1 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:21,554 Since you're in beach buggies, 2 00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:23,390 you will now drive to the beach 3 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,092 at the northernmost point 4 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,161 of Namibia, where it meets Angola. 5 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:30,263 It's 1,000 miles away. 6 00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,100 We have got to find this road. 7 00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:35,636 This is not gonna be too clever in the dark. 8 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:39,539 Listen. I shall find the Southern Cross. 9 00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:42,109 Oh, this is a bad idea! 10 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,676 We are now trusting our lives 11 00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:46,146 to an orangutang who thinks he's Patrick Moore. 12 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:49,950 24 hours of cold, misery, 13 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,119 to achieve exactly nothing. 14 00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,655 I mean, it is exactly nothing. 15 00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:57,825 Oh, it's coming in! 16 00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,630 This is the best desert I've ever been to. 17 00:01:02,695 --> 00:01:04,564 Holy shit! 18 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,799 Oh! 19 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:13,141 What it actually is is a big, orange killing engine. 20 00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:15,042 Jesus! 21 00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:17,478 Oh, my God! 22 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,680 Please make it! Please! 23 00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:28,289 Just need to find a road now. This is not funny any more. 24 00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:30,191 I don't want another night in the desert. 25 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:32,460 Oh, my God. 26 00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,527 I could go east, I could go west. 27 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:36,729 Whichever way you go, it goes somewhere. 28 00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:40,401 Yes! It is the road to freedom. 29 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:42,870 What the hell was that? 30 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:50,811 What I'm driving here, or attempting to drive, is Apollo 13. 31 00:01:56,783 --> 00:02:01,888 It was morning by the time I nursed my wounded car into Windhoek, 32 00:02:01,954 --> 00:02:05,091 and my well-rested colleagues were full of admiration 33 00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,328 for how I'd pulled off such a feat. 34 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,730 - Is that the first thing you thought of? - What? 35 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,200 Tear a hole in it. What's that gonna do? 36 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:16,736 I needed to get to the bleed valve on the radiator, which is there. 37 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,772 - Is it? - And, to make life doubly difficult... 38 00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:23,276 ...I trod on my spectacles. 39 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,646 That is tragic, trying to fix it with one lens. 40 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:30,683 I was trying to fix it. And the only eye I can close is this eye. 41 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,320 - You can't close your left eye? - I can't close my left eye. 42 00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:37,390 Why didn't you put them on upside down? You'd have the lens over the other eye. 43 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:41,495 That is logic there. 44 00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,631 Oh, yeah. 45 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,400 - Come on, let's go. We've got a lot to do. No! 46 00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,602 The one thing we have established now is that, 47 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,371 with the exception of Windhoek, 48 00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:55,242 which is the capital, Namibia is a tough and arduous place. 49 00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:56,977 - Yeah. - Have you bought maps? 50 00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:59,747 - No. - Have you got tenting equipment of any sort? 51 00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:03,283 Have you got somewhere to sleep other than the desert floor? No. 52 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,354 So why don't we, today, get prepared 53 00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:09,723 for the next leg of the - big leg of the journey? 54 00:03:09,789 --> 00:03:12,425 - That is a good idea. We'll do that. - That's not a bad idea. 55 00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:15,862 We'll grant ourselves a day of... shopping. Mm. 56 00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:19,699 First of all, would you permit me to chisel some of the cheddar 57 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:22,134 that has grown in my underpants away? 58 00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:23,603 Well, not here. 59 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:27,608 Having de-cheesed my body parts, 60 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:31,512 we headed out to get the necessary supplies. 61 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,980 The thing is, if we go mesh, 62 00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:36,817 it'll keep the sun off but it won't keep the light out. 63 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,287 That will wake us up early. That's 1.5 kilograms. But... 64 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:43,524 Hammond, the first thing you need to know before we start shopping in here 65 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:46,026 is James and I are in charge. 66 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,027 - Well... - Sorry, he's right. 67 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:50,215 No, you're not. You don't know anything about camping. 68 00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:52,325 - JAMES, JEREMY: Exactly. - How does that make you in charge? 69 00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,367 Because we know it's all terrible. 70 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:58,004 If we leave it to you, we'll all end up sleeping in small green triangles. 71 00:03:58,070 --> 00:04:00,441 The camping you know about is in the Lake District, 72 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:03,210 where you deliberately make yourself miserable. 73 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,312 I'm sorry, he's right. 74 00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:07,381 It is possible, I think, 75 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,650 with a bit of ingenuity and money, 76 00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,451 to make tenting bearable. 77 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,688 Richard Baden-Hammond disagreed, 78 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,492 so we went our separate ways. 79 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,394 Correct, incorrect. 80 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,028 - Exactly. - Do you agree? 81 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,797 - But I'd go even more correct. - Oh, yes! 82 00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:27,800 Perfect. Roll it out on the desert floor... 83 00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:30,338 ...you're home. 84 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,439 Oh, James! Le Creuset! 85 00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:35,843 See, Hammond would hate this, because this weighs more than a tent. 86 00:04:35,908 --> 00:04:38,045 - Which it does, actually. - A lot more. 87 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:41,449 - And it weighs more because it is a quality item. - Exactly. 88 00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:43,783 Pocket trowel. 89 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:44,884 Pocket soap. 90 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,353 Here we go. 91 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:50,423 - Pasta spoon. - Yeah, good idea. 92 00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:53,461 I find that bottle opener a bit... lightweight. 93 00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:55,367 Yeah, more expensive is what we're looking for. 94 00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:57,197 You see, look at this, James. 95 00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:59,832 This is the sort of thing Hammond would think is a chair. 96 00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:05,072 Ooh! That's all you need. That's your whole... stove. 97 00:05:05,137 --> 00:05:06,639 That's it. 98 00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:08,908 - Is it gas? It is, isn't it? - I presume so. 99 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:12,545 For two, you could get a small chicken in there, or... a pheasant. 100 00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:14,548 We're getting there now. 101 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,552 So that folds down to that. 102 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:23,822 Yeah. 103 00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,829 The next morning, we headed out once more, 104 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:31,598 with the camping gear James and I had bought 105 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,066 bringing up the rear. 106 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,439 And besides stocking up with essentials, 107 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:45,812 Hammond and I had used our day off in Windhoek to modify our cars. 108 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:49,417 To solve my overheating problems, I've fitted a ram-air scoop, 109 00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:54,221 which shovels refreshing, cooling air into the radiator as I go along. 