1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,034
Hello, son.

2
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:03,235
If you're watching this,

3
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:05,371
that means I'm already dead.

4
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:07,206
Life is a road...

5
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,375
How do you know it's gonna be a boy?
How...

6
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,809
Would you stop interrupting,
please?

7
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:13,312
Yesterday,
I was scraping some gunk

8
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:15,547
off my wall sockets
with a metal fork,

9
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:18,951
and I gave myself
the nastiest shock.

10
00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:20,786
And when I came to,

11
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:22,488
I had an epiphery.

12
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:26,892
Life is precious.

13
00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:28,794
And if I die,

14
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:32,664
I want my... son...

15
00:00:34,834 --> 00:00:37,102
to know the dealio.

16
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:38,871
The dealio of life.

17
00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:40,906
Here are some things
that I want to teach you

18
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,408
that your mother
won't be able to.

19
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:45,277
To jump-start a car,
first pop the hood.

20
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:47,579
Then you take these bad boys

21
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:50,949
and clip them
anywhere on the engine.

22
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:53,919
Then, you take these,

23
00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:56,755
and clip them wherever.

24
00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:00,092
Number eight.

25
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,660
Learn how to take off
a woman's bra.

26
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,495
What? We will
demonstrate on Pam.

27
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:04,530
No.
And...

28
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:05,864
No.
Come on.

29
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:07,833
You just twist your hand,

30
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,468
until...

31
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,703
something breaks.

32
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:12,838
Ow.

33
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,206
Well, you get the picture.

34
00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:15,774
Thanks, Pam.

35
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:18,777
And remember, no matter what,

36
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,345
I will always love you.

37
00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:21,413
What if he's a murderer?

38
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,615
He's not gonna be a murderer.

39
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,717
Maybe that's how you die.
You know what?

40
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,420
Dwight,
do you want to do this or no?

41
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,889
I want to do this.
Okay.

42
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,891
From the top.
Ready?

43
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,460
3...
Action.

44
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:42,074
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-

45
00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:56,648
Hello, everyone.

46
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,517
As you know,

47
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,452
we are six days away

48
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,054
from Phyllis's wedding.

49
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:05,157
So get your suits
to the dry cleaners,

50
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:06,258
and get your hair did.

51
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,826
And Karen, um...

52
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,628
you might want to invest
in a... a dress

53
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,296
or a skirt of some kind

54
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,132
if you don't already have one.

55
00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,566
This may be Phyllis's

56
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,101
only wedding ever.

57
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:17,436
It's my job to ensure

58
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,037
that none of you
look like ragamuffins.

59
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:22,708
So... I am instituting

60
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:24,910
primae noctis.

61
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,912
Primae noctis,

62
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,747
I believe
from the movie Braveheart,

63
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:31,116
and confirmed on Wikipedia,

64
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:35,487
is when the king
got to deflower every new bride

65
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,256
on her wedding night.

66
00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,659
So...

67
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,061
I'm sorry.
I...

68
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,930
had a very different
understanding

69
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,798
as to what primae noctis meant.

70
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,735
I'm trying to get everyone
excited about Phyllis's wedding,

71
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,236
because I want her

72
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:53,272
to get people excited
about my wedding,

73
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,606
when the time comes.

74
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:55,941
Which won't be hard.

75
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,309
Because it's gonna be awesome.

76
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,011
A lot better than hers,
that's for sure.

77
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,946
It'll probably be on a boat.

78
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,047
What's up,

79
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:03,282
spinstas?

80
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:04,449
Nothing.

81
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:05,918
You know, this
is a luncheon shower.

82
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:06,952
Girls only.

83
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,353
No problem.

84
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,421
The guys are having

85
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,523
a little shindig of their own

86
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,891
in the warehouse.

87
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,626
From 2:30 to 3:15.

88
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:17,462
It is the only time
that Bob was available.

89
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:19,031
Sort of a guys' night out.

90
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,732
A G-N-O, if you will.

91
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,167
A g-no.

92
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,736
Actually, it's more
of a guys' afternoon in.

93
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,371
A G-A-I.

94
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,439
A gai.

95
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,541
Not...

96
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,543
Not... it's, uh...
not gay.

97
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,879
It's a, just a...

98
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,315
It's a bridal shower for guys.

99
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,983
A guy shower.

100
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:40,219
An hour-long shower
with guys.

101
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:49,828
I guess Jim and I

102
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,863
have had a little bit
of a rough patch

103
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,632
for the past couple weeks,

104
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,500
but we had
some really good talks.

105
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:57,035
And actually,

106
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,338
now I think
that we're better than ever.

107
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:05,010
Karen and I
had a long... talk last night.

108
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:07,012
And the night before that.

109
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,614
And, uh...

110
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:09,881
Every night...

111
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:14,052
for the last five nights.

112
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,867
Something's up
with Jim and Karen.

113
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,403
Not that I've been
eavesdropping.

114
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,505
It's not really
any of my business.

115
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:36,141
But...
I've gotten pretty good

116
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,543
at reading
the back of Jim's neck.

117
00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,512
Halpert!

118
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:43,248
Tall, queer, handsome as ever.

119
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,816
"Hey, everybody, it's me.

120
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,352
Jim."

121
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:49,554
Hello, hello.

122
00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,256
Todd Packer.

123
00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:52,424
Karen Filipelli.

124
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:53,458
Jim's girlfriend.

125
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,626
Shut up!

126
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,994
Yep.
Shut it!

127
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,629
That's rude.

128
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,131
Either this chick is a dude,

129
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:01,466
or Halpert got scared straight!

130
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,701
Yes, yes.

131
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,036
Oh ho!
Yes.

132
00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:05,170
Oh ho ho ho ho.

133
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,805
There... uh!

134
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:07,973
What happened?

135
00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:10,976
Quick, somebody help!

136
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,979
Help the man!
Ow, no, no!

137
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,014
I can't believe
you're not going to be there.

138
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,249
It's gonna be good.

139
00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:19,851
It's gonna be
a great bachelor party, man.

140
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,720
I have a full day
of sales calls.

141
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:22,754
You should get out of them.

142
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,022
I can't.

143
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,558
It's... it's the only time
he can do it.

144
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,827
2:30 to 3:15.

145
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,562
It's gonna be great.

146
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,863
We're going to be doing
some darts,

147
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,965
we're gonna be, uh,
grilling up some steaks.

148
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:36,168
I got some pie...

149
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:38,603
Going to be very delicious...

150
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:41,273
And what kind of stripper
did you get?

151
00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:44,876
I did not order a stripper.

152
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,311
Whaddaya mean,
you didn't order a stripper?

153
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:48,380
Have you ever even been
to a bachelor party?

154
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:49,915
Yeah.

155
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,285
Um...

156
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,421
Not personally, no.

157
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:58,323
All right, Mike.
Okay?

158
00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:00,559
A stripper
is Bachelor Party 101.

159
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,160
I know, I... If you
don't get a stripper,

160
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,428
your party is gonna suck.

161
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:05,297
I can't get a stripper here.

162
00:06:05,299 --> 00:06:06,531
Sexual harassment.

163
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,868
I just...
Get one for the girls, too.

164
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:10,969
That evens it out.

165
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,204
You know, separate but equal.

166
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,940
So that's what that means.

167
00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:17,209
Okay, everybody.
Slight change of plans.

168
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:19,478
We are still going to be
having two parties,

169
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,046
but each is going to get

170
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,781
a little extra dose
of naugh-tay.

171
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:23,915
Unh!

172
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,317
All right!

173
00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:27,252
Unh!
Gay...

174
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,920
What?

175
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,655
Okay, co-ed naked strippers
in this office.

176
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,157
For realsies.

177
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,592
Under no circumstance
should a man

178
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,894
strip off his clothes
in this office.

179
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,262
Shut up, Angela!

180
00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:43,168
Hey.

181
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,870
Hey.

182
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,673
Uh...

183
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:50,175
Uh...

184
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,843
Everything okay?

185
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,245
Oh, yeah.

186
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:54,413
Why?

187
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:57,215
Well, you seem a little tired.

