1
00:00:00,967 --> 00:00:01,967
I am actually looking forward

2
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,002
to take your daughter
to work day.

3
00:00:03,004 --> 00:00:05,437
I am not great with kids.

4
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,740
But I wanna get better
because I'm getting married.

5
00:00:07,742 --> 00:00:10,709
So I put out a bunch
of extra candy on my desk

6
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:12,644
so the kids
will come talk to me.

7
00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:16,949
Like the witch
in Hansel and Gretel.

8
00:00:16,951 --> 00:00:18,917
Bribery.
Nice.

9
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:20,419
Oh, I have more.

10
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,720
It's Pam.

11
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,856
Ms. Beasley
if you're nasty.

12
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,024
Janet Jackson.

13
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,058
Hey, you having
a wardrobe malfunction, or...

14
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,893
You can't be nasty today.

15
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,597
Oh, God.
Is that today?

16
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,132
I reminded you last night.

17
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,100
Listen, I like kids.

18
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,335
But this is not
a kids environment.

19
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:39,271
This is like HBO.
No limits.

20
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,773
Who knows what I'm gonna say?

21
00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:42,007
Crazy stuff.

22
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:43,876
And it is R rated.

23
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,411
It is not rated G.

24
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:48,047
I am like Eddie Murphy in Raw.

25
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,249
And they are trying
to make me into

26
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,717
Eddie Murphy in Daddy Daycare.

27
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:54,253
Both great movies, but still.

28
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,388
Well, I'll be in my office.

29
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,689
Don't you think
you should say something?

30
00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:58,824
They're cool.

31
00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,526
Michael, I think
that as the boss, you should...

32
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:02,494
Fine fine fine fine fine!

33
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:03,695
Hi, children.

34
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:06,765
I'm Michael Scott.

35
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,601
And I am in charge
of this place.

36
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:12,671
Uh, how do I make you
understand?

37
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,340
I am like Superman.

38
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:16,408
And the people who work here

39
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,410
are like citizens
of Gotham city.

40
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,545
That's Batman.
That's Batman.

41
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,413
Okay, I'm Aquaman.

42
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:22,748
Where does he live, guys?

43
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:23,816
The ocean.

44
00:01:24,384 --> 00:01:26,285
I work with a bunch of nerds.

45
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:34,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

46
00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:09,928
Mmm.
Hello, tiny one.

47
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,864
Come on.

48
00:02:11,866 --> 00:02:13,866
You are the future.

49
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:19,838
This is my file cabinet.

50
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:25,444
Um...

51
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:32,417
Oh, this is the partition
between my desk

52
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:33,685
and Angela's.

53
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:37,589
Abby's my fiancé Stacy's
daughter.

54
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,224
I think she'll have a good time.

55
00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:44,029
I just hope she doesn't
look on my computer.

56
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:47,065
Actually, I'd better go check.

57
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:51,336
Michael, you remember
my daughter Melissa.

58
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,272
Oh, yes.
Hello, how are you?

59
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,306
Good to see you.

60
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,607
Wow, you've really grown up.

61
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,442
You know what?

62
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:58,710
Don't mind me saying so.

63
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,313
She is turning into
a stone cold fox.

64
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,682
Better keep the frat boys
away from her.

65
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,350
I'm in 8th grade.

66
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,819
Oh...
She's in middle school.

67
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:09,421
Yeah, middle school's amazing.

68
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:10,756
It is extraordinary.

69
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:12,057
An extraordinary time.

70
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:14,126
It's not that children
make me uncomfortable.

71
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:15,861
It's just that, why be a dad

72
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,462
when you can be a fun uncle?

73
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:18,797
I've never heard
of anyone rebelling

74
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,332
against their fun uncle.

75
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,467
They want how many spiral pads?

76
00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:25,204
Uh, well, 50.

77
00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,739
I over ordered because
they had a back order.

78
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,408
I got permission
to bring Jakey in to work.