110 00:05:54,286 --> 00:05:58,459 And, as you may have noticed, I've fitted a spoiler. 111 00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:04,732 My only complaint, really, about my beach buggy 112 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:07,968 was its lack of performance in third and fourth gears. 113 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,555 Couldn't up power from the engine and I don't want to stress it, 114 00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,439 so I could lighten it. 115 00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:15,942 I've stripped away the superstructure here and the passenger seat, 116 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:17,911 anything spare. 117 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:23,750 That means this car is 30-40 kilos lighter than it was before. 118 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:28,187 Jeremy, why has your car sprouted a green moustache? 119 00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:31,959 Well, it's a spoiler for added downforce at the front end, 120 00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:34,627 which you need in a rear-engine vehicle. 121 00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:37,831 This thing will be unbelievable through the corners now, 122 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,066 it really will. 123 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:40,167 Like a 911. 124 00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:42,836 And I tell you what, 125 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,838 even with your new lightweight buggy, 126 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:48,542 you're no match for what I've got here this morning. 127 00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:51,343 Yeah, I'm sorry, mate. This is quicker. 128 00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,814 - It is not. - It is. 129 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,084 Right, Richard Hammond, I challenge you to a race. 130 00:06:57,149 --> 00:06:59,752 OK, you're on. Idiot. 131 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:02,755 We shall find a race track and we shall do racing. 132 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:05,225 Well, you carry on. I'm not doing any racing. 133 00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:07,495 That's utterly pointless. 134 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:11,098 On the outskirts of the city, 135 00:07:11,163 --> 00:07:13,300 we found a rather excellent circuit 136 00:07:13,365 --> 00:07:15,603 where we could do timed laps, 137 00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:19,005 and James could try out his new vacuum cleaner. 138 00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:21,509 Oh, yes. 139 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:25,745 - Are you ready? - No. 140 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:28,649 - Why not? - Temperatures and pressures. 141 00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,918 This is a racing machine. Look at it. 142 00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:33,553 It's a plastic beach buggy parked near a V8. 143 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,523 - With aero. - Really? 144 00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:37,090 In... 145 00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:39,526 ...three, two, one, go! 146 00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,163 Yeah, I'm gonna do it in gear. 147 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,298 - Give it a shot. - I'm gonna try that. 148 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,100 - In... - No! Throttle's jammed. 149 00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,237 Yes. 150 00:07:50,302 --> 00:07:51,370 - Jammed. - In... 151 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:53,340 No! You can keep saying "in" 152 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:54,966 till the cows come home. The throttle... 153 00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,850 Three, two, one, begin! 154 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,225 Why... Why have you stopped? 155 00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:13,560 Ah. Well, erm... 156 00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:17,930 The throttle may have gone a bit open. 157 00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:21,569 Yeah. 158 00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:23,704 My throttle is totally broken. 159 00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:25,706 - Anyway, Hammond... - Yeah? 160 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,875 Any car which can wheelie off the line... 161 00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,577 is going to be able to beat yours, and would have done. 162 00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:32,980 So... Sorry. 163 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,748 You're saying because your car started, 164 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,683 well, 50 yards away over there, 165 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,719 wheelied, was uncontrollable, slammed back down 166 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,953 and broke itself, it's the best on the track? 167 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,389 Yes. 168 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,258 Well, much learned. Really useful. Glad we did it. 169 00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:52,399 With Jeremy's endlessly troublesome car fixed again, 170 00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:56,068 we scooped up James' Dyson and continued northwards 171 00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:59,639 towards the finish line at the border with Angola. 172 00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:06,846 The going was smooth and easy and eerily quiet, 173 00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:09,249 which begged a question. 174 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:14,321 Now, apparently, Namibia is the most dangerous place in the world to drive. 175 00:09:14,386 --> 00:09:16,889 There are more accidents per head then anywhere else, 176 00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:19,726 and car accidents are the first 177 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:23,129 and most common cause of death in young adults. 178 00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,499 How? How can that be so? 179 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:28,936 I mean... the place is empty. 180 00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:38,778 In Britain, there are 250-260 people for every square kilometre. 181 00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:41,114 Here... it's two. 182 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,051 Two! 183 00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:47,320 This makes the Australian outback look like Monaco. 184 00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:49,856 Monkey! Monkey! 185 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:53,059 Huge anus! Did you see that thing's anus? 186 00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:57,496 I, however, was not thinking 187 00:09:57,563 --> 00:10:00,833 about population statistics or monkeys' bottoms. 188 00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,736 I was just happy to be on a smooth surface 189 00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:07,039 in a car that wasn't filled with dust. 190 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,642 I shall relax... 191 00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:11,979 ...with the lovely view. 192 00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:16,615 Sadly, though, a few miles later... 193 00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:21,587 Ow! Ow! Oh, my nuts! Ow! 194 00:10:25,557 --> 00:10:27,059 Stop it! 195 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,595 Ow! Ow! Agh! 196 00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,230 James May? 197 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,899 Yes, I can hear you, but it's very uncomfortable 198 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,101 and my car has... has cut out. 199 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,143 Ow! 200 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,211 Mercifully for James, 201 00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,213 we eventually arrived at a game reserve, 202 00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:50,049 which we decided would be an ideal place 203 00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:53,052 to set up camp for the night. 204 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,322 Right. 205 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,527 That's what we need. 206 00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:03,864 As Hammond built his canvas hovel... 207 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:10,770 ...James and I were looking forward to a more civilised evening 208 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,139 in the tents we'd bought, 209 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,006 and which had been erected 210 00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:16,844 by the butler we'd also bought. 211 00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:19,746 Thank you, Giovanni. 212 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:23,750 Tuck your shirt in, man! It's not a bloody caravan site. 213 00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:26,219 Erm... I'm just thinking, dinner. 214 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,221 Mm. Do you mind if I get changed? 215 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,990 - No, exactly. I'm gonna have a shower. - Mm. 216 00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:33,793 - Or I may have a bath, actually. - Why not? 217 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,163 Giovanni, could you run the baths? 218 00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:47,774 Apparently, this place has got oysters. 219 00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:50,509 - Really? Here? - Yeah. I know, it's extraordinary. 220 00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:51,945 Who knew? 221 00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:53,880 Are you coming for some dinner? 222 00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:56,359 What do you mean, "Coming for dinner"? I'm cooking here. 223 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,811 There's a restaurant just down there. 224 00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,312 - A restaurant? - Yeah, just down there. 225 00:11:59,318 --> 00:12:01,221 I don't want to go. 226 00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:03,048 I'm cooking this. I'm doing it properly, camping. 227 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,784 - Well, come and... - I'll join you after dinner. 228 00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,125 Whatever. 229 00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:07,602 He's such a peasant, isn't he? 230 00:12:07,626 --> 00:12:09,028 It's just unbelievable. 231 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:11,975 That evening in the restaurant, 232 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,966 Hammond never did join us. 233 00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:17,370 But James and I were not short of company. 234 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:21,140 Oh, look, there's rhinos! There's actual rhinos! 235 00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:23,676 And they've been dehorned. 236 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:24,870 They've had to take its horn out 237 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:27,047 to stop poachers shooting it. 238 00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:29,950 But you know what the poachers are doing? 239 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:31,551 They shoot the dehorned ones, 240 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:34,855 because if they track for a couple of days, a rhino, 241 00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,655 and then it's got no horn, they shoot it, 242 00:12:36,722 --> 00:12:40,192 and then they'll never track it again, so it saves time. 243 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:42,929 Do you know how much you get for a rhino horn now? 244 00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:45,597 - On the... On the market? - Yeah, in Vietnam. 245 00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:46,834 I'm guessing it's a lot. 246 00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:49,635 $320,000. 247 00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:52,338 - So that's more expensive than gold. - Good God. 248 00:12:52,404 --> 00:12:56,109 Even the nub that's left that he's got is still worth, 249 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:57,710 I don't know, thousands of dollars. 250 00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,972 I was gonna say, no matter how carefully you dehorn it, 251 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:03,015 there's still horn going down into its nose. 252 00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:07,254 That's such a tragedy, that, you know. Yeah. 253 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,489 I want to do something about this while we're here. 254 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,423 I'm sure we could come up with something. 255 00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,427 I'm sure we could. 256 00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:28,707 The next morning, I woke to find I'd been recruited 257 00:13:28,774 --> 00:13:33,446 into the Clarkson and May Rhino Protection Squad. 258 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,715 They were even convinced that our beach buggies 259 00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:40,586 would be ideal for tracking the poachers. 260 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,755 I can't deny, they do have a point about the whole rhino thing. 261 00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:45,357 It is ridiculous. 262 00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:48,760 Two rhinos killed every day in Africa by poachers, 263 00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:53,566 and then sold to a market that believes it's a cure for cancer, 264 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,567 impotence, even hangovers. 265 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:59,471 But are we necessarily the right men 266 00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:02,609 to tackle it head-on in the field? 267 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,278 Ow! 268 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:09,216 Wouldn't we be better just popping a £1 coin in a jar 269 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:13,485 and letting somebody who knows what they're doing solve it? 270 00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,288 Well, I've got a tranquilizer gun 271 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,924 from the place where we were last night, but... 272 00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:21,128 ...I can't see anyone to shoot. 273 00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:28,634 Figuring that the poachers probably didn't use the main road, 274 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,837 we went off to look in the bush. 275 00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:33,605 What about over there? 276 00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:37,409 No poachers. 277 00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:40,980 Tyre marks. 278 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:43,582 It may be some poacher. 279 00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:44,783 Oh, no, wait. 280 00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,086 BF Goodriches. This is James May. 281 00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,359 Just so you know, this is stupid. 282 00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:54,427 What's stupid? 283 00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:56,772 How would you recognise a poacher when you saw one? 284 00:14:56,796 --> 00:15:00,167 - And when you find one, what are you gonna do? - Shoot him. 285 00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:01,969 All we're doing on our journey 286 00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:04,736 is driving three beach buggies to the Angolan border. 287 00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:06,831 - Yeah. - Which doesn't further the cause of humanity. 288 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,551 Exactly. And this does, does it? 289 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:12,745 We've got a day, Hammond. Give us 24 hours. 290 00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:16,515 24 hours. Then, I promise, we'll get back on the road. 291 00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:23,690 Once our sceptical colleague had agreed, 292 00:15:23,755 --> 00:15:25,725 I decided to change tack, 293 00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:29,196 abandon the cars and search from the air, 294 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,698 using some beach-front parasailing equipment. 295 00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,336 - Jeremy? - Yes? 296 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,272 If we don't make it, please know that I hate you. 297 00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:42,642 There's not a breath of wind, so don't be stupid. 298 00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:45,611 Oh, my parachute's been... 299 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:49,015 - Oh, hello! - Goodbye. 300 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:51,484 Shit! 301 00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:57,389 That's not worked at all. 302 00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,926 OK. Right, I'm not gonna do that. 303 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:03,395 Clearly, my solution was too dangerous for us, 304 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:06,099 so we sent Giovanni up instead. 305 00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,654 Look, he's going over there. He's gonna crash and die. 306 00:16:10,702 --> 00:16:14,041 - No, he's been blown a bit sideways but... - And downwards. 307 00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:18,345 He didn't sign up for this, did he? 308 00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:23,149 Giovanni failed to spot any poachers, 309 00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,251 so we told him to stop messing about 310 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:27,919 and get back to camp to pour some drinks, 311 00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:31,091 whilst we had a rethink. 312 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,960 Everything we've tried has gone wrong. 313 00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:36,562 So let's accept it now and move on. 314 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:37,963 We can go. 315 00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,365 No. 316 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:43,536 I think the poachers only go out at night. 317 00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:45,072 Oh, for God's sake. 318 00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:46,739 We'll let the sun set, 319 00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,607 get some tactical kit. 320 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,811 - Rifles. - Come on, Hammond. 321 00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:54,480 You gave us 24 hours before you took our guns and badges. 322 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:56,415 - He did. - OK. 323 00:16:56,482 --> 00:17:00,386 I think a couple more beers, head out there. 324 00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:01,921 I agree. 325 00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,755 - Let it get dark. Be patient. Yes. 326 00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:06,358 - Hunters are patient, aren't they? - Exactly. 