1
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:05,871
So, do you want to see it
or not?

2
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:06,839
I don't know.

3
00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:09,341
I don't like
Friday night crowds.

4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,844
Oh, my God.
You're, like, agoraphobic.

5
00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:12,678
Agoraphobic?

6
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,713
- Really?
- Yeah!

7
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,682
You would rather
sit on your couch

8
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:16,682
and watch a Phillies game

9
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,952
then go out to a movie
with your awesome girlfriend.

10
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:21,020
Absolutely correct.

11
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,154
Later, Jim.

12
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:24,323
- Kev, have a good weekend.
- Bye.

13
00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:26,892
Okay, so this is
what's gonna happen.

14
00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:26,892
- You're gonna suck it up...
- Here we go.

15
00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:29,628
- And we're gonna go to dinner...
- Okay.

16
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:30,696
And then we're gonna go
to the movies.

17
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,197
- Sounds good.
- Hey, Halpert!

18
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,167
Hey.

19
00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:39,972
Roy!
Ahh!

20
00:00:39,974 --> 00:00:41,106
Roy, don't!

21
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:43,742
God!

22
00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:53,218
Pam, please call security.

23
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,220
Every day for eight years,

24
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,022
I have brought
pepper spray into this office

25
00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:59,925
to protect myself
and my fellow employees.

26
00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:02,027
And every day for eight years,

27
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:03,762
people have laughed at me.

28
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:06,398
Well.
Who's laughing now?

29
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:14,074
Support us and become VIP member 
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

30
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,902
No need for consternation.
Everything is under control.

31
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:44,937
Michael, last Friday

32
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,171
one of your employees

33
00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:48,073
attacked another employee
in your office.

34
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,008
It was a crime of passion, Jan,

35
00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,977
not a disgruntled employee.

36
00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:54,113
Everyone here
is extremely gruntled.

37
00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:56,815
Is Toby there?

38
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,851
- No.
- I'm here, Jan.

39
00:01:58,853 --> 00:02:01,153
Wh-what is
the situation, Toby?

40
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:03,789
Well, we fired Roy, obviously.

41
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:06,658
And Jim won't press charges
against Roy or the company.

42
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:07,993
- Thank God.
- Yeah.

43
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:11,063
Um, but now apparently
Darryl has some issue with...

44
00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:13,832
No, he has been wanting a raise
for a couple of months

45
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,635
and he's just using
this Roy thing as leverage.

46
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,003
All right, well, are
you gonna take care of this?

47
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,371
Yeppers.

48
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:22,207
What did I tell you
about "yeppers?"

49
00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:25,077
I don't remember.

50
00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:27,479
I told you not to say it.
Do you remember that?

51
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,748
Ye... sh.

52
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:35,420
I really don't want
to talk about it.

53
00:02:35,422 --> 00:02:37,389
I don't mean to be rude,

54
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:41,193
but I just... I don't want
to comment on what happened.

55
00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:45,631
It sucked.

56
00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:51,670
I guess...
all things considered...

57
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:55,440
I was lucky Dwight was there.

58
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:58,510
And Roy was lucky that Dwight
only used pepper spray,

59
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,380
and not the nunchucks
or the throwing stars.

60
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:08,253
Hey, man, I never got
a chance to thank you.

61
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,758
For stopping Roy.

62
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:13,492
Thank you.

63
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:16,628
"Thank you" not necessary,
and thus not accepted.

64
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:20,165
I saw someone breaking
the law, and I interceded.

65
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,867
Okay.

66
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:25,437
Um... got you something.

67
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,272
Don't want it.

68
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:27,272
You don't know what it is.

69
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:30,909
Don't want it. Won't open it.
Don't need it. Won't take it.

70
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,545
Citizens do not accept
prizes for being citizens.

71
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:43,589
It was a little glass display
case for his bobble head.

72
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:45,824
That would have made
his evening, I think.

73
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:50,128
He saves my life, I get him
a box for his desk toy.

74
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,663
Even Steven.

75
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,599
No, don't call me a hero.

76
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,734
Do you know who the real
heroes are?

77
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,170
The guys who wake up
every morning

78
00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:00,038
and go into their normal jobs,

79
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,207
and get a distress call
from the commissioner,

80
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:04,142
and take off their glasses
and change into capes,

81
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,411
and fly around fighting crime.

