1 00:00:02,636 --> 00:00:04,636 The Stanford branch is closing, 2 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:08,307 and everybody's just packing up their stuff. 3 00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,410 Andy Bernard made these tasteful hats. 4 00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:14,813 That's the other thing you gotta watch out... Yo! 5 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:18,117 Tuna, I wanna talk to you about this new boss, Michael Scott. 6 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,518 Yeah? 7 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:20,953 So, what's he like? 8 00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:22,955 Likes, dislikes, favorite sports, 9 00:00:22,957 --> 00:00:26,258 favorite movies, favorite... men's magazines. 10 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,394 You know what, I think you just need to meet him. 11 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:31,163 Playing your cards close to the vest, I get it. 12 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,399 Good luck over there, Tuna. 13 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:36,035 Cross me, and I will destroy you. 14 00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:38,570 Sounds good, Andy. 15 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:41,106 This is gonna be an adventure. 16 00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:44,043 Yes, this is going to be very interesting. 17 00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,244 All right. 18 00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,178 I'm outta here. 19 00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,379 See you later? 20 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,914 Right on. 21 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,154 Hey, is that Josh's comput... 22 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,188 What? 23 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,195 - Hey. - Hey. 24 00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,196 How'd the run go? 25 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,864 Ah, pretty good. I finished. 26 00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:07,132 - That's great. - Thanks. 27 00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:08,967 Why is that great? 28 00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,869 Because he accomplished something. 29 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,171 What was your mile time? 30 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,705 About seven. 31 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:16,341 I could beat that on a skateboard. 32 00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:17,476 Well, that has wheels. 33 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,644 Yeah, well, my feet don't, 34 00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:20,379 and I could still crush that time. 35 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,281 Really, Dwight? How fast are you? 36 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,782 Let's just put it this way... 37 00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,785 Last weekend, I outran a black pepper snake. 38 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:27,686 Really? 39 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:28,687 I am fast. 40 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,222 To give you a reference point, 41 00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:33,192 I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. 42 00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:34,893 And a panther. 43 00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:37,229 Man, what is taking Toby so long? 44 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:38,864 Oh, I'll just time him later. 45 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:40,399 And you'll compare the times? 46 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:42,167 Yeah. 47 00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:43,335 Are you ready? 48 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,237 - Set, go! - No. My groin's really tight. 49 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,271 I can't... 50 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:52,678 Am I being mean to Dwight? 51 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,279 I don't know. 52 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,681 I did just make him run around the building, 53 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,150 and I have no intention of timing him. 54 00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,485 This isn't even a stopwatch. 55 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:02,654 It's a digital thermometer. 56 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,656 He does make my life harder sometimes. 57 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,091 And on purpose. 58 00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:08,093 Like he tried to put meters on the bathroom stalls 59 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:11,029 as a way of bringing in more money for the company. 60 00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:14,399 Hey! Three more laps to go! 61 00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:16,268 You gotta pick it up if you're gonna beat Toby! 62 00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:21,173 Well, I should probably get back to work. 63 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:29,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 64 00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:57,776 He-e-ere... 65 00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,044 Who's here? 66 00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,345 - Nametag? - Yes, please. 67 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,547 Karen Filippelli. 68 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,581 Karen Filip... 69 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,516 Karen a-Filippelli. 70 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,751 Probably Italian. 71 00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,252 Possibly Filipina. 72 00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:08,420 Okay. 73 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,622 My branch is absorbing the Stamford branch. 74 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:15,093 Or, as I like to put it, my family is doubling in size. 75 00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,828 And that's all I'm gonna say about it 76 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:20,566 because I have a gigantic performance ahead of me 77 00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:24,102 and I have to get into my head and focus. 78 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,873 - And who's next? - That is Andy Bernard. 79 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,541 Andy Bernard. 80 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,543 - If I were you... - St. Bernard. 81 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,879 I would fire Anthony Gardner... 82 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,180 - What? - Before noon... 83 00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,481 - I'm not... - to consolidate power. 84 00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:37,950 I'm not firing somebody on the first day. 85 00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:40,052 No, no, no, not somebody. Gardner. 