327 00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:13,700 Once darkness had fallen, 328 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,101 we got kitted out 329 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,203 with tranquilizer guns and tactical kit 330 00:17:17,269 --> 00:17:18,805 and headed back into the bush 331 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:23,542 with a very unsure Richard in tow. 332 00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,478 I mean, I'd like to stop poachers, 333 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:30,116 but out here at night, what is the poacher-to-lion ratio? 334 00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:32,118 What am I more likely to find? 335 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,691 What you have to do is look for rhino tracks, 336 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:42,162 cos that's what the poachers will be following. 337 00:17:57,509 --> 00:18:00,813 Literally the most manly thing I've ever done. 338 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,915 Grand Tour for men, splashing all over. 339 00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:05,484 Ow! 340 00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:08,855 - Bloody hell! - You stupid bastards! 341 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,022 Someone's shot me! 342 00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:13,058 Hammond? Hammond? 343 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,426 Hammond? 344 00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:16,328 Clarkson, you moron. 345 00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:17,696 Hammond? 346 00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,176 Right, well, I have to be honest, 347 00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:32,378 yesterday was a total waste of time. 348 00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,513 We achieved nothing. 349 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:38,550 All we did achieve was we seem to have wounded Mr Hammond, 350 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:41,653 who er... well, we couldn't wake him up this morning at all. 351 00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:44,757 And because we needed to get going, we've a long way to go, 352 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,358 we've had to improvise. 353 00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:58,871 Aaargh! 354 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:03,375 What the? 355 00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:06,846 What the is this? 356 00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,548 You bastards! 357 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:14,953 Back on the ground, 358 00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:18,258 James and I had our own problems. 359 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:20,359 Oh, God! 360 00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:23,395 Ow! Ow! 361 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,902 This is very good for the gravel rash 362 00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:34,073 that I got... during my parachute accident yesterday. 363 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,741 Oh, that hurts. 364 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:41,146 What we could really do with is a rain shower 365 00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:43,549 to dampen this dust down. 366 00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:45,718 I think it's unlikely. 367 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:49,455 Yeah, there's no evidence that rain is on its way, I would say. 368 00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:53,692 Soon, word came over the radio 369 00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,395 that Hammond was on his way to rejoin us... 370 00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:01,334 ...and that he wasn't in the best of moods. 371 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:03,603 What was that? 372 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,972 What was that about? 373 00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:09,642 - We didn't want to leave you behind. - You wouldn't wake up. 374 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,537 No, obviously, you didn't want to leave me behind, 375 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,078 so you did the logical thing, 376 00:20:13,144 --> 00:20:15,647 which is suspend me from a helicopter whilst asleep. 377 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,285 - Yes. - Most people would arrive at the same conclusion. 378 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,586 No, you didn't! You were having a laugh! 379 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,654 Do you realise how rough the first road was 380 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:24,457 that you haven't had to drive on? 381 00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:26,625 And you got a helicopter ride, which we haven't had. 382 00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:28,760 You wouldn't be laughing and sniggering so much 383 00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:31,397 if I'd fallen out of that thing, as I could have done. 384 00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:33,132 Well, it wouldn't be funny. 385 00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:34,598 No, it just wouldn't be interesting. 386 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,642 With the rhino fiasco behind us, 387 00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,810 we got back to the job in hand... 388 00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,780 ...which was to reach the Angolan border, 389 00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:50,782 and therefore prove that beach buggies 390 00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:53,184 are brilliant go-anywhere machines 391 00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:55,587 and not just frivolous toys. 392 00:20:57,789 --> 00:21:01,993 Today, however, that theory would be seriously tested. 393 00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:07,333 Oh, for God's sake! 394 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,337 Ow! 395 00:21:13,972 --> 00:21:15,375 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 396 00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:21,047 Ow! Christ on a bike! 397 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:24,916 I hate to admit this, but I'm jealous of Hammond. 398 00:21:24,983 --> 00:21:29,121 I wish I'd fitted that suspension on my car. 399 00:21:29,188 --> 00:21:33,792 How is this car gonna stand up to this punishment all day? 400 00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:38,498 Well, since it had been designed by me 401 00:21:38,565 --> 00:21:41,133 and made from 40-year-old components, 402 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,935 the answer was depressingly predictable. 403 00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:49,808 The alternator, as you can see, has come off its hinge. 404 00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:52,979 The bolt's supposed to go in there and it's just come off. 405 00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:56,883 And the bolt, well, that's somewhere back there, 100 miles. 406 00:22:04,590 --> 00:22:07,226 So, my alternator is now held on with a screwdriver 407 00:22:07,292 --> 00:22:09,496 that I've hammered into place. 408 00:22:10,497 --> 00:22:11,963 And we're running well. 409 00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:19,571 Oh. I don't know what I'm gonna do about it, 410 00:22:19,638 --> 00:22:21,907 but I don't have a fan belt on there. 411 00:22:25,111 --> 00:22:27,179 I've got a problem. 412 00:22:27,246 --> 00:22:31,617 Another five miles, another fan belt. 413 00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:33,920 I'm gonna need a pair of tights. 414 00:22:36,122 --> 00:22:38,657 And it wasn't just me. 415 00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:42,094 I've been through all of that, all of that, the ignition cut-out switch. 416 00:22:42,161 --> 00:22:44,096 I've got some weird gremlin. 417 00:22:44,163 --> 00:22:47,433 This road is just shaking these cars to pieces. 418 00:22:50,769 --> 00:22:53,440 Naturally, Jeremy decided that the only way 419 00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:55,441 of keeping his car in one piece 420 00:22:55,442 --> 00:22:58,210 was to drive very quickly. 421 00:22:58,277 --> 00:23:02,280 My optimum speed is 2,800 rpm, 422 00:23:02,347 --> 00:23:04,651 that being my only dial, really. 423 00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:07,720 That way, I'm skipping over the top of the ridges. 424 00:23:09,255 --> 00:23:11,523 Unfortunately, at this speed, 425 00:23:11,590 --> 00:23:13,859 my V8 was emptying the petrol tank 426 00:23:13,925 --> 00:23:16,127 every 31 miles. 427 00:23:16,194 --> 00:23:19,465 And one of the items we'd forgotten to buy at the camping shop 428 00:23:19,531 --> 00:23:21,800 was a funnel. 429 00:23:21,867 --> 00:23:24,770 Right, wind's dropped. Here we go. 430 00:23:24,836 --> 00:23:25,836 Drink! 431 00:23:27,272 --> 00:23:29,476 This is completely safe. 432 00:23:29,509 --> 00:23:32,479 Some of the petrol is... Oh, my giddy aunt! 433 00:23:37,383 --> 00:23:39,951 The roads are getting worse. 434 00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:43,088 Even though the going was appalling... 435 00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:48,227 ...the beach buggies, amazingly, 436 00:23:48,294 --> 00:23:51,597 were, more or less, still in one piece. 437 00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:55,835 However, as the relentless pounding wore on, 438 00:23:55,902 --> 00:23:59,005 the same could not be said of James. 439 00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:00,873 Agh! 440 00:24:04,242 --> 00:24:05,811 Oh, my God! 441 00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:10,517 Honestly, my bones are going to shatter. 442 00:24:23,095 --> 00:24:24,530 I've had enough of this. 443 00:24:27,232 --> 00:24:30,435 What I'm doing is I'm trying to soften up the front suspension, 444 00:24:30,537 --> 00:24:32,403 and I'm gonna soften the tyres as well. 445 00:24:32,538 --> 00:24:34,073 I've done quite a bit under here. 446 00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:37,042 Now I'm going to let a bit of air out of the tyres. 447 00:24:38,944 --> 00:24:41,614 This made a huge difference. 