1
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,927
- Hello.
- Hello, everybody.

2
00:01:00,993 --> 00:01:02,496
Greetings. Hello.

3
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:04,763
Hello.

4
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,301
Thank you so much.

5
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:13,873
Thank you. Thank you very much.

6
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,141
Thank you.

7
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,277
Thank you so much,

8
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:18,346
and welcome to The Grand Tour,

9
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,947
which this week comes to you

10
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,716
from the United Arab Emirates!

11
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,421
Specifically...

12
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:34,162
Specifically, we are in Dubai,

13
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:36,329
which means,
for the first time ever,

14
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:38,698
we are the three poorest people
in the tent.

15
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,367
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

16
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:41,534
I mean, look at that.

17
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,936
You think, "How do they do that

18
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,237
with all those fountains?"

19
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,373
Well, I'll let you
into a little secret.

20
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:47,841
It's Perrier water.

21
00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:51,478
Flinging it up into the air.

22
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,180
I heard another one
the other day.

23
00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:54,781
A taxi driver
clearing out his cab

24
00:01:54,847 --> 00:01:56,484
after a hard day at work...

25
00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:58,985
umbrella, mobile phone,
usual stuff...

26
00:01:59,051 --> 00:02:02,022
£800,000 gold bar.

27
00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:03,391
Someone had left it in there

28
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,959
- and not even noticed.
- You would.

29
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,562
Mind you, that said, here,

30
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,331
you can just go to an ATM
and get gold out.

31
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,766
Look at this!
That's an actual ATM.

32
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,468
You know, at two o'clock
in the morning,

33
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,437
"I haven't got
an ingot with me."

34
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:19,272
But here you're fine.

35
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,808
You can even buy tyres here, OK?

36
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,877
Which are studded
with gold and diamonds.

37
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:28,649
Look at this. £600,000 a set.

38
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,850
Even the authorities are loaded.

39
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:33,787
We have here a selection of
pictures of local police cars.

40
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:35,522
They have an Aventador.

41
00:02:35,588 --> 00:02:38,125
They also have an SLS.

42
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:41,127
Yeah. Wait for it. They even
have a Veyron police car.

43
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:43,396
Oh, yeah. Obviously,

44
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:44,941
- because you need that.
- You actually do.

45
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,933
You need that. It's important.

46
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,235
I've even got a photograph
of a local ambulance.

47
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:52,239
- Look, here it is.
- It's a Lotus!

48
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,807
Not quite sure how that works.

49
00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:56,377
Presumably you have to break
the patient's other leg

50
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:58,878
to actually get him in there.

51
00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:00,614
- Yeah.
- Then there's public transport.

52
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:04,116
Now, OK, in the UK,
this is a bus, yes?

53
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,385
- Yeah.
- Let me show you

54
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,153
a photograph
of a local bus here.

55
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:08,288
- There you go.
- Wow!

56
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,460
155mph.

57
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,429
Costs £7 million.
Seats 23 people.

58
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:17,730
You telephone the owner.
He comes and picks you up

59
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,033
and takes you
to where you want to go.

60
00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,534
Well, that's a taxi.

61
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,704
- No, James. No, no, no.
- Isn't it?

62
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:26,606
A taxi in Dubai looks like this.

63
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,475
Oh, right. Yeah, of course.

64
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,144
You think I'm joking?
Look, "Uber".

65
00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:33,381
Seriously, you call
Uber up here,

66
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:36,283
and you're given a choice...
Prius or helicopter.

67
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,752
Wow! Do you get
to rate the driver?

68
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,629
Do you think he sticks
his telephone on the screen

69
00:03:40,653 --> 00:03:42,490
like in Britain in the Prius?

70
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:43,990
"I'm not really a pilot.

71
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,158
I'm doing this while
training to be a plumber."

72
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,860
"I want to get out!"
Just get out.

73
00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:50,062
- Shall we get on with the show?
- Good idea.

74
00:03:50,129 --> 00:03:52,765
Because in our car show
this week...

75
00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:55,902
James falls over.

76
00:03:55,968 --> 00:03:56,968
Ow!

77
00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:01,040
James fall over again.

78
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:04,777
And James falls over.

79
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,518
But first, there's been
a bit of an argument.

80
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,186
You see, James and I
both recently bought

81
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,522
five-door German hatchbacks.

82
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:19,692
His is a BMW i3, which
is powered by electricity,

83
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:23,963
and mine is a conventional
Volkswagen Golf GTI.

84
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,667
Yes, meaning my car
is from the future

85
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:28,569
and his is from the past,

86
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:31,904
making me enlightened
and him a dinosaur.

87
00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:35,543
They have been arguing
like this for a while now.

88
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,345
The thing is, I don't doubt

89
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,846
that in the future
electric cars will work,

90
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,415
but they don't work now.

91
00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:43,149
- Well, they do.
- They don't, James!

92
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,651
Well, why did you fit yours

93
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,887
with a petrol-powered
range extender?

94
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,721
Well, that's just
a little generator

95
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,658
that keeps the battery
topped up if I need it.

96
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,127
What you're saying is you
can't rely on new technology.

97
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,696
And your seats, they're made

98
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,365
from the contents
of a Hoover bag.

99
00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:59,367
Oh, says the man...

100
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:01,435
Says the man whose
seats are made

101
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,370
from Jackie Stewart's
old trousers,

102
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:04,504
which they are.

103
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,507
- It's...
- Whatever!

104
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:07,841
The fact is, in the office,

105
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,677
we decided we'd had
enough of them bickering

106
00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:12,379
and told them to go out
and do a proper road test.

107
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:15,182
So we did.

108
00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:16,917
We began in London

109
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,285
with a real-world test

110
00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,220
that Clarkson had thought of.

111
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:21,754
Right, James, we must now see

112
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,391
who can open their back door
in the shortest time.

113
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:26,093
- Why?
- There could be an emergency.

114
00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:27,661
People will want to know.

115
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,629
Ready, steady, go!
Oh, mine's open.

116
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,197
Oh, dear.

117
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,766
Have you got
to open your front door

118
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,636
before you open that...
let's be honest... a flap?

119
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,538
- It's not a flap.
- It is a flap.

120
00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:39,473
Are BMW saying that,
in the future,

121
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,542
children will only be
three inches wide?

122
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:42,810
What are you talking about?

123
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:44,276
For a start,
it's hardly a hardship,

124
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:45,812
and that's an enormous space.

125
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,447
You only wanted to do that test

126
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,415
because you made a mistake.
He made a mistake.

127
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,683
I didn't. What mistake?

128
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,519
You did. You wanted
a three-door Golf,

129
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,029
and you didn't fill
the form in properly.

130
00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:56,757
I know that.
You can't tick boxes.

131
00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,125
Five doors are better-looking.

132
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,492
No, they're not.

133
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,427
Nobody ever wanted
a five-door Golf GTI.

134
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:03,572
- It's really naff.
- We've got to get on and talk about money.

135
00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:04,997
He also wanted a red one.

136
00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:06,899
He didn't fill that bit in
properly, either.

137
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:19,012
This car, with many,
many optional extras,

138
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,581
was £36,000.

139
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:24,718
Whereas James May's
BMW i3 was...

140
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,754
Well... let's find out,
shall we?

141
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,223
How much was your i3?

142
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,192
Well, it was £40,000,

143
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,694
but I got £5,000 back
from the government,

144
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,362
so actually it's £35,000,

145
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:38,031
which is less than yours,
I think.

146
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:40,600
You were given,
by the government,

147
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:44,504
£5,000 of taxpayers' money

148
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,774
so you could buy that car?

149
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,341
I didn't make the rules.
You can't turn it down.

150
00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:51,144
It's not like the Beatles' OBE.

151
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,713
That is obscene!

152
00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:54,814
I mean, James May
is a wealthy man,

153
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:59,119
but that bus driver
has bought his car for him.

154
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:01,021
Where's the justice in that?

155
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:06,059
You're paying for his car.
Do you know that?

156
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,394
You have paid for it.

157
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:10,029
Just so you know,
you've paid for his car.

158
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,365
Has James May thanked you
for buying his car for him?

159
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,101
Jeremy will have
an opinion on this,

160
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:18,505
despite having bought a farm
on which, for many years,

161
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:22,543
he was paid
to not grow anything.

162
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:23,877
Congestion charge here.

163
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,112
It's £11.50
to drive into the centre.

164
00:07:26,178 --> 00:07:28,492
- Not for me, it isn't.
- Of course it isn't.

165
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:31,184
The taxi driver, is he paying
for your congestion charge?

166
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:34,420
I suppose everybody
must pay a little bit.

167
00:07:34,521 --> 00:07:38,024
♫ James May, James May
Stealing from the rich ♫

168
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:41,562
♫ James May, James May
Stealing from the poor ♫

169
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:45,632
♫ He steals from the rich
He steals from the poor ♫

170
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:48,367
♫ And once more, wants it all ♫

171
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,704
♫ That's appalling ♫

172
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:52,840
It nearly works.

173
00:07:54,406 --> 00:07:55,908
I'd had enough of this,

174
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,810
so I came up with a new way
of trying to prove

175
00:07:57,877 --> 00:08:00,079
my car was better than his.

176
00:08:04,216 --> 00:08:07,286
James, can I just ask, why have
you brought me to London Airport?

177
00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:12,024
Because I want to prove that
my car is faster than yours.

178
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:13,927
That's funny, because I
just heard you say

179
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,461
that your car's
faster than mine.

180
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,363
Yeah. Yeah, it is.

181
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,298
- 167 horsepower.
- Mm-hm.

182
00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:23,603
Mine has the performance
pack, so it produces 227.

183
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:24,771
- Does it?
- Yes.

184
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,173
That's the official
figure, is it?

185
00:08:26,238 --> 00:08:27,238
Yes, it is.

186
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:28,375
- From VW?
- Yes.

187
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,612
- And you believe them?
- Yes.

188
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,614
All right, listen,
I know what you mean.

189
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:36,048
0-150.

190
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:38,051
No.

191
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,386
Having not agreed on that,

192
00:08:40,452 --> 00:08:41,822
we then failed to agree

193
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,323
on where the finishing
line should be.

194
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:47,159
James wanted a short race...

195
00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:48,696
and I didn't.

196
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,066
- Compromise.
- It isn't. That's too short.

197
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,101
- It's not. It's exactly right.
- It is.

198
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,937
But eventually,
we were ready to go.

199
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,677
Now, the thing to remember,
viewers,

200
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,046
is that an electric motor

201
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,682
delivers enormous
torque from nothing,

202
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,216
from really low down.

203
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,484
So over a short distance,

204
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,687
I should absolutely cream this.

205
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,221
Here we go.

206
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,256
DCC... normal.

207
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:19,525
Steering... normal.

208
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:21,995
Drive... Eco.

209
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,998
No point in ruining
my own car to win this.

210
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,754
No need to rush.

211
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:50,322
I'm winning. Oh, yes!

212
00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:54,961
I'm still winning.

213
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,963
Let's go get him.
Come on, Golfy!

214
00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,767
No. No!

215
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,601
Quite sprightly, but er...

216
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:05,605
not sprightly enough, methinks.

217
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:06,840
See you, James.

218
00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:17,350
Bah! I've made the future
look rubbish

219
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,286
on the television.

220
00:10:19,351 --> 00:10:21,889
And then,
to make it look even worse,

221
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,691
I told the benefit scrounger

222
00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:25,692
that we were setting off
for Devon.

223
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,596
Erm...
Why are we going to Devon?

224
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,731
Because we have
two tickets tonight

225
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,634
to see Roger Daltrey
out of the Who

226
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:38,105
perform at a pub on Dartmoor.

227
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,605
Couldn't we just wait for him

228
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,307
to come and maybe
perform in London?

229
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,677
- Because I'm sure he will.
- Well, no.

230
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,879
Because it's a 200-mile
drive, or thereabouts,

231
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,614
it'll give us an opportunity

232
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:50,116
to see how our cars work
in the real world.

233
00:10:50,182 --> 00:10:52,686
What he means is it's an
opportunity for him to claim

234
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:56,956
that the car of the past
is superior.

235
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,091
To prove it wasn't,
I needed to top up

236
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:02,730
the charge I'd lost
by doing the drag race.

237
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,732
Right, if I look
at settings on my satnav,

238
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:09,235
I can look at where all the
charging and petrol stations are.

239
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,871
I can even tell
what sort of charging point

240
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:13,807
I am being offered,

241
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:18,044
whether or not I have
the right card for it.

242
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:21,447
And soon, we found exactly
what I was looking for.

243
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:35,095
- It's the future.
- Another one.

244
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:38,030
- Oh, that's such a shame.
- Oh, shut up!

245
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:40,432
Because I didn't have enough
juice in the batteries

246
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,335
to make the next charge point,

247
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,272
I had to turn on
my petrol generator,

248
00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:46,940
which stopped them
going even flatter,

249
00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:51,344
and engaged ECO PRO+
driving mode.

250
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:54,681
It does mean I have to do 56mph.

251
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:59,019
That's where ECO PRO+
sets the maximum speed,

252
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,020
because that way you
get the maximum range.

253
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:03,556
But it means I'm effectively
a lorry driver.

254
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:06,493
Because I'm in ECO PRO, I don't
get any air-conditioning

255
00:12:06,558 --> 00:12:08,061
or climate control at all,

256
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,163
because that wastes electricity,

257
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,432
so the car
is slowly steaming up.

258
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,802
It's now warning me. It says,

259
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:17,203
"Find a charge station,
you idiot!"

260
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:21,008
How many screws do you have
to have loose before you say

261
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:23,275
"Yes, I'm gonna buy a car,

262
00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:25,812
which, when it's running
low on power,

263
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,280
has to be driven at 8mph,

264
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:30,850
with the air conditioning
off, and the lights off,

265
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,120
and the heater off,
and the radio off.

266
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,889
Why would you do that?

267
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:38,859
After several lifetimes

268
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,927
of driving in convoy with James,

269
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,095
we finally found

270
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,230
a charge point that worked.

271
00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:48,067
That's it.

272
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:49,302
- It's done?
- Yes.

273
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,837
You don't have to stand
and watch it.

274
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:52,338
It's not like petrol.
We can go off

275
00:12:52,404 --> 00:12:55,075
and have a cup
of coffee, a sticky bun.

276
00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:57,476
- How long is it gonna take?
- An hour or so.

277
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:59,046
- An hour?
- Yeah.

278
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:02,315
How much does it cost...
to fill it up?

279
00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:03,381
Nothing.

280
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,854
- What?
- It's free.

281
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,989
- How could it be free?
- It's free.

282
00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,933
You have to get the card,
but it doesn't cost...

283
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,259
- How much does the card cost?
- Nothing.

284
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,861
You fill a form in
on the Internet,

285
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:16,229
and it comes in the post.

286
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,864
So I'm paying for your fuel...

287
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,599
well, your electricity...
as well?

288
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:20,933
Probably.

289
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,369
I'm just staggered by this.

290
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:23,735
This is iniquitous.

291
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:26,505
After killing time
for a few minutes...

292
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:28,240
I'm just gonna try
and win some money

293
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:31,010
to pay for James May's
heating bill this year,

294
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:34,581
which... will undoubtedly
be down to me.

295
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,384
I decided I couldn't be
bothered to wait any more,

296
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:40,386
so I recharged
the old-fashioned way

297
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:43,289
and, in moments,
was back on the road.

298
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,894
Britain only produces

299
00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:51,898
5% more power
than it actually consumes.

300
00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:56,068
That's now. So if everybody
starts buying electric cars,

301
00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:58,138
the power stations
won't be able to cope.

302
00:13:58,205 --> 00:13:59,538
There'll be power cuts,

303
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:02,009
and then there will be
looting and anarchy.

304
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,809
That's what James is doing.

305
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:07,080
He is bringing Britain
to its knees.

306
00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:15,923
Oh.

307
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,224
Yes.

308
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:19,725
Here's something for Jeremy.

309
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,260
Assuming he's got a CD player.

310
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:23,296
He's probably got
a cassette player

311
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,764
in his Golf GTI.

312
00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:26,066
Actually,

313
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:29,235
May couldn't have
been more wrong.

314
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:32,338
This car may be from the past,
but check this out.

315
00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:34,573
It's accelerating now,
you can probably hear that,

316
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:35,942
but I'm not doing it.

317
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:37,610
The radar in front of me

318
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,611
is maintaining a safe distance

319
00:14:39,678 --> 00:14:42,249
behind the car in front.

320
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,183
He goes faster, I go faster.

321
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,485
He slows down, I slow down.

322
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:46,952
Car pulling out now
into the middle lane.

323
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,254
The car will sense that.

324
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,023
Yeah. It's now dropping me

325
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,290
back from that.

326
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,326
I don't even have to steer,

327
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,761
because it'll keep itself
between the white lines.

328
00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:56,962
Look.

329
00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:58,664
Google is making a big fuss.

330
00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:00,033
"Ooh, aren't we clever?

331
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,634
We're making
a self-driving car."

332
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,104
It's already here!
I'm driving it.

333
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:06,472
And it's from 1978.

334
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,110
After an hour's charging,

335
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:13,879
I was back on the move.

336
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:16,249
I actually think the service
station on the motorway

337
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,717
should have an
electric-car driver section,

338
00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:20,287
where there are, you know,

339
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:22,588
very complicated jigsaw
puzzles and a Monopoly set,

340
00:15:22,654 --> 00:15:25,457
or maybe some
painting-by-numbers.

341
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:29,996
It is 170 miles to go.

342
00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:33,299
God, look at it.
It's all the way down there.

343
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:35,000
Many miles ahead,

344
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,436
I was busy firing up

345
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:39,838
the GTI's Apple CarPlay system.

346
00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:43,110
Right, I'm gonna send
James May a text message now,

347
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,111
which would be illegal
in most cars,

348
00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:46,778
but not in this one.

349
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:49,515
To whom
should I send your message?

350
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,183
May.

351
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:53,885
What was that again?
Uh-oh, something's wrong.

352
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,754
Can you try again?

353
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:56,822
Edit that out.

354
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,557
To whom shall I send it?

355
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:00,725
May.

356
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,397
I don't know what you
mean by "Barry".

357
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,033
- To whom shall I send it?
- I didn't say "Barry".

358
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,035
May.

359
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:12,538
This is not doing well,
Volkswagen. Come on.

360
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:15,875
OK. What do you
want to say to May?

361
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,710
"May, you're a blithering idiot,

362
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:21,514
and your stupid car
is ruining my day."

363
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,083
Your message to May says,

364
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,320
"Your brother is idiot and
your stupid car is ready."

365
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:28,721
Ready to send it?

366
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:34,461
"Your brother is idiot"?

367
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,863
What? He's never met my brother.

368
00:16:36,928 --> 00:16:39,631
How does he know he's an idiot?

369
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,634
Because I'd
turned off the motorway

370
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,903
to take the more direct
route to Dartmoor,

371
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:47,240
I thought I'd better let
James know that as well.

372
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:54,081
Erm... I'm going
on the A34 and the A303.

373
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,648
I'll see you there.

374
00:16:57,984 --> 00:16:59,818
Your message to May says,

375
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,889
"I'm going on the first
floor of the three RC."

376
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,257
Ready to send it?

377
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,931
I, meanwhile, was using
the longer motorway route

378
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,634
because there'd be
more charging points.

379
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,202
But I had my foot down.

380
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:23,108
And now... the electric car
of the future

381
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:27,779
is overtaking
a Porsche 911 Turbo S.

382
00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:29,682
There we go.

383
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:33,786
I'm driving along
in a car on the motorway

384
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:35,822
at motorway speeds,

385
00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:37,589
overtaking everybody.

386
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,294
Oh, no. Since I filled up,

387
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:44,864
I've used...
an eighth of a tank.

388
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,532
Oh, no!

389
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:51,837
And soon I was deep
in the Devon countryside,

390
00:17:51,903 --> 00:17:55,142
where my excellent
motorway cruising machine

391
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,210
had become a GTI.

392
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,585
We're in full sport mode now.

393
00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:12,358
It's got an astonishing
front differential,

394
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:15,228
so you can hurl the car
into any corner

395
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,630
at any speed
that takes your fancy,

396
00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:21,300
knowing you're gonna come out
on the other side OK.

397
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:25,505
I'm not kidding.
On a road like this

398
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:28,275
with wet leaves
and mud everywhere,

399
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:32,979
this car is as fast
as any Ferrari.

400
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,213
It just is.

401
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:40,487
Many hours from now,

402
00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:42,654
James May's going to be
coming along here saying,

403
00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:45,791
"Right, I've got
13% battery and 2% fuel,

404
00:18:45,857 --> 00:18:49,695
so if I do 13.8 miles
to the gallon, I should..."

405
00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:50,863
Who wants to do maths

406
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,299
when they could do
lift-off oversteer?

407
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:59,506
In the i3, thanks
to my exuberant driving,

408
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,642
I was indeed
having to do some maths.

409
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:05,511
Energy management update:

410
00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:09,382
I have 36 miles
of electric power remaining,

411
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,250
if I'm driving like this,

412
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:14,686
and 34 miles
of petrol range left.

413
00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:16,689
So I'm going to stop
at these services

414
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:19,759
and I'm going to fill up
the little fuel tank.

415
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,231
Nine quid. That is absolutely...

416
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:26,766
I've overfilled it, in fact.

417
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:32,070
If you drive a GTI,

418
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:35,575
you're going to get to where
you're going more quickly,

419
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:38,377
which means you're going
to meet more people,

420
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:42,013
have more experiences,
learn more stuff.

421
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,250
Speed makes you cleverer.

422
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,759
Whereas, if you drive a BMW i3,

423
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,294
you're gonna
get everywhere late.

424
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,328
You're gonna miss out on things.

425
00:19:56,395 --> 00:20:01,000
You'll miss out on Theatre,
culture, poetry.

426
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,634
Love.

427
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:05,704
You'll be a hollowed-out
husk of a man.

428
00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:11,344
"Connect your vehicle
and validate."

