1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,401
Oh!

2
00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:04,803
She's absolutely adorable!

3
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,905
He.

4
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:09,908
Oh, sorry.
He's dressed all in pink.

5
00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:11,310
That's his favorite color.

6
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,912
Oh, that's fun for him.

7
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,481
Fantastic.

8
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:18,784
Oh, wow, look at that.
How cute.

9
00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,019
Thank you.

10
00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,253
Oh, may I?

11
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:22,955
Sure.

12
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:28,594
Hey, look at me!
I'm a baby!

13
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,829
I'm one of those babies
from Look Who's Talking.

14
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,498
What am I thinking?

15
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,733
Look at all those staplers.

16
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,035
What's a stapler?
I don't even know.

17
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:38,070
I'm a baby.
Hey, Mom!

18
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:39,938
I'm thirsty.

19
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,440
I'm thirsty, Mama.

20
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:43,008
I want some milk.

21
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:45,944
And you know where
milk comes from.

22
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,279
Breasts!

23
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:55,074
Support us and become VIP member 
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

24
00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:23,982
- Hey.
- Hey.

25
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,954
You almost done?

26
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:32,324
Just about, yeah.

27
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:33,725
Now.

28
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:36,195
Yes, I've started to see Karen.

29
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:39,565
It's very new,
and I'm not really ready

30
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,266
to talk about it
openly yet just because

31
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,602
I think once the word
gets out there,

32
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,804
it might affect the way
people behave around us.

33
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:49,208
Or... I don't know.

34
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:51,910
Just not yet.

35
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:55,948
Yeah, Jan, it, um,
looks like a check.

36
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,616
A piece of paper of some sort.

37
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:58,984
A receipt.

38
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:00,853
Jan, this is Angela Martin
from accounting.

39
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:01,854
Mm-hmm.

40
00:02:01,856 --> 00:02:02,888
Look, we have a rebate

41
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:05,524
from the Federal Work
Opportunity Program.

42
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:06,859
And no one knows
what that means.

43
00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:09,928
We get that money
for hiring an ex-convict.

44
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,564
I didn't hire
an ex-convict.

45
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,666
Unless they mean Toby.

46
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,135
Convicted rapist.

47
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,037
I'm just kidding.

48
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:20,706
When did the check come?

49
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,040
Last week.

50
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,809
Okay, that's when
the branches merged,

51
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,844
so Josh must've been taking
advantage of this program.

52
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,212
Smart move.

53
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:29,081
One of the Stamford
people is a criminal?

54
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,083
Hey, Jan, speaking of Stamford,

55
00:02:31,085 --> 00:02:33,018
Hannah brought in her baby.

56
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,554
Jan, which one of new
employees is a criminal?

57
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:39,291
A reformed convict.
And I'm not sure.

58
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:40,526
Though hang on.
Let me email our H.R.

59
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,027
Stay on the line.

60
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,228
Who is it?

61
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:45,230
Hannah?

62
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:46,932
Hmm.

63
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:49,101
Andy?

64
00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:51,670
Andy.

65
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,339
Martin?

66
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,041
Oh, you are such a racist.

67
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:57,776
Wait, why am I a racist?

68
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:58,877
Because you think he's black.

69
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:02,314
He is black, right?

70
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,783
Stop it.
Stop it right now!

71
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,552
Okay, it's someone
named Martin Nash.

72
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:07,886
Yeah!

73
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:09,121
Michael?

74
00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:12,257
Why did the convict
have to be a black guy?

75
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:15,627
It is such a stereotype.

76
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:19,031
I just wish that Josh had made
a more progressive choice,

77
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:22,067
like a white guy...

78
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:23,802
who went to prison

79
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:28,674
for polluting
a black guy's lake.

80
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:30,209
I wonder what he did.

81
00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,711
In our society,

82
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,314
a black man can be arrested

83
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:38,650
for almost anything.

84
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:41,520
He was probably
at a sporting event

85
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,456
and saw some people
pushing each other.

86
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,291
And he intervened.

87
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,860
Why would anyone
go to jail for that?

88
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:51,230
So...

89
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,332
what we need to do

90
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,033
is to forget

91
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,302
about this whole
"Martin in prison" thing.

92
00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:59,071
People will draw

93
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,672
unfair conclusions about Martin

94
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,241
and/or black people.

95
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:05,844
- Cool.
- Okay.