448 00:24:48,354 --> 00:24:49,888 This is rubbish! 449 00:24:52,558 --> 00:24:53,792 Stop! 450 00:24:56,628 --> 00:24:58,297 But it didn't stop. 451 00:24:58,364 --> 00:24:59,665 It went on... 452 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,200 ...and on. 453 00:25:03,670 --> 00:25:06,573 That day, I did 350 miles, 454 00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:09,776 and every single one of them was filled with pain, 455 00:25:09,842 --> 00:25:11,810 dust and misery. 456 00:25:16,583 --> 00:25:18,450 And that's why, the following morning, 457 00:25:18,585 --> 00:25:21,688 I came up with a radical plan. 458 00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:26,025 Don't drive on the road, drive near it. 459 00:25:26,092 --> 00:25:27,693 I did a bit alongside the road. 460 00:25:27,759 --> 00:25:29,695 Admittedly only half a kilometre, 461 00:25:29,761 --> 00:25:31,396 but it was bliss by comparison. 462 00:25:31,462 --> 00:25:33,900 It was like driving on a freshly resurfaced Silverstone. 463 00:25:33,965 --> 00:25:36,134 We don't have to stray miles from it. 464 00:25:36,201 --> 00:25:38,897 I agree, that would be foolish, cos we could just end up as skeletons. 465 00:25:38,904 --> 00:25:41,607 But, honestly, it's agony in mine. 466 00:25:41,641 --> 00:25:45,277 I've got neck ache, headache. I hate it. 467 00:25:45,344 --> 00:25:48,480 Right, I tell you what, Hammond. I tell you why I like his idea. 468 00:25:48,615 --> 00:25:53,184 If it is smooth off-road, it's more comfortable for us. 469 00:25:53,251 --> 00:25:57,155 If it's hopeless out there, we can blame him. 470 00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:58,222 Fair enough. 471 00:26:02,127 --> 00:26:03,771 With that settled, we left the road 472 00:26:03,796 --> 00:26:06,965 and set out on Highway May. 473 00:26:10,301 --> 00:26:14,506 I'll give James one thing, it is smoother than the road, 474 00:26:14,641 --> 00:26:17,943 but I am doing 3 mph. 475 00:26:18,009 --> 00:26:19,846 I mean, yeah, I like off-roading, I do, 476 00:26:19,912 --> 00:26:24,049 but... this isn't exactly quicker, is it? 477 00:26:24,115 --> 00:26:26,018 Sadly, a short while later, 478 00:26:26,085 --> 00:26:29,020 we didn't even have smooth going for us. 479 00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:32,324 Ow! 480 00:26:32,391 --> 00:26:33,792 Ow! Ow! Ow! 481 00:26:33,859 --> 00:26:35,662 Oh, spiffing. 482 00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:40,231 James, I hope you're happy with this. 483 00:26:40,298 --> 00:26:43,736 How bad must it have been for him if this is better? 484 00:26:47,038 --> 00:26:51,042 Oh, God Al-bloody-mighty! What an idiot that man is! 485 00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:53,444 Yeah, this is a lot less bumpy. 486 00:26:53,511 --> 00:26:54,747 Oh, Christ! 487 00:26:57,016 --> 00:26:58,517 Jesus! 488 00:26:58,584 --> 00:27:00,051 Is this better? Really? 489 00:27:03,690 --> 00:27:05,356 Stop moaning! 490 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:13,464 Hammond, my entire throttle assembly has disintegrated. 491 00:27:13,531 --> 00:27:16,167 I can't see why. I'm sure this is all helping it. 492 00:27:16,234 --> 00:27:18,104 Perfectly all right on the road. 493 00:27:18,170 --> 00:27:19,704 Yeah, I don't know why more people 494 00:27:19,705 --> 00:27:22,709 don't drive their cars on the road. 495 00:27:22,775 --> 00:27:25,211 Stop blaming your failures on the scenery. 496 00:27:26,144 --> 00:27:28,714 Every bone in his crotch... 497 00:27:28,748 --> 00:27:30,415 that's what I'm gonna break. 498 00:27:30,481 --> 00:27:32,919 Every single one of them. 499 00:27:32,984 --> 00:27:35,421 And then, if it were at all possible, 500 00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:37,990 May Tours got even worse. 501 00:27:39,858 --> 00:27:43,028 Oh! Oh, God! The dust! Agh! 502 00:27:43,095 --> 00:27:47,900 What is this Star Trek special effect we've arrived in? 503 00:27:50,135 --> 00:27:51,237 Oh, my God! 504 00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:57,009 I am swimming through dust. I'm actually swimming in it. 505 00:27:59,746 --> 00:28:01,512 Oh, dear, oh, dear! 506 00:28:01,579 --> 00:28:04,817 We had driven into something called fesh fesh, 507 00:28:04,884 --> 00:28:07,753 a sand as fine as talcum powder. 508 00:28:07,787 --> 00:28:09,756 Oh, shite! 509 00:28:09,821 --> 00:28:13,291 And this had made Ali G even more cross. 510 00:28:15,961 --> 00:28:18,765 I can't see a bloody thing now. I've got to... 511 00:28:18,798 --> 00:28:21,800 I can't even find James May to kill him. 512 00:28:26,372 --> 00:28:30,142 OK, the engine's boiling and I'm stuck. 513 00:28:30,209 --> 00:28:32,411 All my electrics have gone haywire 514 00:28:32,478 --> 00:28:35,039 My... It's still trying to turn the motor over. The battery's dead. 515 00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:36,782 Are you stuck, James? 516 00:28:36,816 --> 00:28:38,984 Er... 517 00:28:40,952 --> 00:28:42,587 I think I'm stuck. 518 00:28:42,653 --> 00:28:44,690 Well done, James. 519 00:28:44,790 --> 00:28:46,491 Improved our lot no end. 520 00:28:46,557 --> 00:28:48,294 So the situation is... 521 00:28:48,359 --> 00:28:50,930 Hammond has broken his car, you're stuck, 522 00:28:50,997 --> 00:28:53,065 and mine's overheated. 523 00:28:53,132 --> 00:28:56,969 Are we going to say, James, that your idea was stupid? 524 00:28:58,369 --> 00:28:59,471 It was stupid. 525 00:29:03,009 --> 00:29:06,077 With even Sergeant Stubborn admitting defeat, 526 00:29:06,144 --> 00:29:08,413 it was time to throw in the towel. 527 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:12,518 So we got ourselves sorted out, got a wash in the river 528 00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:16,387 and headed back to the road. 529 00:29:16,454 --> 00:29:19,290 There you go. Freshly ironed linen shirt 530 00:29:19,357 --> 00:29:23,828 with epaulettes that matches my beach buggy. 531 00:29:23,829 --> 00:29:25,297 Ironed by Giovanni. 532 00:29:28,534 --> 00:29:30,001 Despite everything, 533 00:29:30,068 --> 00:29:33,638 our beach buggies had covered 750 miles 534 00:29:33,704 --> 00:29:35,842 of our 1,000-mile journey, 535 00:29:35,907 --> 00:29:38,509 and we were now well into the tribal regions 536 00:29:38,576 --> 00:29:40,112 of northern Namibia... 537 00:29:41,847 --> 00:29:44,349 ...which is picture-book Africa. 538 00:29:46,853 --> 00:29:49,855 Well, this is all a bit too beautiful for words along here. 539 00:29:49,888 --> 00:29:51,891 Look at this. 540 00:29:51,958 --> 00:29:53,992 Tribal Namibia, I like it. 541 00:30:01,867 --> 00:30:04,336 Where we are now, it's genuinely... 542 00:30:04,403 --> 00:30:08,374 Well, what would you say, "unspoiled"? Yeah. 543 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:10,709 People do live the lives 544 00:30:10,776 --> 00:30:13,144 they've led here for thousands of years. 545 00:30:16,248 --> 00:30:17,016 Oh, no! 546 00:30:17,083 --> 00:30:20,853 Oh, no! I'm dying! 547 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,588 Annoyingly, the James May excursion 548 00:30:23,654 --> 00:30:26,325 had caused more damage than I'd realised. 549 00:30:27,292 --> 00:30:29,929 Oh, now this is stuck on. 550 00:30:29,996 --> 00:30:31,663 Oh, bugger. 551 00:30:31,730 --> 00:30:34,799 Then, instead of the breakdown-recovery service, 552 00:30:34,866 --> 00:30:37,403 some topless ladies arrived... 553 00:30:39,305 --> 00:30:40,771 Hello. 554 00:30:40,838 --> 00:30:44,710 ...which made knowing where to look a bit difficult. 555 00:30:44,776 --> 00:30:45,944 Oh! 556 00:30:50,115 --> 00:30:52,018 Erm... Concentrate on the job, Richard. 557 00:30:54,353 --> 00:30:56,454 This is unusual. 558 00:30:56,521 --> 00:30:58,523 I mean, normally the AA would have done. 559 00:31:00,592 --> 00:31:01,626 Thank you! 560 00:31:02,961 --> 00:31:04,395 Very good. 561 00:31:04,462 --> 00:31:07,266 Oh, there's more. 562 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:19,211 I, too, was nursing wounds as a result of May Tours. 563 00:31:19,278 --> 00:31:20,846 I do seem to have lost... 564 00:31:22,548 --> 00:31:24,150 ...one of my cylinders somehow. 565 00:31:24,215 --> 00:31:25,951 I'm driving a V7. 566 00:31:28,253 --> 00:31:31,722 Basically, this is now Spitty Spitty Bang Bang. 567 00:31:31,789 --> 00:31:34,826 So, at the lunch stop, Richard and I decided 568 00:31:34,961 --> 00:31:36,962 to get our revenge on Mr May. 569 00:31:47,006 --> 00:31:48,606 Clarkson! 570 00:31:48,673 --> 00:31:49,974 What? 571 00:31:49,976 --> 00:31:51,643 You've put... Where's... 572 00:31:51,710 --> 00:31:54,145 That is disturbing. 573 00:31:54,212 --> 00:31:55,980 What's annoying is, what have you done 574 00:31:55,981 --> 00:31:58,150 with my original vintage VW gear knob? 575 00:31:58,217 --> 00:32:00,352 Ah, well, no, good news on that. 576 00:32:00,419 --> 00:32:02,554 Giovanni has posted your original gear lever 577 00:32:02,621 --> 00:32:04,022 back to your address in London. 578 00:32:04,089 --> 00:32:05,691 - Has he? - Special delivery. 579 00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:08,993 What is the matter with you? That's really offensive. 580 00:32:08,994 --> 00:32:11,497 Well, I think that's a bit sexist. 581 00:32:11,563 --> 00:32:14,365 No, it's not. Why would I want to drive with a rubber penis? 582 00:32:14,432 --> 00:32:16,501 I don't know. I think you're weird. 583 00:32:22,008 --> 00:32:26,612 With our break over, we got back on the road. 584 00:32:26,678 --> 00:32:30,082 For our American viewers, James May is driving a dick-shift. 585 00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:35,386 And it wasn't just James's knob 586 00:32:35,453 --> 00:32:37,323 that was keeping us amused. 587 00:32:37,388 --> 00:32:39,590 There was something else we'd learned over lunch 588 00:32:39,657 --> 00:32:41,759 that was even funnier. 589 00:32:41,826 --> 00:32:45,263 James May's fuel tank has a hole in it, or it's split. 590 00:32:46,164 --> 00:32:48,034 He's driving a bomb. 591 00:32:50,236 --> 00:32:51,936 It's a tense moment, this. 592 00:32:52,038 --> 00:32:54,806 It's like the end of a football match when it's 1-1. 593 00:32:54,873 --> 00:32:56,942 You're driving along, you know he's gonna blow up, 594 00:32:57,042 --> 00:32:59,377 you just don't know when. 595 00:32:59,444 --> 00:33:01,346 It's not gonna read well in the papers. 596 00:33:01,413 --> 00:33:05,284 "James May died in an exploding beach buggy, holding a rubber penis." 597 00:33:06,551 --> 00:33:08,519 Oh, shut up! 598 00:33:08,586 --> 00:33:09,688 Jeez! 599 00:33:15,361 --> 00:33:17,063 Oh! In the face! 600 00:33:20,798 --> 00:33:23,535 Once James's fuel tank had run low enough, 601 00:33:23,602 --> 00:33:25,336 we pulled over in a small village 602 00:33:25,403 --> 00:33:27,705 so he could make some repairs. 