1
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:11,511
One, two, three, four pillows on couch.
2
00:00:11,851 --> 00:00:13,814
What are they doing
now? What did I miss?
3
00:00:13,825 --> 00:00:15,239
- Hey!
- Get out of the way.
4
00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:16,965
Nothing. They are not home yet.
5
00:00:16,966 --> 00:00:20,037
We recently discovered,
besides our neighbors
6
00:00:20,038 --> 00:00:22,971
Sean and Charmaine on
that side of the house,
7
00:00:22,972 --> 00:00:26,320
we also have neighbors on this side.
8
00:00:26,321 --> 00:00:28,218
Can you imagine? More neighbors.
9
00:00:28,219 --> 00:00:32,567
It was a stroke of blind luck we
discovered we even had a window
10
00:00:32,568 --> 00:00:34,535
on this side of the house.
11
00:00:34,536 --> 00:00:36,502
This side of the house.
12
00:00:36,982 --> 00:00:38,987
Dear Guide, every time I call you,
13
00:00:38,988 --> 00:00:42,543
I lose my nerves like a
chicken for the slaughter.
14
00:00:42,544 --> 00:00:44,339
I was... Oh.
15
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:46,254
Oh, shit.
16
00:00:46,502 --> 00:00:50,195
We have a window. It's a It's a house.
17
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,145
Hey. Ooh. Oh, sh
18
00:00:53,382 --> 00:00:57,281
And now we are using that
window to spy on the neighbors.
19
00:00:57,282 --> 00:00:58,662
Why are they not home yet?
20
00:00:58,663 --> 00:01:00,284
Have you guys seen my phone anywhere?
21
00:01:00,285 --> 00:01:03,184
Not now, Guillermo. We are
spying on the neighbors.
22
00:01:03,185 --> 00:01:04,565
- Why?
- Look.
23
00:01:04,566 --> 00:01:06,083
They're home. They're
home. They're home.
24
00:01:06,084 --> 00:01:10,364
What's this shit? When
did old bald guy grow hair?
25
00:01:10,365 --> 00:01:11,504
What?
26
00:01:11,794 --> 00:01:12,982
They're not even wearing the
27
00:01:12,992 --> 00:01:14,917
same clothes they left in this morning.
28
00:01:14,928 --> 00:01:19,450
- Are they in disguise?
- And somehow looking 30 years younger.
29
00:01:20,236 --> 00:01:23,135
So yeah, the house next door
is very obviously an Airbnb.
30
00:01:23,136 --> 00:01:26,863
I guess I never taught them what...
No, you know what? I did. I did.
31
00:01:26,864 --> 00:01:28,416
They probably weren't listening.
32
00:01:28,417 --> 00:01:29,866
Oh, no.
33
00:01:29,867 --> 00:01:33,491
That house belongs to shape-shifters.
34
00:01:33,974 --> 00:01:36,804
- Fuck.
- You're kidding me, right?
35
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:40,566
Shape-shifters are extremely freaky.
36
00:01:40,899 --> 00:01:43,120
They're awful, abhorrent creatures
37
00:01:43,130 --> 00:01:45,985
that use the most ancient of sorcery
38
00:01:45,986 --> 00:01:50,162
to transform into whatever
murderous, all-powerful shape
39
00:01:50,163 --> 00:01:52,060
their wicked hearts desire.
40
00:01:52,061 --> 00:01:55,063
And now they have
infiltrated our street.
41
00:01:55,064 --> 00:01:58,791
I have had horrible experiences
with shape-shifters in the past.
42
00:01:58,792 --> 00:02:02,761
I was once in a relationship
with a woman for four years
43
00:02:02,762 --> 00:02:05,972
who then transformed into a possum.
44
00:02:06,766 --> 00:02:12,047
I stayed with her for six more
months, but then I just had to end it.
45
00:02:13,497 --> 00:02:15,256
This is a fucking nightmare.
46
00:02:15,257 --> 00:02:17,777
- It's just an Airbnb.
- Shut up, Guillermo.
47
00:02:48,157 --> 00:02:53,157
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
48
00:02:56,222 --> 00:02:57,678
Recently, I've been beset
49
00:02:57,679 --> 00:03:00,716
by the most strange and eerie feeling.
50
00:03:01,821 --> 00:03:03,685
A chill down my spine.
51
00:03:04,188 --> 00:03:06,052
A weight on my shoulders.
52
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:11,485
The most ethereal sounds
coming from absolutely nowhere.
53
00:03:13,729 --> 00:03:15,627
Like that. Did you hear that?
54
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:18,009
Actually, that was
just me breaking wind.
55
00:03:20,011 --> 00:03:22,842
But these macabre
sounds are very similar.
56
00:03:23,256 --> 00:03:26,052
My wife Nadja thinks
they might be ghosts,
57
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,329
but I'm not so sure.
58
00:03:34,474 --> 00:03:37,235
- Oh, shit!
- Shit. Did the summoning work?
59
00:03:38,858 --> 00:03:41,169
So it did.
60
00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:42,862
Ah. Aha!
61
00:03:43,414 --> 00:03:47,314
Hello, my son. It's me, Papa.
62
00:03:47,763 --> 00:03:49,523
Fuck off.
63
00:03:49,524 --> 00:03:51,663
Laszlo. Laszlo!
64
00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:53,872
- Oh...
- No fucking way.
65
00:03:53,873 --> 00:03:56,460
I see the grumpy fellow
hasn't changed a lick.
66
00:03:57,739 --> 00:04:00,775
Well, what a lovely sight you are.
67
00:04:00,776 --> 00:04:02,674
- Oh.
- Roderick Cravensworth.
68
00:04:02,675 --> 00:04:06,367
Is it really you? Laszlo's father?
69
00:04:06,368 --> 00:04:08,058
Well, if the tit fits the cup.
70
00:04:08,059 --> 00:04:09,577
- Definitely family, then.
- Yes.
71
00:04:09,578 --> 00:04:12,546
And you must be his ethnic mistress.
72
00:04:12,547 --> 00:04:16,308
Yes, that is how it started. But I
am actually now very much his wife.
73
00:04:16,309 --> 00:04:19,242
We have been married for many
hundreds of years.
74
00:04:19,243 --> 00:04:20,555
How much I have missed.
75
00:04:21,072 --> 00:04:24,385
What a divine pleasure it
is to make your acquaintance.
76
00:04:24,386 --> 00:04:26,421
Oh Oh.
77
00:04:26,422 --> 00:04:29,701
- Um, trying to get the kerchief.
- This is a perennial ghost issue.
78
00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:31,219
So I have to ask,
79
00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:33,567
- what's your unfinished business?
- Yes.
80
00:04:33,568 --> 00:04:36,270
Well, my tiny lady,
I'm here to repair my
81
00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,572
long-troubled relationship with Laszlo.
82
00:04:38,939 --> 00:04:41,464
Yes, he may be a vampire and I a spirit,
83
00:04:41,474 --> 00:04:44,474
but we will always be, above all else,
84
00:04:44,475 --> 00:04:45,590
father and son.
85
00:04:45,601 --> 00:04:47,360
- Aw...
- Yes, we love that.
86
00:04:47,478 --> 00:04:48,616
So sweet.
87
00:04:48,617 --> 00:04:50,135
- Oh. Hello.
- Oh, yes.
88
00:04:50,136 --> 00:04:52,240
What are these contraptions?
89
00:04:52,241 --> 00:04:55,727
Oh, uh, these are camera
machines. They take your portrait.
90
00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:57,937
Ah, yes, you have to keep very still.
91
00:05:01,285 --> 00:05:02,286
Um
92
00:05:03,287 --> 00:05:06,979
Anyone else notice the
ghost, or is it just me?
93
00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:10,156
- Come on, Laszlo. Just introduce him.
- All right.
94
00:05:11,951 --> 00:05:13,607
Attention, everybody.
95
00:05:13,608 --> 00:05:17,162
May I introduce you to a man
who has gone by many names.
96
00:05:17,163 --> 00:05:19,302
- The Whispering Swordsman.
- Mmm.
97
00:05:19,303 --> 00:05:23,927
Scurrilous Bob. The Barkham Bone
Digger. The Marquess of Manchester.
98
00:05:23,928 --> 00:05:25,342
- Nice. Huh.
- The Black Finger.
99
00:05:25,343 --> 00:05:27,898
- And lastly, my father...
- Nice.
100
00:05:28,346 --> 00:05:30,969
Lord Roderick Cravensworth.
101
00:05:30,970 --> 00:05:33,385
- You forgot one sobriquet.
- Oh?
102
00:05:33,386 --> 00:05:36,181
The Night Dog of Tresco.
But that was most of them.
103
00:05:36,182 --> 00:05:38,666
I'm delighted to meet all of
my beloved son's roommates.
104
00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:41,773
Although I did think perhaps he
would have had his own place by now,
105
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:42,946
but what do I know?
106
00:05:44,673 --> 00:05:47,538
Let me ask you, sir. How did
you get all those dope nicknames?
107
00:05:47,987 --> 00:05:52,267
The finest man I ever knew bestowed
most of those monikers upon me.
108
00:05:53,717 --> 00:05:57,858
That is, soon after he saved
my life in deepest Sumatra.
109
00:05:57,859 --> 00:06:00,861
Oh, wow. And what was his name?
110
00:06:00,862 --> 00:06:04,692
I can't remember. I
think it was Glen or something.
111
00:06:04,693 --> 00:06:05,866
- Glen.
- And who might this,
112
00:06:05,867 --> 00:06:07,522
uh, taciturn fellow be?
113
00:06:07,523 --> 00:06:08,972
Get up.
114
00:06:08,973 --> 00:06:11,354
This, Father, is my
greatest creation to date.
115
00:06:11,355 --> 00:06:13,667
I call him Cravensworth's Monster.
116
00:06:13,668 --> 00:06:15,186
Now, as you can see, I've created a
117
00:06:15,196 --> 00:06:17,394
man by reanimating dead human flesh.
118
00:06:17,395 --> 00:06:21,019
Surpassing any of your
own scientific experiments.
119
00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:22,986
No, I tried it, but it didn't work.
120
00:06:22,987 --> 00:06:25,368
I just ended up with a dead body
with lots of bits stuck together.
121
00:06:25,369 --> 00:06:27,335
I didn't reanimate it.
122
00:06:27,336 --> 00:06:29,406
I sewed the body bits together,
but I didn't do the reanimation.
123
00:06:29,407 --> 00:06:31,332
So, well done. Yes.
124
00:06:31,343 --> 00:06:33,548
Although, not the
most comely of fellows.
125
00:06:33,558 --> 00:06:35,000
Perhaps he takes after his creator.
126
00:06:35,344 --> 00:06:37,000
Hey.
127
00:06:37,001 --> 00:06:39,106
- Very good.
- I would love a tour
128
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,039
of Château de Cravensworth.
129
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:44,076
Really? Well, it's a pity that
because we're very busy right now.
130
00:06:44,077 --> 00:06:45,629
Actually, Night Dog of Tresco,
131
00:06:45,630 --> 00:06:48,771
I would love to show you
around our humble abode.
132
00:06:48,772 --> 00:06:50,565
Fantástico. Lead on, squire.
133
00:06:50,566 --> 00:06:52,913
- Out here is what we call the foyer.
- Very good.
134
00:06:52,914 --> 00:06:55,053
- What a fun guy.
- So charming.
135
00:06:55,054 --> 00:06:57,400
- Love him.
- What? He's not fun.
136
00:06:57,401 --> 00:06:58,953
- He's pretty fun.
- You've been beguiled
137
00:06:58,954 --> 00:07:00,886
by his wicked charms.
138
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:04,925
The only reason he has come back
here is to make amends with you.
139
00:07:04,926 --> 00:07:06,858
Why don't you give him a chance?
140
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:09,377
My darling, that man
is never to be trusted.
141
00:07:09,378 --> 00:07:10,758
Never.
142
00:07:10,759 --> 00:07:13,071
His silver tongue is as
sharp as the ivory paddle
143
00:07:13,072 --> 00:07:16,281
that he used to bring down
across my bare backside.
144
00:07:16,282 --> 00:07:19,111
He would spank me in
front of the polo horses.
145
00:07:19,112 --> 00:07:20,595
He'd give them a right show.
146
00:07:20,596 --> 00:07:24,116
My bare backside out in
the wind for all to see.
147
00:07:24,117 --> 00:07:25,877
How everyone would laugh
148
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:30,329
as that paddle would come down
hard across my bare backside.
149
00:07:30,330 --> 00:07:33,056
"Arms out, head forward, be a good boy."
150
00:07:33,057 --> 00:07:35,783
It would come down again.
151
00:07:35,784 --> 00:07:40,133
Again and again and again.
152
00:07:41,341 --> 00:07:42,410
Are you okay?
153
00:07:42,411 --> 00:07:44,240
Forgive me. I'm not quite myself.
154
00:07:44,241 --> 00:07:46,690
Uh, I thought you quite
liked being spanked.
155
00:07:46,691 --> 00:07:47,934
Oh, yeah.
156
00:07:51,627 --> 00:07:54,906
I used to keep these in my
room, but I ran out of space,
157
00:07:54,907 --> 00:07:58,150
so I had to move 'em up here.
158
00:08:04,054 --> 00:08:06,504
You'll see why in a second.
159
00:08:11,061 --> 00:08:12,993
- Ta-da.
- What an impressive collection
160
00:08:12,994 --> 00:08:15,616
- of detailed maquettes.
- Really?
161
00:08:15,617 --> 00:08:18,964
Most people don't give a flying
F to the moon about my Funko army.
162
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:20,621
No, I think they're enchanting.
163
00:08:20,622 --> 00:08:23,279
And who is this bewitching bonita?
164
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,384
Oh, well, you have really good taste.
165
00:08:25,385 --> 00:08:29,803
That is Lizzo. And it's a rare one
because she's holding the flute.
166
00:08:29,804 --> 00:08:31,735
This one's also Lizzo.
167
00:08:31,736 --> 00:08:34,117
This one she's holding her purse,
but this one she's holding the flute.
168
00:08:34,118 --> 00:08:36,671
Geez, I'm sorry. I'm-I'm
probably boring you to death...
169
00:08:36,672 --> 00:08:37,733
No, no. Please, please.
170
00:08:37,744 --> 00:08:39,300
I could listen to you extemporize on
171
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,679
these plastic things for hours, my boy.
172
00:08:42,809 --> 00:08:45,500
Get your ghost hand off him, Father.
173
00:08:45,681 --> 00:08:47,544
Enough of the soft-shoe.
174
00:08:47,545 --> 00:08:51,031
Reveal your game or
suffer the consequences.
175
00:08:51,032 --> 00:08:53,723
Now, now. Calm down, my bubbly boy.
176
00:08:53,724 --> 00:08:55,105
Yeah?
177
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:56,864
What's that in your hands?
178
00:08:56,865 --> 00:08:58,486
- What? This?
- Yes.
179
00:08:58,487 --> 00:09:00,419
It's a spirit catcher
of my own invention.
180
00:09:00,420 --> 00:09:03,146
From the last time we
had a ghost infestation.
181
00:09:03,147 --> 00:09:07,150
Yeah. It also coincided with
me showing him Ghostbusters II,
182
00:09:07,151 --> 00:09:09,981
and a week later, he
"came up" with that device.
183
00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:11,327
It was a parallel thought.
184
00:09:11,328 --> 00:09:13,053
Well, I for one am fascinated by it.
185
00:09:13,054 --> 00:09:17,091
Do tell me about this divine
device, my cherubic Fibonacci.
186
00:09:17,092 --> 00:09:19,438
Well, it is quite interesting.
187
00:09:19,439 --> 00:09:23,995
- It's a atomic vacuum modified by myself.
- Atomic?
188
00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:26,238
- I added the blunderbuss.
- Blunderbuss?
189
00:09:26,239 --> 00:09:27,861
Yep. And as you can see,
190
00:09:27,862 --> 00:09:30,104
I've housed everything
into a large carriage clock.
191
00:09:30,105 --> 00:09:32,624
- That is stupendous.
- Isn't it just?
192
00:09:32,625 --> 00:09:35,247
And, uh, I used this
from one of Nadja's old
193
00:09:35,248 --> 00:09:37,008
- Mmm. Yes.
- dresses.
194
00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:38,595
You can get fucked.
195
00:09:38,596 --> 00:09:41,945
I'm onto you. You only flatter
when you want something.
196
00:09:42,566 --> 00:09:47,111
Well, you got five seconds
before I suck you to kingdom come.
197
00:09:47,522 --> 00:09:49,730
The last time I heard that was on my
198
00:09:49,740 --> 00:09:51,712
penultimate visit to the cunny pot.
199
00:09:51,713 --> 00:09:54,025
Cunny pot.
200
00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:56,613
I didn't even hear it,
but I know it was funny.
201
00:09:56,614 --> 00:09:59,030
It was really funny. It's good.
202
00:10:00,653 --> 00:10:04,415
Ah. Fleet of foot. Yes. His usual trick.
203
00:10:04,968 --> 00:10:07,073
Show yourself, you bastard.
204
00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:11,766
Look at these two. Cooking dinner.
205
00:10:11,767 --> 00:10:13,561
- Please, as if.
- Bullshit.
206
00:10:13,562 --> 00:10:17,393
What are these shape-shifting
sons of bitches planning?
207
00:10:17,599 --> 00:10:20,351
Um, Airbnb shouldn't even be that hard
208
00:10:20,361 --> 00:10:21,742
of a concept to wrap your head around.
209
00:10:21,743 --> 00:10:24,055
Will you shut the fuck up, Guillermo?
210
00:10:24,056 --> 00:10:25,090
- Yes.
- Okay.
211
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:27,230
Nandor, I'll say it.
212
00:10:27,231 --> 00:10:30,475
We need to capture and
destroy the shape-shifters.
213
00:10:30,476 --> 00:10:32,514
Yes, I'm in full agreement, Nadja.
214
00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:35,219
So maybe I just go over there, and I
215
00:10:35,229 --> 00:10:37,460
kill and mince them with my bare hands.
216
00:10:37,690 --> 00:10:39,760
Fuck. That's really good.
217
00:10:39,761 --> 00:10:41,313
Mmm.
218
00:10:41,314 --> 00:10:43,971
I think you should give your
dad another chance, Laszlo.
219
00:10:43,972 --> 00:10:45,593
I mean, he's really nice.
220
00:10:45,594 --> 00:10:47,975
And he knows a hell of a
lot about the spice trade.
221
00:10:47,976 --> 00:10:49,943
With all due respect, Colin Robinson,
222
00:10:49,944 --> 00:10:52,290
you haven't got a fucking clue
who the shit you're fucking with.
223
00:10:52,291 --> 00:10:55,500
Look, we're getting closer.
And closer. He's in here.
224
00:10:55,501 --> 00:10:58,261
Show yourself, Padre. Meet thy maker.
225
00:10:59,988 --> 00:11:02,024
Leslie, please wait.
226
00:11:02,025 --> 00:11:06,097
I know I haven't been the best
father, but I felt this pull to return.
227
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:08,133
To be the father you've always needed.
228
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:12,655
And to learn about this incredible,
modern vampire life you lead.
229
00:11:12,656 --> 00:11:15,002
You expect me to believe that shoeshine?
230
00:11:15,003 --> 00:11:16,728
No. I think he means it.
231
00:11:16,729 --> 00:11:20,628
I think he's really interested
in learning about our lives.
232
00:11:20,629 --> 00:11:22,320
- Yes.
- Besides,
233
00:11:22,321 --> 00:11:25,564
it's been really nice having an
older male figure in the house.
234
00:11:25,565 --> 00:11:26,841
Yeah, it has.
235
00:11:26,842 --> 00:11:29,154
I sure wish I had one
when I was growing up.
236
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:30,707
What? You fucking did. It was me.
237
00:11:30,708 --> 00:11:33,469
I raised you from a
baby, Colin Robinson.
238
00:11:33,470 --> 00:11:36,507
You keep saying that and
people are gonna think you're
239
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:38,646
My son.
240
00:11:38,647 --> 00:11:40,683
You may well choose to
use that apparatus on me,
241
00:11:40,684 --> 00:11:43,824
but know that I care about you
deeply, my rotten little soldier.
242
00:11:43,825 --> 00:11:47,622
And I would give anything
for a second chance.
243
00:11:49,313 --> 00:11:53,006
Oh
244
00:11:53,007 --> 00:11:54,041
Please don't cry, Father.
245
00:11:55,354 --> 00:11:57,320
- Please, don't cry.
- All right, then.
246
00:11:59,496 --> 00:12:01,531
All right, I'll give
you a second chance.
247
00:12:01,532 --> 00:12:05,156
But if you fuck up, I will suck you dry.
248
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:07,710
As the maître d' of the Hellfire Club
249
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,539
said to me whilst getting my peacoat.
250
00:12:09,540 --> 00:12:13,060
You are literally the funniest man ever.
251
00:12:13,061 --> 00:12:15,029
- I like him.
- All right.
252
00:12:17,721 --> 00:12:22,414
So, Mr. Cravensworth asked
us to show him our New York,
253
00:12:22,415 --> 00:12:24,761
and I get to choose where we go first.
254
00:12:24,762 --> 00:12:27,626
Times Square M&M store, here we come.
255
00:12:27,627 --> 00:12:28,972
Wait, Laszlo.
256
00:12:28,973 --> 00:12:31,182
You're not just going out
into the world unattended.
257
00:12:31,183 --> 00:12:35,255
I presume a gentleman of your
station has a manservant of some kind.
258
00:12:35,256 --> 00:12:36,739
I do have a manservant.
259
00:12:36,740 --> 00:12:39,397
I just choose not to let
him stay in the house.
260
00:12:39,398 --> 00:12:40,605
Ah.
261
00:12:40,606 --> 00:12:43,125
If you'll excuse me.
I shall be a moment.
262
00:12:43,126 --> 00:12:45,404
My grandma's also a ghost.
263
00:12:46,957 --> 00:12:48,751
- Hey, knock first.
- I need you to come with me,
264
00:12:48,752 --> 00:12:50,891
pretend to be my manservant
and do not ask me why.
265
00:12:50,892 --> 00:12:53,963
It's okay if you're
trying to impress your dad's ghost.
266
00:12:53,964 --> 00:12:55,240
- Well, I'm not.
- You know,
267
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,208
I would wanna impress my dad too.
268
00:12:57,209 --> 00:12:59,555
Hypothetically. He left when I was
three, so I never got to meet him.
269
00:12:59,556 --> 00:13:01,833
Right. Okay. That makes you
the luckiest man in the world.
270
00:13:01,834 --> 00:13:03,386
Come on, Gizmo. Uh
271
00:13:03,387 --> 00:13:05,768
- Now!
- Coming.
272
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,461
Give me a minute.
273
00:13:09,462 --> 00:13:10,911
Are you sure you don't need
me to look under the hood?
274
00:13:10,912 --> 00:13:13,465
No, I don't need anything. I'm fine.
275
00:13:13,466 --> 00:13:14,777
Fuck!
276
00:13:14,778 --> 00:13:17,504
I'm gonna go give him a
hand and sort this out.
277
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,126
Fan-fucking-tastic.
278
00:13:19,127 --> 00:13:22,647
You're very lucky to serve
a man as wonderful as my son.
279
00:13:22,648 --> 00:13:25,443
- Hmm.
- If you're anything like my butler Cecil,
280
00:13:25,444 --> 00:13:27,894
you'll know how to
anticipate his every need.
281
00:13:28,654 --> 00:13:31,450
And I do mean his every need.
282
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:36,764
The G-spot. The erotic zone.
283
00:13:36,765 --> 00:13:38,628
Oh. No, sorry.
284
00:13:38,629 --> 00:13:41,424
It's not like that with your son and I.
285
00:13:41,425 --> 00:13:44,703
Cecil worked my
whirligigs like a maypole.
286
00:13:44,704 --> 00:13:47,534
He was something of a
psychosexual chess master.
287
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,813
Could we talk about
something else, maybe?
288
00:13:50,676 --> 00:13:52,505
Have you ever kissed a ghost?
289
00:13:54,162 --> 00:13:56,301
Now it's go time.
290
00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:59,477
Lancer to Rawhide, do you read me? Over.
291
00:13:59,478 --> 00:14:02,135
Rawhide to Lancer, I can
read you loud and clear.
292
00:14:02,136 --> 00:14:05,966
Why, hello, my sweet gooseberry
jam. How much for a go-round?
293
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:08,520
- Ahem.
- Miss Nadja, my sincerest apologies.
294
00:14:08,521 --> 00:14:11,040
I briefly mistook you
for a lady of the night.
295
00:14:11,041 --> 00:14:14,077
You thought I was a little
fucking whore, did you?
296
00:14:14,078 --> 00:14:15,631
- Yes.
- You charmer.
297
00:14:15,632 --> 00:14:18,185
Cut the cross talk,
Rawhide. Stay on mission!
298
00:14:18,186 --> 00:14:21,568
That's lively. Get a rag,
Colin Robinson. Get a rag!
299
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:22,571
Okay.
300
00:14:23,433 --> 00:14:26,331
Rawhide, make your way
through the side gate.
301
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:27,988
Be very quiet.
302
00:14:27,989 --> 00:14:29,645
If they sense you coming,
303
00:14:29,646 --> 00:14:32,682
they'll rip you apart before
you can even bare your fangs.
304
00:14:32,683 --> 00:14:34,477
But you got this.
305
00:14:34,478 --> 00:14:36,479
You will soon see a mat.
306
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:39,310
On it is written "welcome."
307
00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:41,312
Counts as an invitation.
308
00:14:44,212 --> 00:14:47,007
It would be easier to hide
if you stopped talking.
309
00:14:47,008 --> 00:14:48,560
Okay. That's smart.
310
00:14:48,561 --> 00:14:51,218
- I'll stop talking.
- Shut up!
311
00:14:51,219 --> 00:14:52,289
She's in.
312
00:14:52,910 --> 00:14:56,430
Now she must hide
and catch them unawares.
313
00:14:56,431 --> 00:14:58,916
Look at them! The shape-shifters.
314
00:14:59,262 --> 00:15:00,779
They don't suspect a thing.
315
00:15:00,780 --> 00:15:04,370
They're too busy playing with
the combat training blocks.
316
00:15:05,647 --> 00:15:06,791
Oh, shit!
317
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,443
Shit, they've heard
her! They've heard her!
318
00:15:09,444 --> 00:15:11,031
She's fucked!
319
00:15:11,032 --> 00:15:14,621
Rawhide, shape-shifter
one has picked up a knife.
320
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:15,932
He's approaching you!
321
00:15:15,933 --> 00:15:17,969
He could shape-shift at any moment!
322
00:15:17,970 --> 00:15:21,041
Can you hear me? Over.
Don't engage alone.
323
00:15:21,042 --> 00:15:22,594
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
324
00:15:22,595 --> 00:15:24,217
Rawhide, do you need backup?
325
00:15:24,218 --> 00:15:25,252
Can you hear me?
326
00:15:25,253 --> 00:15:28,222
Rawhide! Do you copy? Over.
327
00:15:32,847 --> 00:15:34,468
Ha! You beauty.
328
00:15:34,469 --> 00:15:37,160
Bravo, my mechanical maestros.
329
00:15:37,161 --> 00:15:39,059
I fixed it.
330
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:41,372
It was the exhaust manifold. I
just had to get in there a little.
331
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:43,778
It wasn't the fucking exhaust manifold.
332
00:15:43,788 --> 00:15:45,893
It was the spark ignition,
and I fixed it.
333
00:15:45,894 --> 00:15:48,587
Trust me. I fixed it
all on my own, Daddy.
334
00:15:50,761 --> 00:15:52,246
I meant, uh
335
00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:54,730
Um, I meant to say, uh,
336
00:15:54,731 --> 00:15:56,559
Mr. Cravensworth.
337
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,181
Fuck's sake!
338
00:16:00,219 --> 00:16:01,564
Rawhide,
339
00:16:01,565 --> 00:16:04,187
the shape-shifters took out the jalopy.
340
00:16:04,188 --> 00:16:05,949
I've got your back, Rawhide!
341
00:16:06,363 --> 00:16:09,986
Shit. Fuck. Sorry, Nate.
342
00:16:09,987 --> 00:16:11,782
They're shifting! Fuck this!
343
00:16:12,783 --> 00:16:14,889
Rawhide!
344
00:16:17,512 --> 00:16:20,583
Oh, good. She made it out.
345
00:16:20,584 --> 00:16:22,585
I thought I was fucking dead.
346
00:16:22,586 --> 00:16:24,622
What's this? They got Nate?
347
00:16:24,623 --> 00:16:28,385
- Yes, Nate got got.
- Oh, no.
348
00:16:29,317 --> 00:16:31,525
- Wait. Wait a minute.
- What?
349
00:16:31,526 --> 00:16:35,529
I was not watching you the entire
time that you were over there.
350
00:16:35,530 --> 00:16:39,464
How do I know that you are actually you
351
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:42,191
and haven't been replaced
by a shape-shifter?
352
00:16:42,192 --> 00:16:44,815
Are you fucking kidding me?
353
00:16:49,958 --> 00:16:51,683
- Great.
- The truth is,
354
00:16:51,684 --> 00:16:54,653
Sir Colin of Robinson, that
I never knew my own father.
355
00:16:55,032 --> 00:16:56,619
Yeah, me neither.
356
00:16:56,620 --> 00:16:59,381
It's a terrible thing and
leaves a man ill-equipped
357
00:16:59,382 --> 00:17:01,969
when it comes to his
own turn at parenthood.
358
00:17:01,970 --> 00:17:05,145
Oh, I-I think you're
the coolest guy ever.
359
00:17:05,146 --> 00:17:08,148
Well, you know, you're not
half bad yourself, young man.
360
00:17:08,149 --> 00:17:09,357
Do you think
361
00:17:10,013 --> 00:17:11,496
Nah, it's kind of stupid.
362
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,498
No, please. Tell me.
363
00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:17,676
I was going to ask if I
could maybe give you a hug.
364
00:17:18,435 --> 00:17:22,439
I don't know that you'll be able to
feel these translucent arms of mine
365
00:17:24,027 --> 00:17:26,374
but I think we should
have a go, don't you?
366
00:17:27,202 --> 00:17:29,377
All right.
367
00:17:30,861 --> 00:17:33,691
I don't know. Maybe I have
been too harsh on my father.
368
00:17:33,692 --> 00:17:35,762
After all, he is showing
kindness to Colin Robinson.
369
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:38,144
A Herculean task if ever there was one.
370
00:17:38,697 --> 00:17:40,423
You're fucking kidding.
371
00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:42,838
Remind me again, Nadja.
372
00:17:42,839 --> 00:17:45,392
If that is in fact who you really are.
373
00:17:45,393 --> 00:17:48,879
What is my favorite film?
374
00:17:49,293 --> 00:17:51,744
I don't fucking know!
375
00:17:52,124 --> 00:17:55,678
Captive did not know that
the captor's favorite film
376
00:17:55,679 --> 00:17:58,509
is The Incredible Burt Wonderstone.
377
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:00,096
Enough of this!
378
00:18:00,097 --> 00:18:02,754
Just because I ignore all
of the bullshit that you say,
379
00:18:02,755 --> 00:18:04,894
does not prove that
I am a shape-shifter.
380
00:18:04,895 --> 00:18:07,207
If anything, it proves that it is me!
381
00:18:07,208 --> 00:18:09,416
Someone who doesn't care
about anything you say!
382
00:18:09,417 --> 00:18:10,866
Now, will you just untie me?
383
00:18:10,867 --> 00:18:13,420
Okay, fine. You are
not a shape-shifter.
384
00:18:13,421 --> 00:18:14,904
Okay? I apologize.
385
00:18:14,905 --> 00:18:17,011
I can admit when I'm wrong.
386
00:18:18,081 --> 00:18:19,392
Done.
387
00:18:19,393 --> 00:18:21,843
Sorry. I just was a little
paranoid, that's all.
388
00:18:22,465 --> 00:18:24,397
It is odd, though.
389
00:18:24,398 --> 00:18:27,986
I myself was away from you for
a while while I was in the house.
390
00:18:27,987 --> 00:18:29,747
So?
391
00:18:29,748 --> 00:18:34,165
Admit it. You are just a snaky,
tricky little shape-shifting bitch.
392
00:18:34,166 --> 00:18:35,891
Ha!
393
00:18:35,892 --> 00:18:37,133
- Yeah, he is.
- We must not let them tear us apart
394
00:18:37,134 --> 00:18:38,411
like this.
395
00:18:38,412 --> 00:18:39,559
Oh, shit.
396
00:18:39,570 --> 00:18:41,388
Nadja, Nandor!
397
00:18:41,398 --> 00:18:43,116
The lady from next door
is here to see you guys.
398
00:18:43,127 --> 00:18:44,483
The shape-shifters are here.
399
00:18:44,494 --> 00:18:46,426
The shape-shifters are
here! What are we gonna do?
400
00:18:46,937 --> 00:18:48,455
Pull yourself together!
401
00:18:48,456 --> 00:18:50,077
- Thank you.
- Yes, thank you.
402
00:18:50,078 --> 00:18:52,252
- I feel much better now.
- Please come down!
403
00:18:52,253 --> 00:18:55,013
I've been here 15 years and no one
by that description comes to mind.
404
00:18:55,014 --> 00:18:56,567
- Really? Not those two?
- Who?
405
00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:58,085
My guests said they were in the house.
406
00:18:58,086 --> 00:19:00,156
They also said that an
old-timey car exploded.
407
00:19:00,157 --> 00:19:02,849
Your guests? Hmm.
408
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,437
Perhaps she is their leader.
409
00:19:04,438 --> 00:19:07,819
No, she is the host of
the Airbnb and owner of...
410
00:19:07,820 --> 00:19:09,580
Silence, Guillermo.
411
00:19:09,581 --> 00:19:12,134
My guests also said you were
spying on them. With a telescope?
412
00:19:12,135 --> 00:19:13,480
Listen here, shifty.
413
00:19:13,481 --> 00:19:15,586
We are onto your little games.
414
00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:17,035
What you have going on over there
415
00:19:17,036 --> 00:19:19,970
violates all of the laws of nature.
416
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:25,216
Okay, fine. Technically, the unit
isn't zoned for an Airbnb, okay?
417
00:19:25,217 --> 00:19:28,219
I'm just trying to make some
passive income. Is that such a crime?
418
00:19:28,220 --> 00:19:30,359
What the fuck is she talking about?
419
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,363
- Guillermo, what is passive income?
- Yes. And what is "Airppp?"
420
00:19:33,812 --> 00:19:35,295
Yeah, that's what's going on.
421
00:19:35,296 --> 00:19:37,953
We figured out that
that was an illegal unit.
422
00:19:37,954 --> 00:19:40,714
Shit. Okay, listen, can we
just keep this between us?
423
00:19:40,715 --> 00:19:42,613
Maybe we can work out some kind of deal.
424
00:19:47,032 --> 00:19:50,655
- Great Britain.
- Yes, the British Empire.
425
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:54,141
We've plundered the world, but
our museums are fucking great.
426
00:19:54,142 --> 00:19:56,143
What are you doing down here, Father?
427
00:19:56,144 --> 00:19:59,700
Just having a bit of chitchat
with your curious creation.
428
00:20:00,079 --> 00:20:01,115
Right.
429
00:20:02,012 --> 00:20:05,498
Well, not easy for me to say this,
430
00:20:05,499 --> 00:20:08,550
but I know you have paternal affection
431
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,434
for me, and that
affection is reciprocal,
432
00:20:11,056 --> 00:20:13,573
though not often displayed due to a fear
433
00:20:13,583 --> 00:20:16,509
that it might not be returned in kind.
434
00:20:16,510 --> 00:20:18,062
Very well put, my boy.
435
00:20:18,063 --> 00:20:21,514
But what I'd like to do is begin a more
436
00:20:21,515 --> 00:20:24,827
free-flowing communication
between the two of us.
437
00:20:24,828 --> 00:20:28,348
That would gladden my
heart, my bonny lad.
438
00:20:31,870 --> 00:20:33,526
- Hug Daddy.
- What are you...
439
00:20:33,527 --> 00:20:35,562
- Hug Daddy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
440
00:20:35,563 --> 00:20:38,160
Explain to me why the Book of Souls is
441
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,843
open on my workbench right behind you
442
00:20:40,844 --> 00:20:42,915
and on that particular spell.
443
00:20:44,607 --> 00:20:46,366
Yes, I thought as much.
444
00:20:46,367 --> 00:20:49,369
I know exactly what you're doing
and the answer is a big fat no.
445
00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:54,374
I forbid you to use my monster as
your vessel on this earthly plane.
446
00:20:54,375 --> 00:20:57,032
I have absolutely no idea
what you're talking about.
447
00:20:57,033 --> 00:20:58,965
Really? As soon as my back's turned,
448
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:02,209
you'd be up that bastard like
a frankfurter sausage in a bun.
449
00:21:02,210 --> 00:21:03,590
- Coward.
- But, Son,
450
00:21:03,591 --> 00:21:05,143
you don't understand what it's like,
451
00:21:05,144 --> 00:21:07,664
the place where I come from,
where my spirit resides.
452
00:21:08,458 --> 00:21:10,114
It's fucking awful.
453
00:21:10,115 --> 00:21:12,737
All the classes are mixed together.
454
00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:14,705
I have to talk to poor people.
455
00:21:14,706 --> 00:21:17,328
I have to feign interest in the Welsh.
456
00:21:17,329 --> 00:21:19,710
I can't touch myself. It's hell.
457
00:21:19,711 --> 00:21:23,921
But if my ghost could inhabit a
human body, I could begin life anew
458
00:21:23,922 --> 00:21:28,788
and have an orgasm again for the
first time in 200 fucking years.
459
00:21:28,789 --> 00:21:30,652
It's all about you, isn't it?
460
00:21:30,653 --> 00:21:34,897
Always about Lord Roderick
Cravensworth. No one else matters.
461
00:21:34,898 --> 00:21:39,246
Ruining my life from day one. Like
when you humiliated me at Wimbledon.
462
00:21:39,247 --> 00:21:42,353
You can't play power tennis.
There's no shame in that.
463
00:21:42,354 --> 00:21:46,737
- You fucked my Latin tutor!
- Veni, vidi, veni. You got into Eton.
464
00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:50,292
Hiring Rasputin to be my babysitter.
465
00:21:50,293 --> 00:21:51,673
That was last minute.
466
00:21:51,674 --> 00:21:55,090
And who can forget when
you murdered Mother?
467
00:21:55,091 --> 00:21:57,610
- Not this again.
- Good grief.
468
00:21:57,611 --> 00:21:58,957
Prove it.
469
00:21:59,164 --> 00:22:00,614
Well, I'll tell you something.
470
00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:03,443
You are not getting
your hands on my monster,
471
00:22:03,444 --> 00:22:05,100
my greatest creation to date.
472
00:22:05,101 --> 00:22:08,725
You will not be using
him as your meat puppet.
473
00:22:09,346 --> 00:22:12,625
You think I'd want this
wretched homunculus for a body?
474
00:22:12,626 --> 00:22:15,697
- I right here!
- No, you have me all wrong.
475
00:22:15,698 --> 00:22:20,184
You see, the divine human vessel
I wish to inhabit is your own.
476
00:22:20,185 --> 00:22:22,876
I beg your pardon?
477
00:22:22,877 --> 00:22:24,671
Oh, come on, Son. You've had your turn.
478
00:22:24,672 --> 00:22:28,364
Be a good boy and let your
daddy inhabit your flesh.
479
00:22:28,365 --> 00:22:31,678
- The Father of the Fatherless. Shammash.
- No! No!
480
00:22:31,679 --> 00:22:35,027
No! This must stop!
481
00:22:35,545 --> 00:22:39,962
- O Ancient Ones. Gods of the Night.
- Shut your mouth!
482
00:22:39,963 --> 00:22:41,481
Spirit catcher!
483
00:22:44,209 --> 00:22:48,246
Get me my spirit catcher!
484
00:22:48,247 --> 00:22:50,077
Yes!
485
00:22:53,839 --> 00:22:55,392
Ha!
486
00:22:56,428 --> 00:23:00,431
Prepare to get sucked, Daddy.
487
00:23:00,432 --> 00:23:02,089
No! Not like this!
488
00:23:05,471 --> 00:23:09,027
No!
489
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,720
Oof!
490
00:23:20,003 --> 00:23:22,143
Farewell, Father.
491
00:23:25,077 --> 00:23:27,285
So yeah, after I spent another two hours
492
00:23:27,286 --> 00:23:30,737
explaining to Nadja and Nandor that
our neighbor wasn't a shape-shifter
493
00:23:30,738 --> 00:23:33,395
I told you what it is. It's
her space. She's renting it out.
494
00:23:33,396 --> 00:23:35,880
Remember I went to an
Airbnb on vacation for...
495
00:23:35,881 --> 00:23:37,469
What has it got to do with the air?
496
00:23:38,401 --> 00:23:40,540
We made a deal with her.
497
00:23:40,541 --> 00:23:43,716
We wouldn't report Nancy's illegal
Airbnb if she would let us stay
498
00:23:43,717 --> 00:23:46,477
- for a free weekend once a month.
- I mean, look at this sign.
499
00:23:46,478 --> 00:23:50,067
It says, "Bye Felicia
and take Karen with you."
500
00:23:50,068 --> 00:23:52,241
I'm gonna start saying that.
501
00:23:53,657 --> 00:23:55,106
- Hey.
- Come on in.
502
00:23:55,107 --> 00:23:56,418
I just wanted to drop off
503
00:23:56,419 --> 00:23:58,385
- some fresh baked cookies...
- Ooh!
504
00:23:58,386 --> 00:24:01,250
... to say thank you
for your discretion.
505
00:24:01,251 --> 00:24:03,321
Couldn't possibly.
506
00:24:03,322 --> 00:24:05,634
- Thank you, Nancy.
- Anything you need, you let me know, okay?
507
00:24:05,635 --> 00:24:08,879
- Bye Felicia and take Karen with you.
- Take Karen with you.
508
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,261
You guys are so crazy.
Have the best night. Amazing.
509
00:24:12,262 --> 00:24:15,057
- She's really nice.
- Mm-hmm.
510
00:24:15,058 --> 00:24:18,751
- Bananagrams, anyone?
- Yes. Why not?
511
00:24:18,752 --> 00:24:20,305
Help me turn the tiles.
512
00:24:20,615 --> 00:24:21,996
So sorry.
513
00:24:22,721 --> 00:24:26,275
- All right, old chap.
- Oh. Where's Mr. Cravensworth?
514
00:24:26,276 --> 00:24:29,624
I got him this Pop Yourself
that looks like him.
515
00:24:29,970 --> 00:24:32,074
I know it's kind of
stupid, but I thought...
516
00:24:32,075 --> 00:24:34,940
- Sit down, Colin.
- Okay.
517
00:24:35,941 --> 00:24:39,634
My father has gone on a very long trip.
518
00:24:40,290 --> 00:24:43,673
- He has gone on a ghost mission.
- That's
519
00:24:43,949 --> 00:24:45,260
That's weird.
520
00:24:45,261 --> 00:24:47,125
He wanted to say
goodbye to you in person,
521
00:24:47,539 --> 00:24:52,164
but he was too afraid he
might miss his ghost train.
522
00:24:52,820 --> 00:24:56,030
Well, that's That's okay.
523
00:24:57,238 --> 00:25:02,104
He also told me that he
cared for you very much.
524
00:25:02,105 --> 00:25:05,867
So much so that he
wanted you to have this.
525
00:25:05,868 --> 00:25:08,317
- What is it?
- No idea.
526
00:25:08,318 --> 00:25:10,354
But he said you must
keep that somewhere safe,
527
00:25:10,355 --> 00:25:12,805
somewhere locked up where
no one can get to it.
528
00:25:12,806 --> 00:25:16,568
- Wh-why?
- Because he's going to need it someday
529
00:25:17,155 --> 00:25:18,604
when he comes back.
530
00:25:19,260 --> 00:25:21,227
You really have an
amazing father, you know?
531
00:25:21,228 --> 00:25:24,058
I do, Colin. I really do.
532
00:25:29,374 --> 00:25:31,962
There's just some shit that
I need to sort out over here.
533
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:44,400
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -