1 00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,069 - Attention, everyone! Jim and I, on behalf of... 2 00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,738 - Too loud. - The party planning committee, 3 00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,206 - Too too loud, too loud. - Have an annou-- 4 00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,741 But effective. Look. 5 00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:09,209 On behalf of jim and I, 6 00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:11,554 Merry christmas. 7 00:00:11,622 --> 00:00:13,470 All: Merry christmas. 8 00:00:13,538 --> 00:00:14,709 - Good. 9 00:00:14,777 --> 00:00:18,208 - My diabolical plot is on hold for christmas. 10 00:00:18,276 --> 00:00:23,475 My heart just melts with the sound of children singing. 11 00:00:23,543 --> 00:00:25,242 [snickers] 12 00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:27,114 Not really. 13 00:00:27,182 --> 00:00:29,186 I'm just tired. The days are short. 14 00:00:29,253 --> 00:00:31,657 I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed. 15 00:00:31,725 --> 00:00:33,765 It is time to unveil the tree. 16 00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:36,336 - Hey, rockefeller center. - Yeah. 17 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,706 - Uh, I've actually been to rock center, 18 00:00:37,774 --> 00:00:38,710 And this is nothing like that. 19 00:00:38,778 --> 00:00:39,744 - This is all we have. 20 00:00:39,812 --> 00:00:42,217 - Ugh. - Nope, it's not "ugh." 21 00:00:42,284 --> 00:00:45,286 It is office camaraderie. - It is warm feelings. 22 00:00:45,354 --> 00:00:47,021 - Why don't we talk more about it instead of doing it? 23 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,957 - 30, 29, 28... 24 00:00:50,025 --> 00:00:51,659 - Why would you start so high? - 27... 25 00:00:51,727 --> 00:00:53,560 - 3, 2, 1... - 26... 26 00:00:53,628 --> 00:00:54,594 - Ooh. - Ah. 27 00:00:55,162 --> 00:00:57,029 - You didn't decorate it. 28 00:00:57,097 --> 00:00:59,131 - No, exactly. - We didn't, because we think 29 00:00:59,199 --> 00:01:00,299 It would be better to do it together. 30 00:01:00,366 --> 00:01:01,299 - Everyone. 31 00:01:01,367 --> 00:01:03,134 - Why would you wrap it in a sheet 32 00:01:03,202 --> 00:01:04,302 If you're not covering anything up? 33 00:01:04,369 --> 00:01:05,902 - Is--is it fake? 34 00:01:05,970 --> 00:01:07,270 - Pam. - Yes! 35 00:01:07,338 --> 00:01:10,440 We are unveiling an artificial tree. 36 00:01:10,508 --> 00:01:12,411 That will never die... - Yes. 37 00:01:12,479 --> 00:01:14,246 - Like the spirit of christmas. 38 00:01:14,314 --> 00:01:15,649 - And we're supposed to applaud you 39 00:01:15,717 --> 00:01:17,918 For you taking a giant diaper off a fake tree? 40 00:01:17,986 --> 00:01:19,554 - This was a successful unveiling. 41 00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:20,889 Go back to work! 42 00:01:20,957 --> 00:01:22,559 Merry christmas. 43 00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:46,191 - Hello. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. 44 00:01:46,258 --> 00:01:48,226 I'm not sure I've earned the right 45 00:01:48,294 --> 00:01:49,561 To make announcements yet, 46 00:01:49,629 --> 00:01:51,331 But whoever is giving me the twelve days of christmas 47 00:01:51,399 --> 00:01:53,734 As my secret santa, 48 00:01:53,802 --> 00:01:55,102 Please stop. 49 00:01:55,170 --> 00:01:57,138 I can't take it anymore. 50 00:01:57,205 --> 00:01:59,540 My cat killed a turtledove. 51 00:01:59,608 --> 00:02:01,944 The french hens have started pulling out my hair 52 00:02:02,011 --> 00:02:03,079 To make a nest. 53 00:02:03,146 --> 00:02:04,914 Please stop. 54 00:02:04,981 --> 00:02:09,218 - What psycho would send that as a gift? 55 00:02:10,487 --> 00:02:11,821 - I begged dwight and jim 56 00:02:11,889 --> 00:02:13,689 To give me erin for secret santa. 57 00:02:13,757 --> 00:02:15,825 And I decided to give erin the twelve days of christmas. 58 00:02:15,893 --> 00:02:17,526 Bowtie time. [birds honking] 59 00:02:17,594 --> 00:02:19,428 Is it my fault that the first eight days 60 00:02:19,496 --> 00:02:21,830 There's basically 30 birds? 61 00:02:21,898 --> 00:02:25,867 - Ho, ho, ho! Merry christmas, boys and girls. 62 00:02:25,935 --> 00:02:28,403 It's me, santa claus. 63 00:02:28,471 --> 00:02:29,672 - Hey, santa. 64 00:02:29,740 --> 00:02:32,509 - They finally let you do it. - Congrats, phyl. 65 00:02:32,577 --> 00:02:33,710 - It's so edgy. 66 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:36,580 - I have been wanting to be santa for years. 67 00:02:36,648 --> 00:02:38,349 I believe I have the right temperament 68 00:02:38,417 --> 00:02:40,151 And the figure to do the job well. 69 00:02:40,219 --> 00:02:42,721 I slipped a note to jim 11 weeks ago, 70 00:02:42,789 --> 00:02:44,290 And he said I could do it. 71 00:02:44,358 --> 00:02:46,726 [giggles] 72 00:02:46,794 --> 00:02:50,597 [tearfully] oh...It's been a long journey... 73 00:02:50,665 --> 00:02:55,471 But...[sniffles] I'm santa claus! 74 00:02:55,538 --> 00:02:58,541 - So, santa, what can we expect from this party? 75 00:02:58,608 --> 00:03:00,276 - It's going to be a very jolly time 76 00:03:00,344 --> 00:03:02,312 If you've been good. - What if you've been bad? 77 00:03:02,380 --> 00:03:05,081 - Oh, then nothing but a lump of coal for you. 78 00:03:05,149 --> 00:03:06,750 - What if you've been really, really bad? 79 00:03:06,817 --> 00:03:09,419 More "evil" than strictly "wrong." 80 00:03:09,487 --> 00:03:13,124 - Hey, creed, we covered it. Lump of coal. 81 00:03:13,191 --> 00:03:14,492 - For the past several weeks, 82 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,295 My secret santa has been giving me pieces of a machine 83 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,831 That I've been attempting to assemble. 84 00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:20,399 I'm suspicious of this, 85 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:23,303 Because I had the exact same idea 86 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,539 For catching osama bin laden. 87 00:03:25,607 --> 00:03:28,709 I would simply send him a different piece each day. 88 00:03:28,777 --> 00:03:30,778 He would assemble it 89 00:03:30,846 --> 00:03:35,150 To find himself... In jail! 90 00:03:35,217 --> 00:03:37,219 - You know, oscar, every time I make this lasagna, 91 00:03:37,286 --> 00:03:39,554 People ask me if it's a family recipe. 92 00:03:39,622 --> 00:03:43,726 But really...I just get the recipe from the box. 93 00:03:43,794 --> 00:03:45,594 - That's funny. 94 00:03:45,662 --> 00:03:47,530 - Is it funny? I thought it was more... 95 00:03:47,598 --> 00:03:50,566 Interesting than funny. 96 00:03:54,238 --> 00:03:56,807 I think my water just broke. 97 00:03:56,874 --> 00:04:00,243 - That's too funny. - Oscar and the warehouse guy. 98 00:04:00,311 --> 00:04:02,512 Go, oscar! 99 00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:04,447 Go, gay warehouse guy! 100 00:04:04,515 --> 00:04:07,651 - Here's...Santa! 101 00:04:07,718 --> 00:04:10,954 Hey, little girl, what would you like for christmas? 102 00:04:11,022 --> 00:04:14,558 Ooh! You have been a very naughty girl, I see. 103 00:04:14,626 --> 00:04:16,961 - Michael, we already have a santa--phyllis. 104 00:04:17,028 --> 00:04:21,131 - What the hell is going on? 105 00:04:21,199 --> 00:04:23,500 Phyllis, jim? Phyllis is santa. 106 00:04:23,568 --> 00:04:24,835 - Yeah. - Phyllis. 107 00:04:24,903 --> 00:04:26,303 - Yeah. I told her a long time ago she could do it. 108 00:04:26,371 --> 00:04:27,771 - Take it back. That is absurd. 109 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:29,306 - No. I'm not gonna do that. - No--no! 110 00:04:29,374 --> 00:04:30,407 Jim, come on! 111 00:04:30,474 --> 00:04:31,541 - I think she'll do a good job. 112 00:04:31,609 --> 00:04:32,842 - It's insane! A woman santa? 113 00:04:32,910 --> 00:04:35,278 Where does it stop? No! 114 00:04:35,346 --> 00:04:37,981 Jim, this may be the last christmas that we have here. 115 00:04:38,049 --> 00:04:40,717 Doesn't it make you a tiny bit anxious 116 00:04:40,785 --> 00:04:43,320 Me not playing santa? Come on! 117 00:04:43,388 --> 00:04:46,056 - I'm not gonna go tell phyllis that she can't be santa. 118 00:04:46,124 --> 00:04:48,092 - Fine. Then do it anonymously. 119 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:49,861 Ransom note style. You can... 120 00:04:49,928 --> 00:04:51,329 You know what? 121 00:04:51,397 --> 00:04:53,665 I have a bunch of letters cut out of magazines in my desk. 122 00:04:53,733 --> 00:04:54,900 You can use those. 123 00:04:54,968 --> 00:04:56,435 If this were russia, yeah. 124 00:04:56,503 --> 00:04:58,037 Sure, everybody would go to one santa. 125 00:04:58,105 --> 00:04:59,539 And there would be a line around the block, 126 00:04:59,606 --> 00:05:01,140 And once you sat on her lap 127 00:05:01,208 --> 00:05:02,843 And she asked you what you wanted, 128 00:05:02,910 --> 00:05:04,878 You would say, probably, "freedom"... 129 00:05:04,946 --> 00:05:06,747 At which point the kgb would arrest you 130 00:05:06,814 --> 00:05:08,515 And send you to siberia. 131 00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:11,651 It's a good thing russia doesn't exist anymore. 132 00:05:11,719 --> 00:05:13,019 Ho, ho, ho! 133 00:05:13,087 --> 00:05:15,555 Ho, ho, ho! 134 00:05:15,623 --> 00:05:20,626 Why pay more to sit next to old tranny claus over there 135 00:05:20,694 --> 00:05:22,628 When you can sit on my lap? 136 00:05:22,695 --> 00:05:26,131 Phyllis is only pretending to be a man. 137 00:05:26,199 --> 00:05:27,632 I'm the real thing! 