- [thuds] - Shitting thing.
Guillermo-- He doesn't live here anymore.
How is it? I can't see.
Tonight we are attending a very special event.
Ha!
Aye, fuck.
The Baron is receiving an eternal lifetime achievement award.
I have never heard of such a thing, but it sounds very cool.
["Dancing In The Moonlight" plays]
[Nadja] It is about time our Baron got recognized
for all the incredible work he does
- in our local community. - Yeah.
He has done so much for all of us, both as a leader
- and as a reliable lay. - Yeah.
Of course I am quite accustomed to being exalted...
- [Sire growling] - ...praised, feared. [laughs]
- But this shall be a night to remember. - [offspring fluttering]
Alas, no. The Sire cannot make it.
Our usual sitter just started at Northwestern and, well...
- [retches] - Oh--
You know how hard it is to find someone new.
- Baron, give us a twirl. - [chuckling] Oh. No.
- Yes, please, Baron. - Look at him go. Wow.
- [Nandor] Yeah. Spin, Baron, spin. - [Nadja] Wow.
Look at you all. Where are we going?
We are going to an event to honor the Baron.
- Oh. - [Nandor] And you are not.
- Oh. - Because you have made it very clear
that your future lies with the humans, not the vampires.
- That's not fair. - [Nandor] Guillermo, we are a family.
- Right. - We'll always be a family.
- Thank you. [chuckles] - And you are no longer part of the family.
- Capisce? - Because you rejected your vampire family.
- I didn't-- - Yeah. The "vamily."
Oh. Colin Robinson, no.
- Hell-lo. - Here he is.
- Shall we saddle up? - Yes.
Well, why does the monster get to go and not me?
- "Vamily." - [Colin] Yeah.
- [Nadja] No, not him as well. - [Laszlo] Very good. [laughs]
Yeah, I'm a little hurt I'm not going to the vampire gathering tonight
but it's probably for the best, you know?
Besides, I already made plans to hang out with my cousin Miguel.
Actually, Miguel and I used to be really close when I was little.
But then he kinda became this, like, jock.
We grew apart,
but our moms are determined that we be really good friends. [chuckles]
We're gonna hang out.
- Miguel! Hey. [chuckling] - Hey. How you doing?
[laughing] You love it.
- No, I don't. - Yeah, you do.
No, I don't. [chuckling] I really don't.
We should've done this sooner. I was working at this job, you know?
It was crazy. I had to get outta there. I was starting to lose my mind--
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Memo. I don't need the whole pinche novella, okay?
- [players chattering] - Losers first.
Go get 'em, slugger.
Oh!
Strike one!
- Little out of practice there, Memo? - I don't think I was ever in practice.
What're you talking about? We used to play all the time when we were little.
Ah!
[Miguel] Gotta keep your eyes on the ball, Memo.
[Nandor] There it is. Every gang in the tristate area is here. How delightful.
- [hisses] - [Colin] Yeah. Looks like everyone
- came out to play. - [Nandor] Salutations.
[Colin] The Warriors. Walter Hill. 1979.
Exciting.
- [Laszlo] What a turnout. - [Nadja] Look up there. It's the Fly Guys.
[Nandor] Oh, wow. I haven't seen the Lower East Side Vampire Punks
since one spat on me in 1983.
I was cool with it. It's what we did back then.
- Hello, Hamptons vampires. - Like, "Hampires."
- Stop it! - I hate these dipshits.
But kinda makes you proud, you know?
Our people.
[chuckling] So, this is all for me?
- Baron Afanas, there you are. - [Baron] Aw.
- Hi. - Hello.
You look lovely tonight.
- [chuckles] - I mean, you look lovely every night.
- We all look lovely tonight. - Ugh.
- You included. - Thank you.
All right. I'm just going to bring you up to the stage,
- and then Jerry will introduce you. - [growls]
- [Nandor] Jerry is here? - Who Jerry?
Jerry's the one who put on this whole event.
Look out, Manhattan all-girls private-school vampires.
Vicious, ruthless killers, both socially and in a murder sense.
What's up, girlies?
- [girls scoff, laugh] - Ew.
- Hey! - Told ya.
- Check one, check two. - [Nandor] Cute.
Hello. Hi.
[Nandor] I can't believe this total zero gets to introduce the Baron Afanas.
