1
00:00:01,233 --> 00:00:04,757
Everybody, everybody, listen up.
I need your ideas now.
2
00:00:05,072 --> 00:00:06,676
Ideas, please, right now. Go, go!
3
00:00:07,176 --> 00:00:08,970
- Come on!
- What you're talking about?
4
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:11,180
Wet cement outside, it's drying fast.
5
00:00:11,342 --> 00:00:14,509
Come on, this is a lifelong dream.
What do I write?
6
00:00:14,629 --> 00:00:16,602
Michael, you could put
your initials in it.
7
00:00:16,764 --> 00:00:17,870
M.G.S., no.
8
00:00:18,245 --> 00:00:21,775
Some idiot named Mark Greg Sputnik
9
00:00:21,935 --> 00:00:25,268
will claim credit for it. I don't...
Once in a lifetime opportunity, people.
10
00:00:25,388 --> 00:00:26,655
- Come on!
- Well...
11
00:00:26,815 --> 00:00:28,366
Here we go!
Phyllis, yes?
12
00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:30,887
- When I was a little girl...
- Okay.
13
00:00:31,986 --> 00:00:34,119
Okay, do it!
Come on, great, let's hear it!
14
00:00:34,281 --> 00:00:37,164
- We found some wet cement...
- It's drying, it's drying.
15
00:00:37,526 --> 00:00:38,832
All right, Phyllis, come on!
16
00:00:38,993 --> 00:00:40,876
- Come on, Phyl!
- What did we write?
17
00:00:41,038 --> 00:00:42,493
Aah! Come on!
18
00:00:42,613 --> 00:00:44,231
- Draw a picture.
- No!
19
00:00:44,351 --> 00:00:46,867
- 'Cause that says so more than words.
- No, no!
20
00:00:46,987 --> 00:00:48,510
Come on, give me something good!
21
00:00:48,670 --> 00:00:51,439
I was watching E!, and I saw Will Smith
outside the chinese theater,
22
00:00:51,559 --> 00:00:54,072
- and, oh, my god, he looked so good.
- Pam, translate.
23
00:00:54,192 --> 00:00:56,695
She's talking about the handprints
that celebrities make in cement.
24
00:00:56,815 --> 00:00:59,436
- I love it!
- A real star would put his face in it.
25
00:00:59,597 --> 00:01:01,894
- I love it more!
- Michael, that doesn't seem safe...
26
00:01:02,014 --> 00:01:04,214
I love it!
27
00:01:05,455 --> 00:01:06,735
Come on, let's go!
28
00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:12,986
We are here today
not to immortalize a man,
29
00:01:13,529 --> 00:01:14,579
but an idea.
30
00:01:15,253 --> 00:01:16,453
Maybe the idea of a man.
31
00:01:16,791 --> 00:01:17,942
Hurry, please.
32
00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:20,149
Greatness is only skin-deep
some people say.
33
00:01:20,269 --> 00:01:21,464
Well, that's not true.
34
00:01:21,584 --> 00:01:23,578
Other people believe
it's deeper inside
35
00:01:23,698 --> 00:01:25,839
and in this case,
that's also not true.
36
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,226
Go!
37
00:01:28,346 --> 00:01:29,884
Force it in as deep as you can.
38
00:01:30,004 --> 00:01:31,445
That's what she said.
39
00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,146
Today's a very special day for me.
40
00:01:34,371 --> 00:01:35,765
And it's really not about me.
41
00:01:35,925 --> 00:01:38,983
It's about my grandkids.
It's about my great-grandkids.
42
00:01:39,511 --> 00:01:42,136
I can come back here when I'm 100,
43
00:01:42,256 --> 00:01:46,046
and I can find that piece
of cement and say,
44
00:01:46,166 --> 00:01:49,903
"That's me. Look, kids.
Your daddy left that facehole."
45
00:01:51,133 --> 00:01:52,210
I don't know.
46
00:01:52,330 --> 00:01:53,741
It's a good feeling.
47
00:01:59,574 --> 00:02:02,292
Transcript: SwSub
Sync: DarKsh
48
00:02:12,630 --> 00:02:14,471
Episode 4x12
"DID I STUTTER" (1.00)
49
00:02:14,976 --> 00:02:15,986
Okay...
50
00:02:16,585 --> 00:02:17,677
Adjective.
51
00:02:19,192 --> 00:02:20,049
Tall.
52
00:02:20,568 --> 00:02:22,103
No, no, uh, nice.
53
00:02:22,890 --> 00:02:25,023
Good one.
Okay...
54
00:02:25,183 --> 00:02:26,270
You ready?
55
00:02:27,206 --> 00:02:31,167
"The tall man
entered the nice building,
56
00:02:31,397 --> 00:02:35,283
"to visit a very nice man.
57
00:02:36,263 --> 00:02:38,130
"Sit down, Mr. Smith.
58
00:02:38,406 --> 00:02:42,165
"Can I interest you
in any good cat food?"
59
00:02:44,036 --> 00:02:45,886
It's a man eating cat food!
60
00:02:46,218 --> 00:02:48,420
What about a cat eating man food?
61
00:02:48,582 --> 00:02:50,492
Andy and Angela seem very happy.
62
00:02:50,980 --> 00:02:53,510
I hope nothing horrible
ever happens to them.
63
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:04,633
Yeah, I slept over at a...
friend's house, and...
64
00:03:04,927 --> 00:03:07,390
I forgot my contact solution, so...
65
00:03:07,510 --> 00:03:09,530
I had to wear my back-up glasses.
66
00:03:11,445 --> 00:03:12,445
Shut up.
67
00:03:13,015 --> 00:03:14,681
All right, everybody.
68
00:03:14,801 --> 00:03:16,631
Oh, my god.
Pam...
69
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,827
Those make you look so ugly.
70
00:03:19,772 --> 00:03:21,079
Pam, in order to get hotter,
71
00:03:21,239 --> 00:03:23,872
you take the glasses off.
You're moving in the wrong direction.
72
00:03:24,331 --> 00:03:26,043
- I don't have my contact...
- Blah blah!
73
00:03:26,163 --> 00:03:27,981
I can't even hear you.
74
00:03:28,101 --> 00:03:30,379
It's just noise coming out
of an ugly scientist.
75
00:03:31,457 --> 00:03:32,714
We're gonna have
76
00:03:32,876 --> 00:03:35,884
a little brainstorming session
in the conference room.
77
00:03:36,045 --> 00:03:37,679
Energize.
78
00:03:38,616 --> 00:03:40,525
You know what would energize me?
79
00:03:41,228 --> 00:03:43,861
If you, Pamela Morgan Beesly...
80
00:03:43,981 --> 00:03:45,031
Don't, don't.
81
00:03:45,151 --> 00:03:47,729
If you propose to me during
the Michael meeting, I will say no.
82
00:03:47,891 --> 00:03:50,030
Well, it's too late,
'cause I'm proposing...
83
00:03:50,150 --> 00:03:53,288
that you get me a cup of coffee,
which would energize me greatly
84
00:03:53,408 --> 00:03:55,161
and make me the happiest
man in the world.
85
00:03:55,281 --> 00:03:59,639
Everybody, so how are we going
to energize our office?
86
00:03:59,759 --> 00:04:02,336
I mean, I haven't done
anything since Christmas.
87
00:04:02,456 --> 00:04:05,356
Pam clearly has just given up trying.
88
00:04:05,907 --> 00:04:08,155
So what we need to do
is we need to get things going.
89
00:04:08,275 --> 00:04:12,212
We need to get percolating a little bit.
Anybody have any ideas what we could do?
90
00:04:12,593 --> 00:04:14,350
Any suggestions?
Yes, Andy?
91
00:04:14,470 --> 00:04:18,206
What if we changed
our outgoing answering machine message
92
00:04:18,523 --> 00:04:21,805
so it just had a little more zing
and a little more pep?
93
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:25,751
Zing and pep. Those are the kind
of words we're looking for. Yes, Jim.
94
00:04:25,871 --> 00:04:28,687
What about if we did
an even newer voicemail message
95
00:04:28,807 --> 00:04:30,772
that had even more zing and pep?
96
00:04:30,936 --> 00:04:33,610
Now we're cooking, I like this.
Maybe a whole theme.
97
00:04:33,770 --> 00:04:35,857
- Like a rap... a rap rhyme.
- An urban thing.
98
00:04:35,977 --> 00:04:38,406
An urban... Yeah, Stanley,
you wanna help us out with that?
99
00:04:39,391 --> 00:04:41,784
- Stanley! Earth to Stanley.
- Not me.
100
00:04:41,944 --> 00:04:44,286
Yes, you. Come on, Stanley,
put your little game down
101
00:04:44,447 --> 00:04:46,777
- and join the group.
- No.
102
00:04:46,897 --> 00:04:49,374
- Stanley, we're having...
- Leave me alone, damn it.
103
00:04:49,535 --> 00:04:51,120
We're having a brainstorm session...
104
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,629
Did I stutter?
105
00:04:59,259 --> 00:05:01,679
Good. This is good.
I'm going to grab a glass of water.
106
00:05:08,899 --> 00:05:10,590
Can I talk to you a second?
107
00:05:11,506 --> 00:05:12,357
What?
108
00:05:13,596 --> 00:05:17,694
I really think that you need to address
what happened with Stanley this morning.
109
00:05:18,797 --> 00:05:21,031
What are you blabbering about?
Nothing happened.
110
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,700
Well, you know, Stanley
was openly insubordinate.
111
00:05:24,355 --> 00:05:26,605
- That, in the conference room?
- Yeah.
112
00:05:26,948 --> 00:05:29,456
We were joshing around,
the two of us.
113
00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:31,456
And he said, "Did I stutter?"
114
00:05:31,576 --> 00:05:34,532
And I said, "wh-wh-wh-what, dog?"
115
00:05:34,838 --> 00:05:36,881
It was joking, Toby, all right?
116
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,344
He didn't seem like he was joking.
117
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,103
Well, you don't get it,
because Stanley is a beautiful,
118
00:05:42,223 --> 00:05:44,586
sassy, powerful black man,
119
00:05:44,706 --> 00:05:46,804
and you're you.
120
00:05:46,924 --> 00:05:49,423
If you had any friends,
you would understand.
121
00:05:49,543 --> 00:05:51,019
Friends joke with one another.
122
00:05:51,181 --> 00:05:53,203
"Hey, um, you're poor."
123
00:05:53,323 --> 00:05:55,305
"Well, hey, your mama's dead."
124
00:05:55,550 --> 00:05:56,984
That's what friends do.
125
00:05:57,718 --> 00:05:58,569
It's...
126
00:05:58,975 --> 00:06:00,154
You're so white.
127
00:06:01,246 --> 00:06:02,879
All right.
Well...
128
00:06:03,601 --> 00:06:07,050
If you really believe
that Stanley was joking...
129
00:06:08,421 --> 00:06:11,110
- Why don't we go ask him that?
- Okay, I will.
130
00:06:11,743 --> 00:06:13,548
I'm not feeling very well
right now, though.
131
00:06:13,668 --> 00:06:16,733
My stomach hurts,
so I may be going home early today.
132
00:06:17,943 --> 00:06:18,965
You know, Michael,
133
00:06:19,085 --> 00:06:22,050
sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts
when there's a mean girl at school.
134
00:06:22,211 --> 00:06:26,699
Well, sometimes my stomach hurts
when you come into my office.
135
00:06:26,963 --> 00:06:29,328
So it's probably psychological.
136
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:34,280
You meet a lot of ladies
driving an Xterra,
137
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,115
because you pull up to a stop light
138
00:06:36,235 --> 00:06:38,191
and look over
and there's an Xterra next to you,
139
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,781
they're always driven by chicks.
140
00:06:40,926 --> 00:06:42,446
So there's your ice breaker.
141
00:06:44,246 --> 00:06:45,322
Scratch!
142
00:06:45,442 --> 00:06:46,825
That's a racing stripe.
143
00:06:47,511 --> 00:06:50,203
- Bumper's sagging.
- Hmm, I doubt that very much.
144
00:06:50,364 --> 00:06:53,206
This car is crap.
I will buy it for next to nothing.
145
00:06:53,570 --> 00:06:55,832
- How next to?
- Well, here are your options.
146
00:06:55,952 --> 00:06:59,087
You can sell it for parts.
Drive it off a cliff.
147
00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:01,298
You can donate it to a person
148
00:07:01,460 --> 00:07:03,930
that you'd like to see
die in a car crash, or...
149
00:07:04,529 --> 00:07:07,596
you can sell it to me and I'll use it
as I would a wagon on my farm.
150
00:07:07,878 --> 00:07:09,473
It will be towed by a donkey.
151
00:07:10,156 --> 00:07:11,893
- I have to pick one of those?
- Yes.
152
00:07:12,053 --> 00:07:14,269
- Can you go over those options again?
- You know what?
153
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:18,732
You knock $1,500 off the price right now
and I will take it off your hands.
154
00:07:18,893 --> 00:07:20,061
It's gonna be now.
155
00:07:20,181 --> 00:07:22,272
- I have the blue book value...
- Seal the deal.
156
00:07:22,392 --> 00:07:23,528
Let's do this thing.
157
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:25,490
Three, two, one.
158
00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:28,409
- Can I think about it?
- Five, four, three, two, now.
159
00:07:28,569 --> 00:07:31,621
- Let me think about it.
- Say it. Do it now.
160
00:07:31,781 --> 00:07:33,997
Do it now!
Do it. Shake my hand.
161
00:07:34,159 --> 00:07:36,329
You will sell me this car.
Shake my hand.
162
00:07:36,449 --> 00:07:38,032
Yeah, all right!
163
00:07:42,564 --> 00:07:43,433
What?
164
00:07:44,032 --> 00:07:47,288
I see that you gave me that form
165
00:07:47,408 --> 00:07:50,106
that I asked you to give me,
Stanley the manly.
166
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:53,225
So thank you for that.
I guess we are back to normal.
167
00:07:53,386 --> 00:07:55,102
What are you talking about?
168
00:07:55,264 --> 00:07:58,550
Well, you know,
the thing that you said earlier that...
169
00:07:59,336 --> 00:08:00,686
you didn't mean.
170
00:08:01,847 --> 00:08:04,695
And that I forgive you for.
The whole thing's silly, isn't it?
171
00:08:05,005 --> 00:08:06,863
Friends don't need to apologize
172
00:08:07,025 --> 00:08:09,825
to friends as far as I'm concerned.
So we are cool.
173
00:08:09,987 --> 00:08:12,126
I am not going to apologize to you.
174
00:08:12,376 --> 00:08:14,450
It's like I used to tell my wife.
175
00:08:14,672 --> 00:08:17,299
"I do not apologize
unless I think I'm wrong
176
00:08:17,419 --> 00:08:19,422
"and if you don't like it,
you can leave."
177
00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:21,806
And I say the same thing
to my current wife,
178
00:08:21,926 --> 00:08:24,262
and I'll say it to my next one too.
179
00:08:24,580 --> 00:08:27,274
Jim is in charge of Stanley
only in sales-related matters.
180
00:08:27,394 --> 00:08:29,887
Hence the green line.
Green for money.
181
00:08:30,047 --> 00:08:32,631
Sales, get it?
There's this yellow zigzag
182
00:08:32,751 --> 00:08:35,100
that does give Ryan
the authority to discipline Stanley.
183
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,310
- Great.
- However, in so doing,
184
00:08:37,593 --> 00:08:40,522
it zigs past your name,
hence zagging you
185
00:08:40,684 --> 00:08:44,574
and making you appear weak. Thus
the yellow color. Yellow for cowardly.
186
00:08:45,004 --> 00:08:46,292
What's the pink?
187
00:08:46,695 --> 00:08:47,696
Menstrual cycles.
188
00:08:48,231 --> 00:08:49,231
Okay.
189
00:08:49,644 --> 00:08:53,764
Is there anybody up here, anybody at all
that can deal with this
190
00:08:54,305 --> 00:08:55,748
- other than me...
- You.
191
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:59,609
Well, there is the emergency
disaster mode
192
00:08:59,729 --> 00:09:00,917
for the org chart.
193
00:09:01,284 --> 00:09:02,599
This gives me
194
00:09:02,914 --> 00:09:06,798
full authority
over every single person in the office.
195
00:09:06,959 --> 00:09:09,759
- I never said you could do that.
- All you have to do is say it.
196
00:09:09,879 --> 00:09:12,525
- Okay, I'll think about it.
- Say it. Just do it.
197
00:09:12,645 --> 00:09:14,725
Don't think, say it. Do it.
198
00:09:15,019 --> 00:09:17,754
Five, four, three, two...
199
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:20,844
Do it.
Give me control.
200
00:09:20,964 --> 00:09:21,964
Michael...
201
00:09:24,894 --> 00:09:28,310
I promise to give authority
back to you when this crisis is over.
202
00:09:29,290 --> 00:09:30,604
Do it, Michael.
203
00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:33,117
Do it. Hey.
204
00:09:34,732 --> 00:09:36,846
This office needs a strong man.
205
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,178
Say it.
206
00:09:41,249 --> 00:09:42,458
- No.
- So...
207
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:47,507
All right, well then, you're gonna have
to deal with this yourself.
208
00:09:55,251 --> 00:09:56,261
Hey, Pam.
209
00:09:56,613 --> 00:09:58,141
I really like your glasses.
210
00:09:59,119 --> 00:10:00,098
Thanks.
211
00:10:00,218 --> 00:10:03,439
All the girlfriends that I've ever had
have worn glasses.
212
00:10:04,614 --> 00:10:05,441
Okay.
213
00:10:05,726 --> 00:10:07,717
Yeah, it's kind of a turn-on
for me actually.
214
00:10:07,837 --> 00:10:09,883
- I should probably get back to...
- Like librarians.
215
00:10:10,003 --> 00:10:11,989
- entering the...
- Could you just say,
216
00:10:13,170 --> 00:10:15,034
"These are due back thursday."
217
00:10:15,195 --> 00:10:16,188
No.
218
00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:30,549
Dunder Mifflin.
This is Pam.
219
00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:33,220
Okay, go ahead.
220
00:10:35,881 --> 00:10:37,662
A lot of jazz cats are blind,
221
00:10:37,782 --> 00:10:40,832
but they can play the piano
like nobody's business.
222
00:10:41,465 --> 00:10:43,789
I'd like to put
the piano in front of Pam
223
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:46,459
without her glasses
and see what happens.
224
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,567
I'd also like to see her topless.
225
00:10:53,214 --> 00:10:54,406
- Mike.
- Hey.
226
00:10:54,567 --> 00:10:57,110
- I'm very busy here, man.
- Darryl...
227
00:10:58,315 --> 00:10:59,661
Have you ever been in a gang?
228
00:10:59,947 --> 00:11:00,954
Why?
229
00:11:01,175 --> 00:11:03,708
It's an advice question, and...
230
00:11:03,868 --> 00:11:07,098
if you don't want to talk about it,
I completely understand. It's...
231
00:11:07,509 --> 00:11:09,547
- No, no.
- I know it's very personal.
232
00:11:09,707 --> 00:11:10,544
No...
233
00:11:12,564 --> 00:11:14,261
- I have.
- I knew it.
234
00:11:14,381 --> 00:11:15,381
Okay.
235
00:11:16,046 --> 00:11:17,766
Who are we talking about here?
236
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,639
- Crips, bloods?
- Both.
237
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,726
- God.
- Yeah, them and the latin kings.
238
00:11:23,001 --> 00:11:25,604
- The warriors, Newsies.
- Okay.
239
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:28,024
Okay, so dig this.
240
00:11:29,046 --> 00:11:30,419
You're on the street
241
00:11:30,842 --> 00:11:32,319
and one of your gang disses you.
242
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,339
- Oh, my goodness.
- Yeah, right.
243
00:11:34,459 --> 00:11:36,282
What do you do
to get him to make it right?
244
00:11:36,914 --> 00:11:38,076
Well, see...
245
00:11:38,757 --> 00:11:42,537
in the gang world,
we use something called fluffy fingers.
246
00:11:43,841 --> 00:11:44,956
What is that?
247
00:11:45,076 --> 00:11:47,679
That's where if somebody
really gets in your face,
248
00:11:47,799 --> 00:11:50,296
you know, just start tickling them.
249
00:11:52,930 --> 00:11:54,260
- Really?
- Yeah.
250
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,151
And he starts tickling you.
251
00:11:56,468 --> 00:11:59,004
You know, pretty soon
you're laughing and hugging.
252
00:11:59,124 --> 00:12:01,310
Before you know it,
you've forgotten the whole thing.
253
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:04,768
Y'all can just go to church together
and get an ice cream cone.
254
00:12:05,257 --> 00:12:08,054
I would have never thought that...
255
00:12:08,970 --> 00:12:10,775
gangs would be tickling each other.
256
00:12:10,935 --> 00:12:13,009
Well, it's effective.
257
00:12:22,863 --> 00:12:24,234
I think it's self-explanatory.
258
00:12:24,354 --> 00:12:26,504
Hey, Jim!
Come here for a second.
259
00:12:27,233 --> 00:12:29,751
Can you answer me something
as a true Eagles fan?
260
00:12:29,913 --> 00:12:30,920
Oh, boy.
261
00:12:31,413 --> 00:12:33,171
How do you live
with a franchise this bad?
262
00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:36,877
- On a wing and a prayer mostly.
- All right, whatever you say.
263
00:12:36,997 --> 00:12:39,133
Listen, while I have you here with Toby,
264
00:12:39,253 --> 00:12:41,597
I need to give you a formal warning
about your job performance.
265
00:12:42,357 --> 00:12:43,648
A formal warning?
266
00:12:44,636 --> 00:12:47,686
It's actually not a joke.
I know how you spend your time here.
267
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,213
I know how little
you care about your job.
268
00:12:50,333 --> 00:12:52,528
And honestly, if you spent
as much time selling
269
00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:55,409
as you do goofing around with Dwight
and hanging out at reception,
270
00:12:55,529 --> 00:12:57,597
we wouldn't be having this conversation.
271
00:12:58,670 --> 00:13:01,789
I'm sorry, is this because
I talked to Wallace about your website?
272
00:13:01,909 --> 00:13:03,977
Because I really didn't mean
to go over your head.
273
00:13:04,097 --> 00:13:06,356
This is nothing to do
with that, all right?
274
00:13:06,476 --> 00:13:08,544
I always appreciate
constructive criticism
275
00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:10,543
about my job performance.
I thrive on it.
276
00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,795
Then do you mind
explaining it a little better?
277
00:13:13,957 --> 00:13:16,173
- 'Cause I'm not sure...
- Don't get all defensive, okay?
278
00:13:17,038 --> 00:13:18,411
It's just a warning.
279
00:13:18,753 --> 00:13:22,262
If you want details, Toby can provide
them. You take it easy, all right?
280
00:13:22,423 --> 00:13:25,646
I'd say all the goofing around
at Pam's desk
281
00:13:25,963 --> 00:13:29,292
and hanging out with Pam
has finally caught up to him.
282
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:31,808
P... with Pam.
283
00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:38,800
Hey, what happened?
What did Ryan want?
284
00:13:38,982 --> 00:13:40,319
Oh, we were just...
285
00:13:40,544 --> 00:13:43,033
talking about bureaucratic stuff.
286
00:13:43,193 --> 00:13:44,784
Because you're very important.
287
00:13:45,113 --> 00:13:46,113
Yeah.
288
00:13:55,039 --> 00:13:56,476
Oh, what's Dwight up to?
289
00:13:56,596 --> 00:13:57,922
Oh, probably nothing.
290
00:14:03,437 --> 00:14:05,054
What the hell is this all about?
291
00:14:07,291 --> 00:14:08,892
You're flipping my car for profit.
292
00:14:09,172 --> 00:14:10,268
It's my car now.
293
00:14:10,967 --> 00:14:12,834
I gave you a deal
294
00:14:13,399 --> 00:14:14,981
based on what you said to me.
295
00:14:15,464 --> 00:14:16,614
Yeah, well...
296
00:14:17,340 --> 00:14:18,490
seller beware.
297
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,042
Now if you'll excuse me,
298
00:14:20,162 --> 00:14:23,240
I've got to monitor a three-way
bidding war for my car on ebay.
299
00:14:25,235 --> 00:14:26,915
I've got a mad lib for you.
300
00:14:27,673 --> 00:14:31,687
"A stupid idiotic numbskull
301
00:14:31,807 --> 00:14:35,743
"named Andy Bernard sold his Xterra
302
00:14:35,863 --> 00:14:39,795
"to a smart and capable man
named Dwight.
303
00:14:39,995 --> 00:14:43,921
"This is shaping up to be
an awesome day for Dwight."
304
00:14:56,473 --> 00:14:57,981
Okay, everybody, shh!
305
00:14:58,435 --> 00:14:59,422
Listen up.
306
00:14:59,542 --> 00:15:01,900
Earlier today, Stanley sassed me.
307
00:15:02,166 --> 00:15:05,616
And Toby gave me some suggestions
on how to discipline him.
308
00:15:05,776 --> 00:15:07,992
They didn't work, obviously,
because they were stupid.
309
00:15:08,305 --> 00:15:11,872
So I am now going to fake fire him.
310
00:15:12,898 --> 00:15:15,985
- What does that mean?
- It's like a mock execution.
311
00:15:16,105 --> 00:15:18,135
- That's not a good idea.
- Yes, it is a good idea.
312
00:15:18,255 --> 00:15:20,213
It's the only possible
solution I have left.
313
00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:22,881
- Well, you can actually fire him.
- No...
314
00:15:24,014 --> 00:15:26,373
- I've had enough of you.
- Why are you telling us this?
315
00:15:26,630 --> 00:15:30,307
Because I want you to behave as if
I'm actually firing him, Oscar, okay?
316
00:15:30,468 --> 00:15:32,657
Michael, if you hadn't told us this,
317
00:15:32,777 --> 00:15:35,478
then we would've thought
that you were actually firing him.
318
00:15:35,639 --> 00:15:36,975
I'm not firing him!
319
00:15:37,095 --> 00:15:39,845
I will need you to act
like I am firing him.
320
00:15:40,095 --> 00:15:41,526
Just... what I'm going to do
321
00:15:41,788 --> 00:15:44,481
is I'm going to pretend
that I'm firing him.
322
00:15:44,601 --> 00:15:47,783
And I need you to act
like I am firing him. Do you get that?
323
00:15:47,943 --> 00:15:49,677
Do you get it?
I'm teaching him a lesson.
324
00:15:49,797 --> 00:15:52,629
He needs to learn humility, all right?
That's all I'm...
325
00:15:52,749 --> 00:15:55,583
Okay, here he comes.
Let's just play act.
326
00:15:57,865 --> 00:15:59,544
Stanley,
may I talk to you for a second?
327
00:16:07,730 --> 00:16:09,039
Stanley Hudson,
328
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:10,889
you are fired.
329
00:16:18,188 --> 00:16:19,355
Are you serious?
330
00:16:20,307 --> 00:16:23,038
I am serious.
We are all serious.
331
00:16:24,089 --> 00:16:25,778
You are fired like a heart attack.
332
00:16:26,001 --> 00:16:29,159
You're firing me over three words?
333
00:16:29,338 --> 00:16:30,908
- Yes.
- Have you lost your mind?
334
00:16:31,455 --> 00:16:34,265
Do you think I'm gonna
let you do this to me?
335
00:16:34,909 --> 00:16:37,704
I've watched you screw up
this office for ten years,
336
00:16:37,824 --> 00:16:41,211
and I'm filing a lawsuit, and I'm gonna
tell them about every stupid thing
337
00:16:41,371 --> 00:16:43,592
- you've ever done up in this office.
- All right, okay.
338
00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:44,862
You know what?
339
00:16:45,191 --> 00:16:46,771
Now you know how I feel.
340
00:16:47,629 --> 00:16:49,135
This was a fake firing.
341
00:16:50,419 --> 00:16:53,366
Lesson learned.
Good work, everybody. Very nice.
342
00:16:54,092 --> 00:16:55,225
So I'm not fired.
343
00:16:55,625 --> 00:16:56,627
That's it.
344
00:16:57,413 --> 00:16:58,436
And...
345
00:16:59,458 --> 00:17:00,981
do you have anything to say to me?
346
00:17:01,775 --> 00:17:03,233
Yes, I do.
347
00:17:04,302 --> 00:17:07,620
You are out of your damn
little pea-sized mind.
348
00:17:07,898 --> 00:17:12,192
What is wrong with you?
Do you have any sense at all?
349
00:17:12,312 --> 00:17:14,865
Do you have any idea
how to run an office?
350
00:17:14,985 --> 00:17:18,040
Every day you do something stupider
than you did the day before.
351
00:17:18,426 --> 00:17:21,917
And I think, "There's no possible way
he can top that."
352
00:17:22,037 --> 00:17:25,005
But you do you do?
You find a way, damn it, to top it.
353
00:17:25,125 --> 00:17:26,579
You are a professional idiot...
354
00:17:26,699 --> 00:17:27,849
Hey, stop it!
355
00:17:29,642 --> 00:17:31,051
Okay, everybody out.
356
00:17:31,171 --> 00:17:33,179
- Who?
- Yeah, everybody except Stanley.
357
00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:34,223
Let's go.
358
00:17:42,599 --> 00:17:45,382
- I can't find my glasses.
- You know what? Take my hand,
359
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,735
and leave 'em
and let's get out of here.
360
00:17:47,855 --> 00:17:48,979
Okay, okay.
361
00:17:52,856 --> 00:17:57,291
It's Michael versus Stanley,
and it is the clash of the titans.
362
00:17:57,411 --> 00:18:01,304
In one corner, you have Michael,
and he is mad.
363
00:18:01,424 --> 00:18:03,560
And then in the other corner,
you have Stanley,
364
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,356
and he's mad.
365
00:18:06,555 --> 00:18:08,489
So that's about it.
366
00:18:28,468 --> 00:18:30,716
I don't understand
why you keep picking on me.
367
00:18:30,836 --> 00:18:32,866
- Oh, for the love of god.
- You just...
368
00:18:33,052 --> 00:18:35,448
do, and I don't know why, so...
369
00:18:36,192 --> 00:18:37,536
please help me understand.
370
00:18:37,723 --> 00:18:39,597
Fine. Here it is.
371
00:18:40,225 --> 00:18:42,951
You are a person I do not respect.
372
00:18:43,418 --> 00:18:46,612
The things you say, your actions,
your methods and style.
373
00:18:46,732 --> 00:18:49,911
Everything you would do,
I would do it the opposite way.
374
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,414
Well, Stanley,
375
00:18:55,944 --> 00:18:58,565
maybe you are feeling
that you don't respect me
376
00:18:58,685 --> 00:19:00,433
because you don't know me very well.
377
00:19:00,942 --> 00:19:03,674
Michael, I've know you a very long time.
378
00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:08,031
And the more I've gotten to know you,
the less I've come to respect you.
379
00:19:09,260 --> 00:19:10,710
Any other theories?
380
00:19:16,946 --> 00:19:18,841
All right, you don't respect me.
381
00:19:20,314 --> 00:19:21,510
I accept that.
382
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:24,713
But listen to me.
383
00:19:25,051 --> 00:19:29,334
You can't talk to me that way
in this office, you just can't.
384
00:19:29,454 --> 00:19:30,848
I am your boss.
385
00:19:32,001 --> 00:19:33,251
Can't allow it.
386
00:19:34,438 --> 00:19:35,488
Fair enough.
387
00:19:42,095 --> 00:19:44,853
I am a good person,
and sometimes...
388
00:19:45,078 --> 00:19:47,559
good people don't get no respect.
389
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,345
Rodney Dangerfield.
390
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:53,015
Hey, I don't get no respect.
391
00:19:53,394 --> 00:19:54,816
No respect at all.
392
00:19:55,375 --> 00:19:58,529
When I was in the sandbox
as a kid, I got no respect.
393
00:19:59,992 --> 00:20:02,086
My wife likes to talk after sex.
394
00:20:02,541 --> 00:20:06,486
So she called me from a hotel room,
said, "I don't respect you."
395
00:20:07,987 --> 00:20:09,011
Thoughtless.
396
00:20:11,554 --> 00:20:13,624
You know what don't get no respect?
397
00:20:13,744 --> 00:20:15,130
Airplane food.
398
00:20:15,637 --> 00:20:18,775
Why don't they just make the plane
out of the airline food?
399
00:20:22,318 --> 00:20:24,268
My wife don't get no respect.
400
00:20:24,755 --> 00:20:27,320
Some... take her, please, for example.
401
00:20:29,572 --> 00:20:32,666
If you don't get no respect,
you might be a redneck.
402
00:20:34,352 --> 00:20:37,525
Respect is nice.
403
00:20:37,645 --> 00:20:38,645
Borat.
404
00:20:41,525 --> 00:20:43,934
What's the deal with grape nuts?
405
00:20:44,235 --> 00:20:45,865
No grapes, no nuts.
406
00:20:47,343 --> 00:20:48,993
I don't get no respect.
407
00:20:51,788 --> 00:20:55,913
So I'm thinking as a reward
for our loyal clients
408
00:20:56,033 --> 00:21:00,012
that we contact their assistants
and we find out where they live.
409
00:21:00,454 --> 00:21:02,702
And then, we go to their houses
410
00:21:02,822 --> 00:21:05,408
in the middle of summer
and go caroling.
411
00:21:05,719 --> 00:21:08,552
It is a summer Christmas celebration
412
00:21:09,224 --> 00:21:12,652
and we'll call it,
"A summer sales a lot."
413
00:21:13,715 --> 00:21:15,903
Feedback, anybody?
Stanley?
414
00:21:17,247 --> 00:21:19,865
Has the potential
to be the best idea yet...
415
00:21:21,675 --> 00:21:23,535
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
416
00:21:24,444 --> 00:21:26,496
Damn it. All right,
everybody out except Phyllis.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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