1
00:00:23,459 --> 00:00:24,503
Let's try this.
2
00:00:24,547 --> 00:00:27,071
What does this look like? Huh?
3
00:00:27,115 --> 00:00:29,769
Nandor's deprogramming is
taking longer than we thought.
4
00:00:29,813 --> 00:00:33,643
Bat. Okay, let's try this. Who am I?
5
00:00:33,686 --> 00:00:36,994
"It's me, Nandor.
The world's greatest vampire."
6
00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,865
I'm you.
7
00:00:40,258 --> 00:00:43,174
Okay, how about this?
8
00:00:43,218 --> 00:00:44,958
Well, well, well.
9
00:00:45,002 --> 00:00:48,919
Seems like what we have here
is a failure to communicate.
10
00:00:48,962 --> 00:00:53,837
The prisoner will be reminded
not to try to bend these bars,
11
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:57,667
or he might just end up getting the prod.
12
00:00:59,495 --> 00:01:01,845
It's, uh... it's, uh, getting hot.
13
00:01:01,888 --> 00:01:03,499
It got hot.
14
00:01:03,542 --> 00:01:05,109
Can I have the... Thank you, Nandor.
15
00:01:05,153 --> 00:01:06,241
So, it has come to this?
16
00:01:06,284 --> 00:01:09,026
My own friends imprisoning me
17
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:11,507
on the word of my own
simpleminded familiar.
18
00:01:11,531 --> 00:01:12,536
- Bodyguard.
- Familiar.
19
00:01:12,537 --> 00:01:15,119
Nandor, we are
just trying to help you.
20
00:01:15,163 --> 00:01:17,643
I mean, look at you. You
are clearly brainwashed.
21
00:01:17,687 --> 00:01:19,428
I am not brainwashed.
22
00:01:19,471 --> 00:01:22,648
For years I have single-handedly
held this house together.
23
00:01:22,692 --> 00:01:24,085
You mock me.
24
00:01:24,128 --> 00:01:25,999
You disrespect me, you contradict me.
25
00:01:26,043 --> 00:01:27,610
Uh, no, we don't.
26
00:01:27,653 --> 00:01:29,002
Laszlo.
27
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,918
You are the laziest
vampire I have ever had
28
00:01:31,962 --> 00:01:33,181
the misfortune of meeting.
29
00:01:33,224 --> 00:01:34,660
Thank you.
30
00:01:34,704 --> 00:01:36,488
Born with a silver dick in your mouth.
31
00:01:36,532 --> 00:01:39,361
- Huh.
- Never even lifted a hand to help me in this house.
32
00:01:39,404 --> 00:01:41,580
- Nope.
- Because they were both too occupied
33
00:01:41,624 --> 00:01:43,495
giving constant self-pleasure.
34
00:01:43,539 --> 00:01:46,498
Nadja, you openly laugh and mock me
35
00:01:46,542 --> 00:01:48,370
for my romantic tribulations.
36
00:01:48,413 --> 00:01:51,112
Which are a cause of great pain for me.
37
00:01:51,155 --> 00:01:54,332
And when it comes to matters
of the Vampiric Council,
38
00:01:54,376 --> 00:01:56,465
when I say to do A,
39
00:01:56,508 --> 00:01:58,467
it is guaranteed that
you will say, "Do B."
40
00:01:58,510 --> 00:02:00,338
Uh, do me next. This is fun.
41
00:02:00,382 --> 00:02:01,861
I would not even remember your name
42
00:02:01,905 --> 00:02:03,472
if it was not written
on a piece of paper
43
00:02:03,515 --> 00:02:04,908
that I keep in my pocket at all times.
44
00:02:04,951 --> 00:02:07,824
- Shit, Nandor. That's low.
- Yeah.
45
00:02:07,867 --> 00:02:10,043
That wasn't as fun as
I thought it might be.
46
00:02:10,087 --> 00:02:11,393
And you!
47
00:02:11,436 --> 00:02:14,700
I finally find a place where I am happy.
48
00:02:14,744 --> 00:02:18,530
You drag me away from my
new life back into this hell.
49
00:02:18,574 --> 00:02:20,141
I'm sorry, Master.
50
00:02:20,184 --> 00:02:23,535
I am sick and tired of
being sick and tired,
51
00:02:23,579 --> 00:02:26,799
which is why I've decided
there is only one solution.
52
00:02:26,843 --> 00:02:30,107
It is time...
53
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:32,196
for me to take a Super Slumber.
54
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,504
- No, no, no, no. That's... No.
- Oh, it can't be.
55
00:02:35,547 --> 00:02:37,419
- That's a terrible idea.
- What's happening?
56
00:02:37,462 --> 00:02:39,508
What's happening?
57
00:03:04,621 --> 00:03:09,621
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
58
00:03:14,238 --> 00:03:16,458
A Super Slumber is an act performed
59
00:03:16,501 --> 00:03:18,764
by the most desperate of vampire.
60
00:03:18,808 --> 00:03:21,202
It is basically a vampire hibernation.
61
00:03:21,245 --> 00:03:24,379
It is performed when times are
particularly hard for vampires.
62
00:03:24,422 --> 00:03:27,208
A way of sitting out
a bad epoch in history.
63
00:03:27,251 --> 00:03:29,253
The Super Slumber consists of a vampire
64
00:03:29,297 --> 00:03:32,604
sleeping for either 50 years, 100 years,
65
00:03:32,648 --> 00:03:34,171
or worst-case scenario,
66
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,347
up to 300 years.
67
00:03:36,391 --> 00:03:38,262
It is a choice worse than death.
68
00:03:38,306 --> 00:03:40,569
Those who enter Super Slumber fall
69
00:03:40,612 --> 00:03:43,180
into a dark, dreamless existence.
70
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:47,706
When they wake, they are
weak, pathetic, empty,
71
00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:50,492
- starved nothings.