It doesn't seem right.
He hasn't even sucked him off, let alone been nuts deep.
- [shushes] - All right.
- Just be quiet. - [Laszlo] You be quiet.
Can you count, suckers?
- [vampires cheering] - [horn blows]
[Jerry] Look around you.
Look at all these different vampires,
- all gathered together as one. - [vampires cheer]
[Jerry] Yes. How about it?
We've got our Coney Island colony vampires...
[vampires cheering, clapping]
[Jerry] ...side by side with our leatherette vampires.
- We've got our Rockaway surfers... - [horns blow]
[Jerry] ...right next to our JFK TSA vampires.
- Thank you for your service! - This city doesn't bleed without you all.
[vampires cheer]
- [Nandor] Yes! - That's right! That's right, Jerry!
Tonight we've gathered to hear from our esteemed leader...
- [vampires cheering] - [Jerry] ...the great Baron Afanas.
Our supreme commander in charge of our conquest of the New World.
[vampire 1] Yes, conquest!
At least, that was the plan, right?
- [cheering stops] - Wasn't it? Taking over the New World?
- [vampires clamoring] - [vampire 2 clears throat]
People feeling good about it? I'm just asking questions. I don't know.
Maybe the Baron will be able to provide some of these answers tonight.
Maybe there's a perfectly good explanation
for why we were sent here 250 years ago to conquer the continent
and we still find ourselves cowering in the shadows.
Do you have any answer for that?
- [Nandor] What's this shit? - Do you know why?
- [vampire 3] When can we move on? - Jerry.
That introduction I cannot live up to.
- Thank you, thank you. - 'Cause here's what I wanna know.
- [Laszlo] What the fuck? - [Jerry] Does the fault lie in ourselves?
Does it lie in our stars?
Or
- does it lie in our leadership? - [crowd clamoring]
- [vampire 4] He has a point! - I'm genuinely asking. I don't know.
- [The Guide] Hey, hey. - [Laszlo] What the fuck
- is he talking about? - Hey! Move! [grunts]
Gimme that. How dare you disrespect this man?
[Laszlo] Hear, hear.
This is the great, the beautiful Baron Afanas.
- [vampire 6] Yes! Yes! - [crowd cheering]
And this man, this mixer of boiling hot feces,
he knows not of his place.
He's nothing but a sower of discontent and disrespect.
- [grunts] Let me see that. - [Laszlo] Hear, hear.
- [Nadja speaks Greek] - Let me see that.
- No. No. No. Shut up! - Hold on. Hold on.
- [monster growling] - No. No, no, don't--
[crowd gasps]
- [whimpers] - [Laszlo] Ah!
[monster groans]
- [Baron] Uh-- - Okay. And that was not my fault.
- [Nadja chuckles] - [crowd clamoring]
- [monster growls] - [vampire 5] Jerry was killed
- by that Frankenstein monster! - [crowd clamoring]
It's Cravensworth's monster.
Run! Run!
They killed Jerry! The Staten Island vampires killed Jerry!
- No we didn't. - Kill them!
- [crowd booing] - We should get the fuck out of here!
[crowd rioting]
[vampire 7] Kill them!
Fucking hell. How many bats are up there?
[Nadja] So flying home is not an option.
[Nandor] Where do we go, what do we do and how do we do it?
We need to get home. Which way is home? Is it north?
- I'm certain we are south. - No. No, we're not. I'm feeling east.
You know I can't fly, you dicks.
[Nadja] Ah. Colin Robinson. Do you know how to get home?
- No, I have no idea. I... - [groans]
I never thought I'd ever say this, but I think we need to call Gizmo.
- [Nadja] Ha! Yes. - Yes, great idea.
Guillermo!
Not like that, you fucking idiot. With the phone that he's doing.
I can also try echolocating.
- [vocalizes] - Nadja, I'm on the phone!
[Miguel] Come one, man. That's why you gotta concentrate.
[Guillermo] I was concentrating.
So this new job has a documentary about it too?
No, it's actually the same documentary.
It just now follows a guy who quits his old job
and goes out into the regular world.
Okay, word. So it's like Sling Blade? But boring.
Know what, Miguel? This is why I don't hang out with you.
You don't hang out with any of the familia.
I don't because every time I do, they make me feel guilty that I'm always busy.
This was a mistake. I'm sorry. I'm gonna go, okay?
Hey, hey. Come on, Memo. I'm not mad at you, man.
We love you, all right? We were worried.
We never saw you. You're out there on your own.
You never even talked about having any friends.
Don't worry about me, okay? I have plenty of friends.
Oh, really? That's great. Name me one friend. Like, who's your best friend?
That would be, uh,
- Nandor. - Nandor?
My-- My boss. My ex-boss. He's not my boss anymore.
[Miguel] So your best friend is your former boss?
- [phone vibrating] - I know, okay? It's complicated, but...
Wait.
Colin?
Wait, slow down. What?
[Miguel] Here we go, Mr. Drama Queen. Just like always.
Every time we start to have fun, you all of a sudden have an emergency somewhere.
- My friends need help. They're in danger. - In danger?
It's gonna sound crazy, but someone's trying to kill them.
- What the fuck? - Just please let me go.
No, no. Fuck that. I'm going with you, all right? Let's roll.
You don't even know them. Why would you wanna come?
I don't need to know them, Memo.
You're my familia, all right? I have to have your back. Let's go.
Okay.
An attack on your friends is an attack on all of us.
Seat belt on.
Wait. You should know before we go that my friends, they're...
they're not like
the regular people that you know.
Memo, will you chill out? I have gay friends, all right? It's not a big deal.
[girls giggling]
And remember, when we find them, I get dibs on killing the one
- with the really gross man bun. - [girl 1] So cringe.
[girls laugh]
- [girl 2] They're not here. Let's go. - [girl 1] Okay, let's go.
[rumble]
- Okay. - [cat growls]
That was not supposed to go that way.
I cannot believe that Jerry betrayed the Baron like that.
As long as you are all right, that's all that matters.
- Ugh. - [The Guide] I have been serving Jerry
for months. I feel so betrayed. I'm so sorry.
I hear you, I hear you. You know, trust is essential--
Um-- We're just gonna give you guys a minute. Just give you some...
[Nandor] Sounds like this Jerry does not get--
Laszlo, why did your monster flip the fuck out and pop Jerry's head?
He was just performing his duties as a protector.
Well then, how do I know that he might not just flip out one day and pop my head?
No, my monster would never do that.
How could you be so sure? Look at the mess that thing has created.
That lumbering, demented donkey of a creature is clearly capable of anything.
No, no, no. He's not. My darling, my monster would never hurt you.
I didn't want you to know,
but the sole objective of creating him in the first place was to keep you safe.
What?
My darling, if anything were to happen to me,
- you would be protected. - [laughs]
- What? - When have I ever needed protecting
from anything or anyone?
I knew you'd react like this.
For the record, my darling,
I was a vampire on my own for centuries
before you came along, Mr. Cravensworth.
I once ripped an entire pack of werewolves to shreds with my bare fangs.
And then scattered their entrails on the road, like a confetti.
- I've heard this story a thousand-- - Ah! A confetti.
[Laszlo] The skies are clear.
[The Guide] Let's try to get our bearings.
- [gaps] Look. Look down there. - [chatter]
Athletes preparing for a baseball game, at this hour?
They're not athletes, you tit. They're the Bronx Bomber vampires.
Well, they're looking for us.
Good. Let's just take them on and get this over with. [hisses]
No, we should cross the bridge.
- [Nandor] Okay. - [Nadja scoffs]
- [Colin] Keep walking. Just keep walking. - [The Guide] They're coming up here!
- [Nandor] What now? - [Laszlo] Shit.
Oh, no. It's the Meatpacking District vampires.
[Laszlo] As deadly as they are beautiful.
I wouldn't mind having my meat packed.
- This way, to the subway. - [Nadja] Shut the fuck up.
- [Nandor] Flee! Down here! - [Laszlo] We must run!
[Laszlo] Come on. Take cover fast!
[The Guide] Fuck, yeah. I see an entrance.
- [bats flutter] - Come on. Hurry.
[The Guide] Does the subway even go to Staten Island?
[Nandor] Stay close, Blondie.
- [Laszlo] What the fuck? - [Nadja] Oh!
- [Nandor] Hey. What's this shit? - [The Guide yelps]
- [Nadja] Great. Jumping vampires. - [Laszlo] All right. Cool down.
[Nadja] Is it hat vampires?