82
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,313
Those are the real heroes.

83
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:09,481
Angela.

84
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,417
Roy's check, he's coming
in later to pick it up.

85
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,452
Man...

86
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,754
I cannot believe
I missed the fight.

87
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,122
It was crazy.

88
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:21,126
You saw it?
Describe it, please.

89
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:25,063
Well...

90
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,999
I heard some shouting.

91
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:29,034
And I look over,
and Roy's by reception.

92
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,236
And you could just tell
he's gonna punch somebody.

93
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:33,038
Jim says something.

94
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,339
Roy stomps all over there.

95
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:35,440
All of a sudden... bam!

96
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,109
Roy goes down,
and Dwight's standing there

97
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,310
like an action hero.

98
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,978
Oh!

99
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:43,615
It was insane.

100
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:47,185
Well... good for Dwight.

101
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,887
Okay, I want you to be Darryl

102
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,155
and ask me for a raise,

103
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,323
because I need to try out

104
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,158
some of these
negotiation tactics on you.

105
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,326
Where'd you get that?

106
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:55,627
Wikipedia.

107
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:59,264
Wikipedia is
the best thing ever.

108
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:00,999
Anyone in the world

109
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,735
can write anything they want
about any subject.

110
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,138
So you know you are getting

111
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:08,507
the best possible information.

112
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:11,276
Okay, Darryl,
ask me for a raise.

113
00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:13,111
Hey, Mike, since Roy left

114
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,079
I've been doing a lot more work,

115
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:14,079
and I need a raise.

116
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:17,349
Hmm, well, that's
interesting, Darryl.

117
00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:19,217
I think...

118
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,320
that maybe you should...

119
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,528
I can't hear you.

120
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,463
What I'm saying is that...

121
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:37,169
Still nothing.

122
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:40,105
- Okay, see what I did?
- No.

123
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:43,508
By leaning back
and by whispering,

124
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,511
I established a dominant
physical position.

125
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,046
Nice.

126
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:50,449
- Okay, let's try another one.
- Okay.

127
00:05:51,617 --> 00:05:53,485
Walking out of the
room unexpectently.

128
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,220
And what happens in this one?

129
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,456
That's a surprise.

130
00:05:57,458 --> 00:06:00,292
- Go ahead, ask me for a raise.
- Can I have a raise?

131
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:08,800
Sex, Steve Martin,
Teri Hatcher. What?

132
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,402
What did you say?

133
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:13,271
I didn't say anything, I'm
waiting to see what happened.

134
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:18,577
This is interesting,
what your given.

135
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,612
I saw the perpetrator
advance towards the victim,

136
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,247
at a high rate of speed.

137
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,716
His head was thrown back,
his shoulder and arm cocked,

138
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,585
indicating an attack position.

139
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,920
Perp grabbed the victim,

140
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,455
I removed my weapon

141
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:32,391
from its secure hiding place.

142
00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:34,626
- Which is where?
- Irrelevant.

143
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,128
Discharged it at a distance

144
00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:37,462
of a little over a meter,

145
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:42,200
Into the perpetrators eyes,
nose and face area.

146
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:46,738
Rendering him utterly
and completely disabled.

147
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,207
Then I contacted
the authorities.

148
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:52,377
The end.

149
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:54,112
Thanks, Dwight.

150
00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:57,549
That is the bravest thing
I have ever heard.

151
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,518
I can't imagine
what I would've done.

152
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,786
I do.

153
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,788
You would've left me
to fend for myself.

154
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,589
Like the time we were
on the Ferris wheel

155
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:05,690
and that kid dropped
a milkshake on me

156
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:06,992
and you just laughed.

157
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,193
Well, that was funny.
That's why.

158
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:09,694
- Oh, it was?
- Mm-hmm.

159
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:09,694
Okay, well, the next time
that you get scared

160
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:12,197
that you think a murderer
is in your apartment

161
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,598
in the middle of the night

162
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,800
and you call me
to calm you down...

163
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,501
Can you stop?

164
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:18,537
Because I'm not gonna do it
anymore, Ryan, I'm not.

165
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,605
There's a bunch of people
back there maybe.

166
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:21,907
I call you
in the middle of the night

167
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,909
- to tell you that I love you.
- Guys?

168
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:27,045
I don't think Michael
intended to punish me

169
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:29,548
by putting Ryan back here
with Kelly.

170
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:35,487
But if he did
intend that... wow.

171
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:36,588
Genius.

172
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,190
Yeah.

173
00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:39,458
You ready for me?

174
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:42,194
Yes, yeah, absolutely.
Have a seat.

175
00:07:42,196 --> 00:07:44,696
You know what?

176
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,364
Actually, let's go
into the conference room.

177
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:49,434
- Okay.
- No, you know what? Let's stay here.

178
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:52,070
No, let's go to the con...

179
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,239
Yeah, let's go
to the conference room.

180
00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:59,244
Tactic number six.

181
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,313
Change the location
of the meeting

182
00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:02,414
at the last second.

183
00:08:02,416 --> 00:08:04,783
Totally throws 'em off.

184
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:18,697
Number 14.
Declining to speak first.

185
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,633
Makes them feel uncomfortable,
puts you in control.

186
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,088
I am declining to speak first.

187
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:44,656
Okay, I'll start.

188
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:45,891
It's pretty simple really.

189
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:48,960
I, um, I think
I deserve a raise.

190
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,196
I'm scheduled to get one
in six months,

191
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,698
but I'd like that
to be moved up to now.

192
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:57,135
Hmm.

193
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,671
Ohh, Darryl.

194
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:03,675
You are a good worker
and a good man.

195
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:07,712
I just... you know,
times are tight.

196
00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:11,283
And I just don't think

197
00:09:11,285 --> 00:09:13,351
corporate's going to go
for this right now.

198
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:16,221
Are you wearing lady clothes?

199
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:17,956
What?

200
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,324
Are you wearing lady clothes?

201
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,959
Those look like lady pants.

202
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:24,262
No, this is a power suit.

203
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,298
That there's a woman's suit.

204
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:29,668
I do not buy women's clothes.

205
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,903
Would not make
that mistake again.

206
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,072
- I'm gonna call Roy, man.
- Okay.

207
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,373
- This is gonna make him feel better.
- All right.

208
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:36,708
This is too good!

209
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,843
All right, you know what?

210
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:40,645
Pam, would you please
tell Darryl

211
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:43,014
that this is not a woman's suit.

212
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,716
Oh, my God.
That's a woman's suit.

213
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:45,984
You're wearing a woman's suit?

214
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:49,220
No, I do...
I wear men's suits.

215
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:50,956
Okay, I got this out of a bin.

216
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,657
There were these huge
bins of clothes,

217
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:54,926
and everybody was rifling
through them like crazy,

218
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:57,862
and I grabbed one.

219
00:09:57,864 --> 00:09:59,464
And it fit.

220
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,399
So I don't think

221
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,402
that is totally
just a woman's suit.

222
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,938
At the very least it's bisexual.

223
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,340
Who makes it?

224
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,310
Um, MISSterious.

225
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,346
And it is mysterious,

226
00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:15,480
because the buttons
are on the wrong side.

227
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:16,881
That's the mystery.

228
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,083
It's got shoulder pads.

229
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:19,651
And did you see that lining?

230
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:22,020
Okay, would you stop it, please?

231
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,788
So, none of that tipped you off?

232
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,157
It's a European, okay?
It's a European cut.

233
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,426
Michael, the pants don't
have any pockets.

234
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,061
No, they don't.
See?

235
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,131
Italians don't wear pockets.

236
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,734
It's been a really
rough couple of days.

237
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,604
This helps a little.

238
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:42,007
Maybe you want to come over
and raid my closet.

239
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:45,143
No, I don't want to do that because
I'm twice your size anyway.

240
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,278
Yeah,
he look like Hillary Clinton.

241
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,947
Let's just do this in 15.

242
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,849
Okay. Can you stand
right there for one second.

243
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,550
I gotta send some emails.

244
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:55,587
Negotiations are all about
controlling things.

245
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:58,923
About being
in the driver's seat.

246
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:02,761
And... you make one
tiny mistake, you're dead.

247
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,896
I made one tiny mistake.

248
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,931
I wore women's clothes.

249
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,603
So Karen, how do you feel

250
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,872
that Roy tried to kick
your boyfriend's ass

251
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,774
over another woman?

252
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:19,377
I feel great, Kevin.
Thank you.

253
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,813
You must have been
scared out of your mind.

254
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:26,284
It happened so fast,
I didn't have time to be scared.

255
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,319
What happened exactly?

256
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:29,621
I wasn't here,

257
00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:32,357
so I haven't really
heard the whole story.

258
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,626
Um, well, Jim and I
were talking.

259
00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:36,161
Mm-hmm.

260
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,430
And Roy walked in
looking super angry.

261
00:11:38,432 --> 00:11:41,166
And he's a big dude, you know?

262
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,133
And all of a sudden,

263
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,702
Jim pushed me out of the way.

264
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:46,137
And Roy cocked his fist.

265
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:46,137
And then... bam!

266
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:50,175
Dwight sprays him
and knocks him on his butt.

267
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:55,180
Goodness.

268
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:57,482
When I heard Jim and Pam
had kissed.

269
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,517
My reaction was to have
lots of long talks

270
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,986
with Jim about our feelings.

271
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:03,988
Roy just attacked him.

272
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:07,058
I'm not sure which one
Jim hated more.

273
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,359
Let's get down to business.

274
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:09,961
Why don't you tell me

275
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,796
why you think you
deserve a raise.

276
00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:15,266
Well, it's simple Mike. We merged
these two branches, right?

277
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:18,369
So now, we're shipping twice
as many orders as we used too.

278
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,705
With Roy gone,
we have a smaller crew,

279
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,640
and I'm picking up
all his slack.

280
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:25,877
So, I think I should be compensated,
fairly, by getting a raise.

281
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,546
Those are very good points.

282
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,648
What?
I can't hear you.

283
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:32,617
Those are very good points.

284
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,886
I can't. What?
Mike, are you...

285
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:40,225
You make very
compelling arguments.

286
00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:48,333
Sorry I almost got you killed.

287
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,135
Yeah.

288
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:51,703
That was nuts.

289
00:12:51,705 --> 00:12:54,372
He could have broken your nose
or something.

290
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,441
Crazy.

291
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:01,179
It's just so stupid.

292
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:04,149
I mean, getting back
with Roy and everything.

293
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:07,018
I mean, what
was I thinking, right?

294
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,656
No, I mean, you guys really seem
to have a strong connection.

295
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,291
Not anymore.

296
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:17,796
It's, um...
it's completely over now.

297
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,764
We'll see.

298
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,166
I'm sure you guys'll...

299
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:23,735
find your way
back to one another someday.

300
00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:25,270
Jim...

301
00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:29,107
I am really... sorry.

302
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,509
Oh, yeah.
Don't worry about it.

303
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,115
I'm going to give you
a piece of paper.

304
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,818
I want you to write down
how much you want,

305
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:43,721
then I want you to slide it
back across the desk to me.

306
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,990
Why can't I just tell you?

307
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:49,594
Because, that is the way
these things are done.

308
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,429
In films.

309
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:56,968
No, slide... slide it, yes.

310
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,103
There you go.

311
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,874
Oh...

312
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,576
Come on... be serious.

313
00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:06,277
I am serious, Mike.
That's a 10% raise.

314
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,312
That's what I want.

315
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:08,646
I can't give you that.

316
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,582
I-I don't make this much.

317
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:11,983
Come on, be for real, Mike.

318
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,017
I don't.

319
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,053
I'll prove it to you.

320
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:18,489
There is a pay stub.

321
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,796
Are you serious?
You're earning this?

322
00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:26,264
Plus perks, yes.

323
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,299
Mike, this is barely
more than I make.

324
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,868
You've been here ten years, dog.

325
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:32,637
14 years.

326
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:33,738
Hoho!

327
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,273
No, please...
please don't...

328
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:35,273
Oh, sorry, Mike.

329
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:38,176
Some of my folks got
to hear about this one.

330
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,744
Ah.

331
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,246
Okay, let's take 15 again.

332
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,949
A boss's salary
isn't just about money.

333
00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:46,284
It is about perks.

334
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,686
It... for example,

335
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:51,623
every year,
I get a $100 gas card.

336
00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:53,825
Can't put a price tag on that.

337
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:58,696
Okay, if you don't want a gift
at least let me buy you a beer,

338
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,365
or lunch or something.

339
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,033
When Han Solo returns
to the Death Star

340
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:03,635
in the Millennium Falcon,

341
00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:06,571
and shoots down the Tie Fighter
and saves the rebel cause...

