1 00:00:05,408 --> 00:00:06,528 - Uh-oh. 2 00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:07,848 Okay, okay, nobody panic. 3 00:00:07,848 --> 00:00:10,688 Listen up, listen up. 4 00:00:10,688 --> 00:00:12,688 Everyone, follow me to the shelter. 5 00:00:12,688 --> 00:00:14,848 We've got enough food for 14 days. 6 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,608 After that, we have a difficult conversation. 7 00:00:17,608 --> 00:00:18,728 - My bad. 8 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688 Space Heater and Fan were both on high, 9 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:23,488 plugged into the same outlet, so... 10 00:00:23,488 --> 00:00:25,168 - uh, it's saying the server went down? 11 00:00:25,168 --> 00:00:27,488 Does Anybody know that password? 12 00:00:27,488 --> 00:00:28,808 'cause otherwise, we can't do any work. 13 00:00:28,808 --> 00:00:31,248 - Uh...try "password." 14 00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:32,208 - Nope. 15 00:00:32,208 --> 00:00:35,768 - Try zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, zero. 16 00:00:35,768 --> 00:00:37,408 - No. 17 00:00:37,408 --> 00:00:41,288 - Okay, now try Zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, one. 18 00:00:41,288 --> 00:00:42,848 - Okay, I'm not doing every number. 19 00:00:42,848 --> 00:00:45,408 - Wait, um, does anyone remember when it was set up? 20 00:00:45,408 --> 00:00:48,288 - Uh...it was, like, eight years ago? 21 00:00:48,288 --> 00:00:49,808 - Lord of the rings stuff? 22 00:00:49,808 --> 00:00:51,208 I don't know, I'm just trying to think of things 23 00:00:51,208 --> 00:00:52,768 that were happening at the time. 24 00:00:52,768 --> 00:00:54,768 - Um, everyone was getting their driver's license. 25 00:00:54,768 --> 00:00:58,128 - Why don't we just call the I.T. Guy who set it up? 26 00:00:58,128 --> 00:00:59,448 What's the name of the guy in Glasses, again? 27 00:00:59,448 --> 00:01:02,248 - Okay, moving backwards, our I.T. Guys have been... 28 00:01:02,248 --> 00:01:04,768 glasses, turban, ear hair, 29 00:01:04,768 --> 00:01:07,408 fatty 3, shorts, fatty 2, lozenge, 30 00:01:07,408 --> 00:01:08,688 and fatso. 31 00:01:08,688 --> 00:01:11,408 I think lozenge was the one who installed it. 32 00:01:11,408 --> 00:01:12,408 - I got it. 33 00:01:12,408 --> 00:01:16,208 Try, um-- [coughs] 34 00:01:16,208 --> 00:01:18,768 - you know what, it made me laugh when I heard it, 35 00:01:18,768 --> 00:01:20,168 but Pam got really offended. 36 00:01:20,168 --> 00:01:23,168 - Big boobs. 37 00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:24,168 - Drama queen? 38 00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:25,848 - Nosy? 39 00:01:25,848 --> 00:01:27,168 - You're typing "big boobs"? 40 00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:28,168 - I'm trying everything. 41 00:01:28,168 --> 00:01:29,488 - Try "big boobs" with a "z." 42 00:01:29,488 --> 00:01:30,488 - That's-- 43 00:01:30,488 --> 00:01:32,408 [ding] the password. We're in. 44 00:01:32,408 --> 00:01:33,648 - All right. - Wow. 45 00:01:33,648 --> 00:01:34,648 - Yes. 46 00:01:34,648 --> 00:01:35,648 - The important thing is... 47 00:01:35,648 --> 00:01:40,488 this kept us secure, people. 48 00:01:40,488 --> 00:01:44,608 [cheerful music] 49 00:01:44,608 --> 00:02:06,568 ♪ ♪ 50 00:02:06,568 --> 00:02:10,328 - Morning. - How's it going? 51 00:02:10,328 --> 00:02:11,928 - Hey, I'm wuphf. - I'm facebook. 52 00:02:11,928 --> 00:02:13,088 - What's up, facebook? 53 00:02:13,088 --> 00:02:15,008 - I sent you a facebook message yesterday, 54 00:02:15,008 --> 00:02:16,328 I still haven't heard anything back. 55 00:02:16,328 --> 00:02:17,328 - You should've sent me a wuphf. 56 00:02:17,328 --> 00:02:18,328 - A what? 57 00:02:18,328 --> 00:02:19,288 - When you send a wuphf, 58 00:02:19,288 --> 00:02:20,408 it goes to your home phone, cell phone, 59 00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:22,408 Email, Facebook, twitter, and home screen. 60 00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:23,408 All at the same time. 61 00:02:23,408 --> 00:02:24,728 [phone rings] 62 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,088 [melodic tone] 63 00:02:26,088 --> 00:02:27,088 [robotic voice] Wuphf. 64 00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:28,088 [together] - Wuphf! 65 00:02:28,088 --> 00:02:35,888 - Dot-com! 66 00:02:35,888 --> 00:02:37,128 - Thanks, Erin. 67 00:02:37,128 --> 00:02:40,328 - Sure. 68 00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:41,888 Pam. - Mm-hmm? 69 00:02:41,888 --> 00:02:43,048 - I don't wanna be a lousy snitch. 70 00:02:43,048 --> 00:02:45,168 - Okay. 71 00:02:45,168 --> 00:02:47,328 - Ryan has been using the color printer for his business a lot, 72 00:02:47,328 --> 00:02:48,328 and as office administrator-- 73 00:02:48,328 --> 00:02:49,448 - Oh, it's okay. 74 00:02:49,448 --> 00:02:51,328 - But it's not for-- 75 00:02:51,328 --> 00:02:52,448 - let it go. 76 00:02:52,448 --> 00:02:54,168 - Yes, I invested in wuphf. 77 00:02:54,168 --> 00:02:55,728 It's actually a really great idea, 78 00:02:55,728 --> 00:02:57,928 and I can't believe it didn't exist before. 79 00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,168 And I know Ryan's kind of a sketchy guy, 80 00:03:00,168 --> 00:03:01,688 but Hey, I married Jim. 81 00:03:01,688 --> 00:03:03,328 I've done my part for the nice guy. 82 00:03:03,328 --> 00:03:05,008 Now I want a bedroom set. 83 00:03:05,008 --> 00:03:07,168 - I think an INVESTORS ski trip, frankly, 84 00:03:07,168 --> 00:03:09,488 is the best idea. 85 00:03:09,488 --> 00:03:11,248 It will be a bonding experience. 86 00:03:11,248 --> 00:03:12,368 - I love it. 87 00:03:12,368 --> 00:03:13,888 - I was looking at a Trail map, 88 00:03:13,888 --> 00:03:15,688 and I was thinking that We should start on a Bunny hill, 89 00:03:15,688 --> 00:03:17,648 because I've never actually been skiing. 90 00:03:17,648 --> 00:03:19,528 And then work our way up 91 00:03:19,528 --> 00:03:21,848 to death drop. 92 00:03:21,848 --> 00:03:24,408 - Great, so we got our first offer to buy the company. 93 00:03:24,408 --> 00:03:25,408 [slaps desk] - You're kidding. 94 00:03:25,408 --> 00:03:27,968 - We could sell, but why think so small? 95 00:03:27,968 --> 00:03:30,328 We can just get a couple more people involved, 96 00:03:30,328 --> 00:03:31,328 really do this thing our way. 97 00:03:31,328 --> 00:03:32,568 - You and me, baby. 98 00:03:32,568 --> 00:03:33,648 - New Investors are key, though. 99 00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,168 That's actually why I came in today. 100 00:03:35,168 --> 00:03:37,248 - Don't you work here full time? 101 00:03:37,248 --> 00:03:38,288 - [chuckles] 102 00:03:38,288 --> 00:03:39,728 Today I was thinking I would sit down 103 00:03:39,728 --> 00:03:41,248 with a few of the people who haven't invested yet. 104 00:03:41,248 --> 00:03:43,408 - Mm-hmm. - Or we could do that together. 105 00:03:43,408 --> 00:03:44,568 If that sounds fun to you. 106 00:03:44,568 --> 00:03:46,808 - That does sound fun to me. 107 00:03:46,808 --> 00:03:50,208 - Awesome. 108 00:03:50,208 --> 00:03:51,688 - Ah, this is good hay. 109 00:03:51,688 --> 00:03:53,288 Yeah. 110 00:03:53,288 --> 00:03:55,648 This is the good stuff. Mattress quality. 111 00:03:55,648 --> 00:03:57,328 Every fall, growing up, 112 00:03:57,328 --> 00:04:00,168 my Uncle Eldred used to build us a Maze out of hay Bales 113 00:04:00,168 --> 00:04:01,768 for us kids to play in. 114 00:04:01,768 --> 00:04:03,848 We called it hay place. 115 00:04:03,848 --> 00:04:05,608 Eldred called it hay world. 116 00:04:05,608 --> 00:04:07,688 Eventually, lawyers were brought in. 117 00:04:07,688 --> 00:04:10,128 But that's all behind us. 118 00:04:10,128 --> 00:04:12,328 Hay place lives on. 119 00:04:12,328 --> 00:04:14,448 Watch it, watch it. 120 00:04:14,448 --> 00:04:16,328 Hello! Welcome to hay place. 121 00:04:16,328 --> 00:04:17,848 A place for hay. 122 00:04:17,848 --> 00:04:19,328 - Don't forget to make a Broom. 123 00:04:19,328 --> 00:04:21,168 - Oh, the petting zoo closes at 2:00, 124 00:04:21,168 --> 00:04:23,128 and the goat roast is at 3:00. 125 00:04:23,128 --> 00:04:24,688 Come on in, enjoy! 126 00:04:24,688 --> 00:04:26,208 - Hey. 127 00:04:26,208 --> 00:04:29,488 I'm kind of in the mood for a roll in the hay. 128 00:04:29,488 --> 00:04:31,328 - Roll in the hay, five dollars. 129 00:04:31,328 --> 00:04:34,328 - No, I meant... 130 00:04:34,328 --> 00:04:36,168 - Oh, our contract. 131 00:04:36,168 --> 00:04:37,408 - Mm-hmm. 132 00:04:37,408 --> 00:04:40,408 - Yes, why don't we meet at the usual spot. 133 00:04:40,408 --> 00:04:42,648 Uh... 134 00:04:42,648 --> 00:04:44,168 I've got a half an hour during lunch 135 00:04:44,168 --> 00:04:45,608 in-between the historical reenactment 136 00:04:45,608 --> 00:04:48,248 of the dunmore farm slaughters and the onion boil. 137 00:04:48,248 --> 00:04:49,328 - Perfect. - So, uh... 138 00:04:49,328 --> 00:04:50,448 excuse me, get off of there. 139 00:04:50,448 --> 00:04:53,608 Those are show Bales, not play Bales. 140 00:04:53,608 --> 00:04:54,888 - All right, Thank you, I will-- 141 00:04:54,888 --> 00:04:56,968 I will send the contracts over right away. 142 00:04:56,968 --> 00:05:03,248 All right. 143 00:05:03,248 --> 00:05:05,328 Whoo! 144 00:05:05,328 --> 00:05:07,208 I am on the first hot sale streak of my life. 145 00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:08,768 I think it all comes from feeding cece, 146 00:05:08,768 --> 00:05:11,328 because no matter how much she resists, 147 00:05:11,328 --> 00:05:13,168 I sell her those carrots. 148 00:05:13,168 --> 00:05:14,448 Let's be honest-- 149 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:17,608 if I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob... 150 00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:20,288 I can pretty much sell anything. 151 00:05:20,288 --> 00:05:22,408 - Commission comes out to... 152 00:05:22,408 --> 00:05:24,648 dunh-duh-na-dah! 153 00:05:24,648 --> 00:05:26,008 Zero. 154 00:05:26,008 --> 00:05:27,968 - Mm-Kay, Well, it can't be zero, kev. 155 00:05:27,968 --> 00:05:29,168 - I entered the sale, 156 00:05:29,168 --> 00:05:31,648 and I hit enter, 157 00:05:31,648 --> 00:05:32,968 and I said, "dunh-duh-na-dah!" 158 00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:35,728 I'm pretty sure I timesed it right. 159 00:05:35,728 --> 00:05:37,328 - You met your commission cap last week. 160 00:05:37,328 --> 00:05:39,248 So from here until the end of the fiscal year, 161 00:05:39,248 --> 00:05:40,208 your commission will be zero. 162 00:05:40,208 --> 00:05:41,208 - What are you talking about? 163 00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:42,608 We--we have a commission cap? 164 00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,288 - It's a new corporate policy. 165 00:05:44,288 --> 00:05:47,128 - Dunh-duh-na-dah! 166 00:05:47,128 --> 00:05:49,888 - Is this job really about the money for you, Jim? 167 00:05:49,888 --> 00:05:52,728 I mean, isn't this where you fell in love? 168 00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:54,768 - A commission cap takes away my incentive to sell. 169 00:05:54,768 --> 00:05:57,288 So you realize I now have no reason to work, right? 170 00:05:57,288 --> 00:06:00,208 - When you're dealing with a large organization, 171 00:06:00,208 --> 00:06:03,488 sometimes you have to put up with policies you don't like. 172 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:07,448 I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room. 173 00:06:07,448 --> 00:06:09,728 Okay, seeing these old guys walking around naked 174 00:06:09,728 --> 00:06:12,008 feels almost passive-aggressive. 175 00:06:12,008 --> 00:06:13,488 But I deal with it. 176 00:06:13,488 --> 00:06:15,088 'cause it's policy. See what I mean? 177 00:06:15,088 --> 00:06:16,088 - Nope. 178 00:06:16,088 --> 00:06:17,608 - Nudity makes me uncomfortable. - Okay. 179 00:06:17,608 --> 00:06:19,688 - My gym allows it. 180 00:06:19,688 --> 00:06:21,288 I wish they didn't, but it's policy. 181 00:06:21,288 --> 00:06:23,568 So I respect it, and I just-- 182 00:06:23,568 --> 00:06:26,328 keep a low--you know, I look away. 183 00:06:26,328 --> 00:06:28,408 Think about your commission cap 184 00:06:28,408 --> 00:06:33,528 as a naked old man in a gym locker room. 185 00:06:33,528 --> 00:06:34,728 - Excuse me, everyone. 186 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,048 Sex! 187 00:06:36,048 --> 00:06:38,208 Now that I have your attention... 188 00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:39,728 - you don't have our attention. 189 00:06:39,728 --> 00:06:40,728 - Money! 190 00:06:40,728 --> 00:06:42,208 - I'm listening. 191 00:06:42,208 --> 00:06:43,328 - You had me at "sex." 192 00:06:43,328 --> 00:06:44,328 - Pervert. 193 00:06:44,328 --> 00:06:45,328 - You have all of our attention 194 00:06:45,328 --> 00:06:46,608 just by screaming anything. 195 00:06:46,608 --> 00:06:47,728 - That's good to know. 196 00:06:47,728 --> 00:06:49,328 [screams] 197 00:06:49,328 --> 00:06:50,328 - What do you want to say, Michael? 198 00:06:50,328 --> 00:06:52,728 - Wuphf! 199 00:06:52,728 --> 00:06:53,968 All right, I've warmed them up for you. 200 00:06:53,968 --> 00:06:55,048 You have the floor, Ryan. 201 00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,848 - How's everybody doing? - Whoo! 202 00:06:57,848 --> 00:06:59,288 - Good! 203 00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:00,368 Now, a lot of you have already staked out 204 00:07:00,368 --> 00:07:02,088 your corner of the wuphf empire. 205 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:06,488 Raise your hand if I'm describing you. 206 00:07:06,488 --> 00:07:07,768 Great. 207 00:07:07,768 --> 00:07:09,208 - Yes, I have a dream. 208 00:07:09,208 --> 00:07:12,968 And It's not some m.L.K. Dream for equality. 209 00:07:12,968 --> 00:07:17,488 I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. 210 00:07:17,488 --> 00:07:19,528 And I want to live at the top. 211 00:07:19,528 --> 00:07:22,208 And nobody knows I live there. 212 00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:25,488 And there's a button that I can press, 213 00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:29,728 and it'll launch that lighthouse into space. 214 00:07:29,728 --> 00:07:30,888 - For my current Investors, 215 00:07:30,888 --> 00:07:32,328 things are going great. 216 00:07:32,328 --> 00:07:33,408 - We already have a buyer. 217 00:07:33,408 --> 00:07:34,408 - Really? Who? 218 00:07:34,408 --> 00:07:35,808 - Washington university. 219 00:07:35,808 --> 00:07:37,688 I don't even want to think about selling 220 00:07:37,688 --> 00:07:38,728 until our numbers get into the billions. 221 00:07:38,728 --> 00:07:40,328 - At least. 222 00:07:40,328 --> 00:07:43,328 - So I've decided to open up a second round of investment 223 00:07:43,328 --> 00:07:45,488 to friends and family. 224 00:07:45,488 --> 00:07:47,928 - Oh, god. Hold on to your wallets, ladies. 225 00:07:47,928 --> 00:07:48,928 - Did you ever think of wuphf 226 00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:51,208 as an EMERGENCY notification system, 227 00:07:51,208 --> 00:07:53,208 like, for college campuses with shooters or gas leaks? 228 00:07:53,208 --> 00:07:55,168 - No, no--Oscar, it's not-- 229 00:07:55,168 --> 00:07:56,448 it's not a digital rape whistle. 230 00:07:56,448 --> 00:07:58,168 Wuphf is about fun. - That's right. 231 00:07:58,168 --> 00:08:00,168 - Fun, communication, connection. 232 00:08:00,168 --> 00:08:01,968 - What's your money situation? 233 00:08:01,968 --> 00:08:04,088 - Well, it's tight, as with any start-up. 234 00:08:04,088 --> 00:08:06,208 - Sure, how long can you sustain this without a cash infusion? 235 00:08:06,208 --> 00:08:07,728 - We have nine solid days. 236 00:08:07,728 --> 00:08:09,648 I love these questions. Keep 'em coming. 237 00:08:09,648 --> 00:08:11,608 - I'm sorry, nine days until what? 238 00:08:11,608 --> 00:08:12,968 - Bankruptcy? 239 00:08:12,968 --> 00:08:15,688 - Wait, Ryan, so this could be over by the weekend? 240 00:08:15,688 --> 00:08:17,688 - How long do you think a week is? 241 00:08:17,688 --> 00:08:19,448 - No, not this weekend; next weekend. 242 00:08:19,448 --> 00:08:22,288 We were gonna go on the investors ski trip. 243 00:08:22,288 --> 00:08:24,894 I bought poles. 244 00:08:27,470 --> 00:08:29,470 - Well, since I have no incentive to sell, 245 00:08:29,470 --> 00:08:31,750 I've cleaned my car, organized my desk, 246 00:08:31,750 --> 00:08:33,110 and taken a multivitamin. 247 00:08:33,110 --> 00:08:35,750 So... 248 00:08:35,750 --> 00:08:36,710 what now? 249 00:08:36,710 --> 00:08:40,150 Pam. 250 00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:41,550 [sighs] 251 00:08:41,550 --> 00:08:43,390 Okay, now I've tried everything. 252 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,590 - Did you prank Dwight? 253 00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,630 - No. - Well, you like that. 254 00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:48,910 - Yeah, it's not as fun if I'm not blowing off work. 255 00:08:48,910 --> 00:08:50,710 - I love you, but I'm kinda busy, 256 00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:58,590 so I need you to figure this one out on your own. 257 00:08:58,590 --> 00:09:01,910 - [blows raspberry] 258 00:09:01,910 --> 00:09:03,310 - [chuckling] 259 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,590 - Oscar said Wuphf only has 260 00:09:04,590 --> 00:09:05,950 enough money for nine days. 261 00:09:05,950 --> 00:09:08,910 - Check this out. 262 00:09:08,910 --> 00:09:10,630 - All that color. - Look at that. 263 00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:12,990 Triple your investment by January. 264 00:09:12,990 --> 00:09:15,390 - Anyone can just throw numbers up on a chart. 265 00:09:15,390 --> 00:09:16,710 What are you doing to make it happen? 266 00:09:16,710 --> 00:09:18,550 - Well, earlier today, I was emailing 267 00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:19,790 someone by the name of John legend. 268 00:09:19,790 --> 00:09:21,750 - There you go. - You have his email? 269 00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:23,270 - A lot of these guys are just Mac.Com, 270 00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:24,910 @ their website whatever. 271 00:09:24,910 --> 00:09:26,950 We get that guy wuphfing, 272 00:09:26,950 --> 00:09:27,950 it's all over. 273 00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:29,710 - I want my money back. 274 00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:31,110 - Do not talk like that, Stanley. 275 00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:33,310 - Ryan, just tell us your plan. 276 00:09:33,310 --> 00:09:34,750 - Okay, all right. 277 00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:35,950 I know what you wanna see. 278 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:42,990 I'll be right back. 279 00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:44,110 [smacking door] 280 00:09:44,110 --> 00:09:45,670 Hey, kids, was that fun? 281 00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:46,670 - [all] Yeah! 282 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:47,670 - All right. 283 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:48,750 - I wanna go on it again. 284 00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,270 - Oh, I bet you do. 285 00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:51,270 You know what? 286 00:09:51,270 --> 00:09:52,390 When I was a little kid, 287 00:09:52,390 --> 00:09:53,710 they couldn't get me off the hayride. 288 00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:56,150 But it's gonna cost you three more bucks. 289 00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:58,430 Wow! This brings back memories. 290 00:09:58,430 --> 00:09:59,630 [inhales deeply] 291 00:09:59,630 --> 00:10:02,030 Hay stacking, hay throwing... 292 00:10:02,030 --> 00:10:03,270 and at the end of it all, 293 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:06,750 one lucky boy would be crowned hay king. 294 00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,910 I always wanted to be hay king. 295 00:10:08,910 --> 00:10:18,550 The world shines on Mose. 296 00:10:18,550 --> 00:10:19,590 - Where have you been? I've been waiting. 297 00:10:19,590 --> 00:10:21,190 - Uh, can we move this to the end of the day? 298 00:10:21,190 --> 00:10:23,310 - No, I--I think you should make time for it. 299 00:10:23,310 --> 00:10:24,670 - I found the needle in the haystack! 300 00:10:24,670 --> 00:10:26,630 - Hey, congratulations. Do you know what your prize is? 301 00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:27,950 - I don't know. 302 00:10:27,950 --> 00:10:31,590 - Nothing. Life lesson? Some tasks are not worth doing. 303 00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,750 - Dwight? 304 00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:35,270 - Wuphf T-shirts. 305 00:10:35,270 --> 00:10:36,710 Who wants one? 306 00:10:36,710 --> 00:10:39,030 Just imagine that you're at spring break daytona beach. 307 00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,030 - Here we go. - Okay? 308 00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:41,550 Everyone's like, "hey dude, 309 00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:43,990 what's up with all the hotties in the wuphf shirts?" 310 00:10:43,990 --> 00:10:46,710 Or, Uh, "hey, what's up with that helicopter?" 311 00:10:46,710 --> 00:10:48,510 "It's ry from wuphf!" 312 00:10:48,510 --> 00:10:50,590 - "It's Ryan the wuphf guy!" - "Yo, ry from wuphf!" 313 00:10:50,590 --> 00:10:52,230 - "He's up there." - "What's he dropping?" 314 00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:54,150 "Wow, what's falling on us, man?" 315 00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:55,590 Wuphf condoms! 316 00:10:55,590 --> 00:10:58,390 50,000 condoms out of the sky. 317 00:10:58,390 --> 00:10:59,710 - Look at that! He threw 'em on the ground! 318 00:10:59,710 --> 00:11:01,390 - Look, this is a marketing campaign. 319 00:11:01,390 --> 00:11:02,430 You got nine days. 320 00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:03,470 Let's say you do get the money. 321 00:11:03,470 --> 00:11:04,590 What are you going to do with it? 322 00:11:04,590 --> 00:11:06,710 - The first lesson of silicon valley, actually, 323 00:11:06,710 --> 00:11:09,750 is that you only think about the user, the experience. 324 00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:11,270 You actually don't think about the money. 325 00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:12,270 Ever. 326 00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:14,590 - That sounds weird. 327 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,590 - No, it's not weird, Andy, and you know what else? 328 00:11:16,590 --> 00:11:18,870 We have an offer from Washington university. 329 00:11:18,870 --> 00:11:20,670 So monetize that. 330 00:11:20,670 --> 00:11:21,710 - Are you guys meeting about wuphf? 331 00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:23,870 You know that that was my idea, right? 332 00:11:23,870 --> 00:11:24,990 - [gasps] 333 00:11:24,990 --> 00:11:25,990 - I said to Ryan, "I try to call you, 334 00:11:25,990 --> 00:11:27,310 "and you don't have your phone. 335 00:11:27,310 --> 00:11:28,990 "I try to I.M. You, and you're not online. 336 00:11:28,990 --> 00:11:30,750 "I wish there was a way that I could do everything all at once, 337 00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:31,950 "and I could just be like this little dog going, 338 00:11:31,950 --> 00:11:33,390 'Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!'" 339 00:11:33,390 --> 00:11:35,550 - baby, baby, baby-- - I think I'm gonna stay here. 340 00:11:35,550 --> 00:11:36,630 - No, no, no, no, no. - I do, I do. 341 00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:38,150 This isn't right. 342 00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:39,470 - I help you with your things, and you help me with my things. 343 00:11:39,470 --> 00:11:40,670 - But I--it's not right. 344 00:11:40,670 --> 00:11:41,670 - [whIspering] I got this, it's okay, 345 00:11:41,670 --> 00:11:43,150 don't worry about this. 346 00:11:43,150 --> 00:11:45,750 - Is it any particular branch of Washington university? 347 00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:47,950 - The Washington university Public health fund. 348 00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:51,270 - W.U.P.H.F. 349 00:11:51,270 --> 00:11:52,510 - Oh, god. 350 00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:53,870 - They only want it for the initials. 351 00:11:53,870 --> 00:11:55,670 - The domain name. Yeah, they do. 352 00:11:55,670 --> 00:11:56,630 - I move we sell. 353 00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:58,470 - What? - Yeah, sell. 354 00:11:58,470 --> 00:11:59,630 - Sell. - Get us out of this. 355 00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:01,230 - Have some faith in this idea. 356 00:12:01,230 --> 00:12:03,110 - If everybody wants to sell, we sell, right? 357 00:12:03,110 --> 00:12:04,270 - I won't sell. 358 00:12:04,270 --> 00:12:05,390 And you know what? 359 00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:07,710 Ryan and I have the majority of shares. 360 00:12:07,710 --> 00:12:08,870 Isn't that right? - Yes. 361 00:12:08,870 --> 00:12:09,870 You alone do, actually. 362 00:12:09,870 --> 00:12:10,870 - I--yes. 363 00:12:10,870 --> 00:12:12,270 We're not selling. 364 00:12:12,270 --> 00:12:14,230 I will not sell. 365 00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:16,150 [children laughing] 366 00:12:16,150 --> 00:12:20,750 - Awesome. 367 00:12:20,750 --> 00:12:23,150 - Do you mind if we share this bale? 368 00:12:23,150 --> 00:12:24,790 - Sure. 369 00:12:24,790 --> 00:12:27,070 - There's no charge to sit on the hay, is there? 370 00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:28,670 - Probably. 371 00:12:28,670 --> 00:12:30,510 - I mean, wouldn't you think 372 00:12:30,510 --> 00:12:32,310 the Ten dollars to build your own Broom 373 00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:33,830 would include the hay and not just the instructions? 374 00:12:33,830 --> 00:12:35,230 - Mm-hmm. - I mean, I'm starting to think 375 00:12:35,230 --> 00:12:37,550 this guy is just trying to make money off the holiday. 376 00:12:37,550 --> 00:12:39,870 - Yeah, instead of hay place it should be pay place. 377 00:12:39,870 --> 00:12:40,870 - [laughs] 378 00:12:40,870 --> 00:12:41,910 - Don't laugh at me. 379 00:12:41,910 --> 00:12:42,950 - No, no, no, I wasn't-- 380 00:12:42,950 --> 00:12:44,830 I was just laughing at your joke. 381 00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:48,430 - Oh. 382 00:12:48,430 --> 00:12:49,950 - Pay place. - Mm. 383 00:12:49,950 --> 00:12:53,710 Yeah, so we can celebrate Thanksgiving-me-your-money day. 384 00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:54,790 - [laughs] 385 00:12:54,790 --> 00:12:55,950 That's humorous. 386 00:12:55,950 --> 00:12:59,990 - Thank you. 387 00:12:59,990 --> 00:13:01,550 - You guys know how to get out? 388 00:13:01,550 --> 00:13:06,390 [kids shouting] 389 00:13:06,390 --> 00:13:07,750 - Hi, Michael. 390 00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:09,630 - Can't talk, saving the planet. 391 00:13:09,630 --> 00:13:11,150 - Oh, we don't recycle. 392 00:13:11,150 --> 00:13:12,590 - We don't? 393 00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:13,830 Well, why have I been separating the trash 394 00:13:13,830 --> 00:13:15,070 into Whites and colors? 395 00:13:15,070 --> 00:13:19,550 - I'm sure no one asked you to do that. 396 00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,750 - Eight years. 397 00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:24,310 - Listen, I know you really like Ryan-- 398 00:13:24,310 --> 00:13:26,030 - no, I won't even consider it. 399 00:13:26,030 --> 00:13:28,710 - Michael, I... 400 00:13:28,710 --> 00:13:31,750 I hate to say this, but... 401 00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:33,630 You know this special bond 402 00:13:33,630 --> 00:13:35,510 that you've always felt with Ryan, 403 00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,310 where, like, you're best friends 404 00:13:37,310 --> 00:13:38,790 or you're his mentor or something? 405 00:13:38,790 --> 00:13:42,910 - Right, Yes, yeah. Best friend/mentor. 406 00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:47,150 - Michael, I think that that feeling only goes one way. 407 00:13:47,150 --> 00:13:50,150 And I think that Ryan knows that, 408 00:13:50,150 --> 00:13:54,590 and he's taking advantage of you. 409 00:13:54,590 --> 00:13:56,350 - I think you are wrong. 410 00:13:56,350 --> 00:13:58,990 - And there are a lot of other people in This office 411 00:13:58,990 --> 00:14:01,430 who have money at stake. 412 00:14:01,430 --> 00:14:06,630 Other people you care about. 413 00:14:06,630 --> 00:14:09,630 - You may be right. 414 00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:11,630 I may be crazy. 415 00:14:11,630 --> 00:14:12,990 - Don't. 416 00:14:12,990 --> 00:14:15,630 - I'm just saying that I think I agree with your point. 417 00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:20,510 - Yeah, but in a jokey way where you're gonna start singing. 418 00:14:20,510 --> 00:14:22,350 - I thought it might make me feel better. 419 00:14:22,350 --> 00:14:24,270 - Okay. 420 00:14:24,270 --> 00:14:27,150 Go ahead. 421 00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:31,350 - ♪ But it just may be a lunatic... ♪ 422 00:14:31,350 --> 00:14:33,395 no. 423 00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:36,855 - Ooh, nice, wasting time, here we go. 424 00:14:36,855 --> 00:14:40,015 - Hey, back off. It's solitaire. 425 00:14:40,015 --> 00:14:41,895 - Hey, kid-- 426 00:14:41,895 --> 00:14:42,895 hear you're looking for work. 427 00:14:42,895 --> 00:14:43,895 - Talk to me. 428 00:14:43,895 --> 00:14:44,895 - How far can you reach 429 00:14:44,895 --> 00:14:47,775 those Lovely long arms of yours? 430 00:14:47,775 --> 00:14:48,855 Eh, put 'em down. 431 00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,175 How long 432 00:14:50,175 --> 00:14:52,335 can you hold that pretty little breath of yours? 433 00:14:52,335 --> 00:14:53,535 - [inhales] 434 00:14:53,535 --> 00:14:55,855 - Good. 435 00:14:55,855 --> 00:14:57,375 - Hey, Jim? 436 00:14:57,375 --> 00:14:58,975 Are you distracting these people? 437 00:14:58,975 --> 00:15:01,935 - We're working. 438 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,695 - Can you at least try to look busy? 439 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:05,455 - [exhales] 440 00:15:05,455 --> 00:15:07,575 - The moment Darla put the cupcake in her mouth, 441 00:15:07,575 --> 00:15:09,015 her daddy pulled her aside and said, 442 00:15:09,015 --> 00:15:10,335 "you're too fat. 443 00:15:10,335 --> 00:15:15,335 No one's gonna like you if you're too fat." 444 00:15:15,335 --> 00:15:18,415 The next time I saw David Geffen was at the buffalo club. 445 00:15:18,415 --> 00:15:21,495 "I love you, you gay bastard," I said. 446 00:15:21,495 --> 00:15:23,815 "You gay bastard," I s-- 447 00:15:23,815 --> 00:15:25,375 "gay ba--" 448 00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:31,455 "gay B--" 449 00:15:31,455 --> 00:15:33,095 - Michael, how's it going, bro? 450 00:15:33,095 --> 00:15:34,495 - Good, good, bro. 451 00:15:34,495 --> 00:15:36,015 - Hey, thanks so much for having my back out there. 452 00:15:36,015 --> 00:15:37,535 - Always have your back. 453 00:15:37,535 --> 00:15:40,615 So any ideas on how we can get over this nine-day hump here? 454 00:15:40,615 --> 00:15:42,855 - I have nothing but ideas. 455 00:15:42,855 --> 00:15:44,455 The thing is, they all require money. 456 00:15:44,455 --> 00:15:47,015 - Nine days, though. That's, like... 457 00:15:47,015 --> 00:15:48,615 - look, I know I've tapped you so hard. 458 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,615 - Yes, you have tapped this. Hard. 459 00:15:50,615 --> 00:15:52,055 - [laughs] 460 00:15:52,055 --> 00:15:53,575 Oh, you are funny, Michael. 461 00:15:53,575 --> 00:15:55,615 You--people--people don't give you enough credit. 462 00:15:55,615 --> 00:15:58,375 - Maybe I could take a second mortgage on my condo. 463 00:15:58,375 --> 00:15:59,735 - Well, a lot of people are doing that. 464 00:15:59,735 --> 00:16:01,375 And there don't seem to be any consequences. 465 00:16:01,375 --> 00:16:03,535 And they say the rates have never been lower. 466 00:16:03,535 --> 00:16:06,815 - So you would think that's a good idea for me to do? 467 00:16:06,815 --> 00:16:08,295 - Think about this: 468 00:16:08,295 --> 00:16:10,815 You and me on a private plane 469 00:16:10,815 --> 00:16:13,375 flown by our private pilot-- - Mm-hmm. 470 00:16:13,375 --> 00:16:16,055 - Eating our private meal cooked by our private chef. 471 00:16:16,055 --> 00:16:18,375 - Yeah, well, we never even have dinner now, so... 472 00:16:18,375 --> 00:16:19,375 - we totally should. 473 00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:20,375 - Tonight? 474 00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:21,935 - I gotta work on this. 475 00:16:21,935 --> 00:16:23,575 - Oh, right. What am I saying? 476 00:16:23,575 --> 00:16:24,575 Rain check. 477 00:16:24,575 --> 00:16:28,055 - Yeah. 478 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:31,455 - And now, by show of applause, 479 00:16:31,455 --> 00:16:33,615 we will crown this year's hay king. 480 00:16:33,615 --> 00:16:35,935 All in favor of purebred. 481 00:16:35,935 --> 00:16:36,935 [applause] 482 00:16:36,935 --> 00:16:38,815 Put your hands together for... 483 00:16:38,815 --> 00:16:39,815 mixed bread. 484 00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:41,375 [applause] 485 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:42,895 And Let's hear it for... 486 00:16:42,895 --> 00:16:43,895 purebred. 487 00:16:43,895 --> 00:16:44,935 [applause] 488 00:16:44,935 --> 00:16:46,495 Mm. 489 00:16:46,495 --> 00:16:48,415 It would appear we have a three-way tie. 490 00:16:48,415 --> 00:16:51,535 I have no choice but to pick the hay king myself. 491 00:16:51,535 --> 00:16:55,335 I pick... 492 00:16:55,335 --> 00:16:56,695 me! 493 00:16:56,695 --> 00:16:58,495 I am your hay king! 494 00:16:58,495 --> 00:17:04,215 All Hail your hay king! 495 00:17:04,215 --> 00:17:06,655 Did I truck 300 Bales of hay 496 00:17:06,655 --> 00:17:11,615 to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? 497 00:17:11,615 --> 00:17:13,135 Yes. 498 00:17:13,135 --> 00:17:14,615 - So if I were to call dunder Mifflin 499 00:17:14,615 --> 00:17:16,735 and ask for miss Angela Martin, 500 00:17:16,735 --> 00:17:19,415 would I get through to you? 501 00:17:19,415 --> 00:17:22,295 - You would. 502 00:17:22,295 --> 00:17:24,735 And if I were to call your House and ask for your wife, 503 00:17:24,735 --> 00:17:25,815 would I get through to you? 504 00:17:25,815 --> 00:17:29,015 - My wife passed away a few years ago. 505 00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:30,935 - How tragic. 506 00:17:30,935 --> 00:17:32,375 Very sorry to hear that. 507 00:17:32,375 --> 00:17:34,815 - Thank you. 508 00:17:34,815 --> 00:17:37,175 - Help! 509 00:17:37,175 --> 00:17:39,815 Hello? 510 00:17:39,815 --> 00:17:46,375 Oh! Help! 511 00:17:46,375 --> 00:17:48,775 - Consider it a wuphf in person. 512 00:17:48,775 --> 00:17:50,255 - You're doing the wrong thing. 513 00:17:50,255 --> 00:17:51,375 You're gonna lose Michael's investment, 514 00:17:51,375 --> 00:17:52,735 you're gonna lose ours. 515 00:17:52,735 --> 00:17:55,375 - You got this crazy opportunity to get our money back. 516 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,815 Tell Mike to sell. 517 00:17:56,815 --> 00:17:58,775 - If you tell Michael to sell, he'll sell. 518 00:17:58,775 --> 00:18:01,095 - I'm betting on myself. 519 00:18:01,095 --> 00:18:02,615 - It's a bad bet. 520 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:03,615 - Hello. 521 00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:05,815 - Hey. It's an ambush here. 522 00:18:05,815 --> 00:18:07,215 Nobody here believes in this company. 523 00:18:07,215 --> 00:18:08,415 Will you tell them they're wrong? 524 00:18:08,415 --> 00:18:10,055 - It's not that we don't believe in the company. 525 00:18:10,055 --> 00:18:11,135 We don't believe in you. 526 00:18:11,135 --> 00:18:12,895 - All those in favor of selling, say aye. 527 00:18:12,895 --> 00:18:13,895 - Aye. - Aye. 528 00:18:13,895 --> 00:18:16,175 - Aye. - Aye. 529 00:18:16,175 --> 00:18:19,535 - Aye. 530 00:18:19,535 --> 00:18:22,895 Do not agree to sell, which is to say nay. 531 00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:24,495 - What is wrong with you? 532 00:18:24,495 --> 00:18:26,375 What happened to you in high school? 