96
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:06,912
Angela?

97
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,382
Sure.

98
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,317
Let's protect the convicts

99
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,119
at the expense
of the general feeling

100
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,654
of safety in the workplace.

101
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:18,957
As a 90-pound female
that sits in an ill-lit,

102
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,260
rarely-visited corner
of the office,

103
00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:22,995
naturally I agree with that.

104
00:04:22,997 --> 00:04:24,896
Good.

105
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,331
All right.

106
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,105
Jim Halpert.

107
00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:35,507
I am so horny.

108
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:42,114
Okay, I can't help you
with that.

109
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:45,617
Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna.

110
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,487
Tell me about that
Indian chick Kelly.

111
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,022
She seems pretty slutty.

112
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:51,957
Good for a romp in the sack.

113
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,760
She is dating Ryan, I think.

114
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,962
Oh, and I care why?

115
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,697
She's high maintenance.

116
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,033
Next.
How about...

117
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:09,274
Blondes are more fun.

118
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:10,475
Come on, trust me on that.

119
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,510
Yeah, trust me.

120
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,912
That would be fun for no one.

121
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,881
Okay, fine.
Okay.

122
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:18,250
Pam, the receptionist.

123
00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:21,987
Pam.
Should I go for it?

124
00:05:28,428 --> 00:05:30,662
Absolutely you should.

125
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,130
Jackpot.

126
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:34,032
Just try to be cool.

127
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,233
I am cool.

128
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:36,368
Are you cool really?

129
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,536
I'm so cool.

130
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:38,870
Tell me what is going on.

131
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:43,975
Um, Martin from Stamford

132
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:47,312
was at one time in prison.

133
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:54,086
No, Dwight.
Be cool, be cool.

134
00:05:54,088 --> 00:05:55,354
I am greatly concerned

135
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:57,289
about having a convict
in the office.

136
00:05:57,291 --> 00:05:59,891
And I do not care
if that convict is white,

137
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,227
black, Asian, German,

138
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,763
or some kind of halfsie.

139
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:07,065
I do not like criminals.

140
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,613
Oh, God.

141
00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:25,884
All righty.
Let's get started.

142
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,519
What is she into?

143
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,221
I know Pam pretty well.

144
00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:30,756
I know the things
that she likes.

145
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,624
And just as important,

146
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,393
I know the things
that she hates.

147
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:37,596
So one of the things
that she likes is pranks.

148
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,832
And the things that she hates...

149
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,434
Frisbee-based
competitions.

150
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,336
Are you kidding?

151
00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:46,405
I started the main
Frisbee golf club

152
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,940
at Cornell
where I went to college.

153
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,442
I live to frolf.

154
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:51,910
Lead off with that.

155
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,345
Okay.

156
00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:54,913
She loves hunting.

157
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,183
She also loves those ads
for Six Flags

158
00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,217
with the old guy.

159
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,587
Got it.

160
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,757
Also... do you speak
pig Latin?

161
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,260
Hey, Martin.
How's it going?

162
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,729
Good.
Getting settled, you know.

163
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:13,465
Ah, good, good.
Good.

164
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:14,800
Just a second.

165
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:18,503
Everybody, may I have
your attention please?

166
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,540
I realize that a lot of you
have already heard

167
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,341
that Martin here

168
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,510
has had some trouble
with the law.

169
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:27,712
But I just want
to declare publicly

170
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:31,383
that I trust him completely.

171
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:34,052
And that anybody who doesn't

172
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:38,290
is an ignorant,
dumb person, okay?

173
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,357
As a matter of fact,

174
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,593
you show me a white man
you trust,

175
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:43,829
and I will show you a black man

176
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:46,531
that I trust even more.

177
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:48,533
Pam, tell me
a white person you trust.

178
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:49,868
My dad.

179
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,504
Danny Glover.

180
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:55,073
- Yeah?
- Jonas Salk.

181
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,075
- Who?
- Justin Timberlake.

182
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:59,277
Oh, please.
Colin Powell.

183
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,378
Hey, I got one.

184
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:01,880
- Yeah?
- Jesus.

185
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,982
Apollo Creed.

186
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:07,486
Close your eyes.

187
00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:10,188
Picture a convict.

188
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,190
What's he wearing?

189
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:13,592
Nothing special.

190
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:16,428
Baseball cap on backward,
baggy pants.

191
00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:18,396
He says something ordinary like,

192
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:20,565
"Yo, that's shizzle."

193
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:24,336
Okay, now slowly
open your eyes again.

194
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:26,238
Who were you picturing?

195
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,340
A black man?

196
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:29,441
Wrong.

197
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:32,911
That was a white woman.

198
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:35,547
Surprised?

199
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,282
Well, shame on you.

200
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,118
So, you all want to know
what I was in for?

201
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,654
No, that's not cool.

202
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,055
You don't have to tell them.

203
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:48,527
I really don't mind.
It was a stupid mistake.

204
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,095
I was working in finance,

205
00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:52,697
and I got involved
in some insider trading.

206
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:55,133
So I spent a little time

207
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,668
in the clink.

208
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:59,170
Oh!

209
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:03,341
That is awesome.

210
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,578
I had Martin explain to me
three times

211
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:10,882
what he got arrested for,
because...

212
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,884
it sounds an awful lot

213
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:17,689
like I what I do here every day.

214
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,324
What was prison like?

215
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,859
Not terrible.

216
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:22,160
Boring.

217
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,629
We do the same thing every day.

218
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:26,364
But at least
we'd get outdoors time.

219
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:27,732
You got outdoors time?

220
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,768
Two hours every day.

221
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,736
Sometimes we'd play
pickup football games.

222
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,339
Michael, why don't we get
outdoors time?

223
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:36,241
Yeah, some days
I never go outside.

224
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,976
Well, we are running a business.

225
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:39,144
What was your cell like?

226
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:40,478
Not good.

227
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:44,883
It was a little bit bigger
than Michael's office.

228
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:47,152
But you know,
I really only slept there.

229
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:50,689
You know, during the day
our time was our own.

230
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,390
They had classes.

231
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:54,192
I took some watercolor classes.

232
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,727
They have art classes?

233
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:56,861
Yeah.

234
00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:58,663
They have business
classes there?

235
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:01,499
They did, taught by some
Harvard Business School guys.

236
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,835
A lot of the guys also
that were in the class...

237
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,403
the inmates...

238
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:06,638
a lot of them have gone on to do

239
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,173
- extraordinary things in business.
- Terrible things.

240
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:11,009
Kind of sounds like prison's
better than Dunder-Mifflin.

241
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,178
Okay, well, that's not true.

242
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,080
I would so rather be in prison.

243
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:16,581
Prison sounds great.

244
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,049
No, you would not.

245
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,351
This place is not prison.

246
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:23,288
It's way better than prison.

247
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,190
Baby!

248
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:26,358
Hello, baby!

249
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,559
Here, you want to play
with this?

250
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:28,927
You can't give
paperclips to a baby.

251
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,395
He could swallow.

252
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,230
Oh, it's okay.
I've got tons of 'em.

253
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,866
You like that?
Goo goo goo goo?

254
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:39,237
Pam-a-lama-ding-dong.

255
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,905
Listen, you're cute.

256
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:43,541
There's no getting around it.

257
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:46,077
So I don't know
if I like country music,

258
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,912
but I was thinking
maybe one of these days

259
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:49,114
we could drive out
to the fields,

260
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,049
crank up some tunes.

261
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,784
Smoke a few Macanudos.

262
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:56,021
Maybe even toss a disc around.

263
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,957
Utway ooday ooyay
inkthay, Ampay?

264
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:01,993
Wow. I...

265
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,162
Shh!

266
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,864
Think about it.

267
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,332
I'll hit you back.

268
00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:20,645
Wow.

269
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:24,315
That was...

270
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,685
Wow.

271
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:30,288
Okay, listen up, everybody.

272
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:34,893
Um, you guys said that prison
was better than this place.

273
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,128
And I heard you loud and clear.

274
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:39,898
So I am instituting some changes

275
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,033
to make this more like prison.

276
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,501
We are going to start

277
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,737
with an hour of outdoor time.

278
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:46,871
So let's go!

279
00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:57,015
Michael, it's freezing out.

280
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,450
I can't feel my toes.

281
00:11:58,452 --> 00:12:02,420
Why don't we pump some iron?

282
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,422
Anybody want to pump up?

283
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,591
What is that, like, five pounds?

284
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,259
It's two and half.

285
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,428
I'm not going for bulk.
I'm going for tone.

286
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,629
I'm going back inside.
It's freezing.

287
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:13,665
Yeah, it is freaking
cold out here.

288
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:15,066
Anybody wants to stay out,

289
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,568
you got about 27 minutes
of rec time.

290
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:22,440
Oh, hey, Martin!

291
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,843
You have TV in the joint?

292
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,177
Yeah, in the rec room.

293
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,480
Ah, got a ten-inch
black and white?

294
00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:30,648
Actually, our TV was
bigger than that one.

295
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:35,487
These people do realize
how lucky they are.

296
00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:38,857
This office is
the American Dream.

297
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:40,759
And they would rather
be in the hole.

298
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,763
Oh, Andy.

299
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:47,065
I thought of one last tack
you can take with Pam.

300
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,868
- Yeah, what?
- Quick question. Do you play the guitar?

301
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,102
I play the banjo.

302
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,470
Hold on.
Let me think about that.

303
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,838
Yes, that'll work.

304
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:57,075
But can you sing in a sexy
high falsetto voice?

305
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,281
Yep, that's perfect.

306
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,750
- Hey.
- Hey.

307
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,285
I'm gonna go get
my banjo out of my car.

308
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,520
Perfect.

309
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:11,122
What is going on?

310
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,791
I'm messing with Andy.

311
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,392
I'm sending him to all
the women in the office

312
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,928
with just terrible information

313
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,463
on how to get them
to go out with him.

314
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,898
I love it.
I want in.

315
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,801
Who's the target?

316
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:25,270
Oh, you know what?

317
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,272
- It was gonna be Pam, but...
- Perfect.

318
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:28,940
What do I do?
Just give me an assignment.

319
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:31,476
Oh, you know what, though?

320
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,778
I feel like I already
sicced him on Pam.

321
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,113
We'll give her a break.

322
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,549
Let's think of someone else.

323
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:38,683
All right, everybody.

324
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,652
There has been
a lot of name-calling

325
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,187
against our office today.

326
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:45,190
Corporate maligning, slurring.

327
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:48,393
Much of it coming
from one of you

328
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:52,597
who claims that prison is better

329
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:54,199
than here.

330
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,701
And none of us can say "boo"

331
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:59,704
because none of us
have ever been to prison.

332
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:03,041
Well, here's somebody
I'd like you to meet.

333
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:06,344
Somebody else who has
been to prison

334
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,846
who can tell you what

335
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:11,583
it is really like.

336
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:14,986
I'm Prison Mike.

337
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,388
You know why they call me
Prison Mike?

338
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,023
Do you really expect us to
believe you're somebody else?

339
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,692
Do you really expect me

340
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,161
to not push you up against
the wall, beeyotch?

341
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,929
Hey!
Whoa, whoa!

342
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:27,732
Hey, that's just the way
we talk in the clink.

343
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:30,535
Been a lot of fun talk
about prison today.

344
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,704
But I am here
to scare you straight.

345
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:38,509
I am here to scare you straight!

346
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:41,312
In prison, you are
somebody's bitch.

347
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,847
Oh, and you.

348
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,649
You, my friend, would be

349
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:46,651
da belle of da ball.

350
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:49,020
Don't drop the soap.
Don't drop the soap.

351
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,088
Michael, please.

352
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,492
Where did you learn all of this?

353
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:55,660
Internet.

354
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:56,694
So not prison.

355
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,631
And prison.
It's 50/50.

356
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:00,965
Both.

357
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,967
Look, prison stinks

358
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:04,202
is what I'm saying.

359
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,770
It's not like you can go home

360
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,505
and recharge your batteries

361
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,806
and come back in the morning

362
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:11,576
and be with your friends
having fun in the office.

363
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:14,712
What did you do, Prison Mike?

364
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:17,415
I stole.

365
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,918
And I robbed.

366
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:23,588
And I kidnapped
the President's son

367
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,056
and held him for ransom.

368
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:27,959
That is quite
the rap sheet, Prison Mike.

369
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,694
An I never got caught neither.

370
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,996
Well, you're in prison,
but, mm-hmm.

371
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:34,499
Prison Mike, what was
the food like in prison?

372
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:37,502
Gruel sandwiches.

373
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,803
Gruel omelets.

374
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,638
Nothing but gruel.

375
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,206
Plus, you can eat your own hair.

376
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:43,975
Wow.

377
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,310
Prison sounds horrible.

378
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,211
Yeah, yeah.

379
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:49,380
Well, thank you, Andy.
Thanks.

380
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,683
Prison Mike,
what's the very, very

381
00:15:51,685 --> 00:15:53,284
worst thing about prison?

382
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,320
Don't encourage him, Dwight.

383
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:58,690
The worst thing about prison
was... was the Dementors.

384
00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:00,925
They were flying
all over the place,

385
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:02,560
and they were scary.

386
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:03,828
And then they'd come down
and they'd suck the soul

387
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,196
out of your body, and it hurt.

388
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:06,864
Dementors like in Harry Potter?

389
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:09,534
No, not Harry Potter.

390
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,536
There were no movies in prison.

391
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,670
This is my point.

392
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,406
You guys got it soft and cushy.

393
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,075
This place is freaking awesome.

394
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:18,576
The people are awesome.

395
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:19,711
Your boss is nice.

396
00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:21,446
Everybody seems to get along.

397
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,448
People are tolerant.

398
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,350
People who would jump
to conclusions

399
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:26,918
can redeem themselves.

400
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,287
Nobody's nobody's bitch.

401
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,189
I hope that this scared you.

402
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,725
And from me, Prison Mike,
to you,

403
00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:37,128
I just want to thank you
for listening to me.

404
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:40,131
And letting me be a part
of your life today.

405
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:43,401
'Cause you got a good life!

406
00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:44,769
You got a good life.

407
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:47,372
A good life.

408
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,313
So, what do you think?

409
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:57,148
It doesn't sound so great,
does it?

410
00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:00,084
Wow.

411
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,686
Thank you.

412
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,789
Um, that must have been hard
for you to relive that.

413
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:06,157
Both of you.

414
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,960
Yeah, that wasn't really

415
00:17:08,962 --> 00:17:10,862
at all my experience.

416
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,797
There were certain elements

417
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,565
of what you performed

418
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,834
I've seen on television,

419
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,570
but it didn't remind me
of my time in prison.

420
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,976
Okay, okay.
Fine.

421
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:27,145
You guys think prison
is so great?

422
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,247
All right.

423
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:32,383
Well, here you go.

424
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,352
Okay, Michael.
Come on, let us out.

425
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:36,954
No, if you think prison
is so wonderful,

426
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,289
then enjoy prison.

427
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,857
Are we locked in here?

428
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,526
They are such babies.

429
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,428
I am going to
leave them in there

430
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,830
until they can
appreciate what it's like

431
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,598
to have freedom.

432
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,267
And if this doesn't bother them,

433
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,035
then I am out of ideas.

434
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:58,009
Hey!
Let us out of here!

435
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:04,148
- Hey, I have...
- Shh!

436
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:10,555
This is Toby.

437
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,323
Hey, Pam.

438
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,925
Where are you calling from?

439
00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:19,163
Michael, why is everyone
locked in the conference room?

440
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:22,467
They were very disrespectful
to me and to the office.

441
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:25,770
And Martin has had
a bad influence.

442
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,539
To think that I gave him
the benefit of a doubt.

443
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:29,941
It's...

444
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:33,344
Well, you're gonna have to
let them out or I will.

445
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:35,780
Okay, you know what, Toby?

446
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:39,584
I am teaching them
a lesson, so...

447
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,919
You know they're teasing you.

448
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:44,722
I mean, obviously this is

449
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:49,227
a much nicer place
than an actual prison.

450
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,761
We get paid to be here.

451
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:53,197
We go home afterwards
and have social lives.

452
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:56,267
And we have parties here.

453
00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:00,605
They're teasing you.

454
00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:02,006
To be funny.

455
00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:12,950
Okay, nutcases,
get out of there.

456
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,819
Good work.

457
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:17,088
Long day.
Really long.

458
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:20,224
Why don't you guys
head home early?

459
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:22,827
Time off for good behavior!

460
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,964
Good job.

461
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,200
Enjoy your freedoms.

462
00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:38,543
Martin went from being
a new guy from Stamford

463
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:40,912
to a convict,

464
00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:43,581
to my friend,

465
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,783
back to a convict,

466
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:48,586
then to kind of
a nuisance, actually,

467
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,988
if we can be completely honest.

468
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:54,692
And finally to a quitter.

469
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,228
And I will not miss him.

470
00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:01,766
And that is not
because he is black.

470
00:20:02,305 --> 00:21:02,496
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/kgkp
Help other users to choose the best subtitles