86 00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,354 The Japanese camp guards of World War II 87 00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,256 always chose one man to kill 88 00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:46,558 whenever a batch of new prisoners arrived. 89 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:52,064 I always wondered how they chose the man who was to die. 90 00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:56,101 I think I would have been good at choosing the person. 91 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,569 Good morning. 92 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,571 You got the food. Good! 93 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:00,606 Lookee, lookee, lookee. 94 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:01,673 What I want you to do... 95 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,508 Set it up in the conference room, please. 96 00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:04,710 Make it look nice, 97 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,411 as if you were trying to impress a much older man 98 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,180 - who's way out of your league. - Okay. 99 00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,517 Yes, I'm in a good mood today. 100 00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:16,421 I'm excited to meet all of the new people 101 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,925 and to see my old friend again, definitely. 102 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,627 That's always a thing that makes people happy, 103 00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,195 to have an old friend back. 104 00:04:23,598 --> 00:04:24,497 Hello? 105 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:27,432 Ah! Ding ding ding ding ding! Our first arrival. 106 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,867 Welcome to Scranton. 107 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:32,037 This is Hannah Smoteridge-Barr. 108 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:34,106 Hannah Smoteridge-Barr. 109 00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,408 Welcome to our humble abode. 110 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:37,909 Follow me to your desk. 111 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,413 Your ball and chain is right over here. 112 00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,116 You know, a lot of these people, 113 00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:45,751 this is the only family they have. 114 00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,052 So... 115 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,420 As far as I'm concerned, 116 00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:52,057 this says, "World's Best Dad." 117 00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:55,394 Ah... there he is. Tony... 118 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,495 - What's your last name? - Gardner. 119 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,729 Gardner. 120 00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,364 I knew that. There you go. 121 00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:00,399 Gift bag... 122 00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,801 - For you, okay? - Thanks. 123 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,803 Michael, I didn't get a gift bag. 124 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,171 Well, they're just for guests. 125 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,639 If there are any left over, you can buy one later. 126 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,074 My bag's mostly pencils. 127 00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,109 Wwoo-aa-and coupons... 128 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,045 to various hot spots around Scranton. 129 00:05:13,047 --> 00:05:16,748 All right, let me show you to your area, sir. 130 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:17,883 Come on, big guy. 131 00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:20,419 - Can I have your pencils? - No. 132 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,853 - Hi. - Hi. 133 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,222 - I'm Pam. - Karen. I love your sweater. 134 00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:26,925 Oh, thanks. My mom made it for me. 135 00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,527 Really? That's so cool. 136 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,262 I've always wanted to learn how to knit. 137 00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:31,963 Welcome, welcome, welcome! 138 00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:35,200 Take me to your leader. 139 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:38,036 Oh, wait. I am your leader. 140 00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:41,740 Uh, wait, are you a robot 141 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,241 or a Martian? 142 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,377 Hmm? Ah... 143 00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:47,479 I'm actually your boss, Michael Scott. 144 00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:48,647 - Hi. Karen. - Welcome. 145 00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,349 Wow, you are very exotic-looking. 146 00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:52,184 Was your dad a G.I., or...? 147 00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,564 I'll be the number two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. 148 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:06,631 How? 149 00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,467 Name repetition, personality mirroring, 150 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,036 and never breaking off a handshake. 151 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,605 I'm always thinking one step ahead, 152 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:15,140 like a... 153 00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:16,608 carpenter... 154 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,477 that makes stairs. 155 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,613 Hello. 156 00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,915 Ah! You must be Andy Bernard. 157 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:26,618 Aloha and welcome. 158 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,253 And you must be Michael Scott. 159 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:31,323 Aloha and hello. 160 00:06:31,325 --> 00:06:33,091 Very good. 161 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:37,295 Welcome to our little kingdom. 162 00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:41,166 Uh, we have a bag of nifty gifties for you. 163 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:43,435 Well, Michael, thank you for welcoming me 164 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:45,404 to your little kingdom, Mike. 165 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,305 Oh. 166 00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:48,306 Nifty! 167 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,075 They are nifty. 168 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,676 They're nifty gifties. 169 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,145 You know who I really like 170 00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:54,613 is this guy Andy Bernard. 