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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Support us and become VIP member 
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

2
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,213
You should get one of these.

3
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:15,914
No. Thank you.

4
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:18,417
Do you even know what this is?

5
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,085
It is a fitness orb.

6
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:22,021
And it has completely
changed my life.

7
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Forget everything
you thought you knew

8
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:27,860
about ab workouts.
Done.

9
00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:29,128
This ab workout

10
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:32,965
is specifically designed
to strengthen your core.

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Sorry.

12
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That's all right.

13
00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:37,202
Numerous health benefits.

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Strengthens your back.

15
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Better performance in sports.

16
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,445
More enjoyable sex.

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You're not having sex.

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00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,452
Plus improves your reflexes.

19
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,455
See, I would've caught that.

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Okay, you know what,
uh, how much is that?

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It's only 25 bucks.
Wow.

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00:01:00,795 --> 00:01:03,829
Um, okay.

23
00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:46,939
Pam, could I see you
in my office?

24
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,810
Today, we're having performance
reviews company wide.

25
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,112
Last year,
my performance review started

26
00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,713
Last year,
my performance review started

27
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with Michael asking me
what my hopes and dreams were,

28
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and it ended with him telling me

29
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he could bench-press
190 pounds.

30
00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:06,592
So I don't really know
what to expect.

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Pam, you're trustworthy.

32
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Thank you.

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And a woman.
Oh no.

34
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:12,998
And I want you to listen
to a voice mail from my boss.

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00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,701
Michael, it's Jan.

36
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,035
I guess I missed you.

37
00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:19,037
I'll, uh, be there
this afternoon

38
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:20,372
for performance reviews.

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I hope it's understood

40
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that that will be
our only topic of discussion.

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See you soon.

42
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,779
First impressions?

43
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,048
Uh, just off the top,

44
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:33,218
I think she'll be here
this afternoon.

45
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,387
My boss is coming in today.

46
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,588
The lovely
Jan Levinson-Gould.

47
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,457
Well, no Gould.

48
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The Gould has been divorce.

49
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Um, the awkward part

50
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is that this is the first time

51
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we'll be seeing each other
since...

52
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,268
well...

53
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,403
Uh, it was really nothing.

54
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,438
We just sort of got
caught up in the moment.

55
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:57,109
The vulnerable divorcee
gives herself

56
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to the understanding
with rugged good looks

57
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office manager.

58
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Just, uh,

59
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she didn't want it
to continue for some reason.

60
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:07,753
We both didn't...
I didn't want...

61
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,588
we both didn't want it
to continue.

62
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,924
It was not professional.

63
00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:14,326
Um, when people say
something's mutual,

64
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it never is,
but this was mutual.

65
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I guess I missed you.

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I guess I missed you.

67
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So she misses me.

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She missed you.

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00:03:28,841 --> 00:03:31,009
But then she goes on to say,

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"That will be our only topic
of our discussion."

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00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,446
That doesn't mean anything.

72
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:35,614
Those are just words.

73
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I have one idea
of what it means.

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Okay. Yeah. What? What?

75
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:40,385
Well, I don't think
you're going to be

76
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very happy with this.
Oh great.

77
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:46,825
All right, well,
now I'm in a terrible mood.

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00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:49,194
Let's do
your performance review.

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Because she's conflicted.

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She has to be professional,

81
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:56,268
but she's fighting
feelings for you.

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Ah. Why...
That's great news.

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That... that...
Then why would...

84
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,307
why would I not like that?

85
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,576
Um, just cause
that you work together,

86
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,646
and it might be awkward.
Wow. Wow.

87
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,515
All right, let's listen
to that again.

88
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,850
Michael, it's Jan.

89
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,352
I guess I missed you.

90
00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:15,454
Oh, hey.

91
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,122
Listen, Jim.

92
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,424
Here's a little tip
for your performance review.

93
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Okay.

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00:04:20,995 --> 00:04:23,228
Tell Michael that we
should be stocking more

95
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:26,064
of the double tabbed
manilla file folders.

96
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:27,866
We don't have double tabbed
manilla files folders.

97
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,368
Oh yes we do.
No, we don't.

98
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,702
Yeah, it's a new product.

99
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,504
So you should just
suggest that to him,

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00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,339
and then he'll be sure
to give you a raise.

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00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:36,008
Well, I'm not asking
for a raise.

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I'm gonna actually be asking
for a pay decrease.