138 00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:30,435 Sit down on my lap, and there will be no doubt! 139 00:05:30,503 --> 00:05:32,671 [overlapping disgusted comments] 140 00:05:32,739 --> 00:05:34,373 No, it's not, like, penis-wise. 141 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,975 Hello, little boy! What's your name? 142 00:05:37,043 --> 00:05:38,810 - Michael, it's me, kevin. 143 00:05:38,878 --> 00:05:41,212 Phyllis says I'm too big for her lap. 144 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:45,282 - Oh, I am so sorry that phyllis hates you 145 00:05:45,349 --> 00:05:47,284 And hates your body. 146 00:05:47,352 --> 00:05:50,154 But santa remembers a reindeer 147 00:05:50,221 --> 00:05:53,357 That was just a tiny bit different as well. 148 00:05:53,424 --> 00:05:55,125 - When can I sit on your lap? - Right now! 149 00:05:55,193 --> 00:05:58,462 Come on over here, big boy! 150 00:05:58,530 --> 00:05:59,630 There we go! 151 00:05:59,698 --> 00:06:01,132 [quietly] oh, my god. 152 00:06:01,199 --> 00:06:02,133 [grunts] 153 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,068 - It's really comfortable. 154 00:06:04,136 --> 00:06:06,571 - [gasping] 155 00:06:06,639 --> 00:06:09,541 [strained] what would you like for christmas, little boy? 156 00:06:09,608 --> 00:06:11,576 [panting] 157 00:06:11,644 --> 00:06:12,845 - I don't know. 158 00:06:12,912 --> 00:06:14,980 I-I didn't know you were gonna ask me that. 159 00:06:15,048 --> 00:06:17,517 - Well, what did you think was going to happen? 160 00:06:17,584 --> 00:06:19,052 - I didn't know. 161 00:06:19,119 --> 00:06:21,888 Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before. 162 00:06:21,956 --> 00:06:25,192 - [wheezily] all right, just say some toys, please. 163 00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:26,659 - Can you give me some choices? 164 00:06:26,727 --> 00:06:28,661 'cause I really don't wanna mess up on this list. 165 00:06:28,729 --> 00:06:30,596 - [quietly] damn it, kevin. Come on. 166 00:06:30,663 --> 00:06:34,266 - What about if I tell you the things I don't want? 167 00:06:34,334 --> 00:06:35,333 - Okay--get off! Get off! 168 00:06:35,401 --> 00:06:36,501 Off! 169 00:06:36,569 --> 00:06:39,137 [groans] oh, jee--god! 170 00:06:39,204 --> 00:06:41,238 - I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted. 171 00:06:41,306 --> 00:06:42,806 - Okay, you know what you get? 172 00:06:42,874 --> 00:06:44,841 You get a thousand helium balloons attached to you 173 00:06:44,909 --> 00:06:46,842 So santa doesn't have to go through this again. 174 00:06:46,910 --> 00:06:49,812 [moaning] oh! - Awesome. 175 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,281 - Well? - I'm trying, phyllis. 176 00:06:52,349 --> 00:06:54,183 You're santa. - The only santa. 177 00:06:54,251 --> 00:06:55,217 - That's what I want. 178 00:06:55,285 --> 00:06:57,052 - You promised me this. 179 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,654 Don't make me get bob involved. 180 00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:01,056 - What would bob do? - Never mind. 181 00:07:01,124 --> 00:07:03,326 I shouldn't have said that. 182 00:07:03,393 --> 00:07:04,527 - Does it hurt? 183 00:07:04,595 --> 00:07:06,262 - It stings a lot. - Ehh. 184 00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:09,265 - I keep trying to figure out who's sending me these gifts. 185 00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:10,666 - I know, right? 186 00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:13,269 - So far, no one will admit to it. 187 00:07:13,336 --> 00:07:16,271 Is it you? 188 00:07:17,773 --> 00:07:18,940 - [laughs] yeah! 189 00:07:19,008 --> 00:07:20,609 [both chuckling] 190 00:07:20,676 --> 00:07:23,011 Totally. I admit it. 191 00:07:23,079 --> 00:07:24,946 It's me. - Oh. Seriously? 192 00:07:25,013 --> 00:07:26,680 - Seriously? 193 00:07:26,748 --> 00:07:29,116 [chuckling] are you serious? - Is--what--you-- 194 00:07:29,184 --> 00:07:31,351 - Yeah. Totally serious. 195 00:07:31,419 --> 00:07:32,953 I'm your secret santa. 196 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,488 Busted! - [laughing] 197 00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,924 - There he is. - Hey, man. 198 00:07:37,992 --> 00:07:39,892 - Is matt around? I've got his check. 199 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,326 - Uh, matt is on a delivery. 200 00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:43,528 Just leave it here. I'll take it. 201 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:46,765 - Ah. I'll just... [laughs] wait for him. 202 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:48,900 - Matt's a pretty good-lookin' dude, don't you think? 