1
00:00:00,927 --> 00:00:04,826
Woo! Wow, it is raining
cats and dogs out there.

2
00:00:04,985 --> 00:00:06,370
Holy moly.

3
00:00:06,371 --> 00:00:09,331
Phyllis says the same
12 cliches every time it rains.

4
00:00:09,549 --> 00:00:13,394
So... I promised everyone that if
she says them all by noon today,

5
00:00:13,428 --> 00:00:15,880
I will send out
for hot chocolates.

6
00:00:15,914 --> 00:00:17,214
So how's the drive in?

7
00:00:17,249 --> 00:00:19,684
Oh, nobody knows
how to drive in the rain.

8
00:00:19,718 --> 00:00:21,018
You don't say?

9
00:00:21,052 --> 00:00:22,770
Yeah, you know the roads
are actually the slickest

10
00:00:22,821 --> 00:00:25,856
in the first half hour?

11
00:00:25,858 --> 00:00:28,693
Oh, the plants
are gonna love this.

12
00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:37,168
I actually sleep better
when it's raining.

13
00:00:37,202 --> 00:00:38,769
Tell me about it.

14
00:00:38,804 --> 00:00:40,705
Time's almost up.
How many are left?

15
00:00:40,739 --> 00:00:42,039
Just one.

16
00:00:42,074 --> 00:00:43,541
"This weather makes me
to stay at home,

17
00:00:43,575 --> 00:00:44,875
curled up
with a good book."

18
00:00:46,712 --> 00:00:48,312
Phyllis.

19
00:00:48,347 --> 00:00:50,514
This rain... Does it make you
wanna be doing something?

20
00:00:50,549 --> 00:00:52,183
What do you mean?

21
00:00:52,217 --> 00:00:53,784
You know,
like aren't some things

22
00:00:53,819 --> 00:00:55,586
just so nice and cozy
in the rain?

23
00:00:55,604 --> 00:00:56,754
Hey, come on.

24
00:00:56,788 --> 00:00:59,724
Lots of things
are cozy in the rain.

25
00:00:59,758 --> 00:01:02,960
And that's noon.
Exactly.

26
00:01:02,995 --> 00:01:04,228
I mean, normally the rain

27
00:01:04,262 --> 00:01:05,329
would make me
want to stay at home,

28
00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:06,931
curled up with a good book.

29
00:01:06,965 --> 00:01:09,500
But everybody's being
so nice to me today.

30
00:01:09,534 --> 00:01:11,802
I'm really happy being here.

31
00:01:14,940 --> 00:01:20,957
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

32
00:01:23,682 --> 00:01:26,967
♪ My girlfriend's back
and there's gonna be trouble ♪

33
00:01:27,002 --> 00:01:29,387
♪ hey la, hey la ♪

34
00:01:29,421 --> 00:01:30,988
- ♪ my girlfriend's back ♪
- ♪ his girlfriend's back ♪

35
00:01:32,591 --> 00:01:33,991
Anyway, I know
it's the end of the day.

36
00:01:34,026 --> 00:01:35,059
We just wanted to stop by
and say hi.

37
00:01:35,093 --> 00:01:37,678
- Welcome home.
- Thank you.

38
00:01:37,729 --> 00:01:39,597
- Hey, Kev!
- Yeah.

39
00:01:39,631 --> 00:01:42,516
- Nice... sweater.
- Thank you.

40
00:01:42,567 --> 00:01:45,603
Nellie was nice enough
to give it to me.

41
00:01:45,637 --> 00:01:47,471
She's sweet.

42
00:01:47,489 --> 00:01:50,875
I just wish there was pockets.

43
00:01:50,909 --> 00:01:52,743
What happened to Old Salty?

44
00:01:52,778 --> 00:01:54,278
Nellie let me bobblize him.

45
00:01:54,312 --> 00:01:57,581
His name is now Captain Mutato.

46
00:01:57,616 --> 00:01:59,450
I've written quite a bit
of <i>X-Men</i> fan fiction.

47
00:01:59,484 --> 00:02:02,286
Captain Mutato is half man,
half mermaid.

48
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:06,640
So he can fight crime as a man,
and make love as a mermaid.

49
00:02:06,675 --> 00:02:09,894
Most of my writing involves
the latter.

50
00:02:14,766 --> 00:02:17,752
Okie doke.

51
00:02:17,786 --> 00:02:20,388
Yes?

52
00:02:20,439 --> 00:02:22,206
Whoa.

53
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,141
Well, you must be the famous
Nellie Bertram

54
00:02:24,176 --> 00:02:26,277
I've been hearing all about.

55
00:02:26,311 --> 00:02:29,447
I am the famous Andy Bernard
you've been hearing all about.

56
00:02:29,481 --> 00:02:30,481
Oh, yes.

57
00:02:30,515 --> 00:02:31,816
I just want to thank you

58
00:02:31,850 --> 00:02:34,201
for jumping in
and minding the store

59
00:02:34,236 --> 00:02:35,820
during my temporary absence.

60
00:02:35,854 --> 00:02:38,222
You are most welcome.

61
00:02:38,256 --> 00:02:39,457
Anyway, now that I'm back,

62
00:02:39,491 --> 00:02:41,492
I would love
to have my office back

63
00:02:41,526 --> 00:02:42,760
whenever you get a chance.

64
00:02:42,794 --> 00:02:44,161
No.

