1
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:53,558
(Cheering)

2
00:00:58,158 --> 00:00:59,887
Hello, everybody.

3
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:03,030
Hello. Hello.

4
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,832
Greetings!

5
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,537
That doesn't get any worse.

6
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,040
Jeremy: Hello.

7
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:17,531
Hello, and welcome!

8
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,307
Welcome to the grand tour,

9
00:01:19,355 --> 00:01:21,409
which, once again, comes to you

10
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:24,146
from the shores of loch ness
in Scotland.

11
00:01:24,194 --> 00:01:26,614
(Cheering)

12
00:01:26,662 --> 00:01:28,822
Now...

13
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:33,280
The reason why
we're still here is,

14
00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:34,856
after last week's show,

15
00:01:34,903 --> 00:01:38,319
these two got talking
to a man in the local town,

16
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,228
who has convinced them that,

17
00:01:40,276 --> 00:01:43,299
in that lake,
there is a monster.

18
00:01:43,346 --> 00:01:46,293
Well, there is a monster.

19
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:47,828
Have you seen it?

20
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,331
No, but the man
was very convincing.

21
00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:52,174
Did he sell you a tea towel

22
00:01:52,222 --> 00:01:54,901
with a drawing
of the monster on it?

23
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:58,079
He did, and now we know
what the monster looks like.

24
00:01:58,127 --> 00:02:01,375
Exactly. We've also got
photographs of the monster.

25
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,885
- Look, we've got this one.
- Jeremy: That's a log.

26
00:02:03,932 --> 00:02:06,454
James: And we've got
this one. Look at that!

27
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,382
- Monster.
- Another log.

28
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:11,752
Can I just draw your attention to
a picture I've got? Here it is.

29
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,728
Richard: Well, that's
not a monster, is it?

30
00:02:13,776 --> 00:02:16,731
No, that is an elephant
shrew. Well spotted.

31
00:02:16,778 --> 00:02:20,926
Now, this is the Nissan gt-r
among animals.

32
00:02:20,973 --> 00:02:23,729
Have you ever seen it on the move?
It's phenomenal!

33
00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:26,641
It leaves a rooster tail and it
corners like it's got downforce.

34
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:30,170
But my point is,
this is a very rare animal,

35
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:34,883
and yet the photograph of it
is in sharp focus and colour.

36
00:02:34,930 --> 00:02:36,843
(Laughter)

37
00:02:36,889 --> 00:02:39,086
Now, all the pictures of your
monster are in black and white.

38
00:02:39,134 --> 00:02:41,490
- Well, maybe it is black and white.
- And blurry.

39
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,091
- Maybe it's blurry.
- (Laughter)

40
00:02:43,138 --> 00:02:45,985
This has been driving me mad
all week, so I decided

41
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:48,963
to go for a drive on some of
Scotland's, let's be honest,

42
00:02:49,010 --> 00:02:50,533
brilliant driving roads.

43
00:02:50,579 --> 00:02:53,706
- They are... they are fantastic.
- (Cheering)

44
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:58,063
And actually, speaking of which,

45
00:02:58,110 --> 00:03:01,568
something called the
north highland initiative,

46
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,204
set up by prince Charles,

47
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,747
a few years ago it came up
with the north coast 500.

48
00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:10,618
Now, this was going to be Scotland's
answer to route 66 in America.

49
00:03:10,665 --> 00:03:14,215
Miles of amazing scenery.
Incredible road.

50
00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:16,123
Got a picture
of a bit of it here.

51
00:03:16,170 --> 00:03:17,325
Look at that.

52
00:03:17,372 --> 00:03:18,852
Huge success.

53
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,820
Loads of big spenders came

54
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,164
with their lamborghinis, and their
ferraris and their porsches.

55
00:03:23,211 --> 00:03:25,533
Hotels were full,
restaurants were packed.

56
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,828
Local economy booming.

57
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,230
So how long do you think it was

58
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:31,806
before the local newspaper

59
00:03:31,853 --> 00:03:34,942
carried a headline containing
the following words:

60
00:03:34,990 --> 00:03:36,912
"Police" and "crackdown"?

61
00:03:36,959 --> 00:03:37,979
(Laughter)

62
00:03:38,026 --> 00:03:39,072
Ten days.

63
00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:40,841
- Two days.
- Two days.

64
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,243
"Oh, we can't have people
driving along that!

65
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,552
You might run
into a pedestrian!"

66
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,521
Richard and James:
It's a road!

67
00:03:46,569 --> 00:03:49,858
I know it is.
And then you've got the a9.

68
00:03:49,905 --> 00:03:52,051
(Jeering)

69
00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:57,290
Ninety-nine miles of continuous
average speed camera.

70
00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:59,759
- Ninety-nine?
- Ninety-nine miles.

71
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:02,437
Now, I'm sorry, you lot, I presume
you're all petrolheads, yes?

72
00:04:02,485 --> 00:04:04,298
Audience: Yes!

73
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:06,974
So let me ask you a question.

74
00:04:07,021 --> 00:04:09,068
Dying in your beds,

75
00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:10,712
many years from now...

76
00:04:10,759 --> 00:04:12,506
(Laughter)

77
00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:15,318
Would you be willing
to trade all the days,

78
00:04:15,365 --> 00:04:17,877
from this day to that,

79
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,355
for one chance,

80
00:04:19,401 --> 00:04:21,915
just one chance,

81
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:26,595
to come back and say to the
Scottish safety camera partnership,

82
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,889
"you can take our licences,

83
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,199
but you can't take our freedom"?

84
00:04:31,245 --> 00:04:33,627
(Cheering)

85
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:35,737
Audience:
(Chanting) Freedom! Freedom!

86
00:04:35,784 --> 00:04:38,831
Freedom! Freedom!
Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!

87
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,875
Richard:
Now look what you've done!

88
00:04:40,923 --> 00:04:43,103
(Chanting continues)

89
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:44,504
Jeremy: Thank you.

90
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,139
Look what you've done!

91
00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:47,774
- I know.
- That's dangerous!

92
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,752
- I know.
- Let's get on with the show.

93
00:04:49,798 --> 00:04:53,826
Yes.
In tonight's car programme...

94
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,997
An ant in a jar.

95
00:04:58,098 --> 00:04:59,966
A dog on a lead.

96
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,370
And some beans on a table.

97
00:05:05,137 --> 00:05:06,627
But first,

98
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:07,860
when someone wants to buy

99
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,471
a large and very fast
saloon car,

100
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:11,540
they tend to buy German.

101
00:05:11,586 --> 00:05:14,576
They think there is
no alternative.

102
00:05:14,624 --> 00:05:16,783
But is there?

103
00:05:22,021 --> 00:05:26,346
This is the Lexus gs f.

104
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:31,932
And straight away, we can see that
it isn't an especially handsome car.

105
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,120
And it's a Lexus,

106
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,764
which marks its owner out
as a golf enthusiast

107
00:05:36,812 --> 00:05:39,505
and possibly... a bore.

108
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,571
And things are worse

109
00:05:42,617 --> 00:05:46,066
when you try to live with it
for a while.

110
00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:49,177
The most annoying thing, apart from
the buttons on the steering wheel,

111
00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:53,548
all of which seem to retune the radio
to a station you don't like very much,

112
00:05:53,596 --> 00:05:56,576
apart from that,
every time you reach for

113
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:59,425
a can of zesty drink
in the cup holder...

114
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,382
I've done it again!

115
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,826
You can't help but nudge
the mouse

116
00:06:04,874 --> 00:06:07,995
which sets the destination
on the satnav

117
00:06:08,043 --> 00:06:10,023
to where you are.

118
00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:12,425
Satnav:
In 300 yards, right turn.

119
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:15,202
I don't need to be told
how to get here.

120
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,697
I'm already here.

121
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:18,632
Next right, then right turn.

122
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:21,944
Oh, god. Now it's trying to make
me go back there a few yards.

123
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:24,117
I was there!

124
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:28,283
So, apart from a fiddly
and annoying satnav...

125
00:06:28,329 --> 00:06:30,886
Satnav: Next right,
then right turn.

126
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:34,862
Jeremy: What else
do you get for your £70,000?

127
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:39,151
Er... not much, really.

128
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,422
Er... you don't get Wi-Fi

129
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,999
or apple carplay,
or gesture control.

130
00:06:44,045 --> 00:06:47,661
You don't even get
a dsg gearbox.

131
00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:50,137
Seats don't massage you
as you drive along,

132
00:06:50,185 --> 00:06:51,807
it can't park itself.

133
00:06:51,853 --> 00:06:52,632
Erm...

134
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,343
But you do get a DVD player.

135
00:06:55,389 --> 00:06:58,185
And how 1996 is that?

136
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:03,552
This car, then, is sparsely
equipped and annoying.

137
00:07:03,598 --> 00:07:07,194
However, it's also rather good.

138
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:18,124
First of all,
there's the engine.

139
00:07:18,170 --> 00:07:22,262
BMW and Mercedes
both use turbocharging

140
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,872
to balance the need for power

141
00:07:23,918 --> 00:07:26,307
with the need
for good emissions...

142
00:07:26,355 --> 00:07:28,535
But this doesn't.

143
00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:31,572
This mixes the fuel
with the air,

144
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:34,216
and then,
with no trickery at all,

145
00:07:34,262 --> 00:07:35,956
blows it up!

146
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:43,584
Of course, that does mean

147
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,728
the gs f
isn't very kind to animals.

148
00:07:45,774 --> 00:07:48,600
And that's a bad thing,
make no mistake.

149
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,793
But on the upside,

150
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,137
listen to the noise it makes!

151
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,944
(Engine thrums)

152
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:02,545
At medium revs,
it sounds baleful,

153
00:08:02,591 --> 00:08:05,384
like a... lonely dog.

154
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:10,786
But when you build the revs up,
it sounds like what it is:

155
00:08:10,833 --> 00:08:15,228
A normally aspirated
five-litre v8.

156
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:23,088
It doesn't produce anything
like the power or the torque

157
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,934
you get from its turbocharged
German rivals,

158
00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:28,307
but for sheer excitement...

159
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:31,731
(Squeal of tyres)

160
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:34,581
It's like being tickled
by a goddess.

161
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:41,553
And it's not exactly slow.

162
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:52,293
It does 0-60
in four-and-a-half seconds.

163
00:08:52,341 --> 00:08:58,138
And flat out, it'll do
nearly 170 miles an hour.

164
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,375
And then there's the handling.

165
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:08,910
It's hard to believe
that this is a large

166
00:09:08,957 --> 00:09:11,303
and extremely comfortable
five-seater

167
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:14,182
with a boot that's big enough
for your golf bats

168
00:09:14,229 --> 00:09:17,384
and all your freemasonry
paraphernalia,

169
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:21,360
because...
It feels like a sports car.

170
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,794
You can change the way
the car behaves

171
00:09:26,841 --> 00:09:29,889
with various knobs here
and buttons here,

172
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,033
but I've got everything
turned off

173
00:09:32,081 --> 00:09:35,236
so I can get a feel
for how the car behaves

174
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:39,441
without
an electronic safety blanket.

175
00:09:39,488 --> 00:09:41,347
And I like it!

176
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,322
Look at that.

177
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:04,265
The steering's not brilliant
at low speeds,

178
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,835
but when you've got the arse
hanging out like that...

179
00:10:06,881 --> 00:10:08,640
It's fantastic!

180
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,365
Yes!

181
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,809
Time for another zesty drink.

182
00:10:14,856 --> 00:10:16,577
- (Satnav beeps)
- Oh, damn it!

