1 00:00:06,919 --> 00:00:09,183 [knocking on door] 2 00:00:12,621 --> 00:00:13,883 NANCY: Good day, sir. 3 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,624 I'm a weary traveler. Do you, perchance, 4 00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:17,582 have an extra bed or sofa where I could rest? 5 00:00:17,713 --> 00:00:19,497 Alas, I do not. 6 00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:22,848 But you're welcome to this hard pallet of pine wood. 7 00:00:23,936 --> 00:00:27,462 Not to be discourteous, but I don't think that's pine. 8 00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:28,854 I'm pretty sure it is. 9 00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:31,335 Whatever, I'll take it. 10 00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,555 Thank you. [chuckles] 11 00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:35,774 Ooh. I am parched. 12 00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:37,341 Do you have any water? 13 00:00:37,428 --> 00:00:38,995 Oh, as a matter of fact, I do. 14 00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:41,432 I just fetched some from yonder stream. 15 00:00:41,606 --> 00:00:43,304 Right. 16 00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:45,958 So, is this the same stream 17 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,613 I saw villagers using as a commode? 18 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:49,919 The very same. 19 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,442 But don't worry. 20 00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:53,444 The village is many paces upstream, 21 00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,881 and as the water tumbles down toward my dwelling, 22 00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:58,928 it cleans itself. That's science. 23 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,712 Works for me. 24 00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:05,630 [sighs] 25 00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:08,372 Hey, what's this I hear about cholera going around? 26 00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:10,679 Alas, it has felled many of my neighbors. 27 00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:13,029 If only we could figure out how it spreads, 28 00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:14,161 maybe we could stop it. 29 00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:16,206 If only. 30 00:01:19,426 --> 00:01:21,124 [sighs] 31 00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:22,995 That hits the spot. 32 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,215 ♪ ♪ 33 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,220 TAD: Sam, Jay, thanks for hopping on. 34 00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:31,787 No problem, Mayor Tad. 35 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,310 -How's the vacation? -Huh? 36 00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:34,964 No, no, not a vacation. 37 00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:38,359 A working trip for the people of Ulster County. 38 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,839 This man is deeply corrupt. 39 00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,145 Good for him. 40 00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:44,930 Thor miss the salty brine of the ocean. 41 00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:46,323 [sniffs] 42 00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:48,586 Can almost smell it from here. 43 00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:50,458 Pretty sure that's just the wolf urine. 44 00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:51,981 I wanted to thank you two again 45 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,243 for helping to get my mayorship back, 46 00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:55,202 and to let you know I have sold 47 00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:57,943 my controlling interest in Woodstone B and B. 48 00:01:58,074 --> 00:01:59,902 -What? -Can he do that? 49 00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:01,382 You sold your stake in our business? 50 00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:02,687 To who? 51 00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,124 Ooh, was it someone famous? 52 00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:05,864 "Chateau Chalamet" has a nice ring to it. 53 00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,779 Get ahold of yourself, woman. 54 00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:10,130 He's so small, it drives me crazy. 55 00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:12,567 It's a company called Ever Creek Water. 56 00:02:12,697 --> 00:02:13,872 The evil conglomerate 57 00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:15,657 that won't pick up our empty water bottles? 58 00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:17,702 Oh, so you know them. Great. Yeah. 59 00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:19,051 They just made me an obscene offer. 60 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,096 SAMANTHA: Well, what does this mean 61 00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:21,228 for us? 62 00:02:21,358 --> 00:02:22,403 What do they want with Woodstone? 63 00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:23,882 Fair question, so... 64 00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:25,623 -[phone chimes] -I've texted you a number. 65 00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:28,017 They will answer any questions that you have. 66 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,888 Hope it works out. Thanks again 67 00:02:29,975 --> 00:02:33,196 for everything. I said I wanted that flaming. 68 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,502 I gotta go. 69 00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:37,940 Great, so this huge corporation that we hate 70 00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:41,073 now owns a majority of our home and business? 71 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,771 Should we call the number? 72 00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,207 I guess. 73 00:02:44,293 --> 00:02:45,730 [line ringing] 74 00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,602 AUTOMATED VOICE: Thank you for calling Ever Creek. 75 00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:50,344 If you're calling about new service, press one. 76 00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,694 If you're an existing customer, press two. 77 00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:54,957 If you've received notification about 78 00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:57,655 a hostile takeover of your business, press three. 79 00:02:57,786 --> 00:02:58,700 Oh, three. Press three. 80 00:02:58,829 --> 00:03:00,005 That's you. 81 00:03:00,136 --> 00:03:01,746 HETTY: Who's ready to watch 82 00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:04,358 some-- oh, look. 83 00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,577 The bunker ghosts are here, sitting on the couch 84 00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:08,057 -again. -Hey, Hetty. 85 00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:10,451 You guys have been here for like five hours. 86 00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:12,322 Yeah, I mean, I was happy to free you all 87 00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:14,585 from your afterlife of eternal servitude to Bruce, 88 00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:16,674 but you're kind of bogarting the TV, man. 89 00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:18,198 TREVOR: Don't you have any 90 00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:20,896 bunker commitments you got to get back for? 91 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,332 -Not really. -EUGENE: Ever since 92 00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:23,725 the cult disbanded, 93 00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:25,379 there's kind of no schedule down there. 94 00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:27,511 It was oppressive but structured. 95 00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:29,121 Yeah. 96 00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:30,558 All you hear about with cults is the brainwashing 97 00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:32,124 and the weird sex stuff. People don't talk enough 98 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,605 about the upsides of a predictable calendar. 99 00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:37,129 Well, can we at least put on Bodices and Barons? 100 00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:39,088 I believe a new episode just dropped, 101 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,220 as they say. 102 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:41,395 Trevor, do your finger thing. 103 00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:42,831 -[clears throat] -Actually, we're kind of 104 00:03:42,918 --> 00:03:44,833 in the middle of a Houdini documentary. 105 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,226 As you know, 106 00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:49,403 I do magic, and we were here first, so... 107 00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,535 You were here first? 108 00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:53,276 [laughs] 109 00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:54,930 You were here first? 110 00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,279 Yeah. 111 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,628 I built this house. 112 00:03:57,715 --> 00:03:59,021 Well, technically a group of Irish day laborers 113 00:03:59,195 --> 00:04:00,327 built the house, 114 00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:01,806 along with a plucky group of orphans. 115 00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:03,765 She's hard to root for but we love her. 116 00:04:03,852 --> 00:04:04,766 HETTY: I know you bunker ghosts 117 00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,507 were just unearthed, 118 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,465 so let me explain how things work on this property. 119 00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:10,162 The basement ghosts 120 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,252 stick to the basement. The shed ghosts stick to the shed. 121 00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:14,993 And the upstairs ghosts, well, this 122 00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:16,995 is our domain. 123 00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:19,041 Okay, but this documentary's really interesting. 124 00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:21,738 Did you know Houdini died from a punch to the stomach? 125 00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,263 Don't give me any ideas. 126 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,960 Okay. 127 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:27,963 AUTOMATED VOICE: Please continue to hold. 128 00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:30,705 We hope you're having a refreshing day. 129 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,750 Representative! 130 00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:36,537 Representative! We need a representative. 131 00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:39,235 That's what we said. To King George. [laughs] 132 00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:41,411 That's called political humor. 133 00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,108 They call this customer service? 134 00:04:43,195 --> 00:04:44,371 When I was a travel agent, 135 00:04:44,457 --> 00:04:46,503 I was available for my clients 24/7. 136 00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:48,592 I can't tell you how many times I had to pick up a suitcase 137 00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:49,941 in the middle of the night and drive it out 138 00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:51,465 to some guy on the docks. 139 00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:53,380 Babe, do you think that might have been mob stuff? 140 00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:55,077 What? No. 141 00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:57,079 Yeah, probably. 142 00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:58,907 RUBIN: Thank you for holding, how can I quench your thirst 143 00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:00,212 for information? 144 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,562 Elegant how they pull water theme 145 00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:03,651 through entire customer service experience. 146 00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:04,913 SAMANTHA: Yeah, um, 147 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,741 we just found out that our property, 148 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:08,351 Woodstone Mansion, was recently sold 149 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,961 to Ever Creek, and we were hoping 150 00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:12,224 for some information about what that means. 151 00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:13,313 Of course. 