79
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,977
Which is great because
he got suspended this week,

80
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:35,214
and now I don't have to
pay for a sitter.

81
00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:37,182
Can you pull that down there?

82
00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:40,052
Okay, tell 'em
what you wanted to say.

83
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:41,186
Do you need any help?

84
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:43,789
No, thanks.

85
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,891
We'd have to explain everything.

86
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:48,293
It's probably just easier
if we do it ourselves.

87
00:03:50,263 --> 00:03:51,597
All right,
I wasn't expecting that.

88
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,899
Let's go draw.

89
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,034
Oh, my God.
She is so cute, I wanna die.

90
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:59,238
Don't you just
love kids, Angela?

91
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,274
I guess I wouldn't mind a pair
of small, well behaved boys.

92
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,543
God, I cannot wait
to get pregnant

93
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,445
and have babies.

94
00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:10,182
Kelly and I both agreed
that we would just have fun.

95
00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:12,618
And I'm learning
that fun for Kelly

96
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:16,488
is getting married
and having babies.

97
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:19,224
Immediately.
With me.

98
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,727
Just compare last year's orders

99
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,829
with this year's.
Uh-huh.

100
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,597
Yeah, I'm looking
at it right now.

101
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:31,336
Yes.

102
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:33,505
We...

103
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:37,109
Yeah, they're very...

104
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:39,244
They're different.

105
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,214
Yeah, we can stick
with last year's.

106
00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:44,116
We're just gonna have to
supplement it somehow.

107
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:49,521
Hey, Abby, do you wanna help me
shred some old documents?

108
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,323
It's actually pretty cool.

109
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,391
No, thanks.

110
00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:56,194
I only have one goal today.

111
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,963
To make one kid like me.

112
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:00,932
Just one.

113
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,234
What are you reading?

114
00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:05,404
From the Mixed Up Files
of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.

115
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,639
Oh, best book.

116
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,675
Yeah, but I read it before.

117
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:11,343
So have I.

118
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:14,112
Hey, question, if you had
to spend the night in the Met

119
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,348
or the aquarium,
which would it be?

120
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:18,050
Definitely the aquarium.
Definitely.

121
00:05:18,052 --> 00:05:20,719
Yes.
Glad you said that.

122
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,688
You don't wanna help me
with some of my sales, do you?

123
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:23,889
'Cause I'm kinda swamped.

124
00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:25,090
Sure.
Really?

125
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:26,091
Mmm-hmm.

126
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:29,194
Yes.
And you're Abby, right?

127
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:30,529
Yeah.
I'm Jim.

128
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,698
Let's sell some paper.

129
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:33,799
All right.

130
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,568
Let's start with your mom.

131
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,636
Yes.

132
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:41,173
Well, we can...
Um...

133
00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:43,842
Hey, you know what?
Can I call you back?

134
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:44,910
I'll call you right back.

135
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,244
Yes, I promise.

136
00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:52,451
Hello.
Can I help you?

137
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:56,621
You can pick that up
if you want.

138
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:58,123
That's all right.

139
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,426
Wanna bring it over...

140
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:03,362
Here, I'll make some room.

141
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:13,238
My name's Michael.
What's your name?

142
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,540
Sasha.
Nice to meet you.

143
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,409
Ooh!
Oh, you know what that is?

144
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,644
That is a train whistle.

145
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,813
Like I'm the conductor.

146
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:24,649
But I'm sort of the conductor
of the office here, right?

147
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,753
You wanna try?

148
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:28,987
Sure.

149
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,322
All aboard for sales!

150
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:35,360
Next stop,
Cook... camonga!

151
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,296
Ow ow ow ow, you broke my hand.

152
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,998
There is no way that hurt.

153
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,201
Really? 'Cause she's
pretty strong, Dwight.

154
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:46,738
Little girl, come over here.

155
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,673
Shake my hand.

156
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:50,108
Come on, I don't have all day.

157
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,247
I didn't feel anything.
Nothing.

158
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,882
You're so weak.