203 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,502 - I'll just leave it here with ya. 204 00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:55,274 [overlapping chatter] 205 00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:56,475 - What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. 206 00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:57,976 - Come here! - I'm doing something here. 207 00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:00,580 - Come on! Ah... Ho, ho, ho! 208 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,348 Come on, I need this. Come over here! 209 00:08:02,416 --> 00:08:04,117 - What are you talking-- - just sit down. 210 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,585 - No, no, no, no, no, no! - Is everything okay? 211 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,554 - Yep. Yeah. Ryan and I are just having some fun. 212 00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,322 - Can I just talk to you for a second? 213 00:08:09,390 --> 00:08:11,123 - Whoop! Okay, what? 214 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,525 - You can't yell out, "I need this, I need this," 215 00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:15,127 As you pin down an employee on your lap. 216 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,563 - Okay. You know what, jim? 217 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:20,065 With two santas in the room, things get ruthless. 218 00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:21,467 - Yeah. - Do you understand? 219 00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:23,469 You forced my hand. - Okay. Michael, it's phyllis. 220 00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:26,138 We want phyllis as santa. - Oh, do we? Do we? 221 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,441 Is that what we want? Why don't we take a vote on it? 222 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,110 - Great. - Hey! Okay, everybody. 223 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,511 The office is being pulled apart. 224 00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:33,979 I realize that. 225 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:37,316 There are traditions at stake. 226 00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:38,517 And there are women-- - who wants phyllis as santa? 227 00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:39,552 - No, no, no! 228 00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,620 Wait! No! There are other choices. 229 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,989 There's information that we-- are you kidding me, kevin? 230 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,158 After you almost killed me? 231 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:49,494 - Michael, I had you. I just wanna try phyllis. 232 00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:54,599 - And if you want michael as santa, raise your hand. 233 00:08:54,666 --> 00:08:55,933 Can I get you some punch? - I--no. 234 00:08:56,001 --> 00:08:59,437 I'll get some punch. 235 00:08:59,504 --> 00:09:02,672 - Oh! - Michael! 236 00:09:04,730 --> 00:09:05,963 - Excuse me. 237 00:09:06,031 --> 00:09:08,599 Whoever has been sending me the parts to this gun, 238 00:09:08,667 --> 00:09:10,936 I think you sent me a gear instead of a trigger. 239 00:09:11,003 --> 00:09:12,637 - How do you know it's a gun? 240 00:09:12,705 --> 00:09:15,841 - What else does it look like? 241 00:09:15,909 --> 00:09:17,710 - Not a gun. 242 00:09:17,778 --> 00:09:19,779 - Well, I don't have all the pieces yet. 243 00:09:19,846 --> 00:09:22,281 - Well, unless the missing pieces is a gun, 244 00:09:22,349 --> 00:09:24,383 You don't have a gun. 245 00:09:24,451 --> 00:09:25,384 [thud] 246 00:09:26,352 --> 00:09:28,587 Not a gun. 247 00:09:28,504 --> 00:09:30,772 - In the north pole, I spend many nights alone 248 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,707 Tinkering with toys. 249 00:09:32,775 --> 00:09:35,911 So today, let's put a twinkle 250 00:09:35,979 --> 00:09:39,148 In old kris kringle's eye. 251 00:09:39,216 --> 00:09:41,484 Let the party begin! 252 00:09:41,552 --> 00:09:44,087 - Whoa! 253 00:09:44,155 --> 00:09:45,155 - Yay! 254 00:09:47,158 --> 00:09:48,793 - I don't ask for much from christmas. 255 00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:50,394 I really don't. 256 00:09:50,462 --> 00:09:52,663 It's not like I am begging people to... 257 00:09:52,731 --> 00:09:55,533 Buy me diamonds and... 258 00:09:55,601 --> 00:09:58,269 Brooch pendants. 259 00:09:58,337 --> 00:10:00,271 Oh, buy me something expensive, 260 00:10:00,339 --> 00:10:01,872 Or I'm gonna kill myself. 