188
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:59,351
Oh.

189
00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:01,119
Yeah, well...

190
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:04,356
I guess there's been
a couple of late nights.

191
00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:07,459
Karen and I
have been up talking.

192
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,962
You should get more sleep.

193
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,664
Yeah.

194
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,199
I know I should.

195
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,635
Never underestimate the power
of a good night's sleep.

196
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,437
No, I'm sure you're right.

197
00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:21,072
When I get eight hours,
compared to, like, six hours...

198
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,375
it's like, big difference!

199
00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:24,543
Really?

200
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,211
Oh, yeah.

201
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,413
Gotta get your REM cycle.

202
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,682
Going with the whole...

203
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,118
sleeping...

204
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,053
better than not.

205
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,856
Good advice, Beesly.

206
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,458
Thanks.
See you out there?

207
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,827
Yeah.

208
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:44,129
Don't fall asleep at your desk.

209
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,331
Oh, my God.

210
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,099
Okay.
We are off.

211
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:51,036
Ryan and I are going to go
get some supplies.

212
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:54,840
And I need you to handle...

213
00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,374
hiring the strippers.

214
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:57,909
Absolutely not.

215
00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,044
I'm on it.

216
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,846
Well, get on it,
and make it happen.

217
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:02,881
Ruddy cheeks, thick calves,

218
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,749
no tats, no moles.

219
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:06,451
No tats.

220
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:08,353
No, tats.

221
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,754
Of course I want...
Stop.

222
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:11,289
That's disgusting.
Leave me alone

223
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,924
and get the male stripper.
Fine.

224
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,459
I knew you would, Nancy.

225
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:15,794
Sally.

226
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,596
Uh... no preference.

227
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,931
Uh, what do you think,
a redhead or brunette?

228
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,000
Blonde.

229
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,803
Nice.

230
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:27,873
Do you have any blonde women?

231
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,842
Hmm.

232
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,447
He hasn't even said a word yet.

233
00:08:35,449 --> 00:08:37,015
Just giggling.

234
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:43,488
Gotcha.

235
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,962
- Yes?
- You okay?

236
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,597
I'm in the...
I'm in the sex shop.

237
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:53,865
Ah, gotcha.

238
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,269
Okay, so they have
Albert Einstein,

239
00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:59,170
Ben Franklin,
or SpongeBob SquarePants.

240
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,572
SquarePants?

241
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,507
Yep, SpongeBob SquarePants.

242
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,876
And you think that'd be sexy?

243
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,044
Michael referred me

244
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:09,915
to a male strip club
called Banana Slings.

245
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,616
Instead, I called

246
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,985
the Scholastic Speakers
of Pennsylvania.

247
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,120
Ooh, ha ha!

248
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,488
Hold the door, please!

249
00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:17,989
Oh.
Thank you.

250
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,391
Ho ho. Hello.

251
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:20,659
Hello.

252
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,160
You wearing a thong?

253
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,662
What?

254
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,601
Sparkling cider is very good.

255
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:30,936
I think that's champagne.

256
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:34,005
Hello, ladies.

257
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:36,374
Who here is a history buff?

258
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,176
Um...

259
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,078
Who's a fan of buff naked?

260
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:44,683
Without further ado, the one,

261
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,718
the only...

262
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,687
the sexy
Mr. Benjamin Franklin.

263
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:52,657
Thank you for that introduction,
Mr. Scott.

264
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:55,727
And good afternoon,
fine gentlewomen

265
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,963
of Dunder-Mifflin.

266
00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,164
Huh?

267
00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,566
Half pants, right,
Mr. Franklin?

268
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,468
Knickers, in fact, yes.

269
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,536
He's in his knickers.

270
00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:06,571
Mr. Franklin.

271
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:07,772
Hmm?
I would say

272
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:11,009
you were probably one of
the sexiest presidents ever.

273
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:14,245
Well, actually,
I never was president.

274
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,715
Yes, but Ben Franklin was.

275
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:19,584
Ah.

276
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:22,153
I am here to teach you
a little bit

277
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,255
about my life.

278
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,157
And the era
of the Founding Fathers.