152 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,010 I have that information on tap. 153 00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:16,620 Give me just a quick sec. 154 00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,056 I'm scared, babe. 155 00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:19,623 What if they don't want us to run Woodstone anymore? 156 00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:21,625 It's gonna be okay, Jay. 157 00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:22,757 I hope. 158 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,193 Okay, I've pulled up your file. 159 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,935 So, it looks like nothing's gonna change... 160 00:05:27,022 --> 00:05:28,110 [laughs] 161 00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:29,938 ...for 48 hours, at which point 162 00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:31,418 your home will be demolished 163 00:05:31,505 --> 00:05:32,854 and construction on an Ever Creek data center 164 00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:34,638 -will commence. -Wait, what? 165 00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:36,161 Is there anything else I can help you with? 166 00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:38,816 Yeah, can you not demolish our house? 167 00:05:38,903 --> 00:05:40,470 I know, that would be great, right? 168 00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:42,646 Let me put you on a brief hold while I look into that. 169 00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:44,300 No, wait! 170 00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:46,781 ♪ Splish, splash, I was takin' a bath ♪ 171 00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,217 ♪ Long about a Saturday night... ♪ 172 00:05:48,304 --> 00:05:50,306 Water theme continue. [chuckles] 173 00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,096 HENRY: This is indeed a problem, dear neighbors. 174 00:05:58,227 --> 00:06:01,186 A data center? On this property? 175 00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:02,492 I guess it's a whole thing. 176 00:06:02,623 --> 00:06:04,494 They like to set up shop in rural areas 177 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,322 next to water sources. 178 00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:07,671 Betrayed by the magical creek. 179 00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:09,107 MARGARET: I don't understand. 180 00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:11,545 What does Ever Creek have to do with a data center? 181 00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:13,764 I thought they were a water company? 182 00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:15,200 I guess there's been a bunch of mergers. 183 00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:17,420 Now, they're also in telecommunications, 184 00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:20,118 sports betting, weapons manufacturing. 185 00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,685 They also have big presence in beef. 186 00:06:21,772 --> 00:06:23,121 [chuckles] Interesting fact. 187 00:06:23,207 --> 00:06:26,473 I saw something about this on TV. 188 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,953 Those data centers are a scourge. 189 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,129 We can't have that in our community. 190 00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:32,653 Sorry to hit you with all this 191 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,046 right when you get back from your RV adventure. 192 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:36,657 [scoffs] "RV adventure." 193 00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,659 That's a polite way of saying "coast-to-coast sex romp." 194 00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:40,225 HENRY: It was a glorious trip. 195 00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,314 There were just so many nooks and crannies 196 00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:45,143 to explore all across this great country. 197 00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:46,797 No one want to think about that. 198 00:06:46,884 --> 00:06:48,930 Is one reason why we threw elders off cliff. 199 00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:50,497 SAMANTHA: Anyway, 200 00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:52,890 we know you know local ordinances inside and out. 201 00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:55,937 Do you think there's anything we can do to stop this? 202 00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,591 Well, there might be. 203 00:06:57,678 --> 00:07:00,028 If a building in Ulster County 204 00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:02,944 is designated a historical landmark, 205 00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:04,554 it cannot be torn down. 206 00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,295 Great, so how do we get designated 207 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,166 as a historical landmark? 208 00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:09,516 Well, you would have to be approved 209 00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:12,301 by the county historian Joe Patterson. 210 00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:13,824 I can put you in touch with him. 211 00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:16,479 Thank you so much for this. We really appreciate it. 212 00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:18,481 Don't mention it. Come along, Margaret. 213 00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:21,571 We have an RV to deep clean. [chuckles] 214 00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,704 Would be safer to just burn it. 215 00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,968 It's just not right, tearing down a mansion 216 00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:28,491 to make way for industry. 217 00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:31,102 That is what working-class neighborhoods are for. 218 00:07:31,276 --> 00:07:32,408 What is a data center anyway? 219 00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:33,670 TREVOR: I looked this up online. 220 00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:36,630 Apparently, it is just a big warehouse 221 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,327 filled with computer parts. 222 00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:39,894 Oh, like a giant RadioShack? 223 00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:41,939 Well, that's not bad. That's kind of great, actually. 