342
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,607
Do you think he does so
for a free beer?

343
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,009
- Boy, I...
- No!

344
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,011
And why are you so interested
in buying me something, Jim

345
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,746
What's your angle?

346
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,150
It's like when he annoys me and I want
ot screw with him to get him back.

347
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:20,852
He never sees it coming.

348
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:23,588
But now I want to be nice to him
and actually give him something.

349
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,491
He's like an eel,
I just can't grab onto him.

350
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:28,459
It's infuriating.

351
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,329
Maybe you just feel
guilty about all the pranks.

352
00:15:33,565 --> 00:15:35,900
Yes, that's probably what it is.

353
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:37,869
So, what do I do?

354
00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:38,903
Hmm.

355
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,438
I don't know.
Maybe you should

356
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,207
go back out there and sell
paper, so we can go on a trip.

357
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:46,311
Michael.

358
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,378
Hmm?

359
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,746
Here's the, uh, $15 I owe you.

360
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,248
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.

361
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,616
I heard you might need it.

362
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:55,553
So... just take it.

363
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,155
Here's the $40 you gave me.

364
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,190
I didn't give you $40.

365
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:01,292
In a way you did.

366
00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:06,431
Yeah, I heard how much
Michael makes.

367
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:09,567
I still think he's way overpaid.

368
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:12,337
14 years. 14.

369
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:14,839
I know.

370
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:18,643
Okay, I gotta go. Late.

371
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:20,778
Okay.

372
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:22,914
Okay, here's the straight dope.

373
00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:24,882
No tricks, no Wikipedia.

374
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:25,817
What?

375
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,051
I talked to corporate,

376
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:28,786
and they told me

377
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:31,889
that I can only
give you a 5% raise.

378
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,057
That's 'cause of you, Mike.

379
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:34,258
They're not gonna give
the working man

380
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:35,660
more than the boss.

381
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,761
Well, what am I supposed to do?

382
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,496
Get your own raise.

383
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,932
You gotta get out there
and earn, son.

384
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,667
I'm not gonna go out
and ask for a raise right now.

385
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,135
That is ridiculous.

386
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:46,137
Well when they merged
the two branches together,

387
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,206
they put you in charge.

388
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,775
Okay, and we shippin' more now
than we ever have.

389
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:52,310
That's true.

390
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,380
You gotta call your girl...
and get paid.

391
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,782
Show her who wears the pants
in the relationship.

392
00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:00,585
You know what?
I should.

393
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:01,819
Yeah you should.

394
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:05,089
I have been an loyal
employee for a long time.

395
00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:06,824
14 years long.

396
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,426
You know what?
I deserve a bump.

397
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:09,861
Make it happen, Captain.

398
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:15,466
I am makin' it happen...
Sergeant.

399
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:19,470
I remember it was very late at
night, about 11:00 or 11:30

400
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:22,373
Big fellow came in screaming
about God knows what,

401
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,977
I think maybe Halpert
had stolen his car.

402
00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:29,547
The big fellow pulls out a sock
full of nickels.

403
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,884
Then Schrute grabs a can of
hairspray and a lighter.

404
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,852
You're useless.

405
00:17:37,356 --> 00:17:40,725
We'll talk next month after
the quarter ends.

406
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,395
No, Jan.

407
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:47,498
I've never asked for a raise
in 14 years.

408
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,467
This is long overdue.

409
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:50,968
I wanna do it today.

410
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:52,103
Today? All right.

411
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:54,505
Well, if you want to
do it today...

412
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:58,309
We should do it in person
and can you get here by Five?

413
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:03,014
Yeah!
Yeah, I'll leave right away.

414
00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:05,783
Well, uh, listen,
because of our, uh, situation,

415
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:08,152
we're gonna need to have
a third party present.

416
00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:10,254
Yes, I'm bringing Darryl.

417
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,923
D-Darryl
from the warehouse?

418
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,225
Mm-hmm.
No, Michael.

419
00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:16,427
We... we need an H.R. rep.

420
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,197
So uh, you should
just bring Toby.

421
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,232
Hey... I'd rather
kill myself.

422
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,167
Michael, he's your branch's
H.R. rep.

423
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:25,269
- Toby is terrible.
- And we need someone else in the room

424
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,705
- Toby is the worst human being
- because of our relationship.

425
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,540
- I've ever known... You know this.
- Michael!

426
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,776
Either Toby comes with you,
or we don't do it.

427
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,881
Fine.

428
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,317
- You are so mean.
- I don't know what you're talking about.

429
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:42,286
Yes you do, Ryan Bailey
Howard. You call me "stupid."

430
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,088
Toby, come on, let's go.

431
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:45,456
Where?
Where?

432
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,991
I'm gonna smack you in the head
with a hammer.

433
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:49,760
Come on, let's go.

434
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:51,929
All right.

435
00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:04,408
- Comfortable, Mike?
- Yeah.

436
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:07,111
- What about you? You comfortable?
- No.

437
00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:14,852
Don't ever touch
a black man's radio!

438
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,988
Chris Tucker.
Rush Hour.

439
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,656
You know?

440
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,894
I won't touch yours, by the way.

441
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:25,129
Thank you.
Well...

442
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,532
I haven't been to
New York in a long time.

443
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:31,569
Maybe I'll stay overnight.

444
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,604
Got a cousin live down there.

445
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:35,573
How would we get home?

446
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,476
Oh, you could stay too.
He's got a big place.

447
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,445
- Maybe I'll stay.
- It's not that big.

448
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:44,515
The busses will get
ya home quick.

449
00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:47,518
And then all of a sudden,
Dwight stood up

450
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,053
and was like, "No!"

451
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:50,788
Then what'd he do?

452
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,190
Well, you should just
read the report that Toby did.

453
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:53,457
He took everyone's stories.

454
00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:57,695
Customer Service, this is Kelly.

455
00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:02,066
Yes, I can help you with that.

456
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,001
Let me pull up your file.

457
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:09,640
Okay, it seems here that you
ordered 12,000 reams of paper.

458
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,409
Oh, 12 reams.

459
00:20:22,988 --> 00:20:23,921
Hey, guys.

460
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:27,725
Jan is ready for you.

461
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:28,926
Okay.

462
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:28,926
Okay, bring it home now.

463
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:32,463
And don't forget the new
black man phrase I taught you.

464
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:33,998
Pippity poppity,
give me the zoppity.

465
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,467
Yes, sir!
Remember that.

466
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,002
I'll be right outside
if you need me.

467
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,670
All right.

468
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:45,476
I want him to get the raise.

469
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:46,877
I... just can't
help myself.

470
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:07,265
Hey, man, uh...

471
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:08,866
I'm sorry.

472
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,415
Thanks.

473
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,727
Can I, like...

474
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:38,896
see you after work
for coffee or something?

475
00:21:38,898 --> 00:21:41,332
I don't know.

476
00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:43,934
Please.

477
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:46,437
I just got some stuff
I gotta say to you.

478
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,980
Jim!

479
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,882
Roy.
Look out!

480
00:21:57,884 --> 00:22:00,584
Thanks, Kev.
I'm... good, though.

481
00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:03,688
Thank you, Hunter.

482
00:22:04,690 --> 00:22:06,757
Hello, come in.

483
00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:14,498
Who's the boy toy?

484
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:15,966
My new assistant.

485
00:22:15,968 --> 00:22:19,537
Were you going to tell me that
you hired James Van Der Beek

486
00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:22,373
I have to call you when I get
a new assistant now?

487
00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:26,243
It would be nice to get a memo,
We are lovers.

488
00:22:26,245 --> 00:22:28,312
Hi, Jan.

489
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:32,149
Hi, Toby.

490
00:22:36,088 --> 00:22:39,290
First off, Michael,
this a salary negotiation.

491
00:22:39,292 --> 00:22:41,125
All matters regarding
our personal relationship

492
00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:42,626
have to be set aside.

493
00:22:42,628 --> 00:22:43,828
Are we clear?

494
00:22:43,830 --> 00:22:45,296
Bippity boppity.

495
00:22:46,164 --> 00:22:48,799
Right now, we can
offer you a 6% raise.

496
00:22:48,801 --> 00:22:50,601
6%?
Mm-hmm.

497
00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:51,669
After all we've been through?

498
00:22:51,671 --> 00:22:54,538
Oh, God.
I got you jade earrings.

499
00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:56,674
- Michael...
- No. No.