279
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:30,862
And when they came over
on the Mayflower.

280
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,565
Bow-chicka-bow.

281
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,467
Wait.

282
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,701
This is the entertainment?

283
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:38,036
Yeah.
All right.

284
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:41,306
So I want you to give him
your undivided attention,

285
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,374
and Mr. Franklin...
Hmm?

286
00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:44,743
If any of these ladies
misbehave,

287
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,945
I give you permission
to spank them.

288
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,279
Especially that one.

289
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,387
Have you ever
seen a stripper before?

290
00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:56,755
Yes.

291
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,723
Jennifer Garner
portrayed one on Alias.

292
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:00,525
It was one of her many aliases.

293
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:01,593
Yeah.

294
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:02,894
Me neither.
Hey.

295
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,362
Hi.
I'm Elizabeth.

296
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,131
I'm the dancer
that was requested.

297
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,133
Okay. Ha.

298
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:10,902
I specifically ordered
a stripper.

299
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,604
I'm the stripper.

300
00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:14,205
Oh.
Okay, good.

301
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,708
Well, in future, please
identify yourself as such.

302
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,510
Oh, God.
Okay...

303
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,412
"Is she hot?"

304
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:27,719
Text back,
"Kind of."

305
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:33,191
It was a warm June evening
in 1752,

306
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,160
the night of my fateful
kite flight.

307
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,361
Mr. Franklin.
Yes?

308
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,896
Do you have a girlfriend?

309
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,098
I have a lovely wife.
Deborah.

310
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,701
But don't you also
have girlfriends in Paris?

311
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:43,935
Mm.

312
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,170
Like, a lot of them?

313
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,404
Ah, well, that

314
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:49,040
is a gray area of my life.

315
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,875
Okay? So.

316
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,044
It was a warm June evening...

317
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,913
Look at that.

318
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:58,383
Nothing like grilling
in the great outdoors.

319
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:01,553
Is this the same grill
you grilled your foot on?

320
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,621
No.

321
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:04,889
Yes.

322
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,791
Oh, gross. But I got all
the foot off of it.

323
00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,394
Mm...
Okay, Ben Franklin.

324
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,463
Ah... aha!

325
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:15,100
Oh, Ben Franklin
tied a cherry stem in his mouth!

326
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:17,235
Well, that is because
I am a Renaissance man.

327
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,236
Ben Franklin?

328
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,338
Hmm?
Do you wear boxers,

329
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,639
briefs, or pantaloons?

330
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,008
Well.

331
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:26,177
You're very saucy.

332
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:32,350
Guys! Beef!

333
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,385
It's what's for dinner.

334
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,488
Who wants some man meat?

335
00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:37,822
I do.
I want some man meat.

336
00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:39,257
Michael,

337
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,792
Dwight would like your man meat.

338
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,927
Well, then,
my man meat he shall have.

339
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,230
There you go.

340
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:47,465
Deliciousity.

341
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,566
Of course.

342
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,635
There we go.

343
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,505
So I guess you have
the Ben Franklin wig,

344
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:55,073
and the costume, and you figure,

345
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,941
"How could I put this
to practical use?"

346
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,409
Well, I like to think
that his dad

347
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,145
was a Ben Franklin impersonator.

348
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:03,047
And he really
pressured him into it.

349
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,085
Hey, um,
I wanted to talk to you.

350
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:09,187
I-I know this is weird
or whatever,

351
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,421
but, um...

352
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,824
Jim told me about you guys.

353
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,026
What do you mean?

354
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,594
Well, that you kissed.

355
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:19,264
And we've talked it through,
and it's totally fine.

356
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,232
It's not a big deal.

357
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,301
It was just a kiss.

358
00:13:24,503 --> 00:13:26,404
Wait, you're not still...

359
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:27,605
interested in him?

360
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:29,207
Oh, yeah.

361
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,476
Really.

362
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:33,912
Oh, no.

363
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,847
I'm... I was confused
by your phrasing.

364
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:38,149
You should definitely
go out with Jim.

365
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,651
I mean,
you're going out with Jim.

