1 00:00:00,334 --> 00:00:02,502 [machinery beeping, tools whirring] 2 00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:05,129 {\an8}- We finished the staircase frame a couple hours ago. 3 00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:06,506 {\an8}- Wow. 4 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,132 {\an8}- Fiber optics in process. - Terrific. 5 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,717 {\an8}- We ordered the, uh, oak floors that you like. 6 00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:11,177 {\an8}- Oh, good. Wonderful. 7 00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,971 - But there is a matter, uh, we should discuss. 8 00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,681 - What? - Um... [clears throat] 9 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,016 I don't really want to say this, 10 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,184 since you're threw paint at my truck 11 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:19,727 when I got the banisters wrong. 12 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:21,687 - Well, suggesting anything other than rose gold 13 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,689 was demented. - Totally. 14 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,442 Um, but the building's gonna be more work than we discussed. 15 00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:27,985 - What are we talking? 16 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,529 - Well, the electrical's not up to code. 17 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,656 The HVAC needs to be completely gutted. 18 00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,991 The estimates on the theater are skyrocketing 19 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,368 because of the custom lighting 20 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,119 and the pyrotechnic capabilities. 21 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,704 - Well, a Vegas show without pyrotechnics 22 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,373 is like a lap dance in broad daylight. 23 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,208 I won't be caught dead doing it. 24 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,418 - All in all, we're looking at an additional $20 million 25 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,420 to get the Diva operational, 26 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,047 and that's just a conservative estimate. 27 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,216 - Oh, God. - Just to say it-- 28 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:54,971 it would save us a ton if we didn't have the Deborah statue. 29 00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:57,348 - Well, how are people supposed to make an entrance 30 00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,392 if not between my legs? - Mm-hmm. 31 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,228 - Where's the joy, the whimsy? Where's the--the... 32 00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,230 - Wow factor. - The wow factor? 33 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,565 - Well-- 34 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,692 - I mean, people love this design. 35 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,569 The underwear mirror for upskirt selfies 36 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,404 will be a destination in and of itself. 37 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,740 - It's just that it just seems technically unnecessary. 38 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,367 - Unnecessar-- 39 00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:18,077 Is there a gas leak in here? 40 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,538 - Actually, there is, and that's probably gonna cost-- 41 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:22,373 - Oh, my God! - Okay, okay, okay. 42 00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:24,584 Maybe if we book a headliner, 43 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,003 we can use some of the advance ticket sales to fund this? 44 00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:30,006 - [sighs] Okay. I'll get on that. 45 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,091 You try to find an outside investor. 46 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,218 - [clears throat] Is now a bad time 47 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:36,596 to discuss why we can't convert a chlorine pool 48 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,264 to pink champagne? - Yes! 49 00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:39,515 - Yes, ma'am. 50 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:41,726 [bright upbeat music] 51 00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,144 - He's into me. 52 00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:50,193 {\an8}♪ ♪ 53 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,780 - So what happened? 54 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,449 - What happened? I took her home. 55 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,867 You didn't hear this from me, 56 00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,869 but she had the best night of her life. 57 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:00,953 - Ah. [cell phone rumbles] 58 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,288 Oh, it's Deborah. 59 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,956 Could you give me one second? - Mm. 60 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,374 - Also, you shouldn't be talking to me about this stuff. 61 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,626 - Why not? 62 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,878 - Hello. - Hi. I need your help. 63 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,421 We're building that state-of-the-art theater 64 00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:12,256 at the Diva, and we need a comic 65 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:14,467 for a residency who can bring in a ton of presales. 66 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,968 Do you know of anyone? 67 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,178 - Deborah, you know you don't have to fish 68 00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:18,429 for compliments with me. 69 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,764 As Kayla would say, 70 00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,349 you are the number-one living legend, 71 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,100 and you would slay the boots down 72 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,852 on the Diva, chiquita banana. 73 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,479 It should be you. You should do it. 74 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,647 - No, no, no, no, no, 75 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,774 my residency days are behind me. 76 00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:32,318 - Oh. Uh, do you know Bruno Fox? 77 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,070 - Is he related to Redd Foxx? 78 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,905 - I don't think so, 'cause one is Black and one is white. 79 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,448 But you know what? I never assume. 80 00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:39,075 You don't know what their mom was doing. 81 00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:40,493 - Okay. - Anyway, he's, like, 82 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,620 a super-popular podcaster and stand-up. 83 00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,038 He's got a huge following. 84 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:46,290 Um, oh, he does those Travelocity ads, 85 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,500 which I actually find quite funny. 86 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,834 I don't even hit "skip ad." 87 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,629 - Oh, that guy! Oh, he'd be good. 88 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,048 Can you get him? - Uh, yeah. 89 00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,675 Yeah, I--yeah, I can get him. 90 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,551 - Great. Let me know. - Will do. 91 00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,512 - ♪ Use what you got ♪ 92 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,264 ♪ To get what you want ♪ 93 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,266 - It is so weird to be back here. 94 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:07,478 - Wow. She already took down the pictures I put up. 95 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:09,939 - We've been gone for over two years. 96 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,691 Also, why would she keep up pictures 97 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,317 of you and your college friends? 98 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:15,069 - 'Cause we're hot and fun. 99 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,571 - Well, look what the cat farted in, 100 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,532 LuSuck And Queefer. 101 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,201 [laughs] - Did you two pork yet? 102 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,536 - Great to see you guys. 103 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,037 - If you're looking to poach clients, 104 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,248 there's a dialysis center right down the street. 105 00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:29,375 [laughter] - Oh, my goodness. 106 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,710 Wow, that's really funny. 107 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:31,877 So, look, I'm gonna keep this brief. 108 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,295 - Please. 109 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,714 - We have an opportunity for one of your clients. 110 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,006 As you may have heard, Deborah Vance is opening 111 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:37,550 a casino hotel in downtown Vegas, 112 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:41,011 and we would like Bruno Fox to be the very first 113 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:43,389 comic in residence. - Whoa. 114 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,391 - Wow, Bruno. [inhales sharply] 115 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,892 He has a lot of balls in the air right now. 116 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,561 - Mm-hmm. 117 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,521 - This is a huge opportunity for a stand-up, right? 