1
00:00:09,735 --> 00:00:10,685
I'm not picking on you at all.
2
00:00:10,736 --> 00:00:11,703
You're English, correct?
3
00:00:11,787 --> 00:00:12,821
Yeah, big time, yeah.
4
00:00:12,872 --> 00:00:14,039
I'm working
on an English character.
5
00:00:14,123 --> 00:00:15,090
Would you mind gi...
6
00:00:15,157 --> 00:00:17,075
it's called Reginald Pooftah.
7
00:00:18,494 --> 00:00:20,578
David Brent, my liege.
How are you?
8
00:00:20,663 --> 00:00:22,530
- Michael Scott.
- Oh, there you go.
9
00:00:22,581 --> 00:00:23,565
I do characters as well.
10
00:00:23,633 --> 00:00:24,899
I got a Chinese fella.
11
00:00:24,967 --> 00:00:27,368
He's called ho me.
12
00:00:27,420 --> 00:00:29,170
That's what it sounds like.
13
00:00:29,221 --> 00:00:31,089
- Herrow! Herrow!
- I do ping.
14
00:00:31,173 --> 00:00:32,540
Herrow. I ping.
15
00:00:32,591 --> 00:00:34,009
You can't do that
these days. You can't.
16
00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:36,261
No, no, no. And people
don't understand
17
00:00:36,345 --> 00:00:39,380
that it has nothing to do
with making fun
18
00:00:39,432 --> 00:00:40,515
of a different nationality.
19
00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:41,733
No, no, no.
20
00:00:41,817 --> 00:00:45,353
No, comedy is a place
where the mind goes
21
00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:46,554
to tickle itself.
22
00:00:46,605 --> 00:00:47,572
That's what she said.
23
00:00:52,328 --> 00:00:54,395
That's good.
Pleasure to meet you.
24
00:00:54,447 --> 00:00:55,697
- Where are you working?
- Dunder Mifflin.
25
00:00:55,765 --> 00:00:57,532
- Any jobs now?
- No, not right now.
26
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:58,800
- Just let me know.
- All right.
27
00:00:58,868 --> 00:01:00,902
All right.
See ya around.
28
00:01:00,953 --> 00:01:03,404
Bye-bye.
29
00:01:03,456 --> 00:01:04,706
What a nice guy.
30
00:01:09,211 --> 00:01:16,918
Syn by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
31
00:01:28,164 --> 00:01:29,597
Your first student is here,
32
00:01:29,665 --> 00:01:31,116
mister Bernard.
33
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:35,620
That's actually
"master of ceremonies" Bernard.
34
00:01:35,705 --> 00:01:36,805
Last year, I went to a seminar
35
00:01:36,872 --> 00:01:38,206
called "the ten secrets
of real estate."
36
00:01:38,274 --> 00:01:39,274
Turns out it was just a ploy
37
00:01:39,341 --> 00:01:41,042
to sell me
time-shares in Idaho.
38
00:01:41,110 --> 00:01:44,913
Cut to, you know, I'm spending
a weekend in Boise,
39
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,815
terrible time, super lonely.
40
00:01:46,882 --> 00:01:48,466
But I get to thinking
41
00:01:48,551 --> 00:01:51,169
maybe I should put on
my own seminar
42
00:01:51,253 --> 00:01:52,637
to lure clients.
43
00:01:52,722 --> 00:01:53,755
Oh, it's...
44
00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:00,478
Hello, I am here
45
00:02:00,563 --> 00:02:02,097
for the small business seminar.
46
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:03,531
Michael?
47
00:02:03,599 --> 00:02:04,766
Neii'm Greek!
48
00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,367
My name is Mikanos.
49
00:02:09,655 --> 00:02:10,705
Wait, Michael?
50
00:02:10,773 --> 00:02:12,157
Michael?
Okay.
51
00:02:12,241 --> 00:02:13,842
I am the plant.
52
00:02:13,909 --> 00:02:15,643
Every great seminar has one.
53
00:02:15,711 --> 00:02:17,579
My job is to make
the speaker look good,
54
00:02:17,646 --> 00:02:19,748
and I do this
through the techniques
55
00:02:19,815 --> 00:02:21,382
of leading questions
56
00:02:21,450 --> 00:02:23,885
and laughing at all jokes.
57
00:02:23,953 --> 00:02:26,087
And the character, Mikanos,
58
00:02:26,155 --> 00:02:27,555
is just a little added Flava.
59
00:02:27,623 --> 00:02:32,727
Mikanos is loosely based on
another character I do, Spiros,
60
00:02:32,795 --> 00:02:34,662
who is more about the ladies.
61
00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,598
Thank you so much, tuna Turner.
62
00:02:36,665 --> 00:02:38,333
You are simply the best.
63
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,218
Listen, this isn't
a favor, all right?
64
00:02:40,302 --> 00:02:41,803
This is a good idea.
We all win.
65
00:02:41,854 --> 00:02:43,004
Go higher.
66
00:02:43,072 --> 00:02:44,939
I get super flexible
when I'm nervous.
67
00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:47,142
Wow.
68
00:02:47,193 --> 00:02:49,110
Stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop.
69
00:02:49,178 --> 00:02:52,647
Hey, Andy, I'm really,
really sorry to do this to you,
70
00:02:52,698 --> 00:02:54,849
but I have a meeting today
71
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:57,068
that I totally forgot,
72
00:02:57,153 --> 00:02:58,219
so I can't be
a part of this seminar.
73
00:02:58,287 --> 00:02:59,353
No. What?
74
00:02:59,405 --> 00:03:00,538
You can't do that.
75
00:03:00,623 --> 00:03:02,123
You are a critical part
of this seminar.
76
00:03:02,191 --> 00:03:03,541
You're the charming warm-up guy.
- I know.
77
00:03:03,626 --> 00:03:05,827
- If the seminar was a meal,
you'd be the amuse-bouche.
78
00:03:05,878 --> 00:03:07,912
You, like, signal
the flavors of the whole night.
79
00:03:07,997 --> 00:03:08,913
I'm really sorry.
I can't do it
80
00:03:08,998 --> 00:03:10,498
you can't. You can't.
81
00:03:10,549 --> 00:03:11,599
I can't have this go badly.
82
00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:12,934
I'm a terrible salesman,
83
00:03:13,002 --> 00:03:15,003
and I haven't been
making very many sales lately,
84
00:03:15,054 --> 00:03:16,370
or ever.
85
00:03:16,422 --> 00:03:18,039
This is my only idea
on how to turn things around.
86
00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:19,674
If it goes badly,
I might lose my job,
87
00:03:19,725 --> 00:03:20,942
which would suck,
because this is
88
00:03:21,010 --> 00:03:22,443
the only job
I've ever been good at.
89
00:03:23,512 --> 00:03:24,596
Will you let me know
90
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:25,930
when this
whole seminar thing's over?
91
00:03:26,015 --> 00:03:28,016
What's going on?
Do you know that guy?
92
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,218
I just have a meeting,
uh, outside the office.
93
00:03:30,269 --> 00:03:33,154
Hey.
94
00:03:33,222 --> 00:03:34,555
How are the marks?
95
00:03:34,607 --> 00:03:36,524
What are some
of your small business ideas?
96
00:03:36,575 --> 00:03:37,826
I was thinking we could buy up
97
00:03:37,893 --> 00:03:39,794
a bunch
of abandoned mineshafts.
98
00:03:41,197 --> 00:03:42,263
That's great.
99
00:03:42,331 --> 00:03:44,065
There's a big,
big future in that.
100
00:03:44,116 --> 00:03:45,066
A lot of mines in Scranton.
101
00:03:45,134 --> 00:03:46,234
Um, what about you?
102
00:03:46,285 --> 00:03:48,002
- Uh, credit cards.
- Uh-huh.
103
00:03:48,070 --> 00:03:50,171
My company will act
as an intermedium
104
00:03:50,239 --> 00:03:51,956
for, like, 0.2 cents
off every transaction.
105
00:03:52,041 --> 00:03:53,141
Wow!
106
00:03:53,209 --> 00:03:54,375
Or something with cell phones,
107
00:03:54,426 --> 00:03:56,177
like, every time
you make a phone call,
108
00:03:56,245 --> 00:03:57,745
I'd make 0.2 cents.
109
00:03:57,796 --> 00:04:00,098
Or anything... like,
any online shopping,
110
00:04:00,182 --> 00:04:01,883
I get .2 cents basically.
Right.
111
00:04:01,934 --> 00:04:04,636
Okay? Okay.
Great.
112
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:06,471
You promised us whales.
These are worms.
113
00:04:06,555 --> 00:04:08,756
They're not worms,
Dwight, okay?
114
00:04:08,824 --> 00:04:10,758
They're just people
with tiny businesses.
115
00:04:10,809 --> 00:04:13,144
They're baby whales,
which is even cuter.
116
00:04:13,229 --> 00:04:14,295
I'm out.
117
00:04:14,363 --> 00:04:15,630
Stanley, you're
supposed to close.
118
00:04:15,698 --> 00:04:16,614
I'm out, too.
119
00:04:16,699 --> 00:04:18,199
What?
120
00:04:18,267 --> 00:04:19,450
I already lost Jim.
121
00:04:19,535 --> 00:04:21,369
Salesmen are supposed
to help each other out.
122
00:04:21,436 --> 00:04:22,453
We're supposed to be a team.
123
00:04:22,538 --> 00:04:23,821
We're no more a team
124
00:04:23,906 --> 00:04:27,458
than the people staying
in the same hotel are a team.
125
00:04:27,543 --> 00:04:28,993
You know
what might be kind of fun?
126
00:04:29,078 --> 00:04:32,313
I was thinking, you know
Andy's having a seminar today?
127
00:04:32,381 --> 00:04:33,781
What if we went in
as a Greek couple?
128
00:04:33,832 --> 00:04:35,350
Mikanos and...
129
00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:37,168
Oh, I don't know, Michael.
I'm not feeling up to that.
130
00:04:37,253 --> 00:04:38,319
Okay.
131
00:04:38,387 --> 00:04:40,004
Holly broke up
with a.J. Last week,
132
00:04:40,089 --> 00:04:41,489
which is the greatest thing
133
00:04:41,557 --> 00:04:43,424
that has ever happened...