366
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,019
I'm not going out with Jim.

367
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,420
You're dating him.

368
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,555
Which is awesome,

369
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:45,056
because you guys
are great together.

370
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:46,925
'Kay.

371
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:49,127
I'm not into Jim.

372
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,328
Yeah.

373
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,231
So, um... we're good.

374
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,567
Yeah.

375
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:57,001
Sorry.

376
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,437
What are you sorry about?

377
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:02,006
Um...

378
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,208
What?

379
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:04,609
What are you sorry about?

380
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,211
Nothing.

381
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:08,880
I was just thinking
of something else.

382
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:12,383
Okay, the game is no-limit,
deuce to 7 lowball.

383
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,252
Blinds 25-50.

384
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,221
Nickels are worth 10, dimes 25,

385
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,422
and quarters 50.

386
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:18,556
Nothing wild.

387
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:19,991
Michael shuffle!

388
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,759
Here we go.

389
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:27,165
Michael...

390
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,735
Ah.
Gentlemen...

391
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,837
The entertainment is here.

392
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,072
Everybody,
I'd like to introduce you

393
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,773
to Elizabeth.

394
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,041
Hi, guys.

395
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,443
Nice outfit.

396
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:41,079
I hear there's
an important meeting here.

397
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:45,216
I'm not really into strippers.

398
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,818
And... you know
what I find sexy?

399
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,686
Pam's art.

400
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:49,854
She's an artist.

401
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:52,257
And I appreciate that.

402
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:54,125
It's very moving.

403
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:56,461
And... sexy.

404
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,796
The art.

405
00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,765
Hit it.

406
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:06,604
So where's the groom?

407
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,406
Oh.
He is right there.

408
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,941
There he is.

409
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,009
Absolutely not.

410
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,443
That's all you.

411
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:13,444
It's all you.

412
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,680
Okay.

413
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,181
All right, I'll do it.

414
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:19,017
Yeah, let's do it.

415
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,184
Let's do this thing.

416
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,552
Yeah?

417
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,321
What do I...
Just sit on down.

418
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:24,956
All right.
All right.

419
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,291
Okay.
And here we go.

420
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,092
Oh, here we go.
All right.

421
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,460
Yes.
Whoo!

422
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:32,463
Not bad, not bad.

423
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,432
You smell nice.
Like Tide.

424
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,034
Mm, what's that?

425
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,002
You smell like Tide detergent.

426
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,971
Do you use

427
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,306
Tide detergent?

428
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,642
Ha ha!

429
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,444
Whoo!

430
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,079
I have a girlfriend, so...

431
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,515
I bet she'd be jealous.

432
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,450
Yeah, she'd probably...

433
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,352
Yes, she would be.

434
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,720
You know what?
Okay. Excuse me.

435
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:57,956
This... please.
Stop it, stop it.

436
00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,023
Turn off the music.
This is wrong.

437
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:00,024
This is wrong!

438
00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,125
This is wrong.

439
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,029
I have a girlfriend.

440
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,464
Uh-uh.

441
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,699
And you are engaged,

442
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:08,733
and I'm sure you have

443
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,668
a boyfriend
in prison or something,

444
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:11,936
so...

445
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:13,604
Let's just clear out, okay?

446
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,239
Shame on you.

447
00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:19,010
Go back to work!

448
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:23,715
Elizabeth, I want you
to sit here.

449
00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:25,216
When the phone rings, answer it.

450
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,618
You want me to answer phones

451
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,087
with my clothes on?

452
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,489
We hired you
for three hours' work.

453
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,991
And we're gonna get it.

454
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,630
Ooh, I love your poster.

455
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,001
Thank you.

456
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:55,480
You know,
I invented electricity.

457
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,315
I know.

458
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,383
Well, I'm sensing

459
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,051
a little electricity right here.

460
00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:03,187
Didn't Ben Franklin
have syphilis?

461
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,824
Yes, but I don't.

462
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,860
My name is Gordon.

463
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,429
Oh.

464
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,297
On one hand,
I want to be honest with Jan

465
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:14,365
and tell her the truth.

466
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,533
But on the other hand,

467
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,934
I'm afraid she's gonna dump me.

468
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:18,970
You know, Michael,

469
00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:21,439
I fathered an illegitimate son.

470
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,007
Really.
But I kept all this

471
00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:24,976
from my wife, Deborah.

472
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:28,079
These things only serve
to upset the women.

473
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:30,515
They are the gentler sex.

474
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:33,484
Wow.

475
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,719
Ben Franklin,

476
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,921
you're really
kind of a sleazebag.

477
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,826
Stripper?

478
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,361
Could I ask you a question?

479
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,897
About women?

480
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,465
Um...

481
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,935
Should I tell my girlfriend
that you danced up on me?

482
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:57,708
Secret secrets are no fun.

483
00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,845
Secret secrets hurt someone.

484
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:05,383
Wow.

485
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,085
Thank you.

486
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,589
Care for a piece of chocolate?

487
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,690
Chocolate!

488
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:13,991
Where did you acquire it?

489
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,827
That is a delicacy
in the Amazon,

490
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:17,295
but it has not yet been imported

491
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:18,763
to the United States.

492
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:21,165
Who was the king of Austria?
Joseph II.

493
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,201
Who was the king of Prussia?
Friedrich Wilhelm III.

494
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,469
Who was the king of England?

495
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,971
Why, the tyrant King George,
of course.

496
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,473
I don't care what Jim says.

497
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:31,042
That is not
the real Ben Franklin.

498
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:33,878
I am 99% sure.

499
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,080
Michael, I left a meeting.

500
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:37,682
What is so urgent?

501
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:41,486
Are you... are you okay?

502
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:42,920
Not really.

503
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,989
Look, I don't know
how to say this,

504
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,357
so I just will.

505
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,391
Okay.

506
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,760
I, um...

507
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,196
went to a bachelor party.

508
00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:57,335
And things got
a little out of hand.

509
00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,505
Uh, when... when did...
When, last night?

510
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,140
No, today at work.

511
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,108
You went to a bachelor party
at work?

512
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,177
Yes, I kind of arranged it.

513
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,379
Well, I don't even think
the stripper was that hot.

514
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,214
Do... do you guys
think she was hot?

515
00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:11,415
Kelly, don't do this.

516
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:12,683
Do what?
I just asked you a question.

517
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,018
You know what you're doing.

518
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,153
Anyway, you know who was

519
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,554
totally flirting
with Ben Franklin?

520
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:18,289
Pam.

521
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,657
Really?

522
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,492
Looks like I hired
the right guy.

523
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:22,627
I'm glad.

524
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,228
Any real potential there,
Beesly?

525
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,365
Yeah. Right.

526
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,834
God, I need a boyfriend.

527
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,869
Um...

528
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,005
You know, Ryan,
I'm... I'm totally ready

529
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,407
to be set up with one of
your business school friends.

530
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,675
Whenever.

531
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,010
'Kay.

532
00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:42,580
Oh, my God.

533
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:45,149
I would get so fat if I worked here.
Yeah?

534
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:47,218
I lose my appetite all the time.

535
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:49,954
You could strip, you know.

536
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:52,323
Thanks.

537
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,991
So you don't want
to end our relationship?

538
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,660
I'm closer to firing you.

539
00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:58,129
That is so sweet.

540
00:19:58,131 --> 00:20:00,665
You are the best
cheated girlfriend in the world.

541
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:01,866
Do you know that?

542
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,067
You are.
I'll talk to you later.

543
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:04,435
You are.

544
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:07,738
So you know who turned out
to be kind of a creep?

545
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,341
Ben Franklin.

546
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,910
And...
Elizabeth, the stripper?

547
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:14,545
Gave me great advice.

548
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,380
Which rhymed.

549
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:21,118
Really makes you wonder
how Ben Franklin

550
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,486
can become president,

551
00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:25,223
but someone
like Elizabeth can't.

552
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:29,994
Are you nearsighted
or farsighted?

553
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:29,994
Both.

554
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,964
That's why I invented the bifocals.
Gaah!

554
00:20:33,305 --> 00:21:33,524
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