1
00:00:00,967 --> 00:00:01,967
Nothing much.
What's up with you?

2
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,268
I cannot believe
I feel for that.

3
00:00:03,270 --> 00:00:05,504
Gosh.

4
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,272
Ha ha. What?

5
00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:09,274
What?
Where's the funny?

6
00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:11,276
Give it to me.

7
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:15,481
Um, is it me or does it
smell like updog in here?

8
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:16,582
What's updog?

9
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,451
Nothing much.
What's up with you?

10
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:21,687
Oh, wow.

11
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,156
I walked right into that.

12
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,759
Oh, that's brilliant.

13
00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:28,994
Hey, Stanley.
Is that jacket made of updog?

14
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,963
I'm on the phone.

15
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:34,500
Mm!

16
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:37,202
What flavor coffee
is that, updog?

17
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,504
What's that?

18
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:41,273
I don't know. Nothing.
What's up with you?

19
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,842
Huh? No. Damn it.

20
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,477
What does that mean?

21
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:46,478
What does what mean?

22
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:47,780
That thing you just said.

23
00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:49,181
Just forget it.

24
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,582
Dwight.

25
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:51,917
Hey, is it me,

26
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,620
or does this place
smell like updog?

27
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:55,621
What's updog?

28
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:57,189
Gotcha!

29
00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:58,991
Oh, God!

30
00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:00,759
Crap.

31
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,597
Nothing.
How are you doing?

32
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:08,067
Good.
How are you doing?

33
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:10,035
Mm.

34
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:18,074
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.com ] ==-

35
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:54,146
Today is spring cleaning day
here at Dunder-Mifflin.

36
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,448
And yes, I know it's January.
I am not an idiot.

37
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,017
But if you do your spring
cleaning in January,

38
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:01,220
guess what you don't have
to do in the spring?

39
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,755
Anything.

40
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,158
They say a cluttered desk
means a cluttered mind.

41
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,627
Well, I say an empty desk
means an...

42
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,028
Empty mind.

43
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,296
No, that's not...
No.

44
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,465
That's not what I was gonna say.

45
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,300
Meredith, men's room.

46
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,469
Make sure you replace
the urinal cakes.

47
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,604
They're worn down.

48
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:20,806
Kevin, file drawers.

49
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,575
Angela, kitchen.

50
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:26,111
Oscar, dusting.
Where is Oscar?

51
00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:27,279
He's out sick.

52
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,481
That's unacceptable.

53
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:33,485
I agree.
It's unacceptable.

54
00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,925
What are you guys doing?

55
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:43,428
- Michael.
- Yes.

56
00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:48,500
Oscar is out sick.

57
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,170
On a Friday?

58
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,210
- Can I do some of the talking?
- I will do the talking.

59
00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,378
Okay, let him know
that I'm here though.

60
00:02:59,380 --> 00:02:59,378
Hello?

61
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,281
- What difference does it make whether you're here?
- Hello?

62
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:03,849
Hi, Oscar, it's Michael.

63
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,617
And Dwight.

64
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,653
Yeah, um, heard you were
under the weather.

65
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:09,688
Yeah, I think I came down
with the flu.

66
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,090
Really. Oh, that is a shame.

67
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:14,159
You know, it's cleaning day
here today.

68
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,628
Could've used some of that
famous Hispanic cleaning ethic.

69
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,964
Yeah, I feel terrible about it.

70
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,599
Ask for his symptoms...
I'm on WebMD.

71
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,701
What are your symptoms?

72
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:25,103
I have the chills,
I'm feeling nauseous,

73
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,005
and my head's killing.

74
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:30,676
Checks out.

75
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,377
Michael, is there anything
you need from me?

76
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,712
I would like to go back to bed.

77
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,981
I need you to go to bed.
I need you to get better.

78
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:38,050
See you Monday,
unless you're still sick.

79
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,518
So, have a great long weekend.

80
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,521
I'll just be sleep...

81
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:43,989
Okay, first impressions.

82
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,424
He sounded sick.

83
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:46,658
Which is exactly how you'd
want to sound

84
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,260
if you wanted someone
to think you were sick.

85
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,795
That's exactly what
I was thinking.

86
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:51,964
Question, may I investigate?

87
00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:55,834
Yeah, drop what you're doing.
Make this a priority.

88
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,437
Because an office can't
function efficiently

89
00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,907
unless people are at their desks
doing their jobs.

90
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,242
I bought my veil.

91
00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:05,477
Oh, my God, that is so exciting.

92
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:06,545
Can I be a bridesmaid?

93
00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,847
Um...

94
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,148
Listen, you don't
have to answer now,

95
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,617
but how are you gonna
do your hair?

96
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:14,720
Okay, I was thinking about
wearing it down.

97
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,489
Kinda like,
I don't know, like...

98
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,857
loose with big curls.

99
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,827
You look like an angel.
I'm seriously gonna cry.

100
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:24,129
Wowie.
Mikey likey.

101
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,265
Why don't you wear your hair
like that all the time?

102
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:30,102
It's much sexier.

103
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:32,571
Man, this must be
torture for you.

104
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,275
Yeah, on the booze cruise,

105
00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:38,877
I told Michael about
some feelings

106
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,879
I used to have for Pam.

107
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:44,516
I had just broken up with Katie,
and had a couple of drinks,

108
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:49,454
and I confided in the world's
worst confidant.

109
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:53,258
Okay.

110
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,860
Hey, Mike.

111
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,094
Hey, Jim bag.

112
00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:00,632
Remember that thing I told you
on the booze cruise about Pam?

113
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,934
That was personal.

114
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:05,103
So, if we could just keep
that between you and me,

115
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,305
that would be great.

116
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,839
Really?
Mm-hmm.

117
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,107
Who else knows?

118
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,509
Nobody.

119
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,277
Wow.

120
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,745
Jim and I are great friends.

121
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,547
We hang out a ton.

122
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,349
Mostly at work.

123
00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:20,118
But the fact that he told me
his secret and no one else,

124
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,121
says everything about
our friendship.

125
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,758
And it is why I intend
on keeping that secret

126
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,493
for as long as I possibly can.

127
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,564
Bangles.

128
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,633
All right, great, thank you.

129
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:45,077
Listen, temp, I am conducting
a little investigation.

130
00:05:45,079 --> 00:05:48,313
So, I am no longer gonna be able
to head up spring cleaning.

131
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,715
Do you think you can handle it?

132
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:51,083
Yeah, I think I can handle it.

133
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:54,686
Do you think, or do you know?

134
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:58,557
I think.

135
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:02,194
Oh, God.
Here.

136
00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,197
Hey, whatcha getting?

137
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,565
I'm going with grape.

138
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:09,334
Ah, good stuff.
Good stuff.

139
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:10,702
Yup.

140
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,137
See the game last night?

141
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,705
Which game?

142
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,540
Any of 'em.

143
00:06:17,276 --> 00:06:19,644
So, uh, what's the 4-1-1?

144
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,947
Any updates
on the "P" situation?

145
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:23,382
I don't know what you mean...

146
00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:25,517
P-A-M...
P-A?

147
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,085
Okay.

148
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,220
No, it's okay.
We're talking code.

149
00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,421
Well...
What is?

150
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:30,889
Listen, Stan...
how long does it take you

151
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,124
for you to pick out a soda?

152
00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:33,792
I'm gonna take off, actually.

153
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,560
All right, well.
Cool.

154
00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:38,897
Still deciding?

155
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,265
Hmm?

156
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,902
Peach iced tea.

157
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,471
You're gonna hate it.

158
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:49,274
Hey, Oscar, how you doing?
Dwight Schrute calling.

159
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,176
Listen, little question
for you, buddy.

160
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:54,246
I called six minutes ago,
and no one answered.

161
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,115
So I was wondering
if you could expl...

162
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,850
Oh, I see.

163
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,820
So, sounds like you're too sick
to come into work,

164
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,122
but you're well enough
to go to the pharmacy.

165
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:07,159
There are several different ways
to tell if a perp is lying.

166
00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:10,429
The liar will avoid
direct eye contact.

167
00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:15,000
The liar will cover part of his
or her face with his hand.

168
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,068
Especially the mouth.

169
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,371
The liar will perspire.

170
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,108
Unfortunately, I spoke
to Oscar on the phone.

171
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,410
So none of this is useful.

172
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:33,518
It's grrrrape soda.

173
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,387
Tony the Tiger, you don't hear
that much anymore.

174
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:36,688
Not so much.

175
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,190
Okay, what is going on here?

176
00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:39,958
Nothing.

177
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,660
Oh, really, nothing?

178
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,061
Fact, you are
drinking grape soda.

179
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,330
You never drink grape soda.

180
00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:47,532
Fact, you are talking to Jim,
you never talk to Jim.

181
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,968
Fact, I love grape soda.
I always have.

182
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,103
Fact, Jim and I talk
all the time.

183
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,272
We tell each other secrets.

184
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,807
Okay, so what is the secret,
Michael?

185
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,009
Um, I had asked Michael

186
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,445
if I could head up the Oscar
investigation,

187
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:04,015
and he said that only Dwight
was capable of handling

188
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,651
such sensitive material.

189
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:09,955
Is that true?

190
00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:12,858
Um...

191
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:18,396
I-I don't know.
Uh, yeah, yeah, it is.

192
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:22,033
Thank you, Michael.
I know you're telling the truth.

193
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,869
Okay.
I can tell.

194
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,804
I won't let you down.

195
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,873
Good.
Thanks.

196
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:33,879
Nice, that was... that was slick.
What're you doing for lunch?

197
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:36,214
I don't know, I'm probably just
gonna eat my ham and cheese

198
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,349
sandwich in the break room.

199
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:39,351
Oh, nonsense.
No way, no.

200
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:40,819
Why don't, uh...

201
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,988
Why don't I take you
out to lunch? My treat.

202
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,589
Uh, no, that's all right.
Thank you, though.

203
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,024
It's... I gotta do
some cleaning.

204
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,325
I should probably
stick around here.

205
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,894
Hey, you know what we could do?

206
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,161
Spread out a blanket
in the break room,

207
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:53,899
have a little picnic,
order some 'za.

208
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,333
Talk about you-know-who.

209
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,736
Oh, um, nope.
You know what, let's go out.

210
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:58,870
That was a good idea.

211
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:04,376
- Let's go out.
- I know just the place.

212
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:07,445
Oh, man.
You should order milk.

213
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:08,980
Get it?

214
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,050
Why do I like Hooters?

215
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:15,320
Well, I will give
you two reasons.

216
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,455
The boobs and the hot wings.

217
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,327
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.

218
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:23,762
Bogie at three o'clock.
Hi.

219
00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:26,031
Hey, I'm Dana.
Welcome to Hooters.

220
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:30,101
We're not worthy.
We're not worthy.

221
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,836
Hello, Dana.

222
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,739
I am Michael, and this is Jim.

223
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,107
And we are brothers.

224
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,076
Nope. We're not brothers.

225
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,011
I'm his boss, actually.
And I treat him well.

226
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:42,647
I'm taking him out to lunch
because I can afford it.

227
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,382
And he can have
whatever he wants.

228
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,318
I'll just have the ham
and cheese sandwich, thanks.

229
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,552
And for you?

230
00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,788
Tell me, Dana.
How is your chicken breast?

231
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,222
Oh, it's great.

232
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,824
It's served with our
world-famous wing sauce.

233
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:55,894
Mm, sounds yummy.
I will have a chicken breast.

234
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,062
Hold the chicken.

235
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:00,865
Is that what you really want?

236
00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:06,071
No, I'm gonna have
the gourmet hotdog.

237
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,138
Great.

238
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,945
Who took all the black ones?

239
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,413
That's a communal bowl.

240
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:18,249
So, how did Oscar sound
when he called in?

241
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:21,152
Sick. Like, lots of sniffling.
I don't know.

242
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,088
Sniffling how?

243
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,657
Um, how many different ways
are there to gonna sniffle?

244
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:26,925
Three.

245
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,427
Okay, it was the second one.

246
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:30,929
Okay, good.
Thank you.

247
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,330
That wasn't so hard, now was it?

248
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,165
Mm-mm.

249
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:40,472
What do you like best about Pam?

250
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,073
Oh, I really don't wanna
talk about it.

251
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,175
Her legs or boobs, or...?

252
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:47,746
Um, she's easy
to talk to, I guess.

253
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:50,382
And, uh, she's got a really good
sense of humor.

254
00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:52,183
Really?
Mm-hmm.

255
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:53,518
She never gets any of my jokes.

256
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,321
What about you?

257
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,756
Her boobs, definitely.

258
00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,492
Wow, that's not what I meant.

259
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,793
- Here you go.
- Oh, thank you.

260
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:02,861
And I understand,

261
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,663
We have a birthday today.

262
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,832
- Oh, happy birthday, Jim.
- Ready, girls?

263
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,212
Thank you.

264
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,480
Whoo! Yeah!

265
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,082
Thanks.
Thanks, Dana.

266
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,718
Thank you very much.

267
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:27,786
Whew.

268
00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:30,889
That was hilarious. Hey.

269
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:32,857
What did you guys talk about?

270
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:36,461
Just, you know, politics.
Literature.

271
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:37,729
I hate you.

272
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:41,566
Quick Oscar update.

273
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,368
I have conducted interviews
with everyone in the office...

274
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,170
Just go to his house
and see if he's sick.

275
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,337
I could've done this
investigation in,

276
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,505
like, 20 minutes.

277
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:48,606
Including prep time?

278
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:49,741
Just do it.

279
00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:58,750
If I had to, I could clean
out my desk in five seconds

280
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:01,186
and nobody would ever know
I had ever been here.

281
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,322
And I'd forget too.

282
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,902
Expense this.

283
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,003
Michael, is that a wig?

284
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,706
No, it's...

285
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:24,242
I wear it like that sometimes.

286
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,643
Is that a wig?

287
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,212
This is from Hooters.

288
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:29,013
Yeah, it was a business lunch.

289
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:30,181
Did Toby approve this?

290
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,316
No, he did not.

291
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,051
I don't need his permission.

292
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,153
They just just got your
corporate credit card back.

293
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:36,921
Do you really want me
to take it away again?

294
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,490
It's ridiculous.

295
00:12:38,492 --> 00:12:39,924
They took my card away

296
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:42,427
because I spent 80 bucks
at a magic shop.

297
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,463
What they don't understand
is that I bought the stuff

298
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,398
to impress potential clients.

299
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,034
So business-related, right?

300
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,837
I put a cigarette through
a freaking quarter.

301
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,272
And you know what, Toby?

302
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,840
They almost bought from us.

303
00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:57,542
I'm not processing this.

304
00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:00,478
Look, Jim needed
a relaxing lunch.

305
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,913
He has been depressed.

306
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,915
And it has been affecting
his productivity.

307
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,283
How is that not work-related?

308
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,885
He seems fine to me.

309
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,419
You're not his friend.
You don't know.

310
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:11,456
He is in love with a girl
he works with who's engaged.

311
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,958
So just cut me some slack,
please.

312
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,393
Pam?

313
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,870
Hey, Angela,
who would you choose?

314
00:13:25,872 --> 00:13:27,105
Jim or Roy?

315
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,606
It's nobody's business, Phyllis.

316
00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:32,243
Roy.

317
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,013
Jim has got it bad for Pam.

318
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:37,482
Oh-ho.
Which one is Pam?

319
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,684
Well, she di...

320
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,386
Hey, Michael?
Hmm?

321
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:43,922
So do you think Jim will try
to break up the wedding?

322
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:46,357
You know what, Kevin?
Jim is a friend of mine.

323
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:49,360
So the only people that
this crush really concerns

324
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,296
is Jim and Pam... and me.

325
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:55,333
As a volunteer sheriff's deputy,

326
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,302
I've been doing surveillance
for years.

327
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,003
One time,

328
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:02,006
I suspected an ex-girlfriend
of mine of cheating on me.

329
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,409
So I tailed her
for six nights straight.

330
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,711
Turns out she was.

331
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:09,714
With a couple of guys,
actually, so.

332
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:13,818
Mystery solved.

333
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:18,156
Jim, why didn't you tell me
that you had a crush on Pam?

334
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,326
Well, the cat's out of the bag.

335
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,728
I used to have a crush on Pam.

336
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,664
And now I don't.

337
00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:29,167
Riveting.

338
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,403
Yeah.

339
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,038
No, it's not.

340
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,173
Nice.

341
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:38,843
She is so hot.

342
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,216
Hey.
Hey.

343
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,652
Did you find anything good
in your desk?

344
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,654
Uh, coupon for a free sandwich.

345
00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:51,823
- Score.
- Expired in August.

346
00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:54,058
And my cell phone charger
from two years ago.

347
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:57,195
Big day.
Big day.

348
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,397
Hey, uh, listen.

349
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,700
Um...

350
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:08,172
I told Michael
on the booze cruise...

351
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:09,807
So stupid.

352
00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:11,209
Um...

353
00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:17,015
I told Michael that I had
had a crush on you

354
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,717
when you first started here.

355
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:21,619
Oh.

356
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,255
Well, I just thought that...

357
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,091
I figured you should
hear it from me.

358
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:30,662
Rather than, I mean,
you know Michael.

359
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:32,597
Right.

360
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,433
And... seriously.

361
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,169
It's totally not a big deal.

362
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,504
Okay?

363
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:43,608
And when I found out
that you were engaged, I mean...

364
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,576
No, I... I know.

365
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:48,513
Like, I kind of...
Like, I...

366
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,014
I thought that maybe you did.

367
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:52,250
- When I first started.
- Oh, you did?

368
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:54,452
No, I mean, just 'cause we,
like, got along so well.

369
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,653
No, I know, yeah.

370
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:56,988
You saw through me.
Great.

371
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:01,993
So are you gonna be, like,
totally awkward around me now?

372
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,261
Oh, yeah.

373
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,562
Yeah.

374
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,799
Hope that's okay.
Mm-hmm.

375
00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:12,236
And Pam.

376
00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:14,472
It was, like, three years ago.

377
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:18,242
So I am totally over it.

378
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,278
Cool.

379
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,246
Okay.

380
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,128
This is it. There he is.

381
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,430
He's been gone
for at least two...

382
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,099
Who is that?

383
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,467
Come to Papa.

384
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:45,470
I got it. Close that.
You got those.

385
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:49,007
Oh, yes. Oh, nice.

386
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,341
Let's roll.

387
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,110
I knew it!

388
00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:59,817
Oh, man, you are so busted.

389
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,787
Ice-skates.
Shopping bags.

390
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,690
I think I know what's
going on here.

391
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,458
You weren't sick at all.

392
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,293
Who's this?

393
00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,596
This is Dwight Schrute.
Who is this?

394
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,132
Gil.

395
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:15,500
Are you going to tell Michael?

396
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:16,968
How 'bout this?

397
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:19,404
I don't tell Michael,
and in exchange,

398
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:22,540
you owe me one great, big,
giant favor

399
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:27,445
redeemable by me at a time
and place of my choosing.

400
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:31,349
Guess what I found out
about Oscar tonight?

401
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,318
He was lying about being sick.

402
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,954
Should I have reported
Oscar's malfeasance?

403
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,723
Hmm, probably.

404
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,626
But know I know something
he doesn't want me to know.

405
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,828
So I can use his malfeasance

406
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,630
to establish leverage.

407
00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,965
Otherwise, it's just malfeasance

408
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:51,502
For malfeasance's-s sake.

409
00:17:53,772 --> 00:17:54,806
Hey.

410
00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:57,642
I know.
I know, I know.

411
00:17:58,210 --> 00:17:59,744
Um...

412
00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:01,813
What happened?

413
00:18:01,815 --> 00:18:03,281
I... oh.

414
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,750
Just, um, you know,

415
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,919
I was trying...
just the expense reports.

416
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,755
And then... God, Toby, you know?
He just...

417
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,924
I know.
I just...

418
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,992
I just hope that...

419
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:19,197
Oh, I just hope that this
doesn't affect our friendship!

420
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:24,368
It's stupid.
It's so stupid.

421
00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:25,770
Hey, hey, whoa, whoa.

422
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,539
Listen, man, it's...

423
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:31,409
You know, it's not a big deal.
It's gonna be fine.

424
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,211
No, I know.
I'm good, I'm good.

425
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:34,278
It's just...

426
00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:38,382
Look, it's one day.
Everything's gonna be all right.

427
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:39,917
- Yeah, okay.
- You good?

428
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:43,020
Yeah, I'm good.
Okay.

429
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:46,524
Creed, did you organize
the menu book?

430
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:48,893
Oh, I thought that was
more on a volunteer basis.

431
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:52,063
No. That was mandatory.

432
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:54,799
Oh, I thought it was
a volunteer thing.

433
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:03,207
Hey, here's your schedule
for next week.

434
00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:04,775
Are you okay?

435
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,711
Yeah, I'm fine. Look.

436
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,446
About you and Jim...

437
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,847
Oh, no, that's...
You don't have to...

438
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,316
No, I just feel it's my
responsibility

439
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,051
as your boss-slash-friend...

440
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:15,686
No, it's really... it's okay.

441
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,688
Um, I know that Jim had, like,
a crush on me

442
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,023
when he first started.

443
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:21,225
But that was a long time ago,
so...

444
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:24,695
It wasn't that long ago.
It was on the booze cruise.

445
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:28,166
Jim had a crush on me
on the booze cruise,

446
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,067
or he told you about it
on the booze cruise.

447
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:33,504
Um... okay.

448
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:36,541
Shut it, Michael.
I'm done.

449
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:39,377
That's it, I'm out.

450
00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:45,283
- Ready?
- Yup.

451
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:53,191
People are always coming to me.

452
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:57,328
"Michael, I have a secret.
You're the only one I trust."

453
00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,665
No, thanks,
because keeping a secret

454
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,634
can only lead to trouble.

455
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,771
Like, I was watching Cinemax
last weekend, this movie.

456
00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:11,742
Portrait of a Prostitute.

457
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:15,913
Something... Secrets of a...
More Secrets of a Call Girl.

458
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,115
And the lead character, Shila,

459
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:19,550
is framed for murder.

460
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:24,355
Goes on the run, and winds up
working at a bordello in Malibu.

461
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:28,793
I don't... I don't wanna
live like that.

462
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:29,860
I like it here.

463
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:33,764
I don't wanna be Shila.
I like being Michael Scott.

463
00:20:34,305 --> 00:21:34,748
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