500
00:22:56,676 --> 00:22:58,843
No. You're gonna
play it like this?

501
00:22:58,845 --> 00:23:01,145
You give me a good raise,

502
00:23:01,147 --> 00:23:03,314
or no more sex.

503
00:23:05,817 --> 00:23:07,551
What are you writing,
perv-ball?

504
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:10,154
Just preparing
for the deposition.

505
00:23:10,156 --> 00:23:12,289
This may be the first time
that a male subordinate

506
00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:15,326
has attempted to get
a modest, scheduled raise

507
00:23:15,328 --> 00:23:18,496
by threatening to withhold sex
from a female superior.

508
00:23:18,498 --> 00:23:21,265
It will be
a groundbreaking case...

509
00:23:21,267 --> 00:23:23,501
when it inevitably
goes to trial.

510
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:27,405
I'm so sorry, Pammy.

511
00:23:27,407 --> 00:23:29,273
I really wasn't
gonna do anything.

512
00:23:29,275 --> 00:23:33,444
But then I... kept thinking
about you two together, and...

513
00:23:35,313 --> 00:23:37,281
I just thought you guys
were really good friends or...

514
00:23:37,283 --> 00:23:41,419
or maybe he was gay
or something.

515
00:23:41,421 --> 00:23:43,487
Not that that's wrong.

516
00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:48,459
I'm sorry too.

517
00:23:49,462 --> 00:23:54,198
I just... I think that we
both made some bad choices.

518
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,342
So you gonna start
datin' Halpert, then?

519
00:24:05,344 --> 00:24:08,345
Um... no.

520
00:24:08,347 --> 00:24:10,214
No, he has a girlfriend.

521
00:24:10,216 --> 00:24:12,249
Oh, yeah.

522
00:24:14,352 --> 00:24:17,488
Wait a minute, you broke off
our wedding for the guy.

523
00:24:17,490 --> 00:24:20,024
No.

524
00:24:20,026 --> 00:24:23,194
There were a lot of reasons.

525
00:24:23,196 --> 00:24:26,397
You mean you're not even
gonna try to go out with him?

526
00:24:31,069 --> 00:24:33,537
I don't get you, Pam.

527
00:24:33,539 --> 00:24:35,506
I know.

528
00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:44,248
What's this?

529
00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:45,516
What's what?

530
00:24:45,518 --> 00:24:47,084
"Certificate of Bravery

531
00:24:47,086 --> 00:24:48,452
"from the Scranton
Police Department.

532
00:24:48,454 --> 00:24:51,322
"Recognizing
outstanding citizenship

533
00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:54,225
from a very brave young man,
Dwight K. Schrute"?

534
00:24:54,227 --> 00:24:56,460
Wow, I guess word got around.

535
00:24:56,462 --> 00:24:57,995
That's a nice honor.

536
00:24:57,997 --> 00:25:00,264
Please, they hand these
out to little kids.

537
00:25:00,266 --> 00:25:03,701
Look, there's a teddy bear
in a policeman's cap.

538
00:25:03,703 --> 00:25:05,536
Mm... didn't think
you'd notice.

539
00:25:07,874 --> 00:25:12,977
Why don't you just take that pen
and stab me in the heart.

540
00:25:12,979 --> 00:25:15,379
This is me, Jan.
This is me!

541
00:25:15,381 --> 00:25:18,582
Michael, why don't
we just take a break?

542
00:25:18,584 --> 00:25:20,117
Okay.

543
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:22,086
No, no, no, no.

544
00:25:22,088 --> 00:25:24,555
You do not try tactic
number 8 on me.

545
00:25:24,557 --> 00:25:26,357
I invented tactic number 8.

546
00:25:27,225 --> 00:25:29,593
- Okay, Toby how about if you...
- Sure.

547
00:25:37,302 --> 00:25:39,236
What's wrong with you?

548
00:25:39,238 --> 00:25:43,707
Ohh.
It was a weird day.

549
00:25:43,709 --> 00:25:45,609
I accidentally
cross-dressed.

550
00:25:46,578 --> 00:25:48,345
And then Darryl made me feel bad

551
00:25:48,347 --> 00:25:50,714
for not making any money.

552
00:25:50,716 --> 00:25:52,516
And then I had to ride up here
with stupid Toby.

553
00:25:52,518 --> 00:25:53,918
And then...

554
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,119
your assistant,

555
00:25:55,121 --> 00:25:57,655
is all young and hot...

556
00:25:57,657 --> 00:25:59,056
Okay, Michael...

557
00:25:59,058 --> 00:26:02,493
I can offer you a 12% raise.

558
00:26:02,495 --> 00:26:03,495
But...

559
00:26:04,062 --> 00:26:07,064
you have got to ask for 15.

560
00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:09,633
That's ridiculous.
I'm never gonna make...

561
00:26:09,635 --> 00:26:10,968
No, just...

562
00:26:10,970 --> 00:26:13,837
I just need you to ask for it...

563
00:26:13,839 --> 00:26:16,540
so I can record
that you asked for it.

564
00:26:16,542 --> 00:26:18,108
'Kay?

565
00:26:18,877 --> 00:26:21,045
Ah, so...

566
00:26:26,785 --> 00:26:28,686
All right, Levinson.

567
00:26:29,988 --> 00:26:32,189
Here's the rub.

568
00:26:32,191 --> 00:26:34,925
I would like a 15% raise.

569
00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:36,894
No! But we can
offer you 12.

570
00:26:36,896 --> 00:26:38,462
But you just said 15.

571
00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:43,167
Negotiation is an art.

572
00:26:43,169 --> 00:26:45,836
Back and forth, give and take.

573
00:26:45,838 --> 00:26:49,940
And today, both Darryl and I
took something.

574
00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:53,644
Higher salaries.
Win, win, win.

575
00:26:53,646 --> 00:26:56,814
But, you know,
life is about more

576
00:26:56,816 --> 00:26:58,983
than just salary.

577
00:26:58,985 --> 00:27:02,186
It's about... perks.

578
00:27:02,787 --> 00:27:04,388
Like having sex with Jan.

579
00:27:04,390 --> 00:27:05,990
Michael!

580
00:27:23,708 --> 00:27:25,609
I've been doing some
very interesting reading.

581
00:27:25,611 --> 00:27:27,344
Really?
Mm-hmm.

582
00:27:27,346 --> 00:27:29,013
Tales of bravery.

583
00:27:29,015 --> 00:27:30,314
Hmm. Good stuff?

584
00:27:30,316 --> 00:27:32,416
Mm-hmm.

585
00:27:32,418 --> 00:27:34,351
I was thinking tonight,
we could...

586
00:27:34,353 --> 00:27:36,654
read it together.

587
00:27:36,656 --> 00:27:38,622
That sounds...

588
00:27:38,624 --> 00:27:40,924
fun.

589
00:27:55,508 --> 00:27:59,309
I...

590
00:27:59,311 --> 00:28:02,379
will never say a word.

591
00:28:02,381 --> 00:28:05,449
And now... we are even.

592
00:28:09,454 --> 00:28:11,455
I graduated from anger
management the same way

593
00:28:11,457 --> 00:28:14,124
I graduated from Cornell... on
time.

594
00:28:14,126 --> 00:28:16,260
Now I'm back,
got a second chance,

595
00:28:16,262 --> 00:28:18,028
and I'm not gonna blow it.

596
00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:20,064
So look out,
Dunder-Mifflin!

597
00:28:22,034 --> 00:28:24,134
I mean "look out" in a fun way.

598
00:28:24,136 --> 00:28:26,470
You know, not like,
"I'm gonna hurt you."

599
00:28:26,472 --> 00:28:28,706
Hey, guys!

600
00:28:28,708 --> 00:28:30,174
Guess who's back?

601
00:28:30,176 --> 00:28:31,742
Aah! Aah!

602
00:28:33,779 --> 00:28:35,412
Ohh, God!

603
00:28:35,414 --> 00:28:36,947
No need to thank me.

604
00:28:36,949 --> 00:28:39,116
I am not a hero.

605
00:28:39,118 --> 00:28:41,852
I am a mere defender of the
office.

606
00:28:41,854 --> 00:28:43,454
You know who's a real hero?

607
00:28:43,456 --> 00:28:45,422
Hiro from "Heroes."

608
00:28:45,424 --> 00:28:48,325
That's a hero.

609
00:28:48,327 --> 00:28:49,793
Also Bono.

609
00:28:50,305 --> 00:29:50,448
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