429
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,883
What do they mean, "validate"?
I've already validated.

430
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:21,488
And here we are.
My quest is at an end.

431
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,990
I'm in good time. All is well.

432
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,758
And I was in for a treat,

433
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,826
because joining
Roger Daltrey on stage

434
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:31,530
was legendary guitarist
Wilko Johnson.

435
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,098
The fabulous Wilko Johnson!

436
00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:41,374
"Station waiting for a charge
request from the vehicle.

437
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,875
Initialisation. Charging."

438
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,846
It's not charging.

439
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:54,287
♫ Well, wait a minute, baby ♫

440
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,255
♫ Well, whatcha gonna do? ♫

441
00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:01,361
OK, viewers,
here is where we're at.

442
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:04,663
That last charging station
wasn't working.

443
00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:07,500
We have about 60 miles to go.

444
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:10,336
So the answer is...

445
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:11,804
Eco driving.

446
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:14,540
♫ Then I float on
Down the street ♫

447
00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:17,376
♫ Smiling at the faces

448
00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:18,845
♫ That I meet ♫

449
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:26,452
I'm not switching it
into fast mode.

450
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:28,019
It's too wasteful.

451
00:21:29,655 --> 00:21:33,425
♫ Then I'm going back home ♫

452
00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:41,634
It is 18 miles to the pub.

453
00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:45,037
I have 16 miles
of electric left.

454
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:48,540
Is there anything else
I can turn off?

455
00:21:53,712 --> 00:21:57,182
Finally,
after much range anxiety...

456
00:21:57,249 --> 00:21:59,486
Roger Daltrey, here I come!

457
00:21:59,551 --> 00:22:00,752
I made it.

458
00:22:07,926 --> 00:22:10,028
Thanks
for coming, and good night!

459
00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:12,731
Oh, cock!

460
00:22:15,233 --> 00:22:16,935
So... Hang on.

461
00:22:19,405 --> 00:22:21,540
- Your car of the future...
- Yes?

462
00:22:21,607 --> 00:22:23,108
Two of the charging points

463
00:22:23,174 --> 00:22:25,811
you went to on that simple
journey, two were broken?

464
00:22:25,877 --> 00:22:27,747
Yes, that is very unusual.
But the point is,

465
00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:29,749
if I'd been allowed to set off

466
00:22:29,816 --> 00:22:32,585
with a full electric charge
and a full little fuel tank,

467
00:22:32,652 --> 00:22:34,921
I could have got there...
admittedly a lot at 56mph...

468
00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:37,056
but I would have
done it with one stop.

469
00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:39,692
56mph. The future does
sound boring, James.

470
00:22:39,759 --> 00:22:42,260
And you still would have
missed the gig.

471
00:22:42,327 --> 00:22:43,930
That film is out of date.

472
00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:46,566
You don't get £5,000 from
the government any more.

473
00:22:46,633 --> 00:22:51,438
- You only get £4,500.
- How will people cope?

474
00:22:51,503 --> 00:22:53,038
I think what we've
done there is prove

475
00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,508
his car is not really
worth buying just yet.

476
00:22:55,575 --> 00:22:58,444
- Don't argue. It isn't. It's not
quite finished. - Don't start again.

477
00:22:58,510 --> 00:23:00,712
Before we move on, I want to
tell you a little bit more

478
00:23:00,779 --> 00:23:02,749
about that Volkswagen
system of texting.

479
00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:05,617
Cos I was using that
to send a text from my car

480
00:23:05,684 --> 00:23:07,586
the other day
to my youngest daughter,

481
00:23:07,653 --> 00:23:10,589
and I put four kisses
at the end, which is normal.

482
00:23:10,656 --> 00:23:14,493
And I said "X-X-X-X", OK?
This is what she got.

483
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,695
Oh, no!

484
00:23:16,762 --> 00:23:18,530
Oh, that is awkward!

485
00:23:19,832 --> 00:23:21,468
Oh!

486
00:23:21,534 --> 00:23:22,969
What did she say?

487
00:23:24,871 --> 00:23:28,273
- Oh, that is awkward.
- Say it, "X-X-X-X".

488
00:23:28,339 --> 00:23:29,476
That's what comes out.

489
00:23:29,509 --> 00:23:31,277
What sort of face did she pull

490
00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:33,311
when she got that from her dad?

491
00:23:33,378 --> 00:23:34,547
Vomitous. Vomitous.

492
00:23:34,614 --> 00:23:35,882
We haven't spoken since.

493
00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:37,650
Katya, I'm sorry.
It was the car!

494
00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:39,652
- Move on!
- Yes, let's move on.

495
00:23:39,719 --> 00:23:43,955
It is now time for us to visit
the headquarters of Chat & Co,

496
00:23:44,022 --> 00:23:47,192
who are, of course,
based on Conversation Street.

497
00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:58,269
Best one yet.
Anyway, we begin...

498
00:23:58,336 --> 00:24:00,606
We begin with Dubai, in fact.

499
00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:03,609
Cos the first time
I came here, which was...

500
00:24:03,675 --> 00:24:07,246
was only 20 years ago,
it was like a small village.

501
00:24:07,313 --> 00:24:09,181
I was the tallest thing in it.

502
00:24:09,248 --> 00:24:10,382
Were you?

503
00:24:10,517 --> 00:24:12,218
Now look at it.
It's unbelievable!

504
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:15,521
- It's not that now, is it?
- It is unbelievable, that.

505
00:24:15,587 --> 00:24:17,222
Do you know, this shirt is older

506
00:24:17,288 --> 00:24:19,525
than everything you can
see out of that window.

507
00:24:19,526 --> 00:24:22,161
James, that shirt is older than
Carthage, mate. Look at it.

508
00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:23,529
It is getting on a bit.

509
00:24:23,563 --> 00:24:24,940
Anyway, the point
I'm trying to make is,

510
00:24:24,963 --> 00:24:27,567
a few years ago,
when I first came here,

511
00:24:27,634 --> 00:24:30,869
there were virtually
no motoring laws at all.

512
00:24:30,936 --> 00:24:33,005
I woke up one morning
in my hotel...

513
00:24:33,072 --> 00:24:35,007
the hotel, there was only one...

514
00:24:35,074 --> 00:24:36,107
in the hotel, thinking,

515
00:24:36,174 --> 00:24:38,911
"How did I get
back here last night?"

516
00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:41,079
Looked out of the window,
two wheel marks

517
00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:44,115
right over the ornamental
roundabout.

518
00:24:44,182 --> 00:24:47,353
And in the flowerbed,
my Range Rover.

519
00:24:47,419 --> 00:24:51,423
Jeremy, were you very tired
when you parked it?

520
00:24:51,557 --> 00:24:53,960
- I was off my face with tiredness.
- OK. OK.

521
00:24:55,561 --> 00:24:57,797
- OK.
- Barely able to concentrate.

522
00:24:57,864 --> 00:24:59,374
But it was an extraordinary
free-for-all,

523
00:24:59,397 --> 00:25:01,032
which I bet it isn't now.

524
00:25:01,099 --> 00:25:02,268
It really isn't now.

525
00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:03,970
There are now very many rules

526
00:25:04,036 --> 00:25:06,114
and many stiff punishments.
I've got some of them here.

527
00:25:06,137 --> 00:25:08,575
Getting behind on the
repayments on your car loan,

528
00:25:08,641 --> 00:25:10,241
you go to prison.

529
00:25:10,308 --> 00:25:13,813
Making rude gestures at other
motorists, you go to prison.

530
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,748
They're all just
the things I did

531
00:25:15,815 --> 00:25:17,182
when I was 17 every day.

532
00:25:17,249 --> 00:25:18,483
I quite approve of that.

533
00:25:18,585 --> 00:25:20,019
I'm just thinking
of all the things

534
00:25:20,086 --> 00:25:22,488
that you could be sent
to prison for in Britain

535
00:25:22,588 --> 00:25:24,289
if we ran it properly.

536
00:25:24,355 --> 00:25:26,258
A very good conversation,
isn't it? Here's one.

537
00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:28,595
Anyone who takes
more than five seconds

538
00:25:28,627 --> 00:25:30,962
between getting in their car
after filling up with petrol

539
00:25:31,029 --> 00:25:32,064
and driving off.

540
00:25:32,131 --> 00:25:33,611
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

541
00:25:33,665 --> 00:25:34,665
Definitely.

542
00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:35,861
Do you know what I mean by...

543
00:25:35,902 --> 00:25:37,769
- Definitely.
- What do they do?

544
00:25:38,770 --> 00:25:39,806
- I know.
- What?

545
00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:41,406
Restaurant owners who serve food

546
00:25:41,472 --> 00:25:42,709
on a piece of wood.

547
00:25:42,775 --> 00:25:44,109
Erm, It's not very car-related,

548
00:25:44,175 --> 00:25:46,478
- is it, really?
- No, it's not, but...

549
00:25:46,613 --> 00:25:48,480
Heston Blumenthal does that.

550
00:25:48,615 --> 00:25:49,915
Yes, he does. Exactly.

551
00:25:49,981 --> 00:25:51,983
Heston, if you're
watching... prison.

552
00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:53,618
You, prison.

553
00:25:53,619 --> 00:25:55,354
I hate that...
food on a piece of wood.

554
00:25:55,421 --> 00:25:56,888
I tell you what I hate.

555
00:25:56,955 --> 00:25:58,901
I may have mentioned this
a couple of times before.

556
00:25:58,924 --> 00:26:00,660
And I think it should
be imprisonable.

557
00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:03,762
Any pilot who allows
the cabin of the plane

558
00:26:03,829 --> 00:26:05,632
to be more than 68°F.

559
00:26:05,698 --> 00:26:07,634
- Oh, God. Here we go.
- I'm with you on that.

560
00:26:07,666 --> 00:26:10,635
- All planes are too hot these days.
- They are.

561
00:26:10,636 --> 00:26:13,404
It's just a standard moan
of yours.

562
00:26:13,471 --> 00:26:16,142
- I know. I know.
- Oh, God.

563
00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:18,210
We do have to fly together,
but I make every effort

564
00:26:18,277 --> 00:26:20,479
not to sit near Jeremy
Clarkson for a long flight.

565
00:26:20,546 --> 00:26:21,814
But eventually, you know,

566
00:26:21,881 --> 00:26:23,681
they turn the lights off
and it goes all dark,

567
00:26:23,715 --> 00:26:26,251
and after ten minutes this voice
over in the blackness goes,

568
00:26:26,317 --> 00:26:29,655
"It's literally the hottest
place in the world!"

569
00:26:29,721 --> 00:26:32,959
- It is.
- "Are we flying into the sun?

570
00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:35,795
If it gets any hotter,
I shall open a window!"

571
00:26:35,862 --> 00:26:38,664
I've heard all of this
so many times.

572
00:26:38,698 --> 00:26:40,566
Honestly, why do they do it?

573
00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:42,134
Why? Are there any pilots here?

574
00:26:42,201 --> 00:26:44,470
- Yeah.
- You are a pilot?

575
00:26:44,536 --> 00:26:46,673
Why do you do it?

576
00:26:46,705 --> 00:26:49,976
Why do you boil us all?
Who do you fly with?

577
00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:51,676
- Etihad.
- Etihad.

578
00:26:51,677 --> 00:26:53,311
- How hot are the planes?
- Very warm.

579
00:26:53,378 --> 00:26:54,512
Well, there's a new rule.

580
00:26:54,579 --> 00:26:56,082
I'm telling you.
I'm warning you.

581
00:26:56,147 --> 00:26:58,450
I'm seriously warning
you on this one.

582
00:26:58,517 --> 00:27:01,252
You land. If it's gone
over 68 in the cabin,

583
00:27:01,319 --> 00:27:04,355
straight to prison for 50 years.

584
00:27:04,423 --> 00:27:07,093
Can I also say,
since you're in here...

585
00:27:07,159 --> 00:27:09,237
- We've gone off topic.
- It's worth pointing this out.

586
00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:11,105
Since you're in here,
when we're trying to sleep,

587
00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:12,731
don't tell us
the outside temperature

588
00:27:12,798 --> 00:27:14,365
is 57 below zero,

589
00:27:14,432 --> 00:27:15,734
cos we don't give a toss.

590
00:27:15,801 --> 00:27:17,336
Cos you can't open
the window anyway.

591
00:27:17,403 --> 00:27:19,371
We care about the temperature
in the plane.

592
00:27:20,839 --> 00:27:22,540
Just a few rules.

593
00:27:22,607 --> 00:27:23,809
Anyway, let's move it on.

594
00:27:23,875 --> 00:27:25,344
Shall we get back on
to some cars?

595
00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:26,712
Yeah, travel...

596
00:27:26,778 --> 00:27:28,748
Well, sort of
travel-related stuff. OK.

597
00:27:29,715 --> 00:27:30,756
I've got a photograph here

598
00:27:30,817 --> 00:27:32,018
of Britain's idea

599
00:27:32,084 --> 00:27:33,986
of infrastructure
investment, OK?

600
00:27:34,052 --> 00:27:36,622
This is in Cambridge.
It's erm...

601
00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:40,358
It's a T-junction
that they've designed,

602
00:27:40,425 --> 00:27:42,761
for reasons known
only to themselves,

603
00:27:42,828 --> 00:27:43,962
to look like a roundabout.

604
00:27:44,029 --> 00:27:45,463
Yeah, and let me guess.

605
00:27:45,530 --> 00:27:47,398
It cost 100 grand to do it?

606
00:27:47,465 --> 00:27:49,300
No, it was £500,000.

607
00:27:49,367 --> 00:27:51,302
- Of course it was, yeah.
- Half a million pounds

608
00:27:51,369 --> 00:27:53,038
they charged
the taxpayer for that.

609
00:27:53,105 --> 00:27:54,906
- For some paving slabs.
- Exactly.

610
00:27:54,973 --> 00:27:58,410
Anyway, Dubai's idea
of infrastructure investment

611
00:27:58,477 --> 00:27:59,746
is a little bit different,

612
00:27:59,778 --> 00:28:01,512
cos what they're planning
is this.

613
00:28:01,579 --> 00:28:03,548
It's called the Hyper Loop.

614
00:28:03,615 --> 00:28:04,951
It's like a tube train.

615
00:28:05,017 --> 00:28:07,019
And it'll go from Dubai
to Abu Dhabi,

616
00:28:07,086 --> 00:28:09,756
which is about 100 miles away,

617
00:28:09,821 --> 00:28:11,990
- in 12 minutes.
- 12 minutes!

618
00:28:12,057 --> 00:28:13,925
12 minutes. That's
how long that will take.

619
00:28:13,992 --> 00:28:15,626
So how fast does it go?

620
00:28:15,761 --> 00:28:17,663
500 miles an hour.

621
00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:21,076
I mean, that is just
breath-taking. It really is.

622
00:28:21,099 --> 00:28:23,335
- Did you say it was 100 miles?
- Yeah.

623
00:28:23,402 --> 00:28:25,971
It's going 100 miles
at 500mph in 12 minutes.

624
00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:29,275
That means it accelerates
to 500mph instantly.

625
00:28:29,340 --> 00:28:30,910
- Mm.
- You're gonna have trouble

626
00:28:30,977 --> 00:28:32,677
holding on to the drinks
trolley in that.

627
00:28:32,778 --> 00:28:34,113
Ah! Ah!

628
00:28:34,180 --> 00:28:36,682
When it sets off,
you'll poo yourself.

629
00:28:36,782 --> 00:28:37,983
Then, when it stops,

630
00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:40,185
you'll wee yourself at the end.

631
00:28:40,251 --> 00:28:41,953
It's a...
Are there any doctors here?

632
00:28:42,020 --> 00:28:43,855
I'm just saying.
It's not a medical argument.

633
00:28:43,923 --> 00:28:45,762
- I'm just saying.
- I'm not sure you're right.

634
00:28:45,791 --> 00:28:47,459
Well, think about Newton.

635
00:28:47,526 --> 00:28:49,327
If you set off,
you'll poo yourself, yes,

636
00:28:49,394 --> 00:28:51,297
but when it slows down,
you'll un-poo yourself,

637
00:28:51,363 --> 00:28:55,267
because everything has an
equal and opposite reaction.

638
00:28:55,334 --> 00:28:58,269
I'm roughly right, aren't I?
Any physicists here?

639
00:28:58,336 --> 00:29:00,205
- I think we should move on.
- Yeah.

640
00:29:01,941 --> 00:29:03,509
Right at the beginning
of the series,

641
00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:05,144
Richard Hammond and I came up

642
00:29:05,211 --> 00:29:06,813
with a rather brilliant
idea called...

643
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,016
Making James May

644
00:29:10,082 --> 00:29:12,284
Do Things He Doesn't Want To Do.

645
00:29:12,351 --> 00:29:15,487
Yep. A brilliant idea
for an occasional feature.

646
00:29:15,554 --> 00:29:18,656
We made him go to a doughnuting
festival in South Africa.

647
00:29:18,723 --> 00:29:20,358
- Yeah.
- He hated it.

648
00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:23,429
Then he thought
we'd forgotten about it.

649
00:29:23,494 --> 00:29:24,997
But we hadn't.

650
00:29:26,531 --> 00:29:28,233
This is the sort of countryside

651
00:29:28,299 --> 00:29:30,469
where people can do nice things,

652
00:29:30,536 --> 00:29:33,404
like go for a walk or a picnic.

653
00:29:34,605 --> 00:29:36,307
This, however,
is the sort of countryside

654
00:29:36,375 --> 00:29:39,278
that will be my home
for the day... mud.

655
00:29:39,345 --> 00:29:41,180
Yes, I love mud.

656
00:29:41,247 --> 00:29:45,351
When I say I love mud,
I mean I hate mud.

657
00:29:45,416 --> 00:29:49,087
But the people with me here
today really do love it.

658
00:29:49,154 --> 00:29:51,490
They dream of the stuff.

659
00:29:51,557 --> 00:29:54,593
These people behind me
are called winchers,

660
00:29:54,660 --> 00:29:56,728
and what they like doing
is winching.

661
00:29:56,863 --> 00:29:59,597
They will drive, deliberately,

662
00:29:59,664 --> 00:30:02,000
into something like
that puddle over there...

663
00:30:03,602 --> 00:30:07,306
..until they get stuck, and
then winch themselves out.

664
00:30:07,373 --> 00:30:09,842
When they've done that,
they'll find another one...

665
00:30:11,542 --> 00:30:13,112
and do it again, and again,

666
00:30:13,179 --> 00:30:15,446
and again, and again,
all day long.

667
00:30:17,849 --> 00:30:19,684
Winchers seem to be obsessed

668
00:30:19,750 --> 00:30:22,989
with making life
as difficult as possible.

669
00:30:23,055 --> 00:30:24,891
They put orienteering punches

670
00:30:24,957 --> 00:30:27,625
in almost unreachable
locations...

671
00:30:27,692 --> 00:30:31,663
and then try to get their
4x4s right up to them,

672
00:30:31,730 --> 00:30:36,835
as Seamus Doyle, my winch
buddy for the day, explained.

673
00:30:36,903 --> 00:30:38,269
There are 50 punches

674
00:30:38,336 --> 00:30:40,172
dotted around in different
parts of the site.

675
00:30:40,239 --> 00:30:42,473
We have a punch card
on the side of the vehicle.

676
00:30:42,540 --> 00:30:45,277
You've got to get this
punchcard to the punch.

677
00:30:45,344 --> 00:30:46,845
The punch will be on a string

678
00:30:46,913 --> 00:30:48,747
maybe 2ft long from
the tree, or maybe 1ft.

679
00:30:48,814 --> 00:30:50,148
So you've got to punch
the number.

680
00:30:50,215 --> 00:30:51,517
- Like a hole puncher?
- Yes.

681
00:30:51,583 --> 00:30:53,019
When you get stuck,

682
00:30:53,085 --> 00:30:54,886
because you're
gonna get stuck...

683
00:30:54,953 --> 00:30:56,431
- Yes. Yeah, yeah.
- I have to get out

684
00:30:56,454 --> 00:30:57,990
and attach the winch to a tree?

685
00:30:58,057 --> 00:30:59,325
Yes, you'll get out,

686
00:30:59,391 --> 00:31:01,027
and you'll get
your strap with you.

687
00:31:01,093 --> 00:31:03,005
The strap goes round the tree
to protect the tree.

688
00:31:03,028 --> 00:31:04,796
Then you bring your wincher
up to the tree,

689
00:31:04,931 --> 00:31:06,798
or whatever obstacle
we attach it to,

690
00:31:06,932 --> 00:31:08,634
and I'll operate the buttons.

691
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:10,278
- Your English is excellent.
- Thank you.

692
00:31:10,301 --> 00:31:11,902
I've been practising
for a long time now.

693
00:31:11,938 --> 00:31:13,571
A lot of practice
has gone into that.

694
00:31:16,307 --> 00:31:18,243
As soon as the contest began,

695
00:31:18,309 --> 00:31:20,945
Seamus made it plain
that my new role in life

696
00:31:20,946 --> 00:31:23,414
was to be his winch bitch.

697
00:31:27,987 --> 00:31:29,288
OK, got to go, go, go.

698
00:31:29,355 --> 00:31:30,955
- What, I've got to get out?
- Yeah.

699
00:31:30,957 --> 00:31:32,857
Where the hell do you
think I'm gonna go?

700
00:31:32,959 --> 00:31:34,960
Go with the winch rope
to that tree over there.

701
00:31:34,961 --> 00:31:37,063
Oh, man!

702
00:31:37,128 --> 00:31:38,430
This is like being a...

703
00:31:39,298 --> 00:31:41,333
hippopotamus.

704
00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:46,672
OK, the clock is ticking.

705
00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:48,307
Having got our first punch,

706
00:31:48,374 --> 00:31:51,809
I was hoping the day might
get a bit less terrible.

707
00:31:51,876 --> 00:31:53,144
But it didn't.

708
00:31:56,515 --> 00:31:59,151
- Oh, man!
- James, come on, will you?

709
00:32:00,352 --> 00:32:01,553
Ow!

710
00:32:03,855 --> 00:32:05,223
I'm winching myself.

711
00:32:05,290 --> 00:32:06,357
Oh, that's much better.

712
00:32:06,424 --> 00:32:07,792
Well, I say it's "much better",

713
00:32:07,858 --> 00:32:09,060
it's less shit.

714
00:32:11,163 --> 00:32:12,798
Go! We've got to make up time.

715
00:32:12,864 --> 00:32:14,665
- I've got a great idea.
- Yes?

716
00:32:14,732 --> 00:32:17,803
- Why don't you get out and get the punch?
- No.

717
00:32:17,868 --> 00:32:19,337
Why do I have to keep doing it?

718
00:32:19,404 --> 00:32:21,707
Me being the driver,
it doesn't work that way.

719
00:32:24,509 --> 00:32:26,612
Right, where next
on our lovely Sunday drive?

720
00:32:28,314 --> 00:32:31,482
- We're going down here.
- Don't be stupid.

721
00:32:31,549 --> 00:32:33,451
Ow!

722
00:32:33,519 --> 00:32:36,021
We're stuck again.

723
00:32:36,055 --> 00:32:37,556
Get the winch out here, buddy.

724
00:32:39,625 --> 00:32:40,625
See the tree over there?

725
00:32:40,692 --> 00:32:42,693
The place is full of trees.

726
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,195
This is terrible.

727
00:32:44,262 --> 00:32:46,531
Christ!

728
00:32:48,534 --> 00:32:50,269
On the odd occasion
when I did manage

729
00:32:50,336 --> 00:32:52,038
a sit-down in the car,

730
00:32:52,070 --> 00:32:54,573
Seamus even managed
to ruin that.

731
00:32:59,045 --> 00:33:00,246
That wasn't even necessary.

732
00:33:00,311 --> 00:33:02,548
You just did that
to piss me off.

733
00:33:02,614 --> 00:33:04,049
No, no, no.

734
00:33:09,055 --> 00:33:10,489
We nearly made it, James.

735
00:33:10,556 --> 00:33:12,958
Yeah, but you didn't.
Now can I go home?

736
00:33:13,058 --> 00:33:15,361
Ground anchor over the hill.

737
00:33:18,696 --> 00:33:21,166
- You just sit there, OK?
- I'll be here, OK, yeah.

738
00:33:21,232 --> 00:33:23,102
It's four hours
we've been in here now,

739
00:33:23,169 --> 00:33:24,736
and we've travelled,
in reality...

740
00:33:26,971 --> 00:33:28,507
150 metres.

741
00:33:28,574 --> 00:33:31,076
All the things
I could be doing today

742
00:33:31,109 --> 00:33:33,112
that I would rather do,

743
00:33:33,179 --> 00:33:35,547
which include self-harm.

744
00:33:39,451 --> 00:33:42,753
Mercifully, the contest
eventually came to an end,

745
00:33:42,820 --> 00:33:46,758
and we were finally on our
way back to prize-giving.

746
00:33:46,825 --> 00:33:49,827
- The good news is we're not gonna
come last. - How do you know?

747
00:33:49,894 --> 00:33:52,597
Because one of the boys
broke down since ten o'clock.

748
00:33:52,663 --> 00:33:53,664
Lucky bastard.

749
00:33:53,731 --> 00:33:54,965
Oh, geez!

750
00:33:55,101 --> 00:33:56,468
I'm on it. I'm on it.

751
00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:58,170
No, you're gonna overdo it!

752
00:33:58,237 --> 00:34:01,173
No, it's OK. You're OK.

753
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,174
- You idiot!
- Your fault!

754
00:34:03,241 --> 00:34:05,876
It was you driving, you fool!

755
00:34:05,943 --> 00:34:07,878
It stinks down here.

756
00:34:07,945 --> 00:34:09,981
God! What is this stuff?

757
00:34:10,115 --> 00:34:12,016
England.

758
00:34:12,117 --> 00:34:15,320
At last, we made it back
for the prize-giving.

759
00:34:18,289 --> 00:34:20,192
So, here's a quick sum-up.

760
00:34:20,259 --> 00:34:22,393
Er... At the end
of a seven-hour day,

761
00:34:22,460 --> 00:34:26,664
I've... been stuck
50-something times.

762
00:34:26,731 --> 00:34:28,500
Erm... I've fallen over,

763
00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:31,670
I haven't actually been counting,
something like 25 times.

764
00:34:31,737 --> 00:34:34,139
I've nearly drowned
in three puddles.

765
00:34:34,206 --> 00:34:36,175
And that wouldn't be so bad

766
00:34:36,242 --> 00:34:38,143
if I was gonna win a winch
or a winch cover

767
00:34:38,210 --> 00:34:40,144
or a new piece of rope
or something like that,

768
00:34:40,146 --> 00:34:41,612
but, in fact, in the rollover,

769
00:34:41,679 --> 00:34:44,416
we tore the punchcard off,
which means, technically,

770
00:34:44,483 --> 00:34:47,552
we've got to start again
from the beginning.

771
00:34:47,619 --> 00:34:50,155
But I've decided to go
and drown myself instead.

772
00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:56,161
- I like Seamus a lot.
- Yeah, I like him.

773
00:34:56,161 --> 00:34:58,730
- Seamus is my new best friend.
- Yeah, definitely.

774
00:34:58,797 --> 00:35:01,032
- Ruined James May.
- We need to do a lot more of those.

775
00:35:01,166 --> 00:35:03,568
- Yeah, a lot more. A lot more.
- Many more.

776
00:35:03,635 --> 00:35:07,606
So, James, was there any
aspect of that that you liked?

777
00:35:07,672 --> 00:35:08,873
- No.
- Good.

778
00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:10,842
So, moving on, it's time now

779
00:35:10,909 --> 00:35:13,711
to play Celebrity Brain Crash.

780
00:35:20,751 --> 00:35:22,688
- That doesn't get any better.
- It doesn't!

781
00:35:22,753 --> 00:35:25,523
Anyway, our guest today

782
00:35:25,590 --> 00:35:29,994
is a shining star from
the world of Formula One.

783
00:35:30,061 --> 00:35:31,530
He's also
a very brave young man,

784
00:35:31,597 --> 00:35:34,032
because, even though
he is fully aware

785
00:35:34,099 --> 00:35:35,467
of all of the calamities

786
00:35:35,534 --> 00:35:37,302
that have befallen
all the other celebrities

787
00:35:37,369 --> 00:35:39,538
that have tried
to come to our tent,

788
00:35:39,605 --> 00:35:43,675
he's elected to arrive
in a hovercraft.

789
00:35:43,742 --> 00:35:45,876
Ladies and gentlemen,
Daniel Ricciardo!

790
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,516
- And there he is.
- There he is.

791
00:35:50,581 --> 00:35:52,217
Putting his helmet on.

792
00:35:52,251 --> 00:35:54,552
That's a wise move,
I think. A wise move.

793
00:35:54,619 --> 00:35:58,356
I genuinely, genuinely
like Daniel Ricciardo,

794
00:35:58,423 --> 00:36:01,025
because he is a truly nice man.

795
00:36:01,092 --> 00:36:02,427
He's a truly nice man,

796
00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:04,496
and he's also extremely
happy and cheerful.

797
00:36:04,563 --> 00:36:06,764
I just... Well, I know
from personal experience,

798
00:36:06,831 --> 00:36:08,766
hovercrafts
are tricky to control.

799
00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:11,336
Yeah, Jeremy,
he's a Formula One driver.

800
00:36:11,402 --> 00:36:13,639
- He's got this covered.
- No, but it's windy.

801
00:36:13,704 --> 00:36:16,007
Oh, here he comes.
Here he is, arriving now.

802
00:36:16,074 --> 00:36:19,077
- He's fine with that. - Wrestling
with the controls and doing well.

803
00:36:19,143 --> 00:36:20,478
- Yeah.
- Oh, he's overshot.

804
00:36:20,545 --> 00:36:23,581
He's overshot a bit there.
Oh, dear.

805
00:36:24,815 --> 00:36:26,318
Oh, no!

806
00:36:26,385 --> 00:36:28,286
Oh, there's been...
No, there's been a... No.

807
00:36:28,353 --> 00:36:31,422
Oh, God! He's going in the fan!
He's going in the fan!

808
00:36:31,489 --> 00:36:32,958
Oh, no!

809
00:36:35,393 --> 00:36:36,594
Oh, that...

810
00:36:44,302 --> 00:36:46,572
The helmet...

811
00:36:46,637 --> 00:36:49,974
The helmet has now thankfully
jammed the motor with his head.

812
00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:51,342
Yeah, it's too late.

813
00:36:53,177 --> 00:36:55,280
Erm...

814
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,882
- Does that mean
he's not coming on, then?

815
00:36:57,949 --> 00:37:01,018
Well, James, he's been liquidised
and now he's all over the window,

816
00:37:01,085 --> 00:37:02,621
so, no, he's not.

817
00:37:02,688 --> 00:37:04,523
Yeah, he's not in the tent
so much as on it.

818
00:37:04,590 --> 00:37:06,724
Yeah. Uh...

819
00:37:06,791 --> 00:37:09,494
- What do we do next?
- We've got to do something.

820
00:37:09,561 --> 00:37:11,829
Well, I'm gonna clean
that off, if you don't mind.

821
00:37:11,896 --> 00:37:13,798
It is distracting
and off-putting.

822
00:37:13,864 --> 00:37:15,300
How do we fill the time?

823
00:37:15,333 --> 00:37:16,614
It's all right,
because I thought

824
00:37:16,668 --> 00:37:18,336
something like this
might happen.

825
00:37:18,403 --> 00:37:19,637
So when we arrived last night,

826
00:37:19,704 --> 00:37:21,539
I went out and I made
a little film.

827
00:37:21,606 --> 00:37:23,309
Thank God for that. What was it?

828
00:37:23,375 --> 00:37:24,952
- Well, let's just...
- We'll cover this up.

829
00:37:24,976 --> 00:37:27,612
I'd like to talk to you now...

830
00:37:27,679 --> 00:37:29,748
- No, we need to tighten the shot.
- Good idea.

831
00:37:29,815 --> 00:37:32,751
Tighten it on him.
Just our faces.

832
00:37:32,818 --> 00:37:35,085
Concentrate on me
and what I'm saying,

833
00:37:35,152 --> 00:37:36,387
and not on anything else

834
00:37:36,454 --> 00:37:38,222
that you might be
tempted to look at.

835
00:37:38,324 --> 00:37:40,224
Erm... Now, the Porsche 918,

836
00:37:40,326 --> 00:37:43,594
earlier in this series of
programmes we saw it in action

837
00:37:43,661 --> 00:37:45,331
and proved that it is
the ultimate

838
00:37:45,396 --> 00:37:47,798
of the hypercar Holy Trinity

839
00:37:47,865 --> 00:37:50,034
when we put it against
the Ferrari and the McLaren.

840
00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:51,336
But I've always wondered,

841
00:37:51,402 --> 00:37:53,003
"How would it fare
in a straight race

842
00:37:53,070 --> 00:37:54,440
against a Bugatti Veyron?"

843
00:37:54,505 --> 00:37:57,342
And as we are in
the home of the hypercar,

844
00:37:57,342 --> 00:37:58,844
this is the place to find out.

845
00:37:58,909 --> 00:38:01,547
Yeah. Now, tight on me.
Are we tight? Good. Erm...

846
00:38:01,612 --> 00:38:02,880
This is, then...

847
00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:04,449
This is a... It's a race

848
00:38:04,516 --> 00:38:06,585
between the future and the past.

849
00:38:06,652 --> 00:38:08,119
Second time this evening.

850
00:38:08,186 --> 00:38:09,420
Yeah, much like your film,

851
00:38:09,487 --> 00:38:10,956
only this one is exciting.

852
00:38:32,411 --> 00:38:33,545
So, here we are.

853
00:38:33,612 --> 00:38:34,980
The grand old man of performance

854
00:38:35,045 --> 00:38:37,449
coming out one more time
to defend his title

855
00:38:37,516 --> 00:38:39,385
against one of
the young upstarts.

856
00:38:39,451 --> 00:38:41,251
Here's how it all
pans out on paper.

857
00:38:41,387 --> 00:38:44,623
0-60, 2.5 seconds.

858
00:38:44,690 --> 00:38:46,157
Power-to-weight ratio:

859
00:38:46,224 --> 00:38:49,126
523 brake horsepower per tonne.

860
00:38:49,193 --> 00:38:52,630
0-60, 2.6 seconds,

861
00:38:52,697 --> 00:38:53,864
but a power-to-weight ratio

862
00:38:53,931 --> 00:38:57,469
of 535 brake horsepower
per tonne.

863
00:38:57,536 --> 00:39:00,237
However, as we learned
when we raced the 918

864
00:39:00,304 --> 00:39:03,141
against the LaFerrari
and the P1 in our first show,

865
00:39:03,208 --> 00:39:06,478
hard facts like that
count for nothing.

866
00:39:06,545 --> 00:39:08,679
In the end,
it's all down to this.

867
00:39:13,318 --> 00:39:14,719
And I'm ready to race.

868
00:39:17,021 --> 00:39:18,021
Actually...

869
00:39:20,157 --> 00:39:21,157
Yeah.

870
00:39:28,733 --> 00:39:30,135
Last bit of dead skin.

871
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:38,677
- OK.
- Race mode.

872
00:39:41,311 --> 00:39:43,481
Representing the future here.

873
00:40:02,534 --> 00:40:05,771
I think...
if I can just stay ahead...

874
00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:12,143
This is going to be so close!

875
00:40:13,744 --> 00:40:15,813
The future is gonna take it!

876
00:40:18,483 --> 00:40:21,820
So sorry, Veyron,
but your crown is gone.

877
00:40:21,887 --> 00:40:22,887
Wow!

878
00:40:24,456 --> 00:40:26,090
What a device this is.

879
00:40:29,293 --> 00:40:31,663
I was gonna call it a day
at that, obviously,

880
00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:35,032
but there's a bloke here
wants to race his Nissan.

881
00:40:37,402 --> 00:40:38,737
It's a bit embarrassing, really,

882
00:40:38,804 --> 00:40:40,505
but you don't want
to upset the locals.

883
00:40:40,572 --> 00:40:43,708
So, OK, race is on. Here we go.

884
00:40:47,579 --> 00:40:48,813
Let's get this over with.

885
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,550
Do race, apologise, move on.

886
00:41:01,559 --> 00:41:02,728
What?

887
00:41:04,161 --> 00:41:07,164
He's pulling away
in a Nissan Patrol!

888
00:41:18,175 --> 00:41:21,045
What... just... happened?

889
00:41:29,655 --> 00:41:30,956
So, hang on a minute.

890
00:41:31,989 --> 00:41:33,724
At the beginning of this series,

891
00:41:33,791 --> 00:41:37,262
we bigged up
the hypercar Holy Trinity

892
00:41:37,327 --> 00:41:38,764
as the three greatest cars

893
00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:41,365
ever to have been conceived
and invented.

894
00:41:41,431 --> 00:41:43,735
- Yeah.
- And the fastest of all of them...

895
00:41:43,802 --> 00:41:47,405
- Yes. - was beaten
by a Datsun van.

896
00:41:48,574 --> 00:41:50,108
Yes. Yes.

897
00:41:50,175 --> 00:41:51,842
What the hell engine
did it have?

898
00:41:51,909 --> 00:41:55,981
Well, it turns out
it's got 1,900 horsepower.

899
00:41:56,047 --> 00:41:58,449
- What were Porsche thinking of?
- I know.

900
00:41:58,583 --> 00:41:59,951
Back to the drawing
boards, lads,

901
00:42:00,018 --> 00:42:02,019
- and we'll gloss over that.
- Exactly right.

902
00:42:02,086 --> 00:42:05,023
Your embarrassing
mistake, Porsche.

903
00:42:05,090 --> 00:42:07,626
Now, I'd like to make a confession,
actually, and it's this.

904
00:42:07,693 --> 00:42:12,063
- I've never been able
to drift properly.

905
00:42:12,130 --> 00:42:14,331
It's just...
I know, just ignore him.

906
00:42:14,398 --> 00:42:16,134
Nothing to see. Nothing to see.

907
00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:17,434
Nothing to see here.

908
00:42:17,501 --> 00:42:19,003
It's just a man doing his job.

909
00:42:20,105 --> 00:42:22,472
I've never been able
to drift properly.

910
00:42:22,608 --> 00:42:24,742
I can provoke a car,
you know, into a slide,

911
00:42:24,809 --> 00:42:26,077
but I couldn't hold it there.

912
00:42:26,143 --> 00:42:27,688
It would always just
spin off and crash.

913
00:42:27,713 --> 00:42:29,313
No, exactly. I mean,

914
00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:31,257
everything you've ever seen
in the past of him drifting

915
00:42:31,282 --> 00:42:34,052
has been done with smoke,
mirrors, clever editing

916
00:42:34,119 --> 00:42:36,253
and, let's be honest,
stunt drivers.

917
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,956
So I decided when we
started making Grand Tour

918
00:42:39,023 --> 00:42:40,726
that I had to go out
and change that,

919
00:42:40,791 --> 00:42:43,260
and learn how to do it properly.

920
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,501
One option would be to go

921
00:42:50,635 --> 00:42:53,639
to a supermarket car park
on a Saturday night,

922
00:42:53,672 --> 00:42:56,742
but instead
I came here to France.

923
00:43:02,146 --> 00:43:04,181
Specifically, to the top-secret

924
00:43:04,248 --> 00:43:05,817
Ladoux test centre,

925
00:43:05,884 --> 00:43:08,085
where Michelin
develops its tyres.

926
00:43:10,755 --> 00:43:13,759
There are several reasons
why I'm here.

927
00:43:13,824 --> 00:43:15,661
First, they have the space.

928
00:43:17,862 --> 00:43:21,766
Twenty-seven miles
of test tracks and skid pans.

929
00:43:24,101 --> 00:43:27,572
Second, if you want
to understand drifting,

930
00:43:27,672 --> 00:43:29,673
you have to understand tyres,

931
00:43:29,675 --> 00:43:32,043
and this place is a Tyre temple.

932
00:43:40,918 --> 00:43:42,887
Third, and most important,

933
00:43:42,954 --> 00:43:45,356
if you want to know about tyres,

934
00:43:45,422 --> 00:43:47,157
you have to know how to drift,

935
00:43:47,224 --> 00:43:50,027
and that is where
this chap comes in.

936
00:43:54,900 --> 00:43:57,268
His name is Jérôme Haslin,

937
00:43:57,335 --> 00:43:59,971
and he is Michelin's
chief Tyre tester

938
00:44:00,038 --> 00:44:03,373
for BMW, Porsche,
Ferrari and Bugatti.

939
00:44:04,876 --> 00:44:07,012
Rubber compound
runs through his veins.

940
00:44:07,077 --> 00:44:09,313
He is a Zen master of grip,

941
00:44:09,380 --> 00:44:11,481
a Kung Fu Panda of drifting,

942
00:44:11,548 --> 00:44:13,985
and I am to be his new pupil.

943
00:44:37,108 --> 00:44:40,277
This is what he means
by "over the limit".

944
00:44:40,344 --> 00:44:43,748
He uses power to kick the back
of the car out of line...

945
00:44:43,782 --> 00:44:47,284
and then a delicate balance
of throttle and steering

946
00:44:47,351 --> 00:44:48,820
to keep it there.

947
00:44:51,021 --> 00:44:53,557
Your steering-wheel
technique is amazing.

948
00:44:53,623 --> 00:44:56,061
I play a lot with the gas pedal.

949
00:44:59,297 --> 00:45:02,032
And if you work a lot
with the gas,

950
00:45:02,099 --> 00:45:04,001
you have nothing
to do with the steering.

951
00:45:04,068 --> 00:45:06,403
You can do all with one hand,
like this.

952
00:45:06,471 --> 00:45:09,775
- So you're steering the car
with your right foot? - Yes.

953
00:45:13,110 --> 00:45:15,188
Jérôme, this is brilliant
that I learn how to do this

954
00:45:15,213 --> 00:45:17,514
because you read those lists
on the Internet

955
00:45:17,581 --> 00:45:20,318
of things that women appreciate
in a man, don't you?

956
00:45:20,385 --> 00:45:23,121
And there's always honesty,
integrity,

957
00:45:23,188 --> 00:45:25,489
loyalty, fidelity, drifting.

958
00:45:25,556 --> 00:45:27,492
It's always there.

959
00:45:27,557 --> 00:45:32,063
On that note, it was time
for me to begin my lesson.

960
00:45:32,130 --> 00:45:34,699
You can pull up the seat more.

961
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,934
- More what?
- More close to the steering wheel.

962
00:45:37,001 --> 00:45:38,369
What are you trying to say?

963
00:45:41,606 --> 00:45:43,373
OK. So, here we go.

964
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:46,878
Provoking oversteer, coming
off, and then feeding...

965
00:45:46,945 --> 00:45:48,914
No, and then going round
in a small circle.

966
00:45:51,481 --> 00:45:55,452
My challenge was to drift
the car for one complete lap.

967
00:45:56,554 --> 00:45:58,289
Gas, oversteer.

968
00:45:58,356 --> 00:46:01,391
- Release gas, counter-steer.
- Release gas, counter-steer.

969
00:46:01,458 --> 00:46:02,860
- Oh, I've spun!
- OK.

970
00:46:04,695 --> 00:46:06,431
Gas, gas, gas, gas!

971
00:46:06,496 --> 00:46:07,833
Oh, bugger!

972
00:46:10,835 --> 00:46:12,536
Soon, the constant spinning

973
00:46:12,603 --> 00:46:15,373
started to have an effect
on my teacher.

974
00:46:16,541 --> 00:46:18,943
A little bit more power. No.

975
00:46:20,710 --> 00:46:21,947
Yeah, off the gas.

976
00:46:25,416 --> 00:46:28,418
This is weird. I thought
this would be so easy.

977
00:46:31,121 --> 00:46:34,860
- OK, is it possible to take
air? Fresh air? - Yeah.

978
00:46:34,893 --> 00:46:37,327
Because I will be ill
in two minutes.

979
00:46:38,762 --> 00:46:40,164
Is this going badly?

980
00:46:43,869 --> 00:46:47,304
While Jérôme went off to say
hello to his breakfast...

981
00:46:49,773 --> 00:46:53,411
I continued plugging away.

982
00:46:53,478 --> 00:46:55,545
Begin power and begin
counter-steer immediately.

983
00:46:55,612 --> 00:46:56,947
Now hold it.

984
00:46:59,349 --> 00:47:01,952
And soon, it started to click.

985
00:47:04,355 --> 00:47:08,092
What I am doing is drifting.
There's no denying that.

986
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:11,561
Oh, yes! Yes!

987
00:47:11,628 --> 00:47:14,364
I've connected the steering
wheel to my feet.

988
00:47:15,233 --> 00:47:16,800
This is a whole new feeling.

989
00:47:16,902 --> 00:47:18,902
This is not reacting to a slide,

990
00:47:18,903 --> 00:47:21,338
this is deliberately
provoking it

991
00:47:21,405 --> 00:47:23,407
and keeping it
right on the point.

992
00:47:27,711 --> 00:47:30,248
Ha-ha, Jérôme, you French...

993
00:47:30,315 --> 00:47:32,817
drift-and-ski-instructing
dude, you.

994
00:47:32,918 --> 00:47:34,251
He'll be impressed with this.

995
00:47:35,652 --> 00:47:36,786
And he was,

996
00:47:36,922 --> 00:47:38,688
so we immediately progressed

997
00:47:38,755 --> 00:47:41,259
to the next level.

998
00:47:41,326 --> 00:47:42,927
Just before we start, Jérôme,

999
00:47:42,927 --> 00:47:45,931
are you going to make this
look really annoyingly easy?

1000
00:47:45,963 --> 00:47:47,297
Yeah, you are. OK.

1001
00:47:48,699 --> 00:47:49,934
He did.

1002
00:47:51,001 --> 00:47:53,237
This is called transitioning...

1003
00:47:53,304 --> 00:47:56,706
drifting the car one way
and then the other.

1004
00:47:56,773 --> 00:48:00,010
Get it right
and it's almost balletic.

1005
00:48:06,550 --> 00:48:08,418
That is beautiful.

1006
00:48:08,485 --> 00:48:11,655
From that to that, seamlessly.

1007
00:48:13,958 --> 00:48:17,362
Which, sadly, couldn't be
said of what followed.

1008
00:48:17,427 --> 00:48:19,297
Brake!

1009
00:48:27,172 --> 00:48:28,338
Brake, brake, brake.

1010
00:48:30,175 --> 00:48:31,476
Oh, bollocks.

1011
00:48:35,079 --> 00:48:37,248
Does BMW know
we're using their car?

1012
00:48:37,315 --> 00:48:39,284
- I don't think so.
- OK.

1013
00:48:40,985 --> 00:48:42,320
Eventually, though...

1014
00:48:45,990 --> 00:48:47,125
Yeah!

1015
00:48:55,032 --> 00:48:56,666
Yes, that was a transition.

1016
00:48:56,733 --> 00:48:58,202
Your first.

1017
00:49:01,639 --> 00:49:05,643
By the end of the day,
I really had got it mastered.

1018
00:49:07,112 --> 00:49:09,746
I'd become, for the first time,

1019
00:49:09,813 --> 00:49:11,349
a driving god.

1020
00:49:17,922 --> 00:49:19,456
It really is...

1021
00:49:19,523 --> 00:49:22,193
It really is the most
amazing feeling

1022
00:49:22,260 --> 00:49:23,940
when you get just the right
amount of power

1023
00:49:24,028 --> 00:49:25,496
to spin the back wheels,

1024
00:49:25,563 --> 00:49:27,697
but not so much that you
don't spin the whole car,

1025
00:49:27,764 --> 00:49:29,534
and you hold it on the edge.

1026
00:49:29,599 --> 00:49:32,036
No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
He came back from France,

1027
00:49:32,036 --> 00:49:34,139
where he'd spent one day

1028
00:49:34,204 --> 00:49:35,539
saying,
"Well, I'm brilliant now."

1029
00:49:35,606 --> 00:49:36,706
Yeah, well, I am.

1030
00:49:36,773 --> 00:49:37,875
Well, now, I'm sorry.

1031
00:49:37,942 --> 00:49:40,210
Hammond, it took me ten years

1032
00:49:40,277 --> 00:49:42,045
to learn how to drift a car.

1033
00:49:42,047 --> 00:49:43,280
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
- Ten...

1034
00:49:43,347 --> 00:49:44,748
But because I'm not an ape,

1035
00:49:44,815 --> 00:49:47,284
I did it in one day.

1036
00:49:47,351 --> 00:49:48,619
- You didn't!
- Well, I did.

1037
00:49:48,686 --> 00:49:50,121
Look, anyway, it doesn't matter.

1038
00:49:50,188 --> 00:49:53,157
To find out
if he was a driving god,

1039
00:49:53,224 --> 00:49:55,293
Clarkson and I arranged
for Richard Hammond

1040
00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:58,463
to take part
in a drifting contest.

1041
00:49:58,528 --> 00:50:00,398
Yeah, we did. We fixed up
the car for him.

1042
00:50:00,465 --> 00:50:02,166
We fixed up the competitors.

1043
00:50:02,233 --> 00:50:03,733
We did everything.

1044
00:50:10,307 --> 00:50:12,077
This is the car.

1045
00:50:12,143 --> 00:50:14,978
It started out
as a Nissan 200SX,

1046
00:50:15,045 --> 00:50:20,318
but it's been fitted with
a 700-horsepower 6.2L V8

1047
00:50:20,385 --> 00:50:22,719
and a modified steering rack,

1048
00:50:22,786 --> 00:50:24,655
so it can do this.

1049
00:50:47,677 --> 00:50:51,516
Its owner, a chap called
Steve "Baggsy" Biagioni,

1050
00:50:51,581 --> 00:50:53,818
said that, to prepare
for my competition,

1051
00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:58,123
I needed to put some melons
on a row of traffic cones.

1052
00:50:58,188 --> 00:50:59,623
What are we doing with these?

1053
00:50:59,690 --> 00:51:01,592
Can I put mine down?
They're really heavy.

1054
00:51:01,659 --> 00:51:03,193
Well, in a drifting competition,

1055
00:51:03,260 --> 00:51:04,471
you have what's
called clipping points.

1056
00:51:04,494 --> 00:51:06,297
- Yes.
- So these would be

1057
00:51:06,364 --> 00:51:08,132
determined points on the track

1058
00:51:08,132 --> 00:51:10,800
made by the judges as to where
they want to see the car.

1059
00:51:10,867 --> 00:51:14,704
- Our clipping points are melons?
- Melons, yes.

1060
00:51:14,771 --> 00:51:16,240
My orders were to get

1061
00:51:16,306 --> 00:51:18,208
as close to the melons
as possible

1062
00:51:18,275 --> 00:51:21,378
without hitting them.

1063
00:51:21,445 --> 00:51:22,947
We're just gonna concentrate

1064
00:51:23,012 --> 00:51:25,650
on looking for the middle
of the track, yeah,

1065
00:51:25,715 --> 00:51:28,585
and aim the back of the car
near them melons.

1066
00:51:28,652 --> 00:51:29,652
OK.

1067
00:51:31,255 --> 00:51:33,224
Right, when you're ready,
go for it.

1068
00:51:40,231 --> 00:51:41,532
Bollocks!

1069
00:51:44,369 --> 00:51:47,237
Having not really mastered
this at all...

1070
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:51,175
Oh, shit!

1071
00:51:51,242 --> 00:51:52,742
It was time for the event

1072
00:51:52,809 --> 00:51:57,382
organised by Clarkson
and May to begin.

1073
00:51:57,447 --> 00:52:00,251
What they've done
is told me to report here,

1074
00:52:00,318 --> 00:52:01,485
Rockingham Raceway,

1075
00:52:01,552 --> 00:52:03,019
where they've arranged for me

1076
00:52:03,188 --> 00:52:04,454
to take on two drifters

1077
00:52:04,521 --> 00:52:06,724
in some competitive drifting.

1078
00:52:08,693 --> 00:52:14,097
The course was a series of
classic transitional bends...

1079
00:52:14,199 --> 00:52:15,599
strategically peppered

1080
00:52:15,666 --> 00:52:17,335
with the dreaded
clipping points.

1081
00:52:19,836 --> 00:52:23,974
Baggsy was on hand to explain
how the scoring worked.

1082
00:52:24,041 --> 00:52:26,976
The main thing about drifting
is that it's a judged sport,

1083
00:52:27,043 --> 00:52:30,748
and the judges have placed the clipping
points where they want to see the car.

1084
00:52:30,815 --> 00:52:34,418
So that'll either be the rear
or the front of the car.

1085
00:52:34,485 --> 00:52:35,996
The closer you get
to the clipping points,

1086
00:52:36,019 --> 00:52:38,389
the more points
you're gonna get awarded.

1087
00:52:38,456 --> 00:52:40,224
But the key is to not hit them.

1088
00:52:40,257 --> 00:52:41,492
If you can brush them,

1089
00:52:41,559 --> 00:52:42,893
you're gonna get maximum points.

1090
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:44,061
When I say "brush",

1091
00:52:44,128 --> 00:52:45,271
I mean don't knock them over.

1092
00:52:45,295 --> 00:52:46,297
If you can be

1093
00:52:46,364 --> 00:52:47,364
within half a metre,

1094
00:52:47,431 --> 00:52:49,934
you're gonna score high.

1095
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:52,702
I'd also score points
for holding the car

1096
00:52:52,769 --> 00:52:55,306
in as impressive a drift
as possible.

1097
00:52:56,773 --> 00:52:58,376
You've got to keep
the throttle in

1098
00:52:58,443 --> 00:53:00,844
so that you maintain
the drift with good angle,

1099
00:53:00,911 --> 00:53:03,380
and that's only up to you
about how much steering input

1100
00:53:03,447 --> 00:53:05,250
and how much accelerator
you put in.

1101
00:53:06,650 --> 00:53:09,420
The cars are designed
to run at almost 90°.

1102
00:53:09,487 --> 00:53:11,588
They've got massive amounts
of steering angle,

1103
00:53:11,655 --> 00:53:13,657
so you can drive
on the end of your rack.

1104
00:53:13,724 --> 00:53:16,159
OK. So I don't get
awarded points

1105
00:53:16,260 --> 00:53:17,701
for how quickly
I do the whole thing?

1106
00:53:17,728 --> 00:53:19,096
No, that doesn't come into it.

1107
00:53:19,163 --> 00:53:22,367
It's all about angle, line,

1108
00:53:22,432 --> 00:53:24,369
and how much
you excite everybody.

1109
00:53:24,434 --> 00:53:26,670
It's judged showing off,
isn't it?

1110
00:53:26,737 --> 00:53:28,873
- Basically, yeah.
- Yeah, OK.

1111
00:53:31,007 --> 00:53:33,710
As my car was prepped
for the big event,

1112
00:53:33,777 --> 00:53:36,414
the competitors,
organised by my colleagues,

1113
00:53:36,481 --> 00:53:38,983
finally arrived.

1114
00:53:39,048 --> 00:53:43,320
And they weren't
what I was expecting.

1115
00:53:43,387 --> 00:53:44,889
It seems James and Jeremy

1116
00:53:44,954 --> 00:53:48,025
want their old mate
to do well after all,

1117
00:53:48,092 --> 00:53:50,661
because, unless I'm mistaken,

1118
00:53:50,728 --> 00:53:54,297
it would appear
that I'm up against a child

1119
00:53:54,298 --> 00:53:56,333
and a man with no arms.

1120
00:53:59,036 --> 00:54:00,036
OK.

1121
00:54:01,306 --> 00:54:02,539
That's my competition.

1122
00:54:07,110 --> 00:54:08,813
With the judges in position,

1123
00:54:08,878 --> 00:54:12,382
it was time for
the contest to begin.

1124
00:54:12,449 --> 00:54:15,219
First up was
the disabled gentleman,

1125
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:17,688
Bartek OstaBowski from Poland.

1126
00:54:19,056 --> 00:54:20,590
The fact is, Bartek...

1127
00:54:22,726 --> 00:54:25,730
is deficient in the arms
department to the tune of two.

1128
00:54:25,795 --> 00:54:28,032
When I say "deficient",
I don't mean deficient.

1129
00:54:28,097 --> 00:54:29,099
He... He has...

1130
00:54:29,166 --> 00:54:31,068
He has no arms... at all.

1131
00:54:31,135 --> 00:54:33,570
So, I mean, it's brilliant
that he's having a go.

1132
00:54:33,637 --> 00:54:35,706
Really, it's tremendous.

1133
00:54:35,773 --> 00:54:38,976
Bartek, who lost his arms
in a motorcycling accident,

1134
00:54:39,043 --> 00:54:42,612
overcomes his disability
by steering with his foot

1135
00:54:42,679 --> 00:54:45,349
and changing gear
with his shoulder.

1136
00:54:46,884 --> 00:54:50,920
And unfortunately for me,
he's rather good at it.

1137
00:55:09,172 --> 00:55:10,474
How is he...?

1138
00:55:35,231 --> 00:55:36,434
Good for you!

1139
00:55:36,501 --> 00:55:37,934
Really good for you!

1140
00:55:38,001 --> 00:55:40,804
Yeah! Good!

1141
00:55:40,871 --> 00:55:42,873
This was nice.

1142
00:55:42,940 --> 00:55:45,242
Out of a maximum of 30 points,

1143
00:55:45,309 --> 00:55:48,813
the judges awarded Bartek
a score of 22.

1144
00:55:50,581 --> 00:55:53,550
And then it was the turn
of the child,

1145
00:55:53,617 --> 00:55:56,786
Conor Shanahan,
who's just 13 years old.

1146
00:56:00,289 --> 00:56:02,527
Here we go. Primary-school
drifting with Conor.

1147
00:56:02,592 --> 00:56:04,128
He'll go ten yards, get bored,

1148
00:56:04,193 --> 00:56:05,630
and start crying for his mummy.

1149
00:56:07,632 --> 00:56:08,798
However...

1150
00:56:17,907 --> 00:56:18,907
Whoo!

1151
00:56:23,947 --> 00:56:27,751
He's 13! I mean,
he's five years off voting!

1152
00:56:57,882 --> 00:57:00,550
The judges awarded
the cocky little sh...

1153
00:57:00,617 --> 00:57:03,521
talented young man
a score of 27.

1154
00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:07,492
And then it was my turn.

1155
00:57:08,358 --> 00:57:10,360
Right, this is it.

1156
00:57:10,494 --> 00:57:11,762
My shot at glory.

1157
00:57:13,530 --> 00:57:14,898
Everything I'd learned

1158
00:57:14,965 --> 00:57:17,501
would be brought
into sharp focus.

1159
00:57:17,501 --> 00:57:18,768
Gas, gas, gas, gas, gas!

1160
00:57:20,237 --> 00:57:23,039
The key is to not hit them.

1161
00:57:23,106 --> 00:57:26,143
Here, in the moment of truth...

1162
00:57:28,945 --> 00:57:31,014
I'm waiting for amber.
There it is.

1163
00:57:31,081 --> 00:57:32,081
Amber and...

1164
00:57:39,356 --> 00:57:41,925
Forward to glory for Grand Tour!

1165
00:57:43,327 --> 00:57:44,528
Clutch kick!

1166
00:58:09,619 --> 00:58:10,788
Oh, shit!

1167
00:58:11,655 --> 00:58:14,324
Oh! And across the line!

1168
00:58:14,391 --> 00:58:15,559
Yeah!

1169
00:58:15,559 --> 00:58:16,927
Yeah, I clipped the flag.

1170
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:19,128
That's probably
an extra point, I imagine.

1171
00:58:19,195 --> 00:58:20,563
Erm... I'll just restart,

1172
00:58:20,565 --> 00:58:23,400
because I wanted to stop
there for a minute.

1173
00:58:23,467 --> 00:58:25,168
Yep. Oh, I've stalled again.

1174
00:58:29,005 --> 00:58:31,576
Yep. Yep.

1175
00:58:32,476 --> 00:58:33,577
Thank you.

1176
00:58:33,610 --> 00:58:35,980
So...

1177
00:58:36,045 --> 00:58:39,583
Hold on.
What was your final score?

1178
00:58:39,650 --> 00:58:42,052
Two.

1179
00:58:42,119 --> 00:58:43,119
- Two?
- Yes.

1180
00:58:43,186 --> 00:58:44,121
You were useless!

1181
00:58:44,188 --> 00:58:46,255
No, listen, gentlemen.
Gentlemen.

1182
00:58:46,322 --> 00:58:48,025
I have to say, I'm delighted

1183
00:58:48,092 --> 00:58:50,860
that you now have, albeit
limited, drifting skills,

1184
00:58:50,927 --> 00:58:52,996
cos it means I have a playmate,

1185
00:58:53,063 --> 00:58:58,268
as this short montage from
the last 12 weeks shows.

1186
00:59:18,487 --> 00:59:19,623
Yeah, you see?

1187
00:59:19,690 --> 00:59:23,860
Yeah. Yeah. On the edge.

1188
00:59:23,927 --> 00:59:26,496
Now, I admit...
I admit it's not...

1189
00:59:26,630 --> 00:59:28,065
It's not important work, really.

1190
00:59:28,132 --> 00:59:29,833
No, we haven't actually
cured anything.

1191
00:59:29,900 --> 00:59:31,268
No, we haven't brought peace

1192
00:59:31,335 --> 00:59:33,170
to troubled parts
of the world or any of that.

1193
00:59:33,237 --> 00:59:34,637
No, but it is a job.

1194
00:59:34,639 --> 00:59:36,840
It is a job,
and we're very good at it.

1195
00:59:36,907 --> 00:59:38,708
- No, you're not very good at it.
- We are.

1196
00:59:38,775 --> 00:59:40,744
No, well, I've got some items

1197
00:59:40,811 --> 00:59:42,847
from the unseen footage bin

1198
00:59:42,913 --> 00:59:44,748
that would suggest otherwise.

1199
00:59:44,815 --> 00:59:46,650
Unfortunately,
we don't have time for that.

1200
00:59:46,684 --> 00:59:48,052
Sadly. Cor, that's a pity!

1201
00:59:48,117 --> 00:59:49,653
No, no. You're wrong.
We do have time.

1202
00:59:49,686 --> 00:59:51,188
Who wants to see that? Nobody.

1203
00:59:53,791 --> 00:59:56,025
OK. Let's roll it.

1204
00:59:56,092 --> 00:59:57,762
Here is Richard Hammond.

1205
00:59:57,827 --> 01:00:00,297
Can he contain 170 horsepower?

1206
01:00:00,364 --> 01:00:02,932
No, it would appear not.

1207
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:04,934
Jeremy Clarkson,
Porsche 911 GT3.

1208
01:00:05,001 --> 01:00:07,838
Oh, there we go. You see, I have
actually made a mess of that.

1209
01:00:07,905 --> 01:00:10,106
Yes, you have, and we saw it.

1210
01:00:10,173 --> 01:00:12,041
Richard Hammond negotiating
Your Name Here.

1211
01:00:12,108 --> 01:00:13,643
Your name, in this instance,

1212
01:00:13,710 --> 01:00:15,144
is Total Bell End,
it would appear.

1213
01:00:16,246 --> 01:00:18,614
Clarkson, has he tamed the GT3?

1214
01:00:18,682 --> 01:00:19,684
No!

1215
01:00:19,750 --> 01:00:21,719
I've had an idea. Hold on.

1216
01:00:21,786 --> 01:00:23,186
I bet it wasn't this.

1217
01:00:26,523 --> 01:00:28,092
Watch this. Ready?

1218
01:00:28,157 --> 01:00:29,492
Never say that.

1219
01:00:29,559 --> 01:00:32,228
Even if you're just in
a four-door family saloon,

1220
01:00:32,295 --> 01:00:33,831
it's disastrous.

1221
01:00:33,898 --> 01:00:36,266
Right, Richard Hammond,
has he got it yet?

1222
01:00:36,333 --> 01:00:39,536
Yes, I think he has. Yes! Yes!

1223
01:00:39,603 --> 01:00:42,338
No. No, he hasn't got it.

1224
01:00:42,405 --> 01:00:44,708
- I tell you what...
- Nobody's perfect!

1225
01:00:44,775 --> 01:00:49,278
- A couple of moments.
- Yeah, just two or three, four, five.

1226
01:00:49,346 --> 01:00:50,981
Don't worry. Don't worry.

1227
01:00:51,047 --> 01:00:52,449
In the future, we'll just get

1228
01:00:52,516 --> 01:00:54,518
an armless man and small boy
to do those bits.

1229
01:00:54,583 --> 01:00:56,186
Shut up! Shut up!

1230
01:00:56,253 --> 01:00:58,255
As opposed to a fat man
and a small boy.

1231
01:00:58,322 --> 01:01:00,090
Anyway...

1232
01:01:00,157 --> 01:01:01,858
Listen, on that
terrible disappointment,

1233
01:01:01,925 --> 01:01:04,260
it is time to end
not just the show

1234
01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:05,528
but the entire series.

1235
01:01:05,594 --> 01:01:06,835
Thank you so much for watching.

1236
01:01:06,896 --> 01:01:08,597
Thank you all for coming.

1237
01:01:08,733 --> 01:01:10,634
And we'll see you
later in the year

1238
01:01:10,735 --> 01:01:12,469
for more of this.

1239
01:01:12,536 --> 01:01:13,737
Take care. Goodbye.

1240
01:02:34,251 --> 01:02:37,628
.srt Extracted and Resynced
by Dan4Jem, AD.MMXVII.II