171 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:58,617 He has got this very likable way about him. 172 00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:02,521 - Which is why they need a passing game. - Right. 173 00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,756 No way. Get him outta here. 174 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,558 We don't want any of this kind in here. 175 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,893 - Good to see you, man. - Wow. Okay. 176 00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,195 How are you? Martin Nash, I presume? 177 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:12,697 This is a little gift bag for you, free of charge. 178 00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:13,899 Follow me. 179 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,734 I will show you where all the slaves work. 180 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:16,802 Not... 181 00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:19,504 So your desk is... 182 00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:20,939 Hi. I'm Jim. I'm new here. 183 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,174 Oh, my God! It's really you. 184 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,976 I was just doin' a little joke there 185 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,011 about how we'd never met. 186 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,279 I know. I don't care. 187 00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:28,580 Awesome. 188 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,615 Good to be back. 189 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:31,850 The place looks really good. 190 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,051 It's really good to see you. 191 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,553 You, too. 192 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:37,255 Where do I stand with Pam? 193 00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,891 Um... no idea. 194 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,893 I mean, we're friends. 195 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:44,229 Always have been friends, um... 196 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:46,565 That is where we stand. 197 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,166 Well, well, well. 198 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,969 Look what the cat dragged in from Stamford. 199 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,003 Hey, Dwight. 200 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:55,874 Fact: I am older. I am wiser. 201 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,042 Do not mess with me. 202 00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:59,644 Okay. Sounds good. 203 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,546 - What are you doing? - I don't know what you're talking about. 204 00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:02,781 Do I have a spider on my forehead? 205 00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,149 No. Look good. 206 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,117 Why are you looking at my forehead? 207 00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,719 I'm not. 208 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,754 Meet my eye line, Jim. 209 00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:10,956 I am. 210 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,491 Stop acting like an idiot! 211 00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:14,426 Okay. 212 00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:15,494 Hey, buddy. 213 00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:16,995 Welcome back. 214 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,129 Hey, how are you, man? Good to see you. 215 00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,264 I'm good. How are you? 216 00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:24,469 So... 217 00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:25,570 Oh, I'm sorry. 218 00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:26,571 Are you sitting here now? 219 00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,507 Yeah. 220 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:29,641 Oh. 221 00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:32,711 Um... 222 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:35,514 unless you really, really want it back. 223 00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:38,383 You know, man, it's really your call. 224 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:39,951 Cool. Thank you. 225 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:42,354 Mm-hmm. 226 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,389 Let me get that for you. 227 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:47,192 You got it? 228 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,194 Mm-hmm. 229 00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:53,598 This one taken? No? Good. 230 00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:58,603 Yeah, Jim is a nice guy. 231 00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:02,374 That's why I got the desk. 232 00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:04,175 Hey, this came with the Stanford people. 233 00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,211 Can you take care of it? 234 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:09,080 Oh, yes I can. 235 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:12,884 In general, they do not give me much responsibility. 236 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:16,454 But, they do let me shred the company documents, 237 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:19,157 and that is really all I need. 238 00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,765 Michael Scott, thank you. 239 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:29,000 I appreciate it, Mike. 240 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,302 All right. 241 00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:31,570 Hello. 242 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,672 I don't believe we've been introduced. 243 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,041 Dwight Schrute... assistant regional manager. 244 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:38,577 Andy Bernard, regional director in charge of sales. 245 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:39,778 So you'll be reporting to me then. 246 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:40,979 Mmm... on the contrary. 247 00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,347 My title has "manager" in it. 248 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,382 And I'm a director, 249 00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:47,385 which on a film set is the highest title there is. 250 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,287 Do you know anything about film? 251 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,222 I know everything about film. 252 00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:54,292 I've seen over 240 of them. 253 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:55,694 Congratulations. 254 00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,402 He-ey, Toby. 255 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,604 - Hey, Jim. - How are you, man? 256 00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,405 - Really good, how're you? - I just wanted to say hi. 257 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:08,506 Hey, welcome back. 258 00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,810 Oh, is-is that like your new thing, or... 259 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,912 No, I'm sorry, thats... 