65
00:02:44,196 --> 00:02:49,100
Obviously, we'll figure out
the, uh, logistics

66
00:02:49,134 --> 00:02:51,902
of moving all of this stuff
out of here.

67
00:02:51,937 --> 00:02:53,904
But... You know,
the sooner the better.

68
00:02:53,939 --> 00:02:55,423
- Mm-hmm.
- Get back to normalcy.

69
00:02:55,474 --> 00:02:58,776
Hmm, no.

70
00:02:59,928 --> 00:03:01,445
And then just lay him
in his crib,

71
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,047
and then bicycle his legs.

72
00:03:03,081 --> 00:03:04,381
And then after Jim quiets down,

73
00:03:04,399 --> 00:03:07,651
you do the same thing
with your baby.

74
00:03:07,686 --> 00:03:09,587
But if he keeps having problems,
just give me a call.

75
00:03:09,621 --> 00:03:10,988
Oh, my gosh.
Thank you so much.

76
00:03:11,022 --> 00:03:12,239
But seriously,
we don't wanna bother you

77
00:03:12,274 --> 00:03:13,657
- any more than we already have.
- That's it.

78
00:03:13,692 --> 00:03:16,327
It's no bother.
You guys are our friends.

79
00:03:16,361 --> 00:03:18,078
Ravi, our amazing pediatrician,

80
00:03:18,113 --> 00:03:20,431
was asking us
if we knew any girls.

81
00:03:20,465 --> 00:03:22,666
And I said
I know the perfect girl.

82
00:03:22,701 --> 00:03:23,801
Yep.

83
00:03:23,835 --> 00:03:26,704
Because Kelly is Indian, and...

84
00:03:26,738 --> 00:03:28,739
Oh, that's it.

85
00:03:28,774 --> 00:03:31,075
Race had nothing to do with it.

86
00:03:31,109 --> 00:03:33,144
I just knew
they'd be good together.

87
00:03:33,178 --> 00:03:34,345
Why!

88
00:03:34,379 --> 00:03:36,080
Kelly has been a handful
in the past.

89
00:03:36,114 --> 00:03:38,516
But she's had a bad influence.
She's like an addict.

90
00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:41,485
And I just had
to get her clean.

91
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:42,887
Get lower.

92
00:03:44,523 --> 00:03:48,442
Um, also, little tip,
never shake the baby.

93
00:03:48,477 --> 00:03:49,794
Sorry, just to be clear,

94
00:03:49,828 --> 00:03:50,945
you're saying do <i>not</i> shake
the baby.

95
00:03:50,979 --> 00:03:52,146
Don't shake the baby.

96
00:03:52,197 --> 00:03:53,831
Um, a lot times,
parents get frustrated

97
00:03:53,865 --> 00:03:55,466
'cause the baby's crying
and they shake the baby.

98
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:58,035
And you gotta--
You can't do that.

99
00:03:58,069 --> 00:04:00,037
- Don't shake our baby?
- Yeah.

100
00:04:00,071 --> 00:04:01,806
Okay. I'd never heard
that before.

101
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:02,940
- So, thank you.
- Oh, my God.

102
00:04:02,974 --> 00:04:04,158
Yeah, I'm glad
you said something.

103
00:04:04,209 --> 00:04:05,576
Me too.

104
00:04:05,610 --> 00:04:07,778
Kelly and I broke up and
she can do whatever she wants.

105
00:04:07,813 --> 00:04:10,498
And her new boyfriend
seems awesome...

106
00:04:10,549 --> 00:04:12,349
If you're into Indian people.

107
00:04:12,384 --> 00:04:15,519
I'm not.

108
00:04:17,055 --> 00:04:19,290
Hey, um...

109
00:04:19,324 --> 00:04:20,624
What's the deal with this guy?

110
00:04:20,642 --> 00:04:22,393
He's really into Kelly, huh?

111
00:04:22,427 --> 00:04:23,928
Yeah, they're really great
together.

112
00:04:23,962 --> 00:04:25,729
Maybe we weren't
right together,

113
00:04:25,764 --> 00:04:27,231
but... it's weird.

114
00:04:27,265 --> 00:04:31,202
I'd rather she be alone
than with somebody.

115
00:04:31,236 --> 00:04:35,189
Is that love?

116
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:39,176
That's about it, yeah.

117
00:04:39,211 --> 00:04:41,312
Nellie!

118
00:04:41,346 --> 00:04:45,482
You've been terrific
in your interim capacity.

119
00:04:45,517 --> 00:04:46,650
But,

120
00:04:46,685 --> 00:04:48,369
Andrew is the rightful manager,

121
00:04:48,403 --> 00:04:51,055
so if you would just
give him his office--

122
00:04:51,089 --> 00:04:52,523
- No.

123
00:04:52,557 --> 00:04:54,391
I'm sorry.

124
00:04:54,426 --> 00:04:57,995
This is what
I was trying to tell you.

125
00:04:58,013 --> 00:05:00,531
I'm not accustomed
to people saying no to me.

126
00:05:00,565 --> 00:05:03,667
Oh, Bobby,
get accustomed to it,

127
00:05:03,702 --> 00:05:09,240
because then it feels good
when they finally say yes.

128
00:05:16,014 --> 00:05:17,481
You're both adults.

129
00:05:17,515 --> 00:05:20,751
I'm sure you can...

130
00:05:20,785 --> 00:05:24,255
figure this out
between yourselves.

131
00:05:26,825 --> 00:05:30,461
I never allow sexual desire to
influence a business decision.

132
00:05:30,495 --> 00:05:33,297
So I find it best to...

133
00:05:33,331 --> 00:05:34,965
recuse myself temporarily

134
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,567
until I've had a chance
to make love,

135
00:05:36,601 --> 00:05:39,069
and then go back and...

136
00:05:39,104 --> 00:05:43,274
analyze the situation
rationally.

137
00:05:43,308 --> 00:05:48,312
Buffett operates the same way.

138
00:05:48,346 --> 00:05:50,347
I'm gonna count down from five,

139
00:05:50,381 --> 00:05:52,600
and if are not
out of my office,

140
00:05:52,651 --> 00:05:55,419
I'm going to dock
your pay $100.

141
00:05:55,453 --> 00:05:57,154
Okay.

142
00:05:57,188 --> 00:05:58,906
Five... four...

143
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:00,491
You can't dock my pay.

144
00:06:00,525 --> 00:06:02,760
Angela!

145
00:06:02,794 --> 00:06:05,228
Dock Andy's pay $100!

146
00:06:05,246 --> 00:06:07,031
On it!

147
00:06:07,065 --> 00:06:08,949
Great!

148
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,952
Um, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

149
00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:16,941
Angela... Please dock
Nellie's pay $100.

150
00:06:16,975 --> 00:06:18,809
Angela?

151
00:06:18,843 --> 00:06:20,678
- Do you want to go again?
- Angela?

152
00:06:20,712 --> 00:06:22,046
Let's go again.

153
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,599
5...4...
Ooh, she's counting again.

154
00:06:25,634 --> 00:06:27,250
- 3... 2... 1.
- Oh, oh!

155
00:06:27,268 --> 00:06:29,954
Angela, $200!

156
00:06:29,988 --> 00:06:31,555
You got it.

157
00:06:31,589 --> 00:06:33,090
Seriously, Angela?

158
00:06:33,124 --> 00:06:35,059
I got a little bit
of an anger problem.

159
00:06:35,093 --> 00:06:37,628
Got me in some trouble
a couple years ago.

160
00:06:37,662 --> 00:06:41,148
When I see him start
to get mad, I just...

161
00:06:41,199 --> 00:06:44,068
Put my hand on his arm
like this.

162
00:06:44,102 --> 00:06:47,071
I know what, let's go...

163
00:06:47,105 --> 00:06:49,657
$10,000.

164
00:06:49,708 --> 00:06:52,409
5...4...
You're just saying numbers.

165
00:06:52,444 --> 00:06:53,610
It's meaningless.

166
00:06:53,628 --> 00:06:55,879
- 3...
- It's literally like...

167
00:06:55,914 --> 00:06:58,148
2...

168
00:06:58,183 --> 00:07:00,884
One.

169
00:07:07,008 --> 00:07:09,927
There you go.

170
00:07:09,961 --> 00:07:14,131
Hey, we're gonna have
a nice, hot date.

171
00:07:20,538 --> 00:07:22,972
Hey. So last night was so not
a big deal.

172
00:07:23,006 --> 00:07:24,273
Oh, yeah, I was just tired.

173
00:07:24,308 --> 00:07:25,591
- We both were.
- Yeah.

174
00:07:25,642 --> 00:07:27,061
Plus, I was definitely
not my normal sexy self.

175
00:07:27,195 --> 00:07:29,113
Whoa. No.

176
00:07:29,147 --> 00:07:31,148
Are you kidding?
You were so sexy.

177
00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:33,484
Just the thought of you
last night, like,

178
00:07:33,518 --> 00:07:35,536
crazy turns me on.

179
00:07:35,587 --> 00:07:37,054
It just didn't last night.

180
00:07:37,088 --> 00:07:39,423
It's not a big deal.

181
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:46,564
Yeah.
I know it's not... a big deal.

182
00:07:49,134 --> 00:07:51,302
I found this the other day
while I was journaling,

183
00:07:51,336 --> 00:07:53,354
and... they reminded me
of you.

184
00:07:53,388 --> 00:07:55,105
Oh, those are from
our weekend at the Timeshare.

185
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:57,007
Yeah, the fractional
ownership property.

186
00:07:58,276 --> 00:07:59,410
Oh, we took this one

187
00:07:59,444 --> 00:08:00,711
right before we got
in that huge fight.

188
00:08:00,745 --> 00:08:01,712
I don't even remember
what that fight was about.

189
00:08:01,746 --> 00:08:02,813
You were being really bratty

190
00:08:02,847 --> 00:08:04,615
about where we would
go out to dinner.

191
00:08:04,649 --> 00:08:06,116
But--
All I remember...

192
00:08:06,151 --> 00:08:10,421
is how pretty you looked
taking those pictures of me.

193
00:08:10,455 --> 00:08:12,489
Anyway, if you wanna order
prints of your own,

194
00:08:12,523 --> 00:08:13,874
I can send you the link.

195
00:08:13,909 --> 00:08:16,160
I'm in love with Kelly Kapoor.

196
00:08:16,194 --> 00:08:18,562
And I don't know
how I'm gonna feel tomorrow

197
00:08:18,597 --> 00:08:20,497
or the next day
or the day after that,

198
00:08:20,531 --> 00:08:23,601
but I do know that right here,
right now,

199
00:08:23,635 --> 00:08:25,236
all I can think about

200
00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:29,423
is spending
the rest of my life with her.

201
00:08:29,474 --> 00:08:31,475
Again, that could change.

202
00:08:31,509 --> 00:08:33,310
When you lost
the manager job...

203
00:08:33,345 --> 00:08:34,478
Yes?

204
00:08:34,512 --> 00:08:37,114
Did it affect you
outside of the office?

205
00:08:37,148 --> 00:08:38,515
How?

206
00:08:38,549 --> 00:08:40,551
I don't know
what the technical term is.

207
00:08:40,585 --> 00:08:42,519
Hmm.

208
00:08:42,554 --> 00:08:44,521
Penial...

209
00:08:44,555 --> 00:08:48,325
softiosis.

210
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,494
Erin, I am so glad
that you trusted me.

211
00:08:50,528 --> 00:08:53,497
You came to the exact
right person for this.

212
00:08:53,531 --> 00:08:55,199
No, I have never once
experienced

213
00:08:55,233 --> 00:08:56,867
anything remotely like that.

214
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:59,086
<i>Never.</i>

215
00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:02,339
- Oh... okay.
- Okay?

216
00:09:02,374 --> 00:09:04,375
Okay.

217
00:09:04,409 --> 00:09:06,910
- Washington Monument.
- Okay.

218
00:09:08,813 --> 00:09:10,481
- Eiffel Tower.
- Okay, okay.

219
00:09:12,183 --> 00:09:13,817
Hmm.

220
00:09:13,852 --> 00:09:15,436
I saw you were getting along
with Ryan again.

221
00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:17,388
He's so sweet.

222
00:09:17,422 --> 00:09:18,889
He pointed to my latte
and he said,

223
00:09:18,923 --> 00:09:21,825
"Kelly, that will be
the color of our children."

224
00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:24,628
Yeah, he's so great.

225
00:09:24,663 --> 00:09:26,947
Remember how it felt
when he cheated on you though?

226
00:09:26,982 --> 00:09:30,901
Which time?

227
00:09:30,935 --> 00:09:33,070
I am not going to let Kelly

228
00:09:33,104 --> 00:09:36,073
throw her life away on Ryan.

229
00:09:36,107 --> 00:09:39,777
And it has nothing to do
with access to my pediatrician.

230
00:09:39,811 --> 00:09:42,313
Why you would even ask
or were going to ask,

231
00:09:42,347 --> 00:09:44,665
because I-- I feel like
that question was coming.

232
00:09:44,716 --> 00:09:47,418
One of Toby's eyes
is getting smaller.

233
00:09:47,452 --> 00:09:49,453
So there's that.

234
00:09:49,487 --> 00:09:50,954
Gabe bragged about having

235
00:09:50,989 --> 00:09:53,090
an extra ticket
to the air show this weekend.

236
00:09:53,124 --> 00:09:54,825
And Meredith said
she was interested,

237
00:09:54,859 --> 00:09:56,660
and then Gabe said immediately

238
00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:59,296
that his friend might be
taking the ticket.

239
00:09:59,331 --> 00:10:01,532
So I'll keep you posted
on that.

240
00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:04,335
Every day, I brief Nellie on
what's going on in the office.

241
00:10:04,369 --> 00:10:05,936
Most of it's irrelevant.

242
00:10:05,970 --> 00:10:08,088
But a good informer doesn't
judge what's worth passing on.

243
00:10:08,123 --> 00:10:10,207
Oh, and Andy lost
his masculinity,

244
00:10:10,241 --> 00:10:11,508
so congratulations on that.

245
00:10:11,543 --> 00:10:12,876
What do you mean?

246
00:10:12,911 --> 00:10:14,244
Erin made it clear to me

247
00:10:14,279 --> 00:10:16,080
that he was unable to perform
sexually last night.

248
00:10:16,114 --> 00:10:18,532
By contrast, I went to sleep
with an erection so large

249
00:10:18,583 --> 00:10:21,368
it was like I was wearing
no blanket at all.

250
00:10:21,419 --> 00:10:25,155
Wow, I knew you'd win,
but you just demolished him!

251
00:10:25,156 --> 00:10:26,556
I'm a little bit jealous, actually.

252
00:10:26,657 --> 00:10:28,792
Reduced him to a mere ant.

253
00:10:28,826 --> 00:10:33,564
I just wanted to take
the man's job, not his manhood.

254
00:10:33,598 --> 00:10:34,998
Okay, I would like
to invite everyone

255
00:10:35,016 --> 00:10:37,034
into the conference room.

256
00:10:37,068 --> 00:10:39,236
You can't call a meeting.

257
00:10:39,270 --> 00:10:41,021
But I would like
to have a meeting

258
00:10:41,056 --> 00:10:42,573
in the conference room
right now!

259
00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:43,941
So let's get
in the conference room.

260
00:10:43,975 --> 00:10:45,642
Thank you.
Good.

261
00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:47,194
Thank you for coming
to my meeting.

262
00:10:47,228 --> 00:10:48,979
Okay, if you would like
to take a seat,

263
00:10:49,013 --> 00:10:50,314
- we can get started.
- Oh!

264
00:10:50,348 --> 00:10:52,182
Can't do it
'cause I gotta run a meeting.

265
00:10:52,217 --> 00:10:53,217
- So.
- No.

