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You're probably wondering
what we're doing.
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Short answer, saving the earth.
3
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Again.
4
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I'm not leaving without you.
5
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I need something soft to land on.
6
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It is a dark time in Staten Island.
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A lot of vampires have been slaughtered.
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Not us, thankfully. We're fine.
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But are we?
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I don't think we are.
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The worst part
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is that it was our familiar
that did the slaughtering.
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The worst part is it was Nandor's
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own familiar that did the slaughtering.
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It was Nandor's employee.
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Really Nandor's responsibility.
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- Yep.
- Talk to Nandor.
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It is true that Guillermo...
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the familiar that all
of us share command of
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and responsibility for... is the
one that did the slaughtering.
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- Aah!
- But he did it
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to save our lives from
the Vampiric Council.
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Still, he should not have
done so much slaughtering.
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I frankly couldn't give a
cat's knuckle about Gizmo.
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I mean, he's just kind of
this fluttering lickspittle
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that is always bouncing
about, always behind Nandor.
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- But Nandor likes him.
- Oh, shut up, Colin Robinson.
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- You're giving me the pip.
- Yes.
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And we are running out of time here.
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Well, I guess I should
just shut the fuck up then.
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If you insist.
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I'm not objecting.
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You know, we know what we have to do.
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We have to put Guillermo to death
35
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before he puts all of us to death.
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- But he saved our lives.
- Okay, so we're saying,
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"Thank you for saving us, but sorry,
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you're our mortal enemy...
you got to die, babes."
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But we are still in imminent danger.
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May I remind you all
that we were sentenced
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to death by the Vampiric
Council for killing vampires.
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- Which he did.
- And then more vampires were killed.
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- By him.
- Which means they're gonna send more assassins
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over here to get us. And
perhaps our familiar...
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- Your familiar, dickhead.
- You hired him, you bloody plonker.
46
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... is the only one that can protect us.
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But how do you know he's
not going to kill us?
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- It is in his bloods.
- Ah, yes.
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Francis Galton's perennial conundrum:
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- nature versus nurture...
- Shut the fuck up.
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- Speak quiet, Colin Robinson.
- Stop it, Colin Robinson.
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Everybody relax. I have given this
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a lot of thought, and my vote is...
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- You don't get a vote.
- Hey!
55
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- Why not?
- Because you are basically
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just another version of Nadja,
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and so your vote would
be the same as hers,
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- which is not fair.
- You don't know that.
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- Just because...
- Oh, sorry, you go.
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- No, you go.
- No, you go.
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- Okay, I'll go.
- Okay, fine.
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What would your vote be?
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Death.
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What a brilliant point she has.
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I think we should slumber on this.
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We do not have time to slumber!
The Vampiric Council is probably
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out there now searching
for us and him as we speak.
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Silence! And hark.
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That was him.
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What could he want?
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Perhaps he is warning
us of an imminent danger.
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Or maybe his poop bucket's full.
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- We must check.
- I hope it's the poop bucket.
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Oh, and while you're down there...
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kill him.
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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Make sure that you use
the handrail, because
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the stairs are very steep.
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Stupid prick.
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When was he last fed?
81
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- What day is it?
- Sunday, maybe?
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Really? Gosh, it feels like Saturday.
83
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It's just, like, "Where
did my weekend go?"
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Am I right?
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This is why I said we
should have a checklist
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of when he was fed and who fed him.
87
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How long has he been down here?
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Almost a month. 29 days.
89
00:03:58,984 --> 00:04:01,552
A month, and you've not
decided his fate yet?
90
00:04:01,596 --> 00:04:03,250
Well, I have certainly been trying to.
91
00:04:03,293 --> 00:04:04,903
A decision like that,
there's a lot of moving parts.
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Got it.
93
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Now remember, do not look
him directly in the eyes.
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We still do not know
the depths of his power.
95
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I never looked him in the
eyes anyway, so I'm certainly
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not gonna start now. Get the door open.
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Stand aside.
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- Hi.
- Guillermo, why did you summon us?
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- Is there a threat of imminent danger?
- No.
100
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- Stand back! He's lunging at us!
- Oh!
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Not that I know of.
102
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- My bathroom bucket's full, needs to be emptied.
- Eesh.
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00:04:33,976 --> 00:04:36,718
- Okay. Maybe one of you big, strong men...
- I'll do it. I'll do it.
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I-I think it's important
that I sift through the scat
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to see if he's sending
out any secret messages.
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- Scat away.
- Good thinking.
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Um, so, here are your foods.
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Thank you, Nadja.
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- You can just hand it to me. I'm not...
- Stay.
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- ... not gonna hurt you.
- Nice job.
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Yay, more raw chicken.
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The prisoner will slide
his bucket of shame
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over to the sally port.
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And the prisoner will be reminded
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not to make any sudden movements,
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- lest he get the prod.
- I have a name.
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Just slide your shit
bucket over to sally's port.
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Thank you.
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Careful.
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- There you go.
- Come to Mama.
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This is ridiculous.
Can't you just let me out?
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- You know I wouldn't hurt you.
- Bullshit. Please remember
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that this man is a vampire killer.
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I was protecting you!
I saved your lives!
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Yes, and we have taken
that into consideration.
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But we are still in discussions about
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what your fate is going to be.
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Oh, okay. And may I ask
how far along you are
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- in these discussions? Or is it one of those things
- LASZLO: No.
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where you just linger
and argue with each other
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'cause you don't have
a Guillermo next to you
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to solve all of your problems?
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- This fucking guy.
- Insolent!
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- You need to prod him.
- Hey, hey, hey! The prisoner will be reminded
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- to treat his captors with respect and kindness.
- Yes.
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- Or he'll taste the wrath of my...
- Do it.
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- Don't touch the metal.
- Prod. Ow!
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- Shit!
- Ay, shit.
139
00:06:04,545 --> 00:06:06,075
- You okay?
- No!
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Let's go. We've lingered
here long enough.
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He'll just do his mind magic on us.
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- What?
- That's probably what he's doing
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- with my cattle prod.
- No, don't touch that end,
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- Colin Rob...
- Ow!
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- Ay, fuck.
- Shit! That one was on me.
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- Not giving you credit for that one.
- I don't want credit.
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We will make a judgement
about your future shortly.
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And who's gonna protect you, huh?
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I'm not asking
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for any kind of special treatment!
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00:06:27,132 --> 00:06:29,439
I'm just want to protect
you from yourselves!
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Laszlo. Laszlo?
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No, Laszlo...
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Ow, Fuck!
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Okay, so, day 30 of imprisonment.
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Not bad, actually.
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I get pretty good Wi-Fi
down here, so I've been able
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to rewatch some of my favorites.
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Did another round of Gilmore Girls.
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I can show you around if
you want, give you a tour.
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Here, this is my bed.
162
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Here's my mini fridge.
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And there's the chicken
they think I eat raw.
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And some Yoo-hoos.
165
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And that is where I, um... yeah.
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Without me, the vampires
don't know what they're doing.
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Like, literally they can't
do anything without me.
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They can't even imprison someone.
169
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You want to see something cool?
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Here's a little secret.
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What I've been doing is I've been
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sneaking out when they go into slumber.
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Colin Robinson heads
out to work by 9:45,
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so I'm up by then.
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I've been coming up here
and doing all the things
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that need to be done to
keep the house functioning.
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00:07:36,593 --> 00:07:38,160
Of course they don't notice, because
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they just think it
happens automatically.
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It doesn't.
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I do it.
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Heads up.
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I mean, I should really just consider
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00:07:48,431 --> 00:07:49,432
escaping,
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And leaving.
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00:07:51,086 --> 00:07:52,740
And never coming back.
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Especially 'cause they're considering
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you know, killing me.
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- Thank you.
- But I just wonder what
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would happen if I wasn't
here to help them out.
190
00:08:01,096 --> 00:08:02,880
They're like family.
191
00:08:02,924 --> 00:08:04,142
I know...
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00:08:04,186 --> 00:08:05,709
codependent much?
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00:08:12,934 --> 00:08:14,631
Look, I, too have developed
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00:08:14,675 --> 00:08:16,328
a small seed of affection
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00:08:16,372 --> 00:08:18,461
for Guillermo, but the
vampire code stands.
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00:08:18,505 --> 00:08:20,724
He killed vampires,
therefore he must be killed.
197
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,683
What about the warrior's code?
198
00:08:22,726 --> 00:08:24,989
A man who saves your life
in battle should be owed
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00:08:25,033 --> 00:08:27,470
a debt of eternal gratitude and mercy.
200
00:08:27,514 --> 00:08:29,907
Ah, yeah, the, uh,
perennial conundrum between
201
00:08:29,951 --> 00:08:32,910
the warrior code and the vampire code...
202
00:08:32,954 --> 00:08:34,869
What... Uh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, what was that?
203
00:08:34,912 --> 00:08:37,219
Oh, you know what, it's
probably one of the black birds
204
00:08:37,262 --> 00:08:38,612
that's been gathering outside lately.
205
00:08:59,328 --> 00:09:01,373
How you holding up?
206
00:09:01,417 --> 00:09:03,811
Yeah, comme ci, comme ça.
207
00:09:03,854 --> 00:09:05,726
I don't know what that means.
208
00:09:05,769 --> 00:09:08,816
So... has there been any updates
209
00:09:08,859 --> 00:09:11,471
- on... my fate?
- No.
210
00:09:11,514 --> 00:09:13,777
It's really looking like we're
going to end up killing you.
211
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:16,127
Well...
212
00:09:16,171 --> 00:09:18,347
- I'm a soldier.
- Yes.
213
00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:20,697
Not a great warrior like
you, of course, but...
214
00:09:20,741 --> 00:09:23,134
- Oh, thank you.
- ... a soldier nonetheless.
215
00:09:23,178 --> 00:09:24,745
Who saved your life.
216
00:09:24,788 --> 00:09:26,486
And would do it again in a heartbeat.
217
00:09:27,617 --> 00:09:29,532
'Cause that's the code I live by.
218
00:09:29,576 --> 00:09:31,360
The code of the warrior.
219
00:09:33,101 --> 00:09:34,842
Yes.
220
00:09:34,885 --> 00:09:36,670
This is what I've been
trying to tell them.
221
00:09:36,713 --> 00:09:38,193
You are?
222
00:09:38,236 --> 00:09:40,238
There's a code amongst warriors.
223
00:09:40,282 --> 00:09:41,979
- The warriors code.
- Yes.
224
00:09:42,023 --> 00:09:45,809
Sadly, I am but a lone
voice crying out in the...
225
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,332
wilderness.
226
00:09:50,161 --> 00:09:52,424
Ow. Fucking splinter in my foot.
227
00:09:52,468 --> 00:09:54,122
Which reminds me.
228
00:09:54,165 --> 00:09:56,385
I brought you your dinner.
229
00:09:56,428 --> 00:09:58,866
- The chicken.
- Yes.
230
00:09:58,909 --> 00:10:01,259
I let it warm up to room
temperature for a few days.
231
00:10:01,303 --> 00:10:02,565
Oh... mm.
232
00:10:02,609 --> 00:10:04,741
- I'll leave the light on.
- Thank you.
233
00:10:12,096 --> 00:10:14,055
I put these security cameras
everywhere just to make sure
234
00:10:14,098 --> 00:10:15,752
the vampires are safe.
235
00:10:15,796 --> 00:10:17,754
Usually, the only alerts I
get are when raccoons get into
236
00:10:17,798 --> 00:10:20,104
the trash cans or Laszlo
goes out to the potting shed
237
00:10:20,148 --> 00:10:22,629
in the back yard to, uh, whack off.
238
00:10:22,672 --> 00:10:24,674
But...
239
00:10:28,199 --> 00:10:29,287
What the hell?
240
00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:39,776
And you're comfortable
slumbering in your coffin
241
00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:42,387
knowing that bloody Guillermo's
poncing around the house?
242
00:10:42,431 --> 00:10:44,912
We could get locks for our
coffins... inside locks.
243
00:10:44,955 --> 00:10:46,783
Does such a thing even exist?
244
00:10:46,827 --> 00:10:48,611
I can't even slumber
knowing he's downstairs
245
00:10:48,655 --> 00:10:50,700
in that basement, so I've been...
246
00:10:50,744 --> 00:10:52,789
busy in my potting shed.
247
00:10:52,833 --> 00:10:54,791
Well, I've continued
248
00:10:54,835 --> 00:10:57,707
to sift through his stinky pickles
249
00:10:57,751 --> 00:11:00,536
from his toilet bucket,
and I can confirm
250
00:11:00,580 --> 00:11:03,321
he's not smuggling out
any secret messages.
251
00:11:03,365 --> 00:11:05,019
Good work, Colin Robinson.
252
00:11:05,062 --> 00:11:07,630
But I will continue to sift through it
253
00:11:07,674 --> 00:11:09,719
on a daily basis in...
254
00:11:09,763 --> 00:11:11,503
- The...
- What?
255
00:11:16,073 --> 00:11:17,901
Stand back!
256
00:11:22,427 --> 00:11:25,300
Laszlo, get down!
257
00:11:25,343 --> 00:11:26,997
Ooh! What the heck?!
258
00:11:27,041 --> 00:11:28,651
You hit me with a stake!
259
00:11:28,695 --> 00:11:30,522
Stand back! She's trying
to kill all of you.
260
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:32,394
See, this is what I'm talking
about. He's a good soldier.
261
00:11:32,437 --> 00:11:35,397
- He's gonna kill us all!
- I'm not trying to kill anyone.
262
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:36,964
- I'm not trying to kill anyone, either... except for you!
- Great.
263
00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:38,661
- Whoa.
- Good catch.
264
00:11:38,705 --> 00:11:39,705
Thank you.
265
00:11:39,706 --> 00:11:41,185
Chillax, familiar.
266
00:11:41,229 --> 00:11:43,013
We get it: you're a vampire-killer,
267
00:11:43,057 --> 00:11:45,581
with the stakes and the reflexes
and all that... great job.
268
00:11:45,625 --> 00:11:47,235
Yay. Now,
269
00:11:47,278 --> 00:11:48,671
- may I speak?
- You may speak,
270
00:11:48,715 --> 00:11:50,630
dark shade, but, remember,
271
00:11:50,673 --> 00:11:52,457
no bullshit from thy mouth.
272
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:53,894
But before you speak,
273
00:11:53,937 --> 00:11:56,026
how did the prisoner
get out of his cage?
274
00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:58,899
- I'll tell you later.
- Okay, but what about your poop bucket?
275
00:11:58,942 --> 00:12:02,032
I mean, is it empty,
half-empty, mostly liquid,
276
00:12:02,076 --> 00:12:03,599
or are there some Lincoln
Logs in there for me?
277
00:12:03,643 --> 00:12:04,774
- Okay.
- Listen, everyone,
278
00:12:04,818 --> 00:12:06,471
I didn't mean to alarm you,
279
00:12:06,515 --> 00:12:07,821
but we haven't heard from you.
280
00:12:07,864 --> 00:12:10,911
We sent 87 ravens to summon you...
281
00:12:10,954 --> 00:12:12,956
which is a big deal for our budget.
282
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,697
Oh, that makes sense... all the ravens.
283
00:12:14,741 --> 00:12:16,133
Okay. So you did see them,
284
00:12:16,177 --> 00:12:17,787
and you did nothing,
just like last time?
285
00:12:17,831 --> 00:12:20,921
Well, maybe you could
try using the telephone?
286
00:12:20,964 --> 00:12:22,444
We did try the telephone.
287
00:12:22,487 --> 00:12:24,272
It is Guillermo's job
to answer the telephone.
288
00:12:24,315 --> 00:12:26,230
I'm sorry, but why did you
not answer the telephone?
289
00:12:26,274 --> 00:12:27,971
Because you had me in
a cage in the basement!
290
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:30,017
Always an excuse with this wise guy.
291
00:12:30,060 --> 00:12:32,497
All right, on to the business at hand.
292
00:12:32,541 --> 00:12:35,675
I come to you with a personal message
293
00:12:35,718 --> 00:12:39,287
from the Supreme
Worldwide Vampiric Council.
294
00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:43,465
- Oh, shit.
- Yes, the council that rules
295
00:12:43,508 --> 00:12:45,119
over all other councils.
296
00:12:45,162 --> 00:12:48,122
Now, do you have a VCR?
297
00:12:48,165 --> 00:12:50,211
- A what?
- How are you spelling that?
298
00:12:50,254 --> 00:12:52,300
V-C-R.
299
00:12:52,343 --> 00:12:53,518
- "Visar."
- No.
300
00:12:55,090 --> 00:12:56,792
- Is this really necessary?
- Yes, it is.
301
00:12:56,793 --> 00:12:59,176
- Ah, ah, ah.
- Vampires all, draw ye near
302
00:12:59,220 --> 00:13:00,830
that ye may receive the message
303
00:13:00,874 --> 00:13:02,571
from the Supreme
Worldwide Vampiric Council.
304
00:13:02,614 --> 00:13:04,007
Now press play.
305
00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:06,793
That's rewind. That's pause.
306
00:13:06,836 --> 00:13:08,403
- I'm pressing it.
- The Voice is on in a little bit...
307
00:13:08,446 --> 00:13:09,280
- can we, uh...
- Careful.
308
00:13:09,281 --> 00:13:11,275
- Ugh.
- Play.
309
00:13:14,148 --> 00:13:15,671
Hi.
310
00:13:16,803 --> 00:13:18,543
- Nandor the Relentless,
- NANDOR: Yes?
311
00:13:18,587 --> 00:13:20,850
- Nadja of Antipaxos,
- NADJA: Oh!
312
00:13:20,894 --> 00:13:25,463
Leslie "Laszlo" Cravensworth
and Colin Rubenstein,
313
00:13:25,507 --> 00:13:26,813
I applaud you.
314
00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:30,817
Congratulations. With the help
of your bloodthirsty minion,
315
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:32,993
you have eliminated almost
316
00:13:33,036 --> 00:13:35,473
70% of the most powerful vampires
317
00:13:35,517 --> 00:13:37,432
in the Tri-State area.
318
00:13:37,475 --> 00:13:40,043
What? He's here now?
319
00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:41,773
- Right when I'm doing this piece?
- Is he being sarcastic?
320
00:13:41,774 --> 00:13:43,150
- Tell him to go
- It does sound a little bit...
321
00:13:43,151 --> 00:13:44,787
- not sarcastic,
- to my chambers and wait there.
322
00:13:44,831 --> 00:13:46,571
- What's the other word that sort of means "sarcastic"?
- Okay, where was I?
323
00:13:46,571 --> 00:13:48,008
- Ah, yes
- Begins with "F."
324
00:13:48,051 --> 00:13:50,575
Lest you think I'm being facetious,
325
00:13:50,619 --> 00:13:51,663
- That's the word.
- I can assure you
326
00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:53,230
I am not.
327
00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:56,364
"Vampire must never kill vampire."
328
00:13:56,407 --> 00:13:59,236
Is that not the thing
that we say all the time?
329
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,717
- We do. Uh... some of us do.
- At dinner parties
330
00:14:01,761 --> 00:14:03,110
- I do.
- and at social gatherings, we come and say,
331
00:14:03,153 --> 00:14:04,241
"Hey, how's it going, Jeffrey?
332
00:14:04,285 --> 00:14:06,461
Vampire shall not kill vampire,"
333
00:14:06,504 --> 00:14:09,594
just to remind ourselves
of that big law that we made
334
00:14:09,638 --> 00:14:10,813
many, many years ago.
335
00:14:10,857 --> 00:14:12,728
But when a vampire kills, like,
336
00:14:12,772 --> 00:14:15,818
37, 38 vampires?
337
00:14:15,862 --> 00:14:17,124
Well, these are vampires
338
00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:19,474
who know how to get things done.
339
00:14:19,517 --> 00:14:21,261
Oh, isn't he great?
340
00:14:21,262 --> 00:14:23,565
So this is why I am
pleased to announce that
341
00:14:23,608 --> 00:14:26,394
you four are hereby appointed
342
00:14:26,437 --> 00:14:27,830
- to be the leaders
- What the fuck?
343
00:14:27,874 --> 00:14:29,571
- of the Vampiric Council
- Oh!
344
00:14:29,614 --> 00:14:31,834
of the Eastern Seaboard
of the New World.
345
00:14:31,878 --> 00:14:33,401
- Wow. That's sort of
- Congratulations,
346
00:14:33,444 --> 00:14:35,403
- a surprise even to me.
- guys. Well done.
347
00:14:35,446 --> 00:14:37,057
- Very nice!
- So, sit upon the throne with pride.
348
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:38,623
You are in charge now.
349
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:41,452
We will be monitoring your progress.
350
00:14:41,496 --> 00:14:45,993
- And with that, I bid you adieu.
- Adieu to you.
351
00:14:45,994 --> 00:14:46,994
- Yeah, yeah.
- A dude.
352
00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:48,372
- FML.
- Hell yeah.
353
00:14:48,416 --> 00:14:50,679
I love thrones...
they're my favorite chair.
354
00:14:50,722 --> 00:14:52,246
It is a great honor.
355
00:14:52,289 --> 00:14:54,465
But, also, you know,
quite a responsibility.
356
00:14:54,509 --> 00:14:56,206
Well, I've been on the local
357
00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:58,556
Vampiric Council for a few years now.
358
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,255
Mainly at an entry-level position.
359
00:15:01,298 --> 00:15:03,213
I... Well, what can I say?
360
00:15:03,257 --> 00:15:05,433
It's good to be the king.
361
00:15:05,476 --> 00:15:07,565
Mel Brooks, History
of the world: Part I.
362
00:15:07,609 --> 00:15:09,219
I didn't become a vampire
363
00:15:09,263 --> 00:15:11,178
to end up a pen-pushing bureaucrat.
364
00:15:11,221 --> 00:15:14,746
I became a vampire to suck
blood and to fuck forever.
365
00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:18,402
- But you must admit, this is quite an honor.
- I couldn't give a fuck.
366
00:15:18,446 --> 00:15:21,971
Push the stop button.
It is the record button.
367
00:15:22,015 --> 00:15:23,625
- Should I turn it off?
- Who is he talking to?
368
00:15:23,668 --> 00:15:25,018
- Just turn it off.
- The red one.
369
00:15:25,061 --> 00:15:26,802
I have done the bidding for countless
370
00:15:26,846 --> 00:15:29,587
fearsome and legendary councils.
371
00:15:29,631 --> 00:15:31,198
Lords and lady,
372
00:15:31,241 --> 00:15:34,375
I have assisted every local
373
00:15:34,418 --> 00:15:37,073
Vampiric Council since 1759.
374
00:15:37,117 --> 00:15:38,553
The best of the best.
375
00:15:38,596 --> 00:15:41,991
I now stand charged with assisting you.
376
00:15:42,035 --> 00:15:43,688
- Nice.
- All right.
377
00:15:43,732 --> 00:15:45,995
And now we have these guys.
378
00:15:46,039 --> 00:15:48,128
Which is...
379
00:15:48,171 --> 00:15:50,739
whatever, you know,
it's above my pay grade.
380
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:52,523
You know, it isn't just an honor.
381
00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:54,221
It is also a nine-to-five.
382
00:15:54,264 --> 00:15:57,006
You know, full-time working
job. I'm a working woman.
383
00:15:57,050 --> 00:16:00,618
This is now a documentary
about Vampire Council leaders.
384
00:16:00,662 --> 00:16:03,360
I will take you upon tomorrow's
eve to Vampiric Council
385
00:16:03,404 --> 00:16:05,928
headquarters so that you
may assume the throne.
386
00:16:05,972 --> 00:16:07,974
Once the leader of men.
387
00:16:08,017 --> 00:16:10,498
Now a leader of vampires.
388
00:16:10,541 --> 00:16:13,327
But one matter still remains:
389
00:16:13,370 --> 00:16:15,982
what to do about Guillermo?
390
00:16:17,984 --> 00:16:20,073
- Do you have to chain me?
- Uh, no.
391
00:16:20,116 --> 00:16:21,509
Then why did you do it?
392
00:16:21,552 --> 00:16:22,727
Well, seemed kind of fun.
393
00:16:22,771 --> 00:16:23,946
All right, get in there.
394
00:16:23,990 --> 00:16:26,427
Kneel before your masters, fool.
395
00:16:26,470 --> 00:16:27,732
I will not kneel.
396
00:16:27,776 --> 00:16:30,083
All right, then. Shit.
397
00:16:30,126 --> 00:16:32,607
Who-who took the
batteries out of my proddy?
398
00:16:32,650 --> 00:16:35,044
- Just let him stand there, Colin Robinson.
- We all agreed
399
00:16:35,088 --> 00:16:36,542
- I could prod him one more time.
- Yeah, yeah, well, you tried,
400
00:16:36,543 --> 00:16:37,829
and nothing happened.
401
00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:39,353
We have a lot to get
through this evening.
402
00:16:39,396 --> 00:16:42,008
Guillermo...
403
00:16:42,051 --> 00:16:44,488
de la... eh...
404
00:16:44,532 --> 00:16:45,881
What is it again?
405
00:16:45,925 --> 00:16:47,927
- Um, Greenberg?
- De la Cruz.
406
00:16:47,970 --> 00:16:50,016
- Oh.
- We have come to a final
407
00:16:50,059 --> 00:16:52,105
decision regarding your fate.
408
00:16:52,148 --> 00:16:55,238
All those in favor of revealing
this decision, say aye!
409
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,544
Aye!
410
00:16:56,587 --> 00:16:57,719
It's unanimous.
411
00:16:57,762 --> 00:17:02,028
- In the case of Guillermo Greenberg de la Cruz
- Not my name.
412
00:17:02,071 --> 00:17:05,205
in the killing of many, many vampires,
413
00:17:05,248 --> 00:17:08,382
we have come to a final
decision regarding your fate.
414
00:17:08,425 --> 00:17:10,166
We have decided...
415
00:17:11,472 --> 00:17:14,040
- Drum roll.
- Thank you.
416
00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:18,609
... not to kill you.
417
00:17:18,653 --> 00:17:20,960
At least not right now, and
not for this particular thing,
418
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,657
but my eyes are on you.
419
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:24,311
You were shitting yourself
there for a second, weren't you?
420
00:17:24,354 --> 00:17:26,356
- Little bit.
- In fact, for our own protection,
421
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,097
we have decided
422
00:17:28,141 --> 00:17:30,795
to make you a fully-fledged
member of the team.
423
00:17:30,839 --> 00:17:32,188
What?
424
00:17:33,233 --> 00:17:34,974
You're gonna make me a vampire.
425
00:17:35,017 --> 00:17:36,453
- Course we're fucking not,
- What?
426
00:17:36,497 --> 00:17:37,846
- you idiot.
- Fucking kidding me.
427
00:17:37,889 --> 00:17:39,282
No, we're gonna do something
428
00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:40,718
much better than that.
429
00:17:40,762 --> 00:17:42,198
Do you want to do
another drum roll or...
430
00:17:42,242 --> 00:17:43,547
- I don't think drum roll's...
- No. I...
431
00:17:43,591 --> 00:17:45,593
- That is it.
- We are gonna make you
432
00:17:45,636 --> 00:17:47,725
a vampires'...
433
00:17:47,769 --> 00:17:49,466
- bodyguard.
- Ah!
434
00:17:49,510 --> 00:17:51,077
- Hmm.
- Exciting.
435
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:53,035
Not... not really what "a fully-fledged
436
00:17:53,079 --> 00:17:54,994
- member of the group" kind of person...
- Well, excuse me,
437
00:17:55,037 --> 00:17:57,257
it's a big bloody step
up from being a familiar,
438
00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:59,085
and it's way better than being dead,
439
00:17:59,128 --> 00:18:01,217
- so you gonna take it or leave it?
- Take it.
440
00:18:01,261 --> 00:18:03,698
- Okay. I'll take it.
- Okay, good.
441
00:18:03,741 --> 00:18:06,396
All those in favor of accepting
his acceptance, say aye!
442
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,311
Aye!
443
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,574
Okay. Great. Unanimous...
Uh, tut, tut, tut...
444
00:18:10,618 --> 00:18:12,837
Before you remove the chains,
445
00:18:12,881 --> 00:18:15,275
there's just, uh, another
thing that you will have to do
446
00:18:15,318 --> 00:18:17,364
for it to be, you know, finalized.
447
00:18:17,407 --> 00:18:19,844
This thing, it might, uh...
448
00:18:19,888 --> 00:18:22,064
might be a little bit
dangerous. For you.
449
00:18:22,108 --> 00:18:23,283
Vampiric hypnosis
450
00:18:23,326 --> 00:18:25,937
is a very powerful tool,
451
00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:28,114
which, if improperly used
452
00:18:28,157 --> 00:18:30,812
by the hypnotizer, can
really mess up the mind
453
00:18:30,855 --> 00:18:32,248
of the hypnotizee.
454
00:18:32,292 --> 00:18:33,510
And the twice-as-powerful
455
00:18:33,554 --> 00:18:34,990
double hypnosis can lead
456
00:18:35,034 --> 00:18:36,774
to weak brain or, even worse,
457
00:18:36,818 --> 00:18:38,298
the thoughtless Sallies.
458
00:18:38,341 --> 00:18:40,430
And if things go very, very tits-up,
459
00:18:40,474 --> 00:18:43,390
you end up with full-blown
brain scramblies.
460
00:18:43,433 --> 00:18:45,261
As we both know, my darling,
461
00:18:45,305 --> 00:18:47,350
from experience, but
take that up a notch.
462
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:48,656
to a three-way hypnosis,
463
00:18:48,699 --> 00:18:50,223
well, then you might be
464
00:18:50,266 --> 00:18:52,529
faced with the purple screaming Henries.
465
00:18:52,573 --> 00:18:54,227
Or worse still...
466
00:18:54,270 --> 00:18:56,359
half-man, half-madness.
467
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,274
But desperate times
468
00:18:58,318 --> 00:19:00,407
call for desperate measures.
469
00:19:00,450 --> 00:19:02,104
So, a four-way hypnosis?
470
00:19:02,148 --> 00:19:03,801
Yes, and we've actually
471
00:19:03,845 --> 00:19:05,890
never ever done one
of those before, so...
472
00:19:05,934 --> 00:19:08,110
Yeah, and the odds against
you being normal afterwards
473
00:19:08,154 --> 00:19:09,650
are pretty fucking low.
474
00:19:09,651 --> 00:19:11,331
Do you think I can have a
minute to think about it?
475
00:19:11,374 --> 00:19:13,811
The prisoner needs a
moment to think about it.
476
00:19:13,855 --> 00:19:16,466
It's okay. I thought about it.
477
00:19:16,510 --> 00:19:18,599
He's thunk about it.
478
00:19:18,642 --> 00:19:21,036
Okay. And I agree.
479
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,820
- Great.
- Yeah, being alone in that cell
480
00:19:22,864 --> 00:19:24,735
down there gives you a lot of time.
481
00:19:24,779 --> 00:19:27,390
- Mm.
- And you guys... you're like my family.
482
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,871
It's okay, you don't have
to give us your life story.
483
00:19:29,914 --> 00:19:31,742
- We get it. Should we, uh...
- Yeah.
484
00:19:31,786 --> 00:19:33,222
Assume the position.
485
00:19:33,266 --> 00:19:34,745
What position would that be?
486
00:19:34,789 --> 00:19:36,312
I haven't got a fucking
clue. What is it?
487
00:19:36,356 --> 00:19:38,097
Uh, stand there, we'll come to you.
488
00:19:38,140 --> 00:19:39,489
- Yes.
- Good idea.
489
00:19:42,492 --> 00:19:43,885
Quadruple hypnosis.
490
00:19:43,928 --> 00:19:45,495
Guillermo...
491
00:19:45,539 --> 00:19:48,759
Greenberg de la Cruz,
492
00:19:48,803 --> 00:19:51,501
you will now find yourself
493
00:19:51,545 --> 00:19:53,503
in a trance-like state.
494
00:19:53,547 --> 00:19:55,026
Between you and I,
495
00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:58,117
vampire hypnosis doesn't
work on me anymore.
496
00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,335
I mean, it used to, years ago,
497
00:19:59,379 --> 00:20:00,858
when they first started doing it.
498
00:20:00,902 --> 00:20:02,599
But I guess after a
while, my body just...
499
00:20:02,643 --> 00:20:04,514
got immune to it.
500
00:20:04,558 --> 00:20:08,301
When you awaken, and for the
rest of your natural life,
501
00:20:08,344 --> 00:20:12,174
you will in no way harm Nandor...
502
00:20:12,218 --> 00:20:14,350
And they used to use it on
the stupidest things, too.
503
00:20:14,394 --> 00:20:15,656
Things I would've done anyways.
504
00:20:15,699 --> 00:20:17,005
Gizmo, stop doing that.
505
00:20:17,048 --> 00:20:18,224
Could you do me a small favor?
506
00:20:18,267 --> 00:20:19,964
Fetch me the book,
507
00:20:20,008 --> 00:20:22,445
which is next to my father's ashes.
508
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,230
Do it a bit quicker because
509
00:20:24,273 --> 00:20:26,275
you are interrupting
my magazine reading.
510
00:20:26,319 --> 00:20:30,453
Now go into the basement and
fetch my witch's skin hat.
511
00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:31,628
Don't you fucking dare.
512
00:20:31,672 --> 00:20:33,195
So, yeah.
513
00:20:33,239 --> 00:20:34,936
I just let them think
they can hypnotize me.
514
00:20:34,979 --> 00:20:37,156
Who's gonna know the difference?
515
00:20:37,199 --> 00:20:39,723
Wait, wait, wait. Also...
516
00:20:39,767 --> 00:20:42,596
whenever Colin Robinson says your name,
517
00:20:42,639 --> 00:20:45,729
you will meow like a kitty cat.
518
00:20:45,773 --> 00:20:47,427
The...
519
00:20:47,470 --> 00:20:49,124
End.
520
00:20:49,168 --> 00:20:50,604
Colin Robinson, why did
you have to add that bit?
521
00:20:50,647 --> 00:20:52,823
It's for me, all right?! For me!
522
00:20:53,998 --> 00:20:56,610
Guillermo... awaken.
523
00:20:58,264 --> 00:21:00,135
Is your brain fully operational?
524
00:21:00,179 --> 00:21:02,790
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- He's not fine.
525
00:21:02,833 --> 00:21:04,574
He's got that slack jaw, half-wit look.
526
00:21:04,618 --> 00:21:06,533
Guillermo, you will now
527
00:21:06,576 --> 00:21:09,144
take Colin Robinson's peen and scrotum
528
00:21:09,188 --> 00:21:10,798
and crush it in your hand.
529
00:21:10,841 --> 00:21:12,016
- What? No.
- Good idea.
530
00:21:12,060 --> 00:21:13,235
Yeah.
531
00:21:13,279 --> 00:21:14,541
He's gonna do it.
532
00:21:14,584 --> 00:21:16,238
I'm afraid I can't, Master.
533
00:21:16,282 --> 00:21:18,284
As much as I would love to,
534
00:21:18,327 --> 00:21:20,329
something compels me not to.
535
00:21:20,373 --> 00:21:21,838
- It worked! Yay!
- It worked!
536
00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:22,940
Yeah, wait, wait, wait! No, no.
537
00:21:22,984 --> 00:21:25,116
- Yes!
- Hold on, hold on. Guillermo?
538
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,162
Meow.
539
00:21:27,206 --> 00:21:28,772
It worked.
540
00:21:32,298 --> 00:21:34,691
This building. Eesh!
541
00:21:34,735 --> 00:21:37,303
Still sends shivers through my bones.
542
00:21:37,346 --> 00:21:38,695
Last time we were here we were sentenced
543
00:21:38,739 --> 00:21:40,349
to death by the Vampiric Council.
544
00:21:40,393 --> 00:21:42,569
Had we not escaped
from this cack house...
545
00:21:42,612 --> 00:21:44,484
- I saved them.
- We saved them.
546
00:21:44,527 --> 00:21:46,573
Had we not escaped from
this fluorescent mausoleum,
547
00:21:46,616 --> 00:21:48,444
we'd be fucking dead.
548
00:21:48,488 --> 00:21:50,316
First... thank you.
549
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,840
Does anyone remember
how the elevator works?
550
00:21:52,883 --> 00:21:55,016
Nandor, just tell it to
take us to the dungeon.
551
00:21:55,059 --> 00:21:57,061
I think it's P3.
552
00:22:01,805 --> 00:22:03,503
- Oh.
- This is my favorite room.
553
00:22:03,546 --> 00:22:05,026
- This is lovely.
- Very nice.
554
00:22:05,069 --> 00:22:07,550
And I'm sure you'll all remember
555
00:22:07,594 --> 00:22:09,291
- the judgement chamber.
- No.
556
00:22:09,335 --> 00:22:11,250
How could we forget?
557
00:22:11,293 --> 00:22:14,035
Yes. I remember it well.
558
00:22:14,078 --> 00:22:15,863
The last time we were in this very room,
559
00:22:15,906 --> 00:22:18,300
we were sentenced to
death and Wesley Snipes
560
00:22:18,344 --> 00:22:20,911
- was right over there on a laptop.
- Right.
561
00:22:20,955 --> 00:22:22,435
And now you're the ones who will be
562
00:22:22,478 --> 00:22:24,306
sentencing other vampires to death.
563
00:22:24,350 --> 00:22:27,483
- Yes!
- Which doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.
564
00:22:27,527 --> 00:22:30,007
But, whatever, above my pay grade.
565
00:22:30,051 --> 00:22:31,313
I am here to serve.
566
00:22:31,357 --> 00:22:32,619
Good for you. That's great.
567
00:22:32,662 --> 00:22:34,577
Well, it's much bigger and
568
00:22:34,621 --> 00:22:36,492
- more impressive than I remember.
- Yes.
569
00:22:36,536 --> 00:22:38,799
Feel a little bit chilly willies, too.
570
00:22:38,842 --> 00:22:40,366
- Oh.
- It is a little cold.
571
00:22:40,409 --> 00:22:41,758
- These are the wraiths.
- Oh, great,
572
00:22:41,802 --> 00:22:43,456
I'm fucking freezing.
573
00:22:43,499 --> 00:22:44,979
- Oh!
- Do not fear them...
574
00:22:45,022 --> 00:22:46,067
- they are here to serve us.
- Thank you.
575
00:22:46,110 --> 00:22:47,721
Thanks a lot.
576
00:22:47,764 --> 00:22:49,331
Darling, it's almost as soft as you are.
577
00:22:49,375 --> 00:22:50,985
Mm, very nice.
578
00:22:51,028 --> 00:22:52,900
Are they gonna come back
with another one? 'Cause...
579
00:22:52,943 --> 00:22:54,684
Membership has its privileges.
580
00:22:54,728 --> 00:22:56,120
Clearly.
581
00:22:56,164 --> 00:22:58,558
Now, before we get down to business...
582
00:23:00,995 --> 00:23:02,431
- Ooh, nice.
- Which one of you
583
00:23:02,475 --> 00:23:04,868
will assume the Master's Throne?
584
00:23:04,912 --> 00:23:07,088
Is there not a throne for all of us?
585
00:23:11,484 --> 00:23:13,181
No!
586
00:23:13,224 --> 00:23:14,878
I just... I assumed, you
know, because there is more
587
00:23:14,922 --> 00:23:16,184
than one of us, there will
be more than one throne.
588
00:23:16,227 --> 00:23:17,838
- This is it. Listen.
- Oh.
589
00:23:17,881 --> 00:23:19,448
You're all on the Vampiric Council,
590
00:23:19,492 --> 00:23:21,058
- All of us?
- But those... All four of you.
591
00:23:21,102 --> 00:23:23,626
But only one of you can
be the supreme leader.
592
00:23:23,670 --> 00:23:26,325
The one who rules over all vampires.
593
00:23:26,368 --> 00:23:29,676
All vampires in the local New York area.
594
00:23:29,719 --> 00:23:32,156
And also is the boss
over all the other members
595
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,289
of the Council... only one.
596
00:23:34,333 --> 00:23:36,639
So who will be the supreme leader
597
00:23:36,683 --> 00:23:38,032
who rules over all others?
598
00:23:38,075 --> 00:23:40,904
- Um...
- Fuck no.
599
00:23:40,948 --> 00:23:43,603
- I'll do it.
- I think I'm probably the best one for it, probably I think...
600
00:23:43,646 --> 00:23:44,995
They're idiots.
601
00:23:45,039 --> 00:23:46,954
Haven't decided yet, Colin Robinson!
602
00:23:46,997 --> 00:23:48,477
- You will not take it!
- We've to make a decision together!
603
00:23:48,521 --> 00:23:53,521
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
604
00:25:05,467 --> 00:25:07,425
- Go!
- It's easy to be bad.
605
00:25:08,775 --> 00:25:11,473
It's hard to be a warrior with dignity.
606
00:25:34,670 --> 00:25:37,456
Mr. President, you have a moment
to go over the witness list?
607
00:25:37,499 --> 00:25:38,979
Sure.
608
00:25:39,022 --> 00:25:41,764
The only one who didn't look
familiar was Monica Lewinsky.
609
00:25:42,983 --> 00:25:44,201
Does that name sound familiar?
610
00:25:51,861 --> 00:25:53,167
Are there other survivors?
611
00:25:54,342 --> 00:25:55,517
God, I hope so.
612
00:25:57,388 --> 00:25:58,477
Do not more. Do not...
613
00:25:58,520 --> 00:25:59,695
Wander? Yes. I know.
614
00:26:01,523 --> 00:26:03,786
I'm about to put myself
615
00:26:03,830 --> 00:26:06,441
in between you and whatever
comes through that door.
616
00:26:09,792 --> 00:26:11,228
Crazier things have happened.
617
00:26:12,491 --> 00:26:13,796
I mean, half the world died.