260 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,480 - No, it's cool. - No, it's not. 261 00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:16,848 Well, let's just... 262 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,786 - All right, good to be back. - So... okay. 263 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:22,887 All right. 264 00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:24,422 All right, sor- sorry about that. 265 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:25,323 - It was... - No problem. 266 00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:26,791 What? 267 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:27,959 Nothing. 268 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,567 This thing is so awesome. 269 00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:37,068 It will shred anything. 270 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:40,672 Ooh... it'll shred a CD. 271 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,708 It will shred... 272 00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:47,479 a credit card. 273 00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:49,748 It will shred... 274 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,049 Oh... 275 00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:53,918 Shoot. 276 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,388 "I present the orientation video." 277 00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:57,422 We need to talk. 278 00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:58,423 Not now. 279 00:10:58,425 --> 00:10:59,424 Which is higher, 280 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:00,659 assistant regional manager 281 00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,527 or regional director in charge of sales? 282 00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:04,095 I told you, the titles are irrelevant. 283 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,697 They just relate to pay scale. 284 00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:07,365 Okay, so who gets paid more, me or Andy? 285 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,100 It is not a matter of more or less. 286 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,669 Your pay is just different, 287 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:11,970 okay? 288 00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:14,305 All right. Show time, part one. 289 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:15,507 Okay, who reports to who? 290 00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,542 I don't care, Dwight. 291 00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:18,710 You all report to me. 292 00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:20,078 That's all that matters. 293 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,313 The rest of it just work out amongst yourselves, okay? 294 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,149 - And then if I want... - Work it out amongst yourselves! 295 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,184 - I... - Please! I have a company to run. 296 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,285 Will you let me run the company? 297 00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,286 - I... - Will you? 298 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,655 - One... - Please? 299 00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:35,994 - Ji-i-im! - Kelly! 300 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,363 Oh, my God, I have so much to tell you! 301 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,798 - Really? - Yes! 302 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,901 Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, they had a baby, and they named it Suri. 303 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,736 And then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, 304 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:47,038 they had a baby, too, and they named it Shiloh. 305 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,241 - And both babies are... - amaa-azing! 306 00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,676 Great. 307 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,011 What's new with you? 308 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:56,181 I just told you. 309 00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:58,650 Okay, everybody settled in? 310 00:11:58,652 --> 00:11:59,718 Good. 311 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,052 Why don't we all proceed 312 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,921 into the conference room? 313 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:06,891 Or, should I say, the banquet hall? 314 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,027 For... drumroll, please... 315 00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:17,736 The official Merger Day All-Family Welcome Breakfast. 316 00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:18,870 Come on in. 317 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:20,138 Don't be shy. 318 00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:23,074 Hey, champagne. 319 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,510 No, no. Guests only. 320 00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:28,580 - Smoked salmon. - No... um... 321 00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:29,380 For the guests, it is. 322 00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,349 For you, consider it cow meat. 323 00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,383 Strictly taboo. 324 00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:32,383 I eat beef. 325 00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:35,720 Well, then, consider it poisoned beef. 326 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:35,720 It's-no touchy. 327 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:39,524 - The beef is poisoned? - No, it's not-be-just- 328 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:40,759 Sit down, please. 329 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,527 Welcome, help yourself. 330 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:45,530 You might want these orientation materials. 331 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,999 Wrong, Toby, this is an orientation, 332 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,334 not a "bore-ientation." 333 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:54,405 Okay, do not worry, all of your questions 334 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,074 are about to be answered. 335 00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,742 Cell phones and pagers off, please. 336 00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,110 Oh, this looks promising. 337 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,411 You won't be disappointed. 338 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,814 Let's face it, moving to a new job 339 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,115 can be very stressful. 340 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,818 So, I have made an orientation video 341 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,287 especially for you newcomers. 