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-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-

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It's kinda blurry.

3
00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:21,153
That's better.

4
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,092
Question.

5
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,261
What kind of bear is best?

6
00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:31,463
That's a ridiculous question.

7
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,265
False.
Black bear.

8
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,800
Well, that's debatable.

9
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,702
There are basically
two schools of thought...

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00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,071
Fact.
Bears eat beets.

11
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Bears. Beets.

12
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,775
Battlestar Galactica.

13
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Bears do not...
What is going on?

14
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What are you doing?

15
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Last week, I was in a drugstore,

16
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and I saw these glasses.

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Uh, $4.

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00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:54,086
And it only cost me $7.

19
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To recreate the rest
of the ensemble,

20
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:59,058
and that's a grand total of...

21
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,393
$11.

22
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,628
You know what?

23
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Imitation is the most
sincere form of flattery.

24
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So I thank you.

25
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,700
Identity theft
is not a joke, Jim!

26
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:12,071
Millions of families suffer
every year!

27
00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:13,672
Michael!

28
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Oh, that's funny.

29
00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:16,442
Michael!

30
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,142
Yes, I understand.

31
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Can I transfer you
to Customer Relations?

32
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Absolutely.

33
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I couldn't be
more sorry about this.

34
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I know, I know.

35
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We're all trying to get
to the bottom of this.

36
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I am upset.
Don't I sound upset?

37
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,055
I totally agree.

38
00:02:03,057 --> 00:02:06,892
Well, we're going to be
recalling all of that paper.

39
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,393
We have a crisis.

40
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Apparently, a disgruntled
employee at the paper mill

41
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decided that it would be funny
to put an obscene watermark

42
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on our 24-pound
cream letter stock.

43
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500 boxes has gone out

44
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with the image
of a beloved cartoon duck

45
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performing...

46
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:29,715
unspeakable acts upon a...

47
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:33,452
certain cartoon mouse
that a lot of people like.

48
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I've never been a fan.

49
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Everybody in here, STAT.

50
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No time to lose.

51
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,895
Cry-Man Squaw, F and C,
double time.

52
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Cry-Man Squaw?

53
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,998
Crisis Management Squad.

54
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F and C, double time?

55
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:48,400
Front and center,

56
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,068
twice as fast
as you would normally go.

57
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Any other questions?
One more.

58
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Why are you talking like that?
To save time, Jim.

59
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Actually, I think
you could make the argument

60
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that it wastes time.

61
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,976
Yeah, she has a good point.

62
00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,045
I mean, for example,
with the last thing you said,

63
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,914
by the time you explained it,

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00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:02,814
it actually took up more time.

65
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,449
You know what?
Blah, blah, blah, blah.

66
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Forget it.
Where's Creed?

67
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,153
Creed, quality assurance.
Here.

68
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Your job.

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00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:13,425
I really think you screwed
the pooch on this one, Creed.

70
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:16,662
Because of you, the entire
company is in jeopardy.

71
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:19,831
Every week, I'm supposed
to take four hours

72
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and do a quality spot-check
at the paper mill.

73
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And, of course,
the one year I blow it off,

74
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this happens.

75
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We have a lot of angry
customers out there.

76
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,976
This puts us
at threat level Midnight.

77
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Accounting, you are on customer
service duty today.

78
00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:35,414
That's really not our job.

79
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Midnight, Oscar!

80
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Don't worry, Kelly will be
training you first.

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Kelly's training us?

82
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This day is bananas.

83
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B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

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This day is bananas.

85
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B-A-N-A...

86
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:53,832
I don't have a headache.

87
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I'm just preparing.

88
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,037
Jim, big fire in your house.

89
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Your client,
Dunmore High School,

90
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,109
sent out their prom invitations
on this paper.

91
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,478
- Went home to all the kids.
- Yeah, I got a call out on them.

92
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No, no, no.
Not good enough.

93
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This is a keystone account.

94
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,782
I want you in the school.
In person.

95
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,017
- Sure. I want you
to bring a partner.

96
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:12,017
- I'll go.
- No, sweet cheeks.

97
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:14,853
We need somebody
who's actually made a sale.

98
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,088
Andy, you go.

99
00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:17,456
William Dolittle,

100
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:18,991
at your service.

101
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,593
AKA, Will Do.

102
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,495
Yeah, I'm definitely
gonna go alone.

103
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,430
No, no.
I need two men on this.

104
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,932
That's what she said.
No time!

105
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,767
But she did.
No time!

106
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:28,767
Guys, get on this!

107
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:32,904
Dwight, I want you to be in
charge of the press conference.

108
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,741
Yes! You're entering
the "No Spin Zone."

109
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,609
We're having a press conference?

110
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,978
No, Pam, the press is just
gonna find out by themselves.

111
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,581
Not.

112
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:43,548
Here's the thing.

113
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:43,548
When a company screws up,

114
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:46,551
best thing to do is to call
a press conference.

115
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Alert the media,
and then you control the story.

116
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,924
Wait for them to find out,
and the story controls you.

117
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,960
That's what happened to O.J.

118
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I have invited Barbara Allen,

119
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one of our oldest clients,
to come in here

120
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:02,000
and meet with me
for a personal apology.

121
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,870
The press wants a story.
I will give them a story.

122
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:06,972
Oh, did the press
ask for a story?

123
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,707
Here is your headline.

124
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:12,678
"Scranton-area paper company,
Dunder-Mifflin,

125
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:16,181
"apologizes to valued client.

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"Some companies still know

127
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how business is done."

128
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,121
Okay?

129
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,391
Battle stations, everybody.
Let's go, go, go, go, go!

130
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:27,693
Yes, hello.

131
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Creed Bratton,
Quality Assurance.

132
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,029
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton.

133
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:34,032
I was supposed to meet
with one of your floor managers

134
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last week
for a quality inspection,

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00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,837
and he or she wasn't there.

136
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,740
And I'm trying to remember
who it was.

137
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,109
Mm-hmm.
Who wasn't there last week?

138
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:48,714
Debbie Brown.
And which day was that?

139
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,583
Wednesday the 11th.
Perfect.

140
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:54,219
The only difference between me
and a homeless man is this job.

141
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,755
I will do whatever it takes
to survive.

142
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,891
Like I did...
when I was a homeless man.

143
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,527
Look, I know the reason
that you guys became accountants

144
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,429
is 'cause you're not good
at interacting with people.

145
00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:05,764
But guess what?

146
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,699
From now on,
you guys are no longer losers.

147
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,901
So give yourselves
a round of applause.

148
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:13,305
I wonder how many
phone calls you're missing

149
00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:15,307
while you're teaching us
to answer calls.

150
00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:16,675
I know, right?
Probably a lot.

151
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:17,876
Can you just tell us

152
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,044
what we need to do so we can go?

153
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,646
Okay, Angela.
I love your enthusiasm.

154
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,849
All you need to know how to do
is pick up the phone and say,

155
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,617
"Customer Service.
This is Kelly."

156
00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:27,652
Except don't say Kelly.
Say your own name.

157
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,688
Or, if you're bored,
you can just make up a name.

158
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,456
Like one time
I said I was Bridget Jones,

159
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:32,924
and I talked like this

160
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,459
for the whole conversation.

161
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:35,460
Ooh, can I be...

162
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:36,762
Australian, mate?

163
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:37,963
Absolutely!

164
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,865
'Ello, mate.

165
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,534
I like ice cream.
I need a boyfriend.

166
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,636
I like ice cream, too, mate.

167
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,738
Alli-gators

168
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,840
and dingo babies.

169
00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:52,511
Beer me.

170
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:53,745
What's that?

171
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,081
Hand me that water.
I always say, "Beer me."

172
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,417
Gets a laugh, like,
a quarter of the time.

173
00:06:58,419 --> 00:06:59,918
So how's what's-her-name?

174
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,586
You know her name.

175
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:02,854
Who, Karen?

176
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,790
Yeah, she's only one of
my oldest friends.

177
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,025
Mm. How's the apartment
hanging?

178
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,794
It's fine.

179
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,796
Nice.

180
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:13,465
Check out this sunshine, man.

181
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,700
Global warming, right?

182
00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:18,503
Today was supposed to be
really cold, I bet.

183
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,373
What about music?
Do you have any music?

184
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:23,575
Uh, yeah.
Should have said so.

185
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,526
I was thinking
more like a CD or...

186
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,161
a CD?

187
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,629
Your call, dude.

188
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,565
My girlfriend
made an awesome mix.

189
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:47,933
Beer me that disc.

190
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:52,037
Lord, beer me strength.

191
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:55,040
So, Tuna, when we get in there,

192
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,741
let's do a really
good job, okay?

193
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,810
Did that really need to be said?

194
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,946
Well, not everything
a guy says needs to be said.

195
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:04,082
Sometimes it's just about
the music of a conversation.

196
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,985
Whoa, what the...

197
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,153
why is my girlfriend here?

198
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,555
Oh, is she that
teacher in the white?

199
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:14,693
No, she's a part-time
frozen yogurt chef.

200
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,628
Which one is she?

201
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:17,996
The one in the green hoodie.

202
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,898
Wow!

203
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:20,966
I wonder if she's, like,

204
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:22,834
a guidance counselor
or something?

205
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,835
No.

206
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,103
I don't think so.

207
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,938
- She's probably a tutor.
- Nope.

208
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,206
- She's probably a te...
- No.

209
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,541
- She's...
- No.

210
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,546
Okay, press conference in 45.

211
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,214
Dwight, make sure
this place looks nice.

212
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,549
On it.

213
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:42,554
Okay, Karen, Ryan, Pam.

214
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:42,554
Center stage.

215
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:45,724
Pam, run a comb
through your hair.

216
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:47,826
First rule in roadside
beet sales:

217
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,828
put the most
attractive beets on top.

218
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,796
The ones that make you pull
the car over and go,

219
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,932
"Wow, I need this beet
right now."

220
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,867
Those are the money beets.

221
00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:00,805
Hey!

222
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:01,840
Look sharp.

223
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,475
Hey, uh, hi.

224
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:04,943
Hello.
Dwight Schrute.

225
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,245
And you must be, uh,
from The Washington Post.

226
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,480
Scranton Times.

227
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,015
Chad Lite.
"Lighter Side of Life."

228
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,950
And "Breaking
Corporate News."

229
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,919
And obits.

230
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,687
Oh, dear God.

231
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:15,687
Okay, here are your credentials.

232
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:19,991
You've been granted
level 3 security clearance.

233
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,960
Don't get too excited.
That's out of 20.

234
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,562
Right this way.

235
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:24,829
Regional Manager Michael Scott

236
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,565
will be addressing the client
in the press room shortly.

237
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,267
Have a seat.
Can I get you a beverage?

238
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,102
- Uh, yeah, I'd like a...
- Great.

239
00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:35,607
Oh, Andy, you know what?

240
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,242
We don't have a lot of time,

241
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,110
so we should probably...

242
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,779
- Jamie.
- Andy... oh!

243
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,647
- What are you doing here?
- Andy?

244
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:43,682
Are you a student here?

245
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,150
Oh... yeah.

246
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:48,987
You never told me
you were in high school.

247
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,056
This is weird.

248
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,992
I gotta go to Spanish.

249
00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,831
Oh, my God!

250
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:01,566
Oh my God.

251
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,805
I had no idea.

252
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:10,675
Well... that's not gonna
hold up in court.

253
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,911
We didn't do anything illegal.

254
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:17,015
Except knock over a mailbox
with her friends.

255
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,217
Sir, yes, you have
a valid point.

256
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,219
I'm sorry.

257
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,589
No, I am so sorry.

258
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:25,890
Really?
Dickson City.

259
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,225
Excuse me?

260
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,227
Well, I don't see
how that's our fault.

261
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:29,227
And I've already told you

262
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:32,564
the official position
of Dunder-Mifflin is apologetic.

263
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:34,265
So I don't know
what you want from me.

264
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,803
Okay, first I just wanna say

265
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:42,273
that you are doing so good.

266
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:45,043
Look, you have so
many good qualities

267
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:47,312
that the one that you
might wanna work on

268
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,848
is... apologizing?

269
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:54,119
When I went over Wednesday
for the spot check,

270
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,221
I got a call from Debbie Brown

271
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:58,923
saying she has an emergency
dentist appointment.

272
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,959
Emergency dentist appointment.

273
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,695
Now I'm told she told
her manager she had the flu.

274
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:06,364
I'm a trusting guy, but, uh...

275
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,333
I just wish
Debbie Brown had been there.

276
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,201
We would have caught this.

277
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:14,906
Yes.

278
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,741
I'll be sure someone
returns your call.

279
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:19,110
I'm so sorry.
Bye.

280
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,046
Hello. I'm looking
for Michael Scott.

281
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:24,082
Mrs. Allen is our
most important client.

282
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,117
Because every client

283
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,219
is our most important client.

284
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:31,656
Even though she's a pretty
unimportant client, really.

285
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:35,326
And so, with the eyes
of the nation upon us,

286
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,395
I would like to say

287
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,964
that Dunder-Mifflin
truly regrets

288
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,833
this unfortunate incident.

289
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:45,003
And, as a gesture of gratitude

290
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:48,606
for your continued loyalty,
Mrs. Allen,

291
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:52,143
I would like to present you
with this novelty check

292
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:56,314
for six months of free paper,
or 25 reams,

293
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,116
whichever comes first.

294
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:01,219
You look good in this.

295
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:05,290
So... let us consider
this matter ended.

296
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:09,027
Well, it isn't ended.

297
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,062
I'm... I'm very angry.
I could have lost business.

298
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,199
I know.
I know you're angry.

299
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:17,068
And we are truly, truly sorry.

300
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:19,671
I don't accept your apology.

301
00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:21,439
The watermark was obscene
and horrifying.

302
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,775
Well...

303
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,877
we are extremely sorry.

304
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,579
I don't accept.

305
00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:34,219
I'll be with you in a moment.

306
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,287
Alright.

307
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:42,894
Who was that guy she was talking
to... at here locker?

308
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,130
Not important. Because you're
not dating her.

309
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,132
Because it's a felony.

310
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:49,234
But who was that guy?

311
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:52,270
Probably another high school
student.

312
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,742
The issue with the watermark is
very serious.

313
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:57,742
Absolutely.

314
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,411
We teach our students that
character counts.

315
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,247
And you should.

316
00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:05,416
You don't teach it well enough.

317
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,852
One of your students is a bitch.

318
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:11,189
Andy is having a real rough day
today.

319
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,958
I wanna take out an ad in your
school yearbook.

320
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,326
Whole page, two words.

321
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,162
Good luck.

322
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,464
That's not what I had in mind.

323
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,466
Ask where he's from.

324
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,468
Where are you from?

325
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,203
Ohio? That's nice.

326
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,205
So what do you want?

327
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,407
He's upset about the watermark.

328
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:29,407
Ok, great.

329
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:32,110
Now tell him that
it was an unfortunate error,

330
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:34,245
and we're doing everything
we can do to fix it,

331
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,446
and that you're sorry.

332
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,782
It was an unfortunate error.
We're fixing it.

333
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,017
And you already got
your money back...

334
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,451
And you're sorry.

335
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,020
And the company
has already apologized,

336
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,989
so you can take that
apology or not.

337
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:49,460
I think he had
Tourette's or something.

338
00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:52,764
We are going to do
everything humanly possible

339
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,999
to ensure that this
never happens again.

340
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,734
Well, it doesn't help.

341
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,269
Because it already
happened to me.

342
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,772
The watermark...
it's a one-time thing.

343
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:02,841
I don't care.
It was disgusting!

344
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,242
Cartoon characters having sex?

345
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:08,012
May I point out that the sex
appeared to be consensual.

346
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,014
- Both animals were smiling.
- Okay.

347
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,549
I grew up on a farm.

348
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:15,153
I have seen animals having sex
in every position imaginable.

349
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:18,189
Goat on chicken,
chicken on goat.

350
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,191
Couple of chickens doing a goat.

351
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,993
Couple of pigs watching.

352
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:25,096
Whoever drew this
got it exactly right.

353
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:28,166
What... can I do
for you?

354
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:31,102
For starters,
I think that you should resign.

355
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,570
Well...

356
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,405
Okay. Well...

357
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,941
Um, wasn't really my fault.

358
00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:39,010
The guys at the paper
mill... You're the head...

359
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,078
It was a guy at the paper mills.
No, no, no.

360
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:40,078
You're the head of the company!

361
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:44,082
I'm the head of the company? Yes, and
that makes it your responsibility...

362
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:45,216
No, I'm a regional manager.

363
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:45,216
And you should lose your job!

364
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:48,353
Okay, this is insane.
You can get out of here.

365
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:50,288
Get out! That's insane. Fine.

366
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,990
We'll give this to somebody
who will appreciate it.

367
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,124
It's nontransferable.

368
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:54,425
Doesn't matter.
Out, please!

369
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,027
I'm calling
the Better Business Bureau.

370
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,429
Yeah, well, I'm calling
the Ungrateful Bee-otch Hotline!

371
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:03,635
Did you get all that?

372
00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:05,270
Everything.

373
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,109
We gotta do something.

374
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,012
This is spinning
out of control, Pam.

375
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,113
This is just not...

376
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,048
It's just The Scranton Times.

377
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:19,517
No, then Newsweek picks it up.

378
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,886
And then CNN
does a story about it.

379
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,821
And then... YouTube
gets a hold of it.

380
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:23,821
You know what?

381
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:26,925
I really think the whole thing
is just gonna blow over

382
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:28,293
in, like, a week or two.

383
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,230
You're right.
It will blow over.

384
00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:38,202
But it's not going to take...

385
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:39,938
a week or two.

386
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:42,106
Do you know what this is for?

387
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,142
Yes.

388
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,778
Michael likes me
to run the camera

389
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,680
when he makes
his apology videos.

390
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:51,950
He says he needs
a woman's touch.

391
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:04,495
Okay, I think that's good.

392
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,464
"Hello, I am Michael Scott,

393
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,866
"Regional Manager
of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton.

394
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:12,203
"By now, you are probably
sick of hearing about

395
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:15,740
"Dunder-Mifflin and our
embarrassing watermark boner.

396
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:19,210
"Let me tell you something.
Something from the heart.

397
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:22,780
"I am not leaving this office.

398
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,615
"It will take a SWAT team

399
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,651
"to remove me from this office,

400
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,486
and maybe not even that."

401
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,054
Uh, you could never
withstand a SWAT team.

402
00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:33,491
That's how devoted I am
to this job.

403
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,792
- I'm just saying.
- I know.

404
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,761
They would flank you,
throw in a concussion grenade.

405
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,663
- I understand that, Dwight.
- You'd be on the ground...

406
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,064
Do you think
you're taking it a little...

407
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,133
literally, Dwight?

408
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:43,267
And now we're wasting tape.

409
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:44,869
I'm gonna have
to cut this all out.

410
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,004
- Can you say "cut"...
- Cut.

411
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:48,039
- So I know where to...
- Cut.

412
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,607
I'm asking Pam to do it, please.

413
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,676
Cut.
Okay, ready?

414
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,712
Kevin, what's four plus seven?

415
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,814
Eleven.

416
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,182
Yeah, well, you didn't know that

417
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,918
when you filled out
this payroll form.

418
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,888
Yeah, well, at least I didn't
suck at customer relations.

419
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,790
Ooh, yes!

420
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:06,824
Facial!

421
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:07,792
Yes.

422
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,627
You two are apes.

423
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:12,263
I expect you to apologize
for that, Angela.

424
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,132
I'm sorry.

425
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,667
That you're both morons.

426
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,102
But you still said,
"I'm sorry."

427
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:19,737
I called you morons.
Still said it.

428
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,339
Still said it, so...

429
00:17:29,748 --> 00:17:31,816
Five, four, three.

430
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:34,085
"There is no way

431
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:36,020
"I will resign.

432
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:37,321
"It wouldn't be fair.

433
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:39,157
"Not to the good workers
I work with,

434
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,859
"not to my clients,

435
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,861
"and especially not to me.

436
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,396
"Let's not forget

437
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:49,700
"who this whole resigning
business is about, anyway.

438
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:52,336
"If I could leave you
with one thought,

439
00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,839
"remember... it wasn't me.

440
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:57,842
"They're trying to make me
an escape goat.

441
00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:01,179
"If I am fired, I swear to God

442
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:04,949
"that every single piece
of copier paper in this town

443
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:08,853
"is going to have
the F-word on it.

444
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,089
The F-word."

445
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,891
You have one day.

446
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:16,194
One day for what?

447
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:18,930
That's... they always
give an ultimatum.

448
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,798
Okay.

449
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,133
Good? Cut.

450
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,102
Cut.

451
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:26,637
That was your best
apology video ever.

452
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,106
I thought so too.

453
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:30,241
Got a farewell card
for Debbie Brown.

454
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,843
I thought maybe
you'd like to sign it.

455
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,744
Maybe throw a couple
of bucks in there for her.

456
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,113
She's got some children.

457
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,948
I feel terrible
about Debbie Brown.

458
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,883
She got fired because of Dwight.

459
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:41,919
So I thought I'd pass around
a good-bye card.

460
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:44,021
Maybe everyone could put in
a couple of bucks

461
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:46,824
to help her through
these difficult times.

462
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:50,228
Why do bad things always happen
to the good people?

463
00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:53,965
It's tragic.
Just tragic.

464
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:00,471
You want music?

465
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,740
I don't care.

466
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,408
Come on, man.
Just give it a couple days.

467
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:06,244
I think you'll be all right.

468
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,778
Yeah.

469
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,260
You know what?
I-I don't...

470
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,883
Sweet.

471
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:01,332
Pam?

472
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:03,834
Hey, Dwight.

473
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,903
You look really nice today.

474
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,872
Psh!
I look like an idiot.

475
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,508
Hey, Karen.

476
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:11,976
Hey, Dwight.
Lookin' sharp.

477
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,878
Yeah, that's 'cause I'm...

478
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,013
your boyfriend, Jim Halpert.

479
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:17,915
Hey, Karen,

480
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:17,915
wanna get together later

481
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:22,353
and have sexual intercourse,
'cause you're my girlfriend?

482
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:23,921
- Do you?
- No.

483
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,790
- Okay.
- I'm good. Thanks.

484
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,931
Look at that.

485
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,666
I'm Jim Halpert.

486
00:20:37,369 --> 00:20:39,203
Spot on.

487
00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:41,105
Blah, blah, a little comment.

488
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:42,173
Yeah.

488
00:20:43,305 --> 00:21:43,722
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