183
00:10:16,625 --> 00:10:19,815
- Satnav: In 300 yards...
- I know where I am!

184
00:10:19,861 --> 00:10:21,950
Next right.
Then right turn.

185
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:25,211
- (Satnav beeps)
- Oh, for god's sake!

186
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:27,822
For living with
on a day-to-day basis,

187
00:10:27,870 --> 00:10:30,250
German cars are far better.

188
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:35,330
But as a driving machine, and you may
find this conclusion surprising...

189
00:10:35,376 --> 00:10:39,272
I think the gs f
has them licked.

190
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:49,476
(Cheering)

191
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:50,937
Well, well.

192
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,784
(Mimics explosion)

193
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:56,375
Now...

194
00:10:56,423 --> 00:11:01,581
Now, I should point out, there is a
new BMW m5 coming later this year,

195
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,926
but it'll have to go some
to be better than that gs f.

196
00:11:03,972 --> 00:11:05,719
- It really will.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

197
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:08,730
But exactly how many animals
were harmed in the making of it?

198
00:11:08,778 --> 00:11:11,356
- A lot!
- One of them was a tortoise!

199
00:11:11,403 --> 00:11:13,592
I know.
Let's gloss over that, ok?

200
00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:17,898
And let's find out now how fast the
Lexus goes round the eboladrome.

201
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,908
And that, of course, means
handing it over to a man

202
00:11:20,956 --> 00:11:24,837
who thinks that fruit
is from the Soviet union.

203
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:27,153
- Yeah, it's the American.
- (Cheering)

204
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,619
He's coiled and ready.

205
00:11:31,666 --> 00:11:33,145
And he's off!

206
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:37,482
Unleashing all
the 471 wailing horsepower

207
00:11:37,529 --> 00:11:40,095
for the first sprint
of the isn't straight.

208
00:11:40,142 --> 00:11:42,965
What the hell does all
this shit do in here?

209
00:11:43,011 --> 00:11:45,900
All he needs
is two pedals and a wheel

210
00:11:45,947 --> 00:11:48,503
to unleash
the full shock and awe.

211
00:11:48,549 --> 00:11:50,263
Traction control?

212
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:53,475
If you want something
with a mind of its own...

213
00:11:53,522 --> 00:11:55,735
Get a horse, get married.

214
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:59,047
Fortunately, he doesn't need
the electronic nannies.

215
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:01,383
Pushing it hard
up to your name here,

216
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:04,910
and now leaning
on the mighty brembo brakes.

217
00:12:04,957 --> 00:12:08,948
Gentle now, letting the
torque-vectoring diff do its thing.

218
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:10,625
And then back on the throttle

219
00:12:10,672 --> 00:12:14,788
so that mighty v8 can sing
its song once more.

220
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:17,065
If they would have let me
bring my gun,

221
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,201
I'd have probably
shot myself by now.

222
00:12:19,248 --> 00:12:22,104
And that would be a waste
of great talent.

223
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:25,765
Right, another fast dash
up the isn't,

224
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:29,376
and now shifting rapidly down
the eight-speed automatic

225
00:12:29,423 --> 00:12:31,613
as he arrives
at old lady's house.

226
00:12:31,659 --> 00:12:35,540
Feeding it precisely through
there on this damp track,

227
00:12:35,587 --> 00:12:39,888
before opening it up for the
broken surface down to substation.

228
00:12:39,934 --> 00:12:43,625
Giving the fixed-rate dampers
a good workout here.

229
00:12:43,672 --> 00:12:45,518
Two corners left.

230
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,229
Tidy through there.

231
00:12:47,275 --> 00:12:49,588
Just field of sheep to go.

232
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:53,836
And he's right on the edge of
the grip and across the line!

233
00:12:53,883 --> 00:12:56,062
(Cheering)

234
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,463
It did look good.
It did look good.

235
00:12:58,510 --> 00:13:00,475
- It did look good.
- How did it do?

236
00:13:00,522 --> 00:13:02,034
A-ha!

237
00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:05,513
Well, now let's find out where
it goes on the lap board.

238
00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:07,581
Remember, it was damp.

239
00:13:07,629 --> 00:13:08,607
Er...

240
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:09,674
Oh... oh.

241
00:13:09,721 --> 00:13:11,311
Richard: Oh, wow! Wow!

242
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:14,313
So it's slower than
an already-out-of-date BMW,

243
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,524
it makes you look like
a freemason,

244
00:13:16,571 --> 00:13:18,592
and it causes animals
to explode.

245
00:13:18,639 --> 00:13:20,821
Yes. Yes, but...

246
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:23,030
Yes, but it's just another of your
excellent recommendations, Jeremy.

247
00:13:23,077 --> 00:13:24,825
Thank you very much.
Never mind.

248
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:26,567
Yes, thank you
very much, indeed.

249
00:13:26,615 --> 00:13:28,260
And now we must move on,

250
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:31,974
because it is time to set
the satnav for destination chat,

251
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:35,043
as we head down
conversation street.

252
00:13:35,090 --> 00:13:36,849
(Mellow jazz)

253
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:40,320
(Laughter)

254
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:47,279
(Cheering)

255
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,850
- It hurt.
- That hurt?

256
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:54,519
- It hurt.
- It did? But not as much as the wine bottle last week.

257
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:58,665
Now, Mercedes, they've come up
with this plan, or this idea,

258
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:02,761
where you can rent your car out
when you're not using it.

259
00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:05,106
Is that a bit like erm...
Airbnb?

260
00:14:05,153 --> 00:14:06,566
Exactly like airbnb.

261
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:09,369
The thing Mercedes
haven't realised is that we,

262
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:11,178
and I'm sure
you all agree with me,

263
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,505
we form an emotional bond
with our car.

264
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:14,782
- We're attached to them.
- Exactly.

265
00:14:14,828 --> 00:14:16,183
So renting it to someone else

266
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,052
would be like renting out
your pet.

267
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,393
Yeah, or your penis.

268
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:24,792
- Yes.
- I'm attached to it, I mean. That's what I mean.

269
00:14:24,838 --> 00:14:26,586
One would hope so, yeah.

270
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,931
You wouldn't want to see somebody
else having fun with it.

271
00:14:28,977 --> 00:14:32,091
- No, it's mine!
- Exactly. Exactly.

272
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:34,937
And that's what I'm on about. Mercedes
has obviously got it into its head,

273
00:14:34,984 --> 00:14:37,940
and this really worries me,
because it's a large car company,

274
00:14:37,986 --> 00:14:41,466
that cars are just tools, like
microwave ovens or fridge freezers,

275
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:44,437
that we'll just sort of gladly, "borrow it.
I don't really care."

276
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,447
You're absolutely right.
They are very emotional.

277
00:14:46,495 --> 00:14:49,241
Because you know if you have a
car, eventually you sell it,

278
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:52,787
but then you see somebody else driving
around in it, that always feels bad.

279
00:14:52,834 --> 00:14:56,790
It's a bit like watching your
ex-girlfriend do sex with someone else.

280
00:14:56,837 --> 00:14:58,817
(Laughter)

281
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:02,330
No. And after a terrible
evening in a wardrobe, I know.

282
00:15:02,376 --> 00:15:04,190
(Laughter)

283
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,373
It's strangely undermining.

284
00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:10,672
I'm sorry to interrupt. See those
circles in the lake just there?

285
00:15:10,719 --> 00:15:13,640
- Monster! Monster! It's a monster!
- (Laughter)

286
00:15:13,687 --> 00:15:17,745
- I just saw... did anyone else see that?
- Monster! Monster!

287
00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:19,739
It's real. I told you.

288
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:22,884
Since we can't agree on this,
is there a monster in the loch?

289
00:15:22,931 --> 00:15:24,509
Audience: Yes!

290
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:27,346
Right, there you go. They
live here, they would know.

291
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:31,158
And if there were no monster, what would
you do for a tourist industry up here?

292
00:15:31,206 --> 00:15:33,953
Sell tea towels
without monsters on them.

293
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,688
No, I'm not having that,
because what you're saying is,

294
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:39,634
"come to beautiful Scotland." As you've
said, lovely roads, lovely scenery.

295
00:15:39,681 --> 00:15:41,527
There's a hotel,
a beautiful lake.

296
00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:43,729
Why would they say,
"yeah, but there's a monster"?

297
00:15:43,775 --> 00:15:45,639
That would be like saying,
"come to Yorkshire.

298
00:15:45,687 --> 00:15:48,268
It's beautiful.
We've got the plague, you know?"

299
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,611
- They they wouldn't do that.
- We've got distracted a little bit.

300
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,347
- We have got a bit off-topic.
- What were we talking about?

301
00:15:53,394 --> 00:15:55,975
We were talking about him
hiding in a wardrobe,

302
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,743
watching an ex-girlfriend
have sex.

303
00:15:57,789 --> 00:16:00,779
- Yeah, that was an over-share.
- It was a bit of an over-share.

304
00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:03,725
It was either that or he'd rented
his penis out. I can't remember.

305
00:16:03,772 --> 00:16:05,384
Something along those lines.

306
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:08,029
But actually, there's a point
i just want to make on this

307
00:16:08,076 --> 00:16:10,532
about this emotional connection
we have with our cars.

308
00:16:10,578 --> 00:16:13,525
Cos you know when you scrap a car?
It really is very tragic.

309
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:16,738
When you watch a car that's got all those
shared memories going into the crusher.

310
00:16:16,784 --> 00:16:18,440
- It's the end of the road.
- It is.

311
00:16:18,486 --> 00:16:20,533
There's this...
A new organisation.

312
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,302
It's called charity car, where
you can give your car to them,

313
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:26,280
they deal with all the paperwork and
what have you and take your car away.

314
00:16:26,327 --> 00:16:30,643
Yeah? And then they give the money that
they raised to a charity of your choice.

315
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,254
- That's a nice idea. I like that.
- It is a nice idea.

316
00:16:33,302 --> 00:16:35,623
So that, you know,
it's sad your old car's gone,

317
00:16:35,669 --> 00:16:39,684
but now... you know,
a donkey can be rescued.

318
00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:43,023
And your car lives on in the
smile of an abandoned donkey.

319
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,857
That's a beautiful thing.
That's what we're about.

320
00:16:45,904 --> 00:16:49,028
- That's what this show is, it's all heart.
- (Laughter)

321
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:52,907
- It's what we are.
- Heart and road safety: Those are the two pillars

322
00:16:52,953 --> 00:16:55,868
that underpin everything,
really, on this show.

323
00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:57,711
- I've got some conversation for you.
- Have you?

324
00:16:57,759 --> 00:17:00,115
Yes, which is that there's
a website that tells you

325
00:17:00,162 --> 00:17:01,849
how many
of any given type of car

326
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:05,119
are still left on the roads
of britain today, yes?

327
00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:07,913
And I'm afraid we have
some sad news.

328
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,781
Yeah, we do.
This is a big worry.

329
00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:12,394
You remember the citroën saxo vts, yeah?
There it is.

330
00:17:12,441 --> 00:17:14,253
Jeremy:
The car of the angry yob.

331
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:17,464
Richard: It is the ideal car to
nip out and steal a chainsaw in.

332
00:17:17,511 --> 00:17:20,567
A fabulous, proper, fizzy
little hatchback. Loved it.

333
00:17:20,615 --> 00:17:23,704
Well, in 2008, there were
5,000 of them on the road.

334
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:27,200
- This year, 491 left on the road.
- See?

335
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,368
And, in fact...
I know, this is a worry.

