1 00:00:01,101 --> 00:00:05,036 This here is a radon test kit, I will be putting them everywhere. 1 00:00:05,101 --> 00:00:09,136 And, please dont throw these out. (Fingers Snapping) 1 00:00:09,201 --> 00:00:10,836 This is a radon test kit. 1 00:00:12,101 --> 00:00:15,036 Please don't throw these out. 2 00:00:15,104 --> 00:00:16,671 See them all over the office. 3 00:00:16,739 --> 00:00:18,907 Toby has been leaving radon kits everywhere, 4 00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:21,670 Like he owns the place. 5 00:00:21,738 --> 00:00:23,759 The first time I threw mine away, 6 00:00:23,827 --> 00:00:25,698 I thought it was an ant trap. 7 00:00:25,766 --> 00:00:27,629 But I figured I'd rather live with ants 8 00:00:27,697 --> 00:00:30,032 Than with his creepy little disk. 9 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:31,465 The second time... 10 00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,532 I thought it was one of those, 11 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,965 You know, the things you turn over, and it moos, 12 00:00:36,032 --> 00:00:37,433 Like a cow thing. 13 00:00:37,501 --> 00:00:40,673 But upon closer examination, 14 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:43,212 It was another ant trap, so I threw it away. 15 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:45,887 And the third time... 16 00:00:45,955 --> 00:00:49,695 I did it out of spite. 17 00:00:49,763 --> 00:00:51,332 - Pfffttt! - Come on, michael. 18 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,536 You're interrupting. 19 00:00:52,604 --> 00:00:54,372 You're kidding me? God! 20 00:00:54,439 --> 00:00:55,873 You say radon is silent but deadly, 21 00:00:55,941 --> 00:00:57,176 And then you expect me 22 00:00:57,244 --> 00:00:58,680 Not to make farting noises with my mouth? 23 00:00:58,748 --> 00:01:00,416 What is this? - Please sit down. 24 00:01:00,484 --> 00:01:01,584 You know, we're not gonna die of radon. 25 00:01:01,652 --> 00:01:03,153 We're gonna die of boredom. 26 00:01:03,221 --> 00:01:04,321 Yeah! 27 00:01:04,389 --> 00:01:05,357 Right? 28 00:01:05,425 --> 00:01:07,395 And if I had a gun with two bullets 29 00:01:07,462 --> 00:01:10,066 And I was in a room with hitler, bin laden, and toby, 30 00:01:10,134 --> 00:01:11,869 I would shoot toby twice. 31 00:01:11,936 --> 00:01:12,870 - No. - No! 32 00:01:12,938 --> 00:01:14,540 - That's not... - Okay. 33 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,275 You were being really funny, and then you went too far. 34 00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:18,244 I would kill bin laden and then toby. 35 00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:19,781 - No, that's still... - Mm-mm. 36 00:01:19,849 --> 00:01:21,852 Okay, geniuses, how would you do it? 37 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:23,221 Curve the bullet 38 00:01:23,289 --> 00:01:26,627 Like in my favorite james mcavoy film, wanted. 39 00:01:26,694 --> 00:01:28,295 All that does is help you shoot around things. 40 00:01:28,363 --> 00:01:30,431 Is there a curtain rod in the room? 41 00:01:30,499 --> 00:01:32,769 - I don't know. - How about make believe land 42 00:01:32,836 --> 00:01:34,437 Has anything you want? 43 00:01:34,504 --> 00:01:36,873 Stanley, please. This is serious! 44 00:01:36,941 --> 00:01:38,341 Is this the thing where they use an icicle 45 00:01:38,409 --> 00:01:39,709 So there's no evidence? 46 00:01:39,777 --> 00:01:41,212 Yes. We stab toby through the heart with an icicle. 47 00:01:41,279 --> 00:01:43,347 Come on. The whole two bullet thing is a red herring. 48 00:01:43,414 --> 00:01:44,515 Here's how you do it. 49 00:01:44,583 --> 00:01:46,384 You line them all up, you take one bullet, 50 00:01:46,452 --> 00:01:49,354 Shoot them all through the throat at the same time. 51 00:01:49,421 --> 00:01:50,921 Watch this. Phyllis, you're hitler. 52 00:01:50,989 --> 00:01:52,857 Come up here. Toby, you're toby. 53 00:01:52,924 --> 00:01:54,558 Andy, you're bin laden. Line up. 54 00:01:54,626 --> 00:01:55,892 I don't wanna do this. Throats together. 55 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,394 toby, just do it! 56 00:01:57,462 --> 00:01:59,030 - Toby, come on. - God! 57 00:01:59,098 --> 00:02:00,632 Ready? One bullet. 58 00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,702 And...Boom! 59 00:02:02,769 --> 00:02:03,870 Puuuhhh! 60 00:02:03,938 --> 00:02:05,573 Puuuhh! 61 00:02:05,641 --> 00:02:07,608 - Yeah, that works. - That works. 62 00:02:07,676 --> 00:02:10,312 Good work. 63 00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:18,391 Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 64 00:02:31,135 --> 00:02:33,169 What flavors did you get? 65 00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:34,671 It's so exciting, pam. 66 00:02:34,739 --> 00:02:36,639 The eagles are doing a theme of ice creams 67 00:02:36,707 --> 00:02:37,907 In honor of turning 60. 68 00:02:37,975 --> 00:02:40,210 "despera-dough. Witchy-womanilla." 69 00:02:40,278 --> 00:02:41,578 Why do they do this? 70 00:02:41,646 --> 00:02:43,213 Do you want me to go back to the store? 71 00:02:43,281 --> 00:02:45,383 No, no, no, it's fine. I was just commenting. 72 00:02:45,450 --> 00:02:47,685 We gotta get these out, open 'em up. 73 00:02:47,753 --> 00:02:48,920 This is all for michael. 74 00:02:48,988 --> 00:02:50,421 Turns out his girlfriend was married. 75 00:02:50,489 --> 00:02:52,557 Yeah. And when michael gets a broken heart, 76 00:02:52,625 --> 00:02:54,059 This whole place comes to a halt, 77 00:02:54,127 --> 00:02:56,495 So we're just trying to get out in front of this. 78 00:02:56,563 --> 00:02:57,663 After his last breakup, 79 00:02:57,731 --> 00:02:59,699 He ate 40,000 calories in three hours. 80 00:02:59,767 --> 00:03:02,035 Right, pam? That's what pam told me. 81 00:03:02,103 --> 00:03:04,505 Yeah. Or no--well-- 82 00:03:04,572 --> 00:03:06,006 I don't know. I'm sorry. 83 00:03:06,074 --> 00:03:07,742 I was up all night with cece, 84 00:03:07,809 --> 00:03:09,744 Otherwise I'd be running this. 85 00:03:09,811 --> 00:03:11,278 That's okay. 86 00:03:11,346 --> 00:03:14,481 You probably shouldn't keep a baby up that late, though. 87 00:03:14,549 --> 00:03:16,050 We have mr. Bean playing in the conference room 88 00:03:16,117 --> 00:03:17,684 And the pink panther movie in his office 89 00:03:17,752 --> 00:03:19,186 With half-hour shifts to watch with him. 90 00:03:19,254 --> 00:03:21,121 And we need bodies in both these rooms, people, 91 00:03:21,189 --> 00:03:22,123 So please sign up. 92 00:03:22,190 --> 00:03:23,358 - He's coming. - Oh. Okay. 93 00:03:23,425 --> 00:03:25,427 Everyone, remember, when he gets like this, 94 00:03:25,494 --> 00:03:27,362 He will wallow if you empathize. 95 00:03:27,430 --> 00:03:28,764 Keep conversations light 96 00:03:28,832 --> 00:03:30,933 And if you get stuck and you don't know what to do, 97 00:03:31,001 --> 00:03:32,501 Make a random sound effect, okay? 98 00:03:32,569 --> 00:03:33,703 Farting noise, whatever. 99 00:03:33,771 --> 00:03:34,771 Okay. 100 00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:35,905 - Hey, everyone. - No, toby! 101 00:03:35,973 --> 00:03:37,440 - No! Out! - Get out right now! 102 00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:38,909 - Leave now. - Leave. Get outta here. 103 00:03:38,977 --> 00:03:40,578 - Please! - Right now. 104 00:03:40,645 --> 00:03:42,613 Oh, and if he makes a joke, 105 00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,048 Just laugh it up, no matter what. 106 00:03:44,116 --> 00:03:45,516 Okay? 107 00:03:47,987 --> 00:03:49,253 Morning, everyone. 108 00:03:49,321 --> 00:03:50,955 Hey! 109 00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:52,056 - Hey! - Hey. 110 00:03:52,124 --> 00:03:54,158 Hello. - Michael. 111 00:03:54,226 --> 00:03:55,727 Nice tie or something. 112 00:03:55,794 --> 00:03:58,262 Oh, thank you. It's reversible, I think. 113 00:03:59,798 --> 00:04:01,132 - That's hilarious. - That's awesome. 114 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,566 You want some ice cream? 115 00:04:02,634 --> 00:04:04,135 Oh--oh, wow! 116 00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:06,003 Are those eagles' flavors? 117 00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:08,573 Cake it to the limit. That's my favorite. 118 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:09,774 I love that. 119 00:04:09,841 --> 00:04:12,176 Too much for me to have by myself. 120 00:04:12,244 --> 00:04:14,078 Anybody wanna share? 121 00:04:14,146 --> 00:04:15,813 Boi-oi-oi-oing! 122 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:18,916 Okay. Well...That's random. 123 00:04:18,984 --> 00:04:22,454 I will dig into those later. 124 00:04:22,521 --> 00:04:23,989 I don't follow this exactly. 125 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:26,291 Uh, "the descendants of any replicants from this union 126 00:04:26,359 --> 00:04:27,359 Shall have"-- 127 00:04:27,427 --> 00:04:29,328 Joint custody. 128 00:04:29,396 --> 00:04:31,832 Are we talking about your grandchildren? 129 00:04:31,899 --> 00:04:33,033 - No. - No. 130 00:04:33,101 --> 00:04:34,435 Rather than spend all day in court, 131 00:04:34,502 --> 00:04:36,403 We've decided to settle our dispute 132 00:04:36,471 --> 00:04:37,605 Using a mediator. 133 00:04:37,673 --> 00:04:38,806 It was an option spelled out 134 00:04:38,874 --> 00:04:40,808 In our child-rearing contract and... 135 00:04:40,876 --> 00:04:42,910 - Alleged contract. - Alleged? 136 00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:45,379 I'm going to own your farm by the time this is over. 137 00:04:45,447 --> 00:04:47,048 Pff. Yeah, just try. 138 00:04:47,115 --> 00:04:49,683 I will do legal jujitsu on you. 139 00:04:49,751 --> 00:04:51,085 - Oh, yeah-- - gaah! 140 00:04:51,152 --> 00:04:52,986 See? Don't even need to make contact. 141 00:04:53,054 --> 00:04:55,422 The law will do it. 142 00:04:55,490 --> 00:04:57,590 So much of this is just impossible to verify. 143 00:04:57,658 --> 00:05:01,060 Item five, point "b"-- uh, the beet juice cleanse. 144 00:05:01,128 --> 00:05:02,562 I'm doing it. You know I am. 145 00:05:02,630 --> 00:05:04,263 It's disgusting! How do we know this? 146 00:05:04,331 --> 00:05:06,265 I'd like to see a stool sample. 147 00:05:06,332 --> 00:05:08,100 Dwight, look at my teeth. 148 00:05:08,168 --> 00:05:09,767 Eh. 149 00:05:09,835 --> 00:05:11,569 No secret crying. 150 00:05:11,637 --> 00:05:14,505 Hasn't even opened the tissue box in there. 151 00:05:14,573 --> 00:05:16,373 Could he still be seeing her? 152 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:17,874 I don't think he'd do that. 153 00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,409 So we're gonna say the most likely scenario 154 00:05:19,477 --> 00:05:21,744 Is that michael matured overnight? 155 00:05:21,812 --> 00:05:24,113 Well, it happened to tom hanks in big. 156 00:05:24,181 --> 00:05:28,318 Exactly. It happened in big. 157 00:05:28,385 --> 00:05:30,286 No, I gotta go. Text me later. 158 00:05:30,354 --> 00:05:32,054 I'm really too tired to do this. 159 00:05:32,122 --> 00:05:33,722 - Me too! - Then let's just not do this! 160 00:05:33,790 --> 00:05:36,825 Do you have any idea the risks involved? 161 00:05:36,893 --> 00:05:38,494 - Hey, michael. - Hey. 162 00:05:38,562 --> 00:05:40,029 We were wondering if you'd like to have 163 00:05:40,096 --> 00:05:41,897 Dinner with us tonight in our home 164 00:05:41,965 --> 00:05:43,232 And play with our baby. 165 00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:45,333 We could order in from hooters. 166 00:05:45,401 --> 00:05:46,769 Oh, hooters to go. Nice. 167 00:05:46,836 --> 00:05:48,638 We can watch a movie. And play rock band. 168 00:05:48,705 --> 00:05:50,840 - Billy joel rock band. - That...Exists? 169 00:05:50,908 --> 00:05:52,108 Yes. 170 00:05:52,176 --> 00:05:54,244 Okay, well, I'll have to take a rain check, 171 00:05:54,311 --> 00:05:56,413 But thanks for the offer. 172 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,814 Michael scott, are you still seeing donna? 173 00:06:00,183 --> 00:06:02,651 Okay, pam... 174 00:06:02,719 --> 00:06:05,087 She's not invisible, so stop asking silly questions. 175 00:06:05,155 --> 00:06:06,589 Oh, michael. 176 00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:08,491 Since when is this an office 177 00:06:08,558 --> 00:06:10,959 Where we delve into each other's personal lives? 178 00:06:11,027 --> 00:06:13,862 I like donna. 179 00:06:13,929 --> 00:06:16,397 Is it wrong to keep seeing her? 180 00:06:16,465 --> 00:06:17,865 Depends on who you ask. 181 00:06:17,933 --> 00:06:20,602 I mean, if you ask her husband... 182 00:06:20,670 --> 00:06:23,972 Or you took a random poll, yeah, it's wrong. 183 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:25,607 That is something I would never do. 184 00:06:25,675 --> 00:06:26,675 Well, I think we all know 185 00:06:26,743 --> 00:06:28,010 What you're capable of, meredith. 186 00:06:28,077 --> 00:06:29,812 Hey, I have never cheated on, been cheated on, 187 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,447 Or been used to cheat with. 188 00:06:31,515 --> 00:06:34,116 I ask...Everyone in the room, 189 00:06:34,184 --> 00:06:38,355 "are you in a relationship?" 190 00:06:38,422 --> 00:06:39,622 People, this is scranton, 191 00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:41,023 And many people consider that to be 192 00:06:41,091 --> 00:06:43,126 The paris of northeastern pennsylvania. 193 00:06:43,193 --> 00:06:44,460 And in paris, 194 00:06:44,528 --> 00:06:46,329 It is rude for a woman to have less than four lovers. 195 00:06:46,397 --> 00:06:47,330 Uhh! Ryan, I do not want you 196 00:06:47,398 --> 00:06:48,331 Hanging out with michael anymore. 197 00:06:48,398 --> 00:06:49,765 Okay. 198 00:06:49,833 --> 00:06:52,534 Okay, I will have you know that I asked donna about this, 199 00:06:52,602 --> 00:06:53,835 And she is fine with it, 200 00:06:53,903 --> 00:06:55,770 And just to be sure, I asked her again afterward. 201 00:06:55,838 --> 00:06:57,772 Same answer. - How does he feel about it? 202 00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,574 He is never gonna find out. 203 00:06:59,642 --> 00:07:01,543 He is a high school baseball coach. 204 00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:05,213 He wakes up early. He goes to bed early. 205 00:07:05,281 --> 00:07:07,649 Look at how long it took for him to find out. 206 00:07:07,717 --> 00:07:09,952 It was right under his nose. I had to tell him! 207 00:07:10,019 --> 00:07:11,654 Now you're just being hurtful. 208 00:07:11,721 --> 00:07:13,956 I'm sorry, it-- why is it okay 209 00:07:14,024 --> 00:07:16,292 For stanley to cheat or for phyllis to cheat 210 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,728 - Hey-- - on...Her diet? 211 00:07:18,796 --> 00:07:21,464 He's a sports guy. He's scummy. 212 00:07:21,531 --> 00:07:23,932 Dogfighting, drugs. They spit. 213 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,100 Did donna tell you that? 214 00:07:25,168 --> 00:07:27,802 Real sports with bryant gumbel. 215 00:07:27,870 --> 00:07:29,237 So you're just making a giant assumption. 216 00:07:29,305 --> 00:07:30,905 You don't even know the guy. You know what? 217 00:07:30,973 --> 00:07:34,375 You know what? I am declaring a moment of silence right now. 218 00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:37,244 Ten minutes of silence honoring michael jackson. 219 00:07:37,312 --> 00:07:41,514 Just sit there and think about michael jackson. 220 00:07:41,582 --> 00:07:43,250 My name is andy bernard, and I'm a cuckold. 221 00:07:43,317 --> 00:07:45,485 For those of you unfamiliar with william shakespeare, 222 00:07:45,553 --> 00:07:48,255 A cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him. 223 00:07:48,323 --> 00:07:50,991 I've lived the part. 224 00:07:51,059 --> 00:07:53,828 And let me tell you, I would so much rather... 225 00:07:53,896 --> 00:07:57,031 Play the part on stage. 226 00:07:57,099 --> 00:07:59,867 So...Here's the thing about infidelity. 227 00:07:59,935 --> 00:08:01,602 Mm, no, no. 228 00:08:01,670 --> 00:08:02,937 When are you people going to stop casting 229 00:08:03,005 --> 00:08:04,205 The first stone? 230 00:08:04,272 --> 00:08:05,573 I am not in the wrong here. 231 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,041 I am the good guy. 232 00:08:07,108 --> 00:08:08,943 How does that work? 233 00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:12,847 Do you think this husband is a super sweet nice guy? 234 00:08:12,914 --> 00:08:15,283 Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. 235 00:08:15,350 --> 00:08:16,784 Why is his wife going off 236 00:08:16,852 --> 00:08:20,120 And having a little something-something with me? 237 00:08:20,188 --> 00:08:24,024 There has to be a problem with him. 238 00:08:24,092 --> 00:08:25,192 In any cheating movie, 239 00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:27,794 The person getting cheated on is the hero. 240 00:08:27,861 --> 00:08:30,463 You're ali larter. I'm beyonce. 241 00:08:30,530 --> 00:08:31,797 I am beyonce always. 242 00:08:31,864 --> 00:08:34,099 - Not this time. - Yes, I am. 243 00:08:34,166 --> 00:08:36,067 This guy's a high school baseball coach, right? 244 00:08:36,134 --> 00:08:37,401 Let's go check him out, 245 00:08:37,469 --> 00:08:38,536 See what a horrible person he is. 246 00:08:38,604 --> 00:08:40,304 - I would love that. - Yeah. 247 00:08:40,372 --> 00:08:41,772 Those teams have games and practices every day. 248 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,241 Let's go check it out. I have work to do. 249 00:08:44,309 --> 00:08:47,111 Oh, really? I thought you were the boss. 250 00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:49,413 Let's go. 251 00:08:49,481 --> 00:08:51,315 I can't wait to see this jerk 252 00:08:51,382 --> 00:08:52,817 Who is making me cheat on his wife. 253 00:08:52,884 --> 00:08:54,118 Should punch him in the nose 254 00:08:54,186 --> 00:08:56,720 For what he's making me do to her. 255 00:09:01,043 --> 00:09:02,676 * bum bum bum bum * 256 00:09:02,744 --> 00:09:04,145 * bum bum bum bum * 257 00:09:04,212 --> 00:09:05,579 * bum bum bum bum * - all right, andy, please. 258 00:09:05,647 --> 00:09:07,314 - Baseball! - Shh! 259 00:09:07,382 --> 00:09:11,451 Try not to draw attention, please. 260 00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:12,618 That's him. That's him. 261 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,287 - Where? - Right there. The coach! 262 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,989 Stage right or stage left? 263 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,423 I played batboy in damn yankees! 264 00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:19,924 Right there. Look, look. 265 00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:21,926 Follow my finger. Okay? See? 266 00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:23,594 The grownup by the base? 267 00:09:23,662 --> 00:09:25,796 and now, coaching third base 268 00:09:25,864 --> 00:09:28,099 With two arms, two legs, and no heart. 269 00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,968 Capable of feeling pain. All right. 270 00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:31,536 Can you just-- 271 00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:33,538 Can you just act normal for a second, please? 272 00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:36,675 Whatever. I'm the one blending in. 273 00:09:45,286 --> 00:09:46,286 Guys? 274 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,754 - Pam. - Mm. Hey. 275 00:09:47,822 --> 00:09:49,222 Oh, hi, gabe. 276 00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:51,557 Can you two please join me in my office? 277 00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:53,727 Now. 278 00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,166 You were supposed to be the lookout. 279 00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:00,567 Yeah. Well, it's really warm in here. 280 00:10:00,635 --> 00:10:02,469 It's like a sleeping bag. 281 00:10:02,537 --> 00:10:04,071 I don't wanna be the heavy here, 282 00:10:04,139 --> 00:10:07,174 But honestly, guys, this makes us all look bad. 283 00:10:07,242 --> 00:10:09,076 - Sorry about that. - So embarrassing. 284 00:10:09,143 --> 00:10:11,378 Good. Okay. 285 00:10:11,446 --> 00:10:13,580 End of the dressing down. 286 00:10:13,648 --> 00:10:15,481 I just hate that part of the job, you know, 287 00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:17,683 The power dynamics. 288 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,152 Well, you were surprisingly restrained. 289 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,020 We will be well-rested tomorrow. 290 00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,355 Okay. That's great, actually, 291 00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,023 Because I wanted to talk to you about something else. 292 00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:25,725 Excellent. Go for it. 293 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,726 I'm sure you got my email about the printer fires. 294 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,795 The one with the branching decision tree? 295 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,230 I actually designed that chart. 296 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,099 Kinda hoping it catches on. 297 00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:34,834 Anyway, the question is, 298 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,269 What is the best way 299 00:10:36,337 --> 00:10:39,540 To disseminate important information in an efficient way? 300 00:10:39,608 --> 00:10:43,244 Right? So, uh, let's, uh... 301 00:10:43,312 --> 00:10:44,578 Finally there's a provision here 302 00:10:44,646 --> 00:10:46,914 In the occurrence that the child is born an old man, 303 00:10:46,982 --> 00:10:48,283 A la benjamin button. 304 00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:49,984 - Same page. - Same page. Go to the next one. 305 00:10:50,052 --> 00:10:51,419 Just keep moving. 306 00:10:51,487 --> 00:10:53,020 Despite the provision covering 307 00:10:53,088 --> 00:10:54,722 Whether this is all part of the matrix-- 308 00:10:54,790 --> 00:10:56,224 Which we can't know. 309 00:10:56,291 --> 00:10:58,692 - This is essentially... - Unless we're unplugged. 310 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,929 Equivalent to a donor or surrogate contractor. 311 00:11:01,997 --> 00:11:03,397 And wake up in the future. 312 00:11:03,465 --> 00:11:05,766 Which is actually pretty common. 313 00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:10,071 So I have to tell you that this is a solid contract. 314 00:11:10,138 --> 00:11:11,172 What? 315 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:12,573 Look, I can't enforce 316 00:11:12,641 --> 00:11:14,575 That anybody have a child with anyone else. 317 00:11:14,643 --> 00:11:16,577 - What? - So essentially, 318 00:11:16,645 --> 00:11:18,446 This comes down to damages. 319 00:11:18,514 --> 00:11:22,417 Now, there is some precedence for the range of $30,000. 320 00:11:22,485 --> 00:11:23,618 What? 321 00:11:23,686 --> 00:11:25,854 I don't have $30, 000 lying around. 322 00:11:25,921 --> 00:11:27,689 I have it buried very deeply, 323 00:11:27,757 --> 00:11:31,559 And I don't want to dig past a certain someone to get it. 324 00:11:31,627 --> 00:11:34,262 Chase dixon is up. Could be a big play. 325 00:11:34,330 --> 00:11:35,330 You have no idea what you're talking about. 326 00:11:35,397 --> 00:11:36,831 I know it's like cricket. 327 00:11:36,899 --> 00:11:38,098 - You don't. No, no. - And it's--there's-- 328 00:11:38,166 --> 00:11:40,267 Well, home plate is like a wicket. 329 00:11:40,335 --> 00:11:42,436 - You don't know. You don't- - you don't know anything. 330 00:11:42,503 --> 00:11:43,970 Look at him. Look at him over there. 331 00:11:44,038 --> 00:11:47,874 High-fiving? He didn't even do anything. 332 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:50,910 Kid did all the work. I bet he does that at home. 333 00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:54,314 I bet it's like, "hey, donna, why don't you wash the dishes? 334 00:11:54,382 --> 00:11:55,782 "high-five, donna. 335 00:11:55,850 --> 00:11:57,417 "hey, why don't you bring me my slippers? 336 00:11:57,485 --> 00:11:59,786 High-five. I'm taking all the credit." 337 00:11:59,854 --> 00:12:01,488 Seems pretty well liked by the team. 338 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:05,125 Okay, well, that's because he's paying their salary. 339 00:12:05,193 --> 00:12:08,429 You do know that high school coaches 340 00:12:08,497 --> 00:12:10,131 Don't pay their players. I know, I know, I know. 341 00:12:10,199 --> 00:12:12,500 It--I'm--it- that was a euphemism. 342 00:12:12,568 --> 00:12:14,736 $30,000? There's gotta be another way. 343 00:12:14,804 --> 00:12:18,072 He has a 60-acre beet farm that is worth a small fortune. 344 00:12:18,140 --> 00:12:19,641 Look, I will not pay. 345 00:12:19,708 --> 00:12:23,511 Well, I have an alternative. 346 00:12:23,578 --> 00:12:24,845 "intercourse to completion. 347 00:12:24,913 --> 00:12:27,148 Five individual times rendered at my discretion"? 348 00:12:27,215 --> 00:12:28,749 Look, I don't think that's actually legal. 349 00:12:28,817 --> 00:12:31,919 Agreed. 350 00:12:31,987 --> 00:12:33,687 Five times for $30,000? 351 00:12:33,755 --> 00:12:37,858 Not a bad stud fee. Better than most horses. 352 00:12:37,926 --> 00:12:39,793 But not in your bed. It's lumpy. 353 00:12:39,861 --> 00:12:41,695 Those lumps are cats, and those cats have names, 354 00:12:41,763 --> 00:12:44,664 And those names are ember, milky way, diane, and lumpy. 355 00:12:44,732 --> 00:12:46,700 Fine. Five times. 356 00:12:46,768 --> 00:12:48,369 Look, I can't legally watch this unfold. 357 00:12:48,436 --> 00:12:51,005 It's coming a little dangerously close to prostitution. 358 00:12:51,072 --> 00:12:53,007 - I want eye contact. - No. 359 00:12:53,074 --> 00:12:54,174 - Yes. - Do you understand 360 00:12:54,242 --> 00:12:55,309 How rare that is in nature? 361 00:12:55,377 --> 00:12:58,379 I'm not some farm animal. 362 00:13:00,682 --> 00:13:03,151 Great game, coach. Shh! Okay, all right. 363 00:13:03,218 --> 00:13:04,152 Don't--don't-- 364 00:13:04,219 --> 00:13:05,386 You guys are awesome! 365 00:13:05,454 --> 00:13:07,822 Best game I've ever seen in my life. 366 00:13:07,890 --> 00:13:09,958 Yeah, right. You must be rootin' for the other guys. 367 00:13:10,025 --> 00:13:11,726 Ha. The other guys can go die. 368 00:13:11,794 --> 00:13:13,061 - okay. - Baseball! 369 00:13:13,128 --> 00:13:15,496 Go talk to him. - No. God. You go talk to him. 370 00:13:15,564 --> 00:13:17,732 - Let's go. - Shane. 371 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,968 Great game, man. 372 00:13:20,035 --> 00:13:21,235 Do I know you? 373 00:13:21,303 --> 00:13:24,505 No. Uh, just big fans. Both of us. 374 00:13:24,573 --> 00:13:26,507 Are somebody's...Parents? 375 00:13:26,575 --> 00:13:28,475 Oh, are you guys... 376 00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,077 Kenny's dads? 377 00:13:30,145 --> 00:13:31,512 Ha. No. No. 378 00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:34,182 But we're gay for baseball. 379 00:13:34,249 --> 00:13:35,716 - Okay. - But I have a wife, actually, 380 00:13:35,784 --> 00:13:37,585 Who I really love a lot. - Okay. 381 00:13:37,653 --> 00:13:38,753 Yeah. 382 00:13:38,821 --> 00:13:40,788 I am so into the institution of marriage. 383 00:13:40,856 --> 00:13:42,156 Whoa! 384 00:13:42,224 --> 00:13:43,925 I mean, isn't marriage the best, you know? 385 00:13:43,992 --> 00:13:46,060 Two good people finding each other, 386 00:13:46,128 --> 00:13:49,730 Getting all committed to each other. 387 00:13:49,798 --> 00:13:51,598 So you love baseball. What else do you love? 388 00:13:51,666 --> 00:13:53,233 Let's round you out as a person. 389 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,767 Hey, I'm really sorry, I'm just trying to... 390 00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,202 Focus here on the game. 391 00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,603 I get it, man. I love it. 392 00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,072 That's what makes you a good coach. 393 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,273 You know, but as a fan, it just helps me 394 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:05,377 Enjoy the game better if I know the coach loves his wife. 395 00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:08,046 Of course. Okay? I gotta... Get back to this. 396 00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,348 - Of course. - All right. 397 00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:11,516 But real quick, I want you to meet my associate. 398 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:12,685 Sheldon! - No, no, no. 399 00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,020 - Come on, get over here. - I'm good. 400 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,521 Oh, my god. - Get over here. 401 00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:17,790 Sheldon, say hi to the nice coach. 402 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,258 Sorry. I got some stomach cramps. 403 00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,193 It's all right, all right, just keep it going! 404 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,795 Well, that was not at all what I expected. 405 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,731 Hoo hoo! 406 00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:26,866 Whoo. My heart's still racing. 407 00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:30,403 I just looked a man in the eyes and I shook his hand. 408 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,738 All the time I was thinking, "I'm sleeping with your wife." 409 00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:36,508 And you know who does that? James freakin' bond. 410 00:14:37,849 --> 00:14:39,750 Okay, orange slices. 411 00:14:39,818 --> 00:14:41,318 There ya go. - Thanks, michael. 412 00:14:41,386 --> 00:14:43,787 Don't thank me. Thank dylan's mom. 413 00:14:43,855 --> 00:14:45,122 Here you go! Oh! 414 00:14:45,190 --> 00:14:46,757 Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo! 415 00:14:46,825 --> 00:14:48,426 Why would you throw something wet at me? 416 00:14:48,494 --> 00:14:50,462 You love it. There ya go. 417 00:14:50,530 --> 00:14:52,197 Now, were those for the team? 418 00:14:52,264 --> 00:14:55,166 Uh, no, they didn't say team. They just said coal hawks. 419 00:14:55,234 --> 00:14:56,201 - Ah. - I don't think those 420 00:14:56,268 --> 00:14:57,402 Were yours to take. 421 00:14:57,470 --> 00:14:59,037 Well, then it wouldn't be the first time 422 00:14:59,105 --> 00:15:00,872 I stole something away from coach shane. 423 00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:02,674 I just wanna go on record as saying 424 00:15:02,742 --> 00:15:04,509 That I do not condone this affair, 425 00:15:04,577 --> 00:15:05,978 And I even went so far 426 00:15:06,045 --> 00:15:08,913 As to force michael to confront the victim of his behavior. 427 00:15:08,981 --> 00:15:11,382 - Did you talk to him? - I did. 428 00:15:11,450 --> 00:15:12,550 You talked to the man 429 00:15:12,618 --> 00:15:14,586 Whose wife you're having an affair with. 430 00:15:14,653 --> 00:15:16,922 - Wow. That is crazy. - Was there a fistfight? 431 00:15:16,989 --> 00:15:19,524 No. We just talked. He's very nice. 432 00:15:19,592 --> 00:15:21,059 And it didn't change your mind. 433 00:15:21,126 --> 00:15:23,094 - It did not. - Michael, that's awful. 434 00:15:23,162 --> 00:15:24,562 - Isn't it? - Yes. 435 00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:26,364 - I'm awful, aren't I? - Yeah. 436 00:15:26,431 --> 00:15:27,598 That's pretty bad. I'm an awful guy! Ooh! 437 00:15:27,666 --> 00:15:29,467 How can you live with yourself? 438 00:15:29,534 --> 00:15:31,402 I am what I am, oscar. 439 00:15:31,470 --> 00:15:33,404 And I want what I want. 440 00:15:33,472 --> 00:15:35,807 And right now, I want a piece of cake. 441 00:15:35,875 --> 00:15:37,275 From now on, when I'm hungry, 442 00:15:37,343 --> 00:15:39,478 I am going to eat whatever I am hungry for. 443 00:15:39,546 --> 00:15:42,481 That is a dangerous game, friendo. 444 00:15:42,549 --> 00:15:43,949 Well, because I thought that it was a book 445 00:15:44,017 --> 00:15:45,584 About anthropology the store. 446 00:15:45,652 --> 00:15:47,553 I don't know why you were in that part of the bookstore. 447 00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:49,254 'cause it's next to the baby section, okay? 448 00:15:49,322 --> 00:15:50,522 All right, that makes more sense. 449 00:15:50,589 --> 00:15:51,823 You should have said that at the beginning 450 00:15:51,891 --> 00:15:53,391 When you said, " I read a book about anthropology." 451 00:15:53,459 --> 00:15:55,126 I don't really know why you're screaming at me right now. 452 00:15:55,194 --> 00:15:56,727 - I'm not scream- - I'm not screaming. 453 00:15:56,795 --> 00:15:58,829 That's meredith's cake. It's her birthday. 454 00:15:58,897 --> 00:16:00,297 I don't care. 455 00:16:00,364 --> 00:16:04,067 I have an appetite for life! 456 00:16:04,134 --> 00:16:05,935 Mmm. 457 00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:07,437 Mmm! Oh, god. 458 00:16:07,504 --> 00:16:09,172 That's lemon. 459 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,908 Good for you, man. 460 00:16:11,976 --> 00:16:14,745 Good for you. 461 00:16:17,215 --> 00:16:20,518 He takes what he wants. 462 00:16:22,021 --> 00:16:23,421 You know what? 463 00:16:23,489 --> 00:16:26,024 I think you're attractive, and I wanna sleep with you. 464 00:16:26,092 --> 00:16:27,493 What about kelly? 465 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,194 You read my mind. 466 00:16:29,262 --> 00:16:30,862 is this a joke? 467 00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:34,066 Yep. 468 00:16:35,401 --> 00:16:36,701 It's hard to live that way, man. 469 00:16:36,769 --> 00:16:39,004 You gotta really not care what people think about you. 470 00:16:39,071 --> 00:16:40,739 I-I don't know how you do it, michael, 471 00:16:40,807 --> 00:16:43,908 I-I-I can't be that cold. 472 00:16:43,976 --> 00:16:46,111 You'll learn, baby. You'll learn. 473 00:16:52,551 --> 00:16:55,820 I am an honorable man, and I will honor the contract. 474 00:16:55,888 --> 00:16:58,157 But I don't have to give her the good stuff. 475 00:16:58,224 --> 00:16:59,658 Schrute sperm are strong, 476 00:16:59,726 --> 00:17:01,494 But they're no match for a grown schrute man. 477 00:17:02,963 --> 00:17:04,997 let's see what she gets. 478 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,467 aah! 479 00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:12,238 Uh, boss, we're out of paper. 480 00:17:12,305 --> 00:17:14,106 - Yeah, I noticed that. - Are you gonna add any more? 481 00:17:14,173 --> 00:17:15,740 Nope. 482 00:17:15,808 --> 00:17:18,109 He don't give an "f" about nothin'! 483 00:17:18,177 --> 00:17:21,078 I have got big balls. 484 00:17:21,146 --> 00:17:23,347 I don't think I'm gonna make it. 485 00:17:23,415 --> 00:17:25,515 what about an energy drink or something? 486 00:17:25,582 --> 00:17:26,782 It gets in the breast milk. 487 00:17:26,850 --> 00:17:29,117 If I drink it, cece drinks it six hours later. 488 00:17:29,185 --> 00:17:30,419 Well, it doesn't mean I can't drink it. 489 00:17:30,486 --> 00:17:31,720 Well, it does and it doesn't. 490 00:17:31,788 --> 00:17:33,688 Probably shouldn't tell you this, 491 00:17:33,756 --> 00:17:36,525 But a lotta guys in the warehouse 492 00:17:36,593 --> 00:17:40,029 Work multiple jobs, so... We have a place. 493 00:17:40,097 --> 00:17:42,765 - A place? - A restful location. 494 00:17:42,833 --> 00:17:45,401 Talk to glen. He'll take you up in the lift. 495 00:17:45,469 --> 00:17:47,804 You sleep in the warehouse? 496 00:17:47,871 --> 00:17:50,940 Lightbulb's burnt out, so it's dark. 497 00:17:51,007 --> 00:17:53,042 And the heat from the backup generator 498 00:17:53,109 --> 00:17:54,910 Keeps it nice and warm. 499 00:17:54,978 --> 00:17:56,078 Sometimes I think about it 500 00:17:56,146 --> 00:17:58,080 When I'm trying to fall asleep at home. 501 00:17:58,148 --> 00:18:00,249 But as far as the rest of the office goes, 502 00:18:00,317 --> 00:18:02,718 It doesn't exist, okay? 503 00:18:02,786 --> 00:18:04,153 - Okay. - Pam. 504 00:18:04,221 --> 00:18:06,055 Okay. 505 00:18:06,123 --> 00:18:08,724 - For your signature. - Okay. 506 00:18:15,099 --> 00:18:17,434 Phyllis. 507 00:18:17,501 --> 00:18:20,837 Okay. Look at me. 508 00:18:20,905 --> 00:18:23,039 Phyllis, look at-- 509 00:18:23,107 --> 00:18:25,675 Okay, that's... 510 00:18:25,743 --> 00:18:27,010 All right, all right. 511 00:18:27,077 --> 00:18:29,712 You know what? I'm sick of this. 512 00:18:29,780 --> 00:18:32,515 I'm sick of the little disapproving head shakes. 513 00:18:32,583 --> 00:18:35,250 If you think that's going to have any effect on me, 514 00:18:35,318 --> 00:18:36,485 It will not. 515 00:18:36,553 --> 00:18:38,020 I am going to leave right now 516 00:18:38,088 --> 00:18:40,622 And go to a motel to meet donna. 517 00:18:40,690 --> 00:18:42,291 Why not your condo? 518 00:18:42,358 --> 00:18:46,060 Because a motel is dirty and it is sexy. 519 00:18:46,128 --> 00:18:49,030 Like me. And like donna. 520 00:18:49,098 --> 00:18:51,032 And frankly, the stuff that we're into 521 00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:52,433 Isn't very condo-appropriate. 522 00:18:52,501 --> 00:18:54,436 Oh, michael, will you drop it? 523 00:18:54,503 --> 00:18:55,804 Everybody's spoken their mind, 524 00:18:55,871 --> 00:18:57,138 And no one's changing their mind. 525 00:18:57,206 --> 00:18:59,374 Okay, morgan freeman-narrating-everything. 526 00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:00,909 Do you want someone to stop you? 527 00:19:00,977 --> 00:19:05,681 'cause no one's going to. Nobody better try to stop me. 528 00:19:05,748 --> 00:19:07,450 Good. 529 00:19:07,517 --> 00:19:10,152 I could have stopped him. 530 00:19:16,758 --> 00:19:18,525 - Are you warmed up? - No. 531 00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:22,128 God, angela, why is that always my responsibility? 532 00:19:23,264 --> 00:19:24,364 What did you do to yourself? 533 00:19:24,432 --> 00:19:26,299 Never mind. Just never mind. 534 00:19:26,367 --> 00:19:28,601 - Well, it better work. - Oh, it'll work. 535 00:19:28,669 --> 00:19:31,037 Mm. Stop kissing me. 536 00:19:31,105 --> 00:19:33,006 It's not in the contract. 537 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,678 How do I feel about breaking up with donna? 538 00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:17,349 Good. Moral. I feel proud. 539 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,852 like a grownup. 540 00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:24,190 That was not easy because I really liked her a lot. 541 00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,024 And I'm a little bit emotional right now 542 00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:29,361 Because I know that I absolutely 543 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,762 Made the right decision. 544 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:35,233 At the end of the day, we have to do what's right. 545 00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:37,669 And it was either living with myself 546 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:41,171 Or...Being happy. 547 00:20:43,074 --> 00:20:45,842 And I picked... 548 00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:48,711 The... 549 00:20:48,779 --> 00:20:51,714 Former. 550 00:20:53,574 --> 00:20:55,809 - Michael scott? - Yes? 551 00:20:55,876 --> 00:20:57,944 Do you wanna make a comment on the rumors? 552 00:20:58,011 --> 00:20:59,912 um... 553 00:20:59,980 --> 00:21:02,379 I have done some very bad things, 554 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,279 Things of which I am not proud. 555 00:21:05,780 --> 00:21:08,779 I would like to publicly apologize to.. 556 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:011,979 the coach and the players. 557 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:017,600 and I vow to never listen to 558 00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:019,579 my bodily instincts ever again. 559 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:023,679 I am talking the Sabra printers that catch on fire. 560 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:027,979 Oh! ok. I was talking about the.. What the.. What's going on? 554 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:30,680 Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net