159
00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:03,622
Excuse me, these are
expensive collector's items.

160
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:04,656
Okay?

161
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:05,690
Do you have any computer games?

162
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,559
No, I don't have computer games

163
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,227
on my work computer.
That would be inappropriate.

164
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,096
Yeah, Meredith doesn't
have any either.

165
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,531
It's so lame here.

166
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,866
You call your mom Meredith?

167
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:15,934
That's very disrespectful.

168
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,269
Whatever, okay?

169
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:20,338
You can refer to me
as Mr. Schroot.

170
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:21,840
That's your name?
Mm-hmm.

171
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:22,841
Mr. Poop?

172
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:25,243
Schroot.
Mr. Schroot.

173
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,245
Sure, Mr. Poop.

174
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:31,750
Schroot.

175
00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:41,059
Are you Mother Goose?

176
00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:45,864
I drink, like,
100 iced macchiatos a day

177
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,733
and practically nothing else.
Wow.

178
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,936
There's a really
cool coffee place, Jitters,

179
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:53,538
at the Steamtown Mall.
You ever been there?

180
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:54,639
No.

181
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,675
You've never been to Jitters?

182
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,577
Ryan, you are so dorky.

183
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:01,947
Give me your number
so I can text you.

184
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,415
Um...

185
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:05,817
Come on.

186
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,619
Can I have your email address?

187
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,120
I just thought
you should know...

188
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:10,522
Mmm-hmm?

189
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,091
I think something
a little fishy is going on.

190
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,060
A little fishy?
Yeah.

191
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:16,495
I mean, I've been
noticing them all day.

192
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:17,929
And I was thinking...

193
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,798
That little girl is a child!

194
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,334
I don't wanna see you
sniffing around her

195
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:23,735
anymore this afternoon.
Do you understand?

196
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,604
Yes.
Boy, have you lost your mind?

197
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:26,705
'Cause I'll help you find it.

198
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:27,772
Whatcha looking for?

199
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:28,807
Ain't nobody gonna
help you out there.

200
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:29,975
Jesus can come
through that door,

201
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:29,975
and he's not gonna help you

202
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:33,178
if you don't stop sniffing
after my child. Okay.

203
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,847
Stanley yelled at me today.

204
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,516
That was one of the most
frightening experiences

205
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:38,750
of my life.

206
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,631
That was Greensleeves.

207
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,065
A traditional English ballad

208
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,567
about the beheaded Anne Boleyn.

209
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,470
And now, a very special treat.

210
00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:00,372
A book my granmutter
used to read me

211
00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:01,907
when I was a kid.

212
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,341
This is a very special story.

213
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:07,279
It's called Struwwelpeter
by Heinrich Hoffmann

214
00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:09,381
from 1864.

215
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:14,252
The great tall tailor
always comes to little girls

216
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,388
that suck their thumbs.
Are you listening, Sasha?

217
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:17,489
Right?

218
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:19,524
And ere they dream
what he is about,

219
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,860
he takes his great
sharp scissors out

220
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:24,029
and then cuts their thumbs
clean off.

221
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,130
Dwight, Dwight.

222
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,798
What the hell are you reading?

223
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,333
These are cautionary tales
for kids, Michael.

224
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,334
Yeah, you know what?
No.

225
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,502
No no no no no.

226
00:09:30,504 --> 00:09:32,704
The kids don't wanna hear
some weirdo book

227
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:34,940
that your Nazi war criminal
grandmother gave you.

228
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,041
What's a Nazi?

229
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,242
What's a Nazi?

230
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,543
Nazi was a fascist movement
in the 1930s.

231
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,845
Don't talk about Nazis
in front of...

232
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,814
You know what?
They're gonna have nightmares.

233
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,015
Why don't you just shut it?

234
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,617
I was gonna teach the children
how to make

235
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,385
corn husk dolls.

236
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,487
Why don't you just leave, okay?

237
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:52,824
Bye, Mr. Poop.

238
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,960
All right,
there goes Mr. Poop.

239
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,828
Now, who likes Dane Cook?

240
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:57,896
I do!

241
00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,264
Children cannot lie.

242
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,832
They are innocent,
and they speak the truth.

243
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:04,069
And out of the mouths of babes,

244
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,438
Michael Scott is freakin' cool.

245
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:15,513
You know, I never misbehaved
in front of my father.

246
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:18,450
Because he was a very strict
disciplinarian.

247
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:19,651
I can only hope my mate

248
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:22,020
has some of those
same qualities.

249
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,861
This is where the magic happens.

250
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,529
Right over here,
let me show you this.

251
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,164
See all these?

252
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,700
You know what that is?
That's paper.

253
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,669
This is where paper comes from.

254
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,037
Any questions?

255
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:42,107
So, you cut the paper
and dye it and stuff?

256
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:44,442
No, we don't actually
cut the paper.

257
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:45,510
That's a good question.

258
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,946
The paper is sent to us
cut and dyed

259
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,681
from a paper manufacturer.

260
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,716
And then we sell it
to a business

261
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:53,785
for more than we pay for it.

262
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,020
That's not fair.

263
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,955
No.
Yes, it is.

264
00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:58,823
It's... well, you need someone
in the middle to facilitate...

265
00:10:58,825 --> 00:10:59,858
You're just a middleman.

266
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,192
I'm not just a middleman.

267
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,727
Wait, why doesn't the sawmill
just sell the paper

268
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:03,962
directly to people?

269
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:06,498
You are describing Office Depot.

270
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,266
And they're kind of
running us out of business.

271
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,136
We have better service
than they do.

272
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:17,942
There's Creed! Let's take a look
at what he's doing, everybody.

273
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:20,111
This is Creed.

274
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:23,214
And he is in charge
of... something, right?

275
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,616
That is correct.
Say hi to the kids.

276
00:11:24,618 --> 00:11:25,684
Hi, kids.

277
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:29,621
You ever seen a foot
with four toes?

278
00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:30,622
Eww!
What are you doing?

279
00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:31,856
Stop it, stop it!

280
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,024
Just no no no.
No, no!

281
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,159
Would you cut it out?

282
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:35,160
What is your problem?

283
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,461
No no no.

284
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,797
We're not gonna see
the four-toed Creed, okay?

285
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,765
You know,
there's something interesting

286
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:41,833
about me that you
might wanna know.

287
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:44,669
I used to be the star
of a kids show.

288
00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:46,671
No way.
It's true, I did.

289
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:47,839
You serious?

290
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,107
I am totally serious.

291
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,109
There was a show
called Fundle Bundle,

292
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,777
and I was the star.

293
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,312
What?
It's true.

294
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,413
I can prove it.

295
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:56,681
I can prove it.
Watch this.

296
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:57,982
Ryan, can you
come here a second?

297
00:11:59,518 --> 00:12:00,952
I would like you to go
to my mother's house

298
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,487
in Dixon City.

299
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,589
And if she's at the pool,

300
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:05,790
the back kitchen window
should be unlocked.

301
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:07,058
I want you boost yourself up.

302
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,426
I want you to go
down to the basement.

303
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,895
In the basement is a tape
labeled Fundle Bundle.

304
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,465
I want you grab it.
I want you to get my guitar.

305
00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:14,566
I want you to get a tambourine.

306
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,034
Do you know how
to play the tambourine?

307
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:17,869
I'm already getting the pizzas
from Brenetti's, so...

308
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,003
I can go with him.

309
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,805
No, I will go.

310
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:23,575
Okay!
Thank you, Ryan.

311
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:24,876
Good attitude.
Hottest in the office.

312
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:28,313
All right, now what kind
of pizza do you like?

313
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:29,714
I don't get why parents
are always complaining

314
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,750
about how tough it is
to raise kids.

315
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:34,953
You joke around with them.
You give 'em pizza.

316
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,121
You give 'em candy.