118 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:51,939 I mean, you know that. 119 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,899 A Vegas residency means a steady paycheck, 120 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,443 shows every night of the week. 121 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:56,777 - A lot more money than he'd make on the road. 122 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,571 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. 123 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:01,031 Well, you know, I'll try to remember to mention it to him 124 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,742 the next time I talk to him. - Yeah. 125 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,243 - We'll see what he says. - Yeah, yeah. 126 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,745 - The next time you talk to him could be right now 127 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,329 if you just dial him up. 128 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,873 - Ooh, we'd love to, but we got to go right now 129 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,333 'cause we've got massages, the kind where you come. 130 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:13,335 - Oh. - Together, you're gonna go? 131 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,087 - Yes. - Are you serious? 132 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,505 Are you really gonna walk out-- - [imitates flatulence] 133 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,466 - Later, dildos. - Oh, my God. 134 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,092 I know they're gonna present this to Bruno like 135 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,594 it's a total waste of time just to fuck with us. 136 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,595 - So sadistic. 137 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,971 It reminds me of how I used 138 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,806 to treat this one girl in my summer camp. 139 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,141 So mean. 140 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,101 - You know what? Fuck them. 141 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,770 We are gonna go to Bruno ourselves 142 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,271 and present this offer directly. 143 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,440 - Hell, yeah! I knew you had that dog in ya. 144 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,193 Ruff! - All right, here we go. 145 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,111 He's performing this weekend in Kalamazoo, Michigan. 146 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,406 We are going. - Central time, kinky. 147 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,408 - It's Eastern. - Oh. 148 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,243 Mm, that sucks. 149 00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,496 [upbeat music] 150 00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,080 - Mm! 151 00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,500 To be asked to be a food tester--dream come true. 152 00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:53,793 - Well, it's perfect. 153 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,836 I mean, you have flyover-state taste, 154 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,797 and Josefina has the most refined palate 155 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,632 of anyone I've ever met. - Mm. 156 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,926 Pistachio cream in an entrée? 157 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,969 I'm feeling crazy for this. 158 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,638 - So, what, if we like this chef's food, 159 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,598 you guys are gonna just poach him from Marty? 160 00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,642 - Yep. - Damn, ice cold. 161 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,227 The rice is hot, though. 162 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,437 - Well, it's not personal. It's just business. 163 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:16,816 [cell phone rumbles] - Oh, excuse me. 164 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,652 - I love a little crunch-- big slay. 165 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,154 - Oh, Deborah, I've been working on the opening joke. 166 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,489 So what about this? 167 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,990 Um, hello, Madison Square Garden. 168 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,325 I've been silenced for 18 months, 169 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,827 so let me finally say this. 170 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,162 Big pants only look good if you're tall. 171 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,455 - Eh. 172 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,207 I don't want to talk about pants. 173 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,292 I can't believe we can't figure out this opener. 174 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,461 - [sighs] No, I know. I think we have writer's block. 175 00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,088 We got to get some new energy going. 176 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,673 You know, we could try cold plunging. 177 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,092 Helps Joe Rogan. - Helps him do what? 178 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,927 - Right. Good point. 179 00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:47,596 - So, I put out some feelers to some friends in the VC world 180 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,348 about funding for the Diva. 181 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,225 And that was Graham Sweeney's office. 182 00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:53,561 He's a young tech developer-- big portfolio. 183 00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:55,062 He immediately responded 184 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,564 and wants to fly in to meet with you. 185 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:57,898 - Oh, great. 186 00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:00,693 - And he asked for Ava to come, too. 187 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,486 - What? 188 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,154 Me? Why? 189 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,698 Oh, my God, do you think this is 190 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,491 like an "Indecent Proposal" situation, 191 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,159 where he'll only give you the millions 192 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,704 if he has one fabulous night with Ms. Ava Daniels? 193 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:12,830 - "Millions"? 194 00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,498 Please, he could get you 195 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,542 with a donation to Greenpeace and some combat boots. 196 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,544 - [laughs] - That's... 197 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:19,879 true. 198 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,839 - No one is asking you to have sex, 199 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,592 but these VC guys are freaky, and we need the money. 200 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:27,720 So, if he asks to eat sushi off you, you know, play ball. 201 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,264 - [chuckles] - All right, fine. I'll go. 202 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,099 But I'm telling you-- if there's a Philadelphia roll 203 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,726 on my titty, I'm eating that shit. 204 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,728 - Marcus, set up the meeting. 205 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,980 And, you, after this, I'm taking you to a parking lot 206 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:39,690 to practice walking in high heels. 207 00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:40,900 - Mmm. 208 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,736 Now, that is a crispy skin. 209 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,571 Bam! 210 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:48,407 [upbeat funk music] 211 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,367 ♪ ♪ 212 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:52,912 [laughter] - I'm serious! 213 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,914 So I come out of the men's room, 214 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,374 and I see a trans guy standing there waiting, right? 215 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:58,918 I look him in his eyes. 216 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:03,088 I say, bruh, I do not mean this like it sounds, 217 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:06,133 but do not go in there. 218 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,968 Whoo-hoo! 219 00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:11,597 [cheers and applause] Thank you. Thank you! 220 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,599 - Let's go get this son of a bitch. 221 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,019 - I love Kalamazoo! - Yeah! 222 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,023 - Bruno Fox. - Yo! 223 00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:22,524 - Can we come in? - Entrez-vous. 224 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,777 - Okay, bonjour. - Aha. Yes. 225 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,154 - Jimmy LuSaque, Jr. This is my partner, Kayla Schaefer. 226 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,781 - How you doing? - Pleasure. 227 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,449 - Um, sorry to accost you right after your set, 228 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,159 which was amazing by the way. - So funny. 229 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,327 - We loved it, yeah. - We couldn't stop smiling 230 00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:34,787 and laughing. - Thank you. 231 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,581 - But we have a very attractive offer for you. 232 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,083 - I mean, if it's a cuck thing, maybe, 233 00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,085 but I'm pretty much retired from gay stuff. 234 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:42,127 - Oh. - It's not a cuck thing. 235 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,629 - No. No. - Yeah. 236 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,714 - We're managers from LA, Schaefer & LuSaque. 237 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:48,133 We represent Deborah Vance. - Among others. 238 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,426 [laughs] 239 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,220 - Um, and we just wanted to talk to you 240 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:53,472 about a stand-up opportunity that we think you might like. 241 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,808 - Look, man, sorry, but when I'm offstage, 242 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,810 I can't be about the work anymore, you know? 243 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,812 - Okay. - Hmm-kay. 244 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,147 Um-- - But I am down to go out, 245 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,358 if y'all want to party, hmm? 246 00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,485 both: Um-- - I'm 100% down for that. 247 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,821 - Okay, sure. - Yeah, let's do it. 248 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,656 - What are you thinking? 249 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,825 - I mean, there's a little bar down the street called Cokies. 250 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,660 - Do we need a reservation for Cokies? 251 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,578 - No, but we do need someone to drive. 252 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,080 Can y'all drive us? 253 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,915 - We got a Subaru we rented, so let's do it. 254 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,500 - Music to my ears. 255 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,335 - The CarPlay doesn't work, but that's all right, 256 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,254 'cause I'll just sing for us-- hope you like Nelly Furtado. 257 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,839 - Kidding me? I'm a Nelly boy. 258 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,841 Let's get some beers for the ride, though, right? 259 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,009 - Um... 260 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,803 [elegant music] 261 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,513 [knock at door] 262 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,682 ♪ ♪ 263 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,350 - Hi. - Hello. 264 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,019 - Good evening. - Right this way. 265 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,396 - Thank you. - I'll go get Mr. Sweeney. 266 00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:44,023 - What did she say? 267 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,191 This dress is so tight, I can't hear in it. 268 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,027 Also, it does not leave room for underwear. 269 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,487 I think my bush is leaving an indentation. 270 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:53,407 - Well, well, well, Deborah Vance in the flesh. 271 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,200 This is such an honor. I'm Graham Sweeney. 272 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,036 - Graham, good to meet you. - Likewise. 273 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,872 And Ava. - Hey. What's going on? 274 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,540 [high-pitched] Hi. 275 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,042 - I'm so psyched you could come, too. 276 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,461 I'm a huge fan of both of you. - Thank you. 277 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:08,005 - So, I guess you're probably wondering 278 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,882 why I wanted to meet with you. - Well, no. 279 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,341 I'm never surprised when a man's interested 280 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:14,053 in meeting me. - [laughs] I bet you're not. 281 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,555 Um, well, would you mind if I did a little presentation? 282 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,806 - Sure. 283 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,183 - Okay. Please, come sit. 284 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,309 - All right. 285 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:23,353 ♪ ♪ 286 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:24,521 - Lane will be right out with some drinks. 287 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:27,900 She makes a bomb martini. 288 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,611 Have a seat, please. 289 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,071 All right. 290 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,531 Now, you ladies comfortable? - Not really. 291 00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,284 - Okay. First, a little bit about me. 292 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:39,745 [device beeps] I got my start streamlining 293 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,206 the way hospitals buy and receive medical tubing. 294 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,540 - Oh, I used to sell 295 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,375 a cat-themed blood pressure monitor. 296 00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,086 - See? So you get it. Genius. 297 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,463 So now that I've conquered the health-care industry, 298 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,924 it's time for me to move into my next venture, 299 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:56,386 which is an LLM generative AI model I'm calling... 300 00:09:56,387 --> 00:10:00,099 QuikScribbl. - Ah. 301 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,226 - It's an AI chatbot that helps people sound 302 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,728 like the most optimized, funniest, 303 00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,105 smartest version of themselves. 304 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,065 It's like Photoshopping your voice. 305 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,109 For anybody who's looking to punch up 306 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,278 the way that they speak or write or make jokes, 307 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,114 this will help, okay? 308 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:18,283 Take, for example, a-- a bridesmaid at a wedding. 309 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,743 [device beeps] 310 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,286 She wants to make a funny toast, 311 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,622 but she's a bank teller. 312 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,124 - Sorry, so when you say "she," 313 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,543 you mean an AI person that you invented? 314 00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:30,212 - That I prompted, yes. - Cool. 315 00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,964 - Let's see how she does. 316 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,758 - Sarah's always loved to have fun, 317 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:38,679 maybe a little too much fun, if you know what I mean. 318 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,347 Sex! 319 00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:44,309 - Ugh. Now, that sucked shit, right? 320 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,936 - [chuckles] - Yep. 321 00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:48,355 - But what if she had had help crafting that toast 322 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,608 by none other than comedy goddess Deborah Vance? 323 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,026 - Love her. 324 00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:55,779 - It might sound a little something like this. 325 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,364 - According to the Talmud, 326 00:10:57,365 --> 00:11:00,325 every bride is beautiful on her wedding day. 327 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,578 The Talmud is, of course, 328 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,830 the drag queen who did Sarah's cheek contouring today. 329 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,499 [laughter] - Boom goes the dynamite! 330 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,127 Even Grandpa's deaf ass is laughing at that one. 331 00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,838 - Not bad. Yeah, it-- it does sound like me. 332 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,923 - [chuckles] Yeah, so, um... 333 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:19,011 how did you train it to sound like Deborah already? 334 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,305 - Well, by scraping material that's online. 335 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,432 - Oh, so you stole it. [chuckles] 336 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,184 - Technically, right now it's not regulated, 337 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,019 and that's why I've come to you. 338 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,437 I want to compensate you, 339 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,314 and I don't just want what's online. 340 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,024 I want the real Deborah Vance. 341 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,359 - Oh, well, then you should've met me three noses ago. 342 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,403 - [laughs] Well, they nailed it. 343 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,155 It's a sexy-ass nose. 344 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:40,741 Now, look, I want your full library 345 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:44,369 and for you to work with the AI itself, training it. 346 00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:47,581 - Yeah. Can I ask--um, why us? 347 00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,833 - Because Deborah has the perfect voice 348 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,210 for QuikScribbl. 349 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,212 I mean, you have such mass appeal. 350 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,713 That's why you had 351 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,381 the number-one late-night show in America. 352 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,759 You tell it like it is but in a funny way, 353 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,886 and that's how everybody wants to be. 354 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,180 - Well, this does kind of prove my long-standing theory 355 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,390 that my way is best and everyone else is wrong. 356 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,476 - Ha! Exactly. 357 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,478 See, I want that, and when I heard 358 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,355 that you were looking for investment in your casino, 359 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,148 I was like, well, this is the coolest opportunity 360 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,234 for us to partner up. - Mm. 361 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:18,654 - So, ladies, should we talk about the nuts and bolts? 362 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:19,988 - Let's. - Yeah. 363 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,617 - Okay. So we've got three blocks. 364 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,577 - It is getting so late. 365 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,079 We got to bring up the residency 366 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,538 as soon as he gets back, because I don't know 367 00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,874 how much longer I can stay out. - Come on. 368 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,085 You stayed up all night for the Fiona Apple presale. 369 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,836 You can do it tonight. - She never goes on tour. 370 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,964 It was "Idler Wheel." It was a big thing for me. 371 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,465 - All right. - Hey, there he is. 372 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:39,967 - Can we get another round, please? 373 00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:42,094 - You got it. - Wow. Another round. 374 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,595 - Indeed. 375 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,597 - I haven't drank this much since I rushed. 376 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,391 - You were in a frat? - No, almost. 377 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:49,476 I wouldn't fuck the goat, and I reported them to the dean. 378 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:50,936 But you know what? I'm proud of that because 379 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,480 it led to much healthier rush policies on campus. 380 00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,232 - That's just the kind of guy he is. 381 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,442 He would never fuck any animals. 382 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,152 - No, I wouldn't. - Okay. 383 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,280 - Anyway, so, listen, Deborah Vance, um, 384 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,990 is opening a casino in Las Vegas, 385 00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,284 and they're looking for a comedian to do a residency, 386 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,912 and we think that comedian should be you. 387 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,207 - A Vegas residency? - That's right. 388 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,543 - Huh. 389 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:15,961 I could get off the road finally. 390 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,296 - Mm-hmm. 391 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,131 - That could be a good thing for me. 392 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,632 - Bruno, Vegas. 393 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,926 Come on, I mean, raw seafood bars 394 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:26,471 as far as the eye can see, strip clubs on every block-- 395 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:31,101 I mean, it's the promised land for guys like us. 396 00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:33,979 - This is probably the tequila talking, but, yeah. 397 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,230 I'm in. - Yeah? 398 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,815 - Yeah. - Okay, amazing. 399 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,650 - Fuck it. We are doing it. Huh? Come on! 400 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,652 - All right! - Come on, come on, come on. 401 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,321 - So, listen, we're gonna head back to LA tomorrow, 402 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,114 but we'll be in touch with details. 403 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,825 - Well, you can't leave. - We can't? 404 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,327 - No. I have another show tomorrow night. 405 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,370 Come on, we got to go out afterwards, 406 00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,539 celebrate, get drinks. 407 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:53,999 - Oh, uh... 408 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,667 - Look, if we're gonna work together, 409 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:56,835 I need to get to know you guys. 410 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,004 We got to bond, you know? 411 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,547 Stay, stay. 412 00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:01,840 Please? - Okay. 413 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,967 - Okay, I mean... - All right, we'll stay. 414 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,469 - Yeah. - Yes! 415 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,555 Now, one question-- who's getting the bag? 416 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,599 - Wow, cocaine. - Oh, cocaine. 417 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,351 Um... - I just-- 418 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,603 I was really looking forward to reading before bed. 419 00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:15,854 - Trick question-- I already got it. 420 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,356 [chuckles] - Oh, my gosh. 421 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:20,025 Okay, fine. I can only do two lines. 422 00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,444 - You have given me so much to think about. 423 00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,780 This is really, really interesting. 424 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,448 Fantastic pitch. 425 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,700 - Yeah, I have--I have a couple questions. I mean-- 426 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,994 - Look, Ava, I know how much you've contributed 427 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,954 to Deborah's recent material. 428 00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,457 So, if I want to accurately capture her true voice, 429 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,958 I need you involved. 430 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,877 - Okay, so, when we hand over the material, 431 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,379 you can ensure that it's just gonna be used 432 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,255 for bridesmaid speeches and not to make, like, 433 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:47,010 Hitler seem young and funny to red-pilled dark web gooners? 434 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:48,720 - Well, we're not in the business 435 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,347 of censoring our customers. 436 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,933 - [scoffs] Right. - Don't try to argue with her. 437 00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,559 You'll get nowhere. 438 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,728 Next thing you know, you'll have donated $10,000 439 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,939 to some barista's top surgery. 440 00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:00,774 I don't know what happened to the term "boob job." 441 00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:02,275 That's what they called it when I had one. 442 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:05,570 - Ava, AI is here, and it's here to stay. 443 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,115 So you either get on board, or you get left in the past. 444 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,533 - See... [scoffs] 445 00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:11,910 That is a big part of why I hate it. 446 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,329 This--this forced inevitability. 447 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,540 People like you are always saying that it's happening 448 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,041 whether you like it or not, 449 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,669 but you're the ones making it happen, okay? 450 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,254 And you could easily stop it 451 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,755 if people could say that they didn't want it. 452 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,382 But you don't want to give people a choice. 453 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:28,009 So you just say, oh, the train's already on the tracks, 454 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,553 and you don't let people decide for themselves. 455 00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:32,597 I'm sorry. It is technological R-A-P-E. 456 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,850 - "Rape"? - You said it, not me. 457 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:37,436 - Oh, okay, okay, let's--let's all just take a breath here. 458 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,271 - I wish I could take a breath. 459 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,772 I'm strapped down in this motherfucker. 460 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,816 I can't breathe in here, Deborah. 461 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:45,277 Now, why should we believe that this app is this amazing thing 462 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,778 that is gonna change the world? 463 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,113 Obviously, you want us to believe that 464 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,448 because you stand to profit from it. 465 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,324 So of course you're gonna tell us 466 00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,660 that it's happening no matter what and it's inevitable, okay? 467 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,662 Oh, my God, this is exactly like when, like, 468 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,664 a fucking random-ass diner puts a sign out front 469 00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,249 that's like, best waffles in America. 470 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,667 And it's like, yeah, according to who? 471 00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,419 The people trying to sell the fucking waffles! 472 00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:06,089 - I am not trying to sell you bad waffles, trust. 473 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,467 - Well, yet again, she's managed to bring waffles 474 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,926 into the conversation. [chuckles] 475 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,303 Okay, lots to think about here, Graham. 476 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,471 - Yeah. - Thanks so much. 477 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,805 I'll--uh, I'll give it a thought. 478 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:14,931 I'll talk to my people. 479 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,309 - Thanks, Deborah. - Yeah. 480 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:20,896 - [grunting] Sorry. 481 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,106 - Ava, you need a hand? - No, I'm fi--I'm good. 482 00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:25,734 - Okay. - I'm fine. 483 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:26,985 [clears throat] 484 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,988 [upbeat jazzy music] 485 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,115 ♪ ♪ 486 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,658 - [whines] I hate this place. 487 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,452 It smells like an old bicycle seat. 488 00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,329 - It's not that bad. 489 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,499 And we needed to save money, so let's just try and go to sleep. 490 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,834 - I just normally sleep naked. 491 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,504 - Well, sorry, but tonight you're not sleeping naked. 492 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,005 Okay? 493 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,716 - Okay, Jimmy. 494 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,802 [sighs] 495 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,848 [whining] 496 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,351 - What is going on over there? - I'm so itchy! 497 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,728 My clothes are making me itchy. - Okay. 498 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:04,314 You can take off your clothes underneath the covers. 499 00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:05,982 But then in the morning, you're putting them back on 500 00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:09,152 under the covers, okay? - Yay. 501 00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:12,072 Take off my lady boxers. 502 00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,323 - Okay, I don't need a play-by-play. 503 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:16,201 Just do your thing. 504 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,995 - [humming] 505 00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:20,789 - Why are you taking them off like that? 506 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,707 - That's how I always take them off--I'm disrobing. 507 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,001 - You do this alone? - What? Yes. 508 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,127 [funky music] 509 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:29,381 - Now, everybody, take notice. 510 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,799 Show me... 511 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,385 [door opens] - Hello? 512 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,387 I've been waiting for you down in my office. 513 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,806 Oh, God, can we crack a window? 514 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,808 It smells like King Tutankhamun's tomb 515 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,393 in here. - Sorry. 516 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,562 I just--I got distracted researching the ethics of AI. 517 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,814 Turns out--really bad. 518 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,941 - Yeah, well, everything's unethical 519 00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,568 if you think about it too much. 520 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,778 As my manicurist says, "Can you changing? 521 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,196 Then don't think about." 522 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:54,739 - Oh, my God. 523 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,575 - Oh, you want me to whitewash my manicurist? 524 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:57,909 People have accents! 525 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,411 - Okay, just gonna move past that one. 526 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,954 Look, before you meet with this guy again, 527 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,789 you should know that large language models 528 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:05,083 like QuikScribbl are really, really bad for the environment. 529 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,586 - It's an app. Everyone uses apps? 530 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,796 Aren't all apps bad for the environment? 531 00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:12,799 - Yes, but AI uses servers that need 15 times more energy, 532 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,426 and they build them in poorer communities. 533 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,094 Look at this. 534 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:19,055 In Memphis, an AI plant is stealing all the fresh water 535 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:21,891 and blasting the air with nitrogen oxides. 536 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,226 - I see. 537 00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,228 And how much energy are you using 538 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,606 keeping 400 tabs open on your browser? 539 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,441 See, I can play this game, too. 540 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,276 - Deborah. - No, come on. 541 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,111 I sold my Malaysian palm-oil farm. 542 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,114 Can't I have this? - No. 543 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,950 - I am lending my name and my expertise 544 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:42,120 to a program that is going to make people's lives easier. 545 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,457 - What about the economy, okay? I know you care about that. 546 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,459 I mean, AI has already destroyed 547 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,544 massive sectors of the workforce. 548 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,463 - Yeah, well, you know, if you job is replaceable, 549 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,839 let it be replaced. 550 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,466 I'm sorry. That's how the market works. 551 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,635 - Oh, my God. Okay, well, what about me? 552 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,471 AI is absolutely gonna take away jobs from writers. 553 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,473 It already has. - Not if you're good! 554 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,266 If you're good, you can't be replaced. 555 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,477 Did you know that in the '80s, there was a woman in Miami 556 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,438 who would do my entire set verbatim? 557 00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:10,482 And, honestly, before my lift, 558 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,484 she might've looked better than me, too. 559 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,111 But she couldn't re-create my stage presence, 560 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,988 and neither can a computer! 561 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,531 - You're missing the point, okay? 562 00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:20,158 Maybe you will be fine, 563 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,285 but there are a ton of people who won't be, okay? 564 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,663 This is causing a cataclysmic reshaping of our society 565 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:25,955 that's going to doom us-- 566 00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:29,000 - Honey, please, please, it's 9:00 a.m. 567 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,669 - Okay, well, I'm sorry. 568 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,671 I cannot in good conscience participate in this. 569 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,006 So, if you use any of my work, I will sue you. 570 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,841 - [scoffs] On what grounds? 571 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,010 - The one cool thing about the American legal system 572 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,930 is that I can sue you even if I have no legal standing. 573 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,349 I learned that from you. 574 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,309 - Okay, fine. 575 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,311 I will just do this deal 576 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,480 with material I've written without you. 577 00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,899 Now, can we please stop talking about this 578 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,359 and go downstairs and work? 579 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,735 - No. 580 00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:58,822 I'm gonna go outside and look at a tree. 581 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,117 Maybe you could teach your toaster to paint. 582 00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:06,830 - ♪ Hearts made of stone ♪ 583 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:09,374 [singers scatting] 584 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,418 ♪ Will never break... ♪ 585 00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:13,545 - If you were a letter, what letter would you be? 586 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,046 - Mm. A? 587 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,757 - You would definitely be an S, unpredictable-- 588 00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:20,844 - All right, there we go-- three Long Island Iced Teas. 589 00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:23,513 - Oh, no, thank you, but Long Island's make me sick. 590 00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:24,723 - Horny. 591 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,558 - What? - They make you horny. 592 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,476 - Okay, how would you even know that? 593 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:29,978 - Everybody at tennis camp knew that. 594 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,354 You were trying to dance with everyone. 595 00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:32,981 - Okay-- - It's on now. 596 00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:34,315 That's awesome. - Okay. 597 00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:36,735 - Cheers to us. - Cheers, cheers indeed. 598 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:39,487 - Okay, Bruno, I think we need to talk 599 00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:43,366 about the specifics of the Divalicious residency. 600 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,034 Residen... - Residency. 601 00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:46,369 - [coughs] Cy. 602 00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,079 What is your earliest availability? 603 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,999 - And maybe we could talk about, um, an on-sale day. 604 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,501 We can get your poster done. - Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. 605 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:54,794 You're making me, like, nervous, all right? 606 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,463 Like-- - No! Don't be nervous. 607 00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:59,257 - [goofy voice] Come on, man. - What is that voice? 608 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,592 - Don't be nervous. 609 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,135 - I said I don't want to talk business. 610 00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:04,053 It's boring. I want to have fun. 611 00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:05,930 - Okay. let's play a drinking game, 612 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,265 get to know each other better, 613 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,100 get a little bit more comfortable. 614 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,602 - I am up for a drinking game at all times. 615 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:11,770 What do you got? 616 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,772 - So me and my besties play a game 617 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,440 where you go around the circle, 618 00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,318 and you say the worst thing that you've ever done. 619 00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:20,987 And if your worst thing is worse than theirs, 620 00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,614 you got to take a drink. 621 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:23,990 Jimmy, you go first. 622 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:26,034 - Oh, no, let's play flip cup. 623 00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:29,037 - Do it! Do it! Do it! [laughs] 624 00:21:29,038 --> 00:21:31,623 - Okay, okay. Okay, this is actually bad. 625 00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:34,417 Um, we got a PR box 626 00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:37,629 of free Sephora products for a client, 627 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,964 and I took them back to Sephora and returned them 628 00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,466 for store credit. - No. 629 00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:43,426 - I know, I know. - That's so bad. 630 00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,470 - I know, I know, I know. I've been carrying that around. 631 00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:46,888 It's--it's not how I normally am. 632 00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:48,640 But I was just out of this beard lube. 633 00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:50,725 I have this particular kind of cream that I shave with, 634 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,435 and I needed to get it. - Okay. 635 00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:55,230 So, Bruno, your turn. - Yeah. No, I'm good, I'm good. 636 00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:57,023 - Oh, come on, I just told my Sephora thing, 637 00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:59,442 so now I kind of feel weird. - Okay, fine. I'll go, I'll go. 638 00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:00,819 I got a good one. 639 00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,863 Okay, the worst thing I ever did was, 640 00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:05,824 I poked holes in my dad's condoms 641 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,617 'cause I wanted a sister. 642 00:22:07,618 --> 00:22:09,494 And then he used those condoms with his mistress 643 00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:11,162 and then got her pregnant. 644 00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:12,664 And she wanted to keep it, but it ended up being a boy, 645 00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:14,499 so now we have, like, a creepy half brother 646 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:17,502 who no one talks to at events. - Oh. I really love Robert. 647 00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:19,337 I try and make him feel welcome whenever I see him. 648 00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:21,005 - He stinks. 649 00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:23,216 Okay, Bruno, now that you know the rules, your turn. 650 00:22:23,217 --> 00:22:26,178 What's the worst thing you've ever done? 651 00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:30,558 - It was six years ago this coming August. 652 00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:33,935 - What was? 653 00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:35,812 - I was leaving my ex's. 654 00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:38,147 [voice breaking] And we'd just gotten in one of these fights 655 00:22:38,148 --> 00:22:41,484 that we would get into all the time, where... 656 00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:44,696 we would just say awful fucking shit to each other, man, 657 00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:47,991 just trying our hardest to hurt one another. 658 00:22:47,992 --> 00:22:50,201 [blubbers] 659 00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:51,786 I was driving. 660 00:22:51,787 --> 00:22:56,499 I was so pissed off, and I couldn't see straight. 661 00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:58,126 And he was just there. 662 00:22:58,127 --> 00:23:00,086 He was just suddenly there out of nowhere, 663 00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:01,671 and I slammed on the brakes. 664 00:23:01,672 --> 00:23:04,507 I slammed on the brakes, but it was too late, man. 665 00:23:04,508 --> 00:23:06,384 [dramatic somber music] 666 00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,511 It was too late. 667 00:23:08,512 --> 00:23:10,388 ♪ ♪ 668 00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:14,684 That sound, that sound-- I can hear it all the time. 669 00:23:14,685 --> 00:23:16,185 I hear it when I'm trying to sleep. 670 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:18,271 It's like it haunts me. 671 00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:20,732 ♪ ♪ 672 00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:23,568 He was dead. 673 00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:25,236 [indistinct chatter] 674 00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,572 And what would driving him to the hospital have done? 675 00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:31,534 He was gone. So I just drove and drove. 676 00:23:31,535 --> 00:23:33,745 I just kept driving. 677 00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:36,331 [crying] 678 00:23:36,332 --> 00:23:39,167 - You got to turn yourself in. - [sniffles] What? 679 00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:41,753 - Bruno, think about the family. 680 00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:43,504 That poor family. 681 00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:45,757 - Jimmy-- - What? They need closure. 682 00:23:45,758 --> 00:23:48,343 Uh, Bruno, you can't keep living like this, okay? 683 00:23:48,344 --> 00:23:50,178 It's eating you alive. You're killing yourself. 684 00:23:50,179 --> 00:23:51,888 Look at you--you're on the road all the time. 685 00:23:51,889 --> 00:23:54,557 You're drinking way too much. You're self-medicating. 686 00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:55,683 - You're totally scaring us. 687 00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:56,935 You never want to talk about work. 688 00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:58,227 It's weird. 689 00:23:58,228 --> 00:24:00,355 - The only way through is out. 690 00:24:00,356 --> 00:24:02,941 You've got to turn yourself in, brother. 691 00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:05,151 - [cries, sniffling] 692 00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:06,444 You're right. 693 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:08,947 I can't live this fucking lie anymore. 694 00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:11,282 Fuck, man. [crying] 695 00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:13,576 - I'll call 911, I guess. 696 00:24:13,577 --> 00:24:14,953 - Yeah. 697 00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:16,246 - [exhales deeply] 698 00:24:17,498 --> 00:24:18,957 Hello. 699 00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:20,833 I am Kayla Schaefer, 700 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:23,962 and I am reporting a murder 701 00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:25,797 that my friend did. 702 00:24:25,798 --> 00:24:28,800 [upbeat music] 703 00:24:28,801 --> 00:24:34,389 ♪ ♪ 704 00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:36,391 - Graham, hello. 705 00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:38,309 - Hey. Come on. 706 00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:40,645 Hello, gorgeous. - Oh, nice to see you again. 707 00:24:40,646 --> 00:24:42,647 - [chuckles] Mwah. 708 00:24:42,648 --> 00:24:44,732 You hungry? You want a, uh, piggy? 709 00:24:44,733 --> 00:24:46,818 - Oh, I think I'll pass. - Okay. 710 00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,319 [both chuckle] 711 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,737 Hey, uh, thanks for meeting me here. 712 00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:52,323 - Oh, yeah. You a big, uh, soccer fan? 713 00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:54,325 - Eh... 714 00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:56,661 I own that French team right there in the blue unis. 715 00:24:56,662 --> 00:24:57,996 - Oh. - I'd be there right now, 716 00:24:57,997 --> 00:24:59,664 but it's a lot more important to me 717 00:24:59,665 --> 00:25:02,000 to lock down this deal with you. 718 00:25:02,001 --> 00:25:04,836 - Well, I'll tell you what-- once my casino is open, 719 00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:06,379 I'll make sure you have your own seat 720 00:25:06,380 --> 00:25:08,673 at the Diva's sportsbook lounge. 721 00:25:08,674 --> 00:25:10,842 - Okay. So you're in? 722 00:25:10,843 --> 00:25:12,468 - My lawyers looked over the terms, 723 00:25:12,469 --> 00:25:15,888 and they gave it the okay. - Ah. Yes! 724 00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:18,725 Eulogies everywhere just got a whole lot fucking funnier. 725 00:25:18,726 --> 00:25:20,518 - [laughs] - You are gonna make 726 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,020 so many people funny. - Oh, well... 727 00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:25,023 - And I bet pretty soon you're gonna be using it 728 00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:26,524 to write your own material. 729 00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:28,526 - Oh, well, I doubt that. 730 00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:30,653 - Well, you are... 731 00:25:30,654 --> 00:25:32,864 'cause it's gonna be so good, you're gonna want to. 732 00:25:32,865 --> 00:25:34,532 - No, I don't think so. 733 00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:36,200 - Mm, yes, you will, 734 00:25:36,201 --> 00:25:37,869 'cause everyone's gonna be using it. 735 00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:39,662 So, if you want to keep up with the other comedians, 736 00:25:39,663 --> 00:25:40,872 you're gonna have to. 737 00:25:40,873 --> 00:25:42,498 - But I want to write the jokes. 738 00:25:42,499 --> 00:25:44,333 - Mm-hmm. - I like doing the work. 739 00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:46,669 - So you're telling me that if you got stuck on a punch line 740 00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:49,297 and you had a tool at your disposal to help you with that, 741 00:25:49,298 --> 00:25:51,507 you wouldn't use it? - Absolutely not. 742 00:25:51,508 --> 00:25:52,842 There's no shortcut. 743 00:25:52,843 --> 00:25:55,470 - Yeah, but here's the thing-- there is. 744 00:25:55,471 --> 00:25:57,555 I created it. You're welcome. 745 00:25:57,556 --> 00:25:59,474 - Well, okay, fine. Yes, there is. 746 00:25:59,475 --> 00:26:02,685 But using that shortcut then makes it something else. 747 00:26:02,686 --> 00:26:04,479 It makes it not art. 748 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,898 - Um, I'm sorry, but your joke 749 00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:10,276 about laser hair removal is art? 750 00:26:10,277 --> 00:26:11,694 - Okay, you're right. 751 00:26:11,695 --> 00:26:13,738 It's pretentious to call it art. 752 00:26:13,739 --> 00:26:17,075 But that "laser hair removal" joke is something I arrived 753 00:26:17,076 --> 00:26:19,452 at after trying a million other versions. 754 00:26:19,453 --> 00:26:21,287 Every time that joke didn't work, 755 00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:24,082 not only did I make it better, but it made me a comedian... 756 00:26:24,083 --> 00:26:25,708 - Mm-hmm. - Because to become one, 757 00:26:25,709 --> 00:26:28,086 you have to do it and fail and do it and fail 758 00:26:28,087 --> 00:26:31,589 over and over and over until you figure out who you are. 759 00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:33,591 - Lady, stop squawking at me. 760 00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:35,802 All I'm trying to do 761 00:26:35,803 --> 00:26:38,721 is make your life easier. 762 00:26:38,722 --> 00:26:40,389 - But it shouldn't be. 763 00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:42,517 Why are you trying to optimize the creative process? 764 00:26:42,518 --> 00:26:43,935 I mean, that's one of the things 765 00:26:43,936 --> 00:26:45,603 we've actually figured out-- we're good there. 766 00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:46,938 You know, and we have been ever since 767 00:26:46,939 --> 00:26:49,023 cavemen told stories about bears. 768 00:26:49,024 --> 00:26:51,526 I mean, fix the ozone, come up with a cure for cancer. 769 00:26:51,527 --> 00:26:53,111 - Oh, my God, cancer again. 770 00:26:53,112 --> 00:26:54,570 Look, it sounds a little bit 771 00:26:54,571 --> 00:26:56,614 like you don't really respect QuikScribbl. 772 00:26:56,615 --> 00:26:57,865 - I respect your business acumen. 773 00:26:57,866 --> 00:26:59,617 I do, I do, but art is only art 774 00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:01,244 because of the humanity behind it. 775 00:27:01,245 --> 00:27:03,371 - Plenty of artists are already using it. 776 00:27:03,372 --> 00:27:04,789 - Well, fine. That's their right. 777 00:27:04,790 --> 00:27:06,624 It doesn't mean I have to respect them. 778 00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:09,669 - Oh, excuse me, I didn't know Shakespeare had a beehive. 779 00:27:09,670 --> 00:27:11,963 - [scoffs, laughing] 780 00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:14,632 Oh, okay, that was good. That was good. 781 00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:16,968 See, you came up with that all by yourself. 782 00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:19,178 Aren't you proud? 783 00:27:19,179 --> 00:27:21,139 Yeah, this is clearly not gonna work. 784 00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:23,141 - Yeah, guess not. - Take care. 785 00:27:23,142 --> 00:27:24,767 - Okay, you take care, too. 786 00:27:24,768 --> 00:27:26,185 You know what, lady? 787 00:27:26,186 --> 00:27:29,272 I can get any comic I want to train my AI. 788 00:27:29,273 --> 00:27:31,440 "Kill Tony" said he'd do it for free. 789 00:27:31,441 --> 00:27:32,984 - Yeah, you do that. 790 00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:35,987 By the way, one of your guys just scored an own goal. 791 00:27:35,988 --> 00:27:37,780 - Ah, fuck! 792 00:27:37,781 --> 00:27:40,241 Fuck. 793 00:27:40,242 --> 00:27:42,326 What? - Chill out, man. 794 00:27:42,327 --> 00:27:43,661 - Just watch the game. 795 00:27:43,662 --> 00:27:47,999 - ♪ Yeah, yeah, come on, baby ♪ 796 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,168 ♪ ♪ 797 00:27:50,169 --> 00:27:53,337 ♪ You know I need ya... ♪ 798 00:27:53,338 --> 00:27:55,798 - What are you doing out here? - [sighs] 799 00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:57,175 [insects chirping] 800 00:27:57,176 --> 00:28:00,094 Listening to the crickets while I write... 801 00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:02,430 watching the stars, communing with nature, 802 00:28:02,431 --> 00:28:04,473 you know, while I still can. 803 00:28:04,474 --> 00:28:06,059 - [sighs] 804 00:28:09,563 --> 00:28:12,190 - You get your blood money? 805 00:28:12,191 --> 00:28:14,025 - No. 806 00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:16,819 I decided against it. 807 00:28:16,820 --> 00:28:19,530 - Are you serious? - Yes. 808 00:28:19,531 --> 00:28:22,033 - Yes! Whoo! 809 00:28:22,034 --> 00:28:23,910 Score one for the good guys! 810 00:28:23,911 --> 00:28:26,370 I am so glad I got through to you. 811 00:28:26,371 --> 00:28:28,414 - No, no, this was an amoral decision 812 00:28:28,415 --> 00:28:30,875 based on a nerd being a loser to me. 813 00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:33,502 - If you say so. - Oh, please. 814 00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:35,379 This was not all you. 815 00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:37,423 If I was that susceptible to your influence, 816 00:28:37,424 --> 00:28:39,050 I would have become a communist 817 00:28:39,051 --> 00:28:41,052 the moment you first darkened my doorstep. 818 00:28:41,053 --> 00:28:43,597 - Whatever. - Oh, God. 819 00:28:45,599 --> 00:28:47,475 [chuckles] All right. 820 00:28:47,476 --> 00:28:49,560 Now that that's behind us, 821 00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:52,063 let's see if we can tackle the real existential problem 822 00:28:52,064 --> 00:28:53,731 of our time. - Hmm. 823 00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:56,400 - This goddamn opening joke. - Oh, yeah. 824 00:28:56,401 --> 00:28:59,487 I've been, uh--I've been working on a couple things. 825 00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:01,072 Check that out. 826 00:29:01,073 --> 00:29:03,158 [sniffs] 827 00:29:05,786 --> 00:29:07,662 - Oof. - Okay. 828 00:29:07,663 --> 00:29:09,538 Guess I didn't figure it out. [chuckles] 829 00:29:09,539 --> 00:29:12,750 - Well, no, but that's okay. 830 00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:14,377 We will... 831 00:29:14,378 --> 00:29:17,880 or we won't, you know, but at least it'll be on us. 832 00:29:17,881 --> 00:29:19,882 - Hell, yeah. 833 00:29:19,883 --> 00:29:22,093 [chirping continues] 834 00:29:22,094 --> 00:29:23,719 I got to be honest-- 835 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:25,221 I haven't written anything in, like, 30 minutes. 836 00:29:25,222 --> 00:29:27,056 I accidentally dropped my pen in the pond. 837 00:29:27,057 --> 00:29:29,642 [both laughing] 838 00:29:29,643 --> 00:29:33,188 But I've been thinking. - [laughs] 839 00:29:35,732 --> 00:29:39,819 [knock at door] - Housekeeping. 840 00:29:39,820 --> 00:29:42,948 [humming melody] 841 00:29:44,992 --> 00:29:47,868 [sighing] Okay. 842 00:29:47,869 --> 00:29:49,036 [screams] - [screams] 843 00:29:49,037 --> 00:29:50,913 - Oh, my God! Why-- - Oh, oh! 844 00:29:50,914 --> 00:29:52,957 - Oh, my God! - Where are my clothes? 845 00:29:52,958 --> 00:29:54,875 Where are my clothes? - I'm sorry. 846 00:29:54,876 --> 00:29:56,752 - Did we have sex? - No! 847 00:29:56,753 --> 00:29:58,045 - Well, then why am I naked? 848 00:29:58,046 --> 00:29:59,297 Oh, my God, did Kayla and I have sex? 849 00:29:59,298 --> 00:30:00,965 - Who's Kayla? - My partner! 850 00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:03,551 - Then wouldn't it be okay if you had sex? 851 00:30:03,552 --> 00:30:05,261 - No! She's my business partner. 852 00:30:05,262 --> 00:30:06,637 This is a work trip. 853 00:30:06,638 --> 00:30:08,139 - What is going on? 854 00:30:08,140 --> 00:30:10,474 Did you guys have sex? both: No! 855 00:30:10,475 --> 00:30:13,311 - Okay, well, he's naked. You got to give him privacy. 856 00:30:13,312 --> 00:30:15,146 Come on. 857 00:30:15,147 --> 00:30:17,982 So weird. What is up with this hotel? 858 00:30:17,983 --> 00:30:20,151 - Kayla, what happened last night? 859 00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:22,320 - Well, we convinced Bruno 860 00:30:22,321 --> 00:30:24,280 to turn himself in after a hit-and-run. 861 00:30:24,281 --> 00:30:25,948 That was crazy. - Oh, my God. 862 00:30:25,949 --> 00:30:27,700 Fuck, that's right. And then what? 863 00:30:27,701 --> 00:30:30,036 - And then the last Long Island really got you. 864 00:30:30,037 --> 00:30:31,704 You could barely walk. 865 00:30:31,705 --> 00:30:34,874 It was kind of sweet seeing you so vulnerable like that. 866 00:30:34,875 --> 00:30:37,001 Then we found out that the hotel has bedbugs. 867 00:30:37,002 --> 00:30:38,336 - Bedbugs? 868 00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:39,962 Oh! Oh! Oh, my-- - I know. 869 00:30:39,963 --> 00:30:43,007 I--I was like, bedbugs are real? 870 00:30:43,008 --> 00:30:44,800 We freaked out. We burned all our clothes. 871 00:30:44,801 --> 00:30:47,970 - You burned our clothes? - We burned our clothes. 872 00:30:47,971 --> 00:30:50,139 You were the one that lit the first match, honey. 873 00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:52,683 - Why did you let me sleep here if there are bedbugs? 874 00:30:52,684 --> 00:30:54,185 - Let you? [scoffs] 875 00:30:54,186 --> 00:30:55,811 I don't let you do anything. 876 00:30:55,812 --> 00:30:59,023 I'm not in charge of anyone's actions but my own. 877 00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:01,192 I am really getting it. 878 00:31:01,193 --> 00:31:03,027 - Oh, my God, no wonder you were so itchy. 879 00:31:03,028 --> 00:31:04,695 Of course there were bedbugs. 880 00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:07,365 - Anyways, I got us new clothes at Sassafras. 881 00:31:07,366 --> 00:31:09,450 - What the fuck is Sassafras? 882 00:31:09,451 --> 00:31:11,660 - It's a teen clothing store for girls. 883 00:31:11,661 --> 00:31:13,204 It's the only place that was open, 884 00:31:13,205 --> 00:31:15,373 but they have some really cute stuff in there. 885 00:31:15,374 --> 00:31:17,792 It's also so important for girls in the community 886 00:31:17,793 --> 00:31:19,418 to have a place that they can go, 887 00:31:19,419 --> 00:31:21,921 get cute stuff that doesn't sexualize them. 888 00:31:21,922 --> 00:31:23,506 - I don't care. Good for them. 889 00:31:23,507 --> 00:31:25,257 - You should care. I talked to Mandy about it. 890 00:31:25,258 --> 00:31:27,510 - Who the fuck is Mandy, and why are we talking about her? 891 00:31:27,511 --> 00:31:29,345 - The owner of Sassafras! 892 00:31:29,346 --> 00:31:31,555 She is a small-business owner, and you just yelled about her! 893 00:31:31,556 --> 00:31:34,016 - Okay, I'm sure she's lovely. I just want to get dressed. 894 00:31:34,017 --> 00:31:35,768 This is highly inappropriate, Kayla. 895 00:31:35,769 --> 00:31:38,020 - Okay, here, here's your clothes. 896 00:31:38,021 --> 00:31:39,772 Put it on. 897 00:31:39,773 --> 00:31:42,358 Last time I ever help you with anything. 898 00:31:42,359 --> 00:31:45,027 Just kidding. 899 00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:46,737 Hurry up, We're gonna miss the flight. 900 00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:48,531 - Oh. 901 00:31:48,532 --> 00:31:51,367 - ♪ Oh, Lord ♪ 902 00:31:51,368 --> 00:31:53,077 ♪ ♪ 903 00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:55,413 - Oh, my God, are you sure we're walking the right way? 904 00:31:55,414 --> 00:31:57,039 - I think so. Where the F is it? 905 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,916 I swear I parked here. 906 00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:00,751 - We've been walking forever, and these stupid Sugar Floaties 907 00:32:00,752 --> 00:32:02,420 are giving me horrible blisters. 908 00:32:02,421 --> 00:32:06,257 - Get over it. You look good. [cell phone rumbling] 909 00:32:06,258 --> 00:32:08,426 - Oh, no, it's Deborah. 910 00:32:08,427 --> 00:32:10,511 I'm gonna have to tell her about Bruno. 911 00:32:10,512 --> 00:32:11,929 Hey. - Hey. 912 00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:13,264 I know you've been working 913 00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:15,433 on getting us Bruno Fox for the Diva, 914 00:32:15,434 --> 00:32:17,268 but I've changed my mind. 915 00:32:17,269 --> 00:32:19,437 - Oh, no. Why? 916 00:32:19,438 --> 00:32:21,605 - We're scaling way back. 917 00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:23,649 I selflessly have given up 918 00:32:23,650 --> 00:32:25,651 on the idea of erecting a giant statue of myself. 919 00:32:25,652 --> 00:32:27,111 It--it's a tragedy. 920 00:32:27,112 --> 00:32:29,280 Jimmy, you should have seen the breasts. 921 00:32:29,281 --> 00:32:33,075 And we are scrapping the whole idea of a big theater entirely. 922 00:32:33,076 --> 00:32:35,453 Instead it's gonna be a proper comedy club-- 923 00:32:35,454 --> 00:32:37,288 you know, intimate, old school, 924 00:32:37,289 --> 00:32:39,123 you know, a place where emerging comics 925 00:32:39,124 --> 00:32:41,292 have a chance to hone their voices. 926 00:32:41,293 --> 00:32:43,085 - I actually think that's really cool. 927 00:32:43,086 --> 00:32:45,254 - Great. Well, I hope you didn't go to any trouble. 928 00:32:45,255 --> 00:32:46,922 - Oh, no. 929 00:32:46,923 --> 00:32:48,632 No trouble at all. - Good. 930 00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:50,801 Okay, Let's talk soon. - Bye. 931 00:32:50,802 --> 00:32:53,137 Well, she doesn't want Bruno. 932 00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,306 So I guess we got bedbugs for nothing. 933 00:32:55,307 --> 00:32:57,975 [car alarm chirps] - Oh, I think that's it! Yes! 934 00:32:57,976 --> 00:32:59,602 - Oh, thank God. 935 00:32:59,603 --> 00:33:01,479 - My car! - Hey! 936 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,105 Hey, wait! Wait, wait! 937 00:33:03,106 --> 00:33:04,899 We paid for parking. Wait. 938 00:33:04,900 --> 00:33:07,902 - Daddy? What the hell? 939 00:33:07,903 --> 00:33:11,155 - My God, have you no dignity? Cover up. 940 00:33:11,156 --> 00:33:13,324 - Uh, I am covered. It's a full blouse. 941 00:33:13,325 --> 00:33:14,658 - I'm talking to Jimmy. 942 00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:16,577 You look like two Hannah Montanas. 943 00:33:16,578 --> 00:33:17,828 - Hannah Montana was two people, 944 00:33:17,829 --> 00:33:19,580 you fucking moron. 945 00:33:19,581 --> 00:33:21,999 We got bedbugs, and we had to go to Sassafras. 946 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,335 - What about the chokers? - They complete the look. 947 00:33:24,336 --> 00:33:25,628 - Apparently, they complete the look. 948 00:33:25,629 --> 00:33:28,506 - Mm, I'm taking your Porsche back, Kayla. 949 00:33:28,507 --> 00:33:31,383 - What? You can't take back a 31st-birthday gift, 950 00:33:31,384 --> 00:33:32,635 you crazy psycho! 951 00:33:32,636 --> 00:33:34,178 - See, I heard what you did. 952 00:33:34,179 --> 00:33:36,680 You talked Bruno into turning himself in. 953 00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:38,474 Why didn't you just leverage it, 954 00:33:38,475 --> 00:33:39,850 offer to keep his secret 955 00:33:39,851 --> 00:33:42,019 if he did your stupid fucking residency? 956 00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:44,146 - It's about closure for the family! 957 00:33:44,147 --> 00:33:47,691 - Well, losing your car is just the beginning, Kayla. 958 00:33:47,692 --> 00:33:49,735 You see, our most valuable asset-- 959 00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:51,403 it's not our money. 960 00:33:51,404 --> 00:33:54,490 It is the Schaefer family name, and you are sullying it. 961 00:33:54,491 --> 00:33:56,659 - Whatever. Who cares? 962 00:33:56,660 --> 00:33:59,453 - I'm not paying for your bullshit anymore. 963 00:33:59,454 --> 00:34:02,164 Your trust fund's gone. - Wait, what? 964 00:34:02,165 --> 00:34:03,874 - And say goodbye to your fancy office. 965 00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:08,462 Good luck running your pathetic fucking company now. 966 00:34:08,463 --> 00:34:10,839 Let's go! 967 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,842 [Nelly Furtado's "I'm Like a Bird"] 968 00:34:13,843 --> 00:34:16,387 ♪ ♪ 969 00:34:16,388 --> 00:34:17,972 - Fuck! 970 00:34:17,973 --> 00:34:19,890 {\an8}- ♪ I'm like a bird ♪ 971 00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:22,059 {\an8}♪ I only fly away ♪ 972 00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:24,812 {\an8}♪ I don't know where my soul is, soul is ♪ 973 00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:27,064 {\an8}♪ I don't know where my home is ♪ 974 00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:29,400 {\an8}♪ And baby all I need for you to know is ♪ 975 00:34:29,401 --> 00:34:32,736 {\an8}♪ I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away ♪ 976 00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:35,406 {\an8}♪ I don't know where my soul is, soul is ♪ 977 00:34:35,407 --> 00:34:37,199 {\an8}♪ I don't know where my home is ♪ 978 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,201 {\an8}♪ All I need for you to know is ♪ 979 00:34:39,202 --> 00:34:41,203 {\an8}♪ Your faith in me ♪ 980 00:34:41,204 --> 00:34:44,415 {\an8}♪ Brings me to tears, ah ♪ 981 00:34:44,416 --> 00:34:49,295 {\an8}♪ Even after all these years, yeah ♪ 982 00:34:49,296 --> 00:34:54,216 {\an8}♪ And it pains me so much to tell ♪ 983 00:34:54,217 --> 00:34:59,096 {\an8}♪ That you don't know me that well ♪ 984 00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:04,852 {\an8}♪ And though my love is great ♪ 985 00:35:04,853 --> 00:35:11,442 {\an8}♪ And though my love is true ♪ 986 00:35:11,443 --> 00:35:15,738 {\an8}♪ I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away ♪ 987 00:35:15,739 --> 00:35:18,449 {\an8}♪ I don't know where my soul is, soul is ♪ 988 00:35:18,450 --> 00:35:20,701 {\an8}♪ I don't know where my home is ♪ 989 00:35:20,702 --> 00:35:22,911 {\an8}♪ And, baby, all I need for you to know is ♪ 990 00:35:22,912 --> 00:35:26,248 {\an8}♪ I'm like a bird, I only fly away ♪ 991 00:35:26,249 --> 00:35:29,251 {\an8}♪ I don't know where my soul is, soul is ♪ 992 00:35:29,252 --> 00:35:31,629 {\an8}♪ I don't know where my home is ♪ 993 00:35:31,630 --> 00:35:33,631 {\an8}♪ And, baby, all I need for you to know is ♪ 994 00:35:33,632 --> 00:35:36,634 {\an8}♪ I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away ♪ 995 00:35:36,635 --> 00:35:38,136 {\an8}♪ I don't know... ♪