1
00:00:00,371 --> 00:00:02,881
I really didn't think
I was gonna have a good time but I did.
2
00:00:03,041 --> 00:00:04,261
I love camping.
3
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:05,818
¶ Anything can happen ¶
4
00:00:05,978 --> 00:00:09,389
Well it wasn't camping.
It was more of a wilderness retreat.
5
00:00:09,549 --> 00:00:10,847
- Morning.
- Michael.
6
00:00:11,007 --> 00:00:13,881
Ryan invited some of the branch managers
and Toby into the woods
7
00:00:14,041 --> 00:00:16,291
for a "get to know you" weekend.
8
00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:18,504
Michael wasn't invited.
9
00:00:19,915 --> 00:00:23,693
Apparently they already knew everything
they needed to know about him.
10
00:00:23,853 --> 00:00:25,070
Did you sleep in cabins?
11
00:00:25,230 --> 00:00:26,580
Under the stars.
12
00:00:27,006 --> 00:00:29,010
It was really beautiful.
You should've come.
13
00:00:29,170 --> 00:00:31,242
Bob and I took
rock climbing lessons once.
14
00:00:35,167 --> 00:00:38,073
Michael wasn't invited
on Ryan's camping trip.
15
00:00:38,233 --> 00:00:40,583
Toby went, but Michael didn't go.
16
00:00:41,135 --> 00:00:42,496
He wasn't invited.
17
00:00:43,248 --> 00:00:46,174
- Who went?
- Me, Dan from Buffalo, Mark Chisholm,
18
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:49,219
Jeff from Albany,
and Ryan obviously.
19
00:00:49,454 --> 00:00:51,554
We had so many s'mores
I finally had to say,
20
00:00:52,092 --> 00:00:54,391
"no more s'mores, no more s'mores."
21
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:02,688
Ryan invited me to go
on his wilderness adventure retreat.
22
00:01:02,848 --> 00:01:05,271
It was this amazing, beautiful...
23
00:01:06,448 --> 00:01:07,931
Hey, nobody cares.
24
00:01:08,232 --> 00:01:09,382
Nobody cares.
25
00:01:09,794 --> 00:01:12,231
I need that room at some point
so just...
26
00:01:12,532 --> 00:01:13,625
wrap it up.
27
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,107
Michael wasn't invited.
28
00:01:22,412 --> 00:01:22,511
T
29
00:01:22,512 --> 00:01:22,611
Tr
30
00:01:22,612 --> 00:01:22,711
Tra
31
00:01:22,712 --> 00:01:22,811
Tran
32
00:01:22,812 --> 00:01:22,911
Trans
33
00:01:22,912 --> 00:01:23,011
Transc
34
00:01:23,012 --> 00:01:23,111
Transcr
35
00:01:23,112 --> 00:01:23,211
Transcri
36
00:01:23,212 --> 00:01:23,311
Transcrip
37
00:01:23,312 --> 00:01:23,411
Transcript
38
00:01:23,412 --> 00:01:23,511
Transcript
39
00:01:23,512 --> 00:01:23,611
Transcript :
40
00:01:23,612 --> 00:01:23,711
Transcript :
41
00:01:23,712 --> 00:01:23,811
Transcript : S
42
00:01:23,812 --> 00:01:23,911
Transcript : Sw
43
00:01:23,912 --> 00:01:24,011
Transcript : SwS
44
00:01:24,012 --> 00:01:24,111
Transcript : SwSu
45
00:01:24,112 --> 00:01:24,411
Transcript : SwSub
46
00:01:24,412 --> 00:01:24,511
Transcript : SwSub
S
47
00:01:24,512 --> 00:01:24,611
Transcript : SwSub
Sy
48
00:01:24,612 --> 00:01:24,711
Transcript : SwSub
Syn
49
00:01:24,712 --> 00:01:24,811
Transcript : SwSub
Sync
50
00:01:24,812 --> 00:01:24,911
Transcript : SwSub
Synch
51
00:01:24,912 --> 00:01:25,011
Transcript : SwSub
Synchr
52
00:01:25,012 --> 00:01:25,111
Transcript : SwSub
Synchro
53
00:01:25,112 --> 00:01:25,211
Transcript : SwSub
Synchro
54
00:01:25,212 --> 00:01:25,311
Transcript : SwSub
Synchro :
55
00:01:25,312 --> 00:01:25,411
Transcript : SwSub
Synchro :
56
00:01:25,412 --> 00:01:25,511
Transcript : SwSub
Synchro : D
57
00:01:25,512 --> 00:01:25,611
Transcript : SwSub
Synchro : Da
58
00:01:25,612 --> 00:01:25,711
Transcript : SwSub
Synchro : Dar
59
00:01:25,712 --> 00:01:25,811
Transcript : SwSub
Synchro : DarK
60
00:01:25,812 --> 00:01:25,911
Transcript : SwSub
Synchro : DarKs
61
00:01:25,912 --> 00:01:27,298
Transcript : SwSub
Synchro : DarKsh
62
00:01:35,374 --> 00:01:37,267
Episode 4x07
"SURVIVOR MAN" (1.00)
63
00:01:37,501 --> 00:01:41,406
Hypothetically,
if I were to ask you to go camping...
64
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:44,315
And you know what "hypothetical" means?
65
00:01:44,596 --> 00:01:45,730
- Not real.
- Got it.
66
00:01:45,890 --> 00:01:49,500
So if I were to hypothetically ask you
to go camping with me,
67
00:01:50,029 --> 00:01:51,948
- would you go?
- Absolutely, yes.
68
00:01:52,108 --> 00:01:53,855
When Michael plays
the hypothetical game,
69
00:01:54,015 --> 00:01:55,365
I always say yes.
70
00:01:55,570 --> 00:01:56,861
- Really?
- Yeah.
71
00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:58,455
Do you wanna go today?
72
00:01:58,615 --> 00:02:00,331
And I am always busy.
73
00:02:00,652 --> 00:02:03,376
Oh, can't go today
'cause I'm donating blood.
74
00:02:03,952 --> 00:02:05,628
How often can you actually donate blood?
75
00:02:07,266 --> 00:02:08,673
Is there a limit?
I don't...
76
00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:10,508
Your body only has a certain amount.
77
00:02:10,792 --> 00:02:12,766
Well is that it, or...
78
00:02:13,037 --> 00:02:15,391
Yeah, just this whole Toby
camping thing.
79
00:02:15,551 --> 00:02:17,532
I don't know.
It seems a little lame.
80
00:02:17,780 --> 00:02:19,267
- How so?
- A bunch of guys
81
00:02:19,427 --> 00:02:22,021
in a tent making s'mores?
82
00:02:24,514 --> 00:02:26,893
- What's that?
- Hello, I'm Broken Mountain.
83
00:02:27,510 --> 00:02:29,614
Here's the thing.
That's not how you go camping.
84
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:33,398
I think you go camping...
by yourself in the wilderness.
85
00:02:33,558 --> 00:02:36,917
It's not with a group of guys
frolicking around in tents.
86
00:02:37,077 --> 00:02:40,246
It's one guy,
or two guys if your plans change.
87
00:02:40,517 --> 00:02:42,540
- Not gonna change.
- I want to do it myself.
88
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:44,208
I want to go...
89
00:02:44,638 --> 00:02:48,203
and find out something about myself.
I want to get out of here.
90
00:02:48,363 --> 00:02:51,888
All the cliques
and the office politics.
91
00:02:52,435 --> 00:02:54,677
Fluorescent lights and the asbestos.
92
00:02:55,264 --> 00:02:58,931
- I thought we had that looked at.
- I'm sick of this place, Jim.
93
00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:00,730
When Jan and I had satellite,
94
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:04,879
we used to watch a reality show
called Survivorman, and...
95
00:03:05,844 --> 00:03:08,352
it was interesting
because it was about a guy
96
00:03:08,512 --> 00:03:11,303
who would go out
into the middle of nowhere
97
00:03:11,771 --> 00:03:16,548
and just try not to die,
try not to get eaten by an animal or...
98
00:03:17,299 --> 00:03:18,618
be overexposed.
99
00:03:18,851 --> 00:03:20,794
Okay, I will only need two things:
100
00:03:20,954 --> 00:03:22,872
a roll of duct tape and a knife.
101
00:03:23,656 --> 00:03:24,791
- I'm on it.
- Okay.
102
00:03:25,086 --> 00:03:27,396
Thirty minutes or less,
please come back.
103
00:03:27,701 --> 00:03:29,051
Save the receipt.
104
00:03:29,951 --> 00:03:32,462
- Hey, what...
- Let's see if any of these will work.
105
00:03:35,225 --> 00:03:37,929
I keep various weaponry
strategically placed around the office.
106
00:03:38,514 --> 00:03:40,917
I saved Jim's life
with a can of pepper spray
107
00:03:41,077 --> 00:03:43,127
I had velcroed under my desk.
108
00:03:43,704 --> 00:03:46,436
People say,
"Oh, it's dangerous
109
00:03:46,596 --> 00:03:49,101
to keep weapons in the home
or the workplace."
110
00:03:49,261 --> 00:03:51,526
Well I say it's better to be hurt
111
00:03:51,686 --> 00:03:53,764
by someone you know accidentally
112
00:03:54,202 --> 00:03:56,710
than by a stranger on purpose.
113
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:00,226
Dwight and I are going out.
114
00:04:00,386 --> 00:04:02,868
He will return later, but I will not.
115
00:04:03,331 --> 00:04:06,430
I will also be taking
a personal day tomorrow
116
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,501
and perhaps the next day.
117
00:04:09,218 --> 00:04:11,102
Do you want me to ask
where you're going?
118
00:04:11,262 --> 00:04:12,462
- No.
- Great.
119
00:04:12,622 --> 00:04:15,300
Dwight'll be driving me
deep into the Pennsylvania wilderness...
120
00:04:15,782 --> 00:04:17,570
Where he will then leave me
121
00:04:17,828 --> 00:04:20,916
to either die or to survive.
122
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:24,717
- The choice is yours.
- No. The choice is actually yours.
123
00:04:25,078 --> 00:04:27,496
- Are you sure you wanna do this?
- Yes,
124
00:04:27,656 --> 00:04:31,184
and I am leaving you in charge
of the office for the rest of the day
125
00:04:31,344 --> 00:04:33,067
and for the next several days.
126
00:04:33,265 --> 00:04:34,767
- Don't try to follow me.
- Great.
127
00:04:34,927 --> 00:04:36,513
This is a very personal,
128
00:04:36,673 --> 00:04:40,044
private experience
in the wild that I wish to share
129
00:04:40,325 --> 00:04:42,693
- with me, myself, and I.
- Yep.
130
00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:46,629
When I return, I hope to be
a completely changed human being.
131
00:04:46,789 --> 00:04:47,790
That'd be great.
132
00:04:47,950 --> 00:04:50,725
Do I believe that Michael
possesses the skills
133
00:04:50,885 --> 00:04:53,366
to survive in a hostel environment?
134
00:04:54,641 --> 00:04:56,291
Let's put it this way.
135
00:04:56,703 --> 00:04:58,016
No, I do not.
136
00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,107
This is what a true survivorman does.
137
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:04,693
You simulate a disaster,
like a plane wreck.
138
00:05:05,028 --> 00:05:07,105
You can only wear the clothes
that you have on.
139
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,856
And you can only use the stuff
that you have in your pockets.
140
00:05:10,016 --> 00:05:11,272
Now in this case,
141
00:05:11,432 --> 00:05:16,431
this disaster is a serial killer,
creepy guy who's abducted me,
142
00:05:16,689 --> 00:05:20,183
and is taking me out into the wilderness
to leave me for dead.
143
00:05:20,343 --> 00:05:22,668
I would never leave you for dead.
You would never escape.
144
00:05:22,828 --> 00:05:24,545
Well yes, I would
and I would survive.
145
00:05:24,705 --> 00:05:27,733
I'ld make sure that you were dead,
believe me. Then I'ld remove your teeth
146
00:05:27,893 --> 00:05:30,261
and cut off your fingertips
so you couldn't be identified.
147
00:05:30,421 --> 00:05:32,335
And they would call me
the overkill killer.
148
00:05:32,495 --> 00:05:35,118
You are as creepy
as a real serial killer.
149
00:05:35,611 --> 00:05:37,418
- For real. Okay...
- What are you doing?
150
00:05:37,578 --> 00:05:38,793
I'm putting this on
151
00:05:38,953 --> 00:05:42,003
so I have no familiarity
with my surroundings.
152
00:05:42,391 --> 00:05:44,982
Now this way
I can't retrace my steps.
153
00:05:45,142 --> 00:05:46,573
I don't know what streets we...
154
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,479
- What are you doing?
- It'ld be better if you're unconscious.
155
00:05:50,866 --> 00:05:53,355
God!
Dwight, stop it! Stop it!
156
00:05:53,515 --> 00:05:55,154
Do you want to do this right or not?
157
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:59,879
Please allow me to have
one cathartic experience in my life?
158
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:04,450
Jim, we need to order a cake
for Creed's birthday.
159
00:06:05,063 --> 00:06:06,577
Wasn't it just someone's birthday?
160
00:06:06,737 --> 00:06:08,997
Yes, Kelly's was last week, remember?
161
00:06:09,417 --> 00:06:11,919
- I do remember, yeah.
- It's birthday month.
162
00:06:12,169 --> 00:06:14,857
Creed's is today,
Oscar's is week after next,
163
00:06:15,017 --> 00:06:16,896
Meredith's is at the end of the month.
164
00:06:17,082 --> 00:06:18,605
Michael usually goes with red an...
165
00:06:18,765 --> 00:06:20,341
You know what?
I have an idea.
166
00:06:20,572 --> 00:06:22,677
Why don't we just do
one big shared party?
167
00:06:23,462 --> 00:06:24,262
What?
168
00:06:24,422 --> 00:06:26,667
There are 13 people
working in this office.
169
00:06:26,827 --> 00:06:29,141
So 13 times a year,
170
00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:32,353
Michael gets a cake
and balloons and...
171
00:06:32,513 --> 00:06:35,412
some sort of joke gift
and makes a toast.
172
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:38,229
And there are two types of toasts.
One is a joke
173
00:06:38,393 --> 00:06:39,610
about how old you are.
174
00:06:39,770 --> 00:06:40,983
Look at those wrinkles.
175
00:06:41,143 --> 00:06:42,493
Blacks do crack!
176
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:43,823
Not crack the drug.
177
00:06:43,983 --> 00:06:46,200
And the other
is something inappropriate...
178
00:06:46,528 --> 00:06:47,618
or horrible.
179
00:06:48,294 --> 00:06:49,424
Or both.
180
00:06:49,946 --> 00:06:53,275
What else? He only sings
the high harmony to Happy birthday.
181
00:06:55,842 --> 00:06:58,621
And he is a very big believer
in surprise parties.
182
00:06:58,781 --> 00:07:01,293
Maybe even arguably,
possibly to a fault.
183
00:07:01,453 --> 00:07:02,536
Happy birthday!
184
00:07:02,901 --> 00:07:04,003
Happy birthday!
185
00:07:06,519 --> 00:07:07,520
Happy birthday!
186
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,730
So I think, yeah...
187
00:07:10,890 --> 00:07:13,860
I think getting these out of the way
might be productive.
188
00:07:14,597 --> 00:07:17,230
We can just have one big fun party.
189
00:07:17,390 --> 00:07:19,609
And everybody's happy
and nobody wastes their time.
190
00:07:19,895 --> 00:07:21,245
I don't like it.
191
00:07:27,377 --> 00:07:29,451
You're shaking things up a bit, huh?
192
00:07:29,611 --> 00:07:32,163
- It's a pretty good idea, uh?
- You think it's a good idea?
193
00:07:32,323 --> 00:07:33,203
No...
194
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,351
I think it's a great idea.
195
00:07:39,914 --> 00:07:40,914
We're here.
196
00:07:43,987 --> 00:07:48,735
Dwight will take my blindfold off
when we are deep in the forest.
197
00:07:49,043 --> 00:07:51,140
Just the two of us from this point out.
198
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:53,550
Here we go.
Just the two of us.
199
00:07:56,703 --> 00:08:00,156
Here we go into the wild
to the mighty forest.
200
00:08:01,768 --> 00:08:04,168
Can you smell the trees and the nature?
201
00:08:05,398 --> 00:08:07,064
Keep going.
You're fine.
202
00:08:07,642 --> 00:08:09,783
Just some bushes and some thickets.
203
00:08:12,622 --> 00:08:13,637
Keep going.
204
00:08:15,392 --> 00:08:17,742
You wanted wilderness, you got it.
205
00:08:18,071 --> 00:08:19,577
Try sending them another invoice.
206
00:08:19,737 --> 00:08:21,119
- Okay.
- All right.
207
00:08:21,643 --> 00:08:23,813
Oh, did you see my memo, by the way?
208
00:08:26,566 --> 00:08:28,298
"Let's be honest.
As fun as birthday's are
209
00:08:28,458 --> 00:08:30,468
"we all could use a break
from the constant cake.
210
00:08:30,628 --> 00:08:33,015
"So let's celebrate
birthday month in style today."
211
00:08:34,454 --> 00:08:35,804
This is really...
212
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,016
cool.
213
00:08:37,471 --> 00:08:38,668
- Right?
- Yeah.
214
00:08:38,828 --> 00:08:39,905
I was just think...
215
00:08:40,065 --> 00:08:41,645
No, totally.
Totally.
216
00:08:41,933 --> 00:08:43,823
This way we get it
all out of the way at once
217
00:08:43,983 --> 00:08:45,319
and it could actually be fun.
218
00:08:45,581 --> 00:08:46,581
Right!
219
00:08:47,338 --> 00:08:48,392
Exactly.
220
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,538
I knew I could count on you.
221
00:08:53,612 --> 00:08:55,507
This is as good a spot as any.
222
00:09:00,870 --> 00:09:01,920
What are you doing?
223
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,636
- Stop it. Dwight, just stop it!
- I'm just...
224
00:09:04,796 --> 00:09:07,758
Spin... I'm trying to confuse
your sense of direction!
