1 00:00:03,067 --> 00:00:04,155 9-1-1. What's your emergency? 2 00:00:04,155 --> 00:00:05,678 My dad can't breathe. 3 00:00:05,721 --> 00:00:07,245 My husband, his eyes are going back... 4 00:00:07,288 --> 00:00:08,986 My son... Oh, my God. 5 00:00:24,131 --> 00:00:26,568 I'm pretty certain it might be this way. 6 00:00:26,612 --> 00:00:27,961 This is it. The big night. 7 00:00:28,005 --> 00:00:30,659 Our first Vampiric Council tribunal. 8 00:00:30,703 --> 00:00:33,358 Let the Ceremony of Judgment commence! 9 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:36,013 Where we once stood as prisoners sentenced to death, 10 00:00:36,056 --> 00:00:38,972 we will now be sitting as judge and jury. 11 00:00:39,016 --> 00:00:40,843 You're gonna die, and you're gonna... 12 00:00:40,887 --> 00:00:42,976 Fuck! 13 00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:45,196 Never sneak up on a vampire like that, Guillermo. 14 00:00:45,239 --> 00:00:46,632 - How did you even get down here? - What do you mean? 15 00:00:46,632 --> 00:00:47,763 I've been down here for 20 minutes, 16 00:00:47,807 --> 00:00:49,200 - waiting for you guys. - Oh. 17 00:00:49,243 --> 00:00:51,551 - Well, is it this way, or is it that way? - I think it's... 18 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:52,681 It's back this way. 19 00:00:52,681 --> 00:00:54,422 Fucking Guide. 20 00:00:54,466 --> 00:00:57,382 I've been standing behind you for half an hour. 21 00:00:57,425 --> 00:01:00,472 - What? - Silently watching you. 22 00:01:00,515 --> 00:01:02,996 Breathing in your scent. 23 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,868 Smelling your musk. 24 00:01:05,912 --> 00:01:08,915 So... is it this way or... ? 25 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:10,786 Oh, no, no. It's back this way. 26 00:01:10,830 --> 00:01:12,614 - Oh, good. - Yes, you missed it. Come along, everyone. 27 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:52,002 Our neighbor Sean has kindly invited us to his 28 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:54,221 for what he described as a "boys-only night." 29 00:01:54,265 --> 00:01:56,397 Now, I gleefully assumed 30 00:01:56,441 --> 00:01:58,312 that that would be some kind of circle jerk. 31 00:01:58,356 --> 00:02:00,575 - Oh, I don't think that's what he meant. - No, it isn't. 32 00:02:00,619 --> 00:02:02,316 Anyway, I've invited Colin Robinson... 33 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,189 Ah, mui, mui mesa love you. 34 00:02:05,232 --> 00:02:06,755 Is that a friend of yours? 35 00:02:06,799 --> 00:02:08,322 Mesa Jar Jar Binks. 36 00:02:08,366 --> 00:02:10,324 Ooh. That's a nice voice. 37 00:02:10,368 --> 00:02:12,326 You don't find this voice annoying? 38 00:02:12,370 --> 00:02:15,025 I think it's very funny, indeed, Colin. 39 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,939 My Uncle Fulvio 40 00:02:16,983 --> 00:02:20,073 did all the repaneling in here, so it's looking real nice. Oh! 41 00:02:20,117 --> 00:02:21,770 - Frankie, Mikey! - Hey! 42 00:02:21,814 --> 00:02:23,772 You remember my old buddy Laz and, uh, his friend 43 00:02:23,816 --> 00:02:25,442 - Robinson Caruso. - Yo! 44 00:02:25,443 --> 00:02:27,005 - Hey. - What you dudes watching? 45 00:02:27,006 --> 00:02:29,561 Ah, local community college hockey, you know. 46 00:02:29,604 --> 00:02:31,432 The purest form of sport is 47 00:02:31,476 --> 00:02:33,347 community college because you get 'em 48 00:02:33,391 --> 00:02:35,784 - right after high school, and, uh... - Come on, move. Move. 49 00:02:35,828 --> 00:02:37,134 - Before they really... - Robbie Robertson. 50 00:02:37,177 --> 00:02:38,657 You make a better door than a window, okay? 51 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,702 - I have heard that. - Shut up. 52 00:02:40,746 --> 00:02:43,618 - They want you to get out of the way, Colin Robinson. - Oh. Okay. 53 00:02:43,662 --> 00:02:45,272 - Just have a seat. Just have a seat. - I brought these 54 00:02:45,272 --> 00:02:46,621 especially for the occasion. 55 00:02:46,665 --> 00:02:48,623 Oh! 56 00:02:48,667 --> 00:02:50,142 - Look at that. - Don't ask me where I got them from. 57 00:02:50,147 --> 00:02:51,322 I, too, 58 00:02:51,365 --> 00:02:53,498 - have a little gift. - Oh. 59 00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:56,283 You guys are into the whole Agatha Christie thing, 60 00:02:56,327 --> 00:02:57,763 right? Murder mystery games? 61 00:02:57,806 --> 00:03:01,114 "Mrs. Honeychurch and the Hanging 62 00:03:01,158 --> 00:03:04,335 - at 'Vykrage Valet.'" -"Hanging at... Vicarage Valley." 63 00:03:04,378 --> 00:03:06,250 Yeah. It'll take a while to play, 64 00:03:06,293 --> 00:03:10,036 but I think if we start now, we should be done by dawn. 65 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:11,646 Fuck. 66 00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:13,039 Hmm? 67 00:03:13,083 --> 00:03:14,562 Eh... 68 00:03:14,606 --> 00:03:16,303 Yes. 69 00:03:16,347 --> 00:03:19,219 Okay, okay, don't make a big deal out of it. Okay, do. 70 00:03:19,263 --> 00:03:21,178 - Do make a big deal of it. Come on. - Yes. 71 00:03:21,221 --> 00:03:22,831 I feel like this is my wedding day. 72 00:03:22,875 --> 00:03:25,747 But I shouldn't be wearing white. 73 00:03:25,791 --> 00:03:30,404 So... * Let the Ceremony of Judgment commence. * 74 00:03:30,448 --> 00:03:32,319 Very good. 75 00:03:32,363 --> 00:03:34,582 - Very good. - All right. Well, I will be the one who says that. 76 00:03:34,626 --> 00:03:36,410 But before we continue, 77 00:03:36,454 --> 00:03:39,370 there is just one more thing we have to check off our list. 78 00:03:39,413 --> 00:03:41,241 - Come on in. - Ooh. 79 00:03:41,285 --> 00:03:44,940 This is a conduct/harassment training video 80 00:03:44,984 --> 00:03:47,856 that our human resources department put together 81 00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:51,200 as mandatory viewing for all employees. Okay? 82 00:03:51,201 --> 00:03:51,898 - Okay, fine. - Okay, let's get it over with. 83 00:03:51,904 --> 00:03:53,906 All right. 84 00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:09,661 - So, that's it, then? - Yes. 85 00:04:09,704 --> 00:04:12,403 So, that just means anything and everything goes here. 86 00:04:12,446 --> 00:04:15,275 He smacks me on the ass, you finger me, 87 00:04:15,319 --> 00:04:17,669 I stroke him off, et cetera, et cetera. 88 00:04:17,712 --> 00:04:19,236 Mm-mm. 89 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:21,063 We have found it to be good for team building. 90 00:04:21,107 --> 00:04:23,979 So anything and everything goes? 91 00:04:24,023 --> 00:04:26,330 Yes. We have sort of fallen into doing it all 92 00:04:26,373 --> 00:04:29,202 - on a Thursday night to get it out of the way. - Oh. 93 00:04:29,246 --> 00:04:31,683 Otherwise, it can be very exhausting. 94 00:04:31,726 --> 00:04:35,208 Now, I know you both agreed to be coleaders, 95 00:04:35,252 --> 00:04:37,210 but the fact remains: only one of you 96 00:04:37,254 --> 00:04:39,386 can sit on the throne. Who will it be? 97 00:04:39,430 --> 00:04:40,645 - Uh, me, thank you. - Fine, I'll do it. 98 00:04:40,646 --> 00:04:43,521 No. Let her have the throne. Power is won 99 00:04:43,564 --> 00:04:46,176 - by those who seem to least desire it. - But the throne 100 00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:49,309 - is a big deal, and I want to sit on it. - And you will. 101 00:04:49,353 --> 00:04:51,703 - Stop touching me. - What are you two whispering about? 102 00:04:51,746 --> 00:04:54,096 Guys? It's a one-person throne, okay? 103 00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:56,142 What is so hard about this? 104 00:04:56,186 --> 00:04:57,386 I mean, who wields the ultimate power? 105 00:04:57,404 --> 00:04:59,276 The one who sits on the throne? 106 00:04:59,319 --> 00:05:01,408 Nadja may sit on the throne. 107 00:05:01,452 --> 00:05:03,193 Or the one who challenges the throne-sitter? 108 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,716 - Thank you, Nandor. - Yes. 109 00:05:04,759 --> 00:05:06,761 Or perhaps it's the person 110 00:05:06,805 --> 00:05:09,329 who whispers into both their ears. 111 00:05:10,504 --> 00:05:12,985 So, at the time in question, I was having a brandy 112 00:05:13,028 --> 00:05:15,074 with Vicar Wilson in the, uh, 113 00:05:15,117 --> 00:05:16,597 - tack room or some shit. - Oh. 114 00:05:16,641 --> 00:05:18,947 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, how-how you guys been, uh, 115 00:05:18,991 --> 00:05:21,385 - sleeping lately, huh? - Uh, you know, not too bad. 116 00:05:21,428 --> 00:05:23,909 - I actually been taking this melatonin stuff... - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear that. 117 00:05:23,952 --> 00:05:25,563 I've been sleeping like shit, too, you know? 118 00:05:25,606 --> 00:05:27,739 My neck's been all stiff, and, uh, my knees, 119 00:05:27,782 --> 00:05:30,650 - they've been swelling. It's really bad. - So, hold on. 120 00:05:30,694 --> 00:05:31,960 - Is Frank dead? - No. 121 00:05:32,004 --> 00:05:33,571 - Frank? I'm Frank. - Oh, right. 122 00:05:33,614 --> 00:05:35,486 I'm having a brandy with the-the vicar. 123 00:05:35,529 --> 00:05:36,965 - Gotcha. - Am I the vicar? 124 00:05:37,009 --> 00:05:38,880 - You're the vicar. - My lower back! 125 00:05:38,924 --> 00:05:41,405 Oh, forget about it. It was terrible. 126 00:05:41,448 --> 00:05:43,320 But then I got this new pillow, 127 00:05:43,363 --> 00:05:45,060 which is not available in stores, 128 00:05:45,104 --> 00:05:47,106 - and, uh... - Well, how did you get it, then? 129 00:05:47,149 --> 00:05:48,803 Stop asking so many questions. 130 00:05:48,847 --> 00:05:50,370 Anyway, it's an incredible product. 131 00:05:50,414 --> 00:05:52,285 It totally changed my life. 132 00:05:52,329 --> 00:05:54,374 - Okay. - Yeah, cool. Oh, hey, 133 00:05:54,418 --> 00:05:57,334 - you guys hear, uh, Kevin got laid off? - No. 134 00:05:57,377 --> 00:05:59,031 - Yeah. For real. - Kevin? 135 00:05:59,074 --> 00:06:00,380 I've been sleeping like a baby now. 136 00:06:00,424 --> 00:06:02,164 Really sleeping like a baby 137 00:06:02,208 --> 00:06:05,255 thanks to this brand-new, state-of-the-art pillow. 138 00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:06,604 What the fuck is its name? 139 00:06:06,647 --> 00:06:08,562 Hold on. Hold on. I'll be right back. 140 00:06:08,606 --> 00:06:10,608 - Hold that thought. - You see this hockey match? 141 00:06:10,651 --> 00:06:13,698 We played a game exactly like that at Eton. Difference is, 142 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,266 we didn't play with a puck. We played with a cock. 143 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,268 - A cock that had been hardened... - Can we actually 144 00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:20,052 get back to your friend who was fired? 145 00:06:20,095 --> 00:06:21,880 - Da-da-da-da! - Oh, Kevin. Yeah, it was brutal. 146 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,709 - He got... - It's called the Guy Pillow. 147 00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:27,146 - For the man who sleeps. - Ooh. 148 00:06:27,189 --> 00:06:31,324 Yeah, yeah, like that guy, uh, on TV. Mike Lindell, right? 149 00:06:31,368 --> 00:06:34,327 That's the MyPillow, and this is the Guy Pillow. 150 00:06:34,371 --> 00:06:36,111 - They're completely different. - All right. 151 00:06:36,155 --> 00:06:39,027 Simmer down, Sean. We can't all be pillow experts. 152 00:06:39,071 --> 00:06:40,464 - Right. Yeah. Yeah. - Okay. 153 00:06:40,507 --> 00:06:42,204 Can we get back to the game? 154 00:06:42,248 --> 00:06:43,510 Yeah. I got a card. 155 00:06:43,554 --> 00:06:46,078 Okay, stop twisting my arm, guys. 156 00:06:46,121 --> 00:06:47,862 I'll give you a demo, all right? 157 00:06:47,906 --> 00:06:49,516 Does the pillow come with the pillowcase? 158 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:50,996 Yeah, I'm glad you asked that, Laz. 159 00:06:51,039 --> 00:06:53,085 It's a hypoallergenic pillowcase, 160 00:06:53,128 --> 00:06:56,654 and, yeah, the whole shebang comes for what? $49.99. 161 00:06:56,697 --> 00:06:58,018 - What? - What the fuck? 162 00:06:58,019 --> 00:07:00,818 Seanie, 50 bucks for a fucking pillow? 163 00:07:00,819 --> 00:07:02,000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 164 00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:04,575 This is a quality pillow but for a value price. 165 00:07:04,618 --> 00:07:06,925 But you know what I'm gonna do? Because you guys are my friends, 166 00:07:07,008 --> 00:07:08,749 I'm gonna knock ten bucks off the top. 167 00:07:08,793 --> 00:07:10,838 - That's $39.99 apiece. - Whoa, whoa. 168 00:07:10,882 --> 00:07:13,101 - Wait. You're selling these things? - You kidding me? 169 00:07:13,145 --> 00:07:16,322 - These things sell themselves. So, who's in? - Uh... 170 00:07:18,455 --> 00:07:22,067 The Ceremony of Judgment will now commence. 171 00:07:22,110 --> 00:07:23,634 Wait, I was gonna... 172 00:07:31,293 --> 00:07:32,991 Okay, stop! 173 00:07:33,034 --> 00:07:34,993 Stop. I'm not ready. No, no. 174 00:07:35,036 --> 00:07:37,648 So, back to one. I don't... I'm so sorry. 175 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,693 - What seems to be the problem? - Nandor is very tall. 176 00:07:39,737 --> 00:07:41,565 When he stands, his face is much higher 177 00:07:41,608 --> 00:07:43,044 than my face 'cause I am sat on the throne. 178 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,524 I'll see what I can do. 179 00:07:44,568 --> 00:07:46,178 Thank you, Guillermo. 180 00:07:46,221 --> 00:07:47,571 Here's a thought. 181 00:07:47,614 --> 00:07:50,443 Perhaps we just remove the throne 182 00:07:50,487 --> 00:07:51,662 - from the equation. - Here's a thought. 183 00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,533 Can we get this going already? 184 00:07:53,577 --> 00:07:55,317 Remove the throne! 185 00:07:55,361 --> 00:07:58,320 Ah, shit. 186 00:07:59,496 --> 00:08:01,019 - Ooh! Ooh, that's... - Aah! 187 00:08:01,062 --> 00:08:02,760 Ay-ay-ay-ay. 188 00:08:02,803 --> 00:08:04,936 That's-that's plenty. Thank you, wraiths. 189 00:08:04,979 --> 00:08:07,025 That's plenty. Thank you. 190 00:08:07,068 --> 00:08:09,593 - Gonna be hard to get that out. - Okay, we good? 191 00:08:09,636 --> 00:08:10,820 - Everyone good? - Yes. 192 00:08:10,821 --> 00:08:12,857 Great. 193 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:15,120 Let the Ceremony of Judgment commence! 194 00:08:15,163 --> 00:08:16,687 Can't I just say it once? 195 00:08:19,516 --> 00:08:20,578 Okay, stop! 196 00:08:20,731 --> 00:08:22,342 - What now? - It looks so dumb 197 00:08:22,385 --> 00:08:24,692 with the throne just sitting there empty. 198 00:08:24,735 --> 00:08:26,389 She does make a good point. 199 00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:29,392 You guys, just take five. Honestly, don't go far. 200 00:08:29,436 --> 00:08:30,741 What you really should do 201 00:08:30,785 --> 00:08:32,613 is stop acting like a bunch of jabronis 202 00:08:32,656 --> 00:08:35,398 and get, like, 25 of these things each. 203 00:08:35,442 --> 00:08:38,358 Well, I don't usually sleep with 25 pillows. 204 00:08:38,401 --> 00:08:40,534 News flash. You don't use these. 205 00:08:40,577 --> 00:08:42,100 You buy extras, 206 00:08:42,144 --> 00:08:43,841 and then you sell 'em to your stupid friends 207 00:08:43,885 --> 00:08:46,061 for a little do-re-mi for yourself. 208 00:08:46,104 --> 00:08:47,410 Laz, come on. 209 00:08:47,454 --> 00:08:49,238 I don't use a pillow. 210 00:08:49,281 --> 00:08:50,935 Okay. Well, Mikey. 211 00:08:50,979 --> 00:08:52,850 Come on. I mean, we used to sleep 212 00:08:52,894 --> 00:08:54,330 - in the same bed. - Hey, buddy, 213 00:08:54,374 --> 00:08:55,636 I don't know what to tell you, you know? 214 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:57,464 All my friends are in this room, you know? 215 00:08:57,507 --> 00:08:58,943 - No. - You know what? 216 00:08:58,987 --> 00:09:00,989 Fine. I mean, what does it matter? 217 00:09:01,032 --> 00:09:02,294 Don't buy any, huh? 218 00:09:02,338 --> 00:09:03,992 You bunch of fucking backstabbers. 219 00:09:04,035 --> 00:09:05,689 Who cares about Sean, right? 220 00:09:05,733 --> 00:09:07,474 - Fuck me, right? - Sean. 221 00:09:07,517 --> 00:09:09,432 Fuck me? Well, fuck you! 222 00:09:09,476 --> 00:09:11,608 - Oh! - You are gonna regret it when you didn't get in 223 00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:14,698 on the ground floor of this superior product! 