1
00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:13,679
Yeah, I'm not a temp anymore.

2
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,547
I got Jim's, uh, old job.

3
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,750
Which means, at my ten-year
high school reunion,

4
00:00:17,752 --> 00:00:20,185
it will not say,
"Ryan Howard is a temp."

5
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:23,288
It will say, "Ryan Howard
is a junior sales associate"

6
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:26,458
at a mid-range
paper supply firm."

7
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,794
That'll show 'em.

8
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:36,074
Support us and become VIP member 
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

9
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,780
You have no idea

10
00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:50,416
how long I've wanted to do that.

11
00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:52,284
Me too.

12
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,922
I think we're just drunk.

13
00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:58,457
No, I'm not drunk.

14
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,459
Are you drunk?

15
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,394
No.

16
00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:06,665
Jim.

17
00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:11,570
You're really gonna marry him?

18
00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:16,175
Okay.

19
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,384
Jim is gone.

20
00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:28,987
He's gone.
I miss him so much.

21
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:32,357
Oh, I cry myself to sleep.
Jim.

22
00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:35,327
False.
I do not miss him.

23
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:09,328
No, that is the fun
of this place.

24
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,029
I call everybody "faggy."

25
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:12,698
Why would anyone
find that offensive?

26
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,433
Okay, I think Oscar would
just like if you used "lame"

27
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:15,434
or something like that.

28
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:16,768
That's what "faggy" means!

29
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,637
No, not really.

30
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,306
Apparently you
called Oscar faggy.

31
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:22,741
Yeah.

32
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,309
For liking the movie
Shakespeare in Love

33
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,811
more than an action movie.

34
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,080
It wasn't just an action movie,
it was Die Hard.

35
00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:30,215
All right, Michael,
but Oscar's really gay.

36
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:31,750
- Exactly.
- I mean for real.

37
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:32,851
Yeah, I know.

38
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,686
No, he's attracted to other men.

39
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:37,589
Okay, little too far.
Crossed the line.

40
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:42,427
Okay, I am telling you,
Oscar is an actual homosexual.

41
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,066
He told me this morning.

42
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:51,069
And obviously he hopes he can
count on your discretion.

43
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,305
I would've never called him that
if I knew.

44
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,406
You don't...

45
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:57,109
you don't call
retarded people retards.

46
00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:58,944
It's bad taste.

47
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:02,447
You call your friends retards
when they're acting retarded.

48
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:06,652
And I consider Oscar a friend.

49
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,787
Listen, man, I am so sorry.

50
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,055
I had no idea.

51
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:12,090
Oh, it's fine.

52
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,592
It's okay, it's okay.
No, no, it's not.

53
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,093
I just...
I feel terrible about it.

54
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,228
I...

55
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,630
I have been calling people faggy

56
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,232
since I was in junior high,

57
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,100
and I have never
made this mistake.

58
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:25,103
If I don't know how to behave,

59
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:29,708
it is because I am
just so far the opposite way.

60
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,443
You know?
I'm just...

61
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:34,580
I-I can't even imagine...
the... thing.

62
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:38,150
Maybe we could go out
for a beer sometime,

63
00:03:38,152 --> 00:03:40,118
and you could tell me...

64
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,955
how you do that to another dude.

65
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,893
That sounds like
a great, wonderful idea.

66
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,294
Let's do that.

67
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:10,549
It explains so much.

68
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:12,751
No, I'm not gay.

69
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,353
And I don't understand

70
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:19,424
why anyone would think
that I'm gay if...

71
00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:26,298
Uh...

72
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:29,635
Yeah, I'm gay.

73
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,040
I can't say whether
Dunder Mifflin paper

74
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:38,076
is less flammable, sir,
but I can assure you

75
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,911
that it is certainly
not more flammable.

76
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,114
Why did I transfer to Stamford?

77
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:45,183
I... think that's
pretty obvious.

78
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:47,853
I got promoted.

79
00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:49,755
And you can't beat that view.

80
00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:50,856
Right?

81
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,858
Hey, Big Tuna.

82
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,826
You're single, right?

83
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,561
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I am.

84
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,932
Pretty hot, huh?

85
00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:05,003
She's completely crazy.

86
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:09,474
Steer clear, Big Tuna.

87
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,576
Head for open waters.

88
00:05:12,578 --> 00:05:14,012
Okay.

89
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,580
Okay.

90
00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:20,819
I ate a tuna sandwich
on my first day,

91
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,688
so Andy started calling me
Big Tuna.

92
00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:28,527
I don't think any of them
actually know my real name.

93
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:31,997
Big Tuna is a super ambitious
guy, you know?

94
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,665
Cut-your-throat-to-get-ahead
type of guy.

95
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,101
But, I mean,
I'm not threatened by him.

96
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,236
I went to Cornell.

97
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,605
You ever heard of it?

98
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:42,774
I graduated in four years,
I never studied once,

99
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,409
I was drunk the whole time,

100
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:46,778
and I sang in
the a cappella group,

101
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,614
"Here Comes Treble."

102
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:52,250
So, end of day,
we are going to have

103
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:54,453
a little diversity
policy freshener,

104
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:57,089
because of some more problems
at the Scranton branch.

105
00:05:57,091 --> 00:05:59,725
And I have a list
of business startups

106
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:01,093
I got from the Chamber.

107
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:02,327
Yes.

108
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:04,529
I am going to need someone
to cold call them.

109
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,164
Oh, I can do that.

110
00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:09,167
Jim's nice enough.

111
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:12,070
I don't... I don't know
how well he's fitting in here.

112
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:16,241
He's always looking
at the camera like this.

113
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,745
What is that?

114
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,480
Can you tell who's gay
and who's not?

115
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:22,547
Of course.

116
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:23,715
What about Oscar?

117
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,417
Absolutely not.

118
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,619
Well, he is.

119
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:32,424
Well, he's not dressed
in women's clothes, so...

120
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,093
There could be others.

121
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,428
I need to know.

122
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,663
I don't want to offend
anybody else.

123
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,532
You could assume everyone is,

124
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:43,301
and not say anything offensive.

125
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,536
Yeah.

126
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:45,837
I'm sure everyone
would appreciate

127
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,806
me treating them
like they were gay.

128
00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:52,244
Hey, what about Angela?

129
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,745
She's hard and severe.

130
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,980
She could be a gay woman.

131
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:57,349
I really don't think so.

132
00:06:57,351 --> 00:06:58,517
I don't know.

133
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,485
I can imagine her
with another woman.

134
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,220
Can't you?

135
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:06,992
Do some research.

136
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,560
Find out if there's
a way to tell

137
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:09,728
by just looking at 'em.

138
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:13,131
Jim told me you could
buy gaydar online.

139
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,866
That's ridiculous.

140
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,368
Yeah, probably.

141
00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:18,370
He didn't tell the truth a lot.

142
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,606
Let's call him
and get the website.

143
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:22,674
Definitely.

144
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,409
What's gaydar?

145
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:25,944
Oh, oh, gaydar, yes!

146
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,680
No, uh, I think they have it
at Sharper Image.

147
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,049
Oh, you know what?
I can check for you.

148
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,451
No problem.

149
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,656
It's sold out.

150
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:41,526
Yeah, sorry about that.
That's a bummer.

151
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,695
Well, they're sold out.

152
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:44,863
Damn.

153
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,431
I'll try Brookstone.

154
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:54,005
I miss that.

155
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,249
Chicken or fish?

156
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,518
Uh... chicken.

157
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:12,023
So, you, uh, having a good day?

158
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,859
Excellent.
Thanks.

159
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:16,361
Good.
I'm glad.

160
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,398
Okay.

161
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:26,271
Yeah, I didn't go through
with the wedding.

162
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,907
I got cold feet
a few days before,

163
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:31,076
and...
I can't really explain it.

164
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:33,578
I just had to get out
of that relationship.

165
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,847
We still had to pay
for all the food.

166
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,482
So we froze it.

167
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:40,485
But I'm... I'm doing well.

168
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,320
I have my own apartment,

169
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,523
and I'm taking art classes,

170
00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:47,759
and I have lunch
for the next five weeks.

171
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,862
After Pam dumped me, I, um...

172
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,665
I kinda stopped taking care
of myself for a while there,

173
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,200
and, uh...

174
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,235
I hit bottom when, uh...

175
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,803
I had a drunk driving arrest.

176
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:03,408
I've been working out,
and, um...

177
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:06,411
you know, I'm not
gonna take her for granted.

178
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,819
I gotta win her back.

179
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,655
I got them a toaster.

180
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,925
They called off the wedding
and gave the toaster back to me.

181
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:22,594
I tried to return the toaster
to the store,

182
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:25,463
and they said they no longer
sold that kind of toaster.

183
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:28,767
So now my house
has got two toasters.

184
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:35,707
It is so cool that you're gay.

185
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,709
I totally underestimated you.

186
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:41,813
Yes, I am super cool.

187
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,648
I am an accountant

188
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:46,418
at a failing
paper supply company.

189
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,053
In Scranton.

190
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:51,656
Much like, uh, Sir Ian McKellen.

191
00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:57,762
Sure, sometimes I watch
Will & Grace.

192
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,698
And I want to throw up.

193
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,100
It's terribly loud.

194
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:06,571
I do like it sometimes,
when Harry Connick Jr. is on.

195
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:09,240
He's so talented.

196
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:26,925
Okay.

197
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,361
Who put my calculator
in Jell-O?

198
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,332
Good one.

199
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:37,102
But, uh, seriously.

200
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:39,838
Guys, who did this?

201
00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:44,142
Seriously, guys.

202
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,177
Who did this?

203
00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:48,647
I need to know

204
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:51,116
who put my calculator
in Jell-O

205
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:54,653
or I'm gonna lose
my freakin' mind!

206
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,665
You know, it's amazing to me
that in this day and age,

207
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,267
you could be so... obtuse

208
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,069
about sexual orientation.

209
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,138
I watch The L Word, okay?

210
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:14,239
Good, good.

211
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,541
I watch Queer as.

212
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:17,709
So... That's not
what it's called.

213
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:18,943
Okay, Michael,

214
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,712
are you aware
that you outed Oscar today?

215
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:23,248
What?
What does that even...

216
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:26,184
Coming out
is a significant moment

217
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,285
for a gay person.

218
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,553
And they should be allowed

219
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:31,056
to select the timing
and manner of announcing it.

220
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,924
Well, gay pride, right?

221
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:34,859
Gay pride parade?

222
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,762
It's not like...
Gay Shame Festival.

223
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:41,433
All right, now Oscar's feeling
discriminated against

224
00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:43,501
by his coworkers,
primarily Angela,

225
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:44,703
and, um...

226
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:45,804
That's your fault.

227
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,939
I think Angela might be gay.

228
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,107
Could Oscar and Angela

229
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,442
be having a gay affair?

230
00:11:50,444 --> 00:11:51,676
No...
Maybe.

231
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,411
Is that what this is about? No.

232
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:54,479
I don't...

233
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,814
No.
It's not possible.

234
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,515
Anything's possible.

235
00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:00,318
Okay, you know, imagine...
you were gay.

236
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:04,055
Well, I'm not gay, Jan,

237
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,157
and you should know that
better than anybody.

238
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:07,459
Michael.
Hmm?

239
00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:10,995
Your immaturity
is extremely disappointing

240
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,664
and may even lead to a lawsuit,

241
00:12:12,666 --> 00:12:14,933
which is the absolute
last thing this company needs

242
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,267
right now, do you understand?

243
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,402
I know.

244
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:21,039
The company has made it
my responsibility today

245
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,875
to put an end to 100,000 years

246
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:26,845
of being weirded out by gays.

247
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:29,080
Am I the first gay man
you ever knew?

248
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,216
Trick question.

249
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,351
Because you can't always tell,

250
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,086
so how would I know?

251
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,355
Was that the right answer?

252
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:40,358
Yep?
Michael...

253
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,761
Dwight's looking at gay
pornography on his computer.

254
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,195
Uh, Michael knows, Pam.

255
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,231
Okay, he asked me to do this
just for him.

256
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,166
He has his own reasons.

257
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:54,038
Phew, okay.

258
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,174
Nothing wrong with this stuff.

259
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,243
At all.
This is fine.

260
00:12:58,245 --> 00:12:59,410
You know what?

261
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:02,514
Gay porn, straight porn,
it's all good.

262
00:13:02,516 --> 00:13:04,382
I don't particularly
get into this,

263
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:06,151
but, uh...

264
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,452
You know what?

265
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,187
I totally see the merit.

266
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:11,122
And, actually...

267
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,191
It is quite beautiful.

268
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,193
Oh, damn popups.
What are you doing?

269
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:16,995
Watching some of your friends.

270
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:18,296
This is stupid.

271
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,664
Excuse me.
Don't touch me.