225
00:09:14,283 --> 00:09:15,291
Behold.
226
00:09:16,113 --> 00:09:17,420
Good.
Thank you, Dwight.
227
00:09:17,580 --> 00:09:19,333
- Here's your knife.
- Thank you.
228
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,063
- And here's your duct tape.
- Good.
229
00:09:21,223 --> 00:09:22,978
- All right.
- Very good.
230
00:09:23,762 --> 00:09:24,764
Okay.
231
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:26,300
Yep.
232
00:09:26,581 --> 00:09:28,944
- Good luck, Michael.
- Thanks for the ride.
233
00:09:31,472 --> 00:09:32,473
Okay...
234
00:09:34,353 --> 00:09:35,962
Leave me be, Dwight.
235
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,541
Hey Jim, can I have my own cake?
236
00:09:40,701 --> 00:09:42,835
- What's that?
- I really prefer devil's food cake.
237
00:09:43,098 --> 00:09:44,019
Oh, sure.
238
00:09:44,228 --> 00:09:45,882
- Yes, awesome!
- Okay.
239
00:09:46,828 --> 00:09:49,258
- That was easy.
- People like me I guess.
240
00:09:49,916 --> 00:09:50,716
Jim.
241
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,846
- I hate devil's food.
- I think Meredith...
242
00:09:54,006 --> 00:09:55,006
Screw Meredith.
243
00:09:55,166 --> 00:09:57,558
It's not fair someone else
pick the cake on my birthday.
244
00:09:57,718 --> 00:09:59,759
- Everybody's birthday.
- Today is my birthday
245
00:09:59,919 --> 00:10:01,771
- and I wanna pick the cake.
- What you want?
246
00:10:01,931 --> 00:10:03,314
I want pie.
I want peach pie.
247
00:10:03,552 --> 00:10:04,774
I want a nice cobbler.
248
00:10:04,934 --> 00:10:07,026
I'm gonna talk to Angela
to see what we can do.
249
00:10:07,186 --> 00:10:08,945
No matter who you talk to,
make it happen.
250
00:10:09,105 --> 00:10:11,233
- It'll be Angela.
- You tell her it's for Creed.
251
00:10:11,393 --> 00:10:13,180
She'll know what that means.
252
00:10:19,337 --> 00:10:20,338
Day one.
253
00:10:21,269 --> 00:10:24,548
I'm in the interior
of the vast Pennsylvania wilderness.
254
00:10:25,013 --> 00:10:27,580
I've brought with me
only the bare essentials.
255
00:10:27,954 --> 00:10:30,827
A knife, roll of duct tape
256
00:10:31,314 --> 00:10:35,727
in case I need to fashion a shelter
or make some sort of water vessel.
257
00:10:36,707 --> 00:10:40,946
It's hot today.
The sun is in the two-thirds
258
00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:43,772
easterly quadrant
which would make it about...
259
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,351
2:00 in the afternoon.
260
00:10:47,767 --> 00:10:49,632
Really beating down on me now.
261
00:10:50,068 --> 00:10:52,578
And I think that I want to get
262
00:10:53,079 --> 00:10:54,984
a little more comfortable
263
00:10:55,144 --> 00:10:59,344
because the sun is depleting
my resources.
264
00:10:59,801 --> 00:11:00,802
Okay.
265
00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:02,937
Oh, there we go.
266
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:07,505
Watch that I don't hit
my carotid artery here.
267
00:11:07,705 --> 00:11:09,107
I lied to Michael.
268
00:11:09,315 --> 00:11:11,830
I said that I would leave him alone,
but I will not.
269
00:11:12,311 --> 00:11:15,859
I will remain close by
to provide unseen moral support.
270
00:11:16,019 --> 00:11:17,675
But I will never help him.
271
00:11:18,079 --> 00:11:19,961
I will let harm befall him.
272
00:11:20,121 --> 00:11:22,366
I will even let him die.
273
00:11:22,893 --> 00:11:25,743
But I will never let him
lose his dignity.
274
00:11:26,003 --> 00:11:28,063
There we go.
Much better.
275
00:11:28,499 --> 00:11:32,711
Now everything
I brought with me can be used.
276
00:11:33,456 --> 00:11:35,514
My sport coat here
277
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:40,470
can be fashioned
into a backpack of sorts.
278
00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:43,896
I'm going to wear what was once...
279
00:11:45,082 --> 00:11:46,871
one of my pant legs.
280
00:11:49,515 --> 00:11:51,896
See this is a beautiful piece
of material.
281
00:11:52,275 --> 00:11:54,446
This could be used
for all sorts of things.
282
00:11:54,606 --> 00:11:57,238
Some sort of kerchief...
283
00:11:58,794 --> 00:12:01,557
to keep my neck nice and comfortable.
284
00:12:04,609 --> 00:12:06,160
- Tuna.
- Andy.
285
00:12:06,599 --> 00:12:09,467
Me likey the ice cream cake, okay?
286
00:12:09,802 --> 00:12:11,537
- "Fudgey the whale."
- Not your birthday.
287
00:12:11,697 --> 00:12:15,002
Well I'm just saying, you know,
if you want to make people happy,
288
00:12:15,162 --> 00:12:17,627
namely me, you will have
a fudgey the whale.
289
00:12:17,787 --> 00:12:19,686
All right.
Gonna look into it.
290
00:12:19,846 --> 00:12:21,244
But the answer's no.
291
00:12:21,725 --> 00:12:23,411
Wow, okay.
Harsh.
292
00:12:24,219 --> 00:12:25,664
Just don't expect me to show up.
293
00:12:25,824 --> 00:12:28,596
Hey Andy,
I have some calls to make.
294
00:12:28,786 --> 00:12:30,503
- Loud and clear.
- All right.
295
00:12:33,648 --> 00:12:36,322
- Pizza rolls.
- I'm gonna go into this office here
296
00:12:36,482 --> 00:12:38,115
to do some work so I will be in here.
297
00:12:38,275 --> 00:12:39,525
Mushroom caps.
298
00:12:39,838 --> 00:12:43,970
I am totally alone right now
with only my thoughts.
299
00:12:44,273 --> 00:12:45,273
I love it.
300
00:12:45,772 --> 00:12:46,977
¶ I'm lovin' it ¶
301
00:12:48,211 --> 00:12:50,436
I can literally say anything I want.
302
00:12:51,194 --> 00:12:52,975
No one is going to hear me.
303
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:57,143
Wish I could've gone with Ryan
on that cool retreat!
304
00:12:58,065 --> 00:13:00,060
Jan has plastic boobs!
305
00:13:00,955 --> 00:13:05,082
I- have-hemorrhoids!
306
00:13:07,959 --> 00:13:09,500
Doesn't even matter.
307
00:13:09,962 --> 00:13:12,741
Michael is a man
of great depth and passion.
308
00:13:14,458 --> 00:13:17,240
I don't know what he's searching
for out here.
309
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,533
But I hope he finds it.
310
00:13:26,809 --> 00:13:27,809
Lunch.
311
00:13:28,887 --> 00:13:30,993
Well it is a little chillier
312
00:13:31,615 --> 00:13:35,456
than I had thought so I have fashioned
my hat back into my pants.
313
00:13:36,497 --> 00:13:37,498
Several hours in.
314
00:13:37,658 --> 00:13:39,524
It's time for me to find
some nourishment.
315
00:13:39,788 --> 00:13:43,839
Now these woods are full of creatures
that can sustain human life.
316
00:13:43,999 --> 00:13:45,003
Things like...
317
00:13:46,412 --> 00:13:48,922
squirrels.
A nice, juicy rabbit
318
00:13:49,301 --> 00:13:50,797
would be delicious.
319
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,092
About two more minutes.
320
00:13:56,582 --> 00:13:59,106
I have made this spear
321
00:13:59,623 --> 00:14:02,331
with which I will impale my dinner.
322
00:14:04,481 --> 00:14:07,369
And it couldn't come a moment too soon
because I have been
323
00:14:07,529 --> 00:14:09,458
without food for a good...
324
00:14:10,188 --> 00:14:11,575
three hours or so.
325
00:14:12,825 --> 00:14:14,934
Starting to feel it a little bit.
326
00:14:20,249 --> 00:14:22,299
It's Creed's birthday today.
327
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:27,128
¶ Happy birthday to you ¶
328
00:14:27,686 --> 00:14:31,626
¶ Happy birthday to you ¶
329
00:14:31,935 --> 00:14:37,669
¶ Happy birthday dear Cre-ed ¶
330
00:14:38,119 --> 00:14:45,364
¶ Happy birthday to you ¶
331
00:14:45,839 --> 00:14:46,972
Happy birthday, buddy.
332
00:14:47,341 --> 00:14:48,855
What is Jim thinking?
333
00:14:49,015 --> 00:14:51,227
It's a birthday.
So what if there's a lot of them.
334
00:14:51,387 --> 00:14:53,727
Yeah, I work hard all day.
335
00:14:54,092 --> 00:14:57,088
I like knowing
that there's going to be a break.
336
00:14:57,248 --> 00:14:59,235
Most days I just sit
and wait for the break.
337
00:14:59,997 --> 00:15:03,526
I took an extra shot of insulin
in preparation for this cake today.
338
00:15:03,771 --> 00:15:06,140
If I don't have some cake soon,
I might die.
339
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:09,087
- Why don't you have an apple?
- Why don't you mind your business?
340
00:15:09,247 --> 00:15:12,933
Listen, I figured this out.
Jimmy had his birthday three weeks ago
341
00:15:13,093 --> 00:15:14,166
so he doesn't care.
342
00:15:14,326 --> 00:15:17,253
- I think the power went to his head.
- Hey, Jim!
343
00:15:17,413 --> 00:15:20,001
- Hey guys, what are we talking about?
- Nothing.
344
00:15:20,161 --> 00:15:21,340
Nothing going on.
345
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,347
We're talking about nothing.
346
00:15:24,183 --> 00:15:25,463
Come on, gang.
347
00:15:30,258 --> 00:15:31,830
Well if you take a look at this...
348
00:15:31,990 --> 00:15:33,375
I tented my pants.
349
00:15:34,385 --> 00:15:38,751
I've made myself
a nice pants tent shelter.
350
00:15:39,324 --> 00:15:42,356
And this little guy
may be Dunder Mifflin paper someday.
351
00:15:48,028 --> 00:15:50,391
Nothing to worry about.
Just using the scope.
352
00:15:50,551 --> 00:15:51,701
Safety is...
353
00:15:53,426 --> 00:15:54,426
on.
354
00:15:58,115 --> 00:16:00,045
- Hey, Jim.
- Toby.
355
00:16:00,301 --> 00:16:03,513
Hey, I just got the word
on the communal birthdays.
356
00:16:04,249 --> 00:16:05,365
Great idea.
357
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:07,640
Oh, thanks, man.
358
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:08,762
Yeah.
359
00:16:12,612 --> 00:16:13,976
Is there anything I can...
360
00:16:14,136 --> 00:16:15,766
My birthday was two months ago.
361
00:16:15,926 --> 00:16:18,063
- Oh, okay.
- There was no party.
362
00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:20,622
- What?
- Well... there was.
363
00:16:20,782 --> 00:16:24,621
But Michael scheduled it
for 4:58 on a friday.
364
00:16:24,781 --> 00:16:26,488
You know,
people sang in the parking lot.
365
00:16:26,648 --> 00:16:27,865
Mmm, I remember that.
366
00:16:28,025 --> 00:16:29,777
I just thought, maybe you could...
367
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:31,548
- include me.
- Seriously?
368
00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:34,955
I just thought you could add me in.
I don't know what the harm in that is.
369
00:16:35,115 --> 00:16:36,747
Toby's great.
He's great.
370
00:16:36,907 --> 00:16:39,287
But sometimes
he can be a little bit much.
371
00:16:39,447 --> 00:16:42,226
"I don't see the harm in that."
Well it's a cake, Toby.
372
00:16:42,386 --> 00:16:44,231
So, come on.
373
00:16:44,458 --> 00:16:45,460
You know what?
374
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:47,885
We're gonna throw you in
because the more the merrier.
375
00:16:48,045 --> 00:16:50,167
No, no way.
376
00:16:50,481 --> 00:16:53,665
I am not a machine, Jim.
You can't change plans willie-nillie
377
00:16:53,825 --> 00:16:56,393
and expect this little magic
party elves to do your bidding.
378
00:16:56,584 --> 00:16:58,020
We already have devil's food,
379
00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:00,939
peach cobbler, "fudgey the whale,"
mushroom caps...
380
00:17:01,099 --> 00:17:02,524
I'm allergic to mushrooms.
381
00:17:02,766 --> 00:17:04,454
That's a bummer.
Okay...
382
00:17:04,812 --> 00:17:06,403
Then we need to...
383
00:17:07,396 --> 00:17:09,073
Hey, everybody.
Hi, how are you doing?
384
00:17:09,233 --> 00:17:11,992
Can I have your attention?
We've to talk about this birthday thing.
385
00:17:12,439 --> 00:17:14,731
- Conference room?
- Yes, conference room. Five minutes.
386
00:17:14,891 --> 00:17:16,364
No.
387
00:17:17,020 --> 00:17:17,850
No.
388
00:17:18,010 --> 00:17:20,782
We're gonna solve it right here.
We're gonna talk about it out here.
389
00:17:20,942 --> 00:17:22,961
So who has problems
with the birthday thing?
390
00:17:24,393 --> 00:17:25,839
One, two, three...
Everybody.
391
00:17:25,999 --> 00:17:28,174
Okay, so then we just shouldn't do it.
392
00:17:28,334 --> 00:17:30,469
What am I supposed to do
with two cakes and a pie?
393
00:17:30,629 --> 00:17:33,222
- Ooh, I'll take 'em!
- Well nobody's touching my cobbler.
394
00:17:33,703 --> 00:17:35,265
Hey Michael...
I mean Jim.
395
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:38,158
Yep,
396
00:17:38,738 --> 00:17:40,382
Phyllis called me Michael.
397
00:17:41,303 --> 00:17:44,571
And I will always and forever
be haunted by that fact.
398
00:17:44,852 --> 00:17:46,202
Under this tree,
399
00:17:46,771 --> 00:17:48,694
I think I struck the motherload.
400
00:17:49,189 --> 00:17:53,874
Those are nature's best mushrooms.
401
00:17:54,389 --> 00:17:56,563
Wild, and I have to say,
402
00:17:56,771 --> 00:17:58,747
these little buggers
are damn tasty as well.
403
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:01,834
No!
No, Michael!
404
00:18:01,994 --> 00:18:03,210
No!
405
00:18:09,084 --> 00:18:10,134
Give 'em up!
406
00:18:13,714 --> 00:18:18,120
¶ Happy birthday to you ¶
407
00:18:18,399 --> 00:18:22,431
¶ Happy birthday to you ¶
408
00:18:22,638 --> 00:18:27,943
¶ Happy birthday dear Creed ¶
409
00:18:28,195 --> 00:18:33,644
¶ Happy birthday to you ¶
410
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:34,824
Yeah!
411
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:37,724
¶ Skip around the room ¶
412
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:39,405
¶ Skip around the room ¶
413
00:18:39,565 --> 00:18:41,159
¶ We won't... ¶
Okay, all right.
414
00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:43,625
Yike, don't to that.
You're gonna break something.
415
00:18:43,785 --> 00:18:46,029
Man became civilized for a reason.
416
00:18:46,189 --> 00:18:49,064
He decided that he like to have warmth
417
00:18:49,372 --> 00:18:51,550
and clothing and television
418
00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:54,778
and hamburgers and to walk upright,
419
00:18:55,007 --> 00:18:58,140
and to have a soft futon
at the end of the day.
420
00:18:58,509 --> 00:19:01,287
He didn't want to have
to struggle to survive.
421
00:19:01,447 --> 00:19:02,660
I don't need the woods.
422
00:19:02,820 --> 00:19:05,848
I have a nice wood desk.
423
00:19:06,697 --> 00:19:08,537
I don't need fresh air
424
00:19:09,009 --> 00:19:12,624
because I have
the freshest air around: A.C.
425
00:19:13,838 --> 00:19:16,305
And I don't need wide open spaces.
426
00:19:17,978 --> 00:19:19,087
Check it out.
427
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:23,922
I can also make it the sky.
428
00:19:26,411 --> 00:19:27,932
- Hi, buddy.
- Hey.
429
00:19:28,092 --> 00:19:29,093
Word up.
430
00:19:29,985 --> 00:19:31,474
Sure glad you're back.
431
00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:33,334
You are relieved.
432
00:19:33,734 --> 00:19:35,084
You have no idea.
433
00:19:36,105 --> 00:19:37,478
So what did I miss?
434
00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:40,339
Well I tried to put all the birthdays
together at once.
435
00:19:40,711 --> 00:19:42,509
- So... terrible idea.
- Yeah.
436
00:19:42,669 --> 00:19:44,019
Okay, I did that.
437
00:19:44,942 --> 00:19:46,098
Rookie mistake.
438
00:19:46,258 --> 00:19:48,031
- You did do it?
- Yeah.
439
00:19:48,915 --> 00:19:51,851
Just wait.
Ten years, you'll figure it out.
440
00:19:52,394 --> 00:19:55,255
Well I don't think I'll be here
in ten years, but...
441
00:19:56,419 --> 00:19:57,766
That's what I said.
442
00:20:02,598 --> 00:20:04,064
That's what she said!
443
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:09,878
- That's what who says?
- I never know.
444
00:20:11,548 --> 00:20:12,798
I just say it.
445
00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:15,906
I say stuff like that, you know,
446
00:20:16,479 --> 00:20:19,596
to lighten the tension
when things sort of get hard.
447
00:20:19,756 --> 00:20:21,444
That's what she said.
448
00:20:21,923 --> 00:20:22,923
Hey!
449
00:20:23,229 --> 00:20:24,296
Nice!
450
00:20:25,478 --> 00:20:26,478
Really good.
451
00:20:29,018 --> 00:20:30,020
Bravo,
452
00:20:30,637 --> 00:20:32,209
my young ward.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net