266
00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:55,018
Wanted to talk
to all of you guys

267
00:10:55,053 --> 00:10:57,654
about importance...

268
00:10:57,689 --> 00:11:01,492
and know that each
and every one of you

269
00:11:01,526 --> 00:11:04,461
is vitally important.

270
00:11:04,496 --> 00:11:07,047
Andrew, not everyone here
is important.

271
00:11:07,082 --> 00:11:08,432
And the word is impotence.

272
00:11:08,466 --> 00:11:12,069
Which is important
in its own way.

273
00:11:12,103 --> 00:11:13,604
So if you'd just like
to take a seat, Andy.

274
00:11:13,638 --> 00:11:16,140
"Take a man's job,
but leave him his balls."

275
00:11:16,174 --> 00:11:18,942
Margaret Thatcher
said that... probably.

276
00:11:18,977 --> 00:11:20,110
Don't know.
Don't read.

277
00:11:20,145 --> 00:11:21,845
Didn't see the movie.

278
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:25,315
This meeting is not about
any one person in particular.

279
00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:26,650
It is a human problem.

280
00:11:26,684 --> 00:11:28,185
It's not just a human problem.

281
00:11:28,219 --> 00:11:30,320
Flounders frequently
experience impotence,

282
00:11:30,355 --> 00:11:32,122
especially when converting
from male to female

283
00:11:32,157 --> 00:11:34,458
and then back again to male.

284
00:11:34,492 --> 00:11:36,693
Nellie, does the person
affected by this

285
00:11:36,728 --> 00:11:38,796
want us to help her
in any way in particular?

286
00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:41,765
Oh, oh, it's not me.
No, no.

287
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,802
I've never had any problem
in that arena.

288
00:11:44,836 --> 00:11:47,421
And I have been with several
older men.

289
00:11:47,455 --> 00:11:48,455
- How old?
- How old?

290
00:11:48,506 --> 00:11:49,873
Jinx. Buy me some coke.

291
00:11:49,907 --> 00:11:51,875
Dwight told me
about it earlier.

292
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:53,927
Dwight!

293
00:11:53,962 --> 00:11:55,379
You promised.

294
00:11:55,413 --> 00:11:57,981
Dwight couldn't get it up
for Nellie?

295
00:11:58,016 --> 00:12:00,100
No, no, no, no.
It's not me.

296
00:12:00,135 --> 00:12:03,020
I'm gonna prove it
right here and now.

297
00:12:03,054 --> 00:12:04,521
- What are you doing?
- What is this?

298
00:12:04,556 --> 00:12:05,622
- Stop that!
- Dwight!

299
00:12:05,657 --> 00:12:07,624
Dwight, stop that.
Stop it.

300
00:12:07,659 --> 00:12:10,160
Fine, it was me.

301
00:12:10,195 --> 00:12:12,646
I couldn't-- I had a problem
with Erin last night.

302
00:12:12,697 --> 00:12:14,198
Happy?

303
00:12:14,232 --> 00:12:16,266
I had a lot on my mind
last night...

304
00:12:16,301 --> 00:12:19,403
and I didn't perform.

305
00:12:19,437 --> 00:12:22,039
Okay? It happens
to plenty of guys.

306
00:12:22,073 --> 00:12:25,309
It's usually not followed
by a giant workplace discussion

307
00:12:25,343 --> 00:12:28,178
and an interview.

308
00:12:28,213 --> 00:12:31,081
Every guy in this room
has been touched

309
00:12:31,115 --> 00:12:33,083
by this affliction.

310
00:12:33,117 --> 00:12:35,586
Tuna.
T-dog!

311
00:12:35,620 --> 00:12:37,621
Um...

312
00:12:37,639 --> 00:12:39,139
Um...

313
00:12:39,174 --> 00:12:41,925
I have other issues.

314
00:12:41,959 --> 00:12:45,145
I'm terrible at math.
Overweight.

315
00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:47,130
You--
You're in great shape.

316
00:12:47,165 --> 00:12:49,366
A lot better shape than I am,
tell you what.

317
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:53,403
It seems Andy is the only one
with this problem.

318
00:12:53,438 --> 00:12:54,738
- Fascinating.
- Fascinating.

319
00:12:54,772 --> 00:12:56,373
I don't really see
what the problem is.

320
00:12:56,407 --> 00:12:58,308
Erin doesn't even like sex,
remember?

321
00:12:58,343 --> 00:13:00,410
You said it feels like
getting tackled by a skeleton.

322
00:13:00,445 --> 00:13:02,412
Chumbo, come on, help me out.

323
00:13:02,447 --> 00:13:04,047
Any problems
with little Chumbo?

324
00:13:04,082 --> 00:13:05,449
Tip-top shape.

325
00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:07,184
Oh... Stanley.

326
00:13:07,218 --> 00:13:08,886
No.
Mm-mm.

327
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,755
Creed, you are 1,000 years old.

328
00:13:11,789 --> 00:13:14,091
Haven't heard any complaints.
Wouldn't care if I did.

329
00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:16,126
Okay, so I-I-I--

330
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,462
Actually, Andy,
I think maybe we experienced it.

331
00:13:18,496 --> 00:13:20,297
What happened?

332
00:13:20,331 --> 00:13:22,866
- That a couple of times--
- Couple of times.

333
00:13:22,901 --> 00:13:25,569
Jim, maybe you could tell us
about one of those times.

334
00:13:25,603 --> 00:13:26,970
- Yeah, Jim.
- Get it out there.

335
00:13:27,004 --> 00:13:31,241
Um... I don't--

336
00:13:31,276 --> 00:13:36,063
Uh, yes, that time
that it was very late.

337
00:13:36,114 --> 00:13:39,316
Uh, we'd had sex
so many times already,

338
00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:41,018
I was exhausted.
I could barely see.

339
00:13:41,052 --> 00:13:42,236
- Okay, stop.
- I was very drunk.

340
00:13:42,287 --> 00:13:44,154
If it makes you
feel any better,

341
00:13:44,188 --> 00:13:46,957
I never had an orgasm
until I was 42.

342
00:13:46,991 --> 00:13:50,794
And then when I did,
it lasted till I was 44.

343
00:13:50,828 --> 00:13:54,464
43 was ju--

344
00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:56,967
I got nothing done.

345
00:13:57,001 --> 00:13:59,736
I've read-- And I don't know
anything about this personally--

346
00:13:59,771 --> 00:14:01,972
But they say prostate
stimulation can help.

347
00:14:02,006 --> 00:14:03,206
Ugh.

348
00:14:03,241 --> 00:14:04,474
This is just--

349
00:14:04,509 --> 00:14:05,642
<i>This American Life</i>
<i>I think I heard it on.</i>

350
00:14:05,677 --> 00:14:07,110
No, that's absolutely the case.

351
00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:08,228
I know, right?

352
00:14:08,263 --> 00:14:09,813
You know, my rectal
electro-ejaculator

353
00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:11,481
is rated for bovine use only,

354
00:14:11,516 --> 00:14:13,116
but I could let you rent it.

355
00:14:13,151 --> 00:14:14,985
Andy, why don't you tell us

356
00:14:15,019 --> 00:14:17,187
about the best erection
of your life?

357
00:14:17,221 --> 00:14:20,941
Or does anyone else have
any remarkable erections

358
00:14:20,992 --> 00:14:22,392
they'd like to share?

359
00:14:22,427 --> 00:14:23,727
Wow, what are we talking about?

360
00:14:23,761 --> 00:14:25,061
Toby, doesn't HR have
some rules against talking

361
00:14:25,079 --> 00:14:26,897
about this kind of stuff?

362
00:14:26,931 --> 00:14:28,465
Erin, HR is a joke.

363
00:14:28,499 --> 00:14:30,467
I can't do anything
about anything.

364
00:14:30,501 --> 00:14:31,918
The most important thing
to remember

365
00:14:31,953 --> 00:14:34,037
is do not stress about this.

366
00:14:34,071 --> 00:14:36,590
Stress just makes it worse,

367
00:14:36,624 --> 00:14:38,408
and then you stress more.

368
00:14:38,443 --> 00:14:40,677
And that's a vicious spiral.

369
00:14:40,712 --> 00:14:42,963
I almost didn't come in today.

370
00:14:44,415 --> 00:14:47,017
Dad, don't think of it
as a demotion.

371
00:14:47,051 --> 00:14:49,503
Just think of it as a promotion
to a lower level.

372
00:14:49,537 --> 00:14:51,755
I don't think you have
to tell your friends anything.

373
00:14:51,789 --> 00:14:53,056
It hasn't been decided yet.

374
00:14:53,090 --> 00:14:54,608
Erin, on phone memos,

375
00:14:54,642 --> 00:14:56,043
you're righting the date
American style.

376
00:14:56,077 --> 00:14:59,229
Month, day, year.
I prefer it day, month, year.

377
00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:00,831
Small, bigger, biggest.

378
00:15:00,865 --> 00:15:04,034
Oh, sexual innuendo.
Not intentional.

379
00:15:04,068 --> 00:15:05,402
Shut up!

380
00:15:05,436 --> 00:15:06,870
<i>Shut</i> up!

381
00:15:06,904 --> 00:15:10,440
I am sick of your dumb
opinions.

382
00:15:10,458 --> 00:15:13,744
And if you don't like the way
that I take phone messages,

383
00:15:13,778 --> 00:15:15,495
here.

384
00:15:15,546 --> 00:15:18,882
Take 'em yourself!

385
00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:21,318
Oh, and another thing.

386
00:15:21,352 --> 00:15:25,022
Our sex life is none
of your businesses!

387
00:15:25,056 --> 00:15:28,692
And Andy is the manager,
not Nellie!

388
00:15:28,726 --> 00:15:31,895
Stop protecting me.
I'm a man-- I can protect myself.

389
00:15:31,929 --> 00:15:33,530
This is misdirected anger
and I'm sorry.

390
00:15:33,564 --> 00:15:34,865
I don't mean to lash out
at you.

391
00:15:34,899 --> 00:15:37,034
There's a lot coming up
right now, all at once!

392
00:15:37,068 --> 00:15:39,069
Dad, go to hell!
I'm taller than you!

393
00:15:39,103 --> 00:15:41,104
Okay, just calm down.

394
00:15:41,139 --> 00:15:42,839
You are not the manager.

395
00:15:42,874 --> 00:15:44,608
I earned that job.

396
00:15:44,642 --> 00:15:47,044
I was personally chosen after
Robert was chosen and quit.

397
00:15:47,078 --> 00:15:48,945
Andy, why don't you just
take a seat?

398
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:51,715
Why don't you
take a seat, you idiot?

399
00:15:51,749 --> 00:15:54,568
And why don't you
take all your stupid memos

400
00:15:54,602 --> 00:15:58,205
and your stupid pens...
and your dumb caramels?

401
00:15:58,256 --> 00:16:01,425
- And your stupid face!
- Oh.

402
00:16:01,459 --> 00:16:03,560
And your stupid office!

403
00:16:03,594 --> 00:16:06,496
- Ah!
- Ow.

404
00:16:08,599 --> 00:16:10,801
He does not like that wall.

405
00:16:14,544 --> 00:16:19,214
Maybe we'll get sent to
anger management together.

406
00:16:19,249 --> 00:16:20,532
That would actually be cool.

407
00:16:20,566 --> 00:16:22,784
I'd love for you to meet
some of the guys.

408
00:16:22,819 --> 00:16:25,354
Andy, Erin,
you can join us now.

409
00:16:32,528 --> 00:16:34,062
Hey, I hear you been
bad-mouthing me to Kelly.

410
00:16:34,097 --> 00:16:36,798
All I did was remind her that
you used to treat her badly.

411
00:16:36,833 --> 00:16:38,934
Well, that's your opinion
and it's her opinion,

412
00:16:38,968 --> 00:16:40,502
but it's not my opinion.

413
00:16:40,536 --> 00:16:42,537
If you have something bad
to say to me, Pam,

414
00:16:42,572 --> 00:16:44,006
say it to my face.

415
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:48,410
Fair enough.
Um...

416
00:16:48,444 --> 00:16:51,013
I don't think
you're a very good person.

417
00:16:51,047 --> 00:16:53,582
And forgive me, but I feel like
I've said this to you before.

418
00:16:53,616 --> 00:16:54,950
I don't like you very much.

419
00:16:54,984 --> 00:16:56,151
Well, a lot of people would say

420
00:16:56,185 --> 00:16:58,654
that I'm a better match
for Kelly than Ravi is.

421
00:16:58,688 --> 00:17:01,657
Oh, come on, Ryan.
Really?

422
00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:03,625
- Ravi's way better.
- For Kelly?

423
00:17:03,660 --> 00:17:05,410
Yeah.

424
00:17:05,445 --> 00:17:08,430
Man, you're insane right now.
Ravi's the whole package.

425
00:17:08,464 --> 00:17:10,799
I've never met Ravi personally,

426
00:17:10,833 --> 00:17:12,434
but I'm gonna go ahead and say

427
00:17:12,468 --> 00:17:15,370
just having knowing
you short while, Brian,

428
00:17:15,405 --> 00:17:17,706
that I prefer Ravi.

429
00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:19,508
And again, I've never even
met the guy.

430
00:17:19,542 --> 00:17:23,312
Kelly, I wrote you
the most amazing love poem.

431
00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,380
But I can't even read it.

432
00:17:25,415 --> 00:17:27,516
My heart couldn't handle it.

433
00:17:27,550 --> 00:17:28,817
- Oh, come.
- Oh, no, no, no.

434
00:17:28,851 --> 00:17:30,986
Read it, please.
I love amazing poetry.

435
00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:33,021
No, it would cause me
too much pain.

436
00:17:33,056 --> 00:17:34,623
Read through the pain.
Be strong.

437
00:17:34,657 --> 00:17:36,608
This poem would crush you!

438
00:17:36,642 --> 00:17:37,826
Ryan, go away!

439
00:17:37,860 --> 00:17:39,661
She found herself
a beautiful boyfriend!

440
00:17:39,696 --> 00:17:42,481
Yeah, man,
he's absolutely gorgeous.

441
00:17:42,532 --> 00:17:45,000
- Please leave her alone.
- You see, Kelly?

442
00:17:45,034 --> 00:17:47,002
Our love scares them.

443
00:17:47,036 --> 00:17:51,573
It screws up
their cookie-cutter world.

444
00:17:51,607 --> 00:17:53,575
Ravi makes me incredibly happy.

445
00:17:53,609 --> 00:17:56,378
And Ryan puts me
through so much drama.

446
00:17:56,412 --> 00:17:57,863
So I guess
I just have to decide

447
00:17:57,897 --> 00:18:00,515
which of those
is more important to me.

448
00:18:00,550 --> 00:18:04,452
Andy, we're going
to go with Nellie as manager

449
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:06,588
and put you back
on the sales team.

450
00:18:06,622 --> 00:18:08,990
I promise you, in time,

451
00:18:09,025 --> 00:18:11,426
we'll all laugh
about this incident.

452
00:18:11,461 --> 00:18:12,894
I already think
it's kinda funny.

453
00:18:21,137 --> 00:18:23,071
No.

454
00:18:23,106 --> 00:18:25,207
Excuse me?

455
00:18:25,241 --> 00:18:28,076
I'm saying no.

456
00:18:28,111 --> 00:18:33,281
- Well, you can't say no.
- No.

457
00:18:35,334 --> 00:18:39,054
Oh, boo!
Boo!

458
00:18:39,088 --> 00:18:40,655
Pam.

459
00:18:40,690 --> 00:18:42,023
- Boo to you! Boo!
- You are toxic.

460
00:18:42,058 --> 00:18:43,592
You are toxic!

461
00:18:43,626 --> 00:18:46,261
Kelly, I have a few things
to say to you,

462
00:18:46,295 --> 00:18:48,046
- and please don't interrupt.
- I wasn't going to interrupt.

463
00:18:48,097 --> 00:18:50,232
Well, you do a lot,
so just don't-- Thank you.

464
00:18:50,266 --> 00:18:53,385
I know that I haven't always
treated you the way that you,

465
00:18:53,419 --> 00:18:56,988
for whatever reason,
feel you deserve to be treated.

466
00:18:57,023 --> 00:18:59,574
But I wanna marry you,
Kelly Kapoor.

467
00:18:59,609 --> 00:19:02,010
Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow.

468
00:19:02,044 --> 00:19:03,478
But someday.

469
00:19:03,512 --> 00:19:04,946
And probably.

470
00:19:04,981 --> 00:19:07,365
Barf!
Ugh, you suck!

471
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,618
What is your problem?
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

472
00:19:09,652 --> 00:19:10,986
Can we turn this back around
quickly, please?

473
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:12,320
Can we turn this around
quickly?

474
00:19:12,355 --> 00:19:13,555
- This is very important to me.
- Betsy, turn around.

475
00:19:13,589 --> 00:19:15,056
Turn around.

476
00:19:15,091 --> 00:19:16,358
Turn around!

477
00:19:16,392 --> 00:19:17,742
Help me turn this fucking
thing around, please.

478
00:19:17,794 --> 00:19:19,161
- Thank you.
- She don't wanna turn around.

479
00:19:19,195 --> 00:19:20,745
Thank you.

480
00:19:20,797 --> 00:19:24,232
Kelly, I can't promise you
that we'll always stay together.

481
00:19:24,267 --> 00:19:26,501
I can't promise you
that I'll never cheat on you.

482
00:19:26,535 --> 00:19:27,869
Nor should I.

483
00:19:27,904 --> 00:19:29,371
Modern marriages
aren't built that way.

484
00:19:29,405 --> 00:19:30,972
Men aren't built that way.

485
00:19:31,007 --> 00:19:32,507
There's a very interesting
article I can email to you.

486
00:19:32,542 --> 00:19:33,975
But I can tell you this.

487
00:19:34,010 --> 00:19:37,679
Even if the odds are 50/50 that
we'll break up within the week,

488
00:19:37,713 --> 00:19:40,749
I wanna roll those dice.
I love you, Kelly.

489
00:19:40,783 --> 00:19:41,900
Ryan.

490
00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:43,518
Will you roll those dice
with me?

491
00:19:43,553 --> 00:19:46,788
You mean so much to me.

492
00:19:46,823 --> 00:19:49,491
But... I love Ravi
and I choose him.

493
00:19:49,525 --> 00:19:50,725
- No, you don't.
- I do.

494
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:51,793
No, you don't.

495
00:19:51,828 --> 00:19:55,030
I hope we can still be friends.

496
00:19:56,031 --> 00:19:57,802
Can I have a hug?

497
00:20:00,253 --> 00:20:03,371
What?

498
00:20:03,406 --> 00:20:06,875
This was really cool.

499
00:20:06,909 --> 00:20:09,761
Well, it's good to see
Kelly's maturing.

500
00:20:10,796 --> 00:20:12,297
Oh, God.

501
00:20:12,348 --> 00:20:17,219
Look, Andrew, we can discuss
the specifics of the job.

502
00:20:17,253 --> 00:20:19,187
No.

503
00:20:19,222 --> 00:20:20,939
It's the apology.
I really have to insist.

504
00:20:20,973 --> 00:20:23,058
- No.
- Stop saying no.

505
00:20:23,092 --> 00:20:25,026
No.

506
00:20:25,061 --> 00:20:28,363
Andrew, if you say no
one more time, you're fired.

507
00:20:28,397 --> 00:20:33,268
So... is there anything else
you wanna say?

508
00:20:33,286 --> 00:20:34,602
No.

509
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:35,937
I can't describe it.

510
00:20:35,972 --> 00:20:37,072
I just, for the first time
in a long time,

511
00:20:37,106 --> 00:20:39,474
I actually feel in control.

512
00:20:39,509 --> 00:20:43,111
- I feel... alive.
- Here.

513
00:20:43,145 --> 00:20:44,346
A-da, da, da, da.

514
00:20:44,380 --> 00:20:45,547
I got it.

515
00:20:45,581 --> 00:20:49,301
- But you hurt your hand.
- I... got it.

516
00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:52,354
- Right now?
- Yes.

517
00:20:57,252 --> 00:20:59,978
You're not a least a bit
curious to hear a poem

518
00:21:00,114 --> 00:21:01,891
straight from Ryan's soul?

519
00:21:01,980 --> 00:21:03,099
Not at all.
Can we go?

520
00:21:03,170 --> 00:21:05,537
Kapoor and Kadesperate.
He watches...

521
00:21:06,330 --> 00:21:09,002
- Second line.
- He is a drifter out to see...

522
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:13,199
It went the Indian Ocean in calms,
one speck of white remains

523
00:21:13,319 --> 00:21:16,389
and waters called and Kelly grinned.

524
00:21:16,471 --> 00:21:18,132
It's just so dumb...

525
00:21:19,833 --> 00:21:22,255
but when he describes
himself as a child,

526
00:21:22,616 --> 00:21:24,833
lost and...

527
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,231
Ryan can never know.

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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