1 00:00:11,114 --> 00:00:12,804 Nandor has disappeared. 2 00:00:12,978 --> 00:00:14,174 Nandor? 3 00:00:14,185 --> 00:00:16,758 No one has seen or heard from him in weeks. 4 00:00:16,768 --> 00:00:18,878 Well, not since Gizmo fired him. 5 00:00:18,889 --> 00:00:20,021 Nandor? 6 00:00:20,032 --> 00:00:22,793 Gave him the old heave-ho from his janitor job. 7 00:00:22,971 --> 00:00:25,834 The blade of the proverbial guillotine has dropped, 8 00:00:25,845 --> 00:00:28,588 and the blood of Nandor's broken dreams 9 00:00:28,598 --> 00:00:31,610 has pooled at Gizmo's oddly-shaped feet. 10 00:00:32,293 --> 00:00:34,126 So, yeah, we've tried just about 11 00:00:34,136 --> 00:00:37,021 everything to find Nandor. Set traps... 12 00:00:37,340 --> 00:00:38,351 Nandor? 13 00:00:38,362 --> 00:00:40,709 ... checked the vents, hung posters. 14 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,218 We have even yelled his name very loudly into the wind. 15 00:00:45,229 --> 00:00:47,610 Nandor! 16 00:00:47,621 --> 00:00:49,260 - Shut the fuck up! - Piss off! 17 00:00:49,271 --> 00:00:50,375 You shut the fuck up. 18 00:00:50,386 --> 00:00:52,422 That broody little bitch is missing. 19 00:00:52,423 --> 00:00:53,837 The dude is gone. 20 00:00:53,838 --> 00:00:56,219 And we can't find the fucker anywhere. 21 00:00:56,220 --> 00:00:58,597 Five dollars seems like a lot. 22 00:00:58,608 --> 00:01:00,436 Hey. 23 00:01:00,447 --> 00:01:02,241 Ugh. I can't even look at you. Ugh. 24 00:01:02,878 --> 00:01:05,366 - Any update on Nandor? - Not since you fired him. 25 00:01:05,367 --> 00:01:07,898 - From the job he loved. - What a coincidence. 26 00:01:07,909 --> 00:01:10,716 You have a lot of guts coming in here, you little floating traitor. 27 00:01:10,963 --> 00:01:12,791 Floating away with your little bitch ways. 28 00:01:12,802 --> 00:01:15,529 - Hello. Yes? - Nandor has been located. 29 00:01:16,067 --> 00:01:17,929 It's the Baron, and he knows where Nandor is. 30 00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:20,529 Don't tell him about the reward money. 31 00:01:21,079 --> 00:01:23,701 I thought we might have a bite of lunch while we talk. 32 00:01:23,712 --> 00:01:28,060 Let us see what we have here. Some punch, some jellied blood and, uh... 33 00:01:29,649 --> 00:01:33,100 And, yes, the Sire prepared the finger foods. 34 00:01:33,101 --> 00:01:35,237 My compliments to the chef. 35 00:01:35,248 --> 00:01:39,416 Again, like I mentioned in my email, I don't eat blood, 36 00:01:39,417 --> 00:01:41,315 so maybe just a crescent roll or... 37 00:01:41,316 --> 00:01:42,799 Sire? 38 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,803 Would you play that tape of Nandor, please? 39 00:01:46,666 --> 00:01:50,877 This was recorded by a vampire monitoring the Ether. 40 00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:57,124 Enemies abound. And only I can defeat them. 41 00:01:57,125 --> 00:02:01,818 I used to think ghouls were just the spirits of the dead. 42 00:02:01,819 --> 00:02:04,855 But now I know they walk among the living too. 43 00:02:04,856 --> 00:02:06,236 Oh, dear. 44 00:02:06,237 --> 00:02:10,930 Up and down Wall Street, with their suits and their ties 45 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:14,210 and their build-your-own-salad bowls. 46 00:02:14,211 --> 00:02:21,079 I watched a snail crawl across the edge of one of those things you use to shave. 47 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,873 - What's it called? - Razor. 48 00:02:22,874 --> 00:02:24,806 - Not a knife. - He's thinking razor. 49 00:02:24,807 --> 00:02:28,189 - What are those things called? - Enough. 50 00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,432 A sharpie? No, that's not it... 51 00:02:29,433 --> 00:02:31,330 Well, yikes. 52 00:02:31,331 --> 00:02:32,772 Indeed. 53 00:02:32,783 --> 00:02:36,130 Ugh. He used to be one of the most promising vampires in this New World. 54 00:02:36,474 --> 00:02:37,923 Well, I wouldn't go that far. 55 00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:41,616 But now... he is unrecognizable. Dangerous. 56 00:02:41,617 --> 00:02:42,999 Dangerous, you say? 57 00:02:43,010 --> 00:02:47,151 Yes. We are hearing reports of increasingly erratic behavior. 58 00:02:47,278 --> 00:02:50,625 - Mmm. - Nandor is drawing attention. 59 00:02:51,011 --> 00:02:52,938 Too much attention. 60 00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:58,047 - And attention puts all vampires at risk. - Understood. 61 00:02:58,048 --> 00:03:00,946 He must be stopped. 62 00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:02,982 So, Nandor's here? 63 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:06,262 Yes, we traced Nandor's dispatches to that location. 64 00:03:06,263 --> 00:03:08,298 Go to New Hampshire. 65 00:03:08,299 --> 00:03:10,819 Retrieve Nandor 66 00:03:12,033 --> 00:03:13,483 and with haste. 67 00:03:49,202 --> 00:03:51,376 Okay, so we made it to New Hampshire. 68 00:03:51,377 --> 00:03:57,313 The dossier said that Nandor is hiding here at the Hancock and Sons Factory. 69 00:03:57,314 --> 00:04:00,592 I mean, it was the factory until you and your Cannon Capital cronies 70 00:04:00,593 --> 00:04:01,974 stripped it down for parts. 71 00:04:01,985 --> 00:04:04,883 Actually, a leveraged buyout is a pretty neat way for a failing business 72 00:04:05,356 --> 00:04:06,736 to reinvent itself for the future... 73 00:04:06,737 --> 00:04:08,427 - Shut up, Guillermo. - Shut up, Gizmo. 74 00:04:08,428 --> 00:04:10,430 Okay. 75 00:04:11,622 --> 00:04:13,106 What the hell happened here? 76 00:04:13,261 --> 00:04:14,709 Stay close, my darling. 77 00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:17,643 Hey, look, what if the H, A and N were missing? 78 00:04:17,644 --> 00:04:19,507 - Get it? Cock and Sons. - No. 79 00:04:20,958 --> 00:04:25,064 Oh. Smells like slow death in here. 80 00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,101 - Malaria. - Nightmares. 81 00:04:27,102 --> 00:04:28,400 Little dusty. 82 00:04:28,411 --> 00:04:31,762 - My, my, my, my... - Nan-man, are-are you here? 83 00:04:32,351 --> 00:04:33,523 Nan-man? 84 00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:39,113 There is no "Nan-man" here. 85 00:04:41,875 --> 00:04:44,878 There is only Nandor the Relentless. 86 00:04:46,570 --> 00:04:47,950 Warrior. 87 00:04:50,505 --> 00:04:52,264 Leader. 88 00:04:52,265 --> 00:04:56,026 So, Na-Nandor, have you been here the whole time since you were, um... 89 00:04:56,027 --> 00:04:57,126 Fired? 90 00:04:57,995 --> 00:05:00,617 Yes, I have. 91 00:05:03,311 --> 00:05:05,208 And, uh, why? 92 00:05:05,209 --> 00:05:09,316 Vampire-only explanations. That means not you, Guillermo. 93 00:05:09,317 --> 00:05:10,559 Okay. 94 00:05:12,043 --> 00:05:14,287 When one is burned, 95 00:05:15,737 --> 00:05:19,671 one feels most at home amongst the ashes, 96 00:05:19,672 --> 00:05:26,402 which is why I came here to the husk of the Hancock and Sons factory 97 00:05:26,403 --> 00:05:32,442 amongst others that had been discarded by Cannon Capital Strategies. 98 00:05:32,883 --> 00:05:34,725 But what I found... 99 00:05:34,736 --> 00:05:36,791 oh, what I found... 100 00:05:36,792 --> 00:05:39,449 A bunch of preppy crap? 101 00:05:39,450 --> 00:05:41,865 - "Preppy essentials." - Hmm. 102 00:05:41,866 --> 00:05:44,386 And no. I found soldiers. 103 00:05:45,905 --> 00:05:49,770 Many of the humans left when the jobs did. 104 00:05:49,771 --> 00:05:55,638 Those that remained, they needed... they craved a leader. 105 00:05:55,639 --> 00:06:00,713 A warrior. A commander. And they became my army. 106 00:06:02,011 --> 00:06:05,566 And, uh, where is this army? 107 00:06:05,856 --> 00:06:09,366 - In the field. Awaiting our next strike. - Huh. 108 00:06:09,377 --> 00:06:13,276 Which reminds me, I have a war council meeting now. 109 00:06:13,277 --> 00:06:15,485 You may walk with me, if you must. 110 00:06:15,486 --> 00:06:18,662 Oh. Mind the shirt pins. They're fucking everywhere. 111 00:06:19,249 --> 00:06:24,460 So, Nandor, this army you have raised. What is the, uh, end game? 112 00:06:24,461 --> 00:06:28,015 To conquer. To take the battle, town by town, 113 00:06:28,016 --> 00:06:31,846 from here to the very steps of Cannon Capital itself. 114 00:06:31,847 --> 00:06:35,229 Right. But, um, why? 115 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,405 So that Cannon Capital will rue the day 116 00:06:38,406 --> 00:06:42,719 they cast out their greatest warrior. 117 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,757 Ah! We are here. 118 00:06:45,585 --> 00:06:47,206 Good evening, comrades. 119 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:50,279 - Fuck my old boots. - Good gravy. 120 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:55,422 - Uh. So this is your war council? - Yes. 121 00:06:55,423 --> 00:06:57,769 - And who are these chaps? - My reserves. 122 00:06:57,770 --> 00:07:01,428 - And what about them? - My concubines. 123 00:07:01,429 --> 00:07:03,257 - Shit. - Huh. 124 00:07:03,258 --> 00:07:05,949 Now, look, I really need to get on with my strategy session, 125 00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:07,434 unless you have any more questions? 126 00:07:07,435 --> 00:07:09,006 - I do. - No. 127 00:07:09,644 --> 00:07:11,083 Are you okay? 128 00:07:11,094 --> 00:07:12,749 What is he still doing here? 129 00:07:12,750 --> 00:07:15,959 - Well, I drove... - You are the enemy. 130 00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:21,645 An errand boy sent by greengrocers to spy on me. 131 00:07:22,277 --> 00:07:24,658 - Leave. - I'm not the enemy. Tell him. 132 00:07:24,785 --> 00:07:26,338 - See ya later. - Bugger off. 133 00:07:27,144 --> 00:07:29,179 Okay. I will be out here. 134 00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:30,537 Well, it looks like you've had 135 00:07:30,547 --> 00:07:32,321 quite the exciting time here, Nandor. 136 00:07:32,322 --> 00:07:33,778 No one can deny that. 137 00:07:33,789 --> 00:07:35,213 But what say we go home now 138 00:07:35,223 --> 00:07:37,498 before you freak the fuck out of anyone else? 139 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:38,776 This is my home. 140 00:07:39,685 --> 00:07:41,169 The battlefield. 141 00:07:41,572 --> 00:07:43,159 - Okay. - Hmm. 142 00:07:43,293 --> 00:07:46,916 What is that, Major Briggs? A maneuver from the east? 143 00:07:47,463 --> 00:07:49,396 Perhaps... 144 00:07:53,678 --> 00:07:56,379 I think it's safe to assume he's gone absolutely mad. 145 00:07:56,380 --> 00:07:58,795 Yeah, I don't like using this word, but he is crazy. 146 00:07:58,796 --> 00:08:02,143 Oy! No. You do not get to use that word, you tweed demon. 147 00:08:02,144 --> 00:08:04,042 He's like this because of you. 148 00:08:04,043 --> 00:08:07,977 - But, yes, he is absolutely crazy. - Yeah. 149 00:08:07,978 --> 00:08:09,944 Well, we can't just leave him here like this. 150 00:08:10,238 --> 00:08:11,515 Unless... 151 00:08:12,185 --> 00:08:13,324 Can we? 152 00:08:15,503 --> 00:08:17,814 No, we cannot. He's a danger to himself. 153 00:08:17,815 --> 00:08:19,609 How about we sit him down and say, 154 00:08:19,610 --> 00:08:23,682 "Hey, you're nuts. Stop it. Stop being nuts." 155 00:08:23,683 --> 00:08:25,822 I see someone is well-versed in psychology. 156 00:08:25,823 --> 00:08:27,232 Well, let's just grab him by the 157 00:08:27,242 --> 00:08:28,756 neck and yank him out of this hell box. 158 00:08:28,757 --> 00:08:31,294 We can't. To extract Nandor by force 159 00:08:31,304 --> 00:08:33,623 would be like waking a sleepwalker. 160 00:08:33,624 --> 00:08:36,074 - So, what, then? - There is only one solution. 161 00:08:36,075 --> 00:08:39,767 We role-play the scenario that Nandor has concocted in his mind. 162 00:08:39,768 --> 00:08:43,840 In time, our presence will shine a light on the holes in his fantasy, 163 00:08:43,841 --> 00:08:46,325 and he can follow that light back to reality. 164 00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:49,501 So Shutter Island rules, so to speak. 165 00:08:53,057 --> 00:08:54,852 "We are the hollow men." 166 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,129 Uh. It's worth a shot. 167 00:08:57,130 --> 00:08:58,234 All right. 168 00:08:58,235 --> 00:09:00,157 Okay. I'm in. 169 00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:01,823 Excellent. Fuck off. 170 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,648 - What? - You need to go now. 171 00:09:03,659 --> 00:09:05,143 - Why? - 'Cause he believes you are the enemy. 172 00:09:05,154 --> 00:09:06,750 - I'm not the enemy. - What're you still doing here? 173 00:09:06,761 --> 00:09:08,002 - Bye, bitch. - Okay. 174 00:09:08,003 --> 00:09:09,176 Bye-bye, bitch. 175 00:09:09,177 --> 00:09:10,453 Keep walking, bitch. 176 00:09:10,454 --> 00:09:11,558 Stop calling me bitch. 177 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:12,559 Sorry, bitch. 178 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,482 Nandor? 179 00:09:14,493 --> 00:09:15,493 Bit busy. 180 00:09:15,494 --> 00:09:18,150 Your army, we'd like to enlist. 181 00:09:18,344 --> 00:09:20,830 - Sir. - What? 182 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,570 If you wish to be in my army, 183 00:09:23,571 --> 00:09:26,538 then you will all address me as "sir." 184 00:09:26,539 --> 00:09:28,264 - Okay, I'm out. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 185 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,404 Yes, sir. 186 00:09:30,678 --> 00:09:35,165 Good. So, basic training begins now. 187 00:09:35,686 --> 00:09:37,791 Cannon Capital nemeedooni. 188 00:09:37,792 --> 00:09:39,931 Cannon Capital nemeedooni. 189 00:09:41,899 --> 00:09:43,590 - You are clay. - No. 190 00:09:43,591 --> 00:09:47,041 Soft, weak, goopy. 191 00:09:47,042 --> 00:09:50,113 - But I am here to mold you... - Yes, sir! 192 00:09:50,407 --> 00:09:52,927 - ... to make you strong, to shape you. - Whoo. 193 00:09:53,186 --> 00:09:55,291 Cannon Capital chalqoozeh. 194 00:09:55,292 --> 00:09:57,466 Cannon Capital chalqoozeh. 195 00:09:57,467 --> 00:09:59,502 I joined the Royal Navy a few years ago, 196 00:09:59,503 --> 00:10:01,918 for the sea, the sun and mainly the sex. 197 00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:04,507 But what I'm finding here is just a lot of marching... 198 00:10:04,508 --> 00:10:06,509 - That's it. - - ... push-ups for no reason... 199 00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:08,960 30,001, 30,002. 200 00:10:08,961 --> 00:10:12,032 ... and no one's offered me anything that looks like a medal. 201 00:10:12,033 --> 00:10:14,552 What the fuck? Shave your own head. 202 00:10:14,873 --> 00:10:19,764 Okay. On your marks. Get set. Crawl, worms. 203 00:10:19,916 --> 00:10:20,916 That's it. 204 00:10:20,927 --> 00:10:23,906 I did not realize being in Nandor's fake army would involve 205 00:10:23,907 --> 00:10:26,011 so much of doing what Nandor says. 206 00:10:26,012 --> 00:10:27,516 You call that crawling? 207 00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:30,598 He's very lucky that I have that rule about not killing the demented. 208 00:10:34,365 --> 00:10:39,162 Sure, Nandor's military delusions are a strange little brew. 209 00:10:39,163 --> 00:10:43,063 A dash of memories from his time in Al Quolanudar 210 00:10:43,064 --> 00:10:46,756 and a sprinkle of war movies he's seen over the years. 211 00:10:46,757 --> 00:10:49,380 But heck if I don't wanna take another sip. 212 00:10:53,303 --> 00:10:54,718 Well, maggots. 213 00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:58,181 You have trained and trained well. 214 00:10:58,182 --> 00:11:00,046 Especially you, Colin Robinson. 215 00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:02,013 You are very violent. 216 00:11:02,014 --> 00:11:03,186 Oorah, sir! 217 00:11:03,299 --> 00:11:05,879 Alexa, please pause the music. 218 00:11:06,127 --> 00:11:07,562 - Okay. - Thank you. 219 00:11:07,573 --> 00:11:10,331 Alexa is my director of internal comms. 220 00:11:10,332 --> 00:11:14,266 Okay. So, on to your assignments. 221 00:11:14,267 --> 00:11:16,303 - Laszlo Cravensworth. - Yeah. 222 00:11:16,405 --> 00:11:18,648 - Intelligence. - Obviously. 223 00:11:18,659 --> 00:11:21,108 - Nadja of Antipaxos. - Hmm. 224 00:11:21,284 --> 00:11:23,700 - Signal corps. - What is that? 225 00:11:23,863 --> 00:11:25,795 Never mind. Who gives a shit. 226 00:11:25,796 --> 00:11:26,997 Colin Robinson. 227 00:11:27,008 --> 00:11:30,272 - Come on, logistics. Come on, logistics. - Logistics. 228 00:11:30,283 --> 00:11:31,663 Yes! Yes. 229 00:11:31,664 --> 00:11:35,391 Now, listen up. Tonight is a proud night. 230 00:11:35,392 --> 00:11:39,878 Together we will take back the honor, the power, 231 00:11:39,879 --> 00:11:45,228 the respect that Cannon Capital have so cruelly tried to take away. 232 00:11:45,589 --> 00:11:47,714 Okay. So this is a pit of shit. 233 00:11:47,715 --> 00:11:50,544 Can we not just make Nandor think that this stupid imaginary battle 234 00:11:50,545 --> 00:11:51,890 has happened already? 235 00:11:51,891 --> 00:11:54,410 - And how do we do that? - I know. Shoot me. 236 00:11:54,411 --> 00:11:56,619 It's not a real gun, Colin Robinson. 237 00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:59,001 It's a decorative firearm from the outdoorsman section. 238 00:11:59,002 --> 00:12:01,900 All right, then. Whack me with it. Hard. 239 00:12:01,901 --> 00:12:02,971 All right. 240 00:12:03,454 --> 00:12:04,558 Oh. 241 00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:05,870 - Again. Harder though. - Really? 242 00:12:05,871 --> 00:12:06,940 Yes. 243 00:12:06,941 --> 00:12:08,597 Oh. 244 00:12:08,598 --> 00:12:10,702 How is this going to help with the Nandor thing? 245 00:12:10,703 --> 00:12:11,910 What Nandor thing? 246 00:12:12,028 --> 00:12:13,705 Hold on. I think I've got it. 247 00:12:13,706 --> 00:12:16,570 I've thought of a way that Nandor will think that the war is won. 248 00:12:16,571 --> 00:12:17,996 A ruse de guerre 249 00:12:18,007 --> 00:12:20,974 that will make the Trojan Horse look like a witless child's papier-mâché. 250 00:12:21,461 --> 00:12:22,737 Fuck, I'm good. 251 00:12:22,748 --> 00:12:25,853 Now all I need is the adequate supplies from this shit-forsaken town. 252 00:12:26,408 --> 00:12:28,119 Wait. You guys can leave, 253 00:12:28,129 --> 00:12:30,964 but I don't want Nandor to think I'm a deserter. 254 00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:32,616 I ain't no deserter. 255 00:12:39,629 --> 00:12:42,182 You live a thousand years, 256 00:12:42,183 --> 00:12:45,323 and you think you know what betrayal is, 257 00:12:45,324 --> 00:12:47,350 what horror is. 258 00:12:47,361 --> 00:12:49,455 Awaiting further orders, sir. 259 00:12:49,466 --> 00:12:51,330 But then in a single instant, 260 00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:54,781 you find out you haven't the slightest idea 261 00:12:54,782 --> 00:12:57,024 what man is truly capable of. 262 00:12:57,025 --> 00:12:59,509 Oh, man. That sounds rough out there, Nandor. 263 00:12:59,510 --> 00:13:01,187 Listen, I've gotta move on to the next caller, 264 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,830 but did you wanna request a song? 265 00:13:02,841 --> 00:13:08,397 Yes, I would like to request "Scarborough Fair" by Simon & Garfunkel. 266 00:13:08,485 --> 00:13:10,762 No. Let's limit the public broadcast. 267 00:13:10,763 --> 00:13:12,695 The brass back home are getting a little squirrelly. 268 00:13:12,696 --> 00:13:15,180 But to whom am I supposed to orate? 269 00:13:15,181 --> 00:13:16,803 Well, me, you big lummox. 270 00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:18,964 All right. 271 00:13:19,289 --> 00:13:22,672 Now, you were saying something about the horror. 272 00:13:23,638 --> 00:13:24,874 You know what, my darling? 273 00:13:24,885 --> 00:13:27,749 It feels like an eternity since we've had some time alone. 274 00:13:27,918 --> 00:13:31,818 Oh. It does. It does. So what is the plan, my dark lover? 275 00:13:31,819 --> 00:13:34,684 Well, you'll see. You'll see. 276 00:13:35,719 --> 00:13:36,974 I'll see? 277 00:13:36,985 --> 00:13:38,908 Yes. What's the problem, my darling? 278 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:42,345 I'm hearing a lot of this "you'll see" these days. 279 00:13:42,346 --> 00:13:46,177 I'm hearing "you'll see" about the plan to fix Nandor's melted brain. 280 00:13:46,178 --> 00:13:49,559 I'm hearing "you'll see" about the sex doll monster thing 281 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,059 that you're creating in the basement. 282 00:13:51,070 --> 00:13:52,488 Well, the sex doll monster thing... 283 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,452 not a sex doll... is part of the grand plan. 284 00:13:54,807 --> 00:13:55,974 Which is? 285 00:13:55,985 --> 00:13:59,608 Complex scientific experiments that I don't think you'll understand. 286 00:14:00,264 --> 00:14:02,541 Oh, so you're calling me stupid. 287 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,989 Well, of course not. That's a stupid thing to say. 288 00:14:06,336 --> 00:14:07,957 - No. Whoa, whoa. No. - Piss off. 289 00:14:07,958 --> 00:14:09,648 Nadja, what I meant to say was something 290 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,823 with the identical sentiment that wouldn't piss you off. 291 00:14:11,824 --> 00:14:13,619 - Well, it did! - Shit. 292 00:14:14,965 --> 00:14:18,555 In my empire, Colin Robinson, we will be free. 293 00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:21,558 Free from liars, 294 00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:26,217 from the cowards who say you are not a good culture fit. 295 00:14:26,218 --> 00:14:28,738 Yeah, I dig that, sir. I hear that. 296 00:14:29,359 --> 00:14:30,429 Hey. 297 00:14:31,257 --> 00:14:34,190 I thought I said this person was not welcome here. 298 00:14:34,328 --> 00:14:35,375 You sure did, sir. 299 00:14:35,386 --> 00:14:37,217 Yeah, I know, but if I keep charging my 300 00:14:37,227 --> 00:14:38,806 phone in the car, it'll kill the battery, 301 00:14:38,817 --> 00:14:40,403 so I'm just looking for an outlet. 302 00:14:40,404 --> 00:14:42,612 Don't mean to disrupt your whole "war thing." 303 00:14:42,613 --> 00:14:47,134 War thing? This is a war. No winky fingers. 304 00:14:47,335 --> 00:14:48,509 Okay, enough. 305 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:52,623 Private Robinson, would you give us a moment? 306 00:14:53,728 --> 00:14:54,764 You got it. 307 00:14:55,212 --> 00:14:58,594 - Traitor. - What did you say to me? 308 00:14:58,595 --> 00:15:01,528 I'm sorry. I'm done playing along with this fantasy. 309 00:15:01,649 --> 00:15:04,513 I'm not the enemy, and you know that. 310 00:15:04,593 --> 00:15:05,843 You're just pissed. 311 00:15:05,844 --> 00:15:08,155 You're pissed that I'm killing it at Cannon. 312 00:15:08,156 --> 00:15:13,471 You're pissed that... that you weren't a good culture fit. 313 00:15:16,095 --> 00:15:20,236 Lieutenant Alexa, tell this piece of shit to leave. 314 00:15:20,237 --> 00:15:23,239 Now playing "Leave" by JoJo. 315 00:15:24,863 --> 00:15:26,796 Wait for the chorus. 316 00:15:31,421 --> 00:15:33,387 Well, I'm not the only one kept in the dark 317 00:15:33,388 --> 00:15:35,734 by their lover's extracurricular activities. 318 00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:37,806 So you admit you keep me in the dark. 319 00:15:37,807 --> 00:15:39,600 Well, no more than you keep me in the dark. 320 00:15:39,601 --> 00:15:42,741 I haven't got a fucking clue what you get up to at Cannon Capital. 321 00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,536 Laszlo, there is nothing to tell. 322 00:15:44,537 --> 00:15:47,539 It is a job. You show up, you pretend to do shit, and then you go home. 323 00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:50,094 Why the fuck would you wanna do that? 324 00:15:50,095 --> 00:15:53,166 Because it is better than sitting at home and twiddling with my tits 325 00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:54,712 while you are downstairs locked up 326 00:15:54,722 --> 00:15:56,307 in the basement with your meat parts! 327 00:15:56,308 --> 00:15:57,860 All right, all right. All right, my darling. 328 00:15:57,861 --> 00:16:00,760 I think I know what's going on here. Give me your hand. 329 00:16:02,176 --> 00:16:03,830 I need to apologize. 330 00:16:03,841 --> 00:16:04,864 I'm listening. 331 00:16:04,875 --> 00:16:07,663 Clearly, the reason for you being so overemotional 332 00:16:08,087 --> 00:16:11,287 is because it is your time of the month. 333 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,809 The dead do not menstruate! 334 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,576 Fuck me. 335 00:16:17,587 --> 00:16:19,381 Bloody hell, darling. 336 00:16:19,581 --> 00:16:20,651 Oops. 337 00:16:20,953 --> 00:16:23,472 * Get out right now * 338 00:16:23,473 --> 00:16:26,130 * It's the end of you and me * 339 00:16:26,131 --> 00:16:28,212 I can't believe you're blowing this one little setback 340 00:16:28,223 --> 00:16:30,672 - so out of proportion. - I was humiliated! 341 00:16:31,308 --> 00:16:33,654 Do you even know what loyalty is, Guillermo? 342 00:16:33,655 --> 00:16:35,139 Do I know what loyalty is? 343 00:16:35,140 --> 00:16:38,211 Uh. Yeah, I was blindly loyal to you for 15 years. 344 00:16:38,212 --> 00:16:39,765 Until you got rid of me. 345 00:16:40,421 --> 00:16:42,101 I never got rid of you. 346 00:16:42,112 --> 00:16:43,906 I protected you 347 00:16:43,907 --> 00:16:46,944 even through all the fuckups, and the time you forgot to buy glitter, 348 00:16:46,945 --> 00:16:48,838 and the, "I wanna be a vampire. 349 00:16:48,848 --> 00:16:50,718 No, actually, I don't want to be a vampire." 350 00:16:50,729 --> 00:16:52,835 The time you nearly killed the Baron twice! 351 00:16:53,917 --> 00:16:55,229 Through all that shit, 352 00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:56,886 I was loyal. 353 00:16:57,369 --> 00:16:59,336 I may have done a lot of things, Guillermo, 354 00:16:59,889 --> 00:17:02,887 but I never got rid of you. 355 00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:05,155 Do you think I felt good firing you? I didn't wanna fire you. 356 00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:07,685 But that's how things are in the real world, the human world. 357 00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:09,021 I had to do it. 358 00:17:09,032 --> 00:17:12,362 I used to be a human before I was a vampire, in case you forgot. 359 00:17:12,373 --> 00:17:16,549 I never betrayed my friends, my comrades in arms. Never. 360 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,253 Maybe some of the wives, but you know, it was a different time. 361 00:17:19,978 --> 00:17:22,621 I'm sorry. I didn't... 362 00:17:22,631 --> 00:17:25,293 I didn't know that the janitor job was so important to you. 363 00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:29,780 Well, it was. It was my purpose. 364 00:17:30,298 --> 00:17:34,751 My purpose used to be raising you to become a great vampire. 365 00:17:35,786 --> 00:17:40,790 Until you pussed out and found a new master in Jordan. 366 00:17:40,791 --> 00:17:42,896 Jordan is not my master... 367 00:17:42,897 --> 00:17:45,279 and he doesn't own me. And I'm not there at his... 368 00:17:46,004 --> 00:17:48,695 Hi, Jordan. Yeah, I can talk. 369 00:17:48,696 --> 00:17:50,386 No, I'm not busy. 370 00:17:50,624 --> 00:17:52,941 Uh. That should be in your inbox. 371 00:17:52,942 --> 00:17:56,254 I could actually bump it. The bump master. 372 00:17:56,255 --> 00:17:58,602 Yeah. 373 00:18:04,954 --> 00:18:07,852 - Fireworks. - What? 374 00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:09,689 You were angry at me for not telling 375 00:18:09,699 --> 00:18:11,131 you what we're out here looking for. 376 00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:12,294 It's fireworks. 377 00:18:12,962 --> 00:18:14,410 And I didn't tell you because, again, 378 00:18:14,411 --> 00:18:17,724 I wanted to be the hero that swoops down and saves the day. 379 00:18:18,902 --> 00:18:23,799 Laszlo, I do not need you to always be the hero. 380 00:18:25,176 --> 00:18:29,075 My darling, you are the funniest, most clever, sweetest 381 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,634 and most beautiful woman in the world. 382 00:18:31,635 --> 00:18:34,085 Not just Staten Island, the world. 383 00:18:34,086 --> 00:18:38,814 And I'm not even mentioning the ten out of ten pussy. You deserve the best. 384 00:18:38,815 --> 00:18:41,024 That is so sweet. 385 00:18:42,508 --> 00:18:44,785 Hmm. 386 00:18:48,289 --> 00:18:49,635 - Laszlo. - Yeah? 387 00:18:50,447 --> 00:18:52,793 I think I may have found your fireworks. 388 00:18:52,794 --> 00:18:53,864 Really? Where? 389 00:18:54,417 --> 00:18:57,419 There, in this shop just here across the street 390 00:18:57,420 --> 00:18:59,145 with the rows and rows of fireworks in the window 391 00:18:59,146 --> 00:19:02,011 and the sign that says, "Fireworks, fireworks." 392 00:19:02,459 --> 00:19:04,184 Well, that's perfect. 393 00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:05,737 How did I miss that, my darling? 394 00:19:05,738 --> 00:19:07,670 - I don't know. - Right. 395 00:19:07,671 --> 00:19:11,710 You just let your husband take care of this. Stand back. 396 00:19:15,679 --> 00:19:18,302 No wonder no one buys newspapers anymore. 397 00:19:18,303 --> 00:19:19,787 - Toss it again. - Okay. 398 00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,893 Open! 399 00:19:25,034 --> 00:19:26,519 - Shall we? - Yes. 400 00:19:28,002 --> 00:19:29,313 Uh-huh. 401 00:19:29,314 --> 00:19:33,318 Okay. Well, I'll just cc Lisa. You got it. Bye. 402 00:19:34,112 --> 00:19:36,907 I, too, was once cc'd. 403 00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:39,323 You know, I do know what 404 00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:41,670 it feels like to lose your purpose. 405 00:19:41,903 --> 00:19:47,046 I used to wanna be a vampire so bad 406 00:19:48,091 --> 00:19:50,299 it guided every choice I made. 407 00:19:50,693 --> 00:19:55,180 I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm happy I'm a human again, but it was hard. 408 00:19:55,409 --> 00:19:59,066 It was hard waking up every day with that not being the goal, 409 00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:00,949 to be a vampire. 410 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:04,348 Well, I am already a vampire, so that only sort of applies. 411 00:20:04,349 --> 00:20:09,284 Right. Well, the point is, I think I found a new purpose. 412 00:20:09,285 --> 00:20:11,563 You will too, somewhere. 413 00:20:12,357 --> 00:20:15,084 But maybe right now our purposes 414 00:20:16,602 --> 00:20:20,399 are taking us in different directions, 415 00:20:21,366 --> 00:20:22,436 and that's okay. 416 00:20:23,333 --> 00:20:25,886 Perhaps you are right, Guillermo. 417 00:20:26,194 --> 00:20:31,199 I am a warrior, but maybe this is not my fight. 418 00:20:31,721 --> 00:20:34,343 You don't just talk to Nandor, man. 419 00:20:34,344 --> 00:20:36,104 You know, you listen, you dig. 420 00:20:36,105 --> 00:20:37,898 - I'm a little man. Just a little man. - Yes, I know you are. 421 00:20:37,899 --> 00:20:41,316 - But he's a great man. - Nandor, we have news from the front line. 422 00:20:41,317 --> 00:20:43,290 Guess what? 423 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:46,804 Your troops have executed your battle plan perfectly. 424 00:20:46,805 --> 00:20:48,766 The enemy have been lured into a trap. 425 00:20:48,776 --> 00:20:51,119 There are casualties. We expect more. 426 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:54,225 You know, we can all stand down, because he's decided to come home. 427 00:20:54,226 --> 00:20:55,502 - What? - What? 428 00:20:55,503 --> 00:20:57,204 - He what? - What is the fucking point? 429 00:20:57,215 --> 00:21:01,977 Yes, I, um... After careful consideration, I've come to the realization 430 00:21:02,165 --> 00:21:05,443 that perhaps I was looking for battles where none need exist. 431 00:21:05,444 --> 00:21:07,928 - You don't say? - I think it's best for everyone 432 00:21:07,929 --> 00:21:09,447 if I just come home. 433 00:21:09,448 --> 00:21:12,726 Plus, you know, I miss my coffin. I miss my favorite sword. 434 00:21:12,727 --> 00:21:14,142 There's nothing like... 435 00:21:14,143 --> 00:21:16,074 Oh. What the fuck is that? 436 00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:19,457 - Oh. No, it's not. - It's an attack. We're under attack. 437 00:21:19,458 --> 00:21:23,081 Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes! 438 00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:24,842 - Nandor. - Laszlo, we were done with this. 439 00:21:24,843 --> 00:21:27,224 - Fuck. - Wait. Nandor, wait. 440 00:21:27,225 --> 00:21:28,742 Wait, Nandor. 441 00:21:28,743 --> 00:21:31,159 - Lay low. They may try to flank us. - Hit the deck! 442 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,161 No, Nandor, it's a bloody ruse. 443 00:21:33,162 --> 00:21:35,128 It's not real, you idiot. 444 00:21:35,129 --> 00:21:37,613 Make it stop. I can't take it. 445 00:21:37,614 --> 00:21:39,960 Somebody help me frag myself. 446 00:21:39,961 --> 00:21:42,067 Get a hold of yourself, man. 447 00:21:43,172 --> 00:21:45,068 The fighting seems to be situated by the 448 00:21:45,078 --> 00:21:47,589 Shipley Dollar Barn on Piedmont Street. 449 00:21:47,590 --> 00:21:50,626 It's no good, my darling. He's still too bloody crackers. 450 00:21:50,627 --> 00:21:53,767 Well, isn't it a good thing then that I have a plan B? 451 00:21:53,768 --> 00:21:55,424 Ah. Silver chains. 452 00:21:55,425 --> 00:21:58,807 - Get out of that. Stand back. - Hey! Release me. Mutiny! 453 00:21:58,808 --> 00:22:00,912 Get in there. You brought it on yourself, Nandor. 454 00:22:00,913 --> 00:22:02,915 Nice work, my darling. 455 00:22:03,468 --> 00:22:04,503 Shotgun. 456 00:22:09,128 --> 00:22:12,027 Okay, guys, I forgive you. 457 00:22:12,028 --> 00:22:16,238 It was the heat of battle, and you panicked and you made a mutiny. 458 00:22:16,239 --> 00:22:17,860 - Shush. - Untie me. 459 00:22:17,861 --> 00:22:20,000 - It's the coppers. - It is. Shit. 460 00:22:20,001 --> 00:22:21,899 - Great. - Floor it. 461 00:22:21,900 --> 00:22:23,625 No. I don't wanna make a bad situation worse. 462 00:22:23,626 --> 00:22:25,454 What's your problem? Put your foot down, you prick. 463 00:22:25,455 --> 00:22:26,559 Okay, I'm just gonna pull over. 464 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,285 - Useless. - I wasn't even speeding. 465 00:22:28,286 --> 00:22:29,838 Just everyone be cool, and I'll do all the talking. 466 00:22:29,839 --> 00:22:33,531 Gizmo, there's a fucking vampire hog-tied in the trunk. 467 00:22:33,532 --> 00:22:35,224 - Hello. - Oh, yeah. 468 00:22:36,017 --> 00:22:37,535 Hello, Mr. Officer. 469 00:22:37,536 --> 00:22:39,365 What seems to be the problem, 470 00:22:39,366 --> 00:22:44,508 apart from the fact that my large wet bosom won't stop sloshing around? 471 00:22:44,509 --> 00:22:47,373 You, uh, got a left taillight out there, son. 472 00:22:47,374 --> 00:22:49,892 Yeah, I've been meaning to get that fixed. Sorry about that, Officer. 473 00:22:49,893 --> 00:22:51,411 It's all right. I'll take care of this. 474 00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:53,171 I say, Officer, 475 00:22:53,172 --> 00:22:56,865 you know, you remind me of a cross between a young Paul Newman 476 00:22:56,866 --> 00:22:58,937 and a man I'm about to fuck. 477 00:22:59,765 --> 00:23:01,973 - Get out of the car. All of you. - Yeah. Absolutely. 478 00:23:01,974 --> 00:23:03,389 - Hands are going over... - Colin, you need to wake up. 479 00:23:03,390 --> 00:23:04,735 - ... my head. - We gotta get out. 480 00:23:04,736 --> 00:23:05,962 What are you doing? 481 00:23:05,973 --> 00:23:08,797 We are regular human travelers. 482 00:23:08,807 --> 00:23:11,559 There is nothing out of the ordinary here. 483 00:23:11,570 --> 00:23:14,917 So you have nothing to be concerned about. 484 00:23:14,918 --> 00:23:16,192 What the... 485 00:23:16,203 --> 00:23:18,204 Whoa. What the fuck is that? 486 00:23:18,267 --> 00:23:20,509 - Who are they? - Uh... 487 00:23:20,510 --> 00:23:23,236 Well, that's nothing out of the ordinary, regular human. 488 00:23:23,237 --> 00:23:25,470 What do you mean? They're coming straight for us. 489 00:23:25,481 --> 00:23:26,796 What is happening? 490 00:23:26,807 --> 00:23:29,025 - Gizmo, you talk to them. - What? Wh... No. 491 00:23:32,384 --> 00:23:35,249 - Go handcuff yourself to a tree. - Yes, ma'am. 492 00:23:39,391 --> 00:23:43,464 Wait, so Nandor's army is... It's real? 493 00:23:46,743 --> 00:23:48,917 Wait. So he wasn't crazy? 494 00:23:50,211 --> 00:23:51,944 He is not. He... 495 00:23:51,955 --> 00:23:54,647 - Shit. He'll... - Unchain me. 496 00:23:54,648 --> 00:23:56,649 - Unchain me! - Sir, yes, sir! 497 00:23:56,650 --> 00:23:58,616 Just grab it with both hands and yank it. 498 00:23:58,617 --> 00:24:00,031 Watch the hair. 499 00:24:00,032 --> 00:24:02,034 - There you go. - Yes. That's it. 500 00:24:06,246 --> 00:24:09,918 Well, yeah. Of course the mannequins were just for practice. 501 00:24:09,929 --> 00:24:14,140 Wait, all this time you thought my army was just a bunch of mannequins? 502 00:24:15,185 --> 00:24:16,462 The fuck? 503 00:24:16,463 --> 00:24:17,739 - At ease. - Yes, sir. 504 00:24:17,740 --> 00:24:19,085 Are they hypnotized? 505 00:24:19,086 --> 00:24:21,536 No, I'm just a really fucking good general. 506 00:24:21,537 --> 00:24:22,709 Yeah, you are. 507 00:24:22,710 --> 00:24:24,435 - Sir. - Major Briggs. 508 00:24:24,436 --> 00:24:26,299 - You're leaving? - Yes. 509 00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:28,439 I am leaving the field of operations. 510 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,510 My fate is calling me in a different direction. 511 00:24:30,511 --> 00:24:31,647 What? 512 00:24:31,658 --> 00:24:35,420 South on the I-93 towards the Verrazano Bridge. 513 00:24:35,551 --> 00:24:38,449 We may even cut through Jersey if there is traffic. 514 00:24:38,450 --> 00:24:40,589 General, what do we do now? 515 00:24:40,590 --> 00:24:44,800 Good question, O'Hara. You will do what you must always do. 516 00:24:44,801 --> 00:24:47,769 You will go forth and follow your purpose. 517 00:24:47,770 --> 00:24:49,012 What is your purpose? 518 00:24:50,013 --> 00:24:51,360 Fuck if I know. 519 00:24:51,981 --> 00:24:56,123 Be it continuing the fight or, you know, 520 00:24:57,262 --> 00:24:58,469 finding new jobs. 521 00:24:58,470 --> 00:25:00,333 - Where? - Somewhere. 522 00:25:00,334 --> 00:25:02,128 Any more questions? 523 00:25:02,129 --> 00:25:05,581 Is there anything, like, more specific? Like an actual thing we could do? 524 00:25:07,281 --> 00:25:08,583 Um. 525 00:25:09,481 --> 00:25:11,758 - Burn down a Walmart or some shit? - Yeah! 526 00:25:11,769 --> 00:25:14,747 - No. No, don't do that. No. - Ooh. Ooh. I've got it. 527 00:25:14,758 --> 00:25:16,872 What is that nearby college that sends 528 00:25:16,882 --> 00:25:19,801 most of its graduates to Wall Street? 529 00:25:19,802 --> 00:25:22,044 - Dartmouth? - Yes. Dartmouth. 530 00:25:22,045 --> 00:25:25,945 Cry havoc and unleash the dogs of war on those nerds! 531 00:25:25,946 --> 00:25:27,360 Yeah! 532 00:25:27,361 --> 00:25:28,773 You heard the man. 533 00:25:28,784 --> 00:25:33,099 - Mount up. We ride for Hanover! - Ride for Hanover! 534 00:25:35,404 --> 00:25:37,059 This is insane. 535 00:25:37,060 --> 00:25:41,755 Get those nerds. Get those nerds. Get those nerds. 536 00:25:49,901 --> 00:25:51,168 Wait for me. 537 00:25:51,179 --> 00:25:54,492 - You're gonna need logistics support. - Not you, Colin Robinson. 538 00:25:54,906 --> 00:25:57,632 - Oorah! Oorah, you idiots. - Shit. 539 00:25:58,099 --> 00:26:00,791 Come on! Let me... 540 00:26:01,050 --> 00:26:02,728 Shit. 541 00:26:02,739 --> 00:26:03,976 Still got it. 542 00:26:03,987 --> 00:26:05,847 Go get him and put him in the trunk. 543 00:26:55,811 --> 00:27:00,811 - Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com -