342 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:13,258 But it's not like any orientation video 343 00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:15,393 that any of you have ever seen. 344 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,896 It's funny. 345 00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:20,698 It's got a little bit of a zing to it. 346 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,534 And I hope that it gives you 347 00:13:22,536 --> 00:13:24,969 a flavor of what we're all about 348 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,138 here at Dunder-Mifflin, 349 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,274 and what we're all about here in Scranton. 350 00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:33,211 So let's just all laugh together and watch... 351 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,880 Lazy Scranton. 352 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,803 It reminds me of the orientation video 353 00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:00,672 Michael showed on my first day: 354 00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:03,374 The Scranton Witch Project. 355 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,210 I am so scared 356 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:08,646 when people don't label their personal food. 357 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:25,263 Well, so far, I think it is killing. 358 00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:28,166 I thought it would either be an A or an A-plus. 359 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:32,237 But I completely forgot that there is an A-plus-plus. 360 00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:37,041 This is Karen Filippelli, please leave a message. 361 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,409 Terrible. 362 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,245 Totally unconvincing. 363 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:45,350 This is Karen Filippelli, please leave a message. 364 00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:47,085 Not bad, but... 365 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,153 you are Italian, so... 366 00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,122 Try it more Italian. 367 00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:55,326 This is Karen-a Filippelli, 368 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,828 please leave-a me da message. 369 00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:58,663 Abbondanza. 370 00:14:58,665 --> 00:14:59,631 - You feel good? - Mm-hmm. 371 00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:00,798 All right. 372 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,105 Karen Filippelli 373 00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,010 Hey buddy. 374 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,078 Anything new to report? 375 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,981 Do you mean to me, from you? 376 00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,285 'Cause that's how it works. 377 00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:24,489 Sure thing, buddy. 378 00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:30,461 Am I trying to get under his skin? 379 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:35,800 Y-y-yes, because the angrier he gets, the more marginalized he becomes. 380 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:38,703 Meanwhile, Andy Bernard is out there... 381 00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:41,372 layin' on the charm. 382 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:45,710 Hey, Angela, check this out. 383 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,713 It's my new screensaver. 384 00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:49,714 Oh. 385 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:50,782 Do you like it? 386 00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,517 I do like it, actually. 387 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,118 Thank you. 388 00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:56,988 You have... 389 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,824 such a pretty smile, by the way. 390 00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:01,893 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 391 00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:05,229 Hey. 392 00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,331 Hey. 393 00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:07,598 What happened to grape soda? 394 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,733 Oh, yeah. 395 00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,835 I'm trying to move away from that. 396 00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,937 I'm getting into more of a bottled water phase. 397 00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:15,039 Oh, you've changed so much. 398 00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:17,775 Well, I'm evolving, Pam. 399 00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,477 So when do I get to hear everything? 400 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,112 Are you still getting unpacked? 401 00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,681 Or you want to grab a coffee or something after work? 402 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:24,716 Oh, um... 403 00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:26,250 Tonight, actually? No. 404 00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:27,452 I'm just still getting settled. 405 00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,087 Oh, yeah, no. You know, whenever. 406 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:32,423 - Okay - O-o-kay. 407 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,392 - Sorry to interrupt, I... - Nope. 408 00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:37,328 You're not interrupting anything. 409 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,931 - No, I'm-Don't... - All right. 410 00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:41,933 - Okay. - All right. 411 00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:45,803 I should probably get back to work. 412 00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:47,338 I have to work. 413 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,240 - Yeah, I know. Me too. - All right. 414 00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:55,146 The day's going fine. 415 00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:58,282 It's been a little chaotic, but it's fine. 416 00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:00,318 It's great. 417 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,553 A lot of distractions, but it's good. 418 00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:10,661 Take a picture. It'll last longer. 419 00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:13,865 I'm sorry, it's just... It's a little distracting. 420 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,967 Ditto that, my brother. 421 00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,953 Look what's on his computer. 422 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:38,289 What is that, a squid's eye, or... 423 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,793 It's my left breast. 424 00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:45,163 - How did... you... - Right place at the right time. 425 00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:49,700 Oh. What's that smell? 426 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:50,835 What smell? 427 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,670 It's... 428 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:56,474 Must be air freshener plugged in somewhere. 429 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,309 It smells like a funeral home. 430 00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,811 Oh, I'll help you find it. 431 00:18:02,714 --> 00:18:05,450 Oh, you know what? Never... never mind. 432 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,684 What is it? 433 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:07,718 I... I think 434 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,720 I'm just allergic to your perfume. 435 00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,556 My perfume? 436 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,524 It's just my crazy nose. 437 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:14,559 I'm, um... 438 00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:16,928 used to different smells. 439 00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,030 Bob Vance bought this perfume for me 440 00:18:19,032 --> 00:18:20,798 in metropolitan Orlando. 441 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,700 It's made from real pine. 442 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,435 Who's Bob Vance? 443 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,505 You have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie. 444 00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:32,810 I don't know who these new people think they are. 445 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:36,814 I've sat downwind of Phyllis' stinky perfumes for years. 446 00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,616 Never said a word. 447 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,451 People hate people that are different from them. 448 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,853 That's natural. 449 00:18:41,855 --> 00:18:44,355 But you know what makes people forget their differences? 450 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:44,355 A great show. 451 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:48,426 That is why I created the integration celebration. 452 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:49,894 This is the moment 453 00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:53,097 when Scranton and Stamford come together as one, 454 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:55,900 united in applause. 455 00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,737 I know what a lot of you must be thinking. 456 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,539 "Wow, what a day. 457 00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,207 "It feels more like a night at a party 458 00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:04,342 than a day at work." 459 00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:07,178 Well, in my opinion, 460 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:11,082 business should feel like a night out, 461 00:19:11,084 --> 00:19:13,117 a night... 462 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,619 at... 463 00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:18,890 the Roxbury. 464 00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:22,627 Okay, there's supposed to be music. 465 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,061 And it's... I got it! I got it! 466 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,630 Dwight, just... 467 00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:27,398 - Do you have batteries in that? - Stupid. 468 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,799 Um... 469 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,540 That's it. 470 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:39,076 Okay, here we go. 471 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:46,398 Here we go. Here we go. Uhh! 472 00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:03,634 Oh, my nose is so itchy. Why is my nose so itchy? 473 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,970 Uh, probably because of all the nose candy. 474 00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:10,575 I told you these guys have a sense of humor. 475 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,210 Very funny, Michael. 476 00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,644 - Okay, okay. All right. - Really funny, Michael. 477 00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:14,979 All right, all right, I'm on a roll. 478 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,282 Why are the new people on the table? 479 00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:19,817 To show them 480 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,453 that we are not above them. 481 00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,355 Shouldn't we be equals? 482 00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,591 Not today. No. 483 00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:30,328 Tony, please join your cohorts 484 00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,763 on the table, if you would. 485 00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,500 Uh, this is difficult for me. 486 00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:38,736 Hey, I understand. We're all friends. 487 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,605 No, I mean, I can't physically. 488 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,206 I can't get on the table. 489 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:44,075 Oh, well... 490 00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:47,345 just use the momentum 491 00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:51,182 of your lower half to hoist yourself up. 492 00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:52,250 Okay? 493 00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:58,689 You know what? I'll help. 494 00:20:58,691 --> 00:20:59,790 - I will help. - No. Please... 495 00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:00,992 don't. 496 00:21:00,994 --> 00:21:03,060 Don't be shy. Dwight, let's do this. 497 00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:04,061 Come on. We're doin' this thing. 498 00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,596 - Ready? On three. - Let's get up. 499 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,098 - One, two... - Bend at the knees. 500 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,099 - Go! - Okay, here we go! 501 00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:09,267 Here we go. 502 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,836 I'm under this... I'm under this hock here. 503 00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:13,404 I don't know what I'm grabbin' here. 504 00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:15,306 All right, all right, stop. Put me down. 505 00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:16,974 - Put me down. - Push it! Push it! 506 00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:18,075 I'm right in your crack. 507 00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:19,577 - Put me down now! - You're almost there! 508 00:21:19,579 --> 00:21:20,845 Put me down right now! 509 00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:22,213 - I've had enough! - You've got it. 510 00:21:22,215 --> 00:21:23,581 Put me down right now! 511 00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:24,615 Whoa whoa whoa! Okay. 512 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,817 - Hey, hey. Easy. - Easy. 513 00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:27,918 I'm sorry. 