224 00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:44,289 I wonder what Tandy version they're up to by now? 225 00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:46,030 8,000? 9,000? 226 00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:48,685 No, this is just a giant room that is freezing cold 227 00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:51,775 and extremely loud and bright, like all the time. 228 00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:53,734 But where will we sleep? 229 00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:55,562 I need my eight hours. 230 00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:58,260 I don't know why I need it, but I do. 231 00:07:58,347 --> 00:07:59,653 I guess we'd sleep in the woods? 232 00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:01,481 PETE: Well, you know me, I love 233 00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:03,787 a campout, but every night for eternity? 234 00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:06,181 Without s'mores, or getting to pee on a fire 235 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:07,704 -in the morning? -TREVOR: Well, our options 236 00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:09,532 are limited here. These data centers are huge. 237 00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,099 Everything is gonna be demolished, 238 00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:12,666 except probably the bunker. 239 00:08:12,796 --> 00:08:14,232 Ooh, well, why don't we just ask the bunker ghosts 240 00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:15,495 if we can live with them? 241 00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:16,887 Right. 242 00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:19,716 That may be complicated at the moment, huh? 243 00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:20,978 TREVOR: You mean because 244 00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:22,197 you screamed at them, and told them 245 00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:23,503 to stick to their own domain, 246 00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,808 which now you'd be asking to live in? 247 00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:26,201 PETE: Well, maybe they're over that. 248 00:08:26,288 --> 00:08:27,811 Or maybe none of this will even matter 249 00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:30,510 because Sam and Jay will find a way to save Woodstone 250 00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:33,600 by outmaneuvering a powerful, multinational corporation. 251 00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:37,038 Yeah, I better go eat some crow. [sniffs] 252 00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:39,431 SAMANTHA: Thank you so much for meeting with us, Joe. 253 00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,520 As I shared on the phone, 254 00:08:41,607 --> 00:08:44,915 our property has been sold to an evil water conglomerate 255 00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:46,874 and they're planning on tearing it down. 256 00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:49,137 That's a shame. It's a beautiful old building. 257 00:08:49,224 --> 00:08:52,749 I love how you've kept so many of the original details intact. 258 00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:54,359 Definitely choice, not just because 259 00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:55,709 they too broke to renovate. 260 00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:57,319 JAY: You know, we were told that 261 00:08:57,449 --> 00:08:59,277 if Woodstone is designated a historical landmark, 262 00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:02,324 then Ever Creek wouldn't be allowed to demolish it. 263 00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:05,632 The criteria for what qualifies is quite specific. 264 00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,590 Woodstone, while grand, 265 00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:09,853 is rather run-of-the-mill for mansions of this era. 266 00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,333 [laughs] Dibs on telling Hetty 267 00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:13,640 this guy called her house "run-of-the-mill." 268 00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:15,729 Okay, well, what would qualify us? 269 00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:17,295 Well, I recently awarded landmark status 270 00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:20,777 to a nearby Revolutionary War-era tavern, Pierre's. 271 00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:23,214 Oh, I spent many an evening there. 272 00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:25,129 The leg of horse, mmm. 273 00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:27,784 So tender, the meat fell right off the hoof. 274 00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:29,394 JOE: But Pierre's hosted a bevy 275 00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:31,571 of legendary figures from history. 276 00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:33,181 Ben Franklin was a regular there. 277 00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,226 Ben Franklin was a regular at every tavern. 278 00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,446 You know what would have been historically significant? 279 00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:39,317 If he had had a piece of broccoli. 280 00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:40,797 What if I told you 281 00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:43,626 someone historically significant actually died here. 282 00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,193 That would be very interesting. 283 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:46,803 That would command my attention. 284 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:48,849 All right, we all know where this is heading. 285 00:09:48,979 --> 00:09:50,328 Bertie Town. 286 00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:52,156 Have you ever heard of the famous jazz singer 287 00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:53,549 Alberta Haynes? 288 00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:55,377 She was murdered right here at Woodstone. 289 00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:57,074 Actually, I have heard of her. 290 00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:58,380 -Yes! -But, no, 291 00:09:58,467 --> 00:09:59,773 she's nowhere near famous enough. 292 00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:01,035 You son of a bitch. 293 00:10:01,122 --> 00:10:02,863 Oof, that humiliation on par 294 00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:04,821 with dying with small stupid hat. 295 00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:05,953 JAY: Ooh! 296 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,041 There's also evidence 297 00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:08,608 that Isaac Higgintoot died here. 298 00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,827 SAMANTHA: Yes. He was a Revolutionary War officer. 299 00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:14,309 He negotiated the surrender at Fort Ticonderoga. 300 00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:17,225 And he was... just across the street 301 00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:19,706 during the signing of the Declaration of Independence. 302 00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:20,924 JAY: He would have been there, 303 00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:22,012 but they started earlier. 304 00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:23,144 Yeah, it doesn't sound great 305 00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:24,928 when you line it all up like that. 306 00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:26,843 Tell them about time Isaac turn into bat 307 00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:29,106 and attack Alexander Hamilton. 308 00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:30,499 That was from the book. 309 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,153 You know that wasn't real, right? 310 00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:34,503 Yes. 311 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,157 [whispering]: Dumbass. 312 00:10:37,288 --> 00:10:38,725 Hey, guys. See, I told you 313 00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:40,378 the water line would take us right here. 314 00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:42,032 [shrieks] That was harrowing! 315 00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:43,730 I think a snake went right through my face. 316 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:44,905 EUGENE: Well, if it isn't 317 00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:46,167 the upstairs ghosts. 318 00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:47,690 Hetty. 319 00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:53,653 Uh, I came here to apologize. 320 00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:57,047 I was wrong to lash out as I did. 321 00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,049 And truth be told, I was a little-- 322 00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:02,487 I believe the word is-- "hangry." 323 00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:04,707 She hasn't eaten since the Grover Cleveland administration. 324 00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:05,839 HETTY: The point is, 325 00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:08,319 I do deeply regret my behavior. 326 00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:09,712 Yeah, we heard about the data center. 327 00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:12,019 Let me guess, you all want to move in here 328 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:13,629 now that they're tearing down the mansion? 329 00:11:13,716 --> 00:11:16,763 Oh. Nothing could be further from the truth. 330 00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:18,329 But now you bring it up, 331 00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:20,810 it is a gracious invitation we happily accept. 332 00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:22,464 I'll tell you what, we'll let you all 333 00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:24,205 move in here, except for Hetty. 334 00:11:24,292 --> 00:11:27,121 Hey, man, Hetty is our friend, 335 00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,210 and we're not gonna abandon her like that. 336 00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,778 Indeed. We are one and we have spoken. 337 00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:35,564 Well, if that's your choice, then, I respect it... 338 00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:38,001 ...but none of you can move in. 339 00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:40,700 Enjoy huddling together outside in the dead of winter. 340 00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:44,094 -Yeah, okay, we'll take the deal. -Sorry, Hetty. 341 00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:46,053 -Can I get a top bunk? -Ugh! 342 00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:48,185 Apparently, they can't tear down the mansion 343 00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,579 if someone historically significant died here. 344 00:11:50,665 --> 00:11:52,842 I might be historically significant. 345 00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:54,888 I ate an orange once. 346 00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:58,369 Yeah, I'm not sure that's gonna move the needle. 347 00:11:58,456 --> 00:11:59,762 You should tell them your secret. 348 00:11:59,893 --> 00:12:01,503 Oh, shut it, you sack of turds. 349 00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:03,331 I don't want anyone to know about that. 350 00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:06,551 -Not even if it saves Woodstone? -[exhales] 351 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,338 Okay, so, you're saying a Viking died here. 352 00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:12,122 -That's right. -Which would be 353 00:12:12,209 --> 00:12:14,255 extremely historically significant. 354 00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:15,952 Is nice to hear. 355 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:18,868 And you actually had remains that could prove it, 356 00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:21,218 but for some reason, you pushed those remains 357 00:12:21,305 --> 00:12:23,655 out into the middle of a lake and set them on fire? 358 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,919 It was sort of a Viking funeral. 359 00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:29,574 Uh, perhaps the first one in Ulster County. 360 00:12:29,661 --> 00:12:31,228 Huh? Is that something? 361 00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:33,143 It is something, 362 00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:34,492 just not something that can help you here. 363 00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:35,493 ALBERTA: Oh, this isn't good. 364 00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:36,973 We're running out of ghosts. 365 00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:39,106 Anyway, I should probably be going. 366 00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:40,629 Hey, guys. What's going on? 367 00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:42,457 Uh, w-what about Pete Martino, who died here? 368 00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:44,851 He-he was a famous local cuckold. 369 00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:47,027 Okay, not my favorite way to walk into a room. 370 00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:48,855 I'm not sure I know who that is, 371 00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:51,814 and if being a cuckold were enough to get landmark status, 372 00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:53,773 my home would have had a plaque years ago. 373 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:54,904 Feels like there's a story there. 374 00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:56,819 It was wonderful meeting you two. 375 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,603 I'm sorry this didn't go your way. 376 00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,301 [sighs] 377 00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:02,738 What are we gonna do? 378 00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:04,871 We are so screwed. 379 00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:08,439 I heard you're looking for someone who's dead and famous. 380 00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:11,312 Well, look no further. 381 00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,140 Nancy, what are you talking about? 382 00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:14,619 I've got a story to tell. 383 00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:16,708 It's something I never wanted anyone to know, 384 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,841 but if it'll save Woodstone, 385 00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:21,061 I guess now's the time to tell you. 386 00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:22,889 The thing is... 387 00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:25,979 I'm a princess. 388 00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:33,856 Jay, Nancy just told everyone that she's a princess. 389 00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:36,206 -Okay. -ALBERTA: Yeah, 390 00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:37,686 we're gonna need you to say more. 391 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,210 Nancy's not my real name. 392 00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:41,690 I was born... 393 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:46,782 Princess Adeline Marie Dunham of Bedford. 394 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,872 We lived in a castle. I had servants. 395 00:13:49,915 --> 00:13:52,919 I crapped in a golden bowl. The whole nine. 396 00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:55,922 Mother, why must I sit for this portrait? 397 00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:58,011 It is most tiresome. 398 00:13:58,141 --> 00:14:01,884 We intend to send it to the Prince of Liechtenstein. 399 00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:05,105 Hopefully, it will make a favorable impression, 400 00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:07,063 and he will take you for his wife. 401 00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:09,631 Mm, but I don't wish to marry him. 402 00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:11,502 I hear he smells bad. 403 00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:13,722 I mean, we all smell pretty bad, 404 00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,985 so if you're hearing about how someone smells, 405 00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:18,031 that can't be pleasant. 406 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:19,467 Don't be ridiculous. 407 00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:22,252 It will be a comfortable life of teas and balls 408 00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:24,124 with others of the noble class. 409 00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:26,430 It is the life you were born for. 410 00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:29,129 Oh, but those things don't interest me. 411 00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:31,696 I wish to cavort by creeks, 412 00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:33,742 run in fields, speak plainly 413 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:38,660 and, if I'm being honest, lay with many different people. 414 00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:43,404 You're describing the life of a commoner. 415 00:14:43,491 --> 00:14:45,014 So, I ran away. 416 00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:47,538 On a royal trip to Canada, I slipped away in the night, 417 00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:51,891 ditched my fancy duds and reinvented myself as Nancy. 418 00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:53,849 You're the lost princess of Bedford? 419 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:56,286 I-I read about that in school. That was a big deal. 420 00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,809 JAY: Okay, now, that sounds 421 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,768 -plaque-worthy. -THORFINN: Nancy, 422 00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:01,552 why you never tell anyone? 423 00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:03,076 'Cause I'm embarrassed. 424 00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:04,947 It was a dumbass thing to do. 425 00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:06,993 What did I think was so terrible, huh? 426 00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:10,474 Eating bonbons all day? Frickin' idiot. 427 00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:14,348 This whole time, Nancy was... fancy. 428 00:15:14,435 --> 00:15:16,219 The problem is, Joe is gonna want proof. 429 00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:18,178 What about this? 430 00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:20,876 It's got my initials on it. 431 00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:23,618 Nancy has a locket with her real initials on it. 432 00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:26,447 Okay, but how does that help us? We need the real necklace. 433 00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,971 Well, hell, I don't know. My cholera-ravaged corpse 434 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,973 has got to be around here somewhere. 435 00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:32,975 Go rooting around. 436 00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,411 So, we have to dig up your body? 437 00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:35,804 JAY: Okay, I'll go 438 00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:37,719 put on my grave-digging gloves. 439 00:15:37,806 --> 00:15:40,809 No need. Thor has seen necklace before, 440 00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:44,117 and Thor know where to find it. 441 00:15:44,856 --> 00:15:46,902 You people have some nerve. 442 00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:48,295 What are you talking about? 443 00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:50,601 No, seriously, I do need to get caught up. 444 00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:51,994 TREVOR: Hetty, let's be adults 445 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,344 about this. I get that you're upset. 446 00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:55,693 Did someone eat your alfalfa sandwich 447 00:15:55,824 --> 00:15:56,999 from the commune fridge, 448 00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,566 even though you clearly marked it? 449 00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:00,220 I hate when that happens. 450 00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:02,222 How could you all so quickly accept that offer? 451 00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:03,658 We were simply cutting to the chase. 452 00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:05,312 How exactly do you figure? 453 00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:06,443 Inevitably, you would have told us 454 00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:07,879 to carry forth without you. 455 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,620 We would've objected, you would have insisted. 456 00:16:09,707 --> 00:16:11,013 TREVOR: Back and forth it would go, 457 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,972 until finally, we gave in to your wish. 458 00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:14,669 [whispers]: You're welcome. 459 00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:17,367 This has been a most difficult day. 460 00:16:17,454 --> 00:16:19,065 The thing I spent my life building-- 461 00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:23,330 my house, my life's work-- could very well be demolished. 462 00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:25,897 And it shall be as though I never existed. 463 00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:29,249 And it is in this darkest of hours, 464 00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:33,340 that my "friends" choose to forsake me. 465 00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:38,910 Are you two happy with yourselves? 466 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,870 I hope that sandwich was worth it. 467 00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:47,093 Necklace in there. 468 00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:48,790 How do you know that? 469 00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:52,054 Many years ago, Thor watch Hetty's father take necklace 470 00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,796 off Nancy's dead body, then gift to Hetty. 471 00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:57,277 -Lovely. -He claim he had it made for her 472 00:16:57,407 --> 00:16:59,018 by fine European jeweler. 473 00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:01,063 Hetty keep necklace in there. 474 00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,065 Oh, my God, Jay, I think this is it. 475 00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:06,721 Yeah, there it is. The one thing I kept from my old life. 476 00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:09,637 A.D., for "Adeline Dunham," 477 00:17:09,723 --> 00:17:12,117 which is Nancy's real princess name! 478 00:17:12,204 --> 00:17:15,251 Wow, crazy stuff happening in ghost world today. 479 00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:17,558 But how did Hetty's dad explain those initials? 480 00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,820 He say it stand for "adorable daughter." 481 00:17:19,907 --> 00:17:21,518 Quick thinking, Thor thought. 482 00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:24,652 He awful, but wise. 483 00:17:25,521 --> 00:17:27,046 [clears throat] 484 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:28,830 Hey, guys. 485 00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:31,180 I think a groundhog went through my stomach. 486 00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,095 Oh, I hate the dirt. 487 00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:34,749 What do you guys want? 488 00:17:34,879 --> 00:17:36,011 We want to talk to you about the whole 489 00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,273 "leaving Hetty out" thing. 490 00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:38,796 I-It's not cool. 491 00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:41,451 FLOWER: Yeah, cults aren't about excluding people. 492 00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:43,366 They're about bringing people in, 493 00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:45,847 gradually poisoning all of their outside relationships 494 00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:47,370 and then not letting them leave. 495 00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:49,242 And while we appreciate you agreeing to shelter us, 496 00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:52,071 we could not abandon our friend to do so. 497 00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,029 Okay. Sounds good. 498 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,465 -Yeah, good luck with everything. -Yeah. 499 00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:57,206 Oh, come on, bunker buddies. 500 00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:59,208 Why can't you just take Hetty in? 501 00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:01,515 She hates us and she's so mean. 502 00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,083 -Yeah. -Very astute. 503 00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:06,085 -She... -How about this? 504 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,696 We agree to take you in, Hetty included, 505 00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:10,828 but we want our TV privileges back. 506 00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:14,093 Even in the event that Woodstone is spared from demolition. 507 00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:15,398 But if Woodstone were to be spared, 508 00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:17,139 we wouldn't need your help any longer. 509 00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:19,533 That's their point, Isaac. They're exercising leverage. 510 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:22,188 It's something I understand well from my trading days. 511 00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:24,059 You guys know who Jordan Belfort was? 512 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:25,278 No. 513 00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:27,149 Well, I was at his bachelor party. 514 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,759 So, do we have a deal? 515 00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:32,937 Fine. 516 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,939 And thank you. We shall be on our way. 517 00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:36,898 A-Actually, we'll come with you. 518 00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:38,639 There's a six-part Doug Henning documentary 519 00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:40,380 I wanted to jump into. 520 00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:41,946 [sighs] 521 00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:44,297 No groundhogs, no groundhogs, no groundhogs... 522 00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:45,646 [shouts] Right in my mouth! 523 00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:48,127 Damn these dirt squirrels. 524 00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,698 Oh, thank you again for stepping up in the end. 525 00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:56,613 -Mm. -I truly appreciate your friendship. 526 00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,615 -Oh, we could not abandon you. -Hmm. 527 00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:00,704 Can you two keep it down? I can't hear Doug talk about 528 00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:02,445 the wonder of magic. 529 00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:04,665 But next time, don't ever make a deal without me. 530 00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:06,841 -You all got hosed. -Yeah, that's fair. 531 00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:08,973 -[shushes] -FLOWER: Maybe sleeping outside 532 00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:10,584 wouldn't have been so bad. [chuckles] 533 00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:12,194 Although nature can be scary. 534 00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:13,935 I was once eaten by a bear. 535 00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:15,937 Hmm. That was tough to watch. 536 00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:18,983 The cubs were cute, though, when they joined in. 537 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:24,728 [snorts] 538 00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:26,861 Well, this is exquisite. 539 00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:29,516 Late Regency. The period certainly seems to be correct. 540 00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:32,475 And those are clearly the lost princess's initials, right? 541 00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:34,347 True, but unfortunately, this necklace 542 00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:36,479 could have belonged to anybody with these initials. 543 00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:37,915 JAY: Uh-- Joe, buddy, this is close. 544 00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:40,222 Tie goes to the runner. Plaque us up. 545 00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:42,529 I'm just saying, it's not conclusive. 546 00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:45,184 Unlike the texts I found on my wife's phone. 547 00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:46,446 We didn't have texting in my day. 548 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:47,969 Otherwise, I would have figured out 549 00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:50,058 the whole Carol/Jerry thing a lot sooner. 550 00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:52,843 They go away for two-week trip to Bermuda, Pete. 551 00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:54,584 Tell you it was for "bowling league." 552 00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:56,760 Okay, there were signs. 553 00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:59,807 Let me know if you're able to find more concrete evidence. 554 00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:01,374 Thank you. 555 00:20:01,461 --> 00:20:04,812 Okay, we need to tie this necklace to Nancy. 556 00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:06,466 Well, this is a long shot, 557 00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:08,990 but there's a painting of me wearing it. 558 00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:10,818 What? Really? W-Where is it? 559 00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:12,211 Oh, beats me. 560 00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:13,560 Mother was gonna send it to that prince 561 00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:14,996 so he could perv out on it, 562 00:20:15,126 --> 00:20:17,346 but then I left, so my best guess is that 563 00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:19,957 it's still in my family's castle collecting dust. 564 00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:23,134 I mean, maybe, but it could be anywhere by now. 565 00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:25,659 Nancy says there is a portrait of her wearing the necklace, 566 00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:29,315 but it might be in her family's castle, or anywhere, really. 567 00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:31,099 So, we have less than 72 hours to track down 568 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,971 a 200-year-old painting which may or may not still exist, 569 00:20:34,058 --> 00:20:36,104 and if we don't, an evil water conglomerate's 570 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,411 gonna destroy our home and business? 571 00:20:38,498 --> 00:20:40,717 You know, Sam gets most of the credit for summarizing, 572 00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:42,545 -but he's not bad, either. -Mm-hmm. 573 00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:50,466 Captioning sponsored by CBS 574 00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:53,295 and TOYOTA. 575 00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:56,777 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org