1
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,130
Thank you. Thank you.

2
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,599
Thank you very much.
Thank you.

3
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:19,146
Danke. Danke und willkommen
in der Grosse Tour

4
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:20,980
which this week
comes from Germany!

5
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:26,019
Ja. We're here. We're here.

6
00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:31,158
Specifically... Specifically, we
are in the city of Stuttgart.

7
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,460
Except we nearly weren't.

8
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,563
Because one of your
local Green politicians

9
00:01:36,629 --> 00:01:38,831
tried to ban us
from coming here.

10
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,468
I don't want to embarrass
the poor man on television.

11
00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:43,837
So I've hidden his identity.

12
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,277
Yeah.

13
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,043
- Yeah.
- That's good.

14
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:54,448
That's appropriate.

15
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,183
I certainly don't want to
tell you his name.

16
00:01:57,185 --> 00:02:00,620
Which is... Andreas Kasdorf.

17
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,257
Uh...

18
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,727
Not a popular man.
But you elected him.

19
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:10,198
Anyway, he says that
we'd be unwelcome here

20
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:13,834
because this is a very
bicycle-friendly place.

21
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:18,472
It... It isn't. It's the home
of Mercedes and Porsche.

22
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:21,341
- And Germany...
- Exactly.

23
00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:24,512
Germany...

24
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,649
Germany is the cradle
of the automobile.

25
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,818
The car was
actually invented here.

26
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,554
It's the last place on Earth
you can drive a car

27
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:36,789
as fast as it will go
on the motorway.

28
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,526
- It's true.
- All true.

29
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:42,629
This is a true fact.
This is a true fact.

30
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:45,231
The Germans are
the only people on Earth

31
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:48,368
who really know
how to make a car.

32
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,103
This is...

33
00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:53,240
- It's a true fact.
- It's true.

34
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,442
I'll tell you a story.

35
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,242
There was a Mercedes engineer

36
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:58,912
and a Jaguar engineer
having dinner one night.

37
00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:01,314
The Mercedes engineer
said, "Ve haf..."

38
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:02,716
Forgive the accent.

39
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:05,953
"Ve haf a quality test
at ze Mercedes factory."

40
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,556
Every night, ve take a car
off ze line at random.

41
00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:12,725
Ve put a cat in it,
close ze doors.

42
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,295
If... When ve come back
in ze morning,

43
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,965
ve know the door seals
are vorking correctly

44
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,067
"if ze cat has suffocated."

45
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:25,004
Nah.

46
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,774
The Jaguar engineer said,

47
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,643
"We've got something very
similar at our factory."

48
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,545
We take a car
off the line at random.

49
00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:33,913
We put a cat in it.
We close the door.

50
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,883
And we know the car's
been built properly

51
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:39,019
if, when we come back in the
morning, the cat hasn't escaped.

52
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,854
That is...

53
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:45,025
- True story.
- Yeah. True story.

54
00:03:45,091 --> 00:03:46,560
The strange thing is,

55
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,728
it isn't just cars
that are built well here.

56
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:51,932
- It's absolutely everything.
- Except wine.

57
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:53,966
Yes, except wine. Sorry.

58
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:55,336
Well, come on!

59
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:58,305
- Now come on!
- You drink that stuff?

60
00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:01,307
I wouldn't wash my hair in it.

61
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:02,675
Are you sure?

62
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,110
It is literally everything,
though.

63
00:04:04,176 --> 00:04:05,479
German soft toys,

64
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:07,448
better than anybody
else's soft toys.

65
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,883
Cameras, kitchen appliances.

66
00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:12,520
The Queen of England,
she's German.

67
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,555
She is. That's why
she's still working

68
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,757
even though she's a hundred
and forty seventeen years old.

69
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,461
There is no word here
for "that'll do".

70
00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:23,930
There is no ambiguity
at all in Germany.

71
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,798
You certainly see this
with films.

72
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:28,569
The names you have
for American films.

73
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:31,170
I've got some here.
Remember Airplane?

74
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:33,105
Airplane, yes.

75
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,675
In Germany, it was called.

76
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:38,512
The Unbelievable Journey
In The Crazy Airplane.

77
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,713
That is a comprehensive title.

78
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,115
You know where
you are with that.

79
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:43,951
What was Jaws?

80
00:04:44,016 --> 00:04:46,987
The what? The Weisse...?

81
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,755
The White Shark.

82
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,423
It should have been
The Massive Shark.

83
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:53,360
That Explodes Eventually.

84
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,495
You know where
you're going with that.

85
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,898
What was...
What was Basic Instinct?

86
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,600
Just not.

87
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,702
A Brief Glimpse Of
Sharon Stone's Vagina?

88
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:05,237
- Shall we get on with the show?
- Yes, good idea.

89
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,475
Because in tonight's
car programme...

90
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,478
Richard walks a dog.

91
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:15,014
James hangs around a gym.

92
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:17,951
And I say "Good shot."

93
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,553
Good shot.

94
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,122
But before all that,
I'd like to talk

95
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,792
about the original Honda NSX.

96
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,494
We have a picture of it here.

97
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,728
When that car
was launched in 1990,

98
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:30,531
it was considered remarkable

99
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,567
because it was fast
and exciting like a Ferrari,

100
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:35,702
but unlike a Ferrari
of the time,

101
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:38,170
it was also incredibly reliable

102
00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:40,441
and very, very easy to drive.

103
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,675
Honda killed that car off
12 years ago.

104
00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:45,545
But finally, they've come up
with a replacement.

105
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:49,417
So I've been down to our
track to see what it's like.

106
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,086
This is it.

107
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:58,024
It costs £138,000.

108
00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:02,430
Around the same
as a Porsche 911 Turbo S.

109
00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,464
And it has the futuristic lines

110
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:08,802
you would expect
of a rare-breed Honda.

111
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:13,673
Power comes from
a 3.5 litre twin-turbo V6.

112
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:17,778
Backed up by a squadron
of electric motors.

113
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:24,184
Together, they give
the NSX 573 horsepower.

114
00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:26,319
So you would assume
the performance

115
00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:29,956
is something to shout about.

116
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,492
Now, if you ask Honda

117
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,461
for the technical
information on this car,

118
00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:36,463
they will email you
a file so enormous

119
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,197
that it actually
breaks the internet.

120
00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:41,802
And yet, nowhere in it does
it mention the 0-60 time.

121
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:44,572
They simply refuse
to tell us what it is.

122
00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:47,875
I know 0-60 times are
irrelevant in the real world

123
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:50,711
and they're rather childish,
but look, this is a supercar.

124
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,012
It's top trumps, isn't it?
It's important.

125
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,348
So I'm gonna find out what
it is for you using this.

126
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:58,851
It is a data-o-logger.

127
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:04,824
Right. Put it in Track mode.

128
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:06,494
Here we go. Launch control.

129
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,396
Foot on the brake.
Mash the pedal.

130
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,005
Phwoarh!

131
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,512
I'm not sure that was
quite as neck-snapping

132
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:25,678
as a Nissan GTR,

133
00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,781
but it wasn't far off.

134
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:30,050
Let's see what I did.

135
00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:35,288
3.2 seconds 0-60.

136
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:41,528
Which means it isn't quite
as fast as a McLaren 570S,

137
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,531
or a 911 Turbo S,

138
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,867
or a Ferrari 488 GTB.

139
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,769
That's why they're
not mentioning it.

140
00:07:50,202 --> 00:07:52,805
Honda is happy
to quote the top speed.

141
00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:57,577
Which is 191 miles an hour.

142
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,146
But that too is slower
than its rivals

143
00:07:59,211 --> 00:08:02,149
from Ferrari, Porsche,
and McLaren.

144
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,956
So has the new NSX got anything

145
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,723
in the performance department

146
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:14,060
that makes it rise above
its supercar peers?

147
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,997
Well, yes, actually.

148
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:20,800
Firstly, there are the brakes,
which are fly-by-wire.

149
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:23,002
There is no physical
connection to the pedal.

150
00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:25,038
That's because they
have to harvest energy

151
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,473
to recharge the battery system.

152
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:28,975
It's a much cleverer
version of that

153
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,911
than you get on the Porsche 918,

154
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:33,581
a car that costs
five times as much.

155
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,014
Then there's the hybrid system.

156
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:36,750
It uses not one electric motor,

157
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,918
as you might expect, but three.

158
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:42,855
And the way it uses them
is well good.

159
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,161
The one at the back

160
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:49,996
is the wingman
for the petrol engine,

161
00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:53,600
filling the power gaps
when the turbos lag.

162
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:58,605
This gives the NSX ballistic
pick-up at any speed.

163
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:04,311
Look, instant shove.
It's lovely.

164
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:14,621
But it's the two at the front
that are the real party-piece

165
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,624
because they drive a wheel

166
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:19,225
each totally independently
of each other.

167
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,260
Which means this car has

168
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:25,097
a sort of space-age
four-wheel drive.

169
00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:28,134
And that means
extraordinary things happen

170
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:30,336
when you throw it into a corner.

171
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:39,145
So, as you approach
a corner like this one,

172
00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:41,081
computers are
measuring the speed,

173
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:44,652
they're measuring G-force,
steering input, and so forth.

174
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:46,253
They're adding power
to the wheel

175
00:09:46,318 --> 00:09:48,889
or taking power away from
the wheel as it's needed.

176
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,661
Then you get perfectly flat,
perfectly controlled corners.

177
00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:57,831
It is a bit like
driving a Honda Civic!

178
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,933
There are people who would say

179
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,269
that technology
like this in a car,

180
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:06,005
helping it feel secure,
will make it dull.

181
00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:07,640
But it doesn't feel dull to me.

182
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:09,241
It feels tremendous.

183
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:13,880
I'm going fast and I'm relaxing.

184
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,749
What's wrong with that?

185
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:20,620
But the futuristic
four-wheel drive

186
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:23,590
isn't the only piece of
23rd-century engineering

187
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,292
on the NSX.

188
00:10:25,357 --> 00:10:28,828
The aerodynamics,
for example, are so clever,

189
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,562
they can cool all the motors

190
00:10:30,629 --> 00:10:34,134
while providing vast amounts
of grip-enhancing downforce

191
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:38,905
to the front and rear wheels.

192
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:41,073
And it does all this
without anything

193
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:45,011
as old-fashioned
as huge wings and spoilers.

194
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:59,993
It's not just the technology,
which is brilliant,

195
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,796
it's that that technology
is on this car.

196
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,764
Yes, we have hybrid supercars.

197
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,134
We have the LaFerrari,
the McLaren P1,

198
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,600
the Porsche 918.

199
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,403
But they're in the
million-pound bracket.

200
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:14,341
This is only an eighth
of the price of the LaFerrari,

201
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,408
and it's actually cleverer.

202
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,312
I love this.

203
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:22,115
I love the way it looks.
I love the sounds it makes.

204
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,918
I like the sophistication
of the hybrid drive.

205
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,418
I like the performance.

206
00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:29,322
I like the steering.
I like the interior.

207
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:30,823
I really, really like it.

208
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:33,360
And I find myself
wanting one quite badly.

209
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,000
The original NSX made
owning a supercar

210
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,568
less painful and less expensive.

211
00:11:42,634 --> 00:11:48,240
This has done the same
for the hybrid supercar.

212
00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:51,411
It really is a worthy successor.

213
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,393
James, Honda...

214
00:12:06,458 --> 00:12:10,263
Honda took ten years
to develop that car.

215
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,230
And?

216
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,399
Ten years is an enormous
amount of time

217
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,533
to do a car.

218
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,003
You can't criticise something

219
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,105
because people spent
too long on it.

220
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:21,073
People aren't gonna say "I'm not
gonna look round Cologne cathedral."

221
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:23,442
They took 600 years
to build it!"

222
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:25,211
Ooh.

223
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,413
Anyway, I love it.
I love that car.

224
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,916
Anyway, look, we've heard

225
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:30,682
what you've got to say
about the NSX.

226
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:32,485
Now it's time to hand it over

227
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,153
to a man who thinks that...

228
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:37,057
Well, potted plants
are a Communist plot.

229
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,927
Yep. Here he comes.
It's the American!

230
00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:48,500
Come to England.
Shit weather. Shit beer.

231
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:50,570
And he's off!

232
00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,972
Clearly in a tremendous mood.

233
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:55,607
But it is very wet out there.

234
00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:57,309
Wipers flapping away

235
00:12:57,376 --> 00:13:00,312
as he powers onto
the Isn't Straight.

236
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:01,681
Looking good.

237
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:02,982
Where I come from,

238
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:05,118
this thing's badge
is inaccurate.

239
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:07,220
Kind of like a loser's Cadillac.

240
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,188
And yet, strangely,
we're still waiting

241
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,958
for Cadillac's hybrid supercar.

242
00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:14,461
Right, now,
flying into Your Name Here,

243
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:17,364
this really is a good day
to have four-wheel drive.

244
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:19,499
I'm sure even the American
can appreciate

245
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:22,201
the Honda's
hi-tech features.

246
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:24,870
What is this
Space Invaders shit?

247
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:26,438
Clearly not.

248
00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:29,741
Right, full power
for the Isn't again.

249
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:33,312
Electric ain't for engines.
It's for lights and chairs.

250
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:36,182
He is not a modern man, is he?

251
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,618
Right, carving through
the standing water.

252
00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:40,586
Into Old Lady's House.

253
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,355
Slithering about a bit.

254
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:45,893
Now he's leaning on it
for the Unsettled section.

255
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,794
Past the hangars
and up to Sub Station.

256
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:50,963
Hard on those wi-fi brakes

257
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:52,932
for the second-to-last corner.

258
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,101
How's he gonna manage
through here?

259
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,070
Yes, stepping out a bit
under power.

260
00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:58,738
Through Field Of Sheep,

261
00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:01,307
keeping it tidy through
there, and across the line!

262
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,784
Right,

263
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:17,524
let's see now where the NSX
goes on our lap board.

264
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,192
Let's have a look.

265
00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:23,996
- Oh.
- Oh, dear, James.

266
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,269
James.

267
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,307
Why didn't you tell us
it was very slow?

268
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:38,278
- It's streaming wet!
- So hang on a minute.

269
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:41,280
We've had a review from
a tortoise and a wet lap.

270
00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:44,116
Which means we've
learnt precisely nothing.

271
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:46,952
Um... Yeah, you're right.
Nothing at all.

272
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,989
- Nothing at all.
- So let's move on.

273
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:53,259
Yes, let's do that by popping some
loose change in the ticket machine

274
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:56,729
so we can park awhile
on Conversation Street.

275
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:06,972
OK, now...

276
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,975
- I've got some conversation.
- Good.

277
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:12,980
Last night at midnight,
there was alarm in Stuttgart.

278
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,514
The Green Party
that runs the city

279
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:20,187
asked everyone here not to
use wood-burning stoves

280
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,989
and not to drive
their car today.

281
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,557
- Why?
- Because of the smog.

282
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,365
Am I making this up?

283
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,400
There it is.

284
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,506
I can't...

285
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:42,908
I can't imagine
anything clearer.

286
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:44,911
That is... That is gin-clear,

287
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,288
but according to
the Green Party...

288
00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:47,846
I'm not making this up.

289
00:15:47,913 --> 00:15:49,091
You're all from Stuttgart, yes?

290
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,482
There is an alarm today

291
00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:53,320
- because of the smog.
- Yes.

292
00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:55,087
Where is it?

293
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:59,158
How clear is it on a good day?

294
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:02,761
- We've got a photograph here
of Beijing on now.

295
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:04,563
Let us compare and contrast

296
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:08,134
Beijing on a smoggy day
with Stuttgart on a...

297
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,869
- Not the same.
- a smoggy day.

298
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,404
Can I just ask,
what would you have done

299
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:15,041
if they'd have actually ordered
you not to drive cars?

300
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,543
At the moment, it's an advisory.

301
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,354
If they said you are
banned from driving cars,

302
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,513
what would you have done?

303
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,149
Come on the train?
That's unbelievable.

304
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:24,650
But this is the thing

305
00:16:24,716 --> 00:16:26,461
that we don't really
understand about Germany.

306
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:29,056
Once something becomes
a rule, it is a rule.

307
00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:30,822
I once had a very
interesting conversation

308
00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,192
with two friends of mine.

309
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:34,826
One is from California
and one is from Germany.

310
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:37,529
We were talking about
losing your driving licence.

311
00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:40,667
The Californian said, "In
Germany, what would happen"

312
00:16:40,732 --> 00:16:43,536
if you lost your licence
and then you drove your car?"

313
00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:45,738
The German said,
"No, you cannot do this."

314
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,642
He says, "I know
you're not supposed to",

315
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,244
but what if you did?"

316
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:54,081
He said, "No. You cannot
drive. You have no licence."

317
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,149
The Californian
went, "Yeah, man",

318
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:58,717
"but late one night, you just...

319
00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:00,220
hell, you go for a drive."

320
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:01,854
The German went,
"It is impossible

321
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,590
to drive without a licence!"

322
00:17:03,655 --> 00:17:06,093
- Impossible!
- Impossible.

323
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:13,566
There's an interesting thing
I discovered here.

324
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:17,304
On a motorway, obviously you
can drive as fast as you like.

325
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:18,971
You get people
sometimes, not often,

326
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,807
cos your lane discipline
is unbelievable,

327
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:24,477
but sometimes they sit in the
outside lane just dawdling.

328
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:28,248
If you tailgate them... OK?
I've got the fines here.

329
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:32,118
You get a 400 euro fine,
two penalty points,

330
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,921
and a three-month ban
for tailgating.

331
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,989
- That is extreme. Ouch!
- Yes.

332
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,567
But if you overtake them
on the inside,

333
00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:40,359
just go past them on the inside,

334
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:43,130
that's a 150 euro fine,
and one point.

335
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,463
Well, there you go.

336
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:47,133
No. This is where
it gets really good.

337
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:51,238
If you go on the hard shoulder
to overtake, the emergency lane,

338
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:55,607
that's also one point
but only a 90 euro fine.

339
00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:58,144
There's your answer.
That's what you do!

340
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:00,712
No, no.

341
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:06,519
No, because... Aha.
You may think that.

342
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,988
But if you fit your car
with blue lights,

343
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,623
flashing blue lights, basically,

344
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,592
you turn you car
into a police car,

345
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,561
you get... I've got
the point fines here.

346
00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:18,565
20 euro fine
and no points at all!

347
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:22,501
What? You're joking!

348
00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:26,638
- No, you don't understand.
- That is true.

349
00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:29,175
That is very strange
to our ears.

350
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:31,978
Cos if you tried that
at home in the UK,

351
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,614
you would be charged with
impersonating a police officer,

352
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:38,183
and you would never
get out of prison, ever.

353
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,353
People say Germans have
no sense of humour.

354
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,521
If you want to know
what no sense of humour is,

355
00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,624
impersonate a policeman
in Britain.

356
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,792
Then you'll know
what no sense of humour is.

357
00:18:46,858 --> 00:18:50,896
Right, that is the end
of Conversation Strasse.

358
00:18:53,865 --> 00:18:57,769
We all like the idea of
a sports utility vehicle.

359
00:18:57,836 --> 00:19:00,707
A car that can handle the
Australian outback at the weekend

360
00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:05,010
and then set a new lap record at
Hockenheim on a Monday morning.

361
00:19:05,076 --> 00:19:07,213
But even the German
car-makers

362
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,848
can't seem to make
the concept work.

363
00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:11,951
We've got this from Audi.
The RS Q3.

364
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,420
Which is a dismal car.

365
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,388
BMW have the X4,
I think that's called.

366
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:17,824
Don't want one of those, either.

367
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:20,960
Mercedes have
this horrible monster.

368
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,628
They're all just rubbish.

369
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:25,230
And let me guess.
You have a solution.

370
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:26,699
- Yes, I do.
- Oh, God.

371
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,367
Yes, I do. A car

372
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:31,804
that is both sporty
and utilitarian.

373
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,240
This will be good.

374
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:35,741
Ye of little faith.
Watch this.

375
00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:41,614
This is a Land Rover Discovery

376
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,650
doing utilitarian things

377
00:19:43,715 --> 00:19:46,252
in Britain's muddy underbelly.

378
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:51,490
And obviously
a machine like this

379
00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:56,262
cannot possibly be
converted into a sports car.

380
00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:00,432
Or can it?

381
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:06,506
First of all, we have to remove
this rather ungainly body.

382
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:08,607
You can't do that
with a modern car

383
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:11,911
because the body is the
chassis. It's the skeleton.

384
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:14,480
If you take it away,
you're left with nothing more

385
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,583
than a collection
of unjoined-up parts.

386
00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:19,050
However, you can remove the body

387
00:20:19,117 --> 00:20:20,386
on an old Discovery like this,

388
00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:23,789
using nothing more
than one of these.

389
00:20:30,462 --> 00:20:32,398
After just 40 minutes

390
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:34,500
with no help from anyone else,

391
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,336
I ended up with this.

392
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:46,313
Obviously
it's still utilitarian.

393
00:20:46,378 --> 00:20:48,448
It will still wade
through rivers

394
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:51,417
and crawl its way
up muddy banks.

395
00:20:51,483 --> 00:20:53,452
But now there's a...

396
00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:55,587
a sporty flavour as well.

397
00:20:57,155 --> 00:21:02,561
Without the heavy body, it
feels nimble, agile, light.

398
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:10,636
If it weren't for the fact that the
windscreen is now very close to my face,

399
00:21:10,702 --> 00:21:13,772
it would feel like
a Lamborghini Gallardo.

400
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,678
The only real problem with this

401
00:21:18,744 --> 00:21:20,846
is that Britain
is a police state,

402
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:23,450
and if I took this
on a public road,

403
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:25,684
I'd be stopped immediately

404
00:21:25,751 --> 00:21:27,819
by the constabulary
who would point out

405
00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:29,888
that I was contravening about...

406
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:33,526
4,870 different laws.

407
00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:39,365
It's not warm, either.

408
00:21:40,599 --> 00:21:42,902
Oh, no, that's stupid!

409
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:44,971
Happily, both these
problems would be solved

410
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:48,807
when I fitted it with
the body from a sports car.

411
00:21:51,242 --> 00:21:56,082
And this is the sports car
I've gone for.

412
00:21:56,147 --> 00:21:59,852
A 1978 MGB.

413
00:22:03,623 --> 00:22:06,258
Highly-trained men
are now removing its skin

414
00:22:06,393 --> 00:22:08,461
which will then be mated

415
00:22:08,528 --> 00:22:10,896
in a delicate two-hour
operation...

416
00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:14,967
to the internal organs

417
00:22:15,034 --> 00:22:17,036
of the mud-plugging V8.

418
00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:20,539
The following morning

419
00:22:20,606 --> 00:22:22,974
my incredible car was ready.

420
00:22:34,421 --> 00:22:36,122
It is incredible

421
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:39,959
that in a shed I have created
something which has...

422
00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:44,896
eluded the combined might
of the motor industry.

423
00:22:44,963 --> 00:22:49,435
It is a proper
sports utility vehicle.

424
00:22:49,469 --> 00:22:51,136
I call it the MGD,

425
00:22:51,202 --> 00:22:53,440
and now I'm going to find out

426
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:55,842
how well it works on a road.

427
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:09,721
This is... magnificent.

428
00:23:11,857 --> 00:23:14,794
And it is quick. Oh, yeah.

429
00:23:17,696 --> 00:23:19,699
To demonstrate just how quick,

430
00:23:19,766 --> 00:23:21,468
I'm going to do a drag race

431
00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:23,470
against the motor
industry's idea

432
00:23:23,502 --> 00:23:24,971
of an SUV.

433
00:23:32,111 --> 00:23:34,180
Little bit of play there.

434
00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:40,152
Let's do this.

435
00:23:43,490 --> 00:23:45,857
Come on! Yes, look at this.

436
00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:50,563
The 1.5-litre diesel...

437
00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:57,135
is no match
for the 3.9-litre V8 MGD.

438
00:23:58,505 --> 00:24:00,772
Come on, Pride of Britain!

439
00:24:02,608 --> 00:24:04,876
Yes! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

440
00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:07,913
Ah... ah... ah.

441
00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:09,749
Oh, God.

442
00:24:09,816 --> 00:24:12,018
The brakes don't work.

443
00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:18,724
With the performance box ticked,

444
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:21,027
I continued my testing.

445
00:24:21,093 --> 00:24:25,030
In many ways,
the MGD puts me in mind

446
00:24:25,096 --> 00:24:28,034
of an Audi R8 Spyder.

447
00:24:28,099 --> 00:24:31,637
I mean, OK, in the Audi,
the dials would work.

448
00:24:31,703 --> 00:24:34,405
And the switches.
And the brakes.

449
00:24:34,540 --> 00:24:36,442
And the steering.

450
00:24:36,542 --> 00:24:39,045
And it's a bit less
bouncy, but...

451
00:24:39,111 --> 00:24:40,880
both of them

452
00:24:40,947 --> 00:24:43,315
are four-wheel-drive,
two-seater,

453
00:24:43,382 --> 00:24:46,417
drop-head V8s.

454
00:24:46,552 --> 00:24:48,453
There is, however,
one very big difference

455
00:24:48,555 --> 00:24:50,556
between the two cars.

456
00:24:50,557 --> 00:24:52,759
You can't do this in an Audi.

457
00:24:59,464 --> 00:25:02,835
Oh, yes. Yes.

458
00:25:02,902 --> 00:25:07,138
Moments ago I was haring
round a handling track,

459
00:25:07,205 --> 00:25:08,240
and now look.

460
00:25:09,340 --> 00:25:12,010
It's brilliant.

461
00:25:15,381 --> 00:25:19,184
- Oh, no!
Not now, you bastard.

462
00:25:19,250 --> 00:25:22,121
I mean, you wonderful thing.

463
00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:24,123
Choke. Oh.

464
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:25,590
Yeah, that...

465
00:25:27,826 --> 00:25:30,596
It's on its shutdown thing.

466
00:25:30,596 --> 00:25:31,897
It's just to save fuel,

467
00:25:31,963 --> 00:25:33,865
it goes on two cylinders
sometimes.

468
00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:39,438
Once the engine management
thingy had run its...

469
00:25:39,505 --> 00:25:41,472
diagnostic program,

470
00:25:41,607 --> 00:25:43,308
I was back on the move.

471
00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:44,611
Here we go.

472
00:25:48,047 --> 00:25:50,082
Yes.

473
00:25:50,148 --> 00:25:54,252
Mighty four-wheel-drive
system hauling me up that.

474
00:25:54,319 --> 00:25:56,689
What the hell?

475
00:25:56,756 --> 00:25:59,458
Argh! Aargh!

476
00:25:59,525 --> 00:26:02,294
I'm stopping. Stopping.

477
00:26:05,030 --> 00:26:08,000
Oh, Lord,
that is not right, is it?

478
00:26:16,174 --> 00:26:18,144
As I got going
for the second time,

479
00:26:18,210 --> 00:26:20,980
I realised
I'd been a bit of a chump.

480
00:26:21,047 --> 00:26:22,848
The mistake I've made,
of course,

481
00:26:22,914 --> 00:26:25,451
is that I've introduced
you to this car

482
00:26:25,517 --> 00:26:26,919
before I've really tested it.

483
00:26:26,986 --> 00:26:29,055
That's not
what car-makers do.

484
00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:31,257
They test a car and then show it

485
00:26:31,323 --> 00:26:34,559
to the press and the public.

486
00:26:34,661 --> 00:26:36,020
I'm doing that
the other way round.

487
00:26:36,061 --> 00:26:38,130
I'm introducing this to you

488
00:26:38,197 --> 00:26:40,031
before I've done
the testing and...

489
00:26:44,336 --> 00:26:47,138
Oh, for Christ's sake.

490
00:26:50,409 --> 00:26:52,278
You little beauty.

491
00:26:57,750 --> 00:27:00,720
Er, now, yes, what was I saying?

492
00:27:02,689 --> 00:27:07,993
I think the issue is really you're
watching my workings-out here.

493
00:27:08,059 --> 00:27:10,099
What you really want to see
is the finished product.

494
00:27:10,162 --> 00:27:12,198
That's what I should have done.

495
00:27:12,263 --> 00:27:15,034
Oh, Christ's sake.

496
00:27:17,036 --> 00:27:20,239
Right.

497
00:27:20,306 --> 00:27:23,342
At this point, I decided,
for no particular reason,

498
00:27:23,409 --> 00:27:25,711
to scrap the MG idea

499
00:27:25,778 --> 00:27:27,980
and go for
something else instead.

500
00:27:31,383 --> 00:27:33,451
This is what I chose.

501
00:27:33,519 --> 00:27:36,255
A 1980s Mercedes SL.

502
00:27:36,322 --> 00:27:38,825
Partly because
it's the very essence

503
00:27:38,891 --> 00:27:40,727
of quiet, urban restraint,

504
00:27:40,792 --> 00:27:42,560
taste and elegance.

505
00:27:42,627 --> 00:27:47,199
It's a car that was driven
by Bobby Ewing in Dallas.

506
00:27:47,266 --> 00:27:49,367
Mostly, though,
I chose it because

507
00:27:49,434 --> 00:27:52,872
it would fit more snugly
on the Discovery chassis.

508
00:27:56,008 --> 00:27:58,477
This time,
the men worked tirelessly

509
00:27:58,544 --> 00:27:59,979
for nearly a whole day

510
00:28:00,046 --> 00:28:01,380
to marry the two cars

511
00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:04,282
and the result was spectacular.

512
00:28:08,887 --> 00:28:11,457
It's a car
I have justifiably called...

513
00:28:11,522 --> 00:28:14,093
The Excellent.

514
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,296
The internal organs
from a Landrover Discovery

515
00:28:17,363 --> 00:28:22,801
mated to the beautiful skin
of a glamorous Mercedes SL.

516
00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:25,037
To create a vision of pure...

517
00:28:25,938 --> 00:28:27,272
What's the word?

518
00:28:27,338 --> 00:28:29,607
- Rubbish.
- It's not rubbish.

519
00:28:29,674 --> 00:28:32,778
Did you paint it
with a brush or a bucket?

520
00:28:32,778 --> 00:28:35,847
It's got those headlights that
swivel when you go round a bend.

521
00:28:35,914 --> 00:28:37,648
So they point at the road.

522
00:28:37,784 --> 00:28:39,384
OK, let me ask you this.

523
00:28:39,451 --> 00:28:40,819
Which would you rather have?

524
00:28:40,886 --> 00:28:42,788
The Excellent or that Porsche?

525
00:28:42,822 --> 00:28:44,891
- That Porsche.
- Why?

526
00:28:44,957 --> 00:28:47,993
Because it's better
in every single way.

527
00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:50,128
To prove my cynical
colleagues wrong,

528
00:28:50,195 --> 00:28:53,031
I invited them
to go for a drive.

529
00:28:54,465 --> 00:28:56,067
Oh, kind.

530
00:28:56,134 --> 00:28:59,605
See? It's an optional extra
for the shorter gentleman.

531
00:28:59,671 --> 00:29:02,273
- Are you comfy, Hammond?
- No.

532
00:29:02,340 --> 00:29:04,810
- Is this as in as I can get?
- Yep.

533
00:29:06,211 --> 00:29:09,848
Right, listen to this.

534
00:29:10,817 --> 00:29:12,417
Oh, no, it moves!

535
00:29:16,622 --> 00:29:19,724
We'd only gone a few miles
before Richard and James

536
00:29:19,826 --> 00:29:21,559
completely changed their minds

537
00:29:21,626 --> 00:29:24,596
and realised that The
Excellent was the best car

538
00:29:24,663 --> 00:29:26,231
they'd ever been in.

539
00:29:26,298 --> 00:29:27,933
No, we haven't.
Stop saying things

540
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,434
in voiceover that aren't true.

541
00:29:29,500 --> 00:29:31,237
I thought you'd
changed your mind.

542
00:29:31,303 --> 00:29:33,271
No! Maybe a bit.
It's worse than I thought.

543
00:29:33,338 --> 00:29:36,708
- Can I put the heater on?
- That's not connected.

544
00:29:36,843 --> 00:29:38,109
- Is it not?
- No.

545
00:29:38,176 --> 00:29:40,211
- What's that dial down there?
- Speedometer.

546
00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:42,147
Why have you got that one,
not that one?

547
00:29:42,213 --> 00:29:44,482
- That doesn't work.
- Has it got a fuel gauge?

548
00:29:44,549 --> 00:29:46,617
- Not as such.
- Has it got a temperature gauge?

549
00:29:46,684 --> 00:29:47,987
Not really.

550
00:29:48,054 --> 00:29:49,888
There's a lot of wires
hanging out of the dash

551
00:29:49,955 --> 00:29:51,923
that aren't connected to things.

552
00:29:51,990 --> 00:29:53,992
You haven't given it
an interior.

553
00:29:57,395 --> 00:29:59,530
- I can see the road.
- I can as well.

554
00:29:59,597 --> 00:30:03,102
No, there's a hole in the floor.

555
00:30:03,169 --> 00:30:06,305
While Hammond and May had
one or two minor issues,

556
00:30:06,372 --> 00:30:09,775
they both agreed that if I were
to put my car into production,

557
00:30:09,842 --> 00:30:12,243
it would make me a fortune.

558
00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:14,512
No, we didn't agree
to that, either.

559
00:30:14,579 --> 00:30:16,748
Look, I've
done the maths. Honestly.

560
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,584
The Discovery was £2,500.

561
00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:21,819
Mercedes £4,500.
£7,000 for the work.

562
00:30:21,887 --> 00:30:26,192
That's 14,000 quid. I could
sell this for £120,000.

563
00:30:26,258 --> 00:30:27,926
- No, you couldn't.
- Yes, I could.

564
00:30:27,993 --> 00:30:29,760
A Cayenne Turbo is 120.

565
00:30:29,827 --> 00:30:33,464
A Cayenne Turbo is a proper
car built by Porsche.

566
00:30:33,531 --> 00:30:37,802
This is two scrap cars
glued together by a Muppet.

567
00:30:37,869 --> 00:30:39,837
It isn't designed
for people like you.

568
00:30:39,905 --> 00:30:41,707
What, people with eyes?

569
00:30:41,772 --> 00:30:43,741
People who can dress
themselves in the morning?

570
00:30:43,808 --> 00:30:47,012
I'll tell you exactly
who will buy this car.

571
00:30:47,078 --> 00:30:49,615
People who use
roundy-ended scissors.

572
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:51,150
Footballers.

573
00:30:51,217 --> 00:30:53,419
- No, they won't.
- Footballers like Ferraris.

574
00:30:53,484 --> 00:30:55,421
Yeah, and Bentleys
and Range Rovers.

575
00:30:55,487 --> 00:30:58,057
- And Aston Martins.
- Not this thing.

576
00:31:03,229 --> 00:31:05,163
To prove them wrong again,

577
00:31:05,230 --> 00:31:10,469
I decided to head for the
nearby Chelsea training ground.

578
00:31:10,536 --> 00:31:13,372
These are people who understand
cars, not like you two.

579
00:31:13,439 --> 00:31:16,008
Yeah, they understand
cars, that's why they buy.

580
00:31:16,075 --> 00:31:18,344
Range Rovers and Aston Martins.

581
00:31:18,410 --> 00:31:19,945
They buy those things

582
00:31:19,979 --> 00:31:21,946
cos they didn't know
that you could do this.

583
00:31:21,948 --> 00:31:24,450
- I like my car.
- It's shit.

584
00:31:29,755 --> 00:31:32,124
They're flocking to it,
aren't they?

585
00:31:32,191 --> 00:31:33,959
- You just watch.
- Do you mind

586
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,363
if I go and stand
next to something else?

587
00:31:37,429 --> 00:31:39,298
Soon some players arrived,

588
00:31:39,365 --> 00:31:41,633
which gave Richard
and James a chance

589
00:31:41,700 --> 00:31:44,369
to show off their
footballing knowledge.

590
00:31:44,435 --> 00:31:45,980
You're really tall.
You should play in goal.

591
00:31:46,005 --> 00:31:47,306
Yeah, I do, I play in goal.

592
00:31:47,373 --> 00:31:49,008
- I'm the goalkeeper.
- I know that.

593
00:31:49,075 --> 00:31:50,409
What part of Chelsea
are you from?

594
00:31:50,476 --> 00:31:54,079
- I'm from Belgium.
- Oh.

595
00:31:54,145 --> 00:31:56,347
How do you know
they're footballers?

596
00:31:56,414 --> 00:31:57,848
Well, do you not recognise them?

597
00:31:57,983 --> 00:31:59,094
They're in football outfits.

598
00:31:59,117 --> 00:32:00,986
He doesn't recognise you.

599
00:32:00,987 --> 00:32:02,854
Where's...
Where's Alex Ferguson?

600
00:32:02,989 --> 00:32:05,391
Why don't we ask him?

601
00:32:05,457 --> 00:32:08,559
At this point I dismissed
my ignorant colleagues

602
00:32:08,626 --> 00:32:11,663
so that I could operate
the subtitle machine.

603
00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:25,576
- Can you do keepy-uppy?
- Yeah.

604
00:32:27,712 --> 00:32:29,480
Take a shot at me.

605
00:32:29,548 --> 00:32:31,817
Well, that's ridiculous.
What can I do with that?

606
00:32:31,883 --> 00:32:33,219
You're supposed to jump.

607
00:32:36,188 --> 00:32:38,023
flipping horrific.

608
00:32:38,057 --> 00:32:40,826
So you've butchered
a classic car?

609
00:32:40,892 --> 00:32:44,029
Right, watch this.
Little toss...

610
00:32:44,930 --> 00:32:46,031
No.

611
00:32:46,097 --> 00:32:48,500
You need to think of...

612
00:33:04,115 --> 00:33:05,916
- Ow.
- Saved.

613
00:33:12,758 --> 00:33:14,359
Having established

614
00:33:14,425 --> 00:33:17,063
that all top professional
footballers loved my car,

615
00:33:17,096 --> 00:33:19,198
we got back on the road.

616
00:33:21,900 --> 00:33:23,169
Did you get any orders?

617
00:33:23,234 --> 00:33:24,502
I noticed that the car park

618
00:33:24,569 --> 00:33:26,438
was still full of
Mercedes G-Class.

619
00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:28,307
- I saw that.
- Listen.

620
00:33:28,374 --> 00:33:31,210
I could put this
into an auction,

621
00:33:31,277 --> 00:33:33,412
one of those posh,
up-market ones,

622
00:33:33,479 --> 00:33:35,681
and it would sell for £120,000.

623
00:33:35,747 --> 00:33:37,482
It would not!

624
00:33:37,548 --> 00:33:40,286
To prove them wrong again...

625
00:33:54,133 --> 00:33:57,435
Gentlemen,
people are examining...

626
00:33:57,502 --> 00:33:59,438
Yeah, they are the organisers.

627
00:33:59,505 --> 00:34:01,707
They're wondering
about their carpet.

628
00:34:03,308 --> 00:34:06,278
"Handcrafted by a renowned
British atelier...

629
00:34:06,345 --> 00:34:08,547
sympathetically marries
the chassis with..."

630
00:34:10,382 --> 00:34:13,585
- Did you write this?
- Course I wrote it.

631
00:34:13,652 --> 00:34:16,554
"The interior would benefit
from some minor attention."

632
00:34:16,621 --> 00:34:18,690
- Well, it would.
- With a hand grenade.

633
00:34:18,757 --> 00:34:20,259
Lot number 132.

634
00:34:20,326 --> 00:34:22,527
Soon the auction was under way.

635
00:34:22,594 --> 00:34:27,565
Ferrari 308 GTB, at £118,000.

636
00:34:27,632 --> 00:34:31,603
Lot number 127, start me
with this at 300,000.

637
00:34:31,670 --> 00:34:33,639
And many of the punters
were happy

638
00:34:33,704 --> 00:34:37,909
to pay six-figure sums
for the cars on offer.

639
00:34:37,976 --> 00:34:39,878
At 270,000.

640
00:34:39,945 --> 00:34:43,148
285 for the Countach.

641
00:34:43,148 --> 00:34:46,751
The Countach
just went for £285,000.

642
00:34:46,818 --> 00:34:48,387
I think I'm gonna sell
The Excellent

643
00:34:48,454 --> 00:34:50,155
for more than that.

644
00:34:50,188 --> 00:34:52,291
And then it was time.

645
00:34:52,358 --> 00:34:56,027
Moving on to lot number 138A.

646
00:34:56,161 --> 00:34:57,963
The Excellent.

647
00:34:58,028 --> 00:34:59,431
It's a fantastic handcrafted,

648
00:34:59,498 --> 00:35:01,766
very unusual machine,
as you can see.

649
00:35:01,833 --> 00:35:03,068
I don't want you...

650
00:35:03,168 --> 00:35:07,005
Beautiful, stylish
Mercedes Benz coachwork.

651
00:35:07,072 --> 00:35:09,840
- Very unusual, unique...
- Unusual?

652
00:35:09,907 --> 00:35:12,077
Here for sale this afternoon.

653
00:35:12,177 --> 00:35:14,945
Start me
if you will on this at...

654
00:35:15,012 --> 00:35:16,981
£425.

655
00:35:17,047 --> 00:35:19,251
At £425...

656
00:35:19,318 --> 00:35:21,018
Any advance at 400?

657
00:35:21,085 --> 00:35:23,322
£500. 550 anywhere?

658
00:35:23,389 --> 00:35:25,356
- Somebody's bid?
- 600 here.

659
00:35:25,423 --> 00:35:27,326
650. 650. 700 now.

660
00:35:27,393 --> 00:35:29,527
We're rattling up.

661
00:35:29,594 --> 00:35:32,898
700 here. 700. 800 now.

662
00:35:32,963 --> 00:35:34,932
Let's go for 1,000.

663
00:35:40,405 --> 00:35:42,673
Let's get going.
Come on, let's sell this car.

664
00:35:44,710 --> 00:35:46,677
- £1,000 here on my right.
- Are you bidding?

665
00:35:46,744 --> 00:35:49,014
- No.
- Jeremy, are you bidding?

666
00:35:49,079 --> 00:35:50,516
2,000 if you wish.

667
00:35:50,581 --> 00:35:52,851
It's 2,000 and five.
Two, five.

668
00:35:52,918 --> 00:35:56,086
3,000 now. It's 3,000 here.
Three, five anywhere?

669
00:35:56,222 --> 00:35:58,123
Three, one.

670
00:35:58,224 --> 00:36:00,626
At 3,100.

671
00:36:00,692 --> 00:36:02,693
£3,200.

672
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:04,230
At £3,500.

673
00:36:04,262 --> 00:36:07,233
- It cost me 14,000.
- 4,000.

674
00:36:07,266 --> 00:36:09,400
At £4,000...

675
00:36:09,467 --> 00:36:11,536
At £4,000, any more?

676
00:36:16,141 --> 00:36:17,842
At £4,000.

677
00:36:17,909 --> 00:36:19,445
Come and see us after.

678
00:36:19,510 --> 00:36:21,347
You just lost ten grand.

679
00:36:21,413 --> 00:36:23,914
He could have just
thrown it down the lavatory.

680
00:36:34,992 --> 00:36:36,695
It was rubbish.

681
00:36:38,163 --> 00:36:40,666
Hold on.

682
00:36:40,731 --> 00:36:43,668
- You were bidding
on your own car.

683
00:36:43,735 --> 00:36:46,405
Well, a bit. I just wanted
to get the ball rolling.

684
00:36:46,472 --> 00:36:47,806
But even then it didn't work

685
00:36:47,873 --> 00:36:49,974
because you only sold it
for four grand.

686
00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:51,777
It cost you 14,000 to make

687
00:36:51,842 --> 00:36:54,713
so you cost our production
company £10,000.

688
00:36:54,780 --> 00:36:56,547
No, no, not true.

689
00:36:56,614 --> 00:36:59,284
- I put a reserve on it.
- What reserve?

690
00:36:59,284 --> 00:37:01,286
£100,000.

691
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:03,289
- £100,000?
- So it didn't sell at all,

692
00:37:03,355 --> 00:37:06,425
which means you cost us £14,000?

693
00:37:06,492 --> 00:37:10,496
Well, yes, but we've
ended up with The Excellent.

694
00:37:10,561 --> 00:37:14,365
No, we're stuck
with The Excellent.

695
00:37:14,432 --> 00:37:16,402
It's really difficult to
know, working with you,

696
00:37:16,467 --> 00:37:19,003
things like this, is it ambition

697
00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:21,773
or are you a lunatic?

698
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,409
Sadly there isn't time
to answer that question,

699
00:37:24,476 --> 00:37:28,347
because it's time to play
Celebrity Brain Crash.

700
00:37:35,887 --> 00:37:38,188
Our guest this week
is a local girl

701
00:37:38,324 --> 00:37:43,128
who is responsible for one of my
all-time favourite pop songs,

702
00:37:43,193 --> 00:37:45,163
99 Red Balloons.

703
00:37:45,230 --> 00:37:47,398
She is a singer,

704
00:37:47,465 --> 00:37:49,434
she's an armpit hair enthusiast

705
00:37:49,501 --> 00:37:51,702
and she's
an all-round good sport.

706
00:37:51,769 --> 00:37:54,340
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Nena!

707
00:38:14,693 --> 00:38:17,762
- Where is she?
- I've got no idea. Um...

708
00:38:19,364 --> 00:38:21,432
Oh. Oh, no...

709
00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:23,469
It's hard to see
through the smog,

710
00:38:23,534 --> 00:38:25,371
but yes, that is...

711
00:38:25,436 --> 00:38:28,639
- Oh, no.
- What's happened here is...

712
00:38:28,706 --> 00:38:30,376
Nena...

713
00:38:30,442 --> 00:38:33,043
yes, she's been
carried away by 99...

714
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:37,248
- red balloons.
- Oh, no.

715
00:38:37,382 --> 00:38:38,849
Bad.

716
00:38:43,922 --> 00:38:46,257
Does that mean
she's not coming on, then?

717
00:38:46,391 --> 00:38:48,760
Well, James, she's floated
up into the stratosphere,

718
00:38:48,827 --> 00:38:51,963
her eyelids have frozen over
and her lungs are inside out.

719
00:38:52,030 --> 00:38:53,931
So that is a no.

720
00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:55,634
It's OK, though.

721
00:38:55,701 --> 00:38:58,235
We anticipated
that Nena may float away.

722
00:38:58,302 --> 00:39:01,039
We have a back-up plan. We'll activate it.
You sit down.

723
00:39:01,106 --> 00:39:05,010
You see, the thing is...
that more and more stuff,

724
00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:08,179
these days, is being powered
by rechargeable batteries.

725
00:39:08,246 --> 00:39:10,248
You know, phones, laptops.
That sort of thing.

726
00:39:10,315 --> 00:39:12,884
And this is giving the world
a bit of a problem.

727
00:39:12,951 --> 00:39:16,722
Because in Britain, our power
companies only produce

728
00:39:16,788 --> 00:39:20,425
five per cent more power
than we need.

729
00:39:20,458 --> 00:39:22,427
We're only just coping.

730
00:39:22,494 --> 00:39:24,896
It's actually worse
in the United States

731
00:39:24,963 --> 00:39:28,500
cos they produce 16% less
than they actually need,

732
00:39:28,567 --> 00:39:31,436
which means they have
to import electricity.

733
00:39:31,436 --> 00:39:33,739
So what is gonna happen
as more and more people

734
00:39:33,804 --> 00:39:36,074
are buying
and using electric cars?

735
00:39:36,141 --> 00:39:39,077
We're gonna need more power.
We may not be able to cope.

736
00:39:39,143 --> 00:39:40,612
The solution, you may think,

737
00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:42,280
is to build more power stations.

738
00:39:42,347 --> 00:39:43,914
But if you even suggest that,

739
00:39:43,981 --> 00:39:45,550
weird-beard
environmentalists run around

740
00:39:45,617 --> 00:39:47,152
waving their arms
in the air, going,

741
00:39:47,217 --> 00:39:49,329
"What about the polar bear
and the bats and the newt?"

742
00:39:49,353 --> 00:39:52,458
Anyway, the point is we are going
to need more and more power

743
00:39:52,490 --> 00:39:55,360
to charge the batteries in
our phones, laptops and cars.

744
00:39:55,460 --> 00:39:58,463
- Where are we gonna get it from?
- This got us thinking.

745
00:39:58,530 --> 00:40:02,398
How much electricity could we
possibly generate every day.

746
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:02,467
How much electricity could we possibly generate
every day just during our normal lives?

747
00:40:02,469 --> 00:40:03,969
just during our normal lives?

748
00:40:04,034 --> 00:40:07,938
And what if we could
harness it in some way?

749
00:40:10,208 --> 00:40:13,077
This is an office block
in the centre of London.

750
00:40:13,143 --> 00:40:17,215
Like many office blocks,
it has a revolving door,

751
00:40:17,282 --> 00:40:22,320
which spins constantly
as people come and go.

752
00:40:22,387 --> 00:40:25,956
So, why not simply connect
that door to a generator

753
00:40:26,023 --> 00:40:30,996
and turn all that spinning
into electricity?

754
00:40:31,061 --> 00:40:33,764
And it's not just
revolving doors, either.

755
00:40:36,201 --> 00:40:37,635
Many of us have dogs

756
00:40:37,702 --> 00:40:40,938
and every day we take
those dogs for a walk.

757
00:40:42,773 --> 00:40:45,510
A dog scampers hither
and thither, running ahead

758
00:40:45,577 --> 00:40:46,911
and snouting under hedgerows.

759
00:40:46,978 --> 00:40:51,483
So why not attach it
to a trailer like this?

760
00:40:51,550 --> 00:40:52,951
Dog pulls the trailer along.

761
00:40:53,018 --> 00:40:55,621
Inside this wheel is a dynamo.

762
00:40:55,686 --> 00:40:58,023
It makes electricity,
goes along these wires

763
00:40:58,088 --> 00:40:59,023
and into this capacitor,

764
00:40:59,090 --> 00:41:01,025
and when that dial reads 100%,

765
00:41:01,092 --> 00:41:03,260
I'm charging my phone,

766
00:41:03,327 --> 00:41:04,630
So, dog's harnessed.

767
00:41:04,695 --> 00:41:06,931
That was easy.
Attached to the trailer.

768
00:41:06,998 --> 00:41:09,367
All I've got to do
is set her going.

769
00:41:09,434 --> 00:41:12,202
And I've even planned
for that. So, here we go.

770
00:41:12,269 --> 00:41:13,672
Fetch!

771
00:41:16,574 --> 00:41:18,143
Ah-haa!

772
00:41:18,208 --> 00:41:19,878
Yeah! Your favourite!

773
00:41:22,413 --> 00:41:24,615
Chase!

774
00:41:26,451 --> 00:41:27,885
Maybe this dog's broken?

775
00:41:27,952 --> 00:41:31,322
Meanwhile, back in London,

776
00:41:31,389 --> 00:41:33,090
James was charging his phone

777
00:41:33,157 --> 00:41:36,094
from a contraption he'd
fitted to the revolving door.

778
00:41:47,271 --> 00:41:50,208
And even Jeremy had decided
to get in on the action.

779
00:41:51,943 --> 00:41:54,411
This school sports day,

780
00:41:54,478 --> 00:41:57,148
in my mind, is a power station.

781
00:41:57,215 --> 00:42:00,184
All we have to do is fit
the children with harnesses

782
00:42:00,251 --> 00:42:03,889
and I could have this
charged up in no time at all.

783
00:42:04,856 --> 00:42:08,059
Here we go!

784
00:42:08,126 --> 00:42:09,393
Straightaway we can see

785
00:42:09,460 --> 00:42:12,297
that charge is being produced.

786
00:42:12,362 --> 00:42:13,798
Not much, but some.

787
00:42:13,864 --> 00:42:16,835
Come on, all of you!
Come on!

788
00:42:16,902 --> 00:42:20,304
Put your back into it!
Catch him! Chop-chop!

789
00:42:21,773 --> 00:42:24,742
This is the work of a genius.

790
00:42:24,809 --> 00:42:26,277
Back in the countryside,

791
00:42:26,344 --> 00:42:27,846
I'd mended my dog

792
00:42:27,913 --> 00:42:30,414
and things were going
well here too.

793
00:42:30,481 --> 00:42:33,384
As you can see,
the dog is now running,

794
00:42:33,451 --> 00:42:34,686
the wheels are turning,

795
00:42:34,753 --> 00:42:36,621
electricity is being generated.

796
00:42:36,621 --> 00:42:40,025
He's basically
a four-legged Sellafield!

797
00:42:40,090 --> 00:42:43,795
Sadly, however, in London,
it was the middle of the day

798
00:42:43,862 --> 00:42:46,697
and no one had been using
James's door.

799
00:42:49,034 --> 00:42:51,635
As a result,
his phone was dying.

800
00:42:51,637 --> 00:42:53,304
So he had to get radical.

801
00:43:08,219 --> 00:43:09,920
15%.

802
00:43:09,987 --> 00:43:11,690
Nice.

803
00:43:13,090 --> 00:43:15,159
Apart from
a couple of hiccups...

804
00:43:15,226 --> 00:43:16,795
Go!

805
00:43:21,065 --> 00:43:23,568
You'll have to put a little
bit more effort in than that.

806
00:43:23,668 --> 00:43:25,903
everything was going well.

807
00:43:25,971 --> 00:43:28,072
The power was flooding in.

808
00:43:28,139 --> 00:43:29,507
Oh, yes!

809
00:43:29,574 --> 00:43:31,710
25%.

810
00:43:31,777 --> 00:43:33,510
And we were forced to conclude

811
00:43:33,577 --> 00:43:36,681
that it had been a successful
day for all of us.

812
00:43:36,715 --> 00:43:39,684
Well, when I say all of us...

813
00:43:40,686 --> 00:43:41,920
No. Look, listen.

814
00:43:41,987 --> 00:43:45,891
I can see why you're
here. Um...

815
00:43:45,956 --> 00:43:48,793
Obviously, fitting
children with harnesses

816
00:43:48,860 --> 00:43:50,728
and then videoing them,

817
00:43:50,795 --> 00:43:52,297
and they're not my children...

818
00:44:01,873 --> 00:44:06,210
I got... I got 45% charge
in my phone.

819
00:44:06,277 --> 00:44:07,713
I got 41% charge.

820
00:44:07,778 --> 00:44:11,916
I got a different
sort of charge.

821
00:44:11,983 --> 00:44:13,182
Anyway, since we had proved...

822
00:44:13,217 --> 00:44:14,786
well, Hammond and I
had proved...

823
00:44:14,853 --> 00:44:17,188
that it was possible
to charge up a telephone...

824
00:44:17,255 --> 00:44:21,025
I began to wonder
if we could charge up a car

825
00:44:21,092 --> 00:44:24,128
using nothing more than vanity.

826
00:44:26,264 --> 00:44:30,201
In London alone,
there are over 750 gyms,

827
00:44:30,268 --> 00:44:32,469
and every day they are
full of people

828
00:44:32,536 --> 00:44:35,139
picking things up
and putting them down again

829
00:44:35,206 --> 00:44:37,809
so they can be more attractive.

830
00:44:39,344 --> 00:44:41,813
So why not use
all this colossal effort?

831
00:44:42,748 --> 00:44:44,148
Let's harness it!

832
00:44:45,916 --> 00:44:48,385
And that's exactly
what we have done.

833
00:44:48,452 --> 00:44:49,987
Ten of the machines in this gym

834
00:44:50,054 --> 00:44:51,456
have been connected to a device

835
00:44:51,521 --> 00:44:54,224
which produces a smooth
flow of electricity

836
00:44:54,291 --> 00:44:58,228
that's sent outside to this
G-Wiz in the car park.

837
00:45:00,331 --> 00:45:02,867
Right now the battery is flat.

838
00:45:02,934 --> 00:45:04,568
So I'm going to plug it in

839
00:45:04,635 --> 00:45:07,304
and then after eight hours,
we'll see how far I can drive

840
00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:11,009
on electricity that's been
generated in there.

841
00:45:24,956 --> 00:45:26,490
Come on, you're slacking.

842
00:45:42,039 --> 00:45:45,043
Right. Unplug from the gym.

843
00:45:46,811 --> 00:45:48,813
Let's see how far we go.

844
00:45:55,385 --> 00:45:58,923
Look at this. This is epic
because I'm driving along

845
00:45:58,989 --> 00:46:01,827
in a car, sort of.

846
00:46:01,893 --> 00:46:03,494
No fossil fuel has been burned,

847
00:46:03,561 --> 00:46:05,063
and no atoms have been split.

848
00:46:05,130 --> 00:46:07,065
Nothing's been fracked up.

849
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,842
Look, there's a man
pushing that pushchair.

850
00:46:17,909 --> 00:46:20,045
Stick a little dynamo on that,

851
00:46:20,110 --> 00:46:22,947
kid gets some fresh air,
I get more battery charge.

852
00:46:28,418 --> 00:46:31,088
It's difficult to see who
loses from this arrangement.

853
00:46:31,155 --> 00:46:33,623
I get a trip home,
effectively for nothing,

854
00:46:33,690 --> 00:46:36,862
the people going to the gym
feel good, look good,

855
00:46:36,894 --> 00:46:39,630
they become healthier,
the NHS saves money,

856
00:46:39,697 --> 00:46:40,898
cos people are less likely

857
00:46:40,965 --> 00:46:42,632
to have strokes
and what have you.

858
00:46:42,699 --> 00:46:45,135
If one person in a hundred
gets a free gy...

859
00:46:49,574 --> 00:46:51,541
Hang on.

860
00:46:55,780 --> 00:46:57,882
I was enjoying driving on pedal

861
00:46:57,916 --> 00:47:00,351
and cross-trainer power!

862
00:47:03,288 --> 00:47:06,958
And with that, I think
it's back to the tent.

863
00:47:12,697 --> 00:47:14,900
James... James May,

864
00:47:14,932 --> 00:47:17,902
how far did you get

865
00:47:17,969 --> 00:47:20,170
after eight hours of charging?

866
00:47:20,237 --> 00:47:22,907
Actually, it was
better than I expected.

867
00:47:22,907 --> 00:47:24,742
I did 21 miles.

868
00:47:24,809 --> 00:47:27,913
Hang on, though. To get
from our office in London

869
00:47:27,945 --> 00:47:29,813
to my home in nearly Wales,

870
00:47:29,914 --> 00:47:33,018
that's 130 miles, 21 miles at...

871
00:47:33,083 --> 00:47:35,119
So six stops at gyms,
eight hours a time,

872
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:36,521
and the actual driving,

873
00:47:36,586 --> 00:47:38,322
it would take me three days

874
00:47:38,389 --> 00:47:39,523
to get home!

875
00:47:39,590 --> 00:47:42,126
Or, Hammond, just an idea,

876
00:47:42,193 --> 00:47:44,996
you could maybe get
a petrol-powered car,

877
00:47:45,063 --> 00:47:46,931
put some petrol in it,

878
00:47:46,931 --> 00:47:48,465
and be home in two hours.

879
00:47:48,532 --> 00:47:50,467
That's a better...
I'm gonna do that.

880
00:47:50,534 --> 00:47:51,936
Yes. So there we are.

881
00:47:51,969 --> 00:47:54,072
That's the future,
and it's made of petrol.

882
00:47:54,139 --> 00:47:56,206
So we've addressed that nicely.

883
00:47:59,043 --> 00:48:01,079
Moving on...

884
00:48:03,380 --> 00:48:05,782
Now...

885
00:48:05,849 --> 00:48:07,518
There are people
all over the world

886
00:48:07,585 --> 00:48:11,456
who believe we are permanently
on the verge of nuclear war,

887
00:48:11,521 --> 00:48:14,625
alien invasion or zombie attack.

888
00:48:14,692 --> 00:48:15,994
It isn't a niche thing.

889
00:48:16,061 --> 00:48:18,496
There's 120,000 of these
people at least.

890
00:48:18,563 --> 00:48:20,764
They call themselves preppers.

891
00:48:20,831 --> 00:48:22,432
- Morons.
- Shut up.

892
00:48:22,500 --> 00:48:24,235
- Idiots.
- And these preppers,

893
00:48:24,302 --> 00:48:27,371
in order to prepare for
an extinction-level event,

894
00:48:27,438 --> 00:48:29,077
stock their homes
with essential supplies,

895
00:48:29,139 --> 00:48:31,242
they go out into the woods
and practise tactics,

896
00:48:31,309 --> 00:48:35,012
and they create what
they call bug-out cars.

897
00:48:35,079 --> 00:48:36,422
They're brilliant.
Here is one. Look.

898
00:48:36,447 --> 00:48:38,583
- Look at that!
- Yeah! I know!

899
00:48:38,648 --> 00:48:41,518
- No, Hammond, that is not brilliant.
- It is.

900
00:48:41,585 --> 00:48:44,655
Are you saying we can prepare
for a nuclear attack

901
00:48:44,722 --> 00:48:49,226
by putting some spikes
on the wheels of a Hyundai?

902
00:48:49,293 --> 00:48:50,860
What if the nuclear attack

903
00:48:50,996 --> 00:48:53,030
comes from the back
of the Hyundai?

904
00:48:53,097 --> 00:48:54,731
All you're gonna do
with that car

905
00:48:54,798 --> 00:48:57,568
- is snag your jumper on it.
- Oh, don't be so negative.

906
00:48:57,635 --> 00:49:01,005
In this show you have wasted
14,000 of our pounds

907
00:49:01,039 --> 00:49:02,773
on your stupid Mercedes car.

908
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,442
You have wasted all of our time

909
00:49:04,509 --> 00:49:06,110
with your sweat-powered
electric car.

910
00:49:06,177 --> 00:49:09,047
This is my thing.
Let me do it.

911
00:49:09,114 --> 00:49:11,481
You do realise
there's no such thing

912
00:49:11,548 --> 00:49:12,548
as a zombie, don't you?

913
00:49:12,583 --> 00:49:15,119
Don't spoil it for him.

914
00:49:15,186 --> 00:49:17,688
I like the idea
of being a prepper,

915
00:49:17,755 --> 00:49:21,358
so I thought I'd have a go
at making my own bug-out car.

916
00:49:28,298 --> 00:49:31,101
This is what I came up with.

917
00:49:34,039 --> 00:49:38,608
It started life as a VW
campervan, high-top version.

918
00:49:38,675 --> 00:49:41,846
But I've stripped it
of its hippie heritage

919
00:49:41,911 --> 00:49:44,581
to turn it into a vehicle
that can bare its teeth

920
00:49:44,648 --> 00:49:47,152
in a dangerous,
post-apocalyptic world.

921
00:49:51,588 --> 00:49:53,090
And I love it!

922
00:49:55,326 --> 00:49:57,628
I'm so unbelievably
pleased with this thing.

923
00:49:57,695 --> 00:50:03,701
I feel invincible,
ready, prepared.

924
00:50:03,768 --> 00:50:05,536
Which is hardly surprising,

925
00:50:05,603 --> 00:50:08,106
given the modifications
I've made.

926
00:50:09,273 --> 00:50:11,141
At the front, a battering ram.

927
00:50:11,208 --> 00:50:13,543
You can be pretty sure
the roads won't be clear.

928
00:50:13,610 --> 00:50:15,945
The ram itself
is fitted with spikes

929
00:50:16,012 --> 00:50:17,981
for fending off zombies
at close quarters.

930
00:50:18,048 --> 00:50:19,150
Then, up top,

931
00:50:19,217 --> 00:50:20,918
a bank of powerful rally lights

932
00:50:20,985 --> 00:50:24,655
to cut through the murky soup
of a nuclear winter.

933
00:50:24,722 --> 00:50:27,757
Of course, not everyone
I meet will be friendly.

934
00:50:27,824 --> 00:50:30,027
So, up here...

935
00:50:35,932 --> 00:50:37,135
weapons rack.

936
00:50:37,202 --> 00:50:38,436
Everything I need

937
00:50:38,503 --> 00:50:41,838
to defend myself against
cannibals and zombies.

938
00:50:41,905 --> 00:50:44,775
Round here, water. Essential.

939
00:50:44,842 --> 00:50:47,478
Subtle stuff too.
I don't want to stand out,

940
00:50:47,545 --> 00:50:49,213
hence the camouflage paint.

941
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:50,715
But perhaps most importantly,

942
00:50:50,780 --> 00:50:52,750
the whole of my
bug-out campervan

943
00:50:52,817 --> 00:50:54,184
has been armour-plated.

944
00:50:55,186 --> 00:50:57,554
I really have thought of
everything!

945
00:50:57,621 --> 00:50:59,023
No, you haven't!

946
00:50:59,090 --> 00:51:01,358
All you've done is ruined
a perfectly good campervan.

947
00:51:01,425 --> 00:51:03,393
No, I haven't!
It's brilliant.

948
00:51:03,460 --> 00:51:05,262
It's bullet-proof all over!

949
00:51:05,329 --> 00:51:07,264
- Bullet-proof? Is it?
- Yes.

950
00:51:07,331 --> 00:51:08,865
- Is it?
- Yes, it is.

951
00:51:08,932 --> 00:51:11,369
- Oh, yeah, sounds like it.
- Tanks feel like that.

952
00:51:11,436 --> 00:51:14,605
OK, then, these are guns.
Use them.

953
00:51:14,672 --> 00:51:17,541
- What, on you?
- No, on the van. Shoot it.

954
00:51:17,608 --> 00:51:19,443
- Are we ready, gentlemen?
- Yes.

955
00:51:20,911 --> 00:51:23,213
Ha! Didn't go through!

956
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:24,391
Just chipped the paint.
That's all you've done.

957
00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:26,550
- Yes. Hammond?
- Yeah?

958
00:51:26,617 --> 00:51:28,152
What you're suggesting
is these aliens,

959
00:51:28,219 --> 00:51:31,021
they're going to travel
trillions of miles

960
00:51:31,155 --> 00:51:34,324
using a propulsion system
that we can't even conceive

961
00:51:34,391 --> 00:51:37,161
and then they're going to
try and take over the world

962
00:51:37,195 --> 00:51:39,364
using .177 air rifles?

963
00:51:39,429 --> 00:51:41,831
Well, if they do,
I shall be ready for them.

964
00:51:44,235 --> 00:51:47,605
Especially given
what I've done in here.

965
00:51:47,672 --> 00:51:50,708
Inside, I've turned this
once-humble campervan

966
00:51:50,775 --> 00:51:54,512
into literally the highest-tech
command centre imaginable.

967
00:51:54,579 --> 00:51:57,014
Up front,
carbon dioxide scrubbers,

968
00:51:57,081 --> 00:51:58,615
just like the ones on Apollo 13.

969
00:51:58,682 --> 00:52:02,420
They will purify the air,
even in case of radiation.

970
00:52:02,487 --> 00:52:06,824
And you can measure that radiation
on these systems up here.

971
00:52:06,891 --> 00:52:09,293
Water. You may not
be able to find it.

972
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,396
Need to make it.
It's essential.

973
00:52:11,461 --> 00:52:14,565
I've fitted a system
that recycles urine.

974
00:52:14,632 --> 00:52:17,702
Basically you do
your number ones up there.

975
00:52:19,204 --> 00:52:20,237
Operate the pumps.

976
00:52:20,304 --> 00:52:21,672
They send the results up,

977
00:52:21,739 --> 00:52:24,775
across, and into the water
purification system.

978
00:52:24,842 --> 00:52:29,280
It emerges from that as
purest drinking water.

979
00:52:33,751 --> 00:52:36,554
Food. I'm gonna need it.
I've got a chicken.

980
00:52:36,621 --> 00:52:38,856
It lays eggs.
They go in there.

981
00:52:38,922 --> 00:52:42,059
And perhaps best of all,
the pâté de foie gras

982
00:52:42,126 --> 00:52:43,594
of the bug-out community...

983
00:52:43,661 --> 00:52:45,695
chicken soup.

984
00:52:45,762 --> 00:52:48,298
I love all this. Setting
out into the wilderness

985
00:52:48,365 --> 00:52:50,635
in my little house on wheels,

986
00:52:50,701 --> 00:52:55,139
knowing I've got everything
I need, whatever happens.

987
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:57,641
What the...?

988
00:53:00,244 --> 00:53:03,047
Am I penetrating
his bulletproof armour?

989
00:53:03,248 --> 00:53:05,882
Yes. And his food.

990
00:53:05,949 --> 00:53:09,253
Oh! That's my own urine!

991
00:53:11,322 --> 00:53:14,157
- Are you two doing this?
- Yes, he is!

992
00:53:14,259 --> 00:53:17,561
I'd get out of the way
if I were you.

993
00:53:17,628 --> 00:53:19,697
The trouble with the chicken
is, it moves around,

994
00:53:19,764 --> 00:53:21,565
making this a...

995
00:53:23,268 --> 00:53:25,869
- Oh, good idea!
- Isn't it!

996
00:53:29,072 --> 00:53:30,541
Right, reloading, James.
Reloading.

997
00:53:30,608 --> 00:53:32,275
Oh, yes!

998
00:53:44,153 --> 00:53:46,291
- Good shot.
- Not bad, was it?

999
00:53:47,625 --> 00:53:49,860
Sort of game over now, really.

1000
00:53:49,927 --> 00:53:50,927
Hm.

1001
00:53:52,329 --> 00:53:53,630
Right...

1002
00:53:56,634 --> 00:53:58,436
It wasn't game over, though,

1003
00:53:58,503 --> 00:54:00,371
because I went back
to the drawing board

1004
00:54:00,438 --> 00:54:02,340
and started again.

1005
00:54:05,108 --> 00:54:07,411
Three months' work.

1006
00:54:07,478 --> 00:54:09,679
I've used the same basic
interior set-up,

1007
00:54:09,746 --> 00:54:12,382
but I've completely re-thought
the armour plating,

1008
00:54:12,449 --> 00:54:14,684
so that whatever
those two have...

1009
00:54:22,659 --> 00:54:25,896
Now, this is a Scimitar
light reconnaissance tank.

1010
00:54:25,963 --> 00:54:30,800
It's small, it's quite fast,
and it's quite manoeuvrable.

1011
00:54:30,867 --> 00:54:33,338
Its job is to skip around
the battlefield like a goat

1012
00:54:33,403 --> 00:54:35,340
and find stuff.

1013
00:54:39,543 --> 00:54:42,346
Now, look at Hammond, running
around in a mad panic.

1014
00:54:42,347 --> 00:54:44,882
He thinks I'm gonna
shoot him, but I'm not.

1015
00:54:44,949 --> 00:54:48,518
I'm just here
to mark him with a laser.

1016
00:54:48,585 --> 00:54:50,454
He's gonna shoot him.

1017
00:54:57,494 --> 00:55:01,498
Yes, this is a Challenger 2
main battle tank.

1018
00:55:02,833 --> 00:55:04,969
And this really is
a bug-out vehicle.

1019
00:55:05,034 --> 00:55:07,271
It's certainly a lot better
than, I don't know,

1020
00:55:07,371 --> 00:55:10,507
a Hyundai with spikes
on the wheels.

1021
00:55:10,574 --> 00:55:14,378
It'll totally protect its
occupants from radiation,

1022
00:55:14,411 --> 00:55:16,713
nuclear fallout, gas,

1023
00:55:16,780 --> 00:55:20,384
even a direct hit, thanks
to its incredible armour,

1024
00:55:20,385 --> 00:55:22,719
from any known
battlefield weapon.

1025
00:55:24,954 --> 00:55:26,590
Then there's this gun,
which is...

1026
00:55:26,657 --> 00:55:29,693
there's no other word...
enormous!

1027
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:31,061
120mm.

1028
00:55:31,128 --> 00:55:32,730
And it could hit a target...

1029
00:55:32,797 --> 00:55:36,132
let's say
Richard Hammond's van...

1030
00:55:36,199 --> 00:55:40,505
while the tank itself is doing
30mph over rough ground.

1031
00:55:41,972 --> 00:55:45,409
I think, though, today
I shall fire while stationary

1032
00:55:45,443 --> 00:55:47,945
because I want to
savour the moment.

1033
00:55:48,012 --> 00:55:50,880
OK, thank you, chaps.
If we could stop there...

1034
00:55:50,947 --> 00:55:52,181
Right, going down.

1035
00:55:52,248 --> 00:55:53,617
Roger. Going down.

1036
00:55:57,253 --> 00:55:58,655
Oh, dear!

1037
00:56:00,791 --> 00:56:04,461
I've loaded the gun with
a high-explosive shell.

1038
00:56:04,528 --> 00:56:06,096
It's a tracer shell,
so we'll be able

1039
00:56:06,163 --> 00:56:07,597
to monitor its progress

1040
00:56:07,664 --> 00:56:10,568
as it arcs toward the target.

1041
00:56:10,635 --> 00:56:12,769
Oh, Commander Clarkson,
this is fantastic!

1042
00:56:12,836 --> 00:56:15,139
I can see him right there.
Have you got him?

1043
00:56:15,204 --> 00:56:16,806
Yeah.

1044
00:56:18,275 --> 00:56:19,510
You bastards!

1045
00:56:19,577 --> 00:56:21,945
Oh, just put him out
of his misery, will you?

1046
00:56:22,012 --> 00:56:23,146
Fire!

1047
00:56:37,994 --> 00:56:42,766
I'm not sure his bug-out
vehicle was quite as strong

1048
00:56:42,833 --> 00:56:44,702
as he may have
led you to believe.

1049
00:56:49,474 --> 00:56:50,907
Right...

1050
00:57:00,684 --> 00:57:02,119
Many months later,

1051
00:57:02,186 --> 00:57:05,054
I was ready to unveil
my third attempt...

1052
00:57:07,257 --> 00:57:09,092
an impregnable fortress.

1053
00:57:11,862 --> 00:57:13,097
Oh, yeah!

1054
00:57:15,065 --> 00:57:16,967
This is bug-out heaven!

1055
00:57:18,168 --> 00:57:20,637
I've used as my inspiration

1056
00:57:20,704 --> 00:57:22,972
the armoured personnel
carrier from Aliens,

1057
00:57:23,039 --> 00:57:26,811
on the basis that if it can
protect Sigourney Weaver

1058
00:57:26,876 --> 00:57:30,079
from that metal bitey
thing with teeth,

1059
00:57:30,146 --> 00:57:34,117
it can keep me safe from
Jeremy Clarkson and James May.

1060
00:57:34,184 --> 00:57:37,922
Underneath this beast are the basic
elements of an Alvis Stalwart.

1061
00:57:37,987 --> 00:57:41,358
So it was already
armour-plated, amphibious,

1062
00:57:41,425 --> 00:57:42,793
massively powerful,

1063
00:57:42,860 --> 00:57:44,961
six-wheel drive
and four-wheel steering.

1064
00:57:51,201 --> 00:57:54,605
And what I've gone and done
is improve it.

1065
00:58:02,813 --> 00:58:06,282
It's got a honeycombed
lattice work

1066
00:58:06,349 --> 00:58:08,452
of ceramic-steel
armour plating.

1067
00:58:08,552 --> 00:58:10,788
It's three times thicker
than the armour you'll find

1068
00:58:10,855 --> 00:58:14,559
on the turret of
an Abrams A1M1 tank.

1069
00:58:18,094 --> 00:58:22,967
In testing, I fired a 7.62
round at that hull,

1070
00:58:23,032 --> 00:58:25,869
and all it left
was a mark like that one.

1071
00:58:27,371 --> 00:58:28,938
This thing is incredible.

1072
00:58:34,010 --> 00:58:37,081
Whatever those two
are planning this time,

1073
00:58:37,146 --> 00:58:38,682
it won't work.

1074
00:58:38,748 --> 00:58:42,686
They won't be able
to damage my soup now.

1075
00:58:47,490 --> 00:58:48,826
Drone feed stabilised.

1076
00:58:48,893 --> 00:58:50,594
Vehicle spotted in the open.

1077
00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:53,463
45 stand by to engage target.

1078
00:58:53,597 --> 00:58:55,599
45 stood to engage target.

1079
00:59:04,809 --> 00:59:07,844
This shell...
is twice as powerful

1080
00:59:07,911 --> 00:59:12,382
as the shell we fired
from the tank.

1081
00:59:12,449 --> 00:59:16,052
And it can hit a target
13 miles away.

1082
00:59:20,757 --> 00:59:22,291
Loading weapon.

1083
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:31,367
Hot room, gun loaded.
Gun ready.

1084
00:59:31,434 --> 00:59:32,702
Fire mission,

1085
00:59:32,769 --> 00:59:37,641
target number
Uniform Tango 1805.

1086
00:59:37,675 --> 00:59:39,744
Altitude 35.

1087
00:59:39,809 --> 00:59:42,847
Direction 4600.

1088
00:59:42,913 --> 00:59:47,751
Gun target line 130.
Ready 68.

1089
00:59:47,818 --> 00:59:49,485
Command approve.

1090
00:59:49,552 --> 00:59:51,387
45. Engage.

1091
00:59:51,454 --> 00:59:54,659
Command approve. 45. Fire.

1092
01:00:00,898 --> 01:00:04,168
They're bored. They've
realised I'm unhurtable...

1093
01:00:05,534 --> 01:00:06,936
and given up.

1094
01:00:08,371 --> 01:00:09,907
Five seconds to impact.

1095
01:00:09,974 --> 01:00:11,708
They probably think
it's really funny.

1096
01:00:11,775 --> 01:00:13,978
They probably think
I'm out here all...

1097
01:00:23,688 --> 01:00:25,856
45. Target destroyed.

1098
01:00:36,532 --> 01:00:38,668
Yeah.

1099
01:00:40,336 --> 01:00:42,072
Now,

1100
01:00:42,139 --> 01:00:44,775
we went through
the wreckage afterwards

1101
01:00:44,842 --> 01:00:48,378
and this is all that remains
of Richard Hammond.

1102
01:00:48,445 --> 01:00:50,313
He's just dust,
and we know it is Hammond

1103
01:00:50,380 --> 01:00:53,784
because we found this
suspiciously white tooth...

1104
01:00:53,851 --> 01:00:56,552
in it. That's...

1105
01:00:57,922 --> 01:01:01,057
- That's him.
- That's him.

1106
01:01:02,025 --> 01:01:04,293
So, there you are, preppers.

1107
01:01:04,360 --> 01:01:07,731
The tragic remains of Richard
Hammond are proof positive

1108
01:01:07,797 --> 01:01:10,800
that your hobby is
utterly pointless.

1109
01:01:10,867 --> 01:01:13,938
- You spilled him!
- Spilt him on the floor.

1110
01:01:14,003 --> 01:01:15,739
Now you've got him
all over your shoes.

1111
01:01:15,773 --> 01:01:17,807
I know. Even when he's dust,
he's annoying.

1112
01:01:17,875 --> 01:01:19,443
Anyway...

1113
01:01:19,509 --> 01:01:20,789
On that terrible disappointment,

1114
01:01:20,844 --> 01:01:22,813
it is time to end.

1115
01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:24,148
He's pretty much gone now.

1116
01:01:24,213 --> 01:01:25,514
Thank you very much
for watching.

1117
01:01:25,581 --> 01:01:27,217
See you next time. Goodbye!

1118
01:02:07,086 --> 01:02:10,434
.srt Extracted, Resynced by
Dan4Jem, AD.MMXVII.I