- And every human being they knew is dead,
72
00:03:50,535 --> 00:03:53,408
and every vampire they knew
is scattered to the four winds
73
00:03:53,451 --> 00:03:55,540
and started a new life without them.
74
00:03:55,584 --> 00:03:59,675
It really is the most desperate
measure for any vampire.
75
00:03:59,718 --> 00:04:02,504
And it must be respected.
76
00:04:09,989 --> 00:04:12,905
I wish it had not come
to this, but it has.
77
00:04:12,949 --> 00:04:15,604
Perhaps we will see each other again.
78
00:04:15,647 --> 00:04:17,258
But probably not.
79
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,870
- Nandor, if I may?
- Yes.
80
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:24,526
"Nandor the Relentless,
81
00:04:24,569 --> 00:04:26,397
I have enjoyed our time together
82
00:04:26,441 --> 00:04:29,922
- at the Vampiric Council where we have achieved so much."
- Mm.
83
00:04:29,966 --> 00:04:32,795
Because
together we get it done.
84
00:04:32,838 --> 00:04:35,624
"May this Super
Slumber ease your pain,
85
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:37,147
and may you awaken to a world
86
00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:39,367
that is kinder to you
than we have been."
87
00:04:39,410 --> 00:04:40,890
Thank you, Nadja.
88
00:04:40,933 --> 00:04:43,545
- I, too, have written something.
- Yes.
89
00:04:45,721 --> 00:04:47,288
"Nan."
90
00:04:47,331 --> 00:04:49,115
That's it.
91
00:04:49,159 --> 00:04:50,900
Sorry, old chap, I thought I'd
written more, but I haven't.
92
00:04:50,943 --> 00:04:54,512
Thank you for that kind word.
93
00:04:54,556 --> 00:04:56,645
There, there, Colin Robinson.
94
00:04:56,688 --> 00:04:58,821
Let not my departure upset you.
95
00:04:58,864 --> 00:05:01,258
No, it's not that. It's just...
96
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,957
I can't help but think
that you're doing this
97
00:05:05,001 --> 00:05:09,353
to get out of coming to my
100th birthday party tonight.
98
00:05:11,050 --> 00:05:13,923
I did not even know that
it was your birthday today.
99
00:05:13,966 --> 00:05:16,099
And that's another reason I'm crying!
100
00:05:16,142 --> 00:05:18,275
Okay, well...
101
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:21,017
kind of thought this moment was
gonna be a bit more about me,
102
00:05:21,060 --> 00:05:23,367
but, uh, anyway, thank you all.
103
00:05:23,411 --> 00:05:26,283
And now, I bid you all farewell.
104
00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:30,026
- Oh, farewell.
- Farewell. Farewell.
105
00:05:30,069 --> 00:05:32,420
And...
106
00:05:32,463 --> 00:05:34,160
Don't film us like this.
107
00:05:34,204 --> 00:05:35,466
Colin, come on.
108
00:05:35,510 --> 00:05:36,728
Eat shit.
109
00:05:36,772 --> 00:05:39,296
Aye. Thank you.
110
00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:43,909
Let go of my hand!
111
00:05:47,130 --> 00:05:48,958
I wish you weren't doing this, Master.
112
00:05:51,221 --> 00:05:53,092
My dear Guillermo.
113
00:05:53,136 --> 00:05:56,748
You will miss me. Close the lid.
114
00:06:18,161 --> 00:06:20,163
Please, guys.
115
00:06:20,206 --> 00:06:21,817
Does everything have to be on camera?
116
00:06:21,860 --> 00:06:23,775
Just... can you please
just give me like a minute?
117
00:06:23,819 --> 00:06:25,951
Just please.
118
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:44,927
Well...
119
00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:46,842
what's done is done.
120
00:06:50,323 --> 00:06:52,848
I come bearing news.
121
00:06:52,891 --> 00:06:55,459
Why can't you use a fucking
door like anyone else?
122
00:06:55,503 --> 00:06:57,722
What's the point of being
able to turn into smoke
123
00:06:57,766 --> 00:06:59,768
if you're just going to
go around using doors?
124
00:06:59,811 --> 00:07:01,813
What is your news?
125
00:07:01,857 --> 00:07:05,948
"The Supreme Worldwide Vampiric Council
126
00:07:05,991 --> 00:07:08,603
has invited you to receive
127
00:07:08,646 --> 00:07:10,474
a delegation from the Old World...
128
00:07:10,518 --> 00:07:12,868
... here at your home,
129
00:07:12,911 --> 00:07:15,087
with the intent of inspecting
130
00:07:15,131 --> 00:07:18,569
the progress you've made thus
far in running the council."
131
00:07:18,613 --> 00:07:21,398
This is a huge honor for us,
132
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,835
but like all huge honors,
it's a pain in the nutsack.
133
00:07:23,879 --> 00:07:25,837
- But a huge honor all the same.
- Yes.
134
00:07:25,881 --> 00:07:28,579
I have always dreamed of
meeting someone important.
135
00:07:28,623 --> 00:07:30,668
No one important ever
came to our village.
136
00:07:30,712 --> 00:07:33,279
There was one time that
the rubbish man came
137
00:07:33,323 --> 00:07:36,195
to collect all the shit,
and he assigned, uh,
138
00:07:36,239 --> 00:07:39,547
pieces of rubbish for the
children and autographed it.
139
00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:41,157
We danced for the next three months,
140
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,115
so you can imagine this is just...
141
00:07:43,159 --> 00:07:45,640
Wow! Very exciting for me.
142
00:07:45,683 --> 00:07:47,729
And when will this
delegation be arriving?
143
00:07:47,772 --> 00:07:49,905
Let's see, on the night of...
144
00:07:49,948 --> 00:07:51,123
tonight.
145
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:53,299
- What?
- At the hour of 8:30.
146
00:07:53,343 --> 00:07:54,823
8:30 tonight?
147
00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:56,302
- Mm-hmm.
- This is all very, very soon.
