1
00:00:04,727 --> 00:00:06,962
Val, I need this space.
2
00:00:06,997 --> 00:00:07,997
All right, guys, clear out.
3
00:00:08,031 --> 00:00:09,198
Everybody out.
4
00:00:09,232 --> 00:00:10,632
Promise me you're going
to clean up.
5
00:00:10,667 --> 00:00:12,935
I can't promise what
I'm going to do or not do.
6
00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:14,036
Promise me that--
7
00:00:14,070 --> 00:00:15,404
Obviously I'm going
to clean up.
8
00:00:15,438 --> 00:00:18,307
Stress is like the uptight mayor
of a town who's saying,
9
00:00:18,341 --> 00:00:20,474
"hey, we're uptight,
you can't dance."
10
00:00:20,509 --> 00:00:22,844
And then you have to be like,
"oh, yeah, mayor stress?
11
00:00:22,878 --> 00:00:24,279
Well, watch this."
12
00:00:24,313 --> 00:00:28,416
And then...We dance.
13
00:00:28,450 --> 00:00:29,984
Oh, how we dance.
14
00:00:30,019 --> 00:00:32,987
[Kenny Loggins' Footloose]
15
00:00:33,022 --> 00:00:41,028
♪
16
00:00:43,364 --> 00:00:46,200
♪ I've been working so hard ♪
17
00:00:46,234 --> 00:00:49,236
♪ I'm punching my card ♪
18
00:00:49,270 --> 00:00:51,337
♪ eight hours for what ♪
19
00:00:51,371 --> 00:00:54,673
♪ oh tell me what I got ♪
20
00:00:54,708 --> 00:00:57,143
♪ I've got this feeling ♪
21
00:00:57,177 --> 00:00:59,645
♪ that time's just
holding me down ♪
22
00:00:59,679 --> 00:01:04,884
[popping]
23
00:01:04,918 --> 00:01:07,285
Sex also works.
24
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,288
[Cheerful music]
25
00:01:11,145 --> 00:01:16,441
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
26
00:01:30,708 --> 00:01:32,576
Hey, Jim's back from jury duty.
27
00:01:32,610 --> 00:01:34,245
Hey! Tuna!
28
00:01:34,279 --> 00:01:36,380
He's back.
29
00:01:36,414 --> 00:01:38,682
- Hey.
- Oh, look at this.
30
00:01:38,716 --> 00:01:41,184
- Tuna wrap.
- Okay.
31
00:01:41,218 --> 00:01:42,886
Hand roll.
32
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,020
Yeah.
33
00:01:44,054 --> 00:01:45,088
How was jury duty?
34
00:01:45,122 --> 00:01:46,856
It was pretty
uneventful, actually.
35
00:01:46,891 --> 00:01:47,857
I can't believe they
let someone like you
36
00:01:47,892 --> 00:01:49,058
serve on a jury.
37
00:01:49,093 --> 00:01:50,760
Makes me question
the whole judicial system.
38
00:01:50,794 --> 00:01:51,761
What was the case?
39
00:01:51,795 --> 00:01:53,229
Uh, hit and run.
40
00:01:53,264 --> 00:01:55,998
Ooh, "the case of the hit
and run," that's exciting.
41
00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,766
Did you send him
to the slammer?
42
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,034
Nope, not guilty.
43
00:01:59,068 --> 00:02:00,602
Of course you found him
not guilty.
44
00:02:00,636 --> 00:02:02,737
[Mocking voice]
"Oh, he apologized,
45
00:02:02,772 --> 00:02:05,073
and I just really want him
to like me, mm."
46
00:02:05,108 --> 00:02:06,608
We're best friends, actually.
47
00:02:06,642 --> 00:02:08,576
We're going wine-tasting next
weekend, if you want to come.
48
00:02:08,611 --> 00:02:10,078
Not coming, have plans.
49
00:02:10,113 --> 00:02:11,779
Okay.
50
00:02:11,813 --> 00:02:13,680
I did get called in
to jury duty.
51
00:02:13,715 --> 00:02:15,983
And they released me
around noon,
52
00:02:16,018 --> 00:02:17,919
so didn't think it was worth
it to come back to work
53
00:02:17,953 --> 00:02:19,853
for a half day.
54
00:02:19,888 --> 00:02:22,189
And then the next morning,
Pam was a little overwhelmed
55
00:02:22,224 --> 00:02:26,160
with the kids, so I took
an extra day to help out.
56
00:02:26,194 --> 00:02:29,562
And then three
other days happened.
57
00:02:29,596 --> 00:02:31,231
Ah!
58
00:02:31,265 --> 00:02:32,865
Angela had the baby!
59
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:34,367
Is it black?
60
00:02:34,402 --> 00:02:36,102
'Cause that would be hilarious.
61
00:02:36,137 --> 00:02:38,138
Why?
62
00:02:38,172 --> 00:02:39,372
You know.
63
00:02:39,407 --> 00:02:40,907
Would it be more hilarious
than Angela
64
00:02:40,942 --> 00:02:42,208
having a Chinese baby?
65
00:02:42,243 --> 00:02:44,776
A little bit, yeah.
66
00:02:44,811 --> 00:02:46,345
Right, guys?
Back me up.
67
00:02:46,379 --> 00:02:47,879
Eh, a little bit.
68
00:02:47,914 --> 00:02:50,115
Oh, did I win the pool?
69
00:02:50,150 --> 00:02:52,451
Ah, no.
Right month, wrong year.
70
00:02:52,485 --> 00:02:53,819
Well, no one won the pool.
71
00:02:53,853 --> 00:02:55,821
Angela wasn't due
for another month.
72
00:02:55,855 --> 00:02:57,923
We should all go
to the hospital and visit her.
73
00:02:57,958 --> 00:03:00,224
Oh, I'd love to, but, um--
74
00:03:00,259 --> 00:03:02,493
Aw, man, I would, but
I can't miss any more work.
75
00:03:02,527 --> 00:03:03,995
Well, Kevin and I have to go,
76
00:03:04,029 --> 00:03:06,164
because accounting
is its own little family.
77
00:03:06,198 --> 00:03:09,233
Yeah, Oscar's the dad,
I'm Oscar's dad,
78
00:03:09,268 --> 00:03:11,169
and Angela's my mom.
79
00:03:11,203 --> 00:03:13,504
Everyone, our very
own Angela--
80
00:03:13,538 --> 00:03:14,505
We all got the email,
81
00:03:14,539 --> 00:03:15,973
some of us are going
to go visit.
82
00:03:16,007 --> 00:03:18,475
Oh, I am so in.
83
00:03:18,509 --> 00:03:20,277
I love maternity wards.
84
00:03:20,311 --> 00:03:22,479
It's the perfect blend
of love and horror.
85
00:03:22,513 --> 00:03:27,684
Things can go so wrong
or so right.
86
00:03:27,718 --> 00:03:29,519
Come on, "Judge Judy,"
tell us your case.
87
00:03:29,553 --> 00:03:30,753
What were the deets?
88
00:03:30,788 --> 00:03:32,855
Mine was actually
a pretty boring case, so--
89
00:03:32,889 --> 00:03:33,990
How could it be boring?
You were there for five days.
90
00:03:34,024 --> 00:03:35,424
Titillate us.
91
00:03:35,459 --> 00:03:36,692
Yeah, you owe us.
92
00:03:36,726 --> 00:03:38,594
I had to stay until 6:00
twice to cover for you.
93
00:03:38,628 --> 00:03:40,463
My wife got to the tv first,
94
00:03:40,497 --> 00:03:43,299
had to sit through
damn "Rizzoli" and damn "Isles."
95
00:03:43,333 --> 00:03:46,102
Yeah, my car got smashed
visiting one of your clients,
96
00:03:46,136 --> 00:03:47,768
and I had to have it detailed,
97
00:03:47,803 --> 00:03:49,170
and they took my meter change.
98
00:03:49,205 --> 00:03:51,806
- Wow, I'm really sorry.
- Yeah.
99
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,908
I never considered
that my week off
100
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,778
would make everyone
else's job harder.
101
00:03:57,813 --> 00:04:00,215
The least I could do
is give them a good story.
102
00:04:00,249 --> 00:04:01,649
So Phyllis, he was here,
103
00:04:01,683 --> 00:04:04,784
and then the car came
and did-- He was like that.
104
00:04:04,819 --> 00:04:06,853
Yeah, so it had to be
a double backflip, actually.
105
00:04:06,888 --> 00:04:09,223
You know, when
I was on j-duty--
106
00:04:09,257 --> 00:04:11,625
Uh, strangler case--
We used to recreate
107
00:04:11,659 --> 00:04:15,496
the various stranglings with
empanadas from-- At Ernesto's.
108
00:04:15,530 --> 00:04:17,398
Oh, man, Ernesto's.
109
00:04:17,432 --> 00:04:19,065
That was our
favorite restaurant too.
110
00:04:19,099 --> 00:04:21,234
You mean food truck.
Ernesto's was a food truck.
111
00:04:21,268 --> 00:04:22,668
Toby, shut your hole
about the empanadas.
112
00:04:22,702 --> 00:04:24,904
Nobody cares
about the empanadas.
113
00:04:24,938 --> 00:04:26,805
I was in Los Angeles last year.
114
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:28,841
Jim tricked me into thinking
I'd won a walk-on part
115
00:04:28,875 --> 00:04:31,110
on NCIS,
but that's not important.
116
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,112
While I was being kicked
off the lot,
117
00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:35,080
I saw food trucks everywhere.
118
00:04:35,114 --> 00:04:36,848
Everyone in Los Angeles
eats from them.
119
00:04:36,882 --> 00:04:40,519
And nobody
calls them "restaurants."
120
00:04:46,559 --> 00:04:48,427
[Whispering]
Guys, I don't know how many
121
00:04:48,461 --> 00:04:50,062
of you have seen--
122
00:04:50,096 --> 00:04:51,662
Gabe?
Bring it in.
123
00:04:51,696 --> 00:04:52,663
I don't know how many
of you have seen
124
00:04:52,697 --> 00:04:54,798
a premature baby before.
125
00:04:54,832 --> 00:04:56,033
It's going to be really tiny,
126
00:04:56,068 --> 00:04:57,568
so please don't
say anything offensive.
127
00:04:57,602 --> 00:04:59,270
Got that, bimbo?
128
00:04:59,304 --> 00:05:00,704
Got it, bimbo.
129
00:05:00,738 --> 00:05:03,507
[Knocking at door] Yes?
130
00:05:03,542 --> 00:05:05,776
Knock, knock.
131
00:05:05,810 --> 00:05:09,712
- Hi.
- [Stammering]
132
00:05:09,746 --> 00:05:11,781
I don't--
I don't want any--
133
00:05:11,815 --> 00:05:12,848
What are you guys doing here?
134
00:05:12,883 --> 00:05:13,849
We wanted to say hi
to the newest
135
00:05:13,884 --> 00:05:14,850
little Dunder Mifflinite.
136
00:05:14,885 --> 00:05:17,387
Well, meet our
not-so-little
137
00:05:17,421 --> 00:05:20,557
bundle of joy,
Philip Halsted Lipton.
138
00:05:20,591 --> 00:05:22,358
Philip is so fat.
139
00:05:22,393 --> 00:05:23,526
Kevin.
140
00:05:23,561 --> 00:05:24,594
You warned me not
to say anything
141
00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:26,128
if it was tiny, Oscar.
142
00:05:26,162 --> 00:05:29,065
But you didn't prepare me for
a big, giant, fat baby.
143
00:05:29,099 --> 00:05:31,100
- Hey.
- Yes, he's substantial.
144
00:05:31,134 --> 00:05:32,234
He's more than substantial.
145
00:05:32,268 --> 00:05:36,105
He's a monster.
146
00:05:36,139 --> 00:05:38,107
So this whole
hit and run thing,
147
00:05:38,141 --> 00:05:40,075
there's just one part
I can't figure out.
148
00:05:40,109 --> 00:05:41,810
You said it was at
a four-way stop...
149
00:05:41,844 --> 00:05:43,645
Mm-hm.
150
00:05:43,679 --> 00:05:45,179
And the victim rode his bicycle
151
00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:46,915
into the left-hand turn lane,
152
00:05:46,949 --> 00:05:49,918
but the perp was already
in the left-hand turn lane?
153
00:05:49,952 --> 00:05:51,486
Mm-hm.
154
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:52,721
See, that's what
I'm having trouble with,
155
00:05:52,755 --> 00:05:56,289
because the fact is,
156
00:05:56,324 --> 00:06:00,494
you never said
he was on a bicycle.
157
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:03,097
[Villainous laugh]
158
00:06:03,131 --> 00:06:05,265
- Busted, Halpert!
- Okay, wait, wait.
159
00:06:05,299 --> 00:06:07,067
- Yes! Andy, get out here.
- No.
160
00:06:07,102 --> 00:06:08,268
I never said he was
on a bicycle.
161
00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:09,536
I just said
I wasn't listening to you.
162
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:10,604
I am making a citizen's arrest.
163
00:06:10,639 --> 00:06:12,171
You have the right
to remain silent.
164
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,472
You have the right
to beg for mercy.
165
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,574
You have the right to request
judgment by combat.
166
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:16,643
Dwight's rights.
167
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:18,011
What's up, gangstas?
168
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,980
Jim was lying about jury duty.
169
00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:22,949
He was lying the whole time
so he could go do yoga
170
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,250
or go canoeing.
171
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:25,818
I don't know what
this pervert likes.
172
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:26,953
Fire him!
173
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,888
Dwight, not everything
is a conspiracy theory.
174
00:06:29,922 --> 00:06:32,624
I have Jim on the record
saying that the vic--
175
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,225
No, Dwight!
176
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,962
I have me on the record
saying to you,
177
00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:38,296
"take a chill pill."
178
00:06:38,330 --> 00:06:40,565
I don't-- I don't need
to take a chill pill.
179
00:06:40,599 --> 00:06:45,670
Here, right there.
180
00:06:45,704 --> 00:06:47,004
Down the hatch.
181
00:06:47,039 --> 00:06:48,072
[Mumbling]
I really don't want to take
182
00:06:48,106 --> 00:06:50,308
the chill pill.
183
00:06:50,342 --> 00:06:51,576
Attaboy.
184
00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:53,743
Good, now, "chill."
185
00:06:53,778 --> 00:06:54,744
Okay, okay.
186
00:06:54,779 --> 00:06:57,414
[Exhales]
187
00:06:57,448 --> 00:07:01,485
But let's just say that Jim
was lying about jury duty.
188
00:07:01,519 --> 00:07:03,053
You would have to fire him,
right?
189
00:07:03,087 --> 00:07:05,222
Yeah, sure, of course.
190
00:07:05,256 --> 00:07:09,358
I'd fire him to Timbuktu.
191
00:07:09,393 --> 00:07:11,960
That's good enough for me.
192
00:07:11,995 --> 00:07:14,463
[Sighs]
193
00:07:18,910 --> 00:07:19,877
And Pam was just going crazy
194
00:07:19,911 --> 00:07:21,211
trying to take care of Philip,
195
00:07:21,246 --> 00:07:23,280
because Cece has been
out of control recently, and--
196
00:07:23,314 --> 00:07:25,349
Look, Andy, it doesn't matter.
197
00:07:25,383 --> 00:07:26,383
The truth is,
198
00:07:26,417 --> 00:07:28,118
I just feel terrible
lying to you.
199
00:07:28,153 --> 00:07:31,155
I feel terrible
getting lied to.
200
00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:34,658
No one's ever
lied to me before.
201
00:07:34,692 --> 00:07:35,925
Okay.
202
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,361
I think the best thing
to do right now is just
203
00:07:38,395 --> 00:07:40,129
come clean and tell
everybody the truth.
204
00:07:40,164 --> 00:07:42,365
No, not after what
I told Dwight about firing you.
205
00:07:42,399 --> 00:07:44,634
No, here's what
we're going to do.
206
00:07:44,668 --> 00:07:46,969
We're going to have ourselves
a good old fashioned cover-up.
207
00:07:47,003 --> 00:07:48,437
Have you ever heard of
a Connecticut cover-up?
208
00:07:48,472 --> 00:07:49,572
No.
209
00:07:49,606 --> 00:07:51,607
Do you know why
you never heard of it?
210
00:07:51,642 --> 00:07:54,075
- No.
- Covered it up.
211
00:07:54,109 --> 00:07:55,910
Are you sure
you can keep this under wraps?
212
00:07:55,944 --> 00:07:57,579
They used to call me "King Tut"
213
00:07:57,613 --> 00:08:00,515
because I'm so good
at keeping things under wraps.
214
00:08:00,550 --> 00:08:03,285
My nickname was actually
"King Butt,"
215
00:08:03,319 --> 00:08:05,520
because I had
a king-size butt.
216
00:08:13,228 --> 00:08:16,630
Where do you want I park?
217
00:08:16,665 --> 00:08:18,098
Okay, everybody,
218
00:08:18,132 --> 00:08:20,100
gather around.
219
00:08:20,134 --> 00:08:22,069
Got a real special
surprise for you.
220
00:08:22,103 --> 00:08:23,537
Ernesto.
221
00:08:23,572 --> 00:08:25,405
Hola, Toby.
[Mimics choking]
222
00:08:25,439 --> 00:08:28,408
- Yeah, hey.
- ¿Cómo está?
223
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:32,512
Recuerdo muy bien al señor Toby,
el fue un cliente muy bueno.
224
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:35,515
Uh, I'm going to say "I"
when I'm talking for Ernesto,
225
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,383
so instead of,
"he says, 'blah blah blah, '"
226
00:08:37,418 --> 00:08:39,586
I'm going to say,
"I say, 'blah blah blah, '"
227
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:40,886
but that's for him.
228
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:45,524
Anyway, it was something like,
"he remembers Toby."
229
00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:46,525
"I remember Toby."
230
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,760
Okay-- Oh, Jim.
231
00:08:48,794 --> 00:08:51,530
Hey, this guy look familiar?
232
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,531
It's the empanada guy.
233
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:54,132
- The empanada guy.
- No, Toby!
234
00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:55,534
[Bleep] Damn it, Toby!
235
00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:58,436
No, I wasn't asking you.
[Sighs]
236
00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:00,705
Ask him if he remembers Jim.
237
00:09:00,739 --> 00:09:03,774
¿Conoce el Jaime?
238
00:09:03,808 --> 00:09:06,210
No.
239
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:08,246
- He says, "no."
- He says, "no"!
240
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:09,480
Boom!
241
00:09:09,514 --> 00:09:10,748
Yeah, but who remembers
all their customers?
242
00:09:10,782 --> 00:09:12,550
I mean, I can name, like,
three of our clients.
243
00:09:12,584 --> 00:09:14,951
Okay, he remembers Toby,
the most forgettable man
244
00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:16,119
in the known world.
245
00:09:16,153 --> 00:09:18,393
Yo no quiero problemas,
yo veo a mucha gente.
246
00:09:18,485 --> 00:09:20,307
Vienen de todas partes a
comer mis empanadas.
247
00:09:20,658 --> 00:09:21,725
Ah, he doesn't want
any trouble,
248
00:09:21,759 --> 00:09:23,793
he sees lots of people.
249
00:09:23,827 --> 00:09:26,630
They come from all around to eat
his delicious meat pockets.
250
00:09:26,664 --> 00:09:28,598
Uh, you guys are going
to love these.
251
00:09:28,633 --> 00:09:30,699
So empanadas on me.
252
00:09:30,734 --> 00:09:32,301
You guys gotta try them.
253
00:09:32,335 --> 00:09:33,669
Usually I'm a "burrito guy,"
254
00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:36,238
but if you won't tell,
I won't, "wink, wink."
255
00:09:36,273 --> 00:09:38,474
Great, and while we're
enjoying these delicious
256
00:09:38,508 --> 00:09:41,477
empanadas, Jim, why don't
you tell us your story again?
257
00:09:41,511 --> 00:09:42,611
Why?
Everybody's heard it.
258
00:09:42,646 --> 00:09:44,580
Walk us through it.
259
00:09:44,614 --> 00:09:45,813
What time would you
get there every morning?
260
00:09:45,847 --> 00:09:48,182
Hey, murder, she wrote.
261
00:09:48,216 --> 00:09:51,919
How about we drop the whole
murder, she wrote thing, okay?
262
00:09:51,953 --> 00:09:54,422
Jim was at the courthouse
for jury duty every morning.
263
00:09:54,456 --> 00:09:55,423
How do I know?
264
00:09:55,457 --> 00:09:57,525
Because I drove him there.
265
00:09:57,559 --> 00:09:58,959
Why?
266
00:09:58,994 --> 00:10:03,463
Why? Why?
267
00:10:03,498 --> 00:10:05,332
Because my car broke down.
268
00:10:05,366 --> 00:10:06,767
His car broke down.
269
00:10:06,801 --> 00:10:08,468
So he called me, 'cause
I live near the courthouse.
270
00:10:08,503 --> 00:10:09,469
Wait, wait.
271
00:10:09,504 --> 00:10:11,237
You live by the courthouse.
272
00:10:11,272 --> 00:10:13,473
So you drove from near
the courthouse,
273
00:10:13,508 --> 00:10:16,843
out to Jim's house,
and then back to the courthouse?
274
00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:19,044
30 minutes out,
30 minutes back, easy hour.
275
00:10:19,078 --> 00:10:20,913
And I would watch
that cute little tushie
276
00:10:20,947 --> 00:10:22,648
scurry up those courthouse
stairs every morning,
277
00:10:22,683 --> 00:10:26,151
and that was that.
278
00:10:26,186 --> 00:10:29,789
I'm sorry, do you have
any American Mexican food?
279
00:10:29,823 --> 00:10:31,691
We're getting buried out there.
280
00:10:31,725 --> 00:10:33,258
What was that stuff about
the car breaking down?
281
00:10:33,293 --> 00:10:35,226
Well, I think
you handled it pretty well.
282
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,561
I'm not Rumpelstiltskin, Jim.
283
00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:38,830
I can't keep spinning gold
out of your [Bleep].
284
00:10:38,864 --> 00:10:40,532
Okay, listen, all right?
285
00:10:40,566 --> 00:10:42,834
Dwight's on to us, he's going
to figure it out really soon,
286
00:10:42,868 --> 00:10:44,669
so let's just get ahead of it,
let's tell the truth.
287
00:10:44,704 --> 00:10:46,137
[Sighs] I don't even know
288
00:10:46,171 --> 00:10:48,206
what the truth is anymore.
289
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:52,142
Wow, it's so... healthy.
290
00:10:52,176 --> 00:10:54,878
I'm going to call him
"Little Kevin."
291
00:10:54,912 --> 00:10:56,279
No, you will not.
292
00:10:56,314 --> 00:10:57,848
- Is he really five pounds?
- Mm-hmm.
293
00:10:57,882 --> 00:10:59,683
Because I squat
with five pounds.
294
00:10:59,718 --> 00:11:02,285
This--
[Grunts]
295
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,887
Yeah, this feels
like more than that.
296
00:11:03,921 --> 00:11:06,389
No, no, no.
He's nine pounds, seven ounces.
297
00:11:06,423 --> 00:11:09,258
Nine pounds?
Really?
298
00:11:09,292 --> 00:11:11,160
I thought you said five.
299
00:11:11,194 --> 00:11:12,161
You know what?
300
00:11:12,195 --> 00:11:13,329
I was under so many drugs,
301
00:11:13,364 --> 00:11:15,765
I felt like I was at
a James Taylor concert
302
00:11:15,799 --> 00:11:17,767
or something, oh.
303
00:11:17,801 --> 00:11:19,168
So what did you bring?
304
00:11:19,202 --> 00:11:22,337
Oh, yeah, I don't know
if it's right, but--
305
00:11:22,372 --> 00:11:24,339
Well, if it's anything
306
00:11:24,374 --> 00:11:25,640
like that gorgeous
wrapping paper,
307
00:11:25,675 --> 00:11:28,844
you hit it out of the park.
308
00:11:28,878 --> 00:11:30,912
Oh, "preemie pajamas."
309
00:11:30,946 --> 00:11:32,146
Again, it may not be
the right size.
310
00:11:32,181 --> 00:11:33,181
- I can return--
- No.
311
00:11:33,215 --> 00:11:34,315
I think he came early
312
00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:36,518
just so he could wear these.
313
00:11:36,552 --> 00:11:37,752
Thank you.
314
00:11:37,786 --> 00:11:40,120
I got Little Kevin
Call Of Duty.
315
00:11:40,154 --> 00:11:42,690
This baby is clearly
not premature.
316
00:11:42,724 --> 00:11:44,658
They're lying about the date
it was conceived.
317
00:11:44,693 --> 00:11:46,694
It's very interesting.
318
00:11:46,728 --> 00:11:48,696
And her husband's gay.
319
00:11:48,730 --> 00:11:51,565
I don't even know which
thread to follow.
320
00:11:58,706 --> 00:12:01,073
Uh, excuse me, can I have
everyone's attention
321
00:12:01,108 --> 00:12:02,074
for a second?
322
00:12:02,109 --> 00:12:03,576
First off, I just want to say
323
00:12:03,611 --> 00:12:05,278
that I'm really sorry,
I didn't know that my absence
324
00:12:05,312 --> 00:12:07,747
last week would have been
a burden on any of you,
325
00:12:07,782 --> 00:12:11,316
because though I did have
jury duty last week,
326
00:12:11,350 --> 00:12:14,753
they did dismiss me
early on Monday.
327
00:12:14,788 --> 00:12:16,221
[Gasps]
328
00:12:16,255 --> 00:12:18,056
And I think you're going
to find this pretty hilarious.
329
00:12:18,090 --> 00:12:23,328
I kind of, uh, well,
maybe took the week off.
330
00:12:23,362 --> 00:12:24,329
What?
331
00:12:24,363 --> 00:12:28,299
Funny? No?
Nobody laughing?
332
00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:30,501
You're screwed.
333
00:12:30,536 --> 00:12:32,837
Oh, it's happening.
334
00:12:32,871 --> 00:12:34,171
It's really happening.
335
00:12:34,205 --> 00:12:36,641
What the hell, Jim?
I covered for your bony butt.
336
00:12:36,675 --> 00:12:39,076
Pam really needed some help
with the kids, so--
337
00:12:39,110 --> 00:12:40,745
I promise my intentions
were good.
338
00:12:40,779 --> 00:12:42,846
Your clients.
They're all mine.
339
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,414
Jim, I got my ass chewed out
340
00:12:44,449 --> 00:12:46,883
because one of
your orders got messed up.
341
00:12:46,918 --> 00:12:49,252
And Andy, you said you drove
him to the courthouse.
342
00:12:49,286 --> 00:12:52,556
Uh, I did, every morning.
343
00:12:52,590 --> 00:12:54,591
And if I didn't,
then I hope I die.
344
00:12:54,625 --> 00:12:56,025
All right, well...
345
00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:59,027
Let's get this show on the road,
shall we?
346
00:12:59,062 --> 00:13:01,129
Allow me to give you a hand.
347
00:13:01,164 --> 00:13:03,999
Here we are.
So long, clump-mate.
348
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:06,268
I'm going to miss you.
349
00:13:06,302 --> 00:13:07,536
Truth be told,
I never thought that
350
00:13:07,571 --> 00:13:09,705
this was how
it was going to end.
351
00:13:09,739 --> 00:13:11,807
I always thought I was going
to defeat you somehow.
352
00:13:11,842 --> 00:13:13,708
But you've defeated yourself.
353
00:13:13,742 --> 00:13:14,709
Dwight, cut it out.
354
00:13:14,743 --> 00:13:16,344
I'm not firing Jim.
355
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:18,446
No, no, no, no.
You said-- You said you were--
356
00:13:18,481 --> 00:13:20,348
I know what I said.
357
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,484
Jim, you're in deep doo-doo.
358
00:13:22,518 --> 00:13:23,985
Do you understand?
359
00:13:24,019 --> 00:13:25,587
I have one thing to say to you,
and I'm going to say it
360
00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:27,789
in front of this whole office.
361
00:13:27,823 --> 00:13:30,357
Look me in the eye.
362
00:13:32,226 --> 00:13:33,794
That's it?
363
00:13:33,828 --> 00:13:39,032
This is crap!
364
00:13:39,066 --> 00:13:41,535
You've reached Gabe Lewis,
I'm currently indisposed.
365
00:13:41,569 --> 00:13:43,537
Leave me a message, ciao.
[Beep]
366
00:13:43,571 --> 00:13:46,806
Gabe, it's Dwight again.
Highest priority, triple-urgent.
367
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:50,075
Call me immediately.
That means A-S-A-P.
368
00:13:50,110 --> 00:13:51,978
I'm gonna find Gabe,
tell him what Jim did,
369
00:13:52,012 --> 00:13:55,414
and let the little stickler
do what he does best, stickle.
370
00:13:55,448 --> 00:13:56,682
Shh.
371
00:13:56,717 --> 00:13:58,751
Honestly, I can return
this for a larger size.
372
00:13:58,785 --> 00:14:00,019
It's fine.
373
00:14:00,053 --> 00:14:01,953
Pajamas aren't supposed
to be baggy, right?
374
00:14:01,988 --> 00:14:03,154
It's not the barrio.
375
00:14:03,188 --> 00:14:06,525
The only premature baby
in this room,
376
00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:07,993
is the baby this baby ate.
377
00:14:08,027 --> 00:14:09,960
Ah.
378
00:14:09,995 --> 00:14:12,363
[Giggles] Little Kevin.
379
00:14:12,398 --> 00:14:13,864
- Really?
- Angela.
380
00:14:13,899 --> 00:14:16,300
Fine.
God.
381
00:14:16,335 --> 00:14:18,102
Philip was conceived
nine months ago.
382
00:14:18,137 --> 00:14:19,404
I knew that, I knew it.
383
00:14:19,438 --> 00:14:22,806
The senator and
I wanted to wait,
384
00:14:22,841 --> 00:14:25,708
but we had just seen Thor,
and there was way too much wine
385
00:14:25,743 --> 00:14:27,010
in my chicken piccata.
386
00:14:27,045 --> 00:14:28,045
Chicken marsala.
387
00:14:28,079 --> 00:14:31,114
Right.
Um, point is...
388
00:14:31,149 --> 00:14:32,615
Philip was conceived
out of wedlock.
389
00:14:32,650 --> 00:14:34,017
Mm-hm.
390
00:14:34,052 --> 00:14:37,187
And now you all know,
but you can never tell.
391
00:14:37,221 --> 00:14:39,689
I'm serious.
392
00:14:39,723 --> 00:14:41,223
Dwight.
393
00:14:41,258 --> 00:14:42,224
Hey.
394
00:14:42,259 --> 00:14:44,193
Oh, hey.
Have you seen Gabe?
395
00:14:44,227 --> 00:14:46,262
He went to the car or
something, but he'll back.
396
00:14:46,296 --> 00:14:50,699
Okay.
397
00:14:50,733 --> 00:14:52,101
Don't you want to see the baby?
398
00:14:52,135 --> 00:14:53,835
Psh!
Why?
399
00:14:53,870 --> 00:14:55,804
I know what Angela
and the senator look like.
400
00:14:55,838 --> 00:15:01,109
I can mash that
up in my head right now.
401
00:15:01,110 --> 00:15:02,410
I promised I wouldn't tell.
402
00:15:02,445 --> 00:15:04,045
So don't.
403
00:15:04,113 --> 00:15:09,451
Angela got pregnant
before the wedding
404
00:15:09,485 --> 00:15:11,018
what?
405
00:15:11,053 --> 00:15:12,019
She got pregnant
before the wedding.
406
00:15:12,054 --> 00:15:13,019
How long before?
407
00:15:13,054 --> 00:15:15,322
A month.
408
00:15:20,562 --> 00:15:21,528
You didn't hear it from me.
409
00:15:21,563 --> 00:15:24,098
Yes, I did..
410
00:15:31,186 --> 00:15:32,352
- Dwight?
- Dwight.
411
00:15:32,386 --> 00:15:33,820
I want to see the baby.
412
00:15:33,855 --> 00:15:35,521
Oh, Angela will make you
cut your fingernails.
413
00:15:35,556 --> 00:15:36,890
It's not worth it.
414
00:15:36,924 --> 00:15:40,894
Oh, yes.
415
00:15:40,928 --> 00:15:43,363
Oh, what a beautiful child.
416
00:15:43,397 --> 00:15:48,567
Prominent forehead,
short arms, tiny nose.
417
00:15:48,601 --> 00:15:51,136
You will lead millions...
418
00:15:51,171 --> 00:15:53,672
[Whispers]
Willingly or as slaves.
419
00:15:53,706 --> 00:15:55,140
That baby is a Schrute.
420
00:15:55,175 --> 00:15:58,310
And unless somebody
taught Mose sex,
421
00:15:58,345 --> 00:16:01,280
that baby is mine.
422
00:16:01,314 --> 00:16:02,915
He's hungry.
423
00:16:02,949 --> 00:16:05,116
Oh, that's my cue to leave.
424
00:16:05,150 --> 00:16:06,784
No, you don't have to,
I'm going to wear this cover.
425
00:16:06,818 --> 00:16:09,120
Still. Still.
426
00:16:09,154 --> 00:16:13,057
You won't see--
427
00:16:13,092 --> 00:16:14,558
You want a giraffe?
428
00:16:14,593 --> 00:16:16,261
Yes, I am bringing my kids in
429
00:16:16,295 --> 00:16:17,762
to help me get out
of this hole.
430
00:16:17,796 --> 00:16:19,463
And you all remember
my beautiful wife, Pam.
431
00:16:19,498 --> 00:16:21,365
Hi.
432
00:16:21,399 --> 00:16:23,533
Wow, I really thought I'd
be more excited to be here.
433
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,369
Whoa, whoa, game face,
baby, game face.
434
00:16:25,403 --> 00:16:26,503
Oh, right, okay.
435
00:16:26,537 --> 00:16:27,737
"Hey, Stanley,
it's great to see you"!
436
00:16:27,772 --> 00:16:29,306
Whoa, no, no.
That's overdoing it, I think.
437
00:16:29,340 --> 00:16:30,573
"Oh, hi, Stanley."
438
00:16:30,608 --> 00:16:31,574
Split the difference?
439
00:16:31,609 --> 00:16:33,110
- Jim--
- Okay, let's go.
440
00:16:33,144 --> 00:16:35,545
- Hey.
- Hi.
441
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:37,413
Hi, everybody!
442
00:16:37,447 --> 00:16:39,315
What?
443
00:16:39,349 --> 00:16:40,716
[All greeting]
Hey, how about a little visit?
444
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,685
Wow, what a surprise.
That's crazy.
445
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,721
You guys get to meet
the little heck-raisers.
446
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:47,256
Hey, Angela's back
with her baby.
447
00:16:47,291 --> 00:16:49,191
Yes, well,
you guys all know Cece,
448
00:16:49,226 --> 00:16:52,427
but we wanted to introduce
you to baby Philip.
449
00:16:52,461 --> 00:16:57,598
[Gasps] You guys.
450
00:16:57,633 --> 00:16:59,367
He's licking on my finger,
just like my cat does.
451
00:16:59,402 --> 00:17:00,868
Let me have a turn.
452
00:17:00,903 --> 00:17:02,237
No, it's the pacifier's turn.
453
00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:03,771
All right.
454
00:17:03,806 --> 00:17:05,941
Did you say something
about this one bringing in
455
00:17:05,975 --> 00:17:07,042
something for these people?
456
00:17:07,076 --> 00:17:09,076
[Gasps] Yes.
457
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:10,477
Cece wanted to thank everybody
458
00:17:10,511 --> 00:17:12,712
for letting her daddy
stay home with her
459
00:17:12,747 --> 00:17:14,915
all last week and play,
460
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,317
so she brought you
a little treat.
461
00:17:16,351 --> 00:17:17,684
Cookies?
462
00:17:17,718 --> 00:17:19,553
No, but that would've been
a really good idea.
463
00:17:19,587 --> 00:17:20,787
That was a great idea.
464
00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:23,424
No, she brought you drawings.
465
00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:25,891
Oh, my goodness.
Let's take a look at these.
466
00:17:25,926 --> 00:17:28,694
They're usually amazing,
so let's see.
467
00:17:28,728 --> 00:17:31,164
Yup, they are.
468
00:17:31,198 --> 00:17:33,199
- Uncle Andy.
- Oh.
469
00:17:33,233 --> 00:17:34,968
Oh, aunt Phyllis.
470
00:17:35,002 --> 00:17:36,336
Wow, these are incredible.
471
00:17:36,370 --> 00:17:37,536
Cece, did you do these?
472
00:17:37,571 --> 00:17:38,537
No.
473
00:17:38,572 --> 00:17:40,538
She says "no" to everything.
474
00:17:40,573 --> 00:17:42,707
You know, she thinks
my name is "no."
475
00:17:42,741 --> 00:17:43,875
Cece, do you want
some broccoli?
476
00:17:43,909 --> 00:17:45,444
Yes.
477
00:17:45,478 --> 00:17:48,513
No. It's crazy.
478
00:17:48,547 --> 00:17:50,215
Why am I shorter than the table
479
00:17:50,249 --> 00:17:51,383
that I'm standing next to?
480
00:17:51,417 --> 00:17:54,086
- There's cross-hatching
in some of these.
481
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,988
That's kind of advanced
for a 2-year-old.
482
00:17:57,022 --> 00:17:59,723
Cece, this is your
big sister Kelly.
483
00:17:59,757 --> 00:18:01,025
Did you color
this pretty picture?
484
00:18:01,059 --> 00:18:02,093
No.
485
00:18:02,127 --> 00:18:05,662
So then this
means nothing to you.
486
00:18:05,697 --> 00:18:09,900
Hey, Cece, why don't you
draw another picture for us
487
00:18:09,934 --> 00:18:12,402
exactly like this one,
488
00:18:12,436 --> 00:18:15,338
or at least in
the exact same style?
489
00:18:15,373 --> 00:18:16,572
You know what?
490
00:18:16,607 --> 00:18:18,241
I don't think you need
to do things on command.
491
00:18:18,275 --> 00:18:20,377
That's very weird.
I'll just take that.
492
00:18:20,411 --> 00:18:21,644
Thank you.
493
00:18:21,678 --> 00:18:23,346
I think we should just wrap
up the show, kiddos.
494
00:18:23,381 --> 00:18:24,414
- Right?
- Mama.
495
00:18:24,448 --> 00:18:25,648
Shh.
496
00:18:25,682 --> 00:18:27,650
I don't know what
else we can do here.
497
00:18:27,684 --> 00:18:29,885
[Crying] Mama, mama, mama.
498
00:18:29,919 --> 00:18:32,754
- Oh, it's okay, sweetie.
- All right, all right.
499
00:18:32,788 --> 00:18:34,289
It's okay, honey.
[Baby wailing]
500
00:18:34,324 --> 00:18:36,691
It's okay.
It's okay.
501
00:18:36,726 --> 00:18:39,461
All right, I know, I know.
Let's just get this.
502
00:18:39,496 --> 00:18:41,063
- Shh.
- Mama!
503
00:18:41,097 --> 00:18:44,099
Angela, this child
is definitely mine.
504
00:18:44,134 --> 00:18:45,667
He looks just like me.
505
00:18:45,701 --> 00:18:46,968
Every baby looks just like you.
506
00:18:47,003 --> 00:18:49,004
Your face kind of looks
like a baby.
507
00:18:49,038 --> 00:18:51,272
Need I remind you that
we were together
508
00:18:51,306 --> 00:18:53,642
a month before the wedding?
509
00:18:53,676 --> 00:18:55,610
That is completely untrue.
510
00:18:55,645 --> 00:18:56,611
Completely true.
511
00:18:56,646 --> 00:18:57,879
- Remember?
- No.
512
00:18:57,914 --> 00:18:59,514
You said that Robert
was not fulfilling you...
513
00:18:59,549 --> 00:19:00,681
- I did not. Unh-uh.
- And I said,
514
00:19:00,715 --> 00:19:01,682
"I bet I could fulfill you,"
and you said,
515
00:19:01,716 --> 00:19:02,750
"I'd like to see you try,"
516
00:19:02,784 --> 00:19:03,751
and then I kissed you
with the force
517
00:19:03,785 --> 00:19:04,752
of a thousand waterfalls.
518
00:19:04,786 --> 00:19:06,386
That didn't happen.
519
00:19:06,421 --> 00:19:07,521
And then I inserted my penis...
520
00:19:07,556 --> 00:19:08,522
- No! Stop it.
- Into your...
521
00:19:08,557 --> 00:19:09,523
Dwight.
522
00:19:09,558 --> 00:19:10,791
Vagina, and--
523
00:19:10,825 --> 00:19:12,159
And even if it did,
it's just a coincidence.
524
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:13,694
- Admit that there is a chance.
- I will not.
525
00:19:13,728 --> 00:19:15,863
- Admit it, admit it.
- I will not, it's not--.
526
00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:17,196
All done?
527
00:19:17,230 --> 00:19:18,631
- Yes, yes.
- Yeah.
528
00:19:18,666 --> 00:19:19,732
- Mm.
- He's sleeping.
529
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:22,001
Before I go, may I?
530
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,135
Sure.
531
00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:26,172
Watch the head, watch the head.
532
00:19:36,315 --> 00:19:38,050
Nurse, you know that baby
in there, baby Philip?
533
00:19:38,084 --> 00:19:39,785
Cancel the circumcision.
534
00:19:39,819 --> 00:19:43,689
Who are you?
535
00:19:43,723 --> 00:19:45,557
I just might be his father.
536
00:19:45,592 --> 00:19:48,893
I don't know what that means.
537
00:19:48,927 --> 00:19:51,028
We're gonna circumcise him.
538
00:19:51,063 --> 00:19:53,263
[Baby crying]
I know, buddy, I know.
539
00:19:53,298 --> 00:19:55,432
Cece, you want to come?
Want to come out?
540
00:19:55,467 --> 00:19:57,434
- No.
- Oh, bud, I know.
541
00:19:57,469 --> 00:19:58,803
Do you have a pacifier
or anything?
542
00:19:58,837 --> 00:20:00,071
I'm looking, I'm looking
for the pacifier.
543
00:20:00,105 --> 00:20:01,572
Cece.
544
00:20:01,607 --> 00:20:03,007
- Okay, we're going.
- Okay, okay, we gotta go.
545
00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:04,608
All right, we're going home,
we're going home.
546
00:20:04,642 --> 00:20:06,242
We're going home.
We're going home.
547
00:20:06,276 --> 00:20:08,277
- I know, I know, bud.
- Shh, shh, shh.
548
00:20:08,312 --> 00:20:10,446
I know.
I know.
549
00:20:10,481 --> 00:20:13,083
- You want to grab her?
- I'm gonna grab her, okay.
550
00:20:13,117 --> 00:20:15,118
- Here we go, here we go.
- Hi, all right.
551
00:20:15,152 --> 00:20:16,285
I'm just going to go
down to the car,
552
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,121
and I'm going to put her
in her seat,
553
00:20:18,155 --> 00:20:19,188
and I'll be right back up.
554
00:20:19,223 --> 00:20:22,091
[Groans]
We'll see you tomorrow.
555
00:20:22,125 --> 00:20:23,258
No, no, it's okay,
I'll be right back.
556
00:20:23,292 --> 00:20:24,693
No, just go home.
557
00:20:24,728 --> 00:20:27,096
It's all good, we got this.
558
00:20:27,130 --> 00:20:28,430
I have a kid.
559
00:20:28,464 --> 00:20:31,700
Last week, Jim at home?
560
00:20:31,735 --> 00:20:33,636
That was no vacation.
561
00:20:33,670 --> 00:20:35,604
Jim, just go.
562
00:20:35,639 --> 00:20:39,073
Hey, we'll be just fine.
563
00:20:39,108 --> 00:20:40,908
Thanks, guys.
564
00:20:40,943 --> 00:20:45,713
All right, here we go,
let's go.
565
00:20:45,748 --> 00:20:48,816
Oh, whew.
566
00:21:00,646 --> 00:21:01,746
Dwight, what the hell?
567
00:21:01,780 --> 00:21:04,583
You can't smoke in here.
568
00:21:04,617 --> 00:21:06,618
Oh, right.
569
00:21:06,652 --> 00:21:09,454
[Sighs]
The office looks different now.
570
00:21:09,488 --> 00:21:12,324
Hm, smaller.
571
00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:14,325
Maybe I just feel bigger.
572
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:15,492
Hello, Gabe.
573
00:21:15,527 --> 00:21:16,993
You had something important
to tell me?
574
00:21:17,028 --> 00:21:19,463
Oh, you know, I did,
575
00:21:19,497 --> 00:21:22,600
but now it seems
infinitely insignificant.
576
00:21:22,634 --> 00:21:25,001
Jim?
Oh, right.
577
00:21:25,036 --> 00:21:26,737
Nah, forget it.
578
00:21:26,771 --> 00:21:29,272
He was doing it for his kids.
I get it.
579
00:21:29,306 --> 00:21:31,941
Kids drive us dads crazy.
580
00:21:31,975 --> 00:21:33,809
Sometimes I feel like
they're raising us.
581
00:21:33,844 --> 00:21:36,112
Am I right?
582
00:21:37,406 --> 00:21:45,480
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net