1
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Nandor!
2
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Nandor!
3
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Where the fuck is Nandor?
4
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Nandor has taken to
5
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slipping away from the
house at odd times recently.
6
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Which is very annoying for me,
7
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'cause, unfortunately,
8
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I need his help with an
extremely crucial task:
9
00:00:40,389 --> 00:00:42,660
updating the Vampiric Council's website.
10
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I don't even know what a website is.
11
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I thought it was something
to do with spiders.
12
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Not tonight, huh, guys?
13
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Nandor's behavior
has been very odd of late.
14
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Privacy, please!
15
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Nandor. Nandor...
16
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But I think I know why.
17
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He's been disappearing
to the penny pornos.
18
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Penny porno is a room in town
19
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where men pay a cent to
sit next to each other
20
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and whack off. Why
would he lie about that?
21
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I wouldn't care; I'd tell
everyone that's where I go.
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In fact, I've just come back from there.
23
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I honestly have
no idea where he's been going.
24
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Knock, knock. Coming in.
25
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I should know where's he at at
all times. I'm his bodyguard.
26
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Rise and shine,
27
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sleepy...
28
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And that is not Nandor.
29
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I honestly have no
idea where he's going.
30
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So we've decided to follow him.
31
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Me, personally,
32
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I couldn't give a shit where he goes.
33
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But I don't want the others to think
34
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that I'm not down to
clown at the drop of a hat.
35
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Do you hear that?
36
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That's definitely him.
37
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Why would he come to a hotel?
38
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Whoa.
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Sounds like he's in distress.
40
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You'd better break the door down.
41
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No, because it sounds...
42
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- It could be something else.
- Bodyguard, break the door down.
43
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Okay. Everyone stand back.
44
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Oh, hi, guys!
45
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Remember Gail? I am
inside her right now.
46
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Hi, Gail. Nice to see you again.
47
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- Hey, Gail.
- Hey, guys!
48
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- Okay. Everyone out.
- Uh, yeah.
49
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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
50
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* Gail is coming tonight. *
51
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The cat's out the bag!
52
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Your boy's in love.
53
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Gail is coming over tonight and
everything has to be perfect.
54
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I have not always been so lucky in love.
55
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Of course, there were my 37 wives,
56
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but they mostly hated me.
57
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Anyway, I had a dry
spell for about 200 years.
58
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And then I met Gail.
59
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We have been what you
might call off and on
60
00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:08,405
over the past 30, 40 years.
61
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But I simply cannot keep away.
62
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Her hair smells of tropical fruits,
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her scalp of medication.
64
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She lounges in T-shirts
65
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bearing the image of
musical poet Robert Seger.
66
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And her favorite brand of yogurt
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is strawberry vanilla crunch.
68
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Guillermo! Have you still
got that mini fridge?
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Yes, you do!
70
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- Great.
- That's my fridge.
71
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What's... What do you need that for?
72
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- What's all this shit?
- That's medicine.
73
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I need to keep that
refrigerated... It's fine.
74
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The doctor said there might
be side effects if I don't.
75
00:03:39,801 --> 00:03:42,373
- Don't be such a snowflake.
- Why do you need my fridge?
76
00:03:42,406 --> 00:03:43,642
- Nice.
- What is going on?
77
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That's a lot of yogurt.
78
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- You don't eat yogurt.
- It's for Gail.
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Gail.
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Of course I'm happy for my
master. Why wouldn't I be?
81
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But, as his bodyguard, it is my job
82
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to personally vet anyone
that he spends time with.
83
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And that's exactly what I'll do.
84
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,578
Nandor, we really need to
make a decision on these fonts.
85
00:04:01,611 --> 00:04:03,247
I like Helvetica,
86
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'cause it's the name of
one of the prostitutes
87
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for the donkeys in my village
and they were friendly.
88
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- What do you think?
- About what?
89
00:04:09,126 --> 00:04:10,396
The fonts for the
Vampiric Council website.
90
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I mean, we could do Franklin Gothic,
91
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but it's a bit on the nose.
92
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Not now, Nadja, please.
93
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Gail is coming over tonight.
94
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- Yes, we are familiar with Gail.
- Now you're taking a risk there,
95
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'cause my wife hates Gail
more than anyone in the world.
96
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I have no issue with Gail.
97
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What I have a problem with
98
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is every time her and
Nandor get back together,
99
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she gets his hopes up that
he can turn her into a vampire
100
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and they can be together for eternity.
101
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,174
And then she always says "no"
102
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and then he always gets heartbroken.
103
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It's the same thing over and over again
104
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for the past 40 years.
105
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It really breaks my heart
to see him like this.
106
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All right, all right, my darling.
107
00:04:43,395 --> 00:04:44,831
I mean, we all know you hate the woman.
108
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That much is clear.
109
00:04:46,835 --> 00:04:49,273
I like her!
110
00:04:49,307 --> 00:04:51,043
Ah, I may as well tell you.
111
00:04:53,448 --> 00:04:55,819
Oh... for fuck's sake.
112
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Is that what I think it is?
113
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No, it's not, you little pervert.
114
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It's an engagement ring.
115
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I'm going to give it
to Gail this evening,
116
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then I'm going to turn
her into a vampire,
117
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then we are going to be
together for eternity.
118
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Mm-hmm.
119
00:05:10,316 --> 00:05:11,785
He's been down there for hours,
120
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desperately trying to
find out what he can
121
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about the origin of energy vampires.
122
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Between you and I, though,
123
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I wouldn't normally spend
this much time with him,
124
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but I figured the quicker
he gets on with it,
125
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the quicker he'll shut his mouth.
126
00:05:22,138 --> 00:05:24,677
I mean, there's tons of stuff down here
127
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about regular vampires,
128
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but almost nothing
about energy vampires.
129
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Ha-Have you found anything?
130
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Bat!
131
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So what am I looking for, exactly?
132
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I'm not sure.
133
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- Could take years, though.
- What the hell is that?
134
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What... What?
135
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- That book.
- Just another book. I...
136
00:05:43,649 --> 00:05:44,784
No, no, no, no.
137
00:05:44,817 --> 00:05:46,120
This particular book.
138
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- Cornelius Dong's Adventures in the Boner Brigade.
- Exactly.
139
00:05:51,931 --> 00:05:54,437
That never came out in hardback.
140
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Which means it's a fake.
141
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What the fuck?
142
00:06:02,420 --> 00:06:03,622
Shit.
143
00:06:06,193 --> 00:06:07,396
My jalopy!
144
00:06:07,430 --> 00:06:08,899
- Your... your what?
- Here she is.
145
00:06:08,932 --> 00:06:10,268
I-I didn't even know you could drive.
146
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Well, I can.
147
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:13,675
I-I'm an excellent driver. Rain Man.
148
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You are?
149
00:06:15,211 --> 00:06:16,681
Well, that's handy, 'cause I'm not.
150
00:06:16,715 --> 00:06:19,186
And I'm banned, which is
why it's been impounded.
151
00:06:19,219 --> 00:06:22,626
The Vampiric Council
confiscated my beloved jalopy
152
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to punish me for transporting
miners across state lines.
153
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I always wondered where they hid it away
154
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and it's been right under
my nose the entire time.
155
00:06:32,212 --> 00:06:33,949
What else do you want to know?
156
00:06:33,982 --> 00:06:36,454
One Yoplait here and then two up there.
157
00:06:36,488 --> 00:06:37,757
How did you get this ring?
158
00:06:37,790 --> 00:06:39,827
I killed some virgins the other night,
159
00:06:39,861 --> 00:06:41,498
and one was wearing a promise ring.
160
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:43,502
I guess that's one
promise he's going to keep.
161
00:06:43,535 --> 00:06:44,804
Ugh.
162
00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:46,307
You desecrated a corpse.
163
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Oh, who even knows what counts
164
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with young people these days?
165
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She's here!
166
00:06:54,857 --> 00:06:57,195
Yeah, you're right.
167
00:06:57,228 --> 00:06:59,500
You're not gonna get
him to focus on anything
168
00:06:59,534 --> 00:07:02,573
for the Council, not
while Gail's around.
169
00:07:02,606 --> 00:07:03,942
And I totally agree.
170
00:07:03,975 --> 00:07:05,879
Agree with what? I didn't say anything.
171
00:07:05,913 --> 00:07:08,485
Oh, come on. We all know
that you kind of think
172
00:07:08,518 --> 00:07:10,723
that Gail is a little
bit of a big-time bitch.
173
00:07:10,756 --> 00:07:12,258
I don't dislike Gail!
174
00:07:12,293 --> 00:07:14,831
Why does everyone think I dislike Ga...
175
00:07:14,864 --> 00:07:16,768
It's because we're women. That is so...
176
00:07:16,801 --> 00:07:18,003
Put your differences
aside and just talk to her,
177
00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:19,307
- woman to woman.
- About what?
178
00:07:19,340 --> 00:07:21,344
Look, I just don't want
to see Nandor get hurt.
179
00:07:21,377 --> 00:07:22,980
What am I sitting on?
180
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Oh. I'll take
care of that, don't worry.
181
00:07:25,285 --> 00:07:26,454
Shame it wasn't his face.
182
00:07:28,504 --> 00:07:30,979
Ah. Is this good? Here? Whoa.
183
00:07:31,013 --> 00:07:32,950
A fireplace.
184
00:07:32,983 --> 00:07:34,454
Romantic.
185
00:07:38,995 --> 00:07:41,367
Nandor's an
acquired taste, I'd say.
186
00:07:41,401 --> 00:07:43,037
Like sardines, maybe.
187
00:07:43,070 --> 00:07:45,007
Like, you're not sure
that you're gonna like 'em,
188
00:07:45,041 --> 00:07:46,711
and then you try 'em
189
00:07:46,744 --> 00:07:48,882
and then you eat, like,
five, six cans a day
190
00:07:48,915 --> 00:07:50,986
for a month straight and then suddenly
191
00:07:51,019 --> 00:07:54,694
you're like, "Welp, I think
I'm sick of sardines now."
192
00:07:54,727 --> 00:07:57,533
But then, a few years
go by, and you're like,
193
00:07:57,566 --> 00:07:59,770
"How come I never eat sardines anymore?"
194
00:08:02,910 --> 00:08:03,979
Oopsie.
195
00:08:03,979 --> 00:08:05,415
Sorry, I was
196
00:08:05,449 --> 00:08:06,818
just, uh... Didn't mean to, um...
197
00:08:06,851 --> 00:08:08,622
Oh, come in, come in.
198
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,494
We were just dancing in
between rounds of cunnilingus.
199
00:08:11,528 --> 00:08:13,063
Hello, Gail.
200
00:08:13,097 --> 00:08:14,500
How have you been?
201
00:08:14,534 --> 00:08:16,538
Oh, you know. Fine.
202
00:08:16,571 --> 00:08:18,909
My daughter, up in Rochester...
203
00:08:18,942 --> 00:08:21,079
- you know, the one in marketing?
- So talented.
204
00:08:21,113 --> 00:08:22,783
Oh, God.
205
00:08:22,816 --> 00:08:24,887
Well, her ex is just
taking her to the cleaners.
206
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,726
And then this, on top of the
rain that we've been having,
207
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:29,897
- it's like, "Ah!" You know?
- Ah.
208
00:08:29,931 --> 00:08:31,668
Too much water.
209
00:08:31,701 --> 00:08:33,003
- Too much.
- You need a yogurt.
210
00:08:33,037 --> 00:08:36,411
- I got your favorite.
- Oh, boy.
211
00:08:36,444 --> 00:08:38,782
A yogurt!
212
00:08:40,986 --> 00:08:43,425
- You like that?
- I do like that.
213
00:08:43,458 --> 00:08:45,462
Nice, hey? Feel her
curves. She's a beaut.
214
00:08:45,495 --> 00:08:47,399
Ah, yeah. What's it run on?
215
00:08:47,433 --> 00:08:49,370
Petrol and coal.
216
00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:51,073
- Hybrid.
- You might say.
217
00:08:51,106 --> 00:08:52,776
It's called a Stutz Laszlo.
218
00:08:52,810 --> 00:08:54,981
They only made four. They
gave one to Henry Ford
219
00:08:55,014 --> 00:08:57,953
and then he gave his one
to his hero, Mussolini.
220
00:08:57,987 --> 00:09:00,425
That... seems about right.
221
00:09:00,459 --> 00:09:01,728
Right.
222
00:09:01,761 --> 00:09:03,698
Whoa-ho!
223
00:09:03,732 --> 00:09:04,967
- Did you hear that?
- Yeah.
224
00:09:05,001 --> 00:09:06,571
Come on, man, let's go for a ride.
225
00:09:06,604 --> 00:09:07,740
We can go wherever you want.
226
00:09:07,773 --> 00:09:09,844
Montenegro, Cõte d'Azur.
227
00:09:09,877 --> 00:09:11,514
- You name it.
- Buffalo?
228
00:09:11,548 --> 00:09:12,548
Let's do it.
229
00:09:12,550 --> 00:09:13,885
Yeah, all right.
230
00:09:13,919 --> 00:09:15,489
- Yes! Now we're talking.
- Sounds kind of fun.
231
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:17,459
- A little adventure.
- Yeah.
232
00:09:17,493 --> 00:09:19,730
Energy vampires
love a good road trip.
233
00:09:19,764 --> 00:09:23,003
I, myself, always have
my mix ready to go.
234
00:09:23,037 --> 00:09:24,607
25 "Hey There Delilahs."
235
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,978
Oh, and I have my trail mix.
236
00:09:27,011 --> 00:09:28,682
Not to eat, of course,
237
00:09:28,715 --> 00:09:31,588
but to shove into the
crevices of the seats.
238
00:09:31,621 --> 00:09:34,894
Shit. I'm gonna need you to
help me get it out of here.
239
00:09:34,927 --> 00:09:36,898
Okay, just come back, just a little.
240
00:09:36,931 --> 00:09:38,668
What's the problem?
241
00:09:38,702 --> 00:09:40,906
Um, there's a block
down here. Let me get it.
242
00:09:44,780 --> 00:09:46,484
What the hell?
243
00:09:46,517 --> 00:09:48,421
- Did I get you?
- Did you get... Yeah.
244
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,993
I have no reflection
in the rearview mirror.
245
00:09:51,026 --> 00:09:53,130
You don't, but I do. I reflect.
246
00:09:53,163 --> 00:09:54,600
Okay.
247
00:09:54,634 --> 00:09:56,203
Don't think the room is big enough.
248
00:09:56,236 --> 00:09:58,441
- I don't think we can get it out.
- I think they
249
00:09:58,475 --> 00:10:00,779
built this around the car.
250
00:10:00,812 --> 00:10:02,081
It was built around it?
251
00:10:02,115 --> 00:10:03,718
Around the car!
252
00:10:03,752 --> 00:10:05,922
- I... I have a crazy idea.
- What?
253
00:10:05,956 --> 00:10:07,058
Are you in?
254
00:10:07,091 --> 00:10:08,628
- Right.
- What?
255
00:10:08,662 --> 00:10:10,164
No!
256
00:10:10,197 --> 00:10:12,168
Shit. Sorry, man. Did I get you?
257
00:10:12,201 --> 00:10:13,471
- Back up.
- Do what?
258
00:10:13,505 --> 00:10:14,573
Back up.
259
00:10:14,607 --> 00:10:15,776
I don't know if it can do that.
260
00:10:15,809 --> 00:10:17,980
Reverse, you shithead.
261
00:10:18,013 --> 00:10:20,619
I wanted
to ask Gail something,
262
00:10:20,652 --> 00:10:22,556
but I wanted to go and get something
263
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:24,760
that I want to give her when
I ask her that something,
264
00:10:24,794 --> 00:10:26,898
so maybe if you just stay
here and keep her company,
265
00:10:26,931 --> 00:10:28,568
I can go and do that
266
00:10:28,601 --> 00:10:30,672
and maybe towel off my,
uh, face and genitals.
267
00:10:30,706 --> 00:10:32,776
Uh... Fine.
268
00:10:32,810 --> 00:10:34,480
- Yes? Thank you.
- Yes.
269
00:10:34,513 --> 00:10:36,083
I'll leave you guys to
it; I'll be back in a sec.
270
00:10:36,116 --> 00:10:38,621
Thank you. Oh, Guillermo!
271
00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:40,892
Have you seen my genital towel?
272
00:10:40,926 --> 00:10:42,696
- Guillermo.
- Ah!
273
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:43,932
We're just... we're just
watching Twilight, see?
274
00:10:43,965 --> 00:10:45,636
- Where is the ring?
- What?
275
00:10:45,669 --> 00:10:47,806
The ring in the box! For Gail.
276
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,777
- Is this it?
- Give me that!
277
00:10:49,810 --> 00:10:51,714
And I am borrowing this towel.
278
00:10:51,748 --> 00:10:53,117
That's my favorite sweater.
279
00:10:54,085 --> 00:10:55,522
- It's simple.
- Mm? All right.
280
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:56,891
We take the car apart here,
281
00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:59,195
move it outside, then
reassemble it there.
282
00:10:59,229 --> 00:11:02,068
How long did you own this car
before it was taken from you?
283
00:11:02,101 --> 00:11:04,607
- About ten minutes.
- Oh. Then... All right.
284
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,978
I haven't spent
much time with Colin Robinson
285
00:11:07,011 --> 00:11:08,882
in the past, for the
main, obvious reason
286
00:11:08,915 --> 00:11:10,886
that he's incredibly fucking dull.
287
00:11:10,919 --> 00:11:12,723
If you buy a German car,
288
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,727
you're basically
supporting the Nazi party.
289
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,096
I don't know. Maybe
290
00:11:16,129 --> 00:11:17,733
I've gone soft in my old age,
291
00:11:17,766 --> 00:11:19,970
but I've noticed that
he looks a bit lonely.
292
00:11:20,004 --> 00:11:21,908
I thought I'd spend some time with him.
293
00:11:21,941 --> 00:11:23,712
I mean, you could call it my good deed.
294
00:11:23,745 --> 00:11:25,114
You're not masturbating, are you?
295
00:11:25,147 --> 00:11:26,718
You know, I've never really
296
00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:29,857
spent much time with Laszlo before.
297
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:33,565
With Nadja being away so
much with her Council duties,
298
00:11:33,598 --> 00:11:36,904
I've decided to take
pity on the poor guy.
299
00:11:36,938 --> 00:11:39,744
I-I think he just needs a friend.
300
00:11:39,777 --> 00:11:41,279
You've got to keep notes as I'm talking,
301
00:11:41,313 --> 00:11:43,016
otherwise it'll all go to shit.
302
00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:44,285
Well, I'm trying to keep up
303
00:11:44,319 --> 00:11:45,822
with all these parts you're making up.
304
00:11:45,856 --> 00:11:47,191
- What is this?
- I don't know.
305
00:11:47,225 --> 00:11:49,229
A wiggabuhbiggle is what you called it.
306
00:11:49,262 --> 00:11:51,667
The man knows his cars.
307
00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:55,007
Yeah, actually, I used to think
308
00:11:55,041 --> 00:11:57,011
that my parents were energy vampires,
309
00:11:57,045 --> 00:11:58,848
but I-I don't know anymore.
310
00:11:58,882 --> 00:12:01,219
My dad was really dynamic and outgoing,
311
00:12:01,253 --> 00:12:05,027
kind of a RuPaul type, but in the '20s.
312
00:12:05,061 --> 00:12:06,697
And my mom, I...
313
00:12:06,731 --> 00:12:08,735
I don't really remember my mom anymore.
314
00:12:10,872 --> 00:12:12,810
Did you mum die when you were young?
315
00:12:12,843 --> 00:12:15,582
Nah, she was just boring. Still is.
316
00:12:15,615 --> 00:12:17,586
Is this the bonus pile or is that?
317
00:12:17,619 --> 00:12:19,590
I'll be honest. At this point,
318
00:12:19,623 --> 00:12:21,326
I don't think it really matters.
319
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,364
- I had a mother once.
- Oh?
320
00:12:23,398 --> 00:12:24,734
What-what was she like?
321
00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:26,971
No idea. I was raised by my nanny,
322
00:12:27,004 --> 00:12:29,710
who used to make me
learn Latin in the nude.
323
00:12:29,744 --> 00:12:31,748
- Oh.
- I quite liked it.
324
00:12:48,081 --> 00:12:50,825
- Oh. Are you leaving?
- Yeah. It's getting late
325
00:12:50,858 --> 00:12:54,699
and I really want to get back
to my condo for Grey's Anatomy.
326
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,803
I think Nandor is going
to ask you something
327
00:12:56,837 --> 00:13:00,945
stupid, pathetic, and, uh,
get rejected again, as usual.
328
00:13:00,978 --> 00:13:05,821
Nandor knows that
Thursday nights are for the gals.
329
00:13:05,855 --> 00:13:08,092
Meaning me and Meredith Grey.
330
00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:10,096
But, uh, tonight is, uh, Saturday.
331
00:13:10,129 --> 00:13:12,000
It's what?
332
00:13:12,033 --> 00:13:14,372
Tonight is not Thursday,
tonight is Saturday.
333
00:13:14,405 --> 00:13:16,710
Excuse me, sweetie,
you are on my slacks.
334
00:13:16,743 --> 00:13:18,380
Oh. I just think Nandor will be down
335
00:13:18,413 --> 00:13:20,316
- in just a little, tiny, one little moment...
- I gotta go.
336
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:22,722
Gail! Wait! Oh, I want to
talk to you about Nandor.
337
00:13:22,755 --> 00:13:24,726
We can have a girlie
to girlie conversation.
338
00:13:24,759 --> 00:13:26,897
- There's not a lot to talk about, really.
- Gail!
339
00:13:26,930 --> 00:13:30,236
Wait. Wait! There is a bloody
plunket of a man upstairs
340
00:13:30,270 --> 00:13:32,375
who has feelings, and those
feelings are going to get hurt
341
00:13:32,408 --> 00:13:34,244
and then we will never choose a font!
342
00:13:34,278 --> 00:13:35,981
- Gail!
- Get away from me!
343
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,184
Gail?
344
00:13:41,358 --> 00:13:43,964
Fuckin' hell. Oh!
345
00:13:46,202 --> 00:13:47,738
So many nipples.
346
00:13:50,076 --> 00:13:51,413
Shoo! Shoo!
347
00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:55,454
Oh, Nandor, what have you done?
348
00:13:57,458 --> 00:14:00,029
I'll be completely honest with you,
349
00:14:00,063 --> 00:14:02,869
I've never done an actual
car reassembly before.
350
00:14:02,902 --> 00:14:05,039
Yeah, no shit, my beauty.
351
00:14:05,073 --> 00:14:06,810
What the fuck, you two?
352
00:14:06,843 --> 00:14:09,081
Do you know what kind
of damage you've done
353
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:11,018
to some of our most priceless artifacts
354
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:13,155
with this jackass stunt of yours?
355
00:14:13,189 --> 00:14:14,926
A good evening to you, too.
356
00:14:14,959 --> 00:14:17,330
We may have bumped into a few things.
357
00:14:17,364 --> 00:14:19,836
You shattered the crystal blood chalice
358
00:14:19,869 --> 00:14:21,907
of Vlad the Impaler himself!
359
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:25,814
You left an enormous dent in
the sarcophagus of Amen-Ra,
360
00:14:25,848 --> 00:14:29,187
- and you tore the Shroud of Urine!
- Wait, wait.
361
00:14:29,221 --> 00:14:31,793
There's a Shroud of Turin in there?
362
00:14:31,826 --> 00:14:34,331
No. The Shroud of Urine.
363
00:14:34,364 --> 00:14:36,168
It is a completely different thing
364
00:14:36,201 --> 00:14:37,939
and even more valuable.
365
00:14:37,972 --> 00:14:39,809
And it is ruined!
366
00:14:39,842 --> 00:14:41,513
What you're failing to understand
367
00:14:41,546 --> 00:14:44,318
is the ball ache that we
both had trying to get this
368
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:47,090
from inside there to out here.
369
00:14:47,123 --> 00:14:49,227
That would make a lot of sense to me,
370
00:14:49,261 --> 00:14:52,501
if there wasn't a giant red button.
371
00:14:53,971 --> 00:14:57,878
Ah, the magic of
mechanical garage doors.
372
00:14:57,912 --> 00:15:00,884
Yeah, okay. But
how were we supposed to see
373
00:15:00,918 --> 00:15:04,091
the big red button when we were inside?
374
00:15:04,124 --> 00:15:05,995
You're right. A couple of idiots inside
375
00:15:06,028 --> 00:15:08,132
couldn't see the other red button?
376
00:15:08,165 --> 00:15:10,236
That says "push to open"?
377
00:15:10,270 --> 00:15:12,007
Fuck it!
378
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:15,414
Have fun! I've got to go
call the insurance people!
379
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,818
They're gonna rip me apart.
380
00:15:21,125 --> 00:15:23,830
Well, I think I'm gonna
head home and do my research
381
00:15:23,864 --> 00:15:25,133
- from there for a while.
- No, hang on.
382
00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:26,836
I can give you a lift, if you like.
383
00:15:26,870 --> 00:15:28,974
Yeah, sure, that sounds fun.
384
00:15:29,007 --> 00:15:30,511
You'll have to top her up, though.
385
00:15:30,544 --> 00:15:32,548
Can do.
386
00:15:33,617 --> 00:15:34,919
Right.
387
00:15:34,952 --> 00:15:36,121
- You ready to roll?
- Yeah.
388
00:15:37,357 --> 00:15:38,994
Let's do it.
389
00:15:44,171 --> 00:15:45,171
Shit.
390
00:15:46,543 --> 00:15:48,312
Just kidding. I'm fine.
391
00:15:48,346 --> 00:15:50,551
I'm fine. It's just a little fire.
392
00:15:52,187 --> 00:15:54,257
Honestly, of all the things!
393
00:15:54,291 --> 00:15:57,030
You have really pissed all
over our pips this time, Nandor.
394
00:15:57,063 --> 00:16:00,136
Okay, yes. My Gail
happens to be a werewolf.
395
00:16:00,169 --> 00:16:02,541
But when we met, she was still a human.
396
00:16:02,575 --> 00:16:05,414
She's only recently been
turned in a werewoman.
397
00:16:05,447 --> 00:16:08,219
Which is the proper term
for a female werewolf.
398
00:16:08,252 --> 00:16:10,023
And you knew this,
and you didn't tell us.
399
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,293
- Well...
- I defended that woman
400
00:16:12,327 --> 00:16:13,463
against my wife's jealousy.
401
00:16:13,497 --> 00:16:15,868
I don't dislike Gail!
402
00:16:15,901 --> 00:16:18,139
But this, me old chap,
is a bridge too far.
403
00:16:18,172 --> 00:16:19,942
Are you insinuating
404
00:16:19,976 --> 00:16:23,417
that I would do it with her
while she is in wolf form?
405
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:26,155
Because I did, but I was in bat form.
406
00:16:26,188 --> 00:16:28,427
And it was exclusively hand stuff.
407
00:16:28,460 --> 00:16:30,431
We are the leaders of
the Vampiric Council.
408
00:16:30,464 --> 00:16:33,169
How do you think it
looks that one of our own
409
00:16:33,202 --> 00:16:35,039
is porking our mortal enemy!?
410
00:16:35,073 --> 00:16:37,310
Guillermo, say something, please!
411
00:16:37,343 --> 00:16:39,449
Oh, no, don't get me
in the middle of this.
412
00:16:39,482 --> 00:16:41,920
I just want whatever
makes my master happy.
413
00:16:41,953 --> 00:16:43,523
Correct answer, Guillermo.
414
00:16:43,557 --> 00:16:45,461
It's not gonna last.
415
00:16:45,494 --> 00:16:48,332
Does it not bother you
that she's strung you along
416
00:16:48,367 --> 00:16:49,969
for 40 years over becoming a vampire
417
00:16:50,002 --> 00:16:52,207
and the moment a werewolf
shows her his lipstick,
418
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,910
she lets him turn her into a werewoman?
419
00:16:53,944 --> 00:16:55,514
Being a werewolf is not a crime!
420
00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:59,254
The only crime that my Gail
is guilty of is stealing.
421
00:16:59,287 --> 00:17:01,091
Stealing my heart.
422
00:17:02,962 --> 00:17:04,287
Come on, guys. Just...
423
00:17:04,297 --> 00:17:06,001
come with me and meet her and her clan
424
00:17:06,034 --> 00:17:07,638
and we can mingle together.
425
00:17:07,671 --> 00:17:10,109
Come see that werewolves ain't so bad.
426
00:17:10,143 --> 00:17:12,213
- I'm in.
- Thank you, Colin Robinson.
427
00:17:12,247 --> 00:17:13,950
- That's one. Laszlo?
- Traitor!
428
00:17:13,984 --> 00:17:15,253
- Fine.
- That's two.
429
00:17:15,286 --> 00:17:16,286
Laszlo!
430
00:17:16,287 --> 00:17:17,604
- I make...
- Nadja...
431
00:17:17,591 --> 00:17:18,660
Oh.
432
00:17:18,693 --> 00:17:20,229
I know that you have some
433
00:17:20,263 --> 00:17:22,067
personal differences with Gail.
434
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,537
It's only natural, as a woman...
435
00:17:23,570 --> 00:17:26,075
I don't dislike her
because she's a woman, okay?
436
00:17:26,108 --> 00:17:28,145
Okay, then. Woman, werewoman, whatever.
437
00:17:28,179 --> 00:17:29,615
A lot of women these days
438
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,619
are leaning into each other.
439
00:17:31,653 --> 00:17:33,222
It's like a thing now.
440
00:17:33,255 --> 00:17:34,692
This could be you and
this could be Gail.
441
00:17:34,725 --> 00:17:37,097
I am not going to do
trust exercises with a dog.
442
00:17:37,130 --> 00:17:38,232
Please?
443
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,535
- For me?
- Fine.
444
00:17:39,569 --> 00:17:41,973
- I'll go.
- Yeah!
445
00:17:45,645 --> 00:17:48,262
Okay, now, look; we're
not here to cause trouble,
446
00:17:48,295 --> 00:17:49,397
we're just here to, you know, be nice.
447
00:17:49,431 --> 00:17:51,401
And nonconfrontational.
448
00:17:51,435 --> 00:17:53,238
Hi, werewolves!
449
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,276
Well, well. If it
isn't the Addams Family.
450
00:17:55,309 --> 00:17:58,374
Um... greetings.
451
00:17:58,375 --> 00:18:00,654
- Car! Car!
- Hey...
452
00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:03,993
Car.
453
00:18:04,027 --> 00:18:07,568
Sorry about making you
jump off the Circuit City
454
00:18:07,601 --> 00:18:09,037
the last time we were all together.
455
00:18:09,070 --> 00:18:11,074
Toby!
456
00:18:11,107 --> 00:18:13,312
- Oh, what the hell?
- Well-played.
457
00:18:13,345 --> 00:18:15,316
It's a protocol thing.
It's not personal.
458
00:18:15,349 --> 00:18:16,586
Hello again. Hi.
459
00:18:16,619 --> 00:18:18,088
Nice to... What the...
460
00:18:18,121 --> 00:18:19,491
Nadja, you must never approach
461
00:18:19,525 --> 00:18:21,094
a werewolf when they are
eating. Sorry about that.
462
00:18:21,127 --> 00:18:24,602
I'm so sorry. Uh, can we start again?
463
00:18:24,635 --> 00:18:26,037
Yes.
464
00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:27,139
Uh, I'm Chad.
465
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:28,443
Uh, you remember Ange. Yeah.
466
00:18:28,476 --> 00:18:30,346
Dougie. Toby.
467
00:18:30,379 --> 00:18:32,183
Hello again. Hi.
468
00:18:32,216 --> 00:18:33,453
- Oh, for fuck's sake!
- Michael!
469
00:18:33,486 --> 00:18:35,322
- Michael!
- I knew this was a bad idea.
470
00:18:35,356 --> 00:18:37,193
No, no, no. It's a very good idea.
471
00:18:37,226 --> 00:18:40,032
Please, guys. I haven't
even seen Gail yet.
472
00:18:40,065 --> 00:18:41,201
Well, is that her over there?
473
00:18:41,234 --> 00:18:42,336
With that werewolf?
474
00:18:45,109 --> 00:18:46,712
Anton is a guy
475
00:18:46,746 --> 00:18:48,783
that I date sometimes who happens to be
476
00:18:48,816 --> 00:18:52,390
a werewolf, and he happened to
turn me into a werewolf, too.
477
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:55,497
I'm not super serious with Anton.
478
00:18:56,699 --> 00:18:58,368
- Guillermo!
- Excuse me.
479
00:18:58,402 --> 00:18:59,638
Excuse me.
480
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:00,707
Excuse me!
481
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,477
Allow me to introduce myself.
482
00:19:02,511 --> 00:19:04,347
My name's Guillermo de la Cruz
483
00:19:04,380 --> 00:19:06,318
and I'm the official bodyguard
484
00:19:06,351 --> 00:19:08,790
of that vampire right there.
485
00:19:08,823 --> 00:19:10,226
Hi.
486
00:19:12,296 --> 00:19:13,296
And... ?
487
00:19:13,298 --> 00:19:14,535
Ay...
488
00:19:14,568 --> 00:19:16,672
Not only am I his bodyguard,
489
00:19:16,706 --> 00:19:20,246
I am also his heart guard.
490
00:19:20,279 --> 00:19:21,549
You just reminded me of something.
491
00:19:21,582 --> 00:19:25,256
Guys, did we remember to
take our Heartgard this month?
492
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,792
- Oh.
- You got to remember
493
00:19:26,826 --> 00:19:28,395
- to take your Heartgard, or...
- I took it. I took it.
494
00:19:28,429 --> 00:19:29,431
- ... you're gonna get worms.
- We'll get worms.
495
00:19:29,431 --> 00:19:31,669
- All right
- Oh, Jesus.
496
00:19:31,702 --> 00:19:33,673
I always knew we
couldn't trust your kind.
497
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,677
Well, I always knew we
couldn't trust your kind.
498
00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:39,117
And I always knew we couldn't trust your kind.
499
00:19:39,150 --> 00:19:40,787
Yes, and I, too, always knew...
500
00:19:40,820 --> 00:19:42,256
Okay, enough.
501
00:19:42,290 --> 00:19:43,826
We get it. Nobody trusts each other.
502
00:19:43,860 --> 00:19:47,266
The only way to resolve
this is a free-for-all.
503
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:49,170
To the death.
504
00:19:49,203 --> 00:19:51,274
No. Stop. Stop.
505
00:19:51,308 --> 00:19:54,147
There's a better way to
resolve your differences.
506
00:19:54,180 --> 00:19:55,182
Yeah?
507
00:19:55,215 --> 00:19:56,719
Twilight style.
508
00:19:56,752 --> 00:19:58,556
- What's that?
- The... the movie.
509
00:19:58,589 --> 00:19:59,858
Tw-Twilight...
510
00:19:59,892 --> 00:20:01,161
You know what I'm saying. Twilight.
511
00:20:01,194 --> 00:20:02,296
We should just play kickball.
512
00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:03,833
Kick... Everyone knows kickball.
513
00:20:03,866 --> 00:20:05,603
- I'll kick your balls.
- Never heard of it.
514
00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:07,273
Come on, Nandor! You can do it!
515
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:08,710
Nandor!
516
00:20:08,743 --> 00:20:10,379
I hope you're not feeling too tired,
517
00:20:10,413 --> 00:20:12,417
'cause I can go all night!
518
00:20:14,287 --> 00:20:15,657
Oh, I'm sure Gail's completely satisfied
519
00:20:15,690 --> 00:20:18,395
with your tiny little bat dick.
520
00:20:18,429 --> 00:20:20,399
I'll give you a bat dick!
521
00:20:22,370 --> 00:20:26,211
I mean, proportionally,
it is quite normal, but
522
00:20:26,244 --> 00:20:28,750
it is slightly teensy and ineffective.
523
00:20:28,783 --> 00:20:30,319
I mean, it's a bat dick.
524
00:20:30,352 --> 00:20:31,622
You know?
525
00:20:31,656 --> 00:20:32,891
Go!
526
00:20:32,924 --> 00:20:34,193
Go!
527
00:20:34,227 --> 00:20:36,331
Ah! Ah!
528
00:20:36,364 --> 00:20:37,868
Come on, Laszlo!
529
00:20:37,901 --> 00:20:39,605
Use the weight of your penis, darling.
530
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:41,141
You ready, Dick Jagger?
531
00:20:41,174 --> 00:20:42,844
Go now!
532
00:20:42,878 --> 00:20:44,180
Bat!
533
00:20:44,213 --> 00:20:45,450
Go, Laszlo! Go!
534
00:20:49,658 --> 00:20:50,827
Where did he go?
535
00:20:50,860 --> 00:20:52,363
I think he's flown home.
536
00:20:52,396 --> 00:20:54,300
Laszlo?
537
00:20:54,334 --> 00:20:56,171
No! No!
538
00:20:56,204 --> 00:20:58,342
Animal form is cheating!
539
00:20:58,375 --> 00:21:00,613
Come on, werewolves, you're slacking!
540
00:21:02,951 --> 00:21:05,255
Give me the ball. Give it to me.
541
00:21:05,289 --> 00:21:06,358
Get away from me, dog.
542
00:21:07,794 --> 00:21:09,631
- Anton, go!
- Pretend the ball
543
00:21:09,665 --> 00:21:13,573
- is Gail's head!
- I don't dislike Gail!
544
00:21:14,775 --> 00:21:16,311
That was an accident!
545
00:21:16,344 --> 00:21:17,714
- Shit.
- No, I... I did
546
00:21:17,748 --> 00:21:19,752
look out for her! Stop filming!
547
00:21:19,785 --> 00:21:21,722
- It was an accident!
- Gail!
548
00:21:21,756 --> 00:21:23,493
- Oh...
- I really like her. Please don't film it.
549
00:21:23,526 --> 00:21:25,229
I like this woman.
550
00:21:25,262 --> 00:21:27,501
You kicked a ball in her
head and now she's dead!
551
00:21:27,534 --> 00:21:29,638
- Accidentally.
- My sweet Gail!
552
00:21:29,671 --> 00:21:31,742
Stand aside, werewolf!
553
00:21:31,776 --> 00:21:33,679
I know what to do.
554
00:21:42,931 --> 00:21:44,300
Ow.
555
00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:49,411
Breathe. Yummy.
556
00:21:49,445 --> 00:21:50,647
Mmm...
557
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,517
Oh, yummy, yummy. Yes.
558
00:21:52,551 --> 00:21:53,920
What happened?
559
00:21:53,953 --> 00:21:57,293
- She's alive!
- I didn't kill her.
560
00:21:57,326 --> 00:21:58,529
- I didn't kill her.
- Where's my pocketbook?
561
00:21:58,563 --> 00:21:59,798
Can you stand?
562
00:21:59,832 --> 00:22:01,267
- Can you stand?
- Yes, I can stand.
563
00:22:01,301 --> 00:22:03,506
I'm old, but I'm not an invalid.
564
00:22:03,539 --> 00:22:04,975
- Oh...
- Hey, Gail.
565
00:22:05,008 --> 00:22:07,246
Now that you are a vampire,
566
00:22:07,279 --> 00:22:10,653
and we can spend the
rest of eternity together,
567
00:22:10,687 --> 00:22:12,891
there is something that
I would like to ask you.
568
00:22:14,428 --> 00:22:17,534
Gail Marie you-never-told-me-
your-last-name,
569
00:22:17,567 --> 00:22:19,705
would you do me the honor
570
00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:21,409
of being my vampire bride?
571
00:22:21,442 --> 00:22:22,778
Oh, Nandor.
572
00:22:22,811 --> 00:22:25,817
Yeah, I was married before
573
00:22:25,850 --> 00:22:28,956
and it is just... it's just not for me.
574
00:22:28,990 --> 00:22:30,794
But, hey, you know,
575
00:22:30,827 --> 00:22:33,566
maybe in 30 or 40 years
576
00:22:33,599 --> 00:22:35,703
down the road, who knows? I mean,
577
00:22:35,737 --> 00:22:40,814
we have all eternity to figure this out.
578
00:22:40,847 --> 00:22:43,419
- That's ages, though.
- Yes. Listen.
579
00:22:43,453 --> 00:22:44,822
Will you wait for me?
580
00:22:44,855 --> 00:22:47,026
- Yes?
- Forever.
581
00:22:47,059 --> 00:22:48,463
- Found your pocketbook.
- Oh!
582
00:22:48,496 --> 00:22:51,735
All right, guys, I have to
fly to Buffalo in the morning.
583
00:22:51,769 --> 00:22:54,608
My daughter's promotion fell through.
584
00:22:54,641 --> 00:22:56,412
- Oh...
- And then, with the weather
585
00:22:56,445 --> 00:22:58,315
that we've been having...
586
00:22:58,348 --> 00:22:59,751
I mean, I really,
587
00:22:59,785 --> 00:23:01,689
really need to get to
the airport early, okay?
588
00:23:01,722 --> 00:23:02,991
Bye, Gail.
589
00:23:03,024 --> 00:23:04,962
- Ciao. Bye, guys.
- We love you. I like her.
590
00:23:04,995 --> 00:23:07,333
Bye, Gail.
591
00:23:07,366 --> 00:23:08,569
- Oh!
- Whoa.
592
00:23:08,603 --> 00:23:10,372
Careful of the fence!
593
00:23:10,406 --> 00:23:12,611
Ah...
594
00:23:12,644 --> 00:23:14,046
Bye, sweet Gail!
595
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,984
Farewell, my Gail.
596
00:23:17,654 --> 00:23:19,658
I don't want to click on this.
597
00:23:19,691 --> 00:23:21,729
This is my first website,
598
00:23:21,762 --> 00:23:23,398
and I think I did a pretty good job.
599
00:23:23,432 --> 00:23:24,902
Yeah. Maybe a less exciting font.
600
00:23:24,935 --> 00:23:27,440
- I don't like it.
- You don't like what?
601
00:23:27,474 --> 00:23:28,743
I...
602
00:23:28,776 --> 00:23:30,680
Is that what I think it is?
603
00:23:31,882 --> 00:23:33,385
- Oh!
- Fancy a ride?
604
00:23:33,419 --> 00:23:35,590
Oh, I'll ride on you
anytime, my darling.
605
00:23:35,623 --> 00:23:37,026
Come on!
606
00:23:37,059 --> 00:23:38,663
- How about me?
- No, thank you.
607
00:23:38,696 --> 00:23:40,399
- Oh.
- Gail...
608
00:23:40,433 --> 00:23:41,802
- Take my hand.
- Lovely. I remember this.
609
00:23:43,506 --> 00:23:45,410
- Okay. You can let go now.
- Okay.
610
00:23:45,443 --> 00:23:47,012
- Is there room for one more?
- There certainly is.
611
00:23:47,046 --> 00:23:48,783
- For two more?
- You're going round the back.
612
00:23:58,736 --> 00:24:01,742
- Ah...
- All right, uh, everyone.
613
00:24:01,775 --> 00:24:02,878
Get buckled in.
614
00:24:02,911 --> 00:24:03,946
Close the door.
615
00:24:03,980 --> 00:24:05,382
Hold on to your butts!
616
00:24:05,416 --> 00:24:06,785
Wow, she can really move!
617
00:24:06,819 --> 00:24:08,054
Can you honk the horn?
618
00:24:08,088 --> 00:24:10,025
W... werewolves!
619
00:24:11,962 --> 00:24:13,799
Hang on!
620
00:24:41,656 --> 00:24:46,656
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -