1
00:00:05,587 --> 00:00:10,024
Okay, well, I did not get
the job in New York,

2
00:00:10,858 --> 00:00:13,656
but I got the real prize,
domestic bliss.

3
00:00:14,929 --> 00:00:17,159
Jan made me breakfast
this morning.

4
00:00:18,199 --> 00:00:20,133
Well, she bought the milk.

5
00:00:21,436 --> 00:00:22,698
It's soy.

6
00:00:23,771 --> 00:00:25,636
This is why I do it.

7
00:00:26,774 --> 00:00:29,265
That's what I have
to come home to.

8
00:00:33,548 --> 00:00:36,108
She probably won't
be up for a few hours.

9
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:39,979
This is going to be a very good year.
Very good.

10
00:00:40,355 --> 00:00:46,726
Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protégé
Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff.

11
00:00:47,729 --> 00:00:52,166
Andy and Dwight are rocking the sales team.
I feel very blessed.

12
00:00:54,000 --> 00:01:00,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

13
00:01:34,575 --> 00:01:37,339
You know, generally it's not a good
idea to click on any Internet offers

14
00:01:37,412 --> 00:01:40,540
that you haven't requested.
What was the exact offer?

15
00:01:41,049 --> 00:01:43,176
It was for a video.

16
00:01:43,251 --> 00:01:44,650
Yeah. What kind of video?

17
00:01:45,653 --> 00:01:47,746
A celebrity sex tape.

18
00:01:49,590 --> 00:01:51,615
Really?
What kind of celebrity?

19
00:01:51,859 --> 00:01:53,622
It's not relevant.
How much did you pay for it?

20
00:01:53,695 --> 00:01:55,026
Not relevant.
You paid for it?

21
00:01:55,096 --> 00:01:56,927
It all happened
so fast.

22
00:01:56,998 --> 00:01:59,728
I broke up with Karen
after the job interview.

23
00:02:00,234 --> 00:02:02,429
And it was

24
00:02:02,503 --> 00:02:05,097
a little awkward when she
came back from the city.

25
00:02:05,173 --> 00:02:07,767
She told me very clearly that
just because we were broken up

26
00:02:07,842 --> 00:02:09,503
didn't mean that
she was going anywhere,

27
00:02:09,577 --> 00:02:12,341
because she had worked
really hard for her career,

28
00:02:12,413 --> 00:02:14,813
but the next day
her desk was empty.

29
00:02:15,550 --> 00:02:19,281
And as for me and my
current romantic life...

30
00:02:20,021 --> 00:02:23,115
I am single now
and looking.

31
00:02:24,392 --> 00:02:26,383
So, if you
know anybody...

32
00:02:27,061 --> 00:02:30,326
Jim and I went to dinner a few times
when he got back from New York.

33
00:02:30,398 --> 00:02:32,491
I talked him
through his breakup.

34
00:02:33,234 --> 00:02:35,725
It's really nice to
be good friends again.

35
00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:41,498
Are you kidding me? Pam and
Jim are totally hooking up.

36
00:02:41,876 --> 00:02:43,468
All they do is smile.

37
00:02:43,544 --> 00:02:46,445
They're just keeping it
a secret. Right?

38
00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:49,915
I don't know. There is
no evidence of intimacy.

39
00:02:49,984 --> 00:02:51,918
They've been in
remarkably good moods.

40
00:02:51,986 --> 00:02:53,044
It could be
other things.

41
00:02:53,121 --> 00:02:54,986
Are you kidding me?

42
00:02:55,490 --> 00:02:59,187
And Sunday, I'm thinking of going to
that flea market at the drive-in.

43
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:03,663
That sounds fun. I'm mountain biking
on Sunday on Montage Mountain.

44
00:03:03,731 --> 00:03:04,755
Cool.
Yeah.

45
00:03:04,832 --> 00:03:06,231
Well,
have fun with that.

46
00:03:13,574 --> 00:03:15,269
Ladies and gentlemen,

47
00:03:16,644 --> 00:03:18,168
I have some bad news.

48
00:03:19,046 --> 00:03:20,570
Meredith was
hit by a car.

49
00:03:20,648 --> 00:03:22,377
What? Where?
Oh, my God.

50
00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:24,509
It happened this morning
in the parking lot.

51
00:03:24,585 --> 00:03:29,420
I took her to the hospital and the
doctors tried to save her life.

52
00:03:29,490 --> 00:03:31,583
They did the best
that they could

53
00:03:32,393 --> 00:03:34,520
and she is
going to be okay.

54
00:03:34,595 --> 00:03:38,691
What is wrong with you? Why did
you have to phrase it like that?

55
00:03:38,766 --> 00:03:40,199
So she's really
going to be fine?

56
00:03:40,268 --> 00:03:45,069
Yes. She has a slight
pelvical fracture,

57
00:03:45,139 --> 00:03:47,505
but people have
survived far worse.

58
00:03:48,276 --> 00:03:50,267
Thank God
you were there.

59
00:03:51,112 --> 00:03:52,340
Yeah.

60
00:03:52,413 --> 00:03:54,040
Did you see
who did it?

61
00:03:54,348 --> 00:03:56,316
Oh, no need. We can just
check the security tapes.

62
00:03:56,384 --> 00:03:58,284
Yeah. Kind of a
good-news-bad-news there.

63
00:03:58,352 --> 00:04:03,119
I was able to be on the scene so quickly
because I was in the car that hit her.

64
00:04:06,093 --> 00:04:07,583
Who was driving?

65
00:04:11,399 --> 00:04:12,866
Oh, Michael.

66
00:04:13,334 --> 00:04:17,100
One day Michael came in complaining
about a speed bump on the highway.

67
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:21,501
I wonder who
he ran over then.

68
00:04:22,410 --> 00:04:23,434
It's only Meredith.

69
00:04:23,511 --> 00:04:27,208
Yeah. It's only Meredith.
Thank God.

70
00:04:27,281 --> 00:04:29,272
But did you see the way
they looked at me?

71
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,511
Like I was a murderer
or something.

72
00:04:31,586 --> 00:04:32,985
Hey...

73
00:04:34,755 --> 00:04:35,813
Why did you do it?

74
00:04:35,890 --> 00:04:37,084
It was an accident.

75
00:04:37,158 --> 00:04:38,386
Was she
talking back?

76
00:04:38,459 --> 00:04:39,517
No.

77
00:04:39,594 --> 00:04:42,222
Just got sick of that face?
Did she owe you money?

78
00:04:43,531 --> 00:04:45,362
Is this downsizing?

79
00:04:45,433 --> 00:04:47,196
Did she spurn
your advances?

80
00:04:49,604 --> 00:04:52,402
Hey, guys. We're all going
to visit Meredith at lunch

81
00:04:52,473 --> 00:04:54,532
and we're kicking
in $5 for flowers.

82
00:04:54,609 --> 00:04:56,474
Who's "we,"
you and Jim?

83
00:04:56,711 --> 00:04:59,009
No. Me and Stanley
and Phyllis, so far.

84
00:04:59,580 --> 00:05:01,707
Oh, I bet
Jim goes, too.

85
00:05:02,917 --> 00:05:04,145
Yeah, I haven't
asked him yet.

86
00:05:04,218 --> 00:05:05,810
Oh, I bet you ask.

87
00:05:05,887 --> 00:05:07,047
I was planning on it.

88
00:05:07,989 --> 00:05:09,456
I bet you were.

89
00:05:10,858 --> 00:05:11,916
Subtle.

90
00:05:11,993 --> 00:05:13,187
What?
Are you coming?

91
00:05:13,261 --> 00:05:15,388
I can't.
Sprinkles is sick.

92
00:05:15,463 --> 00:05:16,987
She's been sick
for some time.

93
00:05:17,064 --> 00:05:20,898
Thank you for asking.
No one asks about Sprinkles.

94
00:05:22,503 --> 00:05:24,971
I have to give her her meds.
I have to pet her.

95
00:05:25,039 --> 00:05:26,802
And who will she
eat lunch with?

96
00:05:26,874 --> 00:05:28,739
Can't your other cats
keep her company?

97
00:05:28,809 --> 00:05:31,801
There's bad blood,
jealousies, cliques...

98
00:05:31,879 --> 00:05:34,973
Angela, you're the chairman of
the Party Planning Committee.

99
00:05:35,049 --> 00:05:38,212
I shouldn't even be planning this.
It's your job.

100
00:05:39,587 --> 00:05:40,918
All right.

101
00:05:42,323 --> 00:05:44,416
- My lord, my liege!
- Yes, Michael?

102
00:05:44,492 --> 00:05:46,392
So Ryan got
promoted to corporate

103
00:05:46,460 --> 00:05:49,156
where he is a little fish
in a big pond.

104
00:05:49,230 --> 00:05:51,391
Whereas,
back here in Scranton,

105
00:05:51,465 --> 00:05:53,126
I am still top dog

106
00:05:54,068 --> 00:05:57,526
in a fairly large pond.

107
00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,637
So, who is the real boss,

108
00:06:03,578 --> 00:06:05,842
the dog or a fish?

109
00:06:06,847 --> 00:06:09,338
So I need a little
treat for the gang,

110
00:06:09,417 --> 00:06:11,510
something to win
their affections back.

111
00:06:11,586 --> 00:06:13,952
Back?
Why is that, Michael?

112
00:06:14,388 --> 00:06:16,948
Well, I ran down
Meredith in my car.

113
00:06:17,024 --> 00:06:19,219
Oh! Did you do
this on purpose?

114
00:06:19,293 --> 00:06:23,229
No, I was being negligent, but
she's in the hospital, she's fine.

115
00:06:23,297 --> 00:06:26,164
Recovering nicely, tiny
little crack in her pelvis,

116
00:06:26,334 --> 00:06:28,427
but she will be up and... Did
this happen on company property?

117
00:06:28,502 --> 00:06:34,168
Yes. It was on company property with
company property, so double jeopardy.

118
00:06:34,241 --> 00:06:35,230
We are fine.

119
00:06:35,309 --> 00:06:37,243
I don't think
you understand

120
00:06:37,311 --> 00:06:39,074
how jeopardy works.

121
00:06:39,146 --> 00:06:42,445
Oh, right. I'm sorry.
What is "We're fine"?

122
00:06:44,885 --> 00:06:48,946
People keep calling me a "wunderkind."
I don't even know what that means.

123
00:06:49,056 --> 00:06:52,924
I mean, I know what it means. It
means very successful for your age.

124
00:06:52,994 --> 00:06:56,327
So I guess it makes sense,
but it's a weird word.

125
00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,858
Hey, D. Hey, monkey, what's up?

126
00:06:59,934 --> 00:07:01,162
Can you do me
a little favor?

127
00:07:01,235 --> 00:07:03,396
Go to my place at lunch and
give Sprinkles her medicine?

128
00:07:03,471 --> 00:07:04,563
Sure.

129
00:07:04,639 --> 00:07:05,731
I have to
visit the alkie.

130
00:07:06,407 --> 00:07:07,806
Check to see
if she's faking.

131
00:07:08,643 --> 00:07:11,111
If a car hit me, it
wouldn't crack my pelvis.

132
00:07:11,178 --> 00:07:13,646
You know what? I bet she
cracked it at home,

133
00:07:13,714 --> 00:07:16,376
jumped in front of the car
to get some worker's comp.

134
00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:18,247
I wouldn't
put it past her.

135
00:07:20,321 --> 00:07:21,618
So what do you
need me to do?

136
00:07:21,689 --> 00:07:24,089
I wrote it out.
There's a diabetes shot.

137
00:07:24,158 --> 00:07:26,592
Roll the insulin in your hands.
Don't shake it.

138
00:07:26,661 --> 00:07:29,960
She gets an ACE inhibitor with her meal. You
have to put her right in front of the dish

139
00:07:30,031 --> 00:07:32,363
or she won't see it
because of the cataracts.

140
00:07:32,433 --> 00:07:36,392
Mix one capsule of omega fatty
acid in with her kidney medicine.

141
00:07:36,470 --> 00:07:40,770
And you want to give that to her
15 minutes after she's eaten.

142
00:07:40,841 --> 00:07:42,706
And... Oh,
there's a fungal cream

143
00:07:42,777 --> 00:07:44,404
because she has this
infection under her tail,

144
00:07:44,478 --> 00:07:46,002
so you're going to
have to lift her tail

145
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,173
and put the cream right
at the base of her tail.

146
00:07:48,783 --> 00:07:51,217
Okay, I have
an announcement.

147
00:07:51,285 --> 00:07:52,809
You pushed Darryl out the window?
No.

148
00:07:52,887 --> 00:07:55,185
You shot Dwight? No. No.
That is not funny.

149
00:07:55,256 --> 00:07:59,158
I love my employees even though
I hit one of you with my car,

150
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:02,489
for which I take
full responsibility.

151
00:08:02,563 --> 00:08:07,432
Look, I'm just trying to take everybody's
mind off of this unavoidable tragedy

152
00:08:07,501 --> 00:08:10,197
and on to more
positive things,

153
00:08:10,271 --> 00:08:13,536
so I thought we
should plant a tree.

154
00:08:14,241 --> 00:08:16,038
Oh, good. At least we
don't have to work.

155
00:08:16,143 --> 00:08:17,906
Okay, we're leaving for
the hospital at 1:00.

156
00:08:17,978 --> 00:08:19,707
So, like,
a freedom tree.

157
00:08:19,780 --> 00:08:20,747
I can take
three people.

158
00:08:20,815 --> 00:08:21,975
I can also take
three people.

159
00:08:22,049 --> 00:08:23,073
Separate cars.

160
00:08:23,150 --> 00:08:24,913
Pam? All right, we'll get
a card at the hospital

161
00:08:24,985 --> 00:08:26,247
and we'll sign it
outside her room.

162
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,550
Pam? Sales people can
go later in the day.

163
00:08:28,622 --> 00:08:29,816
Hourly workers
can go at lunch.

164
00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:33,087
Okay, good, good, so we'll just all
go down there together at lunch.

165
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:34,457
Excellent. I was
thinking that we...

166
00:08:34,528 --> 00:08:35,825
Good work, Pam.
But if we...

167
00:08:35,896 --> 00:08:37,523
Yay! I think it
would be a lot...

168
00:08:37,598 --> 00:08:38,690
Pam!

169
00:08:39,233 --> 00:08:41,758
All right, since I am the
boss, I will drive as well.

170
00:08:41,836 --> 00:08:43,827
Who wants shotgun?
You can't be serious.

171
00:08:43,904 --> 00:08:45,394
You ran a woman
over this morning.

172
00:08:45,473 --> 00:08:49,170
Everyone inside the car
was fine, Stanley!

173
00:08:50,177 --> 00:08:53,442
Guess what? I have flaws.
What are they?

174
00:08:53,514 --> 00:08:55,880
Oh, I don't know.
I sing in the shower.

175
00:08:56,650 --> 00:08:59,175
Sometimes, I spend too
much time volunteering.

176
00:08:59,253 --> 00:09:02,984
Occasionally, I'll hit somebody
with my car. So sue me.

177
00:09:03,390 --> 00:09:08,191
No, don't sue me. That's the opposite
of the point that I'm trying to make.

178
00:09:16,170 --> 00:09:21,403
I hate hospitals. In my mind, they
are associated with sickness.

179
00:09:24,612 --> 00:09:26,307
She looks
like an angel.

180
00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:27,779
She looks awful.

181
00:09:27,848 --> 00:09:30,874
No? Okay, she always looks like that.
It was not my fault.

182
00:09:30,951 --> 00:09:32,680
I think she's awake.

183
00:09:32,753 --> 00:09:35,085
No, she's in a coma.

184
00:09:37,558 --> 00:09:38,616
No.

185
00:09:40,327 --> 00:09:43,694
Okay. Meredith?

186
00:09:47,535 --> 00:09:50,026
I brought all your friends
from the office, dear.

187
00:09:50,104 --> 00:09:51,799
At the same time.
Yeah.

188
00:09:51,872 --> 00:09:52,861
Hello, Meredith.

189
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:53,964
This is weird.

190
00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:55,838
Brought you
some balloons.

191
00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:57,935
Why don't we...
Here you go.

192
00:09:59,146 --> 00:10:02,479
Tie these up. Cheer up your tubes.
Oh, shoot.

193
00:10:02,550 --> 00:10:04,279
Oh,
for God's sake.

194
00:10:04,351 --> 00:10:05,613
Nurse!

195
00:10:05,686 --> 00:10:08,416
No, don't bother the nurse.
Just put it back in.

196
00:10:09,456 --> 00:10:12,357
I'm going to be sick.
I'm going to puke.

197
00:10:12,426 --> 00:10:14,621
I'm going to puke. I wouldn't
worry about it. Don't touch it.

198
00:10:14,695 --> 00:10:17,562
What... What are you doing?
Just give me that.

199
00:10:20,568 --> 00:10:21,626
Thanks.

200
00:10:23,804 --> 00:10:25,294
Does it
hurt terribly?

201
00:10:25,372 --> 00:10:26,737
No. It's not too bad.

202
00:10:26,807 --> 00:10:28,035
They have me on
a lot of painkillers.

203
00:10:28,108 --> 00:10:29,439
Oh, really?
What kind?

204
00:10:29,510 --> 00:10:34,846
Codeine? Vicodin? Percocet? F'entanyl?
OxyContin? Palladone?

205
00:10:34,915 --> 00:10:36,246
What?
I have no idea.

206
00:10:39,253 --> 00:10:44,020
Well, it was really great of all of you
to come and visit me at the same time.

207
00:10:44,091 --> 00:10:45,183
I'll see you guys
at the office.

208
00:10:45,259 --> 00:10:46,419
Okay.

209
00:10:46,493 --> 00:10:49,656
Okay. Wait up. Wait up. Guys, guys, guys.
Hold on a sec.

210
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,597
You know what I was thinking
might be sort of fun,

211
00:10:52,666 --> 00:10:56,033
is if you forgave me
in front of everybody.

212
00:10:56,103 --> 00:10:57,627
Michael,
I'm not going to do that.

213
00:10:57,705 --> 00:11:01,368
'Cause you know what they say
in the Bible about forgiveness?

214
00:11:01,976 --> 00:11:05,707
F'orgiveness is
next to godliness.

215
00:11:06,180 --> 00:11:08,444
No, that's not what they...
Well, just... Just...

216
00:11:08,515 --> 00:11:09,743
You cracked my pelvis.

217
00:11:09,817 --> 00:11:12,012
Look, I just...
I don't understand

218
00:11:12,086 --> 00:11:14,077
what is preventing you
from laughing this off

219
00:11:14,154 --> 00:11:15,416
and giving me a big hug.

220
00:11:15,489 --> 00:11:17,116
You are not forgiven.

221
00:11:17,191 --> 00:11:18,317
Come on.

222
00:11:18,993 --> 00:11:20,551
Michael! Michael!

223
00:11:20,628 --> 00:11:22,061
Michael!

224
00:11:22,129 --> 00:11:26,566
Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not.
I like to be liked.

225
00:11:26,634 --> 00:11:29,967
I enjoy being liked.
I have to be liked,

226
00:11:30,471 --> 00:11:35,875
but it's not like this
compulsive need to be liked,

227
00:11:36,143 --> 00:11:38,668
like my need
to be praised.

228
00:11:42,516 --> 00:11:43,505
Hey.

229
00:11:43,584 --> 00:11:45,017
Hey, monkey.

230
00:11:45,219 --> 00:11:46,516
Any problems?

231
00:11:46,587 --> 00:11:49,385
Well, you left the TV on,
and your cat is dead.

232
00:11:50,724 --> 00:11:52,624
What? Sparkles, the
white one, is dead.

233
00:11:52,693 --> 00:11:53,819
Sprinkles.

234
00:11:54,561 --> 00:11:56,586
That was the sick one, right?

235
00:12:00,834 --> 00:12:02,665
I thought
she had more time.

236
00:12:02,736 --> 00:12:04,169
No.

237
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,733
Did she look...

238
00:12:09,610 --> 00:12:11,544
When you saw her,
how was she looking?

239
00:12:11,612 --> 00:12:13,011
Really dead.

240
00:12:13,647 --> 00:12:15,478
Like,
just a dead cat.

241
00:12:16,583 --> 00:12:20,110
So... Hey, come on,
don't be sad.

242
00:12:20,187 --> 00:12:22,587
Just... Okay?
Just...

243
00:12:23,390 --> 00:12:24,379
She's in
a better place.

244
00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:25,618
All right.

245
00:12:26,694 --> 00:12:31,893
Actually, the place that she's in
is the freezer because of the odor.

246
00:12:37,271 --> 00:12:38,431
It's going
to be okay.

247
00:12:38,505 --> 00:12:40,097
Okay, you know what?

248
00:12:40,174 --> 00:12:43,234
Everybody, let's just get over
the whole Meredith thing.

249
00:12:43,310 --> 00:12:47,406
She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little
crack, and she's going to be fine.

250
00:12:47,481 --> 00:12:48,470
So, let's just...

251
00:12:48,549 --> 00:12:50,210
Michael,
Angela's cat died.

252
00:12:51,819 --> 00:12:53,081
Sprinkles?

253
00:13:02,029 --> 00:13:03,587
Oh, shoot.

254
00:13:04,732 --> 00:13:08,099
I'm sorry, Angela.
Man, what a day, huh?

255
00:13:09,436 --> 00:13:10,994
How could it
get any worse?

256
00:13:11,071 --> 00:13:13,062
The computer crashes
with the porn,

257
00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,836
and then Meredith with the
accident, and then...

258
00:13:16,443 --> 00:13:18,741
Prinkles! God...

259
00:13:19,913 --> 00:13:21,141
That's three things.

260
00:13:21,215 --> 00:13:24,651
I'll tell you what's going on.
This office is cursed.

261
00:13:27,688 --> 00:13:29,417
And we need to do
something about it.

262
00:13:29,490 --> 00:13:33,017
Well, I am taking responsibility,
and it is up to me

263
00:13:33,093 --> 00:13:37,723
to get rid of the curse
that hit Meredith with my car.

264
00:13:38,866 --> 00:13:43,166
I'm not superstitious,
but I am a little stitious.

265
00:13:46,106 --> 00:13:49,303
Did anyone do anything involving
an Indian burial ground?

266
00:13:50,110 --> 00:13:52,408
Like what?
Like park on it.

267
00:13:52,479 --> 00:13:54,071
Or dig up a body.

268
00:13:55,783 --> 00:13:58,479
Toby, do you have anything
you want to tell us?

269
00:13:58,752 --> 00:14:03,121
No. I did not violate
an Indian burial ground.

270
00:14:03,424 --> 00:14:06,416
In fact, I had some good luck recently.
Alfredo's Pizza picked

271
00:14:06,493 --> 00:14:10,259
my business card out of the basket.
So, I get a week of free pies.

272
00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:11,627
That's cool.
Yeah.

273
00:14:11,698 --> 00:14:14,963
Perfect. So our tragedy
is your good luck.

274
00:14:16,703 --> 00:14:17,965
Satan.

275
00:14:18,038 --> 00:14:20,131
Sprinkles never
hurt a soul.

276
00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:23,370
God, in your infinite wisdom,
how can you do this?

277
00:14:23,444 --> 00:14:26,538
She wasn't ready. She had
so much left to accomplish.

278
00:14:26,613 --> 00:14:28,581
It is only a cat.

279
00:14:28,649 --> 00:14:31,447
You never...
You don't like them.

280
00:14:32,386 --> 00:14:34,616
Cats do not provide
milk or wool or meat.

281
00:14:34,688 --> 00:14:35,814
Dwight.

282
00:14:35,889 --> 00:14:37,413
Dwight, you haven't seen
Meredith yet, have you?

283
00:14:37,491 --> 00:14:38,515
No, I have not.
Well,

284
00:14:38,592 --> 00:14:41,720
I think you should go to the
hospital and pay your respects.

285
00:14:42,129 --> 00:14:44,324
I do not respect her,
but I will go.

286
00:14:45,866 --> 00:14:47,163
All right,

287
00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:52,536
I would now like to talk about each
of your individual religious beliefs.

288
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,806
Michael, you can't ask
about religious beliefs.

289
00:14:55,876 --> 00:14:58,367
Satan is
a master of lies.

290
00:14:58,445 --> 00:15:01,107
Everything he says
is the opposite.

291
00:15:01,181 --> 00:15:03,809
All right, well, then you can
ask about religious beliefs.

292
00:15:03,884 --> 00:15:06,011
Thank you for the permission.
Psych.

293
00:15:06,086 --> 00:15:09,681
All right, let's just go around the
room and tell me what you believe in.

294
00:15:09,756 --> 00:15:11,724
I'm a Catholic.

295
00:15:11,792 --> 00:15:13,555
Okay.
Presbyterian.

296
00:15:13,627 --> 00:15:14,753
All right.
Me, too.

297
00:15:14,828 --> 00:15:15,920
F'or real?
Same religion.

298
00:15:15,996 --> 00:15:18,260
All right.

299
00:15:18,332 --> 00:15:20,732
I'm a Lutheran and
Bob is a Unitarian.

300
00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:22,200
It keeps things spicy.

301
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:23,964
That's why
we're cursed.

302
00:15:24,338 --> 00:15:28,035
I've been involved in a number of
cults, both as a leader and a follower.

303
00:15:28,108 --> 00:15:29,803
You have more fun
as a follower.

304
00:15:29,877 --> 00:15:31,845
But you make more
money as a leader.

305
00:15:32,312 --> 00:15:35,406
Kelly, you are Hindu,
so you believe in Buddha.

306
00:15:35,482 --> 00:15:37,211
That's Buddhists.

307
00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:39,411
Are you sure?
No.

308
00:15:40,687 --> 00:15:41,949
What are you?

309
00:15:42,022 --> 00:15:46,482
Well, if you're going to reduce my
identity to my religion, then I'm Sikh.

310
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,994
But I also like
hip-hop and NPR,

311
00:15:49,062 --> 00:15:52,361
and I'm restoring a 1967
Corvette in my spare time.

312
00:15:52,432 --> 00:15:56,835
Okay. So one Sikh and...

313
00:15:58,071 --> 00:16:01,006
As a farmer, I know that
when an animal is sick,

314
00:16:01,074 --> 00:16:04,601
sometimes the right thing to do
is to put it out of its misery.

315
00:16:05,145 --> 00:16:07,613
With the electricity we're
using to keep Meredith alive,

316
00:16:07,681 --> 00:16:10,741
we could power a small
fan for two days.

317
00:16:10,817 --> 00:16:12,842
You tell me
what's unethical.

318
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,684
Blink once if you want
me to pull the plug.

319
00:16:16,423 --> 00:16:18,482
Don't pull any plugs. All right.

320
00:16:18,559 --> 00:16:20,686
How are you doing, Ms.
Palmer? Better.

321
00:16:20,761 --> 00:16:23,355
Excellent. Are you a
doctor or a male nurse?

322
00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:25,091
I'm an intern, which
makes me a doctor.

323
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,769
Her chart doesn't indicate
that she had a hysterectomy.

324
00:16:29,836 --> 00:16:32,634
But she did, or at least
she got time off for one.

325
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,336
So that is where
her uterus went.

326
00:16:37,811 --> 00:16:39,005
Ms. Palmer,
your last tetanus shot

327
00:16:39,079 --> 00:16:40,944
was when you were bitten
by a bat a few months ago?

328
00:16:41,014 --> 00:16:44,745
Yes. Dwight, here, trapped
it in a bag against my head.

329
00:16:45,852 --> 00:16:46,910
Just doing my job.

330
00:16:46,987 --> 00:16:48,978
It also says you were
recently bitten by a raccoon.

331
00:16:49,056 --> 00:16:50,489
And a rat.

332
00:16:50,757 --> 00:16:52,224
Separate occasions.

333
00:16:53,493 --> 00:16:56,724
You spend your whole life trying
to get people to like you,

334
00:16:56,797 --> 00:17:00,597
and then you run over one
person with your car,

335
00:17:00,667 --> 00:17:04,433
and it's not even one of the popular
ones, and everybody gets on your case.

336
00:17:04,504 --> 00:17:06,563
It doesn't
make any sense.

337
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,301
God is dead.

338
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:11,538
If there was a God, then Ryan
and I would be married by now.

339
00:17:11,612 --> 00:17:14,308
Maybe believing
in God was a mistake.

340
00:17:15,582 --> 00:17:17,516
What did people
believe in before?

341
00:17:19,086 --> 00:17:20,383
The sun?

342
00:17:20,754 --> 00:17:23,655
Maybe there's
some sort of animal

343
00:17:23,724 --> 00:17:26,022
that we could make
a sacrifice to,

344
00:17:26,093 --> 00:17:29,324
like a giant buffalo,

345
00:17:29,596 --> 00:17:33,293
or some sort
of monster,

346
00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:36,768
like something with
the body of a walrus

347
00:17:37,704 --> 00:17:39,865
with the head of

348
00:17:40,574 --> 00:17:42,201
a sea lion.

349
00:17:42,743 --> 00:17:45,803
Or something with
the body of an egret

350
00:17:48,248 --> 00:17:50,148
with the head
of a meerkat.

351
00:17:50,884 --> 00:17:52,749
Or just

352
00:17:54,688 --> 00:17:57,156
the head of a monkey with

353
00:17:57,624 --> 00:17:59,956
the antlers of a reindeer

354
00:18:02,529 --> 00:18:04,019
with the body of

355
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:07,424
a

356
00:18:10,170 --> 00:18:11,467
porcupine.

357
00:18:13,974 --> 00:18:15,066
I will do
some research.

358
00:18:15,142 --> 00:18:16,200
Okay.

359
00:18:16,276 --> 00:18:17,265
I can help you
with that.

360
00:18:17,344 --> 00:18:18,504
Okay.

361
00:18:21,648 --> 00:18:24,310
So, just to be safe, they are
giving her the rabies vaccine.

362
00:18:24,384 --> 00:18:26,443
Oh, God, rabies?

363
00:18:27,354 --> 00:18:29,914
I was in the hospital
room with her.

364
00:18:29,990 --> 00:18:31,014
How contagious
is that?

365
00:18:31,091 --> 00:18:32,353
Is that like an STD? No. No.

366
00:18:32,426 --> 00:18:33,450
You've got to be
bitten by something.

367
00:18:33,527 --> 00:18:35,427
This place is
so cursed.

368
00:18:35,495 --> 00:18:37,986
Actually, the doctor said it was
lucky she came into the hospital,

369
00:18:38,065 --> 00:18:39,259
because the only
way to beat rabies

370
00:18:39,333 --> 00:18:41,995
is to start treatment
before the symptoms set in.

371
00:18:42,069 --> 00:18:43,502
Lockjaw.

372
00:18:50,043 --> 00:18:53,877
I know a lot of you are very upset with
me for endangering Meredith's life

373
00:18:53,947 --> 00:18:56,381
by hitting her
with my car.

374
00:18:57,384 --> 00:19:01,343
But it may make you feel a little bit
better to know that before that happened,

375
00:19:01,421 --> 00:19:05,517
Dwight endangered her life by
putting a garbage bag over her head

376
00:19:05,592 --> 00:19:07,389
that had a bat in it.

377
00:19:08,161 --> 00:19:09,321
Six of one, really.

378
00:19:09,396 --> 00:19:14,129
Turns out Meredith has
been exposed to rabies,

379
00:19:14,201 --> 00:19:18,729
which is like 10 times worse than
a little crack in your pelvis.

380
00:19:19,005 --> 00:19:22,873
Thanks to me, she went to the
hospital and that saved her life.

381
00:19:22,943 --> 00:19:24,535
Curse is broken.

382
00:19:24,845 --> 00:19:29,009
Curse is broken, people.
Oh, there is a God.

383
00:19:29,082 --> 00:19:31,175
And he has a plan
for us after all.

384
00:19:31,251 --> 00:19:35,779
So go home, get some rest.
Very, very good work today.

385
00:19:37,023 --> 00:19:38,752
Got a lot
accomplished.

386
00:19:40,727 --> 00:19:44,493
Is there a God? If not, what
are all these churches for?

387
00:19:45,265 --> 00:19:48,291
And who is Jesus' dad?

388
00:19:57,511 --> 00:20:01,971
Oh, well, if they aren't together now,
then they probably never will be.

389
00:20:04,317 --> 00:20:08,219
I thought they'd be good
together, like PB and J.

390
00:20:09,656 --> 00:20:12,750
Pam Beasley and Jim.

391
00:20:14,694 --> 00:20:16,184
What a waste.

392
00:20:16,830 --> 00:20:19,094
What a waste.

393
00:20:19,766 --> 00:20:22,098
I told you
I'm not dating anyone.

394
00:20:22,169 --> 00:20:23,966
And even if I was,

395
00:20:24,037 --> 00:20:26,699
I don't think
it's anyone's business.

396
00:20:26,773 --> 00:20:30,903
I mean, when I do fall in love,
like, when it's for real,

397
00:20:30,977 --> 00:20:34,378
the last person I'm going to talk
about it to is a camera crew

398
00:20:34,448 --> 00:20:36,279
or my co-workers.

399
00:20:40,921 --> 00:20:44,118
Almost marrying Roy Anderson was
as close to Pamela Anderson

400
00:20:44,191 --> 00:20:45,715
as I ever want to be.

401
00:20:46,526 --> 00:20:48,960
Trust me, when I fall
in love, you'll know.

402
00:20:56,837 --> 00:20:58,395
Michael Scott's
Dunder Mifflin Scranton

403
00:20:58,472 --> 00:21:00,406
Meredith Palmer Memorial

404
00:21:00,474 --> 00:21:03,307
Celebrity Rabies Awareness
F'un Run Race for the Cure.

405
00:21:03,376 --> 00:21:04,968
This is Pam.
Pro-Am.

406
00:21:05,512 --> 00:21:07,707
Pro-Am Race for the...
They hung up.

407
00:21:08,982 --> 00:21:12,941
A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a
car to learn that she may have rabies,

408
00:21:13,019 --> 00:21:15,749
but that is where
we are in America.

409
00:21:16,156 --> 00:21:19,489
And that does not
sit right with me.

410
00:21:19,726 --> 00:21:25,096
And that is why I am hosting a fun
run race for the cure for rabies.

411
00:21:25,165 --> 00:21:29,864
To raise awareness of the fact
that there is a cure for rabies,

412
00:21:29,936 --> 00:21:34,066
a disease that has been
largely eradicated in the US,

413
00:21:34,140 --> 00:21:36,506
but not very many
people know that.

414
00:21:36,576 --> 00:21:38,510
No, rabies.

415
00:21:39,212 --> 00:21:41,077
Babies would
be a good idea.

416
00:21:41,147 --> 00:21:42,808
Can I put you
down for a dime?

417
00:21:45,051 --> 00:21:47,281
Hi, Stankley,
how many sponsors so far?

418
00:21:47,354 --> 00:21:48,446
Zero.

419
00:21:49,556 --> 00:21:53,117
Come on, man, got to step it up.
It's for a good cause.

420
00:21:53,193 --> 00:21:56,026
Jan called this morning
and pledged $500.

421
00:21:56,096 --> 00:21:58,030
And isn't that
your money?

422
00:21:59,799 --> 00:22:03,030
It is for a good cause.

423
00:22:04,771 --> 00:22:06,534
Phyllis, how's
the rabies quilt coming?

424
00:22:06,606 --> 00:22:09,006
It's coming.
Oh, look at that, three.

425
00:22:09,075 --> 00:22:10,770
Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.
Michael?

426
00:22:10,844 --> 00:22:12,641
Yes. You cannot make me run.

427
00:22:12,712 --> 00:22:14,907
Okay. It is not a real charity.

428
00:22:14,981 --> 00:22:16,972
It's stupid, Michael, and
I'm not going to do it.

429
00:22:17,050 --> 00:22:18,540
All right. All right.
You didn't run for me

430
00:22:18,618 --> 00:22:20,210
When I thought I
had skin cancer.

431
00:22:20,587 --> 00:22:25,115
I know that you're probably scared of
people seeing your fat legs in shorts.

432
00:22:25,191 --> 00:22:26,249
No.

433
00:22:26,326 --> 00:22:29,386
Okay. Well, back in olden times,

434
00:22:29,462 --> 00:22:33,865
a large, fat person like
this was a person of power.

435
00:22:34,367 --> 00:22:38,701
A person who had money, could
buy food, a person of respect,

436
00:22:38,772 --> 00:22:40,933
like the regional
manager of the day.

437
00:22:41,007 --> 00:22:44,340
Whereas someone athletic
and trim like myself

438
00:22:44,411 --> 00:22:46,140
was someone who
worked in the fields

439
00:22:46,212 --> 00:22:47,702
and I was a peasant.

440
00:22:47,781 --> 00:22:49,271
I just don't
want to run.

441
00:22:49,349 --> 00:22:51,214
I didn't bring my
sneakers or my clothes.

442
00:22:51,284 --> 00:22:52,512
Well, you're going
to have to run

443
00:22:52,586 --> 00:22:55,077
or you're going to be
in a lot of trouble.

444
00:22:56,890 --> 00:22:59,154
It is not olden times
anymore.

445
00:23:01,061 --> 00:23:05,828
I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once
it starts, it is a vicious circle.

446
00:23:06,933 --> 00:23:10,494
You have sensitive nipples, they chafe.
So they become more sensitive,

447
00:23:10,570 --> 00:23:12,197
so they chafe more.

448
00:23:12,272 --> 00:23:14,866
So I take precautions.

449
00:23:17,177 --> 00:23:18,303
Hey, Angela.

450
00:23:20,013 --> 00:23:23,608
Hey, I'm sorry
about your cat.

451
00:23:30,056 --> 00:23:33,457
This is Sprinkles.
She was my best friend.

452
00:23:34,527 --> 00:23:37,519
I kept her going through
countless ailments.

453
00:23:38,031 --> 00:23:42,661
I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her
once and she is now deceased.

454
00:23:47,641 --> 00:23:49,768
This is Halloween
last year.

455
00:23:51,478 --> 00:23:53,173
Just a couple
of kittens

456
00:23:54,414 --> 00:23:55,904
out on the town.

457
00:24:01,621 --> 00:24:02,781
Pssst.

458
00:24:08,628 --> 00:24:10,994
I'm having
relationship problems,

459
00:24:11,064 --> 00:24:13,965
and since you're always
having relationship problems,

460
00:24:14,034 --> 00:24:15,899
I thought you'd be able
to give me some advice.

461
00:24:15,969 --> 00:24:17,129
What's wrong?

462
00:24:17,203 --> 00:24:19,068
I have this
crazy thought

463
00:24:19,139 --> 00:24:20,800
that I know is crazy,

464
00:24:21,908 --> 00:24:24,206
that maybe Dwight
killed my cat.

465
00:24:24,744 --> 00:24:25,768
Hmm.

466
00:24:25,845 --> 00:24:28,439
When I got home, Sprinkles'
body was in the freezer

467
00:24:28,515 --> 00:24:30,312
where Dwight
said he left her.

468
00:24:30,383 --> 00:24:33,944
But all my bags of frozen F'rench
fries had been clawed to shreds.

469
00:24:34,287 --> 00:24:36,187
Something's not right.

470
00:24:36,523 --> 00:24:38,252
The vet's doing
an autopsy.

471
00:24:38,324 --> 00:24:39,814
Angela, I'm sorry.

472
00:24:39,893 --> 00:24:42,157
Did Roy ever kill
one of your cats?

473
00:24:42,729 --> 00:24:44,720
I'm more of
a dog person.

474
00:24:49,302 --> 00:24:50,963
So what's your
strategy for this race?

475
00:24:51,037 --> 00:24:52,470
Well, I'm going
to start fast.

476
00:24:52,539 --> 00:24:54,234
Then I'm going to run
fast in the middle. What?

477
00:24:54,307 --> 00:24:55,774
Then I'm going
to end fast.

478
00:24:55,842 --> 00:24:57,104
Why won't more
people do that?

479
00:24:57,177 --> 00:24:58,974
'Cause they're stupid.

480
00:25:01,548 --> 00:25:02,606
What?

481
00:25:16,696 --> 00:25:18,129
No, that's not...

482
00:25:18,198 --> 00:25:19,324
I mean, that wasn't...

483
00:25:19,399 --> 00:25:21,026
Yeah, that was...

484
00:25:21,101 --> 00:25:24,628
I mean, I can see how it
would seem a bit like we...

485
00:25:24,904 --> 00:25:27,805
How it looks like...

486
00:25:27,874 --> 00:25:29,842
But, I mean, nowadays you
can edit anything, right?

487
00:25:29,909 --> 00:25:34,539
You can edit anything
to look like anything.

488
00:25:34,647 --> 00:25:36,877
Yeah, I gave him
a ride home because...

489
00:25:36,950 --> 00:25:38,941
Right.

490
00:25:39,018 --> 00:25:40,542
...we're dating.

491
00:25:41,955 --> 00:25:44,446
Wow!
There it is.

492
00:25:45,625 --> 00:25:47,092
Yeah.

493
00:25:47,227 --> 00:25:50,492
We haven't told anybody,
but it's going really great.

494
00:25:52,265 --> 00:25:53,493
Right?

495
00:25:53,566 --> 00:25:55,090
It is going
really great.

496
00:25:56,302 --> 00:25:57,326
Ow!

497
00:25:57,403 --> 00:25:58,927
Shut up!

498
00:25:59,005 --> 00:26:01,701
You're taking this out on me,
but I was only the messenger.

499
00:26:01,775 --> 00:26:03,140
Oh, really?

500
00:26:08,481 --> 00:26:11,075
You'll feel better
after the 5K.

501
00:26:11,284 --> 00:26:13,411
Exercise is good
for depression.

502
00:26:13,486 --> 00:26:16,114
I'm not depressed.
I'm grieving.

503
00:26:18,124 --> 00:26:21,059
We have raised
almost $700,

504
00:26:21,127 --> 00:26:22,924
most of it
from me and Jan.

505
00:26:24,130 --> 00:26:26,496
When do they put that
on the giant check,

506
00:26:26,566 --> 00:26:28,693
or is that something
that we write in later?

507
00:26:28,968 --> 00:26:31,732
Well, a giant check costs
about $200 to make up.

508
00:26:32,739 --> 00:26:35,731
I have a print shop standing by,
but what do you think, Michael?

509
00:26:35,809 --> 00:26:37,709
That's over 25%%
of our funds.

510
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,441
That's a tough decision.

511
00:26:43,750 --> 00:26:45,615
I always imagined it
with a giant check.

512
00:26:45,685 --> 00:26:48,586
Yeah, I mean, I personally am definitely
on board for the giant check.

513
00:26:48,655 --> 00:26:49,679
Giant check it is.

514
00:26:49,756 --> 00:26:51,155
I don't know.

515
00:26:51,224 --> 00:26:55,160
On the other hand, it does leave
less money for bat birth control.

516
00:26:55,228 --> 00:26:56,889
Bat birth control?

517
00:26:57,564 --> 00:26:59,589
Wait, this money is going to bat
birth control, right, Michael?

518
00:26:59,666 --> 00:27:01,156
That's what you told
me when I contributed.

519
00:27:01,234 --> 00:27:02,963
You didn't contribute
very much.

520
00:27:03,036 --> 00:27:07,473
I was also hoping to hand the
giant check to a rabies doctor.

521
00:27:07,540 --> 00:27:09,064
And how's that going?

522
00:27:09,342 --> 00:27:13,039
Not well. A doctor won't come out
to collect a check for $700.

523
00:27:13,112 --> 00:27:14,977
Or $500, if we go
with the giant check.

524
00:27:15,048 --> 00:27:16,174
Which we are.

525
00:27:16,249 --> 00:27:19,548
And also, there is no such
thing as a rabies doctor.

526
00:27:20,620 --> 00:27:21,780
What about
a rabies nurse?

527
00:27:21,855 --> 00:27:22,947
I don't think so.

528
00:27:23,022 --> 00:27:26,753
You know what, though? I've actually seen ads
for nurses that you can hire by the hour

529
00:27:26,826 --> 00:27:28,885
for parties and
bachelor events.

530
00:27:28,962 --> 00:27:31,522
That's possible. Look into that.
Great.

531
00:27:31,598 --> 00:27:35,864
It's going to cost a couple hundred
bucks and... Actually more with tips.

532
00:27:35,935 --> 00:27:37,732
Maybe we should
skip the ceremony

533
00:27:37,804 --> 00:27:40,602
and just set up a college
fund for Meredith's son.

534
00:27:41,207 --> 00:27:44,005
Have you met that kid?
Not going to college.

535
00:27:46,613 --> 00:27:47,705
Michael...

536
00:27:49,015 --> 00:27:53,213
5K means five kilometers,
not 5,000 miles.

537
00:27:53,753 --> 00:27:55,380
Come in!

538
00:27:55,455 --> 00:27:56,581
Hey!
Oh, my God!

539
00:27:56,656 --> 00:27:57,850
What are you doing?
What are you doing?

540
00:27:57,924 --> 00:27:59,721
You said, come in! No, I didn't!

541
00:27:59,792 --> 00:28:01,589
Just, please, get out.
Oh, my God!

542
00:28:03,363 --> 00:28:05,593
So I closed the door
but the image of his...

543
00:28:05,665 --> 00:28:07,656
Baguette?
...dangling participle

544
00:28:07,734 --> 00:28:10,066
still burned
in my eyes.

545
00:28:10,136 --> 00:28:11,364
I can imagine.

546
00:28:13,273 --> 00:28:14,433
Come in.

547
00:28:14,974 --> 00:28:16,236
May I enter
the room?

548
00:28:16,309 --> 00:28:18,777
Yes, or come in.

549
00:28:21,147 --> 00:28:22,910
See how I did that?

550
00:28:24,017 --> 00:28:25,279
That's the way
you should enter a room.

551
00:28:25,351 --> 00:28:26,841
You knock and then you
wait for the all clear.

552
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,888
You couldn't have taken off all
your clothes in the men's room?

553
00:28:28,955 --> 00:28:31,549
Yes, but I have an office,
so why would I do that?

554
00:28:31,624 --> 00:28:35,287
On average, how many hours a day do you
spend naked in your office, just ballpark?

555
00:28:35,361 --> 00:28:38,194
European offices are naked all the time.
They're so not.

556
00:28:38,264 --> 00:28:39,993
Besides, my shirttail
covered most of it, so...

557
00:28:40,066 --> 00:28:42,227
I didn't see where it started,
but I saw where it ended.

558
00:28:42,302 --> 00:28:44,031
Gross.
That's not gross.

559
00:28:44,103 --> 00:28:46,594
It is a human body.
What is your problem?

560
00:28:46,673 --> 00:28:48,573
Pam, you're an artist, right?

561
00:28:48,641 --> 00:28:50,939
Think of me as
one of your models.

562
00:28:51,010 --> 00:28:52,068
Okay, you know what?

563
00:28:52,145 --> 00:28:55,672
I don't want this to detract from what we
really need to be thinking about today.

564
00:28:55,748 --> 00:28:58,080
It's not fair to
people with rabies.

565
00:28:58,151 --> 00:29:01,177
And that's the point.
Right?

566
00:29:01,487 --> 00:29:02,715
Okay.
Let's go have some fun.

567
00:29:02,789 --> 00:29:03,949
All right.

568
00:29:04,524 --> 00:29:08,085
They say if you're nervous around
someone you should picture them naked.

569
00:29:08,161 --> 00:29:10,595
I do not recommend
this strategy.

570
00:29:10,730 --> 00:29:14,598
Try picturing them with more
clothes on or a funny coat.

571
00:29:16,536 --> 00:29:19,505
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is this a working office?

572
00:29:19,706 --> 00:29:21,537
And not
a F'rench beach?

573
00:29:23,176 --> 00:29:24,473
Okay, name please.

574
00:29:24,544 --> 00:29:26,569
Creed Bratton.
75-plus division.

575
00:29:26,646 --> 00:29:28,204
You're over
75 years old?

576
00:29:28,281 --> 00:29:29,441
Eighty-two,
November 1st.

577
00:29:29,515 --> 00:29:30,641
How much is
the prize money?

578
00:29:30,717 --> 00:29:32,582
There's no
prize money.

579
00:29:32,652 --> 00:29:34,085
What?
Is any of this real?

580
00:29:34,153 --> 00:29:35,415
Check that out.

581
00:29:35,488 --> 00:29:38,252
"Look at me. I'm Toby.
I'm stretching.

582
00:29:38,324 --> 00:29:40,884
"I know what I'm doing."
Why is he even here?

583
00:29:44,664 --> 00:29:48,623
So I heard that you were
peeping on Michael.

584
00:29:48,701 --> 00:29:50,168
What?
No, it was not...

585
00:29:50,236 --> 00:29:54,366
Look, I don't know what your deal is,
but he's mine, okay? So, hands off.

586
00:29:55,174 --> 00:29:57,574
Okay, everybody!
Listen up!

587
00:29:58,778 --> 00:30:00,712
Thank you for coming.
Before we get started,

588
00:30:00,780 --> 00:30:02,873
I want to say
a few words

589
00:30:02,949 --> 00:30:06,316
about this deadly
disease called rabies.

590
00:30:06,419 --> 00:30:10,719
And I'd like you to take a
look into the face of rabies.

591
00:30:13,726 --> 00:30:16,354
That should scare you.
It scares me.

592
00:30:16,429 --> 00:30:18,158
You people need
to educate yourselves.

593
00:30:18,231 --> 00:30:22,190
Myth: Three Americans every
year die from rabies.

594
00:30:22,268 --> 00:30:26,830
F'act: Four Americans every
year die from rabies.

595
00:30:27,173 --> 00:30:29,903
How many of you
know someone

596
00:30:29,976 --> 00:30:32,945
who has been afflicted
or affected by rabies?

597
00:30:33,312 --> 00:30:36,748
Show of hands. One, two, three...
Too many to count.

598
00:30:36,816 --> 00:30:38,977
It is truly
the silent killer.

599
00:30:39,052 --> 00:30:42,510
No, it is the foaming,
barking killer.

600
00:30:42,588 --> 00:30:45,955
And it is something that comes...
Darryl, what are you doing?

601
00:30:46,025 --> 00:30:47,049
I'm giving him
a peanut.

602
00:30:47,126 --> 00:30:51,654
No, don't give him... Just...
Did you hear anything I said?

603
00:30:51,731 --> 00:30:52,789
Look how
happy he is.

604
00:30:52,865 --> 00:30:54,560
He's happy
because he's insane.

605
00:30:54,634 --> 00:30:56,397
You know what?
That's a perfect example

606
00:30:56,469 --> 00:30:59,495
of the kind of awareness
we need to generate.

607
00:30:59,572 --> 00:31:03,303
Where's the nurse? This
is the reason we're here.

608
00:31:03,376 --> 00:31:04,502
Hello, Michael.

609
00:31:04,577 --> 00:31:06,374
Oh, hey, I know you. Elizabeth?

610
00:31:06,446 --> 00:31:08,311
Yeah.
Right? Wow!

611
00:31:08,381 --> 00:31:10,815
Very cool. You went back
and got your degree.

612
00:31:10,883 --> 00:31:13,943
I would like you
to accept this check

613
00:31:15,755 --> 00:31:17,985
for $340,

614
00:31:18,724 --> 00:31:20,385
made out to "Science."

615
00:31:21,494 --> 00:31:23,325
Make sure that that gets
into the right hands.

616
00:31:23,396 --> 00:31:24,488
Great.

617
00:31:28,668 --> 00:31:30,158
You got it?

618
00:31:30,236 --> 00:31:31,294
Okay.

619
00:31:33,539 --> 00:31:35,803
F'ettuccine Alfredo.

620
00:31:36,742 --> 00:31:38,209
Time to carbo-load.

621
00:31:42,915 --> 00:31:46,544
Just remember, folks, it's not about
winning. It is about finishing!

622
00:31:47,587 --> 00:31:49,452
On your marks,

623
00:31:50,556 --> 00:31:52,387
get set...

624
00:31:52,725 --> 00:31:53,714
Hey!

625
00:32:08,708 --> 00:32:10,300
On your left!
Wow, you're fast.

626
00:32:10,376 --> 00:32:13,072
Doing great, Michael!
Look at you go!

627
00:32:13,146 --> 00:32:14,443
That's my boss!
Yeah!

628
00:32:14,514 --> 00:32:16,209
Think I'm fast?

629
00:32:16,582 --> 00:32:19,710
I'm very fast.
I'm like F'orrest Gump,

630
00:32:19,785 --> 00:32:22,413
except I am
not an idiot.

631
00:32:24,757 --> 00:32:26,987
Oh, yes,
I will work out today.

632
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:31,096
I will work out a way to avoid
running for a stupid cause.

633
00:32:32,899 --> 00:32:36,699
I've walked two marathons. I'm
pretty sure I can handle a 5K.

634
00:32:37,637 --> 00:32:40,538
Key is drafting,
eliminate wind resistance.

635
00:32:45,845 --> 00:32:47,142
Yeah.

636
00:32:48,948 --> 00:32:50,279
Oh, we're
in last place.

637
00:32:50,349 --> 00:32:51,316
Oh, would you
look at that?

638
00:32:51,384 --> 00:32:52,612
Darn it.

639
00:32:57,356 --> 00:32:59,586
Water? Water?

640
00:33:02,261 --> 00:33:04,161
Water, babe?
No! No water for me!

641
00:33:04,230 --> 00:33:07,427
Not while rabies causes
fear of water! Solidarity!

642
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,358
Michael,
that's irrational.

643
00:33:09,435 --> 00:33:10,959
Rabies victims

644
00:33:11,771 --> 00:33:16,435
have to live with an irrational
hatred of water their entire lives.

645
00:33:16,509 --> 00:33:19,000
So, the least I can do...

646
00:33:20,513 --> 00:33:24,574
Oh, God, my nipples.
It's starting.

647
00:33:26,385 --> 00:33:28,012
Can we get another round? Okay.

648
00:33:28,087 --> 00:33:29,145
Thanks.

649
00:33:31,424 --> 00:33:34,052
So we've got what,
another 20 minutes?

650
00:33:34,126 --> 00:33:35,457
More or less.

651
00:33:38,297 --> 00:33:42,233
That fettuccine is sitting
in my stomach like a rock.

652
00:33:43,169 --> 00:33:46,161
You got nothing to worry about.
I put lmodium in Toby's coffee

653
00:33:46,239 --> 00:33:47,900
before the race.

654
00:33:47,974 --> 00:33:49,441
Excellent!

655
00:33:49,675 --> 00:33:51,700
Simpsons.

656
00:33:51,777 --> 00:33:53,506
Wait, lmodium
or Ex-Lax?

657
00:33:55,081 --> 00:33:56,810
I'm making great time.

658
00:33:56,882 --> 00:34:00,079
Usually, I'd have to take a bathroom
break halfway through a race like this,

659
00:34:00,152 --> 00:34:02,586
but not today.

660
00:34:05,925 --> 00:34:08,359
An estate sale.
Want to go in?

661
00:34:09,362 --> 00:34:11,159
I don't know. I'm really
committed to winning.

662
00:34:11,230 --> 00:34:13,698
Okay, but what if I told you that
all the money you spend here

663
00:34:13,766 --> 00:34:16,496
goes to preventing a disease
that's already been cured?

664
00:34:16,569 --> 00:34:17,934
Yes. That's what I thought.

665
00:34:18,004 --> 00:34:19,266
Yeah.
Right?

666
00:34:19,805 --> 00:34:21,534
Let's do some good.

667
00:34:23,242 --> 00:34:24,709
You have reached the offices

668
00:34:24,777 --> 00:34:25,903
of Dunder Mifflin Scranton.

669
00:34:25,978 --> 00:34:27,502
Currently,
the entire staff is out

670
00:34:27,580 --> 00:34:32,347
doing the Michael Scott DMSMPMC
Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race.

671
00:34:32,752 --> 00:34:34,447
For the cure.

672
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:35,646
Leave a message.

673
00:34:38,291 --> 00:34:41,954
Oh, God.
Alfredo sauce.

674
00:34:43,195 --> 00:34:44,355
I'm getting a stitch.

675
00:34:47,700 --> 00:34:50,965
God! Watch the nipples, Kevin!

676
00:34:51,037 --> 00:34:52,766
Back off me.

677
00:34:53,139 --> 00:34:54,231
How are you feeling?
Better?

678
00:34:54,307 --> 00:34:55,433
No.

679
00:34:55,541 --> 00:34:58,635
Well, you look cute as a button.
You've worked up quite a sweat.

680
00:34:58,711 --> 00:35:01,009
The vet is removing all of
Sprinkles' organs right now

681
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:02,877
and sending them
to the lab.

682
00:35:03,082 --> 00:35:04,777
I am a farmer, Angela.

683
00:35:04,850 --> 00:35:05,908
What does
that mean?

684
00:35:05,985 --> 00:35:07,885
Okay, when a farmer sees
an animal that is in pain,

685
00:35:07,953 --> 00:35:10,717
that has no quality of
life, that has no utility,

686
00:35:10,790 --> 00:35:14,191
a farmer does what city folk
don't have the stomach to do.

687
00:35:14,927 --> 00:35:16,792
You did kill her?

688
00:35:16,862 --> 00:35:19,524
I sang her
her favorite songs.

689
00:35:19,598 --> 00:35:21,031
You put her
in my freezer.

690
00:35:21,100 --> 00:35:23,330
It was beautiful and
gentle and respectful.

691
00:35:23,402 --> 00:35:25,996
I fed her antihistamines and
she gradually fell asleep.

692
00:35:26,072 --> 00:35:28,563
Well, then, she barfed them up in
the freezer and tried to get out.

693
00:35:28,641 --> 00:35:30,006
Well, I'm not responsible for that!
Get!

694
00:35:30,076 --> 00:35:31,407
Hey!

695
00:35:32,478 --> 00:35:33,536
It's okay.
It's nothing!

696
00:35:33,612 --> 00:35:34,670
I'm robbing her.

697
00:35:34,747 --> 00:35:36,078
It's nothing! It's nothing!
It's fine!

698
00:35:36,148 --> 00:35:37,137
What?

699
00:35:37,216 --> 00:35:39,081
How could you do that
without telling me?

700
00:35:39,151 --> 00:35:42,177
I thought I was helping you.
I expected a hug.

701
00:35:42,254 --> 00:35:46,088
I took care of that cat
the best way I knew how.

702
00:35:46,726 --> 00:35:49,320
Cat heaven is
a beautiful place,

703
00:35:49,395 --> 00:35:51,727
but you don't get there
if you're euthanized.

704
00:35:52,198 --> 00:35:55,326
I know a great taxidermist.
I'll pay to have her stuffed.

705
00:35:55,401 --> 00:35:57,494
Well, he's not great,
but he's pretty good.

706
00:35:57,570 --> 00:35:59,401
You don't understand.

707
00:35:59,472 --> 00:36:01,872
Take bat bites seriously.
Don't get bit.

708
00:36:04,276 --> 00:36:07,609
Or we can have her buried out
at the east field, by mother.

709
00:36:09,315 --> 00:36:10,373
Huh?
Angela?

710
00:36:10,449 --> 00:36:11,473
Don't touch me,
Dwight.

711
00:36:23,929 --> 00:36:26,295
You like it? It's kind
of designy and cool.

712
00:36:26,365 --> 00:36:27,696
It was $8.

713
00:36:28,434 --> 00:36:30,299
Oh, and
I get to carry it.

714
00:36:45,050 --> 00:36:47,450
And the winner
is Toby F'lenderson.

715
00:36:49,021 --> 00:36:51,046
Have a seat.
I'll write it down.

716
00:36:55,761 --> 00:36:57,058
Where are we?

717
00:36:57,129 --> 00:36:59,996
I don't know, like five
kilometers from the office.

718
00:37:01,734 --> 00:37:03,759
He couldn't have
made it a circle?

719
00:37:12,178 --> 00:37:13,873
I am not
going to finish.

720
00:37:16,549 --> 00:37:18,380
I can't beat rabies.

721
00:37:19,351 --> 00:37:20,477
Nobody can beat rabies.

722
00:37:20,553 --> 00:37:23,545
Rabies has been around
for a thousand years

723
00:37:23,622 --> 00:37:26,284
and I was a fool to think
that I could beat it.

724
00:37:32,231 --> 00:37:34,290
Yeah, probably.
Hey.

725
00:37:36,168 --> 00:37:37,260
Michael?

726
00:37:38,871 --> 00:37:41,567
What are you doing here?
Did you come back for us?

727
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:43,130
I can't finish.

728
00:37:44,109 --> 00:37:45,906
I feel so weak.
I just...

729
00:37:45,978 --> 00:37:47,275
Well, you're probably
dehydrated.

730
00:37:47,346 --> 00:37:48,938
What do you want
me to do, Jim?

731
00:37:49,014 --> 00:37:50,174
Glass of water
would be a start.

732
00:37:50,249 --> 00:37:53,275
No.
There are people

733
00:37:53,352 --> 00:37:58,255
all over the world with all sorts of
problems and afflictions and diseases.

734
00:37:58,324 --> 00:38:00,121
They're deformed

735
00:38:00,726 --> 00:38:03,524
and they're abnormal and

736
00:38:03,596 --> 00:38:06,622
they're illiterate
and ugly.

737
00:38:06,932 --> 00:38:08,866
Symphonies don't
have any money.

738
00:38:08,934 --> 00:38:11,164
Public TV is bust.

739
00:38:11,237 --> 00:38:14,070
I can't do anything about it.
I can't, you know...

740
00:38:15,140 --> 00:38:17,005
There's just one of me.

741
00:38:17,476 --> 00:38:19,740
And there's
a thousand of them.

742
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:22,211
And rabies wins.

743
00:38:22,314 --> 00:38:24,782
Wow!
You are a downer.

744
00:38:25,518 --> 00:38:27,349
We were having
a pretty nice day.

745
00:38:27,419 --> 00:38:28,681
I'm still having
a nice day.

746
00:38:28,754 --> 00:38:30,688
You are?
Yeah.

747
00:38:30,756 --> 00:38:34,715
Hey, Michael, look at this lamp.
$8.

748
00:38:34,793 --> 00:38:36,454
That's a good deal.

749
00:38:37,897 --> 00:38:40,889
And Michael,
you don't have rabies,

750
00:38:40,966 --> 00:38:44,333
and chances are you're not
going to get it anytime soon.

751
00:38:44,403 --> 00:38:47,702
So, you don't really have
to think about it too much.

752
00:38:47,773 --> 00:38:51,709
Pam, if everybody felt that
way, nothing would get done.

753
00:38:52,878 --> 00:38:57,838
Yeah, but there's other, better
people out there who are helping.

754
00:38:57,917 --> 00:39:02,183
You just don't think I am
capable of making a difference.

755
00:39:03,322 --> 00:39:06,758
I know you, Michael.
I saw you naked.

756
00:39:07,493 --> 00:39:08,926
You don't...

757
00:39:09,762 --> 00:39:11,491
You don't know me.

758
00:39:11,664 --> 00:39:14,827
You've just seen my penis.
I can make a difference.

759
00:39:14,900 --> 00:39:18,097
Remember, I'm the one who
started this whole thing off

760
00:39:18,170 --> 00:39:20,138
by hitting Meredith
with my car.

761
00:39:20,673 --> 00:39:25,167
And I owe it to her
to finish this GD 5K.

762
00:39:30,583 --> 00:39:31,914
No! No!

763
00:39:45,364 --> 00:39:51,234
Finishing that 5K was the hardest
thing I have ever had to do.

764
00:39:54,139 --> 00:39:58,371
I ate more fettuccine Alfredo
and drank less water

765
00:39:58,444 --> 00:40:00,503
than I have in
my entire life.

766
00:40:02,214 --> 00:40:05,274
People always talk about
triumphs of the human spirit.

767
00:40:05,351 --> 00:40:10,186
Well, today, I had a
triumph of the human body.

768
00:40:10,589 --> 00:40:13,023
That's why everybody was
applauding for me at the end,

769
00:40:13,092 --> 00:40:14,889
my guts and my heart.

770
00:40:17,529 --> 00:40:21,556
And while I eventually
puked my guts out, I never

771
00:40:22,935 --> 00:40:25,028
puked my heart out.

772
00:40:25,437 --> 00:40:28,133
I'm very,
very proud of that.

773
00:40:31,443 --> 00:40:33,035
Hey, Michael.

774
00:40:33,112 --> 00:40:34,238
Hey, Mere.

775
00:40:34,813 --> 00:40:36,781
How are you doing?
Better.

776
00:40:36,849 --> 00:40:38,441
It's ironic,
isn't it?

777
00:40:38,517 --> 00:40:41,145
I mean, I'm in the hospital
for not getting enough water

778
00:40:41,220 --> 00:40:44,621
and you're in it for a disease
that causes a fear of water.

779
00:40:45,724 --> 00:40:47,851
I'm in because you
hit me with your car.

780
00:40:48,727 --> 00:40:52,857
But I want to say, I heard you
were trying really hard, so

781
00:40:53,732 --> 00:40:55,529
I'm not mad
at you anymore.

782
00:40:56,268 --> 00:40:57,496
Thanks.

783
00:40:58,303 --> 00:41:00,498
I'm not mad
at you anymore.

784
00:41:08,380 --> 00:41:09,642
Want to share?

785
00:41:10,849 --> 00:41:11,873
Sure.

786
00:41:11,950 --> 00:41:13,247
I'm not really sick.

787
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:22,525
No, I'm good.

787
00:41:23,305 --> 00:42:23,242
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