To me.
134
00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:46,928
To Holly, it's been
the worst week of her life,
135
00:04:46,996 --> 00:04:48,496
and I know for a fact
136
00:04:48,564 --> 00:04:51,015
that there was a week
for her in High School
137
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:54,836
when she got mono
and her first period ever.
138
00:04:54,904 --> 00:04:56,170
Too much information?
139
00:04:56,238 --> 00:04:57,805
That's what I thought.
140
00:04:57,873 --> 00:04:59,374
But you know what?
141
00:04:59,441 --> 00:05:01,526
Here I am using it.
142
00:05:01,610 --> 00:05:04,512
If-a you change-a you mind,
143
00:05:04,580 --> 00:05:06,681
why don't you talk to mikanos?
144
00:05:06,749 --> 00:05:09,484
Is mikanos Greek?
He sounds Italian.
145
00:05:09,551 --> 00:05:11,953
Ugh. You're the fifth person
to tell me that today.
146
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:15,156
Maybe mikanos ran away
to join the Italian circus.
147
00:05:15,207 --> 00:05:16,708
Okay, yeah,
like a character history.
148
00:05:16,792 --> 00:05:19,394
Good.
Tom Hanks does that.
149
00:05:19,461 --> 00:05:21,212
Down...There.
150
00:05:24,433 --> 00:05:26,200
Is "JLP" a word?
151
00:05:26,268 --> 00:05:28,536
- "Jelp"? J-e-l-p?
152
00:05:28,604 --> 00:05:29,704
- No, j-l-p.
153
00:05:29,772 --> 00:05:32,340
Like, "I JLP...
I JLP you!"
154
00:05:32,391 --> 00:05:34,392
I don't think that's a word.
155
00:05:34,476 --> 00:05:36,110
I'm playing scrabble with Gabe,
156
00:05:36,178 --> 00:05:38,346
and I've never won a game.
157
00:05:38,397 --> 00:05:40,281
The winner gets to pick
the movie we watch.
158
00:05:40,349 --> 00:05:41,950
I have won no games.
159
00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:45,453
So far I've seen
the shining,
160
00:05:45,521 --> 00:05:47,789
Rosemary's baby,
161
00:05:47,856 --> 00:05:48,990
the ring.
162
00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:51,492
Not really my thing.
163
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:52,927
Although, I...
164
00:05:52,995 --> 00:05:55,163
I do like the early parts
of the movies
165
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,932
where they have
a perfect family and everything.
166
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,267
You want some help?
167
00:05:59,335 --> 00:06:01,085
Really?
168
00:06:02,304 --> 00:06:03,721
Yes.
169
00:06:03,806 --> 00:06:06,507
- K-a. "Ka"?
170
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:08,092
What does "ka" mean?
171
00:06:08,177 --> 00:06:09,444
It means you're playing someone
172
00:06:09,511 --> 00:06:12,313
who's going to destroy you.
173
00:06:12,381 --> 00:06:13,931
Why did you play "moo"?
174
00:06:14,016 --> 00:06:15,483
Because I'm playing to win.
175
00:06:15,550 --> 00:06:17,518
I'm playing "moo,"
I'm playing "milk,
176
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:18,903
whatever it takes.
177
00:06:18,988 --> 00:06:22,056
Okay, but look,
you could have hit "mood."
178
00:06:22,124 --> 00:06:23,624
Would have played a...
Uh!
179
00:06:23,692 --> 00:06:24,692
A triple word.
180
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,494
Like the cow mood yesterday.
181
00:06:26,561 --> 00:06:28,262
God.
182
00:06:28,330 --> 00:06:29,563
Or moon.
183
00:06:29,615 --> 00:06:32,583
The cow jumped over the moon.
184
00:06:32,668 --> 00:06:34,919
No, it doesn't have to
just be cow stuff, right?
185
00:06:35,004 --> 00:06:38,673
Kevin, Jim dropped
out of my seminar,
186
00:06:38,741 --> 00:06:39,841
and I'm just...
187
00:06:39,908 --> 00:06:41,109
I was wondering
if you could replace him
188
00:06:41,176 --> 00:06:42,377
as my charming warm-up guy.
189
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:44,245
Andy, I'm no Jim.
190
00:06:44,313 --> 00:06:48,049
The only way that I'm Jim
is in the movie version
191
00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:51,185
when Jim sees
what his future would be like
192
00:06:51,253 --> 00:06:52,720
if he never met Pam.
193
00:06:52,771 --> 00:06:55,440
Hey, that's crazy talk.
194
00:06:55,524 --> 00:06:56,757
I think you're great.
195
00:06:56,809 --> 00:06:59,644
Then I won't let you down.
196
00:06:59,728 --> 00:07:00,945
- Cake.
- In you go.
197
00:07:01,030 --> 00:07:03,297
Hi, Ryan, you went
to business school, right?
198
00:07:03,365 --> 00:07:04,599
- Yeah.
- I need someone
199
00:07:04,666 --> 00:07:06,067
to talk to this seminar
about business.
200
00:07:06,118 --> 00:07:07,785
- And?
- Can you do it?
201
00:07:07,870 --> 00:07:10,772
Okay. I don't... I don't
like committing to things
202
00:07:10,839 --> 00:07:12,407
just like that.
203
00:07:12,458 --> 00:07:13,458
So no?
204
00:07:13,542 --> 00:07:15,276
No, I don't like committing
205
00:07:15,344 --> 00:07:16,577
to not doing things, either.
206
00:07:16,628 --> 00:07:18,446
That's just
as big a commitment.
207
00:07:18,497 --> 00:07:19,797
Oh, baby.
208
00:07:19,882 --> 00:07:21,282
What do I put
you down for, bro hombre?
209
00:07:21,350 --> 00:07:22,784
Yes.
210
00:07:22,851 --> 00:07:24,052
- All right!
- Yes, I'll do it.
211
00:07:24,119 --> 00:07:25,386
Okay, thank you so much.
212
00:07:25,454 --> 00:07:26,504
It's gonna be awesome.
213
00:07:26,588 --> 00:07:28,122
- And if I flake, I flake.
- What?
214
00:07:28,190 --> 00:07:30,641
Kevin, you open it up.
Yep.
215
00:07:30,726 --> 00:07:31,826
Ryan, you come in
216
00:07:31,894 --> 00:07:33,061
with your small biz
expertise, right?
217
00:07:33,128 --> 00:07:37,632
And then creed,
guest speaker extraordinaire.
218
00:07:37,699 --> 00:07:41,635
And then I come in and just
close all the sales and stuff.
219
00:07:41,687 --> 00:07:43,488
Um, okay, here we go.
220
00:07:43,572 --> 00:07:45,273
One, two, three!
221
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,991
- Go.
- Creed!
222
00:07:51,841 --> 00:07:55,201
Welcome everybody. Awesome to see
you guys. My name's Andy Bernard,
223
00:07:55,269 --> 00:07:56,936
but you can call me
the nard dog.
224
00:07:56,987 --> 00:07:58,988
Hi, nard dog.
I'm Lu Peachem.
225
00:07:59,073 --> 00:08:00,406
Let's get things started,
shall we?
226
00:08:00,474 --> 00:08:01,608
You guys ready to hear
227
00:08:01,659 --> 00:08:03,209
from the dunder Mifflin
business experts?
228
00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:06,546
Good. Well, as you can see
on your program,
229
00:08:06,614 --> 00:08:08,248
first up is a speech called,
230
00:08:08,315 --> 00:08:09,549
"don't just dream it,
do it."
231
00:08:09,617 --> 00:08:13,520
Yes! Please give
a big hand to Mr. Kevin Malone.
232
00:08:13,587 --> 00:08:15,788
All aboard!
233
00:08:31,071 --> 00:08:32,004
Three, four, five.
234
00:08:47,404 --> 00:08:48,521
Yes!
235
00:08:51,492 --> 00:08:53,493
There are some people
who have charm
236
00:08:53,561 --> 00:08:55,562
and some people who don't.
237
00:08:55,629 --> 00:08:58,731
Guess which type I am.
238
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:01,167
Charm type.
239
00:09:01,235 --> 00:09:04,170
Dream...Big.
240
00:09:04,238 --> 00:09:05,871
Right?
241
00:09:05,923 --> 00:09:09,142
So what I want you to do
242
00:09:09,210 --> 00:09:13,429
is dream the biggest
that you c...An.
243
00:09:19,653 --> 00:09:22,522
And then double it!
244
00:09:30,965 --> 00:09:32,081
Are you okay?
245
00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:34,200
No. Yes!
246
00:09:34,268 --> 00:09:35,335
- Here.
- N...
247
00:09:35,402 --> 00:09:36,669
I'm fine.
248
00:09:36,737 --> 00:09:40,273
Okay, from here now.
249
00:09:40,341 --> 00:09:43,142
The first lesson
that I'm gonna teach you,
250
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:46,429
right, is
about finding success.
251
00:09:46,513 --> 00:09:50,416
And the key to finding success
is to picture a winner.
252
00:10:02,263 --> 00:10:05,965
Okay, so then, what
are you picturing right now,
253
00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:08,001
right this second?
254
00:10:08,068 --> 00:10:12,238
'Cause the universe
is yours, people.
255
00:10:12,289 --> 00:10:15,325
Get out of the way.
256
00:10:20,547 --> 00:10:22,782
I'm really excited
to introduce you guys
257
00:10:22,833 --> 00:10:24,300
to Ryan Howard.
258
00:10:24,385 --> 00:10:26,636
He has achieved
a great deal in the last...
259
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,504
but perhaps
no achievement is greater
260
00:10:28,589 --> 00:10:30,757
than his on-again,
off-again girlfriend.
261
00:10:30,808 --> 00:10:32,508
What are you...
262
00:10:32,593 --> 00:10:33,593
who am I?
263
00:10:33,661 --> 00:10:35,561
I'm Kelly Kapoor,
264
00:10:35,629 --> 00:10:37,513
the business bitch.
265
00:10:37,598 --> 00:10:39,098
It is important
to brand yourself,
266
00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:40,733
so I have a couple
of things in the works.
267
00:10:40,801 --> 00:10:41,734
The business bitch,
268
00:10:41,802 --> 00:10:42,869
the diet bitch,
269
00:10:42,936 --> 00:10:43,903
the shopping bitch,
270
00:10:43,970 --> 00:10:45,004
the etiquette bitch.
271
00:10:45,072 --> 00:10:46,406
I could sit here,
272
00:10:46,473 --> 00:10:48,641
and I could tell you
the ten secrets of business,
273
00:10:48,692 --> 00:10:50,026
and you would have
a great time,
274
00:10:50,110 --> 00:10:51,411
and you would learn a lot.
275
00:10:51,478 --> 00:10:52,829
But who better to tell you
276
00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:57,116
than the Yale university
adjunct Professor in management,
277
00:10:57,184 --> 00:10:59,502
Professor Scott Powell,
278
00:10:59,586 --> 00:11:02,188
who I have on my BlackBerry.
279
00:11:03,290 --> 00:11:04,457
It's ringing.
280
00:11:04,525 --> 00:11:07,960
Hey, Kelly Kapoor.
281
00:11:08,028 --> 00:11:10,863
What a delicious surprise.
282
00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:13,900
Professor Powell,
you are on speakerphone.
283
00:11:13,967 --> 00:11:16,019
Uh, why?
284
00:11:16,103 --> 00:11:17,470
Do you think you could tell us
285
00:11:17,521 --> 00:11:19,055
the ten secrets of business?
286
00:11:19,139 --> 00:11:22,141
Um, there aren't
really ten secrets.
287
00:11:22,209 --> 00:11:23,776
Come on, Scott, please.
It's me.
288
00:11:23,844 --> 00:11:25,395
Um, all right.
289
00:11:25,479 --> 00:11:28,414
Well, um,
290
00:11:28,482 --> 00:11:31,684
I guess know your market
would be key.
291
00:11:31,735 --> 00:11:33,786
Practice fiscal discipline.
292
00:11:33,854 --> 00:11:35,221
- Mm-hmm.
293
00:11:35,289 --> 00:11:37,590
That brilliant little bitch.
294
00:11:37,658 --> 00:11:40,059
A little treat
for our old friend, Gabe.
295
00:11:40,127 --> 00:11:42,412
Put that "q" right there.
296
00:11:42,496 --> 00:11:43,996
Wait. Why?
297
00:11:44,048 --> 00:11:45,565
Put the "q" there, sweetie.
298
00:11:45,632 --> 00:11:48,701
- I think there's better...
- Put the "q" there!
299
00:11:52,005 --> 00:11:53,890
Sorry I yelled.
300
00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:56,409
You could have just
told us what you were thinking.
301
00:11:56,477 --> 00:11:57,844
There's no theater in that.
302
00:11:57,895 --> 00:11:59,345
There's no yelling
in that, either.
303
00:11:59,396 --> 00:12:00,380
Well...
304
00:12:00,447 --> 00:12:02,215
What do you do
in your free time?
305
00:12:02,282 --> 00:12:03,399
Practice Olympics.
306
00:12:03,484 --> 00:12:05,284
Mmm.
Do you like movies?
307
00:12:05,352 --> 00:12:09,122
I like
the musical grease,
308
00:12:09,189 --> 00:12:13,259
or as we call it "home."
309
00:12:13,327 --> 00:12:15,611
We have to try
this out on somebody.
310
00:12:17,581 --> 00:12:18,698
Hello.
311
00:12:18,766 --> 00:12:20,199
Look, you want
to order something?
312
00:12:20,267 --> 00:12:23,136
She will have a greekaccino.
313
00:12:23,203 --> 00:12:25,304
I don't know what that is.
314
00:12:25,372 --> 00:12:26,589
It...
315
00:12:26,673 --> 00:12:29,074
It's a very strong coffee
316
00:12:29,126 --> 00:12:31,544
with milk from a goat.
317
00:12:31,612 --> 00:12:34,580
I can't believe-ee.
318
00:12:34,631 --> 00:12:35,848
It's a miracle.
319
00:12:35,916 --> 00:12:37,550
She can talk!
320
00:12:37,618 --> 00:12:39,419
No more brain damage.
321
00:12:39,486 --> 00:12:41,087
No more brain damage!
322
00:12:42,689 --> 00:12:46,092
I don't know.
323
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,360
Ladies and gentlemen,
324
00:12:47,427 --> 00:12:50,229
our special guest speaker
will provoke you.
325
00:12:50,297 --> 00:12:53,099
He will inspire you.
326
00:12:53,167 --> 00:12:55,701
He is...
327
00:12:55,769 --> 00:12:57,236
Creed Bratton.
328
00:12:59,289 --> 00:13:02,842
Two eyes, two ears,
329
00:13:02,910 --> 00:13:05,077
a chin, a mouth,
330
00:13:05,145 --> 00:13:08,414
ten fingers, two nipples.
331
00:13:08,465 --> 00:13:11,050
A butt, two kneecaps, a penis.
332
00:13:11,118 --> 00:13:13,486
I have just described to you
333
00:13:13,554 --> 00:13:15,588
the loch ness monster.
334
00:13:15,639 --> 00:13:18,457
And the reward for its capture?
335
00:13:18,509 --> 00:13:21,461
All the riches in Scotland.
336
00:13:21,528 --> 00:13:23,563
So I have one question:
337
00:13:23,630 --> 00:13:25,364
Why are you here?
338
00:13:28,302 --> 00:13:29,602
Okay!
339
00:13:29,653 --> 00:13:31,571
All right,
ladies and gentlemen,
340
00:13:31,638 --> 00:13:35,441
it is now time
for the rarest of things,
341
00:13:35,492 --> 00:13:36,859
an actual free lunch.
342
00:13:36,944 --> 00:13:39,028
There's sandwiches in the back.
Certainly help yourselves.
343
00:13:39,112 --> 00:13:40,146
We'll meet back up in an hour.
344
00:13:40,214 --> 00:13:41,280
I picked out our movie.
345
00:13:41,331 --> 00:13:42,732
It's called suspiria.
346
00:13:42,766 --> 00:13:43,933
It pushes all the boundaries.
347
00:13:44,017 --> 00:13:45,218
All your preconceived notions
348
00:13:45,269 --> 00:13:47,053
about what horror can be
come crashing down.
349
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,888
- When I win...
- Ooh.
350
00:13:48,939 --> 00:13:50,523
- We're gonna watch wall-e,
351
00:13:50,591 --> 00:13:53,960
where all the boundaries
of color are pushed.
352
00:13:54,027 --> 00:13:55,528
It is hard to explain
353
00:13:55,596 --> 00:13:57,363
why Erin is doing
so well today.
354
00:13:57,431 --> 00:13:58,564
The only thing I can think
355
00:13:58,632 --> 00:14:00,132
is Erin is living out
356
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,169
some slumdog millionaire
scenario,
357
00:14:03,237 --> 00:14:05,004
where every word she's playing
358
00:14:05,072 --> 00:14:09,208
has a connection
to her orphan past.
359
00:14:09,276 --> 00:14:11,110
It's possible.
360
00:14:14,882 --> 00:14:17,550
So what's your crazy
business pipe dream?
361
00:14:17,617 --> 00:14:19,618
Well, I started
my own golf supply company.
362
00:14:19,670 --> 00:14:20,920
Really?
363
00:14:20,988 --> 00:14:22,922
It's taken off
faster than I expected,
364
00:14:22,973 --> 00:14:25,491
so I came here to learn about
creating manageable growth.
365
00:14:28,495 --> 00:14:30,296
- Phyllis?
- Hmm?
366
00:14:30,347 --> 00:14:32,565
Some of these people
are for real.
367
00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:37,019
Hey, friend.
How's it going?
368
00:14:37,104 --> 00:14:38,804
Oh, you know what?
Let me steep that for you.
369
00:14:41,108 --> 00:14:42,024
Thank you.
370
00:14:42,109 --> 00:14:43,075
Hey, you know what?
371
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:45,027
Good news.
We're back in.
372
00:14:45,112 --> 00:14:46,979
Let's go sell
some paper, buddy. Huh?
373
00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:48,030
Really?
374
00:14:48,115 --> 00:14:50,516
Ahem!
375
00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:53,852
- Excuse me.
- I got it. I got it.
376
00:14:53,904 --> 00:14:56,289
Hey, do you need a lozenge?
377
00:14:56,356 --> 00:14:57,856
They're a bunch a jackals.
378
00:14:57,908 --> 00:14:59,191
What?
379
00:14:59,243 --> 00:15:00,793
They left you in the lurch,
380
00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:02,295
and if they want to jump in,
381
00:15:02,362 --> 00:15:04,881
it means you're almost there.
382
00:15:04,965 --> 00:15:06,666
You did this.
383
00:15:06,717 --> 00:15:08,100
Bring it home.
384
00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:17,476
Let me tell you what you can do
385
00:15:17,544 --> 00:15:19,245
with your offer to help.
386
00:15:19,313 --> 00:15:21,213
You can table it
and offer it up another time.
387
00:15:21,265 --> 00:15:23,048
Just know that I really
appreciate the gesture.
388
00:15:24,985 --> 00:15:27,086
Hi. Hope you
enjoyed your lunch.
389
00:15:27,154 --> 00:15:29,188
Welcome back.
390
00:15:29,239 --> 00:15:31,757
Ooh. Well, hello.
391
00:15:31,825 --> 00:15:33,559
Welcome to the seminar.
392
00:15:33,610 --> 00:15:35,778
Hey, man.
What's goin' on?
393
00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:37,079
You're gonna blow it.
394
00:15:37,164 --> 00:15:38,614
Maybe.
395
00:15:38,699 --> 00:15:40,499
Only maybe.
396
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:48,846
I got it.
397
00:15:48,913 --> 00:15:50,580
Oscar, wait.
I think the victory
398
00:15:50,632 --> 00:15:51,748
would be more meaningful
399
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,151
if Erin puts the last word
in herself.
400
00:15:56,020 --> 00:15:57,054
Yes, Pam.
401
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:58,422
Yes, most definitely.
402
00:15:58,490 --> 00:15:59,422
Yes.
Yes.
403
00:15:59,474 --> 00:16:00,774
Ah! No
404
00:16:03,812 --> 00:16:06,780
Although I must say,
I will have apoplexy
405
00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:08,532
if you lose.
406
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:09,733
Do you understand?
407
00:16:09,801 --> 00:16:12,402
Apoplexy is what I will have.
408
00:16:12,454 --> 00:16:14,071
Apoplexy.
409
00:16:14,122 --> 00:16:16,140
- Yes.
- Got it.
410
00:16:20,378 --> 00:16:22,079
Oh, Oscar.
411
00:16:22,130 --> 00:16:24,081
Oscar?
412
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,116
I played "ape."
413
00:16:28,553 --> 00:16:30,587
I just want to make
a point to that last caller.
414
00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:31,989
I disagree.
415
00:16:32,056 --> 00:16:33,791
I don't think it is
the running game at all.
416
00:16:33,858 --> 00:16:36,326
I think we do have to make
a few moves in this off-season.
417
00:16:36,394 --> 00:16:37,377
Wow!
418
00:16:37,445 --> 00:16:39,629
What a day, right?
419
00:16:39,681 --> 00:16:41,765
Guess you guys
are probably ready to go.
420
00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:43,784
And you got
my business card, so...
421
00:16:43,852 --> 00:16:45,936
Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
422
00:16:45,987 --> 00:16:47,521
You know, I like you.
423
00:16:47,605 --> 00:16:50,190
I'm going to give you
my secret gyro recipe.
424
00:16:50,275 --> 00:16:51,492
Come out here
425
00:16:51,576 --> 00:16:53,443
since it's a secret,
and I'll tell you.
426
00:16:55,446 --> 00:16:57,281
All right,
you have to close right now.
427
00:16:57,332 --> 00:16:58,615
Yeah, I mean,
I'm getting to it.
428
00:16:58,666 --> 00:17:00,017
No, you're not.
You're getting past it.
429
00:17:00,084 --> 00:17:01,251
You have to close.
You can do it.
430
00:17:01,319 --> 00:17:02,286
Yeah, yeah.
431
00:17:02,337 --> 00:17:03,854
Andy, what's the problem?
432
00:17:03,922 --> 00:17:05,923
This is hard for me.
I'm a nice guy.
433
00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:08,425
You know,
Kelly and creed, Kevin,
434
00:17:08,492 --> 00:17:10,160
they believe in you.
435
00:17:10,211 --> 00:17:11,962
Don't let them down.
436
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:14,331
Don't let yourself down, Andy.
437
00:17:14,382 --> 00:17:15,666
I'm gonna go back in.
438
00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:18,035
I'm going to stall them
for a little bit.
439
00:17:18,102 --> 00:17:19,669
I want you
to get your head together,
440
00:17:19,721 --> 00:17:20,771
and then come back in.
441
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,306
I want you to close.
442
00:17:22,357 --> 00:17:26,276
What is taking
that guy so long?
443
00:17:27,779 --> 00:17:28,979
Psst.
444
00:17:34,452 --> 00:17:35,986
You think this thing's
gonna go much longer?
445
00:17:36,037 --> 00:17:37,871
I don't know.
They're still in there.
446
00:17:37,956 --> 00:17:38,956
Ohh! Good-bye.
447
00:17:39,023 --> 00:17:41,191
Stop.
448
00:17:41,242 --> 00:17:42,209
Out with it.
449
00:17:42,293 --> 00:17:43,693
Here's the story.
450
00:17:43,745 --> 00:17:45,212
That guy in there
451
00:17:45,296 --> 00:17:48,198
is Jim's childhood friend, tom.
452
00:17:48,249 --> 00:17:49,366
Tom Witochkin.
453
00:17:49,417 --> 00:17:50,968
One of my best buddies,
actually.
454
00:17:51,035 --> 00:17:52,936
And when they were
both in the third grade,
455
00:17:53,004 --> 00:17:55,138
Jim was placed
in the top reading group.
456
00:17:55,206 --> 00:17:57,074
I was blue group,
so it was second from the top.
457
00:17:57,141 --> 00:17:59,576
- And tom...
- Was in green group.
458
00:17:59,644 --> 00:18:01,545
And Jim's mom suggested
459
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,931
that Jim spend time
hanging with the kids
460
00:18:04,015 --> 00:18:05,282
in his reading group,
461
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:07,751
because she thought that
they would be a good influence.
462
00:18:07,819 --> 00:18:09,486
And that's what I told him.
463
00:18:09,553 --> 00:18:10,887
Right.
464
00:18:10,939 --> 00:18:12,389
But how'd you say it?
465
00:18:14,559 --> 00:18:17,160
"My mom thinks you're too dumb
to hang out with."
466
00:18:17,228 --> 00:18:20,163
Okay, who would like
to purchase
467
00:18:20,231 --> 00:18:23,233
this small business package
from me right now?
468
00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:26,703
Yes, we got one.
469
00:18:26,754 --> 00:18:29,456
Okay, the snowball is rolling.
470
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:30,874
Who else?
471
00:18:33,628 --> 00:18:35,212
You can put it off
for a couple of days,
472
00:18:35,263 --> 00:18:37,147
but I guarantee you,
473
00:18:37,215 --> 00:18:39,600
eventually you're gonna realize
474
00:18:39,684 --> 00:18:41,018
you need this.
475
00:18:41,085 --> 00:18:44,521
So the only thing
that's gonna be different
476
00:18:44,588 --> 00:18:46,940
is you'll be
a couple of days behind
477
00:18:47,025 --> 00:18:51,428
where you would be if you bought
this from me right now.
478
00:18:52,763 --> 00:18:54,364
So who's gonna
buy one right now?
479
00:18:54,432 --> 00:18:55,899
I'll take one.
480
00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:57,734
Yes! Awesome!
481
00:18:57,785 --> 00:19:00,103
All right, anyone else?
482
00:19:02,323 --> 00:19:03,540
Sold!
483
00:19:03,607 --> 00:19:04,808
Anybody else?
484
00:19:04,876 --> 00:19:06,576
Yes! All right!
485
00:19:06,628 --> 00:19:08,778
- Yeah, bitch.
- Good choice.
486
00:19:08,830 --> 00:19:11,081
The rest of you are dead to me.
487
00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:12,916
You made the stupidest decisions
of your life.
488
00:19:12,984 --> 00:19:14,784
No, no, no.
489
00:19:14,836 --> 00:19:16,336
But it was
a pleasure meeting you,
490
00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:17,721
and you've got my information,
491
00:19:17,788 --> 00:19:19,089
so feel free to call anytime.
492
00:19:23,645 --> 00:19:25,095
Hey, you think it's cool
if I grab a soda?
493
00:19:25,146 --> 00:19:26,296
Yeah. Whoa.
494
00:19:26,347 --> 00:19:27,831
Yep, absolutely, go ahead.
495
00:19:27,899 --> 00:19:29,132
Hey.
496
00:19:29,183 --> 00:19:31,801
Hey.
497
00:19:31,853 --> 00:19:33,136
How's it goin'?
498
00:19:33,187 --> 00:19:34,805
- Pretty good.
- It's been a while.
499
00:19:34,872 --> 00:19:36,740
It has been, yeah.
500
00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:38,108
So you work here, huh?
501
00:19:38,159 --> 00:19:39,142
Sales.
502
00:19:39,193 --> 00:19:40,344
Must be a front
503
00:19:40,411 --> 00:19:42,312
for some kind
of famous laboratory.
504
00:19:43,414 --> 00:19:45,082
'Cause you're so smart.
505
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:47,834
Oh, man.
You remember that, huh?
506
00:19:47,919 --> 00:19:49,052
Oh, barely.
507
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,120
I'm so dumb,
508
00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:51,838
you know, stuff goes in,
stuff goes out.
509
00:19:51,923 --> 00:19:53,206
Not like you probably remember
510
00:19:53,291 --> 00:19:54,541
every paper sale you ever made.
511
00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:56,626
Paper salesman genius.
512
00:19:59,330 --> 00:20:00,630
- All right,
good catch-up.
513
00:20:00,682 --> 00:20:02,516
- Yeah.
- See ya.
514
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,217
Where's your jetpack,
Zuckerberg?
515
00:20:06,270 --> 00:20:07,888
Andy.
516
00:20:09,073 --> 00:20:10,974
I didn't think
you had it in ya.
517
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:12,876
Well, I guess
when you looked in me,
518
00:20:12,944 --> 00:20:14,728
you forgot about my balls.
519
00:20:14,812 --> 00:20:16,346
They're on the outside.
520
00:20:17,565 --> 00:20:18,815
Don't know how you missed 'em.
521
00:20:20,234 --> 00:20:21,684
Wonderful seminar!
522
00:20:21,736 --> 00:20:22,686
Almost as good
523
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:25,855
as the day when we first met.
524
00:20:25,907 --> 00:20:28,692
You are the love of my life.
525
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,428
Come to me, necropolis.
526
00:20:31,496 --> 00:20:33,413
Put your lips on my lips.
527
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:35,632
Come on.
528
00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:37,700
Michael, I should
get back to work.
529
00:20:37,752 --> 00:20:39,002
What? Come on.
530
00:20:39,053 --> 00:20:40,921
It's time for grapes.
531
00:20:43,941 --> 00:20:45,308
Real fun day.
532
00:20:48,633 --> 00:20:50,250
- So, I won.
- I know.
533
00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:51,801
You get to pick.
534
00:20:51,869 --> 00:20:54,204
Well, that's actually what
I came to talk to you about.
535
00:20:54,272 --> 00:20:55,772
I know how much
you want to watch wall-e.
536
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,240
Yes?
537
00:20:57,308 --> 00:20:59,634
So I got us a compromise.
538
00:20:59,635 --> 00:21:02,758
This movie is called hardware,
it tells the story of a killer
539
00:21:02,974 --> 00:21:04,614
combat robot, just like wall-e
540
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:07,302
that the government invented
to destroy humans.
541
00:21:07,337 --> 00:21:09,898
It's some of what you like
and some of what I like.
542
00:21:09,933 --> 00:21:13,917
I heard you talked
about movies before
543
00:21:13,918 --> 00:21:17,219
****
544
00:21:17,220 --> 00:21:19,290
there's a Shrek 2?
545
00:21:19,291 --> 00:21:22,158
Oh, yeah.
546
00:21:22,159 --> 00:21:23,685
Nice guy.
547
00:21:23,686 --> 00:21:24,686
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9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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