103
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,613
Uh, that is so stupid.

104
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What if he gives it to you?

105
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I win.
Ugh.

106
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You know what,

107
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,788
I am going to zone you out
for the rest of today.

108
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,922
I need to stay focused.

109
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,291
And I don't have to see you

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tomorrow or Sunday.

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Please don't call me,

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00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,408
and we'll see how things go
on Monday.

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Stupid.

114
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,000
Wait, wait. One thing.

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Um, by tomorrow,
you mean Saturday, right?

116
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Uh, duh.

117
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,840
Duh.

118
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,208
Today is Thursday.

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But Dwight thinks
that it's Friday.

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And that's what
I'll be working on

121
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,681
this afternoon.

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Sometimes women say more
in their pauses

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than they say in their words.

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Really.
Oh yes.

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Let's listen to it again.

126
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,557
And this time,
really listen to the pauses.

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God, Stanley,
that's freakin' brilliant.

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How do you know that?

129
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,562
Did you learn that
on the streets?

130
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,097
Sorry.

131
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,566
Oh, it's okay.
I did learn it on the streets.

132
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,268
On the ghetto, in fact.

133
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,603
No kidding.

134
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It's all about my bonus.

135
00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,010
Michael and Jan
definitely made out. Oh.

136
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,012
Maybe more.
Eck.

137
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,581
Oh, also it is Thursday,

138
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,949
but Dwight thinks it's Friday,

139
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,784
so keep that going.

140
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Yay.

141
00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:00,092
Good work, Stanley.
Great performance review.

142
00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:02,361
Stanley in the house, everybody.

143
00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:03,662
Whoo!

144
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:05,197
Angela, your turn.

145
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:08,300
I actually look forward
to performance reviews.

146
00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:10,035
I did the youth beauty
pageant circuit.

147
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,737
And I enjoyed that quite a bit.

148
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:15,374
I really enjoy being judged.

149
00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:20,212
I believe I hold up very well
to even severe scrutiny.

150
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,513
Michael.
Yeah.

151
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:23,348
Jan's on the phone for you.

152
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:26,251
Oh. Angela, you were totally
satisfactory this year.

153
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,654
Interesting.
Jan is calling me.

154
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:32,657
Maybe it wasn't
so mutual after all.

155
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:33,825
Yeah.

156
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:34,993
Michael.

157
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:37,295
Jan, to what do I owe
this pleasure?

158
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:39,798
I am returning your many calls.

159
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,967
Well, hello to you too.

160
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:44,102
Um, yeah, I was just, um,

161
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,971
I just wanted to get
some closure

162
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:49,641
on what transpired
between us at the meeting

163
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,277
we had in the parking lot
of the Chili's.

164
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:58,150
No. No. We... we won't be
discussing that, Michael.

165
00:06:58,152 --> 00:06:59,818
The only things
I want to talk about

166
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,286
during your performance review

167
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:04,089
are your concrete ideas
to improve your branch.

168
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:07,692
Well, surely this, uh, review

169
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:11,396
is a formality because
of what happened, uh,

170
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,665
at our meeting in the parking
lot of the Chili's.

171
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,334
Review is anything but
a formality, Michael.

172
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:19,538
And, uh, I expect you
to forget anything

173
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,274
that you think may have
happened between us

174
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:25,677
and exhibit completely
professional behavior.

175
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:26,778
Been thinking, about you.

176
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,146
Okay, that is an example

177
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,348
of completely unprofessional
behavior.

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00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,417
I don't see
how that's unprofessional.

179
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:33,418
Michael.

180
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:33,418
Yeah.

181
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:36,788
Are the cameras in there
with you in your office?

182
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,290
No, they are not.

183
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:41,760
Yes, they are.

184
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,065
That's my girlfriend.

185
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:50,669
I heard they made out
and had sex.

186
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:53,138
I heard they just made out.
That's it.

187
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:57,476
Well, I heard they made out...

188
00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,044
and had sex.

189
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,679
Don't talk about it.

190
00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:03,114
Office romances
are nobody's business

191
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,350
but the people involved.

192
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,654
Romances?

193
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,824
Pam, I have ideas
on a daily business.

194
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,526
I know I do.

195
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:17,729
I have a clear memory
of telling people my ideas.

196
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,564
Um, is there any chance

197
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:21,733
that you wrote
any of my ideas down

198
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:23,735
in a folder like a idea folder?

199
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,370
Sorry.

200
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,472
That's unfortunate.

201
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:29,908
How about the suggestion box?

202
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,209
There's tons of ideas in there.

203
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,444
What suggestion box?

204
00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:34,813
The suggestion box
that I put out,

205
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,815
and people could put in
suggestions anonymously.

206
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,817
Maybe there's prizes.

207
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,318
Oh, yeah.

208
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,554
I-I think I remember that
from back when I first started.

209
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:43,622
Why don't you find it

210
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,490
and then tell people
to get theirs...

211
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:46,591
Never mind. I'll tell them.

212
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:47,792
Hello, everybody.

213
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:49,394
Yeah. Uh, attention,
please.

214
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:50,829
Jan Levinson's coming

215
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,030
very soon.

216
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,431
And so we're going to have

217
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,400
our weekly suggestion box
meeting.

218
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:58,537
So you can all get in
your constructive compliments

219
00:08:58,539 --> 00:08:59,771
ASAP.

220
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:01,506
Don't you mean
constructive criticism?

221
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:02,574
What did I say?

222
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:03,875
You said constructive
compliments.

223
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:03,875
That doesn't make any sense.

224
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:07,579
Well, Kelly, that was neither
constructive nor a compliment.

225
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,415
So maybe you should stop
criticizing my English

226
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,651
and start making
some suggestions.

227
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,119
Okay?

228
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:15,420
Hey, Dan, this is Jim.

229
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,556
It is about 11:15
and I wanted to know

230
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:18,924
what you were up to tomorrow,

231
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:22,761
which is the 15th
and that is a...

232
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,462
Saturday.
Saturday.

233
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:26,498
So just let me know
what you're doing tomorrow,

234
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,166
Saturday, for lunch.

235
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,968
Okay, talk to you soon.

236
00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:38,443
Okay, bye-bye.

237
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,979
Would you please tell Michael
that I'm here?

238
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:41,980
Sure.

239
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,015
Hi, Jan.
How are you?

240
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,450
Hi, Michael.
I'm good. How are you.

241
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:46,518
Good to see you.
Nice to see you.

242
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:47,619
Okay.

243
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:50,755
Okay, why don't we
just step into my off...

244
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,324
We're going to go in here.

245
00:09:52,326 --> 00:09:53,491
Can we please go
into your office?

246
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:55,427
Right after you.

247
00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,895
Après vous.

248
00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:06,972
Oh, thank you.

249
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,139
It's nice to see you.

250
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,374
Nice to see you too, Michael.

251
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,475
Really?

252
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:11,643
Not like that.

253
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,511
Oh, well...

254
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,447
You know, Michael,
I think I need to make

255
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:16,715
something clear
right off the top.

256
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,883
I'm not going to discuss
anything with you

257
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,852
other than Dunder Mifflin
business.

258
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,554
All right.
Period.

259
00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:23,822
Do we understand each other?

260
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,156
Absolutely.

261
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,424
I'm a little confused

262
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:27,926
because first it's all like
kissy kissy.

263
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,227
And then it's like all regret.

264
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,595
Because, oh, I regret that.

265
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,564
But wait, I'm still
going to call you

266
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:35,600
but... but we're just
going to talk business.

267
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,936
And I may come down there
and fire you

268
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,471
if you don't do your job.

269
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:42,273
But what were we talking
about when we first kissed?

270
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,142
Business.

271
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,644
So are you still in the middle

272
00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:46,811
of the performance reviews then?

273
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:47,879
No, no, no.

274
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:48,947
I finished all of that.
I'm very fast.

275
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,382
I'm not too fast.

276
00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:51,983
Not like wham, bam,
thank you, ma'am.

277
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,852
But I do say thank you, ma'am.

278
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:57,689
I'm not like, wham, bam.

279
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,457
Not that there's anything
wrong with wham, bam

280
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:00,659
if it's consensual.

281
00:11:03,062 --> 00:11:05,296
We're talking
about office stuff.

282
00:11:07,299 --> 00:11:08,767
Can I ask you a question?

283
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:09,868
No.

284
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,102
This is a business question.

285
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,405
It's nothing personal.
I promise.

286
00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:14,539
Fine.

287
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:17,242
Are you wearing
new perfume today?

288
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,578
How is that a business question?

289
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,313
Well, you're wearing it
at the office.

290
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,015
And...
It...

291
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,951
I'm sorry, no offense,
but it's really sexy.

292
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:28,720
Please don't smell me, Michael.

293
00:11:33,225 --> 00:11:34,492
Hey, Jim.
Hey, how's it going?

294
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,660
Oh, my God.

295
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:37,062
Did you seed The Apprentice
last night?

296
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,530
Of course.
It's on every Thursday night.

297
00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:39,864
So how can I miss it?

298
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,166
Can you believe who Trump fired?

299
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,333
No.
That was unbelievable.

300
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,435
Who? Who was it?

301
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:44,469
Who did he fire?

302
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,670
You didn't see it?
No.

303
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:47,205
I went out and got drunk

304
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,673
with my laser tag team
last night.

305
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:49,874
Crap.

306
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,743
I never go out
on a Thursday night.

307
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,211
What the hell was I thinking?

308
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:55,847
I don't understand...

309
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,616
Hold on. Sorry.

310
00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,151
Yes, Pam.

311
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,320
Michael, it's time
for the suggestion box meeting.

312
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,955
I'm kind of in the middle
of something.

313
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:05,457
I wish you wouldn't interrupt.

314
00:12:05,459 --> 00:12:06,825
You told me to buzz you

315
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:07,959
about the suggestion box meeting

316
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,094
when Jan was here.

317
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,229
I did not... not use
those words.

318
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,264
Uh, I'd like to sit in
on that meeting.

319
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,399
Is it happening right now?

320
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,834
No, it's in, like, 10 minutes.

321
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,102
Everyone's waiting
in the conference room.

322
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,704
Great. Very good.

323
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:26,111
Why are we here?

324
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:28,646
Because I value your opinions.

325
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,881
Now I know a lot of you
don't think

326
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,382
that I read your suggestions,

327
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:32,684
but I do.

328
00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:34,185
I just sift through them
every week.

329
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:37,288
And I really look and scrutinize

330
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,424
to see what you guys
are writing.

331
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:42,327
Um, so let's just, uh,

332
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:43,394
read some of these suckers,
okay?

333
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:44,529
All right.

334
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:45,930
Number one, what should we do

335
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,365
to prepare for Y2K?

336
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,901
What should we do
to prepare for Y2K?

337
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,636
I thought you read these
every week?

338
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:53,471
Well, obviously,
this one got stuck in the box.

339
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,039
That happens occasionally.

340
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,075
It happens occasionally.

341
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,577
And, um, so one down.

342
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:02,046
Next suggestion.

343
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:03,615
We need better outreach

344
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,617
for employees
fighting depression.

345
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,453
Okay. All right.
Enough with the jokes.

346
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,688
Nobody in here
is suffering from depression.

347
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,524
That sounds serious, Michael.

348
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:14,592
Oh. Okay. Well, yeah.

349
00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:15,727
Who wrote it?
Tom.

350
00:13:15,729 --> 00:13:17,428
Tom. Then it is a joke

351
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:20,064
because there is nobody
in here named Tom.

352
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,734
Tom? He worked in accounting
up until about a year ago.

353
00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:26,037
Tom.

354
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,775
Oh, that guy.
That guy was weird.

355
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:31,910
All right, next suggestion.

356
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,578
Next suggestion.

357
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,713
Ar, badoo badoo.

358
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,615
You need to do something
about your B.O.

359
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:40,185
You need to do something
about your B.O.

360
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,821
Okay, now I don't know who this
suggestion is meant for,

361
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:45,590
but it's more
of a personal suggestion.

362
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,325
And it's not an office
suggestion.

363
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,694
Far be it from me
to use this as a platform

364
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:50,862
to embarrass anybody.

365
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:54,199
Aren't the suggestions
meant for you?

366
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,733
Well, Toby,

367
00:13:55,735 --> 00:14:00,405
if by me you are inferring
that I have B.O.,

368
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:03,808
then I would say that that
is a very poor choice of words.

369
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,376
Uh, Michael,

370
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:06,711
he wasn't inferring,
he was implying.

371
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,413
You were inferring.

372
00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:09,547
Was I, Creed?

373
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:12,383
Okay, well, you know
what I am implying

374
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:15,086
is that when we're on
an elevator together,

375
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,222
I should maybe take the stairs

376
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,290
because talk about stank.

377
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,658
Not that I would ever

378
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:21,926
say something like that
in public

379
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:23,862
and I never have
and I never will,

380
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:25,129
I just think it's something

381
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,799
that we should all
be aware of, okay?

382
00:14:27,801 --> 00:14:29,801
Now that we've learned this,

383
00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,102
let's continue.

384
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,270
See, this is good.

385
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,504
We're learning,

386
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:34,706
and we're figuring
some stuff out.

387
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,574
You need to do something
about your coffee breath.

388
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,877
You need to do... Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up, Dwight.

389
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:41,379
Okay, I don't think
you people are grasping

390
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,716
the concept
of the suggestion box.

391
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,252
Sometimes you talk to us
real close.

392
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,888
Yeah? Is that hard
for you?

393
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,223
All right. Well, when you have
coffee breath, it's hard.

394
00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:54,926
Let's k...
let's keep going.

395
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,061
Yup.

396
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,630
What do we have here?

397
00:14:58,632 --> 00:15:00,164
We have...

398
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,766
somebody's piece of gum.

399
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,434
Somebody put a piece
of gum in there.

400
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,236
This is not a-a garbage can.

401
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,305
This is the future
of our company.

402
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,308
This is not a place
for gum, okay?

403
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,310
I don't want to have
to read these tomorrow...

404
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:14,245
Yeah, who wants to come in
on a Saturday?

405
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,081
Yeah. What? No.
All right.

406
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,384
Next suggestion.
Next suggestion.

407
00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:22,687
Don't...
Okay, that's blank.

408
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:23,888
Don't... Just...

409
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,490
Don't sleep with your boss.

410
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,960
Do you think this is referring

411
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,528
to you boning Jan?

412
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:34,032
I can't... I can't... I don't
understand why you're so upset.

413
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:34,032
All right, please sit down.

414
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,734
I'm going to sit over here.
You're going to sit over there.

415
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,369
Let me ask you this.
Please sit yourself down.

416
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:41,973
Let me ask you something.
Where did you get your outfit?

417
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,277
You're gonna give me this raise.

418
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:49,113
I deserve this raise.

419
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:53,051
Yes. Yes! Yes!

420
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,252
Ha!

421
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,220
The least you can do

422
00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:58,056
is keep my salary consistent
with inflation.

423
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,857
Kah-ah!

424
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:02,560
Yes! Why are you going
to give me this raise?

425
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,195
Why?

426
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:08,132
Because I'm awesome!

427
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,902
I am awesome!

428
00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:13,004
I just don't understand

429
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:15,974
why you have to pretend
like nothing happened.

430
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,608
Because nothing did, Michael.

431
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,577
I'm not going

432
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,912
to say anything more about it,

433
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,747
and I would advise
that you do the same.

434
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:23,881
Look.

435
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,083
Michael.
Oh my God.

436
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,250
I'm sorry.
I'm interrupting.

437
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:28,086
Oh God.
Were you guys making out?

438
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,088
No, Dwight. Come in.
Great.

439
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,222
What do you want, Dwight?

440
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,624
I am ready
for my performance review.

441
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:34,792
Okay. Great.

442
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,494
Your performance
has been adequate.

443
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,862
You may leave.

444
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:39,297
Good-bye.

445
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,932
Is this how
you've been conducting

446
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,333
all the reviews, Michael?

447
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,801
You want to talk now?
Good.

448
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,136
Okay, Dwight, leave.

449
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:46,237
Uh, wait.

450
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:47,839
I would like to discuss
my raise.

451
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:50,141
Why on earth
would we give you a raise?

452
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:51,309
That is an excellent question.

453
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:52,944
Thank you for asking.

454
00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:57,448
Let me bring up one word.

455
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:58,616
Dedication.

456
00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:01,486
I have never...

457
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:02,954
been late.

458
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:05,790
Also I have never
missed a day due to illness.

459
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,726
Even when I had walking
pneumonia.

460
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,029
I even come in on holidays.

461
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,463
You do?

462
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,664
How do you get in?

463
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,333
I have a copy of your key.

464
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,435
That's a serious offense.

465
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,137
That is a serious offense.
Very serious.

466
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:22,140
As is toying with a man's heart.

467
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,975
Oh, Michael, for God sakes.

468
00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:26,077
I'd also further like to talk
about my merits

469
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,412
in the workplace.

470
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,247
Okay, third wheel,
why don't you do that?

471
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,082
For instance, the time
I brought in deer jerky

472
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:32,250
for the whole office.

473
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:33,551
That was deer? Gross.

474
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,919
You liked it.
Oh God. Did not.

475
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:36,120
Jan, have you ever had deer?

476
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:38,489
No.
It's a delicacy.

477
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:39,957
And, you know what,
it's an aphrodisiac.

478
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,325
So when we're done here,

479
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,161
you guys could go over
to the Antler Lodge,

480
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,762
sample some deer,
and talk about my raise.

481
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,097
What do you say, Jan?

482
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:47,498
Okay. Here's what
I'm going to do.

483
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,033
I'm going to step outside,

484
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,368
collect my thoughts,

485
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,036
and I will return
in about 10 minutes.

486
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,104
Okay, you just, uh,
clear your head.

487
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,238
Thank you, Dwight.

488
00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:56,941
Look. I know it's your job.

489
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,242
I know you have to ask.

490
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,477
But I promise you,

491
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,145
I'm not going to discuss it
with him.

492
00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:02,980
I'm certainly not
going to discuss it with you.

493
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:04,982
Do you have a light?

494
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,117
And in conclusion,

495
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,386
I think Lex Luther said it best

496
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:12,323
when he said,
"Dad, you have no idea

497
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,524
what I'm capable of."

498
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:14,926
That's from Superman?

499
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,060
Smallville.

500
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:20,198
And that is why I feel I deserve

501
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,632
this raise.

502
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:27,905
Do you think Michael and Jan
actually...

503
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,407
I don't really want
to picture it,

504
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:30,675
but thank you, Pam.

505
00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:33,377
How do you come back from that?

506
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:37,081
Um, you don't, I don't think,
come all the way back, you know.

507
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:39,250
Especially working together.

508
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,751
No, I mean,
doing that with Michael.

509
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,520
How do you come back from that

510
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:43,788
as a human being?

511
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,524
Oh. Yeah. No.
I don't think you can.

512
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:48,092
I'm heading back

513
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:49,393
to New York.

514
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:51,395
Allan and I will conduct
your performance review

515
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:52,897
over the phone tomorrow, okay?

516
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,098
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

517
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,400
No, no. I just... I just want
to know why.

518
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:59,403
Michael, now is not
the time or the place.

519
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,939
Okay. So you're saying
that there is a different time

520
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,574
or place that we can have
this discussion.

521
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,843
No, I am saying we are never
gonna have this conversation.

522
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:09,080
Well, okay.
Never as in never ever ever?

523
00:19:09,082 --> 00:19:10,748
Or never as in
there's no chance?

524
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,151
Never for me
always means never ever ever.

525
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,353
I just want to know
from the horse's mouth

526
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:18,089
what is the dealio.
You know, Michael...

527
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:20,958
Am I too short? Michael, it has
nothing to do with your looks, okay?

528
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,360
It's your personality.

529
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,461
I mean, you're obnoxious

530
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:27,064
and rude
and... and... and stupid.

531
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,733
And you do have coffee breath

532
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:29,901
by the way.

533
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:32,403
And... and I don't agree
about the B.O.

534
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:35,640
But you are very, very
inconsiderate.

535
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:36,641
Really?

536
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:37,842
Really.

537
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,010
You're... you're... you're...

538
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,611
you're a great guy, okay?

539
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,480
I appreciate that.
Thank you.

540
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:43,781
You were very sweet.

541
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:46,417
And you stayed up with me
and talked to me

542
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,452
and cried with me
and I appreciate that.

543
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:49,854
No, I wasn't.

544
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:50,988
I wasn't crying.

545
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,024
But I am just not
in the place right now

546
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:55,026
where I'm looking
for a relationship.

547
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,527
So we can still work together,

548
00:19:56,529 --> 00:20:00,097
we can still be friends, but...

549
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,099
Okay?

550
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:05,937
So my looks
having nothing to do with it.

551
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,578
Jan is not in a place
where she feels

552
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,446
she can have a relationship
right now.

553
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:19,150
And it doesn't matter
how great a guy I am.

554
00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:20,851
And that is all I needed.

555
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:23,988
I'm good.
I can go home now.

556
00:20:33,131 --> 00:20:35,700
Hey, it's 12:20.
Where the hell is Dwight?

557
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:38,169
Um, no idea.

558
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:40,905
Never missed a day my ass.

559
00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:53,751
I'm here! I'm here!

560
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:57,555
I'm here! It's okay!

560
00:20:58,305 --> 00:21:58,843
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