336
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:31,778
Look, we've got a little chart.
We've drawn this up.

337
00:17:31,826 --> 00:17:35,708
At that rate, by 2019,
they'll all have gone.

338
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,677
There's also
the vauxhall calibra 16v.

339
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,422
There's a picture.
We used to love that.

340
00:17:40,469 --> 00:17:44,817
Do you know, there are
only 323 of those left,

341
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,853
and they could be extinct
within a year.

342
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,964
And what's interesting is there
are people all over the world

343
00:17:51,011 --> 00:17:55,494
working hard to save the tiger
from extinction,

344
00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:57,138
but nobody is doing anything

345
00:17:57,185 --> 00:17:59,565
to save
the vauxhall calibra 16v.

346
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,742
- We've identified something here.
- No, there isn't.

347
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:05,146
However, there is some good news
in all of this. The Morris ital.

348
00:18:05,193 --> 00:18:08,807
175,000 of these...

349
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,277
Turds were made,

350
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,954
were squeezed out by the Austin.

351
00:18:14,001 --> 00:18:19,484
And in 2015,
there were only 35 left.

352
00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:22,622
- Yes! Now you can cheer!
- (Cheering)

353
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,200
- That is good news.
- It's good news.

354
00:18:25,247 --> 00:18:27,660
Only 35 on the road.

355
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:31,638
No. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait. You're absolutely right.

356
00:18:31,685 --> 00:18:36,544
But before you celebrate, yes,
35 left on the road in 2015.

357
00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:40,472
- Mm-hm.
- In 2016... there were 47.

358
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:42,384
What, so they're going up?

359
00:18:42,431 --> 00:18:45,244
- Are they mating?
- No. No.

360
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,189
I think people
are restoring them.

361
00:18:47,236 --> 00:18:49,281
- What people?
- Mad people.

362
00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:51,959
Anyway, look... no, you're possibly
right, but I've done a calculation.

363
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:55,363
And at that rate... that's a
34% increase in just one year.

364
00:18:55,410 --> 00:18:58,599
And at that rate,
by the year 2044,

365
00:18:58,646 --> 00:19:04,163
all 175,000 Morris itals
will be back on the road.

366
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,906
- Oh, my god!
- This is a disaster.

367
00:19:05,953 --> 00:19:08,875
It is. That, ladies
and gentlemen, is brexit.

368
00:19:08,923 --> 00:19:10,369
(Laughter)

369
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:13,373
That's what they want:
Backwards with britain.

370
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:17,210
It is time now, since we've reached
the end of conversation street,

371
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,221
to select reverse
and have a look at this.

372
00:19:19,268 --> 00:19:21,823
This is the Bentley bentayga.

373
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:25,527
A massive, luxurious,
four-wheel-drive

374
00:19:25,574 --> 00:19:27,686
SUV shooting brake.

375
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,221
The question is,

376
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:32,638
is it any good,
or is it a load of...

377
00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:34,906
What's the word?

378
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:44,479
Well, to find out,
James brought it here...

379
00:19:44,526 --> 00:19:46,685
To the German alps.

380
00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:51,252
Right, I'll get straight
to the point.

381
00:19:51,299 --> 00:19:54,614
It is tremendous.

382
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:57,525
The important thing to remember
about this car is this.

383
00:19:57,572 --> 00:20:01,153
It's not an off-roader,
it's not an SUV.

384
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:01,263
It's not an off-roader, it's not an SUV.
First and foremost, it's a Bentley.

385
00:20:01,310 --> 00:20:04,324
First and foremost,
it's a Bentley.

386
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,372
That's what this car is about.

387
00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:09,709
I'm already loving it.

388
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:13,833
But then... guess what?

389
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,943
The problem is
that a barebones Bentley

390
00:20:16,990 --> 00:20:20,205
costs £160,000,

391
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:23,308
and for £12,000 less than that,

392
00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:24,990
you can have this.

393
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:31,057
An all-singing, all-dancing,
everything-fitted-as-standard

394
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,861
5l supercharged range rover.

395
00:20:33,907 --> 00:20:39,057
Or, for £120,000 less
than that, you can have this,

396
00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:41,272
the new Jaguar f-pace.

397
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:46,673
And it's not like this thing
is a garden shed.

398
00:20:46,721 --> 00:20:48,433
It's got loads
of clever stuff on it.

399
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,278
So if you're coming back
from the shops

400
00:20:50,325 --> 00:20:51,913
with your arms
full of heavy bags,

401
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,339
you can open the boot
with your foot.

402
00:20:54,386 --> 00:20:58,420
- Yeah, but I can do that with a range rover.
- Yes, but it's £120,000 more!

403
00:20:58,467 --> 00:21:01,689
- And you don't get one of these. Look.
- What is it?

404
00:21:01,736 --> 00:21:04,592
It's a waterproof,
go-anywhere bracelet

405
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:07,420
that you use to lock...

406
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:08,863
And unlock it,
and start the engine,

407
00:21:08,910 --> 00:21:11,798
so you don't need to carry keys
in your pocket.

408
00:21:11,846 --> 00:21:13,526
That...

409
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:16,395
- That's actually quite a good idea.
- I know, it's brilliant.

410
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:19,340
- How do you charge it up?
- I don't know. Maybe it's like one of those watches.

411
00:21:19,387 --> 00:21:20,442
(Music blares)

412
00:21:20,489 --> 00:21:23,067
- (Laughs) Oh, hello.
- Oh.

413
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,069
Jeremy:
Puff daddy is arriving.

414
00:21:25,116 --> 00:21:27,740
- Do you think he's wearing a chain?
- (Laughs)

415
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:30,675
You know, that thing costs
four times more than the jag.

416
00:21:30,722 --> 00:21:33,153
And it's not like the badges
are that different.

417
00:21:33,201 --> 00:21:36,615
That jag is... a car.

418
00:21:36,663 --> 00:21:38,817
This is more of a statement.

419
00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:40,519
This is a new way
of understanding

420
00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:41,796
the condition of being human.

421
00:21:41,843 --> 00:21:43,489
It is the last word in luxury.

422
00:21:43,536 --> 00:21:45,500
Richard: It's a very
expensive statement, though.

423
00:21:45,547 --> 00:21:48,836
I mean, if you've got the money to
buy that, you could buy the jag

424
00:21:48,883 --> 00:21:52,064
and still have £130,000
to spend on a PR agent

425
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:54,842
to put you on breakfast TV
talking about how great you are.

426
00:21:54,888 --> 00:21:56,978
It costs £130,000 more
for a reason.

427
00:21:57,025 --> 00:21:59,171
Jags are for deluded
middle-aged men

428
00:21:59,218 --> 00:22:01,816
who entertain tragic fantasies
about being lotharios.

429
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:03,875
I know, I've had four of them!

430
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:06,453
If you're talking about
brands with delusion - hello!

431
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:08,255
- Bentley, that's what it is.
- Guys.

432
00:22:08,301 --> 00:22:11,393
- What?
- We are not gonna sort this out in a car park.

433
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,853
We need to go for a drive,

434
00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:17,664
and I have worked out a route
on this map here, ok?

435
00:22:17,711 --> 00:22:20,934
We are in the village of...
Wank,

436
00:22:20,981 --> 00:22:25,365
and we'll go from...
Wank to kissing,

437
00:22:25,412 --> 00:22:27,442
then on to petting.

438
00:22:27,489 --> 00:22:30,016
Then... this place.

439
00:22:30,650 --> 00:22:32,505
And then... wedding.

440
00:22:32,551 --> 00:22:35,950
So, wank, kissing, petting,
(Bleep), wedding.

441
00:22:35,997 --> 00:22:41,713
Yes. It'll be a journey through life
without leaving central Europe.

442
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,790
Yeah, it will. Let's do it.

443
00:22:43,837 --> 00:22:45,660
Richard: Very excited,

444
00:22:45,707 --> 00:22:50,903
we set off on what the Germans
call the romantic road.

445
00:22:53,940 --> 00:22:56,996
So, we are leaving
the town of wank.

446
00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:59,306
What's that?
"Thank you for..."

447
00:22:59,353 --> 00:23:01,346
What? Oh, yeah.

448
00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:07,615
And after just a few minutes,

449
00:23:07,662 --> 00:23:11,222
something very unusual happened.

450
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:13,712
Guys...

451
00:23:13,759 --> 00:23:16,095
I can't think of
anything to say.

452
00:23:16,563 --> 00:23:18,417
What a relief.

453
00:23:18,464 --> 00:23:20,094
No, but I really can't,

454
00:23:20,141 --> 00:23:24,288
because if you want
a large, luxury off-roader,

455
00:23:24,336 --> 00:23:25,866
you buy a range rover.

456
00:23:25,913 --> 00:23:27,058
The end.

457
00:23:27,105 --> 00:23:29,441
The end, move on.

458
00:23:31,478 --> 00:23:32,874
Richard: James, however,

459
00:23:32,921 --> 00:23:36,568
had lots to say
about his bentayga.

460
00:23:36,615 --> 00:23:38,011
Hey, chaps, did you know

461
00:23:38,058 --> 00:23:41,715
the stereo in my car
has got 18 speakers?

462
00:23:41,762 --> 00:23:44,644
Is that all? Mine's got 27.

463
00:23:44,691 --> 00:23:46,925
Yeah, all playing rubbish.

464
00:23:47,594 --> 00:23:49,648
Thanks, Hammond.

465
00:23:49,695 --> 00:23:51,858
Actually, 27 speakers
is not the point.

466
00:23:51,905 --> 00:23:56,756
My car stereo produces 1,950w,

467
00:23:56,802 --> 00:24:00,634
making it the most powerful
stereo ever put in a car.

468
00:24:00,682 --> 00:24:05,765
In fact, it's about the only thing
in here that does make a noise.

469
00:24:05,811 --> 00:24:10,044
This is a little bit like driving
along in the British library.

470
00:24:10,090 --> 00:24:12,779
It's very quiet,
it's very refined.

471
00:24:12,826 --> 00:24:15,807
The carpets are very thick.

472
00:24:15,855 --> 00:24:18,419
Which means you simply
aren't ready for what happens

473
00:24:18,465 --> 00:24:20,960
when you put your foot down.

474
00:24:23,563 --> 00:24:25,718
Whoa!

475
00:24:25,765 --> 00:24:31,089
So this has an all-new
w12 600-horsepower engine,

476
00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:35,307
and it's like being in a
leather-trimmed volcanic eruption.

477
00:24:36,142 --> 00:24:39,211
It doesn't accelerate,
it goes off.

478
00:24:42,181 --> 00:24:44,336
Bloody Nora!

479
00:24:44,383 --> 00:24:49,741
Sadly, at this point, Jeremy
thought of something to say.

480
00:24:49,788 --> 00:24:51,552
See that?
That's the prison

481
00:24:51,599 --> 00:24:54,425
where Hitler wrote mein kampf.

482
00:24:56,762 --> 00:24:59,298
Yeah. Where are you going
with that?

483
00:25:01,768 --> 00:25:03,522
Nowhere, really.

484
00:25:03,569 --> 00:25:06,166
Just thought
you might like to know.

485
00:25:06,213 --> 00:25:09,428
Good.
Let's get back to the cars.

486
00:25:09,474 --> 00:25:12,740
Now, you might be thinking that because
Jaguar is owned by the same company

487
00:25:12,787 --> 00:25:17,778
that own Land Rover, this is just a
freelander with a Jaguar badge on it,

488
00:25:17,826 --> 00:25:19,451
but it's not.