261 00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:03,307 That's not... 262 00:10:03,375 --> 00:10:04,875 I don't care about that! 263 00:10:04,942 --> 00:10:07,077 All I wanna be is santa. 264 00:10:07,145 --> 00:10:10,880 And...You want to take that away from me, fine. 265 00:10:10,948 --> 00:10:12,615 Go ahead. 266 00:10:12,683 --> 00:10:15,751 But when you need my help because I am ruining everything, 267 00:10:15,819 --> 00:10:17,220 Don't look at me! 268 00:10:20,524 --> 00:10:23,693 - Behold... 269 00:10:23,761 --> 00:10:25,696 Jesus christ. 270 00:10:25,763 --> 00:10:27,531 And I bring to you... 271 00:10:27,599 --> 00:10:29,500 Glad christmas tidings. 272 00:10:29,567 --> 00:10:31,168 I want to remind everyone 273 00:10:31,236 --> 00:10:33,838 The true meaning of christmas. 274 00:10:33,906 --> 00:10:35,874 Those of you who wish to join me, 275 00:10:35,941 --> 00:10:38,476 That's great, I am excited by that. 276 00:10:38,544 --> 00:10:41,412 And those of you who don't, I forgive you. 277 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,747 But I never forget. - Oh, wow, michael. 278 00:10:43,814 --> 00:10:46,416 This must be obvious how wrong this is. 279 00:10:46,484 --> 00:10:48,251 - Oh...The antichrist. 280 00:10:48,318 --> 00:10:49,352 - Okay, you can't-- - sss! 281 00:10:49,419 --> 00:10:51,320 - Ow! Look-- you cannot push religion. 282 00:10:51,388 --> 00:10:52,988 - Oh, but I can push drugs in here. 283 00:10:53,056 --> 00:10:54,423 Is that what you're saying? - No! You-- 284 00:10:54,490 --> 00:10:56,058 - Well, you have to pick one or the other. 285 00:10:56,125 --> 00:10:58,126 Your choice. Pick your poison. 286 00:10:58,194 --> 00:10:59,762 Get back to me. In the meantime... 287 00:10:59,829 --> 00:11:01,964 I am going to spread my goodness 288 00:11:02,032 --> 00:11:03,866 All over this company! 289 00:11:03,934 --> 00:11:05,869 - Hey, phyllis? 290 00:11:05,937 --> 00:11:10,307 Could you not reveal to erin that I'm her secret santa? 291 00:11:10,375 --> 00:11:11,843 - All right, sweetie, I'll just tell her it's michael. 292 00:11:11,911 --> 00:11:12,944 - Okay. 293 00:11:13,012 --> 00:11:15,247 Together: ♪ I saw three ships ♪ 294 00:11:15,314 --> 00:11:17,483 ♪ come sailing in ♪ - have you talked to him? 295 00:11:17,550 --> 00:11:18,584 - What... 296 00:11:18,651 --> 00:11:20,752 - Matt. 297 00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:22,320 - Is it that obvious? 298 00:11:22,388 --> 00:11:24,222 [mumbles indistinctly] 299 00:11:24,290 --> 00:11:26,158 Oh...Hey. 300 00:11:26,226 --> 00:11:29,728 - Mm. Good pate, right? 301 00:11:29,796 --> 00:11:31,797 Oscar made it. 302 00:11:31,864 --> 00:11:33,932 Have you met oscar? - I don't think so. 303 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,334 Hey, oscar, come here. 304 00:11:35,402 --> 00:11:37,602 [singing continues in background] 305 00:11:37,670 --> 00:11:40,438 - ♪ on christmas day in the morning ♪ 306 00:11:40,506 --> 00:11:42,107 Oscar, this is matt, 307 00:11:42,175 --> 00:11:45,076 And, um, matt loves your pate. 308 00:11:45,144 --> 00:11:46,745 - I had some. 309 00:11:46,812 --> 00:11:49,313 - Oscar's pate's great. 310 00:11:49,381 --> 00:11:51,649 I could eat it all day, every day. 311 00:11:51,717 --> 00:11:54,518 Mm. 312 00:11:54,586 --> 00:11:58,256 How come the good ones are never straight, right? 313 00:11:58,323 --> 00:12:00,425 - Okay, pam. - Okay. 314 00:12:00,493 --> 00:12:03,562 Yes. They're the only two gay guys I know. 315 00:12:03,629 --> 00:12:06,097 But they should be together. 316 00:12:06,165 --> 00:12:07,332 - This just arrived 317 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,401 From the dunder mifflin north pole branch. 318 00:12:09,468 --> 00:12:10,936 - We don't have a north pole branch. 319 00:12:11,003 --> 00:12:12,437 Idiot! 320 00:12:12,505 --> 00:12:15,006 - [sarcastic singsong] uh-oh, what's dwight gonna get? 321 00:12:15,074 --> 00:12:17,342 What is it? 322 00:12:17,410 --> 00:12:18,677 - Yes! 323 00:12:18,744 --> 00:12:20,779 - Oh, yes. It's space garbage. 324 00:12:20,847 --> 00:12:23,582 Dwight's gonna be able to build himself a friend. 325 00:12:23,650 --> 00:12:26,351 ♪ deck the halls with crappy...♪ 326 00:12:26,419 --> 00:12:28,020 - And stanley, ho, ho, ho! 327 00:12:28,088 --> 00:12:29,855 You've been very good this year. 328 00:12:29,923 --> 00:12:31,123 - I have. 329 00:12:31,191 --> 00:12:33,292 - Yeah, except for cheating on your wife. 330 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,195 Adultery's a sin. Look it up in the bible, people. 331 00:12:36,262 --> 00:12:38,797 What'd he get? - He got scented candles. 332 00:12:38,865 --> 00:12:40,599 - Oh. Well, that's appropriate. 333 00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:43,936 A lotta fire where you're going. Better get used to it. 334 00:12:44,003 --> 00:12:46,105 You're going to h-e-l-l, double hockey sticks. 335 00:12:46,172 --> 00:12:49,241 Goin' to hell, stanley. - Amen. 336 00:12:49,309 --> 00:12:52,544 - And this brings us to you, little one. 337 00:12:52,612 --> 00:12:53,979 - I can't see from here, people. 338 00:12:54,047 --> 00:12:56,582 Somebody shout it out. Don't make me get up. 339 00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:59,852 - It's fabric. I really wanted this. 340 00:12:59,919 --> 00:13:01,553 - That's fantastic! 341 00:13:01,621 --> 00:13:04,089 You can make another dress that goes past your feet. 342 00:13:04,157 --> 00:13:06,692 - Andy, was this you? - It's a secret. 343 00:13:06,759 --> 00:13:08,927 - No, andy had...Erin. 344 00:13:08,995 --> 00:13:10,462 - That-- - michael! 345 00:13:10,530 --> 00:13:11,830 - You-- 346 00:13:11,898 --> 00:13:13,131 - What, was I not supposed to say? 347 00:13:13,199 --> 00:13:15,000 [click] what--turn it back on. 348 00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:16,968 - No. 349 00:13:24,776 --> 00:13:26,743 - Yes, michael. What is so urgent? 350 00:13:26,811 --> 00:13:29,012 - David, guess who I am sitting here dressed as. 351 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,413 - I'm not going to guess. 352 00:13:30,481 --> 00:13:31,714 You can tell me, or I will hang up. 353 00:13:31,782 --> 00:13:34,851 - I will give you a hint. His last name is christ. 354 00:13:34,918 --> 00:13:37,186 He has the power of flight. 355 00:13:37,254 --> 00:13:38,287 He can heal leopards. 356 00:13:38,355 --> 00:13:40,322 - Michael-- - I am jesus, david. 357 00:13:40,390 --> 00:13:43,225 And you know why? Because phyllis, a woman, 358 00:13:43,293 --> 00:13:45,360 Has "uslurped" my role as santa. 359 00:13:45,428 --> 00:13:48,730 - Michael, this is a very, very bad time. 360 00:13:48,798 --> 00:13:50,632 - Really? 361 00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:52,667 What's going on? 362 00:13:52,735 --> 00:13:54,268 - Stephanie, can you hop off, please? 363 00:13:54,336 --> 00:13:56,671 - Sure, david. - What the hell? 364 00:13:56,739 --> 00:13:59,440 How rude! Does she do that all the time? 365 00:13:59,508 --> 00:14:01,977 - Do you want me off this call too, michael? 366 00:14:02,044 --> 00:14:03,411 - Hey--what? Get off! 367 00:14:03,479 --> 00:14:05,614 Get off the phone! 368 00:14:05,682 --> 00:14:07,750 - [david sighs] listen... 369 00:14:07,818 --> 00:14:10,620 I shouldn't tell you this, but the company has a buyer. 370 00:14:10,688 --> 00:14:12,922 The board will have no choice but to approve, 371 00:14:12,990 --> 00:14:14,625 And they are going to clean house. 372 00:14:14,692 --> 00:14:17,061 - What does that mean? 373 00:14:17,128 --> 00:14:18,395 - I'll be fired. 374 00:14:18,463 --> 00:14:21,332 - Well...Can't alan protect you? 375 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,335 - Alan will be out too. All of us. 376 00:14:24,402 --> 00:14:25,570 Good-bye, michael. 377 00:14:25,637 --> 00:14:27,872 - [quietly] oh, my god. 378 00:14:30,144 --> 00:14:32,311 - Earlier today, this office needed a santa. 379 00:14:32,679 --> 00:14:35,648 And then it needed a second santa. 380 00:14:35,915 --> 00:14:39,251 And then it needed a jesus. 381 00:14:39,318 --> 00:14:43,622 Now, it needs a michael. 382 00:14:45,358 --> 00:14:48,160 And that's one suit phyllis cannot fit into. 383 00:14:48,228 --> 00:14:51,264 [low conversations] - hey... 384 00:14:51,331 --> 00:14:52,799 How's everybody doing? 385 00:14:52,866 --> 00:14:54,300 - Not great. 386 00:14:54,368 --> 00:14:56,136 You heckled santa for an hour and a half. 387 00:14:56,203 --> 00:14:57,638 - That was a different guy. That was jesus. 388 00:14:57,705 --> 00:15:00,174 Jesus sort of ruined the party. 389 00:15:00,242 --> 00:15:01,775 Hurt, petulant jesus. 390 00:15:01,843 --> 00:15:04,345 - Are you serious? That is so offensive. 391 00:15:04,412 --> 00:15:07,415 - You know what's even more offensive... 392 00:15:07,482 --> 00:15:10,751 Is bailing on this party because some... 393 00:15:10,819 --> 00:15:14,221 Jerk ruined the first part of it. 394 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:17,357 Dwight, come here. Here's my debit card. 395 00:15:17,425 --> 00:15:18,859 I want you to go pick up a bunch of pizzas 396 00:15:18,927 --> 00:15:20,427 And meet me in the conference room. 397 00:15:20,495 --> 00:15:24,197 - What's your pin number? - I...Don't want to say. 398 00:15:24,265 --> 00:15:27,734 But it's fun to stay at the... 399 00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,736 ♪ it's fun to stay at the ♪ 400 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:31,804 - Where? Holiday inn. 401 00:15:31,872 --> 00:15:33,072 I don't-- 402 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:36,342 - [humming] 403 00:15:38,712 --> 00:15:41,481 - I-I thought that you would like it. 404 00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,150 - It was a little much, andy. 405 00:15:43,218 --> 00:15:46,187 - Well, it's the thought that counts. 406 00:15:46,255 --> 00:15:49,323 - What...Were you thinking? 407 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,161 - I suppose a gentleman might throw in the towel 408 00:15:53,229 --> 00:15:55,864 At this point. 409 00:15:55,932 --> 00:15:58,267 Guess what. Not gonna happen. 410 00:15:58,335 --> 00:15:59,502 - You know what, 411 00:15:59,569 --> 00:16:02,305 Christmas isn't about santa or jesus. 412 00:16:02,372 --> 00:16:04,506 It's about the workplace. 413 00:16:04,574 --> 00:16:07,076 All of you... Feel like my family. 414 00:16:07,143 --> 00:16:09,411 Ryan, you are my son, 415 00:16:09,479 --> 00:16:11,147 And... 416 00:16:11,214 --> 00:16:14,216 Pam, you're my wife, and jim... 417 00:16:14,284 --> 00:16:17,920 And angela and phyllis, you are my...Grandmas. 418 00:16:17,987 --> 00:16:22,791 And stanley, you're...Our mailman. 419 00:16:22,858 --> 00:16:23,958 And I can't help but look 420 00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:25,660 At all your wonderful, beautiful faces 421 00:16:25,728 --> 00:16:27,495 And think, "how could they do this to us?" 422 00:16:27,563 --> 00:16:29,564 - How could who do what to us? - [overlapping questions] 423 00:16:29,631 --> 00:16:31,332 - That's--not--nothing-- - why-- 424 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,733 - It's just... - We deserve to know. 425 00:16:32,801 --> 00:16:34,101 [overlapping comments] 426 00:16:34,168 --> 00:16:35,568 - We're going out of business! - What? 427 00:16:35,636 --> 00:16:37,070 - What? - You are kidding me. 428 00:16:37,138 --> 00:16:38,738 - Wait, wait, wait. Who said that? 429 00:16:38,806 --> 00:16:41,607 - David told me on the phone. - When did he tell you, today? 430 00:16:41,675 --> 00:16:43,442 - Earlier today, he said... - Oh! 431 00:16:43,510 --> 00:16:46,312 - We have been sold. All: What? 432 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,681 - Aah! - Dwight! 433 00:16:48,749 --> 00:16:51,584 - Come on! - Michael, wait. 434 00:16:51,652 --> 00:16:53,286 So they said we are sold. 435 00:16:53,354 --> 00:16:55,521 - David is gone, alan is gone. We're all gone. 436 00:16:55,589 --> 00:16:57,023 - Okay, but we haven't gone under. 437 00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:58,792 We've been sold, and that can mean many different things. 438 00:16:58,859 --> 00:17:01,161 - It's hard for me to imagine a scenario 439 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,796 Where meredith palmer keeps her job, 440 00:17:02,864 --> 00:17:04,431 And david wallace does not-- no offense, meredith. 441 00:17:04,499 --> 00:17:05,832 - No, I get it. 442 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,768 - I'll call him. I'll call david. 443 00:17:07,836 --> 00:17:09,336 - No, you won't, because he's not picking up his phone. 444 00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:13,040 - Yes, I will, because I always know how to get through to him. 445 00:17:13,108 --> 00:17:15,109 He told me where his kids go to school. 446 00:17:15,177 --> 00:17:16,577 I call the school. 447 00:17:16,645 --> 00:17:18,145 I tell them I'm the pediatrician. 448 00:17:18,213 --> 00:17:20,214 They patch me through to his secretary. 449 00:17:20,282 --> 00:17:23,717 I use my little girl voice. Badda-bing, badda-boom. 450 00:17:23,785 --> 00:17:26,454 - Hey, sweetie, what is it? - It's not sweetie. 451 00:17:26,521 --> 00:17:28,689 It's michael scott. - What the hell-- 452 00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:30,425 - Stephanie, could you hop off, please? 453 00:17:30,492 --> 00:17:31,893 - Michael--[huffs] I have never-- 454 00:17:31,961 --> 00:17:33,261 - David-- - never, ever-- 455 00:17:33,329 --> 00:17:35,397 - David, you are on speakerphone with the entire branch 456 00:17:35,464 --> 00:17:36,765 And the warehouse. 457 00:17:36,833 --> 00:17:37,766 - Hi, david. - Hey, david. 458 00:17:37,834 --> 00:17:39,534 [overlapping greetings] 459 00:17:39,602 --> 00:17:41,403 - Hi, everyone. 460 00:17:41,471 --> 00:17:43,205 - David, they do not believe me 461 00:17:43,273 --> 00:17:46,209 When you told me that everyone was canned. 462 00:17:46,276 --> 00:17:48,511 - You weren't supposed to tell anyone, michael. 463 00:17:48,579 --> 00:17:49,913 - Well, I think we're past that now. 464 00:17:49,980 --> 00:17:51,481 - I am not supposed-- 465 00:17:51,549 --> 00:17:54,151 Okay, guys, I was really only talking about 466 00:17:54,219 --> 00:17:57,121 Alan, myself, and a few other execs you don't know. 467 00:17:57,189 --> 00:17:59,524 - Oh, my god, david, that's...Horrible. 468 00:17:59,592 --> 00:18:02,160 - How about us? It's meredith. 469 00:18:02,228 --> 00:18:04,496 By the way, your wife is a very lucky woman. 470 00:18:04,564 --> 00:18:07,966 - Look, they're buying the company for the distribution. 471 00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:10,435 You guys are the only thing about this company that works. 472 00:18:10,503 --> 00:18:12,872 So congratulations. - We're not fired? 473 00:18:12,939 --> 00:18:14,540 - No. No, congratulations. 474 00:18:14,608 --> 00:18:16,141 - All right! - Yeah! 475 00:18:16,209 --> 00:18:18,478 [whooping] 476 00:18:18,545 --> 00:18:20,413 - It's a christmas miracle! 477 00:18:20,481 --> 00:18:22,382 - Yeah! - Whoo-hoo! 478 00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,817 [clamoring] 479 00:18:24,885 --> 00:18:27,587 - ♪ walk a lonely road ♪ 480 00:18:27,655 --> 00:18:30,790 ♪ only one that I have ever known ♪ 481 00:18:30,858 --> 00:18:33,293 ♪ don't know where it goes ♪ 482 00:18:33,361 --> 00:18:36,663 ♪ but it's all to me and I walk alone ♪ 483 00:18:36,730 --> 00:18:38,798 It's true. 484 00:18:38,866 --> 00:18:41,467 We all walk alone at some point. 485 00:18:41,535 --> 00:18:42,802 ♪ ♪ 486 00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:44,637 - Jim... - Come on...Shall we? 487 00:18:44,705 --> 00:18:47,407 - ♪ I walk alone ♪ - jim! 488 00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:48,908 ♪ I walk a ♪ 489 00:18:48,976 --> 00:18:50,477 Both: ♪ my shadow's ♪ 490 00:18:50,545 --> 00:18:53,614 ♪ the only one that walks beside me ♪ 491 00:18:53,681 --> 00:18:57,417 ♪ my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating ♪ 492 00:18:57,484 --> 00:19:00,654 - Wow. 493 00:19:01,989 --> 00:19:03,791 - Yeah. That was-- that was the idea. 494 00:19:03,859 --> 00:19:05,192 - Thank you. - Awesome. 495 00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:08,696 - Thanks, man. 496 00:19:08,763 --> 00:19:10,564 - ♪ christmas tree ♪ 497 00:19:10,632 --> 00:19:14,368 - ♪ thou leaves are so... ♪ - wait a minute. 498 00:19:14,436 --> 00:19:15,836 - Of course! 499 00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:17,772 - Oh! You got it? 500 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,942 - Ha ha! - What is that? 501 00:19:20,009 --> 00:19:22,844 - I have no idea. - Huh... 502 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,313 - Well... 503 00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:26,047 Maybe those'll help. 504 00:19:26,115 --> 00:19:29,217 - Michael, please. Come on. 505 00:19:29,284 --> 00:19:30,852 - Sorry. - Sure. 506 00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:33,020 - Nice to meet you, oscar. - Nice to meet you, mark. 507 00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,522 - It's matt. - Right, matt. 508 00:19:35,590 --> 00:19:38,191 I know what I'm doing, pam. 509 00:19:44,764 --> 00:19:48,200 - Oh, man! 510 00:19:48,268 --> 00:19:50,736 I can use this for so many nuts--macadamias, 511 00:19:50,804 --> 00:19:54,206 Brazil nuts, pecans, almonds. 512 00:19:54,273 --> 00:19:56,609 Clams. Snails. 513 00:19:56,677 --> 00:19:58,610 - Hi, santa. 514 00:19:58,678 --> 00:20:01,980 - Hi, michael. 515 00:20:02,048 --> 00:20:03,382 [grunts] 516 00:20:03,450 --> 00:20:05,550 Okay. 517 00:20:05,618 --> 00:20:08,153 - [whispers] I'd like to make a wish. 518 00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:10,255 - [flatly] what? 519 00:20:10,322 --> 00:20:13,391 - I would like an xbox and... 520 00:20:13,459 --> 00:20:18,129 A tv that's compatible with an xbox. 521 00:20:18,196 --> 00:20:20,230 And I'm sorry. 522 00:20:20,298 --> 00:20:22,466 - [exhales] 523 00:20:22,533 --> 00:20:24,834 An xbox it is, 524 00:20:24,902 --> 00:20:28,172 Because I've decided you're a good boy. 525 00:20:28,239 --> 00:20:29,674 - Scott. 526 00:20:29,741 --> 00:20:31,309 What in the hell is going on here? 527 00:20:31,376 --> 00:20:33,011 - No, no, no. - You called bob? 528 00:20:33,078 --> 00:20:35,247 Phyllis! - I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. 529 00:20:35,314 --> 00:20:36,915 It's was earlier today. - Okay. 530 00:20:36,983 --> 00:20:38,818 - Hi, sweetheart. - You okay, baby? 531 00:20:38,886 --> 00:20:40,453 - I'm good, baby. - Oh, god. 532 00:20:40,521 --> 00:20:41,655 Get a room, santas. 533 00:20:50,572 --> 00:20:54,308 - Thank you, santa. 534 00:20:54,376 --> 00:20:56,977 It's a little slippery out here. 535 00:20:57,044 --> 00:20:59,880 [rhythmic sound approaches] 536 00:20:59,948 --> 00:21:01,549 - Oh, my god. 537 00:21:01,617 --> 00:21:03,418 - Twelve drummers drumming. 538 00:21:17,220 --> 00:21:18,120 Merry Christmas, Aaron. 539 00:21:18,821 --> 00:21:19,821 Sing it away, boys. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net