317
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:37,489
You let 'em live their lives.

318
00:12:37,491 --> 00:12:38,857
They're adults, for God's sake.

319
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:42,660
I am going to give you
a little blast from the past

320
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:45,663
of Michael Gary Scott
when he was a child star.

321
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,265
And a show
that you might remember

322
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,033
called Fundle Bundle.

323
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,902
Okay, without further ado, Ryan?

324
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,671
Bundle, are you read
to come on in?

325
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:55,774
Yeah!
Let's have some fun!

326
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,008
That is Miss Trudy.

327
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,576
Can't tell from her costume,

328
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,445
but she had an amazing body.

329
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:03,782
Okay, you can fast forward.

330
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:06,050
And, I want you...
It's coming up... stop!

331
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:07,519
Stop stop!

332
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:08,653
Stop.

333
00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:11,055
Yes!

334
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,458
That is Edward R. Meow.

335
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,894
That's pretty funny.

336
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,195
Yeah.

337
00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:19,864
Hey, what's your name?

338
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:21,332
My name's Chet.

339
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,567
Well, hi, Chet.

340
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,402
Is that Chet Montgomery?

341
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,237
I don't know.
Yeah, that is!

342
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,306
He's the meteorologist
from channel 4.

343
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:31,009
Checking in with Chet.
Doppler 7.

344
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,811
That guy's legit.

345
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:35,079
What do you wanna be
when you grow up?

346
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:36,781
I wanna be on TV.

347
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:39,851
And he is on TV now!

348
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:42,053
Everybody please shut up.
Please.

349
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:43,454
So you don't miss it.

350
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:45,924
Okay, next.

351
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,392
So, what's your name?
That's me.

352
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:48,960
That's me.

353
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:53,565
Well, what's your favorite
subject in school?

354
00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:54,599
Recess.

355
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,100
Recess.

356
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:58,536
So, tell me,
what do you wanna be

357
00:13:58,538 --> 00:13:59,904
when you grow up?

358
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:02,273
I wanna be married
and have 100 kids

359
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:05,076
so I can have 100 friends.

360
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,278
And no one can say no
to being my friend.

361
00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:14,185
Uh...
Oh, okay.

362
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,954
Well, nice talking with you,
Michael.

363
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,689
Back to you, Miss Trudy!

364
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,691
Hi, everyone,
it's one of my favorite..

365
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:20,725
Could have sworn there was...

366
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,627
Did you get married?

367
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:23,628
Uh, no.

368
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:24,629
Why not?

369
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:27,165
Uh, it just never happened.

370
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,767
So do you have any kids?

371
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,469
Uh, nope.

372
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,937
Do you have a girlfriend?
I do okay.

373
00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:34,005
Was Chet Montgomery
cool back then?

374
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,440
Yes.
Even I have a girlfriend.

375
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:36,674
Okay.
All right, okay.

376
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:39,244
So you didn't get to be
what you wanted to be.

377
00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:43,014
I guess not.

378
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,719
You know, I have
a load of work to do.

379
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,754
So I am going to grab a slice

380
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,389
of this delish pizza.

381
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:54,492
And I'm gonna go do my work.

382
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:56,327
Bye.

383
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,006
He's not coming out.

384
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,240
He won't pick up the phone.

385
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,942
I can't believe his mom
dressed him like that.

386
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:12,644
That's the real tragedy.

387
00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:14,979
Pam, Pam!

388
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,281
I love this guy.

389
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:30,128
So, Melissa, I met
your mom a couple times.

390
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,196
She's so nice.

391
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:34,866
Who, Terry?
Mmm-hmm.

392
00:15:34,868 --> 00:15:38,136
That woman is not my mother.
That is my stepmother.

393
00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:43,708
Mr. Poop,
I have to tell you something.

394
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,311
Uh, okay, but first
that's not my name.

395
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,478
You're ugly.

396
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,017
Well, at least I'm not
a horrible little latchkey kid

397
00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:57,455
who got suspended from school,
so...

398
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,890
Meredith!

399
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,271
Yeah?

400
00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:17,108
I think these belong to you.

401
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,979
Oh, that's okay.
She can keep those.

402
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,448
Believe me, she has enough toys.

403
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,984
She doesn't need your watch.

404
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,218
Thank you.

405
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,190
Is everything okay?

406
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,560
You have to ask me that

407
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:37,228
because you work for
human resources.

408
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:39,931
That's true.

409
00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:42,433
You know, sure,
playing the field is great.

410
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:43,568
Don't get me wrong.

411
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:44,769
But there's more to life

412
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,371
than notches on my bedpost.

413
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:48,539
Tell me something honestly.

414
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:52,143
Do you think that it is too late

415
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,378
for me to have kids?

416
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:56,681
Well, you need a wife first
or at least a girlfriend.

417
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,616
What about...
Not Jan.

418
00:16:58,618 --> 00:16:59,884
Jan.
Okay.

419
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:00,952
If you really wanna have kids,

420
00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:03,888
I guess you could somehow.

421
00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:08,493
Foster parent or something.

422
00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:12,363
Or biologically.

423
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:14,532
Somehow.

424
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:16,934
Thanks, that's...

425
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:19,170
No, that really
means a lot to me.

426
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,642
Hey, does Sasha
have a godfather?

427
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:25,710
Because...
Yes.

428
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,311
Okay.

429
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:30,481
Is it okay if I take one?

430
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:31,849
Sure.

431
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,318
Thank you.
You're welcome.

432
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,120
Is your job hard?

433
00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:38,623
It's not too bad.

434
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:40,792
I get to shred things sometimes.

435
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:41,793
Do you wanna see?

436
00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:43,294
Yeah.

437
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,829
Really?
Yeah.

438
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,931
Okay.

439
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:50,435
Um, here it is.

440
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,904
Don't put your fingers in there.

441
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,274
Cool, huh?
That's so cool.

442
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,142
Yeah.

443
00:17:58,144 --> 00:18:00,144
Yeah, I get to do this,
like, every week.

444
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:01,179
That's so awesome.

445
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,414
Yes, it is true.

446
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,250
I, Michael Scott, am signing up

447
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,352
with an online dating service.

448
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:09,754
Thousands of people
have done it,

449
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,656
and I am going to do it.

450
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:13,724
I need a user name.

451
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,359
And I have a great one.

452
00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:21,799
Littlekidlover.

453
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,234
That was people will know

454
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,603
exactly where
my priorities are at.

455
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:30,675
Go ahead.

456
00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:32,910
Do you wanna come over
for dinner tonight?

457
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:35,613
Oh man, I would love to.

458
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,716
I can't tonight, but can I
come over some other time?

459
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,985
What are you doing?
You never have plans.

460
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:43,488
Thanks, Kev.

461
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:44,889
Um, I'm actually going
on a date.

462
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:46,524
Nice.

463
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:48,893
Hey, uh, no, please.

464
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,094
You can't leave yet.

465
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:51,776
There's still one more thing
we need to do.

466
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,692
Why does he own a guitar
if he doesn't

467
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:22,894
know how to play it?

468
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:26,164
I think he thought his ukulele
skills would transfer.

469
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,338
My theory is that...

470
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,131
And they do.

471
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:01,966
Your parents love you very much.

472
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:02,968
One more time.

473
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,305
The Schroots considered
children very valuable.

474
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:08,706
In the olden days

475
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,675
the women would bear
many children

476
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:13,077
so we would have enough laborers
to work the fields.

477
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:15,112
And if it was an especially
cold winter

478
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:17,848
and there weren't enough
grains or vegetables,

479
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:21,419
they would eat
the weakest of the brood.

480
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:22,453
No!

481
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,589
They didn't eat the children.

482
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:26,657
It never came to that.

482
00:20:27,305 --> 00:21:27,796
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/324v5
Help other users to choose the best subtitles