489
00:25:20,385 --> 00:25:22,950
Underneath is the same
basic aluminium structure

490
00:25:22,997 --> 00:25:25,086
you find under a Jaguar xe,

491
00:25:25,133 --> 00:25:28,881
which is a fantastic car,
so that's good.

492
00:25:28,928 --> 00:25:31,692
I do only get
a 3l supercharged v6,

493
00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:34,819
which means
375 brake horsepower.

494
00:25:34,866 --> 00:25:39,191
That's 225 less than James's,
let's be honest,

495
00:25:39,238 --> 00:25:41,240
leather-lined Audi q7.

496
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,628
But this is light,

497
00:25:43,675 --> 00:25:45,807
so it ain't no slouch.

498
00:25:45,854 --> 00:25:48,333
(Tyres squeal)

499
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,376
I like the way this thing
handles itself.

500
00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:52,680
I like the way,
when you change direction,

501
00:25:52,727 --> 00:25:54,749
when you turn,
it controls its weight,

502
00:25:54,796 --> 00:25:56,917
what there is of it,
across the axles.

503
00:25:56,964 --> 00:26:00,278
That makes it feel nimble,
eager.

504
00:26:00,326 --> 00:26:04,695
It doesn't feel like I'm sitting in
a stately home falling off a cliff.

505
00:26:07,767 --> 00:26:11,037
Soon, James was in my way.

506
00:26:12,337 --> 00:26:14,159
Oh, look.

507
00:26:14,205 --> 00:26:17,070
James, you should be where I am. You
can see Buckingham Palace and...

508
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:19,431
Oh, no,
it's the back of your car.

509
00:26:19,478 --> 00:26:24,250
I like it when my man is following me.
Do you have the luggage for the weekend?

510
00:26:26,417 --> 00:26:28,607
Come on, James.

511
00:26:28,654 --> 00:26:32,723
You might have all the horsepower in
the world, but you are in the way.

512
00:26:36,028 --> 00:26:38,329
Stay with that, Birmingham boy.

513
00:26:46,238 --> 00:26:50,541
James, are you worried all your furniture
will slide about if you go any faster?

514
00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:57,102
Oh, tunnel.

515
00:26:57,148 --> 00:26:59,480
Excellent.
I have important work to do.

516
00:26:59,527 --> 00:27:01,287
(Cacophonous revving)

517
00:27:05,692 --> 00:27:07,980
(Laughs)

518
00:27:08,027 --> 00:27:11,717
Honestly, the plebs make such
a noise about everything.

519
00:27:11,763 --> 00:27:14,028
Richard: That is putting
the s back in SUV.

520
00:27:14,075 --> 00:27:17,403
This is a sporty
sports-utility vehicle.

521
00:27:18,170 --> 00:27:21,425
And the sport is not fishing.

522
00:27:21,472 --> 00:27:24,905
Richard: Sadly, our playtime
was then interrupted

523
00:27:24,952 --> 00:27:27,273
by a worrying call
from clarkson.

524
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:31,945
Jeremy: Erm... guys, we've
had a text from mr wilman.

525
00:27:31,992 --> 00:27:34,673
Oh, god. What does it say?

526
00:27:34,721 --> 00:27:38,219
Jeremy: It said that to sort out
the performance differences,

527
00:27:38,266 --> 00:27:40,421
we should go to
a nearby airstrip,

528
00:27:40,468 --> 00:27:43,528
where he'd laid on
some competition.

529
00:27:44,596 --> 00:27:46,298
So we did.

530
00:27:53,372 --> 00:27:56,502
Chaps, this is what
we're up against.

531
00:27:56,549 --> 00:27:59,564
BMW x5 m.

532
00:27:59,611 --> 00:28:03,035
4.4l, twin-turbocharged,
567 horsepower.

533
00:28:03,082 --> 00:28:05,369
That is fairly serious
competition.

534
00:28:05,416 --> 00:28:09,374
If you think about it, it's gonna
be britain versus Germany.

535
00:28:09,421 --> 00:28:13,011
Well, not really. Your two cars are
Indian and mine's German as well.

536
00:28:13,058 --> 00:28:15,221
All right, it's gonna be
India versus Germany,

537
00:28:15,269 --> 00:28:19,250
and I shall be victorious
in my mighty lighty Jaguar.

538
00:28:19,298 --> 00:28:21,662
- James: Right.
- Jeremy: Well, you see, you won't be.

539
00:28:21,709 --> 00:28:24,170
Not in a million years.

540
00:28:31,277 --> 00:28:34,212
Sorry about wasting your time
with this race.

541
00:28:35,781 --> 00:28:39,012
You could launch a car that
does a million miles an hour

542
00:28:39,059 --> 00:28:41,048
and costs 8p and runs on water,

543
00:28:41,095 --> 00:28:43,650
and people would still buy
range rovers,

544
00:28:43,697 --> 00:28:47,011
because why would you not?

545
00:28:47,058 --> 00:28:49,891
Richard:
Ok, air-conditioning is off.

546
00:28:49,938 --> 00:28:54,385
It's in dynamic mode,
gearbox is in sport.

547
00:28:54,432 --> 00:28:56,520
Come on, little jag.

548
00:28:56,567 --> 00:28:59,500
So I'm not really worried about
pinky and perky's challenge,

549
00:28:59,547 --> 00:29:01,836
but the BMW does worry me.

550
00:29:01,883 --> 00:29:05,897
Almost as much power,
very obviously lighter.

551
00:29:05,944 --> 00:29:08,032
A lot of well-to-do people
in britain

552
00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:10,176
will want to know
the result of this race

553
00:29:10,223 --> 00:29:12,980
before they choose what colour
range rover they'd like

554
00:29:13,027 --> 00:29:15,348
for next year's shooting season.

555
00:29:15,395 --> 00:29:17,222
(Revving)

556
00:29:37,209 --> 00:29:39,377
Where's the Bentley gone?

557
00:29:41,212 --> 00:29:42,034
(Whistles)

558
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:43,848
I'm losing, everybody.

559
00:29:45,852 --> 00:29:47,839
Come on!

560
00:29:47,886 --> 00:29:49,273
150... oh, no!

561
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,258
Oh, no! Where is he
getting that from?

562
00:29:53,424 --> 00:29:55,260
Easy.

563
00:29:59,999 --> 00:30:03,602
Last. Stone-dead last.

564
00:30:04,871 --> 00:30:06,571
Bugger it.

565
00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:09,327
Yes, yes. Well done, James.

566
00:30:09,375 --> 00:30:12,196
Oh, who knew, if you spend
four times as much on a car,

567
00:30:12,243 --> 00:30:14,575
you get one that's a tiny bit
faster than another?

568
00:30:14,622 --> 00:30:17,979
Ssh! You two just haven't got
the message, have you?

569
00:30:18,026 --> 00:30:21,306
- What, that you lost?
- Yeah. Well...

570
00:30:21,353 --> 00:30:24,018
No, the message is very clear.
Underpants, ok?

571
00:30:24,065 --> 00:30:26,752
You can buy a cheap pair
from a market stall,

572
00:30:26,799 --> 00:30:30,414
or you can buy an expensive
pair with gold thread in them,

573
00:30:30,461 --> 00:30:34,118
or you can do what everyone does,
you go to marks & Spencer's.

574
00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:36,297
Marks & Spencer's, if you're
watching this not in the uk,

575
00:30:36,344 --> 00:30:38,598
is where we all
buy our pants from.

576
00:30:38,645 --> 00:30:40,405
Well, I don't.

577
00:30:43,342 --> 00:30:46,207
Jeremy: After the race,
we resumed our journey,

578
00:30:46,253 --> 00:30:50,269
and Richard and James
resumed their bickering.

579
00:30:50,316 --> 00:30:54,705
James over radio: What does f-pace mean? It
sounds like a domestic cleaning product.

580
00:30:54,752 --> 00:30:57,750
I think your Bentley would look
better with alabaster lions

581
00:30:57,798 --> 00:30:59,878
instead of door mirrors.

582
00:30:59,925 --> 00:31:03,523
I was going to ask if the glovebox is
permanently locked shut in the jag,

583
00:31:03,570 --> 00:31:05,659
because that's where you keep
your wallet.

584
00:31:05,705 --> 00:31:08,595
Richard over radio: The front
of your Bentley looks silly.

585
00:31:08,642 --> 00:31:10,297
It just looks a bit daft.

586
00:31:10,344 --> 00:31:14,125
And why was it you didn't get
Brian Sewell's old job?

587
00:31:14,173 --> 00:31:16,971
Does the options list
for your Bentley bentayga

588
00:31:17,018 --> 00:31:21,032
include oil paintings
of imaginary ancestors?

589
00:31:21,079 --> 00:31:23,509
I apologise for the noises
these two are making.

590
00:31:23,557 --> 00:31:25,746
I realise you're all
sitting at home going,

591
00:31:25,792 --> 00:31:30,108
"what are they on about? I just want
the range rover." Of course you do.

592
00:31:30,155 --> 00:31:34,221
The only reason you'd buy the Bentley is cos
your hip-hop record's gone to number one,

593
00:31:34,268 --> 00:31:38,829
and the only reason you'd buy the jag
is cos you can't afford a range rover.

594
00:31:40,832 --> 00:31:44,965
Richard: Since Jeremy had brought
up the subject of money...

595
00:31:45,012 --> 00:31:49,929
I don't know how they can sell you
one of these for from 34 grand.

596
00:31:49,976 --> 00:31:51,505
And this one,
with everything on it,

597
00:31:51,551 --> 00:31:54,298
quite apart from
a v6 supercharged engine,

598
00:31:54,346 --> 00:31:56,978
it's got leather everything,
iPhone connectivity,

599
00:31:57,025 --> 00:32:01,105
radar-distance control,
voice control, electric boot,

600
00:32:01,153 --> 00:32:02,983
magic key
you wear on your wrist.

601
00:32:03,030 --> 00:32:06,386
All of that still only costs 51 grand.
How do they do that?

602
00:32:06,433 --> 00:32:11,150
Next to everything else, it suddenly
looks like the bargain of the century.

603
00:32:11,196 --> 00:32:14,095
Over radio: Jeremy, this
car is better than yours.

604
00:32:14,142 --> 00:32:17,855
(Sighs) Well, now,
it just isn't, is it?

605
00:32:17,903 --> 00:32:20,771
You're being a...
What's the word?

606
00:32:27,413 --> 00:32:30,277
We then flashed through
the village of kissing,

607
00:32:30,324 --> 00:32:33,050
getting it over with
as quickly as possible.

608
00:32:34,486 --> 00:32:36,750
Then we went through petting.

609
00:32:36,797 --> 00:32:39,877
And to make sure
we reached erm...

610
00:32:39,924 --> 00:32:42,256
Third base before bedtime,

611
00:32:42,302 --> 00:32:45,459
we decided to set our satnavs.

612
00:32:45,506 --> 00:32:48,819
Satnav:
Please name the country.

613
00:32:48,866 --> 00:32:50,322
James: Austria.

614
00:32:50,368 --> 00:32:52,103
Satnav:
Please name the city.

615
00:32:52,770 --> 00:32:55,039
Foo-cking.

616
00:32:56,174 --> 00:32:57,438
Satnav: Excuse me?

617
00:32:57,484 --> 00:33:00,164
(Beeps)

618
00:33:00,211 --> 00:33:01,775
(Mutters place name
under breath)

619
00:33:01,821 --> 00:33:03,501
Satnav: Sorry?