148
00:07:56,346 --> 00:07:57,869
Maybe they could come tomorrow night,
149
00:07:57,913 --> 00:07:59,567
and then we could
really lay on a really...
150
00:07:59,610 --> 00:08:01,830
The Supreme Worldwide Vampiric Council
151
00:08:01,873 --> 00:08:04,049
does not shift things
around in their book!
152
00:08:04,093 --> 00:08:06,487
All right, all right. Keep your hair on.
153
00:08:06,530 --> 00:08:08,532
I've already arranged for some
local vampires to come round
154
00:08:08,576 --> 00:08:10,099
for Colin Robinson's birthday.
155
00:08:10,142 --> 00:08:12,144
The more the merrier.
156
00:08:12,188 --> 00:08:15,713
- Wait. I... I have to share my birthday party with a...
- Yes!
157
00:08:15,757 --> 00:08:17,541
You're lucky to have a birthday party!
158
00:08:17,585 --> 00:08:21,197
It's true. And now, you
and Nandor should prepare
159
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,895
some remarks about running
the council together.
160
00:08:23,939 --> 00:08:25,288
- They're very intrigued.
- Well, the thing is...
161
00:08:26,855 --> 00:08:29,945
- 8:30 is perfect, thank you.
- Wonderful.
162
00:08:32,643 --> 00:08:34,079
Geez Louise.
163
00:08:34,123 --> 00:08:36,038
- Ideas?
- I should wake him up?
164
00:08:36,081 --> 00:08:37,343
- We'll just wake him up.
- I should wake him up.
165
00:08:37,343 --> 00:08:38,954
- Wake him up.
- Okay.
166
00:08:42,914 --> 00:08:44,568
Master?
167
00:08:44,612 --> 00:08:46,004
Master, I'm sorry.
168
00:08:46,048 --> 00:08:47,702
Master?
169
00:08:47,745 --> 00:08:49,355
Who is there,
and what is going on?
170
00:08:49,399 --> 00:08:51,096
Sorry, it's me, Guillermo. Sorry.
171
00:08:56,188 --> 00:08:57,407
Wow.
172
00:08:57,450 --> 00:09:00,932
800 years really went by so fast.
173
00:09:00,976 --> 00:09:02,760
- Well, that's because technically...
- Oh.
174
00:09:02,804 --> 00:09:05,546
Guillermo, you look awful.
175
00:09:05,589 --> 00:09:08,461
- Okay.
- The ravages of time have not been kind to you
176
00:09:08,505 --> 00:09:10,768
and your formerly boyish face.
177
00:09:10,812 --> 00:09:12,857
Okay, well, it's because it...
not a lot of time has gone...
178
00:09:12,901 --> 00:09:15,338
- Tell me.
- You've been asleep for 30 minutes.
179
00:09:15,381 --> 00:09:17,514
Then why are you waking me up?!
180
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,865
This is not an emergency at all.
181
00:09:20,909 --> 00:09:22,345
But we have told everyone
182
00:09:22,388 --> 00:09:24,347
that we are coleaders of the council.
183
00:09:24,390 --> 00:09:26,479
Fine. I hereby relinquish my control.
184
00:09:26,523 --> 00:09:28,220
You are now sole leader.
185
00:09:28,264 --> 00:09:30,266
Congratulations, long live the Queen.
186
00:09:30,309 --> 00:09:32,355
- Good night forever.
- But the delegation is going to think...
187
00:09:32,398 --> 00:09:33,748
- Nandor, come back. Come back.
- What?
188
00:09:33,791 --> 00:09:37,447
Why don't you just delay your
Super Slumber a couple of days?
189
00:09:37,490 --> 00:09:39,318
You wouldn't miss Colin
Robinson's birthday.
190
00:09:39,362 --> 00:09:41,190
- Why do you have such a cock up...
- Why would I give
191
00:09:41,233 --> 00:09:43,496
- a flying fuck about that?
- ... for Colin Robinson's birthday?
192
00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:46,499
Just inform the delegation
that I was a threat to power,
193
00:09:46,543 --> 00:09:47,979
so you killed me.
194
00:09:48,023 --> 00:09:50,199
You rule without mercy, remember?
195
00:09:50,242 --> 00:09:53,637
- They love that shit.
- That would be a humiliating end for you.
196
00:09:53,681 --> 00:09:55,465
Who cares? Not me.
197
00:09:55,508 --> 00:09:57,772
So, good night, forever.
198
00:09:57,815 --> 00:10:00,252
See you in 100 years, probably not.
199
00:10:03,125 --> 00:10:04,474
Master, I really wish
you weren't doing this.
200
00:10:04,517 --> 00:10:06,215
Again with the "make me a vampire" shit?
201
00:10:06,258 --> 00:10:08,739
No. No, no, I don't even
care about that anymore.
202
00:10:08,783 --> 00:10:11,002
I just... I don't want you to go.
203
00:10:11,046 --> 00:10:13,570
So just stick around
for the next 100 years,
204
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,267
and we'll be together
again when I wake up.
205
00:10:15,311 --> 00:10:18,444
I'll be 130 years old, aka dead.
206
00:10:18,488 --> 00:10:19,881
You don't know that.
207
00:10:19,924 --> 00:10:21,404
So maybe you should
spend the next 100 years
208
00:10:21,447 --> 00:10:23,798
practicing to be less of a pessimist.
209
00:10:23,841 --> 00:10:26,191
- I'm closing the lid now, thank you.
- No, w...
210
00:10:35,810 --> 00:10:37,986
- Guillermo!
- Sorry.
211
00:10:38,029 --> 00:10:40,466
Just boarding your door.
212
00:10:47,169 --> 00:10:50,259
Guillermo, what time is it,
and where is Colin Robinson?
213
00:10:50,302 --> 00:10:52,261
8:28.
214
00:10:52,304 --> 00:10:53,523
And he's on his way.
215
00:10:53,566 --> 00:10:55,481
Shit, you haven't signed his card.
216
00:10:59,134 --> 00:11:01,136
That's Colin Robinson's favorite song.
217
00:11:02,181 --> 00:11:03,835
- Oh.
- Oh, good.
218
00:11:03,878 --> 00:11:05,967
You guys added "The Hamster
Dance" to the playlist.
219
00:11:06,011 --> 00:11:08,100
I... I want to make sure you gather around me
220
00:11:08,143 --> 00:11:10,798
in a circle when I do the Humpty Hump.
221
00:11:10,842 --> 00:11:11,843
You betcha.
222
00:11:13,584 --> 00:11:15,760
Oh, they're here! Everyone
line up. Positions.
223
00:11:18,589 --> 00:11:21,156
The Contessa Carmilla De Mornay.
224
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,854
This is Contessa
Carmilla De Mornay.
225
00:11:22,897 --> 00:11:24,812
She's 1,000 years old,
possibly did it with a horse.
226
00:11:24,856 --> 00:11:28,076
Contessa,
it is such an honor.
227
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,991
The pleasure is mine.
228
00:11:30,035 --> 00:11:31,471
Please, if you make your way upstairs,
229
00:11:31,514 --> 00:11:32,777
your blood banquet awaits you.
230
00:11:32,820 --> 00:11:34,648
Oh! Thank you.
231
00:11:34,692 --> 00:11:36,955
Dominykas The Dreadful.
232
00:11:36,998 --> 00:11:39,087
This is Dominykas The Dreadful.
233
00:11:39,131 --> 00:11:40,611
It is said that he started the fire
234
00:11:40,654 --> 00:11:43,222
that burned down the great
Library of Alexandria.
235
00:11:43,265 --> 00:11:45,746
Well, me and another guy.
236
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:50,751
Dominykas The Dreadful's
human lady friend, Coco.
237
00:11:50,795 --> 00:11:51,970
- What?
- What?
238
00:11:52,013 --> 00:11:53,449
Okay, uh, so this is...
239
00:11:53,493 --> 00:11:55,321
My companion.
240
00:11:55,364 --> 00:11:57,323
- Partner.
- Girlfriend.
241
00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:58,716
She keeps me young.
242
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,718
Yeah, we're engaged to be engaged.
243
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:02,676
I don't want to put a
label on what we have,
244
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,113
- which really is so special.
- Welcome. If you head upstairs,
245
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:06,898
the blood banquet does await.
246
00:12:06,941 --> 00:12:08,551
You know he's not going to die.
247
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,553
You're not going to get his money.
248
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,294
I'm gonna do the Humpty Hump later.
249
00:12:12,338 --> 00:12:15,297
This gentleman
needs no introduction.
250
00:12:15,341 --> 00:12:16,864
He's very well-known to me.
251
00:12:16,908 --> 00:12:20,041
This is Quinn, the great vampire.
252
00:12:20,085 --> 00:12:22,783
Right-hand man of Deacon
Frost of the House Erebus.
253
00:12:22,827 --> 00:12:24,698
Just a role I played. Donal Logue.
254
00:12:24,742 --> 00:12:26,178
- So nice to meet you.
- Wait, so Donal Logue is
255
00:12:26,221 --> 00:12:28,441
- on the Worldwide Vampiric Council?
- Yeah.
256
00:12:28,484 --> 00:12:30,008
I kind of got jumped
in after Blade came out.
257
00:12:30,051 --> 00:12:31,749
But you are a vampire, yes?
258
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:33,794
Yes. Kind of a funny story.
259
00:12:33,838 --> 00:12:36,318
I was not a vampire when I filmed Blade,
260
00:12:36,362 --> 00:12:37,885
but it was such a fun shoot
261
00:12:37,929 --> 00:12:39,539
and I sort of fell in
love with the lifestyle,
262
00:12:39,582 --> 00:12:42,107
so I decided to jump
in and go whole hog.
263
00:12:42,150 --> 00:12:43,456
Donal.
264
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,415
Please, head upstairs, everyone.
265
00:12:46,459 --> 00:12:48,287
- The blood banquet awaits.
- And it's my birthday.
266
00:12:53,205 --> 00:12:55,511
Do you happen to have any
human food for my consort?
267
00:12:55,555 --> 00:12:57,122
She doesn't like blood,
268
00:12:57,165 --> 00:12:59,428
and she doesn't care much
for grown-up food, either.
269
00:12:59,472 --> 00:13:02,344
Uh, Guillermo, do we have a... Oh.
270
00:13:02,388 --> 00:13:04,216
- Okay.
- Bon appétit. Your wish is my command.
271
00:13:05,347 --> 00:13:07,698
There you go and voil?.
272
00:13:07,741 --> 00:13:10,004
Chicken nuggies for the young lady
273
00:13:10,048 --> 00:13:12,050
with a side of spaghetti
with only butter.
274
00:13:12,093 --> 00:13:15,357
Oh, my gosh. Okay, we need the name of your chef.
275
00:13:15,401 --> 00:13:16,445
Do you have any ranch?
276
00:13:16,489 --> 00:13:18,534
Ranch for the human consort!
277
00:13:18,578 --> 00:13:19,710
Oh, my God, she's loud.
278
00:13:19,753 --> 00:13:21,189
More blood, anyone?
279
00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:22,974
- May I?
- Oh, of course.
280
00:13:23,017 --> 00:13:24,715
- That is what they're there for.
- Oh, thank you.
281
00:13:30,285 --> 00:13:33,288
Exquisite.
282
00:13:33,332 --> 00:13:35,116
You must try him, but just a sip
283
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:36,248
- and pass him along.
- Oh, yes.
284
00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:37,771
Thank you for sharing, Donal.
285
00:13:38,816 --> 00:13:40,731
I say,
286
00:13:40,774 --> 00:13:43,516
has everyone remembered to sign
Colin Robinson's birthday card?
287
00:13:45,039 --> 00:13:46,824
You have all met my
wonderful husband, Laszlo.
288
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:48,260
Fuck off, Laszlo.
289
00:13:49,130 --> 00:13:52,873
So, where is your coleader?
290
00:13:52,917 --> 00:13:56,094
The famed Nandor The Relentless.
291
00:13:56,137 --> 00:13:59,750
Ah, um, good... The Nandor, yes, um...
292
00:13:59,793 --> 00:14:02,665
Nandor was a threat to my power,
293
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:06,931
so, uh, in order to run
the council correctly,
294
00:14:06,974 --> 00:14:08,759
I, um...
295
00:14:08,802 --> 00:14:10,891
had no choice but to...
296
00:14:10,935 --> 00:14:12,327
kill him dead.
297
00:14:12,371 --> 00:14:13,938
You what?
298
00:14:13,981 --> 00:14:15,722
Excuse me?
299
00:14:15,766 --> 00:14:19,073
Excellent work, Nadja.
300
00:14:19,117 --> 00:14:21,467
- How deliciously cutthroat.
- Huh.
301
00:14:21,510 --> 00:14:23,991
You got to do what you
got to do and you did it.
302
00:14:24,035 --> 00:14:25,427
I cannot hate on that.
303
00:14:25,471 --> 00:14:26,820
Oh!
304
00:14:26,864 --> 00:14:28,866
I killed him.
305
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:33,000
In order to pay our final
respects to a vanquished foe,
306
00:14:33,044 --> 00:14:34,436
could we...
307
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,309
see his body?
308
00:14:37,352 --> 00:14:39,833
- Fix it.
- Okay.
309
00:14:39,877 --> 00:14:41,922
Nothing would make me happier
310
00:14:41,966 --> 00:14:45,273
than seeing the dead body
of your vanquished foe.
311
00:14:51,709 --> 00:14:53,362
Master? Master? Master?
312
00:14:53,406 --> 00:14:55,060
Master?
313
00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:56,496
You are kidding, right?
314
00:14:56,539 --> 00:14:57,758
I have been in Super Slumber for, what,
315
00:14:57,802 --> 00:14:59,281
20 minutes? Half an hour?
316
00:14:59,325 --> 00:15:00,979
- It's actually been two hours.
- Oh, great.
317
00:15:01,022 --> 00:15:03,416
A nice two-hour-long Super Slumber.
318
00:15:03,459 --> 00:15:05,548
I've had orgasms that have
lasted longer than that.
319
00:15:05,592 --> 00:15:06,941
- Really?
- Yes!
320
00:15:06,985 --> 00:15:08,595
And it's not as pleasant
as it might sound.
321
00:15:08,639 --> 00:15:10,205
Well, as you know, the
delegation is here, and...
322
00:15:10,249 --> 00:15:11,990
- Get to the good bit.
- Well, you need to pretend
323
00:15:12,033 --> 00:15:13,469
to be dead so the delegation
can come see your dead body
324
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,775
and make sure that you're actually dead.
325
00:15:14,819 --> 00:15:16,124
Why did you not just bring them in
326
00:15:16,168 --> 00:15:17,778
and show me in Super Slumber?
327
00:15:17,822 --> 00:15:19,954
A state that so closely resembles death
328
00:15:19,998 --> 00:15:21,477
no one would ever know the difference.
329
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:22,870
Well, what if you accidentally woke up
330
00:15:22,914 --> 00:15:24,089
in the middle of them
looking at your body?
331
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:25,438
That's a good point,
332
00:15:25,481 --> 00:15:26,831
but I think the point I'd like to make
333
00:15:26,874 --> 00:15:28,397
in countering that point is:
334
00:15:28,441 --> 00:15:29,834
no one accidentally wakes up
335
00:15:29,877 --> 00:15:31,574
- from a Super Slumber!
- Oh.
336
00:15:31,618 --> 00:15:33,664
Not unless you come in
here and wake them up.
337
00:15:33,707 --> 00:15:36,014
- Okay, well now that's... that makes... that's clear.
- Is it, though?
338
00:15:36,057 --> 00:15:38,407
Because it really seems like
it's not quite sinking in.
339
00:15:38,451 --> 00:15:40,627
So... can I...
340
00:15:40,671 --> 00:15:42,890
Yes, fine, just bring these dummies in
341
00:15:42,934 --> 00:15:44,718
and show them my dead body
so we can get this over with,
342
00:15:44,762 --> 00:15:46,764
and I can finally
commence my long overdue
343
00:15:46,807 --> 00:15:49,288
- and this time completely uninterrupted... Hey!
- Guillermo?
344
00:15:49,331 --> 00:15:51,116
Yes, a dead body.
345
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,858
Guillermo? Is the
body ready for viewing yet?
346
00:15:53,901 --> 00:15:56,469
- Yes, Mistress. It is.
- Okay.
347
00:15:56,512 --> 00:15:58,819
Everybody, come around. Please.
348
00:15:58,863 --> 00:16:00,603
We're going to take a very quick look
349
00:16:00,647 --> 00:16:01,996
'cause it is going to be very sad.
350
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,650
- Very quick.
- Okay.
351
00:16:03,694 --> 00:16:05,783
- Front row seat.
- Reveal the corpse.
352
00:16:05,826 --> 00:16:07,567
All right.
353
00:16:07,610 --> 00:16:10,135
- And there it is and that's enough.
- And then we...
354
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:13,878
It's just a very great
loss for vampiredom.
355
00:16:13,921 --> 00:16:16,010
- Mm-hmm.
- Very sad.
356
00:16:16,054 --> 00:16:18,056
He truly was one of the greats.
357
00:16:18,099 --> 00:16:20,275
Was he, though? Eh.
358
00:16:20,319 --> 00:16:24,279
As a warrior, yes, he was.
359
00:16:24,323 --> 00:16:28,196
As a vampire, he was... okay.
360
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:29,572
Pretty good.
361
00:16:29,816 --> 00:16:32,070
The jury is still out
on his legacy, I suppose.
362
00:16:32,113 --> 00:16:36,814
- I don't disagree. Nandor The Relentless,
- we hardly knew ye.
363
00:16:36,857 --> 00:16:38,903
May he sleep well.
364
00:16:38,946 --> 00:16:42,297
- Yes.
- You know, we grow so weary of eternal life,
365
00:16:42,341 --> 00:16:44,082
and yet when we come
face-to-face with eternal death,
366
00:16:44,125 --> 00:16:46,345
it really makes you think
about big things, doesn't it?
367
00:16:46,388 --> 00:16:48,260
Yes, it does.
368
00:16:48,303 --> 00:16:50,479
Speaking of big things,
369
00:16:50,523 --> 00:16:53,004
I have heard that in addition to being
370
00:16:53,047 --> 00:16:55,963
a ferocious and merciless warrior,
371
00:16:56,007 --> 00:16:58,052
that Nandor The Relentless had...
372
00:16:58,096 --> 00:16:59,619
Yes!
373
00:16:59,662 --> 00:17:00,925
I have heard this as well.
374
00:17:00,968 --> 00:17:02,274
Heard what?
375
00:17:02,317 --> 00:17:04,929
Oh, how to put this respectfully?
376
00:17:04,972 --> 00:17:09,107
Uh, it is said that he had one
of the most impressive members
377
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:10,804
in all of vampiredom.
378
00:17:10,848 --> 00:17:14,547
Both in length and in girth.
379
00:17:14,590 --> 00:17:15,940
- Well, that's true.
- Is it?
380
00:17:15,983 --> 00:17:17,811
Um, I've heard... I've
also heard it said.
381
00:17:17,855 --> 00:17:20,161
Shall we take a peek?
382
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,787
- Just for funsies?
- Oh.
383
00:17:21,788 --> 00:17:23,191
- No.
- Just for funsies.
384
00:17:23,192 --> 00:17:25,601
Oh, I-I think that would
be very disrespectful.
385
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:28,169
Dude is fucking dead. It's
not like he's gonna care.
386
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:32,086
I, too, want to see this
massive dong with my own peepers.
387
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:34,436
Something to tell the
grandkids about when I get home.
388
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,700
Familiar, reveal his member.
389
00:17:37,744 --> 00:17:39,311
With all due respect, Contessa,
390
00:17:39,354 --> 00:17:40,616
I'm not a familiar.
391
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,662
Reveal his member.
392
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:45,665
Of course.
393
00:17:45,708 --> 00:17:47,449
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh,
boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
394
00:17:47,493 --> 00:17:49,103
As you wish, Contessa.
395
00:17:49,147 --> 00:17:50,191
Here you go.
396
00:17:51,149 --> 00:17:52,977
Step aside.
397
00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:54,543
Hmm.
398
00:17:56,502 --> 00:17:59,026
- Hmm.
- Well, there it is.
399
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,203
Hmm.
400
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:07,643
Huh. What do we think?
401
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:10,298
It seems pretty average to me.
402
00:18:10,342 --> 00:18:13,780
Not substandard but...
403
00:18:13,824 --> 00:18:15,956
nothing special, really.
404
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,610
- Mm.
- I... I also heard
405
00:18:17,653 --> 00:18:19,307
that he was more of a
grower than a shower, so...
406
00:18:19,351 --> 00:18:20,831
I don't think so.
407
00:18:20,874 --> 00:18:22,876
Okay, well, we... we've
done that now, so...
408
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,878
Look, I am not saying it's small.
409
00:18:24,922 --> 00:18:27,141
No. No, it's not small.
410
00:18:27,185 --> 00:18:30,753
- No.
- Maybe it was the density of the member
411
00:18:30,797 --> 00:18:33,060
that earned such acclaim.
412
00:18:33,104 --> 00:18:35,062
Oh, no.
413
00:18:37,630 --> 00:18:39,588
Hmm.
414
00:18:41,460 --> 00:18:43,418
Anything of note?
415
00:18:43,462 --> 00:18:45,856
No, it seems to be of average weight,
416
00:18:45,899 --> 00:18:48,859
and, uh... what's the
word I'm looking for?
417
00:18:48,902 --> 00:18:49,903
Pliability?
418
00:18:49,947 --> 00:18:51,600
I guess so. It's not...
419
00:18:51,644 --> 00:18:53,254
Oh! "Wiggliness."
420
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:57,215
Yeah, just seems like a
standard mid-tier pecker to me.
421
00:18:57,258 --> 00:19:00,783
- Hmm.
- Anyway, back to the blood banquet.
422
00:19:00,827 --> 00:19:02,960
- Is it this way?
- Yes! Everybody this way, very quickly, come.
423
00:19:03,003 --> 00:19:04,222
We don't want to...
424
00:19:04,265 --> 00:19:05,832
Thank you.
425
00:19:05,876 --> 00:19:07,399
- Lovely to see.
- Well, that was...
426
00:19:07,442 --> 00:19:09,401
much ado about nothing.
Is there a sanitizer?
427
00:19:09,444 --> 00:19:10,663
Nandor could've benefited
428
00:19:10,706 --> 00:19:12,360
from just a touch of rigor mortis.
429
00:19:12,404 --> 00:19:14,319
Thank you for that, Guillermo.
430
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:16,364
A wonderful send-off.
431
00:19:16,408 --> 00:19:18,192
Now close the fucking
lid and get out of here.
432
00:19:18,236 --> 00:19:19,280
Yes, Master.
433
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:25,417
So, now let us raise a glass of blood
434
00:19:25,460 --> 00:19:27,941
to our guests and to ourselves.
435
00:19:27,985 --> 00:19:30,291
Vampires now and vampires forever.
436
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,206
Vampires forever!
437
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:33,816
Like we have a choice.
438
00:19:33,860 --> 00:19:35,818
Well said, my darling, well said.
439
00:19:35,862 --> 00:19:37,472
You are a tough act to follow.
440
00:19:37,516 --> 00:19:40,649
But indeed I must, for
today is an auspicious day
441
00:19:40,693 --> 00:19:43,217
for a couple of reasons, one of which...
442
00:19:43,261 --> 00:19:45,611
we are joined by such esteemed vampires.
443
00:19:45,654 --> 00:19:47,961
The other happens to
be the 100th birthday
444
00:19:48,005 --> 00:19:50,485
of our housemate, our friend,
445
00:19:50,529 --> 00:19:53,271
and the energy vampire, Colin Robinson.
446
00:19:53,314 --> 00:19:54,925
Okay, why not?
447
00:19:54,968 --> 00:19:57,449
Yes, uh, let us raise a
toast to Colin Robinson.
448
00:19:57,492 --> 00:19:59,059
Cheers.
449
00:19:59,103 --> 00:20:00,800
- So, if every...
- I remember
450
00:20:00,843 --> 00:20:02,802
the first time I met Colin Robinson,
451
00:20:02,845 --> 00:20:06,588
I thought to myself, "How can
one man be so fucking dull?"
452
00:20:08,550 --> 00:20:10,204
It's true to say,
453
00:20:10,247 --> 00:20:12,336
he's left his mark on Staten Island.
454
00:20:12,380 --> 00:20:13,946
It's also true to say,
455
00:20:13,990 --> 00:20:17,907
he's left his mark on my heart.
456
00:20:19,169 --> 00:20:22,564
This is a wretched world
that we find ourselves in...
457
00:20:22,607 --> 00:20:24,870
full of cruel, disgusting people.
458
00:20:24,914 --> 00:20:27,830
His main crime was that he's dull.
459
00:20:27,873 --> 00:20:29,788
I don't even particularly
like the fellow.
460
00:20:29,832 --> 00:20:31,355
I mean, I can't stand the man,
461
00:20:31,399 --> 00:20:35,577
but I'm proud to call him my friend.
462
00:20:35,620 --> 00:20:39,711
Please be upstanding for Colin Robinson.
463
00:20:39,755 --> 00:20:42,366
- Bravo!
- And again, Colin Robinson.
464
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:44,064
So, if you would like to
make your way to the library,
465
00:20:44,107 --> 00:20:45,891
we have laid on a live fuck show.
466
00:20:45,935 --> 00:20:47,589
- Yes, that's right.
- Ooh!
467
00:20:47,632 --> 00:20:49,504
You can take your clothes
off on the way out.
468
00:20:49,547 --> 00:20:51,027
- Right this way.
- Yes.
469
00:20:51,071 --> 00:20:52,942
Live fuck show?
470
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,552
What the fuck was that?
471
00:20:54,596 --> 00:20:56,598
No one even knows who Colin Robinson is,
472
00:20:56,641 --> 00:20:58,774
let alone gives a bloody
piss about his birthday.
473
00:20:58,817 --> 00:21:01,429
- Why are you so obsessed with him at the moment?
- My darling.
474
00:21:01,472 --> 00:21:04,127
- Colin Robinson is dying.
- What?!
475
00:21:04,171 --> 00:21:05,476
What?
476
00:21:06,695 --> 00:21:09,132
Colin Robinson will be dead by sunrise.
477
00:21:10,873 --> 00:21:12,092
There's nothing
we can do about it.
478
00:21:12,135 --> 00:21:13,702
I've known for months.
479
00:21:14,703 --> 00:21:16,574
The very first time Colin and I were
480
00:21:16,618 --> 00:21:18,576
in the Vampiric Council Library,
481
00:21:18,620 --> 00:21:20,448
he began searching for information
482
00:21:20,491 --> 00:21:22,145
about energy vampires
483
00:21:22,189 --> 00:21:25,017
and how they're made
and where he came from.
484
00:21:25,061 --> 00:21:27,933
I knew there was a page
or two on energy vampires
485
00:21:27,977 --> 00:21:31,720
in Edmund Wheelwright's
Compendium Vampirium.
486
00:21:31,763 --> 00:21:33,374
But what I found shocked me.
487
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,506
"Energy vampires," it said,
488
00:21:35,550 --> 00:21:40,163
"have a life expectancy
of exactly 100 years."
489
00:21:40,207 --> 00:21:42,122
Why are you ripping that
page out of that book?
490
00:21:42,165 --> 00:21:44,820
I'll wank my way and you wank yours.
491
00:21:44,863 --> 00:21:47,214
On their 100th birthday
492
00:21:47,257 --> 00:21:48,650
they expire.
493
00:21:50,086 --> 00:21:51,870
So, does Colin know?
494
00:21:51,914 --> 00:21:53,307
He doesn't.
495
00:21:53,350 --> 00:21:54,743
I haven't had the heart to tell him.
496
00:21:54,786 --> 00:21:57,224
And eventually, I realized,
497
00:21:57,267 --> 00:22:00,705
better for the poor
bastard to not know at all.
498
00:22:00,749 --> 00:22:03,621
Better for me to show him a good time
499
00:22:03,665 --> 00:22:05,797
during his last months of life.
500
00:22:08,713 --> 00:22:09,845
Just the dudes.
501
00:22:18,332 --> 00:22:20,595
And I feel I succeeded,
502
00:22:20,638 --> 00:22:23,163
- but I also feel this could be the beginning of...
- Uh...
503
00:22:23,206 --> 00:22:24,860
Hey, guys.
504
00:22:24,903 --> 00:22:27,863
I think I'm gonna pass on
the... the fuck-and-suck show.
505
00:22:27,906 --> 00:22:29,647
I'm feeling a little funny tummy.
506
00:22:29,691 --> 00:22:33,347
I'm gonna 23 skidoo and
lie down, take a nap.
507
00:22:33,390 --> 00:22:35,392
Party on, dudes.
508
00:22:36,393 --> 00:22:38,221
The dying has begun.
509
00:22:42,225 --> 00:22:43,574
Ooh.
510
00:22:43,618 --> 00:22:45,576
Hello, Colin Robinson.
511
00:22:47,012 --> 00:22:48,753
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, dudes.
512
00:22:48,797 --> 00:22:52,670
Sorry I... I'm ruining
my own birthday party.
513
00:22:52,714 --> 00:22:55,020
You know what, though?
I feel like I'm rallying.
514
00:22:55,064 --> 00:22:56,674
Maybe we can have some
birthday fun after all.
515
00:22:56,718 --> 00:22:59,024
Oh, no, no, don't exert yourself,
516
00:22:59,068 --> 00:23:00,896
dear friend.
517
00:23:01,940 --> 00:23:03,159
No.
518
00:23:03,203 --> 00:23:04,421
- Oh, okay.
- Oh.
519
00:23:04,465 --> 00:23:06,510
That awkward moment.
520
00:23:06,554 --> 00:23:08,817
No, it happens to the best
of us, doesn't it, boys?
521
00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:11,254
You know? Is there
anything we can get you?
522
00:23:11,298 --> 00:23:14,649
Can someone please fetch me a, uh,
523
00:23:14,692 --> 00:23:16,738
diet ginger ale for my funny tummy?
524
00:23:16,781 --> 00:23:18,435
He'll do that, and in the meantime,
525
00:23:18,479 --> 00:23:20,481
I think you should just recall
526
00:23:20,524 --> 00:23:24,006
the last 100 years' worth
of fun and friendship.
527
00:23:24,049 --> 00:23:25,660
Yeah, actually I kind of feel like
528
00:23:25,703 --> 00:23:28,837
the first 100 years of
my life were wasted, so...
529
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:30,534
Starting tomorrow,
530
00:23:30,578 --> 00:23:35,670
Colin Robinson's motto is
"young, dumb and full of cum."
531
00:23:35,713 --> 00:23:38,020
Well, that sounds marvelous, and, um,
532
00:23:38,063 --> 00:23:40,109
if anyone else has anything to say,
533
00:23:40,152 --> 00:23:42,459
I would say now is the time to say it.
534
00:23:42,503 --> 00:23:44,287
Okay, Colin Robinson,
535
00:23:44,331 --> 00:23:45,810
I know that sometimes you...
536
00:23:45,854 --> 00:23:47,986
Did you fetch him the
ginger ale for his tummy?
537
00:23:48,030 --> 00:23:50,337
- Can I speak?
- Well, his stomach's not gonna repair itself, is it?
538
00:23:50,380 --> 00:23:53,296
- Can I just speak please?
- Speak.
539
00:23:53,340 --> 00:23:55,472
Colin Robinson...
540
00:23:55,516 --> 00:23:58,432
I know that we're not related, you and I or anyone.
541
00:23:58,475 --> 00:24:01,086
He farted, not me.
542
00:24:01,130 --> 00:24:02,697
Carry on.
543
00:24:02,740 --> 00:24:04,220
And I was gonna say that
544
00:24:04,264 --> 00:24:05,569
we don't treat each other, sometimes,
545
00:24:05,613 --> 00:24:07,658
with the upmost respect or kindness,
546
00:24:07,702 --> 00:24:11,314
but in a weird way we're still a family.
547
00:24:11,358 --> 00:24:12,968
We're like a big family here.
548
00:24:14,578 --> 00:24:15,623
I'll be right back.
549
00:24:15,666 --> 00:24:17,320
Diet ginger ale.
550
00:24:17,364 --> 00:24:18,365
For his tummy.
551
00:24:26,503 --> 00:24:28,331
Hello, Guillermo.
552
00:24:28,375 --> 00:24:31,029
Did you bring more people
to yank on my pee-pee?
553
00:24:31,073 --> 00:24:32,117
No, Master.
554
00:24:34,294 --> 00:24:35,860
Colin Robinson is dying,
555
00:24:35,904 --> 00:24:38,298
and I figured we should
all be together for that.
556
00:24:44,521 --> 00:24:46,218
Oh.
557
00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:49,961
You're too late. He's gone.
558
00:24:50,005 --> 00:24:52,486
- He's dead?
- Yes.
559
00:24:52,529 --> 00:24:56,228
He let out one last quiet fart,
560
00:24:56,272 --> 00:24:58,970
a gentle one, and then he expired.
561
00:25:00,581 --> 00:25:02,800
You guys are really
incredible, you know that?
562
00:25:02,844 --> 00:25:04,759
This fucking guy is not dead.
563
00:25:04,802 --> 00:25:06,369
Nandor, he's dead.
564
00:25:06,413 --> 00:25:08,153
Do you not remember the
last time he was dead?
565
00:25:08,197 --> 00:25:10,982
When we dug his grave and
we buried him in the ground,
566
00:25:11,026 --> 00:25:12,332
and it turned out he was
faking it the whole time
567
00:25:12,375 --> 00:25:13,942
just to get attention.
568
00:25:13,985 --> 00:25:15,465
And that was like the
fifth time we'd fallen
569
00:25:15,509 --> 00:25:17,511
for his, "Oh, I'm dead" thing.
570
00:25:17,554 --> 00:25:19,513
- Yes, well, this time it is real, Nandor.
- Enough!
571
00:25:19,556 --> 00:25:20,905
Wake up, Colin Robinson.
572
00:25:20,949 --> 00:25:23,995
Hey! Wakey, wakey!
573
00:25:24,039 --> 00:25:25,649
Don't make me tickle you now.
574
00:25:25,693 --> 00:25:27,259
Tickle, tickle, tickle.
575
00:25:27,303 --> 00:25:28,783
Enough of this shit.
576
00:25:28,826 --> 00:25:30,306
Hey!
577
00:25:30,350 --> 00:25:31,568
Oh!
578
00:25:33,483 --> 00:25:34,702
Uh-oh.
579
00:25:34,745 --> 00:25:36,181
Guess he wasn't faking it.
580
00:25:36,225 --> 00:25:39,968
Well, this is very sad.
581
00:26:13,829 --> 00:26:18,829
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