- Fuck off. Fuck off. - Oh, shit.
[Nadja] No. What are they?
These guys are the, uh...
[vampires hissing]
I don't actually know what kind of vampires these are.
- Are they '80s vampires? - Breakdance vampires?
No, I think they're Fame the movie vampires,
or Fame the TV show vampires.
And the space suit fella must represent MTV or something.
Well, then what's with the Riverboat Gambler guy?
[Colin] They lost me there.
- I have no clue. - You killed Jerry the vampire.
No, no. That was done by a random monster.
- [hisses] - [The Guide] Uh-oh.
- Five, six, seven, eight. - [The Guide] No!
- ["Planet Rock" plays] - [Nandor] What's this shit?
- [The Guide] Ooh! - [Nadja] Oh! Okay.
They're twinkle toe vampires. I got this.
[Nadja scoffs]
Have you ever seen feet move at this medium pace?
- [Laszlo] All right. - [Nandor] That's a nice one. Aha!
[The Guide] Oh.
- [Laszlo] Fuck off. [hisses] - [Colin] Wow.
- [The Guide] It's really good. - [Nandor] Not bad.
- Aw. - [Laszlo] Fuck this shit.
- [vampires grunt] - What? What?
- Okay. - [Nadja] What the fuck?
[space man groans]
[Nadja] Fuck, Laszlo!
[Colin] They really weren't that threatening.
- [Nadja] You idiot. - [Laszlo giggles]
- [card vampire groans] - [Colin] Well, he's dead.
- [Nandor] Full house. - I was handling it.
- Sorry. - [Nadja groans]
Let's just keep moving, all right?
We'll get above ground...
- Okay. - ...so Guillermo can find us.
- [Nandor] Good idea. - [Nadja] Whatever.
[Nandor] You know, I really like it when you take charge.
[Miguel] No, no, no. Don't worry about the address. I'll text when I get it.
Just gather 'em up. Keep your phone on, all right? All right.
Who was that?
- Some friends. In case we need backup. - [Guillermo] Backup?
You said your friends are gonna get killed. I dunno what's gonna happen.
- Where are they, man? - I don't know, okay?
Colin lost his location, so maybe he lost reception.
- I can try calling again. I don't know. - Are these people even real?
Are you kidding me right now? Yes, they're real.
Why would I be doing this if they're not real?
- I just had to check, man. - Had to check? They're real, okay?
- [Guillermo] Don't worry. - [Miguel] You're acting crazy.
They're my friends, and they're vampires, so there's that.
- Did you just say they're vampires? - Yeah. Actually, you met one of them.
- What? - Yeah, but you attacked her.
- [Miguel] The fuck? - You attacked her.
I think I would remember something like that.
How could you? She hypnotized you.
How're you gonna remember, hmm?
- You know what, let's just keep driving. - Yeah, let's keep driving.
- [phone rings] - [Guillermo] Oh, it's Colin.
Hey, hey. Hi, Colin. Where are you?
[Colin] Okey dokey.
I just got off the phone with Gizmo
and gave him... [grunting] ...our locash.
You know, Laszlo,
I had those dancing vampire freaks in the palm of my hands.
I do not need you or your stupid monster to protect me.
Is that what you think?
My darling, I did not train my monster to protect you
because I thought you could not live without me.
I trained that monster because I cannot live without you.
Laszlo, I cannot live without you.
But if something was to happen to you, and I was to lose you,
it wouldn't be your protection I would miss.
It would be you.
Your looks, the layers in your hairs. Your wit.
And the way you use that extremely large hog.
- And that cannot be taught. [laughs] - [giggling] No, it can't.
Aw. They're being sweet again.
- Yes. - [Nadja] The way that--
Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?
Think about what?
Well, isn't it obvious?
I have been searching for love for so very long,
and it was right here the whole time.
Right under my nose.
In-- In front of my nose.
- Me? - You.
[groans] Ugh.
- So, I've watched your search for love. - Mmm-hmm.
- This one, that one. - Hmm.
- Your dead wife. - Yeah.
- Guillermo's boyfriend. - Freddie.
Gail. I mean, basically, anyone and everyone who wasn't me.
And I've seen after you won their hearts.
- It all falls apart. - [owls cooing]
Because you're all about the conquest, not the victory.
You're a good friend, but you will never have me.
Ever.
Sorry, could you run that by me again? [chuckles] I completely zoned out.
I got ever so lost in those big,
- beautiful blue eyes of yours. - [door opens]
[The Guide] I said you'll never have me.
I have a little bit of self-respect. A little... [chuckling] ...bit.
- [Nandor] I feel so ready for love. - Okay.
- Um-- Wait a minute. What is that? - Hey.
- [Nadja] Laszlo. - [Laszlo] Oh, shit.
- [Nandor] What the fuck? - [Laszlo] Graveyard vampires.
- [graveyard vampires hissing] - Well, you hang out in a graveyard,
you can expect spooky crap like this.
[Nadja] Oh, bloody fuck.
- [Nandor] Should we... - There's too many of them.
- Run while you can. - Yes, yes. Come on, Laszlo.
- This way. - Yes.
Come on, you skull fucks. [shouts]
[Nandor] Here. Quick! Shit.
[all hissing and growling]
[Laszlo] Come on, do your worst.
Fucking hell. Ah!
- [hisses] - [camera man] No, no, no! Wait!
No. Fuck off.
[Laszlo] Ah! I see you know your judo well.
- Laszlo! - It's all right, my darling.
- I'll be right back. - I'm coming! Hang your cape on that.
[Laszlo] Get your hands off me.
[grunts] Motherfucker!
- [The Guide] Ooh. - [Nandor]
Nadja! There's some over here too.
[Nadja] All right. Who's next? I can do this all night long.
[Nadja grunts]
- [Nandor groans] Get the fuck out. - [The Guide] Oh.
- [Laszlo] Help me up. [grunts] - [Nandor] Laszlo.
- Where's my wife? - She's over there.
- [The Guide] Okay. Very good aim. Wow! - [Laszlo chuckles]
Look at my gruesome girl go.
It's like front-row at a Gallagher show.
[Nandor] I think maybe he's dead.
I will say when he's dead.
Very impressive. But I think there might be more vampires on the way.
- Perhaps we should get out of here. - In a minute!
Okay.
[sighs]
Now we can go.
[Nandor] Great. Let's do that.
[Nadja sighs]
- Do you want a straw? - Nope.
[Nadja] You think that maybe we should order coffee drinks...
Thank you. ...so we don't look like a bunch of vampires
sat around waiting for our familiar to save us?
We can all be here without everyone ordering coffee.
And we can stay at the table as long as we want.
And when it comes to the bathrooms,
- legally, it's Thunderdome. - [Guillermo] Hey.
- [The Guide, Nandor] Guillermo! - [Nadja] Oh, finally.
- [Colin] Hey, Gomez. - You took your sweet time.
- Nadja, you all right? You have a little-- - Covered in brain and blood and guts.
Yes. Thank you for noticing.
So, your vampire friends, they hang out at coffee shops? [chuckles]
Hey, look, no offense. I love the costumes, man.
You turn your mom's rug into a dress? That's pretty cool. [chuckles]
But you guys really think you're vampires?
[Guillermo] No, Nandor. Don't hurt him. That's my cousin, Miguel.
- [laughs] - No kidding.
You are the famous Miguel. We've heard lots about you.
[breathing shakily] What the fuck?
Guillermo tells us you're very tough and very cool
and once locked him in a cupboard for six hours.
- Put it there. - Don't need to fist bump on that.
Sorry about that. Straighten that for you.
- You guys kill people? - No shit, Kojak.
Chillax, Miguel.
'Cause a member of Guillermo's family is a member of our family.
- Right, guys? - [Laszlo] Right.
- "Vamilia." - Nadnor! I have a Nadnor.
Is that for you, Nandor?
No, she is calling someone called Nadnor. Also, I have not ordered anything, so--
- I have one roundhouse kick for a Nandor. - Yes. I am Nan--
[grunts, hisses]
How quaint. A barista vampire.
We're not barista vampires. We're artist and writer vampires
who happen to currently be working as baristas.
- And graphic designer vampires. - [hisses]
- Hi. I'm Cass. - Hi, Cass.
- Personal essayist vampire, Louie, here. - [hisses]
- Got a shot for Nandor. - That's me. Yes.
- [Laszlo laughs] - Fucking guy.
My mistake. That was supposed to be a double-shot.