272
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,299
Help! Ow.

273
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,334
Whoa, whoa, whoa...

274
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:24,903
Whoa, whoa.
Stop it.

275
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,504
All right, everybody
in the conference room.

276
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:27,872
I don't care

277
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:32,143
if you are gay or straight
or a lesbian, or overweight.

278
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,212
Just get in here!
Right now!

279
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:37,148
Did you know that "gay"

280
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,717
used to mean "happy"?

281
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:42,420
When I was growing up,
it meant "lame."

282
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:46,024
And now, it means a man

283
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:50,562
who makes love to other men.

284
00:13:50,564 --> 00:13:51,763
We're all homos.

285
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:53,231
Homo sapiens.

286
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,433
Gays aren't necessarily
who you think they are, people.

287
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,601
What?

288
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,636
I mean, anybody can be gay.

289
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,138
Businessmen.

290
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,373
Like antique dealers,

291
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,542
or hairdressers,

292
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,145
or... accountants.

293
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,547
Oscar, why don't you

294
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:12,183
take this opportunity
to officially come out

295
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,918
to everybody here,

296
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,520
however you want to do it.

297
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:18,556
Go ahead.

298
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,391
Stand up.

299
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,227
I'm doing this for you.

300
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:26,197
Yes, I'm gay.

301
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,699
And...

302
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:30,401
I didn't plan on sharing
that part of my life

303
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:34,005
with you today, so...
whatever.

304
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,373
Can I sit down now?

305
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,209
I am not offended
by homosexuality.

306
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:41,813
In the '60s, I made love
to many, many women.

307
00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:43,581
Often outdoors.

308
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,750
In the mud and the rain.

309
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:48,653
And it's possible
a man slipped in.

310
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,755
There would be no way
of knowing.

311
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:54,626
Who should be
the judges and juries

312
00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:55,760
of our society?

313
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,262
Judges and juries.

314
00:14:57,264 --> 00:15:00,098
Yes, that's a good point.
She has a good point.

315
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,500
Because gay marriage, currently,

316
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:05,270
is not legal
under U.S. law.

317
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,105
I bet a lot of straight men

318
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,207
wish that applied to them.

319
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,676
So they could go out there
and have some

320
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,611
torrid, unabashed, monkey sex.

321
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:14,946
As much as they could.

322
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,948
You know,
sounds pretty good, right?

323
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,249
That sounds great.

324
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,051
Yeah, Dwight?

325
00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:22,253
I think all
the other office gays

326
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,822
should identify themselves,
or I will do it for them.

327
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,591
No one else in this office
is gay.

328
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,859
What about Phyllis?

329
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,295
She makes absolutely
no attempt to be feminine.

330
00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:32,697
I'm getting married
to Bob Vance.

331
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,265
You are?

332
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,767
Congratulations.

333
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,201
When did you get that?

334
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:38,336
That's great.

335
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,271
Congratulations, Phyllis.
That is great.

336
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,240
And frankly, kind of amazing.

337
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,009
See? Everybody has a chance.

338
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,411
Thank you.
But still,

339
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,712
Phyllis...

340
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,347
In college,

341
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,916
did you ever experiment
with other women?

342
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:53,318
A lot of women do.

343
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,520
No, and you knew me
in high school.

344
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:58,323
Of course, we all thought
you were gay in high school.

345
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:00,758
Right.

346
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,994
Ha, ha!

347
00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:06,597
And I take that as a compliment.

348
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,900
Well, with your ties
and your matching socks...

349
00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:11,069
Well, I just liked
to look good, okay, so...

350
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,337
You sound pretty defensive,
Michael.

351
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:13,338
No, I am just

352
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:14,973
coming out myself.

353
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,541
I am coming out hetero.

354
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:18,343
I think the problem
with this office

355
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:20,345
is that you
are sending mixed signals

356
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,512
about my being here.

357
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,647
No, no. No.

358
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,682
The only signal
that I am sending is,

359
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:26,084
"Gay good."

360
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:29,120
Look, if I was gay,

361
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:34,759
I would be the most flamboyant
gay you've ever seen.

362
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:37,695
I would be leading the parade
covered in feathers,

363
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,330
and just...

364
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,999
I'd be waving that rainbow flag.

365
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:45,336
I don't think
I can work here any longer.

366
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:50,775
This has been the worst,
most backwards day of my life.

367
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:52,076
You misunderstand... okay.
All right.

368
00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:53,311
Ba-ba-ba-ba-bop.

369
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,346
You know what?
Okay. Okay.

370
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:58,082
I, uh... I'm gonna put my money
where my mouth is.

371
00:16:58,084 --> 00:16:59,484
You ready?

372
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:00,585
What are you doing?

373
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:01,819
I am going to embrace Oscar.

374
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,087
You might want
to watch this, Angela,

375
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:04,922
because you can't
catch anything.

376
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,324
- Here we go.
- No.

377
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:07,558
We are going
to make a statement.

378
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,294
You and I are going
to make a statement together.

379
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,296
Oscar is my friend.
I'd rather not.

380
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,365
And I just don't care
who sees it.

381
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,666
Doesn't bother me.

382
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,201
I really would... would...
I'd really rather not.

383
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,636
Come here, friend.
You're my friend.

384
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,438
No, no!

385
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,073
I don't want to touch you.

386
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,541
Ever considered that?

387
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,476
You're ignorant.

388
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,045
And insulting.
And small.

389
00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:30,415
Okay.

390
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:36,721
All right.

391
00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:40,792
Um...

392
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:42,160
I'm sorry, Michael.

393
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,295
Michael.
I'm sorry.

394
00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:48,099
That was a good idea.

395
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,167
Come on.

396
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,835
Come on.

397
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,571
All right.

398
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,474
I'm sorry
I called you "faggy."

399
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,976
I know, I know. I know you are.
You're not faggy.

400
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:00,578
- You're a good guy.
- You too.

401
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,581
Michael appears to be gay too.

402
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,818
And yet, he is my friend.

403
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:09,487
I guess I do have a gay friend.

404
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:12,390
You know what?
I'm gonna raise the stakes.

405
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:13,958
You don't...
really don't...

406
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,560
I want you to watch this.

407
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:19,330
And I want you to burn this
into your brains.

408
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,501
- I don't think we need to...
- Because this is an image

409
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:26,070
that I want you people
to remember.

410
00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:28,473
For a long time to come.

411
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,041
Whenever you come
into the office,

412
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:32,009
I want you to think about this.

413
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,978
We don't need to...

414
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,279
Yes, we do.
What?

415
00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:53,364
I did it.

416
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:55,466
Thank you.

417
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:56,601
Thank you.

418
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,636
See?

419
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,471
I'm still here.

420
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:03,174
We're all still here.

421
00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:10,314
Oh, come on, Dwight!

422
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,415
Come on, man!

423
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,317
We are not
in the playground anymore.

424
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,219
There are new rules.

425
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:20,591
We have to be mature,
but we can't lose the spirit

426
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:23,461
of childlike wonder.

427
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:26,964
What is love, anyway?

428
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:30,801
Maybe it's supposed
to break all the rules.

429
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,803
Like me and Jan.

430
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:35,907
Or Oscar and some guy.

431
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,308
Life is short.

432
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,911
When two people find each other,

433
00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:42,947
what should stand in their way?

434
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:45,616
It is very easy for you
to be a hero.

435
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:48,819
All you need are honesty,
empathy, respect,

436
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,021
and open-mindedness.

437
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:53,224
I'm glad today spurred
social change.

438
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:55,493
That's part of my job
as regional manager.

439
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,495
But you know what,
even if it didn't,

440
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,697
at least we put this matter
to bed.

441
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,633
That's what she said.

442
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,435
Or he said.

443
00:20:06,838 --> 00:20:10,374
Oh, there's Gil,
Oscar's roommate.

444
00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:18,716
I wonder if he knows.

445
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:22,153
I was going to quit,
but Jan offered me

446
00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:25,456
a three-month paid vacation
and a company car.

447
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:29,160
All I had to do was sign
something saying I won't sue.

448
00:20:29,162 --> 00:20:31,162
Gil and I are going to Europe.

449
00:20:31,164 --> 00:20:35,666
Kids, sometimes
it pays to be gay.

450
00:20:40,872 --> 00:20:42,240
"I hope this helps.

451
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,708
Jim."

452
00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:52,416
Nice.

453
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,752
What are you doing?
Shh.

454
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,354
Don't be scared.

455
00:21:03,895 --> 00:21:05,263
It works.

456
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:12,970
Oh, no.

456
00:21:13,305 --> 00:22:13,507
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