514 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,020 Don't... 515 00:21:29,022 --> 00:21:31,922 It's just not going to work for me. 516 00:21:31,924 --> 00:21:33,758 I have to go. 517 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,826 I don't understand. 518 00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:37,528 I was on the fence about this, 519 00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:39,864 and it's just not a good fit. 520 00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:41,499 Well, we'll squeeze you in. 521 00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:43,367 I can't work here. 522 00:21:43,369 --> 00:21:46,837 I have to quit. 523 00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:49,473 You can't quit on the first day. 524 00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:52,543 That's... heresy, my friend. 525 00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:54,512 Okay, let's talk about this. 526 00:21:54,514 --> 00:21:57,148 What happened? I mean, what... 527 00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:57,915 Was it Toby? 528 00:21:57,917 --> 00:21:59,784 Did he say something? 529 00:21:59,786 --> 00:22:01,619 'Cause he's... 530 00:22:01,621 --> 00:22:04,855 No, Toby was helpful. He was very kind. 531 00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:08,459 It's just your management style. 532 00:22:10,929 --> 00:22:12,229 My management style? 533 00:22:12,231 --> 00:22:14,999 So... 534 00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:17,168 Didn't you think Lazy Scranton was funny? 535 00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:18,669 No. 536 00:22:18,671 --> 00:22:20,171 Was it supposed to be funny? 537 00:22:20,173 --> 00:22:22,239 Okay, well... 538 00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,344 Don't bother quitting because you're fired. 539 00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:28,746 - Excuse me? - You are fired! 540 00:22:28,748 --> 00:22:31,649 I'm sorry, but we don't have quitters on this team. 541 00:22:31,651 --> 00:22:32,983 Just clean out your desk! 542 00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:35,486 But there's nothing in my desk except coupons. 543 00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:37,221 Don't try to apologize to me, man. 544 00:22:37,223 --> 00:22:39,156 It's too late. Just get out. 545 00:22:40,559 --> 00:22:42,727 Take your bad vibes with you. 546 00:22:42,729 --> 00:22:44,662 That was my advice, remember? 547 00:22:44,664 --> 00:22:46,030 I'm the one who suggested that you fire him. 548 00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:48,432 Probably the best advice you ever gave me, Dwight. 549 00:22:48,434 --> 00:22:49,900 And what advice 550 00:22:49,902 --> 00:22:53,371 has Andy given to you today that you have acted on? 551 00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:55,973 Would "none" be an accurate estimate? 552 00:22:55,975 --> 00:22:58,609 None advice? 553 00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:00,077 Fire Andy. 554 00:23:00,679 --> 00:23:03,347 Fire... Andy. 555 00:23:03,349 --> 00:23:06,450 Dwight may have won the battle, 556 00:23:06,452 --> 00:23:10,621 but I will win the next battle. 557 00:23:10,623 --> 00:23:11,622 Tony was right. 558 00:23:11,624 --> 00:23:13,457 This environment is dysfunctional. 559 00:23:13,459 --> 00:23:15,459 Well, maybe that's because some people treat it 560 00:23:15,461 --> 00:23:17,661 like their own private Hooters strip club. 561 00:23:17,663 --> 00:23:20,331 Whoa, Angela, hold on. 562 00:23:20,333 --> 00:23:21,766 Hooters is a restaurant 563 00:23:21,768 --> 00:23:24,001 with over 400 locations worldwide. 564 00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:25,770 Back to work. We don't have to get along. 565 00:23:25,772 --> 00:23:27,071 We just have to work together. 566 00:23:27,073 --> 00:23:29,106 No, we do have to get along. 567 00:23:29,108 --> 00:23:32,343 Can't we all just get along? 568 00:23:32,345 --> 00:23:37,047 Or have we forgotten the words of the Reverend King? 569 00:23:37,049 --> 00:23:38,849 The word "merger" comes from the word "marriage." 570 00:23:38,851 --> 00:23:40,818 And that was what today was supposed to be. 571 00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:44,188 The loving union between people. 572 00:23:44,190 --> 00:23:46,957 Instead, it has become like... 573 00:23:46,959 --> 00:23:50,428 when my mom moved in with Jeff. 574 00:23:50,430 --> 00:23:54,398 And, once again, it becomes my job to fix it. 575 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:55,499 Hey! 576 00:23:55,501 --> 00:23:56,500 Hey, everybody! 577 00:23:56,502 --> 00:23:57,568 Something happened! 578 00:23:57,570 --> 00:23:59,703 Those guys from Vance Refrigeration, 579 00:23:59,705 --> 00:24:01,372 they let the air out of our tires. 580 00:24:01,374 --> 00:24:02,840 - What?! - Yeah! They punked us! 581 00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:04,508 They punked us good. Come on. 582 00:24:04,510 --> 00:24:06,076 Come on. 583 00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:10,815 Does Bob Vance work for Vance Refrigeration? 584 00:24:10,817 --> 00:24:12,883 Does he ever. 585 00:24:18,757 --> 00:24:20,524 Man, they got us so bad. 586 00:24:20,526 --> 00:24:22,526 We cannot let 'em get away with this. 587 00:24:22,528 --> 00:24:25,262 We have got to pull together as one 588 00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:26,363 and steal their refrigerators. 589 00:24:26,365 --> 00:24:27,798 - Yeah! - Yeah? 590 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,700 I don't think we can do that. 591 00:24:29,702 --> 00:24:31,068 Go home, Toby. Just... 592 00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:32,336 Hey! 593 00:24:32,338 --> 00:24:33,671 Why doesn't your car have a flat tire? 594 00:24:33,673 --> 00:24:35,239 Why? I will tell you why. 595 00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:38,609 Because they saved the worst for me. 596 00:24:38,611 --> 00:24:41,579 They put a hate note under my windshield wiper. 597 00:24:41,581 --> 00:24:43,180 Check this out. It's so hateful. 598 00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:44,648 "You guys suck! 599 00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:46,717 "You can never pull together as one 600 00:24:46,719 --> 00:24:47,818 "and revenge us. 601 00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:49,520 That is why you suck." 602 00:24:49,522 --> 00:24:51,322 For crying out loud. 603 00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:53,190 No. No, no, no, no. 604 00:24:53,192 --> 00:24:54,492 No. You are falling for it. 605 00:24:54,494 --> 00:24:56,060 You are playing right into their hands. 606 00:24:56,062 --> 00:24:57,394 This is just what they want you to do. 607 00:24:57,396 --> 00:24:58,762 Man, what is with this guy? 608 00:24:58,764 --> 00:25:00,764 Got an hour? I'll try to explain. 609 00:25:04,369 --> 00:25:07,271 This is egregious! 610 00:25:08,707 --> 00:25:10,774 This is egregious! 611 00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:14,278 Trust me, it only gets worse. 612 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,746 Is he always like this? 613 00:25:15,748 --> 00:25:17,348 Sometimes he brings more costumes. 614 00:25:17,350 --> 00:25:19,683 Hmm. When do people work? 615 00:25:19,685 --> 00:25:22,219 Oh, we find little times during the day. 616 00:25:22,221 --> 00:25:24,021 How're we gonna get home? 617 00:25:24,023 --> 00:25:27,525 Bob Vance has an air pump. He said he'd fill all our tires up. 618 00:25:27,527 --> 00:25:29,593 Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration. 619 00:25:31,530 --> 00:25:33,063 See that? 620 00:25:33,065 --> 00:25:34,798 Mission accomplished. 621 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,867 They're like a bunch of fourth graders. 622 00:25:36,869 --> 00:25:39,470 Sometimes what brings the kids together 623 00:25:39,472 --> 00:25:41,572 is hating the lunch lady. 624 00:25:41,574 --> 00:25:43,073 Although that'll change 625 00:25:43,075 --> 00:25:46,210 because by the end of the fourth grade, 626 00:25:46,212 --> 00:25:48,279 the lunch lady was actually the person 627 00:25:48,281 --> 00:25:50,414 I hung out with the most. 628 00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:56,320 Jello. 629 00:25:56,322 --> 00:25:57,688 - Michael. - Hi, Jan. 630 00:25:57,690 --> 00:25:59,657 Did you fire Tony Gardner when he was trying to quit? 631 00:25:59,659 --> 00:26:00,691 I did. 632 00:26:00,693 --> 00:26:03,193 Major personnel crisis averted. 633 00:26:03,195 --> 00:26:03,193 Complement accepted. 634 00:26:03,195 --> 00:26:08,933 Do you realize, Michael, that we now have to pay him severance? 635 00:26:08,935 --> 00:26:10,100 Yes. 636 00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:12,102 You do? 637 00:26:12,104 --> 00:26:15,339 But do you realize that that was actually Dwight's idea? 638 00:26:15,341 --> 00:26:17,074 Bad advice from my number two. 639 00:26:17,076 --> 00:26:18,542 What...? No. No. 640 00:26:18,544 --> 00:26:20,744 No, Jim is your number two. 641 00:26:20,746 --> 00:26:20,744 What? 642 00:26:20,746 --> 00:26:24,014 He's the only one who has worked with both groups. 643 00:26:24,016 --> 00:26:27,384 I sent you a memo about this. 644 00:26:27,386 --> 00:26:30,454 Yes, I know that, for I do read the memos. 645 00:26:32,123 --> 00:26:34,091 So, after a great deal of thought 646 00:26:34,093 --> 00:26:35,359 and introspective-shun, 647 00:26:35,361 --> 00:26:38,195 I have decided to make Jim 648 00:26:38,197 --> 00:26:40,230 my new number two. 649 00:26:41,132 --> 00:26:42,633 If he even wants it. 650 00:26:42,635 --> 00:26:43,968 It doesn't come with a pay raise. 651 00:26:43,970 --> 00:26:45,869 No, it does, actually. 652 00:26:45,871 --> 00:26:49,006 So who will be your new number three? 653 00:26:49,008 --> 00:26:51,275 Uh, that I have not decided yet. 654 00:26:51,277 --> 00:26:52,943 Michael, I would just like to say 655 00:26:52,945 --> 00:26:55,479 that you have handled this entire situation 656 00:26:55,481 --> 00:26:57,281 with great aplomb. 657 00:26:57,283 --> 00:26:59,850 Thank you, Andy. That's very kind. 658 00:26:59,852 --> 00:27:01,986 And I have to say that your leadership... 659 00:27:01,988 --> 00:27:02,987 Shut it. 660 00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:03,988 Shut it. 661 00:27:03,990 --> 00:27:05,055 That's... 662 00:27:06,725 --> 00:27:08,292 Suck-up. 663 00:27:13,932 --> 00:27:16,467 Hey. Where you at, Filippelli? 664 00:27:16,469 --> 00:27:19,036 I'm at the grocery store buying a corkscrew 665 00:27:19,038 --> 00:27:20,638 to give myself a lobotomy. 666 00:27:22,008 --> 00:27:23,841 What's wrong, you didn't have a good first day? 667 00:27:23,843 --> 00:27:25,476 Oh, my God. 668 00:27:25,478 --> 00:27:27,378 Hey, you want to meet at Cooper's in an hour? 669 00:27:27,380 --> 00:27:28,545 I need a drink. 670 00:27:28,547 --> 00:27:30,514 Yeah, sure. Sounds good. 671 00:27:30,516 --> 00:27:31,782 I... 672 00:27:31,784 --> 00:27:32,950 Hey, you know what? 673 00:27:32,952 --> 00:27:34,151 Can I give you a call right back? 674 00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:35,452 - Yeah. - Okay. Thanks. 675 00:27:35,454 --> 00:27:37,287 Okay. 676 00:27:37,289 --> 00:27:39,089 Hey. 677 00:27:39,091 --> 00:27:40,157 Hey. 678 00:27:40,159 --> 00:27:42,059 I thought you had already left. 679 00:27:42,061 --> 00:27:43,394 Uh... no. 680 00:27:43,396 --> 00:27:44,995 I just had some 681 00:27:44,997 --> 00:27:46,630 - other stuff I had to do. - Oh, good. 682 00:27:46,632 --> 00:27:47,731 What's up? 683 00:27:47,733 --> 00:27:49,233 Oh, nothing. I just feel bad. 684 00:27:49,235 --> 00:27:50,467 I feel like things were a little weird today 685 00:27:50,469 --> 00:27:51,568 or something. 686 00:27:51,570 --> 00:27:53,003 What do you mean? 687 00:27:53,005 --> 00:27:55,773 I just think I should tell you 688 00:27:55,775 --> 00:27:58,709 that I've sort of started seeing someone, 689 00:27:58,711 --> 00:28:00,411 Oh. And, uh... 690 00:28:00,413 --> 00:28:01,812 That's totally cool. 691 00:28:01,814 --> 00:28:03,781 You can do whatever you want. 692 00:28:03,783 --> 00:28:06,417 Oh. Okay, uh... 693 00:28:06,419 --> 00:28:07,785 Good. 694 00:28:07,787 --> 00:28:09,053 We're friends. 695 00:28:09,055 --> 00:28:11,522 We'll always be friends. 696 00:28:11,524 --> 00:28:13,357 Right. 697 00:28:14,793 --> 00:28:15,859 It's good to have you back. 698 00:28:15,861 --> 00:28:17,294 Yeah. 699 00:28:17,296 --> 00:28:19,563 Good to be back. 700 00:28:37,515 --> 00:28:39,516 Where'd you get that salad? 701 00:28:39,518 --> 00:28:41,251 Staples. 702 00:28:46,024 --> 00:28:47,524 I saw your dork-mobile in the parking lot. 703 00:28:47,526 --> 00:28:49,026 What does it get, like four miles to the gallon? 704 00:28:49,028 --> 00:28:50,661 Uh, try double that. 705 00:28:50,663 --> 00:28:52,930 Classic Trans Am, vintage American muscle. 706 00:28:52,932 --> 00:28:55,532 - Please. - 'Kay, my Xterra's pretty sweet. 707 00:28:55,534 --> 00:28:57,367 Luxurious, yet rugged. 708 00:28:57,369 --> 00:28:58,368 Leave it to the Japanese. 709 00:28:58,370 --> 00:29:00,170 "Xterra" is not even a real word. 710 00:29:00,172 --> 00:29:01,572 Actually, it is. 711 00:29:01,574 --> 00:29:03,073 It's Latin for "Earth." 712 00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:04,675 Oh, so you drive an "X-Earth?" 713 00:29:04,677 --> 00:29:06,176 - Yeah. - That makes sense. 714 00:29:06,178 --> 00:29:08,579 I'd rather drive a classic Trans Am 715 00:29:08,581 --> 00:29:10,180 than an "X-Earth." 716 00:29:10,849 --> 00:29:12,282 Yeah, I bet you would. 717 00:29:12,284 --> 00:29:14,218 Oh, uh, by the way, 1985 called. 718 00:29:14,220 --> 00:29:15,452 It wants its car back. 719 00:29:15,454 --> 00:29:17,254 Well, I hope 1985 has a time machine, 720 00:29:17,256 --> 00:29:18,388 'cause I drive an '87. 721 00:29:18,390 --> 00:29:20,057 Oh, speaking of time machines, 722 00:29:20,059 --> 00:29:21,225 I just got back from the future, 723 00:29:21,227 --> 00:29:23,093 and I went to your funeral, and... guess what? 724 00:29:23,095 --> 00:29:24,394 Nobody came. 725 00:29:24,396 --> 00:29:26,130 Speaking of funerals... 726 00:29:26,132 --> 00:29:29,199 Why don't you go ahead and go die? 727 00:29:29,201 --> 00:29:31,602 Oh, that was a really... 728 00:29:31,604 --> 00:29:33,437 well constructed sentence. 729 00:29:33,439 --> 00:29:35,472 You should be an English professor 730 00:29:35,474 --> 00:29:38,308 at Cor-not University 731 00:29:38,310 --> 00:29:39,810 Idiot. 732 00:29:39,812 --> 00:29:42,446 If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a Trans Am. 733 00:29:42,448 --> 00:29:43,881 If you were driving a Trans Am, 734 00:29:43,883 --> 00:29:46,884 you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world. 735 00:29:48,387 --> 00:29:49,686 Idiot. 736 00:29:49,688 --> 00:29:52,656 You're the idiot. 737 00:29:52,658 --> 00:29:54,291 Nice comeback. 738 00:29:54,293 --> 00:29:56,627 I was making fun of your comeback. 739 00:29:56,629 --> 00:29:59,129 That's why it worked. 740 00:30:01,466 --> 00:30:03,600 I totally got the best of that interchange. 740 00:30:04,305 --> 00:31:04,207 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today