224 00:09:16,483 --> 00:09:18,485 Fucking Sean. 225 00:09:19,529 --> 00:09:21,488 You all right, Sean? 226 00:09:21,531 --> 00:09:24,012 Honestly, Laz? I'm not doing too good. 227 00:09:24,055 --> 00:09:26,014 I was hoping you were getting, like, 25 pillows, 228 00:09:26,057 --> 00:09:30,758 and I was counting on, uh, you know, Newman Robinson 229 00:09:30,801 --> 00:09:32,368 or whatever the fuck his name is. 230 00:09:32,412 --> 00:09:34,326 - Who? - The guy who looks like a fetus. 231 00:09:34,370 --> 00:09:36,111 - Oh, right. - And then Nandor and his boyfriend 232 00:09:36,154 --> 00:09:37,852 don't even show up? I mean... 233 00:09:37,895 --> 00:09:39,027 Well, I wouldn't take that personally. 234 00:09:39,070 --> 00:09:40,637 Listen, I know. It's just... 235 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,465 Nandor looks like he's a real big sleeper, right? 236 00:09:42,509 --> 00:09:43,988 I could sell him, like, 40 large. 237 00:09:44,032 --> 00:09:45,425 And then, you know, the little guy, 238 00:09:45,468 --> 00:09:47,383 listen, get him for ten, okay? He's poor. 239 00:09:47,427 --> 00:09:49,080 I mean, he wears the same cardigan everywhere. 240 00:09:49,124 --> 00:09:51,126 I sense there's something else that's bothering you. 241 00:09:51,169 --> 00:09:53,520 All right. All right. 242 00:09:53,563 --> 00:09:55,783 You got to promise me you're not gonna tell a soul. 243 00:09:55,826 --> 00:09:57,915 - I won't tell a soul. - Charmaine doesn't even know. 244 00:09:57,959 --> 00:09:59,351 - Really? - Yeah. 245 00:09:59,395 --> 00:10:01,484 - Okay, are you ready? - Yeah, I'm ready. 246 00:10:01,528 --> 00:10:03,704 All right. Hey, whoa, whoa! 247 00:10:03,747 --> 00:10:05,836 I got a cousin like that, but that's not me. 248 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,143 - Really? - Yeah, I respect you and everything... 249 00:10:08,186 --> 00:10:09,710 Okay. You won't remember anything 250 00:10:09,753 --> 00:10:12,756 about how you attempted to seduce me just now. 251 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,628 Continue with your tale. 252 00:10:14,671 --> 00:10:16,586 I'm in too deep. 253 00:10:16,630 --> 00:10:18,501 I bought a lot, a lot of pillows. 254 00:10:18,545 --> 00:10:20,416 I mean, so many. 255 00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:21,591 How many pillows? 256 00:10:24,376 --> 00:10:26,814 - Shit. - Yeah. I haven't sold that many, 257 00:10:26,857 --> 00:10:29,120 so I can't pay back the guy who sold them to me. 258 00:10:29,164 --> 00:10:31,209 And, uh, now he's taking me to small-claims court. 259 00:10:31,253 --> 00:10:33,211 So, how many of these have you actually sold? 260 00:10:34,212 --> 00:10:35,518 Three. 261 00:10:35,562 --> 00:10:37,041 Yeah. Charmaine wanted one, 262 00:10:37,085 --> 00:10:38,608 but you can't sell them to women because... 263 00:10:38,652 --> 00:10:40,044 - it's a men's-only pillow. - Men's-only pillow. 264 00:10:40,088 --> 00:10:41,393 Says so on the box. 265 00:10:41,437 --> 00:10:43,004 Yeah, yeah, it's legally binding. 266 00:10:43,047 --> 00:10:46,703 Court date's tomorrow night. I'm scared, Laz. 267 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,010 I don't want you to worry about this one second longer. 268 00:10:49,053 --> 00:10:50,533 I think I can get you out of this hole. 269 00:10:50,577 --> 00:10:53,841 I could kiss you, Laz! 270 00:10:55,886 --> 00:10:58,062 Maybe we could just put 271 00:10:58,106 --> 00:11:00,195 a sheet or a cloth over it or something. 272 00:11:00,238 --> 00:11:04,199 The throne is a very important symbol in the ceremony. 273 00:11:04,242 --> 00:11:05,592 Hmm. 274 00:11:05,635 --> 00:11:07,376 Well, I have an idea, but... Forget it. 275 00:11:07,419 --> 00:11:09,465 I have too many things to do today. 276 00:11:09,509 --> 00:11:11,423 - No, go on, Guillermo. - No, what is it? 277 00:11:11,467 --> 00:11:13,121 Well... 278 00:11:13,164 --> 00:11:14,339 I was thinking, 279 00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:17,212 why don't we put me in the robe, 280 00:11:17,255 --> 00:11:18,561 and I'll sit on the throne? 281 00:11:18,605 --> 00:11:19,954 I mean, I'm obviously not a vampire, 282 00:11:19,997 --> 00:11:21,608 but they don't know that. 283 00:11:21,651 --> 00:11:24,654 And I think that, you know, the symbolism will hold. 284 00:11:25,612 --> 00:11:27,156 - Worth a shot, I guess. - Works for me. 285 00:11:27,157 --> 00:11:28,266 An elegant solution. 286 00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:30,834 - Okay. - I love symbolism, so... 287 00:11:30,878 --> 00:11:32,314 A little bit higher. 288 00:11:35,143 --> 00:11:37,275 It's all a big game of chess. 289 00:11:37,319 --> 00:11:41,541 I just didn't say who was playing who... m. Whom. 290 00:11:44,021 --> 00:11:46,067 Go faster! 291 00:11:46,110 --> 00:11:49,505 Yeah! 292 00:11:51,246 --> 00:11:52,464 I'm getting dizzy. 293 00:11:55,598 --> 00:11:58,949 All right. Uh, Iorek the Knavish. 294 00:12:00,342 --> 00:12:01,473 The wraiths look much more disgusting 295 00:12:01,517 --> 00:12:03,214 than I remember them looking. 296 00:12:03,258 --> 00:12:05,042 Oh, yeah. We have them wear special masks 297 00:12:05,086 --> 00:12:06,566 for the Ceremonies of Judgment. 298 00:12:06,609 --> 00:12:08,829 Makes them look much scarier. 299 00:12:08,872 --> 00:12:12,136 Number Five? Wrong mask! Again! 300 00:12:12,180 --> 00:12:14,225 Every time with that one. 301 00:12:14,269 --> 00:12:17,794 Thank you. So, continuing... 302 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,230 Iorek the Knavish, 303 00:12:19,274 --> 00:12:21,189 you stand charged with selling 304 00:12:21,232 --> 00:12:25,019 your fellow vampires a so-called magical herb 305 00:12:25,062 --> 00:12:26,890 which you claimed would protect them 306 00:12:26,934 --> 00:12:28,936 from the ill effects of sunshine. 307 00:12:28,979 --> 00:12:30,590 Oh, that would be nice. 308 00:12:30,633 --> 00:12:32,243 Yes, indeed, it would be. 309 00:12:32,287 --> 00:12:34,942 If it worked! 310 00:12:37,945 --> 00:12:39,903 Please watch. 311 00:12:50,261 --> 00:12:52,089 How did you obtain this footage? 312 00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:53,700 The Crow-Cam. 313 00:12:53,743 --> 00:12:55,832 - Ah. - Hello. 314 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,181 It's gone. 315 00:12:57,225 --> 00:12:59,488 Nandor, it is clearly vampicide. 316 00:12:59,531 --> 00:13:01,490 Yes, multiple vampicide. 317 00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:02,839 Well, then, we should kill him. 318 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,972 Um, it might not be a bad idea 319 00:13:05,015 --> 00:13:06,669 to kick off our reign with something 320 00:13:06,713 --> 00:13:08,715 that shows a bit more mercy? 321 00:13:08,758 --> 00:13:10,412 Yeah, hmm? 322 00:13:10,455 --> 00:13:11,674 Is there a cell 323 00:13:11,718 --> 00:13:12,936 that he can be cast away in 324 00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:14,982 for hundreds of years? 325 00:13:15,025 --> 00:13:16,679 As you wish. 326 00:13:16,723 --> 00:13:19,856 For how many years specifically? 327 00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,510 - 500 years! - A hundred. 328 00:13:21,553 --> 00:13:23,425 - 150. - Two years is fine. Just two is good. 329 00:13:23,468 --> 00:13:26,689 Our next offender stands accused 330 00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:28,778 of breaking just about every rule 331 00:13:28,822 --> 00:13:31,433 by which we vampires keep our presence 332 00:13:31,476 --> 00:13:33,565 on this earth a secret. 333 00:13:36,003 --> 00:13:37,135 Ugh. Boo! 334 00:13:37,136 --> 00:13:39,093 Okay, so, hear me out. 335 00:13:39,136 --> 00:13:41,051 If you tell me the rules, I'd be down to follow them. 336 00:13:41,095 --> 00:13:42,879 If I may please continue? 337 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,925 - Yes. - Thank you. 338 00:13:44,968 --> 00:13:46,622 Derek is a member of the Mosquito Club. 339 00:13:46,666 --> 00:13:49,973 It was that, uh, vigilante vampire-hunting group 340 00:13:50,017 --> 00:13:51,627 that I joined accidentally. Accidentally joined. 341 00:13:51,671 --> 00:13:53,629 - My man. - GUILLERMO: And then we went 342 00:13:53,673 --> 00:13:54,804 to that weird house with the vampire family, 343 00:13:54,848 --> 00:13:56,501 and they attacked us. 344 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:57,938 - Come on! Let's go! - We did it! 345 00:13:57,981 --> 00:13:59,504 We actually found the... 346 00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:02,159 And he was left behind. I-I left him behind. 347 00:14:02,203 --> 00:14:04,727 - Where's Derek? - It's too late for him now. 348 00:14:04,771 --> 00:14:06,816 I've had to live with that every day since that night, so... 349 00:14:06,860 --> 00:14:09,079 I... I... I thought he was dead. 350 00:14:09,123 --> 00:14:10,428 Derek, 351 00:14:10,472 --> 00:14:12,517 you have accrued the following charges: 352 00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,955 turning into a bat on the subway 353 00:14:14,998 --> 00:14:18,045 in an attempt to scare teenagers, 354 00:14:18,088 --> 00:14:22,049 stealing IV bags from blood donor centers across the city... 355 00:14:22,092 --> 00:14:24,529 Also, what are you wearing? 356 00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:26,183 You are wearing bad vampire fashions. 357 00:14:26,227 --> 00:14:29,317 - That is the most heinous crime! - Well, I mean, 358 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,929 I didn't know where to get proper vampire finery, 359 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,496 but the Hot Topic at the mall had some really great stuff. 360 00:14:34,539 --> 00:14:35,758 I mean, they're fast fashion, but... 361 00:14:35,802 --> 00:14:37,934 If I may continue? 362 00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:40,632 Feeding on bystanders out in the open 363 00:14:40,676 --> 00:14:42,983 who have fallen asleep on park benches. 364 00:14:43,026 --> 00:14:44,854 What's the alternative? 365 00:14:44,898 --> 00:14:46,769 Owning an unlicensed hellhound. 366 00:14:46,813 --> 00:14:48,322 I'm sorry, y... you mean Aspen? 367 00:14:48,323 --> 00:14:49,670 - Hey, boy. - Nandor, be careful. 368 00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:50,675 Are you in there? 369 00:14:51,721 --> 00:14:52,802 - Stay back! - Aspen! 370 00:14:52,803 --> 00:14:54,110 Sit! 371 00:14:54,111 --> 00:14:56,126 If I may please continue?! 372 00:14:56,170 --> 00:14:57,649 - Sorry. - We've got a lot to do! 373 00:14:57,693 --> 00:14:59,173 Sorry, yes. 374 00:14:59,216 --> 00:15:02,219 Owning an unlicensed hellhound. 375 00:15:02,263 --> 00:15:05,135 Oh, that was actually it. Sorry. We're done. 376 00:15:05,179 --> 00:15:07,790 - Okay. - These crimes you have committed 377 00:15:07,834 --> 00:15:10,445 are despicable! 378 00:15:10,488 --> 00:15:12,142 What do you have to say for yourself? 