1 00:00:13,524 --> 00:00:14,419 Nce between a chimichanga, 2 00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:17,338 a chalupa, and a tostada? 3 00:00:17,339 --> 00:00:20,086 Call me back asap. 4 00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:22,616 It's urgent. 5 00:00:22,617 --> 00:00:24,588 This isn't funny. 6 00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:26,241 I don't talk like that. 7 00:00:26,242 --> 00:00:29,191 Say, "me eat cookie." 8 00:00:29,192 --> 00:00:31,247 No. I won't say it. 9 00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:32,666 Why is everyone clumped around accounting? 10 00:00:32,667 --> 00:00:33,802 Break it up, you clique. 11 00:00:33,803 --> 00:00:35,525 It's Kevin as cookie monster 12 00:00:35,526 --> 00:00:36,360 from Sesame Street. 13 00:00:37,136 --> 00:00:37,873 Is that the program 14 00:00:37,874 --> 00:00:39,011 where all those puppets live in the barrio? 15 00:00:39,012 --> 00:00:40,796 - Mm-hmm. - I love that show. 16 00:00:40,797 --> 00:00:43,070 This is Kevin. This is Kevin. 17 00:00:43,953 --> 00:00:44,716 Thank you. 18 00:00:44,717 --> 00:00:45,610 That is an amusing link. 19 00:00:45,611 --> 00:00:47,438 I'd like it sent to me, please. - Yes. 20 00:00:47,439 --> 00:00:49,058 Me too, Oscar. Please send it to me. 21 00:00:49,059 --> 00:00:50,654 C.C. Me. 22 00:00:50,655 --> 00:00:52,567 Angela, this is inappropriate. 23 00:00:52,568 --> 00:00:54,318 This is my favorite day. 24 00:01:02,655 --> 00:01:15,915 Sync by dny238 www.addic7ed.com 25 00:01:15,916 --> 00:01:17,024 It's secretary's day. 26 00:01:17,025 --> 00:01:21,108 And it is Erin's and my three-week anniversary. 27 00:01:21,109 --> 00:01:24,631 So perfect storm for a romantic gesture. 28 00:01:25,947 --> 00:01:27,402 Want to make sure the whole office remembers 29 00:01:27,403 --> 00:01:28,559 it's secretary's day. 30 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,164 I sent an email blast, a text blast, 31 00:01:30,165 --> 00:01:32,111 a good, old-fashioned talk blast. 32 00:01:32,112 --> 00:01:34,281 I sent a snail mail blast a week ago. 33 00:01:34,282 --> 00:01:37,435 And a stern reminder via fax at 7:00 this morning, 34 00:01:37,436 --> 00:01:38,917 so people better step up 35 00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,648 and appreciate the crap out of Erin. 36 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:43,193 - Here you go. - Oh, thank you. 37 00:01:43,194 --> 00:01:44,152 I do. 38 00:01:45,967 --> 00:01:47,213 Thank you. 39 00:01:48,861 --> 00:01:50,244 If it wasn't for secretaries, 40 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:52,428 I wouldn't have a stepmom. 41 00:01:52,429 --> 00:01:55,062 - Welcome back. - Hey, thanks. 42 00:01:55,063 --> 00:01:57,330 It's my first day back after maternity leave. 43 00:01:58,002 --> 00:01:59,810 And I miss Cece, of course. 44 00:01:59,811 --> 00:02:01,134 But we need the money. 45 00:02:01,942 --> 00:02:03,754 What was maternity leave like? 46 00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:07,880 Oh, how do I explain it? It rocked. 47 00:02:07,881 --> 00:02:09,799 It rocked my ass off. 48 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:14,570 Oh. You couldn't have watered it? 49 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,988 I literally did not know that existed 50 00:02:16,989 --> 00:02:17,819 until this moment. 51 00:02:18,561 --> 00:02:22,252 Well, I knew it existed, and I chose to let it die. 52 00:02:23,089 --> 00:02:24,265 It's nice to see you again, Dwight. 53 00:02:24,266 --> 00:02:25,378 Hello, Pam. 54 00:02:25,942 --> 00:02:27,821 I was just wondering what you had planned 55 00:02:27,822 --> 00:02:28,737 for secretary's day. 56 00:02:28,738 --> 00:02:30,093 I'm going to give Erin $15. 57 00:02:30,094 --> 00:02:33,598 I know that Erin would be so psyched 58 00:02:33,599 --> 00:02:34,978 if you took her out to lunch. 59 00:02:34,979 --> 00:02:37,080 - A one-on-one lunch with Erin? - Yeah. 60 00:02:37,081 --> 00:02:38,586 She really looks up to you. 61 00:02:39,395 --> 00:02:40,795 And there's only so much we can do as her coworkers. 62 00:02:40,796 --> 00:02:44,718 Secretary's day is really kind of a boss-secretary thing. 63 00:02:47,691 --> 00:02:49,299 She's kind of a rube. 64 00:02:50,230 --> 00:02:52,231 That's my girlfriend you're talking about. 65 00:02:52,232 --> 00:02:53,750 Okay. All right. All right. 66 00:02:53,751 --> 00:02:55,068 Okay. I'll take her to lunch. 67 00:02:55,069 --> 00:02:57,131 She's gonna be so psyched. 68 00:02:57,596 --> 00:02:59,408 Hi, Erin. 69 00:02:59,409 --> 00:03:00,563 Happy secretary's day. 70 00:03:00,564 --> 00:03:01,624 Well, happy boss's day. 71 00:03:01,625 --> 00:03:03,772 There wouldn't be a secretary if there was no boss. 72 00:03:03,773 --> 00:03:05,815 I wanted to know what your plans for lunch were 73 00:03:05,816 --> 00:03:07,963 because I was hoping to ask you to... 74 00:03:09,385 --> 00:03:09,928 Lunch. 75 00:03:09,929 --> 00:03:11,982 I got a picture of you asking me to lunch. 76 00:03:13,004 --> 00:03:14,704 I was thinking we could go to Hayworth's. 77 00:03:14,705 --> 00:03:16,217 - Ugh. - Just the two of us. 78 00:03:16,218 --> 00:03:18,462 Well, Hayworth's is more business casual, 79 00:03:18,463 --> 00:03:20,295 and they always screw up your order. 80 00:03:20,296 --> 00:03:22,770 So I'm... - Yeah, okay. 81 00:03:22,771 --> 00:03:24,385 Yeah, that was a stupid suggestion. 82 00:03:24,386 --> 00:03:25,880 I was thinking someplace special, 83 00:03:25,881 --> 00:03:27,438 so I thought Hayworth's, but... 84 00:03:27,439 --> 00:03:28,899 Okay, well, we'll figure something. 85 00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:29,726 Oh. 86 00:03:32,854 --> 00:03:34,520 Okay, let's go to Hayworth's. 87 00:03:34,521 --> 00:03:35,596 - Okay. - All right. 88 00:03:35,597 --> 00:03:37,707 Have a cookie, kev. 89 00:03:38,622 --> 00:03:40,334 Yeah, ha ha. Tray of cookie. 90 00:03:40,335 --> 00:03:41,738 I'm not falling for that. 91 00:03:41,739 --> 00:03:43,185 I brought those in. 92 00:03:43,186 --> 00:03:44,125 It's my birthday. 93 00:03:44,126 --> 00:03:46,659 That's some stone-cold narcissism right there. 94 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,381 Man, Darryl, I'm sorry. 95 00:03:48,382 --> 00:03:51,847 Happy Birthday. - Thank you. 96 00:03:52,591 --> 00:03:55,574 Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. 97 00:03:57,647 --> 00:03:59,007 They're making fun of cookie monster. 98 00:03:59,008 --> 00:04:00,119 I get that. 99 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,092 But in a strange way, it feels 100 00:04:02,093 --> 00:04:04,130 like they're making fun of me. 101 00:04:04,684 --> 00:04:08,236 Oscar, did you eat some of my m&m's? 102 00:04:08,237 --> 00:04:10,907 The level-- - this is violent and offensive. 103 00:04:10,908 --> 00:04:12,053 Thank you. 104 00:04:12,054 --> 00:04:15,324 It really make me self-conscious about my voice. 105 00:04:15,325 --> 00:04:18,850 - It's awful. - I'm not crying. 106 00:04:18,851 --> 00:04:20,972 You have some food on your face. 107 00:04:20,973 --> 00:04:24,641 Do my hands feel sweaty to you? 108 00:04:24,642 --> 00:04:26,812 The beginning here has been a little bit of a fiasco. 109 00:04:26,813 --> 00:04:30,582 Either they don't respect me or they respect me too much. 110 00:04:30,583 --> 00:04:33,417 And some of them still think that I'm the I.T. Guy. 111 00:04:33,418 --> 00:04:37,113 This cookie monster thing is an opportunity 112 00:04:37,114 --> 00:04:39,166 to show people that I'm an authority figure. 113 00:04:42,829 --> 00:04:43,605 Hello, everyone. 114 00:04:43,606 --> 00:04:45,479 If I might have a moment of your time. 115 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,351 It's come to my attention that people have been watching 116 00:04:48,352 --> 00:04:50,929 and laughing at a hurtful parody video. 117 00:04:50,930 --> 00:04:54,724 It is now forbidden to talk, joke about, 118 00:04:54,725 --> 00:04:55,720 or email this around. 119 00:04:56,308 --> 00:04:57,386 Yeah. 120 00:04:57,387 --> 00:04:58,677 And that's straight from corporate. 121 00:04:58,678 --> 00:05:00,787 So, not to be scary, 122 00:05:00,788 --> 00:05:02,528 but, yeah, I would listen to me. 123 00:05:02,529 --> 00:05:03,575 And that's all. 124 00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:05,199 Ciao. 125 00:05:13,108 --> 00:05:15,383 Would you mind if I listen to my book on tape? 126 00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:17,250 I'm kind of a bookworm. 127 00:05:18,490 --> 00:05:20,407 This is a novelization of the movie 128 00:05:20,408 --> 00:05:23,055 Based on the book push by sapphire. 129 00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,754 I was thinking it would be fun to talk on the way over. 130 00:05:26,581 --> 00:05:28,856 So what decade would you have chosen to be a teenager? 131 00:05:31,378 --> 00:05:33,388 I don't know. 132 00:05:33,389 --> 00:05:35,595 I would have chosen the 1490s. 133 00:05:36,076 --> 00:05:38,635 'Cause America was discovered. 134 00:05:38,636 --> 00:05:39,264 Right. 135 00:05:42,683 --> 00:05:44,973 And then my last job was at a taco bell express. 136 00:05:44,974 --> 00:05:46,647 But then it became a full taco bell, 137 00:05:46,648 --> 00:05:49,481 and I don't know, I couldn't keep up. 138 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,429 My favorite part about being a receptionist 139 00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:52,898 is that I get to have my own desk. 140 00:05:52,899 --> 00:05:54,664 In my foster home, I never had a desk. 141 00:05:54,665 --> 00:05:58,195 So it's like--I don't mean that I didn't like my foster home. 142 00:05:58,196 --> 00:05:59,236 I did like it. 143 00:05:59,237 --> 00:06:00,798 I just didn't have a desk there. 144 00:06:00,799 --> 00:06:01,895 Did you have a favorite age? 145 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:04,211 Or month? 146 00:06:05,703 --> 00:06:06,827 An age or month? 147 00:06:06,828 --> 00:06:07,932 Yeah, like a favorite month. 148 00:06:07,933 --> 00:06:10,108 Like, I like April when I was seven. 149 00:06:10,109 --> 00:06:12,316 I've been trying. I've been trying 150 00:06:12,317 --> 00:06:13,139 to keep it going. 151 00:06:16,256 --> 00:06:19,153 Erin is just weird. 152 00:06:19,154 --> 00:06:21,200 How many pillows do you sleep on at night? 153 00:06:21,201 --> 00:06:22,825 So how are things going with Andy? 154 00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:25,447 He's the best boyfriend in the world. 155 00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:28,851 Tell me about him before I met him. 156 00:06:29,445 --> 00:06:30,604 Well, let's see. 157 00:06:30,605 --> 00:06:33,844 Um... Andy. 158 00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:35,245 Plays the banjo. 159 00:06:35,246 --> 00:06:36,942 Yeah. I love that. 160 00:06:37,636 --> 00:06:39,455 Other than the fact that he dated Angela, 161 00:06:40,218 --> 00:06:41,847 I don't think he is a snappy dresser. 162 00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:43,727 What? 163 00:06:43,728 --> 00:06:45,044 I don't think he is the best dresser. 164 00:06:45,045 --> 00:06:47,848 Reminds me of Easter. Sorry. About Angela? 165 00:06:48,682 --> 00:06:50,359 Did you say he dated Angela? 166 00:06:51,248 --> 00:06:52,465 Mm-hmm. 167 00:06:52,466 --> 00:06:53,751 You didn't know that? 168 00:06:54,443 --> 00:06:55,840 Oh. - Here we go. Hot plate. 169 00:06:55,841 --> 00:06:58,050 - Okay. - And your salad, miss. 170 00:06:59,511 --> 00:07:00,979 Why wouldn't he tell me that? 171 00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:02,299 I don't know. 172 00:07:02,681 --> 00:07:04,909 Probably didn't want you to have a mental image 173 00:07:04,910 --> 00:07:06,461 of him having sex with somebody else. 174 00:07:07,788 --> 00:07:08,450 They had sex? 175 00:07:08,835 --> 00:07:10,323 They were engaged, so... 176 00:07:12,594 --> 00:07:14,150 Okay. You know what, sir? 177 00:07:14,786 --> 00:07:15,792 Yes. 178 00:07:15,793 --> 00:07:17,297 Yeah, I asked for pickles with my burger, 179 00:07:17,298 --> 00:07:18,762 and there are only, like, five or six. 180 00:07:18,763 --> 00:07:19,865 Could I get some more pickles? 181 00:07:19,866 --> 00:07:22,491 Of course. I'll get you a bowl of pickles. 182 00:07:22,492 --> 00:07:24,764 - Thank you. - They were engaged? 183 00:07:24,765 --> 00:07:26,162 Mm-hmm. 184 00:07:26,604 --> 00:07:28,514 Yeah. 185 00:07:30,645 --> 00:07:32,301 - Uh-oh. - Well... 186 00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:39,579 What are you doing? What are you doing? 187 00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:42,603 In the foster home, my hair was my room. 188 00:07:48,274 --> 00:07:50,565 Okay. You know what? 189 00:07:50,566 --> 00:07:51,946 You know what? You know what? 190 00:07:51,947 --> 00:07:53,146 Everybody's looking at you right now. 191 00:07:58,153 --> 00:07:59,475 I'll have what she's having. 192 00:08:06,112 --> 00:08:08,127 - Did you have a- - did you like your lunch? 193 00:08:08,826 --> 00:08:10,135 Did you have a good lunch? 194 00:08:11,764 --> 00:08:13,887 Did you like that? Did you enjoy your food? 195 00:08:14,671 --> 00:08:16,430 It was good. I liked my lunch. 196 00:08:17,475 --> 00:08:18,343 Ooh. 197 00:08:18,344 --> 00:08:19,721 Ah-ah-ah. Ha-ha. 198 00:08:19,722 --> 00:08:22,519 - What's up? - Her milk is coming in. 199 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:23,427 She's getting uncomfortable. 200 00:08:23,428 --> 00:08:24,699 Dwight, don't be gross. 201 00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:25,969 No, no, he's right. 202 00:08:26,642 --> 00:08:28,458 Same thing happens with my cows 203 00:08:28,459 --> 00:08:29,855 if I don't tend them frequently enough. 204 00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:32,849 You gotta milk them, or else they'll moo like crazy. 205 00:08:33,519 --> 00:08:34,711 That's weird. My breast pump is missing. 206 00:08:34,712 --> 00:08:35,577 Have you seen my breast pump? 207 00:08:36,758 --> 00:08:38,051 All right, this is gonna traumatize me 208 00:08:38,052 --> 00:08:40,217 a hell of a lot more than you, believe me. 209 00:08:40,218 --> 00:08:41,947 You know what, Dwight? 210 00:08:41,948 --> 00:08:43,580 Let me just check the bathroom first. 211 00:08:43,581 --> 00:08:45,840 Okay? - Really? Fine. 212 00:08:45,841 --> 00:08:46,965 Let your breasts explode. 213 00:08:47,453 --> 00:08:49,599 Three squeezes and I would drain you. 214 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:50,911 Mm. 215 00:08:54,804 --> 00:08:55,413 Meredith! 216 00:08:55,414 --> 00:08:56,484 I just like the way it feels. 217 00:08:56,485 --> 00:08:57,612 What are you doing? 218 00:08:57,613 --> 00:08:59,123 - Relax. Okay. - Relax? 219 00:08:59,124 --> 00:09:01,213 This is like the Cadillac of pumps. 220 00:09:01,214 --> 00:09:02,276 Give it back to me now. 221 00:09:02,277 --> 00:09:04,232 Okay, I was just warming it up. 222 00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:05,682 It's disgusting! 223 00:09:05,683 --> 00:09:07,772 - It's not a big deal. - It's not sterile! 224 00:09:07,773 --> 00:09:09,219 We're both girls. Who cares? 225 00:09:23,110 --> 00:09:25,054 So... 226 00:09:25,755 --> 00:09:26,616 How was lunch? 227 00:09:26,617 --> 00:09:27,710 Lunch was fine. 228 00:09:28,390 --> 00:09:31,760 Was it everything that you hoped and dreamed it might be? 229 00:09:31,761 --> 00:09:34,518 I don't know. It was lunch, Andy. 230 00:09:34,853 --> 00:09:37,332 Well, I know. 231 00:09:38,007 --> 00:09:39,337 Just want-- I mean... 232 00:09:40,345 --> 00:09:42,922 Erin? 233 00:09:43,337 --> 00:09:44,736 I think we're out of fax cover sheets. 234 00:09:44,737 --> 00:09:46,189 God, Oscar, will you keep your pants on? 235 00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:47,066 It's easy. 236 00:09:51,147 --> 00:09:53,528 "My name is Kevin. 237 00:09:53,529 --> 00:09:54,768 I'm an accountant." 238 00:09:55,355 --> 00:09:56,333 See, I did the voice. 239 00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:57,476 That's a little derivative. 240 00:09:57,477 --> 00:09:59,535 But parody is always derivative. 241 00:09:59,536 --> 00:10:00,532 Uh, it's not organic. 242 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,742 Do you know what I mean? Jim does a really good one. 243 00:10:02,743 --> 00:10:04,398 Do yours. - Oh, guys. 244 00:10:04,399 --> 00:10:05,702 I really refuse to participate. 245 00:10:05,703 --> 00:10:08,784 "Michael, can I have an advance on my paycheck 246 00:10:08,785 --> 00:10:12,451 because a Mrs. field cookie just opened up at the mall." 247 00:10:12,452 --> 00:10:14,290 Guys, why don't we leave the parodies 248 00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:15,959 to the pros at madtv? 249 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:19,997 "Sorry, Gabe, but that show hasn't been on in many cookies." 250 00:10:19,998 --> 00:10:21,253 Okay. 251 00:10:22,553 --> 00:10:24,197 Hey, can I have your attention, please? 252 00:10:24,198 --> 00:10:25,937 First of all, thanks to everyone 253 00:10:25,938 --> 00:10:28,875 for helping put this awesome party together. 254 00:10:28,876 --> 00:10:32,009 And a very special shout-out to the chair 255 00:10:32,010 --> 00:10:35,477 of the party planning committee, miss Angela Martin. 256 00:10:35,478 --> 00:10:36,564 You have outdone yourself. 257 00:10:38,228 --> 00:10:40,212 You know what, I think we can all agree 258 00:10:40,213 --> 00:10:42,038 that Angela's not so great, so... 259 00:10:42,039 --> 00:10:43,968 I am saying the exact opposite. 260 00:10:43,969 --> 00:10:45,415 Angela is fantastic. 261 00:10:45,416 --> 00:10:47,059 No. No. No. 262 00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:49,290 - Specific shout-out... - Stop talking. 263 00:10:49,291 --> 00:10:50,539 Okay. 264 00:10:50,540 --> 00:10:52,745 As some of you may know, 265 00:10:52,746 --> 00:10:55,296 I have a very special connection to secretary's day 266 00:10:55,297 --> 00:10:59,621 in the form of that 115-pound moonbeam over there 267 00:10:59,622 --> 00:11:00,487 named Erin hannon. 268 00:11:00,488 --> 00:11:02,555 To a lot of you she may just be the person 269 00:11:02,556 --> 00:11:04,046 who brings you your fax confirmations, 270 00:11:04,047 --> 00:11:07,254 but to me, she is my girlfriend... 271 00:11:07,255 --> 00:11:09,098 In addition to being the person 272 00:11:09,099 --> 00:11:10,644 who brings me my fax confirmations. 273 00:11:11,862 --> 00:11:15,479 So I wrote a Little ditty 274 00:11:16,512 --> 00:11:19,249 that I would like to play for all of you right now. 275 00:11:19,808 --> 00:11:21,856 It's a little tune called 276 00:11:22,144 --> 00:11:25,789 secretary of love. 277 00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:27,766 A one, a two, 278 00:11:27,767 --> 00:11:28,967 a one, two, three-- 279 00:11:30,122 --> 00:11:31,416 I know about Angela. 280 00:11:31,417 --> 00:11:33,321 I know that you were engaged to her 281 00:11:33,322 --> 00:11:34,573 and that you were sleeping with her. 282 00:11:34,574 --> 00:11:36,717 Michael told me. - Oh, God. 283 00:11:36,718 --> 00:11:39,452 Erin, can we talk about this in private? 284 00:11:39,453 --> 00:11:40,262 I don't want it to be in private. 285 00:11:40,263 --> 00:11:41,224 Is it true or is it not? 286 00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:47,243 - Yes. - Who else did you sleep with? 287 00:11:47,244 --> 00:11:50,659 Did you sleep with Phyllis or Kelly or Pam? 288 00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:51,900 Maybe all together? 289 00:11:51,901 --> 00:11:53,906 - No. No, never. - Did everyone know? 290 00:11:53,907 --> 00:11:55,153 Was I the only one who didn't know? 291 00:11:55,154 --> 00:11:56,580 - Yeah, pretty much. - Pretty much. 292 00:11:56,581 --> 00:11:59,331 Who are you? I don't know you. 293 00:12:00,285 --> 00:12:01,861 I don't know you! 294 00:12:05,839 --> 00:12:07,319 I should probably get involved in this, 295 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,788 but I think my energy is better spent 296 00:12:09,789 --> 00:12:11,567 on the cookie monster issue. 297 00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,932 Erin, you know, if I had been engaged 298 00:12:14,933 --> 00:12:16,640 to anybody before you, 299 00:12:16,641 --> 00:12:17,977 I would have told you. 300 00:12:19,336 --> 00:12:20,415 Thanks. 301 00:12:20,416 --> 00:12:22,059 So if you need anything, 302 00:12:22,060 --> 00:12:23,676 I'm right over there. 303 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:28,054 "Hey, Erin, you look delicious. 304 00:12:28,055 --> 00:12:31,128 I mean, beautiful." 305 00:12:31,129 --> 00:12:32,598 Okay. 306 00:12:32,599 --> 00:12:34,850 Okay. There. I heard that. 307 00:12:35,599 --> 00:12:37,806 So I'm sorry, Pam, but that's it. 308 00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:40,601 I'm going to have to suspend you without pay 309 00:12:40,602 --> 00:12:41,327 for two days. 310 00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,861 What? What do you mean, suspend me? 311 00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:45,608 I think you need to go a little easy. 312 00:12:45,609 --> 00:12:47,237 You can't just suspend someone from work. 313 00:12:47,238 --> 00:12:48,573 Yeah, you're right. You know what? 314 00:12:48,574 --> 00:12:50,149 Um, you're suspended too, Jim. 315 00:12:52,089 --> 00:12:55,886 Okay. - Fine. You too, Dwight. 316 00:12:55,887 --> 00:12:57,043 Wait, what? 317 00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:58,084 I was just slow-clapping 318 00:12:58,085 --> 00:12:59,431 your no-nonsense decision-making. 319 00:12:59,432 --> 00:13:00,516 I don't want to hear it. 320 00:13:00,517 --> 00:13:02,120 Suspended. 321 00:13:03,374 --> 00:13:06,906 "C" is for suspension. 322 00:13:10,183 --> 00:13:13,340 Why would that be something that you would talk about 323 00:13:13,341 --> 00:13:14,472 on secretary's day? 324 00:13:14,473 --> 00:13:16,427 Andy, she's not the easiest person in the world 325 00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:17,551 to have a conversation with. 326 00:13:17,552 --> 00:13:18,852 All right? And besides, 327 00:13:19,907 --> 00:13:21,019 who doesn't tell their girlfriend 328 00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:22,795 that they were engaged to someone 329 00:13:22,796 --> 00:13:24,858 who works four feet away from them? 330 00:13:24,859 --> 00:13:26,406 That's like-- that's-- 331 00:13:26,407 --> 00:13:28,212 that's, like, mr. And Mrs. smith crap. 332 00:13:28,213 --> 00:13:29,438 I was gonna tell her, 333 00:13:29,439 --> 00:13:30,882 just on my own time. 334 00:13:30,883 --> 00:13:32,273 You know what, I resent the implication 335 00:13:32,274 --> 00:13:34,308 that I would keep that secret. 336 00:13:34,309 --> 00:13:36,668 Everyone here knows that I can't 337 00:13:36,669 --> 00:13:37,868 and won't keep a secret. 338 00:13:38,890 --> 00:13:40,332 Who cares? 339 00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:44,316 I mean, it's not like I killed somebody. 340 00:13:44,317 --> 00:13:46,092 Big deal, right? 341 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,833 This can blow over in two seconds. 342 00:13:47,834 --> 00:13:49,788 She never asked me, so, if you think about it... 343 00:13:49,789 --> 00:13:52,417 I probably should have told her, I guess. 344 00:13:52,418 --> 00:13:54,088 Everybody does stupid things. 345 00:13:56,322 --> 00:13:58,371 Psst. Hey. 346 00:13:59,143 --> 00:14:01,957 Erin. - You want to talk to me, 347 00:14:01,958 --> 00:14:02,778 come to my desk. 348 00:14:13,815 --> 00:14:15,290 You embarrassed me earlier. 349 00:14:15,776 --> 00:14:17,877 Oh, take it up with the chief of police. 350 00:14:17,878 --> 00:14:19,925 You think I want people remembering 351 00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:22,171 I had sensual relations with Andy? 352 00:14:22,172 --> 00:14:24,164 It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled. 353 00:14:24,165 --> 00:14:26,377 I want to throw up just thinking about it. 354 00:14:26,378 --> 00:14:28,065 I want to throw up just thinking about it. 355 00:14:28,066 --> 00:14:30,650 You are throwing up for the wrong reasons. 356 00:14:30,651 --> 00:14:33,545 I don't think this fax is going through. 357 00:14:36,256 --> 00:14:37,258 Is there a different... 358 00:14:38,634 --> 00:14:40,226 I can just put it through again, you know. 359 00:14:47,994 --> 00:14:49,112 Hey. 360 00:14:50,669 --> 00:14:54,034 You know, I was engaged before Jim. 361 00:14:56,202 --> 00:14:56,806 Really? 362 00:14:56,807 --> 00:14:59,068 Yeah. And he worked here too. 363 00:14:59,569 --> 00:15:01,318 It was Andy, wasn't it? 364 00:15:01,319 --> 00:15:03,764 No, no, it wasn't Andy. 365 00:15:03,765 --> 00:15:05,085 It wasn't. 366 00:15:05,086 --> 00:15:06,217 It doesn't matter. 367 00:15:08,259 --> 00:15:10,299 It's not about who you've been with. 368 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,403 It's about who you end up with. 369 00:15:14,053 --> 00:15:15,768 Sometimes the heart doesn't know what it wants 370 00:15:16,113 --> 00:15:17,356 until it finds what it wants. 371 00:15:24,733 --> 00:15:26,291 I hope you find what you're looking for. 372 00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:31,583 Thank you. 373 00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:46,336 So I can reprimand them, but I can't suspend them. 374 00:15:48,709 --> 00:15:50,087 Oh, I can't do either. 375 00:15:51,060 --> 00:15:52,478 Uh-huh. Fair enough. 376 00:15:52,791 --> 00:15:54,458 Hey, Toby. 377 00:15:54,459 --> 00:15:55,756 I called Tallahassee. 378 00:15:55,757 --> 00:15:57,193 He can ask you not to come in, 379 00:15:57,194 --> 00:15:58,683 but he can't dock your pay. 380 00:15:58,684 --> 00:16:00,485 That's not legal. Very interesting. 381 00:16:00,486 --> 00:16:02,285 Yeah, I also learned some interesting things 382 00:16:02,286 --> 00:16:03,217 about how they structure-- 383 00:16:03,218 --> 00:16:04,883 thanks, Toby. 384 00:16:04,884 --> 00:16:06,955 Hey, everyone. Hi. 385 00:16:07,691 --> 00:16:09,917 Quite an afternoon, huh? 386 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:11,419 Cathartic in a way. 387 00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:13,162 I'm glad that I got to share it with you. 388 00:16:13,163 --> 00:16:16,046 It makes you think about what's really important. 389 00:16:16,047 --> 00:16:18,281 It's not about showing you're in charge 390 00:16:18,282 --> 00:16:19,995 or flexing some sort of authority. 391 00:16:19,996 --> 00:16:21,244 It's about forgiveness. 392 00:16:21,245 --> 00:16:23,878 And, yes, I'm talking about you three 393 00:16:23,879 --> 00:16:24,952 in this desk clump right here. 394 00:16:24,953 --> 00:16:27,158 I think that, if you were to apologize to me, 395 00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:29,535 then I would revoke your suspension. 396 00:16:29,536 --> 00:16:31,509 I don't think an apology is enough. 397 00:16:31,510 --> 00:16:35,018 I really think the only way for me to learn my lesson 398 00:16:35,019 --> 00:16:36,633 is to take my suspension. 399 00:16:36,634 --> 00:16:39,157 And I got to take this bad attitude, 400 00:16:39,158 --> 00:16:41,608 and I got to go home, and I got to adjust it. 401 00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,395 And I hope the suspension does that. 402 00:16:43,396 --> 00:16:44,942 Prideful idiots. 403 00:16:44,943 --> 00:16:46,191 Watch how it's done. 404 00:16:46,192 --> 00:16:49,594 Gabriel, I apologize. 405 00:16:49,595 --> 00:16:51,367 Great. 406 00:16:52,891 --> 00:16:54,101 I kneel before you. 407 00:16:55,904 --> 00:16:57,523 Guys, I would even take a contrite look 408 00:16:57,524 --> 00:16:58,543 as an apology. 409 00:16:58,544 --> 00:17:00,842 Humbly taking your hand upon which I kiss 410 00:17:00,843 --> 00:17:01,998 to show my contrition. 411 00:17:03,669 --> 00:17:06,989 Guys, to err is human. 412 00:17:12,713 --> 00:17:15,115 Trust is the most important thing to me. 413 00:17:15,116 --> 00:17:16,240 Is your name Andy Bernard? 414 00:17:16,241 --> 00:17:18,612 What's your real name? Lionel frankenstein? 415 00:17:18,613 --> 00:17:20,335 Will you stop walking for one second? 416 00:17:20,919 --> 00:17:22,655 That's it. There's no other secrets. 417 00:17:23,136 --> 00:17:26,509 Okay? I mean, yeah, 418 00:17:26,510 --> 00:17:28,396 my chest is not naturally hairless, 419 00:17:28,397 --> 00:17:30,345 and my parents pay my credit card bill. 420 00:17:30,346 --> 00:17:31,656 How long were you guys together? 421 00:17:32,471 --> 00:17:35,687 - A year. - A year? 422 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,493 You were together for a year. 423 00:17:39,494 --> 00:17:41,325 Yeah. But that's it. 424 00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:42,744 Now you know everything about me. 425 00:17:44,581 --> 00:17:45,400 I promise. 426 00:17:45,401 --> 00:17:46,801 And if I think of anything else... 427 00:17:48,372 --> 00:17:51,160 I think I have to be on my own for a little bit. 428 00:17:51,161 --> 00:17:53,251 Like that girl precious in precious: 429 00:17:53,252 --> 00:17:55,090 Based on the novel push by sapphire. 430 00:17:55,676 --> 00:17:56,760 Okay? 431 00:17:57,776 --> 00:17:58,949 I didn't see that movie. 432 00:18:04,224 --> 00:18:05,061 That was ugly. 433 00:18:05,062 --> 00:18:06,516 I'm sorry that you had to see that. 434 00:18:06,517 --> 00:18:07,632 Do they still get paid? 435 00:18:07,633 --> 00:18:09,173 It's tacky to discuss finances. 436 00:18:09,174 --> 00:18:11,556 It's best to pretend that this never happened. 437 00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:13,696 Sounds like they just got to go home with pay. 438 00:18:13,697 --> 00:18:14,862 - Yeah. - Pathetic. 439 00:18:16,058 --> 00:18:17,797 - Very nice. - Can I buy everyone coffees? 440 00:18:20,407 --> 00:18:22,485 "Or cookies." 441 00:18:22,486 --> 00:18:26,010 - Oh. - What was that? 442 00:18:26,929 --> 00:18:27,911 Was that an impression? 443 00:18:27,912 --> 00:18:28,926 All right. 444 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:30,329 Uh, guys, 445 00:18:30,330 --> 00:18:32,915 I'm now going to apologize 446 00:18:32,916 --> 00:18:34,340 for the mess that we're in. 447 00:18:34,341 --> 00:18:36,762 Because corporate told me to. 448 00:18:38,171 --> 00:18:40,483 I just want you to know I laugh like a crazy person. 449 00:18:40,484 --> 00:18:41,959 Okay. 450 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,523 You got to be able to- you got to be able 451 00:18:43,524 --> 00:18:43,881 to laugh at yourself. 452 00:18:44,711 --> 00:18:45,203 I'm one of the gang. 453 00:18:45,204 --> 00:18:47,318 "I have to go back to the zoo 454 00:18:47,319 --> 00:18:49,067 to the stick insect exhibit." 455 00:18:53,355 --> 00:18:54,156 "Ciao." 456 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,579 Right? "Ciao. 457 00:18:56,580 --> 00:19:00,528 I say ciao 'cause I'm fancy from Tallahassee." 458 00:19:01,727 --> 00:19:03,324 Why don't we say "ciao" to the impressions? 459 00:19:03,848 --> 00:19:05,285 Ciao. 460 00:19:06,074 --> 00:19:08,613 - Ciao. Filming. - Ciao, stick insect. 461 00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,456 Ciao. 462 00:19:11,222 --> 00:19:12,949 God. 463 00:19:15,265 --> 00:19:17,463 - Erin? - Oh. 464 00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:19,721 Sorry. I thought everyone was gone. 465 00:19:19,722 --> 00:19:21,394 No, no, I was just watching cookie monster. 466 00:19:21,395 --> 00:19:23,301 Finally downloaded. Mind if I sit down? 467 00:19:23,302 --> 00:19:25,337 - Yeah. - What's, um... 468 00:19:28,189 --> 00:19:29,559 I can't trust Andy anymore. 469 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,370 Oh. Yep. 470 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,209 I'm sorry about that. 471 00:19:33,210 --> 00:19:35,612 I feel-- I'm sorry I caused that thing. 472 00:19:36,062 --> 00:19:36,746 It's Andy's fault. 473 00:19:36,747 --> 00:19:38,556 Well, yeah, yes. 474 00:19:38,557 --> 00:19:40,517 But I still feel sorry. 475 00:19:43,696 --> 00:19:45,520 Oh. 476 00:19:45,521 --> 00:19:46,857 You know what, I wouldn't worry about Angela. 477 00:19:46,858 --> 00:19:50,362 She's-- she doesn't hold a candle 478 00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:51,436 to you, Erin. 479 00:19:51,437 --> 00:19:55,105 She's old enough to be your mom for one thing, 480 00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:58,980 and she's, like, three feet tall. 481 00:20:00,910 --> 00:20:04,432 And she wears pioneer women clothing. 482 00:20:04,433 --> 00:20:07,542 And I don't think she's ever pooped 483 00:20:07,543 --> 00:20:08,828 in her life. 484 00:20:08,829 --> 00:20:11,840 And Andy, you know, come on. 485 00:20:11,841 --> 00:20:14,550 Andy, his butt looks big in those khakis. 486 00:20:14,551 --> 00:20:16,680 Oh, I like his butt. 487 00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:19,014 You said butt. 488 00:20:19,682 --> 00:20:21,312 - You tricked me. - Ahh! 489 00:20:21,313 --> 00:20:22,792 Ahh. 490 00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:26,693 You said it. You know who'd you love? 491 00:20:26,694 --> 00:20:28,614 Oh, this guy 492 00:20:28,615 --> 00:20:30,317 in my neighborhood, Tom dizemore. 493 00:20:30,318 --> 00:20:34,985 This is him. "Hey! Hey, Scott!" 494 00:20:34,986 --> 00:20:36,891 Sometimes, telling someone something 495 00:20:37,984 --> 00:20:38,702 is hard. 496 00:20:40,452 --> 00:20:44,198 Well, at least somebody made her happy on secretary's day. 497 00:20:45,790 --> 00:20:46,975 Hey, Kevin, it's Oscar. 498 00:20:46,976 --> 00:20:48,479 I'm looking at the sheet you sent me. 499 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,118 And I can't seem to find the column for shipping costs 500 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:54,961 I made the most brilliant the retaliation video. 501 00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,639 It is so awesome. 502 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:58,887 I don't get it. 503 00:20:59,429 --> 00:21:02,019 Yeah, I mean, the Count has a very distinct voice. 504 00:21:02,020 --> 00:21:05,076 Yeah. "I vant to count to ten." 505 00:21:05,077 --> 00:21:06,914 But Oscar is an accountant, 506 00:21:06,915 --> 00:21:09,429 and the Count counts numbers. 507 00:21:09,430 --> 00:21:11,450 Your an accountant too, so, it doesn't... 508 00:21:11,451 --> 00:21:12,750 Why didn't you do Oscar the grouch 509 00:21:12,751 --> 00:21:14,572 that would have been funny. That would have been funny. 510 00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:17,626 But the Count is purple, and Oscar wears purple. 511 00:21:17,627 --> 00:21:19,714 Oh! Oh! I was just watching that. 512 00:21:19,715 --> 00:21:21,325 Did you do that man? 513 00:21:21,326 --> 00:21:22,662 Oscar! 514 00:21:22,663 --> 00:21:24,142 I am the Count... 515 00:21:24,939 --> 00:21:26,295 Nailed him. Nailed him! 516 00:21:26,296 --> 00:21:27,624 Good work cookie monster. 517 00:21:27,625 --> 00:21:29,560 Thank you 518 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:39,960 Sync by dny238 www.addic7ed.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net