603 00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:34,579 Well, the wind's blowing that way, so the fireball will go up there. 604 00:33:34,645 --> 00:33:36,981 It'll be sudden, won't it, when he goes? 605 00:33:37,083 --> 00:33:38,150 Yeah. It's "woompf." 606 00:33:38,217 --> 00:33:39,416 "Woompf," then a bit of quiet, 607 00:33:39,451 --> 00:33:41,119 and then... as all bits come down. 608 00:33:41,186 --> 00:33:42,854 Yes. 609 00:33:42,921 --> 00:33:45,090 Here's the split in the tank. 610 00:33:45,156 --> 00:33:47,826 - Apply this. - Oh, hello! 611 00:33:47,893 --> 00:33:50,695 You know we've been saying how bad the roads are, Hammond? 612 00:33:50,761 --> 00:33:52,330 Yes. 613 00:33:52,397 --> 00:33:55,733 They're bad enough to kill an un-killable car. 614 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:57,669 That's kind of a terrifying sight, isn't it? 615 00:33:57,736 --> 00:34:02,107 I know. I've never seen that before in my life. 616 00:34:02,141 --> 00:34:04,809 A dead Toyota pickup truck. 617 00:34:06,612 --> 00:34:08,514 With James's tank bodged, 618 00:34:08,579 --> 00:34:11,483 we knuckled down to getting some miles under our belt. 619 00:34:14,420 --> 00:34:16,288 And for the rest of the day, 620 00:34:16,355 --> 00:34:19,657 the only person with petrol issues was me. 621 00:34:24,929 --> 00:34:29,135 Right. Refuelled, so I'm good now for 31 miles. 622 00:34:32,471 --> 00:34:35,206 By the end of the day, we'd made good progress. 623 00:34:35,273 --> 00:34:37,141 And when we stopped to make camp... 624 00:34:37,143 --> 00:34:39,978 Where the bloody hell's Giovanni? 625 00:34:40,045 --> 00:34:43,514 ...we were less than 100 miles from the finish line. 626 00:34:43,581 --> 00:34:46,284 So, after supper, we decided to have a conversation - 627 00:34:46,351 --> 00:34:47,885 well, argument - 628 00:34:47,952 --> 00:34:51,523 about who'd built the best beach buggy. 629 00:34:51,590 --> 00:34:55,661 The point is, yours isn't a beach buggy. 630 00:34:55,726 --> 00:34:56,994 - My car? - Yeah. 631 00:34:57,061 --> 00:34:58,541 Apart from having a beach buggy's body 632 00:34:58,597 --> 00:35:01,166 and the beating, pulsating heart of a beach buggy, 633 00:35:01,233 --> 00:35:02,501 namely a Beetle engine. 634 00:35:02,568 --> 00:35:04,235 I look at yours and go, 635 00:35:04,302 --> 00:35:06,023 "That doesn't even look like a beach buggy." 636 00:35:06,036 --> 00:35:08,273 It does and it is! It's a beach buggy. 637 00:35:08,340 --> 00:35:10,309 Enhanced, but in the spirit of beach buggying. 638 00:35:10,376 --> 00:35:13,911 - It isn't. - Jeremy, yours is... a freak. 639 00:35:13,978 --> 00:35:17,047 Had it existed 100 years ago, it would have been exhibited. 640 00:35:17,182 --> 00:35:20,818 People would come from miles and children would peak at it through curtains. 641 00:35:20,885 --> 00:35:22,387 "Oh, look at the monster!" 642 00:35:22,454 --> 00:35:23,648 The point is, I have always loved 643 00:35:23,655 --> 00:35:25,257 the spirit of the beach buggy. 644 00:35:25,324 --> 00:35:27,925 I love the era that created it and all of that. 645 00:35:27,992 --> 00:35:30,329 But the one thing that's made me not like it 646 00:35:30,396 --> 00:35:32,864 is the engine reminds me of Hitler. 647 00:35:32,931 --> 00:35:37,202 I have removed all of that Hitler DNA from mine, 648 00:35:37,235 --> 00:35:39,204 fitted a bloody great V8. 649 00:35:39,204 --> 00:35:41,440 It's gone too far. 650 00:35:41,507 --> 00:35:44,476 - It's Frankenstein's buggy. - I can settle this. 651 00:35:44,543 --> 00:35:46,878 - Yours isn't a proper beach buggy. - It isn't. 652 00:35:46,945 --> 00:35:49,748 - But it's more of a beach buggy than yours. - Oh, rubbish! 653 00:35:49,815 --> 00:35:52,384 Because the true spirit of the beach buggy 654 00:35:52,451 --> 00:35:54,385 is the Beetle floorpan and engine, which his has. 655 00:35:54,452 --> 00:35:55,547 Yours doesn't have the engine. 656 00:35:55,554 --> 00:35:56,648 Mine actually has everything. 657 00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:58,389 Mine is the proper beach buggy. 658 00:35:58,456 --> 00:36:00,458 - I'm sorry about this, James, but... - You're not. 659 00:36:00,525 --> 00:36:02,427 ...your car was created 660 00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:04,630 by the swinging '60s and endorsed by Steve McQueen, 661 00:36:04,695 --> 00:36:07,298 one of the coolest people who ever lived, 662 00:36:07,365 --> 00:36:09,400 and yet, somehow, you have managed 663 00:36:09,467 --> 00:36:11,237 to make your beach buggy boring. 664 00:36:11,269 --> 00:36:12,903 - Rubbish - It is a bit. 665 00:36:12,971 --> 00:36:15,072 - It is boring. - It's a boring firework display. 666 00:36:15,139 --> 00:36:18,344 - It is. - It's boring in that it works. 667 00:36:18,409 --> 00:36:19,677 - No, James. - It doesn't work! 668 00:36:19,744 --> 00:36:21,380 The only thing that has gone wrong 669 00:36:21,447 --> 00:36:23,514 is a small leak in the petrol tank. 670 00:36:23,581 --> 00:36:25,583 Everything else about it has constantly worked. 671 00:36:25,650 --> 00:36:27,518 Do you know, every time I've overtaken you, 672 00:36:27,585 --> 00:36:29,320 I've looked and thought, "That's dismal." 673 00:36:29,387 --> 00:36:31,623 It isn't. It has an elegance and a purity. 674 00:36:31,690 --> 00:36:33,824 And when you say, "You've never come past me," 675 00:36:33,891 --> 00:36:37,061 I come past you every 30 miles because you've run out of fuel. 676 00:36:37,128 --> 00:36:41,400 It wheelies, the throttle sticks, the alternator falls off, bolts fall out of it. 677 00:36:41,467 --> 00:36:45,271 - It... The alternator... - You've had to fit a wing on it, which ruins the looks. 678 00:36:45,304 --> 00:36:47,038 It's not in the spirit of the beach buggy, 679 00:36:47,105 --> 00:36:50,309 but of a man desperately trying to justify a terrible idea. 680 00:36:50,376 --> 00:36:52,744 - It was a brilliant idea! - It doesn't work! 681 00:36:52,811 --> 00:36:54,380 I'm fairly conscious right now 682 00:36:54,445 --> 00:36:56,514 your car is drinking the fuel out of mine 683 00:36:56,581 --> 00:36:58,449 like a sort of plastic vampire. 684 00:36:58,516 --> 00:37:00,985 Look, mine has been thirsty. 685 00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:02,487 - Thirsty? - Yes. 686 00:37:02,554 --> 00:37:04,121 We continued arguing 687 00:37:04,188 --> 00:37:08,059 until Giovanni reminded us it was time to go to bed. 688 00:37:08,126 --> 00:37:09,894 But I didn't go to bed, 689 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:14,699 because I had business to attend to. 690 00:37:14,766 --> 00:37:16,795 Right, Jeremy Clarkson thinks he's being flamboyant, 691 00:37:16,802 --> 00:37:19,338 and he doesn't realise that my knowledge of aerodynamics 692 00:37:19,405 --> 00:37:23,409 will trump his ability to fit rubber penises to people's cars. 693 00:37:41,025 --> 00:37:42,025 Shit! 694 00:37:47,365 --> 00:37:49,635 Hammond! Fire! 695 00:37:49,701 --> 00:37:51,469 Help! 696 00:37:51,536 --> 00:37:53,539 Hammond! Help! 697 00:37:58,710 --> 00:38:01,746 The next morning, as we resumed our journey, 698 00:38:01,813 --> 00:38:04,349 I was feeling rather philosophical. 699 00:38:05,751 --> 00:38:07,853 I once saw an old lady fall over 700 00:38:07,918 --> 00:38:10,922 and drop her shopping bag on the opposite side of the road, 701 00:38:10,989 --> 00:38:12,623 and her shopping fell out. 702 00:38:12,690 --> 00:38:14,360 And amongst it was an Easter egg, 703 00:38:14,393 --> 00:38:17,795 which I assume she bought for a grandchild or something, 704 00:38:17,862 --> 00:38:20,565 and it rolled into the road and got run over by a car. 705 00:38:20,632 --> 00:38:24,570 It was the most tragic thing I've ever seen... 706 00:38:24,635 --> 00:38:27,539 until I saw the front of my car this morning. 707 00:38:32,110 --> 00:38:35,746 And it wasn't just the front of his own car he'd ruined. 708 00:38:40,217 --> 00:38:44,623 I wouldn't mind, but the rattling from James's workmanship is appalling. 709 00:38:48,393 --> 00:38:52,030 Despite everything, though, we were now almost there. 710 00:38:52,097 --> 00:38:54,965 Today, we would reach the beach that marked the finish 711 00:38:55,032 --> 00:38:58,168 of what had been a spectacular journey 712 00:38:58,235 --> 00:39:00,938 through a spectacular country. 713 00:39:03,173 --> 00:39:05,043 Oh! 714 00:39:05,110 --> 00:39:07,112 That deserves a stabbing. 715 00:39:09,213 --> 00:39:11,750 Oh, my God! 716 00:39:13,284 --> 00:39:14,452 Oh! 717 00:39:19,023 --> 00:39:21,192 Oh, my... 718 00:39:21,259 --> 00:39:23,829 Giovanni, could you run the baths? 719 00:39:27,132 --> 00:39:29,134 Aargh! 720 00:39:29,199 --> 00:39:31,503 Help! 721 00:39:31,570 --> 00:39:34,905 It really is an amazing part of the world, this. 722 00:39:34,972 --> 00:39:38,809 But everything that makes it amazing is harsh 723 00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:41,012 and unforgiving and difficult. 724 00:39:43,815 --> 00:39:46,050 Oh, stop! 725 00:39:46,117 --> 00:39:49,454 No one's ever said this before, but Namibia... 726 00:39:51,021 --> 00:39:53,992 ...is a beautiful bastard of a country. 727 00:40:02,867 --> 00:40:04,302 And yet, 728 00:40:04,369 --> 00:40:07,773 as we counted down the last few miles of our journey, 729 00:40:07,838 --> 00:40:12,443 our home-made beach buggies were still running. 730 00:40:12,510 --> 00:40:16,882 They were battered and bruised, but they'd proved our point to Mr Wilman. 731 00:40:17,983 --> 00:40:19,184 They'd made it. 732 00:40:21,418 --> 00:40:23,454 And they had done something else as well - 733 00:40:23,521 --> 00:40:24,956 they'd got under our skin. 734 00:40:25,023 --> 00:40:27,157 We liked them even more at the end 735 00:40:27,224 --> 00:40:29,960 than we had done at the start. 736 00:40:30,027 --> 00:40:32,664 I think everybody in the world should drive a beach buggy, 737 00:40:32,731 --> 00:40:36,300 because you're exposed to so much. 738 00:40:36,367 --> 00:40:37,735 Not just the elements, 739 00:40:37,802 --> 00:40:40,706 but the opinions of other people. 740 00:40:40,771 --> 00:40:42,172 I mean, when you're in a normal car, 741 00:40:42,206 --> 00:40:44,610 you shake your fist and make gestures, 742 00:40:44,675 --> 00:40:45,976 and shout and yell, 743 00:40:46,043 --> 00:40:48,746 because you feel cocooned and safe 744 00:40:48,813 --> 00:40:51,949 and immune from everybody. 745 00:40:52,016 --> 00:40:55,954 But in a beach buggy, everyone's just there. 746 00:40:56,021 --> 00:40:57,755 It's brilliant! 747 00:40:57,822 --> 00:41:00,692 It's such a friendly way of moving about. 748 00:41:02,527 --> 00:41:04,128 And with that, we settled down 749 00:41:04,195 --> 00:41:08,398 for what we hoped would be a smooth cruise to the beach. 750 00:41:08,534 --> 00:41:10,101 But it wasn't. 751 00:41:10,168 --> 00:41:11,168 Ow! Ow! 752 00:41:12,570 --> 00:41:13,905 Oh, God! Ow! 753 00:41:18,844 --> 00:41:20,579 This is outrageous! 754 00:41:22,380 --> 00:41:23,815 Holy shit! 755 00:41:26,617 --> 00:41:28,219 Oh, no! It's gone! 756 00:41:28,286 --> 00:41:32,257 And now my aerodynamics are badly affected as well. 757 00:41:35,393 --> 00:41:36,795 Oh, my word! 758 00:41:38,128 --> 00:41:40,197 Jeremy is hoping to get to the finish line 759 00:41:40,264 --> 00:41:43,268 in the sort of pile of scrap you hate your neighbours 760 00:41:43,333 --> 00:41:45,603 for keeping at the bottom of their garden. 761 00:41:49,039 --> 00:41:50,275 Oh, God! 762 00:41:54,913 --> 00:41:57,447 Oh, no! There's petrol! 763 00:41:57,583 --> 00:42:00,786 Oh! Hammond, don't go near his car! 764 00:42:00,851 --> 00:42:03,188 There's petrol all over the front of his car. 765 00:42:03,253 --> 00:42:04,322 - Is there? - Yeah. 766 00:42:04,389 --> 00:42:05,923 Ooh! 767 00:42:05,990 --> 00:42:08,092 What if it caught fire, James? 768 00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:15,199 With just 30 miles to go, 769 00:42:15,266 --> 00:42:19,605 the mighty seven-cylinder V8 really started to play up. 770 00:42:21,206 --> 00:42:22,807 Oh, no! 771 00:42:28,679 --> 00:42:30,347 And then it started to go dark, 772 00:42:30,414 --> 00:42:33,918 which presented us with the biggest problem of the lot. 773 00:42:37,355 --> 00:42:39,090 That's just terrible. 774 00:42:39,157 --> 00:42:41,291 Oh, God! 775 00:42:41,358 --> 00:42:42,994 Well, that's marvellous. 776 00:42:43,061 --> 00:42:44,963 That one is dazzling me 777 00:42:45,030 --> 00:42:47,231 and that one is showing me where to go. 778 00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,902 This is far from ideal. 779 00:42:51,969 --> 00:42:54,005 Before pitch darkness fell, 780 00:42:54,072 --> 00:42:57,708 we pulled over to do some emergency repairs. 781 00:42:57,775 --> 00:42:59,476 I'm gonna put some... 782 00:42:59,543 --> 00:43:02,713 tape of a certain well-known brand on the problem. 783 00:43:04,650 --> 00:43:06,117 Finger tight will do. 784 00:43:06,184 --> 00:43:09,153 These repairs were extremely successful. 785 00:43:13,423 --> 00:43:16,161 Oh, it's swung into my face! 786 00:43:16,226 --> 00:43:19,329 No, I can't see a thing. Agh! That's worse! 787 00:43:21,699 --> 00:43:24,268 Oh, God. Now they've turned. 788 00:43:24,335 --> 00:43:27,038 Oh, no! My car's gone cross-eyed again! 789 00:43:29,340 --> 00:43:31,976 There's a man coming the other way. 790 00:43:32,043 --> 00:43:33,577 What's he gonna think of us? 791 00:43:33,679 --> 00:43:34,880 I don't know. 792 00:43:34,945 --> 00:43:36,947 I can't see a bloody thing. 793 00:43:38,583 --> 00:43:41,186 Thank you. Oh, that's good! 794 00:43:41,251 --> 00:43:43,420 It's shaken the headlight back round again! 795 00:43:43,487 --> 00:43:46,992 Yeah! No, it's back again. Oh, just for a moment. 796 00:43:48,693 --> 00:43:53,331 Then the rough road brought some new headlight problems. 797 00:43:53,398 --> 00:43:56,266 Oh, nothing! Oh, no! Nothing! Nothing! 798 00:43:56,333 --> 00:44:00,005 I've got... I've now got nothing at all. 799 00:44:00,070 --> 00:44:02,239 OK, Hammond and May, can you just let me know 800 00:44:02,306 --> 00:44:04,876 what your lighting situation is now? 801 00:44:04,943 --> 00:44:08,813 As long as I hold the flash lever back, I have light. 802 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:12,851 If I hold the lever, I get one light and one flashing light, yes. 803 00:44:12,918 --> 00:44:16,153 But I have to take my hand off to change gear. 804 00:44:16,221 --> 00:44:18,824 And then Hammond's car suddenly turned into 805 00:44:18,889 --> 00:44:21,192 the lighting rig at a Pink Floyd gig. 806 00:44:23,327 --> 00:44:25,496 Why does it keep changing? What... 807 00:44:25,563 --> 00:44:26,864 And it's all got... 808 00:44:32,302 --> 00:44:35,373 It's only three kilometres to go now. Three. 809 00:44:39,010 --> 00:44:39,811 Ahh! 810 00:44:39,878 --> 00:44:41,880 Oh, hell! 811 00:44:42,847 --> 00:44:44,282 Gone. Coming back. 812 00:44:46,083 --> 00:44:47,786 Although we couldn't see, 813 00:44:47,853 --> 00:44:50,989 we knew we must be close to the beach. 814 00:44:51,056 --> 00:44:53,157 It's not... you know, a seaside beach. 815 00:44:53,224 --> 00:44:56,427 It must be on a river or a lake, or something. 816 00:44:59,396 --> 00:45:01,833 This is uphill. I'm sure that's wrong. 817 00:45:03,768 --> 00:45:06,170 That's a big drop there. 818 00:45:06,237 --> 00:45:08,873 I don't want to go off there. 819 00:45:08,940 --> 00:45:11,175 I'm not sure this is sensible. 820 00:45:11,242 --> 00:45:14,913 Nowhere in any guide I've ever read does it say, 821 00:45:14,980 --> 00:45:18,548 "Explore new territory in a beach buggy 822 00:45:18,615 --> 00:45:21,853 with your lights all broken." 823 00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:25,891 Unable to find anything even remotely resembling a beach, 824 00:45:25,956 --> 00:45:27,791 we pulled over. 825 00:45:29,693 --> 00:45:32,864 We cannot carry on just plunging around in the darkness, 826 00:45:32,931 --> 00:45:34,331 hoping to find the beach. 827 00:45:34,398 --> 00:45:36,201 And, anyway, what is that noise? 828 00:45:37,568 --> 00:45:42,572 I would say that... is a waterfall. 829 00:45:42,639 --> 00:45:44,943 Is it something you want to come across in the dark? 830 00:45:45,010 --> 00:45:48,012 Because the other thing I'd say about that sound - 831 00:45:48,079 --> 00:45:51,449 it might be my imagination, but that sounds as though it's coming from below, 832 00:45:51,516 --> 00:45:52,817 like we're above it. 833 00:45:52,818 --> 00:45:54,219 We have climbed up that track. 834 00:45:54,284 --> 00:45:56,521 And a waterfall is a drop, by definition. 835 00:45:56,586 --> 00:45:58,889 If we're... I don't want to... in the dark. 836 00:45:58,956 --> 00:46:01,391 Abandon. I'm not doing it. 837 00:46:01,458 --> 00:46:03,527 We'll do it tomorrow. Sun. 838 00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:06,431 Let's look at the stars and have one more night in Namibia. 839 00:46:06,496 --> 00:46:08,817 We'll find it tomorrow and it'll be fantastically glorious. 840 00:46:08,833 --> 00:46:09,876 Tomorrow on the beach. 841 00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:12,202 Giovanni! 842 00:46:15,907 --> 00:46:20,411 The next morning, daylight brought answers to our questions. 843 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,215 So it wasn't a waterfall. 844 00:46:24,282 --> 00:46:26,650 No, it was many waterfalls. 845 00:46:26,717 --> 00:46:28,052 Hundreds of waterfalls. 846 00:46:36,626 --> 00:46:38,728 And they were just part of what we all agreed 847 00:46:38,864 --> 00:46:43,902 was the most beautiful view we'd ever seen. 848 00:46:54,079 --> 00:46:57,715 But... many waterfalls. 849 00:46:57,782 --> 00:46:59,516 No beach that I can see. 850 00:47:02,987 --> 00:47:04,722 Does that count as a beach? 851 00:47:04,789 --> 00:47:05,889 That is a beach. 852 00:47:05,891 --> 00:47:07,657 I'd call that a beach. 853 00:47:07,724 --> 00:47:10,728 - The beach. - That's got to be it. There's no others. 854 00:47:10,795 --> 00:47:13,898 Gentlemen, our quest is at an end. 855 00:47:13,931 --> 00:47:16,733 Let us ride... 856 00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:20,471 in splendour... to... 857 00:47:20,538 --> 00:47:23,001 - I'm not finishing that very well. What is it? - It's very moving. 858 00:47:23,007 --> 00:47:26,610 I'm trying to think of something evocative and Victorian and brilliant. 859 00:47:26,677 --> 00:47:28,813 "Let's go over there and finish our journey"? 860 00:47:28,914 --> 00:47:30,648 No, that's Brummie rubbish! 861 00:47:30,715 --> 00:47:32,682 - It is! - It's the fact. 862 00:47:32,750 --> 00:47:36,586 Unable to find the right words to mark the moment... 863 00:47:36,653 --> 00:47:38,123 ...we set off anyway. 864 00:47:41,659 --> 00:47:43,061 Yeah, this is it. 865 00:47:46,097 --> 00:47:49,333 We are half a kilometre from our objective. 866 00:47:53,637 --> 00:47:54,940 Oh. 867 00:47:55,005 --> 00:47:57,608 Oh, no. Path ends. Path ends. 868 00:47:58,842 --> 00:48:00,378 Erm... 869 00:48:02,746 --> 00:48:04,548 Oh, my God! 870 00:48:07,152 --> 00:48:08,518 Well, if this won't get over there, 871 00:48:08,585 --> 00:48:10,088 there's no way will theirs. 872 00:48:13,157 --> 00:48:16,260 We split up to look for a path through the rocks... 873 00:48:18,429 --> 00:48:19,496 Oh, no! 874 00:48:19,563 --> 00:48:22,333 ...but it was hopeless. 875 00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:23,400 Forget it. 876 00:48:24,568 --> 00:48:26,336 Hammond, forget it. 877 00:48:26,403 --> 00:48:28,472 We aren't going down this hill. 878 00:48:31,742 --> 00:48:35,579 The problem is, even if we could get over this stuff, which we can't... 879 00:48:35,646 --> 00:48:37,215 No, we can't. 880 00:48:37,282 --> 00:48:39,985 ...have you seen what's between us and the beach? 881 00:48:40,050 --> 00:48:43,989 Look at it. There's no way you could drive over that or anywhere near. 882 00:48:44,021 --> 00:48:46,523 - Look, you can't even go inland. - No, we can't go there. 883 00:48:46,590 --> 00:48:48,293 And you can't go around that mountain 884 00:48:48,358 --> 00:48:50,427 and come at it from the back, cos they're cliffs. 885 00:48:56,501 --> 00:48:58,469 Wait a minute. 886 00:48:58,536 --> 00:49:00,505 What? 887 00:49:00,570 --> 00:49:01,672 I've had... 888 00:49:02,739 --> 00:49:04,141 ...a great idea. 889 00:49:04,208 --> 00:49:07,077 - Oh, no. - No. 890 00:49:07,144 --> 00:49:10,181 So we can't drive over here. 891 00:49:10,248 --> 00:49:15,619 But we have to get us and our cars to that beach over there. 892 00:49:17,088 --> 00:49:20,190 If there were to be some kind of... 893 00:49:20,257 --> 00:49:23,427 A mounting point on that cliff, maybe, and then... 894 00:49:23,494 --> 00:49:24,429 Do what? 895 00:49:24,494 --> 00:49:26,563 No. Mounting point down there. 896 00:49:26,630 --> 00:49:28,465 Over that distance? That's a huge distance. 897 00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:30,068 - It's about half a kilometre. - No! 898 00:49:30,135 --> 00:49:31,802 But can you imagine the forces on it? 899 00:49:31,869 --> 00:49:34,338 - The things at the end are gonna have to be... - Huge. 900 00:49:34,405 --> 00:49:37,507 - Massive. - Jeremy, we don't all live in a cartoon. 901 00:49:37,574 --> 00:49:39,344 We will die! Dead! 902 00:49:42,313 --> 00:49:45,050 Given that there were no alternatives, 903 00:49:45,083 --> 00:49:46,916 we had to go with the ape's plan, 904 00:49:47,052 --> 00:49:52,456 which was to turn our beach buggies into cable cars. 905 00:49:52,523 --> 00:49:55,893 - That's over two metres. - Yeah, that's good enough. 906 00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:59,063 So we headed to a nearby abandoned mine... 907 00:50:00,398 --> 00:50:02,199 ...to scavenge materials. 908 00:50:05,103 --> 00:50:06,804 Is that bit any good? 909 00:50:06,871 --> 00:50:10,940 - How much more of that cable have we got? - Four drums. 910 00:50:11,007 --> 00:50:14,344 - Are you proposing that that becomes a winding drum? - Yeah. 911 00:50:14,411 --> 00:50:16,880 It's very important... 912 00:50:16,947 --> 00:50:20,717 we get as much weight as possible into Hammond's car... 913 00:50:20,784 --> 00:50:23,188 for erm... well, for your amusement. 914 00:50:28,992 --> 00:50:30,061 Right, toolbox. 915 00:50:37,034 --> 00:50:39,403 - How much do you want? - 30 metres. 916 00:50:45,909 --> 00:50:48,778 James, have you got that hoop welded in yet? 917 00:50:48,846 --> 00:50:50,148 No, that's my next job. 918 00:50:55,152 --> 00:50:56,920 Several days later, 919 00:50:56,987 --> 00:50:59,657 and with absolutely no help whatsoever 920 00:50:59,724 --> 00:51:04,027 from any Namibian mining engineers... 921 00:51:04,128 --> 00:51:08,266 ...the world's first beach buggy cable car was ready, and... 922 00:51:08,333 --> 00:51:10,034 Shit! Stop, everybody! 923 00:51:10,135 --> 00:51:13,003 The goats are eating the tree that we've anchored it to. 924 00:51:13,137 --> 00:51:15,472 Shoo, goats! Shoo! 925 00:51:18,342 --> 00:51:20,577 They were eating the tree. 926 00:51:20,644 --> 00:51:22,447 Anyway, as I was saying, 927 00:51:22,512 --> 00:51:24,949 it stretched for more than a third of a mile. 928 00:51:25,014 --> 00:51:27,885 And since the drop to the crocodile-infested river 929 00:51:27,952 --> 00:51:30,155 was several hundred feet, 930 00:51:30,188 --> 00:51:32,322 we decided James should go first. 931 00:51:33,324 --> 00:51:34,824 - We had a vote. - Did you? 932 00:51:34,891 --> 00:51:36,891 We did, and we were unanimous you were going first. 933 00:51:36,927 --> 00:51:38,789 Right, so it's become a democracy all of a sudden? 934 00:51:38,795 --> 00:51:40,664 - Yes, it has. - Yeah. 935 00:51:40,731 --> 00:51:42,300 And anyway, your car's the lightest, 936 00:51:42,367 --> 00:51:43,867 now you've burned half of it away. 937 00:51:46,170 --> 00:51:49,173 I'm climbing in. Jesus! 938 00:51:49,206 --> 00:51:52,677 With the state-of-the-art generators fired up... 939 00:51:57,382 --> 00:51:59,583 ...James fortified himself for the journey... 940 00:52:01,085 --> 00:52:02,952 Is he drinking? 941 00:52:03,019 --> 00:52:06,190 ...and then simply drove off the launch pad. 942 00:52:06,257 --> 00:52:08,259 Oh, my God! Whoa! 943 00:52:10,894 --> 00:52:12,630 Oh, shit! It's really high! 944 00:52:12,697 --> 00:52:16,065 It's really high! I'm turning the engine off. 945 00:52:16,201 --> 00:52:18,311 - We had to test it. - Well, exactly. 946 00:52:18,335 --> 00:52:21,405 - He had to go first. - Don't look at us and think we're bad. 947 00:52:21,472 --> 00:52:24,007 Because that was scientifically vigorous. 948 00:52:30,347 --> 00:52:31,916 It's a cable car. It's a cable car. 949 00:52:31,981 --> 00:52:34,652 I've been on lots of cable cars. They're safe. 950 00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:37,878 God. Look, he's... This is where it's high. That's horrible. 951 00:52:40,891 --> 00:52:42,860 No! It's going really high! I don't like... 952 00:52:46,797 --> 00:52:48,132 I hate you! 953 00:52:48,233 --> 00:52:50,235 - OK. - He doesn't like us. 954 00:52:53,737 --> 00:52:58,074 Despite my terror, the cable buggy kept on chugging through 955 00:52:58,141 --> 00:53:02,913 what's technically Angolan airspace towards the beach. 956 00:53:02,980 --> 00:53:04,148 God, I'm nearly there! 957 00:53:06,851 --> 00:53:08,885 Neutral. Handbrake off. 958 00:53:08,952 --> 00:53:11,255 He's gonna do it. He's gonna do it. 959 00:53:11,322 --> 00:53:12,623 I'm at the end! 960 00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:17,862 - He's down. - That's a landing. 961 00:53:17,927 --> 00:53:19,864 Yes! 962 00:53:19,929 --> 00:53:21,632 - Do you know what, though? - What? 963 00:53:21,699 --> 00:53:23,501 - I'm doing maths here. - Mm? 964 00:53:23,568 --> 00:53:26,871 One of us is gonna be killed doing this, obviously, yes? 965 00:53:26,936 --> 00:53:30,875 - I'd say so, yeah. - So when we were all here, 33% chance. 966 00:53:30,940 --> 00:53:33,643 Now I'm doing it with a 50% chance. 967 00:53:33,710 --> 00:53:35,346 - Now you're doing it? - I'm going next. 968 00:53:35,413 --> 00:53:37,315 - I can go next. - You can't go next. 969 00:53:37,382 --> 00:53:39,849 Why can't I go next? 970 00:53:39,916 --> 00:53:43,420 Whilst James toasted his success with some more drink... 971 00:53:44,889 --> 00:53:48,693 ...I won the argument and prepared for launch. 972 00:53:49,626 --> 00:53:51,829 Why is my car at this angle? 973 00:53:51,896 --> 00:53:55,300 Well, maybe because there's a massive V8 hanging out the back of it. 974 00:53:55,333 --> 00:53:57,802 Right! Right, right, right! 975 00:53:57,867 --> 00:53:59,036 I'll... here we go. 976 00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:13,784 My rectum has just opened like a set of Theatre curtains. 977 00:54:13,851 --> 00:54:16,621 And for good reason, because my beach buggy 978 00:54:16,686 --> 00:54:21,391 weighed 200 kilograms more than James's charred wreck. 979 00:54:24,429 --> 00:54:27,465 Ooh! Ooh! He brushed the grass! 980 00:54:30,768 --> 00:54:32,503 I'm terrified, I'll be honest, 981 00:54:32,570 --> 00:54:35,340 but, for the first time since I set off, 982 00:54:35,373 --> 00:54:37,342 I'm comfortable in my beach buggy. 983 00:54:49,052 --> 00:54:52,456 Approaching the beach. Approaching the end of the journey. 984 00:54:52,523 --> 00:54:53,824 Here I come. 985 00:54:54,925 --> 00:54:57,827 And... touchdown! 986 00:54:57,894 --> 00:55:00,364 Yes! 987 00:55:00,364 --> 00:55:03,099 Bad news, Hammond. I've made it. 988 00:55:03,166 --> 00:55:04,702 Oh, great. 989 00:55:04,768 --> 00:55:08,371 - Sir? - Oh, I say, James! 990 00:55:08,373 --> 00:55:10,608 Actually, I was lucky there was some left, 991 00:55:10,675 --> 00:55:14,378 because James had had a bit of a thirst on whilst he'd been alone. 992 00:55:15,913 --> 00:55:17,213 Hello, guys down there. 993 00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:19,550 It's Richard at the top. 994 00:55:19,617 --> 00:55:21,918 Right, I'm gonna do this now, so goodbye. 995 00:55:26,490 --> 00:55:28,592 Oh! I don't like that feeling! 996 00:55:33,764 --> 00:55:36,601 Here he comes, ladies and gentlemen, Richard Hammond. 997 00:55:37,934 --> 00:55:39,003 No! 998 00:55:41,170 --> 00:55:44,007 I could take solace from the fact that this system 999 00:55:44,074 --> 00:55:47,878 has already run twice with their cars and not failed - it's been tested. 1000 00:55:47,945 --> 00:55:49,947 Or I could take a more realistic view, 1001 00:55:50,014 --> 00:55:54,719 which is that those two fat oafs have already weakened it. 1002 00:55:54,784 --> 00:55:57,021 Plus he had all that scrap metal in the back, 1003 00:55:57,086 --> 00:55:59,456 which is why all eyes were on him. 1004 00:55:59,523 --> 00:56:01,791 Well, when I say "all"... 1005 00:56:01,858 --> 00:56:04,894 Look at the colours in those rocks over there. 1006 00:56:04,961 --> 00:56:07,498 It's... It's fantastic. 1007 00:56:07,565 --> 00:56:09,699 Just to the left of where Hammond is. 1008 00:56:12,670 --> 00:56:15,440 Why's my car sitting so low? It is heavy. 1009 00:56:15,505 --> 00:56:17,273 It is... Why's it lower? 1010 00:56:17,340 --> 00:56:20,110 - The colouring is fabulous, isn't it? - Yeah, they are. 1011 00:56:24,181 --> 00:56:27,684 Despite all my fears, the cables were holding 1012 00:56:27,751 --> 00:56:31,288 and drawing me ever closer to my colleagues. 1013 00:56:31,355 --> 00:56:33,690 This is it. I can see the beach. 1014 00:56:33,757 --> 00:56:35,793 I'm so nearly there. We are gonna do it! 1015 00:56:37,461 --> 00:56:38,862 Come on, Hammond. Come on. 1016 00:56:41,130 --> 00:56:43,166 I'm gonna do it. 1017 00:56:43,233 --> 00:56:45,068 Come on, Hammond. Come on. 1018 00:56:49,507 --> 00:56:50,775 Oh. 1019 00:56:53,478 --> 00:56:55,012 Erm... 1020 00:56:57,014 --> 00:56:58,481 Why have I stopped? 1021 00:56:58,483 --> 00:56:59,916 - Hammond! - Come on! 1022 00:56:59,983 --> 00:57:02,152 - I've stopped! - Hammond! 1023 00:57:02,219 --> 00:57:03,853 It's just stopped! 1024 00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:05,690 What can I do? It's just stopped! 1025 00:57:05,755 --> 00:57:08,759 There's, like, 200 metres to go! 1026 00:57:08,826 --> 00:57:11,829 I don't have anything to do with it! It's not up to me! 1027 00:57:11,896 --> 00:57:14,764 Is there nothing you can do? 1028 00:57:14,831 --> 00:57:16,833 Sadly, James was too drunk to think, 1029 00:57:16,900 --> 00:57:18,568 and I'm mechanically inept. 1030 00:57:18,635 --> 00:57:22,507 Plus, whatever had gone wrong had gone wrong at the top, 1031 00:57:22,572 --> 00:57:24,373 and we were at the bottom. 1032 00:57:24,509 --> 00:57:25,976 Move! Move! Move! 1033 00:57:26,043 --> 00:57:28,112 There's literally nothing we can do. 1034 00:57:28,177 --> 00:57:29,547 We've assessed everything 1035 00:57:29,614 --> 00:57:31,615 and you're in a hopeless position. 1036 00:57:33,317 --> 00:57:35,119 We could have another beer. 1037 00:57:40,157 --> 00:57:42,391 We've gonna have to conclude, I'm afraid, 1038 00:57:42,527 --> 00:57:47,164 that Mr Wilman was right that the beach buggy is no good. 1039 00:57:47,231 --> 00:57:50,800 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. 1040 00:57:50,867 --> 00:57:53,570 Thank you so much for watching. Good night. 1041 00:58:01,778 --> 00:58:03,880 ♫ You've got your head on backwards, baby ♫ 1042 00:58:03,947 --> 00:58:05,414 ♫ You don't know where you're at ♫ 1043 00:58:05,550 --> 00:58:07,251 ♫ You've got your head on backwards, baby ♫ 1044 00:58:07,317 --> 00:58:09,253 ♫ Watch out or you'll fall flat ♫ 1045 00:58:09,318 --> 00:58:12,356 ♫ Instead of saying hi to the people that you meet ♫ 1046 00:58:12,422 --> 00:58:15,425 ♫ You ought to say goodbye as you're walking down the street ♫ 1047 00:58:15,559 --> 00:58:18,262 ♫ You've got your head on backwards, baby ♫ 1048 00:58:18,327 --> 00:58:21,065 ♫ And you're gonna hit the ground ♫ 1049 00:58:21,130 --> 00:58:22,565 ♫ Yeah ♫ 1050 00:58:22,567 --> 00:58:24,126 ♫ Well, when you finally fall down, baby ♫ 1051 00:58:24,134 --> 00:58:27,036 ♫ I don't wanna be around ♫ 1052 00:58:28,237 --> 00:58:29,206 ♫ No ♫ 1053 00:58:48,987 --> 00:58:52,737 .srt Extracted, Resynced by Dan4Jem, AD.MMXVI.XII