1
00:01:17,999 --> 00:01:20,689
Salutations, snack.
2
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:24,059
On second thought...
3
00:01:26,308 --> 00:01:28,328
9-1-1!
4
00:01:28,468 --> 00:01:31,439
Police! Civic authorities! ASPCA! ASAP!
5
00:01:31,539 --> 00:01:34,139
Murder! Betrayal! Kidnapped!
6
00:01:34,279 --> 00:01:35,908
No, birdnapped!
7
00:01:37,078 --> 00:01:39,878
A cup of garlic, a twist of parakeet.
8
00:01:39,988 --> 00:01:42,478
Eat your heart out, Julia Child.
9
00:01:43,558 --> 00:01:49,048
Excuse me, but isn't it customary
for the jailbird to get one telephone call?
10
00:01:49,558 --> 00:01:51,188
In your case, I think not.
11
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:53,917
Afternoon snacks have few civil liberties.
12
00:01:54,027 --> 00:01:56,127
But I'm not wholly without heart.
13
00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:58,927
How about a nice soothing cigarette?
14
00:02:05,338 --> 00:02:07,608
Oh, I will not do this. I cannot!
15
00:02:08,048 --> 00:02:12,137
Oh, what a foul way for a bird to die!
I don't want to get beak cancer.
16
00:02:12,616 --> 00:02:14,736
No! My lungs are blackened!
17
00:02:14,846 --> 00:02:17,547
Here we go again.
Cut, cut, cut! Roll it back.
18
00:02:17,657 --> 00:02:20,317
- Help me...
- What are you doing? Daniel...
19
00:02:20,457 --> 00:02:23,327
That line is not in the script.
Why did you add it?
20
00:02:23,457 --> 00:02:26,897
- I wanted to comment on the situation.
- What situation?
21
00:02:27,227 --> 00:02:31,166
Shoving a cigarette into Pudgie's mouth
is morally irresponsible.
22
00:02:31,266 --> 00:02:35,096
This is a cartoon,
not a friggin' Oprah Winfrey Special.
23
00:02:35,206 --> 00:02:39,296
Lou, millions of kids see this cartoon.
It's like telling them "Light up. "
24
00:02:39,406 --> 00:02:43,106
You can't put words in Pudgie's mouth
if his mouth isn't moving.
25
00:02:43,216 --> 00:02:46,837
It's voice-over. An interior monologue.
Maybe even the voice of God.
26
00:02:47,087 --> 00:02:49,987
Pudgie, don't smoke.
27
00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:53,175
- Actors.
- What? Let's ask the technicians.
28
00:02:53,285 --> 00:02:57,455
Do you think it's morally right
to promote smoking to the youth of America?
29
00:03:00,265 --> 00:03:05,196
- They're biased. That's a mistrial.
- This session costs the studio thousands.
30
00:03:05,296 --> 00:03:07,996
If you want a paycheck, stick to the script.
31
00:03:08,106 --> 00:03:12,125
If you want to play Gandhi,
then do it on somebody else's time.
32
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:21,015
Then I've got to do what I've got to do.
33
00:03:21,115 --> 00:03:24,015
That's very funny.
Where the hell are you goin'?
34
00:03:24,115 --> 00:03:26,745
If you leave, you're not comin' back in.
35
00:03:26,855 --> 00:03:29,784
I'm not takin' any crap from you, pal.
36
00:03:29,894 --> 00:03:32,955
Well, in the words of Porky Pig:
37
00:03:35,494 --> 00:03:37,584
Piss off, Lou.
38
00:04:09,963 --> 00:04:12,793
- So what about that history test?
- Don't ask.
39
00:04:13,303 --> 00:04:17,734
- Did you have fun in school?
- I painted a picture of a rainbow.
40
00:04:20,703 --> 00:04:23,603
- Dad?
- Daddy!
41
00:04:24,043 --> 00:04:26,062
Daddy!
42
00:04:29,912 --> 00:04:33,643
- I thought you couldn't pick us up.
- Well, I got off early.
43
00:04:33,753 --> 00:04:38,243
- You mean you got fired?
- No, I quit. For reasons of conscience.
44
00:04:38,353 --> 00:04:39,323
Actors.
45
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:45,551
Dude, congratulations on your
12th birthday. Got a surprise for ya.
46
00:04:45,730 --> 00:04:47,751
- A stripper?
- Ooh, please!
47
00:04:47,930 --> 00:04:49,732
- Two strippers?
- Hoo-hah, boy!
48
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,162
- A party?
- Yes!
49
00:04:51,302 --> 00:04:53,322
No. No parties.
50
00:04:53,472 --> 00:04:57,032
Mom said you couldn't have one
because of your report card.
51
00:04:57,142 --> 00:05:02,101
Mom's not gonna be
home for another four hours, is she?
52
00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:07,481
Prepare yourself... for the wild kingdom.
53
00:05:28,170 --> 00:05:32,270
Coming up toward the very end.
There she goes. And she wins that race.
54
00:05:32,370 --> 00:05:34,401
Come on off now. Here we go.
55
00:05:36,310 --> 00:05:38,341
You want to feed him?
56
00:05:39,810 --> 00:05:41,870
See if this guy will.
57
00:05:42,650 --> 00:05:44,349
Sorry.
58
00:05:46,759 --> 00:05:48,779
Get out!
59
00:06:14,679 --> 00:06:18,618
- Gregory, Henderson and Hillard.
- Miranda Hillard, please.
60
00:06:20,819 --> 00:06:25,819
I know what you're going for with these
murals, but perhaps if they weren't so large.
61
00:06:25,959 --> 00:06:28,618
And let's do steel windows, not wood.
62
00:06:28,758 --> 00:06:32,718
Eliminate the Oriental rug.
Let's try an Aubusson carpet.
63
00:06:32,868 --> 00:06:35,339
- More pink than red.
- Good idea.
64
00:06:35,439 --> 00:06:37,459
Union Square Inn. This is better.
65
00:06:37,608 --> 00:06:42,808
More Arts and Crafts. A Dirk Van Erp lamp,
a Stickley chair. Don't be seduced by chintz.
66
00:06:42,908 --> 00:06:45,678
Excuse me. Miranda,
can I speak to you for a minute?
67
00:06:45,848 --> 00:06:48,078
- Yes. Excuse me.
- Certainly.
68
00:06:48,218 --> 00:06:50,238
Just be one minute.
69
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:54,288
I just got off the phone
with a Stuart Dunmeyer.
70
00:06:54,418 --> 00:06:57,977
- Stuart Dunmeyer?
- He said you were acquaintances.
71
00:06:58,087 --> 00:06:59,387
Stuart Dunmeyer?
72
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:03,617
He's putting millions into restoring
the old Wellman mansion on Nob Hill.
73
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:08,688
- He wants to make it into a $500-a-night B&B.
- Yes, I read about it.
74
00:07:08,868 --> 00:07:11,897
- He's been doing very well.
- That's him.
75
00:07:12,037 --> 00:07:15,476
And he specifically asked for you, Miranda.
76
00:07:15,606 --> 00:07:17,166
He did?
77
00:07:17,276 --> 00:07:20,367
- I told him you'd call first thing tomorrow.
- Yes, I will.
78
00:07:21,517 --> 00:07:24,967
Miss Hillard? The operator
has a Gloria Chaney on hold.
79
00:07:25,087 --> 00:07:28,387
- She says it's an emergency.
- Excuse me.
80
00:07:29,557 --> 00:07:30,987
Gloria?
81
00:07:43,536 --> 00:07:46,406
- Oh, my God!
- Is this your residence, ma'am?
82
00:07:46,506 --> 00:07:48,526
Yes, I'm sorry to say it is.
83
00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:52,807
Are you aware it's illegal to possess
barnyard animals in a residential area?
84
00:07:52,947 --> 00:07:56,845
- What if you're married to one?
- We're also responding to a noise violation.
85
00:07:56,985 --> 00:08:01,285
I'm going to respond myself.
I'm awfully sorry about this.
86
00:08:01,385 --> 00:08:03,445
You ate my begonias! God!
87
00:08:04,855 --> 00:08:06,916
Get out of my way!
88
00:09:05,383 --> 00:09:07,904
Miranda! Whassup?
89
00:09:08,384 --> 00:09:10,753
You're home early, girlfriend.
90
00:09:10,853 --> 00:09:13,283
Havin' a birthday in the house.
91
00:09:13,523 --> 00:09:15,953
What the hell is going on around here?
92
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:18,683
Don't get mad, honey. Listen.
93
00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:23,563
You're home a little early. I was gonna
clean it all up before you got home.
94
00:09:26,363 --> 00:09:28,732
Honey... What are you looking for?
95
00:09:30,542 --> 00:09:33,302
I'd be careful.
That pony had a lot of water.
96
00:09:42,552 --> 00:09:44,312
Party's over.
97
00:09:47,950 --> 00:09:51,551
She called you
and you bust the birthday party. Great!
98
00:09:51,660 --> 00:09:55,352
Don't you dare
make me out to be the monster here, Daniel!
99
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:58,122
You have all the fun
and I get whatever's left over.
100
00:09:58,232 --> 00:10:02,602
- You chose the career.
- I have no choices here. I have no choices!
101
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:06,160
Even when I try to do something fun,
you do it ten times bigger!
102
00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:09,971
I bring home a cake and gifts.
You bring the goddamn San Diego Zoo!
103
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:14,201
- And I have to clean up!
- It's not toxic waste, just a few party plates!
104
00:10:14,310 --> 00:10:17,281
Why am I the only one
that feels there has to be rules?
105
00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:19,751
Why do you always
make me out to be the heavy?
106
00:10:19,850 --> 00:10:22,622
I don't. You do it yourself quite naturally.
107
00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:26,550
- You set me up every time to be the bad guy.
- Oh, lighten up, will ya?
108
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:30,960
You spend too much time with
those corporate clones you used to despise.
109
00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:33,900
I spend too much time with you, Daniel.
It's over!
110
00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:36,060
It's over.
111
00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:42,771
Come on, Miranda. We've got problems,
but who doesn't? We could work 'em out.
112
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:46,769
We've been trying to work them out
for 14 years.
113
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:51,679
Come on, please. Listen.
Maybe we need some help, OK?
114
00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:54,880
Maybe a family therapist
will help us do this together.
115
00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:57,010
It's too late for that.
116
00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:01,680
Well, let's take a vacation with the kids,
as a family. Get you away from work.
117
00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:05,189
You're a different person.
You really are. You're great.
118
00:11:05,299 --> 00:11:08,729
Our problems would be waiting for us
when we got back.
119
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:12,229
We'll move, and hopefully
our problems won't follow us.
120
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,529
Daniel, please don't joke.
121
00:11:15,869 --> 00:11:17,809
OK.
122
00:11:19,539 --> 00:11:24,479
We've just grown apart. We're different.
123
00:11:24,579 --> 00:11:28,679
- We have nothing in common.
- Oh, sure we do. We love each other.
124
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:38,018
Come on, Miranda. We love each other.
125
00:11:42,728 --> 00:11:44,758
Don't we?
126
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:51,067
I want a divorce.
127
00:11:52,507 --> 00:11:54,538
No.
128
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:04,117
We can't. We're a family. You know?
129
00:12:05,987 --> 00:12:08,047
I'm so sorry.
130
00:12:47,866 --> 00:12:49,916
Yeah, Ma, he told me all about it.
131
00:12:51,366 --> 00:12:53,386
Yeah, Ma. I heard, I heard.
132
00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:58,135
- Well, yeah, he's here.
- No.
133
00:12:59,175 --> 00:13:01,765
Ma, he's not really in the mood to talk.
134
00:13:01,875 --> 00:13:05,335
Yeah, depressed.
I mean, his marriage is ending.
135
00:13:05,445 --> 00:13:09,646
My marriage is not ending.
It's just on hiatus.
136
00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,786
Ma, I think he's in a little bit of denial.
137
00:13:14,886 --> 00:13:18,554
No, we're taking good care of
your little boy. Don't worry, Mom.
138
00:13:18,654 --> 00:13:21,994
- Hi, Evelyn. Thanks for the jam.
- She says you're welcome.
139
00:13:22,094 --> 00:13:25,535
That beige concealer.
When are we gettin' more of it?
140
00:13:25,635 --> 00:13:28,255
- Next week.
- You hear that, Ma? Next week.
141
00:13:28,465 --> 00:13:30,165
Wait, hang on.
142
00:13:30,265 --> 00:13:32,995
- Enough already. It's a man.
- How would you know?
143
00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:34,804
Bitch.
144
00:13:34,904 --> 00:13:38,243
No, Ma, not you.
I was talkin' about the dog.
145
00:13:38,773 --> 00:13:41,974
Ma, listen. We got people
waitin' for us on the set.
146
00:13:42,084 --> 00:13:45,844
Oh, yeah. It's a busy life, Ma.
Places to go, faces to paint.
147
00:13:46,584 --> 00:13:48,484
Yeah, I'll tell him, Ma.
148
00:13:48,624 --> 00:13:50,414
Don't worry, I'll tell him.
149
00:13:50,524 --> 00:13:51,994
Yeah. Hold on, Ma.
150
00:13:52,224 --> 00:13:55,164
She wants to know
if you want to come stay with her.
151
00:13:55,264 --> 00:13:59,064
- No way.
- He says he'll think about it, Ma.
152
00:13:59,893 --> 00:14:02,023
I will. All right. I love you, too.
153
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,193
Bye, Ma.
154
00:14:04,833 --> 00:14:09,463
Hey, listen, you know you can always
stay with us just as long as you want.
155
00:14:09,603 --> 00:14:13,973
Thank you, but I'm OK, really.
I mean, this is just a temporary thing.
156
00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:16,813
I know Miranda. It's gonna blow over.
157
00:14:21,482 --> 00:14:27,223
Mr and Mrs Hillard, although these custody
proceedings tend to favor the mother,
158
00:14:27,323 --> 00:14:32,622
we also realize, perhaps now more than
ever, that it is not in a child's best interest
159
00:14:32,732 --> 00:14:35,892
to deprive him or her
of an obviously loving father.
160
00:14:37,832 --> 00:14:44,332
However, since at the present time Mr Hillard
has no place to live and no employment,
161
00:14:44,512 --> 00:14:48,602
it is the court's ruling
to award sole custody to Mrs Hillard.
162
00:14:48,712 --> 00:14:50,941
- Congratulations.
- No.
163
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,611
Mr Hillard will have visitation rights
every Saturday.
164
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,082
- Can't you do something?
- He's made his decision.
165
00:14:57,192 --> 00:15:00,522
Isn't it traditional
to say "I object" or something?
166
00:15:00,662 --> 00:15:02,352
Your Honor, please.
167
00:15:03,692 --> 00:15:05,921
Every Saturday? That's one day a week.
168
00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:08,361
That's not enough.
169
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:13,661
I have to be with my children. It's not
a question. I have to be with them, sir. Please.
170
00:15:13,770 --> 00:15:17,261
I know it seems like a lot,
but for me it's not enough. Really.
171
00:15:17,370 --> 00:15:22,071
I haven't been away from 'em for more than
one day since the day they were born.
172
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:26,041
- Mr Hillard, this ruling is only temporary.
- Oh, good.
173
00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:29,310
I will assign a court liaison
to oversee your case.
174
00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:32,720
There will be a continuance
of these proceedings in 90 days.
175
00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:35,760
- I'm giving you three months, Mr Hillard.
- Thank you.
176
00:15:35,890 --> 00:15:40,490
Three months in which to get a job,
keep it and create a suitable home.
177
00:15:40,630 --> 00:15:43,191
If this proves to be a possibility for you,
178
00:15:43,330 --> 00:15:49,129
I will consider a joint-custody arrangement
when we reconvene. We're adjourned.
179
00:15:50,239 --> 00:15:54,069
Well, it looks like there is
a little light at the end of our tunnel.
180
00:16:24,768 --> 00:16:28,109
- That's all my stuff.
- This is all my fault.
181
00:16:28,539 --> 00:16:31,008
God, no. Why would you think that?
182
00:16:31,148 --> 00:16:33,638
I should have never had a birthday, Dad.
183
00:16:33,778 --> 00:16:36,648
- This never would have happened.
- Yes, it would.
184
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:40,018
It was an accident waiting to happen, OK?
185
00:16:40,148 --> 00:16:42,649
You did nothing wrong. You got that?
186
00:16:43,858 --> 00:16:45,918
OK, gimme five.
187
00:16:52,567 --> 00:16:54,587
You're the man of the house now.
188
00:16:54,767 --> 00:16:56,787
Don't be messy.
189
00:16:57,968 --> 00:17:00,998
- You can't go now.
- Honey, I have to.
190
00:17:01,608 --> 00:17:06,377
We're in the middle of Charlotte's Web.
Who's gonna finish it?
191
00:17:07,047 --> 00:17:09,537
Well, Grandma will finish it for you.
192
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:16,477
She's not as good. She always skips parts,
and she never does the voices.
193
00:17:16,617 --> 00:17:18,677
She smells funny, too.
194
00:17:18,987 --> 00:17:22,946
That's the formaldehyde.
That's why Granny's so well preserved.
195
00:17:24,396 --> 00:17:26,826
Hey, come here.
196
00:17:28,897 --> 00:17:33,167
It's the same as always.
We just have a really big backyard, OK?
197
00:17:33,267 --> 00:17:36,236
- I love you.
- I love you.
198
00:17:39,546 --> 00:17:43,446
I'll miss you. Saturday comes real quick.
199
00:17:45,046 --> 00:17:48,316
- I'll miss you.
- Ditto.
200
00:17:48,916 --> 00:17:50,646
Oh, Dad...
201
00:17:53,026 --> 00:17:55,046
- Take care of her.
- OK.
202
00:17:57,295 --> 00:17:59,315
Goodbye.
203
00:18:04,535 --> 00:18:07,025
Thanks for the time, warden.
204
00:18:12,375 --> 00:18:14,436
Bye, Dad.
205
00:18:34,735 --> 00:18:38,184
As your court liaison,
I will be looking at two things.
206
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:42,533
- Your living environment...
- It's more like a habitat, really.
207
00:18:43,904 --> 00:18:49,274
And I will be coming by on Monday
and Friday evenings to inspect it.
208
00:18:49,374 --> 00:18:51,344
Well, I'll put on a chicken.
209
00:18:52,144 --> 00:18:54,204
And there's always the job issue.
210
00:18:54,354 --> 00:18:59,944
This is the nearest employment office. I took
the liberty of making an appointment for you.
211
00:19:00,054 --> 00:19:03,753
- Thank you.
- By the way, do you have any special skills?
212
00:19:03,923 --> 00:19:05,953
Oh, yes. I do.
213
00:19:06,063 --> 00:19:08,083
I do voices.
214
00:19:08,593 --> 00:19:10,793
What do you mean, you do voices?
215
00:19:11,603 --> 00:19:14,004
Well, I do voices.
216
00:19:14,134 --> 00:19:15,033
Yes!
217
00:19:15,173 --> 00:19:18,003
We're looking for intelligent life.
Oops, mistake!
218
00:19:18,143 --> 00:19:21,403
Happy to be in America.
Don't ask for a green card.
219
00:19:21,543 --> 00:19:24,012
I want you in the worst way.
220
00:19:24,142 --> 00:19:27,842
This is certainly a rough meeting.
It's not going very well for me.
221
00:19:28,012 --> 00:19:31,613
Hey, boss, give her a chance.
She's gonna loosen up any moment.
222
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:35,652
Look at me, Moneypenny.
I want to undo that bow and get to know you.
223
00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:38,222
I'm crazy to make a deal with you!
224
00:19:38,362 --> 00:19:41,192
Nancy and I are still looking for
the other half of my head.
225
00:19:41,292 --> 00:19:45,062
They're doin' it!
I'm sittin' on a gold mine!
226
00:19:45,202 --> 00:19:47,562
Don't make me smack you, sweetheart.
227
00:19:48,372 --> 00:19:50,562
I do a great impression of a hot dog.
228
00:19:53,770 --> 00:19:56,371
Mr Hillard, do you
consider yourself humorous?
229
00:19:56,470 --> 00:19:58,531
I used to.
230
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,772
There was a time when I found myself funny.
231
00:20:01,882 --> 00:20:05,012
But today you have proven me wrong.
Thank you.
232
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,411
Listen, bottom line...
233
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:14,090
I need to be with my children,
and I'll do anything to do that.
234
00:20:14,230 --> 00:20:16,251
You just tell me what to do.
235
00:20:34,510 --> 00:20:36,840
- Excuse me. You Tony?
- That's me.
236
00:20:36,950 --> 00:20:39,880
Hi. I'm Daniel Hillard, the actor.
237
00:20:41,420 --> 00:20:44,080
Follow me.
238
00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:49,889
Oh, films! Will I be
introducing these movies on air?
239
00:20:50,059 --> 00:20:52,459
- Not exactly.
- What do I do?
240
00:20:52,559 --> 00:20:55,789
You take all these cans.
You box 'em and you ship 'em.
241
00:20:55,899 --> 00:20:59,499
Then you box those cans over there.
Ship them. Then more will come in.
242
00:20:59,939 --> 00:21:02,500
You box those, you ship those.
243
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,670
Any questions?
244
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,900
After you box 'em...?
245
00:21:08,050 --> 00:21:10,239
You ship 'em.
246
00:21:10,349 --> 00:21:12,408
Lots of luck, smartass.
247
00:21:16,049 --> 00:21:18,919
I think I made a friend.
248
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:28,258
- Miranda.
- Stu!
249
00:21:33,598 --> 00:21:36,038
Hello, Miranda.
250
00:21:36,168 --> 00:21:38,838
- It's been a long time.
- Yes.
251
00:21:41,948 --> 00:21:45,678
Mr Dunmeyer's come by
to look over your sketches.
252
00:21:48,018 --> 00:21:50,648
Let me show you to the conference room.
253
00:21:51,418 --> 00:21:54,587
As you probably know,
the estate was built in 1876.
254
00:21:54,727 --> 00:21:59,187
These sketches are meant to reflect
your desire to have it completely restored.
255
00:21:59,327 --> 00:22:01,298
You look better than ever.
256
00:22:01,398 --> 00:22:06,857
The lobby will resemble a music salon with
inspiration from the French Second Empire.
257
00:22:06,967 --> 00:22:09,867
I was thinking a 17th-century grand piano...
258
00:22:09,967 --> 00:22:13,537
I've been following your career
these past couple of years.
259
00:22:13,637 --> 00:22:18,547
A tufted sofa, a Flemish tapestry,
a brass-bound Regency-style table...
260
00:22:18,647 --> 00:22:22,377
I'd love to get reacquainted. Catch up.
261
00:22:23,817 --> 00:22:26,186
Mantel clocks.
262
00:22:26,316 --> 00:22:29,116
Fringed, upholstered chairs, heavy drapes.
263
00:22:29,256 --> 00:22:31,817
Can we talk? Over dinner, maybe?
264
00:22:34,127 --> 00:22:37,096
Stuart, thank you. I...
265
00:22:37,226 --> 00:22:40,356
I'm at the beginning of a divorce.
266
00:22:41,866 --> 00:22:43,925
It just didn't work out.
267
00:22:44,035 --> 00:22:47,366
- Oh, Miranda, I'm sorry.
- You don't have to say that.
268
00:22:47,476 --> 00:22:52,106
No, really. I mean, I never
held any grudges or anything. I just...
269
00:22:52,246 --> 00:22:55,446
Well, I always hoped you'd find happiness.
270
00:22:55,986 --> 00:22:58,046
Oh, God, that's so nice.
271
00:22:58,185 --> 00:23:02,555
I was just worried my coming in here
might scare you off the project.
272
00:23:02,655 --> 00:23:04,715
No, no. Of course not. I...
273
00:23:05,755 --> 00:23:08,025
I'm a professional. I'm...
274
00:23:08,165 --> 00:23:13,355
I was flattered that you thought of me
after all these years and everything.
275
00:23:13,965 --> 00:23:16,055
Yeah, everything.
276
00:23:16,205 --> 00:23:19,396
Well... Ancient history.
277
00:23:20,035 --> 00:23:21,764
Yeah.
278
00:23:26,714 --> 00:23:29,474
I'm late.
I've got a meeting over at the bank.
279
00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:36,085
Can we talk maybe later in the week?
280
00:23:36,225 --> 00:23:38,985
- Sure.
- Good.
281
00:23:39,095 --> 00:23:41,583
It's good to see you again.
282
00:24:03,713 --> 00:24:05,773
Good, huh?
283
00:24:08,423 --> 00:24:11,983
I know the place
doesn't look like much now, but...
284
00:24:12,093 --> 00:24:14,583
It'll be OK. How do you like it?
285
00:24:16,063 --> 00:24:18,523
- Nice.
- It's OK.
286
00:24:18,663 --> 00:24:20,633
Detestable.
287
00:24:21,963 --> 00:24:24,063
Hey, just give me some time.
288
00:24:24,532 --> 00:24:27,432
I'm not too comfortable
with this new lifestyle.
289
00:24:27,532 --> 00:24:29,432
Neither are we.
290
00:24:29,972 --> 00:24:32,462
I know it's hard, sweetie.
291
00:24:33,713 --> 00:24:36,073
Can't you just tell Mom you're sorry?
292
00:24:38,582 --> 00:24:41,052
Wish I could.
293
00:24:41,152 --> 00:24:43,482
You know, grown-up problems...
294
00:24:43,582 --> 00:24:46,421
They're a little more complicated, Nattie.
295
00:24:49,662 --> 00:24:51,852
How is the old battle-axe?
296
00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:54,862
- Your mom.
- She's fine.
297
00:24:54,962 --> 00:24:57,451
Oh. I'm glad to hear that.
298
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:03,432
I'd hate to think that she came down
with amoebic dysentery or piles.
299
00:25:03,542 --> 00:25:05,772
What's amoebic dysentery?
300
00:25:06,572 --> 00:25:10,101
It's an infection in your tummy
where you get diarrhoea for ever.
301
00:25:10,210 --> 00:25:14,111
- Diarrhoea for ever?
- And your body dries up and you die.
302
00:25:14,210 --> 00:25:17,480
- You die?
- You don't have to be so graphic with her.
303
00:25:17,580 --> 00:25:23,051
- I read about it in a science book.
- Why would you want Mommy to die?
304
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,531
Oh, honey, I don't want Mommy to die.
305
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,560
Then why did you say that?
306
00:25:32,030 --> 00:25:35,870
Look, Dad, you're not trying very hard.
307
00:25:35,970 --> 00:25:40,130
We only get to come here once a week.
That's not very much.
308
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:43,970
You're right. I'm sorry. I'll try harder.
309
00:25:45,110 --> 00:25:48,881
Nattie, I'll think good thoughts, OK?
310
00:25:49,180 --> 00:25:53,879
- About Mommy?
- I'll try. I really will.
311
00:25:53,989 --> 00:25:57,889
- And call her a princess.
- Oh, yes.
312
00:25:59,129 --> 00:26:02,689
And right now I feel like a toad.
313
00:26:04,330 --> 00:26:06,160
Daddy's a toad.
314
00:26:13,768 --> 00:26:16,328
- That's Mom.
- Can't be. She's an hour early.
315
00:26:16,738 --> 00:26:18,798
Come on, Nattie, we gotta go.
316
00:26:19,649 --> 00:26:21,739
No, no! Come on, sit down.
317
00:26:21,849 --> 00:26:23,579
Sit down!
318
00:26:23,679 --> 00:26:26,919
You don't have to run off
when she honks the horn.
319
00:26:27,019 --> 00:26:29,719
Come on, you're on my time now.
320
00:26:29,819 --> 00:26:32,818
You're my goddamn kids, too!
321
00:26:38,568 --> 00:26:40,828
Come on.
322
00:26:49,277 --> 00:26:50,938
Hi.
323
00:26:51,278 --> 00:26:54,208
Oh, Daniel... Charming.
324
00:26:54,308 --> 00:26:57,977
Thank you, Miranda.
I was going for a refugee motif.
325
00:26:58,087 --> 00:27:00,447
Fleeing-my-homeland kind of thing.
326
00:27:00,787 --> 00:27:02,617
But look at you!
327
00:27:02,717 --> 00:27:07,488
This lovely Dances With Wolves motif.
What's your Indian name: Shops With A Fist?
328
00:27:07,827 --> 00:27:11,227
- Are my children ready yet?
- No, our children are not ready yet...
329
00:27:11,327 --> 00:27:15,457
...because you are an hour early
and you were late dropping them off.
330
00:27:15,637 --> 00:27:21,467
Daniel, I don't have time for this. I have to
drop something off at the newspaper office.
331
00:27:21,637 --> 00:27:24,837
Newspaper? Are you taking out
one of those personal ads?
332
00:27:24,947 --> 00:27:29,636
"DWF seeks WWM with BMW,
into light B&D"?
333
00:27:29,876 --> 00:27:32,176
I'm placing an ad for a housekeeper.
334
00:27:33,416 --> 00:27:36,687
Housekeeper?
Why do you need a housekeeper?
335
00:27:36,817 --> 00:27:42,456
I need someone to be there when the children
get home from school, to clean, start dinner...
336
00:27:42,556 --> 00:27:45,925
- How much are you gonna pay?
- $300 a week. Is that all right?
337
00:27:48,965 --> 00:27:51,296
May I see the ad?
338
00:27:51,436 --> 00:27:56,266
- I have a right as their father. Please?
- All right. Anything else you wanna see?
339
00:27:56,376 --> 00:27:59,036
- Are you offering?
- Not any more.
340
00:27:59,146 --> 00:28:00,665
What's the change?
341
00:28:00,775 --> 00:28:03,745
- Are you guys all right?
- Yeah, Mommy. We're fine.
342
00:28:05,384 --> 00:28:07,905
Miranda, why not let me
take care of the kids?
343
00:28:08,055 --> 00:28:12,885
I'll pick 'em up after school, be with them,
then drop them off at your house after work.
344
00:28:12,985 --> 00:28:14,545
- That'd be great!
- Please!
345
00:28:14,725 --> 00:28:17,355
- Look. The kids love it.
- Mommy, please!
346
00:28:17,495 --> 00:28:20,055
I'll think about it.
347
00:28:24,334 --> 00:28:27,234
We're his goddamn kids, too.
348
00:28:31,974 --> 00:28:33,834
Kids say the darndest things.
349
00:28:34,614 --> 00:28:40,445
Thank you. Any other choice phrases
you'd like to teach our five-year-old, Daniel?
350
00:28:41,915 --> 00:28:44,853
Come on, everybody get their coats.
351
00:28:44,953 --> 00:28:48,283
- Put them on and let's get out of here.
- OK, Mom.
352
00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:52,884
I would say go to the bathroom before we go,
but I don't think that's a good idea.
353
00:28:57,364 --> 00:29:00,334
Don't forget anything.
I don't wanna come back.
354
00:29:00,434 --> 00:29:02,463
Come on, let's go.
355
00:29:02,933 --> 00:29:05,992
- See you Saturday.
- Say goodbye to your father.
356
00:29:06,142 --> 00:29:08,163
Goodbye, Daddy.
357
00:29:09,943 --> 00:29:12,203
- Here's your ad.
- I'll get my purse.
358
00:29:12,343 --> 00:29:14,373
Yeah, you'd better.
359
00:29:29,232 --> 00:29:32,292
Hello. Are you calling
in response to the ad?
360
00:29:34,002 --> 00:29:38,403
- Who was your previous employer?
- I was in a band. Severe Tyre Damage.
361
00:29:38,543 --> 00:29:41,032
- In a band?
- I just wanna know one thing.
362
00:29:41,172 --> 00:29:46,232
Are your kids well-behaved, or do they need,
like, a few light slams every now and then?
363
00:29:47,740 --> 00:29:50,011
- I'll have to get back to you.
- Wow!
364
00:29:53,282 --> 00:29:58,191
Ja, my name is llsa Himmelman. I want
to know how many children do you have?
365
00:29:58,290 --> 00:30:01,821
- I have two girls and a boy.
- Oh, a boy!
366
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:05,621
I don't work with the males
cos I used to be one.
367
00:30:08,372 --> 00:30:09,561
Yikes.
368
00:30:13,270 --> 00:30:14,761
Hello.
369
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:20,140
Leyla, get back in your cell!
Don't make me get the hose!
370
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:21,230
Hello?
371
00:30:26,220 --> 00:30:29,151
I am job.
372
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:34,250
- Do you speak English?
- I am job.
373
00:30:34,590 --> 00:30:37,490
I'm sorry. The position has been filled.
374
00:30:37,630 --> 00:30:40,100
Oh, what a nightmare!
375
00:30:41,500 --> 00:30:44,630
Let's go in for the kill.
376
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,439
Hello?
377
00:30:55,549 --> 00:30:58,639
I'm calling in regards
to the ad I read in the paper.
378
00:31:00,749 --> 00:31:04,649
Yes. Well, would you tell me
a little bit about yourself?
379
00:31:04,959 --> 00:31:07,009
Oh, certainly, dear.
380
00:31:07,119 --> 00:31:12,080
For the past 15 years I've worked for
the Smythe family of Elbourne, England.
381
00:31:12,230 --> 00:31:14,248
That's Smythe, not Smith, dear.
382
00:31:14,928 --> 00:31:21,668
And for them, I did housecleaning, cooking,
and took care of their four glorious children.
383
00:31:21,768 --> 00:31:27,009
I grew quite attached to them after 15
years, but they grew up, as children tend to.
384
00:31:27,109 --> 00:31:32,239
Oh, but listen to me. I am going on when you
should be telling me about your little ones.
385
00:31:32,349 --> 00:31:35,437
- Well, I have two girls...
- Oh, two precious gems.
386
00:31:35,547 --> 00:31:37,707
No doubt the jewel of your eye.
387
00:31:37,847 --> 00:31:42,118
- And one boy.
- Oh, the little prince. How wonderful.
388
00:31:42,658 --> 00:31:45,648
I must tell you,
a little light cooking is required.
389
00:31:45,758 --> 00:31:48,728
Oh, I don't mind that, dear.
I'd love some heavy cooking.
390
00:31:48,868 --> 00:31:53,328
But I do have one rule: They'll only eat
good, nutritious food with me.
391
00:31:53,468 --> 00:31:57,667
And if there's any dispute, it's either
good, wholesome food or empty tummies.
392
00:31:57,767 --> 00:32:00,677
That's my rule.
I hope it's not too harsh for you, dear.
393
00:32:01,337 --> 00:32:03,067
No!
394
00:32:03,177 --> 00:32:07,447
Would you mind coming on an interview?
Say, Monday night at 7:30?
395
00:32:07,547 --> 00:32:10,348
- Oh, I'd love to, dear.
- Wonderful.
396
00:32:10,917 --> 00:32:15,377
I'm at 2640 Steiner Street.
397
00:32:15,527 --> 00:32:17,717
Steiner. Oh, how lovely.
398
00:32:18,296 --> 00:32:21,886
- Could you tell me your name?
- My name?
399
00:32:22,526 --> 00:32:25,127
I thought I gave it to you, dear.
400
00:32:25,237 --> 00:32:26,667
No.
401
00:32:31,536 --> 00:32:34,166
- Doubtfire.
- I beg your pardon?
402
00:32:34,506 --> 00:32:37,666
Doubtfire, dear. Mrs Doubtfire.
403
00:32:37,776 --> 00:32:42,276
- Well, I look forward to meeting you.
- Oh, lovely, dear. Me, too.
404
00:32:42,386 --> 00:32:44,816
- Bye-bye.
- Ta-ta.
405
00:32:48,525 --> 00:32:50,545
Showtime.
406
00:32:55,666 --> 00:32:58,526
- Daniel, hi.
- Could you make me a woman?
407
00:32:59,866 --> 00:33:02,895
Honey, I'm so happy!
408
00:33:03,005 --> 00:33:05,595
- Oh, come here.
- I knew you'd understand.
409
00:33:07,974 --> 00:33:10,635
- Is this gonna hurt?
- Don't whine. Just relax.
410
00:33:10,775 --> 00:33:13,715
- Are you sure?
- Just remember, pain is beauty.
411
00:33:13,815 --> 00:33:17,575
OK, take a deep breath. Instant eye lift.
412
00:33:19,255 --> 00:33:21,375
And the strings are under the wig.
413
00:33:21,885 --> 00:33:27,124
- The man has five-o'clock shadow at 8.30am.
- All right, we'll start with make-up.
414
00:33:27,224 --> 00:33:30,754
- I'm not gonna wax.
- Don't worry. We'll just lightly spackle.
415
00:33:30,864 --> 00:33:34,354
- I feel like Gloria Swanson.
- You look like her mother.
416
00:33:34,634 --> 00:33:37,224
I'm ready for my close-up, Mr DeMille.
417
00:33:38,204 --> 00:33:41,535
OK, everyone. Let's pray.
418
00:33:44,604 --> 00:33:48,343
I hope you are using Jungle Red.
That is the color I love.
419
00:33:48,443 --> 00:33:50,473
- Matches your lips.
- God bless you.
420
00:33:50,613 --> 00:33:53,943
I'm feeling fabulous
because I met this beautiful Cuban.
421
00:33:54,053 --> 00:33:56,454
Every night is like the Bay of Pigs.
422
00:33:56,584 --> 00:33:59,484
I can't lie to you. It's beautiful with him.
423
00:33:59,624 --> 00:34:04,283
I don't know. This would scare the children.
Maybe this is too much for them.
424
00:34:04,823 --> 00:34:07,162
I think we have to go to the next level.
425
00:34:07,262 --> 00:34:09,062
Latex.
426
00:34:10,033 --> 00:34:12,663
Oy, it was such a shandeh.
427
00:34:12,803 --> 00:34:16,293
I should never buy gribbenes from a mohel.
It's so chewy.
428
00:34:16,443 --> 00:34:19,673
- No, I feel like Bubbee. This is not working.
- Don't worry.
429
00:34:19,813 --> 00:34:24,272
It's a work in progress and you're my brother.
I will never let you be embarrassed.
430
00:34:24,412 --> 00:34:26,903
- God bless you.
- We'll have to do the entire face.
431
00:34:27,053 --> 00:34:29,522
But look at this nice thing we have here.
432
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,031
It's not working. I need to go older.
433
00:34:52,140 --> 00:34:55,842
Older? Like Shelley Winters older
or Shirley MacLaine older?
434
00:34:55,942 --> 00:34:59,432
- What's the difference?
- Some Scotch tape and red hair dye.
435
00:34:59,552 --> 00:35:03,241
- What about Joan Collins?
- I don't think I have the strength.
436
00:35:03,350 --> 00:35:05,411
But I have some plaster.
437
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:10,709
Are we close?
438
00:36:10,819 --> 00:36:14,150
Any closer and you'd be Mom.
439
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:32,299
That's disgusting!
440
00:36:34,039 --> 00:36:37,097
The most revolting thing I've ever seen.
441
00:36:37,207 --> 00:36:38,967
Awesome.
442
00:36:41,147 --> 00:36:43,238
What is this? Turn it off, will you?
443
00:36:43,418 --> 00:36:46,718
Come on. I want you
to meet this lady with me.
444
00:36:46,818 --> 00:36:50,378
I want you to be polite to her, then...
tell me what you think.
445
00:36:50,488 --> 00:36:54,817
Everybody stand over here
and help me decide what to do.
446
00:36:59,627 --> 00:37:02,157
Hello. Mrs Hillard, I presume.
447
00:37:02,267 --> 00:37:04,397
Yes. I'm Miranda Hillard.
448
00:37:04,497 --> 00:37:06,797
Euphegenia Doubtfire.
449
00:37:06,907 --> 00:37:09,237
Yes. Won't you please come in?
450
00:37:09,377 --> 00:37:11,777
Thank you, dear.
451
00:37:12,378 --> 00:37:15,277
- And these must be the cherubs.
- Yes.
452
00:37:16,377 --> 00:37:19,437
- This is Natalie.
- Oh, hello, Natalie.
453
00:37:19,587 --> 00:37:21,816
- Are you wearing bug spray?
- Nattie!
454
00:37:21,916 --> 00:37:26,546
It's quite all right, dear. No offense taken.
I was a little liberal with the atomizer.
455
00:37:26,656 --> 00:37:30,887
And at my age, it's like a good Stilton.
Everything has its own aroma.
456
00:37:31,027 --> 00:37:35,466
I admire that honesty, Nattie.
That's a noble quality. Never lose that.
457
00:37:35,596 --> 00:37:39,266
It often disappears with age
or entering politics.
458
00:37:39,406 --> 00:37:43,096
Look at that face.
You remind me of Stuart Little,
459
00:37:43,236 --> 00:37:46,676
one of the most honorable creatures
in all of literature.
460
00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:51,076
- Do you know that book, Stuart Little?
- Yeah! It's one of my favorites.
461
00:37:51,216 --> 00:37:55,115
Mine, too! Maybe I could read it to you -
if I get the position.
462
00:37:55,255 --> 00:37:58,656
- That would be wonderful.
- And who is this strapping young lad?
463
00:37:58,756 --> 00:38:01,016
- This is Chris.
- Hello, Christopher.
464
00:38:01,126 --> 00:38:02,916
Hello.
465
00:38:03,055 --> 00:38:06,825
Jeez, you're big for a lady.
You could play for the 49ers.
466
00:38:06,925 --> 00:38:10,834
Well, I was a fullback.
But that's European football, dear.
467
00:38:10,934 --> 00:38:13,405
- Soccer?
- Yes. You play soccer, too?
468
00:38:13,535 --> 00:38:15,735
- Yeah!
- Oh, isn't that amazing?
469
00:38:15,875 --> 00:38:20,395
Yes, I was captain of the women's team.
We won three university championships.
470
00:38:20,545 --> 00:38:22,605
Oh, but that was decades ago!
471
00:38:22,715 --> 00:38:27,144
But I was more disciplined then. I always
put my studies ahead of my athletics.
472
00:38:27,284 --> 00:38:30,944
I'm sure you're the same
and you've done all your homework already.
473
00:38:31,084 --> 00:38:34,714
- Well, not exactly.
- Really? Oh. That's a pity.
474
00:38:34,854 --> 00:38:40,314
Young men who don't do their studies
often miss out on more amusing activities.
475
00:38:41,394 --> 00:38:44,125
- And who is this young lady?
- This is Lydia.
476
00:38:46,134 --> 00:38:48,153
Hello, Lydia.
477
00:38:50,373 --> 00:38:53,823
This isn't fair, Mom.
Why do we need a housekeeper anyway?
478
00:38:53,943 --> 00:38:56,433
- This is all I need.
- Why can't Dad do it?
479
00:38:56,673 --> 00:39:02,344
Dear, I don't think it's appropriate to argue
with your mother in front of a stranger.
480
00:39:02,484 --> 00:39:05,884
I just don't see why
we can't spend the extra time with Dad.
481
00:39:05,984 --> 00:39:10,152
Maybe she's right, dear. Maybe their father
would be a more appropriate person.
482
00:39:10,292 --> 00:39:12,752
No, I don't think so.
483
00:39:12,892 --> 00:39:17,383
It's not my fault, honey. If he would
get a job and a decent apartment...
484
00:39:17,533 --> 00:39:20,793
- You see, he's the kind...
- Excuse me, dear.
485
00:39:20,933 --> 00:39:24,063
I'm sure you'd want the children
to step out of the room
486
00:39:24,173 --> 00:39:27,102
before you verbally bash their father. Hm?
487
00:39:27,202 --> 00:39:29,902
If I did that, I might never see them again.
488
00:39:32,182 --> 00:39:34,972
- I'm sorry. You're right.
- No harm done.
489
00:39:35,112 --> 00:39:39,742
- You're absolutely right.
- I'm not a therapist. I just see what I see.
490
00:39:39,852 --> 00:39:42,912
Why don't you guys go on upstairs?
I'll be up in a minute.
491
00:39:43,022 --> 00:39:46,152
- It's lovely to meet you.
- Yeah, nice to meet you.
492
00:39:46,262 --> 00:39:48,322
You too, Lydie.
493
00:39:54,430 --> 00:39:56,561
- Oh, they're a spirited bunch.
- Yes.
494
00:39:56,730 --> 00:40:00,032
- Especially Lydie. She's got daggers for you.
- I know.
495
00:40:00,172 --> 00:40:03,941
- They're very upset with me right now.
- Probably the divorce.
496
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,101
How did you know?
497
00:40:06,210 --> 00:40:09,441
You can sense it, dear -
the way she talks about her father.
498
00:40:09,580 --> 00:40:15,181
I don't think he's in the Navy, the way she's
saying she misses him. It's like he's nearby.
499
00:40:15,290 --> 00:40:17,251
- Yes.
- Oh, that's so sad.
500
00:40:17,390 --> 00:40:20,121
- Would you care to have a cup of tea?
- I'd love that.
501
00:40:20,220 --> 00:40:23,060
- It's right in here.
- What a lovely home you have.
502
00:40:23,190 --> 00:40:25,460
- Did you decorate this yourself?
- Yes, I did.
503
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:30,121
Oh, it reeks of taste!
Isn't this lovely, dear!
504
00:40:30,230 --> 00:40:33,331
- Here's my résumé.
- Oh. Thank you.
505
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:36,800
- Let me start this tea.
- Oh, no, dear. Let me get that for you.
506
00:40:36,910 --> 00:40:43,039
You've had a hard day. You just sit yourself
down on that stool and leave the tea to me.
507
00:40:43,179 --> 00:40:46,010
Thank you. That's very nice of you.
508
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:48,170
Oh, not at all, dear.
509
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,150
- Oh. What a wonderful résumé.
- Thank you, dear.
510
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:53,990
"Expert in first aid and CPR."
511
00:40:54,090 --> 00:40:56,149
And Heimlich manoeuvre, dear.
512
00:40:56,259 --> 00:40:59,749
You can never be too prepared
when little ones are around.
513
00:40:59,859 --> 00:41:03,629
They'll swallow anything.
You've got to be ready to pop it out.
514
00:41:04,699 --> 00:41:06,789
Oh, let's see.
515
00:41:08,199 --> 00:41:10,759
What a perfectly appointed little cubby!
516
00:41:10,869 --> 00:41:14,999
Look at this. Everything
has its place and name tag.
517
00:41:15,109 --> 00:41:18,049
How precise! It's lovely.
518
00:41:18,149 --> 00:41:20,208
My husband never appreciated it.
519
00:41:20,318 --> 00:41:22,378
Oh. Poor dolt.
520
00:41:22,488 --> 00:41:25,448
That's not the reason
you divorced him, was it?
521
00:41:26,318 --> 00:41:27,518
No.
522
00:41:28,558 --> 00:41:32,429
It's so sad, because marriage
can be such a blessing.
523
00:41:32,529 --> 00:41:35,049
So can divorce.
524
00:41:36,129 --> 00:41:43,267
Daniel is a very difficult man to live with.
But the children are crazy about him.
525
00:41:43,367 --> 00:41:47,138
You don't have to be
a psychic to sense that.
526
00:41:47,978 --> 00:41:51,338
My, you certainly do know your way
around a kitchen!
527
00:41:53,318 --> 00:41:57,338
It's just because everything
is so accessible. You designed it.
528
00:41:57,947 --> 00:42:02,017
I'm amazed there isn't a little label there
that says "spoons".
529
00:42:04,527 --> 00:42:07,287
You remind me of someone.
530
00:42:08,257 --> 00:42:10,857
Really? Who?
531
00:42:12,937 --> 00:42:15,167
I feel like I've known you for years.
532
00:42:16,168 --> 00:42:19,567
Maybe we knew each other in another life.
533
00:42:21,407 --> 00:42:24,736
I would love for you
to come and work with us.
534
00:42:24,906 --> 00:42:27,466
- So would I.
- Great!
535
00:42:27,576 --> 00:42:29,636
It would be an honor.
536
00:42:30,416 --> 00:42:32,747
To us.
537
00:42:32,917 --> 00:42:36,476
To us. The start of a business relationship.
538
00:43:06,815 --> 00:43:08,915
Good evening, dear.
539
00:43:10,725 --> 00:43:12,745
Evening, ma'am.
540
00:43:18,595 --> 00:43:20,825
Cold night, isn't it?
541
00:43:20,995 --> 00:43:23,155
Yes, it is.
542
00:43:23,535 --> 00:43:27,634
Hope you have somethin' nice and warm
to go home to.
543
00:43:40,554 --> 00:43:42,614
My back.
544
00:43:42,754 --> 00:43:48,354
Jesus! If I find the misogynistic bastard
that invented heels, I'll kill him.
545
00:43:49,264 --> 00:43:51,313
God...!
546
00:43:59,903 --> 00:44:01,593
Excuse me.
547
00:44:01,703 --> 00:44:03,674
Mrs Sellner!
548
00:44:04,844 --> 00:44:07,174
Have we met?
549
00:44:07,274 --> 00:44:10,442
No. But Danny's told me all about you.
550
00:44:11,312 --> 00:44:13,942
I'm his sister.
551
00:44:14,812 --> 00:44:17,012
His... much older sister.
552
00:44:18,483 --> 00:44:21,783
- You have his eyes.
- Only if he fills out a donor card.
553
00:44:24,093 --> 00:44:28,822
- Is Mr Hillard in? I have an appointment.
- Do you? Oh, that's wonderful.
554
00:44:28,932 --> 00:44:31,451
Let me go up and get him
and he'll be right down.
555
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,162
- I'll come with you.
- No.
556
00:44:33,272 --> 00:44:34,602
- Yes.
- Why?
557
00:44:34,702 --> 00:44:40,662
Because I have an appointment on Monday
and Friday evenings to check the apartment.
558
00:44:40,812 --> 00:44:43,642
I remember him saying something about that.
559
00:44:43,742 --> 00:44:47,242
Are you sure, dear?
It's three floors, hoofin' it all the way.
560
00:44:47,352 --> 00:44:49,782
- If you can do it, I can.
- I'll bet so!
561
00:44:49,882 --> 00:44:51,912
- Is your ticker all right?
- Topnotch.
562
00:44:52,052 --> 00:44:55,651
Oh, good! Cos I don't want to jump-start ya.
563
00:44:58,260 --> 00:44:59,661
Damn door.
564
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:02,791
Come in, please, dear. Sorry about that.
565
00:45:02,900 --> 00:45:04,922
Here we are. Daniel's abode.
566
00:45:07,470 --> 00:45:11,101
Oh, that's mine, dear.
I'm a messy house guest.
567
00:45:11,240 --> 00:45:14,300
Well, just make yourself at home.
I'll be right back.
568
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,470
He'll be back. I'll go get him.
569
00:45:16,580 --> 00:45:19,671
Don't be afraid. I'll be right there. Danny!
570
00:45:19,780 --> 00:45:23,511
Danny boy, where are you?
Oh, here he is, dear. I found him.
571
00:45:23,650 --> 00:45:26,280
Danny, there's a
Mrs Sellner here to see you!
572
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:28,720
- Oh, is she here?
- Yes, she is.
573
00:45:29,190 --> 00:45:32,280
Mrs Sellner, I just got out of the shower!
574
00:45:32,390 --> 00:45:34,861
I think you'll be very pleased with me!
575
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:38,360
I've been through
some really interesting changes!
576
00:45:38,500 --> 00:45:42,020
And I'm becoming a new man
and a model father!
577
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:46,369
He'll be right there.
He's just changing, dear.
578
00:45:47,409 --> 00:45:50,930
I want to keep you abreast
of the changes in my career!
579
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:55,640
There have been two big developments!
I'm finally starting to come into my own!
580
00:45:55,750 --> 00:46:00,079
Things are really starting to take shape,
and I'm blossoming! Really, I am!
581
00:46:00,219 --> 00:46:05,749
Things were hairy for a while,
but I'm in great shape now!
582
00:46:05,889 --> 00:46:08,359
I'm my own man now! Oh, yes!
583
00:46:09,629 --> 00:46:12,529
A job I could really sink my teeth into!
584
00:46:12,629 --> 00:46:14,759
I'll be right there, Mrs Sellner!
585
00:46:17,999 --> 00:46:21,909
So nice I don't have to
save face any more, Mrs Sellner!
586
00:46:25,178 --> 00:46:28,508
Mrs Sellner! How are you? Always a joy!
587
00:46:28,608 --> 00:46:31,878
If you wanted some cheese,
why didn't you just say so?
588
00:46:32,248 --> 00:46:35,739
Well, you'll be happy to know
that I now am holding down two jobs.
589
00:46:35,859 --> 00:46:39,789
One for an educational film
and TV company - heavy responsibility.
590
00:46:39,929 --> 00:46:44,297
- And the other?
- Cleaning houses. Not mine.
591
00:46:45,967 --> 00:46:48,227
- Big girl!
- Your sister is English?
592
00:46:48,367 --> 00:46:50,488
She's half-English, half-American.
593
00:46:50,598 --> 00:46:54,798
Half-sister, really. That makes her
an eighth English? I've never done the math.
594
00:46:54,938 --> 00:46:59,608
Let me see, my father was American.
He flew for the English during the war.
595
00:46:59,748 --> 00:47:03,366
He was in London and...
he met this lovely Englishwoman.
596
00:47:03,476 --> 00:47:07,107
Well, my sister was
the fruit of their passions.
597
00:47:07,217 --> 00:47:09,977
Sorry. My sister's, not yours.
598
00:47:10,087 --> 00:47:15,547
You see, she's not a very good housekeeper.
But she makes a fabulous cup of English tea.
599
00:47:15,657 --> 00:47:19,256
Really? Well, I would adore
a good cup of English tea.
600
00:47:19,396 --> 00:47:22,767
Oh! Wouldn't we all! I'll go get her.
601
00:47:22,867 --> 00:47:25,556
Sis! Oh, sis!
602
00:47:25,666 --> 00:47:27,726
Sis, are you in here?
603
00:47:27,836 --> 00:47:30,536
Tea? Cup of TNT.
604
00:47:48,255 --> 00:47:50,346
Sick. Mom!
605
00:47:55,026 --> 00:47:56,586
My face!
606
00:48:03,075 --> 00:48:05,095
I've gotta go down and get it.
607
00:48:08,245 --> 00:48:09,835
Norman Bates!
608
00:48:31,634 --> 00:48:33,824
Miss Hillard?
609
00:48:33,934 --> 00:48:37,024
- Yes, dear?
- I take sugar in my tea.
610
00:48:37,134 --> 00:48:39,194
Oh, your tea!
611
00:48:39,304 --> 00:48:41,864
I'll be right there with your tea!
612
00:48:45,244 --> 00:48:48,844
Coming right up, dear!
Sugar - one lump or two, dear?
613
00:48:48,944 --> 00:48:52,244
- Two, please!
- Tea, sugar, hot water.
614
00:48:52,354 --> 00:48:55,813
You got it. Coming right your way, dear!
615
00:48:55,923 --> 00:48:58,053
I'll be right there with your tea!
616
00:49:01,123 --> 00:49:02,893
No! Stop!
617
00:49:11,603 --> 00:49:13,072
Oh, shit!
618
00:49:19,682 --> 00:49:24,243
- Can I give you a hand?
- Oh, no, dear! I don't need a hand.
619
00:49:24,353 --> 00:49:26,943
I need a face.
620
00:49:27,923 --> 00:49:31,653
- Are you sure?
- Oh, definitely!
621
00:49:37,292 --> 00:49:41,092
I'm not a Muslim. I need a face! Oh, God.
622
00:49:44,232 --> 00:49:47,862
Miss Hillard? The water's boiling.
623
00:49:48,142 --> 00:49:49,402
Hello!
624
00:49:50,970 --> 00:49:56,001
Oh, I'm sorry to frighten you, dear.
I must look like a yeti in this get-up.
625
00:49:56,150 --> 00:50:00,011
This is my nightly meringue mask.
Part of my beauty regimen.
626
00:50:00,150 --> 00:50:05,211
It's basically egg whites, creme fraîche,
powdered sugar, vanilla and a touch of alum.
627
00:50:05,350 --> 00:50:10,621
There you go, dear. Oh! You've got your
cream and sugar. It's a little cappu-tea-no.
628
00:50:10,860 --> 00:50:12,951
One drop or two? Would you like another?
629
00:50:13,060 --> 00:50:15,690
Oh! There you go!
630
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:20,330
As you can see, I can't stay with you, dear.
I'm melting like a snow cone in Phoenix.
631
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:25,571
There we go again! I'll go get Danny.
He'll be right with you. Hold on.
632
00:50:25,670 --> 00:50:28,910
- Danny!
- Coming, sis!
633
00:50:29,010 --> 00:50:32,570
- It was lovely to have met you!
- Lovely to meet you.
634
00:50:50,069 --> 00:50:55,440
- Had a little accident.
- Be careful this time. She's an old woman.
635
00:50:57,510 --> 00:51:00,129
Why wasn't I an only child?
636
00:51:36,078 --> 00:51:38,269
- Sorry.
- That's quite all right.
637
00:51:49,457 --> 00:51:51,477
Ready? OK.
638
00:51:52,157 --> 00:51:53,688
Did you have fun?
639
00:51:53,828 --> 00:51:56,698
- What did you do?
- I painted a picture of a bunny.
640
00:51:56,828 --> 00:51:59,058
The teacher liked it.
641
00:52:00,568 --> 00:52:04,396
Here it is, Mel. $1,000 worth of hair.
What am I supposed to do with it?
642
00:52:04,506 --> 00:52:07,336
- Alan, I was wondering if...
- You want one of them?
643
00:52:08,306 --> 00:52:11,437
I'd rather make a coat for my wife.
644
00:52:11,547 --> 00:52:15,107
All right, everyone.
It's time to expand your minds.
645
00:52:15,247 --> 00:52:20,517
- It's homework time. OK?
- Yeah, but... after Dick Van Dyke.
646
00:52:21,987 --> 00:52:24,617
No. Now.
647
00:52:25,186 --> 00:52:26,246
No.
648
00:52:27,596 --> 00:52:30,426
We always watch Dick Van Dyke.
649
00:52:32,896 --> 00:52:35,766
Really? Well, not any more.
650
00:52:37,206 --> 00:52:40,467
The only thing you'll be watching
is Deep Sea-N-N.
651
00:52:41,906 --> 00:52:43,306
Now,
652
00:52:43,876 --> 00:52:46,845
I know you're used to loosey-goosey.
653
00:52:46,945 --> 00:52:49,845
But I run a much tighter ship.
654
00:52:50,185 --> 00:52:54,586
Between the hours of 3pm and 7pm,
I'm in charge.
655
00:52:55,156 --> 00:52:59,086
And when I'm in charge,
you will follow a schedule.
656
00:52:59,186 --> 00:53:02,155
Those who do not follow the schedule
will be punished.
657
00:53:03,025 --> 00:53:06,085
- Punished?
- She's lying.
658
00:53:06,195 --> 00:53:08,254
She'd never punish us.
659
00:53:08,794 --> 00:53:11,265
Don't... fuss with me.
660
00:53:43,404 --> 00:53:45,804
This is exploitation. It's not fair.
661
00:53:45,934 --> 00:53:49,094
- Shut up, Lydie.
- Yeah. You got us into this.
662
00:53:49,204 --> 00:53:51,603
Ooh, my little ankle-biters.
663
00:53:51,743 --> 00:53:54,303
Do I sense dissension in the ranks?
664
00:53:54,413 --> 00:53:58,103
Are we ready for homework,
or shall we continue manual labor?
665
00:53:58,213 --> 00:54:03,053
- No. Anything but this.
- Then upstairs, my little nose-miners.
666
00:54:03,183 --> 00:54:06,243
Go. Flee before me!
667
00:54:06,393 --> 00:54:08,653
Onward and upward!
668
00:54:08,793 --> 00:54:10,984
Go pump some neurons.
669
00:54:11,094 --> 00:54:13,153
Expand your craniums.
670
00:54:13,263 --> 00:54:15,323
- I miss Dad.
- Me, too.
671
00:54:15,433 --> 00:54:17,952
Me most.
672
00:54:19,702 --> 00:54:21,762
I'm here, guys.
673
00:54:22,972 --> 00:54:24,992
In some form.
674
00:54:27,843 --> 00:54:29,933
Let's see.
675
00:54:33,313 --> 00:54:35,371
OK. Pinch of basil.
676
00:54:38,380 --> 00:54:40,412
Damn!
677
00:54:48,232 --> 00:54:50,252
Mayday!
678
00:54:50,932 --> 00:54:52,992
Oh, God! It's gonna blow!
679
00:54:55,330 --> 00:54:57,391
Easy.
680
00:54:57,500 --> 00:54:59,561
Damn. Calm down.
681
00:55:00,740 --> 00:55:02,801
Come on.
682
00:55:03,510 --> 00:55:06,771
How is it? Oh, my God.
It's clotted. Oh, God.
683
00:55:08,150 --> 00:55:11,082
This hollandaise smells like burnt rubber.
684
00:55:11,952 --> 00:55:14,081
God, it's hot in here.
685
00:55:33,310 --> 00:55:37,540
Look at this! My first day as a woman
and I'm getting hot flashes.
686
00:55:54,529 --> 00:55:56,890
- Hey, here's your food.
- How much is it?
687
00:55:57,060 --> 00:56:00,259
- 135.27.
- 135 dollars?! That's certainly...
688
00:56:00,369 --> 00:56:02,419
And 27 cents.
689
00:56:02,529 --> 00:56:05,369
Four dinners. 20 bucks extra for rushing us.
690
00:56:05,499 --> 00:56:09,438
Rushing? Well, you could have been
a little bit faster, dear.
691
00:56:09,538 --> 00:56:12,939
- There's 140. Do you have change?
- No.
692
00:56:13,109 --> 00:56:16,169
I thought you wouldn't.
Thank you very much.
693
00:56:46,578 --> 00:56:48,597
Hello!
694
00:56:50,147 --> 00:56:52,167
Hello! Anybody home?
695
00:56:54,747 --> 00:56:57,718
- Where were you guys?
- Upstairs, doing our homework.
696
00:56:57,818 --> 00:57:00,018
Mrs Doubtfire said we had to.
697
00:57:00,188 --> 00:57:02,748
Oh, she did, huh?
698
00:57:02,858 --> 00:57:05,827
Doing your homework. How great!
699
00:57:05,956 --> 00:57:07,726
- Hi.
- Hi, honey.
700
00:57:07,826 --> 00:57:11,766
Look at this place! It looks wonderful!
All spick-and-span.
701
00:57:25,476 --> 00:57:27,916
Dinner is served, madam.
702
00:57:28,816 --> 00:57:30,576
How lovely!
703
00:57:52,905 --> 00:57:54,805
Mrs Doubtfire?
704
00:57:54,905 --> 00:57:58,636
Lydia, dear. Get back inside
right now before you freeze.
705
00:57:58,776 --> 00:58:03,215
Look... I just want to apologize
for being such a pain today.
706
00:58:03,315 --> 00:58:07,015
- Oh, dear, it's all right.
- No, I'm really sorry.
707
00:58:08,325 --> 00:58:12,584
It's just... I'm still kind of messed-up.
About everything.
708
00:58:14,925 --> 00:58:16,985
We all are, sweetie.
709
00:58:17,795 --> 00:58:19,565
What?
710
00:58:20,065 --> 00:58:24,434
I just mean I understand
the pain you're all going through.
711
00:58:26,474 --> 00:58:28,495
Yeah.
712
00:58:29,405 --> 00:58:31,574
Well, I also wanted to thank you.
713
00:58:32,144 --> 00:58:35,274
- For what?
- For making my mom so happy.
714
00:58:37,884 --> 00:58:42,823
She hasn't been in this good a mood since...
I can't even remember.
715
00:58:45,124 --> 00:58:47,184
It's been a long time.
716
00:58:47,324 --> 00:58:49,724
- It has?
- Yeah.
717
00:58:51,034 --> 00:58:53,053
Well, I gotta go back in, but...
718
00:58:53,233 --> 00:58:56,693
- Go.
- OK. Thank you.
719
00:58:57,333 --> 00:58:59,803
You're welcome.
720
00:59:02,843 --> 00:59:04,863
Bye.
721
00:59:10,753 --> 00:59:12,813
Thank you.
722
00:59:25,792 --> 00:59:27,762
Oh, no.
723
00:59:28,862 --> 00:59:32,933
Well, milady!
It's a pleasure to see you again!
724
00:59:33,073 --> 00:59:35,093
A joy, as always.
725
00:59:53,622 --> 00:59:56,062
I like that Mediterranean look in women.
726
00:59:57,690 --> 00:59:59,721
Natural. Healthy.
727
01:00:01,330 --> 01:00:03,391
Just the way God made ya.
728
01:00:04,530 --> 01:00:09,101
He broke the mould when he made me, dear.
He made me very special.
729
01:00:09,570 --> 01:00:12,011
He sure did.
730
01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:15,731
Bless you.
731
01:01:33,118 --> 01:01:36,558
I am not a crook.
732
01:01:36,658 --> 01:01:39,018
"She kissed Stuart and thanked him. "
733
01:01:39,858 --> 01:01:42,228
"'How was it down there? ' asked Mr Little,
734
01:01:42,328 --> 01:01:45,858
who was always curious to know
about places he'd never been to. "
735
01:01:45,998 --> 01:01:47,868
"'It was all right,' said Stuart. "
736
01:02:37,516 --> 01:02:39,276
Back off, asshole!
737
01:02:39,386 --> 01:02:41,076
Beat it!
738
01:02:43,686 --> 01:02:46,626
Broke my bag, the bastard.
739
01:02:54,575 --> 01:02:57,205
Lover boy's here.
740
01:02:57,345 --> 01:03:00,515
What a beautiful little car for Don Juan.
741
01:03:05,226 --> 01:03:07,285
So sad when that happens!
742
01:03:07,595 --> 01:03:12,224
It was our junior year in college, and your
mother got asked to design this big float.
743
01:03:14,934 --> 01:03:18,195
- I wasn't that young.
- I went to kiss her...
744
01:03:18,335 --> 01:03:22,105
Elastic bands were flying out everywhere.
Hit you in the face.
745
01:03:22,205 --> 01:03:25,574
- That's not true!
- It was like Jaws.
746
01:03:25,674 --> 01:03:29,614
- Isn't that the pretty picture!
- Oh. Mrs Doubtfire.
747
01:03:30,284 --> 01:03:34,414
Miranda. What a pleasant surprise
to see you home so early, dear.
748
01:03:34,554 --> 01:03:37,354
- And who is your gentleman caller?
- This is Stu.
749
01:03:37,454 --> 01:03:40,854
- He just wanted to come and meet the kids.
- Oh, did he?
750
01:03:40,994 --> 01:03:44,393
Ah, this must be the famous Mrs Doubtfire.
751
01:03:44,693 --> 01:03:46,753
It's a pleasure to meet you.
752
01:03:47,794 --> 01:03:50,634
Yes, well...
Miranda's been raving about you.
753
01:03:50,764 --> 01:03:53,634
- Odd. She's never mentioned you.
- No?
754
01:03:53,774 --> 01:03:56,863
- No.
- Well... It's good to meet you.
755
01:03:57,003 --> 01:03:59,033
- You, too.
- Yes.
756
01:03:59,773 --> 01:04:04,233
I have a home in London. I was born there.
What part of England are you from?
757
01:04:04,383 --> 01:04:08,873
- Here and there, dear. All over, really.
- Yes?
758
01:04:09,013 --> 01:04:12,973
- Accent's a little kind of... muddled.
- Really? So is your tan.
759
01:04:15,592 --> 01:04:19,253
Dear, can you help me with something?
I found this outside.
760
01:04:20,393 --> 01:04:22,362
Yes. This is off my Mercedes.
761
01:04:22,462 --> 01:04:26,992
Off your Mercedes, dear?
You own that big, expensive car out there?
762
01:04:27,102 --> 01:04:30,432
Oh, dear. They say a man
who has to buy a big car like that
763
01:04:30,542 --> 01:04:32,873
is compensating for smaller genitals.
764
01:04:33,013 --> 01:04:37,412
But not in your case, cos I see
that you're a strapping lad, aren't ya?
765
01:04:37,512 --> 01:04:40,211
- It was lovely to meet you.
- You too, dear.
766
01:04:40,910 --> 01:04:44,851
- Mrs Doubtfire, may I speak with you?
- Ooh, certainly, dear.
767
01:04:45,480 --> 01:04:48,392
Could you stay
a few extra hours this evening?
768
01:04:48,492 --> 01:04:52,652
Stu. That's more of a thick soup
than a name, really.
769
01:04:52,762 --> 01:04:54,822
It's a name. It's short for Stuart.
770
01:04:54,932 --> 01:04:58,022
- Is it?
- Yes. He's a client. And a friend.
771
01:04:58,132 --> 01:05:00,720
- He was a friend. He is a friend.
- What is he?
772
01:05:00,870 --> 01:05:03,601
- I don't know what's happening.
- What is it, dear?
773
01:05:03,700 --> 01:05:06,331
- Isn't he fabulous?
- Kind of, dear.
774
01:05:06,470 --> 01:05:09,101
If you like that handsome, rugged type.
775
01:05:09,280 --> 01:05:12,711
But personally I prefer
short, furry and funny.
776
01:05:12,850 --> 01:05:15,311
He just wants to go out and have a drink.
777
01:05:15,450 --> 01:05:19,321
- I think that's pretty harmless. Don't you?
- Absolutely not, dear.
778
01:05:19,450 --> 01:05:23,010
- They always have other intentions.
- This is business, mostly.
779
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:26,420
I'll just sip club soda
and we'll go over wallpaper samples.
780
01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:30,020
Dear Miranda. Wake up
and smell the coffee, dear.
781
01:05:30,130 --> 01:05:32,720
Can't you see the lust in that man's eyes?
782
01:05:32,870 --> 01:05:35,731
It's too soon, dear. Really.
783
01:05:35,870 --> 01:05:38,100
You've got to give your divorce time.
784
01:05:38,200 --> 01:05:43,159
Let your sheets cool down before you bring
someone else into the bed. All right?
785
01:05:43,339 --> 01:05:45,829
Mrs Doubtfire, may I ask you a question?
786
01:05:45,949 --> 01:05:47,969
Certainly, dear.
787
01:05:48,109 --> 01:05:50,670
How long after Mr Doubtfire passed away...
788
01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:52,550
Winston.
789
01:05:52,690 --> 01:05:55,150
...did you feel any desire...
790
01:05:58,759 --> 01:06:00,519
Never.
791
01:06:00,629 --> 01:06:02,529
Never again.
792
01:06:02,629 --> 01:06:06,499
Once the father of your children
is out of the picture,
793
01:06:06,599 --> 01:06:10,159
the only solution is
total and lifelong celibacy.
794
01:06:10,599 --> 01:06:12,159
- Celibacy?
- Yes.
795
01:06:12,569 --> 01:06:15,338
And if you violate that, heaven forgive ya.
796
01:06:16,708 --> 01:06:18,538
Good luck.
797
01:06:19,649 --> 01:06:21,699
Thank you.
798
01:06:27,248 --> 01:06:29,588
"Preponderance. "
799
01:06:38,258 --> 01:06:41,358
Bravo. "Discriminate. "
800
01:06:49,037 --> 01:06:53,167
Oh, that's very good.
Will you excuse me, dear? Call of nature.
801
01:06:54,547 --> 01:06:56,977
Check those. I'll be right back.
802
01:07:19,366 --> 01:07:21,567
- Oh, God.
- Oh, God!
803
01:07:22,267 --> 01:07:24,767
- Oh, my God!
- Chris! Wait!
804
01:07:25,607 --> 01:07:27,637
Lydia! We gotta call the cops!
805
01:07:27,777 --> 01:07:30,266
- We gotta dial 911 now!
- Why?
806
01:07:30,416 --> 01:07:33,935
Mrs Doubtfire. He's a she!
807
01:07:34,045 --> 01:07:35,986
What?!
808
01:07:36,086 --> 01:07:38,676
- He's half man, half woman!
- What?!
809
01:07:39,286 --> 01:07:43,246
- All right, everyone. Calm down.
- Freeze! Or you're gonna get it!
810
01:07:43,396 --> 01:07:44,826
- In the balls!
- Yeah!
811
01:07:45,696 --> 01:07:48,186
- She's got 'em?
- She's got everything.
812
01:07:48,296 --> 01:07:50,356
All right. Listen to me.
813
01:07:50,496 --> 01:07:52,965
I'm not... who you think I am.
814
01:07:53,065 --> 01:07:56,235
- No shit!
- Watch your mouth, young man!
815
01:08:00,045 --> 01:08:02,065
Oh, my God.
816
01:08:05,346 --> 01:08:08,176
- Dad?
- Yeah.
817
01:08:09,115 --> 01:08:11,715
- Dad?
- Yeah, honey.
818
01:08:13,324 --> 01:08:16,054
You don't really like
wearin' that stuff, do you?
819
01:08:16,624 --> 01:08:19,284
Well, some of it's comfortable... No!
820
01:08:19,764 --> 01:08:23,825
It's a pain in the padded ass.
This is not a way of life. It's just a job.
821
01:08:24,465 --> 01:08:28,094
I don't go to old-lady bars or
anything like that after work.
822
01:08:28,234 --> 01:08:30,934
It's the only way
I could see you guys every day.
823
01:08:31,074 --> 01:08:34,873
- Who did this?
- Uncle Frank and Aunt Jack.
824
01:08:41,244 --> 01:08:43,274
It's really you in there.
825
01:08:43,384 --> 01:08:45,444
Yeah.
826
01:08:47,923 --> 01:08:53,154
It's just a mask. And this is a body suit.
I didn't have any operations or anything.
827
01:08:53,294 --> 01:08:55,354
- It's good.
- Yeah.
828
01:08:55,494 --> 01:08:56,923
Hi.
829
01:08:58,993 --> 01:09:02,863
- Sorry I scared you. Come here, Chris.
- No. No, it's OK.
830
01:09:02,973 --> 01:09:06,633
I get it. I just...
don't wanna hug you or anything.
831
01:09:07,103 --> 01:09:10,503
- Not just yet.
- That's cool. It's a guy thing.
832
01:09:11,313 --> 01:09:12,933
Yeah.
833
01:09:13,083 --> 01:09:16,243
Well, now that you know,
you can't tell Mom, OK?
834
01:09:17,083 --> 01:09:22,783
Cos if she finds out, I'll only be able
to see you through plate glass. OK?
835
01:09:22,923 --> 01:09:25,982
And we can't tell Nattie,
cos she'll blow my cover.
836
01:09:26,122 --> 01:09:29,282
So you have to promise me,
it's just us. All right?
837
01:09:29,392 --> 01:09:31,762
- You promise?
- Yeah.
838
01:09:34,232 --> 01:09:36,292
It's OK.
839
01:09:38,203 --> 01:09:40,902
All right? It's our little secret.
840
01:09:44,440 --> 01:09:48,971
Most of the dinosaurs were herbivorous.
841
01:09:49,110 --> 01:09:51,712
But this Tyrannosaurus rex
842
01:09:52,412 --> 01:09:54,752
is a carnivore.
843
01:10:01,660 --> 01:10:04,790
The reptile-like Saurischia
844
01:10:08,030 --> 01:10:10,831
and the bird-like
845
01:10:10,970 --> 01:10:12,801
Ornithischia.
846
01:10:19,480 --> 01:10:22,240
Now, we're going to go
847
01:10:22,380 --> 01:10:24,850
where no human being has ever been.
848
01:10:24,980 --> 01:10:27,010
Oh, no.
849
01:10:28,620 --> 01:10:30,710
Which one's the dinosaur?
850
01:10:30,820 --> 01:10:35,520
- The one in the middle, I think.
- Nah, you're wrong. They're all extinct.
851
01:10:37,390 --> 01:10:41,760
I can't believe they're still
subjecting kids to this. This is insane.
852
01:10:41,860 --> 01:10:46,959
There should be a disclaimer: Do not operate
heavy machinery while watching this show.
853
01:10:47,069 --> 01:10:49,129
It's incredible.
854
01:10:49,239 --> 01:10:53,230
This guy used to put me to sleep
when I was a kid. It's amazing.
855
01:10:53,380 --> 01:10:58,470
He has the warmth of a snow pea. Makes
Mr Rogers look like Mick Jagger. It's insane.
856
01:10:59,249 --> 01:11:02,739
What kind of idiot
kept this guy on the air for 25 years?
857
01:11:03,389 --> 01:11:04,819
Me.
858
01:11:07,989 --> 01:11:09,819
You?
859
01:11:09,929 --> 01:11:11,789
Jonathan Lundy.
860
01:11:13,259 --> 01:11:15,959
Jonathan Lundy, General Manager, owner?
861
01:11:16,999 --> 01:11:19,018
Daniel Hillard, former employee.
862
01:11:20,398 --> 01:11:22,428
Maybe.
863
01:11:23,009 --> 01:11:25,029
That's funny.
864
01:11:25,139 --> 01:11:27,298
I don't mean to criticize. I just...
865
01:11:27,438 --> 01:11:31,278
- Sometimes I have...
- Criticize all you want. Show's terrible.
866
01:11:31,408 --> 01:11:35,778
I'm gonna cancel it. It's pullin' down
the whole afternoon schedule. It's gone.
867
01:11:35,878 --> 01:11:37,907
You know what you gotta do?
868
01:11:38,048 --> 01:11:41,078
Start from scratch.
Give it... maybe a musical number.
869
01:11:41,218 --> 01:11:46,178
- A little Tyrannosaurus rex comes out...
- Hillard, get your ass to the truck.
870
01:11:46,298 --> 01:11:49,657
That shipment's gotta make
a six o'clock flight to LA.
871
01:11:49,767 --> 01:11:52,287
Tone, this is Mr Lundy.
872
01:11:52,767 --> 01:11:55,288
- He knows who I am.
- Yeah.
873
01:11:55,438 --> 01:11:59,737
Did you ever wish that you could
freeze-frame a single moment in your day,
874
01:11:59,907 --> 01:12:02,467
look at it and say "This is not my life"?
875
01:12:29,767 --> 01:12:32,536
Miranda. What are you home early for, dear?
876
01:12:32,666 --> 01:12:34,965
I had an appointment. Oh, thank you!
877
01:12:35,105 --> 01:12:38,335
With the court liaison. Mrs Sellner.
878
01:12:38,475 --> 01:12:40,946
- I can't believe it.
- What, dear?
879
01:12:41,546 --> 01:12:45,776
She says Daniel has some woman
living with him pretending to be his sister!
880
01:12:47,086 --> 01:12:52,954
- I told her he doesn't even have a sister.
- Mrs Sellner's probably mistaken.
881
01:12:53,094 --> 01:12:56,545
She's a social worker, dear. Really!
882
01:12:56,695 --> 01:13:00,285
And besides, how could he replace you?
883
01:13:00,395 --> 01:13:02,925
And so quickly. Really!
884
01:13:03,035 --> 01:13:06,465
She's supposed to be older
and very unattractive.
885
01:13:08,175 --> 01:13:10,196
Really?
886
01:13:11,046 --> 01:13:13,105
Mrs Doubtfire.
887
01:13:14,744 --> 01:13:17,804
- Yes?
- Did you and Mr Doubtfire ever...
888
01:13:18,784 --> 01:13:24,615
- You must have had your share of problems.
- Oh, of course, dear. What marriage doesn't?
889
01:13:24,755 --> 01:13:28,415
But I always say: The bad times fade away,
890
01:13:28,555 --> 01:13:31,584
and the good ones
adhere themselves to your memory.
891
01:13:31,724 --> 01:13:34,394
- Yes. Excuse me.
- That's all right.
892
01:13:37,533 --> 01:13:42,094
As I hold this cold meat,
I'm reminded of Winston. God rest his soul.
893
01:13:42,834 --> 01:13:44,774
When did he... pass on?
894
01:13:46,414 --> 01:13:49,643
Eight years ago, dear. This November.
895
01:13:49,943 --> 01:13:52,003
What happened?
896
01:13:52,143 --> 01:13:54,844
- He was quite fond of the drink.
- Ah.
897
01:13:55,754 --> 01:13:58,313
- It was the drink that killed him.
- How awful.
898
01:13:58,423 --> 01:14:02,583
- He was an alcoholic?
- No. He was hit by a Guinness truck.
899
01:14:02,693 --> 01:14:05,663
So it was quite literally
the drink that killed him.
900
01:14:05,823 --> 01:14:08,322
- How tragic!
- Yes.
901
01:14:12,863 --> 01:14:15,773
Oh, but he was a good man, though, really.
902
01:14:17,303 --> 01:14:19,742
A sainted man.
903
01:14:19,842 --> 01:14:22,532
And despite his mountains of faults, dear,
904
01:14:22,642 --> 01:14:26,013
I always say: A flawed husband
is better than none at all.
905
01:14:27,212 --> 01:14:31,622
- Who needs a husband when I've got you?
- Surely you don't mean that, dear?
906
01:14:31,722 --> 01:14:34,152
- Well...
- Oh, that's so sweet!
907
01:14:34,252 --> 01:14:38,022
You can't imagine what it was like
being married to Daniel.
908
01:14:38,122 --> 01:14:42,892
Tell me, dear. What was so horrible
about this man you lived with for 14 years?
909
01:14:43,032 --> 01:14:45,092
Well, at first, nothing.
910
01:14:45,232 --> 01:14:48,291
He was so... romantic.
911
01:14:48,430 --> 01:14:50,461
- So passionate.
- Really?
912
01:14:50,600 --> 01:14:53,471
He sounds like an absolute stud, dear.
913
01:14:53,610 --> 01:14:57,442
I hope you don't mind me
being a tad rude, but...
914
01:14:57,542 --> 01:15:01,502
How was he... you know...
on a scale of 1 to 10?
915
01:15:01,652 --> 01:15:04,980
Oh, well. That part was always...
916
01:15:05,720 --> 01:15:07,380
OK.
917
01:15:07,490 --> 01:15:09,720
Just OK?
918
01:15:10,320 --> 01:15:14,261
He was probably a Casanova
compared to poor old Winston.
919
01:15:14,360 --> 01:15:16,851
- What was the matter with Winston?
- Oh, dear.
920
01:15:16,960 --> 01:15:21,301
Winston's idea of foreplay was
"Effie, brace yourself. "
921
01:15:24,439 --> 01:15:27,630
It was Daniel's spontaneity and energy
I fell in love with.
922
01:15:27,740 --> 01:15:29,600
Really?
923
01:15:29,710 --> 01:15:34,270
Everyone else I knew
was so organized, so scheduled.
924
01:15:34,380 --> 01:15:36,440
Like me, I guess.
925
01:15:36,550 --> 01:15:41,511
But Daniel was so wonderfully different.
And funny. He could always make me laugh.
926
01:15:41,650 --> 01:15:44,850
I always say:
The key to a solid marriage is laughter.
927
01:15:46,189 --> 01:15:49,889
But after a few years,
everything just stopped being funny.
928
01:15:49,999 --> 01:15:53,689
- Why?
- I was working all the time.
929
01:15:53,799 --> 01:15:57,960
And he was always between jobs.
I hardly ever got to see the kids.
930
01:15:58,100 --> 01:16:01,969
If I got home early to be with them,
something would go wrong.
931
01:16:02,109 --> 01:16:05,509
The house would be wrecked
and I'd have to clean it up.
932
01:16:06,878 --> 01:16:11,539
He never knew, but so many nights I just...
cried myself to sleep.
933
01:16:13,389 --> 01:16:15,249
Really?
934
01:16:17,219 --> 01:16:20,888
The truth is, I didn't like who I was
when I was with him.
935
01:16:21,688 --> 01:16:23,918
I would turn into this horrible person.
936
01:16:24,998 --> 01:16:28,758
I didn't want my kids growing up
with a mother like that.
937
01:16:30,138 --> 01:16:32,598
When I'm not with Daniel, I'm better.
938
01:16:33,738 --> 01:16:38,328
And... I'm sure he's better
when he's not with me.
939
01:16:39,577 --> 01:16:42,068
Well, you never...
940
01:16:42,178 --> 01:16:46,508
I mean... Did you ever
say anything to him, dear?
941
01:16:48,748 --> 01:16:51,807
Daniel never liked
to talk about anything serious.
942
01:16:57,858 --> 01:17:01,987
I used to think Daniel could do anything.
Except be serious.
943
01:17:04,637 --> 01:17:08,367
But then, I was serious enough
for everybody.
944
01:17:30,697 --> 01:17:35,126
- This is great!
- Isn't this posh!
945
01:17:35,226 --> 01:17:40,755
I'll bet it's very exclusive. Probably need
a credit reference just to get in the pool.
946
01:17:40,865 --> 01:17:43,526
- Amazing!
- Oh, Nattie.
947
01:17:43,636 --> 01:17:47,596
Not a single body
that exists in nature. Look at that.
948
01:17:47,706 --> 01:17:49,836
- Lydie...
- There's Stu!
949
01:17:49,976 --> 01:17:52,136
Where? Oh. On the board.
950
01:17:52,916 --> 01:17:55,434
Oh, isn't he a stunning piece of work?
951
01:17:55,584 --> 01:17:58,675
Look, Nattie. That's called liposuction.
952
01:18:09,865 --> 01:18:13,596
I hope he had protection,
hitting the water at that speed.
953
01:18:13,706 --> 01:18:16,564
- Let's go say hi.
- Let's do, please.
954
01:18:16,674 --> 01:18:19,264
- That's amazing.
- Stunning.
955
01:18:26,214 --> 01:18:29,645
- Hello! You look lovely!
- Hi.
956
01:18:29,745 --> 01:18:32,185
Oh, guys, I'm so glad you could make it.
957
01:18:32,285 --> 01:18:36,244
- By the looks of you, that water's so cold!
- Yes, well...
958
01:18:36,424 --> 01:18:39,293
Your tummy looks different from my daddy's.
959
01:18:40,163 --> 01:18:44,724
Oh, Nattie! Not everyone has
their own personal trainer.
960
01:18:45,294 --> 01:18:48,824
- Got your swimsuits? Wanna go for a dip?
- That'd be great!
961
01:18:49,104 --> 01:18:53,003
- Good! How about you, Mrs Doubtfire?
- Oh, you wicked, wicked man!
962
01:18:53,103 --> 01:18:56,433
Isn't there enough flesh here
for you to feast your eyes on?
963
01:18:56,543 --> 01:19:01,003
- Come, Mrs Doubtfire. Don't be bashful.
- No, dear. They've outlawed whaling.
964
01:19:01,113 --> 01:19:04,483
- We'd be re-enacting the Titanic.
- Come on, Mrs Doubtfire.
965
01:19:04,583 --> 01:19:08,413
Oh, no. Just go. Leave me here.
I'll just sit in the sun and crisp.
966
01:19:08,523 --> 01:19:11,252
You can't get heatstroke
twice in the same year.
967
01:19:11,352 --> 01:19:14,153
OK. Well, let's go, kids. Swim time.
968
01:19:14,523 --> 01:19:17,693
- Go, dear. I'll be fine.
- Your day's on me, Mrs Doubtfire.
969
01:19:17,793 --> 01:19:20,732
- Anything you need, put it on my tab.
- Thank you, dear.
970
01:19:20,862 --> 01:19:24,162
Touch me again and
I'll drown you, you bastard.
971
01:19:24,302 --> 01:19:27,962
I'll just sit here and watch you
move in on my family.
972
01:19:32,772 --> 01:19:37,182
Oh, God. What am I doing here?
This is beyond obsession.
973
01:20:05,140 --> 01:20:09,100
- Is everything all right, ma'am?
- Fan-bloody-tastic.
974
01:20:09,210 --> 01:20:10,770
- Can I have another?
- Sure.
975
01:20:10,910 --> 01:20:11,900
Great.
976
01:20:22,620 --> 01:20:24,960
Soda with a lime, please.
977
01:20:34,600 --> 01:20:37,040
- It's on me.
- No, thanks.
978
01:20:46,250 --> 01:20:48,309
Four iced teas, Todd.
979
01:20:49,349 --> 01:20:51,379
So, whose rugrats?
980
01:20:54,289 --> 01:20:55,979
Miranda Hillard's.
981
01:20:56,089 --> 01:20:59,219
- Miranda Hillard?
- The woman I'm seeing.
982
01:21:00,160 --> 01:21:03,060
No kidding? You?
The guy who's never having kids?
983
01:21:03,200 --> 01:21:07,529
Won't have anything to do with kids?
You won't even date a woman with kids.
984
01:21:07,669 --> 01:21:09,728
People change, Ron.
985
01:21:09,838 --> 01:21:13,638
I'm pushing 40. I don't want to
spend the rest of my life by myself.
986
01:21:13,778 --> 01:21:16,139
She's got an awful lot
of baggage. Three kids.
987
01:21:16,239 --> 01:21:21,149
Three terrific kids, and I'm crazy about
them. Especially little Natalie. Look at her.
988
01:21:21,249 --> 01:21:23,408
She's a sweetie pie.
989
01:21:24,218 --> 01:21:28,778
God knows they need a stable father figure
in their life right now.
990
01:21:28,888 --> 01:21:34,188
- What about their real father?
- What can I say? The guy's a loser. I'll see ya.
991
01:21:35,228 --> 01:21:37,818
Loser? Oh, yeah?
992
01:21:42,897 --> 01:21:44,957
Oh, sir!
993
01:21:45,067 --> 01:21:49,368
I saw it! Some angry member
of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them?
994
01:21:49,478 --> 01:21:53,307
Oh, the terrorists! They ran that way.
It was a run-by fruiting.
995
01:21:53,447 --> 01:21:55,917
I'll get them, sir. Don't worry.
996
01:22:03,457 --> 01:22:05,477
Good waste of juice.
997
01:22:05,627 --> 01:22:07,317
Loser.
998
01:22:09,527 --> 01:22:11,857
What are you lookin' at?
999
01:22:43,495 --> 01:22:45,515
Hi, boys and girls.
1000
01:22:45,665 --> 01:22:48,926
Today we'll be talking about dinosaurs.
1001
01:22:49,066 --> 01:22:52,266
It's A Dinosaurus Line!
1002
01:22:55,935 --> 01:22:58,374
And please welcome... the king!
1003
01:23:02,615 --> 01:23:06,305
It's a dinner show. Hi! Where you from?
I'm gonna make you lunch.
1004
01:23:06,415 --> 01:23:08,785
Thank you very much. Thank you! All right!
1005
01:23:08,915 --> 01:23:11,975
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your claws together!
1006
01:23:12,125 --> 01:23:16,385
Please welcome... James Browntosaurus!
1007
01:23:18,424 --> 01:23:20,394
I eat wood
1008
01:23:20,734 --> 01:23:23,164
It tastes good
1009
01:23:23,734 --> 01:23:25,964
No meat, big feet
1010
01:23:26,104 --> 01:23:28,864
I eat wood
1011
01:23:28,974 --> 01:23:32,805
Oh, I got to help myself!
Can't go on! I'm goin' extinct!
1012
01:23:32,945 --> 01:23:38,474
Oh, thank you, James. But right now...
it's time for the Raptor Rap!
1013
01:23:38,584 --> 01:23:41,413
I'm a raptor, doin' what I can
1014
01:23:41,553 --> 01:23:44,673
Gonna eat everything
till the appearance of man
1015
01:23:45,023 --> 01:23:48,184
Yo, yo, see me, I'm livin' below the soil
1016
01:23:48,324 --> 01:23:51,314
I'll be back but I'm comin' as oil
1017
01:23:54,594 --> 01:23:57,293
Very impressive, Mr Hillard!
1018
01:23:57,403 --> 01:24:02,092
- I didn't know anybody was watching.
- I was watching. That's funny stuff.
1019
01:24:02,202 --> 01:24:05,233
- Well, thanks.
- I think kids'd like it.
1020
01:24:05,373 --> 01:24:09,603
- They'd be entertained and get information.
- That's kinda my theory.
1021
01:24:09,743 --> 01:24:12,613
You don't have to play down to 'em,
just play to 'em.
1022
01:24:12,743 --> 01:24:16,372
- Listen, I'd like to hear more of your ideas.
- My ideas?
1023
01:24:16,482 --> 01:24:20,043
- How about a dinner meeting?
- Wow. OK.
1024
01:24:20,183 --> 01:24:23,312
Next Friday. Bridges Restaurant.
Seven o'clock sharp.
1025
01:24:24,792 --> 01:24:26,852
I'll be there.
1026
01:24:32,202 --> 01:24:33,792
Take five.
1027
01:24:33,972 --> 01:24:36,962
Take five million. You're dead.
1028
01:24:40,442 --> 01:24:45,341
We've just had our first
home-cooked meal. I'm domestic now, huh?
1029
01:24:45,440 --> 01:24:49,212
- This is terrific, Dad.
- You want more spaghetti?
1030
01:24:49,312 --> 01:24:52,081
- No, I'm stuffed.
- Garlic bread? I made it myself.
1031
01:24:52,220 --> 01:24:55,451
Well, I didn't make it myself.
I cooked it. I sliced it.
1032
01:24:55,590 --> 01:24:58,081
It's OK, Dad. Thanks.
1033
01:24:58,220 --> 01:25:01,021
The place looks great. The food's terrific.
1034
01:25:01,930 --> 01:25:04,622
I'm really proud of you.
1035
01:25:04,732 --> 01:25:06,221
Yeah. Me, too.
1036
01:25:06,330 --> 01:25:08,821
Me, too.
1037
01:25:11,800 --> 01:25:14,000
I'll be right back.
1038
01:25:19,610 --> 01:25:22,101
- Thank you for knocking.
- Yeah.
1039
01:25:24,350 --> 01:25:26,650
Look at this!
1040
01:25:26,750 --> 01:25:29,190
I see you got someone to clean for you.
1041
01:25:29,290 --> 01:25:31,309
No.
1042
01:25:33,159 --> 01:25:35,630
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Mom.
1043
01:25:36,030 --> 01:25:38,830
- Are they ready?
- No. They haven't had dessert yet.
1044
01:25:38,930 --> 01:25:42,090
- You cooked?
- Yes. I cook, I bake, I sew.
1045
01:25:42,500 --> 01:25:45,590
Thanks to this Amish
home study course I'm doing.
1046
01:25:46,040 --> 01:25:48,468
- I'm very impressed.
- Really?
1047
01:25:48,568 --> 01:25:52,409
Give me a second chance. OK?
Let me take the kids after school.
1048
01:25:53,139 --> 01:25:56,879
- I can't get rid of Mrs Doubtfire. She's terrific.
- Why not?
1049
01:25:57,049 --> 01:25:59,539
She's the best thing
that ever happened to us.
1050
01:25:59,679 --> 01:26:04,550
The kids are all doing better in school.
Chris is passing every single subject.
1051
01:26:04,690 --> 01:26:09,419
I find myself getting home early just
to be with them. We're all doing so great.
1052
01:26:11,798 --> 01:26:14,358
Sounds like an amazing woman.
Too good to be true.
1053
01:26:14,498 --> 01:26:16,628
She is.
1054
01:26:24,409 --> 01:26:26,928
- I kinda like the black one.
- Me, too.
1055
01:26:27,548 --> 01:26:29,908
I don't know. Actually... Mrs Doubtfire!
1056
01:26:30,078 --> 01:26:32,277
- Yes?
- We need another woman's opinion.
1057
01:26:32,377 --> 01:26:34,438
Oh! Then I'm your woman.
1058
01:26:34,548 --> 01:26:37,248
- Which one?
- What's the occasion?
1059
01:26:37,358 --> 01:26:39,978
It's my birthday.
1060
01:26:40,158 --> 01:26:42,788
Stu's taking me out to dinner.
1061
01:26:44,758 --> 01:26:46,657
Neither.
1062
01:26:46,757 --> 01:26:49,728
They're both too brazen, dear.
They cry "harlot".
1063
01:26:49,828 --> 01:26:52,558
Red is the traditional
color for streetwalkers.
1064
01:26:52,698 --> 01:26:56,697
And the black one is far too short.
I hope you waxed.
1065
01:26:56,807 --> 01:26:58,567
They both say to me "I'm easy. "
1066
01:26:58,707 --> 01:27:02,907
You want to be Kilimanjaro
on your first date - inaccessible.
1067
01:27:03,007 --> 01:27:05,877
Why buy the cow
when you can get the milk for free?
1068
01:27:05,977 --> 01:27:09,417
No, let's find something more your own age.
1069
01:27:09,547 --> 01:27:11,577
Something a little less tawdry.
1070
01:27:12,417 --> 01:27:14,476
Let's see.
1071
01:27:14,586 --> 01:27:18,146
How about this lovely frock?
Tasteful, elegant...
1072
01:27:18,256 --> 01:27:20,227
Don't you think?
1073
01:27:20,357 --> 01:27:23,886
And old. I wore that
to my aunt's funeral in 1976.
1074
01:27:23,996 --> 01:27:27,366
A classic never dies, dear.
I think it's time to revive it.
1075
01:27:27,466 --> 01:27:30,406
I think we should ask the kids.
What do you think?
1076
01:27:30,536 --> 01:27:35,137
- I'd go with the short, black one.
- Yeah. It's the most fun.
1077
01:27:35,976 --> 01:27:38,006
There. You see? I agree.
1078
01:27:38,176 --> 01:27:41,576
Fine. You ask my opinion,
then don't take it.
1079
01:27:41,686 --> 01:27:46,345
- I will not be held responsible for your virtue.
- You'll be there to protect me.
1080
01:27:46,455 --> 01:27:51,756
- Stu has invited you and the kids to join us.
- Oh, how lovely! One big, happy family.
1081
01:27:51,856 --> 01:27:55,586
I wouldn't miss that for the world!
Should be smashing good fun!
1082
01:27:55,696 --> 01:27:59,255
- I'm so glad.
- When is this enchanted evening?
1083
01:27:59,395 --> 01:28:02,194
Friday night, seven o'clock.
1084
01:28:02,304 --> 01:28:06,165
- This Friday at seven?
- Yes. At my favorite restaurant. Bridges.
1085
01:28:07,305 --> 01:28:09,365
- Bridges?
- Yes.
1086
01:28:09,475 --> 01:28:11,565
- Friday at seven.
- Bridges.
1087
01:28:11,675 --> 01:28:13,735
Sorry.
1088
01:28:14,815 --> 01:28:16,835
- Bridges?
- Yes! Bridges.
1089
01:28:16,985 --> 01:28:20,213
- The restaurant Bridges?
- Friday at seven.
1090
01:28:21,324 --> 01:28:25,274
- I can't. Please, don't. It's bingo night, dear.
- Cancel it.
1091
01:28:25,424 --> 01:28:28,864
I can't, dear. It's my turn
to pull the balls at the rectory.
1092
01:28:28,994 --> 01:28:31,424
- Please join us.
- Don't ask me that, dear.
1093
01:28:31,534 --> 01:28:33,594
I can't have my birthday without you.
1094
01:28:33,694 --> 01:28:37,795
It's so important to us that you be there.
You're part of the family now.
1095
01:28:37,905 --> 01:28:42,803
I can't have a birthday without you.
It would mean so much to me and the children.
1096
01:28:42,903 --> 01:28:47,313
Please promise you'll come with us,
Mrs Doubtfire. You just have to.
1097
01:28:49,083 --> 01:28:51,574
Who could resist that little face?
1098
01:28:53,084 --> 01:28:55,574
- I promise.
- Thank you!
1099
01:28:56,884 --> 01:28:58,783
Thank you, dear.
1100
01:28:59,693 --> 01:29:01,523
- Are you all right?
- Fine.
1101
01:29:01,663 --> 01:29:03,682
Let's see... Nothing.
1102
01:29:03,832 --> 01:29:05,992
- Anything in May?
- Not a thing.
1103
01:29:06,093 --> 01:29:08,123
It doesn't look good.
1104
01:29:08,933 --> 01:29:12,463
I'm sorry. Mr Lundy is completely booked
for the next two months.
1105
01:29:12,933 --> 01:29:16,732
- I'll meet him any time, anywhere.
- Sorry. There's nothing I can do.
1106
01:29:16,872 --> 01:29:19,742
Please. I can't cancel.
It's a huge opportunity.
1107
01:29:19,872 --> 01:29:23,003
Take my advice: Don't cancel.
1108
01:29:26,312 --> 01:29:28,542
Thank you.
1109
01:29:43,062 --> 01:29:46,091
- Come along, Nattie.
- Hello, darling!
1110
01:29:46,570 --> 01:29:49,541
- Shouldn't you cover your shoulders?
- No! I'm fine.
1111
01:29:49,740 --> 01:29:52,102
- Good evening, Mr Lundy.
- Good evening.
1112
01:29:52,212 --> 01:29:56,041
Oh, God. Here we go.
1113
01:29:56,140 --> 01:29:58,841
- Mrs Doubtfire, you look wonderful.
- Thank you.
1114
01:29:58,950 --> 01:30:00,971
Come on. I hope you're all hungry.
1115
01:30:05,990 --> 01:30:09,121
- Good evening, Mr Lundy.
- I'm meeting someone. Is he here?
1116
01:30:10,020 --> 01:30:12,081
No, I'm sorry. He hasn't arrived yet.
1117
01:30:12,190 --> 01:30:14,960
But we can seat you.
Smoking or nonsmoking?
1118
01:30:15,100 --> 01:30:17,560
Nonsmoking, please.
1119
01:30:17,700 --> 01:30:21,660
- Tanya will seat you. Table 15.
- This way, please.
1120
01:30:22,800 --> 01:30:25,861
- Reservation. Dunmeyer.
- Yes, sir.
1121
01:30:26,570 --> 01:30:28,700
- Smoking or nonsmoking?
- Nonsmoking.
1122
01:30:28,810 --> 01:30:31,680
- Smoking!
- Mrs Doubtfire, you don't smoke.
1123
01:30:31,780 --> 01:30:34,179
No, I don't. But I did.
1124
01:30:34,319 --> 01:30:39,310
I found the best way to keep from smoking
again is to be around those who do smoke.
1125
01:30:39,450 --> 01:30:44,120
I have to randomly ingest just a little bit
of nicotine and it steels my wool.
1126
01:30:44,230 --> 01:30:48,220
And I know you're Mr Health. Bless you
for putting yourself in harm's way.
1127
01:30:48,360 --> 01:30:52,028
- Smoking.
- All right. Table 39.
1128
01:30:52,168 --> 01:30:55,289
- Follow me, please.
- 39! My age! You're a saint.
1129
01:30:56,069 --> 01:30:58,969
Thank you very much
for humoring an old lady.
1130
01:31:09,080 --> 01:31:11,778
- He's pissed already.
- Mrs Doubtfire?
1131
01:31:12,948 --> 01:31:17,248
- Would you like to join us?
- Oh. I thought I saw Clint Eastwood.
1132
01:31:17,388 --> 01:31:21,018
That would make my day!
He is such a stud-muffin.
1133
01:31:21,158 --> 01:31:24,189
Will you excuse me, dear?
I have to check my wrap.
1134
01:31:24,299 --> 01:31:27,959
- I can do it for you.
- Oh, no, please. I'm quite capable of...
1135
01:31:28,069 --> 01:31:31,328
All right, dear. There you go.
1136
01:31:31,438 --> 01:31:34,197
- Oh, and your bag too, ma'am.
- Drop it!
1137
01:31:34,307 --> 01:31:37,277
Oh, I'm very sorry, dear. It's my medicine.
1138
01:31:37,407 --> 01:31:40,808
- I have to go take my medicine now.
- We have water at the table.
1139
01:31:40,918 --> 01:31:44,648
I can't take it orally, dear.
I'll be right back.
1140
01:31:44,788 --> 01:31:49,147
- Would you like something to drink?
- Oh, yes. A good stiff Chardonnay.
1141
01:31:49,257 --> 01:31:51,377
I like 'em light and woody.
1142
01:32:01,197 --> 01:32:05,157
- Hello. Bridges Restaurant. May I help you?
- Yes. My name is Daniel Hillard.
1143
01:32:05,267 --> 01:32:10,967
Mr Lundy is expecting me for dinner. Will you
tell him I'm running late, but I'm on my way?
1144
01:32:11,077 --> 01:32:14,707
- I'll deliver the message personally, sir.
- Thank you.
1145
01:32:23,156 --> 01:32:25,317
Oh, Stu!
1146
01:32:25,457 --> 01:32:27,286
I hope you like it.
1147
01:32:27,426 --> 01:32:30,116
It's gorgeous! Thank you!
1148
01:32:31,166 --> 01:32:33,026
Did I miss anything?
1149
01:32:34,066 --> 01:32:37,995
Well, yes. Look. This is the gift
that Stu gave me for my birthday.
1150
01:32:39,906 --> 01:32:41,926
- Isn't it gorgeous!
- Is it real?
1151
01:32:42,076 --> 01:32:44,096
It is very real, Mrs Doubtfire.
1152
01:32:44,246 --> 01:32:49,335
You can either wear that or feed a small
country. That's so nice. So decadent.
1153
01:32:49,475 --> 01:32:51,505
Mommy, I need to go.
1154
01:32:53,185 --> 01:32:56,086
- Mrs Doubtfire, would you take her?
- No. You.
1155
01:32:56,556 --> 01:32:59,915
- She wants you, dear.
- Well, I'll be right back.
1156
01:33:00,055 --> 01:33:01,145
OK.
1157
01:33:06,094 --> 01:33:08,124
Yes, well...
1158
01:33:08,264 --> 01:33:11,825
Children, look at that lovely
dessert tray over there.
1159
01:33:11,935 --> 01:33:16,375
Why don't you go over and pick what
you'd like now so they could reserve it?
1160
01:33:16,505 --> 01:33:18,535
- We'll be back.
- All right.
1161
01:33:20,674 --> 01:33:23,663
That's a pretty impressive
bauble you got her.
1162
01:33:23,773 --> 01:33:25,834
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
1163
01:33:25,944 --> 01:33:30,544
A fella gives a gift like that,
he wants more than a piece of her heart, eh?
1164
01:33:30,714 --> 01:33:33,154
Bit of a going-down payment, huh?
1165
01:33:33,284 --> 01:33:36,914
- Excuse me?
- You know, dear. Sink the sub.
1166
01:33:37,024 --> 01:33:39,324
Hide the weasel? Park the porpoise?
1167
01:33:39,424 --> 01:33:41,485
Bit of the old humpty dumpty?
1168
01:33:41,594 --> 01:33:46,463
- Little Jack Horny? The horizontal mambo?
- Mrs Doubtfire...
1169
01:33:46,563 --> 01:33:49,863
The bone dance, eh?
Rumpleforeskin? Baloney bop?
1170
01:33:49,973 --> 01:33:52,463
Bit of the old cunning linguistics? Hm?
1171
01:33:52,573 --> 01:33:56,404
- Mrs Doubtfire, please.
- Am I being a little graphic? Sorry.
1172
01:33:57,714 --> 01:34:00,973
- I hope you're up for a little competition.
- I beg your pardon?
1173
01:34:01,113 --> 01:34:06,782
She's got a power tool in the bedroom, dear.
It's her personal jackhammer.
1174
01:34:06,922 --> 01:34:10,323
She uses it and the lights dim.
It's like a prison movie.
1175
01:34:10,423 --> 01:34:13,523
Amazed she hasn't chipped her teeth.
1176
01:34:15,233 --> 01:34:17,293
I hope you bring cocktail sauce.
1177
01:34:18,333 --> 01:34:21,132
She's got crabs.
And I don't mean Dungeness.
1178
01:34:21,972 --> 01:34:24,592
I'm being blunt as a spoon, aren't I?
1179
01:34:25,202 --> 01:34:27,232
Forgive me.
1180
01:34:32,682 --> 01:34:35,512
It's the wine. Oh, gosh!
1181
01:34:35,612 --> 01:34:39,111
Be back in a flash.
All right? My tiny bladder.
1182
01:34:42,992 --> 01:34:45,012
- Mrs Doubtfire!
- What?!
1183
01:34:45,362 --> 01:34:49,191
- You're going into the men's room.
- No! Oh, so it is!
1184
01:34:49,290 --> 01:34:53,061
I do need new glasses, dear. Sorry!
1185
01:34:56,002 --> 01:34:58,031
Hello!
1186
01:35:27,530 --> 01:35:29,401
Jesus! God!
1187
01:35:41,680 --> 01:35:44,670
- Excuse me. May I have a menu?
- Of course.
1188
01:35:47,320 --> 01:35:50,250
- What's France like?
- Very beautiful.
1189
01:35:53,359 --> 01:35:55,418
Thank you very much.
1190
01:35:56,829 --> 01:35:58,519
- Mr Lundy.
- Oh, hi.
1191
01:35:58,659 --> 01:36:02,219
- Sorry I'm late. Did you get my message?
- Yes. Sit down.
1192
01:36:02,329 --> 01:36:05,459
- How about a drink?
- Sure. I'll have what he's having.
1193
01:36:05,569 --> 01:36:07,539
Double Chivas on the rocks.
1194
01:36:07,669 --> 01:36:11,069
Bring him two doubles so he can catch up.
1195
01:36:11,179 --> 01:36:16,338
- A Scotch drinker, huh? That's my kinda guy!
- Gentlemen, start your engines.
1196
01:36:21,118 --> 01:36:26,108
- OK, everybody. Are we ready to order?
- Yes, I believe we are. Children, fire away.
1197
01:36:26,258 --> 01:36:28,619
Shouldn't we wait for Mrs Doubtfire?
1198
01:36:29,689 --> 01:36:31,719
Yes.
1199
01:36:42,808 --> 01:36:45,138
- How are we doin' over here?
- No, no.
1200
01:36:45,278 --> 01:36:47,298
Oh, yes.
1201
01:36:51,977 --> 01:36:54,037
Now...
1202
01:36:55,117 --> 01:36:57,917
What can you do
to help the ratings on the kid show?
1203
01:36:58,017 --> 01:37:01,577
Bottom line: Don't patronize kids.
They're little people.
1204
01:37:01,727 --> 01:37:06,857
You gotta personalize it. Make it fun.
If it's something you'd enjoy, they'd enjoy it.
1205
01:37:06,997 --> 01:37:09,517
- That's what I'm interested in.
- Bingo!
1206
01:37:09,627 --> 01:37:12,597
Well, I wonder what's happened
to Mrs Doubtfire.
1207
01:37:12,737 --> 01:37:16,567
- We could cross over to the news.
- Would you excuse me for a moment?
1208
01:37:16,707 --> 01:37:18,326
But...
1209
01:37:48,665 --> 01:37:52,335
- May I help you, ma'am?
- Yes, dear. Thank you very much.
1210
01:37:54,805 --> 01:37:59,036
- Oh, my goodness!
- I'm so sorry! It's my fault.
1211
01:38:01,385 --> 01:38:04,445
- Forgive me. Excuse me.
- I'm all right. There we go.
1212
01:38:04,585 --> 01:38:06,844
Thank you. Oh, let's see here!
1213
01:38:06,984 --> 01:38:09,044
- May I take your order, ma'am?
- Oh, yes.
1214
01:38:11,824 --> 01:38:16,355
Let's see. I'll have the poached salmon.
1215
01:38:16,465 --> 01:38:19,055
- And you, sir?
- I'll have the jambalaya.
1216
01:38:19,195 --> 01:38:23,324
- Make mine not spicy. I'm allergic to pepper.
- Certainly, sir.
1217
01:38:23,434 --> 01:38:25,463
Thank you. Cheers. Your health.
1218
01:38:36,514 --> 01:38:38,414
Oh, my God.
1219
01:38:38,514 --> 01:38:42,644
So sorry about that. Just one moment.
1220
01:38:42,784 --> 01:38:44,813
Carpe dentum - seize the teeth.
1221
01:38:44,923 --> 01:38:46,823
Let me assist you.
1222
01:38:46,923 --> 01:38:50,693
A spoon. Oh, how clever. Wait. I've got it.
1223
01:38:50,823 --> 01:38:53,023
Wait. There. Make a pincer.
1224
01:38:53,193 --> 01:38:56,193
Come at it from both sides. Together - up.
1225
01:38:57,803 --> 01:38:59,824
Thank you. There it is.
1226
01:39:01,144 --> 01:39:03,403
Just shake them off, like a dog.
1227
01:39:03,503 --> 01:39:05,562
Sorry. Oh, forgive me.
1228
01:39:05,672 --> 01:39:08,512
- That's all right.
- Sorry about my spray.
1229
01:39:09,742 --> 01:39:13,913
I'll be right back. I just have to
re-attach them with a little adhesive.
1230
01:39:14,053 --> 01:39:17,483
- Tell him to purée the salmon, if you will.
- Purée the salmon.
1231
01:39:17,623 --> 01:39:20,053
Thank you. Sorry about that.
1232
01:39:26,890 --> 01:39:28,731
Oh, that one.
1233
01:39:33,632 --> 01:39:37,542
Oh. I didn't know there was
someone else in here. Sorry.
1234
01:39:43,982 --> 01:39:46,672
Damn it! Oh, there it is.
1235
01:39:49,320 --> 01:39:51,341
Excuse me.
1236
01:40:12,770 --> 01:40:16,901
Where the hell have you been?
I ordered you another Scotch.
1237
01:40:17,010 --> 01:40:18,911
Bully!
1238
01:40:24,180 --> 01:40:26,240
Daniel?
1239
01:40:26,920 --> 01:40:28,950
Are you wearing ladies' perfume?
1240
01:40:31,690 --> 01:40:33,720
Yes, I am.
1241
01:40:36,360 --> 01:40:38,849
Are you wearing lipstick?
1242
01:40:40,769 --> 01:40:42,099
Yeah.
1243
01:40:43,299 --> 01:40:45,330
Why?
1244
01:40:45,740 --> 01:40:48,870
- It rubbed off.
- From whom?
1245
01:40:50,910 --> 01:40:53,309
A girl I used to date. She's a waitress.
1246
01:40:53,649 --> 01:40:55,709
- A waitress? Here?
- Oh, yeah.
1247
01:40:56,549 --> 01:41:00,819
On the way to the bathroom...
Couldn't keep her hands off me.
1248
01:41:03,119 --> 01:41:06,419
- You dog!
- You scallywag!
1249
01:41:10,599 --> 01:41:14,329
I got the stretch outside.
Does your girlfriend have a girlfriend?
1250
01:41:14,428 --> 01:41:17,098
- Hey, it's the '90s.
- No, no! I mean...
1251
01:41:18,208 --> 01:41:20,898
Does she have a lady friend for me?
1252
01:41:21,168 --> 01:41:23,198
- Go ahead. Ask her.
- I'll go ask her.
1253
01:41:23,378 --> 01:41:26,638
Go on. Come on, go get 'em!
1254
01:41:33,789 --> 01:41:35,618
Hey, Dan!
1255
01:41:35,758 --> 01:41:37,777
I need my order for table 39!
1256
01:41:37,887 --> 01:41:41,157
- Relax. I'll be out in a minute.
- Thank you! Great.
1257
01:41:47,228 --> 01:41:49,628
39.
1258
01:42:01,107 --> 01:42:03,167
Table 39!
1259
01:42:19,596 --> 01:42:21,226
Hot jambalaya!
1260
01:42:33,276 --> 01:42:35,676
- Can I help you, ma'am?
- Sorry I'm late.
1261
01:42:35,816 --> 01:42:39,906
But after all those Scotches
I had to piss like a racehorse.
1262
01:42:42,015 --> 01:42:44,045
- Daniel?
- Yeah.
1263
01:42:45,725 --> 01:42:49,086
Why in God's name
are you dressed like a woman?!
1264
01:42:54,125 --> 01:42:56,185
Oh, damn.
1265
01:43:02,675 --> 01:43:04,695
Well...
1266
01:43:07,275 --> 01:43:10,304
I'd like you to meet
the host of your new show.
1267
01:43:10,674 --> 01:43:12,674
Host?
1268
01:43:12,784 --> 01:43:19,275
Euphegenia Doubtfire, dear. I specialize in
the education and entertainment of children.
1269
01:43:21,795 --> 01:43:23,844
Surprise!
1270
01:43:26,924 --> 01:43:28,823
Oh, thank you very much.
1271
01:43:28,933 --> 01:43:31,864
- This looks terrific.
- Where's Mrs Doubtfire?
1272
01:43:31,964 --> 01:43:34,164
Well, I hope the dear lady's all right.
1273
01:43:34,304 --> 01:43:38,134
- Shall we start?
- Yes. Let's start. I don't want it to get cold.
1274
01:43:40,574 --> 01:43:43,734
Tell me. Why would Mrs Doubtfire
be a good host?
1275
01:43:43,874 --> 01:43:48,873
I'm a hip old granny who could
hip-hop, bebop, dance till ya drop,
1276
01:43:48,983 --> 01:43:52,073
and yo, yo, make a wicked cup of cocoa.
1277
01:44:06,433 --> 01:44:08,522
Stu?
1278
01:44:10,332 --> 01:44:13,332
Oh, he's choking. He's choking!
1279
01:44:13,442 --> 01:44:16,772
Help us! Somebody help!
He's choking! Help us!
1280
01:44:16,912 --> 01:44:19,073
Oh, God! Oh, God!
1281
01:44:19,183 --> 01:44:22,913
- He's choking here! Call 911!
- Oh, no. I killed the bastard.
1282
01:44:23,013 --> 01:44:27,012
- Mrs Doubtfire! Help us! He's choking!
- Help is on the way, dear!
1283
01:44:27,152 --> 01:44:30,141
- Mrs Doubtfire!
- Help is on the way!
1284
01:44:30,250 --> 01:44:33,282
- Mrs Doubtfire, he's choking!
- Hold on, dear.
1285
01:44:36,792 --> 01:44:40,192
One more time, dear. Work with me!
1286
01:44:40,332 --> 01:44:42,632
Come on!
1287
01:45:00,950 --> 01:45:03,151
I'm all right.
1288
01:45:03,250 --> 01:45:05,241
- Are you all right?
- Yes.
1289
01:45:05,390 --> 01:45:07,861
Almost lost ya.
1290
01:45:13,030 --> 01:45:15,830
- Dad.
- Oh, my...
1291
01:45:18,030 --> 01:45:20,261
Daddy?
1292
01:45:25,040 --> 01:45:27,130
Yeah, honey. It's me.
1293
01:45:29,480 --> 01:45:32,040
Happy birthday.
1294
01:45:33,880 --> 01:45:35,250
Daniel...
1295
01:45:35,390 --> 01:45:37,480
Daniel! Oh, my God!
1296
01:45:37,890 --> 01:45:40,580
Oh, my God!
1297
01:45:40,720 --> 01:45:42,779
The whole time...
1298
01:45:42,889 --> 01:45:45,419
- The whole time?!
- I'm sorry, Miranda. Please?
1299
01:45:45,529 --> 01:45:49,260
Don't talk to me! Don't touch me!
1300
01:45:49,400 --> 01:45:52,490
I have to go. We have to leave now.
I have to leave!
1301
01:45:52,640 --> 01:45:55,429
We have to leave now!
I have to go! We're going.
1302
01:45:58,479 --> 01:46:00,708
- You guys go.
- I'm sorry, Dad.
1303
01:46:02,078 --> 01:46:04,099
Bye.
1304
01:46:05,149 --> 01:46:07,209
Sorry about the pepper. I was...
1305
01:46:18,827 --> 01:46:21,198
What are you lookin' at? Show's over.
1306
01:46:27,138 --> 01:46:31,038
Miss Robeson,
do you have any closing remarks?
1307
01:46:31,138 --> 01:46:33,198
Nothing further, Your Honor.
1308
01:46:34,079 --> 01:46:38,447
Mr Hillard, since you've determined
to act as your own attorney,
1309
01:46:38,547 --> 01:46:42,307
you are entitled to make
a closing statement at this time.
1310
01:46:52,358 --> 01:46:57,317
Your Honor, in the past two months,
I've secured a residence, refurbished it
1311
01:46:57,467 --> 01:47:01,366
and made it "an environment
fit for children". Those are your words.
1312
01:47:02,006 --> 01:47:07,267
I'm also holding down a job as a shipping
clerk. So I believe I met your requirements.
1313
01:47:07,377 --> 01:47:09,437
Ahead of schedule.
1314
01:47:10,577 --> 01:47:12,977
In regards to my behavior,
1315
01:47:13,117 --> 01:47:15,137
I can only plead insanity.
1316
01:47:15,287 --> 01:47:17,876
Because, ever since my children were born,
1317
01:47:17,986 --> 01:47:21,246
the moment I looked at them,
I was crazy about them.
1318
01:47:21,356 --> 01:47:23,846
Once I held them, I was hooked.
1319
01:47:25,296 --> 01:47:27,316
I'm addicted to my children, sir.
1320
01:47:28,226 --> 01:47:30,286
I love them with all my heart.
1321
01:47:30,396 --> 01:47:35,496
And the idea of someone telling me I can't
be with them, I can't see them every day...
1322
01:47:35,606 --> 01:47:38,296
It's like someone saying I can't have air.
1323
01:47:38,406 --> 01:47:41,936
I can't live without air,
and I can't live without them.
1324
01:47:42,405 --> 01:47:48,075
Listen, I would do anything. I just want
to be with them. I know I need that, sir.
1325
01:47:48,445 --> 01:47:50,936
We have a history.
1326
01:47:51,916 --> 01:47:57,115
And I just... They mean everything to me.
And they need me as much as I need them.
1327
01:47:59,395 --> 01:48:00,945
So, please.
1328
01:48:01,055 --> 01:48:03,325
Don't take my kids away from me.
1329
01:48:09,135 --> 01:48:11,155
Thank you.
1330
01:48:20,615 --> 01:48:22,635
Mr Hillard...
1331
01:48:22,785 --> 01:48:28,014
You've been able to fool a lot of people into
believing that you're a 60-year-old woman.
1332
01:48:28,784 --> 01:48:30,814
No easy task.
1333
01:48:30,984 --> 01:48:37,154
And your little speech seemed to be
very heartfelt and genuine.
1334
01:48:39,694 --> 01:48:46,124
But I believe it to be a terrific performance
by a very gifted actor. Nothing more.
1335
01:48:46,234 --> 01:48:49,673
- No. It's not that.
- The reality, Mr Hillard,
1336
01:48:50,302 --> 01:48:55,213
is that your lifestyle over the past month
has been very unorthodox.
1337
01:48:55,713 --> 01:48:59,343
And I refuse to further subject
three innocent children
1338
01:48:59,453 --> 01:49:03,683
to your peculiar
and potentially harmful behavior.
1339
01:49:03,823 --> 01:49:07,484
It is this court's decision
to award full custody to Mrs Hillard.
1340
01:49:07,624 --> 01:49:08,883
Oh, God, no.
1341
01:49:09,062 --> 01:49:12,552
You will have supervised
visitation rights every Saturday.
1342
01:49:12,662 --> 01:49:14,182
Supervised, sir?
1343
01:49:14,292 --> 01:49:18,462
A court liaison will accompany you
when you spend time with the children.
1344
01:49:18,602 --> 01:49:24,043
I am suggesting a period of psychological
testing and perhaps treatment for you.
1345
01:49:25,243 --> 01:49:28,832
We will re-examine this case
one year from now.
1346
01:49:28,942 --> 01:49:32,071
Thank you. Court is adjourned.
1347
01:49:45,662 --> 01:49:48,861
I don't do laundry.
I don't do windows. I don't do carpets.
1348
01:49:48,960 --> 01:49:52,901
I don't do bathtubs. I don't do toilets.
And I don't do diapers.
1349
01:49:53,070 --> 01:49:55,931
My children have been potty-trained
for some time.
1350
01:49:56,100 --> 01:49:58,731
Well, I don't do washing.
I don't do basements.
1351
01:49:58,870 --> 01:50:02,141
I don't do dinners. I don't do reading.
1352
01:50:05,550 --> 01:50:09,541
Yes. Well, we have your number.
Thank you so much for coming.
1353
01:50:09,680 --> 01:50:12,241
- We'll be getting back to you.
- Thank you.
1354
01:50:12,350 --> 01:50:14,410
I'll show you to the door.
1355
01:50:17,260 --> 01:50:20,090
Yes, here we are. Please...
1356
01:50:25,670 --> 01:50:28,930
Laura, that shipment
has been delayed three times.
1357
01:50:29,100 --> 01:50:30,870
Yes, but...
1358
01:50:30,970 --> 01:50:34,300
Laura, I'm not gonna wait
another six months for it.
1359
01:50:34,410 --> 01:50:36,469
You do that. Call me back.
1360
01:50:38,750 --> 01:50:41,840
Oh, guys, please don't be so depressed.
1361
01:50:42,180 --> 01:50:44,309
Everything's gonna be all right.
1362
01:50:44,419 --> 01:50:47,439
- I miss her spaghetti.
- I miss her jokes.
1363
01:50:47,989 --> 01:50:49,849
I miss her stories.
1364
01:50:50,519 --> 01:50:54,650
Don't worry. We will find someone.
There are plenty of people out there.
1365
01:50:54,760 --> 01:50:56,699
Nobody like her.
1366
01:50:58,529 --> 01:51:03,258
All right. I admit things were a lot nicer
when she was around.
1367
01:51:03,368 --> 01:51:08,529
The house was so warm and cosy, the beds
were always made, and the dinner was...
1368
01:51:08,639 --> 01:51:13,479
She isn't real! We have to stop referring
to her as if she were a real person.
1369
01:51:13,579 --> 01:51:16,479
Hello, my dears!
1370
01:51:17,618 --> 01:51:20,278
We have a wonderful show today.
1371
01:51:20,388 --> 01:51:23,408
We have Mr Van Zandt from the Sierra Club,
1372
01:51:23,558 --> 01:51:27,818
and he's going to bring some animals
that are endangered species.
1373
01:51:27,958 --> 01:51:31,588
- Do you know what that means, poppets?
- Did you say "puppet"?
1374
01:51:31,728 --> 01:51:35,428
Oh, no, dear! It's Kovacs! Welcome, Kovacs!
1375
01:51:35,568 --> 01:51:38,829
Hi, guys. Did you say "extinction"?
Does something stink?
1376
01:51:38,969 --> 01:51:44,737
It's not something smelling bad. Extinction
means there's no more of a particular animal.
1377
01:51:44,837 --> 01:51:47,537
- Oh, my God.
- Doesn't that make you a little mad?
1378
01:51:47,647 --> 01:51:49,637
- Very mad!
- Tell people about it.
1379
01:51:49,777 --> 01:51:54,718
I'm mad! You know why? Because next,
it's the chimps! There are fewer chimps...
1380
01:51:54,818 --> 01:51:58,378
Doesn't it make you mad that
humans play your parts in movies?
1381
01:51:58,488 --> 01:52:04,516
Ooh! "Planet of the Apes": Who gets the role?
Roddy McDowall! I'd be better than that!
1382
01:52:04,626 --> 01:52:08,797
- I'd be better than Charlton Heston!
- And your rug is better, too.
1383
01:52:08,897 --> 01:52:11,867
You could fly to Persia on that rug.
1384
01:52:25,116 --> 01:52:28,846
- Shall we tell them where we'll be tomorrow?
- Yeah. They wanna know.
1385
01:52:28,986 --> 01:52:31,976
Tomorrow, poppets,
we're taking a wonderful trip.
1386
01:52:32,086 --> 01:52:35,616
But you don't have to pack
because we're going in our mind.
1387
01:52:35,726 --> 01:52:40,826
We're going across the Atlantic Ocean
to England, where I came from.
1388
01:52:40,926 --> 01:52:43,765
- You came from England?
- It's a wonderful country.
1389
01:52:43,865 --> 01:52:46,355
- Do you know about England?
- It's an island.
1390
01:52:46,465 --> 01:52:48,835
It's an island, dear. A glorious one.
1391
01:52:48,935 --> 01:52:53,465
- They have a queen and a royal family.
- Oh! Just like a poker game!
1392
01:52:53,605 --> 01:52:56,705
- It's a full house.
- Some cards don't live at home any more.
1393
01:52:56,845 --> 01:52:58,905
Thanks to mobile phones.
1394
01:52:59,815 --> 01:53:02,375
Do you know what language
they speak in England?
1395
01:53:02,485 --> 01:53:06,414
- Pakistani?
- That's right. In many stores they do.
1396
01:53:06,524 --> 01:53:09,315
But we'll get into that tomorrow,
boys and girls.
1397
01:53:09,455 --> 01:53:12,295
- You owe me a kiss, Kovacs.
- I'm gonna give you two.
1398
01:53:12,425 --> 01:53:14,865
- All right, dear.
- Here's one on the cheek.
1399
01:53:14,965 --> 01:53:19,794
- And here's a monkey bite!
- Oh, you wicked, wicked monkey!
1400
01:53:20,464 --> 01:53:24,064
Well, that's all for today. Bye-bye.
1401
01:53:24,175 --> 01:53:26,035
Cut!
1402
01:53:27,104 --> 01:53:29,804
That's a wrap, folks! Thank you very much.
1403
01:53:34,183 --> 01:53:38,273
We're a smash! Number one in our time slot!
1404
01:53:38,453 --> 01:53:42,114
Yes! Calls from Detroit, Cleveland,
Chicago, Los Angeles...
1405
01:53:42,254 --> 01:53:45,284
- All with offers to syndicate.
- Hollywood!
1406
01:53:45,464 --> 01:53:47,554
Daniel?
1407
01:53:47,694 --> 01:53:49,063
Yes?
1408
01:53:49,163 --> 01:53:53,492
- Miranda.
- Could I talk to you?
1409
01:53:55,303 --> 01:53:56,863
Yeah.
1410
01:53:56,973 --> 01:53:59,533
I'll be right out. Just wait here.
1411
01:54:21,762 --> 01:54:24,192
Welcome to Euphegenia's house.
1412
01:54:24,332 --> 01:54:27,693
A little drafty but...
you know. It's nice.
1413
01:54:30,533 --> 01:54:32,561
What can I do for you?
1414
01:54:34,300 --> 01:54:36,931
First of all, congratulations on the show.
1415
01:54:37,040 --> 01:54:40,011
Thanks. You got to see the dress rehearsal.
1416
01:54:41,382 --> 01:54:43,872
We've... The kids...
1417
01:54:44,852 --> 01:54:47,482
We've been watching every day.
1418
01:54:48,652 --> 01:54:51,921
It's nice to know they can see me every day.
1419
01:54:54,560 --> 01:54:59,221
Look, Daniel. I know it's gonna take
a long time to get over all the fights and
1420
01:54:59,360 --> 01:55:02,961
all the horrible things
we said to each other.
1421
01:55:03,070 --> 01:55:05,501
It's... It's so hard.
1422
01:55:07,200 --> 01:55:11,611
But I know somehow you and I will be
all right and we'll get through this.
1423
01:55:14,210 --> 01:55:16,610
But the kids...
1424
01:55:19,250 --> 01:55:21,310
I don't wanna hurt our children.
1425
01:55:24,050 --> 01:55:26,111
So what do you want me to do?
1426
01:55:26,220 --> 01:55:30,960
You want me to pretend everything's
all right? Put on a happy face? Smile?
1427
01:55:32,230 --> 01:55:35,360
Jesus, Miranda.
You took my children away from me.
1428
01:55:35,470 --> 01:55:37,829
I can only see them now with supervision.
1429
01:55:37,969 --> 01:55:41,840
Some woman watches me with the kids
like I'm some sort of deviant.
1430
01:55:41,970 --> 01:55:45,630
If I try to hug 'em, she wonders why.
You know what that's like?
1431
01:55:46,080 --> 01:55:51,039
You just sat there in that courtroom and
let that judge pass that despicable sentence.
1432
01:55:51,179 --> 01:55:53,549
- I was angry.
- Oh, God.
1433
01:55:53,649 --> 01:55:56,210
- You hurt me, too!
- You ripped my heart out!
1434
01:55:56,320 --> 01:55:59,879
You lied... You know what?
I don't wanna do this any more.
1435
01:56:00,019 --> 01:56:03,009
I don't wanna do any more
"who did what to whom".
1436
01:56:06,258 --> 01:56:09,858
Ever since this happened,
I've been trying to make sense out of it.
1437
01:56:09,998 --> 01:56:13,959
And the only thing I know in my heart
is that the children were happier
1438
01:56:14,069 --> 01:56:16,829
when Mrs Doubtfire
was a part of their lives.
1439
01:56:16,939 --> 01:56:18,429
Yeah?
1440
01:56:19,478 --> 01:56:23,098
She... brought out the best in them.
1441
01:56:24,078 --> 01:56:27,848
- She brought out the best in you.
- And you.
1442
01:56:33,088 --> 01:56:35,488
They miss her terribly.
1443
01:56:37,688 --> 01:56:41,527
- What are you saying?
- Daniel, the kids need you.
1444
01:56:50,237 --> 01:56:52,257
I need them.
1445
01:56:59,048 --> 01:57:02,416
Well, tomorrow we'll have Frank,
who is a make-up artist.
1446
01:57:03,946 --> 01:57:05,916
A big knock at the door.
1447
01:57:06,056 --> 01:57:09,246
Who could that be?
And do we have enough time?
1448
01:57:10,156 --> 01:57:12,647
Mr Sprinkles, boys and girls!
1449
01:57:12,757 --> 01:57:15,127
Hello! What do you have for me today?
1450
01:57:15,257 --> 01:57:18,527
Mrs Doubtflier,
I've got a letter from Katie...
1451
01:57:20,897 --> 01:57:22,926
It's the new baby-sitter.
1452
01:57:23,965 --> 01:57:26,235
Come on, guys! Get up! Let's go!
1453
01:57:28,576 --> 01:57:30,666
Come on.
1454
01:57:31,506 --> 01:57:33,776
It's gonna be all right.
1455
01:57:33,916 --> 01:57:36,536
Chris, wait right over there. Everybody.
1456
01:57:48,025 --> 01:57:50,085
Daddy!
1457
01:57:52,125 --> 01:57:53,855
Hi.
1458
01:57:54,795 --> 01:57:58,566
- What's goin' on?
- I'm here to pick you up.
1459
01:57:58,975 --> 01:58:02,805
Your dad's gonna take you
for a few hours every day after school.
1460
01:58:03,445 --> 01:58:05,505
Really?
1461
01:58:06,015 --> 01:58:08,474
What about the courts? That legal stuff.
1462
01:58:09,044 --> 01:58:11,774
- Ask your mom.
- I took care of it.
1463
01:58:12,454 --> 01:58:16,285
No more supervised visits.
No more court liaison.
1464
01:58:16,385 --> 01:58:19,354
- Just us?
- Just us.
1465
01:58:30,834 --> 01:58:32,894
Go get Mr Bear.
1466
01:58:33,274 --> 01:58:36,244
- Go get your stuff. Hurry up.
- All right.
1467
01:58:40,813 --> 01:58:44,214
- Would you like to come in?
- I'll wait outside.
1468
01:58:44,344 --> 01:58:45,784
OK.
1469
01:58:49,054 --> 01:58:51,113
Thank you.
1470
01:58:56,222 --> 01:58:57,622
See ya.
1471
01:59:02,433 --> 01:59:07,803
"Dear Mrs Doubtfire - Two months ago
my mom and dad decided to separate. "
1472
01:59:07,903 --> 01:59:10,033
"Now they live in different houses. "
1473
01:59:10,473 --> 01:59:15,742
"My brother Andrew says that we aren't
a real family any more. Is this true?"
1474
01:59:15,882 --> 01:59:17,932
"Did I lose my family?"
1475
01:59:18,042 --> 01:59:22,282
"Is there anything I could do
to get my parents back together?"
1476
01:59:22,422 --> 01:59:24,442
"Sincerely, Katie McCormick. "
1477
01:59:27,422 --> 01:59:29,453
Oh, my dear Katie.
1478
01:59:31,023 --> 01:59:36,391
You know, some parents get along
much better when they don't live together.
1479
01:59:36,500 --> 01:59:40,261
They don't fight all the time
and they can become better people.
1480
01:59:40,400 --> 01:59:43,391
Much better mommies and daddies for you.
1481
01:59:43,500 --> 01:59:46,602
And sometimes they get back together.
1482
01:59:47,642 --> 01:59:49,672
And sometimes they don't, dear.
1483
01:59:50,442 --> 01:59:52,472
And if they don't,
1484
01:59:52,610 --> 01:59:55,170
don't blame yourself.
1485
01:59:55,280 --> 02:00:00,121
Just because they don't love each other
doesn't mean that they don't love you.
1486
02:00:01,550 --> 02:00:05,051
There are all sorts of
different families, Katie.
1487
02:00:05,160 --> 02:00:09,291
Some families have one mommy,
some families have one daddy,
1488
02:00:09,430 --> 02:00:11,451
or two families.
1489
02:00:11,560 --> 02:00:14,230
Some children live with their uncle or aunt.
1490
02:00:14,330 --> 02:00:19,330
Some live with their grandparents,
and some children live with foster parents.
1491
02:00:19,470 --> 02:00:22,460
Some live in separate homes
and neighborhoods
1492
02:00:22,580 --> 02:00:24,630
in different areas of the country.
1493
02:00:24,740 --> 02:00:30,650
They may not see each other for days,
weeks, months or even years at a time.
1494
02:00:32,180 --> 02:00:34,240
But if there's love, dear,
1495
02:00:35,690 --> 02:00:38,159
those are the ties that bind.
1496
02:00:38,989 --> 02:00:42,449
And you'll have a family
in your heart forever.
1497
02:00:44,700 --> 02:00:47,100
All my love to you, poppet.
1498
02:00:47,200 --> 02:00:49,260
You're going to be all right.
1499
02:00:51,599 --> 02:00:53,659
Bye-bye.