[Miguel growls]
- Whoa, whoa. - Oh, shit.
Oh, Forgot to mention. You have Van Helsing blood running through you.
- What? - [Guillermo] It's a long story.
I'll tell you later, okay?
[Guillermo grunts]
[all grunts, hissing]
[Laszlo] Bat.
Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. It's because I said the word "bat."
- And I've done it again. I meant to say-- - [Guillermo] Miguel.
Should we get involved?
You know, I forgot how stroppy Gizmo can be
when he gets a bit of a bee in his bonnet.
[Guillermo] Ooh.
- [Miguel] Steam. - [Cass screaming]
"Vampuccino."
I will fucking kill you.
Ah! Ooh. Very good.
[Miguel grunts]
[barista vampire groans]
[Colin] Almost there. Keep reaching, Gizmo.
- [Guillermo grunts] - [Louie growls, grunts]
- [Guillermo grunts] - [Laszlo] Nice shot.
- Ooh. Dead. Very good. - [The Guide] Guillermo.
- We should go. - [Nadja] Yes.
- [motorbikes whirring] - [Laszlo] What the fuck is that?
Just some homeys of mine. I called them in case we were outnumbered.
[Miguel] Here they come. Hell, yeah! Donny brought the spiral.
- [Laszlo] Fancy a ride, my darling? - [The Guide] Hello.
[Guillermo] We gotta go.
[Colin] This one? Hold on, hold on.
- [Miguel] Get in, man. - [Nadja] Colin Robinson!
Let's go. We have to go.
[Nandor] I don't want to get my cape caught.
[Nandor] Ah.
- [Nadja] Oh, Home. - [Laszlo] Oh, yes.
- [Nadja] We're home. - [Colin] Doggy.
- [Nandor] Oh! - Well, well...
- [Nadja] Baron! - ...well, well.
[The Guide] You're okay!
Look who came home!
Baron, how did you get back so fast?
Did you know that Staten Island has an above-ground train?
- It's actually quite pleasant. - [Nandor] Hey--
And it gave me a chance to open up that Louise Penny I have on audiobook.
- Love her. - [Baron] She's okay. But a quick question.
What the hell were you thinking?
Why did you kill Jerry the Vampire?
B-Because, Baron, Jerry was a huge threat to your almighty power.
Yes.
Which is why I wanted to kill him myself
in front of everyone
to reassert my power.
Do you honestly think that I did not know this insipid gathering was a trap?
- [gasps] - You knew?
[Baron] Of course I knew.
I didn't know Jerry was the enemy, Baron.
But that is no excuse.
I have dishonored myself.
But even worse, I have dishonored you.
I will now take my own life.
- No. No! - [The Guide whimpers] No, let me--
- [Nandor] No, I will not. [grunts] - [Colin] Let her.
- Baron, take my life instead. - [Colin] Do it.
- [Nadja] Huh. - Hold on here. Are you two a thing?
- No. Not at all. - It's early days.
Get up. We're going to run out of vampires
- at this rate. - [monster growling]
- [Laszlo] What the blazes... - [all scream]
- [monster grunts, growls] - [Nadja gasps]
- [Nandor mumbles] - Gift.
[Nadja] Oh. Jerry's crushed head. Thank you.
- Very nice. - [giggles]
- You can just lay that down there. - [monster groans]
I will find somewhere lovely for it later.
- Now, we all have much organizing... - Good job.
...to do for tomorrow evening.
To set this right.
[Baron] Here we are again.
Jerry tried to tear us apart.
But we, unlike Jerry,
will work as one.
- [Laszlo, Nandor, The Guide] Yes. - [Baron] For it will take all of us,
all vampires,
to bring the humans of this new world
under our dominion.
- [vampires] Yes! - Any questions?
[vampires clamor]
- Ha. - [monster growling]
[grunts]
[vampires clamor]
Okay. Anybody else? Let's see. There was someone...
Ah. You.
[monster growls]
[Baron] Did you have a question?
- Uh, nope. - [Baron] Are you sure?
Because I thought I saw your hand go up.
[monster growls]
I thought I had a-- had a question but then y-you answered it.
Just as I thought.
[monster growls]
Vampires dismissed.
- [vampires clamor] - [monster snarks]
[Baron] Two nights out in a row.
The Sire's never gonna let me hear the end of this.