620
00:33:03,548 --> 00:33:05,578
(Satnav beeps) - (Mutters
place name under breath)

621
00:33:05,625 --> 00:33:07,580
(Mutters place name
with a cough)

622
00:33:07,627 --> 00:33:09,374
Satnav: Sorry?

623
00:33:09,421 --> 00:33:12,685
Satnav: Is your destination
selking?

624
00:33:12,732 --> 00:33:16,214
No. Foo-cking.

625
00:33:16,261 --> 00:33:20,484
Satnav: Kraking has been accepted.
Which street should I select?

626
00:33:20,531 --> 00:33:22,468
(Mutters place name
with a cough)

627
00:33:23,634 --> 00:33:25,223
Satnav: Sorry?

628
00:33:25,270 --> 00:33:28,626
I can't say it.
People are listening.

629
00:33:28,673 --> 00:33:31,704
- (Mutters place name with a cough)
- Satnav: Sorry?

630
00:33:31,751 --> 00:33:34,275
Thankfully, Hammond
had decided to program

631
00:33:34,322 --> 00:33:37,883
his bargain-basement system
manually.

632
00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:40,404
F.

633
00:33:40,451 --> 00:33:41,852
U.

634
00:33:42,721 --> 00:33:44,651
(Mumbles)

635
00:33:44,698 --> 00:33:45,676
K.

636
00:33:45,723 --> 00:33:48,125
(Laughs)

637
00:33:48,859 --> 00:33:51,883
It's gone in!

638
00:33:51,930 --> 00:33:56,462
Richard: And soon, we crossed
the border into Austria.

639
00:33:56,509 --> 00:33:59,538
It's very, very pretty, Austria.

640
00:34:00,506 --> 00:34:03,842
No idea why Hitler
was in such a bad mood.

641
00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:08,675
Eventually, we arrived...

642
00:34:08,722 --> 00:34:10,110
Erm...

643
00:34:10,157 --> 00:34:12,436
Here.

644
00:34:12,483 --> 00:34:15,639
So is this the climax
of this stage of our journey?

645
00:34:15,686 --> 00:34:18,119
Jeremy: Is it all
it's cracked up to be?

646
00:34:18,166 --> 00:34:20,079
That's what I want to know.

647
00:34:20,126 --> 00:34:23,782
Cos often it can be a disappointment,
the first time you go there.

648
00:34:23,829 --> 00:34:26,726
The first time I came here,
i couldn't find the way in.

649
00:34:26,773 --> 00:34:28,867
(Laughs)

650
00:34:29,601 --> 00:34:31,164
Jeremy:
Once we'd arrived in...

651
00:34:31,211 --> 00:34:33,291
(Mumbles)

652
00:34:33,338 --> 00:34:35,034
James was very keen

653
00:34:35,081 --> 00:34:39,398
we should get in the back
of his Bentley.

654
00:34:39,445 --> 00:34:43,309
What's really incongruous about this is
that you're very obviously in a Bentley.

655
00:34:43,356 --> 00:34:45,204
All this looks very Bentley,

656
00:34:45,251 --> 00:34:48,648
until you look down here and see
these symbols on this control knob,

657
00:34:48,695 --> 00:34:51,376
and it's very obviously
a serious off-roader.

658
00:34:51,422 --> 00:34:52,853
Oh, what, those symbols?

659
00:34:52,900 --> 00:34:54,278
So you can set it for

660
00:34:54,326 --> 00:34:57,115
swamp, minefield,
Christmas or Mexico? Nice.

661
00:34:57,163 --> 00:34:59,693
- Yes, Hammond.
- Shall I tell you something interesting about the wood,

662
00:34:59,739 --> 00:35:01,461
or one of the woods
you can have in this?

663
00:35:01,509 --> 00:35:04,623
It only grows on a cliff face
in Asia,

664
00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:08,568
and the way they get it is they have to
abseil down it with their woodworking tools.

665
00:35:08,615 --> 00:35:12,373
Why don't they just use wood from
a tree that grows in a field?

666
00:35:12,420 --> 00:35:14,440
Is everything standard in here?

667
00:35:14,487 --> 00:35:15,634
- No.
- No?

668
00:35:15,681 --> 00:35:18,436
- No.
- So how much is this car?

669
00:35:18,483 --> 00:35:19,746
- This particular one?
- Yes.

670
00:35:19,793 --> 00:35:22,583
- Is 212,000 and something.
- What?

671
00:35:22,630 --> 00:35:25,719
So that means
the extras in this car

672
00:35:25,766 --> 00:35:29,780
cost more than Hammond's
entire Jaguar?

673
00:35:29,827 --> 00:35:32,092
- How much is your jag?
- About the same.

674
00:35:32,139 --> 00:35:35,329
- What, that jag with all the extras?
- That is £51,450.

675
00:35:35,376 --> 00:35:39,056
And this has got £52,000
worth of extras in it?

676
00:35:39,103 --> 00:35:43,436
It's just a little bit more
on extras than the entire jag.

677
00:35:43,483 --> 00:35:45,496
It's great... value.

678
00:35:45,543 --> 00:35:48,313
- Jeremy: Can I just say, James...
- Yes, do.

679
00:35:49,715 --> 00:35:51,969
I do quite like
the interior of this car.

680
00:35:52,016 --> 00:35:54,780
No, I do. I'll be honest.
I like the quilted leather,

681
00:35:54,827 --> 00:35:58,577
I like the wood that comes
from a cliff and all of that.

682
00:35:58,623 --> 00:36:01,086
But the exterior,
I'm sorry, it's hideous.

683
00:36:01,134 --> 00:36:04,056
- Ugly. Pig ugly.
- Yeah, well, hang on a minute.

684
00:36:04,103 --> 00:36:07,351
Because, do you remember,
and it is a long time ago,

685
00:36:07,398 --> 00:36:09,188
when the continental gt
first came out,

686
00:36:09,235 --> 00:36:10,496
we all thought
that was hideous...

687
00:36:10,543 --> 00:36:12,724
- It was.
- And now we all love it.

688
00:36:12,771 --> 00:36:14,800
- It's one of the few things we agree on.
- Yes. Yes, that's true.

689
00:36:14,847 --> 00:36:16,936
But I think this is
more like you.

690
00:36:16,983 --> 00:36:20,240
When I first met you,
i thought you were ugly.

691
00:36:20,288 --> 00:36:22,675
And now
i still think you're ugly.

692
00:36:22,722 --> 00:36:25,717
A crushing criticism
from one so handsome.

693
00:36:30,289 --> 00:36:32,744
- Jeremy: James?
- What?

694
00:36:32,791 --> 00:36:34,358
Unlock the doors.

695
00:36:36,327 --> 00:36:38,329
James, please unlock the doors.

696
00:36:39,398 --> 00:36:41,585
We're in... this place.

697
00:36:41,632 --> 00:36:43,902
Richard:
In the back of a car,

698
00:36:44,402 --> 00:36:45,971
together.

699
00:36:47,773 --> 00:36:49,893
(Cheering)

700
00:36:49,940 --> 00:36:52,639
It is remarkable, isn't it?
All those places...

701
00:36:52,686 --> 00:36:55,233
I'm sure... all those
place names are real.

702
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,043
- They are real. Yeah, real places.
- They really are.

703
00:36:58,090 --> 00:37:00,605
Those place names are real.

704
00:37:00,652 --> 00:37:03,474
Anyway, we'll pick up
that pointless test later on.

705
00:37:03,521 --> 00:37:05,376
- It's not pointless!
- Yes, it is.

706
00:37:05,423 --> 00:37:07,820
I already explained it perfectly
well with the underpants thing.

707
00:37:07,867 --> 00:37:11,291
And I shall be explaining using
more demonstrations later on.

708
00:37:11,338 --> 00:37:14,085
- Oh, good.
- But now it is time

709
00:37:14,132 --> 00:37:16,297
for celebrity brain crash!

710
00:37:16,344 --> 00:37:17,969
(Cheering)

711
00:37:23,342 --> 00:37:24,971
(Cheering)

712
00:37:25,018 --> 00:37:28,032
Now, our guest...

713
00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:29,701
Our guest today,

714
00:37:29,748 --> 00:37:31,978
he directed Batman,
planet of the apes,

715
00:37:32,025 --> 00:37:33,347
Edward scissorhands.

716
00:37:33,393 --> 00:37:36,275
And, after last week's
mine disaster,

717
00:37:36,322 --> 00:37:40,621
he's decided to come to the
studio underneath the mines

718
00:37:40,668 --> 00:37:42,623
in a miniature submarine.

719
00:37:42,670 --> 00:37:45,891
Ladies and gentlemen,
Tim Burton!

720
00:37:45,938 --> 00:37:47,751
(Cheering)

721
00:37:47,798 --> 00:37:50,563
Here is the submarine.
There he is,

722
00:37:50,610 --> 00:37:53,291
sneaking underneath the mines.

723
00:37:53,338 --> 00:37:56,295
- Richard: Clever.
- Jeremy: As he heads cleverly towards us.

724
00:37:56,342 --> 00:37:59,172
- He's out there somewhere.
- He's out there somewhere. This is fantastic.

725
00:37:59,219 --> 00:38:01,632
- What are we gonna talk to him about?
- There's so much.

726
00:38:01,679 --> 00:38:04,344
- What do you want to ask him?
- James: About the nightmare before Christmas.

727
00:38:04,391 --> 00:38:06,371
It's my favourite
Christmas film.

728
00:38:06,418 --> 00:38:09,615
Jeremy: Is it? I want to know what
it's like to work with Johnny Depp.

729
00:38:09,663 --> 00:38:11,985
Richard: Yeah, there's a lot
to talk to him about.

730
00:38:12,032 --> 00:38:14,077
Jeremy: Oh, hello.

731
00:38:14,125 --> 00:38:17,516
We've lost the feed somehow
from the sub.

732
00:38:17,563 --> 00:38:19,393
Oh, god almight...
Oh, my god!

733
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,266
- (Laughter)
- Richard: Oh, no!

734
00:38:23,101 --> 00:38:25,389
Oh!

735
00:38:25,436 --> 00:38:29,494
There's obviously been a catastrophic
failure with the submarine.

736
00:38:29,541 --> 00:38:32,905
- No idea what could have caused it.
- The monster's bitten it!

737
00:38:32,952 --> 00:38:34,766
(Laughter)

738
00:38:34,813 --> 00:38:36,943
For the hundredth time, Hammond,

739
00:38:36,989 --> 00:38:40,414
there is no such thing
as the loch ness monster.

740
00:38:40,460 --> 00:38:42,907
(Laughter)

741
00:38:42,954 --> 00:38:45,385
- Does that mean he's not coming on, then?
- (Laughter)

742
00:38:45,432 --> 00:38:48,954
Well, James, his lungs have filled with
icy water, he's sunk to the bottom,

743
00:38:49,001 --> 00:38:52,425
and his body is being compressed
to the size of a ping-pong ball.

744
00:38:52,472 --> 00:38:53,885
So that is a no.

745
00:38:53,931 --> 00:38:57,197
It's ok, though, because
we have a back-up plan.

746
00:38:57,244 --> 00:38:58,989
- Do we?
- Yes. (Mutters)

747
00:38:59,036 --> 00:39:01,125
You see, the thing is,
these days,

748
00:39:01,172 --> 00:39:04,695
- a lot of performance cars have launch control.
- Ah, yes. Yes.

749
00:39:04,742 --> 00:39:08,641
The way it works is you put your foot on
the throttle and brake at the same time,

750
00:39:08,688 --> 00:39:12,603
and the car's computer works out
exactly how many revs you need

751
00:39:12,650 --> 00:39:15,139
and exactly how much
wheelspin to give the car

752
00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:17,275
so that you get
an absolutely perfect start

753
00:39:17,322 --> 00:39:19,619
as soon as you just
take your foot off the brake.

754
00:39:19,666 --> 00:39:23,047
Yeah, and we were wondering, just
when exactly can you use that?

755
00:39:23,094 --> 00:39:25,626
If you're in a town centre
at a set of lights going...

756
00:39:25,672 --> 00:39:27,786
(Imitates revving engine)

757
00:39:27,833 --> 00:39:29,429
- Know what I mean?
- It's a bit rude.

758
00:39:29,476 --> 00:39:32,838
It is,
as this short film explains.

759
00:39:36,574 --> 00:39:38,275
(Revving)

760
00:39:47,284 --> 00:39:50,307
Coconut-milk latte
with a caramel shot, please.

761
00:39:50,355 --> 00:39:53,224
Ok, a coconut-milk latte with a caramel...
(Revving)

762
00:39:58,195 --> 00:39:59,898
(Revving)

763
00:40:13,978 --> 00:40:15,480
(Revving)

764
00:40:22,253 --> 00:40:23,954
(Revving)

765
00:40:30,762 --> 00:40:32,563
(Church bell tolls)

766
00:40:50,548 --> 00:40:52,250
(Revving)

767
00:40:59,958 --> 00:41:01,458
(Cheering)

768
00:41:02,594 --> 00:41:05,096
- What is it for?
- Pointless.

769
00:41:06,831 --> 00:41:08,920
The thing is, you can't...

770
00:41:08,967 --> 00:41:11,789
You can't even use launch
control on a race track,

771
00:41:11,836 --> 00:41:15,034
because you can only engage it for three
or four seconds before it cuts out.

772
00:41:15,081 --> 00:41:18,038
And because you don't know when
the lights are gonna go green,

773
00:41:18,085 --> 00:41:20,565
you don't know when your
three seconds start, do you?

774
00:41:20,612 --> 00:41:22,074
Exactly, which is why
we have decided

775
00:41:22,121 --> 00:41:25,235
it is the most pointless
invention ever.

776
00:41:25,282 --> 00:41:27,213
Yes, and talking of pointless,

777
00:41:27,260 --> 00:41:29,172
let's get back to our film.

778
00:41:29,219 --> 00:41:32,918
Er... we're road-testing a range
rover and some other cars.

779
00:41:32,965 --> 00:41:36,313
We began in the
German village of wank,

780
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:39,259
and the plan was to go
through kissing and petting

781
00:41:39,306 --> 00:41:41,927
towards wedding,
which was our destination.

782
00:41:41,974 --> 00:41:46,603
Yes, and we pick up the action having
decided to spend the night in fu...

783
00:41:50,576 --> 00:41:55,280
We woke the next morning
in this dew-kissed village.

784
00:41:56,914 --> 00:41:59,579
And over
a rather awkward breakfast,

785
00:41:59,626 --> 00:42:02,219
clarkson made an announcement.

786
00:42:04,989 --> 00:42:09,722
I don't mean to be hurtful
or disrespectful,

787
00:42:09,769 --> 00:42:12,016
but erm...

788
00:42:12,063 --> 00:42:14,552
- Go on, spit it out.
- Well, it's...

789
00:42:14,599 --> 00:42:16,329
Just because we've been here,

790
00:42:16,376 --> 00:42:19,632
doesn't mean we necessarily
have to go on to wedding.

791
00:42:19,679 --> 00:42:20,824
Aw!

792
00:42:20,871 --> 00:42:24,427
It's me, it's not you.

793
00:42:24,474 --> 00:42:27,865
No, he's right.
It's been going so well.

794
00:42:27,913 --> 00:42:29,710
And if we go on to wedding,

795
00:42:29,757 --> 00:42:33,313
we'll have to carry on
and on and on,

796
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,574
through routine, boredom,

797
00:42:36,621 --> 00:42:39,376
resentment, spare bedroom,

798
00:42:39,423 --> 00:42:41,454
temptation, affair,

799
00:42:41,501 --> 00:42:44,748
discovery, remorse, revenge,

800
00:42:44,795 --> 00:42:47,226
divorce, and then it's death.

801
00:42:47,273 --> 00:42:50,989
Or you could turn off
through online dating,

802
00:42:51,036 --> 00:42:53,625
meaningless sex,
bottomless regret,

803
00:42:53,672 --> 00:42:56,135
financial ruination,
and then heart attack.

804
00:42:56,182 --> 00:42:58,471
And then you end up
at death anyway.

805
00:42:58,518 --> 00:43:01,742
Exactly, Hammond.
And that's why I'm suggesting

806
00:43:01,789 --> 00:43:05,068
that instead of going
to... wedding,

807
00:43:05,115 --> 00:43:07,047
we go to the nürburgring.

808
00:43:07,094 --> 00:43:08,972
(Groans)

809
00:43:09,019 --> 00:43:12,885
Jeremy: Because James's car was
the only one that spoke German,

810
00:43:12,932 --> 00:43:14,920
he set the satnav.

811
00:43:14,967 --> 00:43:18,215
Ziel eingeben: Nürburgring.

812
00:43:18,262 --> 00:43:22,166
- (Satnav chimes)
- Jeremy: And then we set off.

813
00:43:28,373 --> 00:43:30,670
Soon, we were on
Germany's autobahns,

814
00:43:30,717 --> 00:43:35,699
which got us thinking about
how sensible they are.

815
00:43:35,746 --> 00:43:38,110
And here we are on the autobahn.

816
00:43:38,157 --> 00:43:39,579
No speed limits.

817
00:43:39,626 --> 00:43:42,186
Is it chaos? No.

818
00:43:42,987 --> 00:43:45,076
If you remove the speed limits,

819
00:43:45,123 --> 00:43:49,889
people don't all suddenly drive into
bridge supports at 200 miles an hour.

820
00:43:49,936 --> 00:43:54,652
We're not that stupid. Just as
if you leave the gate unlocked

821
00:43:54,699 --> 00:43:56,429
at the lion closure
at a safari park,

822
00:43:56,476 --> 00:43:59,704
we don't all run in
and have a picnic.

823
00:44:01,306 --> 00:44:06,840
In the last 15 years, britain's
economy has grown by 58%,

824
00:44:06,887 --> 00:44:10,400
whereas Germany's
has grown by 102%.

825
00:44:10,447 --> 00:44:15,485
And that's because we're all doing 20
miles an hour and they're doing 200.

826
00:44:16,153 --> 00:44:18,876
Speed is good for business,

827
00:44:18,923 --> 00:44:21,512
and it saves lives as well.

828
00:44:21,559 --> 00:44:23,947
Because when we drive
down the motorway in britain,

829
00:44:23,994 --> 00:44:26,827
we're looking at all the gantries
to see if they have speed cameras,

830
00:44:26,873 --> 00:44:31,130
or we're looking at our speedometers to
make sure we're not breaking the limit.

831
00:44:31,177 --> 00:44:33,398
We're not looking
where we're going.

832
00:44:33,445 --> 00:44:37,541
Heavily enforced
speed limits kill people.

833
00:44:38,809 --> 00:44:40,606
The autobahn
also got us thinking

834
00:44:40,652 --> 00:44:45,349
about how times have changed
on the SUV front.

835
00:44:46,150 --> 00:44:48,782
It is amazing, really,
that an off-road vehicle

836
00:44:48,829 --> 00:44:50,340
can feel this stable,

837
00:44:50,387 --> 00:44:52,576
this planted,
i think the word is.

838
00:44:52,623 --> 00:44:54,344
Because it's not that long ago,

839
00:44:54,391 --> 00:44:56,789
if you think about early
range rovers and the like,

840
00:44:56,836 --> 00:44:58,824
going fast was actually
quite frightening.

841
00:44:58,871 --> 00:45:02,253
They had stickers on the sun
visors, do you remember,

842
00:45:02,300 --> 00:45:04,030
with a picture of the car
toppling over.

843
00:45:04,077 --> 00:45:06,090
"Avoid sudden swerves."

844
00:45:06,137 --> 00:45:08,025
Yes, I'd completely forgotten

845
00:45:08,072 --> 00:45:09,969
about that sticker,
but you're right, it did.

846
00:45:10,016 --> 00:45:14,545
"If you operate the steering wheel,
this vehicle will fall over."

847
00:45:15,646 --> 00:45:18,737
- Richard: Chaps?
- Jeremy: What?

848
00:45:18,784 --> 00:45:20,246
There are no speed limits,
right?

849
00:45:20,293 --> 00:45:23,282
So we are allowed to go
as fast as our cars will go.

850
00:45:23,329 --> 00:45:26,119
But who dares actually do that?

851
00:45:26,166 --> 00:45:28,445
Who dares go the fastest?

852
00:45:28,492 --> 00:45:32,291
Right, if we're going to play
that game, I might even join in.

853
00:45:32,338 --> 00:45:33,952
Bang on.

854
00:45:33,998 --> 00:45:35,838
Richard:
Go on, James. Help yourself.

855
00:45:38,302 --> 00:45:42,760
- There you go, 187, top speed.
- Richard: Really?

856
00:45:42,807 --> 00:45:47,373
The thing is, you were behind me when you
started and you still are behind me.

857
00:45:47,420 --> 00:45:50,876
- I did 190.
- Oh, for god's sake! You didn't.

858
00:45:50,923 --> 00:45:53,717
That's faster
than your car will go.

859
00:45:54,853 --> 00:45:57,617
Richard: In order to put
a stop to this nonsense,

860
00:45:57,664 --> 00:46:00,891
I made us pull in
at the next service station.

861
00:46:02,460 --> 00:46:04,114
Right, small cameras.

862
00:46:04,161 --> 00:46:06,291
We fix these to the dash
where they can see the speedo,

863
00:46:06,338 --> 00:46:08,952
and then there's no cheating.

864
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,630
Why have you got a dog?

865
00:46:10,677 --> 00:46:13,237
I shall show you.
Follow me.

866
00:46:14,505 --> 00:46:16,327
If you want a pet,

867
00:46:16,373 --> 00:46:18,128
you can have
something expensive,

868
00:46:18,175 --> 00:46:20,139
like an iguana
with a silver necklace.

869
00:46:20,186 --> 00:46:22,842
Or you can have something cheap,
like an ant.

870
00:46:22,889 --> 00:46:24,844
- James: What ant?
- That ant.

871
00:46:24,891 --> 00:46:29,853
Or you can use your common
sense and have a labradog.

872
00:46:37,128 --> 00:46:39,282
With my clever
demonstration over,

873
00:46:39,329 --> 00:46:41,027
we got back on the motorway

874
00:46:41,074 --> 00:46:45,088
and mounted Hammond's
honesty cameras.

875
00:46:45,135 --> 00:46:47,867
I've got a good way
of cheating still.

876
00:46:47,914 --> 00:46:50,994
Because if I push
this button here, watch,

877
00:46:51,041 --> 00:46:53,974
my speedometer changes
to kilometres an hour.

878
00:46:54,021 --> 00:46:55,465
He'll never know.

879
00:46:55,512 --> 00:46:57,443
And Jeremy, while you're
setting your camera up,

880
00:46:57,489 --> 00:47:00,612
don't think about changing
your display to km/h

881
00:47:00,659 --> 00:47:02,887
so you get a bigger number.

882
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:13,364
Jeremy: It was now time
to begin the speed trials.

883
00:47:17,902 --> 00:47:20,065
Here we go.
Going for a big one.

884
00:47:20,112 --> 00:47:23,673
Into a world of speed and glory!

885
00:47:24,641 --> 00:47:27,478
Come on, Audi.
You must be able to see me.

886
00:47:28,079 --> 00:47:29,980
Come on, come on, come on.

887
00:47:31,516 --> 00:47:34,985
Out of the way.
And you in the Audi. Come on.

888
00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:37,474
As the traffic eased,

889
00:47:37,521 --> 00:47:41,826
Hammond was knocking on
the door of 150 miles an hour.

890
00:47:42,626 --> 00:47:44,983
That's 148.

891
00:47:45,030 --> 00:47:46,416
Forty-nine.

892
00:47:46,463 --> 00:47:48,961
Jeremy: And I, too,
was getting close.

893
00:47:49,009 --> 00:47:51,722
150 coming up.
150 any minute now.

894
00:47:51,768 --> 00:47:56,659
Come on, stretch it, stretch it,
stretch it, stretch it, stretch it.

895
00:47:56,706 --> 00:48:00,239
Sadly, it was hard to say
how fast James was going,

896
00:48:00,286 --> 00:48:02,012
because he's an imbecile.

897
00:48:08,686 --> 00:48:11,956
Oh, yeah!
That big number's coming up.

898
00:48:12,623 --> 00:48:14,759
Got to beat 151.

899
00:48:16,460 --> 00:48:17,581
Jeremy: Shit!

900
00:48:17,628 --> 00:48:20,425
Why won't it go
any faster than that?

901
00:48:20,472 --> 00:48:22,552
Come on!

902
00:48:22,599 --> 00:48:25,869
Why won't you go any faster
than 148?

903
00:48:34,644 --> 00:48:39,016
Eventually, heavy traffic
ended this important test.

904
00:48:41,286 --> 00:48:42,983
Right,
as we are in a traffic jam,

905
00:48:43,030 --> 00:48:47,052
I may as well give you
the results of who dares wins.

906
00:48:47,099 --> 00:48:50,155
Richard Hammond,
155 miles an hour.

907
00:48:50,202 --> 00:48:53,251
I maxed the range rover at 149.

908
00:48:53,297 --> 00:48:55,996
And James may, because
he's a blithering idiot,

909
00:48:56,043 --> 00:48:58,936
6,000rpm.

910
00:49:02,206 --> 00:49:05,096
The idiot's car
had also drained its tank,

911
00:49:05,143 --> 00:49:06,771
so while he was filling up,

912
00:49:06,818 --> 00:49:10,581
I set up another
of my clever demonstrations.

913
00:49:12,916 --> 00:49:14,704
Gentlemen, observe.

914
00:49:14,751 --> 00:49:17,275
You can buy very expensive
sunglasses.

915
00:49:17,322 --> 00:49:19,443
These ones
are made from real gold.

916
00:49:19,489 --> 00:49:21,653
Or you can buy
very cheap sunglasses.

917
00:49:21,701 --> 00:49:23,561
But what do we all do?

918
00:49:24,028 --> 00:49:26,063
We all have ray-bans.

919
00:49:27,864 --> 00:49:31,289
You do know you're just
being irritating, don't you?

920
00:49:31,335 --> 00:49:34,934
All you've actually told us about your
car is something to do with underpants,

921
00:49:34,981 --> 00:49:36,335
iguanas and sunglasses.

922
00:49:36,382 --> 00:49:38,608
- I'm just saying.
- Well, don't!

923
00:49:40,610 --> 00:49:43,608
Back on the move,
we continued to follow James

924
00:49:43,655 --> 00:49:46,445
on our journey
to the nürburgring.

925
00:49:46,492 --> 00:49:50,554
But after a while,
i started to worry.

926
00:49:52,056 --> 00:49:54,144
Where's he going?

927
00:49:54,192 --> 00:49:56,056
Why have we turned off
the motorway?

928
00:49:56,103 --> 00:49:58,663
(Satnav speaks in German)

929
00:50:03,701 --> 00:50:06,224
- James...
- What?

930
00:50:06,271 --> 00:50:08,900
Well, I'm going to get
straight to the point.

931
00:50:08,947 --> 00:50:11,476
This is not the nürburgring.

932
00:50:13,210 --> 00:50:15,012
It's nuremberg.

933
00:50:19,550 --> 00:50:22,572
- Ah, well, yes, but...
- There's no "ah, well" about it.

934
00:50:22,619 --> 00:50:24,708
The thing is, I can't
actually speak German,

935
00:50:24,755 --> 00:50:27,786
only the bit about hands being wet
because he's under a waterfall.

936
00:50:27,833 --> 00:50:31,748
But nürburgring is the same in
English as it is in German.

937
00:50:31,795 --> 00:50:34,184
I did it with voice control
in German with my car.

938
00:50:34,231 --> 00:50:37,054
It was set to German. I said
nürburgring and it went "blink"

939
00:50:37,101 --> 00:50:39,599
- and I said, "yes." But it's a similar name.
- Don't blame the car!

940
00:50:39,646 --> 00:50:41,659
Well, I didn't pronounce it
properly.

941
00:50:41,706 --> 00:50:44,469
That's like muddling up our names
cos they both begin with j.

942
00:50:44,516 --> 00:50:47,030
Look, let's not get
all bogged down

943
00:50:47,077 --> 00:50:48,708
with who's been a massive idiot

944
00:50:48,755 --> 00:50:51,744
and despite what he claims
can't do anything properly.

945
00:50:51,791 --> 00:50:55,315
- Nothing.
- Let's instead look for a race track near here.

946
00:50:55,362 --> 00:50:57,588
Why don't we try and find one?

947
00:51:01,057 --> 00:51:05,161
Jeremy: And that is exactly
what Hammond did.

948
00:51:14,639 --> 00:51:16,360
Where?

949
00:51:16,407 --> 00:51:18,170
Well, it's all around you.
Look, I've marked it out.

950
00:51:18,217 --> 00:51:20,773
Look, it goes around there
and up there and along there,

951
00:51:20,820 --> 00:51:23,567
and then down there
and round there.

952
00:51:23,614 --> 00:51:25,202
It's not really a track, is it?

953
00:51:25,250 --> 00:51:26,811
No, it's better.
It's rallying.

954
00:51:26,858 --> 00:51:30,583
This will be the first ever
nuremberg rally.

955
00:51:30,630 --> 00:51:34,887
Well, not the...
Absolute first ever.

956
00:51:34,934 --> 00:51:36,380
He's right.

957
00:51:36,427 --> 00:51:39,224
Do you imagine, if we did
motorcycling round here,

958
00:51:39,271 --> 00:51:42,152
it would be the first ever
nuremberg trials?

959
00:51:42,199 --> 00:51:43,663
Well, we could give it a go.

960
00:51:43,710 --> 00:51:45,835
Let's not run
before we can walk, eh?

961
00:51:47,204 --> 00:51:50,902
James: Since Hammond's course
featured twisting bends,

962
00:51:50,949 --> 00:51:52,695
loose surfaces,

963
00:51:52,742 --> 00:51:56,909
sheer drops and piles of
enormous rocks everywhere,

964
00:51:56,956 --> 00:51:59,750
some practice laps
were in order.

965
00:52:02,652 --> 00:52:05,818
Slightly slow there
cos I go round a dusty one,

966
00:52:05,864 --> 00:52:08,626
and then this is...
I have no idea.

967
00:52:09,626 --> 00:52:13,597
"Danger." Right.
I'll take note of that.

968
00:52:14,664 --> 00:52:16,820
I don't want to fall off there.

969
00:52:16,867 --> 00:52:19,670
Oh, shit. I really don't
want to fall off there.

970
00:52:20,538 --> 00:52:23,235
Richard: Now,
this bit is really scary.

971
00:52:23,282 --> 00:52:25,463
(Chuckles) Yeah.

972
00:52:25,510 --> 00:52:27,907
That's a bit of
a trouser-changer.

973
00:52:27,954 --> 00:52:30,909
Ooh! Now, this
is quite interesting,

974
00:52:30,956 --> 00:52:32,902
cos in normal use,

975
00:52:32,949 --> 00:52:38,041
all of the power is sent to
the rear wheels in the jag.

976
00:52:38,088 --> 00:52:39,818
But it can then send power,

977
00:52:39,865 --> 00:52:43,280
up to 50% of it,
to the front wheels.

978
00:52:43,327 --> 00:52:46,858
Right, this is where I can go
very wrong if I'm not careful.

979
00:52:46,905 --> 00:52:48,264
Oh, shit.

980
00:52:49,233 --> 00:52:51,768
(Grunts and laughs)

981
00:52:54,704 --> 00:53:00,010
James: Clarkson, meanwhile, had decided
he didn't need to have a practice.

982
00:53:01,077 --> 00:53:02,900
What are you doing?

983
00:53:02,947 --> 00:53:05,811
It's my baked beans demonstration
for when Hammond gets back.

984
00:53:05,858 --> 00:53:08,481
Because we've got cheap
supermarket beans,

985
00:53:08,527 --> 00:53:09,773
then expensive...

986
00:53:09,820 --> 00:53:12,342
Oh, god.
I haven't got time for this.

987
00:53:12,389 --> 00:53:15,288
And then, in the middle,
the range rover...

988
00:53:15,335 --> 00:53:16,860
Oh!

989
00:53:19,264 --> 00:53:21,117
James: With practice over,

990
00:53:21,164 --> 00:53:24,829
Hammond lined up on the beginning
line for his timed lap.

991
00:53:24,876 --> 00:53:29,168
Richard Hammond,
begin in three, two, one.

992
00:53:29,215 --> 00:53:30,740
Go!

993
00:53:32,876 --> 00:53:34,945
Here we go.

994
00:53:36,414 --> 00:53:38,382
Now, come on, Hammond.
Concentrate.

995
00:53:41,318 --> 00:53:46,155
Oh! That was beautiful
lift-off oversteer.

996
00:53:50,427 --> 00:53:52,697
A little bit of a brake,
and then...

997
00:53:55,699 --> 00:53:57,934
Ooh! That's too fast there.

998
00:53:59,135 --> 00:54:01,090
I just had a wee.

999
00:54:01,137 --> 00:54:05,663
Right, let's predict
what he's saying in there.

1000
00:54:05,710 --> 00:54:10,032
He'll say the traction control
won't be turned off properly.

1001
00:54:10,079 --> 00:54:13,045
Cos you can't turn the traction
control off completely.

1002
00:54:13,092 --> 00:54:16,416
He'll say, "i need power
and there isn't any!"

1003
00:54:16,463 --> 00:54:18,608
Come on! Where's the power?

1004
00:54:18,655 --> 00:54:20,858
Give me power! Give me power!

1005
00:54:22,059 --> 00:54:24,427
Now, this one...
Oh, shit.

1006
00:54:27,764 --> 00:54:30,099
This is the really fast bit.

1007
00:54:32,135 --> 00:54:35,204
Come on, baby! Come on.
That's it. Give me power.

1008
00:54:35,706 --> 00:54:38,528
Going in with big speed here.

1009
00:54:38,576 --> 00:54:42,041
Now, brake early,
early, early, early, early,

1010
00:54:42,088 --> 00:54:43,748
and then turn in.

1011
00:54:47,217 --> 00:54:48,786
Bury it.

1012
00:54:53,858 --> 00:54:55,945
I'm gonna be miles faster
than him.

1013
00:54:55,992 --> 00:54:57,547
Well, you haven't even done
any practice.

1014
00:54:57,594 --> 00:54:59,224
- I know.
- It's honestly not that simple.

1015
00:54:59,271 --> 00:55:00,864
Yes, it is.

1016
00:55:01,398 --> 00:55:04,221
(Screeching)

1017
00:55:04,268 --> 00:55:05,902
Come on!

1018
00:55:08,072 --> 00:55:10,436
Giving it all she can.
That's it, there you go.

1019
00:55:10,483 --> 00:55:12,809
Little burst
and across the line.

1020
00:55:15,579 --> 00:55:18,369
Five minutes 56 dead.

1021
00:55:18,416 --> 00:55:20,483
- That good?
- I don't know.

1022
00:55:21,150 --> 00:55:22,672
- Five 56.
- Dead.

1023
00:55:22,719 --> 00:55:26,376
Yes! Or no! Did you see
me at that last bit?

1024
00:55:26,423 --> 00:55:29,688
The traction control just wouldn't let
me put the power down there at all.

1025
00:55:29,735 --> 00:55:32,461
It stopped!
Did you see me stop there?

1026
00:55:34,965 --> 00:55:37,161
- Why have you got a stopwatch?
- To time him.

1027
00:55:37,208 --> 00:55:38,856
No, no, no, no. Look.

1028
00:55:38,902 --> 00:55:41,766
- What date is it? April 26th.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, ok.

1029
00:55:41,813 --> 00:55:43,960
- April 26th at...
- No, a better idea.

1030
00:55:44,007 --> 00:55:47,063
Why don't we just chalk marks
on the roof for every day?

1031
00:55:47,110 --> 00:55:50,114
- Every time the sun comes up, ok, another mark.
- Right.

1032
00:55:50,614 --> 00:55:52,644
James may, you may begin

1033
00:55:52,692 --> 00:55:55,414
in three, two, one.

1034
00:55:55,461 --> 00:55:57,407
Now.

1035
00:55:57,454 --> 00:56:02,179
And may is off for Great Britain
and Germany in the Bentley!

1036
00:56:02,226 --> 00:56:04,523
- He doesn't like heights.
- No, he doesn't like heights.

1037
00:56:04,570 --> 00:56:06,858
- He doesn't like speed.
- Or slippery stuff.

1038
00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:12,021
- So... everything he hates.
- (Laughs)

1039
00:56:12,068 --> 00:56:14,657
James: Despite
the hostile environment,

1040
00:56:14,704 --> 00:56:16,135
I was determined to dig deep

1041
00:56:16,181 --> 00:56:19,175
for the honour
of the Bentley badge.

1042
00:56:22,045 --> 00:56:24,380
Slidey, slidey, slidey.

1043
00:56:26,182 --> 00:56:27,851
Yes, tarmac.

1044
00:56:28,585 --> 00:56:30,574
(Tyres squealing)

1045
00:56:30,621 --> 00:56:32,717
Did you... did you hear that?

1046
00:56:32,764 --> 00:56:36,860
That was tyre squeal
from James may.

1047
00:56:38,563 --> 00:56:40,898
Up the Ridge.

1048
00:56:42,099 --> 00:56:43,867
Knock it down a cog.

1049
00:56:44,300 --> 00:56:45,902
Oh, my god.

1050
00:56:46,804 --> 00:56:47,990
Blimey!

1051
00:56:48,038 --> 00:56:50,793
That wasn't very
James may-ish, was it?

1052
00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:53,110
He'll have frightened himself
to death.

1053
00:56:54,744 --> 00:56:56,380
That's the dippy bit.

1054
00:56:57,280 --> 00:56:58,882
Look at this!

1055
00:57:09,293 --> 00:57:10,822
Oh! He got air! He got air!

1056
00:57:10,869 --> 00:57:12,596
I think he's being committed.

1057
00:57:14,231 --> 00:57:16,686
Jeremy, what if he beats me?

1058
00:57:16,733 --> 00:57:18,597
- What if he beats you?
- Yeah.

1059
00:57:18,644 --> 00:57:22,501
- You'll die of shame and I'll die laughing.
- Yeah, ok.

1060
00:57:22,548 --> 00:57:28,465
Jeremy: Try as he might, though, the old
lady was losing time in the corners.

1061
00:57:28,512 --> 00:57:32,911
The trouble is, it is a
two-and-a-half-tonne fairly long car,

1062
00:57:32,958 --> 00:57:36,119
and you can't change
the laws of physics.

1063
00:57:37,621 --> 00:57:39,322
Cor! That's not good.

1064
00:57:41,559 --> 00:57:44,155
Oh, get it straight! Come on!

1065
00:57:44,202 --> 00:57:45,594
(Tyres squeal)

1066
00:57:46,262 --> 00:57:47,931
Oh, no! I overdid it.

1067
00:57:54,938 --> 00:57:56,135
Six minutes 16.

1068
00:57:56,181 --> 00:57:57,795
So he was 16...

1069
00:57:57,842 --> 00:58:02,632
18 seconds slower than you
and his car is £212,000.

1070
00:58:02,679 --> 00:58:05,215
Say some more of that stuff.
Write it down.

1071
00:58:06,617 --> 00:58:10,286
Jeremy: Finally, it was the
turn of the best car here.

1072
00:58:11,121 --> 00:58:13,452
Three, two, one.

1073
00:58:13,498 --> 00:58:15,025
Begin!

1074
00:58:16,927 --> 00:58:20,597
He hasn't... done
a single practice lap.

1075
00:58:21,632 --> 00:58:23,686
I mean, not one.

1076
00:58:23,733 --> 00:58:26,469
Traction control off.
That's better.

1077
00:58:27,572 --> 00:58:29,974
And watch this!

1078
00:58:31,307 --> 00:58:33,362
Flick it in. Nicely done.

1079
00:58:33,409 --> 00:58:35,311
Flick it back the other way.

1080
00:58:36,581 --> 00:58:39,478
While he's driving, what do
we think he's being? Modest?

1081
00:58:39,525 --> 00:58:41,539
Self-effacing? Quiet?

1082
00:58:41,585 --> 00:58:44,248
He probably isn't saying anything.
He's probably concentrating.

1083
00:58:44,295 --> 00:58:47,023
Yes!

1084
00:58:47,791 --> 00:58:50,681
Oh, god, I'm good at everything.

1085
00:58:50,728 --> 00:58:53,057
However,
in order to win this contest,

1086
00:58:53,105 --> 00:58:59,422
I had no intention of relying
only on my supreme skills.

1087
00:58:59,469 --> 00:59:05,003
You see, the thing is, the Jaguar and
the Bentley were designed as road cars

1088
00:59:05,050 --> 00:59:08,398
and then given
some off-road ability.

1089
00:59:08,445 --> 00:59:12,010
Whereas the range rover was
designed as an off-road car,

1090
00:59:12,057 --> 00:59:15,639
and then given some ability
to work on the road.

1091
00:59:15,686 --> 00:59:17,349
It's only a subtle difference,

1092
00:59:17,396 --> 00:59:22,025
but it means I don't have
to follow the beaten track.

1093
00:59:22,626 --> 00:59:24,693
I can take shortcuts.

1094
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:33,670
It's such a clever car,
it really is.

1095
00:59:35,972 --> 00:59:40,271
This car senses what sort
of terrain it's driving over,

1096
00:59:40,318 --> 00:59:46,302
and then engages or disengages
the differentials accordingly.

1097
00:59:46,349 --> 00:59:50,519
(Chuckles) You could not come up
here in the Bentley or the Jaguar.

1098
00:59:54,123 --> 00:59:55,920
- It's quiet. I can't hear it.
- What's he in at the moment?

1099
00:59:55,967 --> 00:59:58,514
A pair of pants?
Tin of beans? Labrador?

1100
00:59:58,561 --> 01:00:00,358
There'll be another stupid...

1101
01:00:00,405 --> 01:00:03,500
"You get ordinary ones
and mine's just the best."

1102
01:00:06,135 --> 01:00:09,300
The range rover
can Wade through water

1103
01:00:09,347 --> 01:00:11,375
nearly a metre deep.

1104
01:00:13,376 --> 01:00:14,840
And look at it!

1105
01:00:14,887 --> 01:00:17,380
What a machine you are!

1106
01:00:18,248 --> 01:00:20,650
Now we just pump
back up the hill.

1107
01:00:21,485 --> 01:00:22,706
Power!

1108
01:00:22,753 --> 01:00:24,708
Power now!

1109
01:00:24,755 --> 01:00:26,744
- There he is.
- Hey?

1110
01:00:26,791 --> 01:00:28,653
- No, hang on a minute.
- No, he's there, look.

1111
01:00:28,701 --> 01:00:31,195
- No, but...
- What?

1112
01:00:32,362 --> 01:00:34,498
And across the line.

1113
01:00:36,032 --> 01:00:39,436
He's almost two minutes
quicker than you were.

1114
01:00:39,903 --> 01:00:41,605
That's not possible.

1115
01:00:44,909 --> 01:00:46,605
- How did you do that?
- What?

1116
01:00:46,652 --> 01:00:49,867
- That.
- A, your car's all wet, which it shouldn't be.

1117
01:00:49,914 --> 01:00:52,577
And you're almost two minutes
faster than Hammond.

1118
01:00:52,623 --> 01:00:54,545
Yes, but, you see, the thing is,

1119
01:00:54,592 --> 01:00:57,181
you can buy a cheap car,
like a Jaguar,

1120
01:00:57,228 --> 01:00:59,418
or you can buy an expensive car,

1121
01:00:59,465 --> 01:01:01,056
like a bent...

1122
01:01:03,559 --> 01:01:04,847
(Cheering)

1123
01:01:04,894 --> 01:01:07,717
Cheat! Cheat!
He just cheated.

1124
01:01:07,764 --> 01:01:09,561
A total waste of time,
that whole film.

1125
01:01:09,608 --> 01:01:12,431
A total waste of time. Range
rover, two minutes faster.

1126
01:01:12,478 --> 01:01:14,324
You cheated, simple as that.

1127
01:01:14,371 --> 01:01:18,061
Anyway, look, if we can just put the
bickering aside for one moment,

1128
01:01:18,108 --> 01:01:19,739
I have to say,
that little jag was,

1129
01:01:19,786 --> 01:01:22,842
and it really was, brilliant.
And it was designed

1130
01:01:22,889 --> 01:01:26,068
by a local boy, Ian Callum,
born in dumfries.

1131
01:01:26,115 --> 01:01:29,748
He didn't just do that. He also
styled the Aston Martin db7,

1132
01:01:29,795 --> 01:01:32,451
the db9, the vanquish,
the Ford puma,

1133
01:01:32,498 --> 01:01:34,210
the escort cosworth.

1134
01:01:34,257 --> 01:01:36,079
- Yeah, he's British.
- Basically, yeah.

1135
01:01:36,126 --> 01:01:37,556
- (Audience groans)
- Well, pretty much.

1136
01:01:37,603 --> 01:01:39,349
He is. He is.

1137
01:01:39,396 --> 01:01:42,827
Anyway, sadly, his new car isn't
as good as a range rover.

1138
01:01:42,875 --> 01:01:44,621
Don't argue. It isn't.

1139
01:01:44,668 --> 01:01:47,824
And on that terrible disappointment
for him, it's time to end.

1140
01:01:47,871 --> 01:01:49,201
Thank you so much for watching.

1141
01:01:49,248 --> 01:01:51,961
Thank you all so much
for coming.

1142
01:01:52,009 --> 01:01:53,806
We'll see you next time.
Goodbye.

1143
01:01:53,853 --> 01:01:55,512
(Cheering)