57:40,798 the roof was finally off and the bat was free to move. 1074 00:57:40,864 --> 00:57:41,900 But would it? 1075 00:57:41,965 --> 00:57:43,835 Why doesn't it go and live in there? 1076 00:57:43,902 --> 00:57:46,170 Because, let's be honest, that's perfect if you're a bat. 1077 00:57:46,304 --> 00:57:50,608 Yeah, well, it might, but it's got to decide to do so. 1078 00:57:50,675 --> 00:57:53,210 - Can we encourage it? - Yes, James. 1079 00:57:53,311 --> 00:57:57,581 Why don't you go and stand in that barn and squeak in a sultry and erotic manner? 1080 00:58:00,385 --> 00:58:02,686 That night, Spider-Man stood in the barn, 1081 00:58:02,753 --> 00:58:05,523 squeaking in a sultry and erotic manner... 1082 00:58:07,525 --> 00:58:10,695 ...and the bat eventually succumbed. 1083 00:58:10,762 --> 00:58:13,498 So, the next morning, we were ready to go. 1084 00:58:29,614 --> 00:58:32,916 This thing really works! This rocks! 1085 00:58:32,983 --> 00:58:34,184 Oh, my word! 1086 00:58:34,251 --> 00:58:37,655 At this rate, we'd be done and dusted in no time. 1087 00:58:37,722 --> 00:58:41,059 However, my finickity colleague had an issue. 1088 00:58:42,626 --> 00:58:44,061 - Hammond! - What? 1089 00:58:44,128 --> 00:58:45,630 - Stop! - What? 1090 00:58:45,697 --> 00:58:46,530 Stop! 1091 00:58:46,597 --> 00:58:48,099 You don't just smash it to pieces. 1092 00:58:48,166 --> 00:58:50,835 You're supposed to dismantle it and leave it in neat piles. 1093 00:58:50,902 --> 00:58:53,505 It's got to be tidied up. You can't leave it like that. 1094 00:58:53,572 --> 00:58:56,206 It's actually quicker if you do it methodically. 1095 00:58:56,273 --> 00:58:58,041 Oh, God. Only you would say that! 1096 00:58:58,108 --> 00:59:00,378 You want neat piles of bits that can be carted away. 1097 00:59:00,411 --> 00:59:02,880 You need to work on that bit and that bit to start with, 1098 00:59:02,947 --> 00:59:04,715 then the rest falls neatly into a heap. 1099 00:59:04,782 --> 00:59:06,885 How can you make even this boring? 1100 00:59:06,951 --> 00:59:09,253 It's not boring. It's the way... I've watched it done. 1101 00:59:09,387 --> 00:59:12,090 That's how you do it. You don't just smash it. I'll do it. 1102 00:59:13,458 --> 00:59:16,728 James then commandeered my machine... 1103 00:59:16,795 --> 00:59:19,697 so I got another one and carried on regardless. 1104 00:59:21,199 --> 00:59:22,501 And bang! 1105 00:59:28,039 --> 00:59:30,273 Ah! I've got it! 1106 00:59:35,246 --> 00:59:38,115 Oh, it's like winning one of those things at the fair. 1107 00:59:38,181 --> 00:59:41,853 Thanks to me, at least, progress was being made. 1108 00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:42,721 However... 1109 00:59:42,786 --> 00:59:45,923 I'm stuck on something. 1110 00:59:49,059 --> 00:59:54,898 Oh! Oh, I've broken my digger. Oh, dear. 1111 00:59:54,965 --> 00:59:58,737 With me out of action and James achieving nothing, 1112 00:59:58,802 --> 01:00:00,739 a new approach was needed. 1113 01:00:00,804 --> 01:00:02,907 But first, we had to clear the site 1114 01:00:02,974 --> 01:00:05,543 of Jeremy's most treasured possessions. 1115 01:00:06,844 --> 01:00:07,711 Shakira. 1116 01:00:08,947 --> 01:00:09,813 Shakira. 1117 01:00:11,382 --> 01:00:12,451 Shakira. 1118 01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:17,688 Oh! 1119 01:00:17,755 --> 01:00:21,059 That is a... strong image. 1120 01:00:21,125 --> 01:00:25,063 It's a tiny doll with pins in it, and your face. 1121 01:00:28,467 --> 01:00:31,802 Look, this is his photo album. It's probably really precious. 1122 01:00:33,371 --> 01:00:35,139 - Oh, it's a bit disturbing. - What? 1123 01:00:39,710 --> 01:00:42,246 - They're all of me. - Yep. 1124 01:00:42,313 --> 01:00:47,217 At this point, we decided not to clear the site of his treasured possessions 1125 01:00:47,284 --> 01:00:49,588 and moved swiftly to plan B. 1126 01:00:50,621 --> 01:00:52,923 Short ceremony, say a few words? 1127 01:00:52,990 --> 01:00:54,025 Nah. 1128 01:01:14,646 --> 01:01:16,715 - That... - That got it. 1129 01:01:26,891 --> 01:01:28,159 Done. 1130 01:01:30,994 --> 01:01:32,597 So, let's just get this straight. 1131 01:01:33,597 --> 01:01:35,867 You blew up... 1132 01:01:35,934 --> 01:01:38,101 that picture of me on the horse? 1133 01:01:38,168 --> 01:01:39,369 - Yep. - Yep. 1134 01:01:39,436 --> 01:01:41,539 Yep. 1135 01:01:41,572 --> 01:01:45,208 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. Thanks for watching. 1136 01:01:45,275 --> 01:01:46,409 See you next week. 1137 01:01:46,545 --> 01:01:48,012 Good night!