533 00:18:26,375 --> 00:18:27,695 - Michael, are you that blind? 534 00:18:27,695 --> 00:18:28,815 - I'm not blind! 535 00:18:28,815 --> 00:18:30,775 I know exactly who he is. 536 00:18:30,775 --> 00:18:34,015 He is selfish and lazy and image-obsessed, 537 00:18:34,015 --> 00:18:37,135 and he is a bad friend. 538 00:18:37,135 --> 00:18:39,135 And he's also clever. 539 00:18:39,135 --> 00:18:41,535 And he shoots incredibly high. 540 00:18:41,535 --> 00:18:43,455 And he may just make it. 541 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,175 But you know what, even If he doesn't, 542 00:18:45,175 --> 00:18:48,455 I would rather go broke betting on my people 543 00:18:48,455 --> 00:18:50,495 than get rich all by myself 544 00:18:50,495 --> 00:18:52,535 on some island like a castaway. 545 00:18:52,535 --> 00:18:54,375 And there is no middle ground. 546 00:18:54,375 --> 00:18:56,455 - You're gonna lose all of our money. 547 00:18:56,455 --> 00:18:57,895 - Only If he fails. 548 00:18:57,895 --> 00:18:59,495 And you know what? 549 00:18:59,495 --> 00:19:00,895 Ryan, I believe in you. 550 00:19:00,895 --> 00:19:04,855 Just like I believe in all of you. 551 00:19:04,855 --> 00:19:07,975 You have nine days to save Everybody's money. 552 00:19:07,975 --> 00:19:09,455 - Oh... 553 00:19:09,455 --> 00:19:10,695 that's a lot of pressure. 554 00:19:10,695 --> 00:19:12,695 I--I'm gonna need some more time. 555 00:19:12,695 --> 00:19:16,535 - You can't have it. 556 00:19:16,535 --> 00:19:18,375 - Okay. 557 00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:27,735 I won't let you down. 558 00:19:27,735 --> 00:19:30,415 - Angela? 559 00:19:30,415 --> 00:19:40,655 Angela! 560 00:19:40,655 --> 00:19:44,455 - The world sends people your way... 561 00:19:44,455 --> 00:19:46,535 Ryan came to me through a temp agency. 562 00:19:46,535 --> 00:19:49,735 Andy was transferred here. 563 00:19:49,735 --> 00:19:51,535 No idea where Creed came from. 564 00:19:51,535 --> 00:19:53,135 The point is 565 00:19:53,135 --> 00:19:56,495 you just have to play with the cards that you're dealt. 566 00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:58,975 Jim, that guy is an ace. 567 00:19:58,975 --> 00:20:00,655 Dwight is my king Up my sleeve. 568 00:20:00,655 --> 00:20:02,095 Phyllis is my old maid. 569 00:20:02,095 --> 00:20:03,495 Oscar is my queen. 570 00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:04,455 That's easy. 571 00:20:04,455 --> 00:20:05,775 Gimme a hard one. 572 00:20:05,775 --> 00:20:07,855 That's what Oscar said. 573 00:20:07,855 --> 00:20:10,575 Toby is the instruction card you throw away. 574 00:20:10,575 --> 00:20:12,375 Pam's a solid seven. 575 00:20:12,375 --> 00:20:13,375 And Yeah, you know what? 576 00:20:13,375 --> 00:20:15,255 Ryan is probably, like, a two. 577 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:17,335 But sometimes twos can be wild. 578 00:20:17,335 --> 00:20:18,415 So watch out. 579 00:20:18,415 --> 00:20:21,295 And I am obviously the joker. 580 00:20:21,295 --> 00:20:23,655 So... [phone rings] 581 00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:25,335 [phone rings] that's, uh-- 582 00:20:25,335 --> 00:20:27,335 [melodic tone] 583 00:20:27,335 --> 00:20:28,695 [robotic voice] - wuphf from Ryan Howard. 584 00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:30,375 Decided to sell company. 585 00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:32,975 Thanks, bro. Hell of a ride. 586 00:20:32,975 --> 00:20:35,208 - Thank god. 587 00:20:42,892 --> 00:20:44,932 [phone rings] 588 00:20:44,932 --> 00:20:45,932 - Gabe Lewis. 589 00:20:45,932 --> 00:20:49,212 - Now, listen here, gabe, you're too fat. 590 00:20:49,212 --> 00:20:50,972 No one's gonna like you if you're too fat. 591 00:20:50,972 --> 00:20:52,932 I made some changes to my book. 592 00:20:52,932 --> 00:20:54,652 See if you like them. - Well, jo-- 593 00:20:54,652 --> 00:20:57,812 - now, I love reading, and I hate being interrupted. 594 00:20:57,812 --> 00:21:00,332 Shut up and listen, you gay bastard. 595 00:21:00,332 --> 00:21:01,492 Chapter one. 596 00:21:01,492 --> 00:21:05,092 I was born, not into luxury Nor poverty, 597 00:21:05,092 --> 00:21:07,572 but into adversity, and for that, I thank the lord. 598 00:21:07,572 --> 00:21:09,932 My father was a man. That's all we can know. 599 00:21:09,932 --> 00:21:10,892 After I learned to ride a bike, 600 00:21:10,892 --> 00:21:12,292 there was no stopping me. 601 00:21:12,292 --> 00:21:15,772 I would ride up Magnolia Street and down azalea Lane. 602 00:21:15,772 --> 00:21:16,772 Which would later become my-- 603 00:21:16,772 --> 00:21:17,812 - All right, good night, gabe. 604 00:21:17,812 --> 00:21:19,092 Just wanted to say thanks again, 605 00:21:19,092 --> 00:21:22,812 'cause I really think I made good use of my day, oh! 606 00:21:22,812 --> 00:21:24,932 Sorry. 607 00:21:24,932 --> 00:21:27,372 - And fate has obliged me with plenty of battles, 608 00:21:27,372 --> 00:21:28,892 the first being a hard-- 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net