1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:43,142 Hey, what's up? 3 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,610 Hey. 4 00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,478 Any emails today? 5 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,180 Um, I don't think so. 6 00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,481 No? 7 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:53,118 Um, check your spam folder. 8 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,654 Oh, there it is. 9 00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,156 What? 10 00:00:57,158 --> 00:01:03,495 Um... 50 signs your priest might be Michael Jackson. 11 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:06,632 Well done. Topical. 12 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:08,634 I am king of forwards. 13 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,170 It's how I like to do business. 14 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,072 Everybody joking around. 15 00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:14,773 We're like Friends. 16 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:17,643 I am Chandler. 17 00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,946 And Joey. 18 00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:23,515 And, uh, Pam is Rachel. 19 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,218 And Dwight is Kramer. 20 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:29,354 So the monkey does the sex thing right... 21 00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:31,090 here! 22 00:01:32,058 --> 00:01:33,392 That's funny! 23 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:34,726 That's funny. 24 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,161 Not offensive. 25 00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:37,896 Because it's nature, educational. 26 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,531 Do want the link? 27 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,166 'Cause then you could forward it around. 28 00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,835 Um, I... 29 00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:44,503 Consider it. 30 00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,205 Maybe, maybe. 31 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,873 Well, we'll see. 32 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,441 Because I don't know if it's a... 33 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,709 Wha... come on! 34 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:53,145 What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? 35 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:54,980 This guy! 36 00:01:57,217 --> 00:01:58,750 Oh, you are so bad. 37 00:01:58,752 --> 00:01:59,852 Yeah. 38 00:01:59,854 --> 00:02:01,553 Oh, phew, ro, rah! Aaah! 39 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,188 Oh, this guy is out of control. 40 00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,057 He is a madman. 41 00:02:05,059 --> 00:02:06,191 Better get the bleep button ready for him. 42 00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:07,559 Bleep bleep! 43 00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:11,330 What's up, Halpert? Still queer? 44 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,732 Uh-oh! 45 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,733 Oh ho ho! 46 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:19,004 Todd Packer and I are total BFF. 47 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:20,272 Best friends forever. 48 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,975 He and I came up together as salesmen. 49 00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:28,881 One time we were out and we met this set of twins. 50 00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:32,851 And Packer told them that we were brothers. 51 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:35,687 And so, you know, one thing led to another. 52 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:38,557 And we brought 'em back to the motel. 53 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:42,194 And then Packer did both of them. 54 00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,929 It was awesome. 55 00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:44,930 It was... 56 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,131 Ow ow ow! Oh. 57 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:49,101 Okay, grade A gossip for you right now. 58 00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:51,637 Randall, CFO, resigned. 59 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:52,638 Nobody knows why. 60 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,339 Are you kidding? 61 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,074 Everyone knows why! 62 00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:57,843 You don't know? Oh, okay, check this out. 63 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,545 All right, so here's the story. 64 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,480 So Randall is nailing his secretary, right? 65 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,582 And she's totally incompetent. 66 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:04,950 Really? Here we go. 67 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,519 Buckle up, it's gonna be a bumpy one. 68 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,888 We're talking "blonde incompetent," right? 69 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:10,889 Oh, yeah. 70 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,057 Like, uh, ten words a minute. 71 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,492 Talking. 72 00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,394 Well, to be fair, blondes, brunettes. 73 00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:17,095 You know, there are a lot of dumb people out there. 74 00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,497 They are women, right? 75 00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,332 Oh, wow! 76 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,700 I didn't say it! I didn't say it! 77 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,335 I said it. 78 00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:26,572 And then, suddenly, for no reason, 79 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,974 this bimbo blows the whistle on the whole thing 80 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,809 just to be a bitch. 81 00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,245 Oh, wow, what'd I tell you about the bleep button? 82 00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:36,582 Hey, what has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? 83 00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,584 This guy! 84 00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:40,385 I meant to ask you, you think you can get someone 85 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,988 to drive me around because of the DUI situation? 86 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,324 Oh, bad boy. 87 00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:47,426 Um, Ryan. 88 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,462 Come on, kid, let's go. 89 00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:51,463 Oh, man. 90 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,365 That Todd Packer can do anything. 91 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,434 Except pass that breathalyzer. 92 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,608 You a big William Hung fan? 93 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,443 Why does everybody ask me that? 94 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:05,577 Who the hell is that? 95 00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:13,018 I'm really excited to meet your mom. 96 00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,586 You are? 97 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,588 My mom is coming in to visit. 98 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,824 And she lives, like, two hours away. 99 00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:20,259 And she doesn't have a cellphone. 100 00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,527 Which is cool, 'cause it's kind of adding 101 00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:23,996 some suspense to my day. 102 00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:25,764 And I keep looking over at the door, 103 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,733 hoping she'll walk in. 104 00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:29,001 I'm excited to show her around. 105 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:31,436 She really wants to meet everybody. 106 00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:32,404 Oh, yeah? Good. 107 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:33,905 'Cause I have a lot of questions. 108 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,340 Oh, really? Yeah. 109 00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:38,443 As a child did Pam show any traits 110 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,811 that would hint towards her future career 111 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,881 as a receptionist? 112 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:46,618 Hey, send me that link to the monkey sex video. 113 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,487 I'm going to forward it like it's hot. 114 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:49,655 Yes! 115 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,326 Old school. 116 00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:56,061 Michael? 117 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,663 Yes, Toby. 118 00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,498 Um, I need to talk to you in your office. 119 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,066 It'll just take two seconds. 120 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,036 Um, literally two seconds? 121 00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:05,437 Toby is in HR, 122 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:08,173 which technically means he works for corporate. 123 00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:11,910 So he's really not a part of our family. 124 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,245 Also, he's divorced, 125 00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:15,514 so he's really not a part of his family. 126 00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,416 The full story is that Randall resigned 127 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,017 because of sexual harassment. 128 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,186 So corporate asked me to do a five minute review 129 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,988 of the company's sexual harassment policy. 130 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,623 No, no, Toby. No. 131 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:25,624 It's really not a big deal, Michael. 132 00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:26,658 It is a big deal. 133 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,760 It's a big deal! 134 00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:30,095 What are we supposed to do, 135 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:34,299 scrutinize every little thing we say and do all day? 136 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:35,500 I mean, come on. 137 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,469 And then corporate is gonna send in a lawyer. 138 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,937 What? No! 139 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:41,106 Just to refresh you on our policy. 140 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,607 What? N-he... no. 141 00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:45,610 Okay, what is a lawyer gonna come in and tell us? 142 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,746 To not send out 143 00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:50,415 hilarious emails or not tell jokes? 144 00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:51,450 Maybe not some of them. 145 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,051 Maybe not inappropriate ones. 146 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,587 There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. 147 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,322 That's why it's a joke. 148 00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:58,724 Everyone? Hello? 149 00:05:58,726 --> 00:05:59,991 Everyone. Hi. 150 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,393 Uh, sorry to interrupt. 151 00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:03,795 I know you're all busy and the last thing you want 152 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:06,031 is for a major interruption. 153 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,967 But Toby has an announcement that he insists on making 154 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,335 right now in the middle of the day. 155 00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,037 So take it away. 156 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,839 Yeah, okay. 157 00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:15,907 Corporate would like us to do a five minute review 158 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,743 of the company's sexual harassment policy, 159 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,077 so I'll go over that later. 160 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,079 I wish you luck, Toby, I really do. 161 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,181 But you are going to have a mutiny on your hands. 162 00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:26,752 And I just can't wait to see how you handle it. 163 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:29,621 A guy goes to a five dollar... 164 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,957 lady of the night. 165 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:34,826 And he gets crabs. 166 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:38,063 So the next day, he goes back to complain. 167 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,931 And the woman says, 168 00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,901 "Hey, it was only five dollars. 169 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:46,271 What did you expect, lobster?" 170 00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:50,342 This is what's at stake. 171 00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,480 Time to bring out the big guns. 172 00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:57,215 I am heading down to the warehouse, 173 00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:58,984 where jokes are born. 174 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,086 Find a killer joke that'll just blow 175 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:03,455 everybody away at the seminar later. 176 00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:07,359 And remind them what is great about this place. 177 00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:09,494 So... ah! Here they are. 178 00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:12,097 Guys, wondering if I could, uh, 179 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,532 get your help for something? 180 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,734 I am looking for a new joke to tell. 181 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,936 And it needs to be just killer. 182 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,172 And it does not need to be clean. 183 00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:21,173 So what you got? 184 00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:22,541 Like, a joke? A knock knock joke? 185 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,909 Um, yeah... no. 186 00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,177 I mean, better. Better than that. 187 00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:27,078 The type of stuff you guys tell all day. 188 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:31,783 Well, those are some awful tight pants you have on. 189 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:35,120 Where did you get 'em, like, Queers 'R' Us? 190 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,555 Boys 'R' Us. 191 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,623 Oh! All right, all right. 192 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,525 Well, yeah, but you know. 193 00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:43,094 A joke but not necessarily at my expense. 194 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,096 Man, we can see all your business 195 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,365 coming around the corner, okay? 196 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:48,800 You need to, you know, hide that. 197 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,135 Good thing you don't have a lot of business 198 00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,369 to start with. 199 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,772 Ohhhh, okay. 200 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:54,906 That was still about me. 201 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,041 Hey, hey, hey. 202 00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:57,275 So you don't have the biggest package. 203 00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,877 Don't feel bad. I don't feel bad. 204 00:07:58,879 --> 00:07:59,978 I think he feels bad. 205 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,012 No, I don't. 206 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,013 You look like you feel bad. 207 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,482 Okay, well... 208 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:04,916 You know, not exactly what I was looking for. 209 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,451 But thanks, guys. Thank you! 210 00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:07,419 You look good in those pants. 211 00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:08,787 He get it from his mama! 212 00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,492 So, remember, intent is irrelevant. 213 00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,560 And that's it. Pam. 214 00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:19,731 Um, I just wanted to say that... just, 215 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,333 my mom's coming in today. 216 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:22,868 Mmmmilf. 217 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,870 Thanks, Kevin. 218 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,372 Usually the day we talk about sexual harassment 219 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:30,375 is the day that everyone harasses me as a joke. 220 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:31,977 She's coming in today, and maybe just don't joke 221 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,712 around about that stuff in front of her? 222 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:34,980 Great point. 223 00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,549 Uh, in fact, uh, basic rule of thumb. 224 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:41,553 Let's just act every day like Pam's mom is coming in. 225 00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,154 All right, that's it. 226 00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:44,823 If anybody has any questions about anything, 227 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:46,525 you know where I sit in the back. 228 00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,862 Oh, is it over? 229 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,197 Uh, yes. 230 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,732 No. I know, I know. 231 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,333 It's good. It is not over. 232 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,936 It is not over 'til it's over. 233 00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,437 Did he tell you everything? 234 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:00,939 Obviously he didn't, 235 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,674 because you all still look relatively happy, 236 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:05,277 albeit bored. 237 00:09:05,279 --> 00:09:06,411 Do you realize what we're losing? 238 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,445 Seriously. 239 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:08,547 Email forwards. 240 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,916 Exactly. 241 00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,018 Can we afford to lose 242 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,086 email forwards? Do we want that? 243 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,821 I hate them. 244 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,557 You send me these filthy emails. 245 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:19,758 And you say, "Forward them to 10 people, 246 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:20,859 or you'll have bad luck." 247 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:23,295 Give me a break. 248 00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:26,932 Um, Stanley how about that hot picture 249 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,466 you have by your desk? 250 00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:31,102 The centerfold in the Catholic schoolgirl's outfit? 251 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,104 I mean, it is hot, it is sexy, 252 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,372 and it turns him on. 253 00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,975 I will admit, best part of my morning 254 00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,610 is staring at it. 255 00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:39,911 But what, are we just gonna take it away? 256 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,279 That is my daughter. 257 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:43,114 She goes to Catholic girl's school. 258 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,584 I'm taking it down right now. 259 00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:47,152 Um, what about office romance? 260 00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:51,456 Office relationships are never a good idea, 261 00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:52,591 so let's just try to avoid 'em. 262 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,926 But if you already have one, 263 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,227 you should disclose it to HR. 264 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:58,163 Um, all relationships? 265 00:09:58,165 --> 00:10:00,899 Even a one night stand? 266 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,734 I think the old honor system was fine. 267 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:05,403 For example, I have never slept with an employee. 268 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:07,205 And believe me, I could have. 269 00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:09,608 Yeah, Meredith. 270 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,842 No, no, Catherine. Remember her? 271 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,043 Remember how hot she was? 272 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,578 She would have definitely slept with me. 273 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:14,913 She wasn't that hot. 274 00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,682 Yes, she was. Dammit, Kevin! 275 00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:20,619 I'm in an office relationship. 276 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:21,953 It's special. 277 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,155 Mmm, she's nice, she's shy. 278 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,857 She's actually here if you wanna meet her. 279 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,993 Hold on a second. 280 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,030 Oh, my God. Put on a shirt! 281 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,666 Put... I told you that you'd be on camera. 282 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,001 I'm sorry, she's European. 283 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:39,437 No, I told you that you'd be on camera. 284 00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:40,605 Stop. 285 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:43,141 What if Pam was a lesbian? 286 00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:47,412 What if she brought her "partner" into work? 287 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:48,580 Would that be crossing the line? 288 00:10:48,582 --> 00:10:49,948 No. 289 00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,083 What if they made out in front of everybody? 290 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,185 Well, that would be... At home? 291 00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:58,523 And I told everybody everything about it? 292 00:10:58,525 --> 00:10:59,524 Okay, I'm lost. 293 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:00,325 Okay. 294 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,526 Well, then, let's act it out. 295 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,194 Pam, you will be girl A. 296 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:06,364 And girl B will be... 297 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:09,334 Okay, we'll use the doll. 298 00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:11,236 Pam? 299 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,471 Pam? 300 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,277 I wish Todd Packer was here, 'cause he would love this. 301 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,179 I wonder if anybody else would like to join us. 302 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,781 Oop. Coming out of my mouth. 303 00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:26,618 Hey, um, we have to watch Toby's video 304 00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:27,686 that he's showing us 305 00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,087 in order to brainwash us. 306 00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,389 And I was wondering if anybody'd like to join in? 307 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:32,791 Gonna be fun. 308 00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:33,825 Got microwave pizza. 309 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,027 What do you say? Jim? 310 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,195 No, thanks, I'm good. 311 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,365 That's what she said. Pam? 312 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,801 Um, my mother's coming. 313 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,335 That's what she said... 314 00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:46,204 No, but... okay. 315 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,272 Well, suit yourself. 316 00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:49,974 Hey, Toby. 317 00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:50,975 Hey, Dwight. 318 00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,677 You said that we could come to you 319 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,045 if we had any questions. 320 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,213 Sure. 321 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,418 Where is the clitoris? 322 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:08,493 On a website it said on the crest of the labia. 323 00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:12,397 What does that mean? 324 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,436 What does the female vagina look like? 325 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,672 Technically, I am in human resources. 326 00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:24,008 And Dwight was asking about human anatomy. 327 00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:28,379 Um, I'm just sad the public school system 328 00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:30,682 failed him so badly. 329 00:12:30,684 --> 00:12:31,950 You know, maybe when you get 330 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,885 really comfortable with each other, 331 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:36,354 you can ask for that. 332 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,723 Good. 333 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:39,924 Good. And... 334 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,593 I should get back to work. 335 00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,128 Okay. 336 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,330 In today's fast paced business climate, 337 00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:47,165 it can sometimes to hard to know 338 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:50,702 when a comment or an action crosses the line. 339 00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:52,537 Let's take a look at a couple of scenarios 340 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:53,605 and ask ourselves, 341 00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:56,941 where is the line? 342 00:12:58,310 --> 00:12:59,878 The natural redhead. 343 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:00,845 Hey, Marie. 344 00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:02,580 Hey, Joe, Mike. 345 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,915 Hey, settle a bet. 346 00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:07,018 Are you a natural redhead? 347 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,455 Oh my... ay, stop the video! 348 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,537 Wait, go... stop it right there. Stop it right there. 349 00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:17,428 That's that girl from that thing. 350 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:18,596 I banged this girl right here. 351 00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:19,764 That's her? 352 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:20,899 Yes, this is the one. You remember... 353 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,500 No, the party? You banged her? 354 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,702 Right here. You are a naughty girl. 355 00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:25,870 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 356 00:13:25,872 --> 00:13:27,238 Okay, hypocrite. 357 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,840 Okay, she is a hypocrite. 358 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,975 That is such a scam. Okay. 359 00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,377 Yes? 360 00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:34,179 Yes, I did. 361 00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:35,413 Okay. 362 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,182 Well, we can talk about that later then. 363 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:38,316 Okay, you are never gonna believe this. 364 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,584 The girl in the video 365 00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,019 we're watching that corporate gave us. 366 00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,320 Darryl banged her! 367 00:13:46,358 --> 00:13:47,692 And... 368 00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:51,129 He's about 90% sure. 369 00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:55,233 Don't ever let this little bitch 370 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,334 drive you around town. 371 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,769 We got lost for half an hour. 372 00:13:57,771 --> 00:13:59,771 I don't have any DUls, so I can drive myself. 373 00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:00,972 But thanks. 374 00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,607 Where is Michael Snot? 375 00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:05,777 Sniffing some dude's thong? 376 00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:07,946 Probably. 377 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:10,949 So you are the lawyer, Mr. O'Malley. 378 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,350 I know a lot of lawyer jokes. 379 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,852 I love lawyer jokes. 380 00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:16,554 Well, it's probably because you don't get 'em. 381 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,790 When I said before that I was king of forwards, 382 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,725 you gotta understand that I don't 383 00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,293 come up with this stuff. 384 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:25,496 I just forward it along. 385 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,432 You wouldn't arrest a guy who's just delivering drugs 386 00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,434 from one guy to another. 387 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,002 You seem a little bit agitated, Michael. 388 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,103 What's the problem? 389 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:35,340 The problem is that... 390 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,608 I am the boss. 391 00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:38,142 And apparently I can't say anything. 392 00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:43,181 Well, that's... that's true in a way. 393 00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:45,850 You can't say "anything." 394 00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:46,951 Where's the line? 395 00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,052 Where's the line, Jan? 396 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,554 Do you need to see the video again, Michael? 397 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,155 No, I've seen the video. He talked the whole time. 398 00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:52,423 No, I didn't. 399 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:55,727 What? 400 00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:02,467 Attention, everyone. Hello? 401 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,936 Uh, yes, I just want you to know that, uh, 402 00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:06,137 this is not my decision. 403 00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:11,442 But from here on out, we can no longer be friends. 404 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,346 And when we talk about things here, 405 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:20,051 we must only discuss work associated things. 406 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:23,821 And you can consider this my retirement from comedy. 407 00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:27,425 And in the future, if I want to say something funny, 408 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,827 or witty, or do an impression, 409 00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:34,165 I will no longer ever do any of those things. 410 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:37,335 Does that include, "That's what she said"? 411 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:40,104 Mm-hmm, yes. 412 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,073 Wow, that is really hard. 413 00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:45,543 Do you really think you can go all day long? 414 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:51,182 Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so... 415 00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:54,452 That's what she said! 416 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,486 Michael... 417 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:56,554 Michael! 418 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:59,057 Michael, please. 419 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,160 Come on! 420 00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:03,294 You would have done the same. 421 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,796 You just didn't think of it first. 422 00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,631 Mi-Michael, please. I-I... really. 423 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,232 That's not my sense of humor. 424 00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:09,467 Okay. Hello. 425 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,202 Jan, Mr. O'Malley, 426 00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:14,172 this is my lawyer James P. Albini. 427 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:15,740 I believe you may recognize his face 428 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,642 from the billboards. 429 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,178 He specializes in free speech issues. 430 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,447 And motorcycle head injuries, worker's comp, 431 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,248 and diet pill lawsuits. 432 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:25,350 This guy does it all. 433 00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,151 Excuse me, I'm sorry. 434 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,220 Michael, Mr. O'Malley is your lawyer. 435 00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:32,056 What? 436 00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:34,625 Mr. O'Malley is our corporate lawyer. 437 00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:37,295 We have him on retainer to protect the company, 438 00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,130 as well as upper level management 439 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,231 such as yourself. 440 00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:43,935 So I'm not in trouble? 441 00:16:43,937 --> 00:16:46,804 I am so used to being the bad boy. 442 00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:49,507 I am so used to fighting corporate 443 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,175 that I forget that I am corporate. 444 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,810 Upper management. 445 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,080 They hooked me up with an attorney. 446 00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:57,915 To protect me. 447 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:02,186 You can't be too careful about what you say. 448 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,589 Mo' money, mo' problems. 449 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:07,759 Okay, well, let's get you out of here, James. 450 00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:09,394 Um, I think we're under an hour still. 451 00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,529 Yeah, but I did a lot of paperwork at home. 452 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,930 We'll talk about it later. 453 00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,032 Thanks for coming in. 454 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,171 Um, hello. 455 00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:21,706 Oh, my God! 456 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,141 I finally made it. 457 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:24,208 Hello! 458 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,477 I love my mom. 459 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:30,381 Okay, that's probably the most obvious statement ever. 460 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,749 This is all yours? 461 00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,017 Yeah, I am in charge of this whole area. 462 00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:34,685 Oh, my goodness. That's great. 463 00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:44,362 So a guy goes home, tells his wife, 464 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,464 "Honey, pack your bags, I just won the lottery." 465 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,266 She goes, "Oh, my God. That's incredible." 466 00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:49,567 Where are we going?" 467 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,002 He goes, "I don't know where you're going", 468 00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:52,770 just be out of here by five." 469 00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:57,909 Boom! 470 00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,111 This is where I used to keep my computer. 471 00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:01,479 Oh, right, I remember. 472 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,881 With the picture, yeah. 473 00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,583 But I switched stuff around because I actually needed, 474 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,119 like, more room for organization. 475 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:10,488 This is, like, um... 476 00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:13,124 Oh, there he is. 477 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,692 How are you? Hey, handsome. 478 00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,527 You look great. Oh, thank you. 479 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,629 So, we ready for dinner? 480 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,698 Well, you know, actually I kind of need to 481 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:21,899 stall a bit. 482 00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:23,201 But it's okay, 483 00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,603 because I am very used to killing time. 484 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:26,971 Oh, I don't believe that. 485 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,606 Okay, I'm gonna go wait in the parking lot. 486 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,042 And what kind of tunes do you want for the ride? 487 00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:33,111 A little classical, a little oldies? 488 00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,113 Oh, anything is fine. 489 00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,248 All right, we'll see ya. 490 00:18:39,751 --> 00:18:41,619 So which one is Jim? 491 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,888 Mom! 492 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,022 I just wanted to know. 493 00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:46,824 No, it's... All right, okay. 494 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,793 10 minutes, then we can go to dinner. 495 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:49,861 I'll make myself busy. 496 00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:51,028 There's this guy, 497 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,663 he's at a nymphomaniac convention. 498 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,765 And he is psyched, 499 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,434 'cause all these woman are smoking hot perfect 10s, 500 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,536 except for this one chick who looks a lot like... 501 00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:00,872 Phyllis? Yeah. 502 00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:02,473 No, no, no. That crosses the line. 503 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,875 Ex-squeeze me? 504 00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,411 Not you. 505 00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:10,781 Kevin. Just unwarranted. 506 00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:11,816 Hostile work environment, Kevin. 507 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,117 Packer said it. 508 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,652 No, you said it. 509 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,054 He pointed. A point is not a say. 510 00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:21,192 Look, Kevin, we are a family here. 511 00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:23,127 And Phyllis is a valued member of that family. 512 00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:24,262 Like a grandmother. 513 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:25,396 I'm the same age as you, Michael. 514 00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:26,531 I don't know about that. 515 00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:27,865 We're the same high school class. 516 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,000 Well, I have a late birthday 517 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,369 and usually September is a cut off point... 518 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,403 You know what? 519 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,672 You just crossed the line, okay? 520 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,707 There is a line and you went over it. 521 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:40,645 And you must be punished. So go to your corner. 522 00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:41,712 You mean where my desk is? 523 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,047 Yes, your corner. Go. 524 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,082 Okay. 525 00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,817 I have a lot of work to do, anyway. 526 00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,486 Oh, my. 527 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:51,022 They really got to you, didn't they? 528 00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,124 They didn't get to me. 529 00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:54,792 I got to them. 530 00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:59,664 I am still the same old Michael Scott. 531 00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:02,567 New and improved. 532 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:03,935 You know what? 533 00:20:03,937 --> 00:20:05,536 I love Phyllis. 534 00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:09,307 You know what else? 535 00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,442 I think she is gorgeous. 536 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:16,581 I think she is an incredibly, incredibly attractive person. 537 00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:17,582 Come here. Give me a kiss. 538 00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:18,749 Come on. 539 00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,451 Michael, come on, you don't have to worry. 540 00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,986 I'm not gonna... I'm not worried. 541 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:24,255 Report you to HR. You know what? 542 00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,557 The only thing I am worried about 543 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,726 is getting a boner. 544 00:20:29,861 --> 00:20:31,495 Good work today, everybody. 545 00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:38,970 Times have changed a little. 546 00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:41,706 And even though we're still a family here 547 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:45,409 at Dunder Mifflin, families grow. 548 00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:46,744 And at some point, 549 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:51,582 the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. 550 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,850 I am upper management. 551 00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:55,653 And it would be inappropriate for me 552 00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:58,122 to take a bath with Pam. 553 00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:00,191 As much as I might want to. 554 00:21:00,193 --> 00:21:01,559 He said what? 554 00:21:02,305 --> 00:22:02,488 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/x5rc Help other users to choose the best subtitles