379 00:15:12,186 --> 00:15:14,536 I don't know. Whoops? 380 00:15:14,579 --> 00:15:16,625 That was a shit response, 381 00:15:16,668 --> 00:15:17,931 - wasn't it? - I... I'm sure 382 00:15:17,974 --> 00:15:20,194 what he meant to say is that surely 383 00:15:20,237 --> 00:15:22,500 there's an explanation somehow, right? 384 00:15:22,544 --> 00:15:24,241 I guess I just do fucked-up shit now. 385 00:15:24,285 --> 00:15:26,156 That's just who I am. 386 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,593 A vampire that draws attention to vampirism 387 00:15:28,637 --> 00:15:30,813 is a threat to all vampires everywhere. 388 00:15:30,857 --> 00:15:33,076 Yes. And, also, I was thinking, 389 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:34,730 because we showed the other man mercy, 390 00:15:34,774 --> 00:15:36,950 for this one, I think we just balls to the wall, 391 00:15:36,993 --> 00:15:38,647 just go fucking crazy. 392 00:15:38,690 --> 00:15:40,344 I agree completely. 393 00:15:40,388 --> 00:15:42,303 - Well, I think that... - Then we are of one brain! 394 00:15:42,346 --> 00:15:47,090 - We sentence you to death! - Death. 395 00:15:47,134 --> 00:15:48,962 - I'm sorry, come again? - Derek, you are 396 00:15:49,005 --> 00:15:52,617 hereby sentenced to be thrown into the Well of Daylight, 397 00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,445 where you will die 398 00:15:54,489 --> 00:15:57,231 by the rays of tomorrow's sunrise. 399 00:16:01,801 --> 00:16:03,541 Derek. Hey. 400 00:16:03,585 --> 00:16:05,700 - Guillermo. Hey, dude. - Just wanted to stop by 401 00:16:05,701 --> 00:16:08,590 and say, um... I'm sorry. 402 00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:10,287 This is all my fault. I could've done more. 403 00:16:10,331 --> 00:16:12,289 It should've been me that was left behind. 404 00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:13,900 No, no, no. There's no way you could've known... Ah! 405 00:16:13,943 --> 00:16:15,771 - No, Derek, stay away from the sun. - Ah! 406 00:16:17,207 --> 00:16:18,252 I thought that was obvious. 407 00:16:18,295 --> 00:16:20,123 Well, you know, I sort of wish 408 00:16:20,167 --> 00:16:22,169 maybe you'd looked me up and, I don't know, 409 00:16:22,212 --> 00:16:24,301 given me a rule book or something. 410 00:16:24,345 --> 00:16:26,173 Is there even a rule book... Ah! Goddamn it! 411 00:16:26,216 --> 00:16:27,652 Get out of the sun, Derek! 412 00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:29,306 No! Just follow 413 00:16:29,350 --> 00:16:31,308 the sound of my voice! This way. 414 00:16:31,352 --> 00:16:32,614 Geez. 415 00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:34,311 That is gonna scab. 416 00:16:34,355 --> 00:16:36,183 I thought that would be common sense to... You know what? 417 00:16:36,226 --> 00:16:39,447 Here. Put this on and cover yourself with it, okay? 418 00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:41,492 Don't move. I'm gonna get you out of here. 419 00:16:41,536 --> 00:16:42,711 Thanks, Guillermo. 420 00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,672 Ah, damn it! 421 00:16:50,588 --> 00:16:52,634 You know, I've been thinking... 422 00:16:52,677 --> 00:16:54,027 Oh, great. 423 00:16:54,070 --> 00:16:56,072 I was actually surprised that you let Nadja 424 00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:59,336 talk you into killing that Derek guy. 425 00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:01,991 I didn't let Nadja talk me into doing anything. 426 00:17:02,035 --> 00:17:06,909 Really? And yet you let Nadja steamroll over you like that... 427 00:17:06,953 --> 00:17:08,563 - Are you done? - Yes, but... 428 00:17:08,606 --> 00:17:10,173 - Good. - You said... 429 00:17:10,217 --> 00:17:11,653 I thought I had mastered the game. 430 00:17:11,696 --> 00:17:13,046 Just whispering in people's ears. 431 00:17:13,089 --> 00:17:14,438 - Between you and I... - Hmm? 432 00:17:14,482 --> 00:17:15,483 Calling the shots. 433 00:17:15,526 --> 00:17:17,137 People have been saying that 434 00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:19,139 you just sentenced that Derek guy to death because 435 00:17:19,182 --> 00:17:21,228 You let Nandor walk all over you. 436 00:17:21,271 --> 00:17:23,099 Have a fucking day off, Guillermo. 437 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:26,102 No one said that. Please do not talk anymore. 438 00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:28,800 But I think I really biffed this one. 439 00:17:28,844 --> 00:17:32,239 Garry Degen v. Sean Rinaldi? 440 00:17:32,282 --> 00:17:33,675 Present and accounted for, Your Honor. 441 00:17:33,718 --> 00:17:36,199 It says here you have representation? 442 00:17:36,243 --> 00:17:37,374 Oh, yeah. 443 00:17:37,418 --> 00:17:40,334 Have no fear. Here I am. 444 00:17:40,377 --> 00:17:42,249 Sean has been done an injustice, 445 00:17:42,292 --> 00:17:44,338 and I won't stand for it. Luckily for him, 446 00:17:44,381 --> 00:17:47,776 I am no stranger to the song and dance of the courtroom, 447 00:17:47,819 --> 00:17:50,997 for I myself used to be a barrister on the Queen's Bench. 448 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,347 Mainly representing myself for crimes 449 00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:55,740 such as soliciting and pornography. 450 00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:58,613 But I've mainly defended a lot of hogs. 451 00:17:58,656 --> 00:18:00,136 And horses. 452 00:18:01,833 --> 00:18:03,879 What is this, some kind of Hamilton thing? 453 00:18:03,923 --> 00:18:06,099 - What? - Your Honor, if I may, 454 00:18:06,142 --> 00:18:08,101 New York State Statute 82 455 00:18:08,144 --> 00:18:11,147 clearly states that legal counsel's attire cannot be 456 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,019 - discriminated against. - All right, fine. 457 00:18:13,062 --> 00:18:15,064 Oh, yeah. I googled that this morning 458 00:18:15,108 --> 00:18:17,545 when I saw him in that old lady's wig. 459 00:18:17,588 --> 00:18:21,592 My only other duty as his de facto paralegal seems to be 460 00:18:21,636 --> 00:18:24,769 hauling around his file boxes, which... 461 00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:26,249 between you and me... 462 00:18:26,293 --> 00:18:28,817 mostly contain pornography. 463 00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:32,168 Now, my lords, ladies and gentlemen, 464 00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:35,128 I feel a huge injustice has occurred here today, 465 00:18:35,171 --> 00:18:37,565 - and it needs addressing. - And what's that? 466 00:18:37,608 --> 00:18:39,959 Well, this chap has the hair of a pedophile. 467 00:18:40,002 --> 00:18:42,526 I've got to be honest, I haven't stepped inside a court 468 00:18:42,570 --> 00:18:44,006 for about 300 years. 469 00:18:44,050 --> 00:18:46,008 - Objection! - This is your fourth 470 00:18:46,052 --> 00:18:48,837 objection in the last minute, Mr. Cravensworth. Overruled. 471 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,057 - Objection. - What about? 472 00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:52,319 Objection? 473 00:18:52,362 --> 00:18:53,885 So, my techniques 474 00:18:53,929 --> 00:18:55,191 and my methods might be a bit old-fashioned. 475 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:57,759 May I approach the bitch? 476 00:18:57,802 --> 00:18:59,152 What did you say? 477 00:18:59,195 --> 00:19:00,892 I said, "May I approach the bench?" 478 00:19:00,936 --> 00:19:03,112 - Ah. - What did you think I said? 479 00:19:03,156 --> 00:19:06,028 Right. I'm ready to wrap this up. 480 00:19:06,072 --> 00:19:10,946 The common man... whether he be Neanderthal, troglodyte... 481 00:19:10,990 --> 00:19:12,904 they all deserve their day in court. 482 00:19:12,948 --> 00:19:15,995 A slice of a fair system, wouldn't you say? 483 00:19:16,038 --> 00:19:17,344 I think I've heard enough, thank you. 484 00:19:17,387 --> 00:19:18,693 Judgment for the plaintiff 485 00:19:18,736 --> 00:19:22,001 in the amount of $12,700. 486 00:19:22,044 --> 00:19:23,567 What's she talking about? 487 00:19:23,611 --> 00:19:24,786 We lost. 488 00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:26,657 What the fuck? 489 00:19:28,746 --> 00:19:30,400 Fuck. 490 00:19:30,444 --> 00:19:32,707 - I need to see Nadja. - No, no. 491 00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:34,622 - Nadja? - No, no, bro. 492 00:19:34,665 --> 00:19:36,145 She's not there. Come on. God, you're heavy. 493 00:19:36,189 --> 00:19:37,190 - I think I'm gonna puke. - What happened? 494 00:19:37,190 --> 00:19:39,322 Well, he lost a court case 495 00:19:39,366 --> 00:19:41,281 and he took it pretty hard, and we went to a bar 496 00:19:41,324 --> 00:19:42,891 to... help him unwind. 497 00:19:42,934 --> 00:19:45,415 - Wait, Laszlo's a lawyer? - Yeah. 498 00:19:45,459 --> 00:19:48,114 We met some finance guys, and next thing you know, 499 00:19:48,157 --> 00:19:49,680 double-fisting drinks. 500 00:19:49,724 --> 00:19:51,900 They take off, we lose track of Laz. 501 00:19:51,943 --> 00:19:54,337 They must've gone out barhopping or something. 502 00:19:54,381 --> 00:19:56,644 Oh, I can't believe this is the first time 503 00:19:56,687 --> 00:20:00,952 I'm inside your guys's place. You must do a lot of antiquing. 504 00:20:00,996 --> 00:20:02,084 Nope. Don't touch that. 505 00:20:02,128 --> 00:20:04,173 Jennifer the Dreadfully Loathsome, 506 00:20:04,217 --> 00:20:07,089 we would like to officially apologize for the distress 507 00:20:07,133 --> 00:20:09,352 your name has caused you, and we hereby 508 00:20:09,396 --> 00:20:12,138 grant you permission to change your name henceforth. 509 00:20:12,181 --> 00:20:14,488 - Yes. - As requested, you will be known 510 00:20:14,531 --> 00:20:16,881 as Gabby the Dreadfully Loathsome. 511 00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:18,100 - Gabby. - Congratulations, my love. 512 00:20:18,144 --> 00:20:19,493 Thank you. 513 00:20:19,536 --> 00:20:20,798 I think we're done, guys. Excellent day. 514 00:20:20,842 --> 00:20:22,017 Wait! 515 00:20:22,061 --> 00:20:23,540 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 516 00:20:23,584 --> 00:20:25,151 What is the meaning of this outburst, Guillermo? 517 00:20:25,194 --> 00:20:27,544 He's supposed to be ashes by now. 518 00:20:27,588 --> 00:20:30,373 The prisoner was sentenced to death. 519 00:20:30,417 --> 00:20:33,028 And by some miracle... escaped. 520 00:20:33,072 --> 00:20:34,943 - What are you talking about? You helped me... Oh. - Shut... 521 00:20:34,986 --> 00:20:37,163 He escaped! But a... according to 522 00:20:37,206 --> 00:20:40,253 Codicil 18 of the Vampiric Council Code of Conduct... 523 00:20:40,296 --> 00:20:41,950 I just made that up. 524 00:20:41,993 --> 00:20:46,128 Codicil 18: The prisoner is entitled to... 525 00:20:46,172 --> 00:20:47,912 a defense attorney! 526 00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:51,220 Oh, for fuck's sake... 527 00:20:51,264 --> 00:20:54,441 All rise. The Honorable Laszlo... 528 00:20:54,484 --> 00:20:55,833 Well, you-you know who he is. 529 00:20:55,877 --> 00:20:58,140 My lords and ladies of... 530 00:20:58,184 --> 00:21:00,795 - jury. - Ugh. 531 00:21:02,449 --> 00:21:03,624 Eh... 532 00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:07,497 Um... 533 00:21:07,541 --> 00:21:10,718 Is there any more? Okay... great. 534 00:21:10,761 --> 00:21:12,372 He's never been very good with his blood liquor. 535 00:21:12,415 --> 00:21:16,550 If I may quote my favorite comedian, Monty Python, 536 00:21:16,593 --> 00:21:18,552 "We better get a bucket." 537 00:21:18,595 --> 00:21:20,380 He's gonna throw up. 538 00:21:20,423 --> 00:21:21,685 I think he's gonna puke. 539 00:21:21,729 --> 00:21:23,513 No! Before that, I think what he was 540 00:21:23,557 --> 00:21:25,385 going to say is that he... 541 00:21:25,428 --> 00:21:30,041 volunteers to take this young vampire under his wing. 542 00:21:30,085 --> 00:21:31,695 - Did he say that? - Yes. And, of course, 543 00:21:31,739 --> 00:21:33,828 make him, you know, work off his transgressions. 544 00:21:33,871 --> 00:21:36,091 And also, uh, vouch for any future, 545 00:21:36,135 --> 00:21:38,267 uh, uh, behavior of his. Right? Right, Laszlo? 546 00:21:38,311 --> 00:21:40,182 La... Laszlo? 547 00:21:40,226 --> 00:21:41,705 - That's a yes? - That's a yes. 548 00:21:41,749 --> 00:21:43,707 I think it would be so lovely for him 549 00:21:43,751 --> 00:21:46,101 if you just let him win this first case, just for Laszlo. 550 00:21:46,145 --> 00:21:47,711 Please? 551 00:21:47,755 --> 00:21:50,149 Okay, fine. I don't even care at this point. 552 00:21:50,192 --> 00:21:52,107 Release the prisoner. 553 00:21:52,151 --> 00:21:53,935 Laszlo has won a case! 554 00:21:53,978 --> 00:21:55,806 Very good. Well done, my love! 555 00:21:55,850 --> 00:21:57,286 - You won your first case ever! - Well done. Well done, Laszlo. 556 00:21:57,286 --> 00:21:58,853 Congratulations. 557 00:21:58,896 --> 00:22:00,246 Guillermo, you, uh, you saved me. 558 00:22:00,289 --> 00:22:02,378 Oh, no. Thank your l... yeah, all right. 559 00:22:02,422 --> 00:22:03,858 Yeah. I guess it was kind of me. 560 00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:08,036 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Guillermo, you step away 561 00:22:08,079 --> 00:22:09,472 from that crate this instant. 562 00:22:09,516 --> 00:22:10,778 Get your hands off that lock 563 00:22:10,821 --> 00:22:12,214 - immediately! - Guillermo, 564 00:22:12,258 --> 00:22:13,476 hellhounds are not to be trifled with. 565 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:14,564 Don't do this! 566 00:22:14,608 --> 00:22:15,870 Did you ever stop and think 567 00:22:15,913 --> 00:22:18,220 that maybe this creature was just hungry? 568 00:22:18,264 --> 00:22:20,614 - Or afraid? - D... don't. Don't open that door. 569 00:22:20,657 --> 00:22:21,931 Or both? 570 00:22:21,932 --> 00:22:22,932 Don't do it! 571 00:22:22,933 --> 00:22:25,271 - Hey... ! - There he is. 572 00:22:25,314 --> 00:22:27,577 Good boy. See? 573 00:22:27,621 --> 00:22:29,144 He just needed some love and attention. 574 00:22:29,188 --> 00:22:31,015 - Away, hellhound. - Who's a good boy? 575 00:22:31,059 --> 00:22:32,365 - Good boy. - How is he doing that? 576 00:22:32,408 --> 00:22:35,716 Maybe it's part of his magical DNA. 577 00:22:35,759 --> 00:22:36,759 Lay! 578 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,371 Good boy. 579 00:22:38,414 --> 00:22:41,722 And he's got an enchanted nutsack as well, apparently. 580 00:22:54,996 --> 00:22:56,389 Yes, good evening, sir. 581 00:22:56,432 --> 00:22:57,868 Introducing the Guy Pillow. 582 00:22:57,912 --> 00:22:59,130 For the man that has everything except... 583 00:22:59,174 --> 00:23:02,264 Nah. Not interested. 584 00:23:02,308 --> 00:23:06,834 I... hereby... command you or whatever... 585 00:23:06,877 --> 00:23:09,010 to not be a dick about this right now. 586 00:24:25,042 --> 00:24:26,043 Mom. 587 00:24:28,394 --> 00:24:30,787 Mom. 588 00:24:32,441 --> 00:24:34,443 The President kissed me. 589 00:24:55,246 --> 00:24:56,857 My name's Archer. 590 00:24:56,900 --> 00:24:58,989 Uh, I'm an egomaniac who endangers every mission. 591 00:24:59,033 --> 00:25:02,428 Also, I'm inebriated almost 24 hours a day. 592 00:25:02,471 --> 00:25:04,778 Lose the almost and then take it again 593 00:25:11,132 --> 00:25:12,351 Please try to avoid sudden ships and wait. 594 00:25:12,394 --> 00:25:14,091 Sorry. Hey! 595 00:25:14,135 --> 00:25:16,877 My name is B.J. Novak. I want to tell you about the show I made. 596 00:25:18,487 --> 00:25:20,315 Every episode is completely different. 597 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:21,403 Pop-culture. Sex. 598 00:25:21,447 --> 00:25:22,926 - MAN Revenge. - Guns. 599 00:25:22,970 --> 00:25:25,189 Must be training for something 600 00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:26,756 Meaningful issues... 601 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,149 Celebrity worship is better. 602 00:25:28,192 --> 00:25:30,194 ... explored through meaningless comedy. 603 00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:32,588 You never forget a scrotum like that. 604 00:25:32,632 --> 00:25:34,242 Haunts my dreams. 605 00:25:34,285 --> 00:25:35,